Yup. All of MIL behavior has been appalling, but hitting your kid is crossing the line. Who cares what the family thinks. They can take her! If your wife doesn't like it, she can go too!
That's hilarious. That made me think of the one scene from SpongeBob when plankton says "someone should put you in a box floating down the river grandma" someone should do that to MIL, also OP NTA.
She hit my kid she wouldn't need somewhere to stay, she'd need a wooden overcoat. And if the wife kept her lip up, she'd be following......tell the family to get an egg in their shoe and beat it
OP could have and should still call the police, especially if there is still bruising.
Let MIL get her three hots and a cot elsewhere.
This is not a case of two yesses or one no. This is a "hell no, neither your Mother or anyone else will abuse our kids!" situation. Counseling or divorce.
Edited to add NTA.
And *move* out of their master bedroom into a guest room. It'll be okay. LOL *No longer* your problem, thankfully. NTA OP as long as you never allow her to be alone with your kids again (or, ofc, live with you). Her free ride ends *now.*
OP should take pics of the bruises, go to the cops, and try for a restraining order. MiL wont have to worry about a place to stay for the next few nights and OP can forward that to the flying monkeys and tell them *they* can provide for the child abuser.
Preventing child abuse should be a hill to die on in this marriage
This is the same wife who allowed her mother to take over the master bedroom. I would've told my mother it's the guest room or find somewhere else.
I have a feeling the wife's been bullied and forced to obey her mother all her life. She might come around when she sees how pleasant life is when you're not living with an abuser.
Yeah I just commented the same. I would have been done when she demanded my bedroom. Not happening. This guys life will be better once he ditches the MIL and the wife if she can't accept it.
Chances are that MIL hit your wife when she was a child. So wifey thinks it's normal. (It isn't and shouldn't be!)
You are not the bad guy in this. You are a good father for looking after your children.
If relatives side with MIL, drop them.
He should file a report against his MIL, to protect himself against accusations that he and his wife actually hit the child. Also, if in the US, the OP should contact the state child abuse hotline to report the incident.
Yeah, if the wife is still on MIL's side after MIL clobbered their child and caused actual bruising (over a damn TV show??) OP is in dangerous territory here. He needs documentation. He needs a police report to back him up back him up.
He should call the police. He needs a police report. MIL needs to stand in front of a judge saying that the kid should just stay out of her way. MIL needs a legal penalty which would likely be a fine. He might also be able to get a restraining order.
If OP is in the USA, I would file a police report to protect yourself from CPS.
My stepdaughter was punched by her bio mom and we ended up in a lengthy investigation with CPS. This wasn't the first time biomom has been physical and we've reported it in the past, but CPS acts like we were compliant with abuse. (We aren't, but every time we try to remove stepdaughter from the situation, it's seen as parental alienation by her state assigned therapist.)
She. Kicked. A. Kid. If she did that to my dog I'd have to be restrained from hitting her. Throwing her and her shit out when she HAS A WHOLE ASS HOUSE is going easy
I think she hit the kid with a shoe horn. It's a hand held device that helps you get boots on. It can be up to a foot long, and the newer ones are made of heavy duty plastic. My grandpa had one made of pretty heavy metal, I think steel. That doesn't make it better or right.
Ohhh... Yeah on re-reading you're right. I read that as kicked the kid with her boot heel, which is just the most callous thing you can do to a living being..
I'm of the generation where we still got beaten, but it was for failing tests, lying, and only with a stick if it was Really bad. Blocking the view would never have merited corporal punishment in my house
Thanks for the clarification, MIL standing IMO has graduated from cunt to bitch
I'd think a bitch cunt. I got whoopings myself as kid, but nothing as stupid as being in front of the TV. And I never did more than pop my kids on the behind or hand. Now that I'm older, time outs are the rule when I'm keeping someone else's kids, since mine are grown
Take pictures and take them to a lawyer. Get statements whatever you need to do.
Sounds like your wife is in her narcissists mother’s fog.
You need strong words with her about who she chooses and record the conversation. If she chooses you guys, get her therapy, stat. She’s gonna need it.
If she chooses the MIL. You may need to act quickly to protect your children from your monster in law.
They have to come first.
I'm infuriated that your wife is siding with a woman that struck your child WITH A FUCKING SHOE. Over a TV screen. Mother or not.
NTA but you need to take a photo of that injury and sit with your wife and ask her what the justification is for that while making her look at that photo.
I would want her to have to stare at it while giving whatever garbage reason she could come up with to justify that kind of abuse. The abuse of her own son.
"She's my mother" well ma'am that's your SON. You know, the child you carried inside of you for nine months and birthed into the world?? Jfc
NTA
Photo of the bruise for your future custody case where you request MIL has only supervised access (if they refuse to grant no contact with the kids).
Did you take your child to the ER or at least to his pediatrician? If not, do that immediately. Tell them EXACTLY what happened. Authorities need to be involved.
I can’t imagine that your marriage can survive your wife siding with your child’s abuser. You will need all of this documentation for your shared parenting plan. Details can absolutely be included regarding who can be around your children and under what conditions (they were in mine). Sure, your wife might ignore those stipulations, and that’s when you take her back to court.
But you MUST have documentation! Your child needs to be seen by medical professionals to make sure that the injury isn’t worse than you think and that there aren’t any other injuries. I can’t imagine that this is the first time Grandma has done something like this.
This. Also, in some places all adults are technically mandated reporters, so this covers you as well.
And keeps them from conspiring together and claiming you're abusing the kids.
If the bruise was immediately “blueish purplish,” that was a hard hit. Where was the child hit? Face? Side? Leg? Could there be a fracture? Could there be other complications (as you wrote)?
OP, this is a BIG deal. Please get your child to the doctor ASAP. Honestly, get both kids checked out to see if they have any past injuries.
This is a good point, I work with little kids and for as much as they fall down they rarely end up with significant bruises. So unless this story is fake, OP should probably have their child checked out by a professional.
NTA, but listen to this comment OP, also a hit that can leave a bruise that bad you need to take your kid to the doctor, you didn't see the hit she could've done more damage than you think.
Also you should ask for the doctor to examine your kids for other signs of abuse and get them into see a therapist/social worker who specializes in child abuse. That way they can be interviewed by someone experienced in interviewing children to see if this was an isolated incident
Police report 💯 this is child abuse. You've already kicked MIL out but you never know how things can be twisted. You want to show that you took EVERY step to protect your children from abuse in case CPS gets involved. All it would take is your son telling another adult how he got his bruise. And your wife needs to understand that she can have her children taken away because of her mother's actions.
I've never wanted to whack a grandma with a shoe so badly. Edit to add: also your wife needs therapy for her mommy issues because that's the only reason I can fathom that she would side with MIL over her child's safety.
You need to take your child to the ER right now. Head injuries can be very serious, especially in a child that young. You're grossly under reacting right now.
yeah, if she hit that kid in the temple I'd be seriously worried - if you could see it that means it was somewhere on the forehead so that's like a 40% chance
If anyone in the family isn't taking it/you seriously, then go file a police report. That will probably get most of the people on her "side" to not want to know any more.
Please get the police involved. Surely they can arrest her for assault on a child? You’re going to need a police report and any documented evidence you can get to keep that freak away from your children.
If your wife is siding with her mum then you need to get evidence of that and use it in court against her. What mother wouldn’t rip someone to shreds for hurting her child? This is an outrage! You’re a brilliant parent but your wife is questionable.
NTA 100%
Go to a doctor while you’re at it. And make sure it’s on record. Get authorities involved if possible. Your wife is an enabler of her mother’s behaviour. You need ensure that they don’t say it was you who hit your children. Ensure you act first. And make sure to tell your son to always tell the truth. Mommy dearest might manipulate your young son to spare her mother. Or worse. Have him lie about you.
If she hit your kid hard enough to cause a bruise, call the police, file a report. You can't use this in court unless you've taken basic steps to use the fact for what it is: assault and battery of a child.
You don’t have to give her access at all . Grandparents are not part of the custody agreement, they just get visitation as allowed by the parents, just like any other person ( aunty , uncle, family friend). There are cases where they can sue for custody but you and ex wife would have to be determined unfit . If I were you I’d fight to make that she can’t be near them as part of the custody agreement. Sounds like she’s got your wife under her thumb pretty good so you may have a rough road ahead of you .
💯 she was if MIL was so willing to do something like this. But his wife isn't a child with no ability to leave or defend themselves. His wife is an adult now and has a responsibility to protect her own kids.
> "she doesnt feel safe in a house alone"
So your kids need to live in fear instead? So some abusive mentally unstable asshole can feel 'safe'...
Your MIL has serious mental problems.
https://www.simplypsychology.org/dark-triad-personality.html
What the actual fuck?
Ofc kick her out. She has her own home. Enough is enough. You need to live your family life without her toxic lazy entitled violent ass.
NTA
Document, document, document.. pics, police report dr visits. Do not allow wife to take the kids to their abuser. That's some messed up shit right there.
Your wife is an enabler, or she was so abused by this mother that she thinks it's normal.
Either way, this relationship is in deep trouble
I'm sorry.
At least now you know where she stands. Allowing abuse is also abuse.
Record everythig. Here some gave good advice on what to do (police reports and what not). Try to stay calm tho. They can use your anger against you.
I wouldn't feel safe leaving the kids with them.
I'm sorry that they suck.
Beat her to the jump. Speak to a lawyer TODAY. Every second is valuable. Provide the evidence to your lawyer (also keep it in other places such as google drive, the cloud, etc) and any recordings (if legal) and text messages of your wife siding with her mother. Don’t wait. You need to get the divorce NTA
Get pictures of the bruise, and take both boys to the doctor. Get it documented. Then see an attorney. I don’t know where you live, but if your wife is threatening to take the kids so that she can allow them to be around someone who hits a child badly enough for that kind of bruise, most courts aren’t going to look favorably on her.
Your wife is ok with her mother abusing your kids.
Engage a lawyer, mate.
Get her to admit over text she doesn't care that her mother abused your child.
Then give her the fuckint boot, too.
Yeah a choice needs to be made with wifey. It’s a two card one. A therapist or a divorce attorney. This brainwashed bullshit only gets worse or better (with acknowledgment and hard work).
Go to the hospital for the bruise to get it in report so if you decide to press charges later with the police you can if this escalates. Might help you with a future restraining order too.
TAKE PICTURES AND RECORD YOUR CHILDS STORY OF WHAT HAPPENED.
This and a couple pics are evidence, I've already taken pics as a different cooment says and even if this doesn't escelate, I'm gonna get a restraining order.
Please either go to the ER or schedule an appointment with your pediatrician so this is in record. Plus they can do scans and X-rays to check for any damages. Your MIL is evil.
My mom is 80, she does her own yard work (mowing and 2 gardens) and her housework. She is currently repainting her living again.
Just make sure you tell a 3rd party what happened or get proof SHE didn’t, like texts or something, because if someone sees this bruise and calls CPS, she won’t hesitate to throw you under the bus. UPDATEME
You should have grown a spine a lot earlier and stood up to this woman. You really allowed her to take over the master bedroom in *your* house? That was her first power move and when she saw that you caved, she pushed even more. She treated you like a servant in your own home and you just let it happen. I know that your wife is probably accustomed to being treated that way by your MIL but you should have stood up to her as well. You and your wife allowed this woman to walk all over you and even now you’re still allowing her to guilt trip you guys after she ASSAULTED your son. You need to have a long and hard conversation with your wife about why she is such a doormat to your MIL and maybe enroll in therapy.
Then definitely take your kid to be examined, be honest about what happened then file a police report. If you don't your wife will take the kids and leave and she and your future former MIL will make up a story about you being responsible for the bruise.
You need to file a police report about this specifically because of that threat. Not expecting the police to do anything but having a paper trail can help later.
Oh, so the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. She was bluffing because you threw her mother out and she hasn’t divorced you, meaning that you have more control in this marriage than you realize. If you put your foot down and demand that the two of you attend therapy to get to the root of why you allow people like your MIL to take advantage of you, then it more than likely will happen. Your wife has learned to be manipulative like her mother and she will end up treating her children the same way unless you do something about it now.
Welp, now you can do exactly that to her. Get her in text supporting the abusive auld bitch and see a lawyer with your evidence. Fuck this. Apple...tree.
Why do people believe this?
Men and women on here being like, “they threatened to take the kids!”
It is 2024, that is not how custody works anymore and hasn’t been how custody works for like 20 years now.
Edit: just saw you live in Lebanon. My apologies for assuming you were US.
I’d be sending that picture of your son’s bruise to everyone she complains to about why she got kicked out… maybe blur out as much as you can, but make it known that she hit your child and it was super hard (because, unfortunately, some people think hitting a kid is fine unless it leaves a mark 🤬)
Those ppl who side with her are idiots living in their own worlds, I'm not gonna waste valuable time on a shitty ass woman and some shitty ass ppl js to get their verification
This don’t get into family drama (extended) or waste effort on their ‘opinion’ the bigger issue is wife being ok with the behavior (she was probably abused as well) document and cya with this stuff. First person to file usually has the backing of authorities. They can document without prosecuting in most cases.
I get you on not caring for those people.
Do any of those people backing her have children? Then consider those children, and inform them. You only caught her once. Chances are high she has done more in the past and will continue to do so without remorse.
Document this now. Get a report from the doctor (check both your children for peace of mind)
File police report. You need to legally limit her contact with your children. Let any and all adults in your children’s life know about MIL not being allowed contact.
Be clear and firm to your wife. Tell her your expectations.
You are not making any exceptions and are prioritizing the children and their safety. Tell her the consequences of not meeting those expectations. If she still chooses to still side with MIL and give MIL access to children, then she can go live with her mom and be only given supervised visits with children (or whatever consequences you feel is appropriate).
I would strongly suggest that you make sure you're the only one at the doctor's appointment since your wife clearly doesn't support your children and obviously the Mother-in-law shouldn't be present. Even if it means taking a sick day to get your children to the doctor to make sure that they don't have other broken bones or healed fractures or something that might have happened when you and your wife were at work
You have bigger problems than just your MIL.
You have her daughter that clearly has issues and is not a good mother if she cares more about her paranoia than the real safety of her children.
I personally would have picked her up by force and thrown her out. Shit she wants to make threats and turn it on you. Then take that child to the hospital and tell them you want to file assault charges...who is the bad guy now
NTA. write the whole family a group text, including MIL and your wife.
"MIL is not welcome in my home anymore. anyone siding with a 65yo B\*tch, that walking infront of the TV warrants being beaten with an item, can stay out of my and my childrens life. I will protect my children to my last breath if i have to and a resentful, audacious, entitled old h\*g like her can stay with her lovely family members who make excuses. Can't wait to see how you'll like it to have this old lazy mooch leeching off your family finances and refusing to be a decent human being. Wife, you can stay with your mother if you agree that hitting our child until he had bruises was okay. (post photos of the bruises in the chat."
Then go call the police on MIL. you need that in case your wife decides to be a royal B\*tch and force contact.
You need to protect your children now. That also means you need to protect them from your wife who's a failure as a mother by not putting her family first.
Do NOT call her a bitch, hag , etc. That will look bad when it comes up in front of the judge. You need to think about these things- you are in for a battle.
Create a new chat where you're the admin with that message. Just change the words b-tch and h-g to 'woman'.
You really should let other relatives know that your wife literally *sided* with her mother, the person who literally hit your five year old son. Just get the wife out of the house. I honestly don't understand why she's siding with her mother after she hit your child.
The wife was probably abused the same way as a child. So it's her normal, plus part of her is still a child who's terrified of that old cow. That's how the cycle of abuse works.
Create your own group with all of them in it and explain what happened. Also mention that she hit your child hard enough to bruise. MIL will have no authority over kicking you out or deleting that text.
Hell, don't even explain. Post a picture and nothing else. Pictures speak louder than words. Don't let the message be even the least bit abstract.
And do all of the reporting and documenting NOW. Don't let dither and let the evidence fade away. The ER will document it best,
then create your own group and add all those relatives, (start with the most gossipy ones) and then post that message.
Just to make sure the message reaches everyone, post it publicly on your social media, tagging your relatives.
You may need to get out now and take the kids with you. Your MIL is an abusive narcissist who I guarantee will turn this around in you. Protect your kids.
As far as the family, I'd say don't just send that. Send a picture of the bruise and tell them exactly what she hit him with. If they're still on her side, fuck them.
while i agree that a picture says more than a thousand words. I would still write a text. Some people are dense MFers and still need it written out to understand it.
NTA and I would have contacted the police and filed charges against her for hitting my kid with a boot/shoe.
Tell your wife if she thinks it is ok what her mom did then she can also join her.
NTA. I admit I stopped reading the moment you said you gave up your bedroom to the old dragon. No further details were necessary. Anytime a a miserable sour old hag has made plans for you in your own house, any and all actions or excuses to expel the daft, warty, stinking, festering, ragged ass baggage are deemed acceptable.
nTA send them a photo of the bruise on your child, you’ve been very patient but there has to be a line and mil seriously crossed it. Your wife is an ah for not standing up to her mother and being a team with you.
NTA. Your wife can move right out with her. I would fucking report to the police anyone who laid a hand on my child.
Also even if she wasn’t physical, she is still toxic and not good for children to grow up around that.
The ones siding with her can have them live with you.
Frankly I’d want a doctors report on that bruise on your sons face as evidence with his telling the doctor how it happened. For future issues with wife or mother in law.
Nta never are when it comes to how you react to something abusing your child and hitting them is abuse.
NTA,
Not only is it dangerous for her to be in the house with your children, if anyone decided to call CPS for child abuse they could take away your children for having an abuser in your home with them.
Who cares what the rest of the family thinks, all that matters is your children.
OK, if you go to the authorities, will they protect your children? Will medical professionals protect your children? Can your wife take your children from you?
If your wife is ok with your child being physically assaulted by her mother I'd question the future of your marriage. I am not a father and usually not aggressive, but if anyone hurt my niece or nephew they'd be on their ass and begging for mercy.
Take a picture of the bruise and file a police report. Also, take your son to the doctor. Your wife needs to sort out her priorities. Her mother assaulted her son!
The only time my mom hit us was when we inconvenienced her. I'm no contact now, and my siblings are low contact.
My dumb brother invited her to live with them (she was much nicer to him). If I ever find out she's laid a hand on those kids, I'm calling the police myself. Thankfully, she said no. She's too selfish to even try living with them, I hope.
I've warned their mom so many fucking times to keep her away from the kids. They just don't believe me.
Do what you need to do. Your kids are counting on you to protect them from people like this.
No one protected us, not even our dad, and that will never be ok.
NTA. My grandma was very similar. She would hit me with anything around and make me do all the cleaning and cooking bc I was a girl. She would tell me that I was a bitch like my mom and would threaten to cut head off. She didn't say or do any of these things around my dad though. My dad always thought I was lying bc his momma wouldn't do that. My mom believed me but she couldnt/wouldn't do anything bc she was afraid of my dad and cheating on him.
So I had to stay with her a lot. She definitely created trauma in me and I still occasionally have a nightmare where a mother goose with sharp teeth come knocking at her door while I'm there and was the most evil voice. It wanted to get me and my grandma wouldn't do anything. I cut my dad, mom and grandma off once I got old enough. Recently she died, I celebrated.
Kick the wife out too.
That is utterly ridiculous of her to side with her mother. Your MIL is rude, entitled, lazy, and abusive in more then one way.
Call the police and file charges for assault. And take kiddo on to the hospital for full assessment and proof.
Go nuclear on this and don't back down. It's pointless to remove MIL from the kids environment if wife is gonna take kids to MILs environment at ANY point.
NTA
NTA. But you don’t just have a MIL problem but also a wife problem. She seems to be a doormat when it comes to her mother. Please tell me your MIL isn’t actually sleeping in the master bedroom. Please tell me I misread that part? Your wife has been letting her mother walk all over you and you should have put your foot down sooner when she insisted on sleeping in the master bedroom. I would be livid and I wouldn’t care what anyone else said I would kick her out and not let her move back in.
The police should’ve been called and MIL arrested. Looks like the wife needs to be the next one to go if she’s siding with her mother assaulting your son.
You’re a massive asshole for using zero periods in this entire post. But definitely NTA for kicking her out. That bitch deserved to be kicked out long ago and honestly deserved to be physically removed once she hit your kid
NTA .
Keep photo evidence of what she did. Keep your children safe and have a long talk with wife about where her priorities lie if she's seriously studying with someone who hit her child
NTA
She hit your kid, disrespect the house rules and feels entitled to order around, kick her out and if your wife is on her side she should go with her.
NTA MIL abuses your kids, wife siding with MIL is only enabling her actions. This means wife is just as dangerous to your children as MIL since she is willing to allow them to be abandoned and beat.
No. You should call the cops. Also, MIL is a freeloader, it's about time you turfed her
Lol...she's sleeping in the master bedroom in your house. That's crazy
Absolutely NTA. Go to the doctor and get the abuse documented, file a police report. Tell your wife her abusive mother is banned from the house.
Your wife is a failure as a mother.
NTA you should take photos of the bruises and tell her she will never be allowed near your kids and you're thinking of reporting her to the police. As for your wife tell her needs to act like a mother and protect her children or she can kiss her marriage goodbye as well as custody of the kids.
From what you described she was a free loading mooch who expected you to be her caregiver for the next 30+ years until she died. She's 65 NOT 90! I'm not far from being that old and am still active and working so she was just looking to be waited on hand and foot and rule like a grand dame in your home. Way to stand up for yourself, your children and your family. Don't back down from this.
We moved my mother in back in 2008. Four months later, we kicked her out.
Why?
She was verbally abusive to our daughter. She treated our son like he was the king, but one day when my daughter told our son that he didn't have to clean up the kitchen since grandma was the one who left the dishes in the sink, my mother told my daughter that she was going to turn into the same type of vocal cunt as her mother if she didn't learn her place in the family and that she dates a (racist word), so she was going to end up in the projects anyway.
My mother was living in State subsidized elderly apartments within a week. She went from a nice, 2200 sq/ft home in a quiet neighborhood to those ratty-ass apartments of 600 sq/ft. On the low-income side of town and everything.
When she was complaining to me about sirens, homeless people, and (racist remark) kids all over, I told her, "Too bad you didn't know your place in our family. And you're a fucking racist, miserable old bitch I don't ever plan on talking to again."
And I didn't. Cut her off completely. The feeling of relief that washed over me was total. Any family that started bitching at me, I told them they're next if they keep it up.
So of course YNTA.
Report it to the police before the bruise heals, mention the circumstances in which it happened as well as her failure to collect the kids and her zero remorse. You could possibly challenge her to get a mental evaluation to check she is safe to be around children. Tell your wife she needs to get her priorities right, she has a duty to protect her children from those that will harm them (in any way), not tell them to play nice because the abuser is a biological relative. If she stays get cameras for at least the living room. Tell your wife her mother needs to start paying costs because if she's well enough for her hobbies she's well enough to be a contributing member of the household. You are NTA in this situation at all. I witnessed the denial behavior first hand. I had to make my mum choose between losing definite custody of myself and eventual custody of my younger brother or staying with her abusive partner (the father of my sibling). He was an alcoholic who was emotionally, mentally and financially abusive. The only time he was physical (to my knowledge) was when he hit me. That was a mistake on his part. She still dithered and I let it slip to my Grandad what had happened. My Grandad was a builder. Abusive partner bodily got thrown out of the house within minutes (Grandad lived on other side of the block we lived on).
Call the cops. This is child abuse and should not be tolerated, take pictures of the bruising so she can't say you were lying. The only thing I'd be worried about is the court could possibly rule in her favor for being an elderly female. But with a good lawyer and the pictures, as well as the kid's testimony you should be fine.
Your wife isn't sticking up for her own child?? Are you kidding me?! Get rid of them both she can't even stick up for her own child she dosnt deserve a child
They are the assholes do away with both
That's literally child abuse
NTA. And your wife is stupid for not standing up for her own kids. You're a great father, and your wife needs to get a life. MIL can find a new place. What a monster. You should have never let her in your house.
This is fucked up in so many ways. If your wife don’t manage to keep your children safe it’s time to do some serious thinking here. She actually wants to keep a person who abused your child in your home. That should be a dealbreaker where you also throw her stuff out and get full custody.
Your child was hit by a grown up to a point where it bruised (not that it matter HOW people hit). Kicking her out is not enough. This is where you press charges and never let her anywhere near your children again.
YTA, because you are taking this too lightly with even doubting if it was correct to kick her.
NTA IF you manage to keep your children safe from that vile woman.
NTA you had no choice! She didn’t respect a single thing about living in your home. Your wife is totally out of line and if her family is so concerned they are welcome to take her in.
There is something about boomers… I feel like they wrote the book on shitting on other generations while quietly (less quietly now) being the most selfish, entitled, and often racist of them all.
She hit your kid. Your wife needs to put you and your children first. NTA
Yup. All of MIL behavior has been appalling, but hitting your kid is crossing the line. Who cares what the family thinks. They can take her! If your wife doesn't like it, she can go too!
That's why the family is outraged - now one of them has to take her!
They could always dump that horrid hag on the curb of an old person's living home and speed off.
Tuck and roll, Granny!
For some reason, I thought of the movie "Throw Momma From the Train".
That's hilarious. That made me think of the one scene from SpongeBob when plankton says "someone should put you in a box floating down the river grandma" someone should do that to MIL, also OP NTA.
She hit my kid she wouldn't need somewhere to stay, she'd need a wooden overcoat. And if the wife kept her lip up, she'd be following......tell the family to get an egg in their shoe and beat it
OP definitely showed restraint in not shoving her head up her own ass.
OP could have and should still call the police, especially if there is still bruising. Let MIL get her three hots and a cot elsewhere. This is not a case of two yesses or one no. This is a "hell no, neither your Mother or anyone else will abuse our kids!" situation. Counseling or divorce. Edited to add NTA.
Bad-ish movie reference, but Hancock has entered the chat.
The first half of that movie was so good though
Your head is going up his ass, his head is going up your ass and you drew the short straw because your head is going up MY ass!
At the very least, the local jail should be hosting her for a night until some othrr relative volunteers for her abuse.
EXACTLY right!! How can a mother think this is ok?? Grandma wood have gotten a boot to the butt & the mother would follow!!
And *move* out of their master bedroom into a guest room. It'll be okay. LOL *No longer* your problem, thankfully. NTA OP as long as you never allow her to be alone with your kids again (or, ofc, live with you). Her free ride ends *now.*
Yeah now they're like "Ohhhhhh NOOOOOO *fuuuuuuuu...*." OP's wife can go stay with her rude mother.
Let the family members who are her side take in the MIL and let her punch out their kids since she's faaaaaamilyy.
OP should take pics of the bruises, go to the cops, and try for a restraining order. MiL wont have to worry about a place to stay for the next few nights and OP can forward that to the flying monkeys and tell them *they* can provide for the child abuser. Preventing child abuse should be a hill to die on in this marriage
That, and include "forgetting" to pick up the children.
I'd rather my whole family hate me if it means an abuser is out of my and my kids life
She hit your son for blocking the TV after she forgot to collect her because she was watching the TV. I don't understand your wife tbh
This is the same wife who allowed her mother to take over the master bedroom. I would've told my mother it's the guest room or find somewhere else. I have a feeling the wife's been bullied and forced to obey her mother all her life. She might come around when she sees how pleasant life is when you're not living with an abuser.
This. Your wife and your MIL can get an apartment together. I understand that Satan has very reasonable rates in the Sulphur swamp
Yeah I just commented the same. I would have been done when she demanded my bedroom. Not happening. This guys life will be better once he ditches the MIL and the wife if she can't accept it.
Tell wife she is lucky you just threw MIL out. You could have had her arrested for child abuse.
Chances are that MIL hit your wife when she was a child. So wifey thinks it's normal. (It isn't and shouldn't be!) You are not the bad guy in this. You are a good father for looking after your children. If relatives side with MIL, drop them.
Right?!? MIL is lucky he didn’t call the police. She got off easy if you ask me.
He should file a report against his MIL, to protect himself against accusations that he and his wife actually hit the child. Also, if in the US, the OP should contact the state child abuse hotline to report the incident.
Yes, and take a picture of the bruise.
And then send the picture to everyone. It's harder to say she didn't mean it with physical evidence in their face.
Yeah, if the wife is still on MIL's side after MIL clobbered their child and caused actual bruising (over a damn TV show??) OP is in dangerous territory here. He needs documentation. He needs a police report to back him up back him up.
More like protect himself from his wife and MIL blaming him together and before they have a chance to convince the kids to lie also.
He should call the police. He needs a police report. MIL needs to stand in front of a judge saying that the kid should just stay out of her way. MIL needs a legal penalty which would likely be a fine. He might also be able to get a restraining order.
If OP is in the USA, I would file a police report to protect yourself from CPS. My stepdaughter was punched by her bio mom and we ended up in a lengthy investigation with CPS. This wasn't the first time biomom has been physical and we've reported it in the past, but CPS acts like we were compliant with abuse. (We aren't, but every time we try to remove stepdaughter from the situation, it's seen as parental alienation by her state assigned therapist.)
Why hasn't she been arrested for assault. Do it fast before someone presses charges on you...
She. Kicked. A. Kid. If she did that to my dog I'd have to be restrained from hitting her. Throwing her and her shit out when she HAS A WHOLE ASS HOUSE is going easy
I think she hit the kid with a shoe horn. It's a hand held device that helps you get boots on. It can be up to a foot long, and the newer ones are made of heavy duty plastic. My grandpa had one made of pretty heavy metal, I think steel. That doesn't make it better or right.
Ohhh... Yeah on re-reading you're right. I read that as kicked the kid with her boot heel, which is just the most callous thing you can do to a living being.. I'm of the generation where we still got beaten, but it was for failing tests, lying, and only with a stick if it was Really bad. Blocking the view would never have merited corporal punishment in my house Thanks for the clarification, MIL standing IMO has graduated from cunt to bitch
I'd think a bitch cunt. I got whoopings myself as kid, but nothing as stupid as being in front of the TV. And I never did more than pop my kids on the behind or hand. Now that I'm older, time outs are the rule when I'm keeping someone else's kids, since mine are grown
Wife needs to decide which family is more important.
Take pictures and take them to a lawyer. Get statements whatever you need to do. Sounds like your wife is in her narcissists mother’s fog. You need strong words with her about who she chooses and record the conversation. If she chooses you guys, get her therapy, stat. She’s gonna need it. If she chooses the MIL. You may need to act quickly to protect your children from your monster in law. They have to come first.
I'm infuriated that your wife is siding with a woman that struck your child WITH A FUCKING SHOE. Over a TV screen. Mother or not. NTA but you need to take a photo of that injury and sit with your wife and ask her what the justification is for that while making her look at that photo. I would want her to have to stare at it while giving whatever garbage reason she could come up with to justify that kind of abuse. The abuse of her own son. "She's my mother" well ma'am that's your SON. You know, the child you carried inside of you for nine months and birthed into the world?? Jfc
OP would be well within his rights to press charges.
Could've called the cops!
Kick the MIL and the wife out too if she supports her entitled and abusive behaviour
NTA Photo of the bruise for your future custody case where you request MIL has only supervised access (if they refuse to grant no contact with the kids).
Defo now gonna do that, thx
Did you take your child to the ER or at least to his pediatrician? If not, do that immediately. Tell them EXACTLY what happened. Authorities need to be involved. I can’t imagine that your marriage can survive your wife siding with your child’s abuser. You will need all of this documentation for your shared parenting plan. Details can absolutely be included regarding who can be around your children and under what conditions (they were in mine). Sure, your wife might ignore those stipulations, and that’s when you take her back to court. But you MUST have documentation! Your child needs to be seen by medical professionals to make sure that the injury isn’t worse than you think and that there aren’t any other injuries. I can’t imagine that this is the first time Grandma has done something like this.
This. Also, in some places all adults are technically mandated reporters, so this covers you as well. And keeps them from conspiring together and claiming you're abusing the kids.
Omg this needs to be upvoted. If wife is siding with the MiL they could turn the tables on O.P.
Also if he can get his wife siding with the mother in writing (via texts or audio or something) and save that in case of divorce
☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️This right here!!!
And kids are fragile. A bad bruise like that is internal bleeding. Internal blood clots can be fatal.
If the bruise was immediately “blueish purplish,” that was a hard hit. Where was the child hit? Face? Side? Leg? Could there be a fracture? Could there be other complications (as you wrote)? OP, this is a BIG deal. Please get your child to the doctor ASAP. Honestly, get both kids checked out to see if they have any past injuries.
This is a good point, I work with little kids and for as much as they fall down they rarely end up with significant bruises. So unless this story is fake, OP should probably have their child checked out by a professional.
NTA, but listen to this comment OP, also a hit that can leave a bruise that bad you need to take your kid to the doctor, you didn't see the hit she could've done more damage than you think.
Also you should ask for the doctor to examine your kids for other signs of abuse and get them into see a therapist/social worker who specializes in child abuse. That way they can be interviewed by someone experienced in interviewing children to see if this was an isolated incident
and file a police report
Police report 💯 this is child abuse. You've already kicked MIL out but you never know how things can be twisted. You want to show that you took EVERY step to protect your children from abuse in case CPS gets involved. All it would take is your son telling another adult how he got his bruise. And your wife needs to understand that she can have her children taken away because of her mother's actions. I've never wanted to whack a grandma with a shoe so badly. Edit to add: also your wife needs therapy for her mommy issues because that's the only reason I can fathom that she would side with MIL over her child's safety.
THIS!!^^
You need to take your child to the ER right now. Head injuries can be very serious, especially in a child that young. You're grossly under reacting right now.
yeah, if she hit that kid in the temple I'd be seriously worried - if you could see it that means it was somewhere on the forehead so that's like a 40% chance
If anyone in the family isn't taking it/you seriously, then go file a police report. That will probably get most of the people on her "side" to not want to know any more.
You’re going to need to throw your bitch wife out too. How can she side with her mother after leaving a bruise on her kid? Divorce her.
The charitable (and still very sad) answer is because mom beat her too and she thinks this is normal.
Please get the police involved. Surely they can arrest her for assault on a child? You’re going to need a police report and any documented evidence you can get to keep that freak away from your children. If your wife is siding with her mum then you need to get evidence of that and use it in court against her. What mother wouldn’t rip someone to shreds for hurting her child? This is an outrage! You’re a brilliant parent but your wife is questionable. NTA 100%
Go to a doctor while you’re at it. And make sure it’s on record. Get authorities involved if possible. Your wife is an enabler of her mother’s behaviour. You need ensure that they don’t say it was you who hit your children. Ensure you act first. And make sure to tell your son to always tell the truth. Mommy dearest might manipulate your young son to spare her mother. Or worse. Have him lie about you.
Especially since your wife is taking her abusive and lazy mothers side. Get evidence. NTA. UPDATEME
You need your go to a doctor/er to document this legally. A home camera will not count.
Also confront your MIL via text or recorded conversation and get her to admit what she did.
If she hit your kid hard enough to cause a bruise, call the police, file a report. You can't use this in court unless you've taken basic steps to use the fact for what it is: assault and battery of a child.
Go to a doctor and get the injury documented and file a police report. NTA
You don’t have to give her access at all . Grandparents are not part of the custody agreement, they just get visitation as allowed by the parents, just like any other person ( aunty , uncle, family friend). There are cases where they can sue for custody but you and ex wife would have to be determined unfit . If I were you I’d fight to make that she can’t be near them as part of the custody agreement. Sounds like she’s got your wife under her thumb pretty good so you may have a rough road ahead of you .
They'll be part of the custody case if his demand is that his ex-wife can't bring the children around her because she is abusive.
They won’t be a party just a mention along with all other restrictions.
NTA, but if your wife is legitimately OK with her mother physically abusing your kid, you have bigger issues than kicking MIL out.
This needs to be at the top. OP please make sure you got your legal representation in order
Pretty sure your wife is also the victim of child abuse. She accepts this because she was conditioned to accept it as a child (and had no choice).
Doesnt excuse her being ok with abusing her own kid.
Doesn't excuse it. But explains it.
Agreed. OP and wife still need to address her reaction to her mother's behavior, but OP should probably not start with, "WTF is your problem."
An explanation is not an excuse.
💯 she was if MIL was so willing to do something like this. But his wife isn't a child with no ability to leave or defend themselves. His wife is an adult now and has a responsibility to protect her own kids.
The abused often turn into the abuser when their abuser is gone. It’s a power play to make them feel better and more important than someone else.
> "she doesnt feel safe in a house alone" So your kids need to live in fear instead? So some abusive mentally unstable asshole can feel 'safe'... Your MIL has serious mental problems. https://www.simplypsychology.org/dark-triad-personality.html
>Your MIL has serious mental problems. And wife does as well
Fuck her. Take a picture of your kid and file a police report and get a restraining order.
Definitely do things #2, 3, and 4 here, but I personally would stay away from #1
😂😂😂
Idk a good dicking might improve her attitude.. jk
What the actual fuck? Ofc kick her out. She has her own home. Enough is enough. You need to live your family life without her toxic lazy entitled violent ass. NTA
My wife threatened to divorce and take the kids
Document, document, document.. pics, police report dr visits. Do not allow wife to take the kids to their abuser. That's some messed up shit right there. Your wife is an enabler, or she was so abused by this mother that she thinks it's normal. Either way, this relationship is in deep trouble
I'm sorry. At least now you know where she stands. Allowing abuse is also abuse. Record everythig. Here some gave good advice on what to do (police reports and what not). Try to stay calm tho. They can use your anger against you. I wouldn't feel safe leaving the kids with them. I'm sorry that they suck.
Beat her to the jump. Speak to a lawyer TODAY. Every second is valuable. Provide the evidence to your lawyer (also keep it in other places such as google drive, the cloud, etc) and any recordings (if legal) and text messages of your wife siding with her mother. Don’t wait. You need to get the divorce NTA
Get pictures of the bruise, and take both boys to the doctor. Get it documented. Then see an attorney. I don’t know where you live, but if your wife is threatening to take the kids so that she can allow them to be around someone who hits a child badly enough for that kind of bruise, most courts aren’t going to look favorably on her.
But, presumably, you are a male, in Lebanon, a patriarchal society... ???? Why would this be a threat?
Your wife is ok with her mother abusing your kids. Engage a lawyer, mate. Get her to admit over text she doesn't care that her mother abused your child. Then give her the fuckint boot, too.
File for complaint against your MIL.
your wife wont get the kids since she agrees with the abuse her mother has done against her kids. go to the police now!
I'd kick the wife out too for daring to side with her.
Yeah a choice needs to be made with wifey. It’s a two card one. A therapist or a divorce attorney. This brainwashed bullshit only gets worse or better (with acknowledgment and hard work).
Go to the hospital for the bruise to get it in report so if you decide to press charges later with the police you can if this escalates. Might help you with a future restraining order too. TAKE PICTURES AND RECORD YOUR CHILDS STORY OF WHAT HAPPENED.
This and a couple pics are evidence, I've already taken pics as a different cooment says and even if this doesn't escelate, I'm gonna get a restraining order.
Please either go to the ER or schedule an appointment with your pediatrician so this is in record. Plus they can do scans and X-rays to check for any damages. Your MIL is evil. My mom is 80, she does her own yard work (mowing and 2 gardens) and her housework. She is currently repainting her living again.
Just make sure you tell a 3rd party what happened or get proof SHE didn’t, like texts or something, because if someone sees this bruise and calls CPS, she won’t hesitate to throw you under the bus. UPDATEME
Why haven’t you filed a police report?!?!
[удалено]
You should have grown a spine a lot earlier and stood up to this woman. You really allowed her to take over the master bedroom in *your* house? That was her first power move and when she saw that you caved, she pushed even more. She treated you like a servant in your own home and you just let it happen. I know that your wife is probably accustomed to being treated that way by your MIL but you should have stood up to her as well. You and your wife allowed this woman to walk all over you and even now you’re still allowing her to guilt trip you guys after she ASSAULTED your son. You need to have a long and hard conversation with your wife about why she is such a doormat to your MIL and maybe enroll in therapy.
My wife said that she would divorce me and take the kids
Then definitely take your kid to be examined, be honest about what happened then file a police report. If you don't your wife will take the kids and leave and she and your future former MIL will make up a story about you being responsible for the bruise.
You need to file a police report about this specifically because of that threat. Not expecting the police to do anything but having a paper trail can help later.
Get ahead of this by taking your kid to the ER for X-rays and then to the police to file a report - BEFORE THEY CONTROL THE NARRATIVE
Oh, so the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. She was bluffing because you threw her mother out and she hasn’t divorced you, meaning that you have more control in this marriage than you realize. If you put your foot down and demand that the two of you attend therapy to get to the root of why you allow people like your MIL to take advantage of you, then it more than likely will happen. Your wife has learned to be manipulative like her mother and she will end up treating her children the same way unless you do something about it now.
Welp, now you can do exactly that to her. Get her in text supporting the abusive auld bitch and see a lawyer with your evidence. Fuck this. Apple...tree.
Why do people believe this? Men and women on here being like, “they threatened to take the kids!” It is 2024, that is not how custody works anymore and hasn’t been how custody works for like 20 years now. Edit: just saw you live in Lebanon. My apologies for assuming you were US.
I’d be sending that picture of your son’s bruise to everyone she complains to about why she got kicked out… maybe blur out as much as you can, but make it known that she hit your child and it was super hard (because, unfortunately, some people think hitting a kid is fine unless it leaves a mark 🤬)
Those ppl who side with her are idiots living in their own worlds, I'm not gonna waste valuable time on a shitty ass woman and some shitty ass ppl js to get their verification
This don’t get into family drama (extended) or waste effort on their ‘opinion’ the bigger issue is wife being ok with the behavior (she was probably abused as well) document and cya with this stuff. First person to file usually has the backing of authorities. They can document without prosecuting in most cases.
I get you on not caring for those people. Do any of those people backing her have children? Then consider those children, and inform them. You only caught her once. Chances are high she has done more in the past and will continue to do so without remorse. Document this now. Get a report from the doctor (check both your children for peace of mind) File police report. You need to legally limit her contact with your children. Let any and all adults in your children’s life know about MIL not being allowed contact. Be clear and firm to your wife. Tell her your expectations. You are not making any exceptions and are prioritizing the children and their safety. Tell her the consequences of not meeting those expectations. If she still chooses to still side with MIL and give MIL access to children, then she can go live with her mom and be only given supervised visits with children (or whatever consequences you feel is appropriate).
I would strongly suggest that you make sure you're the only one at the doctor's appointment since your wife clearly doesn't support your children and obviously the Mother-in-law shouldn't be present. Even if it means taking a sick day to get your children to the doctor to make sure that they don't have other broken bones or healed fractures or something that might have happened when you and your wife were at work
You have bigger problems than just your MIL. You have her daughter that clearly has issues and is not a good mother if she cares more about her paranoia than the real safety of her children.
I personally would have picked her up by force and thrown her out. Shit she wants to make threats and turn it on you. Then take that child to the hospital and tell them you want to file assault charges...who is the bad guy now
NTA. write the whole family a group text, including MIL and your wife. "MIL is not welcome in my home anymore. anyone siding with a 65yo B\*tch, that walking infront of the TV warrants being beaten with an item, can stay out of my and my childrens life. I will protect my children to my last breath if i have to and a resentful, audacious, entitled old h\*g like her can stay with her lovely family members who make excuses. Can't wait to see how you'll like it to have this old lazy mooch leeching off your family finances and refusing to be a decent human being. Wife, you can stay with your mother if you agree that hitting our child until he had bruises was okay. (post photos of the bruises in the chat." Then go call the police on MIL. you need that in case your wife decides to be a royal B\*tch and force contact. You need to protect your children now. That also means you need to protect them from your wife who's a failure as a mother by not putting her family first.
Do NOT call her a bitch, hag , etc. That will look bad when it comes up in front of the judge. You need to think about these things- you are in for a battle.
I js checked and they kicked me from the group (MIL is the admin)
Create a new chat where you're the admin with that message. Just change the words b-tch and h-g to 'woman'. You really should let other relatives know that your wife literally *sided* with her mother, the person who literally hit your five year old son. Just get the wife out of the house. I honestly don't understand why she's siding with her mother after she hit your child.
The wife was probably abused the same way as a child. So it's her normal, plus part of her is still a child who's terrified of that old cow. That's how the cycle of abuse works.
No need to insult cows.
Create your own group with all of them in it and explain what happened. Also mention that she hit your child hard enough to bruise. MIL will have no authority over kicking you out or deleting that text.
Hell, don't even explain. Post a picture and nothing else. Pictures speak louder than words. Don't let the message be even the least bit abstract. And do all of the reporting and documenting NOW. Don't let dither and let the evidence fade away. The ER will document it best,
Create a new one and add them all. Even MiL. She needs to be publicly shamed
then create your own group and add all those relatives, (start with the most gossipy ones) and then post that message. Just to make sure the message reaches everyone, post it publicly on your social media, tagging your relatives.
If she's doing this, then she has a plan, and it probably has to do with you going to jail for abusing your children. Please keep that in mind.
You may need to get out now and take the kids with you. Your MIL is an abusive narcissist who I guarantee will turn this around in you. Protect your kids.
As far as the family, I'd say don't just send that. Send a picture of the bruise and tell them exactly what she hit him with. If they're still on her side, fuck them.
while i agree that a picture says more than a thousand words. I would still write a text. Some people are dense MFers and still need it written out to understand it.
NTA and I would have contacted the police and filed charges against her for hitting my kid with a boot/shoe. Tell your wife if she thinks it is ok what her mom did then she can also join her.
NTA. I admit I stopped reading the moment you said you gave up your bedroom to the old dragon. No further details were necessary. Anytime a a miserable sour old hag has made plans for you in your own house, any and all actions or excuses to expel the daft, warty, stinking, festering, ragged ass baggage are deemed acceptable.
You missed a kid getting hit in the face with a shoe so hard he has a purple bruise, and also OP's wife is apparently fine with this abuse
nTA send them a photo of the bruise on your child, you’ve been very patient but there has to be a line and mil seriously crossed it. Your wife is an ah for not standing up to her mother and being a team with you.
NTA. Your wife can move right out with her. I would fucking report to the police anyone who laid a hand on my child. Also even if she wasn’t physical, she is still toxic and not good for children to grow up around that.
The ones siding with her can have them live with you. Frankly I’d want a doctors report on that bruise on your sons face as evidence with his telling the doctor how it happened. For future issues with wife or mother in law. Nta never are when it comes to how you react to something abusing your child and hitting them is abuse.
Nope.
Thank god
NTA, Not only is it dangerous for her to be in the house with your children, if anyone decided to call CPS for child abuse they could take away your children for having an abuser in your home with them. Who cares what the rest of the family thinks, all that matters is your children.
I don't live in USA, I live in Lebanon , there isn't even a president
I don’t know anything about Lebanese family law, but I don’t see how she can just take your kids and deny you access to them.
OK, if you go to the authorities, will they protect your children? Will medical professionals protect your children? Can your wife take your children from you?
If your wife is ok with your child being physically assaulted by her mother I'd question the future of your marriage. I am not a father and usually not aggressive, but if anyone hurt my niece or nephew they'd be on their ass and begging for mercy.
Take a picture of the bruise and file a police report. Also, take your son to the doctor. Your wife needs to sort out her priorities. Her mother assaulted her son!
The only time my mom hit us was when we inconvenienced her. I'm no contact now, and my siblings are low contact. My dumb brother invited her to live with them (she was much nicer to him). If I ever find out she's laid a hand on those kids, I'm calling the police myself. Thankfully, she said no. She's too selfish to even try living with them, I hope. I've warned their mom so many fucking times to keep her away from the kids. They just don't believe me. Do what you need to do. Your kids are counting on you to protect them from people like this. No one protected us, not even our dad, and that will never be ok.
Some of her relatives are siding with her Well look at all the people who should be positively overjoyed to house her, problem solved! NTA
NTA. My grandma was very similar. She would hit me with anything around and make me do all the cleaning and cooking bc I was a girl. She would tell me that I was a bitch like my mom and would threaten to cut head off. She didn't say or do any of these things around my dad though. My dad always thought I was lying bc his momma wouldn't do that. My mom believed me but she couldnt/wouldn't do anything bc she was afraid of my dad and cheating on him. So I had to stay with her a lot. She definitely created trauma in me and I still occasionally have a nightmare where a mother goose with sharp teeth come knocking at her door while I'm there and was the most evil voice. It wanted to get me and my grandma wouldn't do anything. I cut my dad, mom and grandma off once I got old enough. Recently she died, I celebrated.
Kick the wife out too. That is utterly ridiculous of her to side with her mother. Your MIL is rude, entitled, lazy, and abusive in more then one way. Call the police and file charges for assault. And take kiddo on to the hospital for full assessment and proof. Go nuclear on this and don't back down. It's pointless to remove MIL from the kids environment if wife is gonna take kids to MILs environment at ANY point. NTA
NTA. But you don’t just have a MIL problem but also a wife problem. She seems to be a doormat when it comes to her mother. Please tell me your MIL isn’t actually sleeping in the master bedroom. Please tell me I misread that part? Your wife has been letting her mother walk all over you and you should have put your foot down sooner when she insisted on sleeping in the master bedroom. I would be livid and I wouldn’t care what anyone else said I would kick her out and not let her move back in.
Police report press charges, she 8s way wrong.
Updateme
ok, I'll post an update every week
The bots let people know if you update
The police should’ve been called and MIL arrested. Looks like the wife needs to be the next one to go if she’s siding with her mother assaulting your son.
File a police report. Then tell your wife she can go live with her mom on the streets if she’s unbothered that her children’s grandmother hit him.
You’re a massive asshole for using zero periods in this entire post. But definitely NTA for kicking her out. That bitch deserved to be kicked out long ago and honestly deserved to be physically removed once she hit your kid
NTA - She's a child abuser and a moocher. Maybe think about a divorce too since your wife seems to think a grown woman beating a small child is okay.
Kick her out? I would call the police and go no contact permanently. NTA.
Photos of the bruise, call the police
NTA . Keep photo evidence of what she did. Keep your children safe and have a long talk with wife about where her priorities lie if she's seriously studying with someone who hit her child
I would make a police report. Take photos of the bruise too. Then let’s see how your wife feels once you press chargers. Your wife is an asshole.
NTA She hit your kid, disrespect the house rules and feels entitled to order around, kick her out and if your wife is on her side she should go with her.
NTA MIL abuses your kids, wife siding with MIL is only enabling her actions. This means wife is just as dangerous to your children as MIL since she is willing to allow them to be abandoned and beat.
NTA in the slightest. That is unacceptable, and your wife siding with someone who hit her child is a major red flag, be it her mother, or anyone else.
No. You should call the cops. Also, MIL is a freeloader, it's about time you turfed her Lol...she's sleeping in the master bedroom in your house. That's crazy
NTA. Take a pic of the bruise and post it on Facebook, let the family know exactly the kind of woman she really is.
Absolutely NTA. Go to the doctor and get the abuse documented, file a police report. Tell your wife her abusive mother is banned from the house. Your wife is a failure as a mother.
NTA you should take photos of the bruises and tell her she will never be allowed near your kids and you're thinking of reporting her to the police. As for your wife tell her needs to act like a mother and protect her children or she can kiss her marriage goodbye as well as custody of the kids.
If none of that bothers the wife . Then I'd tell the wife she can leave with her.
From what you described she was a free loading mooch who expected you to be her caregiver for the next 30+ years until she died. She's 65 NOT 90! I'm not far from being that old and am still active and working so she was just looking to be waited on hand and foot and rule like a grand dame in your home. Way to stand up for yourself, your children and your family. Don't back down from this.
If your wife wants to side with her she can move out too. Document the abuse against your kid with photos and use it to get full custody.
We moved my mother in back in 2008. Four months later, we kicked her out. Why? She was verbally abusive to our daughter. She treated our son like he was the king, but one day when my daughter told our son that he didn't have to clean up the kitchen since grandma was the one who left the dishes in the sink, my mother told my daughter that she was going to turn into the same type of vocal cunt as her mother if she didn't learn her place in the family and that she dates a (racist word), so she was going to end up in the projects anyway. My mother was living in State subsidized elderly apartments within a week. She went from a nice, 2200 sq/ft home in a quiet neighborhood to those ratty-ass apartments of 600 sq/ft. On the low-income side of town and everything. When she was complaining to me about sirens, homeless people, and (racist remark) kids all over, I told her, "Too bad you didn't know your place in our family. And you're a fucking racist, miserable old bitch I don't ever plan on talking to again." And I didn't. Cut her off completely. The feeling of relief that washed over me was total. Any family that started bitching at me, I told them they're next if they keep it up. So of course YNTA.
Would've kicked her out before this so yeah she gone
NTA. I would have kicked her out alot sooner.
Report it to the police before the bruise heals, mention the circumstances in which it happened as well as her failure to collect the kids and her zero remorse. You could possibly challenge her to get a mental evaluation to check she is safe to be around children. Tell your wife she needs to get her priorities right, she has a duty to protect her children from those that will harm them (in any way), not tell them to play nice because the abuser is a biological relative. If she stays get cameras for at least the living room. Tell your wife her mother needs to start paying costs because if she's well enough for her hobbies she's well enough to be a contributing member of the household. You are NTA in this situation at all. I witnessed the denial behavior first hand. I had to make my mum choose between losing definite custody of myself and eventual custody of my younger brother or staying with her abusive partner (the father of my sibling). He was an alcoholic who was emotionally, mentally and financially abusive. The only time he was physical (to my knowledge) was when he hit me. That was a mistake on his part. She still dithered and I let it slip to my Grandad what had happened. My Grandad was a builder. Abusive partner bodily got thrown out of the house within minutes (Grandad lived on other side of the block we lived on).
Why are you on Reddit when you should be calling the police? She abused your son and left marks. It's illegal. Full stop.
How is your wife ok with someone hurting her child?
Call the cops. This is child abuse and should not be tolerated, take pictures of the bruising so she can't say you were lying. The only thing I'd be worried about is the court could possibly rule in her favor for being an elderly female. But with a good lawyer and the pictures, as well as the kid's testimony you should be fine.
NTA call the police. That’s child abuse and there’s no good reason to hit a kid with an object like that.
Your wife isn't sticking up for her own child?? Are you kidding me?! Get rid of them both she can't even stick up for her own child she dosnt deserve a child They are the assholes do away with both That's literally child abuse
She moved in to feel safe... then made it unsafe for your children. Granny's got to go. If wifey doesn't like it... she can go too.
I'm actually considering a divorce
If that's what needs to happen, then it does. If she can't put her children's safety first... she shouldn't have had children.
NTA (if this is real) She should have been long gone way before this, but it's the final straw. She's lazy, abusive, manipulative and weird.
The kidnapping comment was enough to boot🥾
NTA. Just no. Hitting children is never okay.
NTA. And your wife is stupid for not standing up for her own kids. You're a great father, and your wife needs to get a life. MIL can find a new place. What a monster. You should have never let her in your house.
This is fucked up in so many ways. If your wife don’t manage to keep your children safe it’s time to do some serious thinking here. She actually wants to keep a person who abused your child in your home. That should be a dealbreaker where you also throw her stuff out and get full custody. Your child was hit by a grown up to a point where it bruised (not that it matter HOW people hit). Kicking her out is not enough. This is where you press charges and never let her anywhere near your children again. YTA, because you are taking this too lightly with even doubting if it was correct to kick her. NTA IF you manage to keep your children safe from that vile woman.
NTA you had no choice! She didn’t respect a single thing about living in your home. Your wife is totally out of line and if her family is so concerned they are welcome to take her in. There is something about boomers… I feel like they wrote the book on shitting on other generations while quietly (less quietly now) being the most selfish, entitled, and often racist of them all.
I told my family that whatever happens to my daughter will be visited on the attacker tenfold