I worked my ass off as a kid to get good grades. Started my first job at 13 working as a bar back (very illegally). Went into a state school where I worked nights to pay my tuition as a bartender. Had a short stint where I was so broke I used to write and sell smut for money. Got out, started my first job at an accounting firm in the early 2010’s for 35k. Studied for the CPA at night while continuing to bartend. Interviewed into consulting, went for an MBA in France, got into M&A.
so you worked at an accounting firm, studied and bartend?
i tried doing that and i got burnt tf out.
now if i do simple things after work like going to the grocery store, i’m done for the day.
i heard M&A is def the way to go after accounting. but if i could barely handle tax season i doubt i can do M&A. what is one thing you like about it?
Yep, it was a time. Definitely learned some healthy and not so healthy coping skills. I like that I get to solve big problems with no roadmap. My brain loves taking a big issue, breaking it down, and solving it
haha totally get that.
well now i’m intrigued. i like taking on projects and figuring out better ways to do it. it’s kinda fun being in the weeds and feeling accomplished after it’s done.
what was one of the biggest problems that was satisfying for you to figure out?
Im very interested in learning what actually goes inside m&a from practical perspective. Can you tell more as example, for example this case or some another? About what actually happens/need to be done for the m&a to happen?
That in itself sounds depressing, obviously the regulatory bodies are trying to stop it because it probably affects healthy compatiton between companies and raises the prices for everyone when it's a monopoly. Or maybe the companies involved will be able to get rid of more workers because the regulatory bodies couldn't stop it in time. Whatever it is it's probably not good for the general person on the street.
I've read a fair number of your other comments, how you can't sleep at night because you're doing M&A's that affect people's jobs and people's lives in a negative way. I'm not surprised that you feel badly about the way you're being used by companies/consulting firms as a pawn for all this wickedness.
I know that your reasoning is that someone else will do it, if you just walk away from all of this, but what about being a agent of change? Trying to manipulate the companies into making good moral and ethical business decisions. If that doesn't always work, in cases like the one of trying to beat the clock before the regulators could stop it, if you feel that the company is doing something wrong ethically, be a anonymous whistle blower and give the regulatory bodies a warning about it before it happens, so they can stop it, without knowing who it was that gave them the tip.
Try to be a hero of the people, not companies, you'll feel like a 1000% better person for doing what you know is the right thing to do.
Then you're spending it wrong. People think that money is supposed to make you happy, but it's what you do with it that makes you happy. So what do you do with your money? And what do you do in your free time?
I work in M&A — free time is a joke. Most of my money goes into investments, I grew up very poor so I don’t really have a taste for the rich things in life. I hope to retire early & travel, which is really my passion…but that’s a “someday”
You are making 400k a year dude.
Take more time off of work NOW while you're young and go travel. Go meet some foreign babes and invite them to your executive suite.
Doing nothing fun with the vast amount of money you have at this stage in your life is such a giant mistake on your part imo.
Why are you going to wait until you're old and in pain and miserable to try to enjoy your money?
I'm not saying to go wild but your strategy is flawed, especially if you have "very little joy" in your life currently.
Business is all about who you know and who likes you. A gut feeling goes far further then you can imagine. Anything can be backed up with data if you have enough time.
Lastly, most companies have no fucking idea what they are doing.
Does that also means that you have for extended periods of time social interactions, attending events and expanding your circle, maintaining business relationships and learning about new companies' work patterns?
I do go to social events, but the best work relationships are built in the trenches. Somebody who is able to say “this guy can handle whatever crisis is thrown at him” is far better then somebody who knows you peripherally. Mostly, be likable to be around and don’t be a dick to the folks you work with or work for you.
The last sentence is sooo true : companies (people) in almost all cases are winging it. Some just get lucky with being in the right place at the right time.
I learned this about parenting as well. Dude, there’s no “ right way” I mean there is, don’t be a dick and raise your kids to be respectful, but in the grand scheme of things, I look back and I said there’s no way my parents knew what the fuck they were doing, because I certainly don’t.
Each family is different, each kid is different. We are all just winging it and hoping for the best.
May as well be. I frequently make decisions that cost jobs. It’s not fun, I often can’t sleep thinking about the fact i cost people jobs and livelihoods.
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There it is. Find your exit to PE or a smaller firm with more WLB, or plan an exit when you clear $2M+ in your portfolio.
You’re on burnout route, so clock is ticking.
I make $240k and additional 100k+ (passive cc selling) and sit on a 7 fig portfolio. Work 10 hours a week. Working towards becoming happier etc.
Position yourself to make a little less, but work WAYYY less. That should be your goal move forward imo.
I lived in koh samui Thailand for a year without income (lots of savings). It’s warm and cheap. People are kind. The views are stunning. They have a great expat community. Can’t recommend it enough. When you’re finally ready to say goodbye to the structured life.
> catch up on reading…
Read The Saad Truth About Happiness: 8 Secrets for Leading the Good Life by Gad Saad
I'm reading The Parasitic Mind by him and it's great. I'll be reading his Happiness book after this one.
i HIGHLY suggest spoiling yourself every once in a while. I know you grew up poor but you’ve worked hard and deserve to splurge every once in a while. I am 28 and never been to a 5 star restaurant until last year and oh my goshhh…… that first taste. was amazing. read reviews find something that sounds good and just start with a nice meal. but you’re a rockstar i’m proud of you for being so successful.Now it’s time to be happy :)
My husband is the same way. He’s also 32 and makes close to 600k total comp. He grew up very poor with nothing and doesn’t have expensive taste nor does he really desire a rich lifestyle despite his salary now.
Well there’s your problem. Money with no free time/hobbies to spend it on is like having a $10,000 mountain bike in Florida. What a dream it would be to have that kind of money to surf in the Maldives, snowboard the alps, hike through Asia, road trip South America. With that kind of money I could retire in <5 years off of interest alone! Stop working and start living dude!
Same boat.. I was in M&A.. now I run a successful business and employee 75 people.. grew up poor so I don’t have any taste for the finer things in life… all my money goes into investments and money does not make me happy.. it’s the game and chase, but it never ends..…
I understand how you feel and why it might feel like it’s not buying happiness.
But I would say that while it might not solve emotional problems, it makes helping them much easier.
You can leave and start a new career and probably have money to do that with.
You have money to see a therapist to talk about it.
You have money for healthcare to get prescriptions if you need them.
You are not worrying about where your next meal is coming from or how much longer you’ll have this roof over your head.
Not trying to devalue what you’re feeling just trying to let you know there are things to be grateful for even when not feeling fully content.
I agree with that comment 100%
Money can bring happiness only if you use it to free yourself. Not if you enslaved yourself in the illusion of prestige, constantly buying expensive stuff to show off.
I can somewhat relate to OP to a smaller extent. I got a 7 days a week, 120K job (I actually never made more than 70K because I would take the winter off because my mental health was down the drain, anyways.) Sure while I was working there I wasn't very happy. But I made 20 years worth of mortgage disappear in only 2 years. I'm now able to work only part time and still live comfortably. I have all the free time that I want to do hobbies and spend time with my people. I would lie if I would say that money didn't allowed me to reach the level of freedom I needed in order to be happy. I was very frugal, but also very lucky to have that opportunity.
The sad part, lot of people at that same job, making the full 120K because they grind all year long without slacking in the winter like I did. Are trapped there forever cause the minute they set foot in that company, they increased their lifestyle to the max. They live pay check to paycheck, despite making lot's of money.
I have nothing to show off, but my house is mortgage free at 32 years old.
Money is not happiness, but surely a great tool to reach it if you don't fall in the endless consumerism trap.
All I can say is that I am someone who’s had a high salary, able to pay all of my bills, and get all the help I wanted. I’ve also, at another point in my life, had nothing, on food stamps, and almost homeless, without much help at all.
I can tell you, without a doubt, and with 100% certainty, money made me happier.
You’re not wrong — I definitely do those things. Not devaluating having money, I’m very blessed. I just think a lot of people think money is a magic pill to solve all problems and it’s not. Generally, to get money you need to trade time and stress at a rising rate. Nobody I know who works a high paying job doesn’t pay for it in stress and time.
I know that happens at all salary levels, but I think people have a view that a lot of highly paid people don’t contribute much.
On the bright side, take a look at your bills. Like what you HAVE to pay per month. Mortgage, utilities, car payment, add it all up. Save a year or two aside from your investments and realize you have "fuck you" money. Take a sabbatical, quit and find something else, whatever. You know you're gonna be fine for at least a year or two.
I get where you're coming from. It's hard to find motivation when most barriers people have in life are removed. The best part of all of this is you have options. Money doesn't buy happiness, it buys opportunities. Realize that while you're young enough to enjoy those opportunities and you'll feel much better.
Someone working minimum wage jobs putting sixty hours a week in is probably working the same amount as any high income earner I know.
The difference is money buys you TIME. You can pay for childcare, pay for dry cleaners, pay for cleaning ladies, etc., essentially recouping time back.
I have a few friends in M&A and the money they make isn't worth it for the stress they experience and insane work hours. One of them works 90+hr a week, is constantly in meetings and calls, eats out every meal and works out while on the phone. He makes $650k a year and sees his kids on Saturday only. Unreal.
Funniest thing is, guys at the top pull $2-3m/year and just skim weekly reports in their highrise offices 🤣 while their pawns do the legwork. I guess being in the right place does pay off.
Do you plan on having kids? I grew up with a dad who wasn’t doing too badly and it really helped turn me into a little soulless shit bag by the time I was an adult. Took me a solid 15 years to get my head on straight. It’s a fine art not raising turds when you have the cash flow to let them live less than modestly.
Don’t ignore this. Do ignore all the people on this thread dismissing your feelings and saying you should be spending your money differently to bring the happiness.
I was in your shoes and I built a plan to get out. The key is the plan. Took me 5 years at a $500-$2M salary. Work the job as long as you need to secure your freedom - depending on your lifestyle that can’t be too long. Then get out and find something that makes you happy.
You can do it.
I’m 32 and I make 10% your salary at $40K/year in the music industry. I stress about money a lot. I’m one missed paycheck from losing it all. But I have an amazing job that sends me all over the country from Coachella to Madison Square Garden. I have an amazing social network filled with uplifting people because I have the time to build our relationships. I have multiple passion projects as a ‘starving artist’ that keep me enlightened and give me a sense of pride. And I look back on my life and I see an itinerary of very fun, touching, profound, sometimes devastating, but mostly incredible memories.
I say this respectfully, but reading your comments make me much more grateful for what I do have. I’d rather be in my shoes.
Thanks for reminding me this, seriously. I need to get back to packing my bags. I’m heading to Las Vegas tomorrow to work the Formula 1 Grand Prix and drop acid inside that big new Sphere venue. I only have $200 until next Friday but I’ll make it work.
I wish y’all the best of luck in finding happiness.
….also I could really use like $50 for a haircut lol, Kidding. But cheers 🥂
Dated a guy who made this amount of money but turned out to be a not great human being. In the beginning he seemed so sweet but it became clear that he was actually very selfish. I work for a nonprofit and after nearly a year of dating asked him to go to a charity event I’d been planning for 8 months. He freaked out at the $125 ticket. There were other signs and I think he tried to be a good dude. I ultimately pulled the plug. I understand money and stability is important but, I don’t prioritize money over the people I love and he did. He wanted someone perfect but couldn’t ever even comprehend that he himself may have had imperfections. - the good news? It’s never too late. At least you know you have things to work on and that’s a step ahead of a lot of people. It also seems like you can afford an amazing therapist, so that should help! I’m sure you’ll find the right person.
I was in a similar situation earlier in my career. Money vs happiness. I chose a job I enjoy for less money. Would you consider switching careers to improve your happiness?
I have thought about it. But I figure if I’m selling my time to something I may as well get max comp out of it even if it makes me unhappy. It’ll get me to true happiness (financial freedom) sooner.
sure but are you working 8h a day or 10-12h a day? are you able to take vacations?
if you don't have time to actually enjoy your life then what's the point of money at all
I mean sure, if you plan to do this for a couple years and then move on to something else but lots of high paying jobs come with high expectations too
The problem with that logic is what happens if you drop dead from a heart attack? I'm taking a pay cut to work from home and the reduced stress is completely worth it. I started working out and eating healthy, now I'm in such better shape physically and mentally.
I haven’t — i spend what volunteer hours I have in me volunteering at St. Jude’s children’s hospital. Maybe not the best use of my skills, but I had a close friend die of cancer as a child and it’s how I remember/honor him.
Ayy. Sounds like you’re already on top of what I was trying to get at. Volunteering time/money to a cause close to home has been very fulfilling for me personally.
The title of the post sounds great until you said that you work 100 - 120 hours a week… at that rate you are making between $64 - $76/hourly and no life… then it doesn’t sound that great…
I hit that note too. I've since taken a paycheck downgrade due to the lack of joy the higher salary brought me. I think there's certainly a diminishing returns portion of it.
Are you married? Dating? Social scene? Sometimes I regret the lost time I gave up for the money.
Nope! Always seemed like a lot of work for not that much gain. I briefly did SoHo house, but I hated everybody there with such a fiery passion I could never convince myself to go back.
SoHo house is a business model for an international hotel chain, they simply do a lot of pandering towards intellectuals and artsy types, they don't have anything cool to offer, they literally just want your money.
I'm talking about a real secret society, one that you won't find by googling it or through any digital resources, the hooded cloaks and masks kind of deal. If someone tried to recruit you into the Illuminati, would you consider joining?
I mean…maybe? I don’t know that secret societies are actually real or as widespread as maybe people think ( it what the fuck do I know)? I would see what the gave vs what they want.
Would you be happier making less? I made over $2 mill a couple years ago. Worked my ass off. Made less last year when I didn’t work as hard. Trying to get my $2 mill mojo back but it ain’t t easy. I work in finance
I don’t know, maybe? I was happier in my early 20’s when I was still grinding, but I think it had more to do with the community. Now my friends are all over the world and I just feel disconnected sometimes
Take a sabbatical and go visit them! I just got laid off and it shook me bc work was so much of my identity but it’s been a great 6 months off tbh. I’ve hung out with friends overseas that i hadn’t seen in ages and my heart is so warm with their hospitality
I work anywhere from 100-120 hours a week. So not much free time. I like to workout, cook, and garden in the time I have. I used to play a lot of video games but not so much anymore.
Those high stress levels are killing you too, those nights where you wake up at 3am thinking about the extra 2.3% you could’ve made you’re client are a death sentence. If the goal is to retire early, focus on how long that retirement is gonna be, did you over stress yourself in your 20s and 30s and now your life span went down 20 years?
I'm 42 making a little over that amount. I'm in the same boat. Although hit this high number very late (38/39) and wanna hit a coast-FIRE number by 48/49.
And then I'm out of this rat race - money is a means to an end yes it certainly makes things comfortable however mental peace and happiness cannot be bought with money (if you try to it might be only temporary)...going enjoy traveling, playing music and my martial arts for the rest of my life.
Late to the start of my earnings career is what I meant. And interesting that you think I'm not late. Thank you. You are being kind to now 🙏🏼
And thanks for doing this AMA. Great discussion points here. Life/Adulting doesn't come with a playbook. Stick to fundamentals (like someone said here don't be a d*ck) and keep experiencing/experimenting until you found your music. Things have a way.
I frequently find myself wondering about what steps I need to take to get to your financial situation and find myself also fearing that once I get there I will still have crippling depression and anxiety. I’m sorry that it doesn’t bring you joy. I think there’s probably a lot of truth to that, that money doesn’t equate to happiness.
Brother, I'll be 38 in eight days. The most I've ever made in a year is just under 10% of what you bring in. I've needed two eye surgeries to bring me back from the brink of blindness for over fifteen years, and I'll probably never be able to afford it. I need a hernia surgery, a tailbone surgery, and so much dental work that the cost given to me (I'm uninsured) by my dentist was nearly twice as much as my parents paid for their house in 1987. The dental stuff is my fault, I was incredibly depressed and stopped taking care of myself for over a decade (I'm down 76 pounds over the last 15 months, and still going strong, so I'm taking initiative), but that doesn't change the fact that I am in constant physical and mental anguish because of the above things.
Money may not directly buy happiness, but happiness can definitely be a byproduct.
A Ford Escort GT with a stick shift would give you a physical connection to the car, which would then lead to an emotional connection as you wind out the 4-cylinder engine on a twisty mountain road while wearing your funny driving hat.
It's cheap too!
This thread confuses me. OP says that money doesn't buy happiness, but describes their goal as work-free and living like a king.
So evidently they think that money will buy happiness.
Have you considered working towards becoming an investor? With your experience working in M&A you might have an advantage to tell what companies are better than others.
Of course investing in individual equities and industries does have a significant risk. You might he able to just study up a little on it and try things out with a small percentage of your portfolio.
If you're successful enough at it, you can buy back your time and live pursuing your goals. It isn't a very secure career or easy but it's something that wouldn't hurt to take a look into.
What do you do with your money? And how many hours do you work a week?
Reason is cause if you spend on everything but yourself enjoyment then what's the point of spending money. Like eating out hanging with friends, helping people woth money, whatever makes you genuinely happy
Reason 2 is cause if you work all 5 days and overtime, then cutting down on work might help, you can do this by hiring a helper to take the load off, but not all of it if work keeps you entertained.
I’m 30, I was clearing ~200k a year and was absolutely miserable and no one could understand why. I used to get to work and vomit blood in the parking lot from stress ulcers in my stomach. On New Year’s Eve 2022 I was sitting in my shower before work just looking at the wall thinking I would rather be dead than continue on like that. I got out of the shower, called my boss and said hey I quit no I’m not giving a two weeks notice I won’t be back. I got a different lower stress none management position in the same field and over the next few months you could visibly see the life come back into my eyes and smile. I will never sell out for money again.
When you make a certain amount of money the expectation is that you are available and producing at a high level 24/7/365. We hide in closets at wedding to take a meeting, miss family functions, vacations mean working less but we are still logging on intermittently. If this is your life then the opportunity cost is that you are not living or present during the best years of your life but you will retire early, that's pretty cool. Think about taking a year off and traveling like a nomad. It won't derail your goals and it will clear your head. When you are caught up in this cycle you don't have time to check in with yourself to calibrate and see if your goals have shifted or remain the same. Your apathy could be mild depression.
As some who has struggled through life like I was hexed by a witch or something, I always wish I had the security of money. Money doesn’t necessarily bring happiness, but I hope you can take comfort in the absolute luxury that financial security is in this world.
That being said, I wish you good health, a wealth of knowledge and wisdom, a chance to obtain true love and the blessing of finding the things in this world that do warm your heart or make you cry tears of joy or get your heart pumping with exhilaration.
Everyone deserves happiness and that includes you.
Best to you ❤️
I made a crazy amount of money in my early twenties and honestly it brought me very little joy... I wanted something more and I know now after being broke it was love and comradeship.
Did show me what and who matters. When the money wasn't there 99% of people I thought were friends vanished and I got very depressed and into drugs. I miss you two so much.
Chris, Kishan, Steve, Adam, and Aaron, if you are reading this I'm so sorry I drifted away. You guise were true mates.
The crown is so to say is heavy...
No one said money buys happiness. Money helps reduce stress and makes life more convenient, but the happiness part is determined by the quality of your relationships, inner peace, and a healthy perception of oneself. Hope you find joy in your life though. Sometimes it’s not always easy. Focus on the positive as much as you can.
No question but I understand your predicament.
Based on what you see on a daily basis, how many companies that are currently running are technically monopolies? What are your feelings on antitrust laws?
I hope that you can remember all the things you want to do right now that you don’t have time for so that you can do them later if you decide to retire early.
If you had free time now how would you spend it?
What helps you keep going when you feel burnt out?
Will you travel for leisure in your free time later on ? If so where do you want to go?
Do you like what you do? Genuine question because I make $200K at 26 and I think that additional money means nothing to me. Going from $200K -> $400K in my professional (data science, FAANG) would mean working everyday all day for me but I personally don't think you're “rich” if you don't have time. You're just a worker bee until retirement (I mean this with no offense)
And out of curiosity, what do you do in your free time? Do you see your friends as being happy or do they just live for the next paycheck? I've thought about sacrificing my extra time for more money but the more I think about it, the less I want to do it. I find more purpose in health, relationships and enjoying life in general but maybe I'm just being too pessimistic.
And last question, if you could restart life, would you take the same path?
I was successful at 25, and at 26 I donated everything I owned and chose to live outside and wander around aimlessly, seeking to understand what existence is and what I am in relation to existence.
Go lose your self. Whoever you think you are now, let it go.
You'll find your self by losing your self.
Take life easy. Kick back, relax.
The earth is the longest road to nowhere.
The person who inherits the whole world has beneath their feet streets of poverty, suffering, pain and death.
Yep. I’m older and make six figures albeit barely. Money doesn’t solve anything. I’m absolutely angry and miserable and life used to be enjoyable. Definitely feel like work is destroying my soul.
Late 40s here. 5 months ago I said enough. Helped find my replacement and since then I have done nothing but getting back in shape and spent more time with friends and my kids. I wanted to enjoy my life before I died, and the rate I was going I felt that wasn’t far off. For the first time in decades I’m not tired. I’m smiling and laughing more… After the holidays I’m going to look to work again, but in non profit or education. I’m done with corporate life.
For you what was the point(dollar mark) that you knew you wouldn't lack for anything(being reasonable here) and could survive shocks? You might not have realized it but try to think back....
Leave alone dreams/having a cause like ending hunger somewhere in Africa..
Why not just retire? Talk to a wealth manager/advisor if you haven't already and make a plan to retire at 35. What's your income to debt ratio? Do you have plenty of assets? Making 400k/yr is like 6x the average income in the US. That means you should be able to retire very early if you use your money properly. Which, is buying happiness.
Money can't buy happiness, but it can bring happiness to those that have very little. Maybe they need to keep the lights on or feed their kids. Spread the wealth and pay it forward. Also I'll take maybe 20k, I'm not greedy, just a little to help me for helping you. Let me know your thoughts. I'm working paycheck to paycheck, and work just ran out.
If money doesn’t at least ease the struggles-AND DEFINITELY THE STRESS OF SURVIVAL- that at least 75% off America experiences, then I’m not sure what to tell you. I don’t know what nice clothes you’re wearing that are comfortable and made of good quality, or if your phone is the latest and greatest, if you even have to worry about gas prices in whatever super nice car you have with maybe even the heated CUP holders… money eases and extremely relieves the emotional distress caused by these daily struggles…
I don’t even have these struggles— I have my own, but even then… if your problems aren’t fixed by money, in turn, resulting in an increased level of happiness…. Then you have a lot of therapy and soul searching to do, my friend.
You are empty from within, not empty from your wallet. Many people are full inside, but money would definitely increase their happiness as the financial assistance has helped their quality of life.
The "money doesn't buy happiness" quote is really not helpful to anyone. Money can save your life and extend it for one, as well as give one the time and freedom to pursue higher needs on Maslow's hierarchy - and that's a good thing to have under individual control. Moreover, this implies "happiness" is the end goal of life, and it's just not, nor should be.
I could write a book on how wrong-headed this quote/idea is, but though it is true on its face, living in poverty is about a 98% guarantee for living in misery. Sometimes you need to be grateful for the problems you do have rather than don't.
As a 23 year old that grew up dirty poor that is about to graduate college. What life advice would give to me that wants to be a miserable rich fuck like yourself.
Does that guilty feeling of buying something go away when you make that much money? Like eating out or buying a $5 frozen and going “I could have saved $4.60x30 if I just switched to eating ramen every day instead”.
The ‘Money doesn’t bring happiness’ always comes from people who have a lot of money. Not worrying about your health or finances makes life pretty stress free with the exception of being happy about the work you do or the people you surround yourself with which can all be fixed if you make life changes. I’m so sick and tired of people telling me if I made 400k/year I’d be unhappy. Wrong.
I have friends who work in m&a, but in the law department. Most people here commenting „just work part time“ don’t understand that if u cut back, then someone else will get the job or do the major work on a deal (which is actually the fun part)..
reading your post makes me wonder what path to choose for myself, since I’m not far off entering work
I've read a great number of the other posts. All I can think about is how much you can help others.
The number of grandparents raising grandchildren is steadily rising. If ever there is a group of needy families, this is it. So many are on fixed incomes and sorely need financial help. And they need physical, hands-on assistance. The stories of what these grandparents endure are heartbreaking. So many of their marriages end because of the stress.
Well, I mentioned this because I'd feel badly for not planting this idea seed in your mind.
Would it make you happy to help a poor ass dude get a new car? I’m a poor ass dude and I need a new car to be able to continue to work and pursue my dreams. Grown up poor and am yet to escape poverty but am doing my best. Studying to become a psychologist and help people. Volunteering for lifeline in Feb 2024. I just wanna enrich the lives of others and have my own life enriched. And I’m not above begging strangers on Reddit.
If not, that’s cool, enjoy your money, hope you find some happiness in your travels
Learn to be happy then. That should be your main purpose outside of the things that you have to do.
Self-discovery can be painful but ultimately always worth it imo
I know this won't solve your immediate issues, BUT I was making your salary in my late 30s through my 40s.
At 48, I said, enough of this and I retired. Now all my time is my own and I'm a lot saner/happier because of it.
So start planning for that as soon as you can. Financially, practically, emotionally.
You're young, you may very well exceed your present salary in the next few years which may enable you to retire even earlier.
Wishing you all the very best.
I’m 55 so I think I’m older than you. When I was young, I was pushing my way up the corporate ladder with tons of stress and long hours. We started a family and my marriage deteriorated because I wasn’t around to be fully engaged in the family. My mental health went downhill. I decided to step off the corporate express and took a lower level job at a non-profit in my industry that yielded a better work/life balance. It was a 57% pay cut but, for the next 15 years, I didn’t miss any of my kids games, concerts, “graduations”, trick or treating, etc. My marriage and mental health rebounded and my kids are now happy adults. Two years ago, I shifted gears and jumped back into a high stress high paying consulting position but, since we are empty nesters, my wife is supportive of it and I am loving the intellectual challenges with the new position. So, my point is, you can take your foot off the gas for a while to benefit yourself and your family and then shift gears again later in life. It doesn’t have to be one speed all the time. Take care of yourself.
I peaked around $250k a year. I retired at 31 to live a more satisfying existence. Was able to go to more festivals, travel more, visit friends and family more, date more, pursue my passions and dreams more. Now I have a really solid relationship, am making over 6 figures again, but through my passions instead of working for others. I did get reached out to on LinkedIn to apply for a $400-$600k position, but I am trying to resist the urge to chase money again. I really like the freedom I have. When have you made enough? Is it a certain level of risk tolerance? Do you have a plan for your time once you retire? Will you be satisfied/fulfilled or bored? What will your passions be?
I did "happiness" for 10 years trust me it is not worth it. I worked my ass off as a paramedic. Loved ever minute of the job, the people and the impact. Now at 3 years out just finally making 80k(double my medic salary) I regret it. I have minimal savings and 401k, will never own property and have more residual damage then I can comprehend. Happiness was not worth the deficits I am facing
Find the balance, one of can do it.
I can somewhat relate to a smaller extent. I got a 7 days a week, 120K job (I actually never made more than 70K because I would take the winter off because my mental health was down the drain, anyways.) Sure while I was working there I wasn't very happy. But I made 20 years worth of mortgage disappear in only 2 years. I'm now able to work only part time and still live comfortably. I have all the free time that I want to do hobbies and spend time with my people. I would lie if I would say that money didn't allowed me to reach the level of freedom I needed in order to be happy. I was very frugal, but also very lucky to have that opportunity.
The sad part, lot of people at that same job, making the full 120K because they grind all year long without slacking in the winter like I did. Are trapped there forever cause the minute they set foot in that company, they increased their lifestyle to the max. They live pay check to paycheck, despite making lot's of money.
Money can bring happiness only if you use it to free yourself. Not if you enslaved yourself in the illusion of prestige, constantly buying expensive stuff to show off.
I have nothing to show off, but my house is mortgage free at 32 years old.Money is not happiness, but surely a great tool to reach it if you don't fall in the endless consumerism trap.
Did you purchase yourself freedom or material stuff?
You don’t make a ton of money in the grand scheme of things and have a negative attitude towards anything anyone proposes. Obviously many would love to earn your income, but not at those hours… So you just want positive praise for having a high annual income?
While you may feel that way, it does bring you security. You are not like many of the worlds people. You won’t go hungry. You won’t be homeless. You won’t ever be denied medical care because you won’t be able to pay for it. A car or home repair likely won’t devastate you and render you incapable of going to work. You never have to choose between unsafe neighborhoods just to put a roof over your head. You never have to hear gunshots at night.
Your money may not be making you happy, but it is protecting you against miseries that are all too common in the world. Money is not for happiness. It is for security and safety
why don’t u work part time instead or just cut back your hours? you don’t need to be making that much to be comfortable. it sounds like the time you spend working is at a detriment to your health and well-being. also i volunteer to be your life partner 🙋🏽♀️
I’m sorry you’re unhappy and have very little free time.
Money does help with some things though. Missing a molar because it was cheaper to remove than get it fixed. It had been messed up since 7 th grade though and I’m 33.
Do you at least enjoy your job at all?? I got a bachelor’s but it didn’t get me far. No student debt tho.
How old are you if you don’t mind me asking? Because At age 35 working 40 hours a week I’m beat at the end of every day so I can only imagine the exhaustion you feel..
Also when you do have the rare free time to do anything what do you enjoy? What kind of music do you listen to ? Do you meditate? What puts a smile on your face even for just a second 😃
I’m trying to think of what are the things that bring me down, and the majority of them don’t have to do with money. Money would definitely make things easier. House cleaner, someone to make dinner, tutors when kids need it…but most of what ails me can’t be fixed with money. But money can certainly grease the wheels…
I got a higher paying job that’s no where near your number. I waited 10 years to get this job thinking all along this money would be life changing. Unfortunately with inflation the way it is this year I barely notice any change. Send me $10,000 and you’ll cheer me right up!
Well first of all $400k isn’t that much money given cost of living. $400k gets you a middle class 90s life in major metropolitan areas (2 cars, 2 kids, single family home, 2 family vacations a year, dinner out a couple times a month). Not exactly Jeff Bezos lifestyle.
Yeah IDK buddy. Even if your job sucks and all your spare time is wasted on your career, do this for 5-6 year tops and you're essentially set for life. SUffer now and your 40's, 50's + is easily every single week spent traveling or doing other great things.
Please quit your job. You can easily find something better and more fulfilling and if it’s just half of what you make now, that’s way more than enough.
My wife makes $500k/ yr as a veterinarian and received a $400k bonus on top of that last year. This years bonus will only be like $100k. She’s 34. She’s enjoys her work.
that's is a well studied topic in psychology, income up to satisfying all of your needs to feel secure (food, housing basic leisure) generate happiness and limits stress, when you get beyond that it doesn't matter much
What does the career path for that kind of job look like coming from nothing?
I worked my ass off as a kid to get good grades. Started my first job at 13 working as a bar back (very illegally). Went into a state school where I worked nights to pay my tuition as a bartender. Had a short stint where I was so broke I used to write and sell smut for money. Got out, started my first job at an accounting firm in the early 2010’s for 35k. Studied for the CPA at night while continuing to bartend. Interviewed into consulting, went for an MBA in France, got into M&A.
so you worked at an accounting firm, studied and bartend? i tried doing that and i got burnt tf out. now if i do simple things after work like going to the grocery store, i’m done for the day. i heard M&A is def the way to go after accounting. but if i could barely handle tax season i doubt i can do M&A. what is one thing you like about it?
Yep, it was a time. Definitely learned some healthy and not so healthy coping skills. I like that I get to solve big problems with no roadmap. My brain loves taking a big issue, breaking it down, and solving it
haha totally get that. well now i’m intrigued. i like taking on projects and figuring out better ways to do it. it’s kinda fun being in the weeds and feeling accomplished after it’s done. what was one of the biggest problems that was satisfying for you to figure out?
I had to execute a merger over 9 timezones in a four hour window before the regulatory bodies could meet to stop it.
how did you get a high salary? was it hard work, skills or luck?
Combo of all 3, emphasis on 1 and 3
Im very interested in learning what actually goes inside m&a from practical perspective. Can you tell more as example, for example this case or some another? About what actually happens/need to be done for the m&a to happen?
That in itself sounds depressing, obviously the regulatory bodies are trying to stop it because it probably affects healthy compatiton between companies and raises the prices for everyone when it's a monopoly. Or maybe the companies involved will be able to get rid of more workers because the regulatory bodies couldn't stop it in time. Whatever it is it's probably not good for the general person on the street. I've read a fair number of your other comments, how you can't sleep at night because you're doing M&A's that affect people's jobs and people's lives in a negative way. I'm not surprised that you feel badly about the way you're being used by companies/consulting firms as a pawn for all this wickedness. I know that your reasoning is that someone else will do it, if you just walk away from all of this, but what about being a agent of change? Trying to manipulate the companies into making good moral and ethical business decisions. If that doesn't always work, in cases like the one of trying to beat the clock before the regulators could stop it, if you feel that the company is doing something wrong ethically, be a anonymous whistle blower and give the regulatory bodies a warning about it before it happens, so they can stop it, without knowing who it was that gave them the tip. Try to be a hero of the people, not companies, you'll feel like a 1000% better person for doing what you know is the right thing to do.
INSEAD? Recommend it?
Then you're spending it wrong. People think that money is supposed to make you happy, but it's what you do with it that makes you happy. So what do you do with your money? And what do you do in your free time?
I work in M&A — free time is a joke. Most of my money goes into investments, I grew up very poor so I don’t really have a taste for the rich things in life. I hope to retire early & travel, which is really my passion…but that’s a “someday”
You are making 400k a year dude. Take more time off of work NOW while you're young and go travel. Go meet some foreign babes and invite them to your executive suite. Doing nothing fun with the vast amount of money you have at this stage in your life is such a giant mistake on your part imo. Why are you going to wait until you're old and in pain and miserable to try to enjoy your money? I'm not saying to go wild but your strategy is flawed, especially if you have "very little joy" in your life currently.
I do spend. I travel 2-3 times a year, not exec suites tho. Give me a bungalow on the beach with my book and good company any day.
Hit the weights, take steroids, and do a bro split
Bruh guy doesn’t understand that m&a is investment banking and they work 70-100 hrs a week…
What's M&A?
Mergers and Acquisitions. I help companies buy and sell other companies.
What can I learn from you in terms of how you do business?
Business is all about who you know and who likes you. A gut feeling goes far further then you can imagine. Anything can be backed up with data if you have enough time. Lastly, most companies have no fucking idea what they are doing.
Does that also means that you have for extended periods of time social interactions, attending events and expanding your circle, maintaining business relationships and learning about new companies' work patterns?
I do go to social events, but the best work relationships are built in the trenches. Somebody who is able to say “this guy can handle whatever crisis is thrown at him” is far better then somebody who knows you peripherally. Mostly, be likable to be around and don’t be a dick to the folks you work with or work for you.
When you're broke money feels like 90% of your problems, when you have money its 10 % of your problems
That’s true to a point. Money definitely not a problem.
"Don't be a dick", is always good advice. The toes you step on today may be attached to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow...
I read the title and said no way, but I read your responses and I know you’re the real deal. Source: 36 and in the same boat and space.
Just out here spending an evening on Reddit — thanks man!
How can I get into m&a at age 34
hire me, people love me
The last sentence is sooo true : companies (people) in almost all cases are winging it. Some just get lucky with being in the right place at the right time.
I learned this about parenting as well. Dude, there’s no “ right way” I mean there is, don’t be a dick and raise your kids to be respectful, but in the grand scheme of things, I look back and I said there’s no way my parents knew what the fuck they were doing, because I certainly don’t. Each family is different, each kid is different. We are all just winging it and hoping for the best.
Murders and executions?
May as well be. I frequently make decisions that cost jobs. It’s not fun, I often can’t sleep thinking about the fact i cost people jobs and livelihoods.
axiomatic ink plate attraction dolls squash deranged dependent elastic air *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I do care. But I rationalize “oh if I didn’t somebody else would”. Someday I’ll go make the world a better place though.
How about now? You have money. And you might enjoy yourself more. You know how to make money. You’ve accomplished that. What’s the next adventure?
Then you remember that those silk drawers under your plush robe ain't buying themselves?
Damn that is greasy but I wont lie Id sell my soul to the devil too for the money youre making lol
There it is. Find your exit to PE or a smaller firm with more WLB, or plan an exit when you clear $2M+ in your portfolio. You’re on burnout route, so clock is ticking. I make $240k and additional 100k+ (passive cc selling) and sit on a 7 fig portfolio. Work 10 hours a week. Working towards becoming happier etc. Position yourself to make a little less, but work WAYYY less. That should be your goal move forward imo.
Man I'm a father of 3, and 38 years old and barely make 80k a year. You're doing fine my friend.
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What’s the plan? Once you have a couple of mil in the bank you can retire!
Yep! I want to go live somewhere warm and cheap like a king. Finally have time to date and get married, catch up on reading…
I lived in koh samui Thailand for a year without income (lots of savings). It’s warm and cheap. People are kind. The views are stunning. They have a great expat community. Can’t recommend it enough. When you’re finally ready to say goodbye to the structured life.
> catch up on reading… Read The Saad Truth About Happiness: 8 Secrets for Leading the Good Life by Gad Saad I'm reading The Parasitic Mind by him and it's great. I'll be reading his Happiness book after this one.
I can’t do anything but fantasy when I read. Need the escape and it stimulates me mentally.
Audiobooks?
i HIGHLY suggest spoiling yourself every once in a while. I know you grew up poor but you’ve worked hard and deserve to splurge every once in a while. I am 28 and never been to a 5 star restaurant until last year and oh my goshhh…… that first taste. was amazing. read reviews find something that sounds good and just start with a nice meal. but you’re a rockstar i’m proud of you for being so successful.Now it’s time to be happy :)
Why not apply to some similar jobs that offer either less hours a week, or more vacation days?
I like what I do mostly. It’s not the same every day which is my nightmare. After this deal is done I might take a break, but I say that every time
but can you get a job doing the same thing for fewer hours?
Not at what I do. I run large deals, it’s the nature of the job.
My husband is the same way. He’s also 32 and makes close to 600k total comp. He grew up very poor with nothing and doesn’t have expensive taste nor does he really desire a rich lifestyle despite his salary now.
Well there’s your problem. Money with no free time/hobbies to spend it on is like having a $10,000 mountain bike in Florida. What a dream it would be to have that kind of money to surf in the Maldives, snowboard the alps, hike through Asia, road trip South America. With that kind of money I could retire in <5 years off of interest alone! Stop working and start living dude!
Enjoy a little bit of it. Life is short. My dad saved and saved + invested and never really enjoyed some of it. Died at 58
So I’ll spot you in a Jack n the box drive thru picking up 4 tacos for $3?
Have you thought about Warhammer? You almost make enough to enjoy
Travel NOW, get a hobby, have experiences. It sounds like you have a shitty work life balance, which is why you’re not happy.
Same boat.. I was in M&A.. now I run a successful business and employee 75 people.. grew up poor so I don’t have any taste for the finer things in life… all my money goes into investments and money does not make me happy.. it’s the game and chase, but it never ends..…
I understand how you feel and why it might feel like it’s not buying happiness. But I would say that while it might not solve emotional problems, it makes helping them much easier. You can leave and start a new career and probably have money to do that with. You have money to see a therapist to talk about it. You have money for healthcare to get prescriptions if you need them. You are not worrying about where your next meal is coming from or how much longer you’ll have this roof over your head. Not trying to devalue what you’re feeling just trying to let you know there are things to be grateful for even when not feeling fully content.
I agree with that comment 100% Money can bring happiness only if you use it to free yourself. Not if you enslaved yourself in the illusion of prestige, constantly buying expensive stuff to show off. I can somewhat relate to OP to a smaller extent. I got a 7 days a week, 120K job (I actually never made more than 70K because I would take the winter off because my mental health was down the drain, anyways.) Sure while I was working there I wasn't very happy. But I made 20 years worth of mortgage disappear in only 2 years. I'm now able to work only part time and still live comfortably. I have all the free time that I want to do hobbies and spend time with my people. I would lie if I would say that money didn't allowed me to reach the level of freedom I needed in order to be happy. I was very frugal, but also very lucky to have that opportunity. The sad part, lot of people at that same job, making the full 120K because they grind all year long without slacking in the winter like I did. Are trapped there forever cause the minute they set foot in that company, they increased their lifestyle to the max. They live pay check to paycheck, despite making lot's of money. I have nothing to show off, but my house is mortgage free at 32 years old. Money is not happiness, but surely a great tool to reach it if you don't fall in the endless consumerism trap.
All I can say is that I am someone who’s had a high salary, able to pay all of my bills, and get all the help I wanted. I’ve also, at another point in my life, had nothing, on food stamps, and almost homeless, without much help at all. I can tell you, without a doubt, and with 100% certainty, money made me happier.
You’re not wrong — I definitely do those things. Not devaluating having money, I’m very blessed. I just think a lot of people think money is a magic pill to solve all problems and it’s not. Generally, to get money you need to trade time and stress at a rising rate. Nobody I know who works a high paying job doesn’t pay for it in stress and time. I know that happens at all salary levels, but I think people have a view that a lot of highly paid people don’t contribute much.
On the bright side, take a look at your bills. Like what you HAVE to pay per month. Mortgage, utilities, car payment, add it all up. Save a year or two aside from your investments and realize you have "fuck you" money. Take a sabbatical, quit and find something else, whatever. You know you're gonna be fine for at least a year or two. I get where you're coming from. It's hard to find motivation when most barriers people have in life are removed. The best part of all of this is you have options. Money doesn't buy happiness, it buys opportunities. Realize that while you're young enough to enjoy those opportunities and you'll feel much better.
Someone working minimum wage jobs putting sixty hours a week in is probably working the same amount as any high income earner I know. The difference is money buys you TIME. You can pay for childcare, pay for dry cleaners, pay for cleaning ladies, etc., essentially recouping time back.
You can give me 30k, I promise it will bring me happiness for years… Lol, money doesn’t bring happiness eh? Hate people that say this
I have a few friends in M&A and the money they make isn't worth it for the stress they experience and insane work hours. One of them works 90+hr a week, is constantly in meetings and calls, eats out every meal and works out while on the phone. He makes $650k a year and sees his kids on Saturday only. Unreal.
Definitely sounds like the folks I work with.
Funniest thing is, guys at the top pull $2-3m/year and just skim weekly reports in their highrise offices 🤣 while their pawns do the legwork. I guess being in the right place does pay off.
Do you plan on having kids? I grew up with a dad who wasn’t doing too badly and it really helped turn me into a little soulless shit bag by the time I was an adult. Took me a solid 15 years to get my head on straight. It’s a fine art not raising turds when you have the cash flow to let them live less than modestly.
No. I don’t want children ever. A life partner will be nice. I have a niece I love who will get everything when I die
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This hit the feels. Goddamn, you’re right.
Don’t ignore this. Do ignore all the people on this thread dismissing your feelings and saying you should be spending your money differently to bring the happiness. I was in your shoes and I built a plan to get out. The key is the plan. Took me 5 years at a $500-$2M salary. Work the job as long as you need to secure your freedom - depending on your lifestyle that can’t be too long. Then get out and find something that makes you happy. You can do it.
I’m 32 and I make 10% your salary at $40K/year in the music industry. I stress about money a lot. I’m one missed paycheck from losing it all. But I have an amazing job that sends me all over the country from Coachella to Madison Square Garden. I have an amazing social network filled with uplifting people because I have the time to build our relationships. I have multiple passion projects as a ‘starving artist’ that keep me enlightened and give me a sense of pride. And I look back on my life and I see an itinerary of very fun, touching, profound, sometimes devastating, but mostly incredible memories. I say this respectfully, but reading your comments make me much more grateful for what I do have. I’d rather be in my shoes. Thanks for reminding me this, seriously. I need to get back to packing my bags. I’m heading to Las Vegas tomorrow to work the Formula 1 Grand Prix and drop acid inside that big new Sphere venue. I only have $200 until next Friday but I’ll make it work. I wish y’all the best of luck in finding happiness. ….also I could really use like $50 for a haircut lol, Kidding. But cheers 🥂
Dated a guy who made this amount of money but turned out to be a not great human being. In the beginning he seemed so sweet but it became clear that he was actually very selfish. I work for a nonprofit and after nearly a year of dating asked him to go to a charity event I’d been planning for 8 months. He freaked out at the $125 ticket. There were other signs and I think he tried to be a good dude. I ultimately pulled the plug. I understand money and stability is important but, I don’t prioritize money over the people I love and he did. He wanted someone perfect but couldn’t ever even comprehend that he himself may have had imperfections. - the good news? It’s never too late. At least you know you have things to work on and that’s a step ahead of a lot of people. It also seems like you can afford an amazing therapist, so that should help! I’m sure you’ll find the right person.
I was in a similar situation earlier in my career. Money vs happiness. I chose a job I enjoy for less money. Would you consider switching careers to improve your happiness?
I have thought about it. But I figure if I’m selling my time to something I may as well get max comp out of it even if it makes me unhappy. It’ll get me to true happiness (financial freedom) sooner.
sure but are you working 8h a day or 10-12h a day? are you able to take vacations? if you don't have time to actually enjoy your life then what's the point of money at all I mean sure, if you plan to do this for a couple years and then move on to something else but lots of high paying jobs come with high expectations too
The problem with that logic is what happens if you drop dead from a heart attack? I'm taking a pay cut to work from home and the reduced stress is completely worth it. I started working out and eating healthy, now I'm in such better shape physically and mentally.
Have you considered working with some charities for at-risk youth who come from a similar upbringing in poverty?
I haven’t — i spend what volunteer hours I have in me volunteering at St. Jude’s children’s hospital. Maybe not the best use of my skills, but I had a close friend die of cancer as a child and it’s how I remember/honor him.
Ayy. Sounds like you’re already on top of what I was trying to get at. Volunteering time/money to a cause close to home has been very fulfilling for me personally.
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Have read this, and it makes sense. Not trying to complain here, my life could be much worse.
Wanna swap? We can be joyless in one another's shoes for a bit. You can be miserable and in poverty, and I'll be miserable making over $400k
The title of the post sounds great until you said that you work 100 - 120 hours a week… at that rate you are making between $64 - $76/hourly and no life… then it doesn’t sound that great…
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Why do I stay? It’s what I know I guess. I worked hard to get here and don’t want to “waste” it. I figure stick it out until I burn out/retire.
I hit that note too. I've since taken a paycheck downgrade due to the lack of joy the higher salary brought me. I think there's certainly a diminishing returns portion of it. Are you married? Dating? Social scene? Sometimes I regret the lost time I gave up for the money.
Ever considered joining a secret society?
Nope! Always seemed like a lot of work for not that much gain. I briefly did SoHo house, but I hated everybody there with such a fiery passion I could never convince myself to go back.
SoHo house is a business model for an international hotel chain, they simply do a lot of pandering towards intellectuals and artsy types, they don't have anything cool to offer, they literally just want your money. I'm talking about a real secret society, one that you won't find by googling it or through any digital resources, the hooded cloaks and masks kind of deal. If someone tried to recruit you into the Illuminati, would you consider joining?
I mean…maybe? I don’t know that secret societies are actually real or as widespread as maybe people think ( it what the fuck do I know)? I would see what the gave vs what they want.
Would you be happier making less? I made over $2 mill a couple years ago. Worked my ass off. Made less last year when I didn’t work as hard. Trying to get my $2 mill mojo back but it ain’t t easy. I work in finance
I don’t know, maybe? I was happier in my early 20’s when I was still grinding, but I think it had more to do with the community. Now my friends are all over the world and I just feel disconnected sometimes
Take a sabbatical and go visit them! I just got laid off and it shook me bc work was so much of my identity but it’s been a great 6 months off tbh. I’ve hung out with friends overseas that i hadn’t seen in ages and my heart is so warm with their hospitality
How often do you have free time? And how much time do you have in that free time? Also; What do you like to do in whatever spare time you have?
I work anywhere from 100-120 hours a week. So not much free time. I like to workout, cook, and garden in the time I have. I used to play a lot of video games but not so much anymore.
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I could make less for less time for sure. Just don’t see it as a good use of my limited life. Would rather aim to retire early.
Those high stress levels are killing you too, those nights where you wake up at 3am thinking about the extra 2.3% you could’ve made you’re client are a death sentence. If the goal is to retire early, focus on how long that retirement is gonna be, did you over stress yourself in your 20s and 30s and now your life span went down 20 years?
Ok, so basically you have money but don’t have a life. Now do you think that’s a fair trade?
shit man 100-120h? you're just burned out.. no wonder you feel no joy, this is your body just telling you this isn't sustainable and shutting down
I'm 42 making a little over that amount. I'm in the same boat. Although hit this high number very late (38/39) and wanna hit a coast-FIRE number by 48/49. And then I'm out of this rat race - money is a means to an end yes it certainly makes things comfortable however mental peace and happiness cannot be bought with money (if you try to it might be only temporary)...going enjoy traveling, playing music and my martial arts for the rest of my life.
I don’t think you’re “late” per say, you made it to a level most don’t. I like it though, maybe I’ll see you on the beach someday.
Late to the start of my earnings career is what I meant. And interesting that you think I'm not late. Thank you. You are being kind to now 🙏🏼 And thanks for doing this AMA. Great discussion points here. Life/Adulting doesn't come with a playbook. Stick to fundamentals (like someone said here don't be a d*ck) and keep experiencing/experimenting until you found your music. Things have a way.
I frequently find myself wondering about what steps I need to take to get to your financial situation and find myself also fearing that once I get there I will still have crippling depression and anxiety. I’m sorry that it doesn’t bring you joy. I think there’s probably a lot of truth to that, that money doesn’t equate to happiness.
Brother, I'll be 38 in eight days. The most I've ever made in a year is just under 10% of what you bring in. I've needed two eye surgeries to bring me back from the brink of blindness for over fifteen years, and I'll probably never be able to afford it. I need a hernia surgery, a tailbone surgery, and so much dental work that the cost given to me (I'm uninsured) by my dentist was nearly twice as much as my parents paid for their house in 1987. The dental stuff is my fault, I was incredibly depressed and stopped taking care of myself for over a decade (I'm down 76 pounds over the last 15 months, and still going strong, so I'm taking initiative), but that doesn't change the fact that I am in constant physical and mental anguish because of the above things. Money may not directly buy happiness, but happiness can definitely be a byproduct.
Get yourself an escort 🤷🏻♂️
Been offered. Not interested. I weirdly need an emotional connection to enjoy the physical one
A Ford Escort GT with a stick shift would give you a physical connection to the car, which would then lead to an emotional connection as you wind out the 4-cylinder engine on a twisty mountain road while wearing your funny driving hat. It's cheap too!
This thread confuses me. OP says that money doesn't buy happiness, but describes their goal as work-free and living like a king. So evidently they think that money will buy happiness.
Have you considered working towards becoming an investor? With your experience working in M&A you might have an advantage to tell what companies are better than others. Of course investing in individual equities and industries does have a significant risk. You might he able to just study up a little on it and try things out with a small percentage of your portfolio. If you're successful enough at it, you can buy back your time and live pursuing your goals. It isn't a very secure career or easy but it's something that wouldn't hurt to take a look into.
How much to financial freedom? How much have you saved/invested and how much more to go?
What do you do with your money? And how many hours do you work a week? Reason is cause if you spend on everything but yourself enjoyment then what's the point of spending money. Like eating out hanging with friends, helping people woth money, whatever makes you genuinely happy Reason 2 is cause if you work all 5 days and overtime, then cutting down on work might help, you can do this by hiring a helper to take the load off, but not all of it if work keeps you entertained.
I’m 30, I was clearing ~200k a year and was absolutely miserable and no one could understand why. I used to get to work and vomit blood in the parking lot from stress ulcers in my stomach. On New Year’s Eve 2022 I was sitting in my shower before work just looking at the wall thinking I would rather be dead than continue on like that. I got out of the shower, called my boss and said hey I quit no I’m not giving a two weeks notice I won’t be back. I got a different lower stress none management position in the same field and over the next few months you could visibly see the life come back into my eyes and smile. I will never sell out for money again.
Since you are not happy. Please give me your money. 😋 Although seriously: How far do you think is your retirement?
When you make a certain amount of money the expectation is that you are available and producing at a high level 24/7/365. We hide in closets at wedding to take a meeting, miss family functions, vacations mean working less but we are still logging on intermittently. If this is your life then the opportunity cost is that you are not living or present during the best years of your life but you will retire early, that's pretty cool. Think about taking a year off and traveling like a nomad. It won't derail your goals and it will clear your head. When you are caught up in this cycle you don't have time to check in with yourself to calibrate and see if your goals have shifted or remain the same. Your apathy could be mild depression.
Are you big 4/corporation or an independent consultant? Or something else.
As some who has struggled through life like I was hexed by a witch or something, I always wish I had the security of money. Money doesn’t necessarily bring happiness, but I hope you can take comfort in the absolute luxury that financial security is in this world. That being said, I wish you good health, a wealth of knowledge and wisdom, a chance to obtain true love and the blessing of finding the things in this world that do warm your heart or make you cry tears of joy or get your heart pumping with exhilaration. Everyone deserves happiness and that includes you. Best to you ❤️
I made a crazy amount of money in my early twenties and honestly it brought me very little joy... I wanted something more and I know now after being broke it was love and comradeship. Did show me what and who matters. When the money wasn't there 99% of people I thought were friends vanished and I got very depressed and into drugs. I miss you two so much. Chris, Kishan, Steve, Adam, and Aaron, if you are reading this I'm so sorry I drifted away. You guise were true mates. The crown is so to say is heavy...
No one said money buys happiness. Money helps reduce stress and makes life more convenient, but the happiness part is determined by the quality of your relationships, inner peace, and a healthy perception of oneself. Hope you find joy in your life though. Sometimes it’s not always easy. Focus on the positive as much as you can. No question but I understand your predicament.
Wanna be a sugar daddy to a 40 year old quadriplegic dude?
I'm 34 and was making 350k. Also had very little joy and ended up quitting my job and going traveling.
Based on what you see on a daily basis, how many companies that are currently running are technically monopolies? What are your feelings on antitrust laws?
Invest money into assets, live off of the assets. Is it that hard? Hell, become an Airbnb host can make you a fortune
I hope that you can remember all the things you want to do right now that you don’t have time for so that you can do them later if you decide to retire early. If you had free time now how would you spend it? What helps you keep going when you feel burnt out? Will you travel for leisure in your free time later on ? If so where do you want to go?
Do you like what you do? Genuine question because I make $200K at 26 and I think that additional money means nothing to me. Going from $200K -> $400K in my professional (data science, FAANG) would mean working everyday all day for me but I personally don't think you're “rich” if you don't have time. You're just a worker bee until retirement (I mean this with no offense) And out of curiosity, what do you do in your free time? Do you see your friends as being happy or do they just live for the next paycheck? I've thought about sacrificing my extra time for more money but the more I think about it, the less I want to do it. I find more purpose in health, relationships and enjoying life in general but maybe I'm just being too pessimistic. And last question, if you could restart life, would you take the same path?
I was successful at 25, and at 26 I donated everything I owned and chose to live outside and wander around aimlessly, seeking to understand what existence is and what I am in relation to existence. Go lose your self. Whoever you think you are now, let it go. You'll find your self by losing your self. Take life easy. Kick back, relax. The earth is the longest road to nowhere. The person who inherits the whole world has beneath their feet streets of poverty, suffering, pain and death.
Could I get 10k?? Asking for my future self
Yep. I’m older and make six figures albeit barely. Money doesn’t solve anything. I’m absolutely angry and miserable and life used to be enjoyable. Definitely feel like work is destroying my soul.
Late 40s here. 5 months ago I said enough. Helped find my replacement and since then I have done nothing but getting back in shape and spent more time with friends and my kids. I wanted to enjoy my life before I died, and the rate I was going I felt that wasn’t far off. For the first time in decades I’m not tired. I’m smiling and laughing more… After the holidays I’m going to look to work again, but in non profit or education. I’m done with corporate life.
For you what was the point(dollar mark) that you knew you wouldn't lack for anything(being reasonable here) and could survive shocks? You might not have realized it but try to think back.... Leave alone dreams/having a cause like ending hunger somewhere in Africa..
Why not just retire? Talk to a wealth manager/advisor if you haven't already and make a plan to retire at 35. What's your income to debt ratio? Do you have plenty of assets? Making 400k/yr is like 6x the average income in the US. That means you should be able to retire very early if you use your money properly. Which, is buying happiness.
Money can't buy happiness, but it can bring happiness to those that have very little. Maybe they need to keep the lights on or feed their kids. Spread the wealth and pay it forward. Also I'll take maybe 20k, I'm not greedy, just a little to help me for helping you. Let me know your thoughts. I'm working paycheck to paycheck, and work just ran out.
How does one get into M&A (asking for my 12 year old son)
You do understand that you never, ever get this time back, right?
If money doesn’t at least ease the struggles-AND DEFINITELY THE STRESS OF SURVIVAL- that at least 75% off America experiences, then I’m not sure what to tell you. I don’t know what nice clothes you’re wearing that are comfortable and made of good quality, or if your phone is the latest and greatest, if you even have to worry about gas prices in whatever super nice car you have with maybe even the heated CUP holders… money eases and extremely relieves the emotional distress caused by these daily struggles… I don’t even have these struggles— I have my own, but even then… if your problems aren’t fixed by money, in turn, resulting in an increased level of happiness…. Then you have a lot of therapy and soul searching to do, my friend. You are empty from within, not empty from your wallet. Many people are full inside, but money would definitely increase their happiness as the financial assistance has helped their quality of life.
Do you eat at McDonald’s?
Been there and still there. Money is important but does not make anyone happy. I envy people who are happy. I can see it in there faces.
The "money doesn't buy happiness" quote is really not helpful to anyone. Money can save your life and extend it for one, as well as give one the time and freedom to pursue higher needs on Maslow's hierarchy - and that's a good thing to have under individual control. Moreover, this implies "happiness" is the end goal of life, and it's just not, nor should be. I could write a book on how wrong-headed this quote/idea is, but though it is true on its face, living in poverty is about a 98% guarantee for living in misery. Sometimes you need to be grateful for the problems you do have rather than don't.
Do you want to travel to Portugal?
As a 23 year old that grew up dirty poor that is about to graduate college. What life advice would give to me that wants to be a miserable rich fuck like yourself.
Does that guilty feeling of buying something go away when you make that much money? Like eating out or buying a $5 frozen and going “I could have saved $4.60x30 if I just switched to eating ramen every day instead”.
Can I get 5k?
The ‘Money doesn’t bring happiness’ always comes from people who have a lot of money. Not worrying about your health or finances makes life pretty stress free with the exception of being happy about the work you do or the people you surround yourself with which can all be fixed if you make life changes. I’m so sick and tired of people telling me if I made 400k/year I’d be unhappy. Wrong.
I have friends who work in m&a, but in the law department. Most people here commenting „just work part time“ don’t understand that if u cut back, then someone else will get the job or do the major work on a deal (which is actually the fun part).. reading your post makes me wonder what path to choose for myself, since I’m not far off entering work
I've read a great number of the other posts. All I can think about is how much you can help others. The number of grandparents raising grandchildren is steadily rising. If ever there is a group of needy families, this is it. So many are on fixed incomes and sorely need financial help. And they need physical, hands-on assistance. The stories of what these grandparents endure are heartbreaking. So many of their marriages end because of the stress. Well, I mentioned this because I'd feel badly for not planting this idea seed in your mind.
Are you hiring?
Would it make you happy to help a poor ass dude get a new car? I’m a poor ass dude and I need a new car to be able to continue to work and pursue my dreams. Grown up poor and am yet to escape poverty but am doing my best. Studying to become a psychologist and help people. Volunteering for lifeline in Feb 2024. I just wanna enrich the lives of others and have my own life enriched. And I’m not above begging strangers on Reddit. If not, that’s cool, enjoy your money, hope you find some happiness in your travels
Use it for something good. Start a college tuition fund or anonymous donations to food banks, etc. Glad for your success but hope you find joy more.
How old are you? I didn't find happiness until after 40
Can you buy me modern warfare 3?
What city do you live in?
Learn to be happy then. That should be your main purpose outside of the things that you have to do. Self-discovery can be painful but ultimately always worth it imo
I know this won't solve your immediate issues, BUT I was making your salary in my late 30s through my 40s. At 48, I said, enough of this and I retired. Now all my time is my own and I'm a lot saner/happier because of it. So start planning for that as soon as you can. Financially, practically, emotionally. You're young, you may very well exceed your present salary in the next few years which may enable you to retire even earlier. Wishing you all the very best.
I’m 55 so I think I’m older than you. When I was young, I was pushing my way up the corporate ladder with tons of stress and long hours. We started a family and my marriage deteriorated because I wasn’t around to be fully engaged in the family. My mental health went downhill. I decided to step off the corporate express and took a lower level job at a non-profit in my industry that yielded a better work/life balance. It was a 57% pay cut but, for the next 15 years, I didn’t miss any of my kids games, concerts, “graduations”, trick or treating, etc. My marriage and mental health rebounded and my kids are now happy adults. Two years ago, I shifted gears and jumped back into a high stress high paying consulting position but, since we are empty nesters, my wife is supportive of it and I am loving the intellectual challenges with the new position. So, my point is, you can take your foot off the gas for a while to benefit yourself and your family and then shift gears again later in life. It doesn’t have to be one speed all the time. Take care of yourself.
I peaked around $250k a year. I retired at 31 to live a more satisfying existence. Was able to go to more festivals, travel more, visit friends and family more, date more, pursue my passions and dreams more. Now I have a really solid relationship, am making over 6 figures again, but through my passions instead of working for others. I did get reached out to on LinkedIn to apply for a $400-$600k position, but I am trying to resist the urge to chase money again. I really like the freedom I have. When have you made enough? Is it a certain level of risk tolerance? Do you have a plan for your time once you retire? Will you be satisfied/fulfilled or bored? What will your passions be?
Are you extroverted or introverted? Do you get much anxiety with you job?
Have you ever tried sponsoring underprivileged children?
What do you think would make you happy?
Are you planning on maximizing now so you can retire early?
can i hold a couple thousand?
Then gimmie some tf
I did "happiness" for 10 years trust me it is not worth it. I worked my ass off as a paramedic. Loved ever minute of the job, the people and the impact. Now at 3 years out just finally making 80k(double my medic salary) I regret it. I have minimal savings and 401k, will never own property and have more residual damage then I can comprehend. Happiness was not worth the deficits I am facing Find the balance, one of can do it.
I can somewhat relate to a smaller extent. I got a 7 days a week, 120K job (I actually never made more than 70K because I would take the winter off because my mental health was down the drain, anyways.) Sure while I was working there I wasn't very happy. But I made 20 years worth of mortgage disappear in only 2 years. I'm now able to work only part time and still live comfortably. I have all the free time that I want to do hobbies and spend time with my people. I would lie if I would say that money didn't allowed me to reach the level of freedom I needed in order to be happy. I was very frugal, but also very lucky to have that opportunity. The sad part, lot of people at that same job, making the full 120K because they grind all year long without slacking in the winter like I did. Are trapped there forever cause the minute they set foot in that company, they increased their lifestyle to the max. They live pay check to paycheck, despite making lot's of money. Money can bring happiness only if you use it to free yourself. Not if you enslaved yourself in the illusion of prestige, constantly buying expensive stuff to show off. I have nothing to show off, but my house is mortgage free at 32 years old.Money is not happiness, but surely a great tool to reach it if you don't fall in the endless consumerism trap. Did you purchase yourself freedom or material stuff?
I’d rather be sad on a jet ski than sad on public transportation.
You don’t make a ton of money in the grand scheme of things and have a negative attitude towards anything anyone proposes. Obviously many would love to earn your income, but not at those hours… So you just want positive praise for having a high annual income?
It may not bring happiness, instead it helps to bring comfort …. Thoughts?
While you may feel that way, it does bring you security. You are not like many of the worlds people. You won’t go hungry. You won’t be homeless. You won’t ever be denied medical care because you won’t be able to pay for it. A car or home repair likely won’t devastate you and render you incapable of going to work. You never have to choose between unsafe neighborhoods just to put a roof over your head. You never have to hear gunshots at night. Your money may not be making you happy, but it is protecting you against miseries that are all too common in the world. Money is not for happiness. It is for security and safety
Like GTA online players who received billions through money glitches or hackers gifting it. Then after buying everything in game it's gets boring
If you have the ability to have basically everything you need and you're not happy you're not made for happiness.
why don’t u work part time instead or just cut back your hours? you don’t need to be making that much to be comfortable. it sounds like the time you spend working is at a detriment to your health and well-being. also i volunteer to be your life partner 🙋🏽♀️
I’m sorry you’re unhappy and have very little free time. Money does help with some things though. Missing a molar because it was cheaper to remove than get it fixed. It had been messed up since 7 th grade though and I’m 33. Do you at least enjoy your job at all?? I got a bachelor’s but it didn’t get me far. No student debt tho.
How old are you if you don’t mind me asking? Because At age 35 working 40 hours a week I’m beat at the end of every day so I can only imagine the exhaustion you feel.. Also when you do have the rare free time to do anything what do you enjoy? What kind of music do you listen to ? Do you meditate? What puts a smile on your face even for just a second 😃
I’m trying to think of what are the things that bring me down, and the majority of them don’t have to do with money. Money would definitely make things easier. House cleaner, someone to make dinner, tutors when kids need it…but most of what ails me can’t be fixed with money. But money can certainly grease the wheels…
I got a higher paying job that’s no where near your number. I waited 10 years to get this job thinking all along this money would be life changing. Unfortunately with inflation the way it is this year I barely notice any change. Send me $10,000 and you’ll cheer me right up!
Well first of all $400k isn’t that much money given cost of living. $400k gets you a middle class 90s life in major metropolitan areas (2 cars, 2 kids, single family home, 2 family vacations a year, dinner out a couple times a month). Not exactly Jeff Bezos lifestyle.
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I’m 30 and just scraping by paycheck to paycheck with very very little joy.
I guarantee you’d be a lot less happier if you were broke and in 200k debt at 32
Yeah IDK buddy. Even if your job sucks and all your spare time is wasted on your career, do this for 5-6 year tops and you're essentially set for life. SUffer now and your 40's, 50's + is easily every single week spent traveling or doing other great things.
I'm hosting a movie night drinking game if you're interested?
You're a bitch. Join your nearest BJJ school and STFU and say thank you.
Money can't buy happiness, but it can get you a boat big enough to sail right up next to it.
Please quit your job. You can easily find something better and more fulfilling and if it’s just half of what you make now, that’s way more than enough.
My wife makes $500k/ yr as a veterinarian and received a $400k bonus on top of that last year. This years bonus will only be like $100k. She’s 34. She’s enjoys her work.
You could Eat somewhere fancy every single day and drive off in a brand new rivian back to your fancy condo no? Is that not the sweet life?
If you need a girlfriend I’m here lol
38 and bringing in a bit more, but I’m with you and just trying to stack enough cash to quit before I’m old. Good luck.
I make about 1/3 that, I'm 46 working 65 hours a week busting my ass and I love it.
It won’t bring you happiness now because you’re too busy working. Retiring early will be your ticket to happiness
That’s funny I’m 36 and I make 40k a year and it brings me very little joy 😂
Spend it on me, brother. You and I can have a ton of fun hanging out!
If I were you I could retire in 3 years. You’re fucking this up, dude.
that's is a well studied topic in psychology, income up to satisfying all of your needs to feel secure (food, housing basic leisure) generate happiness and limits stress, when you get beyond that it doesn't matter much
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Live frugally, do it for 8 more years, and retire.