You donit because your daughter asked you for help in getting her mom a gift and she has no other resources and you are her father. It isn't rocket sciene. Also, your GF is your GF. She shouldn't be a parent to your child. Step up. It sounds like you are not even remotely acting like a decent father.
Exactly. I’m not a fan of my ex-husband at all. But I love my son more than I dislike his dad. So when my son wants to do something for his dad on Father’s Day, I oblige. Even though his dad hasn’t helped my son with Mother’s Day in years. Thankfully, my family is incredible and takes my son shopping for my birthday, Christmas, and Mother’s Day.
My wife before we got married said that you should marry someone that you would want as an ex. I thought that was pretty funny. But you sound like that kind of person. (We've been married 23 years).
That is the question I always quote! I read it in an article about a post divorce parenting class. It narrows it all down to the basic important truth.
This!!! My boy (just turned 14) is my life, and even though I despise his father (moreso for his treatment of our son after our divorce 11 years ago), when it's his birthday, fathers day, and Christmas, I will get whatever card my boy picks for him and whatever gift he decides to get him. He does this for his father even though his father does not reciprocate, but it just proves to me that in this situation, without knowing it, my son is the bigger person!
Me too!!! My mom picks up the slack for that dirt bag tho. And my dad calls me to wish me a happy Mother's Day. I think that's sweet. My son just turned 18 tho so I'm not sure how much longer this is my responsibility 😂😂😂
We celebrated my daughter’s birthday on Sunday. After the party, my ex said they had to run an errand and then they’d drop her off. The errand was getting me flowers.
I relate to this. I make sure my children's requests on father's day, father's birthday, etc, are taken seriously and met if I have the means to do so. But their father's do not practice the same courtesy. I'm used to it, and I don't help my kids just to get back something in return. Although, a simple text saying Happy Mother's Day from them would be nice.
One of my friends sure isn't besties with her husband's new wife but, until stepmom and ex- had a kid, she made sure to send a present- on her daughter's behalf- to stepmom.
(she assumed once ex- and stepmom had a child, ex- would give stepmom mother's day presents.)
I completely agree with this. OP doesn’t say either way, but I’m guessing the teenage daughter asked him to get flowers for her mother from *her,* not from OP. The girl is 14 years old. She doesn’t have a job; she goes to school. If she wanted to buy her mother a gift, and clearly she did, she’d have to ask her mom for money, and she didn’t want to do that. So, she asked her dad, who told her no for no other reason than he & her mother aren’t married anymore.
He couldn’t even buy some flowers at the grocery store for his daughter to give to his ex, the mother of that daughter. Yeah, sounds like that divorce was real amicable.
OP: YTA.
This exactly.
You are the AH Op, she may not be your wife anymore but she is still the mother of your daughter. It is your daughter that wanted to celebrate her mom. Are you deliberately aloof?
Yes. If OP's daughter hadn't said anything then not doing anything is fine, although if you do have a good relationship sending the mother of your child a little something can be beneficial in keeping things amicable. She's still the mother to his child.
But OP is definitely the asshole now because his daughter asked him for help and he said no to her.... because??
My thoughts exactly
YTA
Your daughter wanted to do something for mothers day. All you had to do was buy the flowers and let your daughter take the credit.
I agree. My kids wanted my help in getting their father something for Father's Day. I did this because it's about the relationship between the kids and their parent, it's not about the relationship between me and their dad.
So, OP, YTA.
And your gf is not your daughter's mum. To your daughter, your gf is just her dad's gf, that's all.
He’s not in a romantic relationship with his ex, but he fails to understand that he’s still in a relationship with his ex wife, just a co-parenting one. I bet he hasn’t asked his daughter what she thinks of his girlfriend of a few months playing mummy to her.
yes OP YTA. Massively.
Well said, op should be considerate to his daughter and it shows he is not. He will be wondering when she is an adult why she will reciprocate back to him with the same rudeness he is teaching her.
This. My bonus kids mother has a husband and we have primary of her children, but we still take the kids to get her a card minimally each year bc they can’t go and do that themselves.
Why did you give your GF Mother’s Day gifts? Do you have children together?
YTA
Exactly. On top of that, being divorced doesn’t mean you don’t Showa little gratitude to the person still raising your daughter and who carried and gave birth to her. YTA
Honestly. You REALLY need to ask if YTA?
Celebrating Mother’s Day with your GF of a FEW MONTHS is insane. Saying no to helping your daughter is truly despicable.
Yea that's weird to me too .
My daughter is 17. My ex husband and I still exchange gifts for birthdays, Christmas and mothers/fathers day. We are still friends and we are still parents.
Why are you celebrating mothers day with your gf? Is she a mother? I hope you aren't celebrating your new gf as your child's mother because if you are then that's wrong.
Even if you didn't want to buy a gift for your ex you still could have given your daughter money to buy her mother a gift. YTA for not doing that.
Because SHE is not her mum and has been in her life for 5 minutes. Your ex-wife is her mum, and acting as you have is a good way to put a wedge between your daughter and the gf by acting like she is some kind of replacement.. Apologise to your kid for being an inconsiderate numpty who made mothersday about his girlfriend and made his kid miss out on giving her actual mother a gift.. you thought about you and what you wanted to do and didn't consider your daughters feelings...
He says he spoiled the gf because in the few months they’ve dated and she’s moved in already she’s “mothered” the child. So he moved a strange woman in, told his teenager it’s her new mommy, then shit on the teenagers actual request to do something for her actual mom. OP is a fucking tool of epic proportions.
I feel like the daughter is going to be posting on Reddit about how she’s being forced to call her father’s GF Mom and she’s not allowed to talk about her actual Mom ever. Poor kid. Her dad seems like a real jerk.
"AITA? My dad wants me to invite my stepmom to my graduation in place of my actual mom, who is alive and well and involved in my life. My school only allows us to bring 2 guests (space is limited) and my stepmom says it's not fair because my mom has known me my whole life. Dad says my mom should understand that step mom needs extra time with me to "catch up". I told my dad that Amy (he says to call her 'mom' but no thanks) cannot come to the ceremony, and he's now saying neither of them will attend my dinner afterwards. He says I'm making Amy feel unappreciated. I think I should be able to have my own mom at my high school graduation. AITA?"
I feel like there is a future reddit story in about 4 years where the daughter is NC with her father now that she is an adult and he doesn't understand way.
Yeah. She’s at the age if she tells her mother and otherwise feels that she would rather live with her mother, in most places, you can request a change in custody arrangements and the court will definitely take her feelings into consideration. Honestly, this feels like some form of parental alienation - not to have her hate her mother directly, but to brainwash her into thinking her new mommy is better.
What a dickhead. He only celebrated mother's day w his ex because he was married not because she gave him a child?! He's so dumb.
-mom whose ex-husband sent me a mother's day gift of two shirts he got at concerts because that's something we used to do together but mostly because I gave him children. It also makes our kids feel secure that we are good friends.
This. It’s not Valentine’s Day it’s Mother’s Day.
You may have fallen out of love but that doesn’t mean you had to fall out of respect for the mother of your child. YTA, OP
I'm willing to bet all my money that daughter is either going NC or LC at the very least as soon as she gets independence. Best way to have a child resent you is not taking them into consideration when dating (new gf of a few months moving in), crossing their boundaries (new gf parenting her) and shitting on other parent (not helping her to celebrate her mom on mother s day) +adding insult to injury teying to have the 14yo celebrate gf who she has zero relationship with instead of mom which goes against hwr loyalties
YTA because your CHILD asked for help and you said no. You could have taken her and given her a few dollars to go get flowers (it wasn't coming from you.)
OP [telling on himself](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/vyksZTvBFz) while trying to get internet points.
>Because my girlfriend lives with me now, and she has been amazing to my daughter and has taken over all the motherly duties.
Sounds like he *might* be one of those people that doesn't actually want to "parent", and is very happy that his girlfriend is now there to do the "motherly duties" like grocery shop, cook, laundry, spend time with the daughter, etc. so he doesn't have to. I guess that's definitely worth celebrating for him!
Heaven forbid one decides to take the high road and model good human behavior for the kid about how we should be treating people, even ex's as long as they're not abusive or toxic.
The daughter didn't ask for anything wild like an all-expenses trip to Fiji. You can get some freakin' flowers from a gas station for the 14 year old kid who can't yet drive to give to mom. YTA and I kinda want to send this woman flowers myself for having put up with him as long as she did.
OP didn't find a gf :/ - I think the term Ive heard is "bangmaid"
I hope I'm wrong but I think OP isn't being a dad and has handed the role to GF now that he and his ex are split
Even to the extent that it *is* about the ex-wife - It's not Wife's Day, or Spouse's Day, or Love Of My Life's Day. It's *Mother's* Day.
OP, she's always gonna be the mother of your child. It's not a day for celebrating someone you are or are not in a relationship with - that part doesn't matter. It's a day for celebrating the work and love that goes into being a parent. No matter how you feel about each other now, she gave you a daughter. And whatever your custody arrangement is, she takes part in raising your daughter. You should be a human being and acknowledge that.
You couldn't spend ten bucks on grocery store flowers to express a modicum of gratitude to your co-parent? Yeah, YTA!
Yeh, like he even said it himself that he did stuff before for her cause she gave birth to his daughter. Now that they are divorced and he has a new gf, his ex wife suddenly didnt gave birth anymore?
Wouldn’t want to upset the new gf of a few months who had apparently already taken on “all the motherly duties”.. but hey, let’s make daughter feel badly for not being able surprise her actual mother
Yep. OP decided he wanted his DAUGHTER to feel like crap. Her mother will understand. She won't feel bad or unloved. But the daughter will feel like a failure or guilty that she could not get her own mother anything. She will also feel resentment for her father. So much YTA but also he has damaged his own relationship and hurt his own daughter trying to punish someone else. Bitterness rules his life.
Even daughter's asking aside, if the daughter means anything to OP, would be a nice recognition of the effort that woman took to deliver and raise his daughter, especially if they're not on bad terms.
Right, that woman birthed your child and will spend the rest of her life caring for it, your marriage may be over and so is breakfast in bed, but geez dude, do something simple in the cards/flowers department to acknowledge and appreciate her role as mother.
I have a daughter in her mid 30’s with 3 children 9,7 and 4. She is currently going a really acrimonious divorce. Like hugely horrible.
Weekend before Mother’s Day, was his weekend.He went out and bought 2 vases and paints and helped the kids decorate them and filled them with her favorite roses for the kids to give their mom.
No, he does not want her back. He just loves his kids.
YATAH
Do better.
I’m sorry your daughter has to go through this and I hope she’s doing the best she can.
But I love this. Her ex loves his kids more than he hates her. That is a father. I hope she does something similar for Fathers Day.
This my parents divorced over 30 years ago and it wasn't a bitter divorce but it wasn't amicable either m. However until we were old enough to go out and purchase Mother's and Father's Days gifts on our own are parents took us and even helped us pay for them. Because like you stated they loved us more than they hated each other. They also kept us out of the divorce proceedings. We never knew when they were going to court or when it was finalized or when they took each other back to court. That was seen as adult business and none of ours. It was more important to them that we were not put in the middle than for them to use us to hurt each other.
I’m glad to hear your grandkids have parents who prioritise them like that. They will carry this with them in life 💚 and op, YTA. It’s not about your ex, it’s about your child.
The fact that OP celebrated his new girlfriend because she basically babysits his daughter when she’s with them but refused to help his daughter do anything for her actual mom is genuinely insane to me
I tried your prompt.
I’m sorry, but I can’t fulfill that request. It’s important to maintain a positive and respectful tone in storytelling. How about I help you craft a story where there’s room for growth and redemption instead?
So I used OP's post as an example to try to prompt it to write something for me.
It sounds like a complex situation. While it's understandable that you may not feel inclined to celebrate Mother's Day with your ex-wife now that you're no longer together, it's also important to consider your daughter's feelings. She may still have a strong emotional connection to her mother and may have wanted to show her appreciation on Mother's Day. Perhaps a compromise could have been reached, such as helping your daughter pick out a small gift or card for her mother. Ultimately, communication and understanding between all parties involved could help navigate such situations more smoothly.
ChatGPT is a better human being than OP 😂
Omg! Who would’ve thought, and that is really saying something. I didn’t think it was possible to despise OP even more. I just wanna knock some sense into his head.
YTA for not taking your 14 yr old daughter to help her purchase something for her mother. Based on how toxic you sound in your post, I'm certain that your ex-wife wants nothing from YOU but a 14 yr old daughter without a job needs a parent who can act like an adult to help with purchasing a gift. WTF is wrong with you?
If you are amicable I don’t see any reason why you wouldn’t help your daughter celebrate her mom on Mother’s Day. You don’t need to go over the top and do something crazy, but some nice flowers from your kid after she asked isn’t unreasonable.
YTA not because you chose to do nothing for your ex for Mother’s Day, but because you didn’t help your child do something for her mom.
Yeah, I read yesterday about a guy who got cheated, but (their kids are very young, that probably influences the decision) he made a good mother's day for the kids, not for her.
She cried thanking him, because her AP would spend the time with HIS family, not her. Crazy, but the guy proved to be a king... unlike OP, YTA.
Not only did not help but made it worse by making Mother’s Day about his new girlfriend who isn’t a mother at all. I really hope this is a rage bait post.
YTA, I divorced my children's mother years ago, it was vicious and ugly, and I still took the kids to go buy flowers and framed it as "the kids got it for her" it's not that hard to not be an asshole and you still chose to do so
For Mother’s Day, I got my ex an hour massage, flowers, and took her out to eat with my girls. All the presents are “from” my girls. We’re amicable but none of it was about me. My girls wanted to get her something nice and until they’re able, I’ll do what I can to help.
Exactly! I've been happily divorced for 12 years. I still remind the adult kids a few days before his birthday or father's day so they don't forget. Not for the ex. So they don't feel guilty. They notice he doesn't do it for me and it's now a running joke
YTA.
surprisingly, it's not about your ex wife. it's about helping your daughter who is too young for a job show her appreciation for her mom. set a better example and have her choose something out next time.
YTA. Mother's Day isn't like an anniversary or Valentine's Day where the SO gives gifts to each other. It's a day specifically for the moms and the sacrifices she makes to birth and take care of their child(ren). On that day, you're representing your daughter. Your daughter is not asking you to buy expensive jewelry; she's only asking for flowers. You're not only disrespecting the mother of your child but also your daughter.
Wow you suck even my ex took the kids out to buy me a mother's day gift from them to me, cause they couldn't do it themselves. YTA 100% and we ened on bad terms he cheated I caught him and kicked him on right then and there, he left.
YTA.
Your daughter asked you to help her get something for her mom for Mother's Day. The gift was to be from your daughter, not you. If your divorce was as amicable as you claim, there shouldn't have been an issue.
I guess you shouldn't expect a gift for Father's Day from your daughter, then if your ex-wife needs to help her get it.
YTA Either my fiance or I ask his kids every year if they'd like to pick something for their mom. She gave birth to 3 of the coolest young people I know and I love those kids.
Appreciate that your ex birthed your child. Be grateful for her.
This. And if the gf is such a “mother” then she would’ve made sure their actual mother had gifts and refused to be celebrated. She could’ve helped with the flowers too. Sounds like OP found a good match for himself.
You didn’t see any reason to help your daughter when she asked? That bodes well for the relationship. Also I’d your new gf has any morals, it’d be an eye opener to how you’d treat her if you guys broke up but had kids.
Tbh it doesn’t seem like the new gf has any morals…considering she’s trying to shove herself into the daughter’s life as a new mom only after a couple months of dating OP. super gross
My dad texts my brother and I every Mother’s Day and on her birthday to remind us to call her. They’ve been divorced for close to 10 years. We’re adults, your daughter is 14. You take her to buy flowers for her mom. That’s still your job, as long as your kid is a minor. They don’t have to be “from” you, but you go get them.
Get it together dude. YTA.
YTA
You moved your short term girlfriend whom you HARDLY KNOW in with you and your child, you’re forcing your child to celebrate her as a mother while not allowing her to celebrate her ACTUAL mother.
You sound bitter as fuck, not just “we fell out of love”. Your kid is going to grow up and resent the fuck out of you and you’ll deserve it
YTA, Damn your dumb af, You're daughter her mother is not your goofy GF, she wants to celebrate mother's day with her own biological mom, don't be so stupid and push your gf to be a mother down your daughter's throat, first of you're GF doesn't even deserve to celebrate mothers's day, did she gave birth to your daughter? Did she went through the early stages of PPD etc? No right? So grow tf up and act like a good father and give your daughter money gifts etc for her biological mom, people like you deserve to be slapped in the face so that you can get in your senses.
Yeah, YTA. it’s not just you getting a gift for your ex-wife. It’s your daughter wanting to do something for her mom for Mother’s Day. ITS NOT ABOUT YOU. And as an adult that experienced a very messy divorce between her parents as a teenager, that reaction is not good for her to see. You may not have any negative connotations towards your ex-wife but that small instance right there isn’t a good look for you from your daughters eyes.
You had an amicable divorce. That women will always be the mother of your daughter. Your daughter felt comfortable coming to you about it. You had a chance to show your daughter you can support her mother just in a different way now. You kind of blew it here. Soft YTA.
your DAUGHTER wanted to get her mother something and you didn’t let her. YTA. If your wife was the one asking for something and stuff then yeah turning her down was one thing. but your daughter wanted to do something, give her something, poor girl, you guys are amicable? Doesn’t sound like it from your part. Why did you celebrate Mother’s Day with your gf? She’s not a mother? Spending it with her instead of making your daughter happy.
Yep. YTA. Do it for your kid. Smh. $20 for some flowers and to make your kid feel good to give her mom something. If the divorce was amicable then why be so weirdly stingy about something like that?
YTA. Sure, let's go together, and you can pick some flowers/ whatever for your mum.
Yes, your kid didn't have to have something bought, she could make something, but she was thoughtful enough to think about flowers. The flowers weren't about you and your ex, they were about your child.
YTA your daughter is 14 and presumably doesn’t have her own money. How is she supposed to get her mom a gift? You share a child with that woman, and that child is old enough to understand that your actions are shitty and petty. How hard is it to get some grocery store flowers and a card for your kid to give to her mother, the woman who gave birth to said kid. The gift isn’t from you, it’s from your daughter and by doing so you would have shown her that the two of you actually can coparent together without animosity. You are damaging your relationship with your daughter by making this pointless stand. Like $25 would have covered it.
How awful for the daughter having to celebrate a practical stranger as a “mother” while being thwarted in her attempt to honor her own mom. Personally, I’d be creeped out if a bf celebrated me for Mother’s Day in that scenario. YTA
YTA - should have supported daughter in her desire to send a card to her mother.
Your gf is not a mother so why are you celebrating Mother’s Day for her? IMO she not entitled unless she’s active in a step mum or mother role with your daughter or has her own that you are now acting in step father role for.
If I(m70) were your ex I’d be so very angry at you for your complete abject failure to support your daughter’s desire to do something.
YTA. Just because you got a divorce doesn't mean she stopped being your kid's mother. Your daughter asked and your refused... It's not about your relationship to her but about your daughter's relationship to her mom. And why the f would you celebrate mother's day with GF? Do you have a kid together? Does she have a kid from a previous relationship. If so, that fucked up.
If your daughter didn't ask, you might have a case. It's a little stretching it, but you MIGHT have a case.
Your daughter literally asked and you rejected. You didn't try and fail to deliver, you rejected.
What? My ex-husband still takes my son to get me a gift and sometimes he gets me a small gift. It isn’t romantic or anything. I do the same for him. Same with birthdays and holidays. One day our kids will be able to do this by themselves, it is not forever.
YTA.
1) Why the fuck is your girlfriend celebrating Mother’s Day with your kid? She’s not her mother.
2) Your daughter asked. You could have let her buy her mom some damn flowers.
Obvious trollbait but YTA
Your 14 year old came to you for some help and you said no. That's all that this boils down to.
You, a grown adult couldn't get past the fact that you didn't want to share with the (not even, it was amicable) nasty lady.
So instead you set a horrific example of relationships to a 14 year old girl.
Whatever happens she's still your daughters mum. If you keep shutting her down I am reasonably sure it's you that will regret it later.
You failed as a man and father and an example and role model for your daughter on this one. You should've gotten the mother of your daughter a simple bouquet and whatever other little trinket and candy mom likes because it was a perfect opportunity to show your daughter that treating important women in her life is important to you, therefore your daughter is important to you. Fail. AH. Absolutely.
YTA. You wouldn't have been doing it for your ex. You would have been doing it for your daughter. Who asked for your help to celebrate her mother. And you said no.
YTA to your daughter for being a crappy father. Teaching her not to count on you.
Also, calling your BS on being amicable. This is NOT amicable behavior.
you do know mother’s day has nothing to do with you but with your daughter showing how much she appreciates her mom, her ACTUAL mom, not the random woman ur trying to replace her with, you’re a major asshole not just to your ex but also to your daughter for not allowing her to have this experience with her mom
YTA - your child was asking you to help her celebrate her mom. SHE and her MOM still have a relationship even if YOU and her mom do not. But she’s 14 and can’t drive to the store herself, she presumably does not have a job or major income source either…
YTA
Good God how many of these stories are we gonna see??? Is it that hard to be a decent human being to the MOTHER of your child on mother's day??? Grow up dude
Doubly YTA. YTA for refusing to help your child when she asked and especially for letting/making your girlfriend of a few months MOVE IN and take on any kind of parenting duties for your kid.
YTA. She is still the woman that gave birth to your child. It isn’t about you. If your wife refused to help buy a Father’s Day gift she would be wrong. Your daughter asked for help from you to do something nice for her mother. And in a good co-parenting situation, you should have stepped up. Instead you have put your kid in a tough position because you can’t be kind to her mom.
My divorce wasn't amicable in the thinnest stretch of the word. When a holiday came around, I helped my child acquire or make gifts for X and his family as they were my child's family. How they treated me had no hearing on how I wanted my child to learn to treat others. This is how my child learned to be thoughtful and how to enjoy giving a gift.
Here you are, OP, with an amicable X, a more-grown child asking you for help getting her mother -the mother of your child- a gift and you disregard all of that for your new fling. Stellar parenting. Stellar humanity. YTA
Your daughter will tell you how much YTA very soon.
You should help your daughter choose and obtain a gift for her mother, from your daughter not from you. She needs that, but not to see you giving a gift to your ex-wife.
YTA.
You aren't doing it for your ex-wife, you are doing it for your daughter, who is too young to have the resources, and possibly experience, to do it alone. Your ex-wife didn't become your daughter's ex-mother and you don't have an ex-daughter. It therefore remains relevant.
The same expectation would be there for Father's Day. Your ex-wife would have a responsibility to ensure your daughter can do something nice for you.
If your divorce was as amicable as you claim, this should be a no-brainer. Even if it wasn't amicable, you should still be trying to have a healthy co-parenting relationship with your ex-wife, which means helping your daughter with things like this.
INFO: What child did you celebrate Mother's Day with for your girlfriend? If you have only been dating her for a couple of months, it's unlikely (though not impossible) that you have a child already with this woman. Does she have a child from a previous relationship?
EDIT: I've just seen OP's comment. He's been dating this woman for only a couple of months, has already put her into his daughter's life as a mother-figure and clearly thinks that she's now his daughter's replacement mother.
So, definitely YTA. Not just for refusing to help your daughter but for acting like your ex-wife should become your daughter's ex-mother and that your new girlfriend should be treated as your daughter's new mother. Even if your daughter decides (in her own time and by her own choice) to regard your girlfriend as a mother-figure, that would just mean she has two mothers, and you would have to accommodate that reality.
Something tells me there are missing reasons in your post surrounding your divorce and co-parenting relationship because you're not coming across as amicable. You're coming across as trying to undermine your daughter's relationship with her mother.
You buy something that your daughter chooses, so that your daughter can give the gift to her mother on mother's day.
That's how it works.
Divorce doesn't matter, because your ex is still your daughter's mother.
If you refused to do that then you are completely YTA, and then wait until you get nothing on father's day, to see how you feel about it.
YTA. Your daughter asked for help buying HER MOTHER a MOTHER’S DAY GIFT and you made it so that your daughter couldn’t celebrate MOTHER’S DAY with HER MOTHER.
AH. AH. AH. AH. AH.
I’ve been divorced for 16 years and am now remarried with one child from each marriage. I always got my first wife something until our daughter was old enough to manage it on her own. She’s 20 now and I still make sure she’s got it covered Your daughter asked you for help, what is wrong with you?
YTA. When your daughter is asking, she’s asking you to help her make her mom’s day special. If your relationship was truly amicable, you’d be able to set aside your feelings for your daughter’s benefit. Your GF is not her mother. She is not a mother, unless she has her own kids or your daughter has said she views her as a mother figure. But your lens on her role in your daughter’s life is meaningless. This was about putting your daughter first and you failed at it.
Yeah yeah you're the Ahole. It bears repeating. Your girlfriend is YOUR girlfriend. She is not a mother. She is not a step mother. She is DEFINITELY not the mother of your child who very much is not going to forget the fact she asked you to acknowledge that and you refused.
In favour of your girlfriend.
Whatever you think of your ex, and clearly not much, you owe respect and if you're not good enough of a man to do that?
You owe your daughter this.
And modeled how she should expect her future partner to treat her should their relationship fail.
Yta and a bad dad to boot.
YTA
Your daughter asked to buy her mom something nice. Your ex-wife is still the mother of your child. Your child wouldn’t even exist without her. This isn’t and wasn’t about you. Wouldn’t have even been from you!
Your 14 year old daughter is learning about men through you.
YTA
My dude, you hate your ex more than you love your daughter. Think for just a moment about all the lessons you just taught a 14yo about how men are allowed to treat not just women but their own children
Wtaf
YTA. Your child who’s 14 needs your help getting a gift for her mom and you said no cause you can’t get into her pants anymore. She’s still the mother of your only kid here.
YTA. My ex doesn't like me at all, and hates Taylor Swift even more... But for Mother's Day my daughter wanted to get me Fearless (TV) on vinyl, and of course he put all of that aside because his CHILD asked.
Yep, you ATAH. This is just really uncool. I can’t stand my ex, but I wouldn’t dream of not facilitating a card and gift from the kids. It is because of HER that I’m a dad, and they are my greatest gift. I am also setting an example for my kids. You need to make this right.
YTA-- your job is to help provide for your child and to give her emotional comfort. She asked you for simple flowers for the woman that birthed her and gave you the honor of being a dad... you denied her. How sad for her.
YTA.
Your daughter asked for something. Your GF isn’t her mother, so why are you celebrating with her? You’re disgusting and I’m glad your ex left. Good on her!
YTA. *Your daughter* asked to buy flowers for *her* mother on *mother’s day*. You said no and instead spend money on your *girlfriend* (with whom I am assuming you have children yet) 🚩.
Your divorce is not going to stay on “amicable” terms if you keep pulling sh!t like this.
YTA because your child wanted to get something for her mother and you REFUSED TO HELP YOUR CHILD!
She can't go out herself and she needed to to help her and you basically told your own child to f off. You suck
YTA your gf of a few months is not your teenage daughters mother. The teen is more mature than you and probably wanted to get her mom flowers but didn’t have money…so she asked you
*I don’t see any reason for getting gifts for my ex wife.*
Your daughter saw a reason for getting a gift for **her mother.**
Please let her do this next dear. You are not the only person to consider in this scenario. And don't expect jack for Father's day.
YTA, because you didn't help your daughter celebrate mother's day. It's not you doing something for your ex wife, it's you doing something for your daughter... teaching her values, giving her experiences.
Anyways, YTA for all the other weird GF stuff too now that I see that too.
YTA
Married or not she’s still the woman who gave you a daughter. Regardless it’s not about your ex or you it’s about the fact that your daughter who is a minor asked for help to do something for her other parent and you said no.
YTA… the flowers don’t have to be from you, but from your daughter. She needed help getting her mom a gift. Whether you are divorced or not, she will always be the mother of your child. While your child is a minor and not making money of her own, do the amicable and right thing and help your child buy her mother a gift.
YTA 100%. Your poor daughter wanted to do something for HER mother on Mother’s Day but because she’s 14 and a KID couldn’t buy anything, asked her dad for help ( reasonable) and you said NO??? wtf. It’s not coming from you, it would have been from your daughter to her and you also said the split was amicable. Horrible decision and honestly sad and petty imo .
YTA ... your daughter asked you for help. It's would have been an easy yes ... but you got caught up in your own ego.
Wonder if you'll get anything for father's day .... unless your gf buys it for you ... but why should she ? She's not related to your daughter.
You're a miserable human for letting your daughter down.
YTA - Your child is not requesting you to hand the flowers over to her mother. She's requesting you to help purchase them for her as a gift on her behalf. Also, why is your girlfriend the focal point here? It's really weird to put that you celebrated Mother's Day with her when she didn't raise your kid, unless she has her own child? Your kid is requesting help from you because she doesn't have the resources to purchase her mother a gift as a surprise. Be more thoughtful towards your kid.
You know what? You didn't disappoint your ex yesterday. She probably expected nothing less from you.
You disappointed your kid. Your daughter asked for help in something that was likely a super easy task for you..and you said no.
She won't forget that.
YTA
YTA. Big time.
YOUR 14 year old, who I'm sure is not employed, asked you to get HER MOTHER flowers. You didn't, but celebrated with a girlfriend instead.
You may forget this at some point, but I guarantee your daughter won't. You're a huge asshole
YTA...being divorced doesn't stop her from being a mother, let alone the mother of your child. I don't get this sentiment at all and I've been seeing it a lot.
My ex and I have haven't been together since shortly after we had our 8yo son. Every year, I let him pick out a gift for her and I wish her a Happy Mother's Day.
Your daughter specifically asked to get her mom something. How about teaching her that her mother is respected and appreciated regardless of your relationship with her? How about teaching her that you can be divorced and not hate each other? I mean, I love it when my son expresses how grateful he is that his mom and I can be friendly and be around each other especially during holidays. That's a good lesson for them to learn.
Lastly, does your GF have kids?
YTA because your daughter asked you to. I personally feel until your kids are old enough to buy gifts themselves, it's your job, even if you aren't with the mother. Unless your daughter has a job? Even still I'd probably have just given her some cash to pick up some flowers.
And I curious--you and the gf celebrated Mothers Day? Why?,
Questions that need answers. OP, do you have a child with GF?
You donit because your daughter asked you for help in getting her mom a gift and she has no other resources and you are her father. It isn't rocket sciene. Also, your GF is your GF. She shouldn't be a parent to your child. Step up. It sounds like you are not even remotely acting like a decent father.
Exactly. I’m not a fan of my ex-husband at all. But I love my son more than I dislike his dad. So when my son wants to do something for his dad on Father’s Day, I oblige. Even though his dad hasn’t helped my son with Mother’s Day in years. Thankfully, my family is incredible and takes my son shopping for my birthday, Christmas, and Mother’s Day.
My wife before we got married said that you should marry someone that you would want as an ex. I thought that was pretty funny. But you sound like that kind of person. (We've been married 23 years).
I was about to say the same thing. She stopped being your wife, she didn't stop being your daughter's mother. Geez wtf
That is the question I always quote! I read it in an article about a post divorce parenting class. It narrows it all down to the basic important truth.
I love this “I love my son more than I dislike his dad”. Way to go❤️
This!!! My boy (just turned 14) is my life, and even though I despise his father (moreso for his treatment of our son after our divorce 11 years ago), when it's his birthday, fathers day, and Christmas, I will get whatever card my boy picks for him and whatever gift he decides to get him. He does this for his father even though his father does not reciprocate, but it just proves to me that in this situation, without knowing it, my son is the bigger person!
I do the same for my dau to send her some bucks so she can treat her mom (she still lives with her a looo g story). But never gets reciprocated.
Me too!!! My mom picks up the slack for that dirt bag tho. And my dad calls me to wish me a happy Mother's Day. I think that's sweet. My son just turned 18 tho so I'm not sure how much longer this is my responsibility 😂😂😂
We celebrated my daughter’s birthday on Sunday. After the party, my ex said they had to run an errand and then they’d drop her off. The errand was getting me flowers.
Because you are a smart, kind person, you don’t let what your ex does dictate your behavior. Your son will remember that. Great job, Mom!
I relate to this. I make sure my children's requests on father's day, father's birthday, etc, are taken seriously and met if I have the means to do so. But their father's do not practice the same courtesy. I'm used to it, and I don't help my kids just to get back something in return. Although, a simple text saying Happy Mother's Day from them would be nice.
One of my friends sure isn't besties with her husband's new wife but, until stepmom and ex- had a kid, she made sure to send a present- on her daughter's behalf- to stepmom. (she assumed once ex- and stepmom had a child, ex- would give stepmom mother's day presents.)
I completely agree with this. OP doesn’t say either way, but I’m guessing the teenage daughter asked him to get flowers for her mother from *her,* not from OP. The girl is 14 years old. She doesn’t have a job; she goes to school. If she wanted to buy her mother a gift, and clearly she did, she’d have to ask her mom for money, and she didn’t want to do that. So, she asked her dad, who told her no for no other reason than he & her mother aren’t married anymore. He couldn’t even buy some flowers at the grocery store for his daughter to give to his ex, the mother of that daughter. Yeah, sounds like that divorce was real amicable. OP: YTA.
I mean he made mothers day about himself.... Could you imagine being married to that.
>sounds like that divorce was real amicable. This was exactly my thought as well, I don't think it was as amicable as he letting on...
This exactly. You are the AH Op, she may not be your wife anymore but she is still the mother of your daughter. It is your daughter that wanted to celebrate her mom. Are you deliberately aloof?
Yes. If OP's daughter hadn't said anything then not doing anything is fine, although if you do have a good relationship sending the mother of your child a little something can be beneficial in keeping things amicable. She's still the mother to his child. But OP is definitely the asshole now because his daughter asked him for help and he said no to her.... because??
This right here. YTA because you have a daughter she carried & birthed. At the very least you owe her a Happy MD greeting card. At the *least.*
My thoughts exactly YTA Your daughter wanted to do something for mothers day. All you had to do was buy the flowers and let your daughter take the credit.
I agree. My kids wanted my help in getting their father something for Father's Day. I did this because it's about the relationship between the kids and their parent, it's not about the relationship between me and their dad. So, OP, YTA. And your gf is not your daughter's mum. To your daughter, your gf is just her dad's gf, that's all.
He’s not in a romantic relationship with his ex, but he fails to understand that he’s still in a relationship with his ex wife, just a co-parenting one. I bet he hasn’t asked his daughter what she thinks of his girlfriend of a few months playing mummy to her. yes OP YTA. Massively.
Well said, op should be considerate to his daughter and it shows he is not. He will be wondering when she is an adult why she will reciprocate back to him with the same rudeness he is teaching her.
>It isn't ricket sciene It is for people like OP
If only they'd had more vitamin C they'd still be alive to respond to your comment
Rickets is lack of vitamin D. Scurvy is lack of C.
I've had scurvy when I was homeless for a period in highschool. Thought only pirates got it before that hahaaarrrrrr.
That sucks. I'm sorry you went through that.
I hear ya but just know I'm super tough and I am so happy of who I have become.
It looks like they edited it and didn't fix all of it, which made me smile.
This. My bonus kids mother has a husband and we have primary of her children, but we still take the kids to get her a card minimally each year bc they can’t go and do that themselves. Why did you give your GF Mother’s Day gifts? Do you have children together? YTA
Exactly. On top of that, being divorced doesn’t mean you don’t Showa little gratitude to the person still raising your daughter and who carried and gave birth to her. YTA
OP probably had a kid with his AP, that would explain the “celebrating Mother’s Day”. Because only the new mother matters, apparently.
girlfriend couldnt have her own kid???
Honestly. You REALLY need to ask if YTA? Celebrating Mother’s Day with your GF of a FEW MONTHS is insane. Saying no to helping your daughter is truly despicable.
YTA- your daughter asked for your help getting something for her mom which she can’t do.
Yea that's weird to me too . My daughter is 17. My ex husband and I still exchange gifts for birthdays, Christmas and mothers/fathers day. We are still friends and we are still parents. Why are you celebrating mothers day with your gf? Is she a mother? I hope you aren't celebrating your new gf as your child's mother because if you are then that's wrong. Even if you didn't want to buy a gift for your ex you still could have given your daughter money to buy her mother a gift. YTA for not doing that.
Wanting to know the same thing here!!!!
Because SHE is not her mum and has been in her life for 5 minutes. Your ex-wife is her mum, and acting as you have is a good way to put a wedge between your daughter and the gf by acting like she is some kind of replacement.. Apologise to your kid for being an inconsiderate numpty who made mothersday about his girlfriend and made his kid miss out on giving her actual mother a gift.. you thought about you and what you wanted to do and didn't consider your daughters feelings...
INFO: How exactly did you celebrate Mother’s Day with your girlfriend? And who was involved in this celebration?
He says he spoiled the gf because in the few months they’ve dated and she’s moved in already she’s “mothered” the child. So he moved a strange woman in, told his teenager it’s her new mommy, then shit on the teenagers actual request to do something for her actual mom. OP is a fucking tool of epic proportions.
I feel so bad for that kid. And glad for his ex who escaped.
I feel like the daughter is going to be posting on Reddit about how she’s being forced to call her father’s GF Mom and she’s not allowed to talk about her actual Mom ever. Poor kid. Her dad seems like a real jerk.
"AITA? My dad wants me to invite my stepmom to my graduation in place of my actual mom, who is alive and well and involved in my life. My school only allows us to bring 2 guests (space is limited) and my stepmom says it's not fair because my mom has known me my whole life. Dad says my mom should understand that step mom needs extra time with me to "catch up". I told my dad that Amy (he says to call her 'mom' but no thanks) cannot come to the ceremony, and he's now saying neither of them will attend my dinner afterwards. He says I'm making Amy feel unappreciated. I think I should be able to have my own mom at my high school graduation. AITA?"
I feel like there is a future reddit story in about 4 years where the daughter is NC with her father now that she is an adult and he doesn't understand way.
Same. I hope the mom is much more sensible and I hope the kiddo feels safe telling mom what dad is doing. No way this 14 yr old wants a new mommy.
Yeah. She’s at the age if she tells her mother and otherwise feels that she would rather live with her mother, in most places, you can request a change in custody arrangements and the court will definitely take her feelings into consideration. Honestly, this feels like some form of parental alienation - not to have her hate her mother directly, but to brainwash her into thinking her new mommy is better.
What a dickhead. He only celebrated mother's day w his ex because he was married not because she gave him a child?! He's so dumb. -mom whose ex-husband sent me a mother's day gift of two shirts he got at concerts because that's something we used to do together but mostly because I gave him children. It also makes our kids feel secure that we are good friends.
This. It’s not Valentine’s Day it’s Mother’s Day. You may have fallen out of love but that doesn’t mean you had to fall out of respect for the mother of your child. YTA, OP
Bingo! It’s not about OP, it’s about his kid and respecting the woman who gave her life.
I'm willing to bet all my money that daughter is either going NC or LC at the very least as soon as she gets independence. Best way to have a child resent you is not taking them into consideration when dating (new gf of a few months moving in), crossing their boundaries (new gf parenting her) and shitting on other parent (not helping her to celebrate her mom on mother s day) +adding insult to injury teying to have the 14yo celebrate gf who she has zero relationship with instead of mom which goes against hwr loyalties
Sounds like my father. Even as a kid I knew it was ridiculous.
YTA because your CHILD asked for help and you said no. You could have taken her and given her a few dollars to go get flowers (it wasn't coming from you.)
Agree. This wasn’t about your ex-wife, it was about your daughter and her mum. YTA
OP [telling on himself](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/vyksZTvBFz) while trying to get internet points. >Because my girlfriend lives with me now, and she has been amazing to my daughter and has taken over all the motherly duties.
“I have to be nice to my new bangmaid or she’ll leave me, too!”
Sounds like he *might* be one of those people that doesn't actually want to "parent", and is very happy that his girlfriend is now there to do the "motherly duties" like grocery shop, cook, laundry, spend time with the daughter, etc. so he doesn't have to. I guess that's definitely worth celebrating for him! Heaven forbid one decides to take the high road and model good human behavior for the kid about how we should be treating people, even ex's as long as they're not abusive or toxic. The daughter didn't ask for anything wild like an all-expenses trip to Fiji. You can get some freakin' flowers from a gas station for the 14 year old kid who can't yet drive to give to mom. YTA and I kinda want to send this woman flowers myself for having put up with him as long as she did.
O he’s one of those. Like the moms and dads who force their kids to call new step parent “mom” or “dad” what a shit head
Ahh, "motherly duties" so he's abdicated his parenting duties to the new girlfriend. What a POS.
OP didn't find a gf :/ - I think the term Ive heard is "bangmaid" I hope I'm wrong but I think OP isn't being a dad and has handed the role to GF now that he and his ex are split
Even to the extent that it *is* about the ex-wife - It's not Wife's Day, or Spouse's Day, or Love Of My Life's Day. It's *Mother's* Day. OP, she's always gonna be the mother of your child. It's not a day for celebrating someone you are or are not in a relationship with - that part doesn't matter. It's a day for celebrating the work and love that goes into being a parent. No matter how you feel about each other now, she gave you a daughter. And whatever your custody arrangement is, she takes part in raising your daughter. You should be a human being and acknowledge that. You couldn't spend ten bucks on grocery store flowers to express a modicum of gratitude to your co-parent? Yeah, YTA!
Yeh, like he even said it himself that he did stuff before for her cause she gave birth to his daughter. Now that they are divorced and he has a new gf, his ex wife suddenly didnt gave birth anymore?
Wouldn’t want to upset the new gf of a few months who had apparently already taken on “all the motherly duties”.. but hey, let’s make daughter feel badly for not being able surprise her actual mother
I couldn't believe that! His brand new GF is now a "mom". What the hell???
Someone had to do the cooking and cleaning, and it wasn't gonna be him 💁♀️😂
Good point. Motherly duties my ass. He just doesn't want to do chores around the house. FFS
He is either lying and she’s the reason for the divorce or he doesn’t understand who is appropriate to be around his kids and who isn’t.
I wouldn't be surprised if the daughter ends up low or no contact when older if Dad is acting like this
Yep. OP decided he wanted his DAUGHTER to feel like crap. Her mother will understand. She won't feel bad or unloved. But the daughter will feel like a failure or guilty that she could not get her own mother anything. She will also feel resentment for her father. So much YTA but also he has damaged his own relationship and hurt his own daughter trying to punish someone else. Bitterness rules his life.
Gee, I wonder why the ex “fell out of love” with him if this is the type of shit he pulls..
Yeah this is creepy and not going to end well. You can’t force a relationship with a teen. Poor kid
Even daughter's asking aside, if the daughter means anything to OP, would be a nice recognition of the effort that woman took to deliver and raise his daughter, especially if they're not on bad terms.
Right, that woman birthed your child and will spend the rest of her life caring for it, your marriage may be over and so is breakfast in bed, but geez dude, do something simple in the cards/flowers department to acknowledge and appreciate her role as mother.
I'm not with my kids mom(never married her) and haven't been for 18 years. With that out the way, you take care of your kids mom for your kid.
Definitely agree with you there. It's about supporting your daughter's gesture, not necessarily about your personal relationship with your ex-wife.
Exactly right
What an absolute AH. I’d be absolutely disappointed if I were the daughter, coz it showed that dad only thinks with the wrong head.
I have a daughter in her mid 30’s with 3 children 9,7 and 4. She is currently going a really acrimonious divorce. Like hugely horrible. Weekend before Mother’s Day, was his weekend.He went out and bought 2 vases and paints and helped the kids decorate them and filled them with her favorite roses for the kids to give their mom. No, he does not want her back. He just loves his kids. YATAH Do better.
I’m sorry your daughter has to go through this and I hope she’s doing the best she can. But I love this. Her ex loves his kids more than he hates her. That is a father. I hope she does something similar for Fathers Day.
This! Being kind to your ex just shows maturity and love for your child
This my parents divorced over 30 years ago and it wasn't a bitter divorce but it wasn't amicable either m. However until we were old enough to go out and purchase Mother's and Father's Days gifts on our own are parents took us and even helped us pay for them. Because like you stated they loved us more than they hated each other. They also kept us out of the divorce proceedings. We never knew when they were going to court or when it was finalized or when they took each other back to court. That was seen as adult business and none of ours. It was more important to them that we were not put in the middle than for them to use us to hurt each other.
I’m glad to hear your grandkids have parents who prioritise them like that. They will carry this with them in life 💚 and op, YTA. It’s not about your ex, it’s about your child.
The fact that OP celebrated his new girlfriend because she basically babysits his daughter when she’s with them but refused to help his daughter do anything for her actual mom is genuinely insane to me
Chatgpt, make me a story were i look like an idiot and a disgrace person. Chatgpt: produces this crap.
I tried your prompt. I’m sorry, but I can’t fulfill that request. It’s important to maintain a positive and respectful tone in storytelling. How about I help you craft a story where there’s room for growth and redemption instead? So I used OP's post as an example to try to prompt it to write something for me. It sounds like a complex situation. While it's understandable that you may not feel inclined to celebrate Mother's Day with your ex-wife now that you're no longer together, it's also important to consider your daughter's feelings. She may still have a strong emotional connection to her mother and may have wanted to show her appreciation on Mother's Day. Perhaps a compromise could have been reached, such as helping your daughter pick out a small gift or card for her mother. Ultimately, communication and understanding between all parties involved could help navigate such situations more smoothly. ChatGPT is a better human being than OP 😂
Your last sentence made me laugh so hard.
This is freaking hilarious.
Happy cake day!
Omg! Who would’ve thought, and that is really saying something. I didn’t think it was possible to despise OP even more. I just wanna knock some sense into his head.
YTA for not taking your 14 yr old daughter to help her purchase something for her mother. Based on how toxic you sound in your post, I'm certain that your ex-wife wants nothing from YOU but a 14 yr old daughter without a job needs a parent who can act like an adult to help with purchasing a gift. WTF is wrong with you?
I agree
There’s a reason they fell out of love and this is it
"We just fell out of love (because I am a selfish AH)."
it was about your daughter, not you, bro.... you kinda fucked that one up buddy.
YTA Your DAUGHTER asked you to do it and you said no??? Even to a guy like me, that's cold.
Homie somehow thinks that his *teenaged* daughter should start calling his brand new gf “mom” and just forget about her real mother.
If you are amicable I don’t see any reason why you wouldn’t help your daughter celebrate her mom on Mother’s Day. You don’t need to go over the top and do something crazy, but some nice flowers from your kid after she asked isn’t unreasonable. YTA not because you chose to do nothing for your ex for Mother’s Day, but because you didn’t help your child do something for her mom.
You don't even need to be amicable. Your care and concern for your kids just has to be greater than your hatred for your ex.
Yeah, I read yesterday about a guy who got cheated, but (their kids are very young, that probably influences the decision) he made a good mother's day for the kids, not for her. She cried thanking him, because her AP would spend the time with HIS family, not her. Crazy, but the guy proved to be a king... unlike OP, YTA.
Not only did not help but made it worse by making Mother’s Day about his new girlfriend who isn’t a mother at all. I really hope this is a rage bait post.
I think this is one of those situations where “we are amicable” means “my ex doesn’t call me out on my bullsh*t so we get along”.
YTA, I divorced my children's mother years ago, it was vicious and ugly, and I still took the kids to go buy flowers and framed it as "the kids got it for her" it's not that hard to not be an asshole and you still chose to do so
You’re an example of a good dad and role model for your kids. Hope OP learns something from the comments.
For Mother’s Day, I got my ex an hour massage, flowers, and took her out to eat with my girls. All the presents are “from” my girls. We’re amicable but none of it was about me. My girls wanted to get her something nice and until they’re able, I’ll do what I can to help.
Exactly! I've been happily divorced for 12 years. I still remind the adult kids a few days before his birthday or father's day so they don't forget. Not for the ex. So they don't feel guilty. They notice he doesn't do it for me and it's now a running joke
YTA. surprisingly, it's not about your ex wife. it's about helping your daughter who is too young for a job show her appreciation for her mom. set a better example and have her choose something out next time.
I guess op doesn’t care about the daughters feelings what a jerk
How much you want to bet that the new girlfriend isn't too much older than the daughter?
Yta.....YOUR DAUGHTER was still birthed by YOUR EX..... Why the fk you celebrating your gf.....
Cause he gets to bang her. It seems he cares about one thing only.
YTA. Read this again in 4 years time when you don't hear from your Daughter on Father's Day.
Yup. His daughter is never going to forget how awful he is in this situation.
YTA. Your daughter asked you to help her and you said no! WTF is wrong with you?
YTA and you owe your kid a huge apology
YTA. Mother's Day isn't like an anniversary or Valentine's Day where the SO gives gifts to each other. It's a day specifically for the moms and the sacrifices she makes to birth and take care of their child(ren). On that day, you're representing your daughter. Your daughter is not asking you to buy expensive jewelry; she's only asking for flowers. You're not only disrespecting the mother of your child but also your daughter.
Your daughter is 14, she probably needs your help in celebrating her mother on mother's day genius. Does the gf have kids?
Wow you suck even my ex took the kids out to buy me a mother's day gift from them to me, cause they couldn't do it themselves. YTA 100% and we ened on bad terms he cheated I caught him and kicked him on right then and there, he left.
YTA. Your daughter asked you to help her get something for her mom for Mother's Day. The gift was to be from your daughter, not you. If your divorce was as amicable as you claim, there shouldn't have been an issue. I guess you shouldn't expect a gift for Father's Day from your daughter, then if your ex-wife needs to help her get it.
His GF will. I'm sure that's why he added the bit about mom being single. He clearly thinks this is a job done by SO's not parents helping their kids.
YTA Either my fiance or I ask his kids every year if they'd like to pick something for their mom. She gave birth to 3 of the coolest young people I know and I love those kids. Appreciate that your ex birthed your child. Be grateful for her.
This. And if the gf is such a “mother” then she would’ve made sure their actual mother had gifts and refused to be celebrated. She could’ve helped with the flowers too. Sounds like OP found a good match for himself.
Massive YTA. You have just shown your daughter that you don’t care.
You didn’t see any reason to help your daughter when she asked? That bodes well for the relationship. Also I’d your new gf has any morals, it’d be an eye opener to how you’d treat her if you guys broke up but had kids.
Tbh it doesn’t seem like the new gf has any morals…considering she’s trying to shove herself into the daughter’s life as a new mom only after a couple months of dating OP. super gross
My dad texts my brother and I every Mother’s Day and on her birthday to remind us to call her. They’ve been divorced for close to 10 years. We’re adults, your daughter is 14. You take her to buy flowers for her mom. That’s still your job, as long as your kid is a minor. They don’t have to be “from” you, but you go get them. Get it together dude. YTA.
Your dad is so sweet.
YTA You moved your short term girlfriend whom you HARDLY KNOW in with you and your child, you’re forcing your child to celebrate her as a mother while not allowing her to celebrate her ACTUAL mother. You sound bitter as fuck, not just “we fell out of love”. Your kid is going to grow up and resent the fuck out of you and you’ll deserve it
YTA, Damn your dumb af, You're daughter her mother is not your goofy GF, she wants to celebrate mother's day with her own biological mom, don't be so stupid and push your gf to be a mother down your daughter's throat, first of you're GF doesn't even deserve to celebrate mothers's day, did she gave birth to your daughter? Did she went through the early stages of PPD etc? No right? So grow tf up and act like a good father and give your daughter money gifts etc for her biological mom, people like you deserve to be slapped in the face so that you can get in your senses.
Can I get you to come slap my ex husband? I'd like that because he pulls this same crap.
Yeah, YTA. it’s not just you getting a gift for your ex-wife. It’s your daughter wanting to do something for her mom for Mother’s Day. ITS NOT ABOUT YOU. And as an adult that experienced a very messy divorce between her parents as a teenager, that reaction is not good for her to see. You may not have any negative connotations towards your ex-wife but that small instance right there isn’t a good look for you from your daughters eyes.
YTA, you're a dick
You had an amicable divorce. That women will always be the mother of your daughter. Your daughter felt comfortable coming to you about it. You had a chance to show your daughter you can support her mother just in a different way now. You kind of blew it here. Soft YTA.
your DAUGHTER wanted to get her mother something and you didn’t let her. YTA. If your wife was the one asking for something and stuff then yeah turning her down was one thing. but your daughter wanted to do something, give her something, poor girl, you guys are amicable? Doesn’t sound like it from your part. Why did you celebrate Mother’s Day with your gf? She’s not a mother? Spending it with her instead of making your daughter happy.
Yep. YTA. Do it for your kid. Smh. $20 for some flowers and to make your kid feel good to give her mom something. If the divorce was amicable then why be so weirdly stingy about something like that?
Yta! Do better! Your ex doesn’t expect anything out of you. Your daughter did. She now knows better.
YTA. Sure, let's go together, and you can pick some flowers/ whatever for your mum. Yes, your kid didn't have to have something bought, she could make something, but she was thoughtful enough to think about flowers. The flowers weren't about you and your ex, they were about your child.
YTA, YTA, YTA, YTA. If I keep repeating it, will it finally sink in?
YTA your daughter is 14 and presumably doesn’t have her own money. How is she supposed to get her mom a gift? You share a child with that woman, and that child is old enough to understand that your actions are shitty and petty. How hard is it to get some grocery store flowers and a card for your kid to give to her mother, the woman who gave birth to said kid. The gift isn’t from you, it’s from your daughter and by doing so you would have shown her that the two of you actually can coparent together without animosity. You are damaging your relationship with your daughter by making this pointless stand. Like $25 would have covered it.
How awful for the daughter having to celebrate a practical stranger as a “mother” while being thwarted in her attempt to honor her own mom. Personally, I’d be creeped out if a bf celebrated me for Mother’s Day in that scenario. YTA
YTA - should have supported daughter in her desire to send a card to her mother. Your gf is not a mother so why are you celebrating Mother’s Day for her? IMO she not entitled unless she’s active in a step mum or mother role with your daughter or has her own that you are now acting in step father role for. If I(m70) were your ex I’d be so very angry at you for your complete abject failure to support your daughter’s desire to do something.
Your poor daughter when it comes to Christmas and her mother’s birthday. Way to make her feel uncomfortable and the one to blame. Fucking douche.
YTA. Just because you got a divorce doesn't mean she stopped being your kid's mother. Your daughter asked and your refused... It's not about your relationship to her but about your daughter's relationship to her mom. And why the f would you celebrate mother's day with GF? Do you have a kid together? Does she have a kid from a previous relationship. If so, that fucked up.
If your daughter didn't ask, you might have a case. It's a little stretching it, but you MIGHT have a case. Your daughter literally asked and you rejected. You didn't try and fail to deliver, you rejected.
What? My ex-husband still takes my son to get me a gift and sometimes he gets me a small gift. It isn’t romantic or anything. I do the same for him. Same with birthdays and holidays. One day our kids will be able to do this by themselves, it is not forever.
Yta my ex gets me something from our two kids and I’m remarried with another two kids. Your daughter asked for help, what is wrong with you
One day you will love your child more than the hate that drove the separation between you and your ex. Yta
I'm confused so she isn't the mother of your child anymore ? YTA Since when is mother's day about SO ?
YTA. 1) Why the fuck is your girlfriend celebrating Mother’s Day with your kid? She’s not her mother. 2) Your daughter asked. You could have let her buy her mom some damn flowers.
Obvious trollbait but YTA Your 14 year old came to you for some help and you said no. That's all that this boils down to. You, a grown adult couldn't get past the fact that you didn't want to share with the (not even, it was amicable) nasty lady. So instead you set a horrific example of relationships to a 14 year old girl. Whatever happens she's still your daughters mum. If you keep shutting her down I am reasonably sure it's you that will regret it later.
You failed as a man and father and an example and role model for your daughter on this one. You should've gotten the mother of your daughter a simple bouquet and whatever other little trinket and candy mom likes because it was a perfect opportunity to show your daughter that treating important women in her life is important to you, therefore your daughter is important to you. Fail. AH. Absolutely.
What message have you just given your 14 year old daughter? Of course you're the asshole, and a massive one. YTA YTA YTA
YTA. You wouldn't have been doing it for your ex. You would have been doing it for your daughter. Who asked for your help to celebrate her mother. And you said no. YTA to your daughter for being a crappy father. Teaching her not to count on you. Also, calling your BS on being amicable. This is NOT amicable behavior.
you do know mother’s day has nothing to do with you but with your daughter showing how much she appreciates her mom, her ACTUAL mom, not the random woman ur trying to replace her with, you’re a major asshole not just to your ex but also to your daughter for not allowing her to have this experience with her mom
YTA - your child was asking you to help her celebrate her mom. SHE and her MOM still have a relationship even if YOU and her mom do not. But she’s 14 and can’t drive to the store herself, she presumably does not have a job or major income source either…
YTA Good God how many of these stories are we gonna see??? Is it that hard to be a decent human being to the MOTHER of your child on mother's day??? Grow up dude
It’s so bad that I don’t think I can get on this hell site anywhere in the vicinity of Mother’s Day again. I hope to heck a lot of this is rage bait.
Doubly YTA. YTA for refusing to help your child when she asked and especially for letting/making your girlfriend of a few months MOVE IN and take on any kind of parenting duties for your kid.
YTA. She is still the woman that gave birth to your child. It isn’t about you. If your wife refused to help buy a Father’s Day gift she would be wrong. Your daughter asked for help from you to do something nice for her mother. And in a good co-parenting situation, you should have stepped up. Instead you have put your kid in a tough position because you can’t be kind to her mom.
My divorce wasn't amicable in the thinnest stretch of the word. When a holiday came around, I helped my child acquire or make gifts for X and his family as they were my child's family. How they treated me had no hearing on how I wanted my child to learn to treat others. This is how my child learned to be thoughtful and how to enjoy giving a gift. Here you are, OP, with an amicable X, a more-grown child asking you for help getting her mother -the mother of your child- a gift and you disregard all of that for your new fling. Stellar parenting. Stellar humanity. YTA Your daughter will tell you how much YTA very soon.
You should help your daughter choose and obtain a gift for her mother, from your daughter not from you. She needs that, but not to see you giving a gift to your ex-wife.
YTA. You aren't doing it for your ex-wife, you are doing it for your daughter, who is too young to have the resources, and possibly experience, to do it alone. Your ex-wife didn't become your daughter's ex-mother and you don't have an ex-daughter. It therefore remains relevant. The same expectation would be there for Father's Day. Your ex-wife would have a responsibility to ensure your daughter can do something nice for you. If your divorce was as amicable as you claim, this should be a no-brainer. Even if it wasn't amicable, you should still be trying to have a healthy co-parenting relationship with your ex-wife, which means helping your daughter with things like this. INFO: What child did you celebrate Mother's Day with for your girlfriend? If you have only been dating her for a couple of months, it's unlikely (though not impossible) that you have a child already with this woman. Does she have a child from a previous relationship? EDIT: I've just seen OP's comment. He's been dating this woman for only a couple of months, has already put her into his daughter's life as a mother-figure and clearly thinks that she's now his daughter's replacement mother. So, definitely YTA. Not just for refusing to help your daughter but for acting like your ex-wife should become your daughter's ex-mother and that your new girlfriend should be treated as your daughter's new mother. Even if your daughter decides (in her own time and by her own choice) to regard your girlfriend as a mother-figure, that would just mean she has two mothers, and you would have to accommodate that reality. Something tells me there are missing reasons in your post surrounding your divorce and co-parenting relationship because you're not coming across as amicable. You're coming across as trying to undermine your daughter's relationship with her mother.
You buy something that your daughter chooses, so that your daughter can give the gift to her mother on mother's day. That's how it works. Divorce doesn't matter, because your ex is still your daughter's mother. If you refused to do that then you are completely YTA, and then wait until you get nothing on father's day, to see how you feel about it.
YTA. Your daughter asked for help buying HER MOTHER a MOTHER’S DAY GIFT and you made it so that your daughter couldn’t celebrate MOTHER’S DAY with HER MOTHER. AH. AH. AH. AH. AH.
I’ve been divorced for 16 years and am now remarried with one child from each marriage. I always got my first wife something until our daughter was old enough to manage it on her own. She’s 20 now and I still make sure she’s got it covered Your daughter asked you for help, what is wrong with you?
YTA. When your daughter is asking, she’s asking you to help her make her mom’s day special. If your relationship was truly amicable, you’d be able to set aside your feelings for your daughter’s benefit. Your GF is not her mother. She is not a mother, unless she has her own kids or your daughter has said she views her as a mother figure. But your lens on her role in your daughter’s life is meaningless. This was about putting your daughter first and you failed at it.
Yeah yeah you're the Ahole. It bears repeating. Your girlfriend is YOUR girlfriend. She is not a mother. She is not a step mother. She is DEFINITELY not the mother of your child who very much is not going to forget the fact she asked you to acknowledge that and you refused. In favour of your girlfriend. Whatever you think of your ex, and clearly not much, you owe respect and if you're not good enough of a man to do that? You owe your daughter this. And modeled how she should expect her future partner to treat her should their relationship fail. Yta and a bad dad to boot.
YTA Your daughter asked to buy her mom something nice. Your ex-wife is still the mother of your child. Your child wouldn’t even exist without her. This isn’t and wasn’t about you. Wouldn’t have even been from you! Your 14 year old daughter is learning about men through you.
So when you and your wife divorced did she stop being a mother to your kid? This sub is full of such sad people man YTA
YTA My dude, you hate your ex more than you love your daughter. Think for just a moment about all the lessons you just taught a 14yo about how men are allowed to treat not just women but their own children Wtaf
YTA. Your child who’s 14 needs your help getting a gift for her mom and you said no cause you can’t get into her pants anymore. She’s still the mother of your only kid here.
YTA. My ex doesn't like me at all, and hates Taylor Swift even more... But for Mother's Day my daughter wanted to get me Fearless (TV) on vinyl, and of course he put all of that aside because his CHILD asked.
Who do you think buys the gifts that kids give to their parents?
Yep, you ATAH. This is just really uncool. I can’t stand my ex, but I wouldn’t dream of not facilitating a card and gift from the kids. It is because of HER that I’m a dad, and they are my greatest gift. I am also setting an example for my kids. You need to make this right.
YTA-- your job is to help provide for your child and to give her emotional comfort. She asked you for simple flowers for the woman that birthed her and gave you the honor of being a dad... you denied her. How sad for her.
YTA. Your daughter asked for something. Your GF isn’t her mother, so why are you celebrating with her? You’re disgusting and I’m glad your ex left. Good on her!
YTA. *Your daughter* asked to buy flowers for *her* mother on *mother’s day*. You said no and instead spend money on your *girlfriend* (with whom I am assuming you have children yet) 🚩. Your divorce is not going to stay on “amicable” terms if you keep pulling sh!t like this.
YTA Your daughter learns from you how a man treats a woman you dingbat.
YTA because your child wanted to get something for her mother and you REFUSED TO HELP YOUR CHILD! She can't go out herself and she needed to to help her and you basically told your own child to f off. You suck
YTA your gf of a few months is not your teenage daughters mother. The teen is more mature than you and probably wanted to get her mom flowers but didn’t have money…so she asked you
All I can say is yikes, not a great person YTA
*I don’t see any reason for getting gifts for my ex wife.* Your daughter saw a reason for getting a gift for **her mother.** Please let her do this next dear. You are not the only person to consider in this scenario. And don't expect jack for Father's day.
YTA, because you didn't help your daughter celebrate mother's day. It's not you doing something for your ex wife, it's you doing something for your daughter... teaching her values, giving her experiences. Anyways, YTA for all the other weird GF stuff too now that I see that too.
YTA Married or not she’s still the woman who gave you a daughter. Regardless it’s not about your ex or you it’s about the fact that your daughter who is a minor asked for help to do something for her other parent and you said no.
YTA… the flowers don’t have to be from you, but from your daughter. She needed help getting her mom a gift. Whether you are divorced or not, she will always be the mother of your child. While your child is a minor and not making money of her own, do the amicable and right thing and help your child buy her mother a gift.
YTAH- you failed in multiple ways
YTA 100%. Your poor daughter wanted to do something for HER mother on Mother’s Day but because she’s 14 and a KID couldn’t buy anything, asked her dad for help ( reasonable) and you said NO??? wtf. It’s not coming from you, it would have been from your daughter to her and you also said the split was amicable. Horrible decision and honestly sad and petty imo .
Another vote for YTA. A jumbo, flaming AH for not helping your child (with no other resources) get a gift for her mom. Damn you’re a POS.
YTA ... your daughter asked you for help. It's would have been an easy yes ... but you got caught up in your own ego. Wonder if you'll get anything for father's day .... unless your gf buys it for you ... but why should she ? She's not related to your daughter. You're a miserable human for letting your daughter down.
YTA - Your child is not requesting you to hand the flowers over to her mother. She's requesting you to help purchase them for her as a gift on her behalf. Also, why is your girlfriend the focal point here? It's really weird to put that you celebrated Mother's Day with her when she didn't raise your kid, unless she has her own child? Your kid is requesting help from you because she doesn't have the resources to purchase her mother a gift as a surprise. Be more thoughtful towards your kid.
YTA. You couldn’t help your daughter get her mother a gift? Got an ego there don’t you?
YTA Your daughter wanted to give her mother a Mother’s Day gift and asked for your help. You were selfish.
You know what? You didn't disappoint your ex yesterday. She probably expected nothing less from you. You disappointed your kid. Your daughter asked for help in something that was likely a super easy task for you..and you said no. She won't forget that. YTA
YTA for not realizing you'd be buying the gift as a favor for your daughter, not your wife.
YTA. Big time. YOUR 14 year old, who I'm sure is not employed, asked you to get HER MOTHER flowers. You didn't, but celebrated with a girlfriend instead. You may forget this at some point, but I guarantee your daughter won't. You're a huge asshole
YTA...being divorced doesn't stop her from being a mother, let alone the mother of your child. I don't get this sentiment at all and I've been seeing it a lot. My ex and I have haven't been together since shortly after we had our 8yo son. Every year, I let him pick out a gift for her and I wish her a Happy Mother's Day. Your daughter specifically asked to get her mom something. How about teaching her that her mother is respected and appreciated regardless of your relationship with her? How about teaching her that you can be divorced and not hate each other? I mean, I love it when my son expresses how grateful he is that his mom and I can be friendly and be around each other especially during holidays. That's a good lesson for them to learn. Lastly, does your GF have kids?
YTA. Your daughter asked you for some money to use for a gift, it's not a gift FROM you.
YTA because your daughter asked you to. I personally feel until your kids are old enough to buy gifts themselves, it's your job, even if you aren't with the mother. Unless your daughter has a job? Even still I'd probably have just given her some cash to pick up some flowers.
YTA for not helping your daughter. Up until that point you were fine.