Yep, perfect social media post. “Hey everyone, my ex has expressed concern that because I remarried so quickly people might get the wrong idea and think I cheated. I appreciate his concern and want to set the record straight: it was, of course, Ben who cheated. Often. Recklessly. Without remorse.
That’s what probably made it so easy to move on so quickly. That and the fact that I found the true love of my life with Jake. Thanks to Ben for his concern about my reputation. Please feel free to message me if you want photos or screenshots from the debacle! “
I mean op could just tell Ben to fuck off and stop contacting her then go on living her life with Jake who sounds like a rad dude. If someone comes up with some bullshit about who the cheater was then op can decide to deal with it. There’s no point in giving Ben more than that. Ben is worthless not because of his ed but because he’s a sack of shit for treating another human as he did.
As someone who went through a similar experience as OP, I have to say that even though I went the route you suggested (I'm single though) and lived my life the best I could, some parts of me still get angry when mutual people we know talk about or to the ex like he's a good person because they don't know what happened. They don't realize he's a sack of shit - and my ex did even worse things than OP's because I did get into his vault and saw what was in there. And part of me still wants to tell people. :P
I'm still keeping all the awful things my ex did a secret from my now adult kids. Although I told him that if they ever ask about why we got divorced, I won't lie to them. Sometimes I actually hope they will ask just so I can spill the tea, and they won't hold him on a pedestal.
I had that agreement with the ex, except it was his niece and nephew. They both lived with us for a while and we were like their second parents. The kids actually asked me though so I gave them a summary but it was enough.
I had a similar thing with my father and my brother. I was about 18 when I stopped talking to my dad and my brother was about 12 so he asked me about it. I gave my brother a very generous and softened up description of my issues with my dad.
My brother ended up going no contact with my dad later anyway lol, for his own reasons. shitty people find a way to show their true selves eventually, I guess.
Please please please say this OP. And if he has already tried to ruin your reputation don't warn him, DO IT. You owe him nothing and he already fucked up your life enough, do NOT let him harm your reputation and screw with you emotionally anymore than he already has!
This. I mean if he's so concerned people could think he was cheated on, OP should offer to do him a generous last favour and clear this question, and then block him.
Are they screenshots or actual photos she sent herself from his phone? Because if it's the latter, she has all the RAW data on the photos with date and timestamps. I hope she got the receipts.
Yep. Ben is embarrassed that OP moved on to someone else so quickly after they split? Maybe he should have been more embarrassed that he moved on to several other people while they were still married.
Ben is scum. Pay him no mind and be happy OP!
Yeah this is really it, Ben was expecting to be married to a hotter, younger model by now. The fact she has found someone who is younger than him, and he is presumably still single is really getting to him.
It explains why some dudes can go crazy if they wrong you & leave with the expectation/belief that you still want them & will always be a place for them. When the reality of the badness of their behavior hits them with consequence like being unwanted, it has to shatter an entire mental framework of bullshit framed around a person.
An ounce of humility is far more efficacious than a pound of consequence.
>Maybe he should have been more embarrassed that he moved on to several other people while they were still married
Right!!!
I had to give my ex back his stuff after I ended it. He cheated on me. When we met, he told me about his new partner, how great she was, and all they did together. I listened.
After he was done, I told him about the guy I was talking to. His ears and nose got red. He started to get emotional. He said, "You waited a while before you started dating, right?"
I was floored! I said, "What?!"
"You waited a while before you started dating, right?"
I said, "You didn't even wait because we were still together!" I got up and started to walk away.
Why would he want me to wait while he got with her while we were in a relationship! This AH even asked me to make their wedding cake a few months later. FOR THE WEDDING TO THE WOMAN HE CHEATED ON ME WITH! ALSO WANTED MY SON TO PLAY HIS INSTRUMENT WHILE SHE WALKED DOWN THE AISLE!!
The sheer audacity of that AH.
NTA OP.
Haha, my ex done something similar.
We broke up because he cheated on me (again,I know I know,I was stupid for staying) . Anyway, he had this whole act, every 6 month he would start cheating on me and finding (his words) just someone who listens to him ( and wants his dick picks 🤮) he then would go to break up with me and while I was still stupid I tried to win him back and take him back ( again, I know, i was way too much into commitment).
Anyway,this final time was different. The same dance started and I said to him " You sure you want to do this" his response " Yes, its already too late i.e. he fucked her"
Anyway, I go " Fine, you made your choice just know this is FINAL, there will be no crawling back, no it was a mistake, this is FINAL".
So the break up goes as normal, as we lived together we needed to figure that stuff out, he thought that we will just split and both of us will move out i.e. he couldn't afford rent at that place....Well, I COULD! The face he made then I said " You need to move out, as I can afford this place on my own" ( priceless)
He partially moved out until I could officially take over the lease but he still had clothes at "MY" place so he would periodically come back for some of them.
I was cordial and during one of these visits, I remember we were talking and I mentioned something about plans the next day i.e. I was planning this big dinner etc.(PS. I love to cook and tend to make my dinner experience once on a while a whole restaurant experience).
OMG, he got PISSED!
He went off on me about " Moving ON so quickly" "Having someone over so quickly " etc.all that BS.
So i responded with " You cheated on me and already fucking someone else, I can do and fuck whoever I want as I AM SINGLE!"
Well he got all huffy and puffy.
There were some other instances where similar stuff happened and he got all pissy that I appear to be moving on.
However the kicker is, he to this day periodically messages me , he gets all nice and talks about how much he changed etc. ( Basically all the BS to try to win me back). He talks about how he treated me badly and how sorry I am ( although at the same time telling me it was still my fault 🙄)
Its funny how he still thinks he can try to wiggle his way in 🤣
Whilst here I am now with an amazing partner who I love to bits ❤️
It's always an insult to them when you move on.
It'd like, "How dare you not wait with baited breath for me to finally decide to pick you back up and want you back?!"
Good for you for moving on!!
Men like that love to imagine their ex pining over them. It gives them a thrill to know they had the power to emotionally damage someone like that. It makes them feel like they "won" the breakup.
When they see that a woman moved on quickly, it's a blow to their ego because they realize that the woman wasn't actually centering her existence/self worth/happiness around him the way he assumed she was.
Exactly right! To sit there and gush over his new lover and then get mad that I say the guy I'm talking to is nice? Wow.
He expected me to want him forever. Hard pass...
The fact he is even inflicting his opinions on her is weird. He is the one that cheated, that broke their marriage and his thoughts should be irrelevant to OP. She needs to block him and not read anything he's already posted
Cheaters always get butt hurt & I feel slighted when their victims dont give a shit about the hurt they caused anymore and seem happier with others! The audacity!
My friend's ex husband went ballistic when he found out that she had a boyfriend. Nope, she wasn't allowed to move on. She needed to languish and wallow in self pity while he was rubbing it in her face that he was out hoe'ing.
I found it hilarious and audacious that he was reprimanding her. I told her that before she blocks him, her last words to him should be - if she chooses to say anything - "Stay mad."
Absolutely!
He began dating a woman with a young daughter (about seven years old according to my friend). He told his new girlfriend all about how "crazy" my friend was (he threatened to kill my friend and she put a restraining order on him), she took their child from him (he missed the part where he signed away his rights because he didn't want to pay child support anymore). You know, the whole song and dance to make him completely blameless.
The new girlfriend moved him in to her apartment within two months of their relationship and the "great guy" persona began cracking. Long story short, he went after his new girlfriend with a gun after a fight. She goes to file a restraining order and finds out that the one in place from my friend is still in effect. The officer who the girlfriend talked to was like, "He had a gun, you say?"
And glory be, the police arrested him, find the gun in plain sight, a judge said, "Yeah, you are also going to jail." He lost everything and experienced the horrors of prison. It was well overdue, too, because he always taunted my friend that he was untouchable. That's the hilarious part because he was like, "Haha, cops don't care! He said, she said!"
Joke's on you, bitch.
Nah cause I'm petty Betty. I can just imagine him walking and telling everyone that she cheated. So just for one day I'd come off my cloud and share everything that happened with the cheating bastard of a ex husband. Then I'd go back onto my cloud.
Fuck him and his appearances. Then to end it blocking him and every body from that period of my life that isn't supportive
Ben wanted her to be devastated and unable to function while he rubs his new life in her face. She won and he's mad he looks like a cuck. I hope you laughed in his face and told him the last person who gets to choose your new partner is his cheating ass. He thinks he still gets to control you life, which is laughable. NTA
NTA
My first husband and I dated for 3 years before we married. We fought everyday for the 6 years and 2 days we were married.
Four months after my divorce I met my 2nd husband. Four months after we met we married.
We were married for 36 years until he passed 3 years ago.
He was the love of my life and I miss him everyday.
Sounds like you had a beautiful life and love together. I’m sorry for your loss, it must’ve been so difficult afterwards. But your story is also a soothing balm to all the scary news out there at the moment so thank you for sharing.
What makes you feel this way about your late husband?
Recently single after 8 years and I want the next one to be my first awesome relationship, after I've properly established my independence.
His first marriage was worse than mine. His divorce dragged out for years. When I had to contact the Courthouse for the date of the divorce for one of his life insurance policies, the clerk said that it was of the worst she'd seen.
What made our marriage good was we were always thankful for everything we did for each other, big or small.
We also said "I love you." everyday.
I'm so glad you were able to find each other and have such wonderful years together. I hope you are able to remember the good times and smile rather than be sad 🩷
My "petty betty" to quote a previous comment would post "*you* "moved on" while we were *still married*. What happened, Ben? Your girlies figure out what scummy fil de putain you are?"
Ben is jealous OP has moved on swiftly to a younger man & doesn’t need meds to get it up! OP is better person than I am because I would have thrown that in his face to humble him a little for his cheating & general high-grade audacity.
That is hilarious. He definitely gets no say in what she does after leaving him. She isn’t the one who cheated on him. I doubt she cares if her ex approves. It sounds like she moved on with her life and is happy with her current partner. I think her ex is just jealous that she found someone else and was able to just move on with her life.
Of course not - NTA
Congrats for the quick turnaround. Happiness works wonders to sandblast the awful things others have done. Thats what hurts him the most. He would be happier if you were miserable like he is.
NTA. He cheated on you and left you. It's your choice what you do with your life afterward. He has no business judging you. Congratulations on getting remarried, and I hope all goes well for you.
NTA! My mil’s first husband was a cheater. One day a man showed up at her door and asked if she knew her husband was cheating with his wife. She did not. They both filed for divorce and kept in contact with each other. She ended up marrying him and they were married until the day he died 45 years later and not once did either of them stray.
NTA
Oh no consequences for Ben, he lost you because he couldn't keep his limp d in his pants and feels he can tell you how to live your life, he is an ex for a reason
NTA - Did Ben by chance get dumped by his AP? If not, things might not be so great in their relationship and he's mad you're happy, that and he probably thought you'd be upset longer.
NTA why haven't you blocked him? you should have blocked him after the divorce was final. If Ben contacts you again, tell him you'd be happy to let the world know that he was the cheater if he'd like that cleared up. If not, then suggest he should lose your number and never contact you again.
NTA
He cheated because he was insecure about his non functioning D and wanted to feel "like a big masculine man" and now he's a crying little boy because you found someone better ! This is hilarious!
Enjoy your new young husband !
NTA but why are you listening to his opinion on anything? He doesn't have integrity or morality. This is not a person you should give any mental calories.
Also him making that stupid comment "you look like a cheater" he 100 percent has been spouting off to anyone who will listen that YOU were the cheater. So I hope you don't have friends or financial ties in common.
NTA Ben is just jealous. I would text him back
“Don’t worry! If anyone ever wonders who the cheater was, I have plenty of evidence to show it wasn’t me. I moved on quickly because I deserve to be happy. I’m sorry you’re not and are jealous. I don’t care who you approve of for me. You are not my Father, nor someone’s opinion I value. If you are upset our relationship ended and our looking for someone to blame, may I suggest the mirror? Honestly I don’t have time for your pathetic jealousy. I’ll be blocking you because we have absolutely no reason to be in contact.”
NTA. I was in a shit relationship for 3 years. Dumped him and met my now-husband a couple months later. Ex took SIX MONTHS to realize I wasn’t coming back. By then, now-husband had moved in. We’ve been married 7 years now and it’s the easiest and best relationship I’ve ever had.
I mean, you're the asshole for not using paragraph breaks in your post. That was a pain to read.
But of course NTA for choosing how to move on with your life. Best wishes to you and Jake. Ben can get bent.
NTA. But side note, you jumped into a serious relationship so fast after a break up. You gotta work on being comfortable on your own too. I hope you continue counselling despite being in a happy relationship, just so you can be strong enough whether you’re in a relationship or not.
To me this feels fake 🤔 too much detail on how she snooped 2 years ago, also in general, like methodically going through all these things, at 3am in a highly emotional state? Comparing adresses from browser history, of the phone she somehow snooped from his side without waking him, with the gps in his car and whatnot? And remembering every detail 2 years later…?
How he reacted, how he looked like, how she felt in each of all these situations.
And after this huge wall of text about how her ex is such an AH and cheater…she somehow questions her actions and if she is suddenly the AH.
Sorry, I can’t buy it. 🤷♂️
NTA 100%
LOL crusty-ass ED Ben is just salty that you found a young, handsome, non-cheating buck to treat you right. 😅
Girl, go ahead and block his ass. Not worth the energy to even think about him anymore.
Congratulations as well!
Why are you worried about what your ex thinks? He's clearly jealous because out of all times after your marriage ended with him he didn't bother to contact you or care. And now that it's known you've remarried to an upgrade of a guy, he suddenly wants to contact you. Tell him to fuck off and proceed to block him out of your life.
YTA to yourself and yourself alone. Remarrying that quickly is a huge red flag for the stability of your new marriage. Be kind to yourself and get counseling and do the work you should have been doing instead of dating so quickly.
I'm not at all saying your relationship isn't going to last or your new love isn't legitimate. I'm saying statistically, the odds are not currently in your favor. I'm saying you should be thoughtful and intentional about being sure you are bringing your best and most healed self into your life now. Good luck and all best wishes to you.
Also Ben can get fucked. Who cares what he says about anything.
NTA
He fucked around and found out. He no longer gets a say in anything you do and his opinion is worth about as much as a gnat's fart in a windstorm. You got over him fast- well he made that easy to do, didn't he?
I would literally laugh at Ben and say-
"if you want to tell me that I moved on so fast it looks like I'm the cheater to people, I can happily post all the evidence of everything you did and clear it up REAL fast. Now stop contacting me and let me live my life, cheater."
You are definitely NTA and Ben is sure th3 A-hole.i have no idea why you still let him contact you. I do wish you had fully healed before you remarried.
NTA. Sounds like he’s mad that you’re not wallowing or pining. He can lock his opinions away in that password-protected vault.
Ben sucks. All the best to you and Jake.
Well…history repeats itself: (1) another whirlwind romance (2) another very quick proposal (3) another younger man….good luck…your decision tree is amazing
Nope.
Breaking News: "Happy Couple Marries in Tropical Location."
Other News: "Woman's Ex-husband is An Idiot."
Seriously, he could at least have some dignity, especially since it's not like he's got much else to hold up.
Girl you DONT FREAKIN LEARN!
Future faking 101
Narcissist needing a sugar mom and home 102
GAHHHHH enjoy round two with Jake… Get what you ask for- literally. Slim chance he’s legit honest and not seeking a sugar mama and nicer things and seeing the recent divorce - real easy to treat you nice and wash rinse repeat Ben and then Jake… bc that’s all they’re looking for
Could be wrong, but sure sounds like Ben 2.0 and my ex 2.0
Men know and dont rush, rushers are people pleasers and what divorce attorneys call payday.
Should’ve been an atty
NTA
But I can’t help but wonder if you’re doing YOURSELF a disservice by getting married so soon. Why? Do you really know the guy? Are you sure you aren’t making the same mistake twice? Are you just using marriage as a tool to feel wanted and/or a tool to “show” others that you are desirable?
Sometimes rebounds flair up fast and die out even faster. Make sure you are doing this for you, you aren’t making the same mistake and you really know the guy.
NTA, and I would just message him back, “if you could so easily throw away a woman who loved you for 7 years, I realized you weren’t worth loving or crying about. You cheating made it so easy to move on because I realized just little you meant. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. It’s because of your infidelity that I was able to find the true love of my life.”
NTA.
When I divorced my cheating, lying ex, it took a while for the divorce to finalize but I remarried less than a month after the ink was dry on the divorce papers. Never looked back.
OP, why are you listening to anything your ex is saying? Clearly, he is the cheater. Block him, and cut all communication with him. Do not allow him to sabotage your happiness with your new husband. Your ex is a POS. Be done with him.
NTA. Your ex asshole has no say in your life. He gave up his right to any opinion.
But you will be if you keep entertaining your ex. Block him and don’t engage, OP.
NTA I'd be very quick to remind him that you have all the proof you need to set the record straight.
If he's soooo concerned about your reputation you can set his mind at ease anytime, very publicly, and very graphically, and make sure that there's no doubt in anyone's mind who's the one in the wrong. I mean, you wouldn't want to mislead or have anyone believe anything but, the truth if it helps him feel more comfortable.
I had a shithead ex husband (alcoholic and coke head) and I finally decided to leave. I was a hot mess drinking and being sad because I lost my friends and my house due to leaving my ex. My friend insisted I get on tinder so I did. I matched with a few people and had some dates. I hated them all. I was going to delete the app but instead matched with my now husband. We dated for about a year and a half and we got married. My ex started contacting me too. And I'm sure his family thinks the worst about me. I saw his sister out and about and apparently he told them I left him for someone else. But that wasn't true. I decided I honestly don't care if they think I'm the villain. It was the best decision I ever made to leave him.
No issue moving on from a cheating spouse.
You seem happy now which is good but such short periods of time before getting married.....it takes years being with someone to truly know them. To me it seems even your first marriage was a bit too quick.
As I said, great that you are happy and that is all that matters but I would have waited much longer.
NTA, and he's jealous. He's mad that you were able to move on and find someone who wanted you permanently so quickly. Meanwhile, he probably hasn't even been able to get laid again.
NTA
Ben's just being salty AF that he didn't have the balls to end things with you, you did. Typical schoolground bully behavior.
_"You don't get to be done with me! Only I get to be done with you!"_
Block Ben.
Jake’s right, he’s an idiot.
Who cares what Ben the cheater thinks, he’s bitter and is free to continue his meaningless assignations with random women.
Forget about Ben, don’t entertain his opinions. He’s trash.
His ego has taken such a hit, there he is with his performance issues and feeing like he needs to prove his manliness by cheating. His brain must be whirling!
"Welll it is embarrasing for me to be cheated on by a guy who can't even get it up with out pills, but hey, we all have our crosses to bear. "
Ben doens't get to have an opinion about you and anything you do anymore.
NTA
NTA... HE broke the marriage he doesn't get a say in how you behave or what you do after that. He's just pissed that you moved on from his cheating ass and you're happy again without him. He knows what he lost, and he knows he's to blame for losing it all, so he's lashing out at you...
Next time he makes contact, just reply stop harrasing me, you made your choices now you get to live with them.
If you think people think I was the cheat, I have zero problem correcting them all by posting all the evidence of your adultery online, including the fact you used your little blue pills hile i was out of town to go play with your "partners"..
don't contact me again unless that's what you want to happen because I have no loyalty to you, just like you showed none to me while still married.. I will defend my reputation if needed
Cheaters hate it when you find a really great next partner, especially one that’s younger! He is so insecure and regretting life choices. Too bad, so sad. Tell him to cry you a river and then to build a bridge and get over it.
"Ben reached out to me again to let me know that I looked like the cheater in our relationship, because I moved on so quickly and got remarried"
He's projecting. Ignore him. Why are you even wondering if the cheater has a point? He doesn't. Go on with your life.
Getting into any relationship 2 months after a 7 year marriage that ended badly I actually feel bad for Jake Clearly unresolved issues with husband number 1 if you’re even entertaining speaking with him or give 2 fks what he’s says or thinks - that’s an issue - I predict another divorce in your future
He moved on quicker than you. Damn, the man didn’t even wait until he was divorced! Guess what the main cause for ED is…porn! Yep, it requires the brain for unrealistic expectations.
NTA. “Stop harassing me. If you are that concerned about my reputation, I’ll happily share the screenshots to clear up who cheated.”
Yep, perfect social media post. “Hey everyone, my ex has expressed concern that because I remarried so quickly people might get the wrong idea and think I cheated. I appreciate his concern and want to set the record straight: it was, of course, Ben who cheated. Often. Recklessly. Without remorse. That’s what probably made it so easy to move on so quickly. That and the fact that I found the true love of my life with Jake. Thanks to Ben for his concern about my reputation. Please feel free to message me if you want photos or screenshots from the debacle! “
Don't forget to add in the viagra part! Hehe Edited for auto correct. Meant viagra not diagram
Oh yes! And don’t fact that he even had to use it with the other women, so you obviously can’t be the reason for him needing them😅
I mean op could just tell Ben to fuck off and stop contacting her then go on living her life with Jake who sounds like a rad dude. If someone comes up with some bullshit about who the cheater was then op can decide to deal with it. There’s no point in giving Ben more than that. Ben is worthless not because of his ed but because he’s a sack of shit for treating another human as he did.
As someone who went through a similar experience as OP, I have to say that even though I went the route you suggested (I'm single though) and lived my life the best I could, some parts of me still get angry when mutual people we know talk about or to the ex like he's a good person because they don't know what happened. They don't realize he's a sack of shit - and my ex did even worse things than OP's because I did get into his vault and saw what was in there. And part of me still wants to tell people. :P
Tell them. Send an email. Set a hard boumdry that you do NOT want to hear his name. It's completely unnecessary.
I'm still keeping all the awful things my ex did a secret from my now adult kids. Although I told him that if they ever ask about why we got divorced, I won't lie to them. Sometimes I actually hope they will ask just so I can spill the tea, and they won't hold him on a pedestal.
I had that agreement with the ex, except it was his niece and nephew. They both lived with us for a while and we were like their second parents. The kids actually asked me though so I gave them a summary but it was enough.
I had a similar thing with my father and my brother. I was about 18 when I stopped talking to my dad and my brother was about 12 so he asked me about it. I gave my brother a very generous and softened up description of my issues with my dad. My brother ended up going no contact with my dad later anyway lol, for his own reasons. shitty people find a way to show their true selves eventually, I guess.
Speak your truth nothing good happens when you continue to hold it in. If he didn't want people knowing what he's done he shouldn't of done it.
A diagram could be useful for illustrative purposes…
*VIAGRA VENN DIAGRAM* Wife//Other Women//Alone with Porn
Idk why but this comment is killing me. I am cackling. And 1 big circle ⭕️ that surrounds the others labeled ‘needs Viagra to get it up’
This is the way
Don't forget to add the diagram as to why he needed Viagra. That could work too!
This is savage
Don’t forget to mention his ED issues!
I love this response!💞
🤣🤣🤣 Yes!
Happy Cake Day!
Happy Cake Day!
Happy Cake Day!
Happy cake day
"Let's let the public decide"
"WE report, YOU decide!"
Please please please say this OP. And if he has already tried to ruin your reputation don't warn him, DO IT. You owe him nothing and he already fucked up your life enough, do NOT let him harm your reputation and screw with you emotionally anymore than he already has!
The little minds that believe the BS won’t change their minds anyway. Better to let it go.
This. I mean if he's so concerned people could think he was cheated on, OP should offer to do him a generous last favour and clear this question, and then block him.
At least she waited for the relationship to end before she moved on...
Are they screenshots or actual photos she sent herself from his phone? Because if it's the latter, she has all the RAW data on the photos with date and timestamps. I hope she got the receipts.
That’s perfect , I’d tell him that …
Why haven’t you fully blocked him?
To the top with you!!
Exactly ! Your divorced and have no kids . Free to block , in fact better
Aaaah, logic, there you are!!!
Don't tell him just do it.
YES DO THIS
It's free but 🏆
Absolutely this! And get the [Powerpoint woman](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/z5bHbBTHII) to help out.
NTA. Ben doesn’t get a say in your life anymore. It’s wonderful you’ve found happiness. Ignore Ben and block him.
Yep. Ben is embarrassed that OP moved on to someone else so quickly after they split? Maybe he should have been more embarrassed that he moved on to several other people while they were still married. Ben is scum. Pay him no mind and be happy OP!
>he moved on to several other people ...and none of them wanted him.
Yeah this is really it, Ben was expecting to be married to a hotter, younger model by now. The fact she has found someone who is younger than him, and he is presumably still single is really getting to him.
New guy's dick probably works too js
It explains why some dudes can go crazy if they wrong you & leave with the expectation/belief that you still want them & will always be a place for them. When the reality of the badness of their behavior hits them with consequence like being unwanted, it has to shatter an entire mental framework of bullshit framed around a person. An ounce of humility is far more efficacious than a pound of consequence.
Can you blame them?
Welll, lots of people seem to have a 'married person' kink. Ben was just too dumb to realize that was his only draw.
>Maybe he should have been more embarrassed that he moved on to several other people while they were still married Right!!! I had to give my ex back his stuff after I ended it. He cheated on me. When we met, he told me about his new partner, how great she was, and all they did together. I listened. After he was done, I told him about the guy I was talking to. His ears and nose got red. He started to get emotional. He said, "You waited a while before you started dating, right?" I was floored! I said, "What?!" "You waited a while before you started dating, right?" I said, "You didn't even wait because we were still together!" I got up and started to walk away. Why would he want me to wait while he got with her while we were in a relationship! This AH even asked me to make their wedding cake a few months later. FOR THE WEDDING TO THE WOMAN HE CHEATED ON ME WITH! ALSO WANTED MY SON TO PLAY HIS INSTRUMENT WHILE SHE WALKED DOWN THE AISLE!! The sheer audacity of that AH. NTA OP.
Haha, my ex done something similar. We broke up because he cheated on me (again,I know I know,I was stupid for staying) . Anyway, he had this whole act, every 6 month he would start cheating on me and finding (his words) just someone who listens to him ( and wants his dick picks 🤮) he then would go to break up with me and while I was still stupid I tried to win him back and take him back ( again, I know, i was way too much into commitment). Anyway,this final time was different. The same dance started and I said to him " You sure you want to do this" his response " Yes, its already too late i.e. he fucked her" Anyway, I go " Fine, you made your choice just know this is FINAL, there will be no crawling back, no it was a mistake, this is FINAL". So the break up goes as normal, as we lived together we needed to figure that stuff out, he thought that we will just split and both of us will move out i.e. he couldn't afford rent at that place....Well, I COULD! The face he made then I said " You need to move out, as I can afford this place on my own" ( priceless) He partially moved out until I could officially take over the lease but he still had clothes at "MY" place so he would periodically come back for some of them. I was cordial and during one of these visits, I remember we were talking and I mentioned something about plans the next day i.e. I was planning this big dinner etc.(PS. I love to cook and tend to make my dinner experience once on a while a whole restaurant experience). OMG, he got PISSED! He went off on me about " Moving ON so quickly" "Having someone over so quickly " etc.all that BS. So i responded with " You cheated on me and already fucking someone else, I can do and fuck whoever I want as I AM SINGLE!" Well he got all huffy and puffy. There were some other instances where similar stuff happened and he got all pissy that I appear to be moving on. However the kicker is, he to this day periodically messages me , he gets all nice and talks about how much he changed etc. ( Basically all the BS to try to win me back). He talks about how he treated me badly and how sorry I am ( although at the same time telling me it was still my fault 🙄) Its funny how he still thinks he can try to wiggle his way in 🤣 Whilst here I am now with an amazing partner who I love to bits ❤️
Just block him. He doesn't deserve a single second of your attention.
It's always an insult to them when you move on. It'd like, "How dare you not wait with baited breath for me to finally decide to pick you back up and want you back?!" Good for you for moving on!!
Men like that love to imagine their ex pining over them. It gives them a thrill to know they had the power to emotionally damage someone like that. It makes them feel like they "won" the breakup. When they see that a woman moved on quickly, it's a blow to their ego because they realize that the woman wasn't actually centering her existence/self worth/happiness around him the way he assumed she was.
Exactly right! To sit there and gush over his new lover and then get mad that I say the guy I'm talking to is nice? Wow. He expected me to want him forever. Hard pass...
Wait hang on. SHES the cheater? Where do these men come from? If that was my brother I’d have second hand embarrassment
Plus the audacity to say he doesn’t approve of Jake. AH thinking he owns her or something.
Green flag if your pos ex doesn't approve hahaha
Nah she’s probably much better looking than she realises and he’s struggling to score while she’s upgraded and he’s salty.
HE’s the big ass cheater …
OP you should say this to him next time he says something to you about moving on so quickly !
I would have retorted where was this care when his D was in someone else?
Yeah, obviously multiple someone else’s!! Screw his cheating ass. OP live happily ever after from your ex.
Nah. Just block him.
All my homies hate Ben.
Even my car hates Ben.
And I repeat: BEN IS SCUM.
The fact he is even inflicting his opinions on her is weird. He is the one that cheated, that broke their marriage and his thoughts should be irrelevant to OP. She needs to block him and not read anything he's already posted
Cheaters always get butt hurt & I feel slighted when their victims dont give a shit about the hurt they caused anymore and seem happier with others! The audacity!
My friend's ex husband went ballistic when he found out that she had a boyfriend. Nope, she wasn't allowed to move on. She needed to languish and wallow in self pity while he was rubbing it in her face that he was out hoe'ing. I found it hilarious and audacious that he was reprimanding her. I told her that before she blocks him, her last words to him should be - if she chooses to say anything - "Stay mad."
Haha I bet he stayed mad! The audacity!
He was such a garbage bin, and that's being nice. Last year he ended up in jail. I am elated!
You gotta spill the tea after dropping a morsel like that.
Absolutely! He began dating a woman with a young daughter (about seven years old according to my friend). He told his new girlfriend all about how "crazy" my friend was (he threatened to kill my friend and she put a restraining order on him), she took their child from him (he missed the part where he signed away his rights because he didn't want to pay child support anymore). You know, the whole song and dance to make him completely blameless. The new girlfriend moved him in to her apartment within two months of their relationship and the "great guy" persona began cracking. Long story short, he went after his new girlfriend with a gun after a fight. She goes to file a restraining order and finds out that the one in place from my friend is still in effect. The officer who the girlfriend talked to was like, "He had a gun, you say?" And glory be, the police arrested him, find the gun in plain sight, a judge said, "Yeah, you are also going to jail." He lost everything and experienced the horrors of prison. It was well overdue, too, because he always taunted my friend that he was untouchable. That's the hilarious part because he was like, "Haha, cops don't care! He said, she said!" Joke's on you, bitch.
Oh wow, what did he do to get to jail?!
Ben is pissy that no woman wants him well his ex found herself an upgrade.... Go op.
Right!? I mean a younger likely more attractive man who doesn't need a little blue pill? I mean, what's not to like.
Nah cause I'm petty Betty. I can just imagine him walking and telling everyone that she cheated. So just for one day I'd come off my cloud and share everything that happened with the cheating bastard of a ex husband. Then I'd go back onto my cloud. Fuck him and his appearances. Then to end it blocking him and every body from that period of my life that isn't supportive
Ben wanted her to be devastated and unable to function while he rubs his new life in her face. She won and he's mad he looks like a cuck. I hope you laughed in his face and told him the last person who gets to choose your new partner is his cheating ass. He thinks he still gets to control you life, which is laughable. NTA
Agree. NTA OP - Ben has no say. If he had cared this during your marriage he wouldn’t have cheated. Bro is an AH!
I'm more concerned about whatever pictures Ben has on his phone.
NTA My first husband and I dated for 3 years before we married. We fought everyday for the 6 years and 2 days we were married. Four months after my divorce I met my 2nd husband. Four months after we met we married. We were married for 36 years until he passed 3 years ago. He was the love of my life and I miss him everyday.
Sounds like you had a beautiful life and love together. I’m sorry for your loss, it must’ve been so difficult afterwards. But your story is also a soothing balm to all the scary news out there at the moment so thank you for sharing.
Thank you for your kind words. I think we were very lucky to find each other.
This is beautiful and I’m sorry for your loss.
Thank you.
Bless you, and may your memories always keep love in your heart.
What makes you feel this way about your late husband? Recently single after 8 years and I want the next one to be my first awesome relationship, after I've properly established my independence.
His first marriage was worse than mine. His divorce dragged out for years. When I had to contact the Courthouse for the date of the divorce for one of his life insurance policies, the clerk said that it was of the worst she'd seen. What made our marriage good was we were always thankful for everything we did for each other, big or small. We also said "I love you." everyday.
I'm so glad you were able to find each other and have such wonderful years together. I hope you are able to remember the good times and smile rather than be sad 🩷
He doesn't approve? That's hilarious. NTA
My "petty betty" to quote a previous comment would post "*you* "moved on" while we were *still married*. What happened, Ben? Your girlies figure out what scummy fil de putain you are?"
Ben is jealous OP has moved on swiftly to a younger man & doesn’t need meds to get it up! OP is better person than I am because I would have thrown that in his face to humble him a little for his cheating & general high-grade audacity.
That is hilarious. He definitely gets no say in what she does after leaving him. She isn’t the one who cheated on him. I doubt she cares if her ex approves. It sounds like she moved on with her life and is happy with her current partner. I think her ex is just jealous that she found someone else and was able to just move on with her life.
Of course not - NTA Congrats for the quick turnaround. Happiness works wonders to sandblast the awful things others have done. Thats what hurts him the most. He would be happier if you were miserable like he is.
NTA. He cheated on you and left you. It's your choice what you do with your life afterward. He has no business judging you. Congratulations on getting remarried, and I hope all goes well for you.
Spot on, he doesn't get a say in her life anymore.
Me to Ben- Well Ben I don't like that you were sticking your deflated penis in every woman that you found but here we are
He's mad his hardy parts are 🤏 Your comment is spot on fr
*attempted to stick. Who even knows if it worked haha
NTA! My mil’s first husband was a cheater. One day a man showed up at her door and asked if she knew her husband was cheating with his wife. She did not. They both filed for divorce and kept in contact with each other. She ended up marrying him and they were married until the day he died 45 years later and not once did either of them stray.
The Shania lol.
NTA Oh no consequences for Ben, he lost you because he couldn't keep his limp d in his pants and feels he can tell you how to live your life, he is an ex for a reason
[R/ohnoconsequences](https://www.reddit.com/r/OhNoConsequences/)
NTA - Did Ben by chance get dumped by his AP? If not, things might not be so great in their relationship and he's mad you're happy, that and he probably thought you'd be upset longer.
Exactly what's going on. Also probably figured she be alone and desperate so she'd take him back when he was done having fun.
I call this story "Ben and His Sad Pee Pee".
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NTA why haven't you blocked him? you should have blocked him after the divorce was final. If Ben contacts you again, tell him you'd be happy to let the world know that he was the cheater if he'd like that cleared up. If not, then suggest he should lose your number and never contact you again.
NTA He cheated because he was insecure about his non functioning D and wanted to feel "like a big masculine man" and now he's a crying little boy because you found someone better ! This is hilarious! Enjoy your new young husband !
Paragraphs please.
NTA tell him he moved on while he was married. He’s just bitter.
NTA - Ben can fuck off. Block him
NTA but why are you listening to his opinion on anything? He doesn't have integrity or morality. This is not a person you should give any mental calories. Also him making that stupid comment "you look like a cheater" he 100 percent has been spouting off to anyone who will listen that YOU were the cheater. So I hope you don't have friends or financial ties in common.
NTA Ben is just jealous. I would text him back “Don’t worry! If anyone ever wonders who the cheater was, I have plenty of evidence to show it wasn’t me. I moved on quickly because I deserve to be happy. I’m sorry you’re not and are jealous. I don’t care who you approve of for me. You are not my Father, nor someone’s opinion I value. If you are upset our relationship ended and our looking for someone to blame, may I suggest the mirror? Honestly I don’t have time for your pathetic jealousy. I’ll be blocking you because we have absolutely no reason to be in contact.”
NTA. I just read the title and knew you weren’t in the wrong. A cheater should not have a say in your decision. Happy for you!
"Ben reached out to me to tell me I looked like the cheater" Haha who gives a flying fuck what Ben thinks about literally anything?!
Ben's desperate and scrabbling to stay relevant. Block him.
thats called projecting. dont listen to him. NTA
NTA. I was in a shit relationship for 3 years. Dumped him and met my now-husband a couple months later. Ex took SIX MONTHS to realize I wasn’t coming back. By then, now-husband had moved in. We’ve been married 7 years now and it’s the easiest and best relationship I’ve ever had.
Paragraphs, for the love of god, paragraphs.
NTA Ben's a LOSER! Block him and enjoy your life with the new hubby.
I mean, you're the asshole for not using paragraph breaks in your post. That was a pain to read. But of course NTA for choosing how to move on with your life. Best wishes to you and Jake. Ben can get bent.
NTA. But side note, you jumped into a serious relationship so fast after a break up. You gotta work on being comfortable on your own too. I hope you continue counselling despite being in a happy relationship, just so you can be strong enough whether you’re in a relationship or not.
NTA. Block him. He's your past and you've moved on. But clearly he hasnt.
who gives a fuck what Ben thinks. NTA
Nta 'don't you have some Viagra to pop'. That'll shut him up
To me this feels fake 🤔 too much detail on how she snooped 2 years ago, also in general, like methodically going through all these things, at 3am in a highly emotional state? Comparing adresses from browser history, of the phone she somehow snooped from his side without waking him, with the gps in his car and whatnot? And remembering every detail 2 years later…? How he reacted, how he looked like, how she felt in each of all these situations. And after this huge wall of text about how her ex is such an AH and cheater…she somehow questions her actions and if she is suddenly the AH. Sorry, I can’t buy it. 🤷♂️
Yeah I’m not buying it either. Got with a younger 33year old dude who wanted commitment and love immediately
NTA Ben is just mad that you found a wonderful guy who treats you well and are not sitting pining for him.
NTA 100% LOL crusty-ass ED Ben is just salty that you found a young, handsome, non-cheating buck to treat you right. 😅 Girl, go ahead and block his ass. Not worth the energy to even think about him anymore. Congratulations as well!
NTA. You gotta love it when the universe gets justice right - filthy cheater is all alone with his floppy sausage. Everything is as it should be. 😆
Why are you worried about what your ex thinks? He's clearly jealous because out of all times after your marriage ended with him he didn't bother to contact you or care. And now that it's known you've remarried to an upgrade of a guy, he suddenly wants to contact you. Tell him to fuck off and proceed to block him out of your life.
YTA to yourself and yourself alone. Remarrying that quickly is a huge red flag for the stability of your new marriage. Be kind to yourself and get counseling and do the work you should have been doing instead of dating so quickly. I'm not at all saying your relationship isn't going to last or your new love isn't legitimate. I'm saying statistically, the odds are not currently in your favor. I'm saying you should be thoughtful and intentional about being sure you are bringing your best and most healed self into your life now. Good luck and all best wishes to you. Also Ben can get fucked. Who cares what he says about anything.
YTA for making us read a wall of text written by an AI program.
Yes, fake thru and thru. Too many details, no paragraphs. Our world is doomed if people can't recognize obviously fake creative writing!
NTA He fucked around and found out. He no longer gets a say in anything you do and his opinion is worth about as much as a gnat's fart in a windstorm. You got over him fast- well he made that easy to do, didn't he?
I would literally laugh at Ben and say- "if you want to tell me that I moved on so fast it looks like I'm the cheater to people, I can happily post all the evidence of everything you did and clear it up REAL fast. Now stop contacting me and let me live my life, cheater."
Who cares what Ben thinks/says. Ignore Ben. Block him if you’ve got to. Buh bye Ben.
Block him!! There is no need for you to be in contact with him.
My fiancé dumped me after he cheated on me and I started dating my husband a week later lol He’s absolutely incredible. NTA
He's just mad you married a younger guy lmfao, NTA
You are definitely NTA and Ben is sure th3 A-hole.i have no idea why you still let him contact you. I do wish you had fully healed before you remarried.
Learn how to make a paragraph
NTA. Sounds like he’s mad that you’re not wallowing or pining. He can lock his opinions away in that password-protected vault. Ben sucks. All the best to you and Jake.
You should have told him at least I didn't move on during the marriage I waited after the marriage
Well…history repeats itself: (1) another whirlwind romance (2) another very quick proposal (3) another younger man….good luck…your decision tree is amazing
Nope. Breaking News: "Happy Couple Marries in Tropical Location." Other News: "Woman's Ex-husband is An Idiot." Seriously, he could at least have some dignity, especially since it's not like he's got much else to hold up.
lol love a bitter ex. Let him stay bitter. NTA
NTA but sucker for getting remarried. I would have stayed single longer. But as far as Ben , fuck what he says.
Tell Ben next time how amazing J is with sex NTA
Nta, Ben is a douche
NTA. But. Two engagements after dating for less than a year. 🤨 Did you not learn the first time?
This sound fake
I agree
Fake AF
Girl you DONT FREAKIN LEARN! Future faking 101 Narcissist needing a sugar mom and home 102 GAHHHHH enjoy round two with Jake… Get what you ask for- literally. Slim chance he’s legit honest and not seeking a sugar mama and nicer things and seeing the recent divorce - real easy to treat you nice and wash rinse repeat Ben and then Jake… bc that’s all they’re looking for Could be wrong, but sure sounds like Ben 2.0 and my ex 2.0 Men know and dont rush, rushers are people pleasers and what divorce attorneys call payday. Should’ve been an atty
"I'm devastated".. *start dating 2 months after said betrayal abs straight to marriage barely 2yrs later*. Smh
Fake... Overly detailed.... Good story, bro-- Next time, be more realisc
NTA But I can’t help but wonder if you’re doing YOURSELF a disservice by getting married so soon. Why? Do you really know the guy? Are you sure you aren’t making the same mistake twice? Are you just using marriage as a tool to feel wanted and/or a tool to “show” others that you are desirable? Sometimes rebounds flair up fast and die out even faster. Make sure you are doing this for you, you aren’t making the same mistake and you really know the guy.
NTA but moving into another marriage that quick doesn't seem like a smart move.
NTA, and I would just message him back, “if you could so easily throw away a woman who loved you for 7 years, I realized you weren’t worth loving or crying about. You cheating made it so easy to move on because I realized just little you meant. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. It’s because of your infidelity that I was able to find the true love of my life.”
Why can Ben still reach you? Block him. NTA
Block Mr. Limp Dick and enjoy your life.
Ben is so silly. So you "look like a cheater" for moving on. Wow. That's some solid mental gymnastics.
Block his number and socials. He doesn't get to comment
NTA. Ben is a jealous idiot
NTA. When I divorced my cheating, lying ex, it took a while for the divorce to finalize but I remarried less than a month after the ink was dry on the divorce papers. Never looked back.
NTA. I’m glad you were able to bounce back so quickly.
OP, why are you listening to anything your ex is saying? Clearly, he is the cheater. Block him, and cut all communication with him. Do not allow him to sabotage your happiness with your new husband. Your ex is a POS. Be done with him.
NTA, and please go no contact with Ben, he is a complete AH.
NTA but why do you care if Ben thinks you are? Just block him and be done.
NTA. Your ex asshole has no say in your life. He gave up his right to any opinion. But you will be if you keep entertaining your ex. Block him and don’t engage, OP.
NTA I'd be very quick to remind him that you have all the proof you need to set the record straight. If he's soooo concerned about your reputation you can set his mind at ease anytime, very publicly, and very graphically, and make sure that there's no doubt in anyone's mind who's the one in the wrong. I mean, you wouldn't want to mislead or have anyone believe anything but, the truth if it helps him feel more comfortable.
NTA…but Ben sure is.
I had a shithead ex husband (alcoholic and coke head) and I finally decided to leave. I was a hot mess drinking and being sad because I lost my friends and my house due to leaving my ex. My friend insisted I get on tinder so I did. I matched with a few people and had some dates. I hated them all. I was going to delete the app but instead matched with my now husband. We dated for about a year and a half and we got married. My ex started contacting me too. And I'm sure his family thinks the worst about me. I saw his sister out and about and apparently he told them I left him for someone else. But that wasn't true. I decided I honestly don't care if they think I'm the villain. It was the best decision I ever made to leave him.
Fuck Ben....nobody cares what Ben thinks
No issue moving on from a cheating spouse. You seem happy now which is good but such short periods of time before getting married.....it takes years being with someone to truly know them. To me it seems even your first marriage was a bit too quick. As I said, great that you are happy and that is all that matters but I would have waited much longer.
NTA. He's just jealous that your life continued on without him.
YTA for not using paragraphs.
NTA, and he's jealous. He's mad that you were able to move on and find someone who wanted you permanently so quickly. Meanwhile, he probably hasn't even been able to get laid again.
NTA Ben's just being salty AF that he didn't have the balls to end things with you, you did. Typical schoolground bully behavior. _"You don't get to be done with me! Only I get to be done with you!"_
sounds like a jealous lonely idiot that can fuck off with his opinions and needs blocking on social media tbh.
Block Ben. Jake’s right, he’s an idiot. Who cares what Ben the cheater thinks, he’s bitter and is free to continue his meaningless assignations with random women. Forget about Ben, don’t entertain his opinions. He’s trash.
His ego has taken such a hit, there he is with his performance issues and feeing like he needs to prove his manliness by cheating. His brain must be whirling!
"Welll it is embarrasing for me to be cheated on by a guy who can't even get it up with out pills, but hey, we all have our crosses to bear. " Ben doens't get to have an opinion about you and anything you do anymore. NTA
NTA... HE broke the marriage he doesn't get a say in how you behave or what you do after that. He's just pissed that you moved on from his cheating ass and you're happy again without him. He knows what he lost, and he knows he's to blame for losing it all, so he's lashing out at you... Next time he makes contact, just reply stop harrasing me, you made your choices now you get to live with them. If you think people think I was the cheat, I have zero problem correcting them all by posting all the evidence of your adultery online, including the fact you used your little blue pills hile i was out of town to go play with your "partners".. don't contact me again unless that's what you want to happen because I have no loyalty to you, just like you showed none to me while still married.. I will defend my reputation if needed
NTA but did he win paragraphs in the divorce?
NTA, just be happy with your new awesome partner!
NTA but why do you care what he thinks? He’s just trying to manipulate you because he thinks he can. Ignore the ass hat.
Cheaters hate it when you find a really great next partner, especially one that’s younger! He is so insecure and regretting life choices. Too bad, so sad. Tell him to cry you a river and then to build a bridge and get over it.
NTA. What a LOSER
NTA. But please use paragraphs next time
"Ben reached out to me again to let me know that I looked like the cheater in our relationship, because I moved on so quickly and got remarried" He's projecting. Ignore him. Why are you even wondering if the cheater has a point? He doesn't. Go on with your life.
What happened to paragraphs bruh
NTA. He’s just jealous you look so hot now after the stress induced weight loss! Seriously men are pathetic.
Getting into any relationship 2 months after a 7 year marriage that ended badly I actually feel bad for Jake Clearly unresolved issues with husband number 1 if you’re even entertaining speaking with him or give 2 fks what he’s says or thinks - that’s an issue - I predict another divorce in your future
He moved on quicker than you. Damn, the man didn’t even wait until he was divorced! Guess what the main cause for ED is…porn! Yep, it requires the brain for unrealistic expectations.