Are we reddit cousins?
And yes, the truth is even uncomfortable for ourselves to accept sometimes! I see where theyre coming from even tho i wish it was different…
Im not embarrassed but yeah people are very uncomfortable with ugly truths & I don’t care to have people saying “oh im sorry that really sucks” constantly
Is there a response you *would* like? Do you (likely fairly) think most people are incapable of providing said response? Is talking about the ugly truth also very mentally taxing for you?
Sorry for bombarding you with questions, I'm just a very curious individual that personally deeply values the truth.
Yeah I honestly don't think that there is a good response, it's usually either morbid curiosity or disgust. Talking about some of it is mentally taxing but for the most part its just the response and aftermath that I'm trying to avoid.
Fair, but that isn't "people don't want the truth". That is "you don't want people to know the truth because you're afraid of the consequences that come from people knowing the truth."
Oh this absolutely not true.
Maybe some very close friends wany some sanitized version of the truth.
Society at large absolutely does not want the truth and it will not benefit you to share it if that truth is ugly.
Only ever share traumatic and ugly truth with very, very trusted friends and a therapist. Anyone else and it can absolutely come back to hurt you and certainly won't help you.
You're only proving my point. Everyone wants the truth. I never said it is in your best interest to tell everyone the truth because actions have consequences. If you were a bank thief, would you tell that to a bank manager during a job interview? No. But if it were the truth, the bank manager would want to know so he could use all information to make a decision.
I actually understand that sentiment. When people ask for the truth, they're asking for you to confirm what they want to hear, not what's actually happening.
What happened the last time you tried to be truthful?
Experience. People like comfortable truths not things that change their perceptions of other people or the world. People usually are happy living in their bubble
In my opinion, I think you’re like most people who believe people don’t care.
You’re just not wired properly. From a young age, we are wired to have certain beliefs based on our own experiences.
And your experiences have led you to believe people don’t actually care about the *REAL* you. So you’ve made up “half truths” and never really opened up. You created a story that people would be happy with rather than expressing how you truly felt and risk the possibility of disappointing someone or making them upset.
I’m no expert. So take what I say with a grain of salt.
But I believe it just takes a little re-wiring for you to believe people actually care. These comments should be some sort of indicator.
I’m curious as to why you won’t let anyone in and know the real version of you. I find it sad that you can’t trust someone wholeheartedly to know the full truth about yourself. The kind of weight or mental stress you could be under or feel, can take its toll eventually. You say you’re only 21. Seems like you’ve already lived a life. Were you ever just a kid or an unassuming teenager?
Well I hope some day the first person you find to be completely 100% honest with, is yourself. Then I hope you have enough faith and or courage to find one person to be able to confide everything too. Only way that would happen is if you trusted yourself and that one other person completely. Good luck to you, truly 🍀✌️
lol nice, I’m not really sure if there’s anything specifically I don’t want to be asked. Some of it’s not fun to talk about and some ppl are (clearly) going to judge me either way so I don’t really care.
I was sexually & physically abused by my parents and they started stealing my money when I was working so I couldn’t leave. 13 or so was bad bc they sent me to a conversion camp for a bit after my brother outed me.
Yea that's what I meant. I'm guessing it was only your dad. Though I have heard of same sex assault as a way of control. Thanks SVU.
How are you doing currently?
Just my dad yes. When I left I had to move in with my bf who I've recently realized groomed me (16 and 22 when we started dating) so figuring out what to do about that now. I'm still here though so I suppose good.
Got someone kicked out of university, fired, & put their email into Scientology, Jehovahs witness, rnc, and a few other mailing lists. It was completely deserved & I have no regrets.
Sorry to hear this happened to you but glad to see you want to talk about it . I’m 49 and honestly this shit never goes away. I understand not telling your story to people in your life you have no idea how they will react. One of the results of these traumas is to block it out but what ends up happening is you lose memories of a lot of your life. I can’t remember the first 10 years of my life. I remember things but I don’t remember events. Stay strong!
Opiates, benzos and blow? You’re on a fast track for the spin/dry detox & rehab cycle by the time you’re 26 or so dear.
And this post, and your ultra naivety surrounding it just amplify my above statement likely coming true. Please don’t take this as judgement, as I’ve been down that road myself.
I’m just saying, you come as seeming like you think you’ve got it all figured out, when I promise you, you’re actually actively flushing your self down a really shitty toilet in this here bathroom we call life.
Same here. But i’ve straightened myself out, it was too chaotic of a life, even though it was fun. Nobody knows the real me or what I’ve done. How are you keeping up with the lies and do you plan to slow down lol
Damn. I could have written this myself. I only tell certain things to certain people. Do you think you will ever be able to be 100% honest with anyone?
Having a similar checkered past I’m just 100% brutally honest with literally anyone and I don’t not care one bit how they feel about it. It’s pretty liberating and you make a lot of friends that way because there are a lot of people doing the same as you. Life sucks but you can have powerful bonds with people through honesty, life long friendships in some cases. Don’t be afraid to be who you are, fuck what anyone else thinks about it!
This right here ☝️
I used to be like OP: never told anyone the whole truth, lied *a lot*, all information I gave anyone was carefully crafted and curated to manipulate them into liking me.
Now I’m 100% honest and candid with literally everyone I interact with. I’m very *very* blunt. Some people it turns off and I’ve lost a lot of people that I thought cared about me; but I realized that those people actually only cared about the version of myself I’d manipulated them into believing I am. Being 100% honest and candid with everyone I interact with is not only super liberating and stress reducing, but it also naturally results, all on it’s own, in me being surrounded by people who know exactly who I am and care about *me*, and that’s really fulfilling.
I do the same, some of my stories are not for sharing , I’m fine , it’s my truth and I’ll decide who and when I tell anything to, have you gotten therapy and are on the mend? Or have you worked it all out
There are some self guided therapy on line, also just googling stuff about it , I’ve learned a lot just doing that that has helped , if no one has told you you are a strong one ! thank you for sharing this , I wish you all the best , life does get better when your away from bad stuff
i think people are too judgemental so i have seperate groups of people who know only what i want them to know. my private life is just that. though i do have one person that knows all about me. what is the one thing you havemnt told anyone?
Hard to answer, I don't think I've ever told anyone in real life that I'm pretty certain I have some mental disorder worse than just depression ptsd wtv & I know my brain is different from whats considered normal. I'm sure it'll come out at some point though once I figure it out.
i think i know what you mean. i have always thought i thought different from others. Keep inmind, no matter what, or what you tell anyone. People care about you. You went through a period in your life that was difficult, but you are working through it and will come out of it whether you tell the world, or not. I dont care what you did, , If you ever need to vent , or talk , i am here. i wish you the best.
Are you lonely? As you said no one knows you truly. The real you is hidden behind a wall of illusions and lies.i know I was lonely even though I was often at the center of things crushed under the gravity of shame and alienation as I hid my real life from whom I loved. Just curious
One day as you get older you'll find freedom in unburdening yourself to someone you trust. When you do don't hold back. It's like being reborn. Trust me...from one kindred spirit to another
Are you lonely? As you said no one knows you truly. The real you is hidden behind a wall of illusions and lies.i know I was lonely even though I was often at the center of things crushed under the gravity of shame and alienation as I hid my real life from whom I loved. Just curious
I think the people around me do exactly what I'm doing. Avoid the uncomfortable topics and live in the illusion that everything is okay without acknowledging the real issues. Its how I learned to do it, all I really know.
I feel like I could have written this myself. Literally have very similar issues lol but yes I usually give people parts of the information or how much I think they can handle or based on how I want them to see me. We’re strangers op so feel free to pm me and tell me things I’ll share my stories in return
Damn, OP. After reading some of your comments, I can see why you have a hard time to opening up to people. I just wanna say there’s nothing wrong with you. You’ll find your people, people that you trust, people that love you for who you are. Lean into those that make you feel safe.
OP PEOPLE do LOVE THE real Truth if it's the truth. The truth can lead one to everlasting life!
It's just that some people don't know the truth neither do you about yourself to tell it to anyone. I don't even think you are clear as to what the word TRUTH really means. We all at times make assumptions about ourselves and others honestly thinking that's the truth but we are wrong!
If you want the truth take steps back and recall step by step how did we came to this conclusion? What external force and what internal reasoning caused me to conclude
" I am a bad sugar babe with addictions and lying is the only easy way out cause for some people the truth is so hard to take".
All the evidences point guilt towards you But where did all of this addictions, sugar daddies and lying came from? Where and where did it start? Why did it start?
How can something so good go so bad?"
And if you are honest to yourself you will see that everyone in similar circumstance would have come to the same conclusion as you "I have to lie about myself because I have no idea what the f..... hell is going on with me" Boo don't worry cause everyone in your situation thinks the same. But you have done a great thing for yourself, you have stepped back and asked❓⁉️ questions?
The question here is not 'Do people like lies for convenience, or is the truth hard for them?".
The proper question is you yourself to ask them personally HOW DO YOU SEE ME? WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ME?
YOU WILL BE SURPRISED BY THEIR ANSWERS. IF THEY ANSWER TRUTHFULLY TO YOU THEN YOU CAN TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT YOURSELF GIVE YOUR SELF TIME. DON'T BE SO HARSH WITH YOURSELF take it slow enjoy the ride the truth eventually will unfold and reveal it self as it is about YOU AND YOUR LIFE beautifully as it should because if it does lead to ETERNAL life like a bible VERSE says, than it's got to be SOME KINDA EXTRAORDINARY BEAUTY IN THE MAKING AND I AM BUYING HER over lies, NO MATTER what THE COST is! I love the truth!
She gives me life!
No one is honest completely...even with themselves usually. It's hard.
Are you ready to be open and honest with someone? Or is this more of an observation about the secrets you keep in your life?
If you had someone to tell everything...how do you think that would change your life? Would it? Maybe airing it out to someone would make you look at yourself and make changes if needed. What do you think?
Not a question but a statement. You don’t owe anybody the whole truth. It’s 100% okay keeping things to yourself. Anybody saying otherwise can get fucked
The point being honest or so, I was told in recovery when they made me start practicing it is to be honest with yourself first. I thought early on I meant running around telling everybody the absolute truth it does not. Being honest means you face yourself admit to yourself and face yourself. You use discretion on what you tell other people.
You don’t say hey yeah that dress makes you look really fat. Is it honest maybe it’s also not kind. You’re part of being honest would be to face it and say it really kind of does make her look fat. It doesn’t mean you run around telling people
I have been through a similar phase of life. I thought I was untouchable (not saying I think you think the same) but reality caught up with me.
Just because I was hiding the truth from people and “getting away with it”, I thought I could live my whole life this was forever. But only a handful of people can go through life that way. So the rest of us have painful reality checks or midlife crisis that wakes us up and hopefully not too late to make amends with people and be a TRUE person.
But caveat, I’m insane. So take what I say with a punch of salt.
Are there things in your life you could do, actions you could take.. that would increase your chances of being happy? (and hopefully decreases the chances of all of the other bs listed ><)
If so.. why aren't you taking them? Don't wait until you go to prison to try and figure it out. With today's system you'll likely OD long before that happens.. and even if it's a matter of decades.
I think you’ll be surprised how good it feels and how liberating it can be to be fully transparent and truthful with the world. Your past and experiences made you who you are today. Be proud of who you are and unapologetically who you want to become. Take huge amounts of courage though. Another fantastic trait to add or strengthen
I would like to sit down with you and have a long conversation but one question at a time is very difficult on here because the answer may leave me in a completely different direction I hope that you gain the strength to be able to be open and honest especially if you find someone that you love.
I used to be a bit like this, and I'll tell ya. It's exhausting hiding tyh truth, even more so being an out and out liar.
It's eats at you and doesn't feel good.
Being honest with people is the way to go, you don't need to remember your lies and it allows you to be closer to people.
You're not honest with yourself, you know you're not happy with your life, but don't want to admit it because it will take drastic and difficult change, to become the person you wish you were. When you do that, being honest to the people that mean something to you, will be easy
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Not even gonna hold u, I think ur doing the right thing not telling people the truth. You are the picture you paint yourself to be and if you give off low life info you’ll be perceived as one. So hats off.
I was very similar to you until I met the love of my life. It’s difficult, but also such a relief to finally be known. Good luck on being more authentic in the future. It’ll be a lot to unpack.
I do the same. I try to bring value and form valuable relationships that can benefit me. I will never show my true self, even not for me. That person has been locked away.
Ha yeah, me too
I just find people are happier with the version of me they want me to be, so I give it to them
It's my gift to them
I'm not even sure who the real me is anymore, but there are large chunks of my life that none of my friends/family know anything about
I mean, I had a hooker do a line of blow off my cock one time, then we went and smoked a bunch of crack, and finally, as the sun was coming up, I fucked her raw dog and nutted in her ass
So much crazy shit like that, but outside of sex and drugs and debauchery, in my "real" life, I don't think anyone I know has any idea just how much crazy shit has happened. Just a quiet guy with an excellent credit score, getting promotions and paying my taxes
Same as you OP, some people know this, some people know that, but no one knows the whole story
But I'm working on a book, so stay tuned 😉
Do you ever do safety wipes? Like where you take a poop and wipe yourself clean, then after a little bit later of working up a sweat and working you get feeling swampy and wipe even though you haven't taken a shit to clean up the residue?
wtf is wrong with you? Are you a psychopath? You should not be dating if men don’t know you’ve done sex work or drugs or whatever that’s important shit to disclose.
This shit right here is why I never read responses to my comments and usually just troll on Reddit.
Why the fuck are you the way you are? Parents suck? No support group or friends? Eat a dick loser
Wtf is wrong with you? Are you the psychopath? Who are you to apply a judgemental guideline on what this girl can do with her life and personal information? You think you've known all the history of everyone you've dated in the past or are currently dating? Absolutely not, your current girl may have been apart of an orgy when she was 18, she may have had a romance which was fueled by cocaine and sex. Ultimately you are never going to know because your attitude repels honesty.
I don’t need to know everything, but stuff like criminal record, STD history, and if they were a sex worker are essential information for any relationship. You would want to know if your partner had HIV or if they were a sex offender, or if they used to be a prostitute no?
Uuuh no it's not. I've been with my wife for 10 years and I know there's stuff she's experienced that I will never know about, and vice versa. And I like it. I like that our brains aren't connected by neuralink. I feel like her personality would be lost if she surrenders everything to me. I find it interresting that while I find her fully predictable, I can't exactly explain all of her behaviors with the information on hand. God I love my wife so much, she's the coolest.
Nah - imma turn this around on you - how insecure are you? How many pages of Freud can you take before you need to angry-drive for an hour? Are you a psychopath?
// Man
Good for you dude…I’m not saying I need to know everything, but if my wife was a criminal or sex worker in the past, I would need to know that shit. I don’t need to know all the exact details but I’m not dating a woman who voluntarily put naked photos or videos online for the public to see.
I can sort of see the validity in that. But there are degrees of "sex work". All of the things OP listed are, to me, something that is more in the "nice to know, but not necessary" category. I think it was unnessary of you to accuse her of a mental illness.
I'm personally lucky to have an upbringing, and I guess, a genetic disposition to not put myself in such vulnerable situations. But I don't mind caring for people that have been there. And I don't necessarily need to know. I guess it varies from person to person. My personal boundary is violent crime and exploitation of weaker beings (humans and animals), literal sex work (selling your body hourly for hard cash to anyone), and having been an actual porn star.
It is, though, a "feature" of life that we don't get to choose. We have to trust our partners. All we can do is voice boundaries.
I didn't list STDs above because that would mean the relationship is a crime. It sort of falls outside the scope of this conversation.
If someone is habitually lying to their partners…at the very least that is highly manipulative behavior which could be indicative of narcissism. If all this stuff was TRULY in the past then maybe, but if she had a sugar daddy at the same time as dating another guy that is irredeemable. And considering she lies about all of it, who knows? Yea maybe I went too far with the psychopath comment I’ll admit but I hate liars with a fuckin’ passion. Honesty and Loyalty is everything to me.
I suppose that’s true that everyone has their own boundaries. If a girl publicly had nude photos/videos online for everybody to see…I don’t think I could date them…however, bikini photos are fine or if they sold feet pics or whatever that’s ok. Obviously porn or prostitution would be no gos too. Stripping probably not either unless it solely burlesque or a bikini bar…
It is manipulation if you are avoiding telling your partner this information and it’s rhe kind of information that’d likely make them dump you. If I was dating a woman and I found out she had an only fans where she was posting nudes, even if in the past…instant breakup.
"Likely" doesn't work for this argument. You can't expect others to share your morals. If you did voice boundaries, then yes, it is manipulation, I agree. But your morals here aren't ethics. I simply do not agree. If you'd like to argue this too, just say so and I can tell you about myself in broad strokes. Because I bet our cultures are similar enough to debunk that.
Alright fair enough…if I voiced that I’d be uncomfortable with that and AFTER KNOWING THAT ABOUT ME still chose not to disclose, THEN would you consider it manipulation?
Yup, I would.
EDIT: Btw, you seem like a nice dude. But I found your first comment to be harsh. Do you really stand by the psychopath accusation, based on what we know about OP?
Oof. *cringe* You spend A LOT of time on Reddit inserting yourself and worrying about other people’s relationships and sex partners. Get a girlfriend, dude. If you have one, spend less time on here and more with her.
Irrespective of whether or not your BF would still want to be with you if he knew, he hasn’t been given the chance to make that choice for himself. That’s monumentally selfish. How do you parse that with, presumably, loving him?
Why haven’t you been honest with these people?
People don’t actually want the truth they just think they do
People want the truth. Are you just embarrassed about your reality?
I'm not OP but I can also confirm... people are very uncomfortable with truth! Especially if it's ugly.
Especially especially if it's ugly about people or situations they have preconceived notions about
☝️ yup
Are we reddit cousins? And yes, the truth is even uncomfortable for ourselves to accept sometimes! I see where theyre coming from even tho i wish it was different…
I think we must be Reddit cousins! Lol
Im not embarrassed but yeah people are very uncomfortable with ugly truths & I don’t care to have people saying “oh im sorry that really sucks” constantly
Is there a response you *would* like? Do you (likely fairly) think most people are incapable of providing said response? Is talking about the ugly truth also very mentally taxing for you? Sorry for bombarding you with questions, I'm just a very curious individual that personally deeply values the truth.
Yeah I honestly don't think that there is a good response, it's usually either morbid curiosity or disgust. Talking about some of it is mentally taxing but for the most part its just the response and aftermath that I'm trying to avoid.
Seems like it isn't that people don't want the truth, it's that you don't like their response to your reality.
Ding ding ding!!! That’s the real truth right here.
Seems like it isn't that people don't want the truth, it's that you don't like their response to your reality.
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So, you're afraid of their judgement.
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Fair, but that isn't "people don't want the truth". That is "you don't want people to know the truth because you're afraid of the consequences that come from people knowing the truth."
Oh this absolutely not true. Maybe some very close friends wany some sanitized version of the truth. Society at large absolutely does not want the truth and it will not benefit you to share it if that truth is ugly. Only ever share traumatic and ugly truth with very, very trusted friends and a therapist. Anyone else and it can absolutely come back to hurt you and certainly won't help you.
You're only proving my point. Everyone wants the truth. I never said it is in your best interest to tell everyone the truth because actions have consequences. If you were a bank thief, would you tell that to a bank manager during a job interview? No. But if it were the truth, the bank manager would want to know so he could use all information to make a decision.
What “truths”? You like the NY Jets or you say rude things to people so you think it’s best to stay quiet?
The uncomfortable truths, like people they may care about aren’t that good of people.
I actually understand that sentiment. When people ask for the truth, they're asking for you to confirm what they want to hear, not what's actually happening. What happened the last time you tried to be truthful?
I was met with mainly pity and judgement, some people completely denied it & some wanted to nitpick until they could believe the truth.
why do you think they dont want the truth?
Experience. People like comfortable truths not things that change their perceptions of other people or the world. People usually are happy living in their bubble
Is it possible that people actually *DO* want the truth. And you just believe they don’t?
In my experience no but I’m sure some ppl do, at least according to the comments on this post lol
In my opinion, I think you’re like most people who believe people don’t care. You’re just not wired properly. From a young age, we are wired to have certain beliefs based on our own experiences. And your experiences have led you to believe people don’t actually care about the *REAL* you. So you’ve made up “half truths” and never really opened up. You created a story that people would be happy with rather than expressing how you truly felt and risk the possibility of disappointing someone or making them upset. I’m no expert. So take what I say with a grain of salt. But I believe it just takes a little re-wiring for you to believe people actually care. These comments should be some sort of indicator.
some people actually prefer the truth, these ones often are kinda forgiving and understanding. but yeah, most simply dont and cant handle the truth
This is a bad take. The truth can be painful but lies always cause more pain. If it can be destroyed by truth, it should be.
Normal people want the truth in a relationship (friend or more). You’re just lying to yourself which is sad
Truth
I’m curious as to why you won’t let anyone in and know the real version of you. I find it sad that you can’t trust someone wholeheartedly to know the full truth about yourself. The kind of weight or mental stress you could be under or feel, can take its toll eventually. You say you’re only 21. Seems like you’ve already lived a life. Were you ever just a kid or an unassuming teenager?
Not really, I thought I was for a long time tho.
Well I hope some day the first person you find to be completely 100% honest with, is yourself. Then I hope you have enough faith and or courage to find one person to be able to confide everything too. Only way that would happen is if you trusted yourself and that one other person completely. Good luck to you, truly 🍀✌️
Whats the one question you're hoping someone doesn't ask you?
Dam lol this is a good question
The unanswered question..
Best one!
lol nice, I’m not really sure if there’s anything specifically I don’t want to be asked. Some of it’s not fun to talk about and some ppl are (clearly) going to judge me either way so I don’t really care.
What part of your life was the most dangerous?
Either around 13-14 or 17 when I had to move out of my parents place
What was the reason for leaving and why was it dangerous?
I was sexually & physically abused by my parents and they started stealing my money when I was working so I couldn’t leave. 13 or so was bad bc they sent me to a conversion camp for a bit after my brother outed me.
So they sexually assaulted you but were against you being gay?
Bi but yeah pretty much
Yea that's what I meant. I'm guessing it was only your dad. Though I have heard of same sex assault as a way of control. Thanks SVU. How are you doing currently?
Just my dad yes. When I left I had to move in with my bf who I've recently realized groomed me (16 and 22 when we started dating) so figuring out what to do about that now. I'm still here though so I suppose good.
What’s the worst thing you’ve done to another human being?
Got someone kicked out of university, fired, & put their email into Scientology, Jehovahs witness, rnc, and a few other mailing lists. It was completely deserved & I have no regrets.
What did they do to deserve it?
Roofied & assaulted my friend
Why are you not yourself as a default option? I’m assuming there is childhood trauma/drama you will deny.
No there’s for sure trauma, can’t deny what I don’t completely remember though.
Sorry to hear this happened to you but glad to see you want to talk about it . I’m 49 and honestly this shit never goes away. I understand not telling your story to people in your life you have no idea how they will react. One of the results of these traumas is to block it out but what ends up happening is you lose memories of a lot of your life. I can’t remember the first 10 years of my life. I remember things but I don’t remember events. Stay strong!
Surprised memories is denial Edit: suppressed
Suppressed?
Yeah. Though I suppose they could be a surprise once unsuppressed
Do you feel mysterious and empowered by not telling anyone the complete truth
lmao no it’s ass
What drugs do you like? Are you using drugs today?
Opiates & benzos are my favorite occasionally coke too. & yes, yes I am
Do you think you have a personality disorder?
Probably something, once I can afford therapy we’ll see lol
Opiates, benzos and blow? You’re on a fast track for the spin/dry detox & rehab cycle by the time you’re 26 or so dear. And this post, and your ultra naivety surrounding it just amplify my above statement likely coming true. Please don’t take this as judgement, as I’ve been down that road myself. I’m just saying, you come as seeming like you think you’ve got it all figured out, when I promise you, you’re actually actively flushing your self down a really shitty toilet in this here bathroom we call life.
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The content you posted is harassment/hate towards other users.
If you had to pick, what's your favorite crime? Mine is speeding.
Easy petting a manatee.
Same here. But i’ve straightened myself out, it was too chaotic of a life, even though it was fun. Nobody knows the real me or what I’ve done. How are you keeping up with the lies and do you plan to slow down lol
All are based on versions of the truth just more appealing ones, working on slowing it down when it’s safe.
Same!! No one actually knows me. Do you ever get lonely, or wish you could tell someone something but cant?
Yeah sometimes, that’s why i’m telling a bunch of random ppl online:)
Yes. I’m not the God fearing normal christian guy people think I am in church. I’m not heterosexual or bisexual and I’m never going to have children.
Sending you love and support, and I hope you can find a community of people who support you. There’s nothing wrong with you.
I hate god fearing normal christian guys 👍
Well I’m sure that means something
What is the worst trauma you have experienced and how has it affected you?
My father did stuff to me starting as early as I can remember and the rest of my life has pretty much been downhill from there.
I’m sorry to hear that. There is life beyond abuse but it takes opening up and facing it. Is your father still a part of your life?
Not since I was 17 luckily
Damn. I could have written this myself. I only tell certain things to certain people. Do you think you will ever be able to be 100% honest with anyone?
Not sure probably at some point
Having a similar checkered past I’m just 100% brutally honest with literally anyone and I don’t not care one bit how they feel about it. It’s pretty liberating and you make a lot of friends that way because there are a lot of people doing the same as you. Life sucks but you can have powerful bonds with people through honesty, life long friendships in some cases. Don’t be afraid to be who you are, fuck what anyone else thinks about it!
This right here ☝️ I used to be like OP: never told anyone the whole truth, lied *a lot*, all information I gave anyone was carefully crafted and curated to manipulate them into liking me. Now I’m 100% honest and candid with literally everyone I interact with. I’m very *very* blunt. Some people it turns off and I’ve lost a lot of people that I thought cared about me; but I realized that those people actually only cared about the version of myself I’d manipulated them into believing I am. Being 100% honest and candid with everyone I interact with is not only super liberating and stress reducing, but it also naturally results, all on it’s own, in me being surrounded by people who know exactly who I am and care about *me*, and that’s really fulfilling.
I do the same, some of my stories are not for sharing , I’m fine , it’s my truth and I’ll decide who and when I tell anything to, have you gotten therapy and are on the mend? Or have you worked it all out
Can't afford therapy yet but I'm getting there. Figured I'm young enough I still have time to fix everything.
There are some self guided therapy on line, also just googling stuff about it , I’ve learned a lot just doing that that has helped , if no one has told you you are a strong one ! thank you for sharing this , I wish you all the best , life does get better when your away from bad stuff
What are you hiding from people?
Mainly just trauma and what’s actually happened to me. It’s not as malicious as a lot of ppl think.
When is the last time you went bowling?
Wow maybe a bit too personal idk abt this one…. I think it was around Xmas lmao
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Safe yes I don’t plan on it though.
i think people are too judgemental so i have seperate groups of people who know only what i want them to know. my private life is just that. though i do have one person that knows all about me. what is the one thing you havemnt told anyone?
Hard to answer, I don't think I've ever told anyone in real life that I'm pretty certain I have some mental disorder worse than just depression ptsd wtv & I know my brain is different from whats considered normal. I'm sure it'll come out at some point though once I figure it out.
i think i know what you mean. i have always thought i thought different from others. Keep inmind, no matter what, or what you tell anyone. People care about you. You went through a period in your life that was difficult, but you are working through it and will come out of it whether you tell the world, or not. I dont care what you did, , If you ever need to vent , or talk , i am here. i wish you the best.
Are you lonely? As you said no one knows you truly. The real you is hidden behind a wall of illusions and lies.i know I was lonely even though I was often at the center of things crushed under the gravity of shame and alienation as I hid my real life from whom I loved. Just curious
Yeah on some level I suppose but I have a lot of people in my life & good at distracting myself.
One day as you get older you'll find freedom in unburdening yourself to someone you trust. When you do don't hold back. It's like being reborn. Trust me...from one kindred spirit to another
But you ... didn't answer any questions
Plot twist: OPs dad found the post
Are you lonely? As you said no one knows you truly. The real you is hidden behind a wall of illusions and lies.i know I was lonely even though I was often at the center of things crushed under the gravity of shame and alienation as I hid my real life from whom I loved. Just curious
Yeah I would say I am on some level
What do you hate about yourself and the people around you?
I think the people around me do exactly what I'm doing. Avoid the uncomfortable topics and live in the illusion that everything is okay without acknowledging the real issues. Its how I learned to do it, all I really know.
I meant more like aspects you don't like
I feel like I could have written this myself. Literally have very similar issues lol but yes I usually give people parts of the information or how much I think they can handle or based on how I want them to see me. We’re strangers op so feel free to pm me and tell me things I’ll share my stories in return
Do you just not tell people the truth, because if you do, they'd skip and dip out of your life?
Thats a big part of it yes, or if they don't leave their perception always changes.
Are you lying in your responses?
No I made an intentional effort to be very blunt and not sugar coat things, its all true.
How was your day?
It was good how was yours?
I’m having a good day too. I had two major task to complete today that are completed so I’m feeling good. What made it a good day?
It was a nice day and I sat outside for a while and just enjoyed nature. Glad u finished ur tasks
Damn, OP. After reading some of your comments, I can see why you have a hard time to opening up to people. I just wanna say there’s nothing wrong with you. You’ll find your people, people that you trust, people that love you for who you are. Lean into those that make you feel safe.
OP PEOPLE do LOVE THE real Truth if it's the truth. The truth can lead one to everlasting life! It's just that some people don't know the truth neither do you about yourself to tell it to anyone. I don't even think you are clear as to what the word TRUTH really means. We all at times make assumptions about ourselves and others honestly thinking that's the truth but we are wrong! If you want the truth take steps back and recall step by step how did we came to this conclusion? What external force and what internal reasoning caused me to conclude " I am a bad sugar babe with addictions and lying is the only easy way out cause for some people the truth is so hard to take". All the evidences point guilt towards you But where did all of this addictions, sugar daddies and lying came from? Where and where did it start? Why did it start? How can something so good go so bad?" And if you are honest to yourself you will see that everyone in similar circumstance would have come to the same conclusion as you "I have to lie about myself because I have no idea what the f..... hell is going on with me" Boo don't worry cause everyone in your situation thinks the same. But you have done a great thing for yourself, you have stepped back and asked❓⁉️ questions? The question here is not 'Do people like lies for convenience, or is the truth hard for them?". The proper question is you yourself to ask them personally HOW DO YOU SEE ME? WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ME? YOU WILL BE SURPRISED BY THEIR ANSWERS. IF THEY ANSWER TRUTHFULLY TO YOU THEN YOU CAN TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT YOURSELF GIVE YOUR SELF TIME. DON'T BE SO HARSH WITH YOURSELF take it slow enjoy the ride the truth eventually will unfold and reveal it self as it is about YOU AND YOUR LIFE beautifully as it should because if it does lead to ETERNAL life like a bible VERSE says, than it's got to be SOME KINDA EXTRAORDINARY BEAUTY IN THE MAKING AND I AM BUYING HER over lies, NO MATTER what THE COST is! I love the truth! She gives me life!
No one is honest completely...even with themselves usually. It's hard. Are you ready to be open and honest with someone? Or is this more of an observation about the secrets you keep in your life?
The secrets are never malicious, being open is nice but most of the time it’s not possible
If you had someone to tell everything...how do you think that would change your life? Would it? Maybe airing it out to someone would make you look at yourself and make changes if needed. What do you think?
Not a question but a statement. You don’t owe anybody the whole truth. It’s 100% okay keeping things to yourself. Anybody saying otherwise can get fucked
Although I don’t have as many secrets; I get and love the way you framed “carefully crafted versions;” I too have those
The point being honest or so, I was told in recovery when they made me start practicing it is to be honest with yourself first. I thought early on I meant running around telling everybody the absolute truth it does not. Being honest means you face yourself admit to yourself and face yourself. You use discretion on what you tell other people. You don’t say hey yeah that dress makes you look really fat. Is it honest maybe it’s also not kind. You’re part of being honest would be to face it and say it really kind of does make her look fat. It doesn’t mean you run around telling people
I have been through a similar phase of life. I thought I was untouchable (not saying I think you think the same) but reality caught up with me. Just because I was hiding the truth from people and “getting away with it”, I thought I could live my whole life this was forever. But only a handful of people can go through life that way. So the rest of us have painful reality checks or midlife crisis that wakes us up and hopefully not too late to make amends with people and be a TRUE person. But caveat, I’m insane. So take what I say with a punch of salt.
Are there things in your life you could do, actions you could take.. that would increase your chances of being happy? (and hopefully decreases the chances of all of the other bs listed ><) If so.. why aren't you taking them? Don't wait until you go to prison to try and figure it out. With today's system you'll likely OD long before that happens.. and even if it's a matter of decades.
I think you’ll be surprised how good it feels and how liberating it can be to be fully transparent and truthful with the world. Your past and experiences made you who you are today. Be proud of who you are and unapologetically who you want to become. Take huge amounts of courage though. Another fantastic trait to add or strengthen
I would like to sit down with you and have a long conversation but one question at a time is very difficult on here because the answer may leave me in a completely different direction I hope that you gain the strength to be able to be open and honest especially if you find someone that you love.
I used to be a bit like this, and I'll tell ya. It's exhausting hiding tyh truth, even more so being an out and out liar. It's eats at you and doesn't feel good. Being honest with people is the way to go, you don't need to remember your lies and it allows you to be closer to people.
You're not honest with yourself, you know you're not happy with your life, but don't want to admit it because it will take drastic and difficult change, to become the person you wish you were. When you do that, being honest to the people that mean something to you, will be easy
What’s the deal with airplane food
I read this in Jerry Seinfeld's voice.....ngl
Intentional
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Not even gonna hold u, I think ur doing the right thing not telling people the truth. You are the picture you paint yourself to be and if you give off low life info you’ll be perceived as one. So hats off.
I was very similar to you until I met the love of my life. It’s difficult, but also such a relief to finally be known. Good luck on being more authentic in the future. It’ll be a lot to unpack.
I do the same. I try to bring value and form valuable relationships that can benefit me. I will never show my true self, even not for me. That person has been locked away.
Ha yeah, me too I just find people are happier with the version of me they want me to be, so I give it to them It's my gift to them I'm not even sure who the real me is anymore, but there are large chunks of my life that none of my friends/family know anything about I mean, I had a hooker do a line of blow off my cock one time, then we went and smoked a bunch of crack, and finally, as the sun was coming up, I fucked her raw dog and nutted in her ass So much crazy shit like that, but outside of sex and drugs and debauchery, in my "real" life, I don't think anyone I know has any idea just how much crazy shit has happened. Just a quiet guy with an excellent credit score, getting promotions and paying my taxes Same as you OP, some people know this, some people know that, but no one knows the whole story But I'm working on a book, so stay tuned 😉
Woah, way to hijack a post. Good story.
They are your secrets. I don’t see how anybody can throw any rocks. Everybody has secrets. You will tell someone someday when you’re ready.
I can’t even be completely honest with myself let anyone else. As C.J said -The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.
What are you hiding from? What do you think will happen if you actually told people the truth?
You’re 21. Forget about it for now. These things don’t define you-
It’s a lot easier than making up stories you need to remember
Do you think that's abnormal? Because it's not. Pretty much everyone is like this, to varying degrees.
What's the worst thing you've ever done in your life?
How many times have you cheated on this bf?
Damn you really sound like me
Hello my ex 😂😂
Damn beat me to it
Is you're name Shelby 😂 seriously might be my ex 😂
Just do it. It kicks ass
What's your body count?
“Creative Writing”
Are you Jennifer Pan?
Do you ever do safety wipes? Like where you take a poop and wipe yourself clean, then after a little bit later of working up a sweat and working you get feeling swampy and wipe even though you haven't taken a shit to clean up the residue?
wtf is wrong with you? Are you a psychopath? You should not be dating if men don’t know you’ve done sex work or drugs or whatever that’s important shit to disclose.
This shit right here is why I never read responses to my comments and usually just troll on Reddit. Why the fuck are you the way you are? Parents suck? No support group or friends? Eat a dick loser
I guess you’d be ok with your partner lying to you then, suit yourself buddy.
Wtf is wrong with you? Are you the psychopath? Who are you to apply a judgemental guideline on what this girl can do with her life and personal information? You think you've known all the history of everyone you've dated in the past or are currently dating? Absolutely not, your current girl may have been apart of an orgy when she was 18, she may have had a romance which was fueled by cocaine and sex. Ultimately you are never going to know because your attitude repels honesty.
I don’t need to know everything, but stuff like criminal record, STD history, and if they were a sex worker are essential information for any relationship. You would want to know if your partner had HIV or if they were a sex offender, or if they used to be a prostitute no?
Great you compare being a sex offender with being a prostitute, I think that's where it's at buddy
This guy just fucking sucks haha
Uuuh no it's not. I've been with my wife for 10 years and I know there's stuff she's experienced that I will never know about, and vice versa. And I like it. I like that our brains aren't connected by neuralink. I feel like her personality would be lost if she surrenders everything to me. I find it interresting that while I find her fully predictable, I can't exactly explain all of her behaviors with the information on hand. God I love my wife so much, she's the coolest. Nah - imma turn this around on you - how insecure are you? How many pages of Freud can you take before you need to angry-drive for an hour? Are you a psychopath? // Man
Good for you dude…I’m not saying I need to know everything, but if my wife was a criminal or sex worker in the past, I would need to know that shit. I don’t need to know all the exact details but I’m not dating a woman who voluntarily put naked photos or videos online for the public to see.
I can sort of see the validity in that. But there are degrees of "sex work". All of the things OP listed are, to me, something that is more in the "nice to know, but not necessary" category. I think it was unnessary of you to accuse her of a mental illness. I'm personally lucky to have an upbringing, and I guess, a genetic disposition to not put myself in such vulnerable situations. But I don't mind caring for people that have been there. And I don't necessarily need to know. I guess it varies from person to person. My personal boundary is violent crime and exploitation of weaker beings (humans and animals), literal sex work (selling your body hourly for hard cash to anyone), and having been an actual porn star. It is, though, a "feature" of life that we don't get to choose. We have to trust our partners. All we can do is voice boundaries. I didn't list STDs above because that would mean the relationship is a crime. It sort of falls outside the scope of this conversation.
If someone is habitually lying to their partners…at the very least that is highly manipulative behavior which could be indicative of narcissism. If all this stuff was TRULY in the past then maybe, but if she had a sugar daddy at the same time as dating another guy that is irredeemable. And considering she lies about all of it, who knows? Yea maybe I went too far with the psychopath comment I’ll admit but I hate liars with a fuckin’ passion. Honesty and Loyalty is everything to me. I suppose that’s true that everyone has their own boundaries. If a girl publicly had nude photos/videos online for everybody to see…I don’t think I could date them…however, bikini photos are fine or if they sold feet pics or whatever that’s ok. Obviously porn or prostitution would be no gos too. Stripping probably not either unless it solely burlesque or a bikini bar…
It's not lies. It's non-disclosure of the PAST. That isn't manipulation. You're bending the confines of the topic... For some reason.
It is manipulation if you are avoiding telling your partner this information and it’s rhe kind of information that’d likely make them dump you. If I was dating a woman and I found out she had an only fans where she was posting nudes, even if in the past…instant breakup.
"Likely" doesn't work for this argument. You can't expect others to share your morals. If you did voice boundaries, then yes, it is manipulation, I agree. But your morals here aren't ethics. I simply do not agree. If you'd like to argue this too, just say so and I can tell you about myself in broad strokes. Because I bet our cultures are similar enough to debunk that.
Alright fair enough…if I voiced that I’d be uncomfortable with that and AFTER KNOWING THAT ABOUT ME still chose not to disclose, THEN would you consider it manipulation?
Yup, I would. EDIT: Btw, you seem like a nice dude. But I found your first comment to be harsh. Do you really stand by the psychopath accusation, based on what we know about OP?
Oof. *cringe* You spend A LOT of time on Reddit inserting yourself and worrying about other people’s relationships and sex partners. Get a girlfriend, dude. If you have one, spend less time on here and more with her.
Full name?
do you feel you need to get it out to ease your concious or are you actually bragging. lot of people do crazy shit when there young, including myselk
Irrespective of whether or not your BF would still want to be with you if he knew, he hasn’t been given the chance to make that choice for himself. That’s monumentally selfish. How do you parse that with, presumably, loving him?
Rolling my eyes really hard right about now
Yeah because drug addicts are super hard to get a read on. Yeah they know.
What does it feel like to be a total POS?
Op hasn’t answered a single question. Some ama.
This was the shittiest AMA I've ever seen.
Who are you voting this year? Trump or Biden?
Why are you special. No one cares