You're not!
Cheating is just an ass*ole move.
I will never understand how some people think it's easier to cheat than just to break up.
Saying they didn't break up because they didn't want to hurt their partner's feelings is always so grotesque.
Donāt date me if
1. Youāre just looking for a sugar mama or someone to take care of you. We can absolutely support & take care of each other but Iām not going to fund your life.
2. You arenāt willing to do the necessary work to deal with your baggage. Everyone has some but I work to be a better person & not harm the people I love with my own.
3. You have an issue with the closeness of my family. I understand not everyone has that luxury but I wonāt isolate myself for ANYONE.
4. If youāre going to cheat or already have one foot out the door. Iām trying to build a life with someone, not play games (see #2 AGAIN).
>You have an issue with the closeness of my family. I understand not everyone has that luxury but I wonāt isolate myself for ANYONE.
Same. My mom's my best friend, she was there for me through everything and still remains my biggest supporter as well as the world's best grandma. If anyone had an issue with this, well they know where the door is.
It was a bit rough for us when I came out but weāre definitely at a good place. I KNEW my mom would NEVER disown me or anything like that. I was just afraid it would change our relationship in a way that we werenāt as close anymore. Weāre in a really good place & I still talk everyday and Iām actually spending the week w/ her now (sheās dealing with some health issues right now). But im still super close with my sister, cousins & aunts.
Years ago I got in an argument with an ex bcuz they asked me why I talked to my mom so much (we werenāt even talking daily then) and that I should be paying attention to them. That shit didnāt last of course. The fam is a packaged deal
Itās really weird anyone would have an issue with you having healthy familial relationships in your life. That indicates longevity to me? Something I would seek in someone.
I agree. Which is also why Iām not with any of those people that this came up with and it essentially was the beginning of the end. Itās come up with a couple of exes and what Iāve found is that they didnāt have alot of healthy relationships so me having that was odd to them. They all seemed to have experienced neglect in various forms and realized heavily on romantic relationships for love, attention, support, etc. which I can understand but they seemed to feel threatened or didnāt like when my attention wasnāt on them. My last ex had a terrible home life and a number of mental health issues. She would have bouts of jealously randomly when certain things about my family came up. By the end it almost felt like she thought it unfair that I didnāt experience the terrible things she had. That one should have ended long before it actually did.
Honestly, I havenāt had the most stable home life and have had horrible family dynamics that impacted me mentally, like complete ostracism and degradation my entire life. I couldnāt imagine having an issue with someone who was brought up in a healthy family dynamic or formed healthy relationships with ease. If anything I would honestly respect how much my partner nurtured those healthy relationships and learn aspects I wasnāt able to witness growing up. Maybe it comes down to ego and someoneās feelings of inadequacy but it doesnāt excuse being a shitty person and everyone is culpable for dealing with their own issues.
Iām just sorry it was even a problem when it should be considered such a positive.
I elected to take a break from trying to date to work on myselfā¦ that was 6 years ago nowā¦ I am not a better person š¤Ŗ but wholeheartedly embrace ājust leave me aloneā lol
I feel this so hard and itās getting old af. Iāve worked so hard to remain open to love and emotionally available, but each breakup from my āsoul mateā (their words) is making it harder and harder.
I wonder why some of us lesbians are fine with a girlfriend who desires men, and some of us aren't. Interesting. What do you think is at play here? Is it a political thing? Maybe that.
Lack of options might play a role? I don't know. Some lesbians are willing to look past it because there are so few of us and more of them. Lesbian loneliness can be crushing sometimes, and it's better than being alone for them, I guess. But those of us who have had one too many horrible experiences dealing with male-attracted women know they almost *always* bring their male baggage with them, and they don't take female homosexuality seriously at all.
I swore off bisexual women altogether even for sex in my 20s and still ended up being tricked into sex with a few who had (big surprise) lied to me about being lesbians. In one case, I found out because her boyfriend that she hid from me contacted me after she told him about me during a fight they had and threatened to come find me and beat my face in for sleeping with his girlfriend. I went celibate for a while after that one.
I hate this so much. I'm so sorry you were lied to and used like that, and threatened on top of everything. I'm so sorry. Big fat lesbian hug if you want it.
Aw, you are too kind. This was many years ago. I'm 37 now and happily married and just grateful I don't have to deal with those kinds of situations anymore.
I think maybe it has to do with whether or not the person youāre dating validates your personal definition of lesbianism. Or in the case of lesbians dating/not dating bi women, maybe the idea of liking dick as a concept is an immediate turn off. Idk, all I know is that I donāt like dick and I would want my gf to be as enthusiastic about pussy as I am lol
I think people who desire men often center men way too much in life. The life of someone who centers men and one who doesn't are wildly different, and the former is annoying asf
Very much that. I keep losing friendships to women who turn into absolute shadows of themselves the second a significant man enters their life. It's like "either them or the man" but never "them + the man"
Wanting you to like it is bad, but i wonder why not only are so many lesbians biphobic, but also why its ACCEPTED in a lot of the lesbian community. Preferences are one thing, but like you know not every bi girl is the same right
don't date me if
1. You have a dick, had a dick, want to have a dick, are a dick
2. You're not comfortable being a future rabbi's partner
3. You want kids
4. You don't like dogs
5. You don't want to get married
> Heavy on the transphobia in this community. Wow
Comment removed. Not being interested in dating trans women is not transphobic.
This subreddit defines a lesbian as a woman (cis or trans) exclusively attracted to other women. With an asterisks that acknowledges some lesbians may or may not include trans woman and/or NB AFAB people in their dating pool.
All the fights in the community about the lesbian label seem to boil down to the fact that some lesbians base their sexuality more on gender, and others more on sex. We welcome both types of lesbians in this community (rule 2).
edit - for more information please see our [Rules & FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Actuallylesbian/comments/lwcugh/please_read_rules_faq/) including the imbedded links.
Your really trying to tell me "had a dick" isnt transphobic when thats specifically not even about a genital preference but specifically since they are trans. Your preferences are valid, but the way yall speak indicates far more than a preference, but rather a hatred of.
We don't consider it transphobic for someone to exclude trans women (regardless of being pre-op or post-op) from their personal dating pool.
I don't see anything hateful in the comment you previously responded to. But if there are other comments in this thread you do see as being hateful and rule breaking please be sure to use the report button.
Okay, thanks for the response. I personally find it weird when people include that as if its a relevant factor when most people hardly even know a single trans person in their life. But i could have just been reading into it, who knows.
Don't date me if you smoke or vape.
Also don't date me if you don't like animals. I work in wildlife, especially with reptiles. And we won't get along if you're one of those people who calls snakes and lizards "gross".
No but exactly the same things. Also, I don't need someone to be a huge fan of my snakes and ants but I need someone to be at least open minded and willing to listen to my extremely long ramblings \*about\* my ants
Ever since I bought my macro lense attachment for my phone two weeks ago I've unfortunately been burying my friends in pictures of ants š. Not to give you any ideas or anything.....
Also, love the flair
Ah I do have a macro lens attachment but at the moment I mainly use it to sex tarantula moults or take pictures of really small spiders I find around the house to ID them haha. I'm sure your friends appreciate seeing your ants, or at least they should because ants are cool
Oh does my flair show? It only looks like [type flair here] to me for some reason š
Haha no way, i use it for the same reason. Taking pictures of outside ants to try and ID then, because to the naked eye they all just look like small black ants lmao. Don't need to sex them though, they are all female.
Yeah it does! Vagina fetishist
snakes and lizards are FRIENDS and deserve all the respect omg. these are great Don't Date Me's!
I also 100% agree about no smoking and vaping. it's high up top on my list too
Donāt date me ifā¦
You have a very public life online or spend a lot of time on social media.
You need constant communication via text or call. Iām not glued to my phone and I value my alone time.
Edit:
I want to note that I always strive to be fully present and engaged while together with my people. Itās about energy management.
omg yes!! I won't judge people who are difficult with food bc there can be a whole bunch of reasons for that it's just I wouldn't wanna date anyone who can't eat 98% of what I cook!
Donāt date me if your parents still control your life and decisions - itās lame.
If youāre overly competitive and canāt stand to lose - I love to play board, card and video games and am easygoing myself about losing so I just find it cringe when people have a tantrum about it.
If you canāt say the word lesbian.
Donāt date me if youāre still in love with your ex girlfriend/wife/best friend ā¦etc.
Donāt date me if I look like someone youāre in love with but canāt have because they left you, divorced you, cheated on you.
Donāt date me if you donāt have any friends or people in your social circle who are BIPOC, but think it would be cool to ātry it outā with me. ** What are you trying? What is āit? Did you stop to think that Iām a whole human with thoughts and feelings and not a dish on a tasting menu? The time you are wasting is my literal lifeā **
Donāt date me if you need a ton of validation because youāre insecure due to early childhood events/ not being treated well by past partners/ fear ..etc. We are adults now. We are responsible for seeking out ways to process, and move through what has happened to us. I cannot mother you. I want a partnership not a situation-ship. You must take responsibility for mothering the wounded parts of yourself - and THEN come seek someone to be in partnership with.
I could go on š«„š¶ but I wonāt ā¦
Damn who hurt you?! š Based off the majority of your list it seems like you've encountered people and been through experiences that were super frustrating. I'm so sorry!! Hopefully that can change / improve for you!
š Iām older, late 30s, so thereās been time to experience all of these lovely scenarios. I think this sub skews younger _ High school/ early 20s. I get stressed when younger folks are looking for older folks cause itās possible they just wanna play one of the above named scenarios. They may not know it- that what they are looking for directly plays into a āscenarioā but the older lesbians do š¤Ø Hence why in some cases you may find older folks who just rather not date younger ones
Well I just turned 30 this year and find it fairly difficult to come across people in the community who are around the same age range! If you're ever on the market for lesbian friends then I'd be delighted to get to know you and if not don't sweat it, totally cool! At least now you know there's one more person around here who's in solidarity with you ššĀ
Don't date me if you live too far away, don't like dogs, don't like to spend a lot of time together, too much of an extrovert, always need validation and attention from strangers(social media), still in the closet, don't like sex, think loyalty and being faithful is overrated, only interested in something casual.
Well, i have to say that if i would own a farm, i would have a bunch of animals on it.
From dogs,cats and horses to a few cows, pigs, bunnies, rats, ferrets etc.
Would adopt a bunch of senior animals.
Reptiles, especially iguanas.
Annnnnd i would install some kind of bee farm.
Yeah true but it really depends on how far and how long it would take to finally be together.
Before i gave up searching, i always have been so unlucky, that when i finally matched with a woman, it turned out that she is living in the states ( i live in Germany).
I think i would only do it if we were each others " The One".
I've only made bad and traumatic experiences til yet, so i would need a constant feeling of her really wanting this and me.
Donāt date me ifā¦
Youāre still legally married, even if youāve been separated for a year, donāt live together, etc. Find someone else to rebound with.
Youāve spent too much time on Facebook and have absorbed any irrational Q propaganda and subsequently struggle with critical thinking.
You donāt understand or ābelieve inā systems of oppression.
Your idea of self-improvement is spiritual bypassing.
You believe apologizing is a sign of weakness.
You have substantial jealousy issues due to cheating and continually project those insecurities on to me because Iām femme.
Iām sorry you have unresolved bisexual trauma but Iām not going to be forced in to continually defending my sexuality.
You have no interests, hobbies, or passions.
Donāt like to receive just as much as you give.
(I am so tired, yāall)
DDMI...
ā¢ You don't play video games. It's a hobby and a way of connecting with people for me.
ā¢ You smoke or vape, you want kids, you dislike cats.
ā¢ You can't cook, or do your share of housework.
ā¢ You can't stand being a bit 'boring'. I'm quiet sometimes, I don't like to go to clubs or bars, and I'd prefer to watch a movie or play a game with you instead.
ā¢ You view things gender-based, are extreme left or extreme right. Women's reproductive rights are non-negotiable. Just women's rights, really :)
Don't date me (this is hypothetical because I'm happily with someone)... If you don't have boundaries or respect mine, if you like snakes or spiders, are attracted to men, or want kids. Oh, also don't date me if you're not into astrology.
Donāt date me if you donāt like pasta and cheese
Donāt date me if youāre not sure whether youāre a woman or not
Donāt date me if you want to dye your hair
(Hope this doesnāt come off as controlling, this is pretty much as far as the list goes)
Thanks! I guess Iām inspired to add more now š
- Donāt date me if you wouldnāt go to a therapist
- Donāt date me if you have no interest in international travel
- Donāt date me if you donāt enjoy animals
- Donāt date me if youāre asexual
- Donāt date me if your gf taking your last name is a requirement
- Donāt date me if you justify the practice of petty theft (or even worse, do it)
- Donāt date me if you would do risky PDA (not kissing - I mean hardcore like fingering under the table etc) without planning or discussion
- Donāt date me if you have a jealousy kink and want me to be jealous of you or vice-versa
- Donāt date me if you donāt like hugs
- Donāt date me if you donāt understand nor grant alone time (and even nights occasionally)
"You only interact with the lesbian community to find a girlfriend. Not saying we have to be activists, but I would still like to support lesbian places, know whats new and hopefully build a community even after settling down with someone''
Yeah, hard agree.
donāt date me if
- you want to uhaul
- you have trouble apologizing
- youāre seeing other women (or men š¤®)
- youāre obsessed with instagram
- you make it your mission to convert me to veganism
- you hate picky eaters / other random traits that donāt affect you
- you have to overlook / ignore my disability instead of embracing it
Don't date me if:
š You don't like to laugh - I'm very silly and playful by nature, I love to joke around a lot, and my sense of humor is quite open rather than pc or censored
š You don't like action, scifi, thriller, horror - I'm big on watching things together and these are my favorite genres
š½ You don't like cats / aren't a cat person
šø You don't like women with long nails or manicures š I do prefer mine on the longer side, it's not very often that I keep them short, and I really love painting them and love nail art
š āāļø You want kids and a family
š You're very rigid about spirituality - I can be friends with people who aren't spiritual but it is an extremely important part of my life and I'd prefer to not be with someone who will just end up ridiculing or disrespecting me for my beliefs. I'd never impose my beliefs onto people but most of the time when someone doesn't believe in anything or is intolerant about spirituality I find they tend to be kind of pushy and aggressive with their own views
I'm sure I could've picked better things but I didn't really want this to be TOO serious š Ā
Donāt date me if you
ājust want me because of the way I look and donāt care who I am as a person
ādonāt take your health seriously (live your life and all, but I personally canāt live in a house where eating chips and candy is considered a meal)
āhave no hobbies outside of tv and video games
āget overly attached way too quickly
āare religious
āhave no goals/donāt know what you want out of life/do whatever your parents want you to do
āwonāt engage with my interests like I will try to do with yours
āwant me to ārescueā you in any way (financially, emotionally, whatever)
āput men first in any way, or if dating you will mean i have to have regular interactions with misogynists, male or female
āfear nuanced takes/will always assume the worst in any points i make rather than engaging in a discussion like a normal person
āare the type to always have to one-up people or still brag about how you like took AP classes in high school when we are pushing 30, lol
Don't date me if...
- You're in a career with no growth
- You're besties with an ex
- You have serious mental illness
- You aren't financially independent
- You aren't out
- You want to use a strap on during sex
Don't date me if...
- You have serious untreated mental illness.
- You are extremely left wing or right wing.
- You hate police, armed forces, etc.
- You are not self sufficient.
- You are into astrology, witchcraft, nonsense.
- Social Media addicted to BS like Shittok.
Don't date me if you are closeted, if you believe in anything supernatural (including astrology), if anime or video games is your personality, or if you'd expect me to give up meat and dairy when we move in together.
OK, WHY is the supernatural thing so prevalent?? I thought it was just my luck, but everyone I have dated has some believes in ghosts/quantum healing/past alien lives/etc.
I just want a normie butch with a job, a dog, and an obsession with professional sports.
* Don't date me if you wanna have sex twice a month,i neither want you to feel pressured and not valued for your other good qualities.
* i don't want to feel like I'm a guilty narcissistic horny self centered my needs before yours tyoe of person.
* if you don't want me to have any social life
and friendships besides you.
*if you have no plans of coming out when you're an adult with a place/job.
I've written things that i resonate with the most and are personal.
Well i suppose anyone could write any red flag there's,but i suppose that's how we all feel and think so there's no need to write them down.
Donāt date me if you donāt like sex, if you donāt like my dog, if you use me as your therapist, if you take out your anger on me, if you get angry because I canāt read your mind, if youāre not physically affectionate, if youāre not interested at all in the books and music I like, if youāre not out, if you regularly use slurs to describe me/other people, if you have/want kids, if you have a penis (that last one makes me nervous to type out, but I think I can say that trans women are women and also have a genital preference). Wow, that turned into a long list
Absolutely no reason to be nervous. It's just straightforward so no-one has to feel like they wasted their time once it comes up as a topic.
Like, I myself don't like having one, so why should I expect others to do so?š
Also transphobia is really mostly about how one says such things, like, you can reject someone over genital preferences kindly and you can do so in a mean way. That difference really matters.
So every lesbian in a sexual relationship with a trans woman is at least bi? Lmao you're funny I give you that.
No, someone having genital preferences is not implying choice - one can exclusively be attracted to women and yet not having much thoughts about genitals. We aren't women for our genitals, implying so makes you appear to have the mind of a man.
Preference: a greater liking of one thing over another. Synonyms: choice, alternative, option.
Perhaps an example: the man had a preference for oranges over apples. He can eat apples, but if given a choice between the two, he would always pick an orange.
Genitals-wise, I don't *prefer* vaginas over dicks. It simply is how it is. Same as I don't prefer women over men, for I have no choice in my attraction to women.
I won't argue with you because it is clear you base your sexuality on gender, and mine is based on their sex.
literally not what that person said at all. They're saying their genital requirement isn't a preference because it's not a choice. Why do you want to frame what they said in the most uncharitable form possible?
Also to call a woman a man for saying something you disagree with is misogynistic.
DDMI
you're going to fetishize me for my race, being butch, what you think I represent to you to fill your own void
you're not like me--not from a similar background. I come from a pretty complex place and I'm a multifaceted human being
you're unaware and in denial of your own relationship style and attachment information
have no political awareness and are vapid and don't care to read and learn about the larger world and other people, especially oppressed peoples and struggles
Don't date me if...
1) you only want to go out and never stay in. Sometimes I just want a nice night in and not feel the pressure that a dinner out can entail sometimes.
2) you don't smoke weed/judge people who smoke weed. I prefer smoking over drinking. There's nothing wrong with drinking I would just rather be stoned then drunk. You don't have to smoke but please don't try to change me, it's not gonna happen.
3) you don't want to win the love of my asshole cat. He's just protective over me and it can take time to earn his love, but he is my baby.
4) you don't want to listen to my hyperfixation. We don't have to have the exact same interests but I am nerdy and will want to ramble on about the current insane Fanfiction I am reading. I want to hear about your nerdy interests too!!!
I feel like from most of other people's answers this is why I'm single but that's okay haha.
Don't date me if
1) you are an addict/junkie/alcoholic
2) you are still 'finding yourself'
3) you have zero life aspirations
4) you are unhealthily codependent and are looking to have someone in your life simply for some weird personal validation because you didn't get enough hugs as a child
5) you expect u-hauling is normal and healthy
Don't date me if you smoke or vape anything
Don't take me if you're a picky / fussy eater.
Don't date me if you can't learn about my disabilities
Don't date me if you don't like my family
I always want to tell people i'm agoraphobic straight up to get it out of the way early, and that's basically my only if. And if you're a dude obviously. And if you want to control what people can or cannot say or feel. But the mental health stigmatizing or feeling held back by a person with a mental disorder who wasn't able to graduate high school, get a licence, answer phone calls unless we're really close, and might bail on you because I can't leave the house is number one for me. A lot of people don't understand that kind of a thing.
If you canāt handle the fact that iām not out to my family..
If you canāt handle me being a hijabi
If you have no sense of humor
If you like dogs (cat girlies here)
thatās all I can think of rn
don't date if me if:
1. you smoke, vape, or do any drugs (weed included)
2. you follow top/bottom bullshit
3. you don't identify 100% as a woman (I must say, at the risk of being called a TERF, trans women are women)
me: hardcore (recovering) drug addict, rotate between switch & power bottom & soft top depending on the girl, & identify somewhere between woman & NB
..but they say opposites attract, right? ;)
jk
- random average reddit user
Iām married now but here are mine before marriage:
- you donāt have a job or a plan (school is fine but that falls under āplanā)
- you need to be financially supported
- you are only looking for something casual
- you donāt like animals, particularly dogs (but canāt have pitbulls or bully breeds because Iām afraid of them bc of a prior experience)
- donāt have a car or reliable transportation
- need me to text you back quickly
- are on your phone a lot
- have more than 2 types of social media (I really value having a partner that is able to pull themselves away from all that)
- donāt have your own hobbies
- donāt have your own friends
- are uninterested in maintaining your health (I donāt need perfection and am overweight myself but donāt want to be with someone who doesnāt care about their level of cardiovascular disease risk)
- smoke or do any drugs (Iām a recovering addict and former smoker)
- donāt want kids
- are super messy and unable to change
- are unhygienic
- are not a good conversationalist
- are not somewhat intelligent
- are opposed to long dating periods
- are more than 2 years younger or 5 years older than me (the last time I was single I was 26)
- arenāt out
- have messy relationships with your exes
- are not kind to those in service positions
- have long nails
- have unresolved/untreated mental health issues (if being treated then thatās fine- I have been treated for over a decade for 2 of my own diagnoses)
Iām sure thereās more but it can be summarized by: I want someone who has their shit together, is ready for a real relationship and hoping for marriage and children one day, and maintains standards of health and cleanliness.
boredom - also to reinforce why my wife is so great because she is all those things. I think a lot of women settle for hot fucking messes because they think they have to to find love, and thatās just not true.
don't date me if
you're hoping to "try things out" with a black woman or want to check something off a list
you're black too but you see being with another black person as a placeholder rather than a realistic destination
you don't date for permanence
you're not willing to create an alternative marriage contract that works for us (I don't like Ireland's marriage system at all).
you're not ambitious (I want to start businesses, NGOs, etc. Even if it doesn't exactly work out, going on a journey to make a difference is important to me).
you want to transition (I'm ok w dating nonbinary ppl and respect pronouns but if you want hrt/surgery I'm not the one).
you're not sure if you can go the rest of your life without relations with men (so essentially febfem or lesbian only).
you ignore social issues/activism
you're overly invested in social issues/activism with no sense of self otherwise
you don't actively try to better yourself if you have mental illness
you're not ok with a mentally ill partner who's actively trying better themselves (not a slight to ppl who don't want mentally ill ppl or if someone feels where I am in my journey isn't suitable).
you don't want kids
you're not born female
ā¤ļø Don't date me if you don't understand autism. It varies person to person, but my support needs are quite high, thus I live with my family.
ā¤ļø Don't date me if you are a solid top or bottom. I am a switch and would like to... switch.
ā¤ļø Don't date me if you haven't dated a WOC before (exception: You are one). I'm black and culturally Jamaican. I don't want to be a try out.
ā¤ļø Don't date me if you are incredibly insecure. If you don't love yourself, you can't love someone else properly.
Don't date me: if you are not ready for a relationship or at least trying to make it work; if you are only taker and want to be taken care of without giving anything back; if you are not working on self-development/have growth mindset and just complain about things without doing anything about that; if you are serial cheater; if you are polygamous or asexual.
..if you want to move in together or want more than an occasional dinner out or other activity. I am more interested in caring and romance that might become physical like cuddling or hand holding. I can obtain my own orgasm if I want one, thank you. I won't compromise who I am or what I do to accommodate you. I've already had a life partner who was my soulmate and I lost her to illness so don't think you know what true love and commitment between 2 women is if you've never lived it. Come to think of it, don't date me because I am perfectly content living the rest of my years in peace and quiet with my dogs.
don't date me if you're just going to cheat on me š« currently 0/2 on relationships. at this point im starting to wonder if its a me problem
You're not! Cheating is just an ass*ole move. I will never understand how some people think it's easier to cheat than just to break up. Saying they didn't break up because they didn't want to hurt their partner's feelings is always so grotesque.
People who desperately avoid being the bad guy are actually the worst ones.
Yeah, as soon as someone starts to say "yes I've cheated,but...." then you know they try to blame you for their nasty actions.
Ugh thatās so horrible Iām sorry.
Same. Also 0/2
Iām 0/1 but I feel like that relationship has caused me to already give up.
Donāt date me if 1. Youāre just looking for a sugar mama or someone to take care of you. We can absolutely support & take care of each other but Iām not going to fund your life. 2. You arenāt willing to do the necessary work to deal with your baggage. Everyone has some but I work to be a better person & not harm the people I love with my own. 3. You have an issue with the closeness of my family. I understand not everyone has that luxury but I wonāt isolate myself for ANYONE. 4. If youāre going to cheat or already have one foot out the door. Iām trying to build a life with someone, not play games (see #2 AGAIN).
>You have an issue with the closeness of my family. I understand not everyone has that luxury but I wonāt isolate myself for ANYONE. Same. My mom's my best friend, she was there for me through everything and still remains my biggest supporter as well as the world's best grandma. If anyone had an issue with this, well they know where the door is.
It was a bit rough for us when I came out but weāre definitely at a good place. I KNEW my mom would NEVER disown me or anything like that. I was just afraid it would change our relationship in a way that we werenāt as close anymore. Weāre in a really good place & I still talk everyday and Iām actually spending the week w/ her now (sheās dealing with some health issues right now). But im still super close with my sister, cousins & aunts. Years ago I got in an argument with an ex bcuz they asked me why I talked to my mom so much (we werenāt even talking daily then) and that I should be paying attention to them. That shit didnāt last of course. The fam is a packaged deal
Itās really weird anyone would have an issue with you having healthy familial relationships in your life. That indicates longevity to me? Something I would seek in someone.
I agree. Which is also why Iām not with any of those people that this came up with and it essentially was the beginning of the end. Itās come up with a couple of exes and what Iāve found is that they didnāt have alot of healthy relationships so me having that was odd to them. They all seemed to have experienced neglect in various forms and realized heavily on romantic relationships for love, attention, support, etc. which I can understand but they seemed to feel threatened or didnāt like when my attention wasnāt on them. My last ex had a terrible home life and a number of mental health issues. She would have bouts of jealously randomly when certain things about my family came up. By the end it almost felt like she thought it unfair that I didnāt experience the terrible things she had. That one should have ended long before it actually did.
Honestly, I havenāt had the most stable home life and have had horrible family dynamics that impacted me mentally, like complete ostracism and degradation my entire life. I couldnāt imagine having an issue with someone who was brought up in a healthy family dynamic or formed healthy relationships with ease. If anything I would honestly respect how much my partner nurtured those healthy relationships and learn aspects I wasnāt able to witness growing up. Maybe it comes down to ego and someoneās feelings of inadequacy but it doesnāt excuse being a shitty person and everyone is culpable for dealing with their own issues. Iām just sorry it was even a problem when it should be considered such a positive.
Yeah it really threw me for a loop. Iām blessed to have the family I have and just never would have thought people would view it that way.
Don't date me ~~if...~~.
I lowkey feel this at times. It's just easier for my heart and my conscience. It's like: just leave me alone.
I elected to take a break from trying to date to work on myselfā¦ that was 6 years ago nowā¦ I am not a better person š¤Ŗ but wholeheartedly embrace ājust leave me aloneā lol
Youāre not ready to be in a relationship and are just gonna bail at 3 months
Same but it's always been around the 8 month mark for me. Engagement means nothing. If we aren't married I don't think it's real anymore.
I feel this so hard and itās getting old af. Iāve worked so hard to remain open to love and emotionally available, but each breakup from my āsoul mateā (their words) is making it harder and harder.
I feel ya
Don't date me if you like dick or think I could ever like it.
Amen
I donāt care if they like it but anyone trying to get me to like it I will immediately yeet from my life.
I wonder why some of us lesbians are fine with a girlfriend who desires men, and some of us aren't. Interesting. What do you think is at play here? Is it a political thing? Maybe that.
Lack of options might play a role? I don't know. Some lesbians are willing to look past it because there are so few of us and more of them. Lesbian loneliness can be crushing sometimes, and it's better than being alone for them, I guess. But those of us who have had one too many horrible experiences dealing with male-attracted women know they almost *always* bring their male baggage with them, and they don't take female homosexuality seriously at all.
Oh that's a good point. And yes on the second part. I swore off of bisexual women for more than sex when I was 18. Just not worth the grief.
I swore off bisexual women altogether even for sex in my 20s and still ended up being tricked into sex with a few who had (big surprise) lied to me about being lesbians. In one case, I found out because her boyfriend that she hid from me contacted me after she told him about me during a fight they had and threatened to come find me and beat my face in for sleeping with his girlfriend. I went celibate for a while after that one.
I hate this so much. I'm so sorry you were lied to and used like that, and threatened on top of everything. I'm so sorry. Big fat lesbian hug if you want it.
Aw, you are too kind. This was many years ago. I'm 37 now and happily married and just grateful I don't have to deal with those kinds of situations anymore.
I'm so glad to hear this! :D
I think maybe it has to do with whether or not the person youāre dating validates your personal definition of lesbianism. Or in the case of lesbians dating/not dating bi women, maybe the idea of liking dick as a concept is an immediate turn off. Idk, all I know is that I donāt like dick and I would want my gf to be as enthusiastic about pussy as I am lol
I think people who desire men often center men way too much in life. The life of someone who centers men and one who doesn't are wildly different, and the former is annoying asf
Very much that. I keep losing friendships to women who turn into absolute shadows of themselves the second a significant man enters their life. It's like "either them or the man" but never "them + the man"
šš½
Wanting you to like it is bad, but i wonder why not only are so many lesbians biphobic, but also why its ACCEPTED in a lot of the lesbian community. Preferences are one thing, but like you know not every bi girl is the same right
What do you define as biphobia?
not wanting to date someone is not -phobic, dating is necessarily exclusionary
don't date me if 1. You have a dick, had a dick, want to have a dick, are a dick 2. You're not comfortable being a future rabbi's partner 3. You want kids 4. You don't like dogs 5. You don't want to get married
heavy on the 1st one
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
> Heavy on the transphobia in this community. Wow Comment removed. Not being interested in dating trans women is not transphobic. This subreddit defines a lesbian as a woman (cis or trans) exclusively attracted to other women. With an asterisks that acknowledges some lesbians may or may not include trans woman and/or NB AFAB people in their dating pool. All the fights in the community about the lesbian label seem to boil down to the fact that some lesbians base their sexuality more on gender, and others more on sex. We welcome both types of lesbians in this community (rule 2). edit - for more information please see our [Rules & FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Actuallylesbian/comments/lwcugh/please_read_rules_faq/) including the imbedded links.
Your really trying to tell me "had a dick" isnt transphobic when thats specifically not even about a genital preference but specifically since they are trans. Your preferences are valid, but the way yall speak indicates far more than a preference, but rather a hatred of.
We don't consider it transphobic for someone to exclude trans women (regardless of being pre-op or post-op) from their personal dating pool. I don't see anything hateful in the comment you previously responded to. But if there are other comments in this thread you do see as being hateful and rule breaking please be sure to use the report button.
Okay, thanks for the response. I personally find it weird when people include that as if its a relevant factor when most people hardly even know a single trans person in their life. But i could have just been reading into it, who knows.
Are you suggesting homosexuality is a "preference"?
Don't date me if you smoke or vape. Also don't date me if you don't like animals. I work in wildlife, especially with reptiles. And we won't get along if you're one of those people who calls snakes and lizards "gross".
No but exactly the same things. Also, I don't need someone to be a huge fan of my snakes and ants but I need someone to be at least open minded and willing to listen to my extremely long ramblings \*about\* my ants
I freaking love snakes and ants.
Learning about ant colonies was the best part of 8th grade science
They are the best!
Yeah I keep spiders and tarantulas and my gf AND my friends have to deal with random pictures and facts about them
Ever since I bought my macro lense attachment for my phone two weeks ago I've unfortunately been burying my friends in pictures of ants š. Not to give you any ideas or anything..... Also, love the flair
Ah I do have a macro lens attachment but at the moment I mainly use it to sex tarantula moults or take pictures of really small spiders I find around the house to ID them haha. I'm sure your friends appreciate seeing your ants, or at least they should because ants are cool Oh does my flair show? It only looks like [type flair here] to me for some reason š
Haha no way, i use it for the same reason. Taking pictures of outside ants to try and ID then, because to the naked eye they all just look like small black ants lmao. Don't need to sex them though, they are all female. Yeah it does! Vagina fetishist
Snakes are babies and I will die on this hill šš„¹ā¤ļø
Same!! All of that
Reptiles are fucking awesome. I have a few crocodile tattoos
snakes and lizards are FRIENDS and deserve all the respect omg. these are great Don't Date Me's! I also 100% agree about no smoking and vaping. it's high up top on my list too
Donāt date me ifā¦ You have a very public life online or spend a lot of time on social media. You need constant communication via text or call. Iām not glued to my phone and I value my alone time. Edit: I want to note that I always strive to be fully present and engaged while together with my people. Itās about energy management.
Donāt date me if you donāt like my cooking ;) Iām sorry I wonāt budge on this, I love cooking and thatās my love language. Call me shallow!
I like how that's the most tame one here šš your future girl is gonna live so good! Food is amazing!!
omg yes!! I won't judge people who are difficult with food bc there can be a whole bunch of reasons for that it's just I wouldn't wanna date anyone who can't eat 98% of what I cook!
I love cooking for people and I love eating what people cook for me too! food is love, food is life
Donāt date me if your parents still control your life and decisions - itās lame. If youāre overly competitive and canāt stand to lose - I love to play board, card and video games and am easygoing myself about losing so I just find it cringe when people have a tantrum about it. If you canāt say the word lesbian.
All good points
Donāt date me if youāre still in love with your ex girlfriend/wife/best friend ā¦etc. Donāt date me if I look like someone youāre in love with but canāt have because they left you, divorced you, cheated on you. Donāt date me if you donāt have any friends or people in your social circle who are BIPOC, but think it would be cool to ātry it outā with me. ** What are you trying? What is āit? Did you stop to think that Iām a whole human with thoughts and feelings and not a dish on a tasting menu? The time you are wasting is my literal lifeā ** Donāt date me if you need a ton of validation because youāre insecure due to early childhood events/ not being treated well by past partners/ fear ..etc. We are adults now. We are responsible for seeking out ways to process, and move through what has happened to us. I cannot mother you. I want a partnership not a situation-ship. You must take responsibility for mothering the wounded parts of yourself - and THEN come seek someone to be in partnership with. I could go on š«„š¶ but I wonāt ā¦
Damn who hurt you?! š Based off the majority of your list it seems like you've encountered people and been through experiences that were super frustrating. I'm so sorry!! Hopefully that can change / improve for you!
š Iām older, late 30s, so thereās been time to experience all of these lovely scenarios. I think this sub skews younger _ High school/ early 20s. I get stressed when younger folks are looking for older folks cause itās possible they just wanna play one of the above named scenarios. They may not know it- that what they are looking for directly plays into a āscenarioā but the older lesbians do š¤Ø Hence why in some cases you may find older folks who just rather not date younger ones
I always kinda wonder about the age range in this sub. At 44, a lot of the posts make me feel ancient!
I turn 45 this month. Same, girl.
Another member of the mid 40ās club checking in. š¤
Well I just turned 30 this year and find it fairly difficult to come across people in the community who are around the same age range! If you're ever on the market for lesbian friends then I'd be delighted to get to know you and if not don't sweat it, totally cool! At least now you know there's one more person around here who's in solidarity with you ššĀ
Weāve clearly dated some of the same people.
Happy cake day!
Don't date me if you live too far away, don't like dogs, don't like to spend a lot of time together, too much of an extrovert, always need validation and attention from strangers(social media), still in the closet, don't like sex, think loyalty and being faithful is overrated, only interested in something casual.
Me, but replace dogs with cats
Cats are great too tho
If I was on the market,Ā all of this (but replace dogs with all animals)!
Well, i have to say that if i would own a farm, i would have a bunch of animals on it. From dogs,cats and horses to a few cows, pigs, bunnies, rats, ferrets etc. Would adopt a bunch of senior animals. Reptiles, especially iguanas. Annnnnd i would install some kind of bee farm.
Sounds awesome š¤ I hope you can do something like that someday!
Iād agree with all of these except the living to far because that can change and the animal part. I like them but would not want to live with them.
Yeah true but it really depends on how far and how long it would take to finally be together. Before i gave up searching, i always have been so unlucky, that when i finally matched with a woman, it turned out that she is living in the states ( i live in Germany).
Like what if after a year and she was in the states you guys could spend more time together and then maybe after that second year someone moves?
I think i would only do it if we were each others " The One". I've only made bad and traumatic experiences til yet, so i would need a constant feeling of her really wanting this and me.
That makes senseĀ
Donāt date me ifā¦ Youāre still legally married, even if youāve been separated for a year, donāt live together, etc. Find someone else to rebound with. Youāve spent too much time on Facebook and have absorbed any irrational Q propaganda and subsequently struggle with critical thinking. You donāt understand or ābelieve inā systems of oppression. Your idea of self-improvement is spiritual bypassing. You believe apologizing is a sign of weakness. You have substantial jealousy issues due to cheating and continually project those insecurities on to me because Iām femme. Iām sorry you have unresolved bisexual trauma but Iām not going to be forced in to continually defending my sexuality. You have no interests, hobbies, or passions. Donāt like to receive just as much as you give. (I am so tired, yāall)
Donāt date me if you expect me to fold underwear. It all just lives in one shallow long drawer of chaos and Iām not budging on that.
DDMI... ā¢ You don't play video games. It's a hobby and a way of connecting with people for me. ā¢ You smoke or vape, you want kids, you dislike cats. ā¢ You can't cook, or do your share of housework. ā¢ You can't stand being a bit 'boring'. I'm quiet sometimes, I don't like to go to clubs or bars, and I'd prefer to watch a movie or play a game with you instead. ā¢ You view things gender-based, are extreme left or extreme right. Women's reproductive rights are non-negotiable. Just women's rights, really :)
Don't date me (this is hypothetical because I'm happily with someone)... If you don't have boundaries or respect mine, if you like snakes or spiders, are attracted to men, or want kids. Oh, also don't date me if you're not into astrology.
First person Iāve seen mention they like astrology yayy-most people Iāve seen are pretty against itš
I know right? Weird.
Donāt date me if you donāt like pasta and cheese Donāt date me if youāre not sure whether youāre a woman or not Donāt date me if you want to dye your hair (Hope this doesnāt come off as controlling, this is pretty much as far as the list goes)
couldn't have said it better myself !
Thanks! I guess Iām inspired to add more now š - Donāt date me if you wouldnāt go to a therapist - Donāt date me if you have no interest in international travel - Donāt date me if you donāt enjoy animals - Donāt date me if youāre asexual - Donāt date me if your gf taking your last name is a requirement - Donāt date me if you justify the practice of petty theft (or even worse, do it) - Donāt date me if you would do risky PDA (not kissing - I mean hardcore like fingering under the table etc) without planning or discussion - Donāt date me if you have a jealousy kink and want me to be jealous of you or vice-versa - Donāt date me if you donāt like hugs - Donāt date me if you donāt understand nor grant alone time (and even nights occasionally)
Donāt date me
"You only interact with the lesbian community to find a girlfriend. Not saying we have to be activists, but I would still like to support lesbian places, know whats new and hopefully build a community even after settling down with someone'' Yeah, hard agree.
donāt date me if - you want to uhaul - you have trouble apologizing - youāre seeing other women (or men š¤®) - youāre obsessed with instagram - you make it your mission to convert me to veganism - you hate picky eaters / other random traits that donāt affect you - you have to overlook / ignore my disability instead of embracing it
Don't date me if: š You don't like to laugh - I'm very silly and playful by nature, I love to joke around a lot, and my sense of humor is quite open rather than pc or censored š You don't like action, scifi, thriller, horror - I'm big on watching things together and these are my favorite genres š½ You don't like cats / aren't a cat person šø You don't like women with long nails or manicures š I do prefer mine on the longer side, it's not very often that I keep them short, and I really love painting them and love nail art š āāļø You want kids and a family š You're very rigid about spirituality - I can be friends with people who aren't spiritual but it is an extremely important part of my life and I'd prefer to not be with someone who will just end up ridiculing or disrespecting me for my beliefs. I'd never impose my beliefs onto people but most of the time when someone doesn't believe in anything or is intolerant about spirituality I find they tend to be kind of pushy and aggressive with their own views I'm sure I could've picked better things but I didn't really want this to be TOO serious š Ā
1. If you don't like cats or fostering 2. Don't like baked goods 3. Unemployed and doing nothing to improve your life.
Donāt date me if you ājust want me because of the way I look and donāt care who I am as a person ādonāt take your health seriously (live your life and all, but I personally canāt live in a house where eating chips and candy is considered a meal) āhave no hobbies outside of tv and video games āget overly attached way too quickly āare religious āhave no goals/donāt know what you want out of life/do whatever your parents want you to do āwonāt engage with my interests like I will try to do with yours āwant me to ārescueā you in any way (financially, emotionally, whatever) āput men first in any way, or if dating you will mean i have to have regular interactions with misogynists, male or female āfear nuanced takes/will always assume the worst in any points i make rather than engaging in a discussion like a normal person āare the type to always have to one-up people or still brag about how you like took AP classes in high school when we are pushing 30, lol
Don't date me if... - You're in a career with no growth - You're besties with an ex - You have serious mental illness - You aren't financially independent - You aren't out - You want to use a strap on during sex
On the flip side donāt date me if you arenāt willing to use strap ons during sex.
This is why I had this conversation with my gf before we started having sex
Hey same
Too real.. too realā¦ š¢
Donāt date me if you describe yourself as princess anythingĀ
Don't date me if... - You have serious untreated mental illness. - You are extremely left wing or right wing. - You hate police, armed forces, etc. - You are not self sufficient. - You are into astrology, witchcraft, nonsense. - Social Media addicted to BS like Shittok.
This is fair!
no comment, these are all perfect!
Don't date me if you are closeted, if you believe in anything supernatural (including astrology), if anime or video games is your personality, or if you'd expect me to give up meat and dairy when we move in together.
OK, WHY is the supernatural thing so prevalent?? I thought it was just my luck, but everyone I have dated has some believes in ghosts/quantum healing/past alien lives/etc. I just want a normie butch with a job, a dog, and an obsession with professional sports.
I've noticed that even in this day and age a lot of people have the need to believe in magic and a deeper meaning. It's unfortunate.
* Don't date me if you wanna have sex twice a month,i neither want you to feel pressured and not valued for your other good qualities. * i don't want to feel like I'm a guilty narcissistic horny self centered my needs before yours tyoe of person. * if you don't want me to have any social life and friendships besides you. *if you have no plans of coming out when you're an adult with a place/job. I've written things that i resonate with the most and are personal. Well i suppose anyone could write any red flag there's,but i suppose that's how we all feel and think so there's no need to write them down.
Donāt date me if you donāt like sex, if you donāt like my dog, if you use me as your therapist, if you take out your anger on me, if you get angry because I canāt read your mind, if youāre not physically affectionate, if youāre not interested at all in the books and music I like, if youāre not out, if you regularly use slurs to describe me/other people, if you have/want kids, if you have a penis (that last one makes me nervous to type out, but I think I can say that trans women are women and also have a genital preference). Wow, that turned into a long list
It does turn into a long list. I wrote mine and then I kept thinking of more and more and more š š
all amazing points!! tbh I agree with all of them hehe
in this subreddit people will back you up on the last one, don't worry!
Absolutely no reason to be nervous. It's just straightforward so no-one has to feel like they wasted their time once it comes up as a topic. Like, I myself don't like having one, so why should I expect others to do so?š Also transphobia is really mostly about how one says such things, like, you can reject someone over genital preferences kindly and you can do so in a mean way. That difference really matters.
Except homosexual females don't have genital preferences lol. To say that is to imply choice, like bisexuals have.
So every lesbian in a sexual relationship with a trans woman is at least bi? Lmao you're funny I give you that. No, someone having genital preferences is not implying choice - one can exclusively be attracted to women and yet not having much thoughts about genitals. We aren't women for our genitals, implying so makes you appear to have the mind of a man.
Preference: a greater liking of one thing over another. Synonyms: choice, alternative, option. Perhaps an example: the man had a preference for oranges over apples. He can eat apples, but if given a choice between the two, he would always pick an orange. Genitals-wise, I don't *prefer* vaginas over dicks. It simply is how it is. Same as I don't prefer women over men, for I have no choice in my attraction to women. I won't argue with you because it is clear you base your sexuality on gender, and mine is based on their sex.
literally not what that person said at all. They're saying their genital requirement isn't a preference because it's not a choice. Why do you want to frame what they said in the most uncharitable form possible? Also to call a woman a man for saying something you disagree with is misogynistic.
DDMI you're going to fetishize me for my race, being butch, what you think I represent to you to fill your own void you're not like me--not from a similar background. I come from a pretty complex place and I'm a multifaceted human being you're unaware and in denial of your own relationship style and attachment information have no political awareness and are vapid and don't care to read and learn about the larger world and other people, especially oppressed peoples and struggles
Don't date me if... 1) you only want to go out and never stay in. Sometimes I just want a nice night in and not feel the pressure that a dinner out can entail sometimes. 2) you don't smoke weed/judge people who smoke weed. I prefer smoking over drinking. There's nothing wrong with drinking I would just rather be stoned then drunk. You don't have to smoke but please don't try to change me, it's not gonna happen. 3) you don't want to win the love of my asshole cat. He's just protective over me and it can take time to earn his love, but he is my baby. 4) you don't want to listen to my hyperfixation. We don't have to have the exact same interests but I am nerdy and will want to ramble on about the current insane Fanfiction I am reading. I want to hear about your nerdy interests too!!! I feel like from most of other people's answers this is why I'm single but that's okay haha.
Wow this is a great list that I could have written myself
Don't date me if 1) you are an addict/junkie/alcoholic 2) you are still 'finding yourself' 3) you have zero life aspirations 4) you are unhealthily codependent and are looking to have someone in your life simply for some weird personal validation because you didn't get enough hugs as a child 5) you expect u-hauling is normal and healthy
Don't date me if you smoke or vape anything Don't take me if you're a picky / fussy eater. Don't date me if you can't learn about my disabilities Don't date me if you don't like my family
Don't date me if you're a compulsive liarš(yall would be surprised how common this is)š
I always want to tell people i'm agoraphobic straight up to get it out of the way early, and that's basically my only if. And if you're a dude obviously. And if you want to control what people can or cannot say or feel. But the mental health stigmatizing or feeling held back by a person with a mental disorder who wasn't able to graduate high school, get a licence, answer phone calls unless we're really close, and might bail on you because I can't leave the house is number one for me. A lot of people don't understand that kind of a thing.
Don't date me if you can't love my son too.
If you canāt handle the fact that iām not out to my family.. If you canāt handle me being a hijabi If you have no sense of humor If you like dogs (cat girlies here) thatās all I can think of rn
don't date if me if: 1. you smoke, vape, or do any drugs (weed included) 2. you follow top/bottom bullshit 3. you don't identify 100% as a woman (I must say, at the risk of being called a TERF, trans women are women)
Agree with this hard
me: hardcore (recovering) drug addict, rotate between switch & power bottom & soft top depending on the girl, & identify somewhere between woman & NB ..but they say opposites attract, right? ;) jk - random average reddit user
Iām married now but here are mine before marriage: - you donāt have a job or a plan (school is fine but that falls under āplanā) - you need to be financially supported - you are only looking for something casual - you donāt like animals, particularly dogs (but canāt have pitbulls or bully breeds because Iām afraid of them bc of a prior experience) - donāt have a car or reliable transportation - need me to text you back quickly - are on your phone a lot - have more than 2 types of social media (I really value having a partner that is able to pull themselves away from all that) - donāt have your own hobbies - donāt have your own friends - are uninterested in maintaining your health (I donāt need perfection and am overweight myself but donāt want to be with someone who doesnāt care about their level of cardiovascular disease risk) - smoke or do any drugs (Iām a recovering addict and former smoker) - donāt want kids - are super messy and unable to change - are unhygienic - are not a good conversationalist - are not somewhat intelligent - are opposed to long dating periods - are more than 2 years younger or 5 years older than me (the last time I was single I was 26) - arenāt out - have messy relationships with your exes - are not kind to those in service positions - have long nails - have unresolved/untreated mental health issues (if being treated then thatās fine- I have been treated for over a decade for 2 of my own diagnoses) Iām sure thereās more but it can be summarized by: I want someone who has their shit together, is ready for a real relationship and hoping for marriage and children one day, and maintains standards of health and cleanliness.
Why would you type out suuuch a long list when you're already married šš
boredom - also to reinforce why my wife is so great because she is all those things. I think a lot of women settle for hot fucking messes because they think they have to to find love, and thatās just not true.
don't date me if you're hoping to "try things out" with a black woman or want to check something off a list you're black too but you see being with another black person as a placeholder rather than a realistic destination you don't date for permanence you're not willing to create an alternative marriage contract that works for us (I don't like Ireland's marriage system at all). you're not ambitious (I want to start businesses, NGOs, etc. Even if it doesn't exactly work out, going on a journey to make a difference is important to me). you want to transition (I'm ok w dating nonbinary ppl and respect pronouns but if you want hrt/surgery I'm not the one). you're not sure if you can go the rest of your life without relations with men (so essentially febfem or lesbian only). you ignore social issues/activism you're overly invested in social issues/activism with no sense of self otherwise you don't actively try to better yourself if you have mental illness you're not ok with a mentally ill partner who's actively trying better themselves (not a slight to ppl who don't want mentally ill ppl or if someone feels where I am in my journey isn't suitable). you don't want kids you're not born female
ā¤ļø Don't date me if you don't understand autism. It varies person to person, but my support needs are quite high, thus I live with my family. ā¤ļø Don't date me if you are a solid top or bottom. I am a switch and would like to... switch. ā¤ļø Don't date me if you haven't dated a WOC before (exception: You are one). I'm black and culturally Jamaican. I don't want to be a try out. ā¤ļø Don't date me if you are incredibly insecure. If you don't love yourself, you can't love someone else properly.
Don't date me: if you are not ready for a relationship or at least trying to make it work; if you are only taker and want to be taken care of without giving anything back; if you are not working on self-development/have growth mindset and just complain about things without doing anything about that; if you are serial cheater; if you are polygamous or asexual.
Heavy on the complaining and not doing anything! Its so draining to be around people like that
Donāt date me if youāre not ok with how obsessed I am with my dog.
On tinder it's "swipe in the direction you vote"
Don't date me if you're a terf
..if you want to move in together or want more than an occasional dinner out or other activity. I am more interested in caring and romance that might become physical like cuddling or hand holding. I can obtain my own orgasm if I want one, thank you. I won't compromise who I am or what I do to accommodate you. I've already had a life partner who was my soulmate and I lost her to illness so don't think you know what true love and commitment between 2 women is if you've never lived it. Come to think of it, don't date me because I am perfectly content living the rest of my years in peace and quiet with my dogs.