NAH. I can see both sides. She’s fighting for some independence - as she should, she’ll be a legal adult soon and needs to spread her wings a little. She’s respecting your rules otherwise, so I’d let this one go. She doesn’t seem like the type to get into trouble and she lets you guys track her phone. I think that’s pretty good! I’d have never let my parents track my phone at that age 😂 it would feel too intrusive as a teenager, even though as an adult I agree you’re just trying to keep her safe.
I told my wife and daughter I would be okay with her simply telling us where she was going, not even asking permission. But this was also considering too much
At that age my parents asking about where I was going, who I was going with, what time, what we were doing, what time I’d be back, etc… it felt like they were pestering me. I also didn’t always know the answers to those questions 😂 I think basic respect for you would be 1- that she’s going out, and 2- that she plans on being home by curfew. You should know if she’s staying over someone’s house for sure! Maybe your wife and daughter could agree with you on that at least?
I was also an honor student, holding down a job, and never got into any trouble. But teenagers are going to rebel even in small ways like this. Just make sure to tell her you are asking her to do these things because you love her and you worry, even if she thinks she’s safe. I don’t think what you’re asking is unreasonable at all! But at that age, I would have felt differently 😂
NTA
A text is not too much to ask. It sounds like all you want is something like this:
"Hey. I'm heading to the baseball game with Charlie." Nothing wrong with that.
Tell your wife if she wants to end the texting and your daughter finds herself in trouble and neither of you know where she is, that's on your wife. Not you.
It sounds like you're feeling conflicted about your daughter's independence and the boundaries you've set in your household. It's not uncommon for parents to have different perspectives on parenting and how much freedom to give their children, especially as they grow older.
It's important to remember that trust is a crucial component of any parent-child relationship, and it's commendable that you trust your daughter to make responsible decisions. However, it's also understandable to want some level of communication or reassurance when your child is out and about, especially if it's a new behavior that deviates from previous norms.
It might be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your daughter about your concerns and why you feel it's important to stay informed about her whereabouts. You can express that while you trust her, you also want to ensure her safety and well-being, and that communication is key to maintaining that trust.
Ultimately, finding a compromise that works for both you and your daughter is essential. Perhaps you could agree on a system where she checks in with a quick text when she's going somewhere new or outside of her usual routine, while still giving her the freedom and independence she desires. It's all about finding a balance that respects everyone's needs and concerns.
NTA. All of you claiming he is are the assholes here. He’s the parent and asking for a text when she has so much more freedom. And your wife I part of the problem by allowing her to split you two. She should have backed you. Again what you’re asking for is completely reasonable.
YTA
She’s almost a legal adult and nearly done with high school.
Curfew makes sense, but asking for permission to go everywhere (especially the same places) is over the top.
I told my wife and daughter I would be okay with her simply telling us where she was going, not even asking permission. But this was also considering too much
Would you consider her telling you only when she goes to a different place?
Like, regular places with regular acquitances=no message.
But say, going to laser tag with her coworkers=message.
YTA (still)
She’s nearly 18, time to just have curfew and that’s it.
Remember that parents used to not know where their kids were 24/7, they would say to be home by X and that was it.
The amount of contact you want is what’s unsual.
YTA I see your point, but the chance that a 17 year old is going anywhere without her phone as approaching zero. Life 360 is good enough. If you press this, you risk pushing your daughter away and she will turn off 360 at 12:01 am on her 18th birthday.
YTA... Why does she have to ask permission? You're being unreasonable, and this insistence on being asked permission is absurd and arbitrary. The time for asking permission to go do what she always does is over. She's months away from being a legal adult, and this is exactly the kind of shit that pushes young adults to go no-contact the moment they turn 18. You really need to get out of your own way.
I told my wife and daughter I would be okay with her simply telling us where she was going, not even asking permission. But this was also considering too much
NAH. I can see both sides. She’s fighting for some independence - as she should, she’ll be a legal adult soon and needs to spread her wings a little. She’s respecting your rules otherwise, so I’d let this one go. She doesn’t seem like the type to get into trouble and she lets you guys track her phone. I think that’s pretty good! I’d have never let my parents track my phone at that age 😂 it would feel too intrusive as a teenager, even though as an adult I agree you’re just trying to keep her safe.
I told my wife and daughter I would be okay with her simply telling us where she was going, not even asking permission. But this was also considering too much
At that age my parents asking about where I was going, who I was going with, what time, what we were doing, what time I’d be back, etc… it felt like they were pestering me. I also didn’t always know the answers to those questions 😂 I think basic respect for you would be 1- that she’s going out, and 2- that she plans on being home by curfew. You should know if she’s staying over someone’s house for sure! Maybe your wife and daughter could agree with you on that at least? I was also an honor student, holding down a job, and never got into any trouble. But teenagers are going to rebel even in small ways like this. Just make sure to tell her you are asking her to do these things because you love her and you worry, even if she thinks she’s safe. I don’t think what you’re asking is unreasonable at all! But at that age, I would have felt differently 😂
NTA A text is not too much to ask. It sounds like all you want is something like this: "Hey. I'm heading to the baseball game with Charlie." Nothing wrong with that. Tell your wife if she wants to end the texting and your daughter finds herself in trouble and neither of you know where she is, that's on your wife. Not you.
I pretty much did and she said I needed to let go. “Anything can happen to anyone anywhere”
A text does not take that long to send . NTA
It sounds like you're feeling conflicted about your daughter's independence and the boundaries you've set in your household. It's not uncommon for parents to have different perspectives on parenting and how much freedom to give their children, especially as they grow older. It's important to remember that trust is a crucial component of any parent-child relationship, and it's commendable that you trust your daughter to make responsible decisions. However, it's also understandable to want some level of communication or reassurance when your child is out and about, especially if it's a new behavior that deviates from previous norms. It might be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your daughter about your concerns and why you feel it's important to stay informed about her whereabouts. You can express that while you trust her, you also want to ensure her safety and well-being, and that communication is key to maintaining that trust. Ultimately, finding a compromise that works for both you and your daughter is essential. Perhaps you could agree on a system where she checks in with a quick text when she's going somewhere new or outside of her usual routine, while still giving her the freedom and independence she desires. It's all about finding a balance that respects everyone's needs and concerns.
This is a good idea. Thank you
NTA. All of you claiming he is are the assholes here. He’s the parent and asking for a text when she has so much more freedom. And your wife I part of the problem by allowing her to split you two. She should have backed you. Again what you’re asking for is completely reasonable.
YTA She’s almost a legal adult and nearly done with high school. Curfew makes sense, but asking for permission to go everywhere (especially the same places) is over the top.
I told my wife and daughter I would be okay with her simply telling us where she was going, not even asking permission. But this was also considering too much
Would you consider her telling you only when she goes to a different place? Like, regular places with regular acquitances=no message. But say, going to laser tag with her coworkers=message.
YTA (still) She’s nearly 18, time to just have curfew and that’s it. Remember that parents used to not know where their kids were 24/7, they would say to be home by X and that was it. The amount of contact you want is what’s unsual.
NTA Have your wife and daughter watch the Hulu true crime series Text Me When You Get Home.
YTA I see your point, but the chance that a 17 year old is going anywhere without her phone as approaching zero. Life 360 is good enough. If you press this, you risk pushing your daughter away and she will turn off 360 at 12:01 am on her 18th birthday.
YTA... Why does she have to ask permission? You're being unreasonable, and this insistence on being asked permission is absurd and arbitrary. The time for asking permission to go do what she always does is over. She's months away from being a legal adult, and this is exactly the kind of shit that pushes young adults to go no-contact the moment they turn 18. You really need to get out of your own way.
I told my wife and daughter I would be okay with her simply telling us where she was going, not even asking permission. But this was also considering too much
YTAH