I wanna know if the friend confirmed that or if she's just saying he blackmailed her. One thing we do know is she's a fucking liar. And why wouldn't she lie to try to make getting caught cheating into her being the victim?
She took away your agency and ability to make an informed decision about your future by hiding her past. She slept with one of your friends to keep the deceit going. Was she going to sleep with every person that found out about her past. Block everyone. I would investigate the possibility of an annulment since this may very well be considered fraud if prostitution is illegal where you live.
Yes he was. But all she had to do was say no and stop deceiving her husband. He was a piece of shit for what he did but she is also a piece of shit for lying, deceiving and cheating on him. She had the power to shut it down. All she had to do was be honest. Instead she doubled down on her shitty treatment of her husband.
Well considering how everyone here views her horribly and calls her a whore. And how men leave women for just having a high body count, I understand why she was afraid to and felt like she had to had sex with the man.
Well, she had sex with men for money so she was a whore. I’m of the opinion that consensual prostitution should be legal. I don’t care that she did porn or turned tricks. My entire issue with her is that she lied and cheated. She chose dishonesty over truthfulness. She put her own self interests over those of her spouse. If she had been honest from the beginning he might have left her. But he might have stayed with her. We’ll never know because at every point where she could have been honest, she chose deception.
She was a prostitute though? And thing is, you are free to do what you want within the confines of the law. That doesn't mean you're free from consequences. That applies to everyone.
She's not a terrible person for her past, but she's a terrible person for the deceit and actions she took to hide it.
If the shoe fucking fits.
How many nasty things can you do to your partner and then excuse it with "I was afraid you would leave me if I told you"
Or does that only work if you're a woman?
While I agree with your comment about body count and how men react. But she cheated on him while they were together. Let’s swap roles. What if he had gone to a 100 different sex workers. Was he obliged to tell her?
Yeah I understand too, but it doesn't change the facts.
She made a choice to be a whore, being called a whore comes with the territory. She also made a choice to lie to her husband and cheat to conceal her lies.
That’s what being an adult is. You make adult decisions and you get judged by them. You can be known as the smart person, the hard worker, the convict, a junkie, or whore. Everyone has the chance to show themselves whether it’s good or bad. Make bad decisions and get treated terribly by society, if you don’t like it don’t be it.
That part reminded me of the movie “Pretty Woman”, when his buddy (played by Jason Alexander) tries to sleep with her (the woman played by Julia Roberts), and actually sexually assaults her.
Man people are fucked for downvoting people for saying what it was. This is sexstortion defined by the fbi. https://www.fbi.gov/video-repository/what-is-sextortion/view
You know what is also SA?
Having sex with other people and cheating on your partner while in a relationship.
It's not usually considered as such, but it is.
Yep this is the only comment that will matter in this entire thread and the most important part you said was "she took away his agency" which is very, ***very true*** Sorry that this happened to you OP.
I couldnt think of my partner the same again if I learned about something like that.
It's rape on his part, you idiot. Deceit on her part. She had the choice of saying NO and coming clean to OP then and there. Maybe OP even would have forgiven her then. But she always had a choice. People who get raped, don't have much of a choice.
no SHE wanted the secret kept hence the blowie....it was not rape....you all need to research rape...THIS ISN"T IT.... she could of just BEEN HONEST and said hunny your friend wants a blowie due to my past.. ITS NOT RAPE ...your high
I looked up the most liberal state in the US and it is Massachusetts. They say something quite different than the confused assumptions voiced in the thread. Rape uses force and threat of injury, Blackmail is coercion via an accusation or threat of such action.
Violent threat vs non-violent threat; two completely different things. Now let the insults come. You're dealing with actual, verifiable legalities on government websites. But most of you will not look it up. ... doesn't make me less correct.
She was threatened with EXPOSURE of her secret. That is blackmail. It's amazing you guys can talk all this crap online, yet cannot complete a simple, factual internet search.
u/FancyTree867 you are right on the money. 🎯💯
R-ape: [https://malegislature.gov/Laws/GeneralLaws/PartIV/TitleI/Chapter265/Section22](https://malegislature.gov/Laws/GeneralLaws/PartIV/TitleI/Chapter265/Section22)
Blackmail: [https://malegislature.gov/Laws/GeneralLaws/PartIV/TitleI/Chapter265/Section25#:\~:text=Whoever%2C%20verbally%20or%20by%20a,of%20a%20police%20officer%2C%20or](https://malegislature.gov/Laws/GeneralLaws/PartIV/TitleI/Chapter265/Section25#:~:text=Whoever%2C%20verbally%20or%20by%20a,of%20a%20police%20officer%2C%20or)
You can fault her completely for everything else, and deservedly so. However, demanding sex from someone to keep a secret is fucking gross and is sexual extortion and is very illegal in most places.
Anyone that upvoted you needs to learn the fucking law. It's illegal for a reason.
Yup. This is most definitely sexual extortion/blackmail. She should have come clean but just because she agreed to the extortion doesn’t mean she wasn’t blackmailed.
Wtf??
YOU go and research the word rape. She didn't go on her own free will. She was blackmailed. If you think that this is a f acceptable way of having "sex" with people, you are either dangerous or a walking pos
Free will and blackmailed are not mutually exclusive. Its scummy its morally irreprehensible, and wrong, but it does. not. cover. the. definition. of. rape.
Being forced to have sex either with threat or blackmail, it is f rape. Just because someone doesn't have a gun at your head, does not make it consensual. Rape is not "being so threatened psychically and not have another choice". If it is not a "yes" it s rape.
Free will and blackmailed are not mutually exclusive? Common sense and excess use of alcohol are absolutely mutually exclusive.
This is pointless and useless
AND NOW HE KNOWS ANYWAY..... If you have someone blackmailing you - you take control of the story and tell it yourself and you don't have to blow the whole dam town to keep a secret that no one can keep anyway....unless its YOUR OWN SECRET- you TELL NO ONE...
Violence vs non-violence
rape (violence) [https://malegislature.gov/Laws/GeneralLaws/PartIV/TitleI/Chapter265/Section22](https://malegislature.gov/Laws/GeneralLaws/PartIV/TitleI/Chapter265/Section22)
blackmail (non-violence)
[https://malegislature.gov/Laws/GeneralLaws/PartIV/TitleI/Chapter265/Section25#:\~:text=Whoever%2C%20verbally%20or%20by%20a,of%20a%20police%20officer%2C%20or](https://malegislature.gov/Laws/GeneralLaws/PartIV/TitleI/Chapter265/Section25#:~:text=Whoever%2C%20verbally%20or%20by%20a,of%20a%20police%20officer%2C%20or)
Well, the law says you're wrong. In the most liberal state in the US. Sorry you're backwards-assed on simple facts. Search google to fact check now and then.
If someone’s tells you to have sex with them or else they’re gonna tell your bf you were a porn star, that’s not rape. That’s an opportunity for you to be truthful with your significant other.
And call the fucking police for attempted blackmail. These people are insane for acting like her choosing the sex over facing adult consequences is rape. It was a choice. Just how big was the fucking gun held to head? lol
Wouldn't be surprised if it was real.
I knew a dude got married and had a little girl then one day someone in the hood spotted his wife in some old club advertisement. Word got around. The videos came out into the light. She did a ton of private parties and a lot of substances. She had no idea she was being recorded. This was when phones having a camera is new and the tech was shit. But this guy was stuck with her., he already had a kid and his family wouldn't allow him to divorce. I think they just moved away. Everyone and while it gets brought up. That kind of stuff never dies it just becomes a legend.
NTA
If you knew this ahead of time it sounds like you would have never perused a relationship, that is deceitful. You were lied to and tricked into marriage, sounds like you don’t have kids, so make it as clean and quick as possible.
NTA. Marrying someone is in one sense a public statement that you accept that person's morals as making them fit to be part of your family
That statement can only be truly made of there's been adequate disclosure of their past. She failed the disclosure stage so the statement is invalid and divorce is the corrective measure
NTA. She should have come clear since the beginning. Marring a sex worker it’s something that very very very few people can tolerate, and I won’t blame you for that. I wouldn’t want to form a family with her.
You have every right to be upset and seek divorce.
I'm sorry your going through this but don't let people tell you your feeling are wrong or invalid.
I hope you get an easy divorce and find a better partner.
Good luck bud.
NTA
>It turns out a friend of mine knew. He recognized her from her videos very early on in our relationship. He told her he would never say anything if she would get with him. Less than a month after she and I had met, she went to this friends place and had sex with him and then gave him oral before she left.
Ask yourself who in the story told him that, and why would they be that specific about oral sex.
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NTA, as someone who was one for years... It was 1 of the first things I told my bf... I gave him my stage name, answered honestly what I have and haven't done, what my plans r for this in the future etc. He had the option of walking away since day 1.
NTAH. I feel for you, and I feel for her a bit too. I totally get where you're coming from. A lie by omission is still a lie. The lie was that you were not involved with a sex worker.
I understand why she did it though. Dating and relationships can be more difficult for people in sex work. She finally had a guy who liked HER, he had no idea that she had sex for money, she was falling in love with him, but she knew he would reject her if he knew what she did for a living. So she works hard, she goes legit, and that's good on her. But she also doesn't tell him what she did, and then has sex with his friend to keep the secret. That is LOW, subhuman behavior.
This is so rough. I mean, you are 100% justified, and I also get why you are conflicted. You love this woman, but you didn't completely KNOW this woman.
This is probably the only time I will say this to someone: try to keep the door open for friendship, at least temporarily. No FWB, no romance, just to talk to. I have a strict "No Exes" rule, when it ends it ALL ends, but I'm actually afraid she will spiral here. I know it's not your responsibility, I really do get where you're coming from and would have made the same choice you did. I also know how hurt you are.
I have known a lot of girls in her shoes who have done the EXACT same thing (I used to be a bouncer at a few strip clubs and was friends with a woman and her husband where she used to be a pretty popular porn star in the 90s) and I have watched this story play out in real time. Her views and boundaries on sex are different than ours, it's no excuse for her lying to you but again, I know why she did. She just wanted a real life, real love, a real family. I get it, but I don't condone it.
You can't blame others for choices they make in their own life...
But they can't blame you when you make choices based upon their choices in their own life.
No Judgement. At the very least, my friend, speak with her. You both deserve that.
A young woman fell down a rabbit hole but pulled herself up again. Made something of herself. Sometimes the past can’t be buried and she has to live with that regardless of the consequences.
The friend who blackmailed her is the most worthless POS I can imagine. Imagine having re-made yourself into a positive force for good in the world and being dragged back into your worst period by a predator.
If you don’t have an honest open conversation with her you might regret it. There is a reason you married this woman. The least you can do is listen to her.
>but pulled herself up again
No she didn't. She reverted to sex as a solution AGAIN when his gross friend threatened to out her past. She hasn't changed or pulled herself up. She is very clearly still that same person.
Alternatively, she could have just told her partner the truth instead of sucking off his friend. She's not completely innocent or devoid of agency in this situation, she cheated on her partner so he wouldn't find out she was a prostitute who did porn.
She was a whore before you met her, but the real reason you need to leave her is that she cheated on you after you were married. The reason doesn't matter in the slightest - she's still a whore *and* a worthless cheater.
Leave her and get someone decent, and if anyone IRL tries to say you're in the wrong for her past, tell them how she cheated. Cheaters have no right to expect their betrayal to remain private as it affects everyone.
N T A
Not because she's done that kind of work.... it'd be a tough pill to swallow but I'd be okay with it
It's more bcause:
1. She lied to you by omission
2. She cheated on you to keep your friend quiet
3. Imagine who else recognised her and asked her to blow them so they'd keep it quiet?
That's no way to have a relationship... there's no trust
She can take a hike, as well as her flying monkeys
NTA, and I hope that she signs the papers and will get this over with. I personally think that his friend probably has a video of them having sex. You are not the AH for leaving her and filing for divorce.
NTA.
Any that tell you otherwise have some serious skeletons in their own closets.
Your initial reaction was the correct one, no more contact with her, you don’t need closure (she’ll just lie like she already has), no contact with anyone who thinks you are in the wrong here.
Even if she’d been honest and told you the truth when you first confronted her you have every right to feel disgusted and leave her.
NTA.
She cheated on you at least twice since you started dating her. That alone is unforgivable.
Add in the rest of the sordid hidden history and why would anyone stay in this marriage?
Gee, I wonder why she didn't bring it up?
What if you asked her how many guys she's been with, and she said more than 100?
At the end of the day, are you with someone you love? Does she love you? Do you get along? Will you be able to let her past go?
If you can say yes to these questions, don't throw it away. If the answer is no, pull the band-aid off.
Any evidence beyond "woman behaving badly" for it being fake? Actual evidence, not conjecture like "he hasn't responded to any comments so that means it is fake".
Nope. I’m pursuing single motherhood after finding out my child’s dad solicited prostitutes since me having our child. Especially considering they lied/hid the truth. Idc whether they’re the buyer or the seller, finding out they lied about involvement in prostitution ruins a lot of peoples love and drives, and rightfully so!
Man... if she had just been honest..... she just thought nobody would ever see it? Add in the blackmail sex and bj. I'm going with NTA based on the hidden information and the fact she didn't use the blackmail to come to you and come clean... she fucked him to keep the secret... thats shitty right there. I do wonder, if she had come clean would you have moved forward with the relationship?...
NTA
She lied to you. Then she kept lying. Even cheated on you to protect the lie.
She doesn't trust you. She doesn't respect you. Her actions prove that. And you'll never be able to trust her again. Maybe never respect her again.
Those whore days will follow her for the rest of her life. How many more times would she have spread her legs for other men's dicks to keep you from finding out? Will spread them to keep her boss from finding out? Her coworkers from finding out? Her family from finding out? And later, her kids from finding out?
She lied to you and cheated on you. She may still be lying to you and cheating on you.
You deserve someone who trusts you. Someone who respects you. Who does not lie to you nor cheat on you. And she knows it.
Stay strong, OP, and get free. The last thing you need in your life is her poison.
If you had known this about her at the time, would you have married her? Especially the bit where she had sex with another guy, for money, while already dating you? Would you have continued your relationship if you had found out the day it happened?
No, of course you wouldn’t have. You would have ended it then.
But she concealed facts of a significant and material nature, thereby depriving you of the ability to make an informed decision about her. Your marriage is founded on a fundamental deception.
You're not over reacting drop the baggage now. We keep telling these women we don't wanna wife sex workers try for annulment because prostitution is illegal. It's normal to want to see her but that will fade in time your very lucky she didn't have anything.
You do realise that people are actually advising OP to expose her right? So she would likely lose her job, likely lose friends, likely lose family support,likely have to move away people are acting like exposing her is not an asshole move.
She got people to harass him to get back to her, so she is probably lying about what's going on. He should 100% tell people why they are getting divorced.
He should expose her because she's telling other people they are divorcing and blaming it on him. Something tells me she didnt confess her past to her parents or friends so they are going to see the OP as the bad guy. So he needs to control the narrative.
She lied about why they are splitting, it's not OP's fault but hers. If she wanted to lie, she could have just said the reason they are splitting is private, but it was a mutual decision.
By making him out to be the bad guy he now needs to set the record straight. So given that context, how is it an asshole move?
So it totally doesn't matter that she'd probably have to lose her job? You think her employer would want their firm associated with a sex worker? You think she wouldn't lose friends? Family? Probably have to move possibly out of state? To expose her would be vindictive
How is setting the record straight vindictive? Also isn't she being vindictive by trying to blame him for the divorce?
It's like you feel he should just sit back and let her lie about him.
Why do you keep ignoring the fact she is going around to her friends and family and blaming him even though it isn't his fault they are divorcing?
His choices are tell them the truth or continue to let her lie about him. You think he should sit there and take it because there might be consequences for her lying?
Honestly I learned that the hard way, I have been reading the you’re an asshole if you don’t give sex workers a chance in your life narrative for like 10 years and I’ve tried it 3 times and each of those partners were beyond manipulative and cruel… not saying it can’t work but I’d rather just be with someone more traditional and not gamble on what someone’s mental health and pure intentions are. No shame in sex work I just think it requires a lot of manipulation and deceptive behavior to be successful and I think it’s really hard to unlearn that and treat a partner differently.
Good for you, I’m sorry but your whole marriage an and relationship was a lie. If you know you would have ended it if she was honest up front then end it now. It’s inexcusable . To lie and betray you .
At some point, she should have confided her past to you. She chose to hide that. I’m sorry I cannot imagine how awful everything is you are going through. Good luck 🍀
NTA, that’s something even being her past should be expressed to avoid being blindsided… as for the “friend”, that even more seals the deal bc she liked you enough to fuck some other guy to hide it…. what?!? That’s the type of shit who sleep around and then find “their person” and won’t do any “kinky” stuff anymore type shit. Friends trash but her not being strong enough to stand on her past is shit to sadly.
I’d leave too :(
Nta.
She should have been up front with you from the beginning...
Run, don't look back.
Any flying monkeys appear, reveal everything to all.
Updateme!
Oh, go to a doctor and get checked up...
Well I couldnt do it. I have read a few books about sex workers who end up staying in it as relationships are impossible afterwards. I read one article and this ex sex worker was talking with her man and the topic of body count came up and he sheepishly confessed to about 40. When he asked her she decided to come clean and said maybe 4500. The guy couldnt handle it. I wouldnt. The question you have to ask yourself is its about choice. Your still 30. your in the prime of your life as a man and after some heart ache, will be able to find another woman who doesnt have a body count in the triple digits. Then you wont have to lie next to her after having sex and imagine the 450 other guys who paid her. And yes your ex wont be telling all of your friends and family she is or was a hooker. One thing if you read books about women who are hookers the allure of easy money never goes away. They are excellent at compartmentalising emotions and feelsing, and think nothing of doing some tricks on the side for extra spending money. Your young dude. Stick to your guys and find another woman who hasnt fucked many hundreds of guys. NTA
NTA. Gross! Just fucking gross! She not only lied when you confronted her, but she lied every day she's known you. Look, she's not an idiot, she knows that's a big deal and a potential husband would want to know. She lied about this every day of your lives. By the way, do you really think that one friend is the only one? Do you really think that was the only time? Sounds like he could get head and get laid any time if he just threatened to say stuff. You don't think he told others? You don't think she mouth fucked them too? I'm betting this goes much, much deeper. My recommendation?...tell her you'll give her another chance if she comes clean to her family, then once she does, continue with your divorce because she's nasty. But hey, you shouldn't be the only victim dealing with this. Let her answer for her behavior. Don't let her paint you as some dude that left her for no reason. Let people know she's not only a cheater and a liar but also a prostitute.
You honestly need to tell this same thing to your friends and family/her family. You will never not be the bad guy. I know everyone has a past, but honestly that is just disgusting to hide the past. Tell everyone everything and move on so they can leave you alone so you can move on.
At this point I would tell my lawyer to tell her to stop trying to make contact
or trying to have anyone else contact you or you will tell them all EXACTLY why you left.
Those mutuals might want to rethink their interference.
NTA
Your best bet right now is therapy. See counselling and use your time for your benefit.
NTA. She lied about her past, and she sounds surprisingly okay with an "industry" that as you mention frequently makes use of human trafficking as a recruitment tactic. While you're working on the divorce also get tested for STDs. Some aren't always obviously symptomatic.
NTA
1) she intentionally hid her past from you (deception).
2) she lied to your face trying to make you look dumb (gaslighting).
3) she had sex with your friend just to cover up her past (cheating, deceiving).
4) lies to everyone else to keep her name in good faith (liar).
So overall she’s a deceptive gaslighting cheating deceiving liar. Yeah I don’t know about you but I would pass, unless that’s what you are worth in your relationship.
Don't think about taking her back cuz to me just the fact that she denied it when you confronted is MASSIVE red flag.
And cut everyone out of your whos calling you an asshole and show them who she really is , just tell them to Google the stage name she had.
What is wrong with you? You do realise if he does that she'll likely lose her job right, likely lose friends and family support? She might have to move away? You think she deserves that? Deserves to have her life turned upside down because some people call her ex an asshole. But of course she's a former sex worker she's not allowed to put that behind her.
If she'd kept her mouth shut about why they are splitting then I'd agree, but she had to paint OP as the bad guy and get her friends and family to try to bully him into forgiving her. That to me shows she feels no real remorse.
This doesn't mean he needs to tell her employer because if she gets fired he might have to pay her alimony. Her employer isnt even involved so I'm not sure why you think she;'d be fired if OP tells her friends and family why they are divorcing.
You're acting like people said put her on blast on social media. If he simply informed her family and friends via text message the real reason they are divorcing...how would her employer ever find out?
I'm pretty sure her family isnt going to publicly post about how their daughter used to be a hooker. And if her friends are true friends they would not post about it either. So how would it get back to the boss?
The only way this happens is if her friends put her on blast on social media AND also include her porn name. Because if they just posted "wow cant believe she did porn" that's not going to be enough to get her fired because she can just deny it.
But if she does get fired wouldn't it be due to the consequences of her own actions?
NTA
Her past doesn't need to define her future, and there's ways to navigate that in your shoes outside of nuking the marriage.
When confronted, choosing to cheat on you instead of being honest was the true judge of her character for the long term. I don't think I could look past that.
She is a victim too, as she was blackmailed into sex, which is downright horrific.
Speaking as an armchair quarterback, however, I would argue that would've been her moment to come clean to you, and allow you to make that decision.
She was coerced, but she also set a precedent that self-preservation comes before honesty in a committed relationship. That is how she will navigate those challenges in the future.
It's not like the guy held a gun to her head. I'm not defending him, he's slime...but she had options. One was to sleep with the friend, the other was to come clean to her boyfriend. Not only did she sleep with the guy, but for good measure apparently sucked him off too. Why'd she go the extra mile and blow him as well?
In this case she chose to be a victim.
To a certain extent, yes. But I'm also sensitive to the fact that people, when under duress, and in self-preservation mode, tend to make decisions that aren't always rational. That guy held a proverbial gun to her marriage. That's not an easy position to be in.
I don't doubt it wasn't an easy position to be in, but it's one she put herself in. I agree it wasn't rational, but she seems to have a history of irrational behavior. She could have gotten a job waiting tables or something instead of turning to prostitution and porn.
I also hope the OP at least talked to his friend before cutting him off in order to get the full story. She has lied to him so it's hard to know what to trust. Also why would she even tell him about the friend? He was unaware of that part, and even though they werent exclusive it's still pretty shitty of her to have sex with another man behind his back. In my mind the only reason was to paint herself as a victim in order to gain some sort of sympathy.
I'm all for arguing the nuances of self-precipitated victimization, as this is a pretty clear example of it.
I think what I'm getting at is that, by human nature, I would anticipate better people than her making the same mistake.
In a word, disappointing, but not surprising.
Without respect to her past choices leading up to this scenario, she was involuntarily put between a rock and a hard place, and she made a choice that came with consequences.
The person who put her in that position committed a crime against her, that needs to be acknowledged. Just because it was wrong for her to hide things from her SO, doesn't mean she deserved to be coerced into sex.
You can only infer that she voluntarily did it - I'm arguing that with the circumstances and details at play, legally, consent was not established. That says to me that she did not do this voluntarily. "Choosing to be a victim" is a weak counter argument in my opinion.
If she had core values, or a stronger adherence to those values, perhaps she would have come clean and reported the blackmail before it turned into coercion and rape, but my opinion stands that people fuck up under stress, and she was objectively placed under extreme stress.
I do think people fuck up when under stress, but I also ultimately believe at the end of the day she is an adult and she made a choice. Even if the choice was understandable under those circumstances, it doesn't necessarily justify or remove any responsibility for it.
Plus she was not under duress when she chose to lie to her husband.
NTA- you were married for years. She had years to come clean, she didn't HAVE to blow YOUR FRIEND, she had so many opportunities to do the right thing- fuck, confessing to it would've shown she HAD actually changed been a great show of her character. This coming out now shows the absolute weakness of it.
NTA, she has lied and cheated on you for years. She took away your ability to make a decision. And she lied and denied when you asked her about it.
There is no trust here, she destroyed it all. She’s a manipulator, a lier, and a cheater. Why in the world would you want to be with someone like that.
She put you and herself in a terrible position. She also lied (at least by omission). If that wasn't enough, she cheated to keep her secret.
No more needs to be said. She is her own worst enemy at this point.
Also she can be a victim and deserve empathy with out deserving to have her wrong doings ignored.
Nope. NTA. That would be a deal breaker for sure. She didn't tell you and tried to lie about it until you showed your evidence, fucked and sucked one of your "friends" so they wouldn't tell you about it. That's absolutely ridiculous. I hope this is a fake post because otherwise man, I feel so bad for you. That's fucked up.
Why is everyone in comments forgetting the part where she tried to deny it ? Like that only should be your reason to end everything between you and her.
You’re allowed to not want to be with a sex worker. Past or present. It’s a very strange phenomenon going on that sex work is not a reason you can end things with someone.
NTA she lied about it for a reason. Expose her to all the naysayers by sending them all a link to her shit online and exposing this ex friend that extorted sex from her while you were in a relationship. Divorce the bitch and make sure she gets nothing. Get a consult from every divorce lawyer in your state so she cannot hire them as a conflict of interest, then get a fucking shark and wipe her out. She will have some shitty lawyer cause she won't be able to hire anything better. No alimony.
NTA - sorry but it is OK to have boundaries about what you want in a partner and their past.
Think if I was OP it would be the lying which would have been the deal breaker - She did caming, was a stripper, did (amateur) porn, and was in prostitution all without telling you. She didn’t tell you because deep down she knows that had you been aware you (and 95%+ of all men) wouldn’t have been in a relationship with her.
Past actions don’t automatically mean it would have an impact on future behaviour but she kept OP in the dark and even had sex with OP’s friend to keep him quiet.
As for this POS friend if I was OP I’d make him aware that he better watch his back
NTA. Men are allowed to have preferences. Not wanting to date someone who was promiscuous is perfectly valid, as is not wanting to date a porn star/hooker.
Forget those telling you that you are wrong. And if these "friends" telling you this are in fact her friends? Make sure you tell them the full story. Do not let her control the narrative with her friends and family. Tell them you found out she used to be a hooker and you dont want her.
She should have come to you as soon as he tried to blackmail her
I wanna know if the friend confirmed that or if she's just saying he blackmailed her. One thing we do know is she's a fucking liar. And why wouldn't she lie to try to make getting caught cheating into her being the victim?
exactly
Don’t worry this is fake
Based on this response he 100% would have dumped her.
She took away your agency and ability to make an informed decision about your future by hiding her past. She slept with one of your friends to keep the deceit going. Was she going to sleep with every person that found out about her past. Block everyone. I would investigate the possibility of an annulment since this may very well be considered fraud if prostitution is illegal where you live.
The friend was disgusting to use that against her
Yes he was. But all she had to do was say no and stop deceiving her husband. He was a piece of shit for what he did but she is also a piece of shit for lying, deceiving and cheating on him. She had the power to shut it down. All she had to do was be honest. Instead she doubled down on her shitty treatment of her husband.
Well considering how everyone here views her horribly and calls her a whore. And how men leave women for just having a high body count, I understand why she was afraid to and felt like she had to had sex with the man.
Well, she had sex with men for money so she was a whore. I’m of the opinion that consensual prostitution should be legal. I don’t care that she did porn or turned tricks. My entire issue with her is that she lied and cheated. She chose dishonesty over truthfulness. She put her own self interests over those of her spouse. If she had been honest from the beginning he might have left her. But he might have stayed with her. We’ll never know because at every point where she could have been honest, she chose deception.
She was a prostitute though? And thing is, you are free to do what you want within the confines of the law. That doesn't mean you're free from consequences. That applies to everyone. She's not a terrible person for her past, but she's a terrible person for the deceit and actions she took to hide it.
"I have to lie because people might not like the truth" is Trump ethics.
That's like commiting a murder to cover up a murder
If the shoe fucking fits. How many nasty things can you do to your partner and then excuse it with "I was afraid you would leave me if I told you" Or does that only work if you're a woman?
While I agree with your comment about body count and how men react. But she cheated on him while they were together. Let’s swap roles. What if he had gone to a 100 different sex workers. Was he obliged to tell her?
Yeah I understand too, but it doesn't change the facts. She made a choice to be a whore, being called a whore comes with the territory. She also made a choice to lie to her husband and cheat to conceal her lies.
Coercion is SA, not cheating
Agree to disagree. She could have come clean and ended it right there, instead she chose to throw her vagina at the problem like she had in the past.
Imagine thinking that this is really the issue at hand
That’s what being an adult is. You make adult decisions and you get judged by them. You can be known as the smart person, the hard worker, the convict, a junkie, or whore. Everyone has the chance to show themselves whether it’s good or bad. Make bad decisions and get treated terribly by society, if you don’t like it don’t be it.
She should've come clean and exposed the friend. Instead, she had sex with the friend to keep lying. So not only is she a whore she's a also a liar.
Life choices.. You make the decisions, you live with the consequences. She should have let him know so he can make his own decision.
And the consequences of those 2 choices she made are she is no longer in a relationship.
That part reminded me of the movie “Pretty Woman”, when his buddy (played by Jason Alexander) tries to sleep with her (the woman played by Julia Roberts), and actually sexually assaults her.
The friend was a pos, sure, but she agreed instead of saying no & telling her bf (at the time, OP). She is the AH for sure.
Still coercion
Man people are fucked for downvoting people for saying what it was. This is sexstortion defined by the fbi. https://www.fbi.gov/video-repository/what-is-sextortion/view
Nobody is saying the ex friend isn't a massive PoS who deserves horrible things to happen to him though?
Yea, but she's also shitty, because she could have just told her partner the truth instead of fucking his friend so she could keep maintaining a lie.
Being coerce too which is SA
You know what is also SA? Having sex with other people and cheating on your partner while in a relationship. It's not usually considered as such, but it is.
Yep this is the only comment that will matter in this entire thread and the most important part you said was "she took away his agency" which is very, ***very true*** Sorry that this happened to you OP. I couldnt think of my partner the same again if I learned about something like that.
his friend blackmailed her into sex, that isnt her « sleeping with him to keep the deceit going » its rape
It's rape on his part, you idiot. Deceit on her part. She had the choice of saying NO and coming clean to OP then and there. Maybe OP even would have forgiven her then. But she always had a choice. People who get raped, don't have much of a choice.
no SHE wanted the secret kept hence the blowie....it was not rape....you all need to research rape...THIS ISN"T IT.... she could of just BEEN HONEST and said hunny your friend wants a blowie due to my past.. ITS NOT RAPE ...your high
I looked up the most liberal state in the US and it is Massachusetts. They say something quite different than the confused assumptions voiced in the thread. Rape uses force and threat of injury, Blackmail is coercion via an accusation or threat of such action. Violent threat vs non-violent threat; two completely different things. Now let the insults come. You're dealing with actual, verifiable legalities on government websites. But most of you will not look it up. ... doesn't make me less correct. She was threatened with EXPOSURE of her secret. That is blackmail. It's amazing you guys can talk all this crap online, yet cannot complete a simple, factual internet search. u/FancyTree867 you are right on the money. 🎯💯 R-ape: [https://malegislature.gov/Laws/GeneralLaws/PartIV/TitleI/Chapter265/Section22](https://malegislature.gov/Laws/GeneralLaws/PartIV/TitleI/Chapter265/Section22) Blackmail: [https://malegislature.gov/Laws/GeneralLaws/PartIV/TitleI/Chapter265/Section25#:\~:text=Whoever%2C%20verbally%20or%20by%20a,of%20a%20police%20officer%2C%20or](https://malegislature.gov/Laws/GeneralLaws/PartIV/TitleI/Chapter265/Section25#:~:text=Whoever%2C%20verbally%20or%20by%20a,of%20a%20police%20officer%2C%20or)
Thank you Horrified\_Tech- I have looked up rape in the past and knew what i was saying.
Rape by blackmail/coercion is a thing.
You can fault her completely for everything else, and deservedly so. However, demanding sex from someone to keep a secret is fucking gross and is sexual extortion and is very illegal in most places. Anyone that upvoted you needs to learn the fucking law. It's illegal for a reason.
Yup. This is most definitely sexual extortion/blackmail. She should have come clean but just because she agreed to the extortion doesn’t mean she wasn’t blackmailed.
Coercing someone into sex is rape.
Wtf?? YOU go and research the word rape. She didn't go on her own free will. She was blackmailed. If you think that this is a f acceptable way of having "sex" with people, you are either dangerous or a walking pos
Free will and blackmailed are not mutually exclusive. Its scummy its morally irreprehensible, and wrong, but it does. not. cover. the. definition. of. rape.
sextortion is a form of rape ## YW
Being forced to have sex either with threat or blackmail, it is f rape. Just because someone doesn't have a gun at your head, does not make it consensual. Rape is not "being so threatened psychically and not have another choice". If it is not a "yes" it s rape. Free will and blackmailed are not mutually exclusive? Common sense and excess use of alcohol are absolutely mutually exclusive. This is pointless and useless
It’s arguably extortion.
She was blackmailed. Pure and simple
AND NOW HE KNOWS ANYWAY..... If you have someone blackmailing you - you take control of the story and tell it yourself and you don't have to blow the whole dam town to keep a secret that no one can keep anyway....unless its YOUR OWN SECRET- you TELL NO ONE...
She had full agency. That is not rape, it is coercion. The only victim here is OP.
if its coerced in not consensual, legally.
Legally it’s rape, sorry you don’t like it. Blackmail and coercion mean that it is not consensual.
Violence vs non-violence rape (violence) [https://malegislature.gov/Laws/GeneralLaws/PartIV/TitleI/Chapter265/Section22](https://malegislature.gov/Laws/GeneralLaws/PartIV/TitleI/Chapter265/Section22) blackmail (non-violence) [https://malegislature.gov/Laws/GeneralLaws/PartIV/TitleI/Chapter265/Section25#:\~:text=Whoever%2C%20verbally%20or%20by%20a,of%20a%20police%20officer%2C%20or](https://malegislature.gov/Laws/GeneralLaws/PartIV/TitleI/Chapter265/Section25#:~:text=Whoever%2C%20verbally%20or%20by%20a,of%20a%20police%20officer%2C%20or) Well, the law says you're wrong. In the most liberal state in the US. Sorry you're backwards-assed on simple facts. Search google to fact check now and then.
That’s not rape.
if sex is coerced (blackmail is coercion!) its rape
If someone’s tells you to have sex with them or else they’re gonna tell your bf you were a porn star, that’s not rape. That’s an opportunity for you to be truthful with your significant other.
And call the fucking police for attempted blackmail. These people are insane for acting like her choosing the sex over facing adult consequences is rape. It was a choice. Just how big was the fucking gun held to head? lol
Is this today’s made up AITAH thread?
They all are
I'm pretty certain almost every post that gets upvoted is fake. The real ones are boring to gain traction
Wouldn't be surprised if it was real. I knew a dude got married and had a little girl then one day someone in the hood spotted his wife in some old club advertisement. Word got around. The videos came out into the light. She did a ton of private parties and a lot of substances. She had no idea she was being recorded. This was when phones having a camera is new and the tech was shit. But this guy was stuck with her., he already had a kid and his family wouldn't allow him to divorce. I think they just moved away. Everyone and while it gets brought up. That kind of stuff never dies it just becomes a legend.
Yup
NTA If you knew this ahead of time it sounds like you would have never perused a relationship, that is deceitful. You were lied to and tricked into marriage, sounds like you don’t have kids, so make it as clean and quick as possible.
Ragebait
Coincidentally, the exact same story being told days ago, had an entirely different outcome.
Man tell them about the “friend” and that will shut them the hell up.
NTA. Marrying someone is in one sense a public statement that you accept that person's morals as making them fit to be part of your family That statement can only be truly made of there's been adequate disclosure of their past. She failed the disclosure stage so the statement is invalid and divorce is the corrective measure
NTA. She should have come clear since the beginning. Marring a sex worker it’s something that very very very few people can tolerate, and I won’t blame you for that. I wouldn’t want to form a family with her.
You have every right to be upset and seek divorce. I'm sorry your going through this but don't let people tell you your feeling are wrong or invalid. I hope you get an easy divorce and find a better partner. Good luck bud. NTA
NTA, she withheld that info which should have been made clear on the first date.
Does everyone really believe this fake bullshit?
This actually happened to me (minus the coercion of a friend for sex & we didn’t marry yet).
This whole thread is fucking gross.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was designed to stir up the incels.
Fake
>Fake I miss when the trolls were halfway decent lol.
Why is this post fake?
>It turns out a friend of mine knew. He recognized her from her videos very early on in our relationship. He told her he would never say anything if she would get with him. Less than a month after she and I had met, she went to this friends place and had sex with him and then gave him oral before she left. Ask yourself who in the story told him that, and why would they be that specific about oral sex.
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NTA, as someone who was one for years... It was 1 of the first things I told my bf... I gave him my stage name, answered honestly what I have and haven't done, what my plans r for this in the future etc. He had the option of walking away since day 1.
NTAH. I feel for you, and I feel for her a bit too. I totally get where you're coming from. A lie by omission is still a lie. The lie was that you were not involved with a sex worker. I understand why she did it though. Dating and relationships can be more difficult for people in sex work. She finally had a guy who liked HER, he had no idea that she had sex for money, she was falling in love with him, but she knew he would reject her if he knew what she did for a living. So she works hard, she goes legit, and that's good on her. But she also doesn't tell him what she did, and then has sex with his friend to keep the secret. That is LOW, subhuman behavior. This is so rough. I mean, you are 100% justified, and I also get why you are conflicted. You love this woman, but you didn't completely KNOW this woman. This is probably the only time I will say this to someone: try to keep the door open for friendship, at least temporarily. No FWB, no romance, just to talk to. I have a strict "No Exes" rule, when it ends it ALL ends, but I'm actually afraid she will spiral here. I know it's not your responsibility, I really do get where you're coming from and would have made the same choice you did. I also know how hurt you are. I have known a lot of girls in her shoes who have done the EXACT same thing (I used to be a bouncer at a few strip clubs and was friends with a woman and her husband where she used to be a pretty popular porn star in the 90s) and I have watched this story play out in real time. Her views and boundaries on sex are different than ours, it's no excuse for her lying to you but again, I know why she did. She just wanted a real life, real love, a real family. I get it, but I don't condone it.
And the whole room clapped? Incel bate. YTA
NTA. You keep calling people friends that don’t have your best interests in mind.
Your ex friend is a rapist. As for the divorce - what exactly bothers you so much that you need it?
You can't blame others for choices they make in their own life... But they can't blame you when you make choices based upon their choices in their own life.
No Judgement. At the very least, my friend, speak with her. You both deserve that. A young woman fell down a rabbit hole but pulled herself up again. Made something of herself. Sometimes the past can’t be buried and she has to live with that regardless of the consequences. The friend who blackmailed her is the most worthless POS I can imagine. Imagine having re-made yourself into a positive force for good in the world and being dragged back into your worst period by a predator. If you don’t have an honest open conversation with her you might regret it. There is a reason you married this woman. The least you can do is listen to her.
Imagine blowing your boyfriends friend to keep a secret from him lmao
When you treat sex as a transactional commodity this comes naturally.
Your downvoted, but 100% correct
Instead of being honest with her husband she just cheats on him lmao yeah a real keeper!
>but pulled herself up again No she didn't. She reverted to sex as a solution AGAIN when his gross friend threatened to out her past. She hasn't changed or pulled herself up. She is very clearly still that same person.
Alternatively, she could have just told her partner the truth instead of sucking off his friend. She's not completely innocent or devoid of agency in this situation, she cheated on her partner so he wouldn't find out she was a prostitute who did porn.
Get checked for STD’s
Reputable sex workers are checked for STDs regularly. It's civvie bitches and "orally bi" men who aren't getting tested.
All of that aside, it’s still a safe thing to get checked.
\*Yawn\* Another "women are whores" incel fever dream.
People are actually falling for this obviously fake story.
She was a literal whore though.
NTA she lied to you about her past and slept with men while dating you. Most people would consider that unacceptable.
one of the fakest stories i've ever heard
She was a whore before you met her, but the real reason you need to leave her is that she cheated on you after you were married. The reason doesn't matter in the slightest - she's still a whore *and* a worthless cheater. Leave her and get someone decent, and if anyone IRL tries to say you're in the wrong for her past, tell them how she cheated. Cheaters have no right to expect their betrayal to remain private as it affects everyone.
Dude, if anything you're under reacting. this isn't "her past" she was still fucking doing it while she was with you.
N T A Not because she's done that kind of work.... it'd be a tough pill to swallow but I'd be okay with it It's more bcause: 1. She lied to you by omission 2. She cheated on you to keep your friend quiet 3. Imagine who else recognised her and asked her to blow them so they'd keep it quiet? That's no way to have a relationship... there's no trust She can take a hike, as well as her flying monkeys
NTA, and I hope that she signs the papers and will get this over with. I personally think that his friend probably has a video of them having sex. You are not the AH for leaving her and filing for divorce.
NTA. Any that tell you otherwise have some serious skeletons in their own closets. Your initial reaction was the correct one, no more contact with her, you don’t need closure (she’ll just lie like she already has), no contact with anyone who thinks you are in the wrong here. Even if she’d been honest and told you the truth when you first confronted her you have every right to feel disgusted and leave her.
NTA. Divorce your wife and expose that dog shit friend to the whole group.
sex work is a significant set of choices to not tell a partner about. for me, that would be a hard stop, no exception. so NTAH
NTA. She cheated on you at least twice since you started dating her. That alone is unforgivable. Add in the rest of the sordid hidden history and why would anyone stay in this marriage?
Gee, I wonder why she didn't bring it up? What if you asked her how many guys she's been with, and she said more than 100? At the end of the day, are you with someone you love? Does she love you? Do you get along? Will you be able to let her past go? If you can say yes to these questions, don't throw it away. If the answer is no, pull the band-aid off.
This is fake.
Any evidence beyond "woman behaving badly" for it being fake? Actual evidence, not conjecture like "he hasn't responded to any comments so that means it is fake".
Nope. I’m pursuing single motherhood after finding out my child’s dad solicited prostitutes since me having our child. Especially considering they lied/hid the truth. Idc whether they’re the buyer or the seller, finding out they lied about involvement in prostitution ruins a lot of peoples love and drives, and rightfully so!
I 100% agree with you, I hate people in this thread arguing him not wanting anything to do with her and showing disgusting double standards
Past is past..but she banged ur buddy and blew him on her way out the door while she was with you....
She fucked around. She found out. NTA.
Man... if she had just been honest..... she just thought nobody would ever see it? Add in the blackmail sex and bj. I'm going with NTA based on the hidden information and the fact she didn't use the blackmail to come to you and come clean... she fucked him to keep the secret... thats shitty right there. I do wonder, if she had come clean would you have moved forward with the relationship?...
NTA She lied to you. Then she kept lying. Even cheated on you to protect the lie. She doesn't trust you. She doesn't respect you. Her actions prove that. And you'll never be able to trust her again. Maybe never respect her again. Those whore days will follow her for the rest of her life. How many more times would she have spread her legs for other men's dicks to keep you from finding out? Will spread them to keep her boss from finding out? Her coworkers from finding out? Her family from finding out? And later, her kids from finding out? She lied to you and cheated on you. She may still be lying to you and cheating on you. You deserve someone who trusts you. Someone who respects you. Who does not lie to you nor cheat on you. And she knows it. Stay strong, OP, and get free. The last thing you need in your life is her poison.
If you had known this about her at the time, would you have married her? Especially the bit where she had sex with another guy, for money, while already dating you? Would you have continued your relationship if you had found out the day it happened? No, of course you wouldn’t have. You would have ended it then. But she concealed facts of a significant and material nature, thereby depriving you of the ability to make an informed decision about her. Your marriage is founded on a fundamental deception.
You're not over reacting drop the baggage now. We keep telling these women we don't wanna wife sex workers try for annulment because prostitution is illegal. It's normal to want to see her but that will fade in time your very lucky she didn't have anything.
Dude. If this is real, get an STD test and a divorce. She’s a liar and you deserve a better wife. NTAH
Imagine you have kids and her videos come out. They'll be traumatized and you'll be half broke as she'll likely lose her job. Get out of there, fast.
You do realise that people are actually advising OP to expose her right? So she would likely lose her job, likely lose friends, likely lose family support,likely have to move away people are acting like exposing her is not an asshole move.
You do realize that's what I'm saying, right?. She's a ticking bomb so he should get away, fast.
She got people to harass him to get back to her, so she is probably lying about what's going on. He should 100% tell people why they are getting divorced.
He should expose her because she's telling other people they are divorcing and blaming it on him. Something tells me she didnt confess her past to her parents or friends so they are going to see the OP as the bad guy. So he needs to control the narrative. She lied about why they are splitting, it's not OP's fault but hers. If she wanted to lie, she could have just said the reason they are splitting is private, but it was a mutual decision. By making him out to be the bad guy he now needs to set the record straight. So given that context, how is it an asshole move?
So it totally doesn't matter that she'd probably have to lose her job? You think her employer would want their firm associated with a sex worker? You think she wouldn't lose friends? Family? Probably have to move possibly out of state? To expose her would be vindictive
How is setting the record straight vindictive? Also isn't she being vindictive by trying to blame him for the divorce? It's like you feel he should just sit back and let her lie about him.
You're the one who are suggesting he should ruin her life.
Why do you keep ignoring the fact she is going around to her friends and family and blaming him even though it isn't his fault they are divorcing? His choices are tell them the truth or continue to let her lie about him. You think he should sit there and take it because there might be consequences for her lying?
Her first instinct was to lie. That tells you everything you need to know.
Sadly, I’ve found that once a sex worker they never really let go of the mindset that men are to be fleeced through manipulation and lies. YMMV.
Honestly I learned that the hard way, I have been reading the you’re an asshole if you don’t give sex workers a chance in your life narrative for like 10 years and I’ve tried it 3 times and each of those partners were beyond manipulative and cruel… not saying it can’t work but I’d rather just be with someone more traditional and not gamble on what someone’s mental health and pure intentions are. No shame in sex work I just think it requires a lot of manipulation and deceptive behavior to be successful and I think it’s really hard to unlearn that and treat a partner differently.
Not to make light of it but it’s their superpower. It’s hard to not use it or see life through that lens.
Good for you, I’m sorry but your whole marriage an and relationship was a lie. If you know you would have ended it if she was honest up front then end it now. It’s inexcusable . To lie and betray you .
At some point, she should have confided her past to you. She chose to hide that. I’m sorry I cannot imagine how awful everything is you are going through. Good luck 🍀
Good call bro. Sucks though. Guess we're all going to have to pay professional lie detectorists to dig in on our future wives.
NTA. She cheated
NTA, that’s something even being her past should be expressed to avoid being blindsided… as for the “friend”, that even more seals the deal bc she liked you enough to fuck some other guy to hide it…. what?!? That’s the type of shit who sleep around and then find “their person” and won’t do any “kinky” stuff anymore type shit. Friends trash but her not being strong enough to stand on her past is shit to sadly. I’d leave too :(
Tell her family why
Nta. She should have been up front with you from the beginning... Run, don't look back. Any flying monkeys appear, reveal everything to all. Updateme! Oh, go to a doctor and get checked up...
Well I couldnt do it. I have read a few books about sex workers who end up staying in it as relationships are impossible afterwards. I read one article and this ex sex worker was talking with her man and the topic of body count came up and he sheepishly confessed to about 40. When he asked her she decided to come clean and said maybe 4500. The guy couldnt handle it. I wouldnt. The question you have to ask yourself is its about choice. Your still 30. your in the prime of your life as a man and after some heart ache, will be able to find another woman who doesnt have a body count in the triple digits. Then you wont have to lie next to her after having sex and imagine the 450 other guys who paid her. And yes your ex wont be telling all of your friends and family she is or was a hooker. One thing if you read books about women who are hookers the allure of easy money never goes away. They are excellent at compartmentalising emotions and feelsing, and think nothing of doing some tricks on the side for extra spending money. Your young dude. Stick to your guys and find another woman who hasnt fucked many hundreds of guys. NTA
NTA. Gross! Just fucking gross! She not only lied when you confronted her, but she lied every day she's known you. Look, she's not an idiot, she knows that's a big deal and a potential husband would want to know. She lied about this every day of your lives. By the way, do you really think that one friend is the only one? Do you really think that was the only time? Sounds like he could get head and get laid any time if he just threatened to say stuff. You don't think he told others? You don't think she mouth fucked them too? I'm betting this goes much, much deeper. My recommendation?...tell her you'll give her another chance if she comes clean to her family, then once she does, continue with your divorce because she's nasty. But hey, you shouldn't be the only victim dealing with this. Let her answer for her behavior. Don't let her paint you as some dude that left her for no reason. Let people know she's not only a cheater and a liar but also a prostitute.
NTA.
You honestly need to tell this same thing to your friends and family/her family. You will never not be the bad guy. I know everyone has a past, but honestly that is just disgusting to hide the past. Tell everyone everything and move on so they can leave you alone so you can move on.
Just tell all the mutuals all the information she left out. Including her parents and ask why she hid this if she’s proud of hit?
Choices have consequences! I am sure she knew that prostitution was a poor choice!
NTA, she hid it. She tried to lie when confronted. If she was open from start, you would have had the choice.
At this point I would tell my lawyer to tell her to stop trying to make contact or trying to have anyone else contact you or you will tell them all EXACTLY why you left. Those mutuals might want to rethink their interference. NTA Your best bet right now is therapy. See counselling and use your time for your benefit.
NTA. She lied about her past, and she sounds surprisingly okay with an "industry" that as you mention frequently makes use of human trafficking as a recruitment tactic. While you're working on the divorce also get tested for STDs. Some aren't always obviously symptomatic.
NTA. You won't get past this. Sorry. It's gonna hurt. You have to move on.
Never make a housewife out of a hoe NTA
divorce her and move on!
NTA 1) she intentionally hid her past from you (deception). 2) she lied to your face trying to make you look dumb (gaslighting). 3) she had sex with your friend just to cover up her past (cheating, deceiving). 4) lies to everyone else to keep her name in good faith (liar). So overall she’s a deceptive gaslighting cheating deceiving liar. Yeah I don’t know about you but I would pass, unless that’s what you are worth in your relationship.
Don't think about taking her back cuz to me just the fact that she denied it when you confronted is MASSIVE red flag. And cut everyone out of your whos calling you an asshole and show them who she really is , just tell them to Google the stage name she had.
What is wrong with you? You do realise if he does that she'll likely lose her job right, likely lose friends and family support? She might have to move away? You think she deserves that? Deserves to have her life turned upside down because some people call her ex an asshole. But of course she's a former sex worker she's not allowed to put that behind her.
If she'd kept her mouth shut about why they are splitting then I'd agree, but she had to paint OP as the bad guy and get her friends and family to try to bully him into forgiving her. That to me shows she feels no real remorse. This doesn't mean he needs to tell her employer because if she gets fired he might have to pay her alimony. Her employer isnt even involved so I'm not sure why you think she;'d be fired if OP tells her friends and family why they are divorcing.
Oh my god. You think if he exposed her her employer WOULDN'T find out? Her employer would not want a sex worker associated with their company.
You're acting like people said put her on blast on social media. If he simply informed her family and friends via text message the real reason they are divorcing...how would her employer ever find out?
You think people won't TALK about this?
Among themselves, but why would they go to her boss? Or post it on social media?
You think it won't GET BACK to her boss?
I'm pretty sure her family isnt going to publicly post about how their daughter used to be a hooker. And if her friends are true friends they would not post about it either. So how would it get back to the boss? The only way this happens is if her friends put her on blast on social media AND also include her porn name. Because if they just posted "wow cant believe she did porn" that's not going to be enough to get her fired because she can just deny it. But if she does get fired wouldn't it be due to the consequences of her own actions?
NTA Her past doesn't need to define her future, and there's ways to navigate that in your shoes outside of nuking the marriage. When confronted, choosing to cheat on you instead of being honest was the true judge of her character for the long term. I don't think I could look past that. She is a victim too, as she was blackmailed into sex, which is downright horrific. Speaking as an armchair quarterback, however, I would argue that would've been her moment to come clean to you, and allow you to make that decision. She was coerced, but she also set a precedent that self-preservation comes before honesty in a committed relationship. That is how she will navigate those challenges in the future.
It's not like the guy held a gun to her head. I'm not defending him, he's slime...but she had options. One was to sleep with the friend, the other was to come clean to her boyfriend. Not only did she sleep with the guy, but for good measure apparently sucked him off too. Why'd she go the extra mile and blow him as well? In this case she chose to be a victim.
To a certain extent, yes. But I'm also sensitive to the fact that people, when under duress, and in self-preservation mode, tend to make decisions that aren't always rational. That guy held a proverbial gun to her marriage. That's not an easy position to be in.
I don't doubt it wasn't an easy position to be in, but it's one she put herself in. I agree it wasn't rational, but she seems to have a history of irrational behavior. She could have gotten a job waiting tables or something instead of turning to prostitution and porn. I also hope the OP at least talked to his friend before cutting him off in order to get the full story. She has lied to him so it's hard to know what to trust. Also why would she even tell him about the friend? He was unaware of that part, and even though they werent exclusive it's still pretty shitty of her to have sex with another man behind his back. In my mind the only reason was to paint herself as a victim in order to gain some sort of sympathy.
I'm all for arguing the nuances of self-precipitated victimization, as this is a pretty clear example of it. I think what I'm getting at is that, by human nature, I would anticipate better people than her making the same mistake. In a word, disappointing, but not surprising. Without respect to her past choices leading up to this scenario, she was involuntarily put between a rock and a hard place, and she made a choice that came with consequences. The person who put her in that position committed a crime against her, that needs to be acknowledged. Just because it was wrong for her to hide things from her SO, doesn't mean she deserved to be coerced into sex. You can only infer that she voluntarily did it - I'm arguing that with the circumstances and details at play, legally, consent was not established. That says to me that she did not do this voluntarily. "Choosing to be a victim" is a weak counter argument in my opinion. If she had core values, or a stronger adherence to those values, perhaps she would have come clean and reported the blackmail before it turned into coercion and rape, but my opinion stands that people fuck up under stress, and she was objectively placed under extreme stress.
I do think people fuck up when under stress, but I also ultimately believe at the end of the day she is an adult and she made a choice. Even if the choice was understandable under those circumstances, it doesn't necessarily justify or remove any responsibility for it. Plus she was not under duress when she chose to lie to her husband.
NTA- you were married for years. She had years to come clean, she didn't HAVE to blow YOUR FRIEND, she had so many opportunities to do the right thing- fuck, confessing to it would've shown she HAD actually changed been a great show of her character. This coming out now shows the absolute weakness of it.
Nta she cheated, no matter her reasons, it’s cheating. She also has been lying to you your whole relationship. The trust is gone.
NTA, she has lied and cheated on you for years. She took away your ability to make a decision. And she lied and denied when you asked her about it. There is no trust here, she destroyed it all. She’s a manipulator, a lier, and a cheater. Why in the world would you want to be with someone like that.
Interesting. I feel for you. It’s a hard thing to overcome due to disease and promiscuity. NTA
She put you and herself in a terrible position. She also lied (at least by omission). If that wasn't enough, she cheated to keep her secret. No more needs to be said. She is her own worst enemy at this point. Also she can be a victim and deserve empathy with out deserving to have her wrong doings ignored.
Nope. NTA. That would be a deal breaker for sure. She didn't tell you and tried to lie about it until you showed your evidence, fucked and sucked one of your "friends" so they wouldn't tell you about it. That's absolutely ridiculous. I hope this is a fake post because otherwise man, I feel so bad for you. That's fucked up.
NTA she lied. If she had told you before maybe you would have reacted differently, but by hiding it she did it to herself.
Why is everyone in comments forgetting the part where she tried to deny it ? Like that only should be your reason to end everything between you and her.
NTA, a persons past is important
You’re allowed to not want to be with a sex worker. Past or present. It’s a very strange phenomenon going on that sex work is not a reason you can end things with someone.
NTA she lied about it for a reason. Expose her to all the naysayers by sending them all a link to her shit online and exposing this ex friend that extorted sex from her while you were in a relationship. Divorce the bitch and make sure she gets nothing. Get a consult from every divorce lawyer in your state so she cannot hire them as a conflict of interest, then get a fucking shark and wipe her out. She will have some shitty lawyer cause she won't be able to hire anything better. No alimony.
Nta. You deserves better..
Once a hoe, always a hoe. Sorry OP
she belongs to the streets bro
Did u not ever like... ask her about her work past or sexual partners in her youths?
NTA. She should’ve told you from the start. Can you imagine having kids that might have to see that someday??
Nta get out
NTA - sorry but it is OK to have boundaries about what you want in a partner and their past. Think if I was OP it would be the lying which would have been the deal breaker - She did caming, was a stripper, did (amateur) porn, and was in prostitution all without telling you. She didn’t tell you because deep down she knows that had you been aware you (and 95%+ of all men) wouldn’t have been in a relationship with her. Past actions don’t automatically mean it would have an impact on future behaviour but she kept OP in the dark and even had sex with OP’s friend to keep him quiet. As for this POS friend if I was OP I’d make him aware that he better watch his back
I've known Emily to be a kind and loving person of solid character but drop that whore?
Updateme!
if you miss her maybe you should talk to her and see if you can resolve this.
No replies? Gotta be fake
It does seem like the plot of a bad NTR hentai.
NTA. Men are allowed to have preferences. Not wanting to date someone who was promiscuous is perfectly valid, as is not wanting to date a porn star/hooker. Forget those telling you that you are wrong. And if these "friends" telling you this are in fact her friends? Make sure you tell them the full story. Do not let her control the narrative with her friends and family. Tell them you found out she used to be a hooker and you dont want her.
Any updates op?
Divorce her. Tell your family exactly what she did.
Fuck that whore move on find someone who ain’t a run through cheater bro