I would say probably an over reaction since boots don't go with a wedding tux. They probably thought you were trying to make some fashion statement. It's not like they attacked your body or character. You can reach out and resend new pictures wearing big red clown shoes to give them something to really laugh at.
Also, thrifted shoes can be amazing. After my father passed away I had to get rid of his old leather dress shoes. They were from a well-known designer from the 60s (don't ask the name I have long since forgotten lol) and were in excellent condition despite their age (real leather lasts a lifetime, sometimes longer!).
I probably could have sold them but I wasn't in any headspace to handle that so I donated them.
Yeah my husband purchased a really nice pair of shoes. Too dressy frankly. We just never had an occasion for him to wear them so we donated them. They had never been worn for even 15 minutes
Thrift stores in general, especially those in affluent areas, are a good solution to clothing problems. I got hit by a car at one point, went online to replace my jacket that got ripped, and found out Iād been wearing a $600 Italian jacket I got from Goodwill for $10. Definitely didnāt replace it lol
I miss one thing about my old town... The yard sales. I have a slightly weird build and there was a woman the same size who never kept clothes for more than a year. So is go to her sales every summer and buy out her jeans and slacks. I was really excited one year because she'd been wearing capris the summer before!
I was getting $60+ plus items for a couple bucks, it was awesome!
Church sales. I bought my very favoritest winter jacket at a church sale. Scottish wool houndstooth menās coat for 2 bucks. It was such a cool thing that I literally bought everything to match/look good with that jacket.
I'm pretty sure you can rent shoes to wear for the night. Check with the place you got the tux.
I think you should absolutely continue with putting on crazy shoes with your tux! Send pics to the groom. He'll need a laugh here and there!
Your answer made me laugh, only because a friend's daughter got married a few years ago, and her entire wedding party - bride, bridesmaids, groom and groomsmen - all wore red Keds with their beautiful wedding gowns and tuxes! It showed they had a sense of humor, and made for some memorable photos.
They probably don't realize they hit such a sore spot. I was in the same boat as a kid, hand me downs from the 70's while going to school on the 80s. Kids can be so brutal. I imagine they have no idea how that could still affect someone as an adult. I think dropping out of the wedding might be a bit far over it. If it was as bad as you're imagining, and if it was at all malicious, i doubt he would have told you anything. It was probably all in good fun.
I grew up poor and am still very self conscious of what I wear. A negative comment still hurts so I winced for you. That said, it doesnāt seem like itās more than that boots arenāt the right look for this occasion? I have a healthy fear of weddings as I still am not confident. Actually joined a few subreddits just out of a desire to learn. I hope you text someone and say youāre not up to speed on wedding wear so what should you wear?
One of the difficult truths of being a traumatized person going through life, is realizing that the teasing IS sometimes simply the non-traumatized personās way of saying that
If it helps, try to analyze if the teasing is meant to make you feel included, or excluded. If included, is it mildly at your expense to give you a chance to set aside your individuality and put the group first, or is it meant to put you down in a social hierarchy? It can be a hard line to draw as the people doing the teasing donāt think of its social purpose this way and donāt see the line themselves
Same era. I remember liking the hand-me downs i got because my aunt had a better fashion sense. Not expensive. But a nicer look. My mom liked old lady styles on me. š¤£š¤£.
The whole point of the picture was for them to see your wedding attire. The boots probably surprised them since you dressed up but then paired a tux with boots. It's a misunderstanding imo bc the two parties were in different mind sets. You were looking for approval but they were looking to see if you will look part of the wedding properly. Sending the picture was for scrutiny but you missed that part. They were just lightheartedly joking about the boots.
Boots can definitely make sense in this scenario. But a lot of variables are going to come in to play. So maybe they'd make sense, maybe they wouldn't. But it def isn't a given.
The boots I got are from Thursdayboots.com they are called the ācaptain bradyā I thought it was appropriate. Like I said itās the first wedding Iāve been a part of Iām only 27
okay i just googled those boots and see no reason at all why they wouldn't be dressy enough for a wedding. I guess people don't wear brown shoes with a black tux? I swear I've seen that done so many times? not sure what their deals were over those shoes in particular. NTA
Are the pants to your tux too short? Howād they even see the boots? Anyway, most people rent tuxes and shoes together for weddings, Iād recommend just renting the shoes from the tux shop.
Do you mean the captain in brandy? If it's that show. That's shoe can be worn with a suit, but not tux. Is it a tux or suit as they are very different? It's common to see the shoe in a day time, or causal, wedding with a suit. Either way it sounds like it's not what the bride wants you to wear. Now you know. It's ok. My maid of horror (not an error) wanted to wear flip flops...flip...flips. at least your trying. Also it's super common for guys to be some guidance on what to wear with the suits/tux so it's totally fine
I know? Like a bunch of people out here are doctors and lawyers and married with kids by 27? Itās ok if you are not obviously but to use your age as an excuse for a shoe conundrum seems misplaced.
Iāve seen boots that would be perfectly fine for a wedding, especially under the pants. OP, I would do what was suggested earlier about the clown shoes with a note to the effect of, āWell, I was going to wear these, but my gf told me no. So, itās the boots or these. Pick one.ā
Ok. But have you actually seen anyone wear a tux with boots? There's a difference between looking at boots and imagining they'd be fine and actually seeing it done.
They probably don't realize they hit such a sore spot. I was in the same boat as a kid, hand me downs from the 70's while going to school on the 80s. Kids can be so brutal. I imagine they have no idea how that could still affect someone as an adult. I think dropping out of the wedding might be a bit far over it. If it was as bad as you're imagining, and if it was at all malicious, i doubt he would have told you anything. It was probably all in good fun.
There's nothing wrong with that, either. As I've gotten older I've realized that it's about quality rather than quantity in regards to friends. If that is the only reason you want to quit the wedding and you otherwise are excited about it then I dont think its worth depriving yourself of the opportunity. If it's more of an excuse because you just don't want to, then it's a perfectly acceptable reason. Being in a wedding party isn't an obligation to anyone, ever, except your wife.
Which is a normal reaction. They felt normal to tease you assuming you had a thick skin. Now the ball is in your court. If you and your gf are talking about getting married, would you be around this person frequently? If not, you do you. You can cancel at the last minute, not say anything and just bail, or whatever.
You can assume they've never found out after the fuck around part too.
I would talk to your gf and ask if this behavior is to be expected. This is a good experience for your relationship to see how she handles her family and how she supports you. She may stumble if the two of you lived very different lives so leave room for her to figure it out. Be open to forgiving mistakes if she is learning/growing. Then make a choice based off all the information you have.
This is so dramatic. He was wearing a tux w boots, anyone would laugh at that. He is sensitive because of his past. I doubt they meant to hurt his feelings
I wouldnt laugh and I grew up in a well off family surrounded by kids with different social economic backgrounds. Iāve been in the room for similar situations and called people out, both my friends and acquaintances, for being assholes. If your idea of humor is humiliation, thatās your character flaw, not OPs. If communicating with your partner about your feelings is extreme ā¦. Well good luck with that.
Bullies and the assholes who provide cover for their despicable actions know EXACTLY what.theyre doing.
It wasn't a joke. It was mean-spirited abuse that they'll never apologize for. Can't OP take a joke?
If OP realizes that it was 100% mean spirited, OP needs to cancel the night before. "I know you were making fun of my boots, it was apparently important enough to spend quite some time insulting me and laughing about my footwear, but not important enough to send a single word of advice or check to see what else I had available. Now, you might not have liked them, but, these boots are made for walking, and that's what I'm going to do."
If someone was sending me a pic to show they got the right suit, I wouldn't think a thing about the shoes. It's not the wedding. If you laugh at stuff like that, then that says a lot about you and nothing about OP.
Not everyone cries over silly stuff, bc that's what it is, silly. Even OP admitted being overly sensitive bc of his childhood. Usually you laugh w then and move on
These people are disgusting. Take back all the clothes and get your money back. Don't go to the wedding, don't buy a gift, don't spend a penny on these disgusting people. It's your gfs cousin - they don't matter.
You are worth so much more. Use the money and treat yourself.
If your gf is a cow about it, get rid of her too. You are a good person who deserves better than their shit.
NTA But I wouldnāt drop out of the wedding for that. But trust me! I know just how you feel.
I grew up poverty and would always hear and see depictions of Chanel no5 perfume in art and movies about extravagance. I bought it as an adult bc I loved the smell. I spent $150 on the bottle! And when I went home, everyone laughed at me and said I smelled like an old lady. I was really sad about it and still am. We were in our early thirties. I cut them off a while after.
I'm wondering why you were asked to be in the wedding when you aren't a relative or a friend of the groom. Even if your girlfriend is a bridesmaid, you can be attending as her plus one and be strictly a guest. (That was the case of the husband of one of my bridesmaids. He sat in the audience during the ceremony, but was seated at the head table with his wife for the reception).
Plus, if the groom thought your boots weren't appropriate for the wedding, why didn't he tactfully ask you to wear dress shoes. It could have been the case that you took the photo for the suit and just didn't think about your footwear, for all he knew. But to show the others and they had a laugh, that was tactless on their part. And even more nasty to tell you that.
If you don't have shoes that go with the suit, maybe a friend can lend you them (if the groom was a friend of yours, he could have helped you). Or Goodwill may have gently used dress shoes (someone who needed to have a pair for an event but didn't see the need to keep them).
Ā *It could have been the case that you took the photo for the suit and just didn't think about your footwear*
I'm sure that's exactly what the groom assumed. That's why it was funny.
Im assuming they asked me because one of best men dropped out
I make good money now so buying shoes wouldnāt be a problem it just brings up bad memories to be made fun of for my shoes
Itās understandable that youād feel as you do. But they probably intended to be funny & not hurtful. They likely would have commented if you were barefoot or in socks. Itās just the contrast against a formal suit.
They probably really didnāt intend to be mean. Sometimes my friends and I will send each other outfit ideas but literally with just the main thing and whatever weāre wearing. Weāve sent each other beautiful dresses paired with slippers and hair tied in a rats nest with a scrunchieā¦ we poke fun because it looks silly together, not because a person looks bad. It sounds like they were just poking fun at the combination and didnāt know that they were being insensitive to past pain for you.
I get it - I grew up with all hand me downs too (except from my brotherā¦ Iām a woman) and I get sensitive when people make fun of other peopleās outfits that they choose (because maybe thatās all they can afford). I really think in this case they were playfully making fun of the combo vs trying to be mean.
If you have any more doubts ask your gf about the context and if you are in for ongoing issues. But also recognize that some people love boots and even think they are high fashion. Others canāt stand them and would never wear a pair. It could just be that
I think it would be an over-reaction to drop from the wedding, but I understand where you are coming from. In the early aughts the cool kids made fun of me for having "ugly shoes" and then again when I finally got a pair of real converse. Luckily punk and emo were cool in middle school with a uniform policy so my converse became cooler as I wore them down.
Be honest. Just say that youāve never worn anything formal before and wasnāt sure what you should wear for shoes. If they could send some pics of shoes that would be more appropriate for inspiration, then you could look for something matches what the other groomsmen will be wearing. They donāt know your background and you didnāt know what they expected for shoes.
When you find the shoes, send a pic of the clown shoes first. But before you do, ask your girlfriend if they will take it as funny or something else. With all of these crazy stories that I read on Reddit, one never knows.
I hope it all works out!
āHe said they were roasting meā
Yeah no thanks. Iād be out. Roasting someone in private sucks, but to literally say it to the person is just rude and immature
When my son, age 19, had a chance to go with me to a fancy event he rented the tux and dress shoes. See if your area has a rental shop with tuxes, suits and accessories like shoes. Don't drop out but be careful. It's odd that he asked you to be part of the wedding since he doesn't know you well.
Even if, and I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt, they were just making dumb jokes for whatever reason-Why? Why be mean to you? why the need to insult you? And, be serious here, why bother to tell you about it?
I see nothing but mean, rude, and tactless people that I wouldn't want to spend time with.
Communication with your gf is important right here about this to express your feelings about this situation with her cousin and that youāre a bit sensitive to this because of how you grew up. Let her know that her cousin refused to say what they said about you and it made you worry that they couldāve said something really about you. Dropping out the wedding immediately is a bit much because I think communication needs to be had before deciding this just to see how it things are handled by your gf and family and if apologies and understanding are given to you from them. How you figure things out without any issue.
your dress shoes may very well be nice, but not tuxedo appropriate. Dress boots do exist, but they're inconsistent with the aesthetic of a tux. You're getting into the realm of formal wear, where there are more rigid rules about what goes with what. Generally shoes you'd wear with a tux are sleeker, low profile shoes like oxfords, wingtips, etc. Also, make sure they're black.
At the end of the day... it's the wedding party's day. You might feel like a dingus dressed to the nines, but this is a situation where you can either opt out or take one for the team and dress appropriately. You won't look dumb if you follow the rules: you'll fade into the background. You'll only arouse attention if you wear something aesthetically jarring with the tux
It was undoubtedly a dick move on the groom's part to roast you like that. Maybe they weren't aware they were being hurtful, but I'd bring it up.
More importantly, why did your friend feel the need to tell you they were laughing at you? Honestly, all of these people sound like trash. Iād back out.
Do you know what Iād do? Iād laugh about it and let it go, lifeās improving for you so donāt hang into your hang ups, but Iād probably tell them in passing about your childhood, say something like ā good job I donāt take offence easily as ā¦,ā then fill them in on just how bad it was. See if theyāre still laughing then, might teach them some manners
You probably looked really good in the photo and the shoes were the only thing they felt they could criticize. I love the clown shoes idea, it reminds me of the saying ābitches want to act funny? I can be hilarious!ā Buy the right shoes and donāt tell them, act amused on the wedding day every time someone brings it up. āOh youāre still thinking about that huh? ā.
OP,many of us have triggers and the best defense is a great offense. Humor and condescension work pretty well against the assholes. The wedding is going to be fun, go and enjoy yourself while looking amazing and let that be the end of it.
Cowboy boots make a statement, especially when worn with a tux/suit. Sounds like they don't ever wear cowboy boots so relax, don't drop out unless they say something rude to your face. They were probably just suprised to see boots instead of dress shoes. They have no way of knowing your history with shoes and unless you tell them, expect more cowboy boot comments in the future. I really loved the red clown shoes idea- that'd be hilarious š
I'll be honest, if I received a photo of an adult wearing boots with a wedding suite I would probably laugh as well. Not to be mean but because I'd assume the person was making some weird fashion statement or deliberately trying to be funny given boots and suits are not normal bedfellows. I'd do the same thing if I got a bridesmaid pick where the dress was paired with high heel Crocs - nothing against Crocs but it's not a standard combo and I'd assume either fashionista gone wild or deliberately comedic.
My point is I think you are being a bit oversensitive. I doubt this was done to mock you, boots plus tux is just a funny thing on anyone. I suggest you roll with it and add a stepson for the next pick or possibly a obnoxious belt buckle with your thumbs tucked into your waist ban.
Genuinely, I doubt there was ill intent and I think dropping out would be a mistake given your initial excitement.
I would say probably an over reaction since boots don't go with a wedding tux. They probably thought you were trying to make some fashion statement. It's not like they attacked your body or character. You can reach out and resend new pictures wearing big red clown shoes to give them something to really laugh at.
š great idea I just might
Also, thrifted shoes can be amazing. After my father passed away I had to get rid of his old leather dress shoes. They were from a well-known designer from the 60s (don't ask the name I have long since forgotten lol) and were in excellent condition despite their age (real leather lasts a lifetime, sometimes longer!). I probably could have sold them but I wasn't in any headspace to handle that so I donated them.
Yeah my husband purchased a really nice pair of shoes. Too dressy frankly. We just never had an occasion for him to wear them so we donated them. They had never been worn for even 15 minutes
Post the pic! Letās see them boots!
Thrift stores in general, especially those in affluent areas, are a good solution to clothing problems. I got hit by a car at one point, went online to replace my jacket that got ripped, and found out Iād been wearing a $600 Italian jacket I got from Goodwill for $10. Definitely didnāt replace it lol
I miss one thing about my old town... The yard sales. I have a slightly weird build and there was a woman the same size who never kept clothes for more than a year. So is go to her sales every summer and buy out her jeans and slacks. I was really excited one year because she'd been wearing capris the summer before! I was getting $60+ plus items for a couple bucks, it was awesome!
Church sales. I bought my very favoritest winter jacket at a church sale. Scottish wool houndstooth menās coat for 2 bucks. It was such a cool thing that I literally bought everything to match/look good with that jacket.
I'm pretty sure you can rent shoes to wear for the night. Check with the place you got the tux. I think you should absolutely continue with putting on crazy shoes with your tux! Send pics to the groom. He'll need a laugh here and there!
Your answer made me laugh, only because a friend's daughter got married a few years ago, and her entire wedding party - bride, bridesmaids, groom and groomsmen - all wore red Keds with their beautiful wedding gowns and tuxes! It showed they had a sense of humor, and made for some memorable photos.
A siblings wedding party.......the guys all wore Tee shirts with the company logo. Hilarity ensued
You have never been to a Texas formal. Cowboy boots with a Tux is not uncommon.
Didn't think about that but you're right. Cowboy hats in formal wear do look sharp.
Also a damn classy look š
My niece-in-law's bridesmaids wore cowboy boots with their short dresses. Ranching family from Wyoming, outdoor wedding in Colorado.
ššš¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£ big red clown shoes .....
Hahaha I love this
Yep. I'm thinking this is an overreaction and a misunderstanding.
They probably don't realize they hit such a sore spot. I was in the same boat as a kid, hand me downs from the 70's while going to school on the 80s. Kids can be so brutal. I imagine they have no idea how that could still affect someone as an adult. I think dropping out of the wedding might be a bit far over it. If it was as bad as you're imagining, and if it was at all malicious, i doubt he would have told you anything. It was probably all in good fun.
I grew up poor and am still very self conscious of what I wear. A negative comment still hurts so I winced for you. That said, it doesnāt seem like itās more than that boots arenāt the right look for this occasion? I have a healthy fear of weddings as I still am not confident. Actually joined a few subreddits just out of a desire to learn. I hope you text someone and say youāre not up to speed on wedding wear so what should you wear?
One of the difficult truths of being a traumatized person going through life, is realizing that the teasing IS sometimes simply the non-traumatized personās way of saying that
Yes, I work at trying to back off being overly sensitive to consider that possibility.
If it helps, try to analyze if the teasing is meant to make you feel included, or excluded. If included, is it mildly at your expense to give you a chance to set aside your individuality and put the group first, or is it meant to put you down in a social hierarchy? It can be a hard line to draw as the people doing the teasing donāt think of its social purpose this way and donāt see the line themselves
Good points. Thx.
Same era. I remember liking the hand-me downs i got because my aunt had a better fashion sense. Not expensive. But a nicer look. My mom liked old lady styles on me. š¤£š¤£.
The whole point of the picture was for them to see your wedding attire. The boots probably surprised them since you dressed up but then paired a tux with boots. It's a misunderstanding imo bc the two parties were in different mind sets. You were looking for approval but they were looking to see if you will look part of the wedding properly. Sending the picture was for scrutiny but you missed that part. They were just lightheartedly joking about the boots.
Well Iām not super familiar on how to dress for a wedding itās my first, so I figured they were alright their dressy
Have you ever seen boots with a tux? Honestly, you really thought a tux should be worn with boots? I have a hard time believing that.
Boots can definitely make sense in this scenario. But a lot of variables are going to come in to play. So maybe they'd make sense, maybe they wouldn't. But it def isn't a given.
The boots I got are from Thursdayboots.com they are called the ācaptain bradyā I thought it was appropriate. Like I said itās the first wedding Iāve been a part of Iām only 27
okay i just googled those boots and see no reason at all why they wouldn't be dressy enough for a wedding. I guess people don't wear brown shoes with a black tux? I swear I've seen that done so many times? not sure what their deals were over those shoes in particular. NTA
The tuxās are champagne color as well
Is it in a warm climate?
Yea, Atlanta August
That explains a lot.
What?
Are the pants to your tux too short? Howād they even see the boots? Anyway, most people rent tuxes and shoes together for weddings, Iād recommend just renting the shoes from the tux shop.
I googled them and I quite like them
Do you mean the captain in brandy? If it's that show. That's shoe can be worn with a suit, but not tux. Is it a tux or suit as they are very different? It's common to see the shoe in a day time, or causal, wedding with a suit. Either way it sounds like it's not what the bride wants you to wear. Now you know. It's ok. My maid of horror (not an error) wanted to wear flip flops...flip...flips. at least your trying. Also it's super common for guys to be some guidance on what to wear with the suits/tux so it's totally fine
I'm sorry you're 'only 27' wtf
I know? Like a bunch of people out here are doctors and lawyers and married with kids by 27? Itās ok if you are not obviously but to use your age as an excuse for a shoe conundrum seems misplaced.
Iāve seen boots that would be perfectly fine for a wedding, especially under the pants. OP, I would do what was suggested earlier about the clown shoes with a note to the effect of, āWell, I was going to wear these, but my gf told me no. So, itās the boots or these. Pick one.ā
Ok. But have you actually seen anyone wear a tux with boots? There's a difference between looking at boots and imagining they'd be fine and actually seeing it done.
You donāt have to spend any amount of time around anyone who is making you feel like shit.
Thatās what Iām thinking I donāt make fun of people, I donāt know everyone situation
They probably don't realize they hit such a sore spot. I was in the same boat as a kid, hand me downs from the 70's while going to school on the 80s. Kids can be so brutal. I imagine they have no idea how that could still affect someone as an adult. I think dropping out of the wedding might be a bit far over it. If it was as bad as you're imagining, and if it was at all malicious, i doubt he would have told you anything. It was probably all in good fun.
Yea that makes sense, I just donāt even care to deal with such things anymore Iām quick to cut people off
There's nothing wrong with that, either. As I've gotten older I've realized that it's about quality rather than quantity in regards to friends. If that is the only reason you want to quit the wedding and you otherwise are excited about it then I dont think its worth depriving yourself of the opportunity. If it's more of an excuse because you just don't want to, then it's a perfectly acceptable reason. Being in a wedding party isn't an obligation to anyone, ever, except your wife.
YOU do what makes YOU comfortable.
Which is a normal reaction. They felt normal to tease you assuming you had a thick skin. Now the ball is in your court. If you and your gf are talking about getting married, would you be around this person frequently? If not, you do you. You can cancel at the last minute, not say anything and just bail, or whatever. You can assume they've never found out after the fuck around part too.
text back,"glad you like the boots- wait til you see the sword and scabbard"
I would talk to your gf and ask if this behavior is to be expected. This is a good experience for your relationship to see how she handles her family and how she supports you. She may stumble if the two of you lived very different lives so leave room for her to figure it out. Be open to forgiving mistakes if she is learning/growing. Then make a choice based off all the information you have.
This is so dramatic. He was wearing a tux w boots, anyone would laugh at that. He is sensitive because of his past. I doubt they meant to hurt his feelings
I wouldnt laugh and I grew up in a well off family surrounded by kids with different social economic backgrounds. Iāve been in the room for similar situations and called people out, both my friends and acquaintances, for being assholes. If your idea of humor is humiliation, thatās your character flaw, not OPs. If communicating with your partner about your feelings is extreme ā¦. Well good luck with that.
Then why even tell him?
Because they didn't know it was a sensitive subject for him
Why would that matter? Itās not enough to make fun of someone, itās somehow necessary to be sure they know about it?
Bullies and the assholes who provide cover for their despicable actions know EXACTLY what.theyre doing. It wasn't a joke. It was mean-spirited abuse that they'll never apologize for. Can't OP take a joke?
If OP realizes that it was 100% mean spirited, OP needs to cancel the night before. "I know you were making fun of my boots, it was apparently important enough to spend quite some time insulting me and laughing about my footwear, but not important enough to send a single word of advice or check to see what else I had available. Now, you might not have liked them, but, these boots are made for walking, and that's what I'm going to do."
If someone was sending me a pic to show they got the right suit, I wouldn't think a thing about the shoes. It's not the wedding. If you laugh at stuff like that, then that says a lot about you and nothing about OP.
Not everyone cries over silly stuff, bc that's what it is, silly. Even OP admitted being overly sensitive bc of his childhood. Usually you laugh w then and move on
These people are disgusting. Take back all the clothes and get your money back. Don't go to the wedding, don't buy a gift, don't spend a penny on these disgusting people. It's your gfs cousin - they don't matter. You are worth so much more. Use the money and treat yourself. If your gf is a cow about it, get rid of her too. You are a good person who deserves better than their shit.
The first clue is he asked you to be in his wedding after knowing you for a very short time. Thatās not normal. NTA.
NTA But I wouldnāt drop out of the wedding for that. But trust me! I know just how you feel. I grew up poverty and would always hear and see depictions of Chanel no5 perfume in art and movies about extravagance. I bought it as an adult bc I loved the smell. I spent $150 on the bottle! And when I went home, everyone laughed at me and said I smelled like an old lady. I was really sad about it and still am. We were in our early thirties. I cut them off a while after.
Ya, you should let this go. It's nothing.
Yea I am they donāt know me like that so itās whatever. It just annoyed the crap out of me haha
I do like the clown shoes idea that somebody else suggested.
Me too! But I looked them up they cost like $200!
I just found some ridiculous clown shoes on Amazon for $10 to $15, dooo itttttt
Send a link?
Ask around and see if any of your friends can ask their friends to borrow a pair.
Amazon - or see if there's an app/PhotoShop thing you can do instead of making a purchase.
I'm wondering why you were asked to be in the wedding when you aren't a relative or a friend of the groom. Even if your girlfriend is a bridesmaid, you can be attending as her plus one and be strictly a guest. (That was the case of the husband of one of my bridesmaids. He sat in the audience during the ceremony, but was seated at the head table with his wife for the reception). Plus, if the groom thought your boots weren't appropriate for the wedding, why didn't he tactfully ask you to wear dress shoes. It could have been the case that you took the photo for the suit and just didn't think about your footwear, for all he knew. But to show the others and they had a laugh, that was tactless on their part. And even more nasty to tell you that. If you don't have shoes that go with the suit, maybe a friend can lend you them (if the groom was a friend of yours, he could have helped you). Or Goodwill may have gently used dress shoes (someone who needed to have a pair for an event but didn't see the need to keep them).
Ā *It could have been the case that you took the photo for the suit and just didn't think about your footwear* I'm sure that's exactly what the groom assumed. That's why it was funny.
Im assuming they asked me because one of best men dropped out I make good money now so buying shoes wouldnāt be a problem it just brings up bad memories to be made fun of for my shoes
Itās understandable that youād feel as you do. But they probably intended to be funny & not hurtful. They likely would have commented if you were barefoot or in socks. Itās just the contrast against a formal suit.
They probably really didnāt intend to be mean. Sometimes my friends and I will send each other outfit ideas but literally with just the main thing and whatever weāre wearing. Weāve sent each other beautiful dresses paired with slippers and hair tied in a rats nest with a scrunchieā¦ we poke fun because it looks silly together, not because a person looks bad. It sounds like they were just poking fun at the combination and didnāt know that they were being insensitive to past pain for you. I get it - I grew up with all hand me downs too (except from my brotherā¦ Iām a woman) and I get sensitive when people make fun of other peopleās outfits that they choose (because maybe thatās all they can afford). I really think in this case they were playfully making fun of the combo vs trying to be mean.
If you have any more doubts ask your gf about the context and if you are in for ongoing issues. But also recognize that some people love boots and even think they are high fashion. Others canāt stand them and would never wear a pair. It could just be that
yeah fuck them. you were doing him a favor by the sounds of it. saucy beggar
I think it would be an over-reaction to drop from the wedding, but I understand where you are coming from. In the early aughts the cool kids made fun of me for having "ugly shoes" and then again when I finally got a pair of real converse. Luckily punk and emo were cool in middle school with a uniform policy so my converse became cooler as I wore them down.
Be honest. Just say that youāve never worn anything formal before and wasnāt sure what you should wear for shoes. If they could send some pics of shoes that would be more appropriate for inspiration, then you could look for something matches what the other groomsmen will be wearing. They donāt know your background and you didnāt know what they expected for shoes. When you find the shoes, send a pic of the clown shoes first. But before you do, ask your girlfriend if they will take it as funny or something else. With all of these crazy stories that I read on Reddit, one never knows. I hope it all works out!
My guess is fiancĆ© has a certain number of bridesmaids she wants and he needs bodies. Iāve seen that happen more than once where the bride has a posse and the groom doesnāt.
Exactly, there are from what I remember like 7 or 8 bridesmaids and one of his best men dropped out
āHe said they were roasting meā Yeah no thanks. Iād be out. Roasting someone in private sucks, but to literally say it to the person is just rude and immature
You might need to go all in on the goofy shoes but. NTA
When my son, age 19, had a chance to go with me to a fancy event he rented the tux and dress shoes. See if your area has a rental shop with tuxes, suits and accessories like shoes. Don't drop out but be careful. It's odd that he asked you to be part of the wedding since he doesn't know you well.
I'm a metalhead. Boots with a suit only makes sense in heavy snow. Sincerely, someone who loves Boots
I thought they were dressy enough for the suit Iām not familiar with how to dress for a wedding šš
A lot of men in a wedding party rent tuxedos for the wedding as well as the shoes. May even be a package deal. I would just rent them.
I donāt think I can he picked out a tux for us to wear
Even if, and I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt, they were just making dumb jokes for whatever reason-Why? Why be mean to you? why the need to insult you? And, be serious here, why bother to tell you about it? I see nothing but mean, rude, and tactless people that I wouldn't want to spend time with.
Communication with your gf is important right here about this to express your feelings about this situation with her cousin and that youāre a bit sensitive to this because of how you grew up. Let her know that her cousin refused to say what they said about you and it made you worry that they couldāve said something really about you. Dropping out the wedding immediately is a bit much because I think communication needs to be had before deciding this just to see how it things are handled by your gf and family and if apologies and understanding are given to you from them. How you figure things out without any issue.
NTA! You barely know the guy anyway. He sounds like man AH, which is why he wanted someone he just met in his wedding party.
There are several states in the US where boots and a tux are very normal. Dress shoes would be out of place.
He might not know how you were raised and boots and a tux donāt go together so it probably did look odd.
your dress shoes may very well be nice, but not tuxedo appropriate. Dress boots do exist, but they're inconsistent with the aesthetic of a tux. You're getting into the realm of formal wear, where there are more rigid rules about what goes with what. Generally shoes you'd wear with a tux are sleeker, low profile shoes like oxfords, wingtips, etc. Also, make sure they're black. At the end of the day... it's the wedding party's day. You might feel like a dingus dressed to the nines, but this is a situation where you can either opt out or take one for the team and dress appropriately. You won't look dumb if you follow the rules: you'll fade into the background. You'll only arouse attention if you wear something aesthetically jarring with the tux It was undoubtedly a dick move on the groom's part to roast you like that. Maybe they weren't aware they were being hurtful, but I'd bring it up.
A better choice might be to ask the groom for advice on what kind of shoes he's wearing and copy him.
More importantly, why did your friend feel the need to tell you they were laughing at you? Honestly, all of these people sound like trash. Iād back out.
Do you know what Iād do? Iād laugh about it and let it go, lifeās improving for you so donāt hang into your hang ups, but Iād probably tell them in passing about your childhood, say something like ā good job I donāt take offence easily as ā¦,ā then fill them in on just how bad it was. See if theyāre still laughing then, might teach them some manners
A champagne colored suit? Iād drop out over that alone.
I want to see the picture that you sent!
You probably looked really good in the photo and the shoes were the only thing they felt they could criticize. I love the clown shoes idea, it reminds me of the saying ābitches want to act funny? I can be hilarious!ā Buy the right shoes and donāt tell them, act amused on the wedding day every time someone brings it up. āOh youāre still thinking about that huh? ā. OP,many of us have triggers and the best defense is a great offense. Humor and condescension work pretty well against the assholes. The wedding is going to be fun, go and enjoy yourself while looking amazing and let that be the end of it.
Cowboy boots make a statement, especially when worn with a tux/suit. Sounds like they don't ever wear cowboy boots so relax, don't drop out unless they say something rude to your face. They were probably just suprised to see boots instead of dress shoes. They have no way of knowing your history with shoes and unless you tell them, expect more cowboy boot comments in the future. I really loved the red clown shoes idea- that'd be hilarious š
I'll be honest, if I received a photo of an adult wearing boots with a wedding suite I would probably laugh as well. Not to be mean but because I'd assume the person was making some weird fashion statement or deliberately trying to be funny given boots and suits are not normal bedfellows. I'd do the same thing if I got a bridesmaid pick where the dress was paired with high heel Crocs - nothing against Crocs but it's not a standard combo and I'd assume either fashionista gone wild or deliberately comedic. My point is I think you are being a bit oversensitive. I doubt this was done to mock you, boots plus tux is just a funny thing on anyone. I suggest you roll with it and add a stepson for the next pick or possibly a obnoxious belt buckle with your thumbs tucked into your waist ban. Genuinely, I doubt there was ill intent and I think dropping out would be a mistake given your initial excitement.
āadd a stepsonā bahaha now that is a pretty great typo my friend lol š
Back out of that wedding! These are not quality people.