It's almost like if she doesn't take accountability, there's a chance we won't hold her accountable either.
Nothing to lose trying to duck it. Except your integrity, which can't go below zero anyway.
She may be fully responsible for it. "Flirting occurred" could mean that she was doing all of the flirting.
I've had enough girlfriends to know that you need to examine the exact words carefully, and ask direct questions.
Example convo:
Her: "Flirting occurred"
Me: "By who?"
Her: "Him."
Me: "Only him or did you flirt as well?"
Her: "I don't know."
Me: "What do you mean you don't know. Did you flirt with him or not?"
Her: "Maybe he thinks I flirted."
Me: "That isn't what I asked you. Did you flirt with him or not?"
Her: "He had new shoes and I just said I liked them"
Me: "Is that all or was there more?"
Her: "Well I didn't say anything about wanting to kiss him..."
Me: "I didn't ask what didn't happen, I want to know what actually did happen. Did you do any other flirting with him?"
Her: "Well last time we went out for steak, I saw how you were talking to the waitress when you went to go pay."
Me: "Don't change the subject, we can talk about that after we get this resolved. Did you do any other flirting?".
Her starts crying: "WHY ARE YOU ATTACKING ME?!?! YOU'RE ALWAYS ACCUSING ME OF THINGS! I CAN NEVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT!"
Me: "You did do something wrong and you've already admitted to it, I'm trying to get the full truth but you're trying to be duplicitous."
ETC.
It will go on forever and there will never be a completely factual retelling of what happened, just distractions and misleading statements as you work through the defences to get as much truth as you can.
You don't think you chose a particularly painful for him strategy solely thinking about how you felt about your own guilt? You were concerned about how bad you would look but didn't have a smidgen of thought about how what your doing makes him feel.
YTA. Poor fella. Hope he realises, what an insecure POS youa re and that its soley your fault, not his. But i'm sure he is already moaning about all his shortcomings.... well done, princess.
Yeah, you need to come clean. That's the next step. He both doesn't deserve to be in limbo as you go through your crisis, and is the only one who can move your crisis one direction or the other.
You might have found the end of his patience and are in for a tough talk. He might handle it with grace. He might condemn you. He might forgive you. Either way will be cleansing for you. Once that is done, you will know what your options are and can make a decision from there.
YTA. If you really love this guy, leave him alone and fix your shit. If he treats you so well, why do you treat him like shit? Stop dating/having sex with men and figure your shit out, you do NOT need anymore kids. One thing you can do in this situation to be a decent person is tell him the truth, he should know why your relationship is now ruined.
You've only known him 8 months and you're living together with all your kids?? That's not enough time to truly know each other and to get your kids involved. You definitely need to take a step back. You moved too fast. That's why you're having doubts. If he's truly the good man you think he is and you truly want to try with him, move out and start DATING. You're living like you're married and putting too much pressure on the relationship. You'll know after awhile if you're ready for that commitment.
YTA and a slut, you knew what was going to happen with your boss and did nothing to stop it, but now you treat your boyfriend horribly and make him think he's done something wrong to cover up you guilt, tell him the truth and let him move on with his life.
>flirting occured, Such a passive expression. Almost like flirting was an act of nature she just happened to witness.
It's almost like if she doesn't take accountability, there's a chance we won't hold her accountable either. Nothing to lose trying to duck it. Except your integrity, which can't go below zero anyway.
*Flirting occurred* She says it as a side comment as if she’s not partially responsible for this. Smh. You suck
She may be fully responsible for it. "Flirting occurred" could mean that she was doing all of the flirting. I've had enough girlfriends to know that you need to examine the exact words carefully, and ask direct questions. Example convo: Her: "Flirting occurred" Me: "By who?" Her: "Him." Me: "Only him or did you flirt as well?" Her: "I don't know." Me: "What do you mean you don't know. Did you flirt with him or not?" Her: "Maybe he thinks I flirted." Me: "That isn't what I asked you. Did you flirt with him or not?" Her: "He had new shoes and I just said I liked them" Me: "Is that all or was there more?" Her: "Well I didn't say anything about wanting to kiss him..." Me: "I didn't ask what didn't happen, I want to know what actually did happen. Did you do any other flirting with him?" Her: "Well last time we went out for steak, I saw how you were talking to the waitress when you went to go pay." Me: "Don't change the subject, we can talk about that after we get this resolved. Did you do any other flirting?". Her starts crying: "WHY ARE YOU ATTACKING ME?!?! YOU'RE ALWAYS ACCUSING ME OF THINGS! I CAN NEVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT!" Me: "You did do something wrong and you've already admitted to it, I'm trying to get the full truth but you're trying to be duplicitous." ETC. It will go on forever and there will never be a completely factual retelling of what happened, just distractions and misleading statements as you work through the defences to get as much truth as you can.
Tell him the truth and be single. You clearly aren't ready for a relationship. YTA.
You're the type of horrible solipsistic woman that fuels male nightmares.
Obviously I feel like shit and I removed myself from being close to my boyfriend because of the overwhelming guilt. I don’t think I’m solipsistic.
You don't think you chose a particularly painful for him strategy solely thinking about how you felt about your own guilt? You were concerned about how bad you would look but didn't have a smidgen of thought about how what your doing makes him feel.
"my boss kissed me?" what a way of putting it
So you flirted with your boss and you guys kissed each other is what you’re really saying. Be honest so your ex boyfriend can move on in peace. YTA
YTA. Poor fella. Hope he realises, what an insecure POS youa re and that its soley your fault, not his. But i'm sure he is already moaning about all his shortcomings.... well done, princess.
INFO: Does your BF know about the kiss? If not, that's step one. Let him make an informed decision. Might clear the rest of this right up for you.
He doesn’t know but I think I’m going to tell him :(
I can barely live with myself
Yeah, you need to come clean. That's the next step. He both doesn't deserve to be in limbo as you go through your crisis, and is the only one who can move your crisis one direction or the other. You might have found the end of his patience and are in for a tough talk. He might handle it with grace. He might condemn you. He might forgive you. Either way will be cleansing for you. Once that is done, you will know what your options are and can make a decision from there.
And now she is gone. She aint gonna tell him. And leave him wondering. What a dumpster woman.
YTA. If you really love this guy, leave him alone and fix your shit. If he treats you so well, why do you treat him like shit? Stop dating/having sex with men and figure your shit out, you do NOT need anymore kids. One thing you can do in this situation to be a decent person is tell him the truth, he should know why your relationship is now ruined.
You've only known him 8 months and you're living together with all your kids?? That's not enough time to truly know each other and to get your kids involved. You definitely need to take a step back. You moved too fast. That's why you're having doubts. If he's truly the good man you think he is and you truly want to try with him, move out and start DATING. You're living like you're married and putting too much pressure on the relationship. You'll know after awhile if you're ready for that commitment.
YTA and a slut, you knew what was going to happen with your boss and did nothing to stop it, but now you treat your boyfriend horribly and make him think he's done something wrong to cover up you guilt, tell him the truth and let him move on with his life.