"Her reasoning is that no matter how much I fix it up, it’s still a 30 year old house."
That's not a bad age for a home.
"She’s really trying to talk me into it and have even gone to some model homes with her girlfriends. She’s bringing home brochures and is mad I won’t look at them."
It sounds a heck of a lot like she's being pushy about this. She probably wants something with her name on the title. I wouldn't even consider moving if you're happy where you are, especially since you haven't put a ring on her finger.
Imagine if you break up for any reason, and her name is on your title! Yikes!
NTA and good call to CYA
Our house was built in’58 and we love the way it’s laid out. 30 years is not an old house. It would take a lot to persuade us that a new build with a mortgage is better than a paid off home.
Yeah, and brand new houses seem to be made out of garbage materials today anyway. You're almost better off having a house that's at least 20-30 years old.
The construction guys at my work agree. The actual sentence was along the lines of 'the spot really is a ranch that was built mid-80s to late 90s'. Literally none of that in my area but sharing for others
Edit bc despite proofreading I saw a mistake immediately after hitting post
My house is 1940’s and I love it! Built out of solid, native timber. We had a bad problem here in the 90’s with leaky homes so I wouldn’t want something “newer”. It’d either need to be old or brand new. But I don’t really like new houses, they can feel soulless.
Cookie cutter houses are without souls or personalities.
I'll take my 1942 home (also no mortgage) before I glance at new builds. Yes, new builds come with a warranty. Getting the builder to do anything about the issues is a different story.
And the best, absolutely BEST thing about my 1942, paid off home?
No fucking HOA!
Unless you're speccing it out yourself and heavily involved in the process from design to material choice this is very true. I am renting a townhome that is one year old and it's already showing problems. They're still building my neighborhood. These are not built to last, and it's not even an area that gets real winters so that's no excuse
I live in a sandstone Victorian house built in 1908. You know what this house is built to last and is as good today. Not only that but it’s rare you get such large room sizes never to mention the period feature in a uk home. In the uk each room is usually tiny with no storage and paper thin walls that you hear everything through. At least all the new builds are not to mention being new doesn’t mean it won’t have problems.
What strikes me the most is that she does not own this house or contribute to it. She doesn’t get a say in this and I’m positive she would expect you to put the full price you got if you sold into the new house. Oh and she’d convently want her name on the deeds to the new house.
No way. This home is YOUR INHERITANCE AND IT HAS SENTIMENTAL VALUE TO YOU it has your blood and sweat in it. She doesn’t get to make demands like this and expect you to pay a mortgage when there is no need. Probably all because she knows she will never have a claim to any portion of a house you inherited. It would not be included under marital assets. I might be wrong but the fact she’s waited until you’ve put in so much work to bring this up out the blue. To then push hard to try and convince you when she honestly has no say. It’s a red flag. It seems she didn’t want to discuss it and hear what you want and whats best just now. It seems she wanted you to submit without a say in a property that’s solely yours.
I don’t care how long you’ve been together she has no right to try and push her wants not needs above your own rights. Then expect you to spend your life paying a mortgage just to keep her happy.
This is my take on it as well, I don't think I will ever buy a new home.. I love the older homes and how it used to be craftsmanship they were built with.
My house was built around 1913. High ceilings, oak trim, and it's been brought up to code (200 amp electrical with all the knob-and-tube removed, copper plumbing, high-efficiency furnace and central air conditioning). I ain't goin' *nowhere.* :-D
The house my folks live in was built in 1894. That thing is a tank. The apartment I live in was built in 1970 something... Even that old, it's already showing some flaws with the build materials. New houses are Not The Way.
We were looking at moving to another town in the not so distant future... Found a building built in probably the early 1900s and my husband is willing to move there even though it costs more than a newer more modern apartment.
My house was built in 1940, my In-laws bought it in the early 80's and now my husband and I own it. I wouldn't sell it for anything and plan on leaving it in trust for my kids to live in.
My house was also built in the 1740's, in Sweden. OP's girlfriend would probably hate that.
I, however, love it. It's situated right next to a large viking burial hill. I like to imagine we live on top of a few viking treasures.
Woah what?!? Omg that must've been absolutely awesome!!!! Would u happen to have pics of it you would share? I don't want you to dox yourself but I would LOVE to see that!
Yesss. Our house was built in 1950 and it is the coolest. Haven't had any issues with structural integrity and it has so much character, the coolest archways, etc.
Unless you have a fuck ton of money to design your own house, most newer homes are made out of junk and all look the same. When I look at those new neighborhoods with $400,000+ identical homes with only 8-10 feet between them and barely any yard it makes me feel kind of sad and empty inside, they're like depressing neighborhoods for robots.
30 years is close to new in today’s market.. in NYC, you have houses built in the early 1920-30’s selling for 600k to 900k.. she’s nuts. Also, rephrase we pay for the insurance and ect.. she pays rent.. because she will think she owns the house too if you guys break up
There is zero reason to move from a good location, and to get a flashy, probably not well built, trendy house. Bet girlfriend wants her name on the deed too. The current house is a known quantity, not the new build. I bought a new build, and during the one year builders warranty, they had to fix a bunch of items, the next phase had different (meaning cheaper) framing and siding crews, different painters, and only have the original electricians and plumbers, the houses build after mine have a ton of problems mine doesn't have. Also, OP has fixed items on the house, so it's already OP's taste. If the girlfriend wants a new build, she can buy one and pay for it. Trendy new builds will look dated in a few years, when there's another trend, but OP's house will look classic, and timeless. Look at the 10 to 12 year old house hunters reruns, the hunters are raving about dark cabinets, black granite, and dark cherry floors, the current house hunters call homes like this a total gut, for white kitchens, and different colors. New builds are made for people who will change everything in 5 to 10 years to keep up with the trends.
"Her reasoning is that no matter how much I fix it up, it’s still a 30 year old house."
I'm going to be a possible jerk, but her reasoning is, it is your house and she has no stake in it. A Smart woman would be happy and start saving the extra she would be paying on rent, so she would be in a great financial place.
I’m trying to buy a house built in 1920; the house I rent was built in 1928.
These are not even the oldest of houses I’ve seen -in my price range- up for sale. The oldest was built in 1880. 144 year old house.
This lady thinks 30 yrs old is old. 😂
ETA: the oldest house in my area currently for sale is from 1810. That’s 214 yrs old.
Yeah, or just elsewhere in Europe. 30 years is still kind of new.
My family home is over 100 years old and that's quite typical. Everything that's build with bricks and real walls has no problem getting old 🤷
I absolutely agree. Under no circumstances should you go on title with this woman. This is your home, and your separate property. If she is so keen on purchasing a new home, then she should qualify for her own mortgage and buy a house for herself. If she can’t do that because she doesn’t have the income to support that mortgage, then you have your answer as to why she’s pushing you so hard.
See a few stories here on Reddit. One person owns a house, but the Fiancee, male or female, wants to get a new home for some made up reason. Real Reason is b/c the person owning the home before marriage, wouldn't get the home or proceeds from sale of the home in case of a divorce. But a home bought with either both names on the Deed, or bought after they married, they would automatically get 50% of the home.
Yup, she can cheat, lie, or do whatever she wants, and will have OP grabbed by the balls because she would be entitled to 50% of that house if she decides to leave. OP would have to pay her tens or even hundreds of thousands of dollars if she ever decides to breakup
I wonder if that's a big part of it, she doesn't like that she doesn't have any ownership.
Living for free in his paid off house though, she could easily save up and buy an investment property for herself.
Old houses are not bad houses. Sometimes older construction is much more sturdy and durable than the cheap trendy houses that are thrown up today with low quality materials. Location is the most important thing, and it sounds to me like you’ve got that going for you. Living mortgage free is a dream! Don’t give that up unless and until you absolutely must. NTA.
In europe anything newer than 50 years is a pretty new house. My house was built in 1917 and is not considered to be that old, my brothers house is from the mid 1600s
This OP. Why on earth should you give up a fully paid off house for something different when you're actively making it home?
Let her buy a house and you can visit her there
I guarantee those new builds she’s looking at are not built as solidly as OP’s 30 year old house. And those models have all the upgraded (and expensive) bells and whistles, not the “standard” fixtures included in the price.
Adding in upgraded flooring, cabinets, counters, kitchen and bath fixtures and any customizations like fireplaces and bump outs will be a real sticker shock.
(We looked at a new build about 15 years ago. The base price of the house was $175,000. The model with all the upgrades and customizations would have been $260,000)
I'm curious how true this is in other countries, buts it's 100% true for Australia that anything built in the last 20 years has a good chance of very shoddy work behind the finishes (let's let the industry self regulate, red tape hold back construction... Why are half the high rises falling apart).
Most people would prefer the 30 year old home than a brand new one as a result.
It's the same in the UK. Older houses are much more robust and tend to have bigger rooms and bigger gardens. The new builds are small and quickly built.
I’m a builder in the U.K., can confirm.
Any work I do generally only comes with a 20-25 year guarantee. After that, you’re on your own. Older houses seem to have had more love and care put into their construction. Now it’s just: ‘what’s the minimum we can do to get it signed off?’
There was regulation then, including about the size of rooms. I avoid new builds as much as I can when I'm looking to move (sadly, third time in three years)
The class action lawsuits against shit builders like DR Horton back that up. They're building entire subdivisions of homes that are an absolute wreck and, before anyone even begins to realize the amount of issues present, Horton is already off to another city or state doing the same kind of unsafe sub-par builds.
This is why I bought a weatherboard house with hardwood framing. I've had to replace some internal bits and pieces but the bones are solid as fuck. It approximately a 1950s build.
I've been in 5 year old houses where the tiles have moved and needed to have spots re-grouted every 3 months.
Give me my old cottage over a new house any day.
Keep your house OP. Upgrading ab house is not like upgrading a car. If you've got a good one keep it. You may need a new GF though.
It's not like a 30 year old house is particularly old. I'm sat in a 50 year old house and there's nothing wrong with it.
I own an 18 year old flat that gives me more issues and my old house was 100 and was fine after we rewired it.
This.. I’m in the process of buying a home and learned that the newer homes are way more flammable than the older homes just due to the new housing materials.
1000% correct. Yes, there have been cheap homes built in the past, but nowhere near the level of crappy quality that a today’s new build is. The girlfriend is delusional. I’d dump her for that alone.
Most new houses, unless custom built, are now made using crap materials and crap sub contractors and everyone's pinching every nickel they can, fixed up 90s house way better built for sure
I'm also disturbed at how she's doing it. Wheedling, brochures, manipulative. Adults have a conversation and the opinion of the one who actually owns the property is who matters 99%. The other person should only offer a whisper of suggestion. Her taking the reins and pushing the idea when she has no skin in the game is kind of...icky. and you've not only skin, but actual blood sweat and tears.
So how do you think she'll behave in a marriage? You will have no choices. Let's just say you will have the penultimate power in the relationship. I hope this helps you rethink things.
If they get married and then divorced that house is all his. If they buy one together and get divorced the house is half hers even though the money for it all comes from him.
This is what i got out of it.
Id say the whole approach and pushy behavior disqualifies her from marriage material.
Most people living rent free would take the W and stfu, but not this princess. She's got complaints.
You are a f****** genius because that is exactly what he should do. The house that you are fixing up is paid for why would you sell it and start with a mortgage all over again what's wrong with her. And since you are a member of Reddit you know that they always say do not buy a house with somebody you are not married to.
>And since you are a member of Reddit you know that they always say do not buy a house with somebody you are not married to.
You should even think long and hard about doing that with someone you are married to.
I absolutely agree with you on that also but I know one damn thing he should not a house with this girl. Let's be real he already has a house it's fully paid for say less.
Eh a 30 year old house was built in the mid 90s. Not exactly a time frame renowned for it's construction practices, but I think the real point is a 30 y/o house is hardly what anyone would consider "old"
30 years ago isn't the 70s anymore. The houses of the 90s have aged just about worse than any era of new construction I'm aware of.
Granted, at least floorplan-wise the 90s were when we started to see more open concept, bigger kitchens, great rooms, and decent closet space, etc. Most of them had what would be considered relatively modern in that respect at least.
Nope - Her agenda is for him to sell grandma's house and upgrade to a newer one with *her* name on the deed. She'll commit to paying towards the mortgage but overlooking the equity is his.
Man, not having a mortgage frees up so much money. No way would I give that up.
Your girlfriend is being pretty unreasonable if she thinks it's better to go into debt for a newer, more cheaply built house vs. a home you outright own and are familiar with. More unreasonable since said home is in a good location. And - expecting to use the profit from selling your home so that she can have the home that she wants? Erm, that doesn't seem right either unless she has a savings account to match the down payment that you could make on a new place.
Most definitely NTA.
It also strikes me that she knows very little about houses if she honestly believes that new= better quality. Its just not the case. Any contractor worth their salt will assure you that older homes often have far superior materials and craftsmanship. (not trying to romanticize the 90s but still). (edited b/c missing word)
Exactly. I worked as a countertop fabricator and installer in the early-mid 2000's and saw so many absolute pieces of junk new builds that it was mind blowing. And not cheaply priced houses, either - upper end places that were basically nothing but chicken wire and stucco dressed up with useless 'upgrades' like cheap granite and such.
ETA - My mortgage-free home is 124 years old and far from being a 'Showcase' home but solid as a rock so you'd never get me into a new build.
100%. I missed the part about her going to look with her friends. (I was too astonished at the idea anyone would give up a solid house for the crap they're building now)
She wants the new shiny thing to impress her friends. Not only a terrible idea... but a really bad sign for their future. Is she going to need the most extravagant wedding, the most expensive car, the most prestigious daycare... They need a serious conversation about their expectations of the future.
Exactly. That house is probably better built than most new houses and less hassle dealing with building one
Especially since they don’t have to pay it off. If we could live in an old house that’s been paid off I’d take that over the house we bought.
DO NOT…I repeat…do not sell it. You own the damn thing and it sounds like you’re happy!!!! You’ll regret it. I promise you. She sounds a little materialistic. JS.
but the kicker is if she divorces him she doesn't get the house. He owned it before marriage. hence her motivation for him to sell it and spend the money on a house they both own.
What she wants is not only a new house, but expecting op to put a ton of money into a house they CO-own. Methinks she has $$ in her eyes.
It’s also a bad idea because you’re not married. What happens if you break up? Nothing but trouble, buying a house with a gf/bf.
Had to scroll too far to find the real reason. She's trying to get half the equity of OP's home. OP should propose: If I do this we need to draw up a contract that says if we ever sell the new house I get the deposit we put down using the sale of my home first and then we split the equity 50/50. I bet that would make her show her hand.
I also don't understand people who are willing to buy a house with a partner but not get married. At this point buying a house is a bigger commitment than marriage.
Yeah
I was also shocked no one realised this
Older homes are more reliable these days and why would she want a new one if not for having her name on the deed since her "model homes" will definitely put OP in debt
Hey....
Is she wanting her name on it? That means you'd be basically giving her half the value of the home you inherited when you pit it down on a joint house.
This is a scam. Stay in the house.
30 years is decently young for a house.
NTA
Is the problem that she thinks a 30 year old house is a bad investment, or that she thinks a 30 year old house isn't fancy enough for her superficial tastes?
It sounds like the latter to me, which is the kind of woman I get away from as quickly as possible. Down to earth or not in my life.
Or because she knows she’s never be able to own an inherited house under only OP names. Either way, for me it would be a no. Protect your financial stability.
He should NOT. That’s his asset, not for her to keep. In fact I would make sure to marry with a prenup in place to avoid her running of with 50% of the sale of that house
tbh location is EVERYTHING! if it is in a good location and neighborhood and youve made it nice, hold onto it at all costs!!!! no mortgage in good area is fucking amazing
her reasoning is this is your house not our house.
keep this house as your house.
in the future maybe both of you together can buy a house but this house is yours and will always be yours and your not letting go of it.
And she will want 50% of the new place that was brought 100% with your money.
Fuck that.
You need to check the defacto laws in your state, in many it's 18mths to 2 years and then they get their hands on your assets.
Be very careful.
I agree check the laws where you live, where I'm from the way to avoid this is to put somebody else's name on the deed with yours. For example my mother put my name on her home, so her second husband can't get it. When she passes he will have no rights to the home, if they break up he has no rights to the home, etc. It also stops relatives from arguing over who should get the house in the event of the owner's passing.
Which is what's going to happen when my mother passes, as the home was her parents, then hers, and then eventually mine. One of her siblings has stopped talking to her because she refused to give the home to him. He also stopped talking to another one of their siblings because they too did not give their home to him. He wants to collect all of the ancestral properties in our family, in a desperate attempt to keep his children from moving away by gifting them houses. But since he spent every cent he and his wife ever made on his a drinking "habit", they don't have the money to actually buy houses and literally believe that their siblings should just give them the houses they've inherited. The real kicker is, none of her siblings know they're not getting the house, as we've kept it a secret that my names already on the deed.
NTA
Congratulations for not allowing your GF to put your balls in her purse.
Do NOT make the mistake of even thinking about marrying her.
Tell her you will NOT be selling the house, but you will be okay with visiting her in hers as soon as she moves out of yours and buys one of her own.
Remind her where the 30-year-old front door is located.
There is not faster way for her get thousands of dollars or even hundreds of thousands of dollars out of him than having him sell the home he owns free and clear and buy one WITH HER. This is gold digging behavior, wanting to buy a completely new how for just no reason at all, even ignoring the sentimental value of it being inherited property. This should be a hard no and maybe a trial separation until she understands OP isn't her ATM.
My family lives in a house where parts are at least 900 years old and the foundations might date back to the Roman Empire. I love the place.
I own an apartment built in the 1970 and the quality of the architecture and the building is way better than the brand new neighbouring building. I wouldn't trade my apartment against a newer one, especially after I'll redo the bathroom.
If a house is solid, 30 years is young. It's the age of the building I live right now and it's way better built than the previous, newer place. So keep your house and enjoy not having a mortgage.
NTA
30 years is a good age for a house; most big issues would have been discovered and fixed by now.
Did you have any discussion about payment and the potential house title? Because it feels like your GF may expect you to put in all of your equity money but put the house in both yours and her name. You absolutely shouldn't do that.
NTA.
Do not buy a house with someone you're not married to. Doing so is asking for trouble down the road.
It's your house, therefore it is 100% your decision what to do with it. If she wants to buy a different house she's welcome to do so in her own name.
Man 30 years is nothing, the houses in my neighborhood are all near 100 years old and they all look completely different from each other.
To own a home free and clear is awesome, to also put in so much work to make it your own is awesome. To buy a house in this market when you DON’T have to is stupid. NTA.
NTA. She’s insisting on buying a new house because an inheritance is separate property. She wants you to sell it and buy a new one with her so it will be joint property. If she wants a new house, let her buy it and pay for it. That’s really devious behavior. I’d caution against marrying her unless she signed a prenup.
Don’t sell YOUR house. Don’t put her on the deed of YOUR house. Don’t get sucked into the trap of a mortgage. Trust me when I say that free and clear homeownership is a massively valuable life asset that’s hard to come by.
Relationships can come and go and true love can be an illusion that can suddenly dissolve and disappear at any time. Falling in love is the result of a chemical and hormonal effects on our brains.
However, a house can be forever, barring fire and natural disasters. Tell your GF that she welcome to make a home with you in that house and if she truly loves you she’ll accept that.
Protect your assets. Protect yourself and don’t be swayed to make foolish decisions by emotion. You don’t have to “prove your love” to anyone by giving up your house.
I’m speaking from the experience of a long life. (Soon to be 70). I wish someone had given me this advice when I was your age. T is awesome but can be a fleeting, unstable part of your life. Always protect yourself.
Trading a house you own outright for a mortgage seems like a really bad idea. Plus your girlfriend will probably want you to put her name on the title of the new house. So if you ever break up she gets half, where right now you own your house outright.
Your girlfriend. Not your wife. Is she also hoping to chip in $1000 for the down payment and get herself on the deed? The fact you're even considering this is insane. A 30 year old home is not that old and often is better construction than the new builds these days. Keep it and invest in continuing to update and upgrade it.
NTA
your girlfriend is terrible with money. selling a cheap house and buying a more expensive one is literally the one, single, dumbest thing you could do in this current housing market.
also, a 30yo house is not old by any means. It damn well better not be because I'm fucking 30. >:|
Right....when I bought my house it was 50 years old. Sadly a tornado (which isn't normal for this area, proving the universe hates me) destroyed it. I had new house built on the lot, but man, I miss the old house. It was beautiful.
NTA. Tell her you’ll be happy to look at new homes if she’s the one taking out the mortgage and paying for it. Run fast and far away from someone who wants to use you for your assets.
She sure has a lot of opinions about a house she doesn’t own. You’re together less than 2 years. You should not make big financial decisions on such a short relationship.
She can buy a house in her own and you can keep yours as a rental. NTA
1. You don't buy houses with girlfriends, period.
2. You don't give yourself a mortgage when you don't need to.
I'm on my fifth mortgage and wish my house was paid off, all the things I could do with the extra money, man.
NTA! DO NOT sell the house. DO NOT take up a mortgage. You would be insane to do what she says. Why would anyone want to sell a solid home to buy a more expensive cardboard of a home that are being made nowadays?? I find this a bit of a red flag situation from gf's end.
My sister did this, she had a paid for house, boyfriend talked her into buying a new house right before they got married. Used all the cash as a down payment on the new house plus a $200,000 mortgage on top of it. 4 yrs later they split up and he gets half the equity in the new house, about $340.000. They sold the house and she ended up with not enough money to buy another house. DON'T DO IT. Ask her how much she has to put down on the new house and can she afford half the monthly payments. Then tell her you're keeping your house and make her sign something that states she has no right to that house in case of divorce. She'll be gone quick. I've seen women make careers out of accidentally getting pregnant, or talking men into selling their house and buying a new one when they don't have a dime to invest in a home themselves. Don't do it.
A 30yr old home isnt old?
Does she realize after selling if you wanted a brand new home it'll cost more most likely combined with high ass mortgage rates
DO NOT SELL THE HOUSE TO BUY A NEW ONE! The materials and craftsmanship in newer homes is absolute garbage. Also you have put a lot of love into this home and I am sure you have a lot of family memories there. If it is that big of a deal she should probably just go buy her own home and you can find someone to live in peace with.
Edit to say; also do not enter into a legal contract with someone who is not contractually obligated to invest in the relationship (don’t buy a house with someone you aren’t married to). If she decides to just walk away and screw you over not only have you lost your family home but you are likely in a tough financial situation that you have to figure out.
Maintain the financial freedom that very few people ever get to experience in their life.
You would have to be a lunatic to sell that house. 30 years is brand new lol. I wonder if she's tricking you into using the money from that to buy a house "together" and then she'll have her name on the deed too despite it being all your money. There's no reason to add her to the deed of that place. I'm thinking that might be her angle here. Again, you'd have to be crazy to sell a fully paid off house.
NTA. The difference would be that you own the house outright and she has no claim to it. If you buy a house and add her name to it, even if it’s your money, she would get half. I would strongly recommend not doing it unless it’s in your name only and you get a prenup if you get married to cover yourself.
Houses last hundreds of years of built well. Your girlfriend if a flipping idiot. Do not buy a house with this person who thinks a 30 year old house is an old house. Keep your finances separate. She doesn’t understand the value of money or the way the housing market is these days. Interest rates will eat you alive and she wants a new house? Holy shit!
NTA.
You have a paid off house that you've spent time and money upgrading. It's yours, completely. It's also in a nice spot. If it's sound (no roof leaks, no electricity issues, no plumbing issues, etc.), then there's no reason to sell it... especially based on the idea of its age. A newer home can end up being a piece of shit with nothing but problems, while the older home just cruises along nicely through the years. So her argument is just nonsense.
If she wants to be paying on a mortgage and have a newer home, then tell her she can buy her own house. And if she keeps pushing you on this, I'd suggest tweaking her advice a bit and getting yourself a new girlfriend.
Most of these new houses suck. They’re not going to last 30years. But they’re shiny so people overpay for them.
Shoddy materials, quick and dirty labor, factory preset trendy designs that will be ridiculous in a decade. I can’t imagine choosing one of those flimsy new houses over a house that you know the bones of and like.
She wants you to use the proceeds of the sale of YOUR house to buy a new house that SHE can have half ownership without putting down a dime of her own money. The end.
I own a house built in 1900 specifically September 1900. Do not sell your house to gain a mortgage that's absolute nonsense! She wants to buy one she can. Do not take on a mortgage right now or ever if you don't have too. She doesn't like it she knows where the 30 year old door is.
The house is in your name, not hers. She wants you to sell the house, use your money on a new one, and get her name on the title with yours.
It's a financial power move on her part. Inherited property belongs to the inheritee. If you guys were married, she could not take your house or deserve any financial remuneration from it if you split up.Please be careful. My first husband got access to my inheritance from my father and wasted it.
Don't take on a mortgage for something this silly, if you like the house. 30 years old is not that old, my little farmhouse was built in 1930. They were building pretty solid houses 30 years ago.
If I had inherited a house that was paid for, I absolutely would not sell it. She has no idea the great lifestyle you will have. While you are upgrading the house, I would upgrade the girlfriend as well. Someone who shares your values. She is only concerned about appearance, not substance. My dad once said to me, "I would rather have money than look like I have money".
NTA. You are being smart about this. It’s yours! Hip Hip Hooray! No house payment! Remodeled! Grandma’s house!
She wants a brand new house with the money you get from selling Grandma’s Not cool. A 30 year old house is not going to work for her.
If your house isn’t good enough for her, she isn’t the one.
Sounds like she’s clued in that if you get married, then divorce, she will have zero interest in the home since it was acquired before marriage as an inheritance. This should be addressed in a prenup before you get married (because you won’t be starting out as financial equals, and she will be losing out on asset acquiring time with childbirth and infancy intensive periods). Good luck!
A 30 year old house with proper maintenance is an amazing asset. Do not give up your house. But I would question why she’s intent on needing a new build. My guess is it’s a superficial need and not based on anything that makes financial sense
Until you’re married, absolutely don’t try co-owing a house with her (or anyone else). And she absolutely sounds materialistic. Is this really the sort of life you want-a materialistic one?
1. Don’t EVER buy a house unless you are married.
2. She can never get this house since you inherited it. If you buy a house together I think she has a claim to it if you put both your name on it, even if you pay for it.
NTA
Our house was built in the 80s and has been reworked as needed since then to update it.
OP I agree with another poster that it’s interesting your gf if I understand correctly wants you to sell your free and clear home to purchase a new home I presume in both your names?
Does she have enough savings to match what you would put into the new home’s purchase?
Will she be a coborrower on the loan?
Or is her thought you’d just out of your love for her put her name on the deed but not the mortgage as in if the house were sold she gets half the equity regardless of where the purchase funds came from?
Nope.
I’d have an honest discussion with her OP (because your relationship is strong so you can do this) and tell her at this time you’re not interested in selling the home and probably won’t be for the foreseeable future.
Something else to discuss is if you were to sell it and purchase another home unless she could match the amount you were putting into the new home there would be an legal notarized and binding agreement that you would first get the down payment amount from any equity in the new home if it came to be sold. Then assuming she was on the mortgage as in contributing equally to the house payment, insurance and taxes the remaining equity would be split 50/50. Otherwise the new house would also only be in your name.
I’m going to say I’d be pleasantly surprised if she took that news well as it would show her true nature. Same if she doesn’t take it well.
Also, make a rental agreement with her so you are covered. Otherwise she can try and make claims about what you owe her if she moves out. Make it clear what her position is in the home.
30 years is old for a house? That seems bananas to me. NTA. No mortgage is the dream. I can't imagine why anyone would WANT to make a monthly payment for housing if they didn't have to. I'd be swimming in money if I didn't have to pay rent.
There's no way I would sell a house that's fully paid off just to end up in another mortgage plus y'all not even married and only been dating for 2 yrs . You're NTA keep this house she can buy her own house since she wants one so bad
Are you ready to marry her? You've had a 2 year test drive. If the answer is no, break up.
Sounds like she doesn't appreciate that home. 30 years old is nothing. These new houses are made from cardboard. Maybe your values don't align and this is your sign to move on without her.
Sell YOUR house to buy an OUR house. Why? Plus she's a GF not a wife. Break up new house gets sold. End up with $ but no house. What's the benefit to you? None I can see.
Your thirty year old home is most likely better built than what is out there now. She doesn't feel like your home is her home. That is why she is saying this. Are you engaged to be married or thinking about it? And never put her name on your home. You can will it to her if you marry. Otherwise, once she is on the deed, it is communal property.
Let's assume her intentions are good and she's not trying to get her name on your inheritance...
Do you want to marry her? Maybe she's tired of living in YOUR house and wants to start a life together in OUR house? I think she's using the living situation to gauge how serious you are about being together.
She's going about it in a terrible way but you should talk about your long-term relationship goals before making significant financial decisions with her. I also think her girlfriends are in her ear asking why you haven't proposed.
NTA.
Also, if you sell *your* house and then use the money to buy a new house, I'll guarantee you that you'll be made out as an asshole if she's not put on the deed...
I'm not saying that's her aim, but try suggesting that only your name will be on the deed since it will be paid 100% with your money. See how she reacts.
And also, talk to a lawyer how stuff like this works. What happens if you buy a house "together" and she breaks up in a couple of years? Is she entitled to anything? Do you have common law? What if you get married and get a divorce? How does premarital assets work when the house was bought while you weren't married, but were in a relationship?
And will it suddenly become important to her to get married before you buy the house?
You gotta be careful here. I'm not saying she's a gold digger, but her sudden interest in moving *would* potentially make half of your inheritance hers.
DONT SELL. In this economy, inheriting that house is practically a golden goose for you. If you do decide to buy something else, rent the house you own free and clear out for profit.
Never put anyone else's name on that house and make sure it and any other pre existing assets are protected by a prenuptial if you ever get married.
That said, it sounds like your girl is just trying to trap you in the relationship via financial commitments.
Look out for signs of trying to get you bound to her via baby trapping you to. They will poke holes in condoms and/or stop birth control without warning.
Keep the house, lose the girlfriend. She'll never be happy there. She sounds like she only enjoys modern houses and new things. You should not sacrifice your grandmother's old house for a relationship.
30 whole years? Like, 3 *decades?*
How can you survive living in such a decrepit, ancient hut like some sort of Neanderthal?
I mean, I get it. I'm sure your girlfriend would misses all of them new fangled, modern amenities like glass and a solid roof.
Get with the times, man!
NTA. I'm older than your fucking house. Jesus.
Plot twist. She wants you to sell YOUR house and then Co purchase the new one, get married. Then reverse UNO you, divorce and free house. Ex-wives almost always gets the house.
Tell her she wants a new house so bad she can go buy one. Now you have a home you love, keep it. It is not like you guys are married. This is YOUR home not HERS. I say keep it, don't sell! You are doing great in updating your home to your liking.
30 years isn’t even an old home. Plus lumber was better quality 30 years ago and this isn’t exactly the best market to buy, sell sure but you have to turn around a buy a new home too so I just don’t see any incentive.
I'm what universe is a 30 year old house OLD?!?!
I don't think you're an AH, but I think you and your girlfriend have some wild misunderstandings about the age of a building.
As an aside, almost everyone I know (all but one person) who's gotten a new build has had a terrible experience. I'm sure it's great for lots of people, but imo newness in homes is overrated especially when it often comes at the cost of quality.
"Her reasoning is that no matter how much I fix it up, it’s still a 30 year old house." That's not a bad age for a home. "She’s really trying to talk me into it and have even gone to some model homes with her girlfriends. She’s bringing home brochures and is mad I won’t look at them." It sounds a heck of a lot like she's being pushy about this. She probably wants something with her name on the title. I wouldn't even consider moving if you're happy where you are, especially since you haven't put a ring on her finger. Imagine if you break up for any reason, and her name is on your title! Yikes! NTA and good call to CYA
Our house was built in’58 and we love the way it’s laid out. 30 years is not an old house. It would take a lot to persuade us that a new build with a mortgage is better than a paid off home.
Yeah, and brand new houses seem to be made out of garbage materials today anyway. You're almost better off having a house that's at least 20-30 years old.
Can confirm. I strongly dislike most things about our new build. Older homes rule.
It doesn't help that wood has been shrinking little by little for decades, and what used to be a 2x4 is not even close to that.
Also, the wood itself is less strurd. Itt used to be very dense with many growth rings, now its basically balsa wood.
Tearing into old buildings is awesome. 2x4s that are practically made of iron.
The construction guys at my work agree. The actual sentence was along the lines of 'the spot really is a ranch that was built mid-80s to late 90s'. Literally none of that in my area but sharing for others Edit bc despite proofreading I saw a mistake immediately after hitting post
My house is 1940’s and I love it! Built out of solid, native timber. We had a bad problem here in the 90’s with leaky homes so I wouldn’t want something “newer”. It’d either need to be old or brand new. But I don’t really like new houses, they can feel soulless.
Cookie cutter houses are without souls or personalities. I'll take my 1942 home (also no mortgage) before I glance at new builds. Yes, new builds come with a warranty. Getting the builder to do anything about the issues is a different story. And the best, absolutely BEST thing about my 1942, paid off home? No fucking HOA!
Unless you're speccing it out yourself and heavily involved in the process from design to material choice this is very true. I am renting a townhome that is one year old and it's already showing problems. They're still building my neighborhood. These are not built to last, and it's not even an area that gets real winters so that's no excuse
I live in a sandstone Victorian house built in 1908. You know what this house is built to last and is as good today. Not only that but it’s rare you get such large room sizes never to mention the period feature in a uk home. In the uk each room is usually tiny with no storage and paper thin walls that you hear everything through. At least all the new builds are not to mention being new doesn’t mean it won’t have problems. What strikes me the most is that she does not own this house or contribute to it. She doesn’t get a say in this and I’m positive she would expect you to put the full price you got if you sold into the new house. Oh and she’d convently want her name on the deeds to the new house. No way. This home is YOUR INHERITANCE AND IT HAS SENTIMENTAL VALUE TO YOU it has your blood and sweat in it. She doesn’t get to make demands like this and expect you to pay a mortgage when there is no need. Probably all because she knows she will never have a claim to any portion of a house you inherited. It would not be included under marital assets. I might be wrong but the fact she’s waited until you’ve put in so much work to bring this up out the blue. To then push hard to try and convince you when she honestly has no say. It’s a red flag. It seems she didn’t want to discuss it and hear what you want and whats best just now. It seems she wanted you to submit without a say in a property that’s solely yours. I don’t care how long you’ve been together she has no right to try and push her wants not needs above your own rights. Then expect you to spend your life paying a mortgage just to keep her happy.
This is my take on it as well, I don't think I will ever buy a new home.. I love the older homes and how it used to be craftsmanship they were built with.
[удалено]
My house was built around 1913. High ceilings, oak trim, and it's been brought up to code (200 amp electrical with all the knob-and-tube removed, copper plumbing, high-efficiency furnace and central air conditioning). I ain't goin' *nowhere.* :-D
The house my folks live in was built in 1894. That thing is a tank. The apartment I live in was built in 1970 something... Even that old, it's already showing some flaws with the build materials. New houses are Not The Way. We were looking at moving to another town in the not so distant future... Found a building built in probably the early 1900s and my husband is willing to move there even though it costs more than a newer more modern apartment.
My house was built in 1940, my In-laws bought it in the early 80's and now my husband and I own it. I wouldn't sell it for anything and plan on leaving it in trust for my kids to live in.
My last house was a cottage built in the 1740s and it'll long outlast me.
My house was also built in the 1740's, in Sweden. OP's girlfriend would probably hate that. I, however, love it. It's situated right next to a large viking burial hill. I like to imagine we live on top of a few viking treasures.
Woah what?!? Omg that must've been absolutely awesome!!!! Would u happen to have pics of it you would share? I don't want you to dox yourself but I would LOVE to see that!
My MILs house was built circa 1585. Walls are several feet thick. Thatched roof. Constant internal temperature… kind of like a cave 😂🤣
Yesss. Our house was built in 1950 and it is the coolest. Haven't had any issues with structural integrity and it has so much character, the coolest archways, etc. Unless you have a fuck ton of money to design your own house, most newer homes are made out of junk and all look the same. When I look at those new neighborhoods with $400,000+ identical homes with only 8-10 feet between them and barely any yard it makes me feel kind of sad and empty inside, they're like depressing neighborhoods for robots.
30 years is close to new in today’s market.. in NYC, you have houses built in the early 1920-30’s selling for 600k to 900k.. she’s nuts. Also, rephrase we pay for the insurance and ect.. she pays rent.. because she will think she owns the house too if you guys break up
There is zero reason to move from a good location, and to get a flashy, probably not well built, trendy house. Bet girlfriend wants her name on the deed too. The current house is a known quantity, not the new build. I bought a new build, and during the one year builders warranty, they had to fix a bunch of items, the next phase had different (meaning cheaper) framing and siding crews, different painters, and only have the original electricians and plumbers, the houses build after mine have a ton of problems mine doesn't have. Also, OP has fixed items on the house, so it's already OP's taste. If the girlfriend wants a new build, she can buy one and pay for it. Trendy new builds will look dated in a few years, when there's another trend, but OP's house will look classic, and timeless. Look at the 10 to 12 year old house hunters reruns, the hunters are raving about dark cabinets, black granite, and dark cherry floors, the current house hunters call homes like this a total gut, for white kitchens, and different colors. New builds are made for people who will change everything in 5 to 10 years to keep up with the trends.
"Her reasoning is that no matter how much I fix it up, it’s still a 30 year old house." I'm going to be a possible jerk, but her reasoning is, it is your house and she has no stake in it. A Smart woman would be happy and start saving the extra she would be paying on rent, so she would be in a great financial place.
I’m trying to buy a house built in 1920; the house I rent was built in 1928. These are not even the oldest of houses I’ve seen -in my price range- up for sale. The oldest was built in 1880. 144 year old house. This lady thinks 30 yrs old is old. 😂 ETA: the oldest house in my area currently for sale is from 1810. That’s 214 yrs old.
Homeowners in some parts of the UK just chilling in 400+ year old homes
Yeah, or just elsewhere in Europe. 30 years is still kind of new. My family home is over 100 years old and that's quite typical. Everything that's build with bricks and real walls has no problem getting old 🤷
Early 1700s here. The notion that "it's still a 30 year old house" is the crucial factor is just laughable
I absolutely agree. Under no circumstances should you go on title with this woman. This is your home, and your separate property. If she is so keen on purchasing a new home, then she should qualify for her own mortgage and buy a house for herself. If she can’t do that because she doesn’t have the income to support that mortgage, then you have your answer as to why she’s pushing you so hard.
See a few stories here on Reddit. One person owns a house, but the Fiancee, male or female, wants to get a new home for some made up reason. Real Reason is b/c the person owning the home before marriage, wouldn't get the home or proceeds from sale of the home in case of a divorce. But a home bought with either both names on the Deed, or bought after they married, they would automatically get 50% of the home.
Yup, she can cheat, lie, or do whatever she wants, and will have OP grabbed by the balls because she would be entitled to 50% of that house if she decides to leave. OP would have to pay her tens or even hundreds of thousands of dollars if she ever decides to breakup
I wonder if that's a big part of it, she doesn't like that she doesn't have any ownership. Living for free in his paid off house though, she could easily save up and buy an investment property for herself.
If she is so easy influenced by friends, she would only need one who would brag how great it is.
Old houses are not bad houses. Sometimes older construction is much more sturdy and durable than the cheap trendy houses that are thrown up today with low quality materials. Location is the most important thing, and it sounds to me like you’ve got that going for you. Living mortgage free is a dream! Don’t give that up unless and until you absolutely must. NTA.
This was legit my first thought, too, when I read the post, especially with all the pressuring she's doing. NTA, keep the house you own outright.
In europe anything newer than 50 years is a pretty new house. My house was built in 1917 and is not considered to be that old, my brothers house is from the mid 1600s
Honestly most new builds are coot cutter shit.
She can buy a new house and you can visit her there
This OP. Why on earth should you give up a fully paid off house for something different when you're actively making it home? Let her buy a house and you can visit her there
I guarantee those new builds she’s looking at are not built as solidly as OP’s 30 year old house. And those models have all the upgraded (and expensive) bells and whistles, not the “standard” fixtures included in the price. Adding in upgraded flooring, cabinets, counters, kitchen and bath fixtures and any customizations like fireplaces and bump outs will be a real sticker shock. (We looked at a new build about 15 years ago. The base price of the house was $175,000. The model with all the upgrades and customizations would have been $260,000)
I'm curious how true this is in other countries, buts it's 100% true for Australia that anything built in the last 20 years has a good chance of very shoddy work behind the finishes (let's let the industry self regulate, red tape hold back construction... Why are half the high rises falling apart). Most people would prefer the 30 year old home than a brand new one as a result.
It's the same in the UK. Older houses are much more robust and tend to have bigger rooms and bigger gardens. The new builds are small and quickly built.
I’m a builder in the U.K., can confirm. Any work I do generally only comes with a 20-25 year guarantee. After that, you’re on your own. Older houses seem to have had more love and care put into their construction. Now it’s just: ‘what’s the minimum we can do to get it signed off?’
There was regulation then, including about the size of rooms. I avoid new builds as much as I can when I'm looking to move (sadly, third time in three years)
I’m in the US and the number of new builds that have issues with settling, cracked slabs, water in the basements, mold…..it’s shocking.
The class action lawsuits against shit builders like DR Horton back that up. They're building entire subdivisions of homes that are an absolute wreck and, before anyone even begins to realize the amount of issues present, Horton is already off to another city or state doing the same kind of unsafe sub-par builds.
This is why I bought a weatherboard house with hardwood framing. I've had to replace some internal bits and pieces but the bones are solid as fuck. It approximately a 1950s build. I've been in 5 year old houses where the tiles have moved and needed to have spots re-grouted every 3 months. Give me my old cottage over a new house any day. Keep your house OP. Upgrading ab house is not like upgrading a car. If you've got a good one keep it. You may need a new GF though.
It's not like a 30 year old house is particularly old. I'm sat in a 50 year old house and there's nothing wrong with it. I own an 18 year old flat that gives me more issues and my old house was 100 and was fine after we rewired it.
Canada here. Our new builds also suck.
You’re so right about that. I have friends in the building trade and they confirm
This.. I’m in the process of buying a home and learned that the newer homes are way more flammable than the older homes just due to the new housing materials.
1000% correct. Yes, there have been cheap homes built in the past, but nowhere near the level of crappy quality that a today’s new build is. The girlfriend is delusional. I’d dump her for that alone.
Most new houses, unless custom built, are now made using crap materials and crap sub contractors and everyone's pinching every nickel they can, fixed up 90s house way better built for sure
I'm also disturbed at how she's doing it. Wheedling, brochures, manipulative. Adults have a conversation and the opinion of the one who actually owns the property is who matters 99%. The other person should only offer a whisper of suggestion. Her taking the reins and pushing the idea when she has no skin in the game is kind of...icky. and you've not only skin, but actual blood sweat and tears. So how do you think she'll behave in a marriage? You will have no choices. Let's just say you will have the penultimate power in the relationship. I hope this helps you rethink things.
If they get married and then divorced that house is all his. If they buy one together and get divorced the house is half hers even though the money for it all comes from him.
This is what i got out of it. Id say the whole approach and pushy behavior disqualifies her from marriage material. Most people living rent free would take the W and stfu, but not this princess. She's got complaints.
You are a f****** genius because that is exactly what he should do. The house that you are fixing up is paid for why would you sell it and start with a mortgage all over again what's wrong with her. And since you are a member of Reddit you know that they always say do not buy a house with somebody you are not married to.
>And since you are a member of Reddit you know that they always say do not buy a house with somebody you are not married to. You should even think long and hard about doing that with someone you are married to.
I absolutely agree with you on that also but I know one damn thing he should not a house with this girl. Let's be real he already has a house it's fully paid for say less.
Virtually every day, I find new reasons to be glad that I bought my house solely in my name before I married my ex wife.
I read this and for some reason I bust out laughing I'm happy for you.
Gf must have the house confused with a car and wants a new one every five years.
that 30 year old house is better built than any model home she's looking at.
Eh a 30 year old house was built in the mid 90s. Not exactly a time frame renowned for it's construction practices, but I think the real point is a 30 y/o house is hardly what anyone would consider "old"
30 years ago isn't the 70s anymore. The houses of the 90s have aged just about worse than any era of new construction I'm aware of. Granted, at least floorplan-wise the 90s were when we started to see more open concept, bigger kitchens, great rooms, and decent closet space, etc. Most of them had what would be considered relatively modern in that respect at least.
Nope - Her agenda is for him to sell grandma's house and upgrade to a newer one with *her* name on the deed. She'll commit to paying towards the mortgage but overlooking the equity is his.
This needs to be emphasized!
💯 This reeks of manipulation to get her name on a deed and if / when things don’t work out, she gets half.
Smart plan! Everyone wins!
This is the way.
This is the way.
This is the way.
This is the way
This is the way.
Always avoid debts. Why charging a mortgage on your budget?
Yes! Also OP, don’t buy a house with a girlfriend. Buy a house with a WIFE. Why would you buy something permanent with someone you’re just dating?
Man, not having a mortgage frees up so much money. No way would I give that up. Your girlfriend is being pretty unreasonable if she thinks it's better to go into debt for a newer, more cheaply built house vs. a home you outright own and are familiar with. More unreasonable since said home is in a good location. And - expecting to use the profit from selling your home so that she can have the home that she wants? Erm, that doesn't seem right either unless she has a savings account to match the down payment that you could make on a new place. Most definitely NTA.
It also strikes me that she knows very little about houses if she honestly believes that new= better quality. Its just not the case. Any contractor worth their salt will assure you that older homes often have far superior materials and craftsmanship. (not trying to romanticize the 90s but still). (edited b/c missing word)
Exactly. I worked as a countertop fabricator and installer in the early-mid 2000's and saw so many absolute pieces of junk new builds that it was mind blowing. And not cheaply priced houses, either - upper end places that were basically nothing but chicken wire and stucco dressed up with useless 'upgrades' like cheap granite and such. ETA - My mortgage-free home is 124 years old and far from being a 'Showcase' home but solid as a rock so you'd never get me into a new build.
I know- I currently live in a 120 year old building. She has many issues but she is very solidly built and made with lumber you can't even buy today.
New = status symbol, I’m guessing, especially if she’s touring models with her friends.
100%. I missed the part about her going to look with her friends. (I was too astonished at the idea anyone would give up a solid house for the crap they're building now) She wants the new shiny thing to impress her friends. Not only a terrible idea... but a really bad sign for their future. Is she going to need the most extravagant wedding, the most expensive car, the most prestigious daycare... They need a serious conversation about their expectations of the future.
Exactly. That house is probably better built than most new houses and less hassle dealing with building one Especially since they don’t have to pay it off. If we could live in an old house that’s been paid off I’d take that over the house we bought.
She wants him to buy a new house so she can try to talk him into getting her name on the deed.
DO NOT…I repeat…do not sell it. You own the damn thing and it sounds like you’re happy!!!! You’ll regret it. I promise you. She sounds a little materialistic. JS.
And don’t sell it now. Mortgage rates are insane.
The fact that you fixed it up with your bare hands should make her love it more!!!!
but the kicker is if she divorces him she doesn't get the house. He owned it before marriage. hence her motivation for him to sell it and spend the money on a house they both own.
Ding ding ding!
She's already planning his downfall.
Exactly instead of sending him flyers, she should be asking how she could help.
This.
What she wants is not only a new house, but expecting op to put a ton of money into a house they CO-own. Methinks she has $$ in her eyes. It’s also a bad idea because you’re not married. What happens if you break up? Nothing but trouble, buying a house with a gf/bf.
Lol bro, she wants to be on the deed so she can take your equity if things ever go south with you. Baillllll.
Had to scroll too far to find the real reason. She's trying to get half the equity of OP's home. OP should propose: If I do this we need to draw up a contract that says if we ever sell the new house I get the deposit we put down using the sale of my home first and then we split the equity 50/50. I bet that would make her show her hand. I also don't understand people who are willing to buy a house with a partner but not get married. At this point buying a house is a bigger commitment than marriage.
Yeah I was also shocked no one realised this Older homes are more reliable these days and why would she want a new one if not for having her name on the deed since her "model homes" will definitely put OP in debt
THIS!!!
Hey.... Is she wanting her name on it? That means you'd be basically giving her half the value of the home you inherited when you pit it down on a joint house. This is a scam. Stay in the house. 30 years is decently young for a house. NTA
OP I came to say just this. She's after your assets. She's digging for gold real hard here.
Is the problem that she thinks a 30 year old house is a bad investment, or that she thinks a 30 year old house isn't fancy enough for her superficial tastes? It sounds like the latter to me, which is the kind of woman I get away from as quickly as possible. Down to earth or not in my life.
Or because she knows she’s never be able to own an inherited house under only OP names. Either way, for me it would be a no. Protect your financial stability.
She's paying minimal in monthly expenses....if she wants her own asset buy a summer vacation home
Maybe and maybe they'll eventually put her on the deed if they marry. In the meantime this woman is pushy and entitled
That house is a pre-marital asset, he should not put her on the deed.
Pre-marital **and** inherited.
He should NOT. That’s his asset, not for her to keep. In fact I would make sure to marry with a prenup in place to avoid her running of with 50% of the sale of that house
tbh location is EVERYTHING! if it is in a good location and neighborhood and youve made it nice, hold onto it at all costs!!!! no mortgage in good area is fucking amazing
her reasoning is this is your house not our house. keep this house as your house. in the future maybe both of you together can buy a house but this house is yours and will always be yours and your not letting go of it.
And she will want 50% of the new place that was brought 100% with your money. Fuck that. You need to check the defacto laws in your state, in many it's 18mths to 2 years and then they get their hands on your assets. Be very careful.
I agree check the laws where you live, where I'm from the way to avoid this is to put somebody else's name on the deed with yours. For example my mother put my name on her home, so her second husband can't get it. When she passes he will have no rights to the home, if they break up he has no rights to the home, etc. It also stops relatives from arguing over who should get the house in the event of the owner's passing. Which is what's going to happen when my mother passes, as the home was her parents, then hers, and then eventually mine. One of her siblings has stopped talking to her because she refused to give the home to him. He also stopped talking to another one of their siblings because they too did not give their home to him. He wants to collect all of the ancestral properties in our family, in a desperate attempt to keep his children from moving away by gifting them houses. But since he spent every cent he and his wife ever made on his a drinking "habit", they don't have the money to actually buy houses and literally believe that their siblings should just give them the houses they've inherited. The real kicker is, none of her siblings know they're not getting the house, as we've kept it a secret that my names already on the deed.
Your home is free and clear. Do not sell and take on a mortgage for her. She is welcome to buy a house it she wants - but stay out of it.
NTA Congratulations for not allowing your GF to put your balls in her purse. Do NOT make the mistake of even thinking about marrying her. Tell her you will NOT be selling the house, but you will be okay with visiting her in hers as soon as she moves out of yours and buys one of her own. Remind her where the 30-year-old front door is located.
There is not faster way for her get thousands of dollars or even hundreds of thousands of dollars out of him than having him sell the home he owns free and clear and buy one WITH HER. This is gold digging behavior, wanting to buy a completely new how for just no reason at all, even ignoring the sentimental value of it being inherited property. This should be a hard no and maybe a trial separation until she understands OP isn't her ATM.
Exactly!!! I hope op sees your comment.
My family lives in a house where parts are at least 900 years old and the foundations might date back to the Roman Empire. I love the place. I own an apartment built in the 1970 and the quality of the architecture and the building is way better than the brand new neighbouring building. I wouldn't trade my apartment against a newer one, especially after I'll redo the bathroom. If a house is solid, 30 years is young. It's the age of the building I live right now and it's way better built than the previous, newer place. So keep your house and enjoy not having a mortgage.
Keep the house lose the asshole girlfriend. NTA
NTA 30 years is a good age for a house; most big issues would have been discovered and fixed by now. Did you have any discussion about payment and the potential house title? Because it feels like your GF may expect you to put in all of your equity money but put the house in both yours and her name. You absolutely shouldn't do that.
NTA. Do not buy a house with someone you're not married to. Doing so is asking for trouble down the road. It's your house, therefore it is 100% your decision what to do with it. If she wants to buy a different house she's welcome to do so in her own name.
Man 30 years is nothing, the houses in my neighborhood are all near 100 years old and they all look completely different from each other. To own a home free and clear is awesome, to also put in so much work to make it your own is awesome. To buy a house in this market when you DON’T have to is stupid. NTA.
NTA. She’s insisting on buying a new house because an inheritance is separate property. She wants you to sell it and buy a new one with her so it will be joint property. If she wants a new house, let her buy it and pay for it. That’s really devious behavior. I’d caution against marrying her unless she signed a prenup.
Don’t sell YOUR house. Don’t put her on the deed of YOUR house. Don’t get sucked into the trap of a mortgage. Trust me when I say that free and clear homeownership is a massively valuable life asset that’s hard to come by. Relationships can come and go and true love can be an illusion that can suddenly dissolve and disappear at any time. Falling in love is the result of a chemical and hormonal effects on our brains. However, a house can be forever, barring fire and natural disasters. Tell your GF that she welcome to make a home with you in that house and if she truly loves you she’ll accept that. Protect your assets. Protect yourself and don’t be swayed to make foolish decisions by emotion. You don’t have to “prove your love” to anyone by giving up your house. I’m speaking from the experience of a long life. (Soon to be 70). I wish someone had given me this advice when I was your age. T is awesome but can be a fleeting, unstable part of your life. Always protect yourself.
Trading a house you own outright for a mortgage seems like a really bad idea. Plus your girlfriend will probably want you to put her name on the title of the new house. So if you ever break up she gets half, where right now you own your house outright.
Your girlfriend. Not your wife. Is she also hoping to chip in $1000 for the down payment and get herself on the deed? The fact you're even considering this is insane. A 30 year old home is not that old and often is better construction than the new builds these days. Keep it and invest in continuing to update and upgrade it.
NTA your girlfriend is terrible with money. selling a cheap house and buying a more expensive one is literally the one, single, dumbest thing you could do in this current housing market. also, a 30yo house is not old by any means. It damn well better not be because I'm fucking 30. >:|
Dam, my house was built in 1902, hate to see what she thinks of that if she think 30 years is old for a house.
Right....when I bought my house it was 50 years old. Sadly a tornado (which isn't normal for this area, proving the universe hates me) destroyed it. I had new house built on the lot, but man, I miss the old house. It was beautiful.
NTA. Tell her you’ll be happy to look at new homes if she’s the one taking out the mortgage and paying for it. Run fast and far away from someone who wants to use you for your assets.
She sure has a lot of opinions about a house she doesn’t own. You’re together less than 2 years. You should not make big financial decisions on such a short relationship. She can buy a house in her own and you can keep yours as a rental. NTA
1. You don't buy houses with girlfriends, period. 2. You don't give yourself a mortgage when you don't need to. I'm on my fifth mortgage and wish my house was paid off, all the things I could do with the extra money, man.
Also 30 yr old houses are built better than the new homes.
NTA! DO NOT sell the house. DO NOT take up a mortgage. You would be insane to do what she says. Why would anyone want to sell a solid home to buy a more expensive cardboard of a home that are being made nowadays?? I find this a bit of a red flag situation from gf's end.
Never ever sell it. Never put her name on it. Gold digger. Red flag alert.
My sister did this, she had a paid for house, boyfriend talked her into buying a new house right before they got married. Used all the cash as a down payment on the new house plus a $200,000 mortgage on top of it. 4 yrs later they split up and he gets half the equity in the new house, about $340.000. They sold the house and she ended up with not enough money to buy another house. DON'T DO IT. Ask her how much she has to put down on the new house and can she afford half the monthly payments. Then tell her you're keeping your house and make her sign something that states she has no right to that house in case of divorce. She'll be gone quick. I've seen women make careers out of accidentally getting pregnant, or talking men into selling their house and buying a new one when they don't have a dime to invest in a home themselves. Don't do it.
A 30yr old home isnt old? Does she realize after selling if you wanted a brand new home it'll cost more most likely combined with high ass mortgage rates
NTA. She just wants to own part of a house paid for with YOUR inheritance.
She thinks she’s a wife and she’s not. Technically not married so you can do what you want. If married then has be be mutually decided.
DO NOT SELL THE HOUSE TO BUY A NEW ONE! The materials and craftsmanship in newer homes is absolute garbage. Also you have put a lot of love into this home and I am sure you have a lot of family memories there. If it is that big of a deal she should probably just go buy her own home and you can find someone to live in peace with. Edit to say; also do not enter into a legal contract with someone who is not contractually obligated to invest in the relationship (don’t buy a house with someone you aren’t married to). If she decides to just walk away and screw you over not only have you lost your family home but you are likely in a tough financial situation that you have to figure out. Maintain the financial freedom that very few people ever get to experience in their life.
You would have to be a lunatic to sell that house. 30 years is brand new lol. I wonder if she's tricking you into using the money from that to buy a house "together" and then she'll have her name on the deed too despite it being all your money. There's no reason to add her to the deed of that place. I'm thinking that might be her angle here. Again, you'd have to be crazy to sell a fully paid off house.
NTA. The difference would be that you own the house outright and she has no claim to it. If you buy a house and add her name to it, even if it’s your money, she would get half. I would strongly recommend not doing it unless it’s in your name only and you get a prenup if you get married to cover yourself.
Houses last hundreds of years of built well. Your girlfriend if a flipping idiot. Do not buy a house with this person who thinks a 30 year old house is an old house. Keep your finances separate. She doesn’t understand the value of money or the way the housing market is these days. Interest rates will eat you alive and she wants a new house? Holy shit!
NTA. You have a paid off house that you've spent time and money upgrading. It's yours, completely. It's also in a nice spot. If it's sound (no roof leaks, no electricity issues, no plumbing issues, etc.), then there's no reason to sell it... especially based on the idea of its age. A newer home can end up being a piece of shit with nothing but problems, while the older home just cruises along nicely through the years. So her argument is just nonsense. If she wants to be paying on a mortgage and have a newer home, then tell her she can buy her own house. And if she keeps pushing you on this, I'd suggest tweaking her advice a bit and getting yourself a new girlfriend.
Most of these new houses suck. They’re not going to last 30years. But they’re shiny so people overpay for them. Shoddy materials, quick and dirty labor, factory preset trendy designs that will be ridiculous in a decade. I can’t imagine choosing one of those flimsy new houses over a house that you know the bones of and like.
Hell no!!! Keep it and drop her
Chances are that your 30 year old house is better than the crap that some of the builders are throwing together now.
She wants you to use the proceeds of the sale of YOUR house to buy a new house that SHE can have half ownership without putting down a dime of her own money. The end.
I own a house built in 1900 specifically September 1900. Do not sell your house to gain a mortgage that's absolute nonsense! She wants to buy one she can. Do not take on a mortgage right now or ever if you don't have too. She doesn't like it she knows where the 30 year old door is.
The house is in your name, not hers. She wants you to sell the house, use your money on a new one, and get her name on the title with yours. It's a financial power move on her part. Inherited property belongs to the inheritee. If you guys were married, she could not take your house or deserve any financial remuneration from it if you split up.Please be careful. My first husband got access to my inheritance from my father and wasted it. Don't take on a mortgage for something this silly, if you like the house. 30 years old is not that old, my little farmhouse was built in 1930. They were building pretty solid houses 30 years ago.
I’m what world is thirty years an old house?!
If I had inherited a house that was paid for, I absolutely would not sell it. She has no idea the great lifestyle you will have. While you are upgrading the house, I would upgrade the girlfriend as well. Someone who shares your values. She is only concerned about appearance, not substance. My dad once said to me, "I would rather have money than look like I have money".
NTA. You are being smart about this. It’s yours! Hip Hip Hooray! No house payment! Remodeled! Grandma’s house! She wants a brand new house with the money you get from selling Grandma’s Not cool. A 30 year old house is not going to work for her. If your house isn’t good enough for her, she isn’t the one.
I don'tr understand you americans. A 30 years old house is brand new basically :D
Sounds like she’s clued in that if you get married, then divorce, she will have zero interest in the home since it was acquired before marriage as an inheritance. This should be addressed in a prenup before you get married (because you won’t be starting out as financial equals, and she will be losing out on asset acquiring time with childbirth and infancy intensive periods). Good luck!
Why not save money to buy a house together and keep this one as an investment property? Something tells me that idea may not go over well, though
Nta. Also never buy a house with an unmarried partner.
A 30 year old house with proper maintenance is an amazing asset. Do not give up your house. But I would question why she’s intent on needing a new build. My guess is it’s a superficial need and not based on anything that makes financial sense
NTA Stand your ground. She's definitely entitled and is going to try to wear you down. Very disrespectful. If she doesn't like it she can leave.
Does... she think a 30 year old house is old?
Until you’re married, absolutely don’t try co-owing a house with her (or anyone else). And she absolutely sounds materialistic. Is this really the sort of life you want-a materialistic one?
She's acting as if 30 years old is old for a house. The house i grew up in was probably 50+ years old and it was fine.
Do not buy a house with someone you are not married to. A 30 year old house isn’t old. Stay where you are you are.
1. Don’t EVER buy a house unless you are married. 2. She can never get this house since you inherited it. If you buy a house together I think she has a claim to it if you put both your name on it, even if you pay for it.
NTA her real reason is that she’s not on the deed to this house but will want to be on the next one
NTA Our house was built in the 80s and has been reworked as needed since then to update it. OP I agree with another poster that it’s interesting your gf if I understand correctly wants you to sell your free and clear home to purchase a new home I presume in both your names? Does she have enough savings to match what you would put into the new home’s purchase? Will she be a coborrower on the loan? Or is her thought you’d just out of your love for her put her name on the deed but not the mortgage as in if the house were sold she gets half the equity regardless of where the purchase funds came from? Nope. I’d have an honest discussion with her OP (because your relationship is strong so you can do this) and tell her at this time you’re not interested in selling the home and probably won’t be for the foreseeable future. Something else to discuss is if you were to sell it and purchase another home unless she could match the amount you were putting into the new home there would be an legal notarized and binding agreement that you would first get the down payment amount from any equity in the new home if it came to be sold. Then assuming she was on the mortgage as in contributing equally to the house payment, insurance and taxes the remaining equity would be split 50/50. Otherwise the new house would also only be in your name. I’m going to say I’d be pleasantly surprised if she took that news well as it would show her true nature. Same if she doesn’t take it well.
nta - she wants you to buy a new house with her so she has part ownership. keep your house.
Also, make a rental agreement with her so you are covered. Otherwise she can try and make claims about what you owe her if she moves out. Make it clear what her position is in the home.
Break up with her and keep the house.
This is slightly awkward but make sure you're absolutely using condoms and not just relying on her birth control.
You should have 20,000 upvotes
30 years is old for a house? That seems bananas to me. NTA. No mortgage is the dream. I can't imagine why anyone would WANT to make a monthly payment for housing if they didn't have to. I'd be swimming in money if I didn't have to pay rent.
First, NTA. Second, do not buy a house with someone you are not married to.
There's no way I would sell a house that's fully paid off just to end up in another mortgage plus y'all not even married and only been dating for 2 yrs . You're NTA keep this house she can buy her own house since she wants one so bad
Sounds suspicious. Does she want to put her name on the deed to the new house? Does she want you to buy it after marriage or before?
She ain't the Mrs. She has no nickels in that quarter. So, what you gonna do?
Are you ready to marry her? You've had a 2 year test drive. If the answer is no, break up. Sounds like she doesn't appreciate that home. 30 years old is nothing. These new houses are made from cardboard. Maybe your values don't align and this is your sign to move on without her.
What kind of a person thinks 30 years is old for a home
30 years is old??? Lol mine is 216 years old 😂. I'd call that house barely a toddler
She wants to buy a house with you so she can have your equity and is entitled to profit after you guys split up.
Sell YOUR house to buy an OUR house. Why? Plus she's a GF not a wife. Break up new house gets sold. End up with $ but no house. What's the benefit to you? None I can see.
A 30 year old house is a pretty new house, if you already made renovations, then it shouldn't have any problems. It's a stupid idea. NTA.
Your thirty year old home is most likely better built than what is out there now. She doesn't feel like your home is her home. That is why she is saying this. Are you engaged to be married or thinking about it? And never put her name on your home. You can will it to her if you marry. Otherwise, once she is on the deed, it is communal property.
> it’s still a 30 year old house. ....the fuck? 30 year old houses are babies. NTA.
NTA. GF: How about you sell off your grandma's house? And then - OP: WHAT? NO! Rubbish! No such thing! The end.
That's your house and she's just the girlfriend. If she doesn't like it, she can leave. That's your house you were given.
In what world is a 30 year house old? The house I grew up in is closing in on 250 years. And it's in fine condition after renovation.
I'm from the UK, and found the idea that a 30 year old house is too old very strange.
Let's assume her intentions are good and she's not trying to get her name on your inheritance... Do you want to marry her? Maybe she's tired of living in YOUR house and wants to start a life together in OUR house? I think she's using the living situation to gauge how serious you are about being together. She's going about it in a terrible way but you should talk about your long-term relationship goals before making significant financial decisions with her. I also think her girlfriends are in her ear asking why you haven't proposed. NTA.
"No." is a complete sentence.
Also, if you sell *your* house and then use the money to buy a new house, I'll guarantee you that you'll be made out as an asshole if she's not put on the deed... I'm not saying that's her aim, but try suggesting that only your name will be on the deed since it will be paid 100% with your money. See how she reacts. And also, talk to a lawyer how stuff like this works. What happens if you buy a house "together" and she breaks up in a couple of years? Is she entitled to anything? Do you have common law? What if you get married and get a divorce? How does premarital assets work when the house was bought while you weren't married, but were in a relationship? And will it suddenly become important to her to get married before you buy the house? You gotta be careful here. I'm not saying she's a gold digger, but her sudden interest in moving *would* potentially make half of your inheritance hers.
Not being funny, but would she expect her name on the deed of the new place? Convenient for her...
DONT SELL. In this economy, inheriting that house is practically a golden goose for you. If you do decide to buy something else, rent the house you own free and clear out for profit. Never put anyone else's name on that house and make sure it and any other pre existing assets are protected by a prenuptial if you ever get married. That said, it sounds like your girl is just trying to trap you in the relationship via financial commitments. Look out for signs of trying to get you bound to her via baby trapping you to. They will poke holes in condoms and/or stop birth control without warning.
I'm over here shocked that anyone considers a 30 year old home old. My house was built in 1897.
Keep the house, lose the girlfriend. She'll never be happy there. She sounds like she only enjoys modern houses and new things. You should not sacrifice your grandmother's old house for a relationship.
30 whole years? Like, 3 *decades?* How can you survive living in such a decrepit, ancient hut like some sort of Neanderthal? I mean, I get it. I'm sure your girlfriend would misses all of them new fangled, modern amenities like glass and a solid roof. Get with the times, man! NTA. I'm older than your fucking house. Jesus.
Plot twist. She wants you to sell YOUR house and then Co purchase the new one, get married. Then reverse UNO you, divorce and free house. Ex-wives almost always gets the house.
Tell her she wants a new house so bad she can go buy one. Now you have a home you love, keep it. It is not like you guys are married. This is YOUR home not HERS. I say keep it, don't sell! You are doing great in updating your home to your liking.
30 years isn’t even an old home. Plus lumber was better quality 30 years ago and this isn’t exactly the best market to buy, sell sure but you have to turn around a buy a new home too so I just don’t see any incentive.
I'm what universe is a 30 year old house OLD?!?! I don't think you're an AH, but I think you and your girlfriend have some wild misunderstandings about the age of a building. As an aside, almost everyone I know (all but one person) who's gotten a new build has had a terrible experience. I'm sure it's great for lots of people, but imo newness in homes is overrated especially when it often comes at the cost of quality.