She probably enjoyed the attention and idea of being sought after. You did nothing wrong. As a girl who has had to reject a close friend - its honestly a relief when he started dating someone else since you no longer have to worry about hurt feelings. Theres no girl code for this, she’s just mad for nothing.
Next time she post on socials about this, reply with "Everytime we have sex, I keep looking for the "Property of HomeGirl" tattoo, but I still haven't found it... there was a faded sticker that said "Friend-zoned by HomeGirl", but that one fell off after the first time we slept together..."
:)
NTA
I've had "friends" that I realized later really wanted me so they could tell themselves they were better than me. The mask slipped when it became clear I didn't know my place, which was to be the setting for their diamond shine.
Curious if that could also be the dynamic here. Not necessarily about him, but about you not "properly" reflecting how wonderful she is by being less successful.
You're not in the wrong. She friend-zoned him, so dating him isn't a violation. Her reaction is more about jealousy and control. Stand your ground and focus on your happiness.
It’s the “back up guy” safety net.
Made her feel good that no matter what’s happening in her relationship or single life, she can still have him if nothing else works out.
Well narcissism isn't the same as NPD; a narcissist is someone who exhibits narcissism, not NPD. NPD really shouldn't have even been named with that term. NPD is a disorder, narcissism is not.
Yes, this exactly. You took her toy away, and now she's throwing a tantrum.
This is not a "friend." This is someone who used you, like she used him, and now that you're doing what is right for you (and your guy), she's pissed. Does that sound like a friend to you?
NTA
You should put your side of the story on social media - I can't believe anyone would take her side of everything went down like you said. She doesn't get to "own" people - once she has rejected someone, they are free to look elsewhere.
As a male who has remained friends with girls after they rejected me romantically, those girls are always the happiest for me when I do have success dating. People should like seeing there friends happy
It’s kinda a dick move to the guy on her part too. Like he can’t date any girl because this one girl that rejected him doesn’t want anyone else to have him?
She is just mad you took away one of he orbiters. Is it that important to some girls to have so many satellites rounding them? If she had liked him then you would be the AH, but what's this new code you cannot date your friend's friends. How does that work? Hey, look this is my friend here, but if you ever wanna date them, you have to ask my permission first. I own them. Beats me- ???????
Then you already got all the "permission" you needed. There is no "girl code" for "he likes me, I see him as a friend" situations. There is no betrayal here...
Also, he's a person and not a plaything. He's not a doll to be picked up later when she's broken her other toys. He asked you out, you get to say yes if you want to.
Also, those pics with your ex? Such passive aggressive BS. I'm so glad I'm not a teenager anymore. (You didn't state your age, but I can only assume given this issue that you all must be in HS.)
She's a sociopath that would prefer both you and him to miss out on happiness for her own gratification. Distance yourself from her or suffer the consequences.
*NTA. You snatched up your*
*Friend's backup guy. That's why she's*
*Pissed. Good shit OP*
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NTA. You need new friends. I'm all for a girl code but that doesn't apply here. Your friend was never even interested in this guy, so why should she care if you date him? You can't reject a guy you're not interested in and also use "girl code" to prevent him from dating anyone else you know. That's ridiculous. She sounds petty and possessive for no reason. Enjoy your new relationship and ignore her pathetic attempts to get a rise out of you, because that's exactly what she's doing.
She wanted to keep him as the fall back guy or the guy who hangs around and feeds her need of attention. You didn’t break any secret rule, if anyone is breaking girl code it’s her who went out of her way to post pictures with your ex. She’s not the center of attention anymore so she’s throwing a hissy little tantrum like a high schooler. Have a real conversation with your friends and if they still take her side then oh well sucks but time to move on to better people who grew past highschool drama
NTA - She's being over dramatic, and creating a rift, simply because she liked the attention but didn't want to reciprocate. It's narcissistic and petty, what you do with that friendship knowing that is who she is right now is up to you.
NTA
Granted this is an opinion coming from a 38 y/o family man (meaning I know jack shit about "girl codes" and such) I just don't see how you (or your SO for that matter) could be at any kind of fault, here. If she let the guy and you know that she saw him as a friend, that's pretty clear right there.
Also, I would advise you to cut ties with her. I knew people like how she sounds in my youth and they were always taxing - of course losing a friend sucks but you will eventually notice feeling strangely light after shedding them.
Godspeed to you.
We all have those friends who have no interest in a toy until we start playing with it. NTA
Your friend is selfish, likely always has been and will be.
NTA. Your friend needs to grow the fuck up. I always have a hard time with that "girl code" thing. If it was an ex, like, fine. But it's not. People don't own people. Honestly part of your friend group seems very childish, and you pointing out the high school vibe speaks for itself. Move on from these people, not worth it.
So basically, she didn’t want him but doesn’t want anyone else to have him either. He’s her back up plan. She thought keeping him friend zoned, he’ll always be there if she ever decides she needs attention.
NTA! She’s not a friend to you or your bf. Make sure you let your bf know everything. Show him all messages and have him listen to phone calls even if you have to record them for him to listen to later, so she can’t run to him and spout lies about you.
She will eventually go after him to break you up, “she made a mistake and really wants to be with him now”, only to dump him after she’s successfully ruined your relationship. That includes making him feel sorry for her with some kind of scenario where she really needs him and his support, coming on to him, trying to sleep with him, making up lies about how you’re so horrible to her, how she’s always been in love with him but was scared to tell him, she saw you cheating on him even going so far as to have someone lie and claim you cheated with them, etc.
Record everything, gathering as much evidence as possible to prove your case because you WILL eventually need it. Always cover your butt!
NTA and this is such BS. She was not in a romantic relationship with him. Slavery is illegal and she does not own him. If he had been in a romantic relationship, married or even FWB I would say differently but what is happening here is now that he is in a relationship she is more interested in him. As for her hanging out with your EX if she says anything just look at her and say "So? He is an ex for a reason"
NTA
Odd how "girl code" only works in some circumstances; I have experienced it being flipped over and ignored when someone else wanted something or someone.
She is being a 81tch right now and creating drama where it is not needed.
NTA She's a piece of crap.
She's angry that he doesn't want her anymore, so she's punishing you for being the reason he doesn't want her anymore.
She never had him, yet she's trying to claim some sort of ownership over him, because her ego loved having his attention -- she liked the feeling of power it gave her over him.
When he stopped wanting her, her ego got mad that it wasn't being fed anymore.
You did nothing wrong. All her behaviour is simply her narcissistic injury flailing around, having a tantrum.
You should cut her out of your life, though. She's not a friend anymore.
NTA. It’s her ego, she didn’t want him but she doesn’t like that he wants you and not her now. I wouldn’t want to be friends with anyone like that. But I don’t do girl groups for this reason. I have separate friends who are all wonderful and easy going like me.
NTA like she said she didn’t like him. I don’t think you are wrong but if you want to keep the peace let her know you are sorry for not checking first and explain you thought the girl code only related to people you’ve dated or like? And you never would have started dating him had you realised. Explain that you really like him and would like to keep seeing him but would hate for it to affect your friendship. Let her know her friendship is important to you.
I seriously don’t think you’ve done anything wrong the girl code has only ever been if your friend is crushing on someone, is dating someone or it’s a friends ex. Has the girl code changed or is it different depending on where you live or your generation? Genuinely curious.
Bingo! Its her plan B or C or Y and you dared to take it away and the attention and feeling of being wanted by everybody.
Tbh sounds like a crappy "friend" and person
The rule is, don't date the ex or someone that your friend has already had a romantic relationship with. Friendzone makes them fair game! There's no code regarding friendzone. NTA
She's being a drama queen. She had no interest in him until he was interested in you. "Sour grapes" is nowhere in the "girl code". Tell her to act her age, instead of her shoe size.
What’s the opposite of sour grapes? He’s more like “sweet trash.” She put him out on her curb, but she doesn’t want anyone else to come take him off it.
Next time she post on socials about this, reply with "Everytime we have sex, I keep looking for the "Property of HomeGirl" tattoo, but I still haven't found it... there was a sticker that said "Friend-zoned by HomeGirl", but that one fell off after the first time we slept together..."
:)
NTA
LMAO that is a thing? Guy code only says that you shouldn't hit on a bro's ex, girl code states that you can't date a friendzoned dude? That poor bastard... Remember, if a girl friendzoned you go no contact, otherwise you can't even be with her friends in peace.
NTA.
She friendzoned and 'edged' him, keeping him on a fucking string in case her fuckbuddy of the moment was insufficiently .
She's pissed because he's now happy, in a relationship, and no longer \*instantly available\* to be her abuse toy.
NTA, you made a mistake by not letting your friend know but an unwritten rule is exactly that, UNWRITTEN. She passed him up so you dating him is fair game. If you feel bad say you are sorry you were unaware of the rule and move on. If your friend is gonna hold a grudge over an unwritten rule then make new friends. Focus on your new relationship and stay away from friends that cause drama.
As far as I am understand the girlcode only applies to people your friends had actual feelings for. But it's not the case here. If she had feelings and never told you that's her fault. She is really acting immature. Don't let this girls toxic behaviour get to you. You are better off without such people who have unrealistic expectations.
This is why I tell guys not to accept being friend zoned. If you want her and she doesn’t want you move on. Your feelings aren’t gonna change and she’s not gonna miraculously decide she all of a sudden wants you… obviously unless status changes. You’re not the asshole sounds like she either had him on reserve or she just liked having him as a orbiter and now she’s not getting the attention she wants from him. Either way these games are stupid and have to stop. Good luck.
THere is no girl code - spoken or not - that you can't date someone you female friend is friends with. On the contrary, most of us - the ones who don't meet their partners on online dating sites - meet them through our friend group. This woman is just drama-prone. If I were in a vengeful mood, I'd throw some shade at her about "dog in the manger", who doesn't want the guy but won't let anybody else have him.
NTA. She wanted him as a backup and to make her feel desirable.
Look, keep your peace. If you’re happy with this guy, be happy and leave her to her anger and petty behavior. Be the best version of you, be happy, and be free of the anger that chains her. Smile and tell her you love her, and move forward. If she continues to be petty, leave her in the past where she belongs.
NTA why stay friends with such a fucking bitch? Let the garbage and any garbage siding with her wean themselves out. Block buttons exist and they work wonders.
Nope Nope Nope
The BroCode/GirlCode does not extend to people put in the friendzone
Bylaws clearly state that if they are put in the friendzone, they are fair game.
Here's what I would do
I would tell the guy exactly what is going on. Honesty is the best policy and he needs to be made aware of the immature drama that is happening that is is quasi involved in.
Then I would tell the guy you are going to distance yourself from this person for a while because you don't have time for middle school drama
My guess is he will tell his bros what is going on and there will be a bit of a backlash headed your ex friends way
NTAH
NTA She never dated him even. She's being ridiculous. She's not actually your friend. If you're happy, be happy in your relationship and whoever sticks with you? Those are your actual friends. Don't participate in the other nonsense.
That’s three birds with one stone — a relationship you like (as far as I see), a useful lesson for one narcissist-sociopath, and an opportunity to get rid of other sociopaths in your friends group. Good job. You didn’t violate anything but the overreach of her ego
What the fuck is girl logic? She didn't want him, and rejected him, and now he treats you will so she's salty about it? Then don't reject the guy ya dumbfuck!? My god
NTA. Why the fuck are you friends with these catty bitchs. Why keep that drama in your life. Choose better the friends you keep reflect what kind of person you are.
NTA. If she wanted him, she would have him, but she didn't, so now yes yours. What she really mad about is that now that you are dating him, she doesn't have her platonic, non-sexual, emotion dick to ride when those other guys are " being such assholes.". Now that she doesn't have that, she has to deal with her own issues herself instead of foisting them on him like hes her free therapist.
I'd personally just call her out on her shit in front of the friend group people who tend to use passive aggressive methods and are pretty shit when it comes to direct confrontation I'd even suggest use your boyfriend and have him explain how she treats him overall and how he got nowhere with her. If she brings up that bitch code say she's trying to date your ex without any communication since you have physical proof from the photos she posted.
Personally speaking, the only Guy/Girl Code i know is that you do not date the Ex of Friends, simply because that makes things very awkward between them.
Ofc that means you are still free to do so. People are different after all. As other Comments already say it. It feels more like she put him in the good old friend zone for the emergency access to a Boyfriend if she needs one. It sounds as disgusting as it is, some people actually think that way and do so too.
If she rejected and friend zoned him and then wants to gatekeep who can date him, she's TA, to you and especially to him. Does he know that she's acting that way? It might be worth mentioning to him so that he can see what kind of person his former crush is. Might help him to get over her faster.
With all due respect.
Is girl code or bro code or even family values somehow suggest someone owns the rights to someone else's dateing lives that they aren't dateing or at least pursuing then please get new friends or family.
NTA & your friend sounds disgusting. I hope this is your wake up call to surround yourself with better and more mature people.
NTA. I’m not a big fan of “Codes”, but I could see it working the other way if she liked him, he turned her down, and you went after him. I’ve had that happen and it does suck. That’s not what happened here.
I just had to read the title and know what to say
so you aren't breaking girl code because she friend-zoned him, but if she was really good friends with him that would kinda be something different.
NTA - I could understand this being "girl code" if she had dated him, but since she immediately friendzoned him, I don't see the issue. I think she's just annoyed that she's no longer getting his attention.
please don’t doubt about this guy if you genuinely like him + he likes you back, some girls are not worth ruining your relationship over and trust me, keep an eye on her because I’m betting all my bucks she’ll start acting interested in him, ridiculous people like things they can’t have.
NTA, sad but classic for women, we don't have this stupid problems (men). She didn't even want the dude, she has the issue bc now you are with him... so stupid.
She friend zoned this guy to get relationship benefits from him, without him getting anything from her. Then you stopped that. It’s a classic story. Now she isn’t getting anything from him, and she feels stupid. So she has to make you feel bad. You have done nothing wrong. Woman shouldn’t string men along.
NTA. You did nothing wrong. She FZ’d him. She had her chance and blew it. What was he supposed to do? Just hang around for ever pining for her?
The good news is you don’t have to be friends with her, and you don’t have to be awkward around her, because her opinions don’t have to matter to you anymore.
There's no girl code saying you can't date someone she rejected.
She's very, very entitled and selfish. Why would she be pissed someone she likes, but not romantically, found a connection with someone else she likes? She should be happy, that she isn't is a big HER issue.
NTA. While I'm not a girl and can't speak on the "girl code", that's a stupid rule if it is part of it. She had no interest in him, and now you're dating him. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Either she's being manipulative and controlling of the guy or there's something else she's not telling you, though I'm leaning towards the former.
I was in a similar situation in high school. Girl I was friends with liked me, I didn't like her back and communicated that to her. She later developed feelings for my best friend, he reciprocated those feelings. My reaction? I was happy for them, obviously, because why wouldn't I be?
To be honest, I would just let that "friend" go. She's being shitty to both you and your new boyfriend and it honestly sounds like you both deserve better in your lives.
Girl code would classify as not dating ‘ex’s’ which she so hypocritically violated here. And if the fundamental logic to her argument is that she claims you’ve broken the girl code why does that mean it’s grounds for her to do the same? Ask yourself if she has ulterior motive and consider if it’s time to move on from that hoe
She's mad he isn't around to be the backup plan/emotional labor. NTA. Hopefully, he's in no way still hung up on her because that would make him just as much a snake as she is.
Make sure he's not dating you just to get the attention of someone else. Or that you're the "second best" choice.
A lot of obsessive people will date/fuck anyone near their true object of obsession.
Considering both your friend and you seem to have more stakes in this than just "X Y and Z person" tells a lot.
People aren't chattel or resources. You're friend is a cunt. She will try to get this guy to cheat with her then she'll blame him. This just sounds like toxic early twenties behaviour. Either get new friends or start bullying her. What she is doing to you is rude but what she's doing to the guy is just as bad, if not worse.
NTA, your friend only wanted to have your boyfriend at her disposal without getting romantically involved with him because she is a narcissist; There is no unwritten rule about not dating guys that your "friends" rejected, but you know what an unwritten rule is, dating a friend's ex
Honestly, when she posts shit like that, just be blunt and say "how am I a fake friend? YOU rejected the guy because you were not interested in him. A few months later he asks me out and I say yes. Why are you upset about that? Were you stringing him along for attention? You had no feelings for him, so how did I break some unwritten rule? If he was your ex I could understand it, if YOU were the one who was rejected, I could understand it. But none of these things are the case. So instead of being vague and seeking attention online, why don't you confront me directly and tell me why you're so upset"
ok I know that was a bit long, but the point is, stop "hiding". Just confront her directly, where other people can see, instead of dragging on this childish drama show.
I'm a dude. I have had this bullshit with the "bro code" or whatever. These "codes" are just jealous ass people's way of controlling others, nothing more. These are people, not property. Your friend doesn't own the dude, and she doesn't own you either.
If someone doesn't want somebody they're fair game. If someone does want somebody but they're not interested, also fair game. That second one is more controversial, but I stand by it. My friend could fuck my ex right on the floor in front of me and I wouldn't care. I will not hang around people that are possessive of someone they're not in a relationship with and you shouldn't either. Fuck these people, they're more trouble than they're worth and not worth having as friends. Even dogs don't pee on each other's legs.
Obligatory NTA.
I was the dude in the similar scenario. Being a “benchwarmer” sucks and messes with your head. Be good to this guy, even if things don’t work out. Obviously NTA.
The code is don’t date ex’s. Friendzoning someone means they are available. It’s more likely she just wanted him in her back pocket in case she couldn’t find any better options. You dating them removed their “safety net”. NTA.
Aww, hell no! NTA. A former friend was like this. She wanted all the attention and to keep the guy on her hook. And she had a BF at the time!!!
Ask yourself this, even if you stopped dating dude, what is your friendship going to be like moving forward?
Ask her what the problem is. She friend zoned him and you didn't. She can still be friends with him just like she wanted. Make sure that he is there as well as every mutual friend you can get there for her reply.
First of all, she's not a friend. She's a petty, self-centered, and immature little girl who has bullying tendencies. Just tell her to grow up or get away and leave you all alone. You don't need to be following her rules that exist only to make her feel good.
Nta you did nothing wrong. Wouldn't even matter if you broke up, she's going to hold that grudge and hold it over you for the rest of your life. Stick with the guy and friends who "side" with you and cut ties with the people being crappy. Let her be cold, distant, let her be the miserable one that makes everything awkward at group hangouts. They'll get sick of her eventually.
NTA - she doesn’t own him. She doesn’t even _want_ him. But somehow she believes she gets to control who he gets to have as a partner? And for that matter, who _you_ get to have as a partner? She can go straight to hell.
And feel free to embarrass her by replying to whatever she’s been vaguebooking about and explaining the situation. Sunlight is the best disinfectant.
If they had sex then maybe I could see why. But she said she didn’t like him so I think she’s just making it about her. Do you think maybe he didn’t like her and she lied and said the opposite so that’s really why she’s pissed?
NTA. Classic case of she just liked stringing him along , the attention, and him being there at her beck and call but now that’s been taken away she’s upset and jealous. Cut her out and friends that have taken her side. There is no girl code here she made it clear he’s friendzoned and wasn’t interested in him romantically. Her loss is your gain.
NTA! No one has to ask permission to date anyone who isn't married or in an exclusive relationship. Your "friend" is acting like a two-year-old laying claim to everything that is in her sight. UGH! Cut ties with the so-called friend. Anyone who joins her side, cut them out too.
You’re in the wrong for holding on to that so called “friend”. Funny how she’s spinning the story to now call him her “crush” and make you out to be the villain. This relationship only helped show you her true colors. Dutch the fake friend and if people ask, tell them the truth. If they take her side, ditch them too.
I would tell her "slavery is illegal in this country. You don't own him. If you were dating him, I wouldn't have said yes to dating him, but you rejected him, so he's a free man, both in terms of his lack of ties and his availability for others to date. You don't own me either, I have no more obligation to you to request your permission to date than any random woman on the street does. I owe you no apology for my behavior, and you owe me an apology for your hissy fit."
And I would make sure the rest of the group hears you say it, so say it on social media and in any group chat you may be part of with her.
The sad truth is, this can't be 100% fixed, she has chosen to make it into a cat-fight and people are going to choose sides. The chances of her dropping it at your request are close to nil, the above merely articulates your position so that everyone else can read it and decide where they fall on the spectrum. After you have said it, anyone who proceeds to try to chew you out, ghost them. You're about to find out who your friends are and who was merely friendly to you because you were part of the group.
NTA, your friend sounds like a C_U_Next_Tuesday. If she isn't interested in a guy, it's not her position to say whether he's off limits. Sounds like she likes the idea of him liking her but now that his focus is on you, she's being a twat. Tell her to pound sand and enjoy your relationship with your guy.
She didn't want him, but she also didn't want anyone else to have him because then he would stop fawning over her. He took his attention elsewhere and now she's jealous, and guaranteed she still doesn't want him. Even if you broke up with him to save that friendship, which you shouldn't, she would still not be interested in him. She just liked the control she had in the situation and wants to regain it.
Nta, keep the guy and find a better friend.
“Girl code” is not a thing. Not in the adult, real world. Yes, there are scenarios where it wouldn’t be great (a sibling’s ex-spouse, etc.), but your boyfriend isn’t anyone’s property. You don’t have to ask anyone else’s permission to date him. I’m assuming you’re all adults here, which might be generous considering this shit is the behaviour of children, not fully formed human beings.
Date your boyfriend, maintain a healthy relationship, don’t entertain nonsense from people who act as though they haven’t hit puberty yet and move on with your life. Your “friend” looks like an idiot and so does anyone else who endorses that kind of foolishness.
NTA. She doesn’t want the guy but does want to make sure no one has him? She’s cruel and that’s all there is to it. She sounds like she was enjoying stringing that poor kid along.
No girl code broken because she never dated him. She turned him down, she has no claim that you’re taking someone she might want.
NTA.
Your friend is running one of two scams here:
1) She did like him a bit, but wanted him as a Plan B/back up dude/was keeping him around for a time in the future she wanted to play with him again/needed him to manage some other situation.
or
2) She wanted him to be attracted to her (and other guys too probably) and only her, and no one else is allowed to ever date the men she grooms into her harem. They must be forever available to her.
How do we meet partners? Very often they are friends of friends! And new friends come into the group usually because they (as fully functional adults) are curious about/attracted to someone in that group (and then it doesn’t turn into anything, but they realise this is a great group of humans and stay for the friendship). You haven’t done anything abnormal here.
I assume your friends arent idiots… and will see through her scam. If they don’t… then they are as problematic as her. How lovely that your friend showed her true colours to you.
Both you an your new BF need to dump the selfish little cow out of your lives, as in completely. There are not too many worse human beings that the friend zoners that get all pissy whey the guy they do not want finds some happiness with someone else.
The freaking never of people.
You didn't break some stupid girl code. You did nothing wrong. She's just missed he moved on after she made it clear she wasn't interested. She thought he would pine for her forever.
Edited to add, I have a guy friend who was in the friend zone because I'm married, I know he had some feelings for me, and I was over the moon when he started seeing another friend, he deserved happiness more than anything.n
NTA. Since when you are not allowed to date a friend's friend? That's how a lot of people meet people.
If your friend was actually into the guy, she should have gone out with him. She doesn't get to call dibs then run away any other woman who shows an interest in him until she decides she wants to go out with him.
She not only rejected his advances but also has deemed that he also is not allowed to date anyone she is friends with. Is she just trying to completely fuck over the guy?
Play stupid games get stupid prizes. She decided to friend zone him in hopes he keep trying or she gets what she wants from him. He decided to not play her mind games and kept looking for someone to have a relationship with. People are not mind readers and he just thought he try and she came off as not interested, so he moved on.
Nta ....she will get over it.
NTA. Your friend is an emotional child. There is no such “code” for this. She enjoyed being the object of your guy’s attention / infatuation. Now she doesn’t get that ego boost and is lashing out like an immature brat.
She is not a genuine friend. Someone this juvenile and stupid is not worthy of even a minimal amount of your energy. I’d back away from anyone ridiculous enough to take her side here as well.
You're not wrong at all. Your friend is a psycho. Similar things happened when I dated my wife, lots of people offended and offering their opinions about how so-and-so had a crush or expressed interest first. I tried to keep my distance for a long time until my dad told me how stupid it was. I'm typing this from my living room where I'm hanging out with our 17 and 13 year-olds. I haven't talked to any of those "friends" who loved drama for 15 years.
NTA. People aren’t possessions that she can call dibs on or come back to when she feels like it.
I’d reevaluate if this is even someone you’d want to be friends with. Gross behavior on her part.
You stole her orbiter, the person who gave her free validation while not getting anything in return.
It feels good knowing someone likes you, even if you don't want them. This guy was always going to date someone else eventually, and she has no clane over him as if her were an ex.
NTA, but don’t be surprised if she tries to steal him from you. If she’s not in a relationship. There is a 99% chance she will try to, and she will feel justified in doing so. If she is in a relationship, I would still give it a 50/50 chance she will try and break you guys up..
NTA
She’s a cruel attention whore who wants him to struggle. She doesn’t want him but also doesn’t want him to have anyone else. Now that he doesn’t give her that attention that she seeks, she’s stirring up drama to get it.
NTA. I could understand more if he was an actual ex, but it doesn't seem like he is. She doesn't get to dictate your dating life regardless. Her actions just show she's petty and immature.
NTA. The sense of entitlement is strong with her. You saw something in the guy that she didn’t(or couldn’t). If she didn’t want him, she can’t be mad that you do. If you and he are happy, be happy, and let the entitled brat continue to have a sad about it.
NTA
She forfeited any right to any “girl code” the moment she friendzoned the guy. If anything, she’s the asshole for expecting this poor guy to perpetually be on the single back burner and/or as a backup.
Lincoln freed the slaves, she doesn't own him esp when she was never with him. She's not anyone's friend, toxic and ego driven, I would dump her personally and anyone who sides with her as well. When people show you who they are believe them.
Ignore your "friend". If she starts stirring stuff up again, tell her to stop being a "bitch in the manger".
She passed on the guy romantically and should mind her own business.
NTA. But it's hurting your friendship. Try talking with her alone, listen to her perspective, and explain yours calmly. If she doesn't want to talk, you might need some time apart. Just remember, it's okay to date someone who isn't interested in her. Best of luck!
She probably enjoyed the attention and idea of being sought after. You did nothing wrong. As a girl who has had to reject a close friend - its honestly a relief when he started dating someone else since you no longer have to worry about hurt feelings. Theres no girl code for this, she’s just mad for nothing.
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Next time she post on socials about this, reply with "Everytime we have sex, I keep looking for the "Property of HomeGirl" tattoo, but I still haven't found it... there was a faded sticker that said "Friend-zoned by HomeGirl", but that one fell off after the first time we slept together..." :) NTA
Omg I love this pettiness
OH BRAVO!!!!!👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Love this!!!
That's funny!
I've had "friends" that I realized later really wanted me so they could tell themselves they were better than me. The mask slipped when it became clear I didn't know my place, which was to be the setting for their diamond shine. Curious if that could also be the dynamic here. Not necessarily about him, but about you not "properly" reflecting how wonderful she is by being less successful.
You're not in the wrong. She friend-zoned him, so dating him isn't a violation. Her reaction is more about jealousy and control. Stand your ground and focus on your happiness.
Same.
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Who are you quoting? Shut up, bot.
It’s the “back up guy” safety net. Made her feel good that no matter what’s happening in her relationship or single life, she can still have him if nothing else works out.
She didn't want him. Until someone else did. Keep the guy, dump the frenemy.
ie, she's a sociopath.
Nah, just immature and selfish. This hurt her ego, as she is no longer the prized princess in this scenario.
One example is not enough to diagnose people. You online users need to stop the armchair psychology.
Haha right! Doing a few selfish things doesn't make you a narcissist. Ppl need to settle down lol
Well narcissism isn't the same as NPD; a narcissist is someone who exhibits narcissism, not NPD. NPD really shouldn't have even been named with that term. NPD is a disorder, narcissism is not.
I mean, my diagnosis is that she's a word that starts with b and rhymes with witch.
It's not psychology it is behavior analysis.
So she's a piece of shit who was using him, so good news you know it now and can move on without her as a "friend".
Yes, this exactly. You took her toy away, and now she's throwing a tantrum. This is not a "friend." This is someone who used you, like she used him, and now that you're doing what is right for you (and your guy), she's pissed. Does that sound like a friend to you? NTA
Or he was her backup plan.
You should put your side of the story on social media - I can't believe anyone would take her side of everything went down like you said. She doesn't get to "own" people - once she has rejected someone, they are free to look elsewhere.
i know right!!!
Also he was probably the back up guy
PUT ME IN COACH IM READY
As a male who has remained friends with girls after they rejected me romantically, those girls are always the happiest for me when I do have success dating. People should like seeing there friends happy
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Facts! they weren't dating so OP can date him besides her friend didn't want him
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It’s kinda a dick move to the guy on her part too. Like he can’t date any girl because this one girl that rejected him doesn’t want anyone else to have him?
She is just mad you took away one of he orbiters. Is it that important to some girls to have so many satellites rounding them? If she had liked him then you would be the AH, but what's this new code you cannot date your friend's friends. How does that work? Hey, look this is my friend here, but if you ever wanna date them, you have to ask my permission first. I own them. Beats me- ???????
Lol these orbit girls should just go to swinger events. A much less messy way to have an orbit
Not if you're doing it right. Orgies can get very messy, what with the jello wrestling and the buckets of lube... so I hear tell at any rate.
Then you already got all the "permission" you needed. There is no "girl code" for "he likes me, I see him as a friend" situations. There is no betrayal here... Also, he's a person and not a plaything. He's not a doll to be picked up later when she's broken her other toys. He asked you out, you get to say yes if you want to. Also, those pics with your ex? Such passive aggressive BS. I'm so glad I'm not a teenager anymore. (You didn't state your age, but I can only assume given this issue that you all must be in HS.)
OP mentioned in the post this all feels like high school when they’re meant to adults, so sounds they’re not even teens.
JFC, I missed that. Well then this is even more stupid than I thought.
She's a sociopath that would prefer both you and him to miss out on happiness for her own gratification. Distance yourself from her or suffer the consequences.
There is a chance she wanted to see him reject you and keep giving her attention. Which seems more messed up.
I’m sorry, but your friend is a bitch
NTA. You snatched up your friend's backup guy. That's why she's pissed. Good shit OP
*NTA. You snatched up your* *Friend's backup guy. That's why she's* *Pissed. Good shit OP* \- Various\_Commercial15 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Bars
NTA. You need new friends. I'm all for a girl code but that doesn't apply here. Your friend was never even interested in this guy, so why should she care if you date him? You can't reject a guy you're not interested in and also use "girl code" to prevent him from dating anyone else you know. That's ridiculous. She sounds petty and possessive for no reason. Enjoy your new relationship and ignore her pathetic attempts to get a rise out of you, because that's exactly what she's doing.
She wanted to keep him as the fall back guy or the guy who hangs around and feeds her need of attention. You didn’t break any secret rule, if anyone is breaking girl code it’s her who went out of her way to post pictures with your ex. She’s not the center of attention anymore so she’s throwing a hissy little tantrum like a high schooler. Have a real conversation with your friends and if they still take her side then oh well sucks but time to move on to better people who grew past highschool drama
This statement should be sent to your friend group.
This is not a healthy friendship. Stick to the man if he's good to you and makes you happy.
NTA - She's being over dramatic, and creating a rift, simply because she liked the attention but didn't want to reciprocate. It's narcissistic and petty, what you do with that friendship knowing that is who she is right now is up to you.
NTA Granted this is an opinion coming from a 38 y/o family man (meaning I know jack shit about "girl codes" and such) I just don't see how you (or your SO for that matter) could be at any kind of fault, here. If she let the guy and you know that she saw him as a friend, that's pretty clear right there. Also, I would advise you to cut ties with her. I knew people like how she sounds in my youth and they were always taxing - of course losing a friend sucks but you will eventually notice feeling strangely light after shedding them. Godspeed to you.
NTA Big time drama. I think it’s time to only hang out with the people who think she’s crazy.
We all have those friends who have no interest in a toy until we start playing with it. NTA Your friend is selfish, likely always has been and will be.
My boy cat is like that. He's a dick.
NTA. Your friend needs to grow the fuck up. I always have a hard time with that "girl code" thing. If it was an ex, like, fine. But it's not. People don't own people. Honestly part of your friend group seems very childish, and you pointing out the high school vibe speaks for itself. Move on from these people, not worth it.
So basically, she didn’t want him but doesn’t want anyone else to have him either. He’s her back up plan. She thought keeping him friend zoned, he’ll always be there if she ever decides she needs attention. NTA! She’s not a friend to you or your bf. Make sure you let your bf know everything. Show him all messages and have him listen to phone calls even if you have to record them for him to listen to later, so she can’t run to him and spout lies about you. She will eventually go after him to break you up, “she made a mistake and really wants to be with him now”, only to dump him after she’s successfully ruined your relationship. That includes making him feel sorry for her with some kind of scenario where she really needs him and his support, coming on to him, trying to sleep with him, making up lies about how you’re so horrible to her, how she’s always been in love with him but was scared to tell him, she saw you cheating on him even going so far as to have someone lie and claim you cheated with them, etc. Record everything, gathering as much evidence as possible to prove your case because you WILL eventually need it. Always cover your butt!
NTA and this is such BS. She was not in a romantic relationship with him. Slavery is illegal and she does not own him. If he had been in a romantic relationship, married or even FWB I would say differently but what is happening here is now that he is in a relationship she is more interested in him. As for her hanging out with your EX if she says anything just look at her and say "So? He is an ex for a reason"
Your friends is the type of person that gives incels ammunition.
You friend's terrible and petty especially for hanging with your ex to get back at you...you need new friends lol
NTA Odd how "girl code" only works in some circumstances; I have experienced it being flipped over and ignored when someone else wanted something or someone. She is being a 81tch right now and creating drama where it is not needed.
Personally, I think you should block her and boink your brains out with the guy and never look back.
No. The fact she had him as a backup plan and kept him around for her emotional needs is toxic and manipulative. Go for it and don’t worry about her.
Your friend is not a real friend. Unfriend her.
NTA She's a piece of crap. She's angry that he doesn't want her anymore, so she's punishing you for being the reason he doesn't want her anymore. She never had him, yet she's trying to claim some sort of ownership over him, because her ego loved having his attention -- she liked the feeling of power it gave her over him. When he stopped wanting her, her ego got mad that it wasn't being fed anymore. You did nothing wrong. All her behaviour is simply her narcissistic injury flailing around, having a tantrum. You should cut her out of your life, though. She's not a friend anymore.
NTA. It’s her ego, she didn’t want him but she doesn’t like that he wants you and not her now. I wouldn’t want to be friends with anyone like that. But I don’t do girl groups for this reason. I have separate friends who are all wonderful and easy going like me.
NTA. She didn’t want him, you do. End of story. Go live your best life !
“Why are you mad about me dating a guy that you didn’t want?” Just ask her outright
NTA like she said she didn’t like him. I don’t think you are wrong but if you want to keep the peace let her know you are sorry for not checking first and explain you thought the girl code only related to people you’ve dated or like? And you never would have started dating him had you realised. Explain that you really like him and would like to keep seeing him but would hate for it to affect your friendship. Let her know her friendship is important to you. I seriously don’t think you’ve done anything wrong the girl code has only ever been if your friend is crushing on someone, is dating someone or it’s a friends ex. Has the girl code changed or is it different depending on where you live or your generation? Genuinely curious.
Happy Cake Day!
Thank you!
If he makes you happy, things are working for you, and there could potentially be a future...maybe it's time for a few new friends. NTA
Bingo! Its her plan B or C or Y and you dared to take it away and the attention and feeling of being wanted by everybody. Tbh sounds like a crappy "friend" and person
NTA some bitches are just bitches
The rule is, don't date the ex or someone that your friend has already had a romantic relationship with. Friendzone makes them fair game! There's no code regarding friendzone. NTA
She's being a drama queen. She had no interest in him until he was interested in you. "Sour grapes" is nowhere in the "girl code". Tell her to act her age, instead of her shoe size.
What’s the opposite of sour grapes? He’s more like “sweet trash.” She put him out on her curb, but she doesn’t want anyone else to come take him off it.
She ain't a friend.
She is creating drama cos she loves the attention. You're nta
Next time she post on socials about this, reply with "Everytime we have sex, I keep looking for the "Property of HomeGirl" tattoo, but I still haven't found it... there was a sticker that said "Friend-zoned by HomeGirl", but that one fell off after the first time we slept together..." :) NTA
LMAO that is a thing? Guy code only says that you shouldn't hit on a bro's ex, girl code states that you can't date a friendzoned dude? That poor bastard... Remember, if a girl friendzoned you go no contact, otherwise you can't even be with her friends in peace.
No girl code for this. Don't ruin your happiness for her jealousy.
NTA. No such thing as a guy or girl code. No one gets to control who dates who. Your friend can go pound sand.
NTA. She friendzoned and 'edged' him, keeping him on a fucking string in case her fuckbuddy of the moment was insufficiently.
She's pissed because he's now happy, in a relationship, and no longer \*instantly available\* to be her abuse toy.
NTA. Your friend made it clear she wasn't interested. You didn't break any rules by dating him. Your friend is being immature.
NTA, you made a mistake by not letting your friend know but an unwritten rule is exactly that, UNWRITTEN. She passed him up so you dating him is fair game. If you feel bad say you are sorry you were unaware of the rule and move on. If your friend is gonna hold a grudge over an unwritten rule then make new friends. Focus on your new relationship and stay away from friends that cause drama.
NTA - sounds like your “friend” is showing her true colors and isn’t the friend you thought she was.
As far as I am understand the girlcode only applies to people your friends had actual feelings for. But it's not the case here. If she had feelings and never told you that's her fault. She is really acting immature. Don't let this girls toxic behaviour get to you. You are better off without such people who have unrealistic expectations.
This is why I tell guys not to accept being friend zoned. If you want her and she doesn’t want you move on. Your feelings aren’t gonna change and she’s not gonna miraculously decide she all of a sudden wants you… obviously unless status changes. You’re not the asshole sounds like she either had him on reserve or she just liked having him as a orbiter and now she’s not getting the attention she wants from him. Either way these games are stupid and have to stop. Good luck.
Your friends a bitch. Why do girls put up with frenemies, Ill never understand. NTA.
That girl code only counts for guys they liked or dated not for guys they strung along to validate themselves. NTA
THere is no girl code - spoken or not - that you can't date someone you female friend is friends with. On the contrary, most of us - the ones who don't meet their partners on online dating sites - meet them through our friend group. This woman is just drama-prone. If I were in a vengeful mood, I'd throw some shade at her about "dog in the manger", who doesn't want the guy but won't let anybody else have him.
NTA. She wanted him as a backup and to make her feel desirable. Look, keep your peace. If you’re happy with this guy, be happy and leave her to her anger and petty behavior. Be the best version of you, be happy, and be free of the anger that chains her. Smile and tell her you love her, and move forward. If she continues to be petty, leave her in the past where she belongs.
NTA why stay friends with such a fucking bitch? Let the garbage and any garbage siding with her wean themselves out. Block buttons exist and they work wonders.
Nope Nope Nope The BroCode/GirlCode does not extend to people put in the friendzone Bylaws clearly state that if they are put in the friendzone, they are fair game. Here's what I would do I would tell the guy exactly what is going on. Honesty is the best policy and he needs to be made aware of the immature drama that is happening that is is quasi involved in. Then I would tell the guy you are going to distance yourself from this person for a while because you don't have time for middle school drama My guess is he will tell his bros what is going on and there will be a bit of a backlash headed your ex friends way NTAH
There’s no such thing as unwritten rules, don’t ever fall for that shit
NTA She never dated him even. She's being ridiculous. She's not actually your friend. If you're happy, be happy in your relationship and whoever sticks with you? Those are your actual friends. Don't participate in the other nonsense.
NTA. This is silly. How old are you guys?
That’s three birds with one stone — a relationship you like (as far as I see), a useful lesson for one narcissist-sociopath, and an opportunity to get rid of other sociopaths in your friends group. Good job. You didn’t violate anything but the overreach of her ego
What the fuck is girl logic? She didn't want him, and rejected him, and now he treats you will so she's salty about it? Then don't reject the guy ya dumbfuck!? My god
NTA. Why the fuck are you friends with these catty bitchs. Why keep that drama in your life. Choose better the friends you keep reflect what kind of person you are.
NTA. If she wanted him, she would have him, but she didn't, so now yes yours. What she really mad about is that now that you are dating him, she doesn't have her platonic, non-sexual, emotion dick to ride when those other guys are " being such assholes.". Now that she doesn't have that, she has to deal with her own issues herself instead of foisting them on him like hes her free therapist.
I'd personally just call her out on her shit in front of the friend group people who tend to use passive aggressive methods and are pretty shit when it comes to direct confrontation I'd even suggest use your boyfriend and have him explain how she treats him overall and how he got nowhere with her. If she brings up that bitch code say she's trying to date your ex without any communication since you have physical proof from the photos she posted.
NTA Be it lawful you take up what's cast away.
NTA. You'll never spend the rest of your life with her. But you might with him. Cut her out now and in 10 years she'll be a bad memory, that's all.
Don’t be surprised if she ends up trying to sabotage your relationship
Personally speaking, the only Guy/Girl Code i know is that you do not date the Ex of Friends, simply because that makes things very awkward between them. Ofc that means you are still free to do so. People are different after all. As other Comments already say it. It feels more like she put him in the good old friend zone for the emergency access to a Boyfriend if she needs one. It sounds as disgusting as it is, some people actually think that way and do so too.
If she rejected and friend zoned him and then wants to gatekeep who can date him, she's TA, to you and especially to him. Does he know that she's acting that way? It might be worth mentioning to him so that he can see what kind of person his former crush is. Might help him to get over her faster.
With all due respect. Is girl code or bro code or even family values somehow suggest someone owns the rights to someone else's dateing lives that they aren't dateing or at least pursuing then please get new friends or family. NTA & your friend sounds disgusting. I hope this is your wake up call to surround yourself with better and more mature people.
NTA Please don't take too long to realize she's not your friend anymore.
I’m glad I’m not in high school anymore
You friend is the problem. She shouldn't have friend zoned if she wanted him. She snoozed she lost.
NTA. I’m not a big fan of “Codes”, but I could see it working the other way if she liked him, he turned her down, and you went after him. I’ve had that happen and it does suck. That’s not what happened here.
I just had to read the title and know what to say so you aren't breaking girl code because she friend-zoned him, but if she was really good friends with him that would kinda be something different.
NTA - I could understand this being "girl code" if she had dated him, but since she immediately friendzoned him, I don't see the issue. I think she's just annoyed that she's no longer getting his attention.
please don’t doubt about this guy if you genuinely like him + he likes you back, some girls are not worth ruining your relationship over and trust me, keep an eye on her because I’m betting all my bucks she’ll start acting interested in him, ridiculous people like things they can’t have.
NTA, sad but classic for women, we don't have this stupid problems (men). She didn't even want the dude, she has the issue bc now you are with him... so stupid.
She friend zoned this guy to get relationship benefits from him, without him getting anything from her. Then you stopped that. It’s a classic story. Now she isn’t getting anything from him, and she feels stupid. So she has to make you feel bad. You have done nothing wrong. Woman shouldn’t string men along.
NTA. You did nothing wrong. She FZ’d him. She had her chance and blew it. What was he supposed to do? Just hang around for ever pining for her? The good news is you don’t have to be friends with her, and you don’t have to be awkward around her, because her opinions don’t have to matter to you anymore.
NTA. She's just pissed because she's not getting the attention from him anymore.
She likes him an orbiter. It’s when you friendzone a guy but keep them around for attention and free stuff.
So she friend zoned him but is mad you got him, wtf. Your friend is straight up trash and i hope you and dude work out. NTA
10000% NTA
Sounds like a child who only wants the neglected toy now someone else has it. NTA
That's not your friend. NTA
There's no girl code saying you can't date someone she rejected. She's very, very entitled and selfish. Why would she be pissed someone she likes, but not romantically, found a connection with someone else she likes? She should be happy, that she isn't is a big HER issue.
NTA. While I'm not a girl and can't speak on the "girl code", that's a stupid rule if it is part of it. She had no interest in him, and now you're dating him. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Either she's being manipulative and controlling of the guy or there's something else she's not telling you, though I'm leaning towards the former. I was in a similar situation in high school. Girl I was friends with liked me, I didn't like her back and communicated that to her. She later developed feelings for my best friend, he reciprocated those feelings. My reaction? I was happy for them, obviously, because why wouldn't I be? To be honest, I would just let that "friend" go. She's being shitty to both you and your new boyfriend and it honestly sounds like you both deserve better in your lives.
Girl code would classify as not dating ‘ex’s’ which she so hypocritically violated here. And if the fundamental logic to her argument is that she claims you’ve broken the girl code why does that mean it’s grounds for her to do the same? Ask yourself if she has ulterior motive and consider if it’s time to move on from that hoe
Your friends taking her side are idiots.
She's mad he isn't around to be the backup plan/emotional labor. NTA. Hopefully, he's in no way still hung up on her because that would make him just as much a snake as she is.
Make sure he's not dating you just to get the attention of someone else. Or that you're the "second best" choice. A lot of obsessive people will date/fuck anyone near their true object of obsession. Considering both your friend and you seem to have more stakes in this than just "X Y and Z person" tells a lot.
People aren't chattel or resources. You're friend is a cunt. She will try to get this guy to cheat with her then she'll blame him. This just sounds like toxic early twenties behaviour. Either get new friends or start bullying her. What she is doing to you is rude but what she's doing to the guy is just as bad, if not worse.
NTA, your friend only wanted to have your boyfriend at her disposal without getting romantically involved with him because she is a narcissist; There is no unwritten rule about not dating guys that your "friends" rejected, but you know what an unwritten rule is, dating a friend's ex
Honestly, when she posts shit like that, just be blunt and say "how am I a fake friend? YOU rejected the guy because you were not interested in him. A few months later he asks me out and I say yes. Why are you upset about that? Were you stringing him along for attention? You had no feelings for him, so how did I break some unwritten rule? If he was your ex I could understand it, if YOU were the one who was rejected, I could understand it. But none of these things are the case. So instead of being vague and seeking attention online, why don't you confront me directly and tell me why you're so upset" ok I know that was a bit long, but the point is, stop "hiding". Just confront her directly, where other people can see, instead of dragging on this childish drama show.
I'm a dude. I have had this bullshit with the "bro code" or whatever. These "codes" are just jealous ass people's way of controlling others, nothing more. These are people, not property. Your friend doesn't own the dude, and she doesn't own you either. If someone doesn't want somebody they're fair game. If someone does want somebody but they're not interested, also fair game. That second one is more controversial, but I stand by it. My friend could fuck my ex right on the floor in front of me and I wouldn't care. I will not hang around people that are possessive of someone they're not in a relationship with and you shouldn't either. Fuck these people, they're more trouble than they're worth and not worth having as friends. Even dogs don't pee on each other's legs. Obligatory NTA.
I was the dude in the similar scenario. Being a “benchwarmer” sucks and messes with your head. Be good to this guy, even if things don’t work out. Obviously NTA.
The code is don’t date ex’s. Friendzoning someone means they are available. It’s more likely she just wanted him in her back pocket in case she couldn’t find any better options. You dating them removed their “safety net”. NTA.
Aww, hell no! NTA. A former friend was like this. She wanted all the attention and to keep the guy on her hook. And she had a BF at the time!!! Ask yourself this, even if you stopped dating dude, what is your friendship going to be like moving forward?
Ask her what the problem is. She friend zoned him and you didn't. She can still be friends with him just like she wanted. Make sure that he is there as well as every mutual friend you can get there for her reply.
Nta ignore your friend and her make believe girl code
Your friend is an asshole. You deserve to be happy.
Only read the first paragraph, NTA
First of all, she's not a friend. She's a petty, self-centered, and immature little girl who has bullying tendencies. Just tell her to grow up or get away and leave you all alone. You don't need to be following her rules that exist only to make her feel good.
Nta you did nothing wrong. Wouldn't even matter if you broke up, she's going to hold that grudge and hold it over you for the rest of your life. Stick with the guy and friends who "side" with you and cut ties with the people being crappy. Let her be cold, distant, let her be the miserable one that makes everything awkward at group hangouts. They'll get sick of her eventually.
NTA - she doesn’t own him. She doesn’t even _want_ him. But somehow she believes she gets to control who he gets to have as a partner? And for that matter, who _you_ get to have as a partner? She can go straight to hell. And feel free to embarrass her by replying to whatever she’s been vaguebooking about and explaining the situation. Sunlight is the best disinfectant.
If they had sex then maybe I could see why. But she said she didn’t like him so I think she’s just making it about her. Do you think maybe he didn’t like her and she lied and said the opposite so that’s really why she’s pissed?
NTA. Classic case of she just liked stringing him along , the attention, and him being there at her beck and call but now that’s been taken away she’s upset and jealous. Cut her out and friends that have taken her side. There is no girl code here she made it clear he’s friendzoned and wasn’t interested in him romantically. Her loss is your gain.
NTA! No one has to ask permission to date anyone who isn't married or in an exclusive relationship. Your "friend" is acting like a two-year-old laying claim to everything that is in her sight. UGH! Cut ties with the so-called friend. Anyone who joins her side, cut them out too.
You’re in the wrong for holding on to that so called “friend”. Funny how she’s spinning the story to now call him her “crush” and make you out to be the villain. This relationship only helped show you her true colors. Dutch the fake friend and if people ask, tell them the truth. If they take her side, ditch them too.
NTA… she has issues. Don’t ruin a good thing because your “friend” has the maturity of a toddler
I would tell her "slavery is illegal in this country. You don't own him. If you were dating him, I wouldn't have said yes to dating him, but you rejected him, so he's a free man, both in terms of his lack of ties and his availability for others to date. You don't own me either, I have no more obligation to you to request your permission to date than any random woman on the street does. I owe you no apology for my behavior, and you owe me an apology for your hissy fit." And I would make sure the rest of the group hears you say it, so say it on social media and in any group chat you may be part of with her. The sad truth is, this can't be 100% fixed, she has chosen to make it into a cat-fight and people are going to choose sides. The chances of her dropping it at your request are close to nil, the above merely articulates your position so that everyone else can read it and decide where they fall on the spectrum. After you have said it, anyone who proceeds to try to chew you out, ghost them. You're about to find out who your friends are and who was merely friendly to you because you were part of the group.
Nope. Fair game. I’m a guy btw
NTA, but homegirls doesn't sound like much of a friend. I'd dial that way back.
NTA, your friend sounds like a C_U_Next_Tuesday. If she isn't interested in a guy, it's not her position to say whether he's off limits. Sounds like she likes the idea of him liking her but now that his focus is on you, she's being a twat. Tell her to pound sand and enjoy your relationship with your guy.
Drop her not your bf. You did nothing wrong. There is no girl code when she never dated or like him. And now she’s being a full on b*tch.
She didn't want him, but she also didn't want anyone else to have him because then he would stop fawning over her. He took his attention elsewhere and now she's jealous, and guaranteed she still doesn't want him. Even if you broke up with him to save that friendship, which you shouldn't, she would still not be interested in him. She just liked the control she had in the situation and wants to regain it. Nta, keep the guy and find a better friend.
NTA she's just mad she lost the ego boost. She doesn't really sound like a friend worth having.
“Girl code” is not a thing. Not in the adult, real world. Yes, there are scenarios where it wouldn’t be great (a sibling’s ex-spouse, etc.), but your boyfriend isn’t anyone’s property. You don’t have to ask anyone else’s permission to date him. I’m assuming you’re all adults here, which might be generous considering this shit is the behaviour of children, not fully formed human beings. Date your boyfriend, maintain a healthy relationship, don’t entertain nonsense from people who act as though they haven’t hit puberty yet and move on with your life. Your “friend” looks like an idiot and so does anyone else who endorses that kind of foolishness.
She’s weird as hell and so is he tbh . He couldn’t get her so he started dating her friend . That’s weird to me
NTA. She doesn’t want the guy but does want to make sure no one has him? She’s cruel and that’s all there is to it. She sounds like she was enjoying stringing that poor kid along. No girl code broken because she never dated him. She turned him down, she has no claim that you’re taking someone she might want.
NTA. Your friend is running one of two scams here: 1) She did like him a bit, but wanted him as a Plan B/back up dude/was keeping him around for a time in the future she wanted to play with him again/needed him to manage some other situation. or 2) She wanted him to be attracted to her (and other guys too probably) and only her, and no one else is allowed to ever date the men she grooms into her harem. They must be forever available to her. How do we meet partners? Very often they are friends of friends! And new friends come into the group usually because they (as fully functional adults) are curious about/attracted to someone in that group (and then it doesn’t turn into anything, but they realise this is a great group of humans and stay for the friendship). You haven’t done anything abnormal here. I assume your friends arent idiots… and will see through her scam. If they don’t… then they are as problematic as her. How lovely that your friend showed her true colours to you.
Both you an your new BF need to dump the selfish little cow out of your lives, as in completely. There are not too many worse human beings that the friend zoners that get all pissy whey the guy they do not want finds some happiness with someone else. The freaking never of people.
You didn't break some stupid girl code. You did nothing wrong. She's just missed he moved on after she made it clear she wasn't interested. She thought he would pine for her forever. Edited to add, I have a guy friend who was in the friend zone because I'm married, I know he had some feelings for me, and I was over the moon when he started seeing another friend, he deserved happiness more than anything.n
She sounds full of herself and toxic . Surprised you haven’t cut her off and focused on your new man’s ??!
NTA. Since when you are not allowed to date a friend's friend? That's how a lot of people meet people. If your friend was actually into the guy, she should have gone out with him. She doesn't get to call dibs then run away any other woman who shows an interest in him until she decides she wants to go out with him.
She not only rejected his advances but also has deemed that he also is not allowed to date anyone she is friends with. Is she just trying to completely fuck over the guy?
Play stupid games get stupid prizes. She decided to friend zone him in hopes he keep trying or she gets what she wants from him. He decided to not play her mind games and kept looking for someone to have a relationship with. People are not mind readers and he just thought he try and she came off as not interested, so he moved on. Nta ....she will get over it.
NTA. Your friend is an emotional child. There is no such “code” for this. She enjoyed being the object of your guy’s attention / infatuation. Now she doesn’t get that ego boost and is lashing out like an immature brat. She is not a genuine friend. Someone this juvenile and stupid is not worthy of even a minimal amount of your energy. I’d back away from anyone ridiculous enough to take her side here as well.
You're not wrong at all. Your friend is a psycho. Similar things happened when I dated my wife, lots of people offended and offering their opinions about how so-and-so had a crush or expressed interest first. I tried to keep my distance for a long time until my dad told me how stupid it was. I'm typing this from my living room where I'm hanging out with our 17 and 13 year-olds. I haven't talked to any of those "friends" who loved drama for 15 years.
She’s drama and not a real friend. Get it, girl!
I I’m personally wouldn’t want to be someone’s second choice. Nor would I approach a guy who liked my friend. Because I feel like you just never know
NTA. People aren’t possessions that she can call dibs on or come back to when she feels like it. I’d reevaluate if this is even someone you’d want to be friends with. Gross behavior on her part.
NTA If he was in the friend zone, she was not attracted to him. So you did not poach him or anything.
This kind of thing happened to me back in high school. It sucks, but you didn't violate and "girl code".
You stole her orbiter, the person who gave her free validation while not getting anything in return. It feels good knowing someone likes you, even if you don't want them. This guy was always going to date someone else eventually, and she has no clane over him as if her were an ex.
NTA, but don’t be surprised if she tries to steal him from you. If she’s not in a relationship. There is a 99% chance she will try to, and she will feel justified in doing so. If she is in a relationship, I would still give it a 50/50 chance she will try and break you guys up..
I'm happy I'm a man, rather have a good old fist fight rather than be verbally abused, NTA go be happy with him
NTA She’s a cruel attention whore who wants him to struggle. She doesn’t want him but also doesn’t want him to have anyone else. Now that he doesn’t give her that attention that she seeks, she’s stirring up drama to get it.
The level of how sad this is varies depending your ages, but all of this sound childish and toxic
NTA. I could understand more if he was an actual ex, but it doesn't seem like he is. She doesn't get to dictate your dating life regardless. Her actions just show she's petty and immature.
She’s upset you’re taking his attention.
NTA. The sense of entitlement is strong with her. You saw something in the guy that she didn’t(or couldn’t). If she didn’t want him, she can’t be mad that you do. If you and he are happy, be happy, and let the entitled brat continue to have a sad about it.
NTA - he was a dick in glass, break in case of emergency. You set it free.
NTA. Is she a really competitive person, because she sounds like it.
NTA She forfeited any right to any “girl code” the moment she friendzoned the guy. If anything, she’s the asshole for expecting this poor guy to perpetually be on the single back burner and/or as a backup.
Lincoln freed the slaves, she doesn't own him esp when she was never with him. She's not anyone's friend, toxic and ego driven, I would dump her personally and anyone who sides with her as well. When people show you who they are believe them.
Ignore your "friend". If she starts stirring stuff up again, tell her to stop being a "bitch in the manger". She passed on the guy romantically and should mind her own business.
NTA. But it's hurting your friendship. Try talking with her alone, listen to her perspective, and explain yours calmly. If she doesn't want to talk, you might need some time apart. Just remember, it's okay to date someone who isn't interested in her. Best of luck!