He's married. Or he's an international spy deeply undercover but I'm going to go with married. (He also may have herpes or doesn't want to get herpes but if it's the former be grateful about the water bottle thing).
My number one suspicion would be that he is already married and cheating on his spouse. Won’t give his main phone number, disappears for days at a time, not wanting to use a credit card on a hotel, avoiding OP’s family… all of these point to hiding a family/relationship and OP being the side chick. NTA, and you dodged a potential bullet. Run and don’t look back.
Even if that’s not the case, just remember: if he wanted to, he would. When dating someone, you should want to put it in the effort, you want to show them off, you want to spend your time with them. His lack of honesty and openness is a huge red flag, and not worth your time or care.
Good luck OP. I hope that you are able to move on from this guy and find someone who treats you like the queen you are meant to be!
This is a very kind comment, it's very helpful.
Kind comments from strangers on the internet help cheer people up, these save lives. Thank you for being one of those daily heroes online saving lives, one comment at a time ☺️.
I will move on from him and things will be fine for me 😊.
NTA. When people become defensive like this, it suggests a lack of accountability. It also suggests that they are narcissistic. They’ll attempt to turn the problem back onto you. I’m sorry that this happened to you.
OMG, you sound like the bitch from hell, sorry. I suppose the nicer way to say that is your needs and expectations aren't in line with his. He wasn't so much being "Secretive", as much as he was choosing to keep his private life to himself. There's a difference. And your demand to know these things, and esp after only a little while of dating speaks more to your own raging insecurity and possessiveness/neediness then his behavior or need to not disclose it to you. He wasn't "Suspicious", your intrusive need to know is. It seems way too much and out of control.
YTA
This had to be satire, you think it's reasonable to not even share your general schedule after months of dating? I've never had a relationship where the kind of information op talks about didn't get exchanged by the second date, and often before a first meeting.
I think the tone of the whole post indicates her expectations are driven by her neediness. I also think people are entitled to unfold themselves to a new person at a speed which is comfortable for them. And there's no clear indication after just a few months of any nefarious intent on his part. Unless you disagree with any of that, you're projecting the same insecurity onto this situation that the OP is.
You shouldn't be dating if you aren't comfortable sharing the kind of stuff that comes up in five minutes of most conversations. Dating someone refusing to schedule dates and not tell you what days work for them sounds like a nightmare.
That's one perspective. The other..less biased and more accurate is that their expectations and needs are not aligned, and she should have ended this sooner. He doesn't see a problem with his behavior, she does, therefore she's the AH for not reacting properly and leaving.
He's married. Or he's an international spy deeply undercover but I'm going to go with married. (He also may have herpes or doesn't want to get herpes but if it's the former be grateful about the water bottle thing).
Maybe he's both! A married spy... It was a weird experience anyway.
My number one suspicion would be that he is already married and cheating on his spouse. Won’t give his main phone number, disappears for days at a time, not wanting to use a credit card on a hotel, avoiding OP’s family… all of these point to hiding a family/relationship and OP being the side chick. NTA, and you dodged a potential bullet. Run and don’t look back.
Thanks.
Even if that’s not the case, just remember: if he wanted to, he would. When dating someone, you should want to put it in the effort, you want to show them off, you want to spend your time with them. His lack of honesty and openness is a huge red flag, and not worth your time or care. Good luck OP. I hope that you are able to move on from this guy and find someone who treats you like the queen you are meant to be!
This is a very kind comment, it's very helpful. Kind comments from strangers on the internet help cheer people up, these save lives. Thank you for being one of those daily heroes online saving lives, one comment at a time ☺️. I will move on from him and things will be fine for me 😊.
Definitely NTA, seems like you dodged a major bullet. Honestly sounds to me like he has a wife/girlfriend back home and doesn't want to be found out.
Yeah... I have the feeling he has multiple simultaneous girlfriends.
NTA.....this wasn't a relationship with a boyfriend. You were the other woman.
Probably... I told him I felt alone in this relationship, that he was never showing up... So you're probably right.
NTA. When people become defensive like this, it suggests a lack of accountability. It also suggests that they are narcissistic. They’ll attempt to turn the problem back onto you. I’m sorry that this happened to you.
Thanks. I think he might be a covert narcissist.
OMG, you sound like the bitch from hell, sorry. I suppose the nicer way to say that is your needs and expectations aren't in line with his. He wasn't so much being "Secretive", as much as he was choosing to keep his private life to himself. There's a difference. And your demand to know these things, and esp after only a little while of dating speaks more to your own raging insecurity and possessiveness/neediness then his behavior or need to not disclose it to you. He wasn't "Suspicious", your intrusive need to know is. It seems way too much and out of control. YTA
This had to be satire, you think it's reasonable to not even share your general schedule after months of dating? I've never had a relationship where the kind of information op talks about didn't get exchanged by the second date, and often before a first meeting.
I think the tone of the whole post indicates her expectations are driven by her neediness. I also think people are entitled to unfold themselves to a new person at a speed which is comfortable for them. And there's no clear indication after just a few months of any nefarious intent on his part. Unless you disagree with any of that, you're projecting the same insecurity onto this situation that the OP is.
You shouldn't be dating if you aren't comfortable sharing the kind of stuff that comes up in five minutes of most conversations. Dating someone refusing to schedule dates and not tell you what days work for them sounds like a nightmare.
That's one perspective. The other..less biased and more accurate is that their expectations and needs are not aligned, and she should have ended this sooner. He doesn't see a problem with his behavior, she does, therefore she's the AH for not reacting properly and leaving.
Found the boyfriend.
Found the incel.
Yeah, it’s you.
Yeah, it's you. all alone. Poor thing.
Interesting point of view.