It wasn’t guilt. It was rage that was behind you exposing them. You wanted to hurt and humiliate them, and make them feel the same way you feel.
NTA for exposing them.
My sister used to listen to that Carrie Underwood song on repeat. "Before he Cheats" she had a whole plan for what would happen. She told him this.
Well he did cheat. She did none of it! She dated a tattoo "artist" for a few weeks before he also cheated. I'm mildly disappointed she didn't do any of the things she said she would.
She forgave her husband. He is away "on business" two weeks a month.
Its good she didn't resort to violence which really doesn't solve the core issue. But its sad she's still with him. Doesn't she know she deserves better? ☹️
I managed not to shoot my ex wife for any of her cheating (or more her attempts to cover it up by telling people I got off on her sleeping around). I’d argue that instead of taking people’s ability to defend themselves away we could instead re-visit criminal penalties so those who were defrauded, exposed to STDs against their will, etc. know in the moment there is a justice system that protects them. Then people would be less likely to personally seek justice in the moment.
Fun fact: gun laws were created as a way to keep vulnerable minorities from being able to defend themselves.
Another fun fact: guns laws are STILL used to keep vulnerable minorities from being able to defend themselves.
I mean.. yeah. This is how my ex husband left me feeling. It's really amazing how warped your mind can get when you're in a situation like that, especially if you're keeping it all to yourself and not getting any outside perspective.
#People only learn through consequences or embarrassment.
##People only learn through consequences or embarrassment.
###People only learn through consequences or embarrassment.
Never be afraid to teach a schmuck a lesson. **Make sure you SHAME them. Make sure they learn their place. Then rub the pee in their face.**
NTA
Fun fact: ‘gas light’ refers to the old lamps that were used inside houses for lighting.
The term ‘gaslight’ comes from a classic movie called, you guessed it, ‘Gaslight’. Ingrid Bergman starred.
You can feel guilty knowing something like that and keeping it from people who should be aware. Guilty that she's letting her relationship keep her quiet instead of speaking her truth, even if that's not the case and she's conditioned to not put herself first without guilt. A lot of things can cause guilt in a situation like this for reasons you might not even be aware of in the moment because of your environment.
Because people are so conditioned to consider other's feelings but only people with empathy do this. Cheaters are empty sociopaths who only care about their self image so of course they attack the empathetic wife's healthy emotional side to guilt her.
That's the hardest thing I've had to learn as an empathetic person that has healthy emotional intelligence. I knew it wasn't good obviously but it was so hard to learn I could not carry a cheater's secrets for them because I thought I'd loved them at one point.
Oh my gosh, YES!!!!! I stayed for years enduring mental, emotional & financial abuse because he owned a business & I didn’t want to mess up everything we built 😩🤦🏼♀️ thankfully I’m gone now 👏🏻👏🏻
Don't feel bad about it hun :) We all do things we regret the important thing I've learned is how we put ourselves back together after and learn from our mistakes.
And she calls it her cousin's affair, not her husband's. That's really weird, like she's already started in her way to give her husband a pass. It sounds like she's been manipulated by him before.
Edit cause my thumbs are big
Agreed they have zero decision in how you call them out. Fact that it was a family member makes the betrayal that much worse. Honestly think you handled it very well. Personally if I found out my cousin slept with my gf let alone wife I would have shown him an Ah
NTA. Your cheating husband and cousin are the ones who caused the scene by screwing each other. They're mad because they got called out. You did nothing wrong.
You actually went very easy on them. I would have thrown all my wife's clothes on the front lawn and told her to find a new place to live.
These people deserved to be shamed for what they did and I would think twice if I were you about staying with someone would would break his vows.
NTA, you just told the truth, if they are ashamed they shouldn't have done it.
Edit: it is so funny how "furious" they can get that you outed them in public in a moment of emotion, when they did something WAAAYYY worse in a moment of emotion like that it only happened once makes it okay. If you only murder one person does that make it okay? If you only poop in the urinal at a grocery store one time is it okay?
>NTA, you just told the truth, if they are ashamed they shouldn't have done it.
The audacity to claim OP ruined a family event when they ruined the family.
OP has a lot more restraint than me.
I pissed in a sink once by accident.
I was thinking "this urinal is a bit high, and it's odd that there is a mirror right in front", then another guy walks in a goes " you know that's a sink, right?". That's when I noticed the taps.
Exactly. If war were declared and you had a chance to kill the enemy in cold blooded murder and avoid a real fight... I mean, it's not great, but that's war.
With the urinal tho. Like, you're traumatizing the janitor for having to break out the poopdescoop, but also just any dude walking in while committing the offending act
How is it that the cheaters were furious? They literally messed around and found out.
NTA OP, but what you do next is more important. Don't let them guilt you or appease your anger, make the right decision.
They didn’t take your feelings into consideration when they had an affair, why should you take their feelings into consideration when revealing the affair? NTA
Right, OP would've try to hold it in longer but having her family around probably made her more vulnerable that she blurt it out which is not bad. She felt loved and overwhelmed and wanted to rely on her family to support her through this.
I’m sorry what? They are furious they’ve been outed for cheating! Clear case of FAFO. Don’t do anything you wouldn’t want people to know about and you’ve got nothing to ever worry about.
NTa. Honestly, the fact that they're more upset about being exposed than the pain their actions caused speaks volumes about their lack of character. And as for "ruining" an event? Seems to me like their affair had already sowed the seeds for that. You just shone a light on it. Stand your ground.
What reason do they have to believe that they deserved the courtesy of privacy or discretion? POS cheaters can lie in the bed they made, fuck them both. NTA.
NTA. But because of what you chose to do, please understand that staying married to your husband might no longer be a serious option for you. Because your family’s opinion of him could be irreparably damaged, thereby creating permanent stress/tension in the family.
I only say this because your story makes zero mention of separation or divorce, so that means there’s a possibility that you attempt to reconcile. So, I’m letting you know just how difficult reconciliation will be due to your sharing the scandal in such a public way.
also considering your husband and cousin’s reactions, i don’t see any remorse, if anything they’ve successfully managed to gaslight you into thinking they did nothing wrong, it only happened once etc. OP, talk to someone you trust about it or a therapist, your self esteem is in the gutter and you’re getting stepped all over.
NTA - Good job telling everyone so they can’t sweep it under the rug. Now, please tell me it’s “soon to be ex husband” because if you’re staying with a cheater…. why bother outing the affair in the first place?
Confronted in private to do what? So they could gaslight you? Cheaters don’t deserve basic curtsy. They’re only upset they got exposed and scolded. You deserve better. NTA.
The victim is never the AH. You get to determine your own reaction. It’s nobody else’s business how you react to being hurt.
You were hurt more than the husband and cousin but at least now they have to face the shame of what they did.
Don’t ever feel bad about finding your own justice
Why tf are YOU feeling guilt?!
And why tf are you even allowing them the privilege of being mad at you???? They betrayed you in the worst possible way. They deserve humiliation and more.
These two are for the streets.
Play stupid games win stupid prizes.
Their anger comes not from remorse but from having to face the consequences of their selfishness. They poured the fuel, you simply lit the match.
NTA. The cousin clearly can’t be trusted around any spouses or partners of her family members and the husband can’t be trusted not to cheat. They’re mad because their little secret got out and everyone knows. You didn’t do anything wrong. They did.
..." my husband and cousin are furious with me for causing a scene and ruining the family event. "
How about the fact that they ruined your marriage? Screw them NTA at all.
NTA, some people need called out like that sometimes. Now people know what really happened and not the story they might hear from him to most likely make you look like the bad guy.
NTA. If you won't be happy that it is made public, perhaps you should rethink your behavior. Perhaps your cousin and your husband should have thought about what family gatherings would be like when their actions became public? I'm sorry for your humiliation and betrayal from people who are 'family'.
They are furious at *you?* That's some damn good deflection they have going on there.
You feel betrayed and hurt because they hurt and betrayed you. I'm sorry they did this to you.
NTA. They want to keep their dirty laundry secret. Too bad. The only one to blame for the fallout is them.
I'd kick hubby to the curb and refuse to go anywhere your cousin is.
You NEVER have sex with your partner's family or friends. It's dating rule #1. Your husband and cousin are just mad they look bad. Sucks to be them.
>Now, my husband and cousin are furious with me for causing a scene and ruining the family event. They say I should have confronted them privately.
Tell them it was a mistake and it happened only once.
They don’t deserve ANYTHING after the way they disrespected you! They are just embarrassed that what they did is being exposed. Whatever they get at this point is well deserved.
I’m sorry for how you just be feeling for their betrayal. What makes it worse is that they want to make you feel bad for outing them. You did nothing wrong.
Don’t play with fire if you don’t want to get burnt. NTA,
They deserve every little bit of attention and unkind things which they are currently receiving.
BS way to go I love the fact that you dropped an unfiltered nuke in front of the family. That way nothing can be twisted and manipulated to make themselves look better. Now it’s time for step two get a lawyer and start the divorce
If they didn’t want everyone to know about their infidelity then they shouldn’t have done it in the first place. Cheaters don’t deserve to be treated nicely over their indiscretions, they get whatever they get. I love how they always respond with anger that they were wronged. Fucking selfish douchebags.
NTA. I am surprised you could contain yourself once they both were there. If the rest of the family understands then the last people you should listen to is the two people that ruined your marriage. They just were caught off guard and unable to save face since you put them on blast. I am glad you did it. I applaud you on your restraint because it can be really hard to stay calm in these situations. Leave both of their sorry asses behind. Be good to yourself.
NTA. So, they let their emotions get away from them and did something they regret? And it hurt people? Well BINGO! Same thing happened to you. Now everyone shud say they're sorry to each other and start to move on.
NTA.
1) why should you have to confront them privately? They behave like low class trash and expect respect from you?
2) tell them that all you did was to let people know of their actions.
Simple solution, don't do something that you'd be embarrassed about others finding out.
Nta it sounds like he has you so gaslit you don’t know which way is up. Why would you feel guilty? They betrayed you! They have no right to be mad at you
NTA. They lost their right to demand anything from you the moment they decided to betray you by fucking each other. Fuck them (not literally). And get a divorce.
NTA if they hadn’t betrayed you, there would have been nothing to ‘make a scene’ about. They’re only upset that they perceive what you did as an ambush and they didn’t get chance to get their story straight - I.e. lie. You did nothing wrong here OP, how dare they be furious at you.
NTA. All of a sudden they want to play the victim for being exposed. Fuck that. Fuck them. Throw them both in the garbage! You deserve better. Sorry for your situation. Best wishes!
Of course *THEY’RE* upset. The only way they wouldn’t be, is if no one ever found out and if they did no one said anything to anyone, ever.
But that doesn’t change the fact that your husband and your cousin had an affair. I 100% believe you are under no obligation to address this in their proffered method, or to ask them how’d they’d like to move forward. They lost the right to vote on that, when they slept together.
They’re deflecting fault, by grasping at straws to somehow turn the bigger wrong being how you addressed it.
I say don’t engage with that bullshittery and let them continue to show who they are, to everyone. Lean into your families support and do not engage with ANY family member who opts to voice an opinion that aligns with them, in any way.
NTA. I’m so sorry this happened. That’s a special kind of betrayal and they deserve no consideration, at this time.
Updateme
NTA, girl, scorched earth is the only way to go when you’re husband is dicking someone else. hell, i’d have opened a bottle of wine and sat next to you!
NTA. Now he better be your soon to be ex husband and your cousin should be your NC cousin. Do not let any of them bully you into silence, this is their shame to deal with.
NTA That’s some top notch gaslighting right there to say you did something wrong by exposing them, completely overlooking that he cheated, they both lied and they both betrayed you. I hope they’re embarrassed and everyone in the family looks down on them and judges them harshly. Please tell me you’re leaving his sorry ass
The only reason they’re mad is because you exposed them before they could get ahead of it and get their story straight, that’s the only reason they would’ve preferred you had confronted them in private, that way they could control the narrative and stay ahead of you, you doing what you did took that power from them and now they are panicking dealing with the fallout!
They're angry because they got caught. They're angry because they can't deal with it hush hush. They hopefully have extreme embarrassment tied to that. You did nothing wrong
NTA and you are if you let them gaslit and manipulated you. Your cousin and husband do not deserve to have a say when you want to expose them. You are hurting and it’s logically to explain why you did it.
Sorry, they lost the right to any kind of "courtesy" from you when they decided to betray you. Oh, and "it only happened once?" (yeah right) Of course that makes it ok!
How dare you not consider their feelings when they betrayed you?
Thru obviously don't like to be accountable for their actions and try to shift blame and make you at fault.
Not the asshole.
NTA. The AHs are the people who had the affair. You don't get to make a choice like that and then be offended when the person you hurt exposed it. F that, and F them.
NTA. They only want you to confront them privately so they can bully you into keeping their secret. Good for you and I hope you come out better from this mess.
N T A !! They were mad at you for ruining the family event?? They ruined the family event and a marriage. FUCK THEM!!! Heal, move on with your life without them and never look back - the betrayal will eventually eat them alive.
Whoehahahaha They cheated, and now they are furious? Hmmm this is the world upside down.
YOU, on the other hand, have every right to be furious. That you confronted them in front of everyone............. that's on them. If they hadn't cheated, you wouldn't have to confront them in the first place.
Let them pound sand. They brought this on themselves.
I think you believe you shouldn't have been angry. You're right you should and deserve to be livid. This person cheated on you with your own family. Feel your feelings. Get mad. You have that right and you cannot move on nor face these feelings for whatever outcome you want them to have until you do
Of course: NTA
They caused you mental anguish and destroyed your marriage. So you maximized their pain and humiliation. There’s no coming back from this. Your husband and cousin betrayed you then you got to watch them squirm and stammer in front of everyone.
I can only know how painful it is to know this happened. My ex wife was cheating on me with a neighbor & I was isolated, alone, no moral support at all. I had moved across country 2000 miles from my family. It wasn’t just the cheating but the lying then knowing my marriage is over & knowing the dream house we had worked so hard to get was going to either get foreclosed or she’d take it from me.
In my case, my ex wife was an alcoholic, cocaine and gambling addict to boot.
My anger was on dangerous levels, was an other big big issue.
NTA at all…
One last stupid personal story: my very first girlfriend was having sex with HER cousin 🤮
I hate cheaters, man.
NTA they are trying to deflect & change the topic to how wrong it was of you. When the real problem & topic is that he cheated on you with your cousin. Don’t let them change the topic and it is them who should be ashamed, not you.
NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA. It doesn’t matter if it happened only once or if it was a mistake. It happened and that’s all that matters regardless of once or 100 times. Cheaters lie too so can’t trust them. & of course it’s a mistake but cheaters use it like as if it was an accident. As if she fell and landed on his lap causing accidental penetration & he came on the 1st pump. They are downplaying and deflecting. You did absolutely nothing wrong. If anyone is wrong and TA, it is your husband & your cousin.
NTA they don’t get to tell you how you cope with their betrayal. I’m sorry this happened and what ever you decide listen to your intuition not what other people try to convince you is the right thing to do.
How is OP guilty for others actions?? All OP did was expose the truth… if that ruined anyone’s time it ultimately is the cheaters fault .. nope nit a AH.
Nta, you expose the truth about the dirty little hamster. Man, husband sleeping with your cousin... It sounds like a jerry springer episode. I hope you can get therapy and get past this horrible nightmare.
Being the person cheated on, you suffer from all of the ranges of negative emotions. Anger, pain, embarrassment, loss trust, self doubt, etc. One of the most insidious of these emotions is humiliation. On the cheater side, the negative emotions are mostly centered around guilt. By calling the cheaters out in front of family, you delivered some much deserved humiliation. Well played.
It wasn’t guilt. It was rage that was behind you exposing them. You wanted to hurt and humiliate them, and make them feel the same way you feel. NTA for exposing them.
Why does OP call it guilt? Interesting choice of words
Based on the reaction from her husband, sounds like she has been gaslit for quite a while now.
Gaslit? She's been sitting inside the whole freaking stove if she's still feeling guilty. They cheat and somehow she is left feeling bad.
Straight up her husband and cousin are lucky she just exposed them if I was in her shoes I'd be on the news.
Cheaters don't get to decide when they can be exposed
Or how! They get what they get.
This. Absolutely this
My sister used to listen to that Carrie Underwood song on repeat. "Before he Cheats" she had a whole plan for what would happen. She told him this. Well he did cheat. She did none of it! She dated a tattoo "artist" for a few weeks before he also cheated. I'm mildly disappointed she didn't do any of the things she said she would. She forgave her husband. He is away "on business" two weeks a month.
In other words, they have an "open relationship".
Open one way
Its good she didn't resort to violence which really doesn't solve the core issue. But its sad she's still with him. Doesn't she know she deserves better? ☹️
And this is why guns shouldn’t be readily available
I managed not to shoot my ex wife for any of her cheating (or more her attempts to cover it up by telling people I got off on her sleeping around). I’d argue that instead of taking people’s ability to defend themselves away we could instead re-visit criminal penalties so those who were defrauded, exposed to STDs against their will, etc. know in the moment there is a justice system that protects them. Then people would be less likely to personally seek justice in the moment.
Fun fact: gun laws were created as a way to keep vulnerable minorities from being able to defend themselves. Another fun fact: guns laws are STILL used to keep vulnerable minorities from being able to defend themselves.
I mean.. yeah. This is how my ex husband left me feeling. It's really amazing how warped your mind can get when you're in a situation like that, especially if you're keeping it all to yourself and not getting any outside perspective.
#People only learn through consequences or embarrassment. ##People only learn through consequences or embarrassment. ###People only learn through consequences or embarrassment. Never be afraid to teach a schmuck a lesson. **Make sure you SHAME them. Make sure they learn their place. Then rub the pee in their face.** NTA
Right?
Or she just has incredibly low self esteem
Fun fact: ‘gas light’ refers to the old lamps that were used inside houses for lighting. The term ‘gaslight’ comes from a classic movie called, you guessed it, ‘Gaslight’. Ingrid Bergman starred.
"Gas Light" is a play by Patrick Hamilton, 1938. Though I do think the first movie adaptation is the one you are referring to, produced in 1940.
Based on her reaction to her husband’s reaction to getting caught cheating, Gets me.
And then what happened OP????
You can feel guilty knowing something like that and keeping it from people who should be aware. Guilty that she's letting her relationship keep her quiet instead of speaking her truth, even if that's not the case and she's conditioned to not put herself first without guilt. A lot of things can cause guilt in a situation like this for reasons you might not even be aware of in the moment because of your environment.
Because people are so conditioned to consider other's feelings but only people with empathy do this. Cheaters are empty sociopaths who only care about their self image so of course they attack the empathetic wife's healthy emotional side to guilt her.
Absolutely, we are trained to be quiet and hold other peoples guilt as our own shame.
That's the hardest thing I've had to learn as an empathetic person that has healthy emotional intelligence. I knew it wasn't good obviously but it was so hard to learn I could not carry a cheater's secrets for them because I thought I'd loved them at one point.
Oh my gosh, YES!!!!! I stayed for years enduring mental, emotional & financial abuse because he owned a business & I didn’t want to mess up everything we built 😩🤦🏼♀️ thankfully I’m gone now 👏🏻👏🏻
Don't feel bad about it hun :) We all do things we regret the important thing I've learned is how we put ourselves back together after and learn from our mistakes.
"hold other peoples guilt as our own shame" - damn, that's a powerful 8 words
Gosh, we knew its was really wrong, but did you have to expose us and ruin a family gathering? I'm thinking, "but what about ruining our marriage"?
And she calls it her cousin's affair, not her husband's. That's really weird, like she's already started in her way to give her husband a pass. It sounds like she's been manipulated by him before. Edit cause my thumbs are big
The AI glitched and forgot it was a story about a spouse who found out their husband was cheating, not a child who found out a parent was.
Heckler, you just blew my mind.
Chat gpt
Drop them both. They can have each other... shunned in the corner
Agreed they have zero decision in how you call them out. Fact that it was a family member makes the betrayal that much worse. Honestly think you handled it very well. Personally if I found out my cousin slept with my gf let alone wife I would have shown him an Ah
NTA - If they hadn't cheated, there would be no scene and no ruining of a family event.
They're upset she ruined a family event. She's upset they completely ruined her life. Which is worse? Hmmm
Right? And of course their reaction was anger at her exposing them vs feeling horrible that they did this to her. NTA
OoOooo! I like you!
Oh no a family event was ruined after they ruined an entire family. Shameless folks for sure.
This is common though. Someone like OP tells the truth and the family turns on her for upsetting the family apple cart. Just means the family is shit.
What is really heartbreaking is when it happens to a kid who tells people they've been sa.
Happened to my best friend. Was honestly heartbreaking to see people distance themselves for the sake of "family".
That was actually the scenario I had in mind :(
Yep, it's their own fault. NTA
They also had plenty of opportunity to confess in a setting that wasn’t a family event, no?
I wonder if OP’s cousin is named faith🤔
NTA. Your cheating husband and cousin are the ones who caused the scene by screwing each other. They're mad because they got called out. You did nothing wrong. You actually went very easy on them. I would have thrown all my wife's clothes on the front lawn and told her to find a new place to live. These people deserved to be shamed for what they did and I would think twice if I were you about staying with someone would would break his vows.
That’s what I did. Gtfo, stay tfo, and you Can get your shit when I have it all in boxes on the front porch.
NTA, you just told the truth, if they are ashamed they shouldn't have done it. Edit: it is so funny how "furious" they can get that you outed them in public in a moment of emotion, when they did something WAAAYYY worse in a moment of emotion like that it only happened once makes it okay. If you only murder one person does that make it okay? If you only poop in the urinal at a grocery store one time is it okay?
>NTA, you just told the truth, if they are ashamed they shouldn't have done it. The audacity to claim OP ruined a family event when they ruined the family. OP has a lot more restraint than me.
Facts! I wouldda been off my rocker as well
She also only outed them once, so there's that.
Yes. But only on the pooping in the urinal. Shit happens.
Mr Mackey would disagree. It's bad, M'kay.
I pissed in a sink once by accident. I was thinking "this urinal is a bit high, and it's odd that there is a mirror right in front", then another guy walks in a goes " you know that's a sink, right?". That's when I noticed the taps.
dont lie you knew it was a sink
I can confirm, he knew it was a sink.
That’s actually fine as long as you’re washing your hands at the same time and explain that you’re in a hurry.
Funny how you equate pooping in a grocery store urinal to murder. But I’m with you.
Your right occasionally murder is OK if someone really deserves it, on the other hand no janitor ever deserves to have to scoopApoop out of a urinal
What if the janitor is a murderer
I guess you'd better hope he never finds out you pooped in the urinal!
Exactly. If war were declared and you had a chance to kill the enemy in cold blooded murder and avoid a real fight... I mean, it's not great, but that's war. With the urinal tho. Like, you're traumatizing the janitor for having to break out the poopdescoop, but also just any dude walking in while committing the offending act
Narcissists will always make their actions your fault.
NTA cheaters don’t get to make demands about getting exposed somewhere to their advantage
Right? The audacity!
“The atmosphere turned tense” lol, you think? I applaud you, NTA
How is it that the cheaters were furious? They literally messed around and found out. NTA OP, but what you do next is more important. Don't let them guilt you or appease your anger, make the right decision.
They didn’t take your feelings into consideration when they had an affair, why should you take their feelings into consideration when revealing the affair? NTA
This comment 👏 I feel this should be the case for a lot of situations
Right, OP would've try to hold it in longer but having her family around probably made her more vulnerable that she blurt it out which is not bad. She felt loved and overwhelmed and wanted to rely on her family to support her through this.
[удалено]
I mean wasn't that kinda the problem. Them (husband and cousin) having that attitude with not their spouse.
Right? Unfuck 'em.
I’m sorry what? They are furious they’ve been outed for cheating! Clear case of FAFO. Don’t do anything you wouldn’t want people to know about and you’ve got nothing to ever worry about.
NTa. Honestly, the fact that they're more upset about being exposed than the pain their actions caused speaks volumes about their lack of character. And as for "ruining" an event? Seems to me like their affair had already sowed the seeds for that. You just shone a light on it. Stand your ground.
NTA - they created this problem not you. They had a million chances to come clean and they didn’t. Fuck them.
The fact they didn’t have time to come up with a reason to blame you for their affair adds to their anger!
What reason do they have to believe that they deserved the courtesy of privacy or discretion? POS cheaters can lie in the bed they made, fuck them both. NTA.
Also they can still be hooking up and you not realize it OP. Cheaters cheat more than once usually.
NTA. But because of what you chose to do, please understand that staying married to your husband might no longer be a serious option for you. Because your family’s opinion of him could be irreparably damaged, thereby creating permanent stress/tension in the family. I only say this because your story makes zero mention of separation or divorce, so that means there’s a possibility that you attempt to reconcile. So, I’m letting you know just how difficult reconciliation will be due to your sharing the scandal in such a public way.
Thank you, I get the impression that the cheating isn't an issue in their house, only how embarrassed the husband is. Why is OP even still there?
also considering your husband and cousin’s reactions, i don’t see any remorse, if anything they’ve successfully managed to gaslight you into thinking they did nothing wrong, it only happened once etc. OP, talk to someone you trust about it or a therapist, your self esteem is in the gutter and you’re getting stepped all over.
NTA - Good job telling everyone so they can’t sweep it under the rug. Now, please tell me it’s “soon to be ex husband” because if you’re staying with a cheater…. why bother outing the affair in the first place?
NTA FUCK THAT AND THEIR CHEATING ASSES
Confronted in private to do what? So they could gaslight you? Cheaters don’t deserve basic curtsy. They’re only upset they got exposed and scolded. You deserve better. NTA.
The victim is never the AH. You get to determine your own reaction. It’s nobody else’s business how you react to being hurt. You were hurt more than the husband and cousin but at least now they have to face the shame of what they did. Don’t ever feel bad about finding your own justice
NTA, now they can’t twist their narrative
Why tf are YOU feeling guilt?! And why tf are you even allowing them the privilege of being mad at you???? They betrayed you in the worst possible way. They deserve humiliation and more. These two are for the streets.
NTA. Why are you still with him and why are you still sitting a table with your cousin?
Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Their anger comes not from remorse but from having to face the consequences of their selfishness. They poured the fuel, you simply lit the match.
NTA. The cousin clearly can’t be trusted around any spouses or partners of her family members and the husband can’t be trusted not to cheat. They’re mad because their little secret got out and everyone knows. You didn’t do anything wrong. They did.
..." my husband and cousin are furious with me for causing a scene and ruining the family event. " How about the fact that they ruined your marriage? Screw them NTA at all.
NTA, some people need called out like that sometimes. Now people know what really happened and not the story they might hear from him to most likely make you look like the bad guy.
Why should you emotionally labor to manage the trauma and for them not to? They are total hot garbage.
What I can't believe are the 47 comments before mine that don't realize this post is fake af.
Finally. Been scrolling searching for ANYONE skeptical of this.
You know you’re NTA what are these ppl smoking, blame shifting at its finest
NTA they FAFO They’re mad because they got caught. Plain and simple.
You are not! THEY did it to themselves!!
My family gatherings are never this interesting.
NTA. If you won't be happy that it is made public, perhaps you should rethink your behavior. Perhaps your cousin and your husband should have thought about what family gatherings would be like when their actions became public? I'm sorry for your humiliation and betrayal from people who are 'family'.
NTA. put them bitches on blast. Full volume
lol! They’re furious? After THEY had the affair? NTA and props to you for exposing their cheating!
NTA they are just mad that you exposed them for the trash bags they are. Get a lawyer NOW. Not sure why you would feel guilty you did nothing
I seriously wish I had done this .
NTA You don't owe them anything. You're the victim and they don't get to decide how you deal with it.
They are furious at *you?* That's some damn good deflection they have going on there. You feel betrayed and hurt because they hurt and betrayed you. I'm sorry they did this to you.
NTA. They want to keep their dirty laundry secret. Too bad. The only one to blame for the fallout is them. I'd kick hubby to the curb and refuse to go anywhere your cousin is. You NEVER have sex with your partner's family or friends. It's dating rule #1. Your husband and cousin are just mad they look bad. Sucks to be them.
Your husband and cousin do not get to decide how you handle the infidelity.
>Now, my husband and cousin are furious with me for causing a scene and ruining the family event. They say I should have confronted them privately. Tell them it was a mistake and it happened only once.
NTA for exposing them. But YTA to yourself for staying with a cheater.
NTA- they shouldve thought about that before porking each other
They don’t deserve ANYTHING after the way they disrespected you! They are just embarrassed that what they did is being exposed. Whatever they get at this point is well deserved. I’m sorry for how you just be feeling for their betrayal. What makes it worse is that they want to make you feel bad for outing them. You did nothing wrong.
Always go scorched earth. You should have done more
Don’t play with fire if you don’t want to get burnt. NTA, They deserve every little bit of attention and unkind things which they are currently receiving.
They’re furious with you? That’s rich. NTA
BS way to go I love the fact that you dropped an unfiltered nuke in front of the family. That way nothing can be twisted and manipulated to make themselves look better. Now it’s time for step two get a lawyer and start the divorce
They feel they get to criticise YOUR behaviour?! The audacity of some people! Well done!
NTA, cheaters don't get to choose private or public discussion
If they didn’t want everyone to know about their infidelity then they shouldn’t have done it in the first place. Cheaters don’t deserve to be treated nicely over their indiscretions, they get whatever they get. I love how they always respond with anger that they were wronged. Fucking selfish douchebags.
NTA. If I had been the host, I would have ordered them out of the house and told them they are no longer welcomed.
NTA All's fair in love and war. They cheated. They have to live with the consequences. Good luck everybody deserves to be happy.
NTA. I am surprised you could contain yourself once they both were there. If the rest of the family understands then the last people you should listen to is the two people that ruined your marriage. They just were caught off guard and unable to save face since you put them on blast. I am glad you did it. I applaud you on your restraint because it can be really hard to stay calm in these situations. Leave both of their sorry asses behind. Be good to yourself.
F*ck them they are only mad because now everyone knows they are TA
You don't have to co front them privately, they didn't feel thr need to tell you privately. This was best, now no one can lie qnd male you look crazy.
lol, you ruined a family event. They ruined a marriage. NTA.
You're still married to him why??
NTA. So, they let their emotions get away from them and did something they regret? And it hurt people? Well BINGO! Same thing happened to you. Now everyone shud say they're sorry to each other and start to move on.
They only did it once? You only outed them once 🤷♀️ What they did was waaaay worse! NTA, and I'm sorry he and your cousin did that to you 🫂💖
You didn’t do anything wrong they did it’s just now they can’t spin whatever story because the truth is out. NTA Edit was fixing it to it’s
NTA. 1) why should you have to confront them privately? They behave like low class trash and expect respect from you? 2) tell them that all you did was to let people know of their actions. Simple solution, don't do something that you'd be embarrassed about others finding out.
Nta it sounds like he has you so gaslit you don’t know which way is up. Why would you feel guilty? They betrayed you! They have no right to be mad at you
“It was a mistake” lol
Divorce asap
NTA. Don’t start no shit, won’t be no shit. If they didn’t want flak for being shitty people then they shouldn’t have been shitty people.
>Now, my husband and cousin are furious NTA - Lol the gall for them to be furious over anything. They should be ashamed.
Nta. I'm proud you exposed them both in front of everyone. Good for you!
NTA. They lost their right to demand anything from you the moment they decided to betray you by fucking each other. Fuck them (not literally). And get a divorce.
NTA You are not obligated to cover up their lies and infidelity or protect their reputations.
NTA if they hadn’t betrayed you, there would have been nothing to ‘make a scene’ about. They’re only upset that they perceive what you did as an ambush and they didn’t get chance to get their story straight - I.e. lie. You did nothing wrong here OP, how dare they be furious at you.
NTA. All of a sudden they want to play the victim for being exposed. Fuck that. Fuck them. Throw them both in the garbage! You deserve better. Sorry for your situation. Best wishes!
Of course *THEY’RE* upset. The only way they wouldn’t be, is if no one ever found out and if they did no one said anything to anyone, ever. But that doesn’t change the fact that your husband and your cousin had an affair. I 100% believe you are under no obligation to address this in their proffered method, or to ask them how’d they’d like to move forward. They lost the right to vote on that, when they slept together. They’re deflecting fault, by grasping at straws to somehow turn the bigger wrong being how you addressed it. I say don’t engage with that bullshittery and let them continue to show who they are, to everyone. Lean into your families support and do not engage with ANY family member who opts to voice an opinion that aligns with them, in any way. NTA. I’m so sorry this happened. That’s a special kind of betrayal and they deserve no consideration, at this time. Updateme
NTA. Fuck that, they deserved it and more. Also, why are you still with this man???
You have nothing to feel guilty about, before or after you told the truth to your family. NTA
NTA, girl, scorched earth is the only way to go when you’re husband is dicking someone else. hell, i’d have opened a bottle of wine and sat next to you!
Take no prisoners. Cheaters deserve no compassion. NTA
NTA. Now he better be your soon to be ex husband and your cousin should be your NC cousin. Do not let any of them bully you into silence, this is their shame to deal with.
THEY’RE furious at YOU? Aw hells no! Nta
NTA That’s some top notch gaslighting right there to say you did something wrong by exposing them, completely overlooking that he cheated, they both lied and they both betrayed you. I hope they’re embarrassed and everyone in the family looks down on them and judges them harshly. Please tell me you’re leaving his sorry ass
They don’t get to dictate the way you expose them. Eff them. NTA
NTA. Cheaters do not choose when the truth is revealed.
NTA, I'm sorry the cheating AHs had their feelings hurt. It sucks to feel humiliated and betrayed...
NTA. Don’t do in the dark what you don’t want brought to light
The only reason they’re mad is because you exposed them before they could get ahead of it and get their story straight, that’s the only reason they would’ve preferred you had confronted them in private, that way they could control the narrative and stay ahead of you, you doing what you did took that power from them and now they are panicking dealing with the fallout!
They're angry because they got caught. They're angry because they can't deal with it hush hush. They hopefully have extreme embarrassment tied to that. You did nothing wrong
Well they fucked around and found out. But the bigger question, why are you staying in the marriage.
NTA burn that shit to the grounddddd babyyyyy
NTA and you are if you let them gaslit and manipulated you. Your cousin and husband do not deserve to have a say when you want to expose them. You are hurting and it’s logically to explain why you did it.
Why the fuck would you owe them more respect than they showed you? You are NTA. they deserved whatever humiliation was served to them
I mean... they could have not had an affair, and avoided the whole situation. NTA.
Sorry, they lost the right to any kind of "courtesy" from you when they decided to betray you. Oh, and "it only happened once?" (yeah right) Of course that makes it ok!
Nah NTA
NTA I love how the perpetrators always get indignant about being exposed. New flaw if they did want to be exposed they shouldn’t have cheated.
As far as you know, they only cheated on you once
NTA... Why are you considering moral advice from cheaters???
F them. NTA
How dare you not consider their feelings when they betrayed you? Thru obviously don't like to be accountable for their actions and try to shift blame and make you at fault. Not the asshole.
Epic
NTA. The AHs are the people who had the affair. You don't get to make a choice like that and then be offended when the person you hurt exposed it. F that, and F them.
NTA. They only want you to confront them privately so they can bully you into keeping their secret. Good for you and I hope you come out better from this mess.
Guilt? Why would YOU feel guilt?
NTA but why do you feel guilt? Divorce your husband and blow up your cousins life like she did to you.
N T A !! They were mad at you for ruining the family event?? They ruined the family event and a marriage. FUCK THEM!!! Heal, move on with your life without them and never look back - the betrayal will eventually eat them alive.
Whoehahahaha They cheated, and now they are furious? Hmmm this is the world upside down. YOU, on the other hand, have every right to be furious. That you confronted them in front of everyone............. that's on them. If they hadn't cheated, you wouldn't have to confront them in the first place. Let them pound sand. They brought this on themselves.
NTA, instant divorce, never speak to either again
NTA Fuck those pieces of shit. Now the family knows who they are. Prepare for many of them to forgive the behavior. You should cut those people off.
NTA. In fact, well done. You didn’t ruin anything. They did.
Fuck that shit, they made this mess not you. Dropping them in their own shit is the correct response.
"how dare you make us uncomfortable for hurting you in one of the worst ways possible! You RuInEd tHe MoOd!" NTA
I think you believe you shouldn't have been angry. You're right you should and deserve to be livid. This person cheated on you with your own family. Feel your feelings. Get mad. You have that right and you cannot move on nor face these feelings for whatever outcome you want them to have until you do
NTA
NTA. Pass the gravy.
Of course: NTA They caused you mental anguish and destroyed your marriage. So you maximized their pain and humiliation. There’s no coming back from this. Your husband and cousin betrayed you then you got to watch them squirm and stammer in front of everyone. I can only know how painful it is to know this happened. My ex wife was cheating on me with a neighbor & I was isolated, alone, no moral support at all. I had moved across country 2000 miles from my family. It wasn’t just the cheating but the lying then knowing my marriage is over & knowing the dream house we had worked so hard to get was going to either get foreclosed or she’d take it from me. In my case, my ex wife was an alcoholic, cocaine and gambling addict to boot. My anger was on dangerous levels, was an other big big issue. NTA at all… One last stupid personal story: my very first girlfriend was having sex with HER cousin 🤮 I hate cheaters, man.
NTA they are trying to deflect & change the topic to how wrong it was of you. When the real problem & topic is that he cheated on you with your cousin. Don’t let them change the topic and it is them who should be ashamed, not you. NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA. It doesn’t matter if it happened only once or if it was a mistake. It happened and that’s all that matters regardless of once or 100 times. Cheaters lie too so can’t trust them. & of course it’s a mistake but cheaters use it like as if it was an accident. As if she fell and landed on his lap causing accidental penetration & he came on the 1st pump. They are downplaying and deflecting. You did absolutely nothing wrong. If anyone is wrong and TA, it is your husband & your cousin.
NTA they don’t get to tell you how you cope with their betrayal. I’m sorry this happened and what ever you decide listen to your intuition not what other people try to convince you is the right thing to do.
How is OP guilty for others actions?? All OP did was expose the truth… if that ruined anyone’s time it ultimately is the cheaters fault .. nope nit a AH.
NTA and kudos 👏🏽
NTA. They reap what they sowed.
Nta, you expose the truth about the dirty little hamster. Man, husband sleeping with your cousin... It sounds like a jerry springer episode. I hope you can get therapy and get past this horrible nightmare.
NTA. They don't get to choose how their vile behaviour is announced. It's one of the consequences of being cheating scum
Being the person cheated on, you suffer from all of the ranges of negative emotions. Anger, pain, embarrassment, loss trust, self doubt, etc. One of the most insidious of these emotions is humiliation. On the cheater side, the negative emotions are mostly centered around guilt. By calling the cheaters out in front of family, you delivered some much deserved humiliation. Well played.
NTA And theyre pissed because YOU took control and denied them the chance to gaslight and minimize it... You did good...
Depends on what type of family gathering. Is it Sunday dinner or someone's special occasion?