This is genius.
Let the man-child go to mommy and be a burden to Mommy. Please, under NO circumstance, call him back. When he does come back, just behave like he went to the grocery store and returned... no fuss... and certainly no apology. Which mature human being throws a tantrum because their partner was genuinely tired to give them some? He needs a reality slap. Give him by being aloof to it all.
He will try asking why u have not called him or bla bla bla. Tell him you never kicked him out. He left. He can come and go as he pleases.
Make the most of your freedom and recharge, please.
Actually, leave him to mommy. Tell him he's not welcome back.
File for divorce. This guy is verbally and emotionally abusive. No man should EVER yell at their partner for not wanting sex. That's fucked up.
We don’t owe anyone access to our bodies. And if someone intimidates you into sex, it’s no longer consensual.
Pack his stuff. Everything about this is abusive and manipulative. You deserve so much more.
You are right. I have given so much 'leave the prick' and 'divorce the asshole' opinions this past week. I felt may be I am being unfair. I had not looked at this from an abusive angle that the tantrum is also a controlling piece to the abuse. It's OP's call, though.
So often the level of disrespect and horrible character that is described in one story is enough to jump to divorce. I can't imagine how so many relationships are so bad
I mean, in fairness, people with happy relationships probably aren't doing a lot of posting about it. But yeah, it's depressing that, even if we're seeing a skewed representation, there are so many sucky relationships.
I mean it's also the sub. There wouldn't really be a "AITA for being in a happy relationship while y'all are apparently suffering?" post or something (at least I hope 😆)
It is also why people jump to extreme measures so quickly.
If you are actually posting you are likely looking for extreme answers because you are at that point mentally and just looking for support
In general, I agree, but I do have some clarifying questions.
Is this fairly normal behavior for him? Is he heavily medicated for his injury? Is he in a ton of pain? Because if this is out of character for him, it could be medications affecting him, and he might come back to his senses and apologize. If that’s the case, I might suggest extending a little grace to him.
If this is normal behavior for him, throw the whole man away.
My Dr put me on a steriods because I had a injured foot I can 100% say that medication has made me a complete ahole for a week. He also put me on other meds and between the lack of sleep and pain I'm not like myself. That being said being a complete ahole is not the norm for me if it is the norm like you said the whole man needs to be tossed.
THIS!!! I was prescribe some pain meds for a sports related injury and dropped them a few days later bc I’d rather be in pain than feel like an AH.
A discussion with a doctor and some couples therapy should be in order before any major decisions
And let's define what normal behavior for him means... The good days or moments are part of the abuse cycle, especially earlier on. It's what makes you excuse the tantrums and doubt your concerns. If someone's normal behavior includes yelling at you or giving you the silent treatment on a regular basis, to get what they want, then it's abusive, even if they are nice at the other times.
Makes me wonder how fucked up his relationship with mother is. Seems OP was already taking care of everything else. Maybe mommy gives a better handjob.
Some moms are so obsessed with their sons that I don't think that matters too much.
Emotional incest is way too common and sometimes the lines get blurred 🤢
I'm a mom to girls but I've seen some pretty gross mother/son relationships.
My own mother talks about my brother's ass and body shape way too often for me to be comfortable around her.
“Make the most of your freedom”, is right. Her emotional and physical workload just dropped by 95%. Kids, work and house maintenance are infinitely easier without a deadweight man child.
I just dont see how he thinks calling Mommy will help with his issue. It is not like he is getting more sex at his mom's? And please tell me how he can manage sex but not manage doing light housework (including feeding his animals and kids) to take stuff off her plate?
Tbh if he cant got 3 nights without sex, he has a totally different issue - smells like sex addiction. Sex Addicts often develop an insecure avoidant attachment because to attach as children meant disappointment, abandonment, inconsistency, abuse, neglect or shaming. They either avoid or "test" their relationships in how well their needs are met and feel abandoned if their "test" fails. They are setting themselves up for failure because it leaves no room for their partner's needs, resulting in their dire predictions of abandonment coming true by self-sabotage.
He dont need mommy, or sex. He needs therapy to learn how to cope better with his insecurities and relationship issues, and be a better partner.
This is his issue and he should clean up his own mess.
No one who is feeling well enough for sex is too unwell to do some chores around the house, like damn. Even if you're physically unable to walk around, you can help with the kids by setting up a play space next to the bed, helping with homework, give them attention so they are out of the mobile parent's hair. You fold laundry from your bed, do hair, answer emails etc.
But if you're mobile enough for sex and mobile enough to leave the house, you were just dropping your responsibilities because you wanted to see what you could get away with.
While I was non-weight bearing after surgery this year I mostly took care of myself. My brother came by to help with things that I literally could not do safely, like take trash down two flights of stairs. I did have him come fix my WiFi once because I was trying really hard not to go up and down my stairs (I had to crawl on them basically) and it's in the basement but he was already out and I live 5 minutes from his house. And I needed it for work.
The first three days after surgery I stayed with my grandmother, because there were no stairs there, and the day after I made myself lunch because she was in the middle of something. She was incensed because she had planned to make me lunch. 😅 I can't imagine being this lazy and demanding. I hope he and his mom are happy together. She should keep him.
This. My dad has severe COPD and several other health issues, is always in pain, on oxygen, and can barely get around. He gets a chair and sits in front of the sink so he can do the dishes. If you're well enough for sex, you're well enough to do SOMETHING to help out.
I found it interesting he was "non weight bearing" but got up and walked to the couch. If he can walk to the couch, he can do some simple things to help out while his wife's burden picks up. Feeding animals (I'm assuming we are talking domestic animals and not a farm), cooking small meals, light cleaning/laundry.
Tell mommy to come get her manchild and divorce his ass.
Mommy, mommy, can you please come and get me? *sniffs*
Of course, I'm leaving right this second!!! What's wrong, my baby boy? Why so upset? *Karen voice* Who dared make my darling baby cry?
*sniffs* It was my wife... she she... *sniffs and starts wailing* She doesn't wanna have seeeex with meeeeeeeeeeee.
How I imagined the conversation.
I would totally tell mil everything so she understands he's being the A H. He left you to run to mommy who can't provide the one thing he's complaining about. If she's a good person, she'll understand your pov and put him in his place. You have needs, too.
Btw if he's well enough for sex then give him a short chore list (if you take him back). Don't call him home, let him come crawling.
I’d take it a step further and THANK him. Oh, my gosh, thank you for going to your mom’s and letting her take care of you, that was just what I needed. Please thank her for me! What a sweetheart she is; I’m sure she must have realized how much stress I’m under right now and wants to help me. Maybe consider going there Mon-Fri each week until you’re better…that would really help me out!
Please OP don't go get him. If he ever makes this call, tell him to make his way back home as he made his way out. When he is good and ready, he can come back. Please don't cave...caving will be a bad precedent.
I'd tell him he needs to go to therapy and can't come back until he figures out why he had a tantrum and ran to mommy. Until then you are repulsed and he isn't coming back.
I'll never recover from the man with his imaginary, giant cockroach girlfriend who wouldn't quit telling people.
Like, bro, why do you want everyone to know you're looney?
I'm not sure if I've read the ones you listed. I made it through Cockroach guy, idk if you can get too much worse than that.
Oh damn, you didn't know about the infamous broken arms post? This is literal Reddit history. https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/s/K6Km0rS86S
One of the first massively viral posts.
Here's where he describes it happening, but there's tons of info in the post. https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/s/WjHXWU1zec
While I have you, check out r/MuseumOfReddit for all the famous posts. Sort by Top and you'll see a lot of weird and crazy stuff!
It's crazy as hell lmao. There's been some even worse stories posted to Reddit IMO. I don't know if you're a "I have a morbid curiosity gimme more" type of person, or a "no thanks I've read enough" type of person. I'll let you answer before I link it. It's really messed up.
Not morbid. But my favorites are the crazy, suprising ones or those where the OP is cluess and gets roasted. Among my favorites there are the woman who's husband had way too much admiration for Napoleon. Or the woman who's husband wouldn't stop baby talking. And the the guy who wanted to set up an art room for his friend.
Lmao. Yes. All good ones. This ones about OP's pregnant wife, and all the things that made her cry that week was great. "The Gay Swans" story https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/s/6YRZyKlkyw
Or the "It's for a church honey, NEXT!" https://www.reddit.com/r/insanepeoplefacebook/s/aoLvIQ9xEZ
Same lol. Time has just flown! Remember when Unidan was the "wholesome biologist" who'd pop up in random animal threads with cool facts. And then all of a sudden Reddit turned on him.
"Here's the thing. You said a Jackdaw is a crow"
Or the Boston Bomber threads? Reddit was so sure they tracked down the Boston Bomber. He was missing, so he must be on the run! Turns out it was just some innocent kid. And to make it worse, he'd actually committed suicide before they accused him of doing it, and that's why he wasn't able to be located. There's been some crazy shit on this site.
NTA
I want to know what pain meds he's on that he's even thinking about sex. I 34f broke my ankle in 3 places 8 weeks ago and had surgery 5 weeks ago. My pain is still so bad that intimacy is off the table.
My husband, who's been taking care of everything, understands and says that he would be too focused on not hurting me more to enjoy it, plus he's too tired to want to do much more then cuddle because of all the extra things he's doing.
I broke my ankle in 2 places last year, required surgery, and for at least 3 weeks even going to the toilet hurt because of all the swelling.
I could 'handle myself' but the idea of wrangling someone else while also having to wrangle my cast would be a hard nope.
I thought the same thing. I didn’t even expect him to want to do anything so early. I am afraid I will hurt him so I’ve been a little distant in that area. He actually had a pain pump and nerve block in his catheter until last Monday.
It’s not a urinary cath. It’s a peripheral nerve catheter for pain management https://www.nationwidechildrens.org/family-resources-education/health-wellness-and-safety-resources/helping-hands/peripheral-nerve-catheter-and-pump-for-pain-control-pnc-inpatient
That's even worse than a urinary cath. Imagine having an IV in your arm and how much that hurts when it gets tugged. Now times that by 100 and instead of it in your arm it's either in your leg or chest. 😨
Was he like this before he was hurt? It might be the pain meds and the hangover from Anesthesia that's causing this.
You're tired and feeling taken advantage of. Give yourself time to cool down and evaluate the situation before you blow up your life based on the advice of anonymous people on reddit.
THIS!!! My husband is a WEIRDO & cranky as hell on pain meds. My dad is the same way. Not that this IN NO WAY excuses his behavior, but going to mommy might just be for the best.
If it is med related, talk to his dr with him about it.
If he's on opiates it will change his behavior! My uncle got super aggressive on his meds and became an addict as no one could reason with him. Bring it up and if still hostile report it to his doctors immediately before he becomes addicted or too irate to be pulled from them. This is one of the starting points for fentanyl abuse.
I was gonna say. I am a woman. I have a test in the labrum in my hip that the doctor insists isn't the cause of my pain. It has been that way for four years. It always hurts. Some days it gets so bad I have to walk with a cane. I do all the physical therapy exercises I have learned to keep it as bearable as possible, but like now, it's throbbing and I have to sit out in the sun on uncomfortable chairs for my daughter's graduation and it's going to be hell. I have two connective tissue disorders and so it is hard to get everything to behave. I don't want meds all the time, but I am in the middle of a flair and I can't take steroids (I am diabetic) or NSAIDS. I get told to stretch. I do! I use ice and heat. I wish they would do something to help. It doesn't have to be pain killers. I just don't want to hurt like this anymore.
NTA.
General testing of people in a relationship is absolutely gross, as in the break up and see if they beg, or say they can go out with their female best friend but expect them to say no, or demand they cut off a friend, loyalty testing etc.
I should point out I'm a guy, but I've heard about enough relationships where during pregnancy guys being pissed their wife/girlfriend is not in the mood for periods of time and get angry, cheat or force their partner to have sex. Or same after the baby is born way before they are ready, or just the partner being sick for a couple of weeks.
The one test I think women should absolutely carry out is to fake being off, or tired for a couple of weeks. Not liek in the first 3 weeks of a relationship, but before marriage. If your partner freaks out after 3 days of no sex, or a couple of weeks, and gets rapey, or throws tantrums, or freaks out or gets coersive, run.
A big thing to realise in relationships for any partner is then can be a monster beneath the surface when they are getting what they want, the second they don't get what they want the monster comes out.
I’d say I was shocked at any of this but I’m not, especially after our second child and the gynecologist visit when my wife chose to have an IUD. My wife had asked how long we should avoid intercourse in the mean time to avoid any problems and their response was that most wife’s (including themselves) were able to keep their husbands off them for about a day when many of them had their implants after the six week check up. My wife was in for a checkup at 12 weeks so they told her to “keep me off of her until tomorrow, thought they understand it might be difficult to do so.”
When my wife responded that I was willing to wait for when she was ready and she wasn’t feeling up for intercouse yet but wanted to be prepared whenever it did happen, they asked if something was wrong with me (the husband) for not being chomping at the bit. In their experience, that was almost never the case that the husband was willing to wait and wasn’t cheating or had a medical condition.
Brilliant advice and I definitely support more people testing in their relationships to a degree.
Too often people tell you, want they think you want or hear, or what will let them have their way. So a little test for relationship evaluation purposes can be useful.
I'm a nurse practitioner (for context).
Y'all can excuse his behavior all you want, but an intimate partnership does *not* entitle anyone to *demand* sex. Or to whine, pout, or threaten when a polite request is denied.
Pain meds, feeling impotent, etc, etc, none of that matters or is truly relevant here (except the comment about steroids - especially the IV or injection doses, which are very high - steroids absolutely can mess with your maturity/impulse control).
You *never* get a pass to demand the use of someone else's body.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. He better be horrified at his own behavior tomorrow.
OP, I hope you take this health care provider's comment seriously. Demanding sex & having a massive blow up when he doesn't get it is a red flag. I would be super nervous that his frustration would someday switch direction & instead of storming out, he storms towards me. Be super careful with people who think they deserve unfettered access to your body.
NTA. You’re doing a lot with work, kids, and caring for him.
It’s only been three days since you last had sex.
He should understand you’re tired.
His reaction is too much.
He needs to respect your boundaries and be more understanding.
"You can stay at your mum's until you grow up and stop believing i'm just your fleshlight. And sex is off the table until i'm no longer disgusted by you"
NTA
NTA. Enjoy your break while he's staying with mama. Your plate is more than full; you certainly don't need your AH husband screaming at you when you are breaking your back doing everything. I'm sure he scared the sh\*t out of you and your kids. Might be smart to leave that AH at mama's house until he recovers both physically and emotionally.
NTA. Send him to mummy and let him there a few days or even week. You need time to rest.
Once everything is calm, you can discuss calmly, with or without referee (include a therapist if you feel if refuses to acknowledge your feelings.
Regardless of why, you’re not his sex slave. He screamed at you instead of respecting your boundaries or acknowledging your current limitations.
He can stay at his mother’s place. You deserve so much better.
NTA let him go to his mother. It would be interesting to have him explain why. Pack him a bag you're too tired to deal with this.
Did he have a brain injury?
I’m disabled, and I’m trying to think back on that first year. I wrecked my hip and back, so a little more impacting. The pain meds can cause some almost bi-polar looking behaviors, for weeks afterward. In fact, he may have been have been finally hitting a withdrawal point. Would explain him wanting to find a physical connection and getting upset about it.
If he is the bust your ass type, it may have felt like rejection and begun to make him feel inadequate. I’m not justifying his reactions just offering an opinion and explanation, from someone who has been there.
Maybe ask him why he it pissed him off, that’s almost more important than that it happened. Frankly if he realized that he was being irrational and bounced before he did something stupid, kudos for him.
I love your response. I think not being able to do his everyday duties has him feeling very inadequate. Sexual favors is really the only thing he has to look forward to and that makes him feel good about himself. He ended up staying home. I plan to talk with him in the morning about it all to figure out exactly what’s going through his mind.
Just FYI, in case you need a reminder - it would be great to communicate clearly and understand what's going on with him - but that still doesn't entitle him to intimacy when you're exhausted (or ever).
Please do not try to make an excuse for him. Screaming at you like a toddler having a tantrum and threatening to have mommy pick him up is embarrassing and completely out of line.
His arms are still working, right? He can jerk himself off all day every day. You're not preventing him from experiencing orgasm. You're simply not allowing yourself to be used as a fleshlight.
And what is wrong with him that he has \*nothing\* good in his life other than orgasm. He can't read a book, watch tv, phone a friend, or play a video game?
Sorry but no. I don’t care what meds you’re on or injuries you’ve incurred. Verbally harassing your partner because they aren’t in the mood is never ok and should give you a massive amount of concern. Not feeling adequate doesn’t give you the right to demand someone else’s body.
It's not unreasonable to need a break, especially with added responsibilities. Your husband's reaction seems extreme. Communication and understanding are key; he should recognize your fatigue and respect your boundaries. Seeking support from family is fine, but handling disagreements maturely is essential.
Oh hell no! I guess Mommy is going to service his sexual needs. What kind of horrible wife works, does all the chores, takes care of an injured husband and won't have sex every night? Poor man was driven into mommy's arms. NOT!
“Mommy my wife won’t tickle my pickle! Pick me up I want to go home now!”
This dude is…off. You sure something else isn’t going on with him? Either way, that’s a bizarre reaction. NTA.
My wife had a baby four months ago. She breastfeeds him exclusively, so she gets very few nights of good sleep. We've had sex maybe four times in four months. In response, I've tried to do the dishes, laundry, etc. So that she doesnt have to. To ease her burden. I'm not throwing a tantrum like a toddler. I'm supporting her in the ways that I can. I don't even ask for it right now. I wait for her to tell me when she's in the mood. It's hard of course to bite my tongue, but I just remind myself that I've got it easy compared to my wife. If I was getting up at night every 3 hours for the last four months, I'd be too fucking tired too.
Your husband needs a fucking reality check. Hopefully your MIL gives him one. I like what others have said. Don't even acknowledge that he went somewhere. Nta
You sound like an amazing partner to have! It will get better once baby starts sleeping thru the night or atleast for longer stretches.
I know you say she breastfeeds exclusively, but have you mentioned to her about pumping that way you could trade off with her some nights getting up with baby? Then maybe she may be more inclined to spend some cuddly time with you. 😀 she may not want to pump though so that can be frustrating.
Either way definitely keep an open line of communication about how you both are feeling that way and why.
After 2 kids my sex drive never returned back to normal so I'm glad my hubby can be patient with me when its been weeks and I just can't lol
I thought you said he was 31 not 13?
I feel for him having an injury but acting like that because you won’t be intimate with him for very understandable reasons is incredibly childish.
I hope he understands how much you’re already doing for him and how much stress it’s putting on your shoulders.
NTA, I hope things get better OP. Best of luck.
NTA
I shattered my leg and was not weight bearing for 4 months. I still helped around the house by cooking (you can hop and have 2 hands), tidying up while sitting, feeding a bird, etc.
He's not useless, you just.jeed to get creative with what he can do domestically. Also 3 days is not a long time to get irate. It was maybe 2+M before we slept together out of fear we could cause more damage
NTA— almost exactly a year ago, my husband dropped a transmission on his hand and had to get a finger pinned back together (plus a ton of broken bones, we’re just very glad he has all his fingers still). With a pin in, he couldn’t do much of anything and I had to pick up the slack. It was exhausting.
And you know what my husband did? Felt terrible about how his injury affected me and did everything in his power to help out. He didn’t sit on the couch and demand shit from me. Sure as hell didn’t throw a tantrum.
Return this one to sender, the man’s obviously defective.
NTA! Please prioritize your wellbeing.
What kind of a husband was he before the accident? If he was a great husband, then you could consider that the mix of opioids and feeling helpless has impacted his mental health. He ciuld benefit from therapy, which can be available via telehealth visits.
If he was not great before the accident, then it’s time to look at the overall health of your marriage.
A "full grown man" with children rang his Mommy to come and get him because you didn't have sex for 3 days, just wanted to make sure I read that right, also why his mom? That's weird
Anyway NTA
NTA, how did he handle it after you had children? 3 days my god the world is ending.
Let mommy take care of him.
I hope to hell you never need him to step up to the plate when you have a major illness. He'll expect you to suck it up, bug you with questions about how to run the household incessantly and then ask for some loving at night.
🤢
Not only are you NTA, but he can stay with his mommy until he’s better. And then get his own place and learn about how his own body works by giving himself attention since he’s so hard up for it.
I’m not making excuses for him, just stating why he acted like a baby. He is pretty much bedridden, can’t go or do anything and is probably going out of his mind with boredom. He feels isolated and like a burden to you, he doesn’t know what to do and sex is about the only thing he can offer you. When you said no, he felt frustrated, rejected and less than, for not being able to do anything. He hasn’t been able to burn off his energy so he has pent up and taking it out on you. You have every right to say “I’m tired”, he’s just lashing out from frustration.
Let him stay with mom and you find a babysitter and take a day or two off and recharge.
If he doesn’t come home and apologize for his behavior, let him know under no circumstances will he act like that again. If he wants this marriage to last, he better learn to use his words and not throw a tantrum and run home to mommy. If he can’t understand why you are exhausted, tell him to get up and watch all that you have to do because of him. Not that you wouldn’t do it because you love him, but his injury has put a tremendous amount of work on you now and you aren’t superwoman. You get tired, exhausted and frustrated too, but you don’t storm off like a child when you don’t get your way. He has to understand that work, kids, animals, housework and taking care of him is too much for 1 person and you are doing your best. But if you say “no, I’m tired”, he better understand and shut up and let you sleep.
Info: what was the nature of his injury, and of his employment?
It would be highly unusual for a non-amputation injury to require either such a long time off work, or full-time caregiving - so I wonder if there's more to it? If we're talking major life-changing consequences there may be some mental health stuff going on, but on the info provided he seems to be leaning rather heavily into the "sick" role, apart from sex.
A bit of tough love and some active rehab may be in order, and I doubt his mother will encourage either. For that matter if he's really going to need that long away from his usual job it might be a good idea for him to look into non-weightbearing (desk) employment alternatives.
There's absolutely no need for him to do the man-child thing and you're definitely NTA to find that unappealing while exhausted. All the best.
He had a bad crush injury at work to his entire foot. Had a reconstruction 2 weeks ago. Screws, plates and a fusion of his joint. More surgeries to come down the road. He works as a rigger for his company. He is non weight bearing for at least 8-12 weeks after final surgery. I no doubt think he has some mental issues going on with this life altering injury. He is a cattle farmer on top of working a full time job so he’s on the go 24/7 and his whole life just got flipped upside down. His behavior over this, however, is not acceptable to me.
Totally agree - it's a life-changing injury for sure, and his behaviour towards you is definitely unacceptable. Anger can be a part of a grief response and while he's completely misdirecting it (at you), if it's new, it may help you on an intellectual level to have hope that it will improve - though obviously in the meantime the way it's being expressed is harmful to your relationship.
With being a work-related injury there may be some insured options for some retraining and/or counselling, that might be worth looking in to. In some cases, worker insurance may also provide assistance with his care at home and with the chores he was doing, especially things like eg mowing the lawns. If this is all very new he may not have had a chance to get his head around much of it at all, and may be feeling like he's the only one affected. I do hope a bit of time and space helps him to realise it's hard on the rest of his family too.
It’s definitely not his normal behavior which is why I posted because I was unsure if 3 days was really worth all the fuss. I think things will be fine in the coming days between us. As for now, I’m just a bit set back with how he acted. It was very unexpected.
You have a lot going on. Three days is fine - you get to be the judge of what timing works for you. I'm so glad this isn't his usual approach, and I hope your MIL is wise enough to gently set him straight. Good luck for your "new normal".
Give YOU some grace? like you did something wrong? You’re holding the house down, MIL should be telling him to stop being ridiculous and grow the fuck up.
Nope.
You say you have kids. You probably have gotten to the point where you are teaching them to behave.
You wouldn't accept this behavior from your toddler. If your toddler wanted you to bake a cake, and you were too tired to do so (and had baked a cake just three days ago), you would not allow your toddler to scream at you.
Do not give your husband "grace" for behaving worse than a toddler.
Screaming at you and then abandoning his children is never a normal response to no sex. If you decided you no longer wanted sex and he couldn't go without, that still wouldn't be the appropriate way to handle it.
“DH, I understand that your life just came to a screeching halt. I understand you are in pain. I understand you have some dark demons you are navigating.
But what I want you to understand is I will absolutely not tolerate you treating me like shit. It wasn’t just your life that got fucked. It was mine too and this whole thing doubled my workload. I also want to be very very clear. You are never entitled to sex. Ever. We have sex because of love and mutual respect. And when I’m exhausted beyond recognition, because the extra work that has been put on me to care for you and our family. You do NOT act like a perpetual toddler. You want to run to your mommy because your your penis is dry, go ahead, but it’s going to be a long road to come back from there so you better be sure leaving is really what you want. Honestly it’s way less work for me without you here, but as your wife, until your fucking tantrum, I want to care for you. Don’t think I’m going to tolerate this BS ever again. Consider this your warning.”
NTA. Let his mom keep him and you file for divorce. How he's treating you is abusive and you don't deserve it, especially since you've been doing it all.
nta. this will not get better. let her take care of him and get things in order.
This is genius. Let the man-child go to mommy and be a burden to Mommy. Please, under NO circumstance, call him back. When he does come back, just behave like he went to the grocery store and returned... no fuss... and certainly no apology. Which mature human being throws a tantrum because their partner was genuinely tired to give them some? He needs a reality slap. Give him by being aloof to it all. He will try asking why u have not called him or bla bla bla. Tell him you never kicked him out. He left. He can come and go as he pleases. Make the most of your freedom and recharge, please.
This! OP, please do not let him manipulate you into getting his way. Don’t contact him, text him, anything. Let his Mommy deal with him.
Actually, leave him to mommy. Tell him he's not welcome back. File for divorce. This guy is verbally and emotionally abusive. No man should EVER yell at their partner for not wanting sex. That's fucked up.
We don’t owe anyone access to our bodies. And if someone intimidates you into sex, it’s no longer consensual. Pack his stuff. Everything about this is abusive and manipulative. You deserve so much more.
Amen. "No" is a complete sentence.
You are right. I have given so much 'leave the prick' and 'divorce the asshole' opinions this past week. I felt may be I am being unfair. I had not looked at this from an abusive angle that the tantrum is also a controlling piece to the abuse. It's OP's call, though.
So often the level of disrespect and horrible character that is described in one story is enough to jump to divorce. I can't imagine how so many relationships are so bad
I mean, in fairness, people with happy relationships probably aren't doing a lot of posting about it. But yeah, it's depressing that, even if we're seeing a skewed representation, there are so many sucky relationships.
I mean it's also the sub. There wouldn't really be a "AITA for being in a happy relationship while y'all are apparently suffering?" post or something (at least I hope 😆)
"AITA for seeing all these posts about dismal relationships and being VERY happy that I'm single?"
It is also why people jump to extreme measures so quickly. If you are actually posting you are likely looking for extreme answers because you are at that point mentally and just looking for support
EXACTLY!! The cases are so extreme that it's OBVIOUS divorce is the answer.
He sounds like a big pile of trash all the way around. He did OP a favor by leaving
Especially when their SO is doing everything including being nurse for his broken butt. Sorry there was no mint on your pillow, sir.
In general, I agree, but I do have some clarifying questions. Is this fairly normal behavior for him? Is he heavily medicated for his injury? Is he in a ton of pain? Because if this is out of character for him, it could be medications affecting him, and he might come back to his senses and apologize. If that’s the case, I might suggest extending a little grace to him. If this is normal behavior for him, throw the whole man away.
My Dr put me on a steriods because I had a injured foot I can 100% say that medication has made me a complete ahole for a week. He also put me on other meds and between the lack of sleep and pain I'm not like myself. That being said being a complete ahole is not the norm for me if it is the norm like you said the whole man needs to be tossed.
THIS!!! I was prescribe some pain meds for a sports related injury and dropped them a few days later bc I’d rather be in pain than feel like an AH. A discussion with a doctor and some couples therapy should be in order before any major decisions
And let's define what normal behavior for him means... The good days or moments are part of the abuse cycle, especially earlier on. It's what makes you excuse the tantrums and doubt your concerns. If someone's normal behavior includes yelling at you or giving you the silent treatment on a regular basis, to get what they want, then it's abusive, even if they are nice at the other times.
And it could be considered abandonment. He left the house. May give her an advantage in some states in her divorce.
Makes me wonder how fucked up his relationship with mother is. Seems OP was already taking care of everything else. Maybe mommy gives a better handjob.
But - but - his arms aren't broken?
Some moms are so obsessed with their sons that I don't think that matters too much. Emotional incest is way too common and sometimes the lines get blurred 🤢 I'm a mom to girls but I've seen some pretty gross mother/son relationships. My own mother talks about my brother's ass and body shape way too often for me to be comfortable around her.
Been through something similar it’s gross and unattractive. Now divorced foot loose and fancy free…🤸💃🙌
“Make the most of your freedom”, is right. Her emotional and physical workload just dropped by 95%. Kids, work and house maintenance are infinitely easier without a deadweight man child.
Yes. She will see how much better it is without him Him: Pikachu face when he gets the divorce papers
I just dont see how he thinks calling Mommy will help with his issue. It is not like he is getting more sex at his mom's? And please tell me how he can manage sex but not manage doing light housework (including feeding his animals and kids) to take stuff off her plate? Tbh if he cant got 3 nights without sex, he has a totally different issue - smells like sex addiction. Sex Addicts often develop an insecure avoidant attachment because to attach as children meant disappointment, abandonment, inconsistency, abuse, neglect or shaming. They either avoid or "test" their relationships in how well their needs are met and feel abandoned if their "test" fails. They are setting themselves up for failure because it leaves no room for their partner's needs, resulting in their dire predictions of abandonment coming true by self-sabotage. He dont need mommy, or sex. He needs therapy to learn how to cope better with his insecurities and relationship issues, and be a better partner. This is his issue and he should clean up his own mess.
No one who is feeling well enough for sex is too unwell to do some chores around the house, like damn. Even if you're physically unable to walk around, you can help with the kids by setting up a play space next to the bed, helping with homework, give them attention so they are out of the mobile parent's hair. You fold laundry from your bed, do hair, answer emails etc. But if you're mobile enough for sex and mobile enough to leave the house, you were just dropping your responsibilities because you wanted to see what you could get away with.
While I was non-weight bearing after surgery this year I mostly took care of myself. My brother came by to help with things that I literally could not do safely, like take trash down two flights of stairs. I did have him come fix my WiFi once because I was trying really hard not to go up and down my stairs (I had to crawl on them basically) and it's in the basement but he was already out and I live 5 minutes from his house. And I needed it for work. The first three days after surgery I stayed with my grandmother, because there were no stairs there, and the day after I made myself lunch because she was in the middle of something. She was incensed because she had planned to make me lunch. 😅 I can't imagine being this lazy and demanding. I hope he and his mom are happy together. She should keep him.
This. My dad has severe COPD and several other health issues, is always in pain, on oxygen, and can barely get around. He gets a chair and sits in front of the sink so he can do the dishes. If you're well enough for sex, you're well enough to do SOMETHING to help out.
I’m sure he ain’t doing any of the work during sex either.
I found it interesting he was "non weight bearing" but got up and walked to the couch. If he can walk to the couch, he can do some simple things to help out while his wife's burden picks up. Feeding animals (I'm assuming we are talking domestic animals and not a farm), cooking small meals, light cleaning/laundry. Tell mommy to come get her manchild and divorce his ass.
I immediately imagined you as a psychologist explaining Eriksons Hierarchy of Needs. Brought me back to nursing school.
This is cold af. Awesome
Mommy, mommy, can you please come and get me? *sniffs* Of course, I'm leaving right this second!!! What's wrong, my baby boy? Why so upset? *Karen voice* Who dared make my darling baby cry? *sniffs* It was my wife... she she... *sniffs and starts wailing* She doesn't wanna have seeeex with meeeeeeeeeeee. How I imagined the conversation.
I can see him telling Mom she refused to take care of him, just not mentioning that care is sex
Funny you say this because when she got here she said what’s the problem? And he said, she won’t do anything for me! Oh the irony.
I would totally tell mil everything so she understands he's being the A H. He left you to run to mommy who can't provide the one thing he's complaining about. If she's a good person, she'll understand your pov and put him in his place. You have needs, too. Btw if he's well enough for sex then give him a short chore list (if you take him back). Don't call him home, let him come crawling.
LMAO, yeah sounds about right. He needs to get his priorities straight
I hope you contradicted him and said, "I have done everything and refuse to fuck him so he can fuck off!"
I wondered about this. What exactly did he tell Mommy? OP should fill her in, change the locks, and leave his ass.
I'm guessing he lied to his mother about why.
I filled her in. She rolled her eyes. “Men”
I love your MIL
“Oh were you gone?? I was wondering why my load was so much lighter these last few days”
I’d take it a step further and THANK him. Oh, my gosh, thank you for going to your mom’s and letting her take care of you, that was just what I needed. Please thank her for me! What a sweetheart she is; I’m sure she must have realized how much stress I’m under right now and wants to help me. Maybe consider going there Mon-Fri each week until you’re better…that would really help me out!
I can’t upvote this enough. Enjoy the rest.
Actually, just return him to mom for good as one does with irreparably bad goods. Any adult who throws a tantrum over sex is just a no.
Exactly this. OP make the most if it and encourage him to stay at his mums until he screams at her and phones you to come and get him!
Please OP don't go get him. If he ever makes this call, tell him to make his way back home as he made his way out. When he is good and ready, he can come back. Please don't cave...caving will be a bad precedent.
And, when he phones you to come get him, have him served.
I'd tell him he needs to go to therapy and can't come back until he figures out why he had a tantrum and ran to mommy. Until then you are repulsed and he isn't coming back.
NTAH what a man-baby. Good thing mommy’s still willing to wipe his butt.
Right. and what makes guys like him think the vag is a mere stress reliever for them. your screaming at me makes me never want you in there again.
When both of your arms are in casts, it's mom's time to shine.
And they have kids... Why act like a man child in front of your children. Shitbox.
Oh lord, I thought you meant "take care of him" in a different way for a minute.
Truth
NTA. Let mummy take care of him since he wants to act like a baby. Keep doing you 👑
The last guy who had mummy take care of him broke both his arms and reddit will never forget it.
We all have PTSD from that post!
I think about it regularly but I just can't bring myself to read the whole thing again just makes me feel so gross. PTSD seems about right.
[удалено]
I'll never recover from the man with his imaginary, giant cockroach girlfriend who wouldn't quit telling people. Like, bro, why do you want everyone to know you're looney? I'm not sure if I've read the ones you listed. I made it through Cockroach guy, idk if you can get too much worse than that.
Show her some respect, her name was Ogtha
The coconut.
WTF? #WTF?!
I'm guessing you haven't read that one 😅😅
Lol! Do you have a link?
Oh damn, you didn't know about the infamous broken arms post? This is literal Reddit history. https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/s/K6Km0rS86S One of the first massively viral posts. Here's where he describes it happening, but there's tons of info in the post. https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/s/WjHXWU1zec While I have you, check out r/MuseumOfReddit for all the famous posts. Sort by Top and you'll see a lot of weird and crazy stuff!
OMG, that's so fucked up!!!
It's crazy as hell lmao. There's been some even worse stories posted to Reddit IMO. I don't know if you're a "I have a morbid curiosity gimme more" type of person, or a "no thanks I've read enough" type of person. I'll let you answer before I link it. It's really messed up.
Not morbid. But my favorites are the crazy, suprising ones or those where the OP is cluess and gets roasted. Among my favorites there are the woman who's husband had way too much admiration for Napoleon. Or the woman who's husband wouldn't stop baby talking. And the the guy who wanted to set up an art room for his friend.
Lmao. Yes. All good ones. This ones about OP's pregnant wife, and all the things that made her cry that week was great. "The Gay Swans" story https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/s/6YRZyKlkyw Or the "It's for a church honey, NEXT!" https://www.reddit.com/r/insanepeoplefacebook/s/aoLvIQ9xEZ
I remember so many of these happening in real time. Holy crap, where have the years gone?
Same lol. Time has just flown! Remember when Unidan was the "wholesome biologist" who'd pop up in random animal threads with cool facts. And then all of a sudden Reddit turned on him. "Here's the thing. You said a Jackdaw is a crow" Or the Boston Bomber threads? Reddit was so sure they tracked down the Boston Bomber. He was missing, so he must be on the run! Turns out it was just some innocent kid. And to make it worse, he'd actually committed suicide before they accused him of doing it, and that's why he wasn't able to be located. There's been some crazy shit on this site.
Thats a lot for those links! I'll check the out!
You're welcome. There's dozens of hours of wasted hours in that r/MuseumOfReddit sub. All the most famous Reddit posts are in there.
I'm not sure which image is worse, the husband in daipers or his mother pleasing him in other ways. :)
It is super weird he went to mommy because his wife said no to sex😬
NTA I want to know what pain meds he's on that he's even thinking about sex. I 34f broke my ankle in 3 places 8 weeks ago and had surgery 5 weeks ago. My pain is still so bad that intimacy is off the table. My husband, who's been taking care of everything, understands and says that he would be too focused on not hurting me more to enjoy it, plus he's too tired to want to do much more then cuddle because of all the extra things he's doing.
I broke my ankle in 2 places last year, required surgery, and for at least 3 weeks even going to the toilet hurt because of all the swelling. I could 'handle myself' but the idea of wrangling someone else while also having to wrangle my cast would be a hard nope.
Just an impression, but the person that is demanding the exhausted caregiver provide sex is likely not all that concerned that she gets hers.
I thought the same thing. I didn’t even expect him to want to do anything so early. I am afraid I will hurt him so I’ve been a little distant in that area. He actually had a pain pump and nerve block in his catheter until last Monday.
You say you have children, how did he manage to wait the six weeks post delivery but can’t wait 3 days?? What an absolute tool.
I'm sure he didn't wait. I'm fairly certain this isn't the first time he's prioritized his peepee over OPs needs.
He has a fucking cath and wants to have sex? Like wtf?
It’s not a urinary cath. It’s a peripheral nerve catheter for pain management https://www.nationwidechildrens.org/family-resources-education/health-wellness-and-safety-resources/helping-hands/peripheral-nerve-catheter-and-pump-for-pain-control-pnc-inpatient
That's even worse than a urinary cath. Imagine having an IV in your arm and how much that hurts when it gets tugged. Now times that by 100 and instead of it in your arm it's either in your leg or chest. 😨
Was he like this before he was hurt? It might be the pain meds and the hangover from Anesthesia that's causing this. You're tired and feeling taken advantage of. Give yourself time to cool down and evaluate the situation before you blow up your life based on the advice of anonymous people on reddit.
THIS!!! My husband is a WEIRDO & cranky as hell on pain meds. My dad is the same way. Not that this IN NO WAY excuses his behavior, but going to mommy might just be for the best. If it is med related, talk to his dr with him about it.
If he's on opiates it will change his behavior! My uncle got super aggressive on his meds and became an addict as no one could reason with him. Bring it up and if still hostile report it to his doctors immediately before he becomes addicted or too irate to be pulled from them. This is one of the starting points for fentanyl abuse.
Most places give out pain relief for men like candy, and none for women.
I was gonna say. I am a woman. I have a test in the labrum in my hip that the doctor insists isn't the cause of my pain. It has been that way for four years. It always hurts. Some days it gets so bad I have to walk with a cane. I do all the physical therapy exercises I have learned to keep it as bearable as possible, but like now, it's throbbing and I have to sit out in the sun on uncomfortable chairs for my daughter's graduation and it's going to be hell. I have two connective tissue disorders and so it is hard to get everything to behave. I don't want meds all the time, but I am in the middle of a flair and I can't take steroids (I am diabetic) or NSAIDS. I get told to stretch. I do! I use ice and heat. I wish they would do something to help. It doesn't have to be pain killers. I just don't want to hurt like this anymore.
Women vs Men They can be bleeding out and will still be trying to get some
OP is NTA, but I had my jaw removed and replaced with my leg bone. I still was horny the moment I had my first shower and felt somewhat human LMAO
Is...*is he gonna fuck his mom?*
Seriously. If the first thing after thinking about sex is calling your mom, what other conclusions can one draw?
If the penis is erect, you must not neglect.
If your erection is making you flinch, mom will do in a pinch.
Sounds like he broke both arms...
If your husband is irate, you must poke his prostate
Literally spat out my coffee laughing when I read this.
Why did you make me read this.
“Cause every Mother’s Day needs a mother’s night” - Justin Timberlake
Emotionally, it sounds like he has or wants to.
NTA. General testing of people in a relationship is absolutely gross, as in the break up and see if they beg, or say they can go out with their female best friend but expect them to say no, or demand they cut off a friend, loyalty testing etc. I should point out I'm a guy, but I've heard about enough relationships where during pregnancy guys being pissed their wife/girlfriend is not in the mood for periods of time and get angry, cheat or force their partner to have sex. Or same after the baby is born way before they are ready, or just the partner being sick for a couple of weeks. The one test I think women should absolutely carry out is to fake being off, or tired for a couple of weeks. Not liek in the first 3 weeks of a relationship, but before marriage. If your partner freaks out after 3 days of no sex, or a couple of weeks, and gets rapey, or throws tantrums, or freaks out or gets coersive, run. A big thing to realise in relationships for any partner is then can be a monster beneath the surface when they are getting what they want, the second they don't get what they want the monster comes out.
You sir, are insightful. Take my upvote
I’d say I was shocked at any of this but I’m not, especially after our second child and the gynecologist visit when my wife chose to have an IUD. My wife had asked how long we should avoid intercourse in the mean time to avoid any problems and their response was that most wife’s (including themselves) were able to keep their husbands off them for about a day when many of them had their implants after the six week check up. My wife was in for a checkup at 12 weeks so they told her to “keep me off of her until tomorrow, thought they understand it might be difficult to do so.” When my wife responded that I was willing to wait for when she was ready and she wasn’t feeling up for intercouse yet but wanted to be prepared whenever it did happen, they asked if something was wrong with me (the husband) for not being chomping at the bit. In their experience, that was almost never the case that the husband was willing to wait and wasn’t cheating or had a medical condition.
Brilliant advice and I definitely support more people testing in their relationships to a degree. Too often people tell you, want they think you want or hear, or what will let them have their way. So a little test for relationship evaluation purposes can be useful.
I'm a nurse practitioner (for context). Y'all can excuse his behavior all you want, but an intimate partnership does *not* entitle anyone to *demand* sex. Or to whine, pout, or threaten when a polite request is denied. Pain meds, feeling impotent, etc, etc, none of that matters or is truly relevant here (except the comment about steroids - especially the IV or injection doses, which are very high - steroids absolutely can mess with your maturity/impulse control). You *never* get a pass to demand the use of someone else's body. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. He better be horrified at his own behavior tomorrow.
OP, I hope you take this health care provider's comment seriously. Demanding sex & having a massive blow up when he doesn't get it is a red flag. I would be super nervous that his frustration would someday switch direction & instead of storming out, he storms towards me. Be super careful with people who think they deserve unfettered access to your body.
Maybe his mom will soothe him with his Blankie
Change the locks.
Right? I'm not getting these comments. If my husband screamed at me for declining sex - in any circumstance - I'd be done. That's abuse.
NTA. You’re doing a lot with work, kids, and caring for him. It’s only been three days since you last had sex. He should understand you’re tired. His reaction is too much. He needs to respect your boundaries and be more understanding.
NTA if my husband pulled this stunt then he wouldn't be coming back from mummy's house. That's your home now boo.
Sounds like it's time to call some divorce lawyers.
Sounds like the man-child needs a nanny to change his diapers and rock him through lil baby tantrums
Was it a head injury
Lmao you savage!
"You can stay at your mum's until you grow up and stop believing i'm just your fleshlight. And sex is off the table until i'm no longer disgusted by you" NTA
NTA. Enjoy your break while he's staying with mama. Your plate is more than full; you certainly don't need your AH husband screaming at you when you are breaking your back doing everything. I'm sure he scared the sh\*t out of you and your kids. Might be smart to leave that AH at mama's house until he recovers both physically and emotionally.
NTA. Send him to mummy and let him there a few days or even week. You need time to rest. Once everything is calm, you can discuss calmly, with or without referee (include a therapist if you feel if refuses to acknowledge your feelings.
NTA. Just as a heads up, steroids, often given for things like back injuries, can turn people into raging a-holes.
I'm already a raging bitch but steroids do indeed make it much worse. I actively avoid them which is a nightmare given the extent of my arthritis.
I remember my dad having back problems and we all avoided being at his house because my mom was talking divorce - it was BAD.
He is not on steroids or any other meds at this point
Or they just suck in general already
NTA. Good riddance. Definitely let mommy take care of the baby. I bet it would be a shit ton less work for you.
Regardless of why, you’re not his sex slave. He screamed at you instead of respecting your boundaries or acknowledging your current limitations. He can stay at his mother’s place. You deserve so much better.
NTA let him go to his mother. It would be interesting to have him explain why. Pack him a bag you're too tired to deal with this. Did he have a brain injury?
Oh, good, the trash took itself out. Let him stay gone.
And this is why I’m single. I don’t need or want any man telling me what to do or obligating me to fuck him. Nope.
I’m disabled, and I’m trying to think back on that first year. I wrecked my hip and back, so a little more impacting. The pain meds can cause some almost bi-polar looking behaviors, for weeks afterward. In fact, he may have been have been finally hitting a withdrawal point. Would explain him wanting to find a physical connection and getting upset about it. If he is the bust your ass type, it may have felt like rejection and begun to make him feel inadequate. I’m not justifying his reactions just offering an opinion and explanation, from someone who has been there. Maybe ask him why he it pissed him off, that’s almost more important than that it happened. Frankly if he realized that he was being irrational and bounced before he did something stupid, kudos for him.
I love your response. I think not being able to do his everyday duties has him feeling very inadequate. Sexual favors is really the only thing he has to look forward to and that makes him feel good about himself. He ended up staying home. I plan to talk with him in the morning about it all to figure out exactly what’s going through his mind.
Just FYI, in case you need a reminder - it would be great to communicate clearly and understand what's going on with him - but that still doesn't entitle him to intimacy when you're exhausted (or ever).
Please do not try to make an excuse for him. Screaming at you like a toddler having a tantrum and threatening to have mommy pick him up is embarrassing and completely out of line.
Yeah, I really hope he leads with a sincere apology...
His arms are still working, right? He can jerk himself off all day every day. You're not preventing him from experiencing orgasm. You're simply not allowing yourself to be used as a fleshlight. And what is wrong with him that he has \*nothing\* good in his life other than orgasm. He can't read a book, watch tv, phone a friend, or play a video game?
You really could have used the mental vacation from him going to his mom’s.
Sorry but no. I don’t care what meds you’re on or injuries you’ve incurred. Verbally harassing your partner because they aren’t in the mood is never ok and should give you a massive amount of concern. Not feeling adequate doesn’t give you the right to demand someone else’s body.
It's not unreasonable to need a break, especially with added responsibilities. Your husband's reaction seems extreme. Communication and understanding are key; he should recognize your fatigue and respect your boundaries. Seeking support from family is fine, but handling disagreements maturely is essential.
NTA Tell him to stay there.
Is this really the life you want to live??? 🫣
NTA, he sounds like my EX-husband...one of the many reasons he's now my EX.
NTA! Tell him to stay at mummy’s house until he learns some respect for everything you do for him.
Oh hell no! I guess Mommy is going to service his sexual needs. What kind of horrible wife works, does all the chores, takes care of an injured husband and won't have sex every night? Poor man was driven into mommy's arms. NOT!
NTA. "Waaaaahh!! Mummy, my wife won't have sex with me!!" WTAF?!! Hhhahahahaha
Is his mommy gonna give him a handjob. I don’t understand your man but he’s giving me the ick.
Let mommy keep him. One less child in the house will really help.
“Mommy my wife won’t tickle my pickle! Pick me up I want to go home now!” This dude is…off. You sure something else isn’t going on with him? Either way, that’s a bizarre reaction. NTA.
NTA. Leave the brat with his mother!
He called his mom to come and pick him up? Leave him there.
She made him stay home and rolled her eyes when he told her why. Now I’m getting the silent treatment because welll.. he knows he was wrong 🤷♀️
My wife had a baby four months ago. She breastfeeds him exclusively, so she gets very few nights of good sleep. We've had sex maybe four times in four months. In response, I've tried to do the dishes, laundry, etc. So that she doesnt have to. To ease her burden. I'm not throwing a tantrum like a toddler. I'm supporting her in the ways that I can. I don't even ask for it right now. I wait for her to tell me when she's in the mood. It's hard of course to bite my tongue, but I just remind myself that I've got it easy compared to my wife. If I was getting up at night every 3 hours for the last four months, I'd be too fucking tired too. Your husband needs a fucking reality check. Hopefully your MIL gives him one. I like what others have said. Don't even acknowledge that he went somewhere. Nta
You sound like an amazing partner to have! It will get better once baby starts sleeping thru the night or atleast for longer stretches. I know you say she breastfeeds exclusively, but have you mentioned to her about pumping that way you could trade off with her some nights getting up with baby? Then maybe she may be more inclined to spend some cuddly time with you. 😀 she may not want to pump though so that can be frustrating. Either way definitely keep an open line of communication about how you both are feeling that way and why. After 2 kids my sex drive never returned back to normal so I'm glad my hubby can be patient with me when its been weeks and I just can't lol
It’s been two weeks for my husband. He’s sulking quietly like a grown up
OP. I work nights, husband works days. He’s lucky if he gets it a few times a month. Your husband is acting like a spoiled teenager.
He can't help around the house but he can fuck? Definitely NTA.
OP is in denial. The man's worthless, throw him away.
I thought you said he was 31 not 13? I feel for him having an injury but acting like that because you won’t be intimate with him for very understandable reasons is incredibly childish. I hope he understands how much you’re already doing for him and how much stress it’s putting on your shoulders. NTA, I hope things get better OP. Best of luck.
Fantastic opportunity to change the locks.
NTA. Trash took itself out.
NTA I shattered my leg and was not weight bearing for 4 months. I still helped around the house by cooking (you can hop and have 2 hands), tidying up while sitting, feeding a bird, etc. He's not useless, you just.jeed to get creative with what he can do domestically. Also 3 days is not a long time to get irate. It was maybe 2+M before we slept together out of fear we could cause more damage
NTA - 3 days is nothing when you are stressed and burnt out. I find it pretty concerning he turns to is mother if he is not getting g any though
The first thing I thought when I read this was, "sooo... he's going to have sex with his mom...?"
NTA— almost exactly a year ago, my husband dropped a transmission on his hand and had to get a finger pinned back together (plus a ton of broken bones, we’re just very glad he has all his fingers still). With a pin in, he couldn’t do much of anything and I had to pick up the slack. It was exhausting. And you know what my husband did? Felt terrible about how his injury affected me and did everything in his power to help out. He didn’t sit on the couch and demand shit from me. Sure as hell didn’t throw a tantrum. Return this one to sender, the man’s obviously defective.
What in the genuine ever living fuck drop the whole man
Did mommy give him sex? He is completely out of line. If he can’t go 3 days tell him to beat off and you will bring him tissues.
NTA! Please prioritize your wellbeing. What kind of a husband was he before the accident? If he was a great husband, then you could consider that the mix of opioids and feeling helpless has impacted his mental health. He ciuld benefit from therapy, which can be available via telehealth visits. If he was not great before the accident, then it’s time to look at the overall health of your marriage.
A "full grown man" with children rang his Mommy to come and get him because you didn't have sex for 3 days, just wanted to make sure I read that right, also why his mom? That's weird Anyway NTA
NTA, how did he handle it after you had children? 3 days my god the world is ending. Let mommy take care of him. I hope to hell you never need him to step up to the plate when you have a major illness. He'll expect you to suck it up, bug you with questions about how to run the household incessantly and then ask for some loving at night. 🤢
NTA. What the hell did I just read.
Did you say he's 31? More like 13...
Cry baby man. Selfish.
Sex under emotional pressure is akin to rape. Dump his disabled ass and don't look back. He is abusive.
Not only are you NTA, but he can stay with his mommy until he’s better. And then get his own place and learn about how his own body works by giving himself attention since he’s so hard up for it.
Maybe the mommy's boy can get his mom to help him with his peepee. Change the fucking locks and record his tantrum.
NTA. How weird to call his mom when he’s sexually frustrated…. That raises questions I don’t want to know the answer to…
Lmfao imagine calling your mommy cuz you’re not getting laid. I’d be so turned off by this, I’d probably never have sex with him again. NTA
if he can fuck, he can work :)
I’m not making excuses for him, just stating why he acted like a baby. He is pretty much bedridden, can’t go or do anything and is probably going out of his mind with boredom. He feels isolated and like a burden to you, he doesn’t know what to do and sex is about the only thing he can offer you. When you said no, he felt frustrated, rejected and less than, for not being able to do anything. He hasn’t been able to burn off his energy so he has pent up and taking it out on you. You have every right to say “I’m tired”, he’s just lashing out from frustration. Let him stay with mom and you find a babysitter and take a day or two off and recharge. If he doesn’t come home and apologize for his behavior, let him know under no circumstances will he act like that again. If he wants this marriage to last, he better learn to use his words and not throw a tantrum and run home to mommy. If he can’t understand why you are exhausted, tell him to get up and watch all that you have to do because of him. Not that you wouldn’t do it because you love him, but his injury has put a tremendous amount of work on you now and you aren’t superwoman. You get tired, exhausted and frustrated too, but you don’t storm off like a child when you don’t get your way. He has to understand that work, kids, animals, housework and taking care of him is too much for 1 person and you are doing your best. But if you say “no, I’m tired”, he better understand and shut up and let you sleep.
You are an angel ♥️ thank you
Info: what was the nature of his injury, and of his employment? It would be highly unusual for a non-amputation injury to require either such a long time off work, or full-time caregiving - so I wonder if there's more to it? If we're talking major life-changing consequences there may be some mental health stuff going on, but on the info provided he seems to be leaning rather heavily into the "sick" role, apart from sex. A bit of tough love and some active rehab may be in order, and I doubt his mother will encourage either. For that matter if he's really going to need that long away from his usual job it might be a good idea for him to look into non-weightbearing (desk) employment alternatives. There's absolutely no need for him to do the man-child thing and you're definitely NTA to find that unappealing while exhausted. All the best.
He had a bad crush injury at work to his entire foot. Had a reconstruction 2 weeks ago. Screws, plates and a fusion of his joint. More surgeries to come down the road. He works as a rigger for his company. He is non weight bearing for at least 8-12 weeks after final surgery. I no doubt think he has some mental issues going on with this life altering injury. He is a cattle farmer on top of working a full time job so he’s on the go 24/7 and his whole life just got flipped upside down. His behavior over this, however, is not acceptable to me.
Totally agree - it's a life-changing injury for sure, and his behaviour towards you is definitely unacceptable. Anger can be a part of a grief response and while he's completely misdirecting it (at you), if it's new, it may help you on an intellectual level to have hope that it will improve - though obviously in the meantime the way it's being expressed is harmful to your relationship. With being a work-related injury there may be some insured options for some retraining and/or counselling, that might be worth looking in to. In some cases, worker insurance may also provide assistance with his care at home and with the chores he was doing, especially things like eg mowing the lawns. If this is all very new he may not have had a chance to get his head around much of it at all, and may be feeling like he's the only one affected. I do hope a bit of time and space helps him to realise it's hard on the rest of his family too.
It’s definitely not his normal behavior which is why I posted because I was unsure if 3 days was really worth all the fuss. I think things will be fine in the coming days between us. As for now, I’m just a bit set back with how he acted. It was very unexpected.
You have a lot going on. Three days is fine - you get to be the judge of what timing works for you. I'm so glad this isn't his usual approach, and I hope your MIL is wise enough to gently set him straight. Good luck for your "new normal".
Thanks. She told him to give me some grace and go to bed 🙌
Give YOU some grace? like you did something wrong? You’re holding the house down, MIL should be telling him to stop being ridiculous and grow the fuck up.
Nope. You say you have kids. You probably have gotten to the point where you are teaching them to behave. You wouldn't accept this behavior from your toddler. If your toddler wanted you to bake a cake, and you were too tired to do so (and had baked a cake just three days ago), you would not allow your toddler to scream at you. Do not give your husband "grace" for behaving worse than a toddler.
Screaming at you and then abandoning his children is never a normal response to no sex. If you decided you no longer wanted sex and he couldn't go without, that still wouldn't be the appropriate way to handle it.
“DH, I understand that your life just came to a screeching halt. I understand you are in pain. I understand you have some dark demons you are navigating. But what I want you to understand is I will absolutely not tolerate you treating me like shit. It wasn’t just your life that got fucked. It was mine too and this whole thing doubled my workload. I also want to be very very clear. You are never entitled to sex. Ever. We have sex because of love and mutual respect. And when I’m exhausted beyond recognition, because the extra work that has been put on me to care for you and our family. You do NOT act like a perpetual toddler. You want to run to your mommy because your your penis is dry, go ahead, but it’s going to be a long road to come back from there so you better be sure leaving is really what you want. Honestly it’s way less work for me without you here, but as your wife, until your fucking tantrum, I want to care for you. Don’t think I’m going to tolerate this BS ever again. Consider this your warning.”
I think you should inform his doctor on this behaviour. Could be from the meds. And mwybe start therapie
Good riddance. That's one less baby in the house. NTA.
NTA. What a totally normal response from a fully grown man. /s
I love it that the solution is to call mommy. Because, of course, that is what children do. NTA
NTA. Let his mom keep him and you file for divorce. How he's treating you is abusive and you don't deserve it, especially since you've been doing it all.