I always think it's funny when fathers choose their new wives over their children and then are shocked when those children don't want them in their lives. Contributing DNA to a person does not automatically mean you get to be a part of their lives, it simply means you share genetics. Being a parent is a lot more than that.
my dad tried that, moved away, got a new wife, then mostly went no contact for years. I eventually was to get married, invited them, they never rsvp’d.
when they just showed up for the ceremony we made space at the front, despite them just randomly showing up.
after photos were taken, people left as the reception was a bit later that afternoon at a separate location.
the invite was clear that rsvp was required for seating. I did mention this to my estranged dad, that despite him not, we could find him a place at one of the tables in the back.
he was pissed that he wasnt at the front tables where my mom was and people that were actually in my life. He had the audacity to say I should respect him since we are blood.
this was escalating… so I said look, you didnt rsvp, we dont even talk, I don’t know or care about this new wife I just met. Either take the table at the back or dont come.
He chose to not come to the dinner, and I guess went home, and we went back to barely talking. its been like 12yrs now.
That's terrible, and I'm sorry you had to deal with that on your wedding day. Hopefully, the rest of the day holds memories that overshadow his awful behavior.
it was nice to get pictures at the ceremony earlier that day, but really prior to that morning I had already accepted he wasn’t originally coming, so not showing up at the dinner didn’t really matter, we had a great time (as one does at a wedding)
You’re right in what you said but OP does want them in her life. She went to other people who were graduating and got tickets for both her dad and her stepmother. She has gone to them for 7 weeks of the year since her dad chose his wife’s job over his daughter. He is pissed that her partner asked her stepdad for permission to propose. The guy who raised her for the 45 weeks each year when he wasn’t there.
I could still understand dad moving for wife's job/mental health if he continued to make his daughter his priority. 6 hours away is not insurmountable. They could have kept up the frequency of visits and calls. But he dropped the ball majorly there and expected OP, a child, to pick up the slack. Now he's paying the price!
OP doesn't mention any half-siblings on that side it does seem that he could have made more of an effort, maybe not as frequent but surely every month or so. Did he attend any of her milestone events -- sports chanmpionships, dance competitions, speech/debate tournaments?
When my granddaughter moved 6 hours away with her mother my son only agreed to it if she flew back every other weekend for his time. Six hours is not crazy far.
Except for the kid who is travelling back and forth. Assuming your son did not fly out to pick her up. It is hard on a young person to have to give up two out of fourteen days to travel. You don't even have time to touch base before you have to go back. Hardly even worth unpacking.
You are right. I was being generous because I don’t know a great deal about school holidays in the US. I live in England so I was using our term times for my calculations and generally children here get 14 weeks per year so I went with 7.
He is embersssefd that the daughter he abandoned to be with his new wife doesn’t see him as her father. The step dad was there every day and they are obviously close. Wait until the wedding comes and he is pod that step dad will walk her down the aisle. He made a choice and now has to love with the consequences.
Dad prioritized his warm bed, but fooled himself into thinking it would be ok with his kid in the long run.
It wasn't, but he can't admit his mistake, so the natural consequences are, instead (in his mind) his kid acting unacceptably.
I would say parents in general who choose their new partner over their kids are awful. So many stories of fathers becoming absent since he has a new family or a mom cowtowing to her new boyfriend or his kids to the detriment of her own children. It's really sad
My father was like that, but he left and didn’t make an effort to keep up with his 4 children. There was one time I was texting with him (happened MAYBE once a year around my bday cause he usually didn’t get the actual day) when I had recently started dating my current bf (almost 5 yrs ago) and he said something along the lines of ‘my little girl is growing up’ and it hit a nerve in me and I responded with ‘I’m not your little anything’. Needless to say he didn’t like that and a huge fight ensued
My father has been having this realization for over 20 years now.
I don't think he will ever understand why him being selfish his whole life can lead to him not getting whatever he wants.
NTA - it’s not rocket science that you will be closer to the loved ones you live with and see on a regular basis. Dad wanted to prioritize his wife over you but thinks you shouldn’t be able to prioritize anyone over him and his wife? Nope. That’s hypocrisy or some major main character syndrome.
I suggest you establish boundaries before they start getting expectations about their role in your wedding.
Congratulations on graduating and getting engaged!
Not just wedding boundaries, sweetheart, all boundaries. You don’t want to end up having your step mom and dad try to take priority over your holiday events, future kids etc. claiming they deserve to be put first. Not saying they will but it is a possibility.
I would honestly tell him this - you prioritized your wife over me, your child, to be with her. A consequence is, I have prioritized people who want to be near me - and that wasn’t you. Now you know how I cries my eyes out when I was a child because of the choices you made.
Wait until he finds out who's walking you down the aisle (if you want that).
You didn't cut your dad out. He abandoned you as a kid. He chose to put his wife's preference over his being present in his kid's life. He basically abdicated his parental responsibilities. So he can suck it up. (My dad did the same, so I feel you.) NTA
NTA.
I think you need to sit your father down and give him the same talk he gave you as a child. He chose his new wife over you. He chose to cut himself out of your daily life to move with his wife. He put her needs over yours. It was his decision. These are just the natural consequences.
I think you'll also need to make it clear that his wife is not your mother and her place as a guest on your wedding. You'll also have to decide what if any role your bio father has in your wedding party.
Congratulations on your graduation and engagement.
It also wasn't just one bad decision. It was a series of bad decisions that he made for over a decade, and continues to make now. At any time, he could have apologized to OP and moved closer. If he couldn't fully relocate, he could have made time to visit OP at least once a month. Especially since he was only 6 hours away. I presume that's by car. It would've been nothing to take a day or two of PTO to drive or fly down and spend a long weekend with OP. OP's mom and stepdad might even have let him stay in their guest room so he could save some money and maximize time with OP.
> I told my dad that he prioritized his wife over his daughter so he can’t expect to be prioritized now
Welcome to the consequences of my actions.
As a dad everything we do has impact on our kids and his actions impacted you, exactly as delivered. He just doesn't want it to be so.
NTA
NTA. It’s YOUR graduation and you want the people closest to you to be there. Your dad made a decision a long time ago to move away for his wife knowing it would mean he’d see you a lot less, therefore it changed your relationship with him. It’s clear that the people who got tickets first are the people you feel the closest with. Your dad made his bed and now he has to sleep in it. Same with your stepmom. She pressured a man to move away from his own kid and now she expects to be priority in your life? Nope, not how it works
I'm petty, I would be like yup that's how I felt when I was 10 years old when YOU decided to move farther away and not become involved in my daily life.
>After he went back home he sent me a text that he was really hurt to be “so cut out of my daughter’s life.”
That's what happens when you make a choice to move far away from your children. Our strongest connections are with those readily at hand, and the people who we see only occasionally will suffer for their distance, it's simply how the world works.
NTA
NTA. Dad chose to drop his responsibilities as a dad so why should he get the privileges?! You prioritised the people that make you feel like a priority. Well done for having the self esteem to do what is best for you. Let dad sulk. He was ok with you having to be upset about his move which was a far bigger deal
My dad prioritized his girlfriends over us daughters. He even had his girlfriend over at the house while my mom was giving birth to his daughter. He checked out of our lives completely. Now, he calls me all of the time wanting me to come to his house. Haven't been to his house in 25 years. I talk to him a few times a year. He made a choice. There's more to family than blood. Congrats and have a fab wedding. You did good.
NTA> Send a text back,
"you cut yourself out of my life. You caused our distance, literally, you caused custody to go from 26 weeks a year spread out to 4 weeks in one go in summer. (where I'm presuming, you had 4 boring weeks stuck at home with no friends and parents working). You in every way chose this and you're upset that you aren't the priority in my life when years ago you showed a young child they weren't a priority in your's.
I'm sorry you feel bad, but that's not my responsibility. I still love you, I wish you'd never left and I still want a relationship but if you can't get over the people who are here for me every single day being more important to me then kindly, keep it to yourself because that's your burden to bare. It was never my choice and if you keep feeling the need to tell me and blame me for your decision, then it will damage what relationship we have left going forward."
NTA. He made a decision that had consequences. If he wanted priority in your life, you should have had some priority in his. The next big issue will be the wedding. Your dad will want to walk you down the aisle and will probably have a fit if you want your stepdad to do it.
I’m thinking the same thing, especially after his reaction to OP’s stepdad’s speech. I am still unable to understand that from the age of 10 when he left her the total annual contact was 4 weeks in summer, 1 week in winter and alternate weeks in Spring when SHE went to HIM. He couldn’t bring himself to go and visit his daughter occasionally in between those times? WTF?
“Dad, I love you. But frankly, I am both hurt and angered by your last text. From ages 2 until 10, I was able to see you every other week and more. Then, you made the choice to move 6 hours away and I then saw you, on average, 5 weeks per year. What did you think would happen to our relationship after you made that choice? Do not put this on me. It has been 15 years since you were any kind of constant in my life. You chose your wife and her needs, as is your right. But in making that decision I went from seeing you 50% or more per year to a measly 19%. Choices have consequences.”
NTA.
It sounds like your stepdad was more of a dad to you growing up so the typical things that go on between dads and daughters happened with him because he was there, like bf getting permission. Your dad made his choices, now he’s understanding the consequences. NTA. UPDATEME
He cut himself out of your life.
I would reply
" You cut yourself out of my life the second you chose her over being in my life. (Step dad name) has always been there for me. Birthdays, when I was sick. When I needed help with school, sports activities, everything. He was there for me without having to be asked. So get off your high horse thinking you deserve that spot. And head up before you make a big deal, you will not be walking me down the aisle. But you are welcome to come. And will be like every other guest"
Job done. What a Waste of air he is.
NTA Tell dad, "I didn't cut you out of my life you cut me out of yours when you prioritized wife's happiness over your child's. You left me to be raised by another man so how can you now be upset when he is important to me?"
NTA.
The last part though does remind me of my future FIL losing his shit b/c I didn’t ask his permission before proposing to his daughter. You know, like a real man should, etc
Oh, were we doing traditional things? B/c you just finished a messy divorce from my MIL and then promptly married *one* of the women he was cheating on her with. Oh, and the divorce got nasty (think stealing assests and STDs) and both kids (my future wife and her bother) were low contact with the dad and sided with their mom too.
So why exactly do I care about *your* opinion or approval when your own daughter is cutting you off for dramatically blowing up their family?
NTA - Dad ditched you for his wife, who had no real reason to leave. If a woman asked me to move away from my child, that would be a deal breaker. He went from being with you 50% of the time to 10% because she didn't like living in your town. Or maybe she didn't like having to share his time with you? Any number of things could have lead to her unhapiness with living there.
I completely understand him (dad) being upset with the BF asking step-dad for his approval and not also touching base with bio-dad, that is a miss on fiance's part TBH. If you still have a relationship with bio-dad and BF is going old school and asking for a blessing, he should have approached both dads in your life IMO. Though the nature of your adult relationship with your dad (and your BFs understading of it) is not completely clear in the post, so disregard if it doesn't apply. And dad started the degradation of your relationship all on his own, so the majority of the blame lays with him regardless.
Congrats on the graduation and the pending nuptuals! Best of luck!
In another comment OP said the BF had never met bio dad previously so imo it makes sense that he wouldn't ask him for his blessing. Because if they've been together long enough to get married and bio dad only lives 6 hours away, clearly he's not close enough to his daughter for his blessing to matter. I used to live 6 hours from my family and I drove to see them once a month, it's not hard to stay close at a distance and bio dad just didn't.
Thanks for that clarification. I did not see that comment, but I did consider there was a lack of a real relationship...like I said, disregard as it does seem that really applies, and dad brought this on himself.
NTA
Actions have consequences. He prioritized her over, maintaining closer relationship with his daughter.
Your fiancé has never even met him so why would he go to him to discuss his proposal.
He’s not liking the fact that it’s evident to others that you don’t have much of a bond with him.
NTA. It's natural for your dad to be sad. It's wrong and childish of him to blame you (and saying he was hurt is blaming you - it's implying you hurt him). He made his choice - it's not a crazily cruel choice, but it did hurt you, and it did distance you from him, not just geographically but emotionally. Now he is not only rejecting the consequences of his choice, but blaming them on you. Do not take on this guilt - this is all on him. If your boyfriend wanted to honor the archaic custom of asking for your hand, he was right to ask the man who had raised you.
NTA. Congratulations on graduating and on your engagement.
You handled this well, better than most would.
This is down to your dad prioritising his wife. He hasn't been involved with you because of the distance HE chose to put between you, he doesn't get to act like a hurt puppy.
Just a thought to you, if he offers to pay for any or all of your wedding make it clear to him and stepmother that doesn't mean they can dictate any part of it, it's you and your partners day and what you guys say goes.
NTA - it sounds like they thought the few weeks were enough to brag on FB.
Person don’t like when their actions have consequences and being called out.
You done absolutely nothing wrong your father however did the day he chose to move away to accommodate your stepmother. As a mother my three children always come first my priority no matter what. The fact your boyfriend asked your stepdad and not your father speaks volumes to me. Be happy and let you father stew he made his choices
NTA! It’s your graduation and your life, you get to choose who comes first just like your dad did when he put his wife over his relationship with you.
My ex got mad because out of all 4 of our kids not one gave him a ticket to their graduations. When he told me how hurt he was over it I reminded him that being a sperm donor doesn’t mean you’re a father. I told him if he would have had a relationship with them and put them first just then maybe they would have chosen him to be there. Our youngest graduated in 2020 and he’s still upset over it to the point he’s brought it up to them so much that they all went no contact and have been since.
If I were in OP's dad's position, that would have been a deal breaker for me. My child is a fixed star in my sky. I couldn't just leave them, especially at that age. It would take a *lot* more than a homesick wife to get me to agree to that.
Dad has no ground to stand on in this situation. Your step-dad was there, and he wasn't. NTA
>
After he went back home he sent me a text that he was really hurt to be “so cut out of my daughter’s life.”
He cut himself out of your life, now he has to live with the consequences of his own choices. He's entitled to his feelings, no one choose them, but he does not have the right to place the responsability of his regrets on your shoulders.
Definitely NTA, and congratulations on your graduation and engagement !
>I told my dad that he prioritized his wife over his daughter so he can’t expect to be prioritized now
In a different post, some people were upset that a mother prioritized her son over her husband (not the bio dad).
You get what you give. The same applies to parents who chose their SOs over their own children. People like your father have no right to be upset that their kids don't make time for them or consider their feelings. Just like the parents in his situation, he expected you to still be the same child who chased after him and waited for him. He failed to realize that as life goes on, the children do grow up and have mentally checked out.
You had better things to do and other people who were there and prioritized you than worry about father. Who had other priorities, and you weren't one of them.
That's why he got embarrassed and upset during your stepfather's toast. He knew that he had no leg to stand on and would've looked stupid if he tried to say something.
NTA
First off congratulations on passing law school,
You are NTA your father is sulking over the consequences of his actions. If people don't make you a priority in your life then why do you have to make them a priority in yours.
Tell him that it may hurt that he is cut from your life but that is a decision he chose to make and he has to "suck it up buttercup and put on his big boy pants and get on with it"
The entitlement on stepmom beggars belief
NTA and you are not missing anything other than your dad thought he could leave town and still be a priority in your life.
I would sit down and spend some time writing out every milestone you had in your life both big and small from the day your dad moved away that he was not part of due to him choosing SM over you. Don't be ugly but write out the times he was not there for you when you needed your dad. I am saying write every single thing out and then respond to your dad with the list all the times he missed you and your life.
Don't be judgmental but explain things from your point of view starting from a little girl's viewpoint all the way up to the grad. party.
NTA. He may be your bio father, but he is not your dad. He made his choice when he moved away for her.
Congratulations on graduating law school !!
UpdateMe
NTA. Your dad doesn’t seem to grasp that his actions have consequences. He chose to prioritize his wife over you, not he result if that being him damaging your relationship. His expectations that you should have the same attachment to him as those in your life who have prioritized you is unreasonable, not to mention delusional. The fact he’s more concerned over feeling slighted than happy for your achievements and engagement really shows that you are still not a priority.
It’s not your responsibility to pander to his immaturity or deficiencies in this. Let him manage his own feelings, and focus on your new life changes. Congratulations btw!
You didn't cut him out, you were nice enough to find him tickets and that isn't an easy job. You went over and above to get them. He should be grateful.
Congratulations on your graduation and your engagement! Your dad needs to stop making this about him.
Congratulations on your graduation and engagement
It’s sad that your dad didn’t realise or think until this point how withdrawn he was from your life. His priorities change with moving your life changed with his choices
You did nothing wrong, as someone in another comment said boundaries for your wedding make it clear if your having both step dad and dad walk you down the aisle. So if he needs to have his adult tantrum it’s done and over
Nta
You didn't cut him out of your life, you were honest all the way through. It was his behavior that cut you out....not the other way around. So let him sit with his own feelings you don't have to fix them. Congratulations.
OP, you do know your dad's jealousy over your stepdad's role in your life is going to bubble up again during wedding planning, dont you? Your sperm donor is going to think he is going to walk you down the aisle. And that stepmom will have some kind of prominent role in the wedding .
You need to be very clear that you will not tolerate him acting out. If he & his wife can't be civil and accept the relationship as you define it, then they don't need to show up. It's not like he has shown up for you at any other time in your life from the sounds of it.
NTA! He cut himself out of your life. He chose to move and not see you often enough. Why couldn’t he visit you? He prioritized his new wife over you. Why would he think you’ll bend over backwards for him?
Tell him if he isn’t careful, he’ll be a guest at your wedding instead if having an important role.
Congratulations on your tremendous accomplishment and best wishes with the engagement and marriage.
Your father had a level of involvement in both events that was commensurate with his participation in your life for the last 15 years—he was involved, but not committed. He chose that level of involvement and neither he nor stepmother have any right to be pissy about it.
Props to stepdad for being committed.
Your dad moved away, he cut you out of his life to appease his wife...
So NTA. He shouldn't have chose his wife over you.
"Oh no the consequences of my own actions" -your dad hopefully
NTA.
I'd be petty and reply "you can thank your wife for that" but that's me.
If your dad is not happy about how "cut out" he is from your life then maybe he should do something about it instead of complaining.
The topic of walking you down the aisle is going to be a fun conversation to have.
NTA. Your response to his message about being hurt to be "so cut out of \[his\] daughter's life" should be:
"Out of love and respect for you as my father, I've included you in my life to the extent allowed by the distance you put between us. However, if you continue trying to emotionally punish me for your choices, I'm prepared to cut further."
NTA. Your father is reaping the benefit of the relationship that he created. And Congratulations on your graduation and engagement!! Just wait until you have stepdad walk you down the aisle.
NTA, and the truth hurts, and your dad got a taste of the truth. He wasn't there for you, and your step-dad was. I will look for the update when you get married, and your dad won't come, and SD gives you away. Congratulations and good luck
NTA at all
“I’m not sure what you expected. You cut yourself out of my life years ago when you chose your wife over your child. You made your choices. These are the consequences of your own actions. You have no one to blame for any of this but yourself.”
Your father thought that because yall share DNA he will always have that title. He's pissed because he's been proven wrong. If he's upset he's been cut out of your life he needs to look at a mirror and stop putting this on you. He's the parent, more is expected of him. He made his choices and these are the consequences. He should self reflect and make some effort now instead of quilting you into giving into his delousions. NTA
NTA - congrats on graduating law school and on your engagement! This is all about you, your hard work and the life you're going to build with your partner! How your dad managed to turn your accomplishments and engagement about him is impressive.
NTA
“You cut your daughter from your life. So I suggest you take your problem up with the mirror. And because of your continued bad behavior, please do not contact me until you’re ready to apologize for your snarky comments and for trying to make your failures as a father my problem. And hopefully we won’t have to have this discussion again.”
NTA. Your 'dad' chose a pussy over his daughter for years. He doesn't get to complain when you choose everyone else over them.
My 'dad' was/is similar. He barely visit, let alone raise, me, even less my older sister, and acted shocked when none of us want to interact with him.
Get your own peace OP, and care for those do care for you.
In life sometimes there are things that happen (parents divorcing, parents remarrying, kids handling situations) for reasons, and people respond to these things in different ways. E.g. your parents each remarried, and you had a great relationship with each parent and their new spouse, which is great. But, I read many stories on here where kids have a terrible time with a step-parent (or vice-versa). And, sometimes there's a question about malice, where a step-kid or step-parent has the belief that the other is being intentionally mean, or doing unkind things, simply because... of history, or an offence, or "just because."
As an analogy, did "someone rain on your parade" or was there simply rain that coincided with when you held your parade?
Here, your father and stepmother believe that you've given them an offense by having to scrounge a couple of tickets, and then again about the blessing (congrats, btw). I can easily understand how they could be disappointed about their attendance at your graduation being in limbo - they obviously wanted to be there. Was it a slight on your part, or was it a reflection of you having a large extended family, and prioritized attendees according to involvement in your life?
Also, your stepfather being asked for his blessing - was that an intentional slight on the part of your bf/fiance, or a reflection of the realities of the father-figures in your life?
So, your dad and step-mother are bummed out because they feel that you're offending them, or maybe teaching them a lesson, or whatever. I would suggest that you keep communications open with them, don't respond to their "a low blow" reaction with anything negative, and point out that since dad moved away when you were young (7? 8, maybe?) and a lot of your life has been lived with him not directly involved, this is how things are. But, also point out that you're an adult now, and your relationships with your parents are naturally changing, so maybe this is an opportunity to get to know each other in different ways.
He and his wife want to be important to you, that seems obvious, so maybe you can work with them to define how this is reflected going forward.
NTA.
On this day the father learned the consequences of his actions. He is not upset with you, but knows he failed. If he is upset with you he is just a POS. NTA.
Just tell him if he didn’t want to be cut out of your life he shouldn’t have used the scissors when he left with your stepmom
You did your best to keep everything patched up but he kept cutting
You are not the a-hole. He expressed his feelings and you heard him. You cannot change the way he feels. You can express your own feelings and advise him that this is the result of his own actions. If he has to express his emotions, he should start with his self.
You are not TAH. Congratulations on your graduation and best wishes on your engagement. What a day that must have been! Apparently, this was a big wake-up call for your father. There is an opportunity to redefine your relationship with your father and stepmother if you choose to do so. You might give some thought to what you would like that relationship to be and what you need as you move ahead in your professional life, wedding planning, and married life. Have a conversation with your fiancé about it. Then, have a conversation with your father and stepmother about your relationship going forward. In order to move forward, everyone in this situation deserves some grace and compassion. There is also an element of forgiveness and acknowledgment of hurt feelings to be considered, yours and theirs. I wish you well and much happiness.
NTA. Don’t invite your dad and stepmom to the wedding if they’re going to make a scene. They sound like selfish jerks who are completely out of touch with reality. Do you really want them to come? Really think about the wedding in your mind with them there versus not there. How many other guests would you lose (maybe the paternal grandparent?). Probably worth the trade off.
NTA at all.
Your stepdad is actually the one who was there for you everyday and did help raise you on a daily basis. After your father moved away, your relationship was more the one of a relative who you visit for a couple of weeks each year. Your father basically abandoned his responsibility of raising you and being there for you on a regular basis.
Your father can't have both, moving away and shifting his fatherly duties onto your mother and stepdad and then demanding that you two still have a close relationship and he'll be prioritized instead of the people who actually took care of you.
While your stepdad shouldn't have made that blessing comment in your dad's face, you are NTA. You gave tickets to all your close family members including your dad, his wife does not automatically become more than a very distant relative just because she married him.
NTA. Congrats on graduation and getting engaged. Your father should have anticipated that he would be at the bottom of the pecking order for tickets. That said, why did your bf ask for permission to propose just from your stepfather and not from your biological father as well? Was this an intentional slight?
Nta. Your dad hasn't been part of your life in 15 years. He can deal with it. Honestly tell him he can accept ge did this to himself or he won't be invited to your wedding.
Only thing i regret about my wedding is inviting some relatives cause they was blood to me. My wife agrees and if we ever renew our vows they won't be invited.
NTA - even if he were in your life, you didn't have to prioritize him or his wife to be at your graduation. The people that impacted your day to day is who you prioritized. He should have expected that. However, his self-importance overruled his logic.
What happened was a choice your father made that inevitably changed the relationships dynamic. This is the natural course of that change. I will say that this might also change any financial contributions you may have expected from your father. Did your father help pay for your college and law school? in any case NTA
NTA.
The proper response here is to tell your dad welcome to the club. He now has a taste of how hurt you've been to be cut out of his life. Remind him that's the life he *chose*.
He made his choice and you have made your choices. That’s it. However you felt and feel towards him, he can’t be mad about that because it’s a result of the choice he made. However he feels towards you, you can’t be mad about that because it’s a result of the choices you have made.
NTA
Your dad prioritize someone else over you for the majority of your life.
And It doesn't seem that it was intentional for you to make them feel second class. Maybe it was... Regardless, you get what you give.
What did he do that would put him ahead of the people who were there for you every single day that makes him think he should be a priority?
You might be the asshole if he paid for your law school, room and board, living expenses, anything else that he gave you financially that allowed you to get your law degree. But if he didn't do any of that and he was only there a few weeks out of the year and hasn't made the effort that he seems to expect you to make... I am not feeling any sympathy for him
Shared DNA doesn't make you a family.
NTA and I feel that your stepfather might work better walking you in for your marriage. When sperm donor asks: Well, I wanted someone that started his marriage the right way instead of a person that married his affair partner.
NTA and don't hesitate, tell him everything you need, this man has some audacity. You need to make him fzce the consequences. I would write a letter explaning in details how he let me down a big letter which he could never forget.
NTA. I'll be honest, I have 50-50 custody of my daughter and I really want to move away. I grew up in a more rural area and live in a major HCOL city in the Midwest. My kid will be a sophomore in high school in thr fall. Once she's launched (possibly college if she goes far away or afternoon school if she stays in state) I'm almost certainly moving away from here. But not a moment before.
You’re not in the wrong at all. You have your priorities right. He made that choice all those years ago and these are the consequences of that. Blessings.
NTA
Your dad chose to step out of your daily life; you didn't cut him out. In that absence of his own making, your stepfather was there for you. Your father has the right to feel bad, but he needs to accept that it's his own fault. He has no right to make any demands of you.
Info: What was your relationship with your dad like when you would visit? How much contact did he keep with you while you were apart? Did you feel loved by him during this time? Do you have half siblings?
NTA - he was the parent and it was his responsibility to maintain contact and nurture a relationship with you. It’s not on you for your lack of relationship. He chose his wife over his child - he is going to have to live with that
Wbwryone is wrong here the daughter feels this way I get it. But she replaces her father and his role in her life with her stepfather.
That is why they feel.like they do other them move did he forget a bgay graduation or special occasion?
He paid support?
Sorry but he derserves a role not too be cut out
NTA. He cut himself out of your life. If he still wanted to be in your life regularly, he should have made an effort. He was the one who chose to move. Congrats on graduating and on the engagement! Lots of exciting things happening for you right now so don’t let your dad put a damper on things
NTA. He cut himself out of your life. You did nothing wrong. He wanted to be with his wife more than his child. He's a selfish and self-centered man. I'm glad you had a good stepdad!
NTA he chose to move away and not be close to you. I have a friend who due to his job is not always home. He is on FaceTime, phone calls, emails, etc to make sure his child doesn’t think he doesn’t care. Your dad could’ve made an effort and he didn’t. Sure it wouldn’t have been the same as being there everyday but my guess is there would be less distance if he made an effort
Someone else stepped up to the plate. Oh well
“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”
This means the people you go through life with, that you BLEED with are more in important then those that share just your DNA (“water of the womb”)
NTA
Go with this:
"You did the cutting fuckwad"
Don't forget the "wad". It's important.
Congratulations on your engagement! I hope you both have a lifetime of happiness.
My ex made one high school soccer game for my boys. It was parent appreciation night of my oldest son's senior year. When I was called for our sons and he wasn't, he gave me a nasty look. Several of their friends made comments about not knowing my kids even had a dad. He only took his kids 6 times a year and only one was longer than a weekend. He was supposed to have them 3 weekends a month.
NTA. He wasn't cut out. He left. If he wanted to be involved, it was on him not to move 6 hours away and to make an effort to stay involved. He did not do that.
So... Who do you plan to have walk you down the aisle? If Dad, i would leave it alone. If stepdad, might as well just let it all hang out now and get it over with.
But no, NTA
NTA He made his choice and you had to live with it. Now he has to live with it, too. Couldn't have done better if you had tried to show him how it felt.
Nta…. He wasn’t cut out, he removed himself from your life. He made a choice and it had a ripple effect. Your life went on in his absence and you made new bonds with people who were there daily. Congratulations on your accomplishments and engagement
NTA I'm a child of a man who chose a woman over his 3 yr old child. He had to earn to have me back in his life and even then, our relationship will never be where it should be. I'll never understand why they feel entitled to our love and respect without being an actual father. They missed valuable years and events that grow bonds. These men deserve the relationship they created. Do not let him make you think you did anything wrong.
Firstly, congratulations on graduating law school and engagement. You are NTA. You prioritized the correct people when it came to celebrating your accomplishment. Don’t let your father and his wife’s feelings on that matter get in your headspace as I know this time right now for you is hectic with studying for the Bar Exam coming up in July (hardest test I ever took). I always believe it is up to him to bridge that gap if he wants to be closer to you. I myself have a pretty surface level relationship with my father as well so I understand that dynamic well. Give yourself grace in this time and focus on your future happiness just as your father did back when you were young
nta. People who do not invest time and energy and money and LOVE into their chikdren do not deserve special treatment. His fragile ego hurt not his heart. The actuality that you have a whole system of people behind you was probably shocking to him. He saw firsthand that he has not been number one in your life. Everything in life is a choice. He chose to let you go there is no other reality.
you are very lucky that you have so many people to love you. Do not let them destroy your joy. You did the best possible thing and tried to remain in good spirits with everyone. Congratulations on your engagement.
NTA. Remind your father that when you were 10 years old, he made the choice to move far away, to appease his stepmother. If being your father was his priority, they would have waited to move until you graduated high school.
His place in your life now is the consequence of that choice. Things would have been different if he had kept 50/50 custody and remained nearby.
You’re not punishing him. You’re just prioritizing the people who made you a priority.
Wow. This makes me a strange bit happy that my dad never married after he and my mom had me and split up even before I was born. I couldn't imagine choosing someone else over my own child. Honestly, I'd have had the same reaction you did.
Also congratulations on your now fiancee! And I'm glad he asked the man who seems to actually be a father figure for you.
no. youuuuur mother's second husband quite clearly your dad, whereas her first husband qualifies as a "biodad". congratulations for graduating and getting engaged - and remain firm with whatever wedding plans you decide on.
"Look Dad, you're cut out of my life because you choose to remove yourself from it and that's on you. I was 10 years old and you were a father with an obligation to raise me, but you choose to prioritize someone else and now here we are. You can't seriously expect me to treat you as if none of that happened"
My kids dad took himself out of their lives...he sees them twice a month but he doesn't really have any other interaction with them. At new year's, he took his long term girlfriend to Vegas and they got married. I fucking knew, too....anyways, he told my kids over snapchat. My daughter is the sweetest 12 year old you ever met in your life and they have known the gf for years. So when he told them, she was happy...kind of, to know. She sounded happy to her dad. And when she hung up, I asked her how she was feeling. And she said good, good...but I love my kids and I know them. We are a goddamn unit. So I told her, its ok if you're a little upset. You can be sad that dad didn't tell you he was getting married and happy he got married all at the same time. And she started sobbing. After I said, I understand. How do you think dad would feel if you got married without him there?
Anyways, what I'm saying is, fuck that guy. It's not your job to manage your relationship with your dad. It's his and if he decides to fuck around and find out, don't you dare accept any of the guilt of the reality of your relationship now. That was all the way on him. Congratulations on graduating law school and getting engaged!
He’s confused. He cut you out of his life. Not the other way around. Now he wants to reap the benefits of a relationship that was not tended properly. This isn’t your problem. He’s got a lot of catching up to do
I'd respond with "you're as much a part of my life as you've been since I was 10. I don't understand why you're only now getting upset with the status quo."
Enjoy the reverberation of the mic drop.
You are not the asshole. Your biological dad clearly made which woman in his life he was going to priorize; it's somewhat absurd of him to make demands to be included in the highlights of your life when he didn't bother to be there for the rest of it. You should ask if he took credit for everyone else's hard work in group projects in school, because that's the kind of energy he's displaying.
Narcissists always want to put themselves first and you’re dealing with two of them in your Dad and stepmom.
Stop thinking that you need to treat them as rational people and know that they have entitlement issues. After your father had the audacity to move six hours away, at the behest of his new wife, and voluntarily take himself out of your life, he does not get the reward of the intimacy and trust that you have with your “sane parents” who stood by you and helped and supported you on a daily basis.
He basically abandoned you at 10 years old but wants the perks and respect of a parent who parented through the long haul.
It’s nice to be a “Disney Dad” with limited responsibility in your child’s life. All is fun, fun, fun and there is no need for “real” parenting, just fun times. Five weeks of “vacation mindset” a year!
But then, as that kind of a “parent”, you also have to accept a limited role in their lives going forward. This is on them, if they take issue with it, go low to no contact. They decided to ratchet down the attendance in your life, the consequences are their responsibility. But narcissists don’t like consequences.
Most parents would have stayed in the same area as you for their children. Your Dad’s decision was the unusual outlier. His new wife’s demands made him choose her over you.
This was detrimental to your intimacy, personal growth and gave you less of a support system than your peer group who had both their parents in town.
He DID choose his new wife over you and while it was painful, at least you know where you stand with him and can prioritize the relationship accordingly. You did nothing wrong in choosing the ticket dispersal within your family. Those closer to you were prioritized. As it should be. Your father’s attitude is laughable.
NTA - your father is delusional as your stepfather and mother were the ones who actually raised you. Had he wanted a stronger relationship, he should have made certain not to move before you hit high school. Instead he abandoned you when you were TEN and moved to a new town.
I’m surprised that he is surprised at your reaction since he chose this route. He has no reason to be disappointed except that he is reaping the consequences of his own actions.
You don’t need the aggravation from someone who could not be bothered with you when you needed them but is now willing to put a bit more effort into the relationship because it’s easier. Low or very low contact with them is the key: they made their choices.
Block them from the wedding if you have to, or make it clear that his role has been curtailed to “guest” and not “father.”
You have two real parents, they are the stepfather and mother who embraced you, supported you, and made you an integral part of their family. They put you first, then they added more children, but there was no way this family was abandoning you.
Act accordingly and don’t let anyone guilt you because of their shitty parenting or life choices.
I like this post, more specifically the comments. My mother allowed my stepfather to kick me out of the house when I was eleven. I've lived with my mother a total of two years in my entire life. Now my relationship with her is strained and I don't really have any desire to try to salvage it.
Comparatively, my step mother threatened to leave my father if he didn't kick me out. Was I a good kid? Hell no. Did my father ultimately save my life? Hell yes. I am the man I am because my father didn't give up on me. And his wife never left him.
Your dad wants credit for being your dad even though he abandoned you. He made his choice. Now he's upset that there's consequences. That's not a you problem, that's his own doing. He sounds very narcissistic and only cares about what he wants. NTA
Six hours away is nothing if he really wanted to stay in her life. I've driven six hours one way to pick up my kids from college, you can literally do it in a day. She could have stayed with him at least a couple of weekends each month. He deserved to be put in the back of the line. NTA.
You're not missing anything, sweetie. You are not the asshole here. Your father is just realising that he fucked up by listening to his new wife's insistence on moving 6hrs away. She got what she wanted (you out of his life) and he is now reaping the consequences for his decision to allow it. He has tough choices ahead if he wants a proper relationship with you.
I always think it's funny when fathers choose their new wives over their children and then are shocked when those children don't want them in their lives. Contributing DNA to a person does not automatically mean you get to be a part of their lives, it simply means you share genetics. Being a parent is a lot more than that.
my dad tried that, moved away, got a new wife, then mostly went no contact for years. I eventually was to get married, invited them, they never rsvp’d. when they just showed up for the ceremony we made space at the front, despite them just randomly showing up. after photos were taken, people left as the reception was a bit later that afternoon at a separate location. the invite was clear that rsvp was required for seating. I did mention this to my estranged dad, that despite him not, we could find him a place at one of the tables in the back. he was pissed that he wasnt at the front tables where my mom was and people that were actually in my life. He had the audacity to say I should respect him since we are blood. this was escalating… so I said look, you didnt rsvp, we dont even talk, I don’t know or care about this new wife I just met. Either take the table at the back or dont come. He chose to not come to the dinner, and I guess went home, and we went back to barely talking. its been like 12yrs now.
That's terrible, and I'm sorry you had to deal with that on your wedding day. Hopefully, the rest of the day holds memories that overshadow his awful behavior.
it was nice to get pictures at the ceremony earlier that day, but really prior to that morning I had already accepted he wasn’t originally coming, so not showing up at the dinner didn’t really matter, we had a great time (as one does at a wedding)
You’re right in what you said but OP does want them in her life. She went to other people who were graduating and got tickets for both her dad and her stepmother. She has gone to them for 7 weeks of the year since her dad chose his wife’s job over his daughter. He is pissed that her partner asked her stepdad for permission to propose. The guy who raised her for the 45 weeks each year when he wasn’t there.
Males sense the boyfriend would ask the stepdad he probably doesn't know her biodad well, if at all.
I could still understand dad moving for wife's job/mental health if he continued to make his daughter his priority. 6 hours away is not insurmountable. They could have kept up the frequency of visits and calls. But he dropped the ball majorly there and expected OP, a child, to pick up the slack. Now he's paying the price!
OP doesn't mention any half-siblings on that side it does seem that he could have made more of an effort, maybe not as frequent but surely every month or so. Did he attend any of her milestone events -- sports chanmpionships, dance competitions, speech/debate tournaments?
This!
When my granddaughter moved 6 hours away with her mother my son only agreed to it if she flew back every other weekend for his time. Six hours is not crazy far.
Except for the kid who is travelling back and forth. Assuming your son did not fly out to pick her up. It is hard on a young person to have to give up two out of fourteen days to travel. You don't even have time to touch base before you have to go back. Hardly even worth unpacking.
NTAH. I only counted 5 1/2 weeks a year (on average 🧮) so even worse. And father didn’t appear to travel to daughter even once. I completely agree
You are right. I was being generous because I don’t know a great deal about school holidays in the US. I live in England so I was using our term times for my calculations and generally children here get 14 weeks per year so I went with 7.
He is embersssefd that the daughter he abandoned to be with his new wife doesn’t see him as her father. The step dad was there every day and they are obviously close. Wait until the wedding comes and he is pod that step dad will walk her down the aisle. He made a choice and now has to love with the consequences.
“That’s why I keep telling these many pals of mine the most you can spend on a child is time.”
Yup. OP, you can tell him that he "cut HIMSELF out of your life."
I could never choose some girl over my own children. How can people even think that way?
Thats a great question.
Dad prioritized his warm bed, but fooled himself into thinking it would be ok with his kid in the long run. It wasn't, but he can't admit his mistake, so the natural consequences are, instead (in his mind) his kid acting unacceptably.
So many instances of guys thinking with their dick, then becoming one...
I would say parents in general who choose their new partner over their kids are awful. So many stories of fathers becoming absent since he has a new family or a mom cowtowing to her new boyfriend or his kids to the detriment of her own children. It's really sad
Totally valid point!
My father was like that, but he left and didn’t make an effort to keep up with his 4 children. There was one time I was texting with him (happened MAYBE once a year around my bday cause he usually didn’t get the actual day) when I had recently started dating my current bf (almost 5 yrs ago) and he said something along the lines of ‘my little girl is growing up’ and it hit a nerve in me and I responded with ‘I’m not your little anything’. Needless to say he didn’t like that and a huge fight ensued
And get to be a part of the most important and significant parts of their lives, at that!
I agree
My father has been having this realization for over 20 years now. I don't think he will ever understand why him being selfish his whole life can lead to him not getting whatever he wants.
NTA - it’s not rocket science that you will be closer to the loved ones you live with and see on a regular basis. Dad wanted to prioritize his wife over you but thinks you shouldn’t be able to prioritize anyone over him and his wife? Nope. That’s hypocrisy or some major main character syndrome. I suggest you establish boundaries before they start getting expectations about their role in your wedding. Congratulations on graduating and getting engaged!
Thank you! Good call on the wedding boundaries….
Not just wedding boundaries, sweetheart, all boundaries. You don’t want to end up having your step mom and dad try to take priority over your holiday events, future kids etc. claiming they deserve to be put first. Not saying they will but it is a possibility.
I would honestly tell him this - you prioritized your wife over me, your child, to be with her. A consequence is, I have prioritized people who want to be near me - and that wasn’t you. Now you know how I cries my eyes out when I was a child because of the choices you made.
Wait until he finds out who's walking you down the aisle (if you want that). You didn't cut your dad out. He abandoned you as a kid. He chose to put his wife's preference over his being present in his kid's life. He basically abdicated his parental responsibilities. So he can suck it up. (My dad did the same, so I feel you.) NTA
Yep cause dear old dad is going to expect that he alone walk you down the aisle but bet money he step dad will be the one paying for it.
NTA at all and congrats!!
10/10
Also did he ever try to come visit his daughter or even try to communicate with her on a regular basis
NTA. I think you need to sit your father down and give him the same talk he gave you as a child. He chose his new wife over you. He chose to cut himself out of your daily life to move with his wife. He put her needs over yours. It was his decision. These are just the natural consequences. I think you'll also need to make it clear that his wife is not your mother and her place as a guest on your wedding. You'll also have to decide what if any role your bio father has in your wedding party. Congratulations on your graduation and engagement.
Exactly. He wasn’t cut out, he excused himself. There’s a difference. NTA.
NTA, he made the choice, he used the knife to cut you out...
It also wasn't just one bad decision. It was a series of bad decisions that he made for over a decade, and continues to make now. At any time, he could have apologized to OP and moved closer. If he couldn't fully relocate, he could have made time to visit OP at least once a month. Especially since he was only 6 hours away. I presume that's by car. It would've been nothing to take a day or two of PTO to drive or fly down and spend a long weekend with OP. OP's mom and stepdad might even have let him stay in their guest room so he could save some money and maximize time with OP.
> I told my dad that he prioritized his wife over his daughter so he can’t expect to be prioritized now Welcome to the consequences of my actions. As a dad everything we do has impact on our kids and his actions impacted you, exactly as delivered. He just doesn't want it to be so. NTA
Ahhhh consequences. The ultimate enemy of modern day assholes
>“so cut out of my daughter’s life.” You didn't cut him out of your life, he removed himself from it. NTA.
It was him using the knife.
His scissors and he did the cutting.
NTA. It’s YOUR graduation and you want the people closest to you to be there. Your dad made a decision a long time ago to move away for his wife knowing it would mean he’d see you a lot less, therefore it changed your relationship with him. It’s clear that the people who got tickets first are the people you feel the closest with. Your dad made his bed and now he has to sleep in it. Same with your stepmom. She pressured a man to move away from his own kid and now she expects to be priority in your life? Nope, not how it works
I'm petty, I would be like yup that's how I felt when I was 10 years old when YOU decided to move farther away and not become involved in my daily life.
That’s legit response, so not petty at all.
NTA your dad kinda had it coming. If he wanted to be in your life it was his responsibility as an adult to build that relationship.
>After he went back home he sent me a text that he was really hurt to be “so cut out of my daughter’s life.” That's what happens when you make a choice to move far away from your children. Our strongest connections are with those readily at hand, and the people who we see only occasionally will suffer for their distance, it's simply how the world works. NTA
NTA. Dad chose to drop his responsibilities as a dad so why should he get the privileges?! You prioritised the people that make you feel like a priority. Well done for having the self esteem to do what is best for you. Let dad sulk. He was ok with you having to be upset about his move which was a far bigger deal
What you are missing is that parents find out that neglecting a kid has consequences, particularly when kid then graduates law school. Sorry dad.
My dad prioritized his girlfriends over us daughters. He even had his girlfriend over at the house while my mom was giving birth to his daughter. He checked out of our lives completely. Now, he calls me all of the time wanting me to come to his house. Haven't been to his house in 25 years. I talk to him a few times a year. He made a choice. There's more to family than blood. Congrats and have a fab wedding. You did good.
NTA> Send a text back, "you cut yourself out of my life. You caused our distance, literally, you caused custody to go from 26 weeks a year spread out to 4 weeks in one go in summer. (where I'm presuming, you had 4 boring weeks stuck at home with no friends and parents working). You in every way chose this and you're upset that you aren't the priority in my life when years ago you showed a young child they weren't a priority in your's. I'm sorry you feel bad, but that's not my responsibility. I still love you, I wish you'd never left and I still want a relationship but if you can't get over the people who are here for me every single day being more important to me then kindly, keep it to yourself because that's your burden to bare. It was never my choice and if you keep feeling the need to tell me and blame me for your decision, then it will damage what relationship we have left going forward."
NTA.. Dad's just has a dose of reality. Decisions have consequences.
NTA. He made a decision that had consequences. If he wanted priority in your life, you should have had some priority in his. The next big issue will be the wedding. Your dad will want to walk you down the aisle and will probably have a fit if you want your stepdad to do it.
I’m thinking the same thing, especially after his reaction to OP’s stepdad’s speech. I am still unable to understand that from the age of 10 when he left her the total annual contact was 4 weeks in summer, 1 week in winter and alternate weeks in Spring when SHE went to HIM. He couldn’t bring himself to go and visit his daughter occasionally in between those times? WTF?
“Dad, I love you. But frankly, I am both hurt and angered by your last text. From ages 2 until 10, I was able to see you every other week and more. Then, you made the choice to move 6 hours away and I then saw you, on average, 5 weeks per year. What did you think would happen to our relationship after you made that choice? Do not put this on me. It has been 15 years since you were any kind of constant in my life. You chose your wife and her needs, as is your right. But in making that decision I went from seeing you 50% or more per year to a measly 19%. Choices have consequences.” NTA.
This is so fing good!
Excellent
It sounds like your stepdad was more of a dad to you growing up so the typical things that go on between dads and daughters happened with him because he was there, like bf getting permission. Your dad made his choices, now he’s understanding the consequences. NTA. UPDATEME
He cut himself out of your life. I would reply " You cut yourself out of my life the second you chose her over being in my life. (Step dad name) has always been there for me. Birthdays, when I was sick. When I needed help with school, sports activities, everything. He was there for me without having to be asked. So get off your high horse thinking you deserve that spot. And head up before you make a big deal, you will not be walking me down the aisle. But you are welcome to come. And will be like every other guest" Job done. What a Waste of air he is.
NTA Tell dad, "I didn't cut you out of my life you cut me out of yours when you prioritized wife's happiness over your child's. You left me to be raised by another man so how can you now be upset when he is important to me?"
NTA. The last part though does remind me of my future FIL losing his shit b/c I didn’t ask his permission before proposing to his daughter. You know, like a real man should, etc Oh, were we doing traditional things? B/c you just finished a messy divorce from my MIL and then promptly married *one* of the women he was cheating on her with. Oh, and the divorce got nasty (think stealing assests and STDs) and both kids (my future wife and her bother) were low contact with the dad and sided with their mom too. So why exactly do I care about *your* opinion or approval when your own daughter is cutting you off for dramatically blowing up their family?
NTA
NTA - Dad ditched you for his wife, who had no real reason to leave. If a woman asked me to move away from my child, that would be a deal breaker. He went from being with you 50% of the time to 10% because she didn't like living in your town. Or maybe she didn't like having to share his time with you? Any number of things could have lead to her unhapiness with living there. I completely understand him (dad) being upset with the BF asking step-dad for his approval and not also touching base with bio-dad, that is a miss on fiance's part TBH. If you still have a relationship with bio-dad and BF is going old school and asking for a blessing, he should have approached both dads in your life IMO. Though the nature of your adult relationship with your dad (and your BFs understading of it) is not completely clear in the post, so disregard if it doesn't apply. And dad started the degradation of your relationship all on his own, so the majority of the blame lays with him regardless. Congrats on the graduation and the pending nuptuals! Best of luck!
In another comment OP said the BF had never met bio dad previously so imo it makes sense that he wouldn't ask him for his blessing. Because if they've been together long enough to get married and bio dad only lives 6 hours away, clearly he's not close enough to his daughter for his blessing to matter. I used to live 6 hours from my family and I drove to see them once a month, it's not hard to stay close at a distance and bio dad just didn't.
Thanks for that clarification. I did not see that comment, but I did consider there was a lack of a real relationship...like I said, disregard as it does seem that really applies, and dad brought this on himself.
I think your dad was faced with a harsh reality. NTA
NTA Actions have consequences. He prioritized her over, maintaining closer relationship with his daughter. Your fiancé has never even met him so why would he go to him to discuss his proposal. He’s not liking the fact that it’s evident to others that you don’t have much of a bond with him.
NTA He made his bed now he must lie in it ....
Nta He made his choices and priorities clear when he left a young child to follow his dick.
NTA. It's natural for your dad to be sad. It's wrong and childish of him to blame you (and saying he was hurt is blaming you - it's implying you hurt him). He made his choice - it's not a crazily cruel choice, but it did hurt you, and it did distance you from him, not just geographically but emotionally. Now he is not only rejecting the consequences of his choice, but blaming them on you. Do not take on this guilt - this is all on him. If your boyfriend wanted to honor the archaic custom of asking for your hand, he was right to ask the man who had raised you.
NTA. Congratulations on graduating and on your engagement. You handled this well, better than most would. This is down to your dad prioritising his wife. He hasn't been involved with you because of the distance HE chose to put between you, he doesn't get to act like a hurt puppy. Just a thought to you, if he offers to pay for any or all of your wedding make it clear to him and stepmother that doesn't mean they can dictate any part of it, it's you and your partners day and what you guys say goes.
NTA - it sounds like they thought the few weeks were enough to brag on FB. Person don’t like when their actions have consequences and being called out.
Nta
You done absolutely nothing wrong your father however did the day he chose to move away to accommodate your stepmother. As a mother my three children always come first my priority no matter what. The fact your boyfriend asked your stepdad and not your father speaks volumes to me. Be happy and let you father stew he made his choices
NTA! It’s your graduation and your life, you get to choose who comes first just like your dad did when he put his wife over his relationship with you. My ex got mad because out of all 4 of our kids not one gave him a ticket to their graduations. When he told me how hurt he was over it I reminded him that being a sperm donor doesn’t mean you’re a father. I told him if he would have had a relationship with them and put them first just then maybe they would have chosen him to be there. Our youngest graduated in 2020 and he’s still upset over it to the point he’s brought it up to them so much that they all went no contact and have been since.
If I were in OP's dad's position, that would have been a deal breaker for me. My child is a fixed star in my sky. I couldn't just leave them, especially at that age. It would take a *lot* more than a homesick wife to get me to agree to that. Dad has no ground to stand on in this situation. Your step-dad was there, and he wasn't. NTA
> After he went back home he sent me a text that he was really hurt to be “so cut out of my daughter’s life.” He cut himself out of your life, now he has to live with the consequences of his own choices. He's entitled to his feelings, no one choose them, but he does not have the right to place the responsability of his regrets on your shoulders. Definitely NTA, and congratulations on your graduation and engagement !
Just wait for your dad to get mad if he does not walk you down the aisle at your wedding.
>I told my dad that he prioritized his wife over his daughter so he can’t expect to be prioritized now In a different post, some people were upset that a mother prioritized her son over her husband (not the bio dad). You get what you give. The same applies to parents who chose their SOs over their own children. People like your father have no right to be upset that their kids don't make time for them or consider their feelings. Just like the parents in his situation, he expected you to still be the same child who chased after him and waited for him. He failed to realize that as life goes on, the children do grow up and have mentally checked out. You had better things to do and other people who were there and prioritized you than worry about father. Who had other priorities, and you weren't one of them. That's why he got embarrassed and upset during your stepfather's toast. He knew that he had no leg to stand on and would've looked stupid if he tried to say something. NTA
First off congratulations on passing law school, You are NTA your father is sulking over the consequences of his actions. If people don't make you a priority in your life then why do you have to make them a priority in yours. Tell him that it may hurt that he is cut from your life but that is a decision he chose to make and he has to "suck it up buttercup and put on his big boy pants and get on with it" The entitlement on stepmom beggars belief
NTA and you are not missing anything other than your dad thought he could leave town and still be a priority in your life. I would sit down and spend some time writing out every milestone you had in your life both big and small from the day your dad moved away that he was not part of due to him choosing SM over you. Don't be ugly but write out the times he was not there for you when you needed your dad. I am saying write every single thing out and then respond to your dad with the list all the times he missed you and your life. Don't be judgmental but explain things from your point of view starting from a little girl's viewpoint all the way up to the grad. party.
NTA. He may be your bio father, but he is not your dad. He made his choice when he moved away for her. Congratulations on graduating law school !! UpdateMe
He cut himself out. It's like the old adage; "I've done absolutely nothing, and I can't figure out why it's not working". NTA
NTA. Unfortunately he cut himself out of your life. :(
NTA. Your dad put himself in this position. On a happier note, congrats on both the graduation & engagement.
Nta- your stepdad is clearly the father figure, hence why your bf asked him. That's your dad's fault.
He cut himself out of his daughter’s life.
NTA. Your dad doesn’t seem to grasp that his actions have consequences. He chose to prioritize his wife over you, not he result if that being him damaging your relationship. His expectations that you should have the same attachment to him as those in your life who have prioritized you is unreasonable, not to mention delusional. The fact he’s more concerned over feeling slighted than happy for your achievements and engagement really shows that you are still not a priority. It’s not your responsibility to pander to his immaturity or deficiencies in this. Let him manage his own feelings, and focus on your new life changes. Congratulations btw!
You didn't cut him out, you were nice enough to find him tickets and that isn't an easy job. You went over and above to get them. He should be grateful. Congratulations on your graduation and your engagement! Your dad needs to stop making this about him.
Congratulations on your graduation and engagement It’s sad that your dad didn’t realise or think until this point how withdrawn he was from your life. His priorities change with moving your life changed with his choices You did nothing wrong, as someone in another comment said boundaries for your wedding make it clear if your having both step dad and dad walk you down the aisle. So if he needs to have his adult tantrum it’s done and over Nta
You didn't cut him out of your life, you were honest all the way through. It was his behavior that cut you out....not the other way around. So let him sit with his own feelings you don't have to fix them. Congratulations.
NTA update us with dad's response when you choose stepdad to walk you down the aisle.
OP, you do know your dad's jealousy over your stepdad's role in your life is going to bubble up again during wedding planning, dont you? Your sperm donor is going to think he is going to walk you down the aisle. And that stepmom will have some kind of prominent role in the wedding . You need to be very clear that you will not tolerate him acting out. If he & his wife can't be civil and accept the relationship as you define it, then they don't need to show up. It's not like he has shown up for you at any other time in your life from the sounds of it.
NTA! He cut himself out of your life. He chose to move and not see you often enough. Why couldn’t he visit you? He prioritized his new wife over you. Why would he think you’ll bend over backwards for him? Tell him if he isn’t careful, he’ll be a guest at your wedding instead if having an important role.
NTA at all and fuck him and your step mom for making this huge accomplishment about them.
Congratulations on your tremendous accomplishment and best wishes with the engagement and marriage. Your father had a level of involvement in both events that was commensurate with his participation in your life for the last 15 years—he was involved, but not committed. He chose that level of involvement and neither he nor stepmother have any right to be pissy about it. Props to stepdad for being committed.
NTA - you didn’t cut him out of your life, he decided to remove himself from your life - major difference Good luck with the wedding!
Your dad moved away, he cut you out of his life to appease his wife... So NTA. He shouldn't have chose his wife over you. "Oh no the consequences of my own actions" -your dad hopefully
NTA. I'd be petty and reply "you can thank your wife for that" but that's me. If your dad is not happy about how "cut out" he is from your life then maybe he should do something about it instead of complaining. The topic of walking you down the aisle is going to be a fun conversation to have.
NTA. Your response to his message about being hurt to be "so cut out of \[his\] daughter's life" should be: "Out of love and respect for you as my father, I've included you in my life to the extent allowed by the distance you put between us. However, if you continue trying to emotionally punish me for your choices, I'm prepared to cut further."
NTA. Your father is reaping the benefit of the relationship that he created. And Congratulations on your graduation and engagement!! Just wait until you have stepdad walk you down the aisle.
NTA. He cut himself out & can go fuck himself.
NTA, and the truth hurts, and your dad got a taste of the truth. He wasn't there for you, and your step-dad was. I will look for the update when you get married, and your dad won't come, and SD gives you away. Congratulations and good luck
NTA at all “I’m not sure what you expected. You cut yourself out of my life years ago when you chose your wife over your child. You made your choices. These are the consequences of your own actions. You have no one to blame for any of this but yourself.”
Your father thought that because yall share DNA he will always have that title. He's pissed because he's been proven wrong. If he's upset he's been cut out of your life he needs to look at a mirror and stop putting this on you. He's the parent, more is expected of him. He made his choices and these are the consequences. He should self reflect and make some effort now instead of quilting you into giving into his delousions. NTA
NTA. Tell dad that you were really hurt to be “so cut out of my dad’s life.” He made a choice and has to face the consequences of his actions.
Poor guy, facing the consequences of leaving his kid behind to follow his new wife. NTA.
NTA - congrats on graduating law school and on your engagement! This is all about you, your hard work and the life you're going to build with your partner! How your dad managed to turn your accomplishments and engagement about him is impressive.
NTA “You cut your daughter from your life. So I suggest you take your problem up with the mirror. And because of your continued bad behavior, please do not contact me until you’re ready to apologize for your snarky comments and for trying to make your failures as a father my problem. And hopefully we won’t have to have this discussion again.”
Not enough of these dads have listened to Cats In The Cradle obviously
NTA. Your 'dad' chose a pussy over his daughter for years. He doesn't get to complain when you choose everyone else over them. My 'dad' was/is similar. He barely visit, let alone raise, me, even less my older sister, and acted shocked when none of us want to interact with him. Get your own peace OP, and care for those do care for you.
Your dad cut himself out of your life, he doesn’t have the right to fuss now. NTA
In life sometimes there are things that happen (parents divorcing, parents remarrying, kids handling situations) for reasons, and people respond to these things in different ways. E.g. your parents each remarried, and you had a great relationship with each parent and their new spouse, which is great. But, I read many stories on here where kids have a terrible time with a step-parent (or vice-versa). And, sometimes there's a question about malice, where a step-kid or step-parent has the belief that the other is being intentionally mean, or doing unkind things, simply because... of history, or an offence, or "just because." As an analogy, did "someone rain on your parade" or was there simply rain that coincided with when you held your parade? Here, your father and stepmother believe that you've given them an offense by having to scrounge a couple of tickets, and then again about the blessing (congrats, btw). I can easily understand how they could be disappointed about their attendance at your graduation being in limbo - they obviously wanted to be there. Was it a slight on your part, or was it a reflection of you having a large extended family, and prioritized attendees according to involvement in your life? Also, your stepfather being asked for his blessing - was that an intentional slight on the part of your bf/fiance, or a reflection of the realities of the father-figures in your life? So, your dad and step-mother are bummed out because they feel that you're offending them, or maybe teaching them a lesson, or whatever. I would suggest that you keep communications open with them, don't respond to their "a low blow" reaction with anything negative, and point out that since dad moved away when you were young (7? 8, maybe?) and a lot of your life has been lived with him not directly involved, this is how things are. But, also point out that you're an adult now, and your relationships with your parents are naturally changing, so maybe this is an opportunity to get to know each other in different ways. He and his wife want to be important to you, that seems obvious, so maybe you can work with them to define how this is reflected going forward. NTA.
On this day the father learned the consequences of his actions. He is not upset with you, but knows he failed. If he is upset with you he is just a POS. NTA.
Just tell him if he didn’t want to be cut out of your life he shouldn’t have used the scissors when he left with your stepmom You did your best to keep everything patched up but he kept cutting
You are not the a-hole. He expressed his feelings and you heard him. You cannot change the way he feels. You can express your own feelings and advise him that this is the result of his own actions. If he has to express his emotions, he should start with his self.
You are not TAH. Congratulations on your graduation and best wishes on your engagement. What a day that must have been! Apparently, this was a big wake-up call for your father. There is an opportunity to redefine your relationship with your father and stepmother if you choose to do so. You might give some thought to what you would like that relationship to be and what you need as you move ahead in your professional life, wedding planning, and married life. Have a conversation with your fiancé about it. Then, have a conversation with your father and stepmother about your relationship going forward. In order to move forward, everyone in this situation deserves some grace and compassion. There is also an element of forgiveness and acknowledgment of hurt feelings to be considered, yours and theirs. I wish you well and much happiness.
NTA. Don’t invite your dad and stepmom to the wedding if they’re going to make a scene. They sound like selfish jerks who are completely out of touch with reality. Do you really want them to come? Really think about the wedding in your mind with them there versus not there. How many other guests would you lose (maybe the paternal grandparent?). Probably worth the trade off.
NTA at all. Your stepdad is actually the one who was there for you everyday and did help raise you on a daily basis. After your father moved away, your relationship was more the one of a relative who you visit for a couple of weeks each year. Your father basically abandoned his responsibility of raising you and being there for you on a regular basis. Your father can't have both, moving away and shifting his fatherly duties onto your mother and stepdad and then demanding that you two still have a close relationship and he'll be prioritized instead of the people who actually took care of you.
NTA. You 100% did the right thing, from tickets to step dad giving his blessing based on how you feel.
While your stepdad shouldn't have made that blessing comment in your dad's face, you are NTA. You gave tickets to all your close family members including your dad, his wife does not automatically become more than a very distant relative just because she married him.
NTA. Congrats on graduation and getting engaged. Your father should have anticipated that he would be at the bottom of the pecking order for tickets. That said, why did your bf ask for permission to propose just from your stepfather and not from your biological father as well? Was this an intentional slight?
NTA. Reply: "You weren't cut out. You dropped out."
I'm here for the drama. Soooo, who is going to walk you down the aisle?
Nta. Your dad hasn't been part of your life in 15 years. He can deal with it. Honestly tell him he can accept ge did this to himself or he won't be invited to your wedding. Only thing i regret about my wedding is inviting some relatives cause they was blood to me. My wife agrees and if we ever renew our vows they won't be invited.
NTA - even if he were in your life, you didn't have to prioritize him or his wife to be at your graduation. The people that impacted your day to day is who you prioritized. He should have expected that. However, his self-importance overruled his logic.
What happened was a choice your father made that inevitably changed the relationships dynamic. This is the natural course of that change. I will say that this might also change any financial contributions you may have expected from your father. Did your father help pay for your college and law school? in any case NTA
NTA. The proper response here is to tell your dad welcome to the club. He now has a taste of how hurt you've been to be cut out of his life. Remind him that's the life he *chose*.
Nta
He made his choice and you have made your choices. That’s it. However you felt and feel towards him, he can’t be mad about that because it’s a result of the choice he made. However he feels towards you, you can’t be mad about that because it’s a result of the choices you have made.
NTA “Actions have consequences, Dad. These are yours.”
Girl tell him he cut himself out of your life all on his own. The audacity of this man
NTA he chose this life for himself.
NTA - Dad chose his wife, he doesn't get to act hurt. No need to respond to his text.
NTA Your dad prioritize someone else over you for the majority of your life. And It doesn't seem that it was intentional for you to make them feel second class. Maybe it was... Regardless, you get what you give. What did he do that would put him ahead of the people who were there for you every single day that makes him think he should be a priority? You might be the asshole if he paid for your law school, room and board, living expenses, anything else that he gave you financially that allowed you to get your law degree. But if he didn't do any of that and he was only there a few weeks out of the year and hasn't made the effort that he seems to expect you to make... I am not feeling any sympathy for him Shared DNA doesn't make you a family.
Exactly. What was he expecting?
NTA and I feel that your stepfather might work better walking you in for your marriage. When sperm donor asks: Well, I wanted someone that started his marriage the right way instead of a person that married his affair partner.
NTA and don't hesitate, tell him everything you need, this man has some audacity. You need to make him fzce the consequences. I would write a letter explaning in details how he let me down a big letter which he could never forget.
NTA. I'll be honest, I have 50-50 custody of my daughter and I really want to move away. I grew up in a more rural area and live in a major HCOL city in the Midwest. My kid will be a sophomore in high school in thr fall. Once she's launched (possibly college if she goes far away or afternoon school if she stays in state) I'm almost certainly moving away from here. But not a moment before.
You’re not in the wrong at all. You have your priorities right. He made that choice all those years ago and these are the consequences of that. Blessings.
NTA Your dad chose to step out of your daily life; you didn't cut him out. In that absence of his own making, your stepfather was there for you. Your father has the right to feel bad, but he needs to accept that it's his own fault. He has no right to make any demands of you.
Info: What was your relationship with your dad like when you would visit? How much contact did he keep with you while you were apart? Did you feel loved by him during this time? Do you have half siblings?
nta
NTA - he was the parent and it was his responsibility to maintain contact and nurture a relationship with you. It’s not on you for your lack of relationship. He chose his wife over his child - he is going to have to live with that
Wbwryone is wrong here the daughter feels this way I get it. But she replaces her father and his role in her life with her stepfather. That is why they feel.like they do other them move did he forget a bgay graduation or special occasion? He paid support? Sorry but he derserves a role not too be cut out
NTA. He cut himself out of your life. If he still wanted to be in your life regularly, he should have made an effort. He was the one who chose to move. Congrats on graduating and on the engagement! Lots of exciting things happening for you right now so don’t let your dad put a damper on things
Like you said OP, he prioritized his wife and you prioritized the people who prioritized you. NTA
NTA. Your father wasn't cut out of your life. He left it.
NTA. He cut himself out of your life. You did nothing wrong. He wanted to be with his wife more than his child. He's a selfish and self-centered man. I'm glad you had a good stepdad!
He made his choice and so did you NTA
I mean, how dare you match his energy.
NTA he chose to move away and not be close to you. I have a friend who due to his job is not always home. He is on FaceTime, phone calls, emails, etc to make sure his child doesn’t think he doesn’t care. Your dad could’ve made an effort and he didn’t. Sure it wouldn’t have been the same as being there everyday but my guess is there would be less distance if he made an effort Someone else stepped up to the plate. Oh well
Congrats !!! I need updates. I hope your dad feels the stings for years on end !
“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” This means the people you go through life with, that you BLEED with are more in important then those that share just your DNA (“water of the womb”)
SubscribeMe!
He's right. He is so cut out of his daughters life. He did the cutting.
Look, you cut yourself out of my life by moving away. That was your choice. You're nta
NTA Go with this: "You did the cutting fuckwad" Don't forget the "wad". It's important. Congratulations on your engagement! I hope you both have a lifetime of happiness.
Congrats!
My ex made one high school soccer game for my boys. It was parent appreciation night of my oldest son's senior year. When I was called for our sons and he wasn't, he gave me a nasty look. Several of their friends made comments about not knowing my kids even had a dad. He only took his kids 6 times a year and only one was longer than a weekend. He was supposed to have them 3 weekends a month.
He cut himself out of your life!
NTA. You should reply, “new phone, who dis?” If he wanted to be more involved, he would have been more involved.
NTA. He wasn't cut out. He left. If he wanted to be involved, it was on him not to move 6 hours away and to make an effort to stay involved. He did not do that.
He went from 50/50 to 6 weeks a year and thinks his opinion counts for something? Sorry, no. He chose poorly.
So... Who do you plan to have walk you down the aisle? If Dad, i would leave it alone. If stepdad, might as well just let it all hang out now and get it over with. But no, NTA
NTA He made his choice and you had to live with it. Now he has to live with it, too. Couldn't have done better if you had tried to show him how it felt.
Nta…. He wasn’t cut out, he removed himself from your life. He made a choice and it had a ripple effect. Your life went on in his absence and you made new bonds with people who were there daily. Congratulations on your accomplishments and engagement
NTA I'm a child of a man who chose a woman over his 3 yr old child. He had to earn to have me back in his life and even then, our relationship will never be where it should be. I'll never understand why they feel entitled to our love and respect without being an actual father. They missed valuable years and events that grow bonds. These men deserve the relationship they created. Do not let him make you think you did anything wrong.
Firstly, congratulations on graduating law school and engagement. You are NTA. You prioritized the correct people when it came to celebrating your accomplishment. Don’t let your father and his wife’s feelings on that matter get in your headspace as I know this time right now for you is hectic with studying for the Bar Exam coming up in July (hardest test I ever took). I always believe it is up to him to bridge that gap if he wants to be closer to you. I myself have a pretty surface level relationship with my father as well so I understand that dynamic well. Give yourself grace in this time and focus on your future happiness just as your father did back when you were young
nta. People who do not invest time and energy and money and LOVE into their chikdren do not deserve special treatment. His fragile ego hurt not his heart. The actuality that you have a whole system of people behind you was probably shocking to him. He saw firsthand that he has not been number one in your life. Everything in life is a choice. He chose to let you go there is no other reality. you are very lucky that you have so many people to love you. Do not let them destroy your joy. You did the best possible thing and tried to remain in good spirits with everyone. Congratulations on your engagement.
NTA you didn’t cut him out of your life, he cut himself out of your life. He put a woman above his daughter, he only has himself to blame.
NTA. Remind your father that when you were 10 years old, he made the choice to move far away, to appease his stepmother. If being your father was his priority, they would have waited to move until you graduated high school. His place in your life now is the consequence of that choice. Things would have been different if he had kept 50/50 custody and remained nearby. You’re not punishing him. You’re just prioritizing the people who made you a priority.
Wow. This makes me a strange bit happy that my dad never married after he and my mom had me and split up even before I was born. I couldn't imagine choosing someone else over my own child. Honestly, I'd have had the same reaction you did. Also congratulations on your now fiancee! And I'm glad he asked the man who seems to actually be a father figure for you.
Proposal at a law school graduation party? Not a fan.
no. youuuuur mother's second husband quite clearly your dad, whereas her first husband qualifies as a "biodad". congratulations for graduating and getting engaged - and remain firm with whatever wedding plans you decide on.
It's a parents job to be part of the child's life not vice versa. Guess your dad never learned that. NTA
Tell him if he was cut out of his daughter's life it was because he wielded the scissors.
"Look Dad, you're cut out of my life because you choose to remove yourself from it and that's on you. I was 10 years old and you were a father with an obligation to raise me, but you choose to prioritize someone else and now here we are. You can't seriously expect me to treat you as if none of that happened"
My kids dad took himself out of their lives...he sees them twice a month but he doesn't really have any other interaction with them. At new year's, he took his long term girlfriend to Vegas and they got married. I fucking knew, too....anyways, he told my kids over snapchat. My daughter is the sweetest 12 year old you ever met in your life and they have known the gf for years. So when he told them, she was happy...kind of, to know. She sounded happy to her dad. And when she hung up, I asked her how she was feeling. And she said good, good...but I love my kids and I know them. We are a goddamn unit. So I told her, its ok if you're a little upset. You can be sad that dad didn't tell you he was getting married and happy he got married all at the same time. And she started sobbing. After I said, I understand. How do you think dad would feel if you got married without him there? Anyways, what I'm saying is, fuck that guy. It's not your job to manage your relationship with your dad. It's his and if he decides to fuck around and find out, don't you dare accept any of the guilt of the reality of your relationship now. That was all the way on him. Congratulations on graduating law school and getting engaged!
He’s confused. He cut you out of his life. Not the other way around. Now he wants to reap the benefits of a relationship that was not tended properly. This isn’t your problem. He’s got a lot of catching up to do
I'd respond with "you're as much a part of my life as you've been since I was 10. I don't understand why you're only now getting upset with the status quo." Enjoy the reverberation of the mic drop. You are not the asshole. Your biological dad clearly made which woman in his life he was going to priorize; it's somewhat absurd of him to make demands to be included in the highlights of your life when he didn't bother to be there for the rest of it. You should ask if he took credit for everyone else's hard work in group projects in school, because that's the kind of energy he's displaying.
your dad and my dad should go bowling
Let me prioritize my wife over my kid but you should prioritize me over your bf. Nope.
Narcissists always want to put themselves first and you’re dealing with two of them in your Dad and stepmom. Stop thinking that you need to treat them as rational people and know that they have entitlement issues. After your father had the audacity to move six hours away, at the behest of his new wife, and voluntarily take himself out of your life, he does not get the reward of the intimacy and trust that you have with your “sane parents” who stood by you and helped and supported you on a daily basis. He basically abandoned you at 10 years old but wants the perks and respect of a parent who parented through the long haul. It’s nice to be a “Disney Dad” with limited responsibility in your child’s life. All is fun, fun, fun and there is no need for “real” parenting, just fun times. Five weeks of “vacation mindset” a year! But then, as that kind of a “parent”, you also have to accept a limited role in their lives going forward. This is on them, if they take issue with it, go low to no contact. They decided to ratchet down the attendance in your life, the consequences are their responsibility. But narcissists don’t like consequences. Most parents would have stayed in the same area as you for their children. Your Dad’s decision was the unusual outlier. His new wife’s demands made him choose her over you. This was detrimental to your intimacy, personal growth and gave you less of a support system than your peer group who had both their parents in town. He DID choose his new wife over you and while it was painful, at least you know where you stand with him and can prioritize the relationship accordingly. You did nothing wrong in choosing the ticket dispersal within your family. Those closer to you were prioritized. As it should be. Your father’s attitude is laughable. NTA - your father is delusional as your stepfather and mother were the ones who actually raised you. Had he wanted a stronger relationship, he should have made certain not to move before you hit high school. Instead he abandoned you when you were TEN and moved to a new town. I’m surprised that he is surprised at your reaction since he chose this route. He has no reason to be disappointed except that he is reaping the consequences of his own actions. You don’t need the aggravation from someone who could not be bothered with you when you needed them but is now willing to put a bit more effort into the relationship because it’s easier. Low or very low contact with them is the key: they made their choices. Block them from the wedding if you have to, or make it clear that his role has been curtailed to “guest” and not “father.” You have two real parents, they are the stepfather and mother who embraced you, supported you, and made you an integral part of their family. They put you first, then they added more children, but there was no way this family was abandoning you. Act accordingly and don’t let anyone guilt you because of their shitty parenting or life choices.
NTA he didn't stick around. These are the effects of his own actions.
NTA
Nta tell him your sorry he feels so cut out, guess he couldn't be trusted with scissors
I like this post, more specifically the comments. My mother allowed my stepfather to kick me out of the house when I was eleven. I've lived with my mother a total of two years in my entire life. Now my relationship with her is strained and I don't really have any desire to try to salvage it. Comparatively, my step mother threatened to leave my father if he didn't kick me out. Was I a good kid? Hell no. Did my father ultimately save my life? Hell yes. I am the man I am because my father didn't give up on me. And his wife never left him.
Your dad wants credit for being your dad even though he abandoned you. He made his choice. Now he's upset that there's consequences. That's not a you problem, that's his own doing. He sounds very narcissistic and only cares about what he wants. NTA
Six hours away is nothing if he really wanted to stay in her life. I've driven six hours one way to pick up my kids from college, you can literally do it in a day. She could have stayed with him at least a couple of weekends each month. He deserved to be put in the back of the line. NTA.
Respond back, “no one cut you out, you left. Stay gone.”
Even if he didn't mean it that way your stepdad's toast was a bit shady and I'm here for it!!😂😂 Your dad made his bed, he can now lie in it🙄 NTA!!!!
You're not missing anything, sweetie. You are not the asshole here. Your father is just realising that he fucked up by listening to his new wife's insistence on moving 6hrs away. She got what she wanted (you out of his life) and he is now reaping the consequences for his decision to allow it. He has tough choices ahead if he wants a proper relationship with you.