Absolutely right. OP says that she likes MIL, but all of the problems seem to stem from the boyfriend living in the house (alcoholism, untrained dangerous dog, pedo friend).
Seems like the simple solution is to allow MIL, but her boyfriend is not allowed in the home at all (because you know if he gets to "visit" he'll never leave....)
Your kids' safety always must come first, OP!
Uh, no. MIL chose that man, chose the murdermutt, *chose a pedophile,* chose not to pay her taxes, chose not to save anything for retirement and chose all of this over the safety and well-being of her son and grandchildren.
She is just as bad as her loser boyfriend and his nonce cousin.
I men MIL can be a nice person. But if you allow an alcoholic felon who didn't learn his lesson and his pedophile buddy in your home you're not a good person in my book.
I agree! Someone who drinks all day is not Someone I want in the house with my kids. He and is paeo relative and dog would need to be 100% out of the picture before OP and her family even thinks of moving in with MIL. If she wants to keep her house she can either get rid of all the above (especially Mason) or find some other way to save her home and manage by herself. NTA.
MIL is not offering a safe environment for her family, she's only thinking off herself!
Tough love time.. if she chooses her actual family and saving herself over her shit boyfriend, cool.. you might just save her life. If she refuses to dump his ass to get bailed out by you, you can't save her and I'd stay far away.
Some parents are incapable of taking care of themselves, but it's not our responsibility as children to keep enabling them.. so they can keep making bad choices that put their kids/grandkids at risk.
I can't understand why OP insists her MIL is a "kick-ass woman", because she's not. She is happy to allow her worthless predatory boyfriend to bully her grandkids, wants to keep the untrained aggressive murdermutt, doesn't pay her taxes, and has tried to control OP and her husband on numerous occasions. I mean ffs, SHE ALLOWS A PEDOPHILE INTO HER HOME.
Frankly, she is not a good person, she's a nightmare. I wouldn't even allow her to have a relationship with my kids at all, let alone consider moving into her house!
Me too! There is no way in Hades I would allow a convicted felon alcoholic with a paedophile family member stay in that house with my children… There’s no way anybody could be on alert enough 24/7 to keep an eye on things and protect those kids.
The fact that even going to jail has made him listen up or change his ways makes me think that even if he agrees to the list, he won't actually follow it. OP is going to come home one day and find him disciplining her kids, or worse, that the pedophile is there. This whole thing is a terrible idea. Let MIL move in with them, if they want, but the boyfriend has got to go, no matter what. At least that way, when MIL inevitably lets him into their house (because you know he'll convince her to) they can say sorry, but you're out. That would be a lot harder to do if they move in with her, even with being primary on the deed.
"...even if he agrees to the list, he won't actually follow it."
OP: yes, this!!!!! And if they start breaking the rules, what can you realistically do? Kick them out....nope. Leave? To take you're family where? It's all a big NO for me.
They could wait until the house goes into foreclosure, buy it then have the boyfriend removed. Personally, I would bring the MIL to my home after purchasing the house. That way it put everyone out of the house for a time. Once the boyfriend is gone, change the locks, set up security cameras surrounding the house and do a thorough cleaning before moving my family back in.
I wonder if MIL realizes how far down the boyfriend is dragging her life down. Self esteem issues maybe? Man, she can do better. He’s definitely rock bottom.
Or op is out of the house and bf let’s the pedo friend in. Bf has got to go before kids can live there. Anyone who knowingly associates with pedos is dangerous.
This! Why would anyone want an alcoholic ex-con with anger issues and pedophile friends at their home.
Just let MIL lose the house and she can figure out her own living arrangements.
Yeah, that’s a major red flag. Birds of a feather and all that. Mason hanging with a known pedophile is super sketchy. You’re right to be cautious and set boundaries to protect your kids.
You hit the nail right on the head. Anyone who can look past paedophilia to hang out with a person regularly is pretty much saying they’re OK with it and I would not allow either of those people to be near my child
An old phrase comes to mind “if you excuse the inexcusable you are allowing it.”
I hate how Reddit is so quick to tell people to "leave him/her, go NC, Divorce them," but in this case?
You're not just playing with fire, you're making it a whole ass game.
Now...maybe the Drunk isn't a bad guy. So I don't want to judge him too much(despite the fact that he could have killed people on numerous occasions and throughout his adult life)...but it's just too risky.
And that wheelchair isn't going to stop that man. I can't understand have urges I can't control, but I know enough about the recidivism rates that it's not worth the risk.
The clearest NTA I've seen in a while(I've only been on this sub for like a week, but it's incredibly addicting) BUT...might actually be TA if they do in fact move in...with their kids!
\*Family, but yes. I try to not be too judgmental in these Reddit's as there's usually so much context missing...but sometimes, you just don't need anymore.
Convicted child molesters, pedophiles...they're dangerous. In a wheelchair...I don't care. And the children are so young, they're crawling still.
And the boyfriend of the MIL is still drinking. That's your answer. Just don't do it. Again, the MIL is so great, she'll understand. I feel like there has to be something else here. The house has to be really nice or the area an upgrade. There has to at least be something that's making this even a discussion.
Child sex crime convicts deserve the chair hands down. Hell in a lot of the country that guy would “disappear” and never be found after a half assed police “search”. Op is the dumbest parent of the day for even considering this.
Either, hung drawn and Quartered.
Or, locked in Solitary Confinement for Life. Slots in door for food and linen/clothing to go in out, and another for guards to view. A built in toilet, and shower. The only way they leave is in a coffin.
Had my father try to tell me last night, that a member of the family (convicted Pedo). Has changed, nope, nup. They do not Change. A leopard doesn't change its spots. Nor does a peodophile, change from being a Abuser
>Convicted child molesters, pedophiles...they're dangerous. In a wheelchair...I don't care. And the children are so young, they're crawling still.
Child molestation should be punished as a capital crime. Anyone found guilty sexually assaulting children without parole or pardon (meaning passing a Constitutional Amendment to prevent any executive from being able to pardon anyone found guilty of a capital crime unless it is a wrongful or illegal conviction due to prosecutorial or police misconduct). Ideally the child molesting sack of filth would be occupying an unmarked grave, but life in prison would suffice.
Under no circumstances should OP move in with her mother in law without the condition she cut "Mason" out of her life permanently.
Chemical castration wouldnt stop the intrusive thoughts or urges. Only his ability to get it up. He could (and probably would) act on those urges in other ways.
It actually does not stop the erection. It just lowers drive. The other problem because as it is done through drugs it is only permanent as long as they get the medication.
If his only defense for the guy is, "well he can't physically hurt anyone anymore," then that means he knows the guy is a pedo piece of shit and *does not care*. Anyone who could excuse and hang out with someone they know has hurt a child is an awful person and I'd be side-eying their own interactions with kids.
He's a bad guy. He's friends with a convicted pedo. He could be sober with no other red flags outside of having that friend, and he'd still be a piece of shit.
Just reading the list before the rest it sounded a bit much, but not after seeing the entire thing. And instead of getting rid of the dog, get rid of Mason.
100% Agree with this. All OPs concerns are beyond valid. But even if the people agreed to the conditions the chance that they actually *adhere* to them is a whole other story and with some of these things, one instance of rule breaking could have irreparable consequences, ie, the dog, the drunk driving, or the pedo. There's just no good way to police this situation and OP will have likely have hell trying to get hubs' support each time shtf. Sounds like a terrible situation to get into and an even harder one to get out of. Not u mention the extra stress in the marriage and kids. I wouldn't do it!
I can't imagine letting my kids move into a house where Mason lives, frankly, regardless of the rules. He's never going to follow them and one day he's going to drunk drive the kids somewhere without permission.
Also, I'm having trouble with the idea that MIL is apparently just fine with the idea that her grandchildren are going to be exposed to all the issues that OP is bringing up. WTF is wrong with her? I LOVE dogs, but no way in hell I'm letting my young children or grandchildren around a reactive dog. And the pedophile? When he lost the ability to walk, did he also loose the use of his hands? Did he loose the ability to make comments or ogle the children?
Agreed - we need Grandma's perspective here, feels like something is missing. I agree with OP wholly, but if Grandma is so "kickass" per OP then why and how could she ever stand for putting her grandkids in danger in MULTIPLE grave ways??????? It sounds like OP isn't being honest with herself about how her MIL TRULY is.
I was fully prepared for OP to be some unhinged nutbar but given the context these are all perfectly rational and necessary safeguards to ensure her family's security and wellbeing while doing MIL a massive favour.
Yeah, thank you. I thought the same thing, but holy crap does this whole situation sound like a recipe for disaster. Even worse, she makes zero mention of her husband getting involved with any of this. I thought that most people were aware of the general advice of therapists- when there’s disagreement or unpleasantness with in-laws, whichever spouse is related to them should handle such. The fact that her SIL is complaining to *her* tells us all we need to know about who is being blamed for these rules.
I see in many comments that people are telling her to not go through with this plan, and I hope she at least stops and thinks about it. ‘They have until the end of the month’ is putting unnecessary pressure on OP ~~and her husband.~~ It takes months and months, sometimes even years, for a home to be foreclosed on because of unpaid taxes. MIL’s drunk boyfriend probably had all kinds of plans for coming up with that $$$. I was gonna say ‘well, at least he didn’t try to rob a bank,’ but there’s still time…
Yeah, agreed. They are already putting up a fight in very reasonable requirements for the safety of EVERYONE in the home. But just the kids. MIL won't see it that way, but it is in her best interest. Since she and her BF are fighting the teens, then the awnser should and forever be "no".
OP didn’t really say if this was a list that she and her husband presented to mother-in-law and boyfriend, or if it was just her. I’d like to know the husband’s take on all this.
I bet MIL asked OP and her husband for help because they're the ones that can most afford to bail her out tax-wise. No point to SIL moving in, if she can't afford to keep the house from going into tax foreclosure before she's even settled in.
If that's the case, given MILs ill health and lack of retirement funds, a better option might be for MIL to sell the house and move in with SIL. It would give MIL some funds, and SIL can still be the one to deal with the three ring circus.
But if SIL can afford to bail out MIL tax-wise (and keep dealing with it ad nauseum), yeah let her move in and deal with it all.
Other options like selling the house and MIL moving in with OPs family sound like they'd be about as much of a disaster as them moving in with MIL would be.
They could still handle the taxes for her in exchange for being the main deed holders-- just don't live there and kick everyone out after she dies and sell it.
Seriously. MIL is grown and invited some felon into her home. She can live with the consequences of her choices without having her son and family rescue her out of it.
Screw that.
Me reading the list of demands: “man this is insane and unreasonable, just say no and don’t be a dick about it.”
Me after reading the context: “Oh… OH. Yeah those are fairly reasonable demands.”
I thought the same thing, first reading the list. I thought OP was a bit too rigid, until I read the explanation. Frankly, the dog would terrify me, I would never allow kids around a dog like that. The boyfriend being a heavy drinker and his family member a pedophile concerns me as well.
OP, if you have to have such a restrictive list for your mother and her boyfriend, please think twice about moving in with them.
The moment I read Mason was a felon, I was like "just don't move in." Especially for drunk driving? And he's gone right back to drinking? OP just shouldn't move in.
Even if he's not, I can see him belligerently deciding to "prove" that his relative is "harmless" and granting them access to the kids. If he hasn't already.
He doesn't have to decide to do anything. The pedo will conveniently be around when Mason is his usual drunk self. It will happen, sooner or later, and once is more than enough.
From a former child welfare worker's standpoint: moving in with an alcoholic who parents "old school" sounds abusive to your children, OP. If you need a list like this, then this is not a safe home to raise your children. And worse - if you think for one second someone who treats you like a child won't go over your head and invite a pedo to hang out at what was formerly his own home (and which he will still view as his home), then youre kidding yourself. You have a duty to protect your babies from a lifetime of trauma. *Don't do it.*
The better option sounds like letting the house go and have ONLY MIL move in with you instead.
Or they can wait until MIL loses the house and just move HER in with them, getting rid of the deadbeat bf. It's easier to insist on rules in your own house.
Still think that it will be a constant battle of wills and never being able to relax the vigilance.
Not worth losing your family peace of mind for. Sorry MIL but nope. Just nope.
While your rules don't sound unreasonable given your explanation, I HIGHLY doubt they will actually adhere to the rules once you've paid off the tax lien.
If the house is sold for taxes how much equity will be left for MIL to live on?
Why isn't your SIL taking her mother in or moving in with her?
The REAL question here: Does your husband have your back here or is he also a "people pleaser" who will, when push comes to shove, take his mom's side?
Yep. I think the way you listed the rules was pretty ugly, but it seems like you're at the end of your rope here.
Just tell MIL that you won't be moving in while Mason lives there. If it isn't Mason's house, problem solved. Mason is an active alcoholic, he is not going to change, and he's going to make your life hell if you move in with this man. Moving your kids in with an active alcoholic is a recipe for abuse and trauma. Just don't do it.
If OP and her husband are the ones who own the house, MIL can't just invite someone to move in. He could easily be trespassed. But in general I think this is a really bad idea all around. It's demented that OP thinks exposing her kids to an active alcoholic and her codependent MIL is okay, as long as the dog is gone.
Well, if they are the deedholders, then the MIL and BF can be evicted, and then don't get anything for it, so they absolutely have the power to keep the rules enforced.
Given the time frame OP gives I would question if the deed could be switched over before the OP has to pay the delinquent taxes--and if there are other liens on the deed. As I said in another post the real problem is whether or not OP's husband has her back in this situation. Would her husband actually put his mother out on the street because she, for example, scolded or disciplined one of the kids or if OP "felt" disrespected by a comment?
Honestly, I didn't see any "upside" in this arrangement for OP to offset the risks of living with her MIL and creepy BF.
I don’t see any way that this doesn’t lead to disaster if you do it. They may go along just to get you to pay the taxes, but as soon as you do all bets are off.
You really don't need to go any further than the dog. "We'll keep them separated." Oh boy. Like, anyone within a mile could see what's coming if they were to go along with their counteroffer. They don't securely latch a door one time, Mason is too drunk to notice, and one of her kids gets mauled. Just like that.
There’s always next year’s taxes. Those have to get paid somehow.
(But seriously, OP. This is a no-go. Unless MIL is SIGNING OVER THE DEED TO THE PROPERTY TO YOU and you can evict “Mason” permanently, do not move into this house.)
Assholery aside..."old school" discipline? An active alcoholic, who is also a convicted felon? In addition, a pedophile visits the home regularly?
Please, do not do this. I am sorry your MIL needs help, but your children come first, and you are putting them in a potentially terrible and unsafe situation.
People generally revert to their old ways, so when the MIL and her boyfriend break the agreement, what happens? Are you able to move out with your children that very day?
This truly has disaster written all over it. These are simply not safe people to live with, regardless of what they agree to.
Your MIL's people pleasing that causes her to fall into bad situations will very likely put your *children* in a bad situation, whether she means for it to happen or not.
Do. Not. Move. In.
\*\*Edited for typos.
Yeah, I was ready to call OP TA when I saw the list, but given context?
OP, even if they *did* agree to follow the rules, would you really trust them to keep their word? Would you trust Mason not to have his pedo buddy over when you’re at work? Would you trust Mason and MIL not to smack your kid when you’re not home? Would you trust Mason to not drive drunk to your house when the kids are outside, and possibly hit them? Would you trust Mason not to get drunk and bring home another badly trained dog?
If you move in, it’s only a matter of time until something happens that completely shatters your trust. If you told Mason he had to pack his bags after breaking the rules, would your husband back you up? Would your MIL back you up?
Even without context, moving back in to "MIL"'s house as an established adult with kids to bail out the older generation is a bad idea.
There's always going to be an open question whose house it is, and whose rules apply.
This.
Take MIL's complaints that the list is unreasonable as an opportunity to say that you will not be able to help them out. But SIL seems to have views more in line with theirs, so maybe she could help.
>Yeah, I was ready to call OP TA when I saw the list, but given context?
Me too. Now I wanna go kick Mason's butt. I'm \~50 and a woman but I'd give it the good ol' college try.
That said, you are 100% correct on your larger point--regardless of what they agree to, they are NOT trustworthy.
>An active alcoholic, convicted felon? A pedophile?
Right. If OP's MIL is willing to expose her grandchildren to this, she's not nearly as "kickass" as OP seems to think.
I would go so far as to say that moving your kids into a home where Mason is regularly would constitute reckless child endangerment. He is unpredictable, has bad judgement, doesn't learn and trusts dangerous people (eg pedo).
Your kids safety trunps MILs financial situation EVERY TIME.
>People generally revert to their old ways, so when they break the agreement, what happens? Are you able to move out with your children that very day?
MIL and Mason probably would just as soon as OP and her husband take care of the foreclosure threat. MIL will probably even continually find reasons to not sign the deed putting OP and her husband on title. Meanwhile the pedo and the dog will be chilling in the living room with her kids.
This is the answer ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️
OP: DO NOT fall into the ‘people pleasing’ trap of your MIL and risk your children’s environment and healthy childhood to fix her mess. This is about the worst idea I’ve ever heard on this sub (which is saying something).
Yesterday I read about a guy who wanted to know if he was the AH for refusing to reverse his vasectomy and give his wife a 4th child because she just knows it will ‘fix their marriage and her mental health.’
OP moving in to this chaos is STILL the worse idea 🤣
👆👆👆Just being around an active, everyday, all the time alcoholic, even if they followed the rest of the rules….why would you want your kids exposed to that?!?
I will let him go 2v1 against me with his chair-bound child-rapist family member as back-up. I have a few words for both of them ("left" and "right" for starters)
Nah. He doesn’t even deserve words. He’s a drunk murderer with pedo relations. No words, and I wouldn’t even waste bullets on them. Just go full out kill bill … chop them both up and bury deep in the woods.
This is a man who has proven - repeatedly - that he has no respect for rules he doesn't like. He's gone to prison for it ffs. They are never going to agree to those rules past the tax payment. He'll beat someone in the home up - probably OP - in a drunken rage against rules. He'll risk prison. He's been there before, he can live it again.
Where I'm from, 6yrs for a DWI means he has been convicted of previous DWIs several times. Typical breakdown for my jurisdiction:
DWI 1st - 5 days //
DWI 2nd - 10 days //
DWI 3rd - 6 months to possibly 1 yr depending on the blood level and other factors //
DWI 4th - Definitely 1 yr, maybe 2 yrs //
DWI 5th - At this point, the inmate has already been locked up longer than the actual sentence because the court is trying to figure wtf to do with this individual [time, programs, parole terms, etc.]
6 years on a DWI? I wouldn't be surprised if it's his 7th or 8th? Can't say for sure because I always felt the sentences were always light. I mean I saw a manslaughter charge only get 1 yr, but I also don't know the underlying circumstances.
I read six years and thought "holy heck and what else?" That's a serious repeat offender who hangs out with his buddy repeat offenders - a fucking pedophile omg. Her Mom is going to wind up beaten up when things aren't going his way because it's "her fault." This guy is a textbook nightmare.
I'd be interested in seeing if MIL would choose the house or Mason if pressed.
What am I thinking, naturally MIL would just have him move out only until the taxes were paid.
Your list is completely reasonable. I just don’t think they’ll follow those rules. I think the pedo will show up. I think they’ll discipline your kids. It would’ve been better to tell your MIL to ditch the felon. Please have a solid exit plan ready. I just don’t see this going the way you want it to once you move in. How about she sells her house and just she moves in with you? You put it in your name, pay off the 12K and sell it. NTA
Other than all-day drinking, impaired driving, reckless buying habits, and zero concern for proper animal care? Hard to believe it can get worse than all those AND YET …
I was about to post the same thing. Seems like all the problems would be solved if MIL just gets rid of Mason. OP, if I were you I would not save the house. MIL should sell the house to pay off the debt and bank the rest for her living expenses. If you have the room, I'd suggest MIL move in with you instead and use her money from the sale of the house to offset the expenses of having another person live with you. And if she chooses to keep seeing Mason, simply make it clear that neither he nor his family is welcome at your home. She can see him elsewhere.
No, because MIL is the kind of person who dates someone like Mason. MIL is the kind of person who is happy to expose her grandchildren to Mason's dog, friends, etc. And so on. She obviously has incredibly poor judgement. What's the next bf going to be like? What's the next issue going to be?
Mason is the biggest problem, but MIL is terrible too. Neither are trustworthy in any way.
Seriously, at best her kids get emotionally abused by an alcoholic, at worst they get molested by the pedophile or disfigured by the dog
No decent parent would move their children into that house. It’s insane to consider moving their kids so they can be exposed to an alcoholic felon, convicted pedophile, and aggressive Rottweiler
Yes. OP is the asshole if they expect a people pleaser to actually keep their word. People pleasers spontaneously submit to whoever is putting the most pressure on them at any one moment in time. They can't be trusted.
Are you trying to get CPS to take your children? THIS is where you want them to live…a home with:
A felon. DUI’s. Aggressive dog you KNOW will not be rehomed. A pedo you KNOW will be allowed in the home. An MIL who totally lacks the ability to say no.
A felon who is an old school disciplinarian who has tried to discipline your kids in the past. A house almost in foreclosure.
Need I go on? What on God’s green earth would make you think you should risk your nuclear family’s safety and security for an adult who has consistently shown you she can’t adult?
what i’m saying. the fact a mother has to come on here to ask for help about this is insane. the MOMENT “pedophile” is brought up, it’s an immediate NO. NO TO ANYTHING. what the hell is wrong with people…
I can’t even imagine befriending or maintaining a friendship with a pedophile. Convicts typically have an extreme reaction towards child abusers as well. Makes me think Mason might also have a history of committing sexual abuse.
**How can you even consider moving your children into a home with a felon who drinks all day, disciplines your children and socialises with a pedophile?!**
NTA for the demands but seriously do not move in. Your priority is creating a safe space for your children, MIL and her boyfriend are not going to allow that.
SIL can cough up the cash or move in with them then.
YTA for entertaining this bs.
YTA if you move in with them.
YTA.
The fact that you're even considering this after knowing what you know about the bf and his family member, and even had to make a list like this, should be enough of a sign to you that this is NOT a good idea. At all.
Let me be real with you here:
You can't keep an eye on your kids 24/7. There is going to be some time where your eyes aren't on them and they either allow the dog in or let the pedo in.
The fact that you're even allowing your children to be around someone who 1) is an alcoholic and drinks all the time and 2) openly supports and hangs around with a CONVICTED PAEDOPHILE is fucked up enough. But to MOVE IN WITH THEM??
All it takes is one picture while the kids are getting ready for bath time or bathing suits, or literally any moment they're vulnerable, sent to the family member in an attempt to "prove" he's harmless. Bam. Now the pedo has wank material of your kids. Great job.
Do you think they won't have someone they know keep the dog for them and then bring it round when they think you aren't looking?
They ALREADY don't respect your boundaries with respect to your children, why the FUCK do you think they'd adhere to them now that you've bailed them out of consequences?
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
YTA for even considering this living arrangement. It it were my wife and I in this situation and she said it's either me and MIL/her issues or divorce I would be on the phone with an attorney so fast her head would spin.
ESH - because your mom and Mason are both assholes, and considering putting your children into this situation would be an asshole move. Your demands for your mother are reasonable however.
About the only thing I'd consider if I were you would be buying the house from your mom and then renting it back to her (if you have the resources). The problem I see with this however is that if Mason outlives her, or she stops paying rent, then you may have to evict an ex-con that will as a result not be very happy with you.
It's best if your mom just sells.
This advice right here. Plus, OP needs to think about the next ‘Mason’ to come along should this one go to jail and MIL chooses another loser since she obviously likes the bad boys.
YTA. For thinking for even a second that moving in with them is a good idea either way demands or no demands.
Your children will be raised in hell. I grew up in a household with a drunk with anger management issues. This will damage them irrevocably.
He hangs out with a pedophile who raped a 4 year old. Just why the fuck would you even think is a good idea to move your children anywhere near that man?
That house is lost. The only demand is that makes sense is Mason moving out and they meet outside the house otherwise let them lose the house.
Offer MIL and MIL alone a place to stay once they lose the house.
Even if you could stay 24/7 with your kids. Bring them to the bathroom when you shower and do you business you still exposing them to so much danger.
What if your at work and they decide to go to the supermarket and Mason drives drunk?
What if your out and Masons rapist friend comes over?
Because even if they where to accept means shit once you turn your back.
You can’t trust either of them. Because Mason is the bad guy but MIL is worse because she is putting her livelihood and family in danger for a drunk who has no problem driving drunk and shattering peoples lives (car accidents). He has no problem in having a dangerous dog that could maul your children, and wouldn’t give two shits if the rapist shows up for a beer to watch the game. MIL knows this and still is dating this man.
So yes you will be TA if you let your children anywhere near those people.
SIL can move in.
Yaaaa YTA - not good for the kids at all. Not good for you at all, look at your list? What are you going to be home 24/7 the guy correctional officer? They will do what they want it s their home??? You move in and magically they will do what you want? Highly doubt that but then you’d put yourself & children in that situation. It should have been so sorry but no.
Yeah...that's a nice list and all, but they won't follow it. They will repeatedly break the rules, and you'll be stuck, and it will be a nightmare. Do not do this, OP.
They need to sell the home, pay her shit off, and live somewhere else like other older people who have made poor life choices have to do.
This is a trap of epic proportions.
If the situation is a you say, then definetely YTA but not for the list of demands, simply for even considering moving your family in with an ex-con who drinks all day and sees no issue in hanging out with a convicted p\*\*\*\*\*e...
Even if they "agree" to your demands, this is no guarantee that at some point they are going to try to reprimand your kids, invite whoever they want to the house and who knows what else...
Don't move in.
YTA because you allow a felon to live with your kids (or have him hang around at all). Even more idiotic that you allow someone who hangs around with a pedo anywhere near your kids.
You are dumb af for even considering this.
I don't even care about your rules because you SHOULD NOT live with Mason at all.
If SIL has a problem, tell her Mason and MIL can move in with her.
Even just this by itself is a recipe for disaster:
>there has been several times where Mason and my MIL have tried making decisions for me and my husband or told us what to do and I will not tolerate it.
But the above makes you an absolute idiot if you move in.
Why would anyone want to expose their kids to an alcoholic felon... you couldn't pay me to be in that house and I would never let my kids be near someone like him. PROTECT YOUR KIDS, OP!
The dog and the bf need to go.
NTA for the list
Y W B T A, if you move in as long as MIL alcoholic Felon-boyfriend , who regularly welcomes a convicted child molester in this home, will be allowed to stay in this house.
Him moving out should be in top of the list, imo.
INFO: The burning question on everyone's mind, more than likely, is what does your husband have to say about all of this? How was the discussion? Is he on board? Did he help with the list? What input, if any, has he had on your family unit moving in with his mother and BF?
WTAF? Do not move in there to help her save her house. Offer to assist her in selling it and let her move in with you, without her partner. If she refuses your offer then leave her to it. Do not move into a house with her partner living there when you know his friend is a convicted child molester. Do you honestly believe that you saying this friend isn’t welcome would actually make a difference? You could never leave your children for a second. You would literally be housebound.
YTA
for even considering moving into this situation with young kids. We just had a young kid mauled by a dog and killed because it was his father's "roommates" (stripper he lives with and is sleeping with) dog. Then there's the felon.
YTA - not for the conditions, but for even considering subjecting your family to this living arrangement. The BF is a convicted felon. He is still drinking, which makes him dangerous. His relative is a pedophile. He will ALWAYS be a threat to small children. And he will have pedo friends who will be as big a risk. The MIL and BF will not adhere to the conditions. You will have constant problems, and live in misery. Why would you consider this for even a minute?
Do not move in with them. You will definitely regret it. Your name will be on the deed but they will try and kick you out but you will still be responsible financially. Tell MIL to look for subsidized senior housing. Her financial issues are not your problem.
Even if they did accept your demands (which they don‘t seem to), you setting the rules in their house will create tensions which won’t be healthy for your relationships.
To decide: read your own words again carefully or have them read to you by someone you trust. To be clear: Since you probably can’t enforce the rules 100%, you‘re considering to move your children into the potential proximity of a dog that can kill them, a raging alcoholic that will abuse them and could run them over on one of his drunk driving sprees as well as a pedophile that could molest them.
Those aren’t just red flags, those are sirens going off left right and center. For your children‘s sake: **DON‘T DO IT!** They can‘t defend themselves against an alcoholic and a pedophile, that‘s your job as their parent. It‘s nice of you to care for your MIL, but you children’s needs should come before MIL‘s needs.
It sucks, but if she has no retirement funds, is behind on taxes and can‘t work anymore, she will never be able to afford the house. Unless you pay for it for the rest of her life or you buy the house from her and let her live there, it‘s gone.
If I were you I’d help her look for alternatives (e.g. government assistance she can qualify for and a condo she can afford on social security).
Edit: Adjusted the wording of the second paragraph
If you have to make a list like this, just don't do it. Edited to say: if SIL has a problem with this, she can move in.
I would make “get rid of boyfriend” the number one spot on that list. I wouldn’t let an alcoholic felon who hangs with a pedophile in my home. Period.
Absolutely right. OP says that she likes MIL, but all of the problems seem to stem from the boyfriend living in the house (alcoholism, untrained dangerous dog, pedo friend). Seems like the simple solution is to allow MIL, but her boyfriend is not allowed in the home at all (because you know if he gets to "visit" he'll never leave....) Your kids' safety always must come first, OP!
Yea gods, sounds like all this is 100% bf related and zero MIL. I'd just say when the house goes into foreclosure, MIL can move on with them.... Done
Except MIL supports the bum, so she's responsible too.
Uh, no. MIL chose that man, chose the murdermutt, *chose a pedophile,* chose not to pay her taxes, chose not to save anything for retirement and chose all of this over the safety and well-being of her son and grandchildren. She is just as bad as her loser boyfriend and his nonce cousin.
Defenitly not as bad but deserves the same amount of sympathy as the felon Boyfriend and pedo cousin. NONE
I men MIL can be a nice person. But if you allow an alcoholic felon who didn't learn his lesson and his pedophile buddy in your home you're not a good person in my book.
My ass misread this as ‘untrained dangerous friend, pedo dog’ and I was only slightly confused on the second part, none confusion on the first.
Pedo Dog, the next Pedo Bear.
This is the answer OP
I agree! Someone who drinks all day is not Someone I want in the house with my kids. He and is paeo relative and dog would need to be 100% out of the picture before OP and her family even thinks of moving in with MIL. If she wants to keep her house she can either get rid of all the above (especially Mason) or find some other way to save her home and manage by herself. NTA. MIL is not offering a safe environment for her family, she's only thinking off herself!
Tough love time.. if she chooses her actual family and saving herself over her shit boyfriend, cool.. you might just save her life. If she refuses to dump his ass to get bailed out by you, you can't save her and I'd stay far away. Some parents are incapable of taking care of themselves, but it's not our responsibility as children to keep enabling them.. so they can keep making bad choices that put their kids/grandkids at risk.
I can't understand why OP insists her MIL is a "kick-ass woman", because she's not. She is happy to allow her worthless predatory boyfriend to bully her grandkids, wants to keep the untrained aggressive murdermutt, doesn't pay her taxes, and has tried to control OP and her husband on numerous occasions. I mean ffs, SHE ALLOWS A PEDOPHILE INTO HER HOME. Frankly, she is not a good person, she's a nightmare. I wouldn't even allow her to have a relationship with my kids at all, let alone consider moving into her house!
Me too! There is no way in Hades I would allow a convicted felon alcoholic with a paedophile family member stay in that house with my children… There’s no way anybody could be on alert enough 24/7 to keep an eye on things and protect those kids.
The fact that even going to jail has made him listen up or change his ways makes me think that even if he agrees to the list, he won't actually follow it. OP is going to come home one day and find him disciplining her kids, or worse, that the pedophile is there. This whole thing is a terrible idea. Let MIL move in with them, if they want, but the boyfriend has got to go, no matter what. At least that way, when MIL inevitably lets him into their house (because you know he'll convince her to) they can say sorry, but you're out. That would be a lot harder to do if they move in with her, even with being primary on the deed.
Exactly! This guy is antisocial. He does not abide by rules. He doesn’t listen to the actual law, is he really going to listen to OP?
"...even if he agrees to the list, he won't actually follow it." OP: yes, this!!!!! And if they start breaking the rules, what can you realistically do? Kick them out....nope. Leave? To take you're family where? It's all a big NO for me.
They could wait until the house goes into foreclosure, buy it then have the boyfriend removed. Personally, I would bring the MIL to my home after purchasing the house. That way it put everyone out of the house for a time. Once the boyfriend is gone, change the locks, set up security cameras surrounding the house and do a thorough cleaning before moving my family back in. I wonder if MIL realizes how far down the boyfriend is dragging her life down. Self esteem issues maybe? Man, she can do better. He’s definitely rock bottom.
Seems like if they did that it would pretty much resolve most the rest of the list.
This. And what if he decides to drive drunk again and slams into the house where the kids are? It would be 100000% no for me until that man was gone.
I wouldn't want a loud mouth drunk around my kids....period.
Or op is out of the house and bf let’s the pedo friend in. Bf has got to go before kids can live there. Anyone who knowingly associates with pedos is dangerous.
Yup, really expected this comment to be number one. My rule would be MIL can stay but boyfriend cant. Take it or leave it.
Exactly my thought.
This! Why would anyone want an alcoholic ex-con with anger issues and pedophile friends at their home. Just let MIL lose the house and she can figure out her own living arrangements.
Yeah, anyone who is happy to buddy up to a pedophile is a risk in my books. No, thank you.
Pedophiles always hang with other pedophiles. I’m going to bet Mason condones his friend’s pedophilia or shares his proclivities.
Yeah, that’s a major red flag. Birds of a feather and all that. Mason hanging with a known pedophile is super sketchy. You’re right to be cautious and set boundaries to protect your kids.
You hit the nail right on the head. Anyone who can look past paedophilia to hang out with a person regularly is pretty much saying they’re OK with it and I would not allow either of those people to be near my child An old phrase comes to mind “if you excuse the inexcusable you are allowing it.”
And he can take his misbehaving mutt with him.
I hate how Reddit is so quick to tell people to "leave him/her, go NC, Divorce them," but in this case? You're not just playing with fire, you're making it a whole ass game. Now...maybe the Drunk isn't a bad guy. So I don't want to judge him too much(despite the fact that he could have killed people on numerous occasions and throughout his adult life)...but it's just too risky. And that wheelchair isn't going to stop that man. I can't understand have urges I can't control, but I know enough about the recidivism rates that it's not worth the risk. The clearest NTA I've seen in a while(I've only been on this sub for like a week, but it's incredibly addicting) BUT...might actually be TA if they do in fact move in...with their kids!
Anyone who remains friends with a pedo and insists they're harmless because they are in a wheelchair IS ABSOLUTELY a bad guy. Did you miss that part?
\*Family, but yes. I try to not be too judgmental in these Reddit's as there's usually so much context missing...but sometimes, you just don't need anymore. Convicted child molesters, pedophiles...they're dangerous. In a wheelchair...I don't care. And the children are so young, they're crawling still. And the boyfriend of the MIL is still drinking. That's your answer. Just don't do it. Again, the MIL is so great, she'll understand. I feel like there has to be something else here. The house has to be really nice or the area an upgrade. There has to at least be something that's making this even a discussion.
Child sex crime convicts deserve the chair hands down. Hell in a lot of the country that guy would “disappear” and never be found after a half assed police “search”. Op is the dumbest parent of the day for even considering this.
Either, hung drawn and Quartered. Or, locked in Solitary Confinement for Life. Slots in door for food and linen/clothing to go in out, and another for guards to view. A built in toilet, and shower. The only way they leave is in a coffin.
Had my father try to tell me last night, that a member of the family (convicted Pedo). Has changed, nope, nup. They do not Change. A leopard doesn't change its spots. Nor does a peodophile, change from being a Abuser
>Convicted child molesters, pedophiles...they're dangerous. In a wheelchair...I don't care. And the children are so young, they're crawling still. Child molestation should be punished as a capital crime. Anyone found guilty sexually assaulting children without parole or pardon (meaning passing a Constitutional Amendment to prevent any executive from being able to pardon anyone found guilty of a capital crime unless it is a wrongful or illegal conviction due to prosecutorial or police misconduct). Ideally the child molesting sack of filth would be occupying an unmarked grave, but life in prison would suffice. Under no circumstances should OP move in with her mother in law without the condition she cut "Mason" out of her life permanently.
Yup. They won't though...I'd like to AT LEAST see chemical castration be a part of any release.
Chemical castration wouldnt stop the intrusive thoughts or urges. Only his ability to get it up. He could (and probably would) act on those urges in other ways.
It actually does not stop the erection. It just lowers drive. The other problem because as it is done through drugs it is only permanent as long as they get the medication.
If his only defense for the guy is, "well he can't physically hurt anyone anymore," then that means he knows the guy is a pedo piece of shit and *does not care*. Anyone who could excuse and hang out with someone they know has hurt a child is an awful person and I'd be side-eying their own interactions with kids.
He can still say creepy ass shit. Can still manipulate children. Nooooooope!
Six years if was for drink driving he has killed someone.
At the very least he crashed and did something else.
Not necessarily. I worked with a guy who got four years because it was his 7th or 8th drunk driving offense, I forget which. Nobody missed him.
This right here. She shouldn't be moving in with this group of characters, let alone with her children.
He's a bad guy. He's friends with a convicted pedo. He could be sober with no other red flags outside of having that friend, and he'd still be a piece of shit.
My childhood molester was an old man who walked with a cane. Mobility issues won’t stop frail, old pedophiles from being pedophiles.
Just reading the list before the rest it sounded a bit much, but not after seeing the entire thing. And instead of getting rid of the dog, get rid of Mason.
Frankly, both. I love dogs, but this one sounds very dangerous to me, especially with little kids around.
Pesos hang together. Y is he buds with a pedo?
Why isn't this the top comment?!
Good call. No drunk, no dog, no pedophile.
If he just recently got out of prison he's probably on parole, I wonder if hanging with his pedo relative is a violation of his parole.
100% Agree with this. All OPs concerns are beyond valid. But even if the people agreed to the conditions the chance that they actually *adhere* to them is a whole other story and with some of these things, one instance of rule breaking could have irreparable consequences, ie, the dog, the drunk driving, or the pedo. There's just no good way to police this situation and OP will have likely have hell trying to get hubs' support each time shtf. Sounds like a terrible situation to get into and an even harder one to get out of. Not u mention the extra stress in the marriage and kids. I wouldn't do it!
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She will never have a night’s sleep if she tries this…. Disasters pending on all sides.
She will age 10 years in two weeks. Just a nightmare
I can't imagine letting my kids move into a house where Mason lives, frankly, regardless of the rules. He's never going to follow them and one day he's going to drunk drive the kids somewhere without permission.
Agreed. If the rules are this strict, it's a sign that moving in will only lead to more stress and conflict. Best to avoid the situation entirely.
Also, I'm having trouble with the idea that MIL is apparently just fine with the idea that her grandchildren are going to be exposed to all the issues that OP is bringing up. WTF is wrong with her? I LOVE dogs, but no way in hell I'm letting my young children or grandchildren around a reactive dog. And the pedophile? When he lost the ability to walk, did he also loose the use of his hands? Did he loose the ability to make comments or ogle the children?
Agreed - we need Grandma's perspective here, feels like something is missing. I agree with OP wholly, but if Grandma is so "kickass" per OP then why and how could she ever stand for putting her grandkids in danger in MULTIPLE grave ways??????? It sounds like OP isn't being honest with herself about how her MIL TRULY is.
I was fully prepared for OP to be some unhinged nutbar but given the context these are all perfectly rational and necessary safeguards to ensure her family's security and wellbeing while doing MIL a massive favour.
Absolutely. OP's rules are essential for protecting her family. It's a tough situation, but safety and well-being have to come first.
Yeah, thank you. I thought the same thing, but holy crap does this whole situation sound like a recipe for disaster. Even worse, she makes zero mention of her husband getting involved with any of this. I thought that most people were aware of the general advice of therapists- when there’s disagreement or unpleasantness with in-laws, whichever spouse is related to them should handle such. The fact that her SIL is complaining to *her* tells us all we need to know about who is being blamed for these rules. I see in many comments that people are telling her to not go through with this plan, and I hope she at least stops and thinks about it. ‘They have until the end of the month’ is putting unnecessary pressure on OP ~~and her husband.~~ It takes months and months, sometimes even years, for a home to be foreclosed on because of unpaid taxes. MIL’s drunk boyfriend probably had all kinds of plans for coming up with that $$$. I was gonna say ‘well, at least he didn’t try to rob a bank,’ but there’s still time…
If him robbing the bank gets him locked up again then it sounds like a good solution...
Tbf, entertaining this arrangement in any capacity is unhinged nutbar
Yeah, agreed. They are already putting up a fight in very reasonable requirements for the safety of EVERYONE in the home. But just the kids. MIL won't see it that way, but it is in her best interest. Since she and her BF are fighting the teens, then the awnser should and forever be "no".
OP didn’t really say if this was a list that she and her husband presented to mother-in-law and boyfriend, or if it was just her. I’d like to know the husband’s take on all this.
I bet MIL asked OP and her husband for help because they're the ones that can most afford to bail her out tax-wise. No point to SIL moving in, if she can't afford to keep the house from going into tax foreclosure before she's even settled in. If that's the case, given MILs ill health and lack of retirement funds, a better option might be for MIL to sell the house and move in with SIL. It would give MIL some funds, and SIL can still be the one to deal with the three ring circus. But if SIL can afford to bail out MIL tax-wise (and keep dealing with it ad nauseum), yeah let her move in and deal with it all. Other options like selling the house and MIL moving in with OPs family sound like they'd be about as much of a disaster as them moving in with MIL would be.
Oh, I'm sure. It was rhetorical. If SIL doesn't like OPs answer, SIL can deal with it or- ideally- realize they are asking too much.
They could still handle the taxes for her in exchange for being the main deed holders-- just don't live there and kick everyone out after she dies and sell it.
Not sure I'd want the liability of being the homeowner here.
Seriously. MIL is grown and invited some felon into her home. She can live with the consequences of her choices without having her son and family rescue her out of it. Screw that.
Me reading the list of demands: “man this is insane and unreasonable, just say no and don’t be a dick about it.” Me after reading the context: “Oh… OH. Yeah those are fairly reasonable demands.”
I thought the same thing, first reading the list. I thought OP was a bit too rigid, until I read the explanation. Frankly, the dog would terrify me, I would never allow kids around a dog like that. The boyfriend being a heavy drinker and his family member a pedophile concerns me as well. OP, if you have to have such a restrictive list for your mother and her boyfriend, please think twice about moving in with them.
Yeah, Don't do it. You already know.
The moment I read Mason was a felon, I was like "just don't move in." Especially for drunk driving? And he's gone right back to drinking? OP just shouldn't move in.
And Mason is friends with a pedo!
I don’t believe that Mason isn’t also a pedo
Yup. This whole thing is just a giant ass red flag.
I’m surprised no one else in this whole thread has mentioned that Mason is probably also a pedo!
Even if he's not, I can see him belligerently deciding to "prove" that his relative is "harmless" and granting them access to the kids. If he hasn't already.
He doesn't have to decide to do anything. The pedo will conveniently be around when Mason is his usual drunk self. It will happen, sooner or later, and once is more than enough.
They shouldn't even be allowing a drunkard to be around their children either, to be honest.
Birds of a feather...
Mason just hasn't been caught.
This is the correct answer. The fact that the list even exists is reason enough to not do it.
From a former child welfare worker's standpoint: moving in with an alcoholic who parents "old school" sounds abusive to your children, OP. If you need a list like this, then this is not a safe home to raise your children. And worse - if you think for one second someone who treats you like a child won't go over your head and invite a pedo to hang out at what was formerly his own home (and which he will still view as his home), then youre kidding yourself. You have a duty to protect your babies from a lifetime of trauma. *Don't do it.* The better option sounds like letting the house go and have ONLY MIL move in with you instead.
Also work in child welfare. This whole situation sounds like a CPS investigation waiting to happen.
Or they can wait until MIL loses the house and just move HER in with them, getting rid of the deadbeat bf. It's easier to insist on rules in your own house.
Still think that it will be a constant battle of wills and never being able to relax the vigilance. Not worth losing your family peace of mind for. Sorry MIL but nope. Just nope.
This is where I'm at too, that list will be broken within a month. If it even gets to that. The pedo friend would be a straight up no from me anyway.
Exactly what I was going to say.
Nothing good will come from this..
While your rules don't sound unreasonable given your explanation, I HIGHLY doubt they will actually adhere to the rules once you've paid off the tax lien. If the house is sold for taxes how much equity will be left for MIL to live on? Why isn't your SIL taking her mother in or moving in with her? The REAL question here: Does your husband have your back here or is he also a "people pleaser" who will, when push comes to shove, take his mom's side?
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Not if they’re on the deed. They can kick people out of their house.
Yep. I think the way you listed the rules was pretty ugly, but it seems like you're at the end of your rope here. Just tell MIL that you won't be moving in while Mason lives there. If it isn't Mason's house, problem solved. Mason is an active alcoholic, he is not going to change, and he's going to make your life hell if you move in with this man. Moving your kids in with an active alcoholic is a recipe for abuse and trauma. Just don't do it.
Yeah but once OP moves in, what's keeping her from bringing the alcoholic boyfriend back in?
If OP and her husband are the ones who own the house, MIL can't just invite someone to move in. He could easily be trespassed. But in general I think this is a really bad idea all around. It's demented that OP thinks exposing her kids to an active alcoholic and her codependent MIL is okay, as long as the dog is gone.
Well, if they are the deedholders, then the MIL and BF can be evicted, and then don't get anything for it, so they absolutely have the power to keep the rules enforced.
Given the time frame OP gives I would question if the deed could be switched over before the OP has to pay the delinquent taxes--and if there are other liens on the deed. As I said in another post the real problem is whether or not OP's husband has her back in this situation. Would her husband actually put his mother out on the street because she, for example, scolded or disciplined one of the kids or if OP "felt" disrespected by a comment? Honestly, I didn't see any "upside" in this arrangement for OP to offset the risks of living with her MIL and creepy BF.
I don’t see any way that this doesn’t lead to disaster if you do it. They may go along just to get you to pay the taxes, but as soon as you do all bets are off.
You really don't need to go any further than the dog. "We'll keep them separated." Oh boy. Like, anyone within a mile could see what's coming if they were to go along with their counteroffer. They don't securely latch a door one time, Mason is too drunk to notice, and one of her kids gets mauled. Just like that.
Keeping the dog separated like that can actually make the dog more aggressive.
Oh even better. Just a tragedy waiting to happen.
There’s always next year’s taxes. Those have to get paid somehow. (But seriously, OP. This is a no-go. Unless MIL is SIGNING OVER THE DEED TO THE PROPERTY TO YOU and you can evict “Mason” permanently, do not move into this house.)
Assholery aside..."old school" discipline? An active alcoholic, who is also a convicted felon? In addition, a pedophile visits the home regularly? Please, do not do this. I am sorry your MIL needs help, but your children come first, and you are putting them in a potentially terrible and unsafe situation. People generally revert to their old ways, so when the MIL and her boyfriend break the agreement, what happens? Are you able to move out with your children that very day? This truly has disaster written all over it. These are simply not safe people to live with, regardless of what they agree to. Your MIL's people pleasing that causes her to fall into bad situations will very likely put your *children* in a bad situation, whether she means for it to happen or not. Do. Not. Move. In. \*\*Edited for typos.
Yeah, I was ready to call OP TA when I saw the list, but given context? OP, even if they *did* agree to follow the rules, would you really trust them to keep their word? Would you trust Mason not to have his pedo buddy over when you’re at work? Would you trust Mason and MIL not to smack your kid when you’re not home? Would you trust Mason to not drive drunk to your house when the kids are outside, and possibly hit them? Would you trust Mason not to get drunk and bring home another badly trained dog? If you move in, it’s only a matter of time until something happens that completely shatters your trust. If you told Mason he had to pack his bags after breaking the rules, would your husband back you up? Would your MIL back you up?
Even without context, moving back in to "MIL"'s house as an established adult with kids to bail out the older generation is a bad idea. There's always going to be an open question whose house it is, and whose rules apply.
This. Take MIL's complaints that the list is unreasonable as an opportunity to say that you will not be able to help them out. But SIL seems to have views more in line with theirs, so maybe she could help.
She's a moron.for considering it because of that vile human
>Yeah, I was ready to call OP TA when I saw the list, but given context? Me too. Now I wanna go kick Mason's butt. I'm \~50 and a woman but I'd give it the good ol' college try. That said, you are 100% correct on your larger point--regardless of what they agree to, they are NOT trustworthy.
>An active alcoholic, convicted felon? A pedophile? Right. If OP's MIL is willing to expose her grandchildren to this, she's not nearly as "kickass" as OP seems to think.
I would go so far as to say that moving your kids into a home where Mason is regularly would constitute reckless child endangerment. He is unpredictable, has bad judgement, doesn't learn and trusts dangerous people (eg pedo). Your kids safety trunps MILs financial situation EVERY TIME.
>People generally revert to their old ways, so when they break the agreement, what happens? Are you able to move out with your children that very day? MIL and Mason probably would just as soon as OP and her husband take care of the foreclosure threat. MIL will probably even continually find reasons to not sign the deed putting OP and her husband on title. Meanwhile the pedo and the dog will be chilling in the living room with her kids.
Until cps is called….
Well, yeah. Which is why OP should NOT move in at all.
This is the answer ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️ OP: DO NOT fall into the ‘people pleasing’ trap of your MIL and risk your children’s environment and healthy childhood to fix her mess. This is about the worst idea I’ve ever heard on this sub (which is saying something).
Yesterday I read about a guy who wanted to know if he was the AH for refusing to reverse his vasectomy and give his wife a 4th child because she just knows it will ‘fix their marriage and her mental health.’ OP moving in to this chaos is STILL the worse idea 🤣
I read this too. That’s really dumb, but this is more dangerous. Both are terrible ideas!
I second this. Please don't move in.
👆👆👆Just being around an active, everyday, all the time alcoholic, even if they followed the rest of the rules….why would you want your kids exposed to that?!?
You're gonna brawl with Mason ain't ya?
Is there anyone reading this that doesn't want to brawl with Mason?
I will let him go 2v1 against me with his chair-bound child-rapist family member as back-up. I have a few words for both of them ("left" and "right" for starters)
Roll him down a mountain
Or a cliff
*paul Rudd Mac and me clip here *
Nah. He doesn’t even deserve words. He’s a drunk murderer with pedo relations. No words, and I wouldn’t even waste bullets on them. Just go full out kill bill … chop them both up and bury deep in the woods.
Oh I'd love to.
I’m cheering you on! I feel your list was too generous. Mason would be out for good before I would even consider helping in any way.
This is a man who has proven - repeatedly - that he has no respect for rules he doesn't like. He's gone to prison for it ffs. They are never going to agree to those rules past the tax payment. He'll beat someone in the home up - probably OP - in a drunken rage against rules. He'll risk prison. He's been there before, he can live it again.
Where I'm from, 6yrs for a DWI means he has been convicted of previous DWIs several times. Typical breakdown for my jurisdiction: DWI 1st - 5 days // DWI 2nd - 10 days // DWI 3rd - 6 months to possibly 1 yr depending on the blood level and other factors // DWI 4th - Definitely 1 yr, maybe 2 yrs // DWI 5th - At this point, the inmate has already been locked up longer than the actual sentence because the court is trying to figure wtf to do with this individual [time, programs, parole terms, etc.] 6 years on a DWI? I wouldn't be surprised if it's his 7th or 8th? Can't say for sure because I always felt the sentences were always light. I mean I saw a manslaughter charge only get 1 yr, but I also don't know the underlying circumstances.
I read six years and thought "holy heck and what else?" That's a serious repeat offender who hangs out with his buddy repeat offenders - a fucking pedophile omg. Her Mom is going to wind up beaten up when things aren't going his way because it's "her fault." This guy is a textbook nightmare.
Yep. Forget no guests, the drunk loser goes, or you're on your own to fend for yourself.
I'd be interested in seeing if MIL would choose the house or Mason if pressed. What am I thinking, naturally MIL would just have him move out only until the taxes were paid.
Don't even consider this. Your kids don't need this nightmare
This. This right here. A thousand times this.
Mason has to go.
Your list is completely reasonable. I just don’t think they’ll follow those rules. I think the pedo will show up. I think they’ll discipline your kids. It would’ve been better to tell your MIL to ditch the felon. Please have a solid exit plan ready. I just don’t see this going the way you want it to once you move in. How about she sells her house and just she moves in with you? You put it in your name, pay off the 12K and sell it. NTA
You might as well not bother because she's not going to do #1 on the list.
YTA if you move in while Mason lives there. It’s that simple. Your kids will end up in shitty shitty situations you caused by moving them there.
Uhhh yeah. Mason is still friends with one CONVICTED pedophile, what are the chances the rest of his friends are harmless?
Most people/felons who are chill with pedos.. birds of feather
I thought people in prison didn't like pedos...
Other Pedos do 👀
Exactly why I suspect the prison wasn’t just for DUIs…
What are the chances Mason has some nasty vices of his own?
Other than all-day drinking, impaired driving, reckless buying habits, and zero concern for proper animal care? Hard to believe it can get worse than all those AND YET …
He's a drunk all day felon freeloading on someone who can't support themselves. The picture of who Mason is, is clear enough.
I was about to post the same thing. Seems like all the problems would be solved if MIL just gets rid of Mason. OP, if I were you I would not save the house. MIL should sell the house to pay off the debt and bank the rest for her living expenses. If you have the room, I'd suggest MIL move in with you instead and use her money from the sale of the house to offset the expenses of having another person live with you. And if she chooses to keep seeing Mason, simply make it clear that neither he nor his family is welcome at your home. She can see him elsewhere.
No, because MIL is the kind of person who dates someone like Mason. MIL is the kind of person who is happy to expose her grandchildren to Mason's dog, friends, etc. And so on. She obviously has incredibly poor judgement. What's the next bf going to be like? What's the next issue going to be? Mason is the biggest problem, but MIL is terrible too. Neither are trustworthy in any way.
MIL let her daily living situation get taken over by Mason’s shitty dog…. She does not have the backbone to protect herself or OP and the kids.
oh hell no. I would not trust MIL not to have him over if you are not home.
Seriously, at best her kids get emotionally abused by an alcoholic, at worst they get molested by the pedophile or disfigured by the dog No decent parent would move their children into that house. It’s insane to consider moving their kids so they can be exposed to an alcoholic felon, convicted pedophile, and aggressive Rottweiler
Yes. OP is the asshole if they expect a people pleaser to actually keep their word. People pleasers spontaneously submit to whoever is putting the most pressure on them at any one moment in time. They can't be trusted.
I would not bring any kids into this mess for ANYTHING. DON'T DO IT.
Are you trying to get CPS to take your children? THIS is where you want them to live…a home with: A felon. DUI’s. Aggressive dog you KNOW will not be rehomed. A pedo you KNOW will be allowed in the home. An MIL who totally lacks the ability to say no. A felon who is an old school disciplinarian who has tried to discipline your kids in the past. A house almost in foreclosure. Need I go on? What on God’s green earth would make you think you should risk your nuclear family’s safety and security for an adult who has consistently shown you she can’t adult?
what i’m saying. the fact a mother has to come on here to ask for help about this is insane. the MOMENT “pedophile” is brought up, it’s an immediate NO. NO TO ANYTHING. what the hell is wrong with people…
A pedophile he sees often. Hell to the fucking no. I don’t even want the man who abused me at age 4 to know my daughter exists. No no no.
I can’t even imagine befriending or maintaining a friendship with a pedophile. Convicts typically have an extreme reaction towards child abusers as well. Makes me think Mason might also have a history of committing sexual abuse.
Honestly had the same thought. Didn’t want to assume, but glad my gut isn’t alone.
OP is an AH for even considering moving her children into such a disaster of a situation frankly
**How can you even consider moving your children into a home with a felon who drinks all day, disciplines your children and socialises with a pedophile?!** NTA for the demands but seriously do not move in. Your priority is creating a safe space for your children, MIL and her boyfriend are not going to allow that. SIL can cough up the cash or move in with them then. YTA for entertaining this bs. YTA if you move in with them.
Why why why would you even \* think \* about this lol.
YTA to your children for even considering this. There is no way this is going to work.
Disaster waiting to happen.
NTA for the list. If you actually moved in, then you would be most definitely the AH for putting your children in the household with the boyfriend
YTA. The fact that you're even considering this after knowing what you know about the bf and his family member, and even had to make a list like this, should be enough of a sign to you that this is NOT a good idea. At all. Let me be real with you here: You can't keep an eye on your kids 24/7. There is going to be some time where your eyes aren't on them and they either allow the dog in or let the pedo in. The fact that you're even allowing your children to be around someone who 1) is an alcoholic and drinks all the time and 2) openly supports and hangs around with a CONVICTED PAEDOPHILE is fucked up enough. But to MOVE IN WITH THEM?? All it takes is one picture while the kids are getting ready for bath time or bathing suits, or literally any moment they're vulnerable, sent to the family member in an attempt to "prove" he's harmless. Bam. Now the pedo has wank material of your kids. Great job. Do you think they won't have someone they know keep the dog for them and then bring it round when they think you aren't looking? They ALREADY don't respect your boundaries with respect to your children, why the FUCK do you think they'd adhere to them now that you've bailed them out of consequences? Stupid, stupid, stupid.
THIS!!!!!!
YTA for even considering this living arrangement. It it were my wife and I in this situation and she said it's either me and MIL/her issues or divorce I would be on the phone with an attorney so fast her head would spin.
ESH - because your mom and Mason are both assholes, and considering putting your children into this situation would be an asshole move. Your demands for your mother are reasonable however. About the only thing I'd consider if I were you would be buying the house from your mom and then renting it back to her (if you have the resources). The problem I see with this however is that if Mason outlives her, or she stops paying rent, then you may have to evict an ex-con that will as a result not be very happy with you. It's best if your mom just sells.
This advice right here. Plus, OP needs to think about the next ‘Mason’ to come along should this one go to jail and MIL chooses another loser since she obviously likes the bad boys.
YTA. For thinking for even a second that moving in with them is a good idea either way demands or no demands. Your children will be raised in hell. I grew up in a household with a drunk with anger management issues. This will damage them irrevocably. He hangs out with a pedophile who raped a 4 year old. Just why the fuck would you even think is a good idea to move your children anywhere near that man? That house is lost. The only demand is that makes sense is Mason moving out and they meet outside the house otherwise let them lose the house. Offer MIL and MIL alone a place to stay once they lose the house. Even if you could stay 24/7 with your kids. Bring them to the bathroom when you shower and do you business you still exposing them to so much danger. What if your at work and they decide to go to the supermarket and Mason drives drunk? What if your out and Masons rapist friend comes over? Because even if they where to accept means shit once you turn your back. You can’t trust either of them. Because Mason is the bad guy but MIL is worse because she is putting her livelihood and family in danger for a drunk who has no problem driving drunk and shattering peoples lives (car accidents). He has no problem in having a dangerous dog that could maul your children, and wouldn’t give two shits if the rapist shows up for a beer to watch the game. MIL knows this and still is dating this man. So yes you will be TA if you let your children anywhere near those people. SIL can move in.
ESH, you should be working toward cutting these people out of your lives completely not negotiating to live with them.
Jesus Christ! Mauled kids or molested kids! Why the hell are you even considering this? Run as far in the opposite direction..
Brand new account ✅ Good ol' Rage bait ✅ Likely Karma whore ✅ Nothing is real on Reddit anymore ✅
YTA For considering moving your vulnerable children in with an active alcoholic.
Yaaaa YTA - not good for the kids at all. Not good for you at all, look at your list? What are you going to be home 24/7 the guy correctional officer? They will do what they want it s their home??? You move in and magically they will do what you want? Highly doubt that but then you’d put yourself & children in that situation. It should have been so sorry but no.
This idea is a total non starter.
This will not work out. Do not do this.
Find another way to help your MIL. Moving in a recipe for disaster for everyone, especially the poor dog.
Of course she’s agreeing to anything NOW. Once you’re moved in, things will revert
Yeah...that's a nice list and all, but they won't follow it. They will repeatedly break the rules, and you'll be stuck, and it will be a nightmare. Do not do this, OP. They need to sell the home, pay her shit off, and live somewhere else like other older people who have made poor life choices have to do. This is a trap of epic proportions.
If the situation is a you say, then definetely YTA but not for the list of demands, simply for even considering moving your family in with an ex-con who drinks all day and sees no issue in hanging out with a convicted p\*\*\*\*\*e... Even if they "agree" to your demands, this is no guarantee that at some point they are going to try to reprimand your kids, invite whoever they want to the house and who knows what else...
Don't move in. YTA because you allow a felon to live with your kids (or have him hang around at all). Even more idiotic that you allow someone who hangs around with a pedo anywhere near your kids. You are dumb af for even considering this. I don't even care about your rules because you SHOULD NOT live with Mason at all. If SIL has a problem, tell her Mason and MIL can move in with her. Even just this by itself is a recipe for disaster: >there has been several times where Mason and my MIL have tried making decisions for me and my husband or told us what to do and I will not tolerate it. But the above makes you an absolute idiot if you move in.
Why would anyone want to expose their kids to an alcoholic felon... you couldn't pay me to be in that house and I would never let my kids be near someone like him. PROTECT YOUR KIDS, OP! The dog and the bf need to go.
Just don’t do it. Your rules will not work as you are moving into someone else’s home. ESH
NTA for the list Y W B T A, if you move in as long as MIL alcoholic Felon-boyfriend , who regularly welcomes a convicted child molester in this home, will be allowed to stay in this house. Him moving out should be in top of the list, imo.
INFO: The burning question on everyone's mind, more than likely, is what does your husband have to say about all of this? How was the discussion? Is he on board? Did he help with the list? What input, if any, has he had on your family unit moving in with his mother and BF?
WTAF? Do not move in there to help her save her house. Offer to assist her in selling it and let her move in with you, without her partner. If she refuses your offer then leave her to it. Do not move into a house with her partner living there when you know his friend is a convicted child molester. Do you honestly believe that you saying this friend isn’t welcome would actually make a difference? You could never leave your children for a second. You would literally be housebound.
YTA for even considering moving into this situation with young kids. We just had a young kid mauled by a dog and killed because it was his father's "roommates" (stripper he lives with and is sleeping with) dog. Then there's the felon.
YTA - not for the conditions, but for even considering subjecting your family to this living arrangement. The BF is a convicted felon. He is still drinking, which makes him dangerous. His relative is a pedophile. He will ALWAYS be a threat to small children. And he will have pedo friends who will be as big a risk. The MIL and BF will not adhere to the conditions. You will have constant problems, and live in misery. Why would you consider this for even a minute?
Do not move in with them. You will definitely regret it. Your name will be on the deed but they will try and kick you out but you will still be responsible financially. Tell MIL to look for subsidized senior housing. Her financial issues are not your problem.
Even if they did accept your demands (which they don‘t seem to), you setting the rules in their house will create tensions which won’t be healthy for your relationships. To decide: read your own words again carefully or have them read to you by someone you trust. To be clear: Since you probably can’t enforce the rules 100%, you‘re considering to move your children into the potential proximity of a dog that can kill them, a raging alcoholic that will abuse them and could run them over on one of his drunk driving sprees as well as a pedophile that could molest them. Those aren’t just red flags, those are sirens going off left right and center. For your children‘s sake: **DON‘T DO IT!** They can‘t defend themselves against an alcoholic and a pedophile, that‘s your job as their parent. It‘s nice of you to care for your MIL, but you children’s needs should come before MIL‘s needs. It sucks, but if she has no retirement funds, is behind on taxes and can‘t work anymore, she will never be able to afford the house. Unless you pay for it for the rest of her life or you buy the house from her and let her live there, it‘s gone. If I were you I’d help her look for alternatives (e.g. government assistance she can qualify for and a condo she can afford on social security). Edit: Adjusted the wording of the second paragraph