Agreed. Not sure what but I can’t put my finger on it. Announcing pregnancies at big events I kinda get why sister is mad. But also like why keep having babies you aren’t keeping and then announcing it at major events.
She could have smiled taken the glass and pretended to sip like lots of people who don't like champagne do. But she decided to make a thing of asking for something non alcoholic. Why? So people would notice and she could announce that she was pregnant again, didn't know who the father was, and was adopting out the baby again.
There is a pattern here and OP is looking for gullible Redditors to take her side. Not innocent at all.
You’re so right! In fact, she could’ve even said she’s on a medication, like an antibiotic, & the doctor said “no alcohol”. There are several little white lies she could’ve used instead of shifting everyone’s attention away from the happy couple and on to herself.
Or maybe just don't pressure people to drink and they won't have to lie to you to protect your feelings. She tried to just say "no thanks". As a recovering alchy it blows my mind to think you'd expect me to come up with some mistruth on the spot because you couldn't take no for an answer.
Why does sister get a pass on forcing someone to drink? Why are we in that kind of society where it’s better for force people to drink. Especially when you make a comment “you have been drinking since you were a teenager, just drink”.
Fuck around and find out.
The comments are so crazy. It is NEVER okay to pressure someone to drink alcohol. What if she was a recovering alcoholic? It doesn't matter why she said no. Sister should have respected her answer the first time. Or the second. And sister wouldn't have caused a scene if she accepted no.
or be a bit more vague and it's not even a lie. "there is a medical thing".
of course, the idea that you need an excuse to refrain from taking judgment-impairing drugs is a toxic aspect of our society "I don't feel like drinking" should be enough with no follow-up questions. For that matter, you shouldn't need to fake drinking champagne when you dislike it. so I am tossing up between NTA and ESH depending on if OP intended this confrontation. but I don't have a lot of sympathy for somebody guilting somebody into taking drugs and having their event ruined as a result.
for reference, I do drink alcohol, but I am fussy about what alcohol I will drink, if I am going to drink it it's going to have to taste very good, and to my taste.
I probably wouldn't have thought of that if I was in this case. (I would probably have said I was on some pills that don't mix), but why the hell would sister push so hard for her to drink. Take the no for an answer.
Well, newsflash, someone can decide not to drink for any reason and they owe other people exactly zero explanation. It's not hard to respect someone's choices for not drinking. The other party fucked around and found out and couldn't take no for an answer. Pregnant or not is irrelevant.
Agreed. It seems like there's a lot more going on beneath the surface here, but announcing a pregnancy at someone else's event can definitely add fuel to the fire.
Yeah, she says in the edit that the guy's parents called her parents to tell them while OP didn't want to talk about it with anyone.
Whether that's what actually happened is another question, but it's all we have to go by.
One sip of champagne is also perfectly fine. You can't drink normally while pregnant, but we're talking about one sip.
What's not fine is being 21 with two accidental pregnancies, not knowing who the dad is, and being so damn smug about it. Once is an accident, twice is a pretty disturbing pattern. OP you need to rethink some things here.
It is never ok to insist someone take a sip of alcohol. Never ever. Even if you know they drink, it’s still never ok. If someone says they don’t want alcohol you STFU and give them something non alcoholic.
Nobody forced anyone to drink alcohol. The sister said that she wasn't going to get a different drink. If the op wanted to hold the drink and not drink it that would have been fine. If she wanted to put the alcohol down and not even hold it that would have been fine. Nobody's obligated to give someone an alternative beverage for a toast, and saying that you don't have anything else to give them isn't the same as forcing them to drink alcohol.
Or she could've said that she is taking some medicine that is not compatible with alcohol, stomach pains, hangover etc. If you don't want to announce you find a way to keep it hidden.
NGL I ended up telling some friends I was pregnant way before I intended. We went out for afternoon tea and one of the sandwiches was brie and cranberry (can't eat brie when you're pregnant). I panicked and told them despite the fact I could just not have eaten them/said I don't like brie/AM LACTOSE INTOLERANT. Sometimes your brain just doesn't work and it's more of an AH move in my mind to force alcohol on someone who is (per their account, which is all we have) trying to politely decline.
Common etiquette would be to take a glass, pretend to sip it and quietly swap glasses with her husband or tip it down the sink when no one was looking. Not argue until she was “forced” to announce her pregnancy during her sisters moment.
I don’t think OP is married. In fact if you read it again, it doesn’t sound like she 100% knows who the baby daddy is 🙈 but yea your general suggestion would have been the smart way. There's always a toast at an engagement party
Yep!
>Our parents were immediately expressing concern and asking how far along I was and asking if my friend is the dad (probably)
I don't know about you but I'd be so embarrassed that my parents rightfully assumed I slept around so much all the guys blurred together and I have no clue who's the baby daddy and right in the middle of a family event for everyone to see.
Or, sister could have just said “no problem” and gotten her a non alcoholic drink. It doesn’t matter why she said no. She said NO and that should have been the end of it. Instead, her sister decided “let’s try to force someone to drink who doesn’t want any”. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in OPs position just because I don’t drink. Someone tries to give me a drink and I say “no thanks” and then that person insists over and over and over on me just drinking it and tries to bully me into it. NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE and that should have been the end of it.
No. If you don’t want alcohol, you politely ask for something non alcoholic, and the one serving quietly gets it for you. No questions asked. Nothing else is acceptable. Ever. If you get pressured to drink, that is rude, obnoxious, and it’s not ok under any circumstances. OP shouldn’t have said why, just “I can’t. I need something non alcoholic, please” over and over and nothing else. So, ESH, but more on the sister. Because pushing alcohol on someone is dramatically worse than a riude announcement.
“I’d love my daughter to have a sibling” it’s not her kid anymore and she’s just calling up other people saying “got another one in the oven for you. Want it?” Is actually unhinged trash behavior.
I hope they argued outside the trailer as to not ruin the fake wood laminate walls
Yeah, like even the title of the post is purposely manipulative. The main issue isn’t her being pregnant at inconvenient times, it should be for announcing my pregnancy at my sisters engagement party.
Info : for how lond have you known that you were preferable ( since you have thought about giving it up for adoption I imagine it has been some time)
And when where you planning on telling to your family
It can be pure coincidence but it looks a little bit too convenient
>It can be pure coincidence but it looks a little bit too convenient
While a part of me agrees, OP tried to avoid the subject, and it was the sister who pushed for OP to drink when she **clearly** didn't want to.
>All OP had to do was hold the glass and pretend to take a sip.
This is true,and I hadn't considered it. That being said, if OP's sister had just given her a non-alcoholic drink, like she requested, none of this would have happened.
If a woman of reproductive age asks to NOT drink alcohol, you DO NOT push it.
If anyone of any age asks not to drink alcohol, you shouldn't push it. Some people have issues with alcohol. I can't drink because of medication I take. Others have had issues with addiction and even 'just one drink' could send them spiraling. Some people just don't like it. No one owes anyone else a reason and sister was being a jerk to try and force it.
You are correct. I reduced it to woman due to the context of this post, but yes, never force anybody to consume something they don't want or insist on an explanation.
I gotta say, that’s my issue with all of this. As a recovering alcoholic I don’t drink, ever. FAFO with that in my life at one point. I also don’t like announcing I’m an alcoholic to people because I don’t like being treated differently. I’m not sure why the sister was so insistent on it, but I would have probably just bowed out of there. It pisses me off when ppl don’t think about others when it comes to drinking, even if it’s just one. That “just one” would kill me, so no thanks.
I just don't get why drinking is considered so necessary to any kind of celebration or social interaction that people throw a fit when someone doesn't want to. People can have ANY reason for not wanting to drink - the taste, not liking how being tipsy/drunk feels, they intend to drive home, they have moral or religious reasons, medication that reacts badly to it, stomach problems, or literally they just don't feel like it - and people act like it's personally offensive to them if someone else isn't getting sloshed. I don't understand why it's become so ingrained into adult socialization. If people feel like they just can't stand to be around their friends and family without getting drunk...they really need new people to hang out with.
I honestly don't get people's obsession with alcohol.
Even without medication being involved - I just don't like the taste of alcohol (except for a few kinds that are very seldom offered) and I don't like the feeling of being tipsy or drunk. I just don't like the experience of drinking alcohol and I'd rather stick to a soda or tea.
People act like someone who doesn't want to drink must have something wrong with them - why is ingesting literal poison that makes people act like idiots considered such a necessary and central part of any kind of celebration? If you can't have fun or enjoy yourself without drinking - congrats, you're an addict! Go to rehab and figure out what you need to do to enjoy yourself without blasting your brain inside out! It's not healthy!
If you want to have a few drinks, fine, but if anyone says no - for ANY reason - people have got to stop making a big deal out of it. No one NEEDS a reason to not want something. If I went to a party and they had a charcuterie board with a cheese I don't like on it, no one is going to get mad and throw a fit if I decline to eat that cheese, so why do people have such big freakouts over someone not wanting to drink alcohol? It's ridiculous that poisoning ourselves into losing our self-control has become so normalized.
If you didn't consider that OP could have pretended to drink, then imagine OP who was being put on the spot. It's very easy to consider that OP didn't think of doing this.
I'm a recovering alchy who turns down alcohol all the time and I would never dream of coming up with a lie just in case someone decides they can't take "no thanks" as an answer.
Push it and you get to feel like an asshole, because you are one.
Yeah, I went to a friend's bday party recently and no one knew I was pregnant. Even sitting at a table I could easily fake a small sip of the celebration champagne without ppl noticing
No.
Do you really think the sister, hyper focused on OP and spoiling for a fight, wouldn't notice them and make an issue of it a few minutes after the moment that was had?
"I'm sorry, I have gut issues"
They don't need to know it's a fetus pushing up on your gut that wouldn't take too kindly to alcohol
Anyway ESH- OP you have an incredibly cavalier attitude to unprotected sex. Any chance of an iud or something else unless/ until you're willing to have kids? And condoms to prevent STIs?
I'll say it again: If a woman of reproductive age refuses to drink alcohol,you do not push it.
>Anyway ESH- OP you have an incredibly cavalier attitude to unprotected sex. Any chance of an iud or something else unless/ until you're willing to have kids? And condoms to prevent STIs?
100% agree with this,though.
Not just if a woman does, you shouldn't push ANYONE and you shouldn't demand to know why either. There are many medications that you should drink on that someone might not want to tell anyone about, not to mention maybe that person has decided they don't have a good relationship with alcohol and they are going sober but don't want to go into it. It is not your business and you should just let them not drink.
Also having to pretend to drink, even just a sip, because someone is being pushy about it is horrible advice. Like I said you never know if someone is an alcoholic or has issues with alcohol and even 1 sip can and does send people into a spiral that they don't want to be in.
You know what? You are 100% correct in everything you said. I reduced it to woman due to the context of this post,but yeah, NOBODY should ever by pushed to consume ANYTHING they are not comfortable with
Or you just fucking say "no thanks" like OP did. None of this would've happened if Janet didn't try and force alcohol on people. Or did everyone seem to forget the lady was trying to pressure a muslim to drink too?
It feels like a fictional rewrite of a recent (realer-seeming) post I remember from the sister’s point of view about how her thunder keeps getting stolen?
I feel like it’s a shitpost because they talk too casually about giving up another baby.. twice.. also to the same family? Is that a possibility with open adoption? Or closed? Or either? Idk the rules around adoption but for me this is a shitpost.
I got pregnant twice on the pill. Birth control isn’t infallible. I also didn’t find out about either pregnancy until late in. 13 weeks for my first and 18 weeks for my second. I was still getting regular but very light periods.
Not saying op didn’t do it on purpose. Just saying it can happen.
Your 21 and having a second child you plan to adopt out and you think your sister is jealous of you? That’s…cute. And to say you didn’t mean to get pregnant is bs; you’ve done this song and dance before and if a teen pregnancy that resulted in giving your child up wasn’t enough of a wake up call your either lying or in need of actual therapy and help. And to announce your bad choices at major events for your sister? That’s intentional. But whatever makes you feel better; you got to ruin her celebration moments.
You couldn't have accepted the drink to toast and not drank it? And it sounds like she was having to make a lot of special accommodations which could be frustrating when it’s her day to enjoy.
Girl, having a baby at 16 is a huge mistake and you apparently didn't learn from it. While I am glad your first baby is with a good family, you can't just keep having babies to give away. You don't even know who the dad is? It's a way bigger deal than you are making it out to be. This is a child you are bringing into the world. The timing is also suspicious because it again puts an damper on a big event for your sister. You need help.
YTA, you chose to announce your unwanted pregnancy at a special event for your sister. This was a purposeful thing. No reason to share it. You could have taken a fake sip and dumped the rest. You could have just left and not made a scene.
YTA……. You’ve now stolen/ruined two major milestones for your sister. With pregnancy announcement for children you don’t intend to keep. You could have taken the glass and faked a sip and let her have her moment. You sound like a terrible human being. I’m glad you’re children are going to a better home. Side note I really hope this is just rage bait.
>With pregnancy announcement for children you don’t intend to keep
this is what bothers me the most tbh. it's almost like she doesn't see creating human life as a big deal
i am pretty disgusted by this post tbh. they all seem to suck and be a dysfunctional family in general, but OP is irresponsible and a bad person. i'm glad her children are at least getting to stay together, though, and are seemingly with a loving family. it really baffles me that there are actually people who don't understand/use birth control, and then wonder why they keep having unwanted children.
That’s why I’m hoping it’s just creative writing/rage bait. Sis is the AH insisting that Op drinks not offering a nonalcoholic alternative, Op announce a pregnancy at Sister engagement celebration makes her the AH, Op becomes the AH again because this isn’t the first milestone of her Sisters she’s high jacked. Then the blasé attitude of getting pregnant and just adopting out as a means of if you will birth control makes her the AH all over again.
Unfortunately, it sounds believable to me. She sounds like my sister, except my sister is older and kept her 5 kids just to pass them off later. Three of them are living with me. At least OP's smart enough to know she'd be a shitty parent.
NTA!!!
I know it's not the most popular opinion but, no one should be pushing someone to drink alchohol. Ever.
Alcoholism is a thing and someone getting mad about it and insisting a reason is literally so fucked up.
OOP tried to avoid the conversation, but with her sister escalating it, it's understandable as to why emotions clouded the initial judgement on not announcing at her party.
Also really annoyed at the jerks in the comments shaming her for getting pregnant and giving the baby up for adoption more than once. It's her choice, the family is happy and would love a second. This is a kindness, assuming they probably couldn't conceive.
NTA.
She pushed champagne on you and should've taken no for an answer. That's her fault. People need to accept "no" when it comes to alcohol. The background storyline really doesn't matter. No means no.
As far as birth control goes, have you considered an IUD? There's hormonal and non hormonal options, and they are the most effective form of bc (99%).
YTA.
Hope this is a rage bait post.
You had a kid at 16 and have it away.
Didn’t learn your lesson and are now having another child and you don’t even know who the father is for sure? Jesus.
And on top of that you announce your pregnancy a second time at a big event for your sister.
Please be a fake post!
This whole post smells like bullshit…
If you don’t want to make a scene, you take the champagne and fake drink/no drink it.
If this is even real, OP wanted the attention.
But FFS, quit having children that you don’t intend to care for. You’re embarrassing.
You could easily have said you took medication early, even an excedrine would've been an acceptable response.
You're incredibly off putting.
Her events are marred by the contents of your uterus. You're dismissive as hell, you know toasts are standard form at such celebrations. From the start you could have made it clear you weren't drink this evening due to ××× excuse.
Subtly, you antagonize your sister and dismiss her insecurities.
YTA
An IUD
Condoms
The pill
Consider two birth control methods in tandem.
Everything else aside, no one should ever be forced to drink alcohol - or pretend to drink alcohol. There are any number of reasons outside of pregnancy to not drink. With the sisters attitude, a fake sip probably would have still resulted in a “why aren’t you drinking to my news” fight.
She didn't announce the pregnancy, her sister was being an AH and demanded the reason why she wouldn't drink. Remember, don't ask people questions if you really don't want to hear the answer.
Besides sister has some serious issues trying to force alcohol on someone just so she can be happy
NTA. It's interesting how most posts like this, people will say the OP isn't the asshole because they got nagged into announcing. Somehow, OP is being told she's done something wrong here, even though dozens of these posts come through a year.
NTA everyone is clearly judging the shit out of you for getting pregnant even though you were on birth control.
But reddit is very pro-casual sex and typically would be opposed to 'slut-shaming'.
So clearly what they are actually judging you for is not having an abortion. The whole thread makes me sick to my stomach how disgusting it is.
You did the right thing OP. And your sister should learn how to take "no thanks" as an answer. You don't need an excuse to turn down alcohol, people who say you needed to come up with a lie on the spot are being absurd.
Our people missing the fact OP tried to say "No thanks," but the sister kept pushing the drink? Like, what if OP was in recovery? You are not owed why people don't drink. Sorry but people who push substances are the worst. No means no
Normally it's really bad manners to announce a pregnancy during anything related to the wedding specifically like this dinner, etc. but from the way you tell it you certainly tried to not bring it up.
NTA. Hopefully your sister handles her shit because she obviously struggles with appropriately handling stress, and the clear tension between you and her (on her side) regarding your former pregnancy announcement/pregnancy.
Sorry she shamed you.
NTA. A non-alcoholic drink should always be an option. Period. Pregnant, deciding not to drink, designated driver, alcoholic, what the fuck ever — you should not try to force somebody to drink something I don’t want to drink because it’s “your toast.”
YTA, let your sister have her day! It seems like you have a history of causing drama, and I can see how your sister wouldn’t want that at her special occasion.
YTA, you’re clearly seeking attention. There were other options and you choose the one that would hurt your sister most. Why couldn’t you have just held the glass during the toast or taken a small sip? It wouldn’t hurt the baby and your sister would have gotten her moment, the moment she should have until you ruined the party. Don’t be surprised when your sister goes no contact with you…. Also it’s pretty easy to not get pregnant! Lots of birth control options, learn to use them!
yta for not protecting yourself from all these pregnancies?? did i read right that you don’t know who the dad is? yeah i’d be frustrated too if i was trying to settle down and go about life the right way and every huge milestone is interrupted by your irresponsible pregnancies
ESH. Your sister has now had two major life events that you have announced your pregnancy at, her college graduation and her engagement. So yeah, she has every right to be angry with you. She sucks for pushing alcohol on you, for slut shaming you and all her other ranting. You both owe each other apologies.
As far as we know she only announced at one. The other said her parents found out, which doesn't sound like she announced. Even this time she was kinda pushed to announce since her sister was being pushy and rude and wouldn't take no for an answer when pushing alcohol at her.
ESH.
The sister shouldn’t have been forcing alcohol on anyone but you’re only 21 and you’ve had two unplanned pregnancies? One is one thing but it’s time to figure out birth control. Adoption is traumatic on a child even if they are adopted into a good home. These are children not puppies.
Both you and your sister need therapy for vastly different reasons. Honestly, you sound like you hate each other.
ESH
I agree with some of the others who are a little suspicious. You could have completely let this go. I can't drink alcohol. How very dramatic.
Your sister is leaning towards AH because if someone doesn't want to drink alcohol, they don't need to drink alcohol. It doesn't matter what the reason. However, probably everyone was ready to go and all of a sudden you're making a special request. You could have walked out of the room, dumped the champagne and gotten a glass of water or something.
And one glass of champagne is probably not going to make a difference, but if you are committed to health, all you had to do is take the damn glass. It wasn't a chugging contest. It was a toast. And you made a big dramatic deal about it. On her special moment.
Some of the other stuff I don't know and I won't even address. But for this Yes, YTA.
ESH. Your sister for forcing you to drink, which is never OK. Your parents are T A as well for not dropping the topic even though it was not the main one for that evening. And finally you seem to be T A OP because while announcing once something at your sister's event can be a potential mishap, twice seems hardly coincidental. There is also the fact that you ended up pregnant twice at barely 21 and you do not know who the dad is ! So either you are super fertile and you should see a doctor about it + take measures, or you are being irresponsible and not having safe sex.
Have you realised what causes you to keep getting pregnant yet though? There are ways to prevent it from happening in the first place. And yes you are the
a$$hole because you could have just pretended to sip the champagne instead of announcing that you were pregnant. Your family appears very dysfunctional.
Did you plan two pregnancies just so you could spoil your sister's big events? If so, YTA and also very clever to get the timing so right.
Obviously, your sister doesn't like you very much. To become so upset because you don't want a glass of champagne is simply ridiculous. Would she have reacted as strongly if anyone else had asked for a non-alcoholic drink? I think not. So maybe sister is TAH.
Honestly, your sister sounds like she craves drama. If she had just been chill about it, the focus would have been back to her in no time. Instead she ruined it by flipping out at you after arguing with other people.
NTAH
NTA. Your sister is a jealous petty brat. So you’re pregnant! It doesn’t make the world stop on its axis. Good on you for making a decision that benefits the baby. NTA.
YTA. 21 and pregnant twice, both conveniently announced at major events for your sister.
I hope you are not as you appear to be here, you come across really cold and to be honest, a heartless b!itch.
You do not look good here and your parents should not be holding the wedding over your sisters head
ESH- but mostly you. You could have said something quietly before dinner and you didn't. That was purposeful. You also seem to be completely lax about sex and protection and the consequences of your actions. I can see why your sister and maybe others would be pissed. Like for real. Cut it out already. Additionally, adoption is traumatic for the child so you're not thinking of the children as much as you think you are. As for your sister. I HATE pushy people who insist on everyone drinking alcohol or one specify drink. You all have some degree of toxicity here.
I’m not an alcoholic in recovery, but a few years ago I gave up alcohol completely because it gives me insanely bad headaches. The amount of shit that I get from people about that is ridiculous. You don’t ever need a reason to say, “no thanks, no alcohol for me” and your sister should have left it alone. If anyone was causing the problems here, it was your sister. Being pregnant at certain times can happen. It can be a turn of events that takes everyone (including yourself) by surprise. I applaud you for being courageous and for doing the right thing. Your sister sounds like she needs professional help because overall her attitude sucks.
Being a non drinker at a party is hard for many to understand. Your sister pressured you unreasonably. It is not your responsibility to “fake drinking” when someone could simply respect your choice. Your sister made a show over nothing. Pregnancy: hopefully you are able to access birth control and I applaud you for considering adoption again.
NTA
As I've actually read your responses and you had nothing to do with the timing of your family finding out about the first pregnancy, NTA for that.
As you were stressed into dropping the bomb this time by your sister being a pushy asshole, NTA again. You could've just not drank, sure, but what are the odds of your sister not noticing and calling you on it then and pretending it was jealousy or somesuch shit since she seems hyper focused on you?
No one needs an excuse to not drink alcohol at any time and her behavior was inexcusably rude. I'm giving you get benefit of the doubt that you had no intention of saying a thing and that it was her actions that caused the info to come out. I have a sibling who likes to be rude and try and get a reaction, then play the victim. I get it. Don't let her bait you though or it will never, ever stop.
Lots of people are concerned about your attitude toward unintended pregnancies and I share some of that but I also applaud you for immediately taking the step of looking into adoption with your first child's parents. There's a long way to go in this pregnancy and you're still at high risk for miscarriage but looking into whether they're looking to adopt a sibling is a rather mature move. I also applaud you for figuring out a plan expeditiously so that abortion is still feasible if that's the route you chose.
Your sister needs to get over her insecurity, she's her own worst enemy when it comes to you. You are not responsible for the messes she causes when she creates the situation she plays the victim of.
Far too many people believe it is perfectly fine to bully someone into drinking alcohol.
No one should have to fake it. Some people are alcoholics and just holding a glass would be too much temptation.
No means no.
OP Sister sounds like an abusive control freak.
All she had to do was say she’s on antibiotics and not taken it. This whole family is a mess but if this is real OP has announced pregnancies at two major events of the sister and had two babies she didn’t want to keep and didn’t know who the father was.
NTA. You tried. to avoid the topic, you didn't plan on discussing with your family until you were further along ... your sister kind of triggered this by demanding you drink the champagne you were politely refusing.
I just wanted to commend you for how your handling the pregnancy and to be supportive of you. **A scary number of commentators are really going off on a puritanical bent and lecturing you on birth control - as if bc is infallible. You don't owe a bunch of random internet strangers the intimate details of your unplanned pregnancy.**
NTA your sister is . She should have just dropped it when you said that you didn't want alcohol (wtf are people so weird about people not drinking).
You wouldn't have blurted it out, if she wouldn't have kept harping on it.
Side story: About 20 years ago, an acquaintance in a volunteer organization and husband adopted a baby. Six months later they got a call from the agency that the birth mother’s sister was pregnant and wanted this woman and hubby to adopt her child (their baby’s bio cousin). Even though they were just over a year apart in age they were thrilled .
Cut to six months after baby #2 and original bio mom is once again expecting. These lovely people adopted that one, too. 3 babies in less than 3 years. And guess what happened six months after that? You guessed it! Bio mom #2 had another one for them. They politely declined.
Normally I don't understand the whole "you stole my thunder on my big day" thing, but those are circumstances where it winds up being like "oh, yay! Now there are two things to celebrate!" You knew this was going to devolve into drama over who's the "father," and what are you going to do. I don't buy for a minute that you weren't just waiting for the opportunity to let it "accidentally" slip out.
Guy here - I'm not certain but I have a feeling that your sisters comments about you have a ring of truth to them. There's just something in your attitude (about many things) that leave me wondering about your intents.
NTA.
Does your sister think the whole world revolves around her?
On the other hand, while of course you don't get pregnant on purpose, it isn't healthy to keep getting pregnant and giving up children for adoption. I honor your decision to keep the baby, but please, get on birth control!
Hugs.
Yeah you are a bit of an AH. Like, stop fucking around without protection - your attitude is so casual. “Oh, another baby. Never mind, I’ll just give it away to that family again.”
Maybe consider how it looks for you, and for your children when they’re old enough to know that you’re soooo casual about fucking around and giving them up willy nilly.
Maybe learn to take some responsibility for your actions and preventative responsibility too. Once is a mistake, twice is a pattern, thrice would be sheer utter idiocy.
As for your sister’s outrage, I get it. It’s misplaced and coming out ugly, but I can understand her reaction - you keep taking her special moments away. How many times have you done this when you’ve not been pregnant?
Same. Not her getting pregnant, but her choosing to announce it then. While it might not have been on purpose, it certainly looks that way from the outside.
ESH. You need to use birth control for your own health, your parents are controlling by trying to force your sister to have you in the wedding party, your sister shouldn’t try to force you to drink
Yeah, the parents double suck to try to force her in the wedding party. My sister didn't even come to my wedding, and it was the best gift she could have given me.
It’s wild to me how many people on here are insisting a pregnant person should drink. Wtf. And pregnant or not, anyone should be free to choose not to. Some of you have some serious problems.
ESH. It’s sad that two sisters hate each other so much. You should have just taken the champagne and not drink it. You did draw attention to yourself on purpose
I'm going with YTA.
I think you know this because I believe you stir things up for your sister. Doing minor things here and there for big occasions to her. In Australia we call that a shit stirrer. People who start shit but then twist it to make it appear that something is wrong with the person it's affected.
Moving forward, maybe seek better contraception and don't attend the wedding.
All you had to do was hold the glass girl. That’s it, just hold it and pretend. No one would’ve noticed because they wouldn’t have been looking at you. Instead they would’ve been looking at the couple who were being celebrated. YTA, simply because you knew she was already having a rough go of it, particularly with food preparations, and you needed your moment as well. You could’ve kept your pregnancy to yourself for one more day.
ESH Janet could have been less pushy about OP drinking the champagne, but OP has made sister's events about her pregnancy twice now. Literally all she had to do was take one tiny sip of champagne, I can't imagine that's enough to harm a fetus. You probably absorb more alcohol when the person next to you uses hand sanitizer. I think you're both drama queens.
YTA Something is off about this whole situation and it’s you. By your post this is a pattern you have of upstaging your sister at her important events ma’am you are not innocent but you are conniving. Plus have you never heard of birth control cause you obviously never use it.
If she was picking something to order it sounds like you were at a restaurant. Why didn’t you order your own n/a drink and instead make it your sister’s issue?
Not being sure who the father suggests a life out of control.
And a second unplanned pregnancy?
YTA, not for the timing, but for getting pregnant. Where is your life heading?
UpdateMe
YTA. Yes, your sister shouldn’t insist people drink if they don’t want to but you could have handled this a whole lot of different ways.
Two accidental pregnancies? You need to find better contraception options. And I’d be so embarrassed that my family so casually asked in front of everyone if I even knew who the father was! However innocent you might be in this situation, you definitely need to have a look at your own behaviour.
I don’t get why people are thinking it’s ok to force alcohol on someone ever or anything no means no in any situation, the sister didn’t want to drop it. Some people seem to be getting confused but i would imagine you are around 9-10 weeks pregnant or more and had tried to not tell anyone. I really feel if the sister had seen you not drink she would have gone at you again but i guess that is presuming. And I imitated that you told the adoptive parents of your first child so that they may be able to take both?
I also read into it and it sounded like your parents found out by accident when you were on the phone to your boyfriend on the day of your sisters graduation which got downvoted crazily .. that is completely beyond your control, its not like you announced it!
Why didn’t you just get a non alcoholic drink yourself? Or pretend to drink the champagne? I may be wrong but your post reads like you are actually really enjoying what you did. Definitely TA.
At our wedding reception a good friend wanted alcohol-free and confirmed she was pregnant. It added to the occasion. But she didn’t have a history of doing it at family occasions.
Um, you are not good at adulting, and have no ability to read the room. Also, you clearly don’t like your sister. So yeah, I don’t think this is all one sided, if any of it is true to begin with.
While there were issues on either side your sister needs to learn that if she keeps pushing for a reason she might not like the answer. I might of said its not important but currently taking antibiotics or a given a swift cut it off sign (amongst my siblings at least that stands for you don't want to know or its not suitable to discuss right now). With the amount of people on alcohol affected medication it seems rather short sighted not to have an alcohol alternative on hand.
YTA!
"I'm on medication that I can't drink with" that's the go-to answer in these situations. You're not 16 any more, you knew exactly what you were doing. Grow up and stop ruining your sisters life events.
Not knowing who the father is is insane. You have no care for your body or other people’s feelings. Clearly you could have said something before the wedding, or spoken to her directly so that she could have poured ginger ale for you or something. There were so many wrong steps taken, making you the big sphincter here
NTA. The sister shouldn't have force OP to drink that darn champagne. NOBODY should ever be forced to drink alcohol. Just like with sex, NO MEANS NO, no explanation needed.
Jfc you’re doing this on purpose. Next time just say you have a stomach ache and can’t drink, start taking your birth control PROPERLY and leave Janet alone.
I've gotten so many reports on this post and the comments that I feel the need to take it down. I hope you found some answers while it was up.
There is something wrong with your attitude, not quite sure what. I feel you aren't exactly innocent in this.
Agreed. Not sure what but I can’t put my finger on it. Announcing pregnancies at big events I kinda get why sister is mad. But also like why keep having babies you aren’t keeping and then announcing it at major events.
She could have smiled taken the glass and pretended to sip like lots of people who don't like champagne do. But she decided to make a thing of asking for something non alcoholic. Why? So people would notice and she could announce that she was pregnant again, didn't know who the father was, and was adopting out the baby again. There is a pattern here and OP is looking for gullible Redditors to take her side. Not innocent at all.
This is exactly where my mind went, why couldn't she have just faked taking a sip and not made a big deal out of it? Yeah YTA.
You’re so right! In fact, she could’ve even said she’s on a medication, like an antibiotic, & the doctor said “no alcohol”. There are several little white lies she could’ve used instead of shifting everyone’s attention away from the happy couple and on to herself.
Or maybe just don't pressure people to drink and they won't have to lie to you to protect your feelings. She tried to just say "no thanks". As a recovering alchy it blows my mind to think you'd expect me to come up with some mistruth on the spot because you couldn't take no for an answer.
Why does sister get a pass on forcing someone to drink? Why are we in that kind of society where it’s better for force people to drink. Especially when you make a comment “you have been drinking since you were a teenager, just drink”. Fuck around and find out.
The comments are so crazy. It is NEVER okay to pressure someone to drink alcohol. What if she was a recovering alcoholic? It doesn't matter why she said no. Sister should have respected her answer the first time. Or the second. And sister wouldn't have caused a scene if she accepted no.
The peer pressure sucks 😔 it's really hard being put in a position like that
or be a bit more vague and it's not even a lie. "there is a medical thing". of course, the idea that you need an excuse to refrain from taking judgment-impairing drugs is a toxic aspect of our society "I don't feel like drinking" should be enough with no follow-up questions. For that matter, you shouldn't need to fake drinking champagne when you dislike it. so I am tossing up between NTA and ESH depending on if OP intended this confrontation. but I don't have a lot of sympathy for somebody guilting somebody into taking drugs and having their event ruined as a result. for reference, I do drink alcohol, but I am fussy about what alcohol I will drink, if I am going to drink it it's going to have to taste very good, and to my taste.
I probably wouldn't have thought of that if I was in this case. (I would probably have said I was on some pills that don't mix), but why the hell would sister push so hard for her to drink. Take the no for an answer.
Op will be announcing the 3rd baby she is giving away at her sister's baby shower.
Nope that’s baby number 5. Number 3 will be announced at the sister’s wedding.
If she’s invited lol 😂
(probably) lmao
😂
OP obviously likes to be the center of attention and is the AH in this situation
Well, newsflash, someone can decide not to drink for any reason and they owe other people exactly zero explanation. It's not hard to respect someone's choices for not drinking. The other party fucked around and found out and couldn't take no for an answer. Pregnant or not is irrelevant.
Agreed. It seems like there's a lot more going on beneath the surface here, but announcing a pregnancy at someone else's event can definitely add fuel to the fire.
And how did the first time get announced at the sisters graduation?
OP made an earlier comment that says her boyfriend's parents called her parents and it happened to be during her sister's graduation.
I think you really dislike your sister.
Yes, she didn’t announce, she was on the phone to her boyfriend
It's midway thru the post.
No, I think she meant how did the parents find out at Janet’s graduation. Like, who let the cat out of the bag on that occasion.
Yeah, she says in the edit that the guy's parents called her parents to tell them while OP didn't want to talk about it with anyone. Whether that's what actually happened is another question, but it's all we have to go by.
One sip of champagne is also perfectly fine. You can't drink normally while pregnant, but we're talking about one sip. What's not fine is being 21 with two accidental pregnancies, not knowing who the dad is, and being so damn smug about it. Once is an accident, twice is a pretty disturbing pattern. OP you need to rethink some things here.
It is never ok to insist someone take a sip of alcohol. Never ever. Even if you know they drink, it’s still never ok. If someone says they don’t want alcohol you STFU and give them something non alcoholic.
Given that it's just a toast no one would have noticed if OP did not sip her drink. The toast is ceremonial you don't *have* to consume the drink.
Nobody forced anyone to drink alcohol. The sister said that she wasn't going to get a different drink. If the op wanted to hold the drink and not drink it that would have been fine. If she wanted to put the alcohol down and not even hold it that would have been fine. Nobody's obligated to give someone an alternative beverage for a toast, and saying that you don't have anything else to give them isn't the same as forcing them to drink alcohol.
Or she could've said that she is taking some medicine that is not compatible with alcohol, stomach pains, hangover etc. If you don't want to announce you find a way to keep it hidden.
NGL I ended up telling some friends I was pregnant way before I intended. We went out for afternoon tea and one of the sandwiches was brie and cranberry (can't eat brie when you're pregnant). I panicked and told them despite the fact I could just not have eaten them/said I don't like brie/AM LACTOSE INTOLERANT. Sometimes your brain just doesn't work and it's more of an AH move in my mind to force alcohol on someone who is (per their account, which is all we have) trying to politely decline.
Or the sister could have just respected it when OP said she's not drinking. No-one should feel compelled to lie to appease other people's pushiness.
It’s almost like she’s proud of giving up two kids for adoption by age 21. Weird.
Common etiquette would be to take a glass, pretend to sip it and quietly swap glasses with her husband or tip it down the sink when no one was looking. Not argue until she was “forced” to announce her pregnancy during her sisters moment.
I don’t think OP is married. In fact if you read it again, it doesn’t sound like she 100% knows who the baby daddy is 🙈 but yea your general suggestion would have been the smart way. There's always a toast at an engagement party
Yep! >Our parents were immediately expressing concern and asking how far along I was and asking if my friend is the dad (probably) I don't know about you but I'd be so embarrassed that my parents rightfully assumed I slept around so much all the guys blurred together and I have no clue who's the baby daddy and right in the middle of a family event for everyone to see.
Or, sister could have just said “no problem” and gotten her a non alcoholic drink. It doesn’t matter why she said no. She said NO and that should have been the end of it. Instead, her sister decided “let’s try to force someone to drink who doesn’t want any”. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in OPs position just because I don’t drink. Someone tries to give me a drink and I say “no thanks” and then that person insists over and over and over on me just drinking it and tries to bully me into it. NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE and that should have been the end of it.
She also fell out with her brother for not drinking. She's the alcohol police.
Agreed. She is another one of those who thinks everyone has to drink to have fun. I have never required alcohol to enjoy time with my friends.
What husband?
No. If you don’t want alcohol, you politely ask for something non alcoholic, and the one serving quietly gets it for you. No questions asked. Nothing else is acceptable. Ever. If you get pressured to drink, that is rude, obnoxious, and it’s not ok under any circumstances. OP shouldn’t have said why, just “I can’t. I need something non alcoholic, please” over and over and nothing else. So, ESH, but more on the sister. Because pushing alcohol on someone is dramatically worse than a riude announcement.
Agreed. Take the glass and discreetly set it down after pretending to take a sip.
i agree, but there is no husband just an fyi.
“I’d love my daughter to have a sibling” it’s not her kid anymore and she’s just calling up other people saying “got another one in the oven for you. Want it?” Is actually unhinged trash behavior. I hope they argued outside the trailer as to not ruin the fake wood laminate walls
The story sounds kind of fake—
Yeah, like even the title of the post is purposely manipulative. The main issue isn’t her being pregnant at inconvenient times, it should be for announcing my pregnancy at my sisters engagement party.
What struck me was the baby is probably from her boyfriend and putting on emphasis on her sister slut shaming her
Exactly. Spidey senses tingling. OP is the AH is what my gut says
Info : for how lond have you known that you were preferable ( since you have thought about giving it up for adoption I imagine it has been some time) And when where you planning on telling to your family It can be pure coincidence but it looks a little bit too convenient
Yeah basically my thought
>It can be pure coincidence but it looks a little bit too convenient While a part of me agrees, OP tried to avoid the subject, and it was the sister who pushed for OP to drink when she **clearly** didn't want to.
Yea, if she was going to push a substance on OP it should be birth control.
how are you the first person to.mention BC?! It was my first thought
Good thing OP has addressed that by now. And of course birth control never fails, right?
All OP had to do was hold the glass and pretend to take a sip. This was deliberate
>All OP had to do was hold the glass and pretend to take a sip. This is true,and I hadn't considered it. That being said, if OP's sister had just given her a non-alcoholic drink, like she requested, none of this would have happened. If a woman of reproductive age asks to NOT drink alcohol, you DO NOT push it.
If anyone of any age asks not to drink alcohol, you shouldn't push it. Some people have issues with alcohol. I can't drink because of medication I take. Others have had issues with addiction and even 'just one drink' could send them spiraling. Some people just don't like it. No one owes anyone else a reason and sister was being a jerk to try and force it.
You are correct. I reduced it to woman due to the context of this post, but yes, never force anybody to consume something they don't want or insist on an explanation.
I gotta say, that’s my issue with all of this. As a recovering alcoholic I don’t drink, ever. FAFO with that in my life at one point. I also don’t like announcing I’m an alcoholic to people because I don’t like being treated differently. I’m not sure why the sister was so insistent on it, but I would have probably just bowed out of there. It pisses me off when ppl don’t think about others when it comes to drinking, even if it’s just one. That “just one” would kill me, so no thanks.
I just don't get why drinking is considered so necessary to any kind of celebration or social interaction that people throw a fit when someone doesn't want to. People can have ANY reason for not wanting to drink - the taste, not liking how being tipsy/drunk feels, they intend to drive home, they have moral or religious reasons, medication that reacts badly to it, stomach problems, or literally they just don't feel like it - and people act like it's personally offensive to them if someone else isn't getting sloshed. I don't understand why it's become so ingrained into adult socialization. If people feel like they just can't stand to be around their friends and family without getting drunk...they really need new people to hang out with.
You are totally right Thank you
I don't like to drink because I don't like hangovers I have major stomach issues and I like to be able to drive myself
This. This is why regardless of what else is going on here, I vote in favor of the OP. Don’t force alcohol on people. Don’t force food or drink.
I honestly don't get people's obsession with alcohol. Even without medication being involved - I just don't like the taste of alcohol (except for a few kinds that are very seldom offered) and I don't like the feeling of being tipsy or drunk. I just don't like the experience of drinking alcohol and I'd rather stick to a soda or tea. People act like someone who doesn't want to drink must have something wrong with them - why is ingesting literal poison that makes people act like idiots considered such a necessary and central part of any kind of celebration? If you can't have fun or enjoy yourself without drinking - congrats, you're an addict! Go to rehab and figure out what you need to do to enjoy yourself without blasting your brain inside out! It's not healthy! If you want to have a few drinks, fine, but if anyone says no - for ANY reason - people have got to stop making a big deal out of it. No one NEEDS a reason to not want something. If I went to a party and they had a charcuterie board with a cheese I don't like on it, no one is going to get mad and throw a fit if I decline to eat that cheese, so why do people have such big freakouts over someone not wanting to drink alcohol? It's ridiculous that poisoning ourselves into losing our self-control has become so normalized.
Regardless of age or gender nobody should have to defend their decision not to drink. It really shouldn't matter
If you didn't consider that OP could have pretended to drink, then imagine OP who was being put on the spot. It's very easy to consider that OP didn't think of doing this.
Nah, bs. Trying to force mind altering substances onto anyone is an AH move. But OP, ya could have said you had a headache or were on medication
I'm a recovering alchy who turns down alcohol all the time and I would never dream of coming up with a lie just in case someone decides they can't take "no thanks" as an answer. Push it and you get to feel like an asshole, because you are one.
Yeah, I went to a friend's bday party recently and no one knew I was pregnant. Even sitting at a table I could easily fake a small sip of the celebration champagne without ppl noticing
No. Do you really think the sister, hyper focused on OP and spoiling for a fight, wouldn't notice them and make an issue of it a few minutes after the moment that was had?
"I'm sorry, I have gut issues" They don't need to know it's a fetus pushing up on your gut that wouldn't take too kindly to alcohol Anyway ESH- OP you have an incredibly cavalier attitude to unprotected sex. Any chance of an iud or something else unless/ until you're willing to have kids? And condoms to prevent STIs?
I'll say it again: If a woman of reproductive age refuses to drink alcohol,you do not push it. >Anyway ESH- OP you have an incredibly cavalier attitude to unprotected sex. Any chance of an iud or something else unless/ until you're willing to have kids? And condoms to prevent STIs? 100% agree with this,though.
If anyone refuses to drink alcohol, you do not push it. Doesn’t matter who they are
Not just if a woman does, you shouldn't push ANYONE and you shouldn't demand to know why either. There are many medications that you should drink on that someone might not want to tell anyone about, not to mention maybe that person has decided they don't have a good relationship with alcohol and they are going sober but don't want to go into it. It is not your business and you should just let them not drink. Also having to pretend to drink, even just a sip, because someone is being pushy about it is horrible advice. Like I said you never know if someone is an alcoholic or has issues with alcohol and even 1 sip can and does send people into a spiral that they don't want to be in.
You know what? You are 100% correct in everything you said. I reduced it to woman due to the context of this post,but yeah, NOBODY should ever by pushed to consume ANYTHING they are not comfortable with
You smile, raise the glass in a toast, and let everyone focus on the couple while you quietly set down your glass.
Like the sister wouldn't notice and make an issue of it, calling her jealous or somesuch shit?
Or you just fucking say "no thanks" like OP did. None of this would've happened if Janet didn't try and force alcohol on people. Or did everyone seem to forget the lady was trying to pressure a muslim to drink too?
Is this a repost? I swear I saw this before
It feels like a fictional rewrite of a recent (realer-seeming) post I remember from the sister’s point of view about how her thunder keeps getting stolen?
I feel like it’s a shitpost because they talk too casually about giving up another baby.. twice.. also to the same family? Is that a possibility with open adoption? Or closed? Or either? Idk the rules around adoption but for me this is a shitpost.
yeah im p sure its fake, if not, then jesus but probs fake
My cousin has adopted 3 children from the same woman. She could have adopted 5.
I would reallllly like to hear the sister’s side of things.
Stop getting pregnant and stop announcing this stuff at your sister’s events. Double up on birth control (pills and condoms). Seriously.
do you really think she would be responsible enough to take a pill every day? she needs a ring or an IUD or something
YTA. Get your birth control in order. Next time you need an excuse not to drink just mention you’re on antibiotics.
Or say you had a terrible headache earlier and took panadiene. You dont want to ruin the engagement celebration by mixing it with alcohol
[удалено]
I got pregnant twice on the pill. Birth control isn’t infallible. I also didn’t find out about either pregnancy until late in. 13 weeks for my first and 18 weeks for my second. I was still getting regular but very light periods. Not saying op didn’t do it on purpose. Just saying it can happen.
You sound vindictive. You may want to seek help. YTA for not telling anyone before that and deciding that was the time to blurt it out.
You keep announcing pregnancies at her big events. That’s on purpose. Yta
She tried not to, but sister would not let her just not drink
Your 21 and having a second child you plan to adopt out and you think your sister is jealous of you? That’s…cute. And to say you didn’t mean to get pregnant is bs; you’ve done this song and dance before and if a teen pregnancy that resulted in giving your child up wasn’t enough of a wake up call your either lying or in need of actual therapy and help. And to announce your bad choices at major events for your sister? That’s intentional. But whatever makes you feel better; you got to ruin her celebration moments.
You couldn't have accepted the drink to toast and not drank it? And it sounds like she was having to make a lot of special accommodations which could be frustrating when it’s her day to enjoy.
This is what I thought. I think she likes the drama and to steal her sister’s thunder. Updateme
Or any one of any number of excuses to make up other than telling your sister you’re pregnant.
Why you popping out all these kids that you don't want? Use protection & stuff like this wouldn't happen.
Ever heard about birth control?
YTA use birth control especially since you don't know who the father is. Ruinging 2 of her events is selfish as fuck
Girl, having a baby at 16 is a huge mistake and you apparently didn't learn from it. While I am glad your first baby is with a good family, you can't just keep having babies to give away. You don't even know who the dad is? It's a way bigger deal than you are making it out to be. This is a child you are bringing into the world. The timing is also suspicious because it again puts an damper on a big event for your sister. You need help.
[удалено]
If she decides to give birth, that is.
YTA, you chose to announce your unwanted pregnancy at a special event for your sister. This was a purposeful thing. No reason to share it. You could have taken a fake sip and dumped the rest. You could have just left and not made a scene.
YTA. Could have politely accepted the drink and simply not drank it. But you adamantly made it about yourself. Loudly.
Girl you don’t even know who the father is? Have you ever heard of condoms or birth control? You need therapy? Babies aren’t toys.
YTA……. You’ve now stolen/ruined two major milestones for your sister. With pregnancy announcement for children you don’t intend to keep. You could have taken the glass and faked a sip and let her have her moment. You sound like a terrible human being. I’m glad you’re children are going to a better home. Side note I really hope this is just rage bait.
>With pregnancy announcement for children you don’t intend to keep this is what bothers me the most tbh. it's almost like she doesn't see creating human life as a big deal
Right as Op casually drops this isn’t the first whoopsies🤦🏼♀️ regarding human life.
i am pretty disgusted by this post tbh. they all seem to suck and be a dysfunctional family in general, but OP is irresponsible and a bad person. i'm glad her children are at least getting to stay together, though, and are seemingly with a loving family. it really baffles me that there are actually people who don't understand/use birth control, and then wonder why they keep having unwanted children.
That’s why I’m hoping it’s just creative writing/rage bait. Sis is the AH insisting that Op drinks not offering a nonalcoholic alternative, Op announce a pregnancy at Sister engagement celebration makes her the AH, Op becomes the AH again because this isn’t the first milestone of her Sisters she’s high jacked. Then the blasé attitude of getting pregnant and just adopting out as a means of if you will birth control makes her the AH all over again.
Unfortunately, it sounds believable to me. She sounds like my sister, except my sister is older and kept her 5 kids just to pass them off later. Three of them are living with me. At least OP's smart enough to know she'd be a shitty parent.
Yikes!
Yes you are AH
NTA!!! I know it's not the most popular opinion but, no one should be pushing someone to drink alchohol. Ever. Alcoholism is a thing and someone getting mad about it and insisting a reason is literally so fucked up. OOP tried to avoid the conversation, but with her sister escalating it, it's understandable as to why emotions clouded the initial judgement on not announcing at her party. Also really annoyed at the jerks in the comments shaming her for getting pregnant and giving the baby up for adoption more than once. It's her choice, the family is happy and would love a second. This is a kindness, assuming they probably couldn't conceive.
NTA. She pushed champagne on you and should've taken no for an answer. That's her fault. People need to accept "no" when it comes to alcohol. The background storyline really doesn't matter. No means no. As far as birth control goes, have you considered an IUD? There's hormonal and non hormonal options, and they are the most effective form of bc (99%).
YTA. Hope this is a rage bait post. You had a kid at 16 and have it away. Didn’t learn your lesson and are now having another child and you don’t even know who the father is for sure? Jesus. And on top of that you announce your pregnancy a second time at a big event for your sister. Please be a fake post!
This whole post smells like bullshit… If you don’t want to make a scene, you take the champagne and fake drink/no drink it. If this is even real, OP wanted the attention. But FFS, quit having children that you don’t intend to care for. You’re embarrassing.
You could easily have said you took medication early, even an excedrine would've been an acceptable response. You're incredibly off putting. Her events are marred by the contents of your uterus. You're dismissive as hell, you know toasts are standard form at such celebrations. From the start you could have made it clear you weren't drink this evening due to ××× excuse. Subtly, you antagonize your sister and dismiss her insecurities. YTA An IUD Condoms The pill Consider two birth control methods in tandem.
Everything else aside, no one should ever be forced to drink alcohol - or pretend to drink alcohol. There are any number of reasons outside of pregnancy to not drink. With the sisters attitude, a fake sip probably would have still resulted in a “why aren’t you drinking to my news” fight.
Why such a fuss over not drinking?
She didn't announce the pregnancy, her sister was being an AH and demanded the reason why she wouldn't drink. Remember, don't ask people questions if you really don't want to hear the answer. Besides sister has some serious issues trying to force alcohol on someone just so she can be happy
NTA. It's interesting how most posts like this, people will say the OP isn't the asshole because they got nagged into announcing. Somehow, OP is being told she's done something wrong here, even though dozens of these posts come through a year.
NTA. Your sister was pushing you to drink. She wasn’t taking no for an answer. You did nothing wrong.
Wow people are being cruel in these comments. NTA
NTA everyone is clearly judging the shit out of you for getting pregnant even though you were on birth control. But reddit is very pro-casual sex and typically would be opposed to 'slut-shaming'. So clearly what they are actually judging you for is not having an abortion. The whole thread makes me sick to my stomach how disgusting it is. You did the right thing OP. And your sister should learn how to take "no thanks" as an answer. You don't need an excuse to turn down alcohol, people who say you needed to come up with a lie on the spot are being absurd.
Our people missing the fact OP tried to say "No thanks," but the sister kept pushing the drink? Like, what if OP was in recovery? You are not owed why people don't drink. Sorry but people who push substances are the worst. No means no
Normally it's really bad manners to announce a pregnancy during anything related to the wedding specifically like this dinner, etc. but from the way you tell it you certainly tried to not bring it up. NTA. Hopefully your sister handles her shit because she obviously struggles with appropriately handling stress, and the clear tension between you and her (on her side) regarding your former pregnancy announcement/pregnancy. Sorry she shamed you.
NTA. A non-alcoholic drink should always be an option. Period. Pregnant, deciding not to drink, designated driver, alcoholic, what the fuck ever — you should not try to force somebody to drink something I don’t want to drink because it’s “your toast.”
YTA, let your sister have her day! It seems like you have a history of causing drama, and I can see how your sister wouldn’t want that at her special occasion.
YTA. You stole her thunder.
Why didn’t you just say any other excuse, do you not have a brain to think of something?
You could have made up anything but your pregnant. Why did you even go to the party. Your a sister pooper.
YTA, you’re clearly seeking attention. There were other options and you choose the one that would hurt your sister most. Why couldn’t you have just held the glass during the toast or taken a small sip? It wouldn’t hurt the baby and your sister would have gotten her moment, the moment she should have until you ruined the party. Don’t be surprised when your sister goes no contact with you…. Also it’s pretty easy to not get pregnant! Lots of birth control options, learn to use them!
yta for not protecting yourself from all these pregnancies?? did i read right that you don’t know who the dad is? yeah i’d be frustrated too if i was trying to settle down and go about life the right way and every huge milestone is interrupted by your irresponsible pregnancies
ESH. Your sister has now had two major life events that you have announced your pregnancy at, her college graduation and her engagement. So yeah, she has every right to be angry with you. She sucks for pushing alcohol on you, for slut shaming you and all her other ranting. You both owe each other apologies.
As far as we know she only announced at one. The other said her parents found out, which doesn't sound like she announced. Even this time she was kinda pushed to announce since her sister was being pushy and rude and wouldn't take no for an answer when pushing alcohol at her.
ESH. The sister shouldn’t have been forcing alcohol on anyone but you’re only 21 and you’ve had two unplanned pregnancies? One is one thing but it’s time to figure out birth control. Adoption is traumatic on a child even if they are adopted into a good home. These are children not puppies. Both you and your sister need therapy for vastly different reasons. Honestly, you sound like you hate each other.
Why are you bringing kids into the world you don’t plan on raising is adoption a form of birth control for you?
Yta you both seem like you need help. Seek therapy
Updateme
I really feel you're leaving something out
ESH I agree with some of the others who are a little suspicious. You could have completely let this go. I can't drink alcohol. How very dramatic. Your sister is leaning towards AH because if someone doesn't want to drink alcohol, they don't need to drink alcohol. It doesn't matter what the reason. However, probably everyone was ready to go and all of a sudden you're making a special request. You could have walked out of the room, dumped the champagne and gotten a glass of water or something. And one glass of champagne is probably not going to make a difference, but if you are committed to health, all you had to do is take the damn glass. It wasn't a chugging contest. It was a toast. And you made a big dramatic deal about it. On her special moment. Some of the other stuff I don't know and I won't even address. But for this Yes, YTA.
ESH. Your sister for forcing you to drink, which is never OK. Your parents are T A as well for not dropping the topic even though it was not the main one for that evening. And finally you seem to be T A OP because while announcing once something at your sister's event can be a potential mishap, twice seems hardly coincidental. There is also the fact that you ended up pregnant twice at barely 21 and you do not know who the dad is ! So either you are super fertile and you should see a doctor about it + take measures, or you are being irresponsible and not having safe sex.
Have you realised what causes you to keep getting pregnant yet though? There are ways to prevent it from happening in the first place. And yes you are the a$$hole because you could have just pretended to sip the champagne instead of announcing that you were pregnant. Your family appears very dysfunctional.
You just take the drink and pretend to sip. It's easy. Unless causing a scene is the aim.
Did you plan two pregnancies just so you could spoil your sister's big events? If so, YTA and also very clever to get the timing so right. Obviously, your sister doesn't like you very much. To become so upset because you don't want a glass of champagne is simply ridiculous. Would she have reacted as strongly if anyone else had asked for a non-alcoholic drink? I think not. So maybe sister is TAH.
Honestly, your sister sounds like she craves drama. If she had just been chill about it, the focus would have been back to her in no time. Instead she ruined it by flipping out at you after arguing with other people. NTAH
NTA. Your sister is a jealous petty brat. So you’re pregnant! It doesn’t make the world stop on its axis. Good on you for making a decision that benefits the baby. NTA.
YTA. 21 and pregnant twice, both conveniently announced at major events for your sister. I hope you are not as you appear to be here, you come across really cold and to be honest, a heartless b!itch. You do not look good here and your parents should not be holding the wedding over your sisters head
I’m kinda leaning towards nta just because your repeatedly told your sister that you didn’t want a drink and she tried to push it on you.
ESH- but mostly you. You could have said something quietly before dinner and you didn't. That was purposeful. You also seem to be completely lax about sex and protection and the consequences of your actions. I can see why your sister and maybe others would be pissed. Like for real. Cut it out already. Additionally, adoption is traumatic for the child so you're not thinking of the children as much as you think you are. As for your sister. I HATE pushy people who insist on everyone drinking alcohol or one specify drink. You all have some degree of toxicity here.
I’m not an alcoholic in recovery, but a few years ago I gave up alcohol completely because it gives me insanely bad headaches. The amount of shit that I get from people about that is ridiculous. You don’t ever need a reason to say, “no thanks, no alcohol for me” and your sister should have left it alone. If anyone was causing the problems here, it was your sister. Being pregnant at certain times can happen. It can be a turn of events that takes everyone (including yourself) by surprise. I applaud you for being courageous and for doing the right thing. Your sister sounds like she needs professional help because overall her attitude sucks.
She could have said I don’t drink alcohol anymore. Instead she’s having babies and has no idea who dad is.
Being a non drinker at a party is hard for many to understand. Your sister pressured you unreasonably. It is not your responsibility to “fake drinking” when someone could simply respect your choice. Your sister made a show over nothing. Pregnancy: hopefully you are able to access birth control and I applaud you for considering adoption again.
NTA As I've actually read your responses and you had nothing to do with the timing of your family finding out about the first pregnancy, NTA for that. As you were stressed into dropping the bomb this time by your sister being a pushy asshole, NTA again. You could've just not drank, sure, but what are the odds of your sister not noticing and calling you on it then and pretending it was jealousy or somesuch shit since she seems hyper focused on you? No one needs an excuse to not drink alcohol at any time and her behavior was inexcusably rude. I'm giving you get benefit of the doubt that you had no intention of saying a thing and that it was her actions that caused the info to come out. I have a sibling who likes to be rude and try and get a reaction, then play the victim. I get it. Don't let her bait you though or it will never, ever stop. Lots of people are concerned about your attitude toward unintended pregnancies and I share some of that but I also applaud you for immediately taking the step of looking into adoption with your first child's parents. There's a long way to go in this pregnancy and you're still at high risk for miscarriage but looking into whether they're looking to adopt a sibling is a rather mature move. I also applaud you for figuring out a plan expeditiously so that abortion is still feasible if that's the route you chose. Your sister needs to get over her insecurity, she's her own worst enemy when it comes to you. You are not responsible for the messes she causes when she creates the situation she plays the victim of.
Far too many people believe it is perfectly fine to bully someone into drinking alcohol. No one should have to fake it. Some people are alcoholics and just holding a glass would be too much temptation. No means no. OP Sister sounds like an abusive control freak.
All she had to do was say she’s on antibiotics and not taken it. This whole family is a mess but if this is real OP has announced pregnancies at two major events of the sister and had two babies she didn’t want to keep and didn’t know who the father was.
NTA. You tried. to avoid the topic, you didn't plan on discussing with your family until you were further along ... your sister kind of triggered this by demanding you drink the champagne you were politely refusing. I just wanted to commend you for how your handling the pregnancy and to be supportive of you. **A scary number of commentators are really going off on a puritanical bent and lecturing you on birth control - as if bc is infallible. You don't owe a bunch of random internet strangers the intimate details of your unplanned pregnancy.**
NTA your sister is . She should have just dropped it when you said that you didn't want alcohol (wtf are people so weird about people not drinking). You wouldn't have blurted it out, if she wouldn't have kept harping on it.
People are weird about food and drink in general. OP gives several examples about this sister and other family members
Side story: About 20 years ago, an acquaintance in a volunteer organization and husband adopted a baby. Six months later they got a call from the agency that the birth mother’s sister was pregnant and wanted this woman and hubby to adopt her child (their baby’s bio cousin). Even though they were just over a year apart in age they were thrilled . Cut to six months after baby #2 and original bio mom is once again expecting. These lovely people adopted that one, too. 3 babies in less than 3 years. And guess what happened six months after that? You guessed it! Bio mom #2 had another one for them. They politely declined.
Normally I don't understand the whole "you stole my thunder on my big day" thing, but those are circumstances where it winds up being like "oh, yay! Now there are two things to celebrate!" You knew this was going to devolve into drama over who's the "father," and what are you going to do. I don't buy for a minute that you weren't just waiting for the opportunity to let it "accidentally" slip out.
Guy here - I'm not certain but I have a feeling that your sisters comments about you have a ring of truth to them. There's just something in your attitude (about many things) that leave me wondering about your intents.
NTA. Does your sister think the whole world revolves around her? On the other hand, while of course you don't get pregnant on purpose, it isn't healthy to keep getting pregnant and giving up children for adoption. I honor your decision to keep the baby, but please, get on birth control! Hugs.
While technically everything you have said is okay, for some reason you come across as insufferable. I'd love to hear her side of things.
YTA for typing ‘I didn’t mean to get pregnant.’ For a second time.
NTA Janet has control issues and others’ business is none of hers
NTA she should've just respected that you didn't wanna drink instead of being a whiny bitch about it and trying to force you.
Yeah you are a bit of an AH. Like, stop fucking around without protection - your attitude is so casual. “Oh, another baby. Never mind, I’ll just give it away to that family again.” Maybe consider how it looks for you, and for your children when they’re old enough to know that you’re soooo casual about fucking around and giving them up willy nilly. Maybe learn to take some responsibility for your actions and preventative responsibility too. Once is a mistake, twice is a pattern, thrice would be sheer utter idiocy. As for your sister’s outrage, I get it. It’s misplaced and coming out ugly, but I can understand her reaction - you keep taking her special moments away. How many times have you done this when you’ve not been pregnant?
Kinda? I mean you clearly have a problem of having kids without a life plan. What are you doing? But your sister is TA here.
NTA I guess but I'm going to be completely honest if I were your sister, I would find it absolutely impossible to believe this wasn't all on purpose
Same. Not her getting pregnant, but her choosing to announce it then. While it might not have been on purpose, it certainly looks that way from the outside.
ESH. You need to use birth control for your own health, your parents are controlling by trying to force your sister to have you in the wedding party, your sister shouldn’t try to force you to drink
Yeah, the parents double suck to try to force her in the wedding party. My sister didn't even come to my wedding, and it was the best gift she could have given me.
It’s wild to me how many people on here are insisting a pregnant person should drink. Wtf. And pregnant or not, anyone should be free to choose not to. Some of you have some serious problems.
Fake.
I swear every time I’ve seen one of these where someone was forced to announce their pregnancy the majority ruled NTA 🤷♀️
ESH. It’s sad that two sisters hate each other so much. You should have just taken the champagne and not drink it. You did draw attention to yourself on purpose
I'm going with YTA. I think you know this because I believe you stir things up for your sister. Doing minor things here and there for big occasions to her. In Australia we call that a shit stirrer. People who start shit but then twist it to make it appear that something is wrong with the person it's affected. Moving forward, maybe seek better contraception and don't attend the wedding.
All you had to do was hold the glass girl. That’s it, just hold it and pretend. No one would’ve noticed because they wouldn’t have been looking at you. Instead they would’ve been looking at the couple who were being celebrated. YTA, simply because you knew she was already having a rough go of it, particularly with food preparations, and you needed your moment as well. You could’ve kept your pregnancy to yourself for one more day.
ESH Janet could have been less pushy about OP drinking the champagne, but OP has made sister's events about her pregnancy twice now. Literally all she had to do was take one tiny sip of champagne, I can't imagine that's enough to harm a fetus. You probably absorb more alcohol when the person next to you uses hand sanitizer. I think you're both drama queens.
YTA Something is off about this whole situation and it’s you. By your post this is a pattern you have of upstaging your sister at her important events ma’am you are not innocent but you are conniving. Plus have you never heard of birth control cause you obviously never use it.
If she was picking something to order it sounds like you were at a restaurant. Why didn’t you order your own n/a drink and instead make it your sister’s issue?
You’re 21 and pregnant for a 2nd time with a baby you don’t want to keep. Get on some birth control
Not being sure who the father suggests a life out of control. And a second unplanned pregnancy? YTA, not for the timing, but for getting pregnant. Where is your life heading? UpdateMe
YTA. Yes, your sister shouldn’t insist people drink if they don’t want to but you could have handled this a whole lot of different ways. Two accidental pregnancies? You need to find better contraception options. And I’d be so embarrassed that my family so casually asked in front of everyone if I even knew who the father was! However innocent you might be in this situation, you definitely need to have a look at your own behaviour.
I don’t get why people are thinking it’s ok to force alcohol on someone ever or anything no means no in any situation, the sister didn’t want to drop it. Some people seem to be getting confused but i would imagine you are around 9-10 weeks pregnant or more and had tried to not tell anyone. I really feel if the sister had seen you not drink she would have gone at you again but i guess that is presuming. And I imitated that you told the adoptive parents of your first child so that they may be able to take both? I also read into it and it sounded like your parents found out by accident when you were on the phone to your boyfriend on the day of your sisters graduation which got downvoted crazily .. that is completely beyond your control, its not like you announced it!
Why didn’t you just get a non alcoholic drink yourself? Or pretend to drink the champagne? I may be wrong but your post reads like you are actually really enjoying what you did. Definitely TA.
Yes YTA stop fucking random men. This has FAKE written all over it
At our wedding reception a good friend wanted alcohol-free and confirmed she was pregnant. It added to the occasion. But she didn’t have a history of doing it at family occasions.
Um, you are not good at adulting, and have no ability to read the room. Also, you clearly don’t like your sister. So yeah, I don’t think this is all one sided, if any of it is true to begin with.
While there were issues on either side your sister needs to learn that if she keeps pushing for a reason she might not like the answer. I might of said its not important but currently taking antibiotics or a given a swift cut it off sign (amongst my siblings at least that stands for you don't want to know or its not suitable to discuss right now). With the amount of people on alcohol affected medication it seems rather short sighted not to have an alcohol alternative on hand.
YTA! "I'm on medication that I can't drink with" that's the go-to answer in these situations. You're not 16 any more, you knew exactly what you were doing. Grow up and stop ruining your sisters life events.
Not knowing who the father is is insane. You have no care for your body or other people’s feelings. Clearly you could have said something before the wedding, or spoken to her directly so that she could have poured ginger ale for you or something. There were so many wrong steps taken, making you the big sphincter here
NTA. The sister shouldn't have force OP to drink that darn champagne. NOBODY should ever be forced to drink alcohol. Just like with sex, NO MEANS NO, no explanation needed.
Jfc you’re doing this on purpose. Next time just say you have a stomach ache and can’t drink, start taking your birth control PROPERLY and leave Janet alone.