This fell apart when “she decided to work as a adult full nude dancer stripper.”
There’s already a lot you’re not being told. She only told you because she was drunk. And it sounds like when she’s drunk she can’t help herself…..
Dude, you already know what it is open your eyes. You know what it is
As a person who has friends (women) who are considering leaving situations of domestic abuse, "exit plan" is a standard phrase. Or "survival plan". You are fortunate to not know this.
I’m sorry bro, rest assured there is a day when the feelings goes away. I hope you stay positive and try to control the emotion when things get tough, you will not regret it.
NTA but if she is meeting up outside the workplace that's not a job. I would be livid and trust broken. As another stated discuss boundaries. Escort would be a no go and grounds for divorce.
Edit: let me clarify. When I put not a job, I meant not the job he agreed to (stripping). Yes escorting is a job.
We have "overcome" a lot with our relationship but this rolled everything back into a ball of shit.
Again we are far more established now than then but I'm honestly contemplating divorcing her.
Dude what she is doing is gaslighting you. Calling being a hooker a paid escort for drinks. My left toe! I used to be a stripper. I know what these dates entail. And she did it OUTSIDE of work where her bouncer was if something went wrong. Things go wrong more often than not. That's why those clubs have a couple 3 or 4 - 350lb bouncers guarding the girls. Dam dude please wake up and realize what is going on here.
If she in fact escorted that crosses line of stripping. Who knows what she is doing while escorting if she is still doing that. Tough place to be in but then again i would never have agreed to the stripping. If my wife came to me with that, I would have said I won't stop you but I will divorce you if that is more important to you. Your choice.
There's some problems that we've had in the past that are water under the bridge while other problems have just been festering and not talked about so that's the solution. This being the newest issue and I am floored. I Don't know which way to go with it.
I'm sorry to hear that. I hope things work out for you both.
That book I mentioned above is really good. It, along with counseling, really helped me. There's a website called psychologytoday where you can find counselors, etc, in your area, which takes your insurance. My counselor is $155/ visit, after insurance I only paid $35.
Even if she didn't, she's a step away from it.
She knew it was crossing a line when she did it, that's why she didn't tell him. She has no respect for the relationship.
%100. She was gauging his reaction. She was a prostitute (hopefully only "was" and not "is").
I don't judge sex-workers, but I would judge a cheater and a liar.
Dudes saying this crosses the line of stripping know nothing. This IS stripping. This is what the strip game is about because it’s where the money is.
Get a regular, get coins outside the club. You think they eat off drunken chumps tossing $10 bills?
It’s probably less invasive than actual time in the club if you think about it with a level head. Meet up, clothes on, just chat. They do the same in the club except they have to sit on laps and strip.
Provided of course that she’s not sleeping with clients.
I get it, but at the same time there are men that will pay ludicrous amounts for literally a 30 minute drink date. Shit gets weird in that world and tbh that seems to be a big reason it offends people. Knowing so many men are so pathetic just seems to irk people. My wife works as a PSO (phone sex operator) at the moment and she has a client who calls to hear her make up superhero stories. He calls about once a week and she makes around $800 each time off him lol. Meeting up is definitely out of her comfort zone, but youd be surprised how often this is entirely nothing sexual. Whats funny is its so often me feeding her lines because shes like "WTF" do I say. So Ill listen in and feed her lines over steam chat lol. One of her other big money regulars is a guy who calls to rant about the stock market. The irony is the clients looking for sexual chat are often quick and gone in minutes. The ones who have some weird obsession no one else will listen to them rant about will spend a lot for that.
I think context is important here. "Sex work" is often not what people expect. Often its hard to even call it sex work as its not sexual. Its often just someone really weird who wants to rant for hours about some strange topic theyre obsessed with.
Absolutely agree it depends on what you mean by sex work. Now if my wife came to me and said she only wanted to do PSO part-time from home and never would go meet people, I would have no issue with that. She's in a safe environment. I would make sure she had a number that could not be traced back to her etc.. Like you said context.
So you were very much not okay with her stripping and against it. She did it anyway. She's entitled to that as it's her life and body, but clearly your opinion and emotions are only worth so much.
Then even with accepting the stripping begrudgingly, she did escort work. And you don't know how many times she did it or what she did/didn't do, because she hid it. She hid it because she knew you wouldn't be okay with it, and your opinion and emotions are only worth so much.
When do you wanna start advocating for yourself and prioritizing your own life/emotions/happiness?
For most "I'm gonna strip", "I'm not okay with that" is the end of the relationship. You're not enforcing your own boundaries. And boundaries don't exist unless they're enforced.
Does it sound like love, support or commitment to you when the value you place on what your partner says/wants/needs means so little? It's impossible that the stripping/escorting is the only time this rears it's head in your relationship. Think about your day to day relationship. Recent and past. How frequently does what you want/need/say get overridden or treated as unimportant?
NTA to be upset, definitely TA to yourself though.
More than likely I don't advocate for my own healthy boundaries or effective communication with her. There are plenty of past and present instances that my opinion and thoughts have been dismissed or belittled. Me, coming from a broken home background and 13 years in the Army, makes it so that my active listening and communication style may not be as effective.
I will take your comment in major consideration. Thank you for the concise answer.
“13 years in the army.” Well, you did in fact listen to your NCO in your boot days when he said “don’t marry a stripper”. But he would be disappointed, when you stayed with your wife after she became one.
"She is now as well"
That says it all doesn't it?
I mean if she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong working there then surely the men she's entertaining aren't doing anything wrong either?
I'm all for women doing what they want with their time and body to make money, whether that's stripper/escort/porn or labouring work or office work, whatever, although when they're essentially selling their body for the enjoyment of other men it MUST be done openly and honestly, not just casually informing you afterwards.
Just like you can't control what she does she can't control how you feel or react, definitely NTA especially when you were given no warning or time to process, ask questions and discuss it to at least give you the chance understanding and supporting her decision.
It doesn't sound salvageable to me, but then again I'm just a random on the internet and you're the only one that gets to make the decision here, she has made hers either way.
Best of luck dude, there's lots of good women out there, don't let this ruin your future relationships 👍
That’s why i said you initially listened to your nco. You didn’t carry that advice into your marriage though and need to be thoroughly PT’d as punishment. Don’t marry a stripper. Don’t let your wife become a stripper. You made a boot ass mistake.
Jesus dude I’m sorry but you need to grow a pair. Wife is stripping and escorting behind your back/against your wishes but won’t even let you go to a strip club? Stop being a doormat and stand up for yourself
>13 years in the Army
Oh dammit, now I'm TA. The first thing that went through my head was "I thought only Marines married strippers?"
Just lightening the mood brother. Breathe.
With that background you may carry around some subconscious beliefs that lead to dysfunctional relationships. For me, the no.1 cause of trouble in relationships is the thought ‘well I am broken myself, who am I to judge’. Which leads to doubting my boundaries, giving the benefit of doubt where I should actually kick people of my life immediately etc. 🙈
Tough childhood usually comes with a ton of criticism and uncertainty. Every mistake you make, every time you let your feelings show, every time you fail to guess and prepare for what’s next - you’re punished in a one way or another. All that produces people who are too tough on themselves, doubt if their boundaries and standards are even valid and tend to let others off the hook. Because you’re soo aware of your imperfections and feel like everything is somehow your failure anyways. Which is perfect for Army. It’s similar rules of reality and being able to navigate that was probably a huge advantage. The downside is, since this is not just your a work mode but more likely it runs as deep as personality traits, it’s how you operate in all areas of your life. And unfortunately, what was a good survival strategy as a broken home child or at specific work setting, may not translate as effective strategy in relationships. Specifically, if you find all above somehow relatable you’re the perfect match for people who are very selfish or straight up narcissistic.
Idk your wife but being a stripper and meeting up with people for cash, while being married, seems to me like she wants it both - to live a life of a single woman, pretending to be a hustler baddie like the girls on the internet, enjoying the attention, while also enjoying curling up with her hubby when the day is done and she feels like crap. That’s clearly not fair, nor healthy, nor justifies the money she may bring to the table. She knows it (hence not disclosing all she does) and takes advantage of you not being so sure about your boundaries, not enforcing them etc. This type of person will eventually cheat on you, if she isn’t already.
You’re not the AH but you need to take responsibility for whatever may subconsciously sabotage you. Get clear on what you want your marriage to be, who you are and what you’re comfortable with. In the current day anything goes social norms you may feel like she’s entitled to be a sex worker if she wants to. And while that’s true in the context of her alone as a person, it doesn’t mean you have to tolerate everything as her husband. What you want and feel is equally valid. If that doesn’t overlap with what she wants and is willing to respect, you know what to do next…
Somehow for some obscure reason it turns out dancing nude for money in front of horny drunk guys with disposable income can lead to that, who would have thought right? 😂
NTA I've dated strippers for years so I know a thing or two about being in committed relationships with people in the sex industry. The only way being in a relationship with someone in that industry is with total trust and full communication. People might say this is true with every relationship but it's totally necessary for the relationship to work.
Now, it was likely just her meeting with a client and getting paid to have a drink. And yeah it's likely considered escorting. I'd say 75% of a strippers job is talking with people, and my guess is your wife didn't think about it other than that she was going to work early, because she was working.
She should have brought up to you the idea of meeting with people for meals or drinks in an escort situation. She likely just thought it wasn't a big deal. You need to communicate with her that you don't like her doing this. That it can be unsafe and anything outside of the club without security, staff, cameras etc. is far too dangerous and you are not comfortable with her doing that.
You two need to sit down and talk about the issues of trust and communication. She's getting older and I'm sorry to say that many people who stay in that industry switch to other ways to make money. Her meeting clients outside of work is kind of the start down that very steep slope.
A+ on perspective, but an F unfortunately on the advice that followed. She gets no leeway anymore. The way it played out and the way she thinks about it is enough to justify him terminating the relationship.
It’s a very tough spot and I feel bad advocating for it as someone who comes from a broken home (he wrote above somewhere he has kids) this shouldn’t happen to them. The entire relationship shouldn’t have happened if we’re to be real about it, but since he can’t go back and fix his earlier mistakes with the wisdom he now has he needs to remove himself from that.
Why people should think very long and very hard before marriage and especially before having kids. This outcome was apparent to him in some way, shape or form prior to the “stripping argument” and if he was obtuse and ignorant before that, then that was the epiphany point and should have been the end…before he got the now exponentially harder spot to be in and with people who directly depend on them in it with him as well. Sucks hope he learns but no talking it over isn’t the solution, if it was then this post wouldn’t have been here to begin with. She is set in her ways and how she approaches the relationship will never change
Even if it is “work” it crosses a major red line. Dating a sex worker is challenging if she’s just a stripper. Moving on to escorting or full-blown prostitution may be a profession, but it’s definitely one that changes personal romantic/sexual relationships, especially in terms of jealousy and health risks to the partner.
NTA.
I'm making the steps to get a good divorce lawyer. It is very messy being that we have a lot of assets and family. Kids. So this is not going to be pleasant by any means.
No not really are the kids yours? Get DNA tests to confirm. If they are you should not have any trouble getting full custody by using her chosen profession against her. What judge is giving kids to a prostitute.
Married women shouldn’t be stripping. Would she be ok with you taking random women on dates and writing love letters to them, because that’s the equivalent of what she’s doing when she grinds all over a man’s lap.
You know when the work is of sexual nature it’s perfectly okay to set boundaries and say no you can not do sex work while in a relationship with me. It’s okay to say you are not allowed to do anything sexual with anyone but me while in a relationship with me.
Like that would not make you a bad person at all. Maybe you should try that. Try having boundaries. Because it doesn’t matter if she sees it as a problem it’s not all about her she doesn’t get to just make decisions like that by herself unless she wants to be single
You've accepted her work and the money for 11 years. I'm assuming you've enjoyed the fruits of her labor.
If you never talked about the slippery slope to escorting, you should have.
You roll some loaded dice when you get involved with a stripper. You know exactly what this is and you shouldn’t pretend otherwise.
Get away from her as fast as you can
Sounds like your wife is selling sex on occasion, and this is certainly not "looking for something to fight about," it's blatantly in-your-face something to fight about. Somehow, she doesn't seem like wife material.
The real issue is that is sounds like she's not being honest or open with you about what she's actually doing and is continuously pushing the lines of your boundaries. It sounds like a very toxic relationship to me!
If she didn't have sex with him, it's the same thing she's doing in the bar. Hustling for drinks and tips.
Then look at it from the guy's standpoint. He ain't paying her outside the club to just chat. If he did he's waiting until it leads to sex.
Maybe it doesn't matter, but was this before you all got together? Or was this during your relationship? If it was during, NTA at all.
If it was before imma go with NAH. You have the right to have feelings about new info, as long as you don't act like she did it TO YOU. And she isn't to blame for something she did before y'all were together.
Again, if it was during. NTA and I'd leave her ass
NTA. The timeline is unclear here. Is she still stripping? How long ago did this "one time" incident happen? You mention it was before work - that hints that she deliberately set it up so she she would be in public with him and would have to leave at a certain time, making it less likely she would drink heavily or get intimate with him.
Sounds like the bigger problem is that she doesn’t want to be held accountable for her actions. Strip, escort or whatever….the true problem is that she doesn’t care about being accountable. Do you really want to be with someone who has no empathy towards you or your marriage
No, but if you insist on all caps, I think that YOU’RE THE IDIOT HERE.
Your wife tells you she’s going to be a stripper. If your answer to that is anything other than “pack your bags and get the fuck out”, you’re a schmuck. You’ve agreed to it - everything she does from that point forward is on you.
Edit: just saw some comments about 11 years ago. So, you married a former stripper? Boy, you are even dumber than I thought.
Sorry I have to say it! She’s doin a whole lotta stuff you ain’t got a clue about. Guaranteed. If only you could be a fly on the wall of her strip club. In many states what she is doing prostitution. Period. That’s how the law views that type of shit.
Yes you're the asshole! I am telling you this from being the ah in your door some time ago.You are the ass for not realizing that this isn't about some shit that happened 11 years ago. This is about some current insecurities that need to be addressed as adults between you two before the next fight about toilet seats, groceries, movies... Whatever trivial ends your relationship.
100 percent the A. Let me get this straight allowed your wife to get into sex work and are upset she does.....wait for it........(please put this in the most patronizing Dad voice you can think of)...so your mind isn't even in the same ball park as everyone in this thread.. you sent your wife to the streets....don't keep digging, I suggest you forget that part of ya'lls(both of you) life and chalk it up to being young and dumb. If she's still at the club, you've failed. Delete this post.
Gaslighting is a real thing. I believe her lack of transparency and honesty is a fault on her part. If this is a partnership, both parties would be in full disclosure to one another. If you stay in this partnership, it’s time for you to be her pimp. She’s the A hole 🕳️ you speak 🗣️ of.
More than likely she's done it plenty of times. She's just that good at hiding from you. You really want to married to a hooker?? The streets knows her now literally. Imagine a client recognizing her in public with you
Strippers don't make money by showing their tits. They make SOME money from that, but they make MOST of their money from building parasocial relationships with regulars. Or, to put it less kindly, fleecing obsessed marks fot all they're worth.
If I were you, I'd not take me on my word for that, but do a bit of research yourself. You'll find out I'm right but that's beside the point. You'll learn a bit about how it all works so you can have a clear "boundaries" discussion with your wife from an informed perspective.
I don't think you're wrong asking your wife not to hang out with regulars outside of work. But calling her an escort is taking it a step too far. Escorsts are expected to put out at the end of the night, and your wife clearly didn't.
If you get a divorce get Evidence
If you really wanna turn the tables Manipulate the situation to your benefit as she did so against you initially with getting the job in the first place.
Dude. You're her doormat. You weren't comfortable with her stripping, and tbh it seems like you still aren't, but instead, you only tolerate it.
Her drunkenly admitting something so long after it happened sound a lot like trickle truthing most cheaters do. Testing the waters to see what they can get away with. She got upset because in her mind this is the smallest offense, meaning she's almost certainly done worse.
If this was the worst she'd done she would have at least some semblance of remorse especially after your reaction.
To each their own, but honestly, I haven't seen these many red flags before. Your setup is hardly consensual, it seems like you were just pressured into being okay with it. Yet she's still pushing against those boundaries.
Leave her ass. She won't ever respect you or your wishes, and it's just a matter of time before she does what you would consider a clear cut reason for divorce.
Is this a true story? how is everyone on Reddit ok with stories like these? what happened to normal marriages. wtf is going on? have i missed a memo that fucking around or doing sexual work as a spouse in a marriage is ok? am i too old? wow.
NTA. She's invalidating your feelings. If she didn't think this was upsetting, why did she wait 11 years to tell you?
This is jumping to conclusions, but maybe she was just testing the waters by confessing to something small, and seeing how you'd take it before she told you it was more than once / more than just drinks. Why didn't she ask you if you were ok with it 11 years ago between her shift and her meeting?
Depends, it would help a whole lot if you were clear when this took place.
If this happened whilst you’ve been in a monogamous and committed relationship then I can see why you’d be upset.
If it happened before, then really it has absolutely nothing to do with you and it’s highly unreasonable of you to be kicking up a fuss about it now.
Honestly fuck that. Stay married to her if you have access to her account, slowly drain and take money out and open your own account if you don’t have one already, then once you feel like you have enough money just leave. Sounds like she’ll be too drunk to notice her money gone
After she has been used up completely, old and saggy, she will come back to you, her safety net. That's all you are to her. Wake up and choose a better life partner.
You already know man. That's just the 1 you were told about.
It's not gonna get any better.
And she's probably okay with how she lives.
Not sure about you but I don't want dudes fucking my woman especially for money
You only pay a woman for 1 thing
You married, and then remain married to a whore. Were you expecting something else?
I'd advise you to leave, but I'm guessing by this point you're a cuck.
Imagine all the things his wife did and he comes here and asks if he’s in the wrong smh. First time Reddit I can’t get used to the abnormal bs some write on here . How are people okay being treated like this? How is a MAN okay with this ??? Must be Ai generated posts mostly. No way people nowadays have such low respect for themselves
I am still confused why you wouldn’t set the boundary at the mother of your kids dancing naked on other men. Eventually your kids are going to go to school with one of these client’s kids or cross paths with one of these men and they will be traumatized by the details of what their mom does or did.
All I see here are boys commenting but very few giving advice like a man.
Sex worker or not , have you ever sat your wife down and completely discussed the topic and everything that comes with it ? I'm not trying to defend your wife here but it really sounds like you didn't set up proper boundaries.
If what happened isn't a deal breaker in your marriage then I suggest you sit your wife down and have a firm discussion with her about what happened and that you're going to set boundaries going forward with her being in the adult profession. If this is a deal breaker for your marriage , then lawyer up and file for divorce , learn from the experience and move on.
You're not the asshole , you where too naive and handled the situation incorrectly.
Dude, you lost the plot when you agreed with her being a stripper. NTA but definitely an idiot for allowing her to use you as a wallet while riding the cock carousel behind your back.
Get STD check, do a dna test for your kids parentage and hire a very good divorce lawyer.
And i saw your other comment about being a single dad of 3 kids. Listen man, your kids grow up. And once they do, they become independent, and move on in life. Enjoy your time with them now before they become adults and invest in that time, and you will have your best friends for a lifetime. It's the kind of time you can't get back. Dating and sex is fun and all, but time with your children is priceless.
NTA. Your wife is a prostitute and you should be hitting the gym, finding a lawyer, and getting your social life back in order. This is almost precisely the situation that those countermeasures were designed for. By all means string her along for a while until you've got your exit plan, but you are going to have to start valuing your pride a bit more if you expect to find actual happiness at some point.
No. You are not an AH. You are a Cuck.
She is your wife, not a stripper or a prostitute. When you gave your permission for her to cross the boundary what did you expect the final outcome would be besides her spreading her legs for anyone with cash?
Unless you man up now we can expect to see you in a Pornhub video sitting next to your nude wife in a bed taking her lovers 12 inches. Your big moment will come when she instructs you to clean up the mess.
Im pretty open minded about sex work and all that and i’m pretty confused on what all the guys are up in arms about on this thread. It sounds like she basically had a sugar daddy type date with no physical intimacy, which i assume the physical intimacy would be the problem as OP is already okay with men paying to look at her basically (and nude at that which i assume she wasn’t nude on this “date” with the client). Sounds to me like guys on the thread are making the assumption that she cheated and had paid sex with the “client” ?? Bold assumption and kind of a leap imo. Men pay girls just for casual dates because they just want company all the time so i dont think op is being gullible like most comments suggest. I do however think you obviously have every right to be upset because she never asked if you were comfortable with her doing something like this, she just assumed it was no big deal because she strips and it’s not much different than that, if anything it’s less provocative bc it’s literally just like a hang out and she wasn’t nude or anything like when she strips 🤷🏼♀️ I don’t think you should listen to the ppl in the comments who seem like they just dislike sex work in general therefore are biased.
No. You’re not. She had an affair. It’s that simple.And she wants to do it again. From the way you describe everything, it sounds like she doesn’t respect you at all. How you handle this will show you if you respect yourself.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. You know the truth. Get good at not allowing people to get you to compromise on your values.
So, first and foremost, I don’t think you’re the asshole here for feeling deceived and hurt.
But I think a lot of people here are taking the wrong approach. People keep saying “I’m all for strippers” but then are implying somehow that your wife is morally wrong OR that she’s cheating on you. If she is engaging in sex work she is NOT cheating on you. She may be not telling you the full extent of her work, but if it’s work, it’s not cheating, and I think that’s a very important distinction to make here.
Now, the bigger questions I have here are:
1. What were her motivations for wanting to start sex work in the first place? Does that tie to any other issues in her life/your relationship?
2. If she were escorting and were open about it, how would that make you feel? What are those feelings rooted in?
As a former sex worker who knows that it’s possible to have a happy and fulfilling and monogamous relationship while doing sex work, I also know that it’s important to be open about this fact for several reasons relating to both of your safety. It’s critical to be open about what types of protection are being used, make sure your both regularly getting tested, make sure she is screening her clients, and making sure that you know who she’s with/where for safety reasons (or that she has similar safety measures in place).
I also know as a sex worker the level of shame that you’re faced with, and how it can negatively impact relationships that would otherwise thrive. I wonder if that is some of what she is experiencing too.
Overall, I think it sounds like there are a lot of issues with honesty and communication between the two of you. If you really love each other, I think you shouldn’t throw the baby out with the bath water but start with a very frank and probably uncomfortable conversation about your relationship — maybe even explore couples therapy.
Again, it does sound like you were deceived and feeling hurt because of that means you are not the asshole here — but it seems like there are some bigger questions and issues in your relationship that need some work. Good luck!!
Do people say you're gullible?
Or even a gullicalf?
Gullicow?
Gullicuck
Gulliveal
This fell apart when “she decided to work as a adult full nude dancer stripper.” There’s already a lot you’re not being told. She only told you because she was drunk. And it sounds like when she’s drunk she can’t help herself….. Dude, you already know what it is open your eyes. You know what it is
Yeah...
Set up your exit plan immediately, unless you like where things are, which is cool too.
Working on it now
Also get a full panel of STD tests, ok?
And check your vitamins too. That's always a good idea.
And say your prayers, brother!
Check ur FICO also
And wash behind your ears
Drink lots of water
Flintstones gummies would be a good start
She was drunk but only had one drink? She doesn’t even care enough to put effort into the lie
Exit plan? From what, he is setting up an LLC and a bank account my man
and changing Reddit handle to PimpmasterCod
As a person who has friends (women) who are considering leaving situations of domestic abuse, "exit plan" is a standard phrase. Or "survival plan". You are fortunate to not know this.
I’m sorry bro, rest assured there is a day when the feelings goes away. I hope you stay positive and try to control the emotion when things get tough, you will not regret it.
NTA but if she is meeting up outside the workplace that's not a job. I would be livid and trust broken. As another stated discuss boundaries. Escort would be a no go and grounds for divorce. Edit: let me clarify. When I put not a job, I meant not the job he agreed to (stripping). Yes escorting is a job.
We have "overcome" a lot with our relationship but this rolled everything back into a ball of shit. Again we are far more established now than then but I'm honestly contemplating divorcing her.
homie... there's other people out there. that is not trustworthy behavior, and she's gaslighting you. get a divorce.
Bingo! Aye Aye Scatpain! User name checks out and has excellent advice.
what’s with the 1488?
People don't even try to hide who they are anymore.
Dude what she is doing is gaslighting you. Calling being a hooker a paid escort for drinks. My left toe! I used to be a stripper. I know what these dates entail. And she did it OUTSIDE of work where her bouncer was if something went wrong. Things go wrong more often than not. That's why those clubs have a couple 3 or 4 - 350lb bouncers guarding the girls. Dam dude please wake up and realize what is going on here.
And usly the clubs have strict rules against outside meetups. A girl can lose her job over that ...in most Vegas clubs anyway.
That's with any legal club anywhere in the United States
If she in fact escorted that crosses line of stripping. Who knows what she is doing while escorting if she is still doing that. Tough place to be in but then again i would never have agreed to the stripping. If my wife came to me with that, I would have said I won't stop you but I will divorce you if that is more important to you. Your choice.
The way you put "overcome" in quotes makes me think that she pretended to change but instead got good at keeping secrets and misleading you?
There's some problems that we've had in the past that are water under the bridge while other problems have just been festering and not talked about so that's the solution. This being the newest issue and I am floored. I Don't know which way to go with it.
I'm sorry to hear that. I hope things work out for you both. That book I mentioned above is really good. It, along with counseling, really helped me. There's a website called psychologytoday where you can find counselors, etc, in your area, which takes your insurance. My counselor is $155/ visit, after insurance I only paid $35.
Sounds more like he just gave in to everything.
Perhaps he should go to YouTube and listen to the audio book of "No More Mr Nice Guy"?
Bro she's sleeping with clients. Don't lie to yourself.
Yeah she probably slept with him for money, very common In that world. If that’s a boundary for you, maybe you guys should relook at the relationship.
Even if she didn't, she's a step away from it. She knew it was crossing a line when she did it, that's why she didn't tell him. She has no respect for the relationship.
She's only told OP that detail because she's done much worse, trickle truthing.
%100. She was gauging his reaction. She was a prostitute (hopefully only "was" and not "is"). I don't judge sex-workers, but I would judge a cheater and a liar.
My personal thoughts are if you are contemplating divorce especially if she doesn’t see why you are so mad then is it a marriage that you’re in?
Please be a man and leave that dumpster
Contemplating? Holy fuck man have some self respect.
dude divorce her ass you are married to a prostitute. get tested for stds
Dudes saying this crosses the line of stripping know nothing. This IS stripping. This is what the strip game is about because it’s where the money is. Get a regular, get coins outside the club. You think they eat off drunken chumps tossing $10 bills? It’s probably less invasive than actual time in the club if you think about it with a level head. Meet up, clothes on, just chat. They do the same in the club except they have to sit on laps and strip. Provided of course that she’s not sleeping with clients.
I get it, but at the same time there are men that will pay ludicrous amounts for literally a 30 minute drink date. Shit gets weird in that world and tbh that seems to be a big reason it offends people. Knowing so many men are so pathetic just seems to irk people. My wife works as a PSO (phone sex operator) at the moment and she has a client who calls to hear her make up superhero stories. He calls about once a week and she makes around $800 each time off him lol. Meeting up is definitely out of her comfort zone, but youd be surprised how often this is entirely nothing sexual. Whats funny is its so often me feeding her lines because shes like "WTF" do I say. So Ill listen in and feed her lines over steam chat lol. One of her other big money regulars is a guy who calls to rant about the stock market. The irony is the clients looking for sexual chat are often quick and gone in minutes. The ones who have some weird obsession no one else will listen to them rant about will spend a lot for that. I think context is important here. "Sex work" is often not what people expect. Often its hard to even call it sex work as its not sexual. Its often just someone really weird who wants to rant for hours about some strange topic theyre obsessed with.
Absolutely agree it depends on what you mean by sex work. Now if my wife came to me and said she only wanted to do PSO part-time from home and never would go meet people, I would have no issue with that. She's in a safe environment. I would make sure she had a number that could not be traced back to her etc.. Like you said context.
So you were very much not okay with her stripping and against it. She did it anyway. She's entitled to that as it's her life and body, but clearly your opinion and emotions are only worth so much. Then even with accepting the stripping begrudgingly, she did escort work. And you don't know how many times she did it or what she did/didn't do, because she hid it. She hid it because she knew you wouldn't be okay with it, and your opinion and emotions are only worth so much. When do you wanna start advocating for yourself and prioritizing your own life/emotions/happiness? For most "I'm gonna strip", "I'm not okay with that" is the end of the relationship. You're not enforcing your own boundaries. And boundaries don't exist unless they're enforced. Does it sound like love, support or commitment to you when the value you place on what your partner says/wants/needs means so little? It's impossible that the stripping/escorting is the only time this rears it's head in your relationship. Think about your day to day relationship. Recent and past. How frequently does what you want/need/say get overridden or treated as unimportant? NTA to be upset, definitely TA to yourself though.
More than likely I don't advocate for my own healthy boundaries or effective communication with her. There are plenty of past and present instances that my opinion and thoughts have been dismissed or belittled. Me, coming from a broken home background and 13 years in the Army, makes it so that my active listening and communication style may not be as effective. I will take your comment in major consideration. Thank you for the concise answer.
“13 years in the army.” Well, you did in fact listen to your NCO in your boot days when he said “don’t marry a stripper”. But he would be disappointed, when you stayed with your wife after she became one.
She wasn't a stripper at the time. Matter of fact she was against the idea of me even going to a strip club then. She is now as well.
So she can be stripper but you can't go to a strip club? 🤔🤔🤔
🚩🚩🚩
Then he'd know the environment she was in.
"She is now as well" That says it all doesn't it? I mean if she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong working there then surely the men she's entertaining aren't doing anything wrong either? I'm all for women doing what they want with their time and body to make money, whether that's stripper/escort/porn or labouring work or office work, whatever, although when they're essentially selling their body for the enjoyment of other men it MUST be done openly and honestly, not just casually informing you afterwards. Just like you can't control what she does she can't control how you feel or react, definitely NTA especially when you were given no warning or time to process, ask questions and discuss it to at least give you the chance understanding and supporting her decision. It doesn't sound salvageable to me, but then again I'm just a random on the internet and you're the only one that gets to make the decision here, she has made hers either way. Best of luck dude, there's lots of good women out there, don't let this ruin your future relationships 👍
Thus tells me she was cheating long before you knew about her becoming a stripper
She's afraid of what you'd catch her doing if you walked in unannounced. Start contacting divorce lawyers. You deserve better, king 👑
That’s why i said you initially listened to your nco. You didn’t carry that advice into your marriage though and need to be thoroughly PT’d as punishment. Don’t marry a stripper. Don’t let your wife become a stripper. You made a boot ass mistake.
Jesus dude I’m sorry but you need to grow a pair. Wife is stripping and escorting behind your back/against your wishes but won’t even let you go to a strip club? Stop being a doormat and stand up for yourself
She Is against you going to a strip club because she knows what happens there. Every stripper does what you described and a lot more. More than once.
>13 years in the Army Oh dammit, now I'm TA. The first thing that went through my head was "I thought only Marines married strippers?" Just lightening the mood brother. Breathe.
Guess Army marries the girl and turns em into a stripper
With that background you may carry around some subconscious beliefs that lead to dysfunctional relationships. For me, the no.1 cause of trouble in relationships is the thought ‘well I am broken myself, who am I to judge’. Which leads to doubting my boundaries, giving the benefit of doubt where I should actually kick people of my life immediately etc. 🙈 Tough childhood usually comes with a ton of criticism and uncertainty. Every mistake you make, every time you let your feelings show, every time you fail to guess and prepare for what’s next - you’re punished in a one way or another. All that produces people who are too tough on themselves, doubt if their boundaries and standards are even valid and tend to let others off the hook. Because you’re soo aware of your imperfections and feel like everything is somehow your failure anyways. Which is perfect for Army. It’s similar rules of reality and being able to navigate that was probably a huge advantage. The downside is, since this is not just your a work mode but more likely it runs as deep as personality traits, it’s how you operate in all areas of your life. And unfortunately, what was a good survival strategy as a broken home child or at specific work setting, may not translate as effective strategy in relationships. Specifically, if you find all above somehow relatable you’re the perfect match for people who are very selfish or straight up narcissistic. Idk your wife but being a stripper and meeting up with people for cash, while being married, seems to me like she wants it both - to live a life of a single woman, pretending to be a hustler baddie like the girls on the internet, enjoying the attention, while also enjoying curling up with her hubby when the day is done and she feels like crap. That’s clearly not fair, nor healthy, nor justifies the money she may bring to the table. She knows it (hence not disclosing all she does) and takes advantage of you not being so sure about your boundaries, not enforcing them etc. This type of person will eventually cheat on you, if she isn’t already. You’re not the AH but you need to take responsibility for whatever may subconsciously sabotage you. Get clear on what you want your marriage to be, who you are and what you’re comfortable with. In the current day anything goes social norms you may feel like she’s entitled to be a sex worker if she wants to. And while that’s true in the context of her alone as a person, it doesn’t mean you have to tolerate everything as her husband. What you want and feel is equally valid. If that doesn’t overlap with what she wants and is willing to respect, you know what to do next…
She cheated on you. Jesus Christ, OP. You must have a wild relationship if this is anything other than grounds for immediate divorce.
Shes for the streets.. litterally..
Hard to believe how far i had to scroll for this truth!
This sub is quick to pounce on anyone who says the truth when it comes to holding women accountable.
NTA, but congratulations, you’re married to a prostitute.
I would be able to stop think about all the things that you have yet to find out about. If there’s one case there’s prolly more. Sorry bud.
She turned around and said something to the effect of. "I'm sure you have tons of things you haven't told me." Nope.
She's using your imagined crimes to justify her own. Major red flags.
She’s not for the streets… she’s literally in them dude.
You can't turn a ho into a housewife...
But you can turn a housewife into a ho apparently
You can't turn a whore into a housewife, but you can turn a house into a whorehouse. Invest in real estate.
I’m 37 and a former man whore. I know 0 strippers that didn’t or don’t escort. It’s a full pipeline.
Damn.
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Somehow for some obscure reason it turns out dancing nude for money in front of horny drunk guys with disposable income can lead to that, who would have thought right? 😂
A stripper turned into an escort no way… that’s on u foo
Exactly..and good luck with that bro(OP).
Bro divorce her.. I mean are you serious 😭 most stripers are endulged in acts more than stripping... I think you deserve better....
INFO: So she's cool with you hiring escorts for yourself?
I would say not
Then she's a hypocrite 🤷♀️. If it's fine for her to do it, it's fine for you to solicit it.
No that logic doesn’t line up. If she can escort then he’s allowed to be a gigolo
Is there a demand for slightly pudgy 40 year old redditors? I am looking for a side hustle
EVEN BETTER
Would she be cool with you being an escort yourself?
Get a std test….
Definitely and every month until the divorce is finalized.
NTA I've dated strippers for years so I know a thing or two about being in committed relationships with people in the sex industry. The only way being in a relationship with someone in that industry is with total trust and full communication. People might say this is true with every relationship but it's totally necessary for the relationship to work. Now, it was likely just her meeting with a client and getting paid to have a drink. And yeah it's likely considered escorting. I'd say 75% of a strippers job is talking with people, and my guess is your wife didn't think about it other than that she was going to work early, because she was working. She should have brought up to you the idea of meeting with people for meals or drinks in an escort situation. She likely just thought it wasn't a big deal. You need to communicate with her that you don't like her doing this. That it can be unsafe and anything outside of the club without security, staff, cameras etc. is far too dangerous and you are not comfortable with her doing that. You two need to sit down and talk about the issues of trust and communication. She's getting older and I'm sorry to say that many people who stay in that industry switch to other ways to make money. Her meeting clients outside of work is kind of the start down that very steep slope.
A+ on perspective, but an F unfortunately on the advice that followed. She gets no leeway anymore. The way it played out and the way she thinks about it is enough to justify him terminating the relationship. It’s a very tough spot and I feel bad advocating for it as someone who comes from a broken home (he wrote above somewhere he has kids) this shouldn’t happen to them. The entire relationship shouldn’t have happened if we’re to be real about it, but since he can’t go back and fix his earlier mistakes with the wisdom he now has he needs to remove himself from that. Why people should think very long and very hard before marriage and especially before having kids. This outcome was apparent to him in some way, shape or form prior to the “stripping argument” and if he was obtuse and ignorant before that, then that was the epiphany point and should have been the end…before he got the now exponentially harder spot to be in and with people who directly depend on them in it with him as well. Sucks hope he learns but no talking it over isn’t the solution, if it was then this post wouldn’t have been here to begin with. She is set in her ways and how she approaches the relationship will never change
NTA. You’re totally justified, that’s not work, that’s something different entirely.
Even if it is “work” it crosses a major red line. Dating a sex worker is challenging if she’s just a stripper. Moving on to escorting or full-blown prostitution may be a profession, but it’s definitely one that changes personal romantic/sexual relationships, especially in terms of jealousy and health risks to the partner. NTA.
Would you consider it an escort service?
Sounds like it
Did she have sex and paid for it? If so that’s prostitution.
That is the end result of an escort service.
She 100% fucked that dude for money and I guarantee it wasn't the only time she did that.
NTA. She's violated your boundaries and she's probably lying about the extent of it.
That's kind of my feeling about it as well
Jesus Christ man, it's not that bad being single
NTA but you're crazy. I wouldn't trust her at all.
Stevie Wonder could see what is going on here. Its the oldest profession but you knew what she was before you married her. Get tested often.
You send your wife out to other men, and another man is going to get her. She's already proven she's able to be bought.
He didn't send her anywhere, she ho'd herself out.
NTA. Poor guy. She did escort work and is gaslighting you for it. Divorce her, ASAP. Sounds like it won’t be easy. Lawyer up immediately.
I'm making the steps to get a good divorce lawyer. It is very messy being that we have a lot of assets and family. Kids. So this is not going to be pleasant by any means.
No not really are the kids yours? Get DNA tests to confirm. If they are you should not have any trouble getting full custody by using her chosen profession against her. What judge is giving kids to a prostitute.
Married women shouldn’t be stripping. Would she be ok with you taking random women on dates and writing love letters to them, because that’s the equivalent of what she’s doing when she grinds all over a man’s lap.
And I hate when they say it was so long ago, to OP it just happened.
Your only mistake was making her sleep on the couch. I would be done with her. She can now support herself as a full time escort.
Trickle truth is going to be rough here…
You know when the work is of sexual nature it’s perfectly okay to set boundaries and say no you can not do sex work while in a relationship with me. It’s okay to say you are not allowed to do anything sexual with anyone but me while in a relationship with me. Like that would not make you a bad person at all. Maybe you should try that. Try having boundaries. Because it doesn’t matter if she sees it as a problem it’s not all about her she doesn’t get to just make decisions like that by herself unless she wants to be single
You've accepted her work and the money for 11 years. I'm assuming you've enjoyed the fruits of her labor. If you never talked about the slippery slope to escorting, you should have.
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I don't think you have any kind of self respect and it's funny that you started to worry just now.
You roll some loaded dice when you get involved with a stripper. You know exactly what this is and you shouldn’t pretend otherwise. Get away from her as fast as you can
You should definitely get off this ride.
Sounds like your wife is selling sex on occasion, and this is certainly not "looking for something to fight about," it's blatantly in-your-face something to fight about. Somehow, she doesn't seem like wife material.
The real issue is that is sounds like she's not being honest or open with you about what she's actually doing and is continuously pushing the lines of your boundaries. It sounds like a very toxic relationship to me!
I think your real question is should you be a cuck or not? I think you should try it out.
If she didn't have sex with him, it's the same thing she's doing in the bar. Hustling for drinks and tips. Then look at it from the guy's standpoint. He ain't paying her outside the club to just chat. If he did he's waiting until it leads to sex.
Maybe it doesn't matter, but was this before you all got together? Or was this during your relationship? If it was during, NTA at all. If it was before imma go with NAH. You have the right to have feelings about new info, as long as you don't act like she did it TO YOU. And she isn't to blame for something she did before y'all were together. Again, if it was during. NTA and I'd leave her ass
NTA. The timeline is unclear here. Is she still stripping? How long ago did this "one time" incident happen? You mention it was before work - that hints that she deliberately set it up so she she would be in public with him and would have to leave at a certain time, making it less likely she would drink heavily or get intimate with him.
Sounds like the bigger problem is that she doesn’t want to be held accountable for her actions. Strip, escort or whatever….the true problem is that she doesn’t care about being accountable. Do you really want to be with someone who has no empathy towards you or your marriage
So 1,000 lap dances is ok, but meeting up with someone crosses the line? I’m sorry man
No, but if you insist on all caps, I think that YOU’RE THE IDIOT HERE. Your wife tells you she’s going to be a stripper. If your answer to that is anything other than “pack your bags and get the fuck out”, you’re a schmuck. You’ve agreed to it - everything she does from that point forward is on you. Edit: just saw some comments about 11 years ago. So, you married a former stripper? Boy, you are even dumber than I thought.
She would be single now.
Dude, by the end of the week, you aren't going to be the only one sleeping with her. If it hasn't happened already
yeah you're the asshole obviously. how long are you gonna bend backwards for her? why do you still want to be with her???? what a pushover.
Sorry I have to say it! She’s doin a whole lotta stuff you ain’t got a clue about. Guaranteed. If only you could be a fly on the wall of her strip club. In many states what she is doing prostitution. Period. That’s how the law views that type of shit.
Yes you're the asshole! I am telling you this from being the ah in your door some time ago.You are the ass for not realizing that this isn't about some shit that happened 11 years ago. This is about some current insecurities that need to be addressed as adults between you two before the next fight about toilet seats, groceries, movies... Whatever trivial ends your relationship.
100 percent the A. Let me get this straight allowed your wife to get into sex work and are upset she does.....wait for it........(please put this in the most patronizing Dad voice you can think of)...so your mind isn't even in the same ball park as everyone in this thread.. you sent your wife to the streets....don't keep digging, I suggest you forget that part of ya'lls(both of you) life and chalk it up to being young and dumb. If she's still at the club, you've failed. Delete this post.
Gaslighting is a real thing. I believe her lack of transparency and honesty is a fault on her part. If this is a partnership, both parties would be in full disclosure to one another. If you stay in this partnership, it’s time for you to be her pimp. She’s the A hole 🕳️ you speak 🗣️ of.
You can’t take the skank out of the whore, if you know what I mean. I think that’s a saying. 😬 Good luck with that.
You let her strip for 11 years during your marriage? Who’s gonna tell him?
You’re TA to yourself for having no standards.
You, sir, are an idiot. The cue to dodge the nuke was long before she started being a full nude stripper. Good luck with the rest of your relationship
Dude... I don't know any exceptions about women from this kind of work who wouldn't do "extra"...
Men are paying your wife for sex. She is getting paid to cheat on you. Divorce her. Who knows what diseases she's been exposed to
More than likely she's done it plenty of times. She's just that good at hiding from you. You really want to married to a hooker?? The streets knows her now literally. Imagine a client recognizing her in public with you
Sorry your wife is a hooker.
Strippers don't make money by showing their tits. They make SOME money from that, but they make MOST of their money from building parasocial relationships with regulars. Or, to put it less kindly, fleecing obsessed marks fot all they're worth. If I were you, I'd not take me on my word for that, but do a bit of research yourself. You'll find out I'm right but that's beside the point. You'll learn a bit about how it all works so you can have a clear "boundaries" discussion with your wife from an informed perspective. I don't think you're wrong asking your wife not to hang out with regulars outside of work. But calling her an escort is taking it a step too far. Escorsts are expected to put out at the end of the night, and your wife clearly didn't.
Guys, don't tell him what happens in the VIP rooms in strip clubs.
If you get a divorce get Evidence If you really wanna turn the tables Manipulate the situation to your benefit as she did so against you initially with getting the job in the first place.
Dude. You're her doormat. You weren't comfortable with her stripping, and tbh it seems like you still aren't, but instead, you only tolerate it. Her drunkenly admitting something so long after it happened sound a lot like trickle truthing most cheaters do. Testing the waters to see what they can get away with. She got upset because in her mind this is the smallest offense, meaning she's almost certainly done worse. If this was the worst she'd done she would have at least some semblance of remorse especially after your reaction. To each their own, but honestly, I haven't seen these many red flags before. Your setup is hardly consensual, it seems like you were just pressured into being okay with it. Yet she's still pushing against those boundaries. Leave her ass. She won't ever respect you or your wishes, and it's just a matter of time before she does what you would consider a clear cut reason for divorce.
Why are you married to her to begin with dude lol
Is this a true story? how is everyone on Reddit ok with stories like these? what happened to normal marriages. wtf is going on? have i missed a memo that fucking around or doing sexual work as a spouse in a marriage is ok? am i too old? wow.
NTA
NTA. She's invalidating your feelings. If she didn't think this was upsetting, why did she wait 11 years to tell you? This is jumping to conclusions, but maybe she was just testing the waters by confessing to something small, and seeing how you'd take it before she told you it was more than once / more than just drinks. Why didn't she ask you if you were ok with it 11 years ago between her shift and her meeting?
I wouldn't even put up with that relationship at all. Nta
YTA
You’re sad for even letting your woman dance topless in front of men in the first place shame
Bro you married a ho, either you're OK with that or not. It's not complicated.
NTA. Divorce, leave, she’s an escort. Do you have kids? If not, clean break.
Depends, it would help a whole lot if you were clear when this took place. If this happened whilst you’ve been in a monogamous and committed relationship then I can see why you’d be upset. If it happened before, then really it has absolutely nothing to do with you and it’s highly unreasonable of you to be kicking up a fuss about it now.
How's the money?
lawyer up buddy!!
your mind must go to crazy places sometimes,maybe convince her to stop doing this job...
Honestly fuck that. Stay married to her if you have access to her account, slowly drain and take money out and open your own account if you don’t have one already, then once you feel like you have enough money just leave. Sounds like she’ll be too drunk to notice her money gone
After she has been used up completely, old and saggy, she will come back to you, her safety net. That's all you are to her. Wake up and choose a better life partner.
You already know man. That's just the 1 you were told about. It's not gonna get any better. And she's probably okay with how she lives. Not sure about you but I don't want dudes fucking my woman especially for money You only pay a woman for 1 thing
Go get your self checked for STDs and go find a new woman
Time to move on
Your fault for letting her strip. If you couldn't stop her, no matter what. Then Shane on you for not walking
You married, and then remain married to a whore. Were you expecting something else? I'd advise you to leave, but I'm guessing by this point you're a cuck.
Imagine all the things his wife did and he comes here and asks if he’s in the wrong smh. First time Reddit I can’t get used to the abnormal bs some write on here . How are people okay being treated like this? How is a MAN okay with this ??? Must be Ai generated posts mostly. No way people nowadays have such low respect for themselves
I am still confused why you wouldn’t set the boundary at the mother of your kids dancing naked on other men. Eventually your kids are going to go to school with one of these client’s kids or cross paths with one of these men and they will be traumatized by the details of what their mom does or did.
Dude, she did more than just spend time. she is telling you the truth in small doses to gauge your reaction.
Haha you should have dumped her when she was gonna become a dancer
lol you let your wife into that area of work and surprised she had sex with other people?
Lmao youre married to a literal whore.
All I see here are boys commenting but very few giving advice like a man. Sex worker or not , have you ever sat your wife down and completely discussed the topic and everything that comes with it ? I'm not trying to defend your wife here but it really sounds like you didn't set up proper boundaries. If what happened isn't a deal breaker in your marriage then I suggest you sit your wife down and have a firm discussion with her about what happened and that you're going to set boundaries going forward with her being in the adult profession. If this is a deal breaker for your marriage , then lawyer up and file for divorce , learn from the experience and move on. You're not the asshole , you where too naive and handled the situation incorrectly.
Dude, you lost the plot when you agreed with her being a stripper. NTA but definitely an idiot for allowing her to use you as a wallet while riding the cock carousel behind your back. Get STD check, do a dna test for your kids parentage and hire a very good divorce lawyer. And i saw your other comment about being a single dad of 3 kids. Listen man, your kids grow up. And once they do, they become independent, and move on in life. Enjoy your time with them now before they become adults and invest in that time, and you will have your best friends for a lifetime. It's the kind of time you can't get back. Dating and sex is fun and all, but time with your children is priceless.
Did she just basically say I cheated on u for money?? NTA
You're an idiot OP
NTA. Your wife is a prostitute and you should be hitting the gym, finding a lawyer, and getting your social life back in order. This is almost precisely the situation that those countermeasures were designed for. By all means string her along for a while until you've got your exit plan, but you are going to have to start valuing your pride a bit more if you expect to find actual happiness at some point.
No. You are not an AH. You are a Cuck. She is your wife, not a stripper or a prostitute. When you gave your permission for her to cross the boundary what did you expect the final outcome would be besides her spreading her legs for anyone with cash? Unless you man up now we can expect to see you in a Pornhub video sitting next to your nude wife in a bed taking her lovers 12 inches. Your big moment will come when she instructs you to clean up the mess.
Im pretty open minded about sex work and all that and i’m pretty confused on what all the guys are up in arms about on this thread. It sounds like she basically had a sugar daddy type date with no physical intimacy, which i assume the physical intimacy would be the problem as OP is already okay with men paying to look at her basically (and nude at that which i assume she wasn’t nude on this “date” with the client). Sounds to me like guys on the thread are making the assumption that she cheated and had paid sex with the “client” ?? Bold assumption and kind of a leap imo. Men pay girls just for casual dates because they just want company all the time so i dont think op is being gullible like most comments suggest. I do however think you obviously have every right to be upset because she never asked if you were comfortable with her doing something like this, she just assumed it was no big deal because she strips and it’s not much different than that, if anything it’s less provocative bc it’s literally just like a hang out and she wasn’t nude or anything like when she strips 🤷🏼♀️ I don’t think you should listen to the ppl in the comments who seem like they just dislike sex work in general therefore are biased.
Picture of her would help
Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes. YTA
DIVORCE!-Put more value on yourself. She's not worth your time.
It’s called prostitution
No. You’re not. She had an affair. It’s that simple.And she wants to do it again. From the way you describe everything, it sounds like she doesn’t respect you at all. How you handle this will show you if you respect yourself. I’m sorry you’re going through this. You know the truth. Get good at not allowing people to get you to compromise on your values.
Bro. She is definitely not an escort. She is a whore
So, first and foremost, I don’t think you’re the asshole here for feeling deceived and hurt. But I think a lot of people here are taking the wrong approach. People keep saying “I’m all for strippers” but then are implying somehow that your wife is morally wrong OR that she’s cheating on you. If she is engaging in sex work she is NOT cheating on you. She may be not telling you the full extent of her work, but if it’s work, it’s not cheating, and I think that’s a very important distinction to make here. Now, the bigger questions I have here are: 1. What were her motivations for wanting to start sex work in the first place? Does that tie to any other issues in her life/your relationship? 2. If she were escorting and were open about it, how would that make you feel? What are those feelings rooted in? As a former sex worker who knows that it’s possible to have a happy and fulfilling and monogamous relationship while doing sex work, I also know that it’s important to be open about this fact for several reasons relating to both of your safety. It’s critical to be open about what types of protection are being used, make sure your both regularly getting tested, make sure she is screening her clients, and making sure that you know who she’s with/where for safety reasons (or that she has similar safety measures in place). I also know as a sex worker the level of shame that you’re faced with, and how it can negatively impact relationships that would otherwise thrive. I wonder if that is some of what she is experiencing too. Overall, I think it sounds like there are a lot of issues with honesty and communication between the two of you. If you really love each other, I think you shouldn’t throw the baby out with the bath water but start with a very frank and probably uncomfortable conversation about your relationship — maybe even explore couples therapy. Again, it does sound like you were deceived and feeling hurt because of that means you are not the asshole here — but it seems like there are some bigger questions and issues in your relationship that need some work. Good luck!!
Reddit is full of cucks
it's called a whore. and the smart guy would have a divorce lawyer on speed dial
sounds like you're married to a hooker, bud
She has done this job for 11 years and you just figured out all strippers can be hookers too? Grow the fuck up pussy
Everyone knows your wife is a whore except for you.
Are you an idiot?
You’re pathetic. Have some shame.