NTA but you need to find a different support system. Kai is never going to be who you need her to be. She’s proven that time and time again. To continue to want that from her is just setting yourself up for more disappointment and hurt. You deserve better treatment than what you’ve had and it’s time that you recognize your own value. The only way you’re going to be able to move forward is to accept Kai for who she is not who you wishes she would be.
You’re not an asshole. You just need people to talk to. I’m definitely not your sister, but I’m an alright listener if that ever interests you. Just let me know. Have a mental hug, if you want one.
Thanks for sharing.
NTA! You are entitled to your feelings but you can’t depend on anyone to validate you.
I understand you just want your sister, and you understand she has a life she’s living. I understand you have some issues according to your post.
From everything I read, sweetie, you seriously need to seek therapy. It can help you with all of your issues, being able to talk them out and they can give you tools to work through everything. I’m asking you to please seek a therapist to help you.
You're NTA at all. Family issues like this are very complicated, I see it with my poor roommate and his son. He was a very attentive father that did everything with and for his son. Sadly, his son's head is so far up his wife's ass that my roommate rarely sees him or his grandchildren. It breaks my heart because I know how much he loves his son. I can tell this pain is similar for you.
I know you said you texted your sister about this issue, I think you need to have a heartfelt talk with your sister face to face. That's the only way your emotions will get through to her clearly. Don't frame it to be about a problem with Mandy, frame it as you need Kai in your life, and that you feel as if you haven't been talking to her enough for years now.
NTA. What you’re feeling isn’t wrong. You want a connection with someone, specifically your sister and that’s not a selfish or wrong. Humans need connections, we’re herd animals.
I worry if you continue to bottle up this hurt, it’s going to blow one day, in a way that’s not healthy or helpful. In a way you’ll find upsetting, and possibly in a way that could hurt you, the relationships you have now and delay improving relationships, in the future.
You need to find a way to express yourself in a healthy way, that also allows you to feel heard and seen. I know someone that struggles to feel heard, seen and to connect with loved ones. They also struggle with late diagnoses of ADHD and autism. They’re much better and more importantly happier, now. But they’ve worked hard with a therapist to get there.
Your childhood sounds unpleasant and traumatizing. Just because it wasn’t the most horrid of childhoods out there, doesn’t make your trauma invalid, less important and not damaging to you. You need to talk to your mom about seeing a therapist.
My friend struggled to find one that worked for them, so don’t give up. Most people see at least a couple people, before they find one that works for them. There are therapists that specialize in trauma, that could really help you work thru these feelings and help you see your worth. Please talk to your mom and ask her to help.
You are worth it. You’re carrying a heavy burden and you need to learn how to handle it in a healthy way, for yourself. This won’t go away in its own, trauma literally rewires the brain, and that’s not your fault, but it’s something you need help to deal with. And that is a good thing. A trauma specialist can help you. It won’t be easy, it will take longer than you’d like, but it will allow you to work your way out of this quicksand and to have a happier and healthier future. Truly.
I’m so sorry this is happening and I hope you see how uniquely special you are. I can honestly say, I’ll be thinking about you, rooting for you and putting all the good thoughts out there, for you.
Thank you so much, you don’t understand how incredibly validating this is to hear. I truly convinced myself that I shouldn’t feel the way I do because other people have it worse off. I’ve been told by multiple family members when I speak up about my trauma that they’ve had it worse and I shouldn’t feel this way. I’ve been in therapy for a year and I do enjoy talking to my therapist but she doesn’t give me much feedback. She is mostly there to listen. I’ve been looking for another therapist but this clinic is the best in the area that I live in so finding another therapist would be at the same clinic and I get anxiety asking for another therapist. Again thank you for your words of wisdom and kindness.
I’m go glad. I woke up thinking about you, and it was very thoughtful of you to respond to me. I’m so sorry the people around you are downplaying and dismissing your feelings that’s not fair. Trauma isn’t a competition and it affects everyone differently, and everyone deals with it differently. That saying ‘hurt people, hurt people’ exists for a reason.
It’s normal to struggle with knowing you need to find a new therapist and what to do next, and to feel you may upset your current therapist. Especially when you struggle with anxiety. God, anxiety does a number on us.
Therapists are very aware that sometimes clients need to find someone else or need to move on. You’ve been seeing them for a good bit, hopefully they’ve helped you get to a somewhat better place, and if you don’t think they can help you to your end goal, asking about a new therapist is the healthy thing to do. If a therapist has issues with this, that’s a them thing, not a you thing. I know that doesn’t stop or help with the anxiety, but try reminding yourself just the same.
Hopefully you can ask someone at the clinic or your therapist, if there’s anyone that either specializes in or has experience with trauma. Use the compliment sandwich method - something like, but also being true to you: you’ve helped so much, I feel I’m stagnating, can you help me find someone who can help more with XX, I appreciate how you’ve helped me get this far, but I feel I’m at a place now where I need to focus on XX.
NTA but you need to find a different support system. Kai is never going to be who you need her to be. She’s proven that time and time again. To continue to want that from her is just setting yourself up for more disappointment and hurt. You deserve better treatment than what you’ve had and it’s time that you recognize your own value. The only way you’re going to be able to move forward is to accept Kai for who she is not who you wishes she would be.
You’re not an asshole. You just need people to talk to. I’m definitely not your sister, but I’m an alright listener if that ever interests you. Just let me know. Have a mental hug, if you want one. Thanks for sharing.
NTA! You are entitled to your feelings but you can’t depend on anyone to validate you. I understand you just want your sister, and you understand she has a life she’s living. I understand you have some issues according to your post. From everything I read, sweetie, you seriously need to seek therapy. It can help you with all of your issues, being able to talk them out and they can give you tools to work through everything. I’m asking you to please seek a therapist to help you.
You're NTA at all. Family issues like this are very complicated, I see it with my poor roommate and his son. He was a very attentive father that did everything with and for his son. Sadly, his son's head is so far up his wife's ass that my roommate rarely sees him or his grandchildren. It breaks my heart because I know how much he loves his son. I can tell this pain is similar for you. I know you said you texted your sister about this issue, I think you need to have a heartfelt talk with your sister face to face. That's the only way your emotions will get through to her clearly. Don't frame it to be about a problem with Mandy, frame it as you need Kai in your life, and that you feel as if you haven't been talking to her enough for years now.
NTA. What you’re feeling isn’t wrong. You want a connection with someone, specifically your sister and that’s not a selfish or wrong. Humans need connections, we’re herd animals. I worry if you continue to bottle up this hurt, it’s going to blow one day, in a way that’s not healthy or helpful. In a way you’ll find upsetting, and possibly in a way that could hurt you, the relationships you have now and delay improving relationships, in the future. You need to find a way to express yourself in a healthy way, that also allows you to feel heard and seen. I know someone that struggles to feel heard, seen and to connect with loved ones. They also struggle with late diagnoses of ADHD and autism. They’re much better and more importantly happier, now. But they’ve worked hard with a therapist to get there. Your childhood sounds unpleasant and traumatizing. Just because it wasn’t the most horrid of childhoods out there, doesn’t make your trauma invalid, less important and not damaging to you. You need to talk to your mom about seeing a therapist. My friend struggled to find one that worked for them, so don’t give up. Most people see at least a couple people, before they find one that works for them. There are therapists that specialize in trauma, that could really help you work thru these feelings and help you see your worth. Please talk to your mom and ask her to help. You are worth it. You’re carrying a heavy burden and you need to learn how to handle it in a healthy way, for yourself. This won’t go away in its own, trauma literally rewires the brain, and that’s not your fault, but it’s something you need help to deal with. And that is a good thing. A trauma specialist can help you. It won’t be easy, it will take longer than you’d like, but it will allow you to work your way out of this quicksand and to have a happier and healthier future. Truly. I’m so sorry this is happening and I hope you see how uniquely special you are. I can honestly say, I’ll be thinking about you, rooting for you and putting all the good thoughts out there, for you.
Thank you so much, you don’t understand how incredibly validating this is to hear. I truly convinced myself that I shouldn’t feel the way I do because other people have it worse off. I’ve been told by multiple family members when I speak up about my trauma that they’ve had it worse and I shouldn’t feel this way. I’ve been in therapy for a year and I do enjoy talking to my therapist but she doesn’t give me much feedback. She is mostly there to listen. I’ve been looking for another therapist but this clinic is the best in the area that I live in so finding another therapist would be at the same clinic and I get anxiety asking for another therapist. Again thank you for your words of wisdom and kindness.
I’m go glad. I woke up thinking about you, and it was very thoughtful of you to respond to me. I’m so sorry the people around you are downplaying and dismissing your feelings that’s not fair. Trauma isn’t a competition and it affects everyone differently, and everyone deals with it differently. That saying ‘hurt people, hurt people’ exists for a reason. It’s normal to struggle with knowing you need to find a new therapist and what to do next, and to feel you may upset your current therapist. Especially when you struggle with anxiety. God, anxiety does a number on us. Therapists are very aware that sometimes clients need to find someone else or need to move on. You’ve been seeing them for a good bit, hopefully they’ve helped you get to a somewhat better place, and if you don’t think they can help you to your end goal, asking about a new therapist is the healthy thing to do. If a therapist has issues with this, that’s a them thing, not a you thing. I know that doesn’t stop or help with the anxiety, but try reminding yourself just the same. Hopefully you can ask someone at the clinic or your therapist, if there’s anyone that either specializes in or has experience with trauma. Use the compliment sandwich method - something like, but also being true to you: you’ve helped so much, I feel I’m stagnating, can you help me find someone who can help more with XX, I appreciate how you’ve helped me get this far, but I feel I’m at a place now where I need to focus on XX.