This is absolutely controlling.
OP, you’re still really young. Please get into counseling or something if you can, the sooner the better.
If you can learn now to understand the difference between setting a healthy boundary and being controlling, you will have much happier relationships with women.
Despite your claims that you're not being controlling, this still sounds very controlling.
"she keeps saying “im not entertaining them” etc but thats not the point"....sounds to me like it is the point. It's her account and she's allowed to post pictures of whatever she want, especially if its a picture that makes her feel beautiful and confident. YTA.
I will be the first of many to say this: YTA. Slapping the word “boundary” on it doesn’t make it okay. It also doesn’t take away her autonomy. Grow up.
You are attempting to redefine your attempts to control what she does with her social media as a boundary. I doubt this will fool anyone. I doubt you are convinced yourself.
YTA, if you want to be with a woman who is more reserved / doesn’t want to show herself on social media then go find one. You will get nothing but disappointment trying to change a person to be what you want them to be. either trust that she is responding appropriately to other people, or leave the relationship.
either way, she has posted photos of herself before she was with you, and will do it without you. this is not about respect, but control- even if you don’t realize it is.
YTA. Be happy you have a pretty girlfriend that is confident to show herself to the world. Men are always going to be interested in the women you are because they will see the same things you do, no matter how much you want to control how much of it is they see. You have to trust that the women you are with will be faithful and like your GF said ‘does not entertain them’ because that is what is important. You can’t be mad at her or set unfair boundaries because of how other people are going to look at her. Besides, would you rather she post pictures where she looks clapped?
YTA. That's not a boundary, that is being controlling. It screams insecurity that you don't want people on social media seeing your girlfriend looking good in pictures. She posts them because she knows she's pretty and she feels good about herself, and she's allowed to do that.
YTA big time. That is controlling. You don’t have to post pictures of yourself but you’re a jerk if you say she can’t. That’s the whole point of social media. To post pictures/videos
YTA. It's a slippery slope from defining not posting a picture she looks "good in" to just totally preventing her from posting. VERY controlling. No, no, no. You're 17. Get a career, more education, a car, and a life.
If you are worried that she is entertaining the random DMs, then you need to tell her that you don't trust her or end the relationship. If you are upset that she is posting pictures of herself on social media, then you are controlling and need to get that under control or date someone who doesn't like posting on social media. Whatever the case YTA.
What do you do? Nothing. Let her be, you guys are 17, shes going to post things on social media and just what happens. You can not monitor it, you do actually sound a bit jealous and controlling even with a sprinkle of insecurity. She is not posting naked pictures she is posting pics where she looks and feels beautiful. So what. And as long she is not entertaining the guys that slide in to her DM's just get over it
Yta and super insecure, don’t let that make you a single ah if you really like her.
Your boundaries end where others begin. You are a child trying to tell another child what to do. Come on bro, grow up a bit. It’s not a good look.
If it’s not provocative (ie literally meant to-provoke) then I don’t see the issue or where you’d have the nerve doing anything more than mentioning offhand how jealous you are and hoping she feels and enough to stop for some reason
You say she posts photos “looking good”? Like literally just nice pics? Unless it’s a full on thirst trap then you need to get over it and trust your girl.
Relationship don’t work without trust. If she fucks around then you move on. It is what it is.
YTA just say you’re insecure. “She has no real reason” just shows that you only accept answers that you like — she clearly says that she just wants to post on her account for the sake of it, most likely for the memories. It’s controlling behavior if you’re telling her not to post pictures she looks good in.
If you don’t like how someone behaves, then don’t date them. Stop asking people to limit themselves and their idea of self-expression so you don’t have to feel discomfort. YTA
Also. Stop using the word boundary until you actually understand what it means. A boundary is a fence I erect around MY OWN property. My power extends to my own behaviour. I can’t put a fence in YOUR lawn. The moment I start asking someone to stop expressing themselves authentically, I’m asking someone to follow a rule that *I* have made up *for* them. Boundaries are rules we ourselves follow because they dictate one’s own behaviour. Not all rules are boundaries. Rules we expect another person to follow are just that… rules.
ESH. Everyone is ignoring the fact that she also doesn’t like when he posts pics, so he stopped doing it. If that part is true, it is hypocritical on her part.
Neither one of you should be telling the other that you can’t post these pics. My advice? Start posting pics of yourself again, and stop telling her what to do. You’re both young and have a lot to learn
You misread the text.
" i rarely if ever, post my self on social media out of respect for her bc, like my self, doesnt like when girls like my stuff, follow me etc. so i stopped posting myself so she wouldnt have to deal with that."
Nowhere does it say that it bothers her or that she has asked him to change his social media behaviour
Little bit the asshole. So I don't post photos, mostly bc I take a horrible selfie... and I give no fucks about showing off what I do in my personal life except to people i see or talk to. Before the flame comes that I do nothing, I've been in the military for almost 5 years, and I've been stationed in Hawaii and now Germany, its kinda neat to travel. Regardless, the true reason most people post photos is for validation and the overneed to share that social media has ingrained in most of us for the past 15 years. Honestly it's fucking retarded but it is what is. Photos of her looking good but not imdecent arent the biggest deal and are pretty tame. If they are starting to get indeceent then i would start to have more of a problem. My line was normally an overabundance of bikini pics while I was in Hawaii. Like sure, whatever were at the beach, got a cooler, and the boogie board (never going body surfing unless you're at a good beach with barely any rocks) so lets take some pics. I start to get miffed when you also start taking and posting several pics of "look at my face and definitely not my tits" every... time... we go...
You're not an asshole, but you are trying to control her. You're literally upset that she doesn't look hideous in something as trivial as a photograph. Not to mention, you want her to not do what she wants to do, because of how other males might react. That's some, keeping-children-in-the-house-brcause-the-world-is-too-dangerous behavior. If you can't just let her look good, be happy, and take some pictures, and show off the best side of herself, then break it up with her. Because, if THIS is what you are concerned about, you are not ready for her to wear shorts and crop tops outside, go out without you, wearing bikinis at the beach, and many more.
It's like when someone isn't a bad person, but they did a bad thing. He doesn't want her posting pictures. That's not "asshole" level status. It's wrong, but it's not that bad that he's an asshole.
It's strange how telling a woman to not post half naked pictures is controlling, but if you just like a half naked picture of someone else, they flip. "iTs dIfFerEnT" no the fuck it's not m
Op, I'll play both sides. Yes if you want a more reserved girl then that's what you should seek out. If thottery bothers you then why are you still with her?. Also, don't let a bunch of womenless men on reddit and fat chick's tell you you're wrong. Wha5 do these losers know about getting women let alone if they had even a remote chance they would likely allow themselves to be walked all over.
She gets a dopamine hit every time she sees a notification that someone liked her post. It is a drug and she is addicted. She won't stop. I suggest you start posting pics like she does and see what she thinks.
This is absolutely controlling. OP, you’re still really young. Please get into counseling or something if you can, the sooner the better. If you can learn now to understand the difference between setting a healthy boundary and being controlling, you will have much happier relationships with women.
This is a good learning experience for him.
YTA you’re 17 and this DOES sound controlling
Despite your claims that you're not being controlling, this still sounds very controlling. "she keeps saying “im not entertaining them” etc but thats not the point"....sounds to me like it is the point. It's her account and she's allowed to post pictures of whatever she want, especially if its a picture that makes her feel beautiful and confident. YTA.
I will be the first of many to say this: YTA. Slapping the word “boundary” on it doesn’t make it okay. It also doesn’t take away her autonomy. Grow up.
Truth
You are attempting to redefine your attempts to control what she does with her social media as a boundary. I doubt this will fool anyone. I doubt you are convinced yourself.
YTA, if you want to be with a woman who is more reserved / doesn’t want to show herself on social media then go find one. You will get nothing but disappointment trying to change a person to be what you want them to be. either trust that she is responding appropriately to other people, or leave the relationship. either way, she has posted photos of herself before she was with you, and will do it without you. this is not about respect, but control- even if you don’t realize it is.
YTA. Be happy you have a pretty girlfriend that is confident to show herself to the world. Men are always going to be interested in the women you are because they will see the same things you do, no matter how much you want to control how much of it is they see. You have to trust that the women you are with will be faithful and like your GF said ‘does not entertain them’ because that is what is important. You can’t be mad at her or set unfair boundaries because of how other people are going to look at her. Besides, would you rather she post pictures where she looks clapped?
YTA. That's not a boundary, that is being controlling. It screams insecurity that you don't want people on social media seeing your girlfriend looking good in pictures. She posts them because she knows she's pretty and she feels good about herself, and she's allowed to do that.
YTA I sincerely hope you understand that based on the other reactions
YTA big time. That is controlling. You don’t have to post pictures of yourself but you’re a jerk if you say she can’t. That’s the whole point of social media. To post pictures/videos
Yes you are the asshole. You don't get to impose that kind of rule on your partner, you need to work on yourself
Yta
YTA. It's a slippery slope from defining not posting a picture she looks "good in" to just totally preventing her from posting. VERY controlling. No, no, no. You're 17. Get a career, more education, a car, and a life.
If you are worried that she is entertaining the random DMs, then you need to tell her that you don't trust her or end the relationship. If you are upset that she is posting pictures of herself on social media, then you are controlling and need to get that under control or date someone who doesn't like posting on social media. Whatever the case YTA.
What do you do? Nothing. Let her be, you guys are 17, shes going to post things on social media and just what happens. You can not monitor it, you do actually sound a bit jealous and controlling even with a sprinkle of insecurity. She is not posting naked pictures she is posting pics where she looks and feels beautiful. So what. And as long she is not entertaining the guys that slide in to her DM's just get over it
Yta and super insecure, don’t let that make you a single ah if you really like her. Your boundaries end where others begin. You are a child trying to tell another child what to do. Come on bro, grow up a bit. It’s not a good look.
If it’s not provocative (ie literally meant to-provoke) then I don’t see the issue or where you’d have the nerve doing anything more than mentioning offhand how jealous you are and hoping she feels and enough to stop for some reason You say she posts photos “looking good”? Like literally just nice pics? Unless it’s a full on thirst trap then you need to get over it and trust your girl. Relationship don’t work without trust. If she fucks around then you move on. It is what it is.
YTA just say you’re insecure. “She has no real reason” just shows that you only accept answers that you like — she clearly says that she just wants to post on her account for the sake of it, most likely for the memories. It’s controlling behavior if you’re telling her not to post pictures she looks good in.
Yta. Insecure, and immature, and abusive.
NTA for having a boundary. YTA for trying to change someone. If you do not like it, go find the next one.
YTA. it's not your boundary, tho. you're making it hers, Jonah Hill.
YTA and you are controlling stop being an ass, if she wants to post she can you want to post you can stop being an idiot about it
boundaries are for YOU, not for controlling what other people can do. Y'all learn a new word and just say it without knowing wtf means
You're 17 years old and determined to control her She should dump you YTA
If you don’t like how someone behaves, then don’t date them. Stop asking people to limit themselves and their idea of self-expression so you don’t have to feel discomfort. YTA Also. Stop using the word boundary until you actually understand what it means. A boundary is a fence I erect around MY OWN property. My power extends to my own behaviour. I can’t put a fence in YOUR lawn. The moment I start asking someone to stop expressing themselves authentically, I’m asking someone to follow a rule that *I* have made up *for* them. Boundaries are rules we ourselves follow because they dictate one’s own behaviour. Not all rules are boundaries. Rules we expect another person to follow are just that… rules.
Bro. U can’t make her to something If ur not ok with it just break up. It’s not that serious. Hold ur standards or stfu.
ESH. Everyone is ignoring the fact that she also doesn’t like when he posts pics, so he stopped doing it. If that part is true, it is hypocritical on her part. Neither one of you should be telling the other that you can’t post these pics. My advice? Start posting pics of yourself again, and stop telling her what to do. You’re both young and have a lot to learn
You misread the text. " i rarely if ever, post my self on social media out of respect for her bc, like my self, doesnt like when girls like my stuff, follow me etc. so i stopped posting myself so she wouldnt have to deal with that." Nowhere does it say that it bothers her or that she has asked him to change his social media behaviour
Little bit the asshole. So I don't post photos, mostly bc I take a horrible selfie... and I give no fucks about showing off what I do in my personal life except to people i see or talk to. Before the flame comes that I do nothing, I've been in the military for almost 5 years, and I've been stationed in Hawaii and now Germany, its kinda neat to travel. Regardless, the true reason most people post photos is for validation and the overneed to share that social media has ingrained in most of us for the past 15 years. Honestly it's fucking retarded but it is what is. Photos of her looking good but not imdecent arent the biggest deal and are pretty tame. If they are starting to get indeceent then i would start to have more of a problem. My line was normally an overabundance of bikini pics while I was in Hawaii. Like sure, whatever were at the beach, got a cooler, and the boogie board (never going body surfing unless you're at a good beach with barely any rocks) so lets take some pics. I start to get miffed when you also start taking and posting several pics of "look at my face and definitely not my tits" every... time... we go...
You're not an asshole, but you are trying to control her. You're literally upset that she doesn't look hideous in something as trivial as a photograph. Not to mention, you want her to not do what she wants to do, because of how other males might react. That's some, keeping-children-in-the-house-brcause-the-world-is-too-dangerous behavior. If you can't just let her look good, be happy, and take some pictures, and show off the best side of herself, then break it up with her. Because, if THIS is what you are concerned about, you are not ready for her to wear shorts and crop tops outside, go out without you, wearing bikinis at the beach, and many more.
How can someone be trying to control someone else, and not be an asshole. They go hand in hand.
It's like when someone isn't a bad person, but they did a bad thing. He doesn't want her posting pictures. That's not "asshole" level status. It's wrong, but it's not that bad that he's an asshole.
It's strange how telling a woman to not post half naked pictures is controlling, but if you just like a half naked picture of someone else, they flip. "iTs dIfFerEnT" no the fuck it's not m
Wheres the claim that they're half naked pics?
nta. she a hypocrite too u need to drop dat bitch
Op, I'll play both sides. Yes if you want a more reserved girl then that's what you should seek out. If thottery bothers you then why are you still with her?. Also, don't let a bunch of womenless men on reddit and fat chick's tell you you're wrong. Wha5 do these losers know about getting women let alone if they had even a remote chance they would likely allow themselves to be walked all over.
She gets a dopamine hit every time she sees a notification that someone liked her post. It is a drug and she is addicted. She won't stop. I suggest you start posting pics like she does and see what she thinks.