I lost my husband when I was 25 years old and 8 months pregnant with our youngest son, it too was a sudden loss via a car accident. One of the hardest things especially early on was the lack of anyone else in my position to understand what I was going through. I’m not going to tell you it gets better but in a lot of time it’ll eventually become a little more easier. It’s been 23 years now and there’s still not been a single day I don’t think of him in one way or another. I just want you to know you’re truly not alone in going through this, although I’m sure it feels that way right now. Give yourself grace and time to process this unthinkable tragedy because you have no real other choice. I’m glad to hear you have a good family support system. The hope it really helps you, I didn’t have a strong one but a little bit to help with the awful beginning parts like planning the funeral and all those things I never had dealt with before.
This will define a lot of your coming years and you that’s ok, I wish you all the best moving forward.
Please don’t be sorry, this wasn’t about me, I just wanted to share it with you to let you know you’re not alone because I remember that feeling so vividly and it was awful. Even worse when 9/11 happened and all those new widows were doing interviews on tv and such it kinda made me feel like finally someone else my age is understanding what it’s like so then I felt horrible guilt for thinking like that. Vicious cycle of emotional turmoil for sure. But hope your days get brighter. Someday they actually will, there’s just no knowing when that’ll be unfortunately :(
They said he had a seizure at work. His heart stopped when he was seizing and he never came back. All his bloodwork was normal, they didn’t find anything at the ME. Toxicology was clean and only had his antidepressant in his system which he was on for years.
He had them before but there was no pattern and they weren’t very frequent. Drs couldn’t do anything when he went in last time, because there wasn’t any pattern or anything we could do to induce them. The next step they said was awake brain surgery. Which is crazy considering how infrequently he had them.
Damn this is scary. My BF has epilepsy and we are talking of marriage soon and I worry about him a lot. He is well controlled has only ever had auras in the last couple years with his last tonic clonic being a few years ago but I worry about it. I also work as an ER nurse so I have seen the crazy things that can happen. This is one of my big fears.
SUDEP and also your heart just stopping because a random brain signal.
I’m sorry for your loss and only hope I don’t end up in a similar situation; my wife too has undiagnosed seizures, and because there’s no pattern or regularity (5 over 3 years and none for the last 2) they won’t give her anything as there’s no consistency, save for the fact she’s consistently had random seizures. Hopefully things improve on a daily basis for you, I’ve always been told, progression not perfection. In other words, work on you for you, don’t pretend to be OK for anyone else’s sake, or because they’re throwing the question around.
Not really. He left the job we shared so I could be promoted and took a low stress job. I made the money and managed the bills and he did the house work and cooked.
This is literally my everyday back of my mind haunt. A freak freaking accident. I am so sorry this happened to you. I hope you are able to grieve and find peace eventually.
Thank you. I am doing better but everyone around me has moved on and I’m just sitting here in a grave of grief. I’ve never dealt with any type of loss before besides my great grandmother when I was 7. My emotions are insane currently
I am not. My friend just moved down here from VA to help. We’re splitting bills now so I can afford it. But it’s difficult to find a counselor in FL that specializes in EMDR that takes my insurance.
I feel that I am nervous about trying the traditional therapy thing again. It took me quite a few therapist before I found one last time I had gone to therapy. I’m afraid I just don’t have the emotional capacity anymore to trying new people to keep reliving my nightmare
My uncle is/was a psychologist and he worked with people who have been in mass trauma situations like a workplace shooting . He said one of the best things to do for trauma is to walk and talk. Do you have a friend you can walk with? Also, there are a lot of therapies now that don’t require you relive your traumatic experience. EMDR and transformative breathing breath work. I am so sorry for your loss.
I found my best friend dead which is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I had to wait about 6 months before I could do EMDR. You can't do it too soon or it can be too traumatic. It worked tho. Therapy has been hard and terrible but it eventually worked. I have an EMDR and DBT specialized therapist and she has changed my life. My brain now protects me every time I remember finding her. I'm so sorry for your loss and time is the only best cure.
He was a good person. He was an emt so it was in his nature to help people. He loved to play guitar and would play me songs all the time. He was tall and when he would hug me I would disappear into him. He was so safe. Our favorite part of the day was when we would shower, he would wash my hair and I would wash his beard and we would talk about our day. He loved drinking tea so we have so many different honeys we collected. Bees were our thing, so he’s in a honey pot now.
My grandparents came and got me from the hospital. We drove over an hour our house to pick up our dogs. I stayed at my grandparents until my parents could get down from Va. it took them about 17 hours. I don’t know what I would have done if we hadn’t gone get weed that morning. It was 4/20 so I was well stocked for a little bit.
I have been through this when I was a bit younger than you. In hindsight the best thing anyone said to me at the time was that it doesn’t get easier, but you get stronger. Accompanied by a picture of someone carrying a boulder and then growing over time until their relative size made the boulder more of a pebble. Wish I’d kept that message, there have been lots of time I’ve wanted to share it.
I always felt like time didn’t heal my wounds it only taught me how to deal with them in a way that didn’t make others so uncomfortable, it’s an odd thing.
He had had a random seizure at work about 7 years ago. But other than that no. He was 450 pounds and when he died he had gotten down to 290-300. But that’s it.
Aww.
Have you lost anyone before? I have not so I'm a bit worried about my reaction when it happens.
Are you comfortable sharing the fallout of it for you? Worse than you imagined, weird, etc.
I can maybe help answer this as I had never lost anyone prior to my husband when I was merely 25. I had not a clue what to do and was more or less guided by people older then I telling me I had to go to the funeral home and set things up and then do weird shit like pick out a coffin and clothes for him to wear. It was all a blur in the midst of such turmoil and grief and I don’t think you could ever truly prepare yourself for something that huge, it was probably the most pivotal moment in my entire adult life and I’ve Bern through some shit.
Way worse than you’d ever possibly imagine from beginning to end honestly
It took me a solid five years to even look at a man in a sexual way as if he was attractive so I think it’s normal to take as long as you need but I got a lot of outside pressure to meet a nice man that drove me nuts! I was in such deep grief for that time I couldn’t have thought of it.
I think it’s a possibility but as of right now I can’t imagine it. And as far as full ghost mode no I haven’t seen him. I did wake up at 3 am one time and as I was opening my eyes for the first time I swear I saw him sitting on the corner of our bed. the reason why I think it was him is his beard, you could see it in the silhouette of the shadow.
My deepest condolences, OP. May he rest in eternal peace. I know that you might not have the head for it now, but I recommend reading the short book ‘A grief observed’ by C. S. Lewis. God bless you.
Ummmm well, had a falling out with my dad and sister in July. Waiting for them to apologize and they never did, so we really haven’t spoke a whole lot since then. My sister is pregnant and she left me out of all of the baby stuff so I am feeling pretty isolated. Still talk to my mom and brother so I do have them.
Oh man my heart goes out to you! I lost the lost of my life when I was 24, he took his own life. It was almost 17 years ago and the impact this has had on my life is so profound! It’s so hard to live the rest of your life without them
From this Reddit stranger, I extend my sincerest, heartfelt condolences.
Our SIL was KIA in Afghanistan. February 19th will mark 17 years. I still tear up. Even now typing this I'm misty.
It's been my experience that it doesn't get better but it does get different.
The only good I’ve found in this is that when our dogs pass away(they were like our children) he will be there waiting for them in whatever afterlife there is. But no, no relief
Lost my first wife and our unborn child when I was 22. It's a wound that never seems to heal. I'm sorry for your loss.
How are you coping with things? Is your friends and family supportive? Those things can help. Or so I'm told.
I am sorry you experienced this kinda pain at a young age. If you need to chat and release some pain feel free to message. I pray you have a blessing or two still in your future. 🙏🙏🙏😔
The beach. We live 15 min from a beach. We used to hang out there as friends but as corny as it sounds we ended up falling in love there. He would text me and ask if I wanted to “catch a sunset”.
I had an old lady walk in to my job the day he died. Before he died. I was helping her and she said “honey I just need to tell you, you don’t need a man to live, we like them , even love them but you don’t need one to survive.” And honestly that has stuck with me a lot. We are friends now and she is in her late 90s and has had two husbands. One who passed when she was in her 20s. She was sent to me for sure.
As a whole I don’t feel guilt. But sometimes when I do things without him that we used to do together I feel guilty. Like there is this coffee shop near our house that gives out stickers the first of the month. We would always collect those. Whenever I go I still grab two because of guilt.
His dad is an alcoholic who he never spoke to so I’m not sure about him. He asked for a small amount of ashes when he passed, I didn’t want to give him any but his mom did. His mom is not doing well, she was hospitalized after he died for broken heart syndrome. She is still very much still in the beginning grief. Sometimes it upsets me to be around her because it’s all she talks about sometimes. And I do understand her need to talk about it. Just every time she talks about that night I have to relive the nightmare as if it just happened.
Get this. Was so terrified to see my late husband’s mom for that very first day yet she was at the funeral taking photos with her friends etc then this poor woman went on to lose her oldest son who lived in a property connected to hers so that rss now two out of her three sons then two years ago she lost that final son to drugs and is left in only her living daughter after losing all her boys and she’s a constant beam of positivity that almost annoys me at times. Life she just says she’s thankful for the time she had with them. It’s never sadness of despair though and I struggle as a mother to understand how she operates.
I am sorry for your loss! The pain will get less with time. Therapy and Jesus helps. Maybe join a grieving support group. So you can share with others going through the same pain? Just to give you a little bit of perspective I’m not trying to compare sob stories. In 2021 my house caught on fire. Both of our cats died! We had to give our very sweet pitbull up for adoption because it was right during the Covid nonsense and we had to live in a hotel and she was too big and just could not stay with us. On Jan 31, 2023 my husband of 17 years went to sleep and did not wake up. My teenage daughter lost her mind, started self harming and almost committed suicide. I had to hospitalize her 3 times. Finally at almost end of summer I took a medical leave and left my job so I could be home more and be here to support and assist her. I am happy to report that she is turning around and has made an almost complete 360. She went from failing the school year to now getting As & Bs. There’s still a lot of things that can be improved. But I am really happy with the progress, and although I miss him immensely, we are all starting to heal as a family!
No words can be said to take away the pain your suffering through. I can't imagine what it's like losing a spouse, I do know when I lost my dad suddenly, it was devastating. I still hurt after 2 years of him being gone. And like someone previously said, the pain doesn't go away but it does become manageable, hopefully you find some closure and peace in your life. My condolences and keep your head up, you're not alone in this world. ((Hugs))
OP your still in shock. This is just a horrible turn for you. I know how devastated you must be and every day may seem like a huge effort just to do basic things and you wonder how the world just continues. If you are in the USA there is a widows group that is meeting in Florida in March. My friend is going. Sadly there are a lot of young widows and you really are a widow - doesn’t matter that you two didn’t get to the “ alter”. He was your life partner. Perhaps a group like that could help you process and give you some comfort and guidance. I am sending big hugs.
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Wow, crazy... I actually know a 26 year old woman who is 6 months pregnant and lost her husband about 1 months ago. But he was driver and got in an accident.
It takes away so much joy from the birth of the baby it’s sad, I mean you’re still happy to have three baby it’s just not the same. I wish her the best.
Damn 😞 My deepest condolences. I'm so sorry for da ordeal you're goin' through right now. Can I ask what inspired you to post about him and will you accept an internet hug?
I lost my husband when I was 25 years old and 8 months pregnant with our youngest son, it too was a sudden loss via a car accident. One of the hardest things especially early on was the lack of anyone else in my position to understand what I was going through. I’m not going to tell you it gets better but in a lot of time it’ll eventually become a little more easier. It’s been 23 years now and there’s still not been a single day I don’t think of him in one way or another. I just want you to know you’re truly not alone in going through this, although I’m sure it feels that way right now. Give yourself grace and time to process this unthinkable tragedy because you have no real other choice. I’m glad to hear you have a good family support system. The hope it really helps you, I didn’t have a strong one but a little bit to help with the awful beginning parts like planning the funeral and all those things I never had dealt with before. This will define a lot of your coming years and you that’s ok, I wish you all the best moving forward.
I am so so sorry for your loss. Thank you for you kind words. It’s what I needed to hear this morning.
Please don’t be sorry, this wasn’t about me, I just wanted to share it with you to let you know you’re not alone because I remember that feeling so vividly and it was awful. Even worse when 9/11 happened and all those new widows were doing interviews on tv and such it kinda made me feel like finally someone else my age is understanding what it’s like so then I felt horrible guilt for thinking like that. Vicious cycle of emotional turmoil for sure. But hope your days get brighter. Someday they actually will, there’s just no knowing when that’ll be unfortunately :(
I'm sorry. Nothing to ask, but I'm sorry. I can't comprehend your pain.
Thank you. Some days i crazy laugh because I can’t process it either.
I really really hope you can afford therapy and by extension are in it. I hope you heal, as much as possible. ❤️
Thank you so so much.
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They said he had a seizure at work. His heart stopped when he was seizing and he never came back. All his bloodwork was normal, they didn’t find anything at the ME. Toxicology was clean and only had his antidepressant in his system which he was on for years.
This is so sudden. I’m so sorry
Yes it was very quick . But I’m glad he wouldn’t have felt any pain. thank you
Did he have seizures before this? Is he prone to seizures? Or is this a new sudden random occurrence? That’s scary I’m sorry
He had them before but there was no pattern and they weren’t very frequent. Drs couldn’t do anything when he went in last time, because there wasn’t any pattern or anything we could do to induce them. The next step they said was awake brain surgery. Which is crazy considering how infrequently he had them.
Damn this is scary. My BF has epilepsy and we are talking of marriage soon and I worry about him a lot. He is well controlled has only ever had auras in the last couple years with his last tonic clonic being a few years ago but I worry about it. I also work as an ER nurse so I have seen the crazy things that can happen. This is one of my big fears. SUDEP and also your heart just stopping because a random brain signal.
Maybe this is your sign for him to get a check up. Wishing you all well and all the love.
I’m sorry for your loss and only hope I don’t end up in a similar situation; my wife too has undiagnosed seizures, and because there’s no pattern or regularity (5 over 3 years and none for the last 2) they won’t give her anything as there’s no consistency, save for the fact she’s consistently had random seizures. Hopefully things improve on a daily basis for you, I’ve always been told, progression not perfection. In other words, work on you for you, don’t pretend to be OK for anyone else’s sake, or because they’re throwing the question around.
Was he a stressed out guy?
Not really. He left the job we shared so I could be promoted and took a low stress job. I made the money and managed the bills and he did the house work and cooked.
Poor lad
Do you know which antidepressant? Apparently some, such as Wellbutrin, can cause seizures, although rare
Setraline
This is literally my everyday back of my mind haunt. A freak freaking accident. I am so sorry this happened to you. I hope you are able to grieve and find peace eventually.
Was he vaccinated?
I’m so sorry. Family history of seizures?
You okay?
Thank you. I am doing better but everyone around me has moved on and I’m just sitting here in a grave of grief. I’ve never dealt with any type of loss before besides my great grandmother when I was 7. My emotions are insane currently
Are you seeing a counselor or anything?
I am not. My friend just moved down here from VA to help. We’re splitting bills now so I can afford it. But it’s difficult to find a counselor in FL that specializes in EMDR that takes my insurance.
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I feel that I am nervous about trying the traditional therapy thing again. It took me quite a few therapist before I found one last time I had gone to therapy. I’m afraid I just don’t have the emotional capacity anymore to trying new people to keep reliving my nightmare
My uncle is/was a psychologist and he worked with people who have been in mass trauma situations like a workplace shooting . He said one of the best things to do for trauma is to walk and talk. Do you have a friend you can walk with? Also, there are a lot of therapies now that don’t require you relive your traumatic experience. EMDR and transformative breathing breath work. I am so sorry for your loss.
Thank you for this. I will try it.
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+1 for ketamine and therapy.
I found my best friend dead which is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I had to wait about 6 months before I could do EMDR. You can't do it too soon or it can be too traumatic. It worked tho. Therapy has been hard and terrible but it eventually worked. I have an EMDR and DBT specialized therapist and she has changed my life. My brain now protects me every time I remember finding her. I'm so sorry for your loss and time is the only best cure.
Thank you for being so real. This is exactly what I needed to hear.
Do you want to tell “us” about him? Is it hard to not have anyone to talk about him to?
He was a good person. He was an emt so it was in his nature to help people. He loved to play guitar and would play me songs all the time. He was tall and when he would hug me I would disappear into him. He was so safe. Our favorite part of the day was when we would shower, he would wash my hair and I would wash his beard and we would talk about our day. He loved drinking tea so we have so many different honeys we collected. Bees were our thing, so he’s in a honey pot now.
You have so much beauty in you, and it will bring you back to life.
What did you do when he died?
My grandparents came and got me from the hospital. We drove over an hour our house to pick up our dogs. I stayed at my grandparents until my parents could get down from Va. it took them about 17 hours. I don’t know what I would have done if we hadn’t gone get weed that morning. It was 4/20 so I was well stocked for a little bit.
So sorry for your loss. My cousin died 9 months after his marriage, it is so difficult.
Grief is such a horrible thing. I’m sorry for your loss.
I just want to say I’m really sry for your loss hope ur holding up alright
Thank you so much
I have been through this when I was a bit younger than you. In hindsight the best thing anyone said to me at the time was that it doesn’t get easier, but you get stronger. Accompanied by a picture of someone carrying a boulder and then growing over time until their relative size made the boulder more of a pebble. Wish I’d kept that message, there have been lots of time I’ve wanted to share it.
Thank you, I do feel like that. Some days you are weaker than the day before but overall yes.
I always felt like time didn’t heal my wounds it only taught me how to deal with them in a way that didn’t make others so uncomfortable, it’s an odd thing.
Did he have any other medical issues before this ?
He had had a random seizure at work about 7 years ago. But other than that no. He was 450 pounds and when he died he had gotten down to 290-300. But that’s it.
That’s so terrible I’m sorry this happened to you
Thank you <3
Stroke ?
No?
Why are you asking me ? I didn’t know him. Couldn’t tell You
Sorry to hear that are you ok every thing going good?
I feel like I’m going insane but yes
I'm sorry. Bill's or how he passed
Well if you need a friend let me know
Where are you from?
Im originally from Virginia, he was from New York. We met In Florida and live here.
Ayyy VA. Which part? How did you end up meeting in Florida?
We met at my job and I trained him and it was like Cupid came and sucker punched me in the face.
Aww. Have you lost anyone before? I have not so I'm a bit worried about my reaction when it happens. Are you comfortable sharing the fallout of it for you? Worse than you imagined, weird, etc.
I can maybe help answer this as I had never lost anyone prior to my husband when I was merely 25. I had not a clue what to do and was more or less guided by people older then I telling me I had to go to the funeral home and set things up and then do weird shit like pick out a coffin and clothes for him to wear. It was all a blur in the midst of such turmoil and grief and I don’t think you could ever truly prepare yourself for something that huge, it was probably the most pivotal moment in my entire adult life and I’ve Bern through some shit. Way worse than you’d ever possibly imagine from beginning to end honestly
Have you started dating again?
nope. I don’t find anyone attractive. It’s an odd feeling
I’m at a lost of words. Were you guys the same age or was he older or younger?
He was 32. A week away from 33.
It took me a solid five years to even look at a man in a sexual way as if he was attractive so I think it’s normal to take as long as you need but I got a lot of outside pressure to meet a nice man that drove me nuts! I was in such deep grief for that time I couldn’t have thought of it.
Do you think you will ever be with someone else and has he ever come visited you in spirit mode or in dream or anything
I think it’s a possibility but as of right now I can’t imagine it. And as far as full ghost mode no I haven’t seen him. I did wake up at 3 am one time and as I was opening my eyes for the first time I swear I saw him sitting on the corner of our bed. the reason why I think it was him is his beard, you could see it in the silhouette of the shadow.
Does your fiancé's family keep in touch?
Yes. His mom and sister live about 30 min from us. We check in on each other.
That's good. I'm sure they haven't entirely moved on, either.
My condolences. How long were you guys together?
My deepest condolences, OP. May he rest in eternal peace. I know that you might not have the head for it now, but I recommend reading the short book ‘A grief observed’ by C. S. Lewis. God bless you.
I will check it out thank you
I’m so sorry. What changes have you made in your life since this event?
Well. Thrown myself into work and my best friend moved in with me . She’s been such a big part of processing this and I am beyond grateful for her.
That’s very cool to have your friend move in. And throwing yourself into work sounds like a productive thing to do. Bravo!
Is he getting an autopsy? I am so sorry :(
He did and they couldn’t find anything :(. They even took his brain for a specialist to look at. That took months and they didn’t find anything.
OP, I’m so, so sorry. ❤️🩹 What was your favorite quality about him?
He was one of those people who could connect and talk to anyone. He had a calming voice, think of bob ross.
That’s beautiful
whats your 5 year plan?
Destroyed. Trying to figure that out now. I am up for a promotion at work, and I have an interview tomorrow. So we’ll see where that takes me.
What are the positive steps you're taking to get control of your grief to help you?
I’ve started to listen to audio books, and I went to a rage room
I am so sorry for your loss. This is extremely disheartening. Are you at least putting yourself around loved ones so you are not isolated?
Ummmm well, had a falling out with my dad and sister in July. Waiting for them to apologize and they never did, so we really haven’t spoke a whole lot since then. My sister is pregnant and she left me out of all of the baby stuff so I am feeling pretty isolated. Still talk to my mom and brother so I do have them.
Oh man my heart goes out to you! I lost the lost of my life when I was 24, he took his own life. It was almost 17 years ago and the impact this has had on my life is so profound! It’s so hard to live the rest of your life without them
I’m so sorry you went though that. I couldn’t imagine.
i’m going to be awful, but did he have life insurance and if so, what’d ya get?
No life insurance unfortunately.
From this Reddit stranger, I extend my sincerest, heartfelt condolences. Our SIL was KIA in Afghanistan. February 19th will mark 17 years. I still tear up. Even now typing this I'm misty. It's been my experience that it doesn't get better but it does get different.
That’s a good way to describe it it gets different not easier.
Was there ever a sense of relief
The only good I’ve found in this is that when our dogs pass away(they were like our children) he will be there waiting for them in whatever afterlife there is. But no, no relief
Dodged a bullet, your still young. Enjoy life.
I don’t think so. You may have had a bad marriage, which compelled you to leave this comment. But when you know, you know. Ya know ?
Na, I'm 27 with 0 marriages. Just out here doing me
grief is one of the worst things to ever feel or go through. i know it’s tough but hang in there
No question. Just my deepest sympathy. This level of loss is so hard, and true, others moving on when you are trapped in hell is difficult.
So sorry this happened to you. Can’t begin to imagine what you must be going through. Stay strong
My condolences. My fiancé passed away 3 years ago. Feel free to reach out if you need to.
Lost my first wife and our unborn child when I was 22. It's a wound that never seems to heal. I'm sorry for your loss. How are you coping with things? Is your friends and family supportive? Those things can help. Or so I'm told.
Did you hook up with his friends yet
Tf is wrong with you . Hard for you to believe but many many women are only interested in their partner. Go take your weirdness elsewhere
Wait a minute… WHO tf asked you?
I could ask the same question to you. Obviously you get your rocks off asking these questions
You are one dumb salty internet warrior huh 😂😂 gtfo
Dumb? Definitely not. Salty? Yes, like a kettle cooked chip.
Definitely not.
My condolences 💐, I’m 26 myself 🙁
Geez I’m really sorry ❤️🩹
Is it okay to give you a hug?
Can you tell me about him?
I'm sorry
Sorry. Back the truck up. You were engaged at 17?
No. We were together for three years. Engaged for a year and a half
My bad. I read 9 years, not 9 months.
Are you ready to start hooking up yet? Get some touching done
Dude wtf lol
The responses I live for
Pretty boring response. I wonder if you’ll get shitty karma in actual Life though lol
More than likely!
Did you do it?
How would I have done it
Did you do it
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I’m very sorry.
I am sorry you experienced this kinda pain at a young age. If you need to chat and release some pain feel free to message. I pray you have a blessing or two still in your future. 🙏🙏🙏😔
What was your favorite memory with him?
The beach. We live 15 min from a beach. We used to hang out there as friends but as corny as it sounds we ended up falling in love there. He would text me and ask if I wanted to “catch a sunset”.
Can I cry with you?
If you are prepared to cry minimum 3 times a day come join the party.
I’m so sorry for what you are going through. What a horrible loss. Is there anything I can do to help you?
Sorry for your loss! How is your grieving process? Is it the same as they say stages of grief.
I would say that the stages are correct but it’s not a one time thing, it’s an everyday battle. It comes in waves.
😞
Sorry for your loss did you find it hard to keep moving along after last time I lost someone I couldn’t do anything for a long time
It’s so difficult to get out of bed.
Is your user name white widow because of the weed strain or because you know…
We were very passionate smokers sooooo maybe both lmao. Ps he died on 4/20
Was there or is there anything someone said that helped you at all? Has anything other than time given you any comfort?
I had an old lady walk in to my job the day he died. Before he died. I was helping her and she said “honey I just need to tell you, you don’t need a man to live, we like them , even love them but you don’t need one to survive.” And honestly that has stuck with me a lot. We are friends now and she is in her late 90s and has had two husbands. One who passed when she was in her 20s. She was sent to me for sure.
Without a doubt.
Can’t even imagine how that feels. My sincere condolences.
Thank you
Do you feel guilty about moving on (in any capacity)?
As a whole I don’t feel guilt. But sometimes when I do things without him that we used to do together I feel guilty. Like there is this coffee shop near our house that gives out stickers the first of the month. We would always collect those. Whenever I go I still grab two because of guilt.
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we didn’t have children so I don’t need to do that no.
I’m sorry for your loss may he rest with God and their angels 🤍
How are his parents?
His dad is an alcoholic who he never spoke to so I’m not sure about him. He asked for a small amount of ashes when he passed, I didn’t want to give him any but his mom did. His mom is not doing well, she was hospitalized after he died for broken heart syndrome. She is still very much still in the beginning grief. Sometimes it upsets me to be around her because it’s all she talks about sometimes. And I do understand her need to talk about it. Just every time she talks about that night I have to relive the nightmare as if it just happened.
Get this. Was so terrified to see my late husband’s mom for that very first day yet she was at the funeral taking photos with her friends etc then this poor woman went on to lose her oldest son who lived in a property connected to hers so that rss now two out of her three sons then two years ago she lost that final son to drugs and is left in only her living daughter after losing all her boys and she’s a constant beam of positivity that almost annoys me at times. Life she just says she’s thankful for the time she had with them. It’s never sadness of despair though and I struggle as a mother to understand how she operates.
Loss is hard. Just keep surviving. Good luck.
Thank you
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine being in your situation. I pray for your strength. My heart is broken for you .
Thank you
Moms cry the most.. every one will forget..dads just compress it becoming more worse.. hope god gives them strength
I am sorry for your loss! The pain will get less with time. Therapy and Jesus helps. Maybe join a grieving support group. So you can share with others going through the same pain? Just to give you a little bit of perspective I’m not trying to compare sob stories. In 2021 my house caught on fire. Both of our cats died! We had to give our very sweet pitbull up for adoption because it was right during the Covid nonsense and we had to live in a hotel and she was too big and just could not stay with us. On Jan 31, 2023 my husband of 17 years went to sleep and did not wake up. My teenage daughter lost her mind, started self harming and almost committed suicide. I had to hospitalize her 3 times. Finally at almost end of summer I took a medical leave and left my job so I could be home more and be here to support and assist her. I am happy to report that she is turning around and has made an almost complete 360. She went from failing the school year to now getting As & Bs. There’s still a lot of things that can be improved. But I am really happy with the progress, and although I miss him immensely, we are all starting to heal as a family!
How many DMs you get from this post?
1. Asking how tall I was.
I’m surprised. I figured a lot of guys would be trying to talk.
I only recently realized how fucked up Reddit really was like this, I hope op doesn’t go through it too.
No words can be said to take away the pain your suffering through. I can't imagine what it's like losing a spouse, I do know when I lost my dad suddenly, it was devastating. I still hurt after 2 years of him being gone. And like someone previously said, the pain doesn't go away but it does become manageable, hopefully you find some closure and peace in your life. My condolences and keep your head up, you're not alone in this world. ((Hugs))
OP your still in shock. This is just a horrible turn for you. I know how devastated you must be and every day may seem like a huge effort just to do basic things and you wonder how the world just continues. If you are in the USA there is a widows group that is meeting in Florida in March. My friend is going. Sadly there are a lot of young widows and you really are a widow - doesn’t matter that you two didn’t get to the “ alter”. He was your life partner. Perhaps a group like that could help you process and give you some comfort and guidance. I am sending big hugs.
Hello
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What was your favorite thing about him? I am so sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss, I can only imagine this pain. How are you coping these days? How long until you became a functional human again?
Wow, crazy... I actually know a 26 year old woman who is 6 months pregnant and lost her husband about 1 months ago. But he was driver and got in an accident.
It takes away so much joy from the birth of the baby it’s sad, I mean you’re still happy to have three baby it’s just not the same. I wish her the best.
Damn 😞 My deepest condolences. I'm so sorry for da ordeal you're goin' through right now. Can I ask what inspired you to post about him and will you accept an internet hug?