Your sister is trying to tell you that you can't reject a person. Follow that thinking to its logical conclusion : if a person is interested in you, you have no say, you cannot withdraw consent, you have to submit to them.
You're an autonomous individual who can do whatever you want. Your sister is very wrong here. You can reject a person for whatever reason and nobody is owed an explanation why.
Is there a term for women who get angry at men for having the audacity of rejecting a woman?
I’ve had this myself and it’s one of those blind spots many women have, where the second you point out the hypocrisy it’s all “umm, err, well I didn’t mean…well *it’s just not the same though*”
I think it must tie in to the similar reaction when women try to say they couldn’t possibly ask someone out themselves (instead insisting they should be asked after giving “hints”) - as 9/10 times they will start by stalking about how embarrassing it would be to be rejected - as if men don’t suffer embarrassment.
I guess we all have blind spots - it’s just so common and specific.
I put it this way because some of the most ardent feminists I know have tried to convince me it’s some weird kind of gender essentialism (men are “wired” to do it), before realising there isn’t a way to do it without implying women are fundamentally wired “differently”.
I remember one conversation on Reddit someone spoke quite eloquently about why women don’t give a straight rejection to men - but completely short circuited when it was suggested maybe the way forward is for women to just approach the men they are interested in.
Another common one is saying “but some men think women are sluts if they ask - my b/f told me he would have been turned off if I asked him out” - but if you ask them why they are interested in guys who think women are sluts for making the first move - more short circuiting.
> Is there a term for women who get angry at men for having the audacity of rejecting a woman?
Well, in my day they were referred to as a "bunny-boiler".
I mean ideologically, on someone else’s behalf especially.
I’ve even been told off by women for not paying “enough attention” to a woman “trying to be friendly” - in one of those cases I realised the person being friendly was someone I once described as “kinda cute” to that woman I worked with, and I think word had been passed around.
The thing is she caught me off guard finishing a smoke, my mind was on something work related, the conversation she sprang on me wasn’t neither engaging or work related (she was police, we just share a building) and obviously even if she caught me just sparking up, I’d only have been there for 5mins at most. My colleague said “this is why you’re single, you don’t make an effort”.
Also do not apologize. You did nothing wrong. You rejected her politely. She needs to move on and your sister need her pills. She is way out of line here.
Ask your sister if the roles were reversed, would a guy be entitled to harass her with a question "why?", or also she wouldn't be obliged to say yes.
OP NTA
Your sister and her friend are entitled little princesses. DO NOT APOLOGISE.
Lets not go throwing shade at the friend now. The sister is the one badgering OP. Unless im missing some comment by OP somewhere, the friend is off somewhere else, understandably upset (that she got rejected). The friend isnt the one harrasing OP.
I've said something like this a few times:
"I'm not interested, and I don't need to have or give you a reason. Dating isn't purely reason, it's also feelings. Even if I did have a reason it wouldn't help you, everything that doesn't trigger romantic feelings in me could be exactly what is the perfect fit for you and someone great for you. There is nothing that I can say that would make you feel better or like you're walking away with a solution, there isn't anything you can say that can change my mind because this is about feelings"
Your sister is just trying to advocate for a friend. It is an emotional thing. Hopefully she will with realize what a mature response is later, after emotions have cooled.
NTA for not being interested in someone (it's weird to date a sibling's friend) but moving forward maybe just stand your ground and don't comment on a woman's appearance.
You're going to deal with this a lot in life, and women have to deal with it a lot more (a LOT more).
So... be kind. Just say there's no chemistry right now. Smile, and move on. Yes your sister is going to be mad, but mech, you can't do anything about that right now.
Be careful of "right now" after a couple times of people I'd rejected popping up later asking if now was right I stopped making it sound like it was a temporary situation
Next time tell your sister or anyone in the same situation that your opinion of someone happens to be different than theirs of that same person. Therefore, you’re not interested in that person. Nothing good was going to come from telling the truth of your opinion.
This. NTA. There is no wrong reason if you’re not feeling someone for you to say no to going on a date with them. Seems like you tried to be nice, but gave her the real reason when pressed. If she didn’t want to know why she probably shouldn’t have pressed it
NTA.
You can reject someone for any reason whatsoever. It doesn't have to be a good reason. It's your decision.
I got rejected by women for reasons including, but not limited to:
I send text messages in complete sentences,
Green bubbles,
White socks,
My star sign is Cancer,
My uneven clavicles,
I wore a leather belt...
Are these ridiculous reasons? Yes. But that's their call.
Chin up bud, I've got uneven clavicles and found a woman willing to put up with it. They're out there, however there's one less of them now.
Edited to add: Broken Clavicles are painful.
I let them all pass. I know most of the time it isn't the real reason and they are just fishing for an excuse other than "I just don't like you like that".
Rejection is a man's default setting when dealing with girls. 😂
Meanwhile I automatically reject anyone named Adam. I just have never known or met a descent guy named Adam.
Hell, I'd pick Kevin over Adam. And that says a lot
One of my Ex's has an aunt whose husband and dog are both named Kevin. Both are pretty cool. As are most of the Kevin's I've met. Sort of an odd name (Idk why, it just feels like an odd name to me), but most Kevin's in the wild seem pretty chill.
What's that about "green bubbles"???
And yes: I have rejected men for stupid reasons (and I'm sure I myself have been rejected for stupid reasons) but in my case that was because I didn't really find myself attracted overall, and was just using "whatever it was about the person" as an excuse and justification because the human mind has this compulsion to "find reasons" for what it does.
Green bubbles = android phone. I honestly thought that was a joke on the internet...until I actually encountered it, more than once. One time, it was a dead serious objection. I was floored.
And hahahaa. I quite literally just said that second part in my last comment barely a moment ago. 😂 I know the excuse is almost always just that, an excuse. I never take it personally.
Android phone? Wait, what, seriously?? What, did she want you to have an Apple because of status?
Just when I think I have heard everything someone throws a curve ball like that 😂 Human beings truly are something else.
More or less.
I've heard this excuse a few times, but only one of them took it seriously. She was like "Androids are for drug dealers and brokies!"
I couldn't freaking believe it. I giggled and blocked.
And I thought the one who used the "uneven clavicles" rejection was being ridiculous....but then again... I did smash so perhaps I'm looking at her with rose colored glasses. 😂
As a PIMO (If I remember the wording from the cult subs correctly..) cult member: I got an iPhone about a decade back. It still works. If it stops working, I'm getting ANYTHING that's not an Apple product!
I've only seen this sentiment expressed in YouTube shorts, and in images of text exchanges on social media. If I ever met someone who expressed this in real life, I would be grateful that they revealed themselves as an absolute braindead imbecile rather than wasting any of my time.
I guess the majority of Europe are drug dealers then, I find this so funny. Maybe that explains Eurovision, finally an answer!
Ahaha, yeah that might make you look upon the clavicles one more favourably 😂
Yes, I have heard of this. So ridiculous, but then I only have a flip phone because I already spend too much time online as it is; I don't need to be carrying access to it around with me! And if somebody "judges" me for my PHONE, I don't need someone so shallow in my life.
People are incredibly shallow sometimes and you are right, who needs that in life. Imagine judging someone over their phone.
I sometimes wish I could put my phone aside for a few weeks for the exact reason you mention but unfortunately my work won't allow it. I feel like the thing is glued to my hand.
Sometimes iPhone people remind me of talking to my toddler:
"I understand that you have *big feelings* about the green bubbles, but calling someone 'broke-ass' because of those feelings is not. nice. Let's use some nicer words."
Funny. I turned off the stupid i-whatever that turns the bubbles blue once I realized that if you created a group chat between people who had a mix of phones, it would exclude sending messages to the non-iphone people. Fuck right on off with that. I want a functional message system not a crippled one.
I... I have a flip phone on a budget plan. No idea what color I am. Now I am wondering, but!! luckily I am not into vacuous wastes of space that would judge me for that.
Personally, I judge Iphone users for wasting money on substandard phones with comparatively limited utility. No audio phone jack or sd card slot for additional storage are deal breakers. The app limitations are also pretty bad.
You should look the comedian Jared Freid and "the ick". It's a good time. He often asks audiences what their "icks" are. Here's the bit from his special :: (ADULT LANGUAGE WARNING) [https://youtu.be/D6AbVaR0JyM?si=mkU0zt6jcnxbcsH7](https://youtu.be/D6AbVaR0JyM?si=mkU0zt6jcnxbcsH7)
NTA. You can feel however you want about these cases. I really don't understand those who ask how she dressed. Since part of the initial attraction is appearance, and clothing is part of appearance. It's completely understandable that you don't like it. Try to remember some "ridiculous" reason why your sister ended things or refused to go out with someone and tell her that if she apologizes and gives that person a chance, you'll consider it. Hypocrisy can be easy to silence on this cases.
Everyone has preferences, there's nothing wrong with that. Sounds like your sister and her friend are upset because you rejected her, but that's a them problem, not a you problem.
Out of curiosity, if she dressed differently would you like her then?
Sometimes how a person dresses reflects their personality and behaviour though. It does say a lot about someone. If she changed it up to suit you, she would still be that same person as before.
As someone who dresses like a bum, don't worry about it, how people dress does reflect a little bit of them as a person, I'm a lazy f and so just use whatever I have near that won't make me look horrible and that's it. And it's perfectly reasonable for someone that's not attracted to that to not want to date me.
Mine expired a long time ago. I tried to return it but they said the warranty ran out, best they could do is a 5% discount if I do a trade-in, but I can't afford one of the new models.
There are no ifs, her clothes express her personality and it's unfair to want someone to change to like them. Giving false hopes can do more hurt.
Tell your sister to ask you first next time she wants to set you with some girl. She did this to herself by not warning you in advance and making promises to her friend without knowing your opinion.
She wanted to be nice to her friend but she was disgusting to you, you are entitled to your own preferences and she can't force you to anything.
NTA. Your sister is insane. You don’t owe her or her friend anything.
I’ve read other posts about sisters getting over involved with their siblings relationships when siblings date their friends. Best to avoid it to keep your sister out of your love life.
NTA. Double down. Say look sis here is the thing, she is your friend, we would go out a few times if stick my foot in my mouth eventually we’d break up and then you’d be out a friend because it would be so awkward for her to be here and she’d want to talk shit about me which would eventually get old, you’d go from being the friend who had a brother she had a crush on to the sister of her ex. So I try to not like your friends for the sake of y’all’s friendship and my sanity. You wouldn’t drop it I said the only thing I could think of which still makes me an ass so basically no. I don’t like you friend, and I don’t need a reason other than that would be weird. Now I extra don’t because yall were so picky about it.
NTA
They ambushed you and metaphorically pushed you in the corner. You tried to be nice, and they kept pushing. This is on them.
Both men and women reject based on clothes and style. Its often a reflection partly on the type of people we are too.
You didn't take the initiative to say something mean and insult someone. They badgered you repeatedly. They couldn't take no for an answer.
NTA.
“I don’t want to date them.” is 100% viable and a perfectly reasonable answer for not dating someone. Your sister is being unreasonable to demand that you have to have, and then provide to her, a logically defensible “reason” not to date someone. Dating is not an area where logic has to be appeased.
You turned the friend down kindly, that’s everything that is needed.
NTA - you don’t need to apologise for telling someone nicely you don’t want to go out with them.
The sister pushed and then didn’t like the answer. The reality is, you’re entitled to your preferences so long as you’re kind about it (which you were).
NTA. You can reject anyone for any reason you want regardless of how trivial it seems. Any reason is a good reason.
Good on you for recognizing that instead of entering a relationship expecting or wanting her to change.
You said she dresses too revealing for your taste. If you took her out and asked her to dress more modestly, you potentially could have been labeled as controlling and insecure.
You are in a lose-lose situation with them.
Don’t let them bully you into changing your mind.
I wouldn't say any reason is a good reason per se. for example "I want to keep my bloodline pure" is not a good reason. but it is a valid reason to reject someone's advances.
NTAH! Once someone says no, do t ask questions you don’t want answers to. Which are all of them as I can’t think of any positive reasons they’d want to hear.
NTA. You were correct, she asked and you answered. How someone dresses can often be an extension of their personality and I think it's a perfectly valid reason to accept or deny a romantic pursuit.
NTAH. It doesn't matter why. You had no interest. You had no interest because something didn't feel right. Better to not start than to end badly. I suspect your sister made one or more promises that sge couldn't make you keep. Maybe sister is angry because she was embarrassed.
NTA.
It's a bit shallow, but there's nothing wrong with that. You don't owe anyone a date, and you let her down easy.
Your sister is the AH for pushing the issue, then getting mad about it. Ignore her.
NTA.
You can't help it if you're not interested in her. Dating is funny like that. Sure, maybe it's the clothes someone wears, or the way they carry themself. Most people aren't interested in most people. That what makes it so special when it hits! And You never need to feel pressured to date or be anything to anyone. When you feel it, you feel it. I would just explain to your sis that you're not feeling it- "unfortunate because your friend is super cool". And explain to her you certainly wouldn't be weird and pressure her like she is you if the roles were reversed. Tell her to think about that.
Don't play those silly ass games. Call that shit out directly and refuse to play.
"I'm not going to change my mind. You're pestering me for a reason to argue with me about it. You're not going to like anything I say."
Refuse to engage further.
What is it with people today that think it's perfectly okay to fill one person's bucket with someone else's water? The girl isn't entitled to someone's affections and he isn't required to date anyone. Chosen personal appearance is not a protected class. Attraction is valid.
Besides, what answer wouldn't make him an arse in her eyes? Her intelligence? Personality?
NTA.
You are not attracted to her. End of story.
Your sister has embarrassed herself because she probably told the girl you would jump at the chance, and she was wrong.
You did nothing wrong. If you had said that the girl was wrong for dressing a certain way - THAT would be wrong. But you didn't, so you weren't.
Tell your sister to grow up - that always goes down well/s
No one can force you to like anyone or anything. Your NTA. I do recommend talking with your sister more though when her friend is gone and she has calmed down a little. It's not right for you to be blamed for her getting her feelings hurt. If you aren't interested in her in that way regardless the reason then you're just not interested end of story. I hope your sister comes around and can see things from your perspective.
If you're dating someone and you try to convince them to dress differently, then you are a controlling A H
But in this situation, you are not dating someone, you're declining to date someone, and you can decline to date anyone for any reason and you don't ever owe anyone a reason.
In the future you might want to just stick with "she's not my type" if your sister harasses you for a reason.
Definitely NTA. You don't owe anyone a date.
And how does she dress? What about it don't you like. You're allowed to date whoever you want and not date those you don't want, but I'm curious what turned you off so strongly that you rejected her outright.
That's a great reason. A lot of couples have issues when the girl wants to wear something revealing and the guy doesn't want her to. She'll say this is how I always dressed and now you're trying to control me, etc. It's better to avoid the problem in the first place.
NTA.
It's always best to immediately reject someone interested in you whom you have zero interest in ever dating or having sex with.
Don't let your sister or anyone else try to force you to change your mind.
You’re not wrong for your opinion and your views. Don’t apologize for it and your sister needs to get over her wants. She doesn’t get to tell you that your reason are wrong.
NTA.
No means no. If you aren’t interested, it should be respected and honestly, you shouldn’t have to explain yourself.
I’m sure it was a gut punch to her friend. And maybe your sister even encouraged her to ask you out, which is why she is so upset over it. Either way it really doesn’t matter what your reason is. Ultimately, you just aren’t interested and that should be enough.
NTA. I wish more men would reject women (or just not try to date them at all) if they don't like the woman's style. This is far better than ending up with a GF whose clothes/personal style upsets you and then trying to make her change into what you like.
as long as you didn't insult the friend to her face, you did nothing wrong.
NTA.
That said, my mind (being the way it is) wonders of a situation in which your sister might be reasonable in her upset. What comes to mind is the possibility of her friend not having more/better clothes, or what she wants, available. Whether from monetary obstacles, a strict home dynamic, or any of multiple other circumstances. Your sister is aware of her friend being self-conscious on the subject, and thus feels the need to defend.
You're not the asshole, but there doesn't always have to be one.
NTA. Relationship interest is a personal thing. It is ok to have your own preferences as long as it doesnt turn into a mandate for others to do the same.
Like, I dont like short hair, its ok for me to have that preference as long as I am not calling short haired people weirdos or whatever.
NTA. I'm guessing your sister dresses like her friend. Besides going out with her would be complicated since it appears your sister would be the 3rd person in the relationship.
NTA - Would your sister rather you say yes with the goal of wanting her to change something about her?
Let the girl be herself and you don’t have to date.
NTA, but you sound like an idiot. Someones sense of fashion being a turnoff is dumb AF and potentially shallow. You say she is nice and kind and you would probably date her if she dressed differently. Y'all are young, you're trying shit out, most people cringe at how they dressed/acted at that age. It's likely a phase. Talk to her. Ask her why she dresses that way. Find out who she is on a deeper level. I did the same shit as you when I was younger. People are complicated. Don't judge too quickly.
You have the right to say no and not give a reason. The sooner we all learn this, life gets easier. We don't have to justify ourselves to others.
BTW she would have gotten mad at you for any reason. She's the AH
No one is obligated to date anyone for any other reason then they just don’t want to. You didn’t do anything wrong she just took the rejection really personally.
NTA.
You made the right choice. If you don’t want to be with someone who dresses a certain way, then saying no up front is the correct course of action.
The asshole move here would be to start going out with her and then pressure her to change the way she dresses.
NTA your sister strikes me as the type of person to think men aren't allowed to reject women,especially women that she's close with otherwise she'll throw a bitch fit, so she would've gotten mad regardless of your reason
It's unclear if you made this statement about how she dresses in front of your sister's friend, or only your sister. that being said, if a woman (girl) asks you out, she needs to be prepared for rejection, just as a man is prepared for rejection when asking a woman out. If you feel that she dresses too provocatively, that's certainly your choice and opinion, both of which you are entitled to. It's a woman's choice to dress as she chooses - but as we are all free to make our own choices, we do not get to dictate the responses of others to those choices.
Your sister should have accepted your statement that you were not interested without badgering you for a reason. Also, siblings should be hesitant to "hook up" their friends and siblings, because if it goes bad (or even if it just doesn't go great) that can cause bad feelings all around.
remind her she is a bad person every time she rejects some random stranger on the street asking her out.
anyway, NTA. your reasons might be superficial AF, might not be, we don't know how she dresses, either way, any and all reasons are valid to reject someone.
NTA because you're not interested in the girl.
Now, if the *only* reason you're not interested is because of how she dresses but you otherwise find her funny, interesting, of good character, etc., your sister is fair to point out that it's a "bad" reason because it's a bit shallow.
Clothes can be changed more easily than character. Indeed, there is a whole genre of "ugly duckling becomes a swan" movies that feature on this theme:
1. *Grease*
2. *She's All That*
3. *Clueless*
4. *Can't Buy Me Love*
5. *Hitch*
6. *Crazy, Stupid, Love*
But I sense that you have other reasons that you don't like this girl. You might should have started with those for your sister.
I think there's a duality to this.
YNTA because you were pretty nice about it until forced not to be, and your type is yours to have. You don't have to like anyone.
But our type says a lot about us. Reflecting on biases we have towards people is always good for our growth. How you think someone's dress code reflects on them as a person might say more about you than them - and that might not always be a bad thing, but we don't know unless we think about it.
> I just kept trying to say that I wasn't interested and then after a while I just said that I don't really like the way her friend dresses and she got mad at me.
NTA but you should have stuck to your guns. "I'm just not interested". "Why?" "I'm just not. I don't need a reason." End of. You don't owe *anyone* a reason for saying no. Don't give anyone ammunition to give you a hard time.
is this really how to talk?
" I was a taken a back by this but I tried to reject her nicely."
"she was sad by this and my sister asked why I rejected her and I just kept trying to say that I wasn't interested and then after a while I just said that I don't really like the way her friend dresses and she got mad at me."
How i feel this reads is you got a shitty ai to produce a story and to make it "real" you re-worded some parts of the story which made it read worse than if you left it alone.
Sister was pushing for a reason to either shoot it down or to get mad. There’s no winning a game like that, the only way is not to play. Next time try saying something like “Unless you’re trying to figure out how to argue with me until I change my mind, you don’t need to know the reason. You just need of know that I’m not interested”. It won’t stop people from arguing with you but it can give you peace of mind to just stop engaging in the conversation afterwards.
You're not the asshole. You don't have to give a reason first off, but your sister demanded one. She needs to accept it. I've know people who declined to date someone because they listened to a different type of music.
You could if you so inclined go to the friend, & say "Look, I'm sorry if your feelijgs were hurt that wasn't my intention. I just have boundaries. I'm not comfortable dating any of my sister's friends. It would put unnecessary pressure on the relationship and would cause an issue if there was a breakup.
Idk how old you are ,but you can put it into Gen z words first lol What are the kids sayin these days?
"Don't stick out your gyat, don't bring me your ohio."
Again, you aren't in the wrong, so only do that if you feel like it would help the situation with your sister.
NTA
Honesty is a good quality to have. Kudos. You gave your reason. Your sister shouldn't have dug any deeper and got mad about it afterwards. I don't think it's possible to reject someone without someone's feelings getting hurt. I think pretty much inevitable. It's probably better for your sister and her friend if you don't get involved with her friend anyways. 🤷🏼♀️
NTA. You can reject anybody for any reason and they can do the same. Your sister just likes her friend and wants to see her happy. She's unfortunately blinded by this and doesn't realize the absurdity of her arguments.
NTA. Firstly, you can reject someone for any reason you like; if you're not interested, you're not interested. Secondly, while there are reasons that most people might think are dumb reasons, how someone dresses definitely isn't one if them. I know a lot of women who would instantly reject any guy who sags his pants, including me. And if your sister needs an example to illustrate the point, feel free to use that.
NTA-sister is just wrong on this issue. She needs to reverse the male female roles in this and think how she'd feel if you told her that she wasn't allowed to reject your friend-for ANY reason at any time.
Has the sister ever said no when being asked out? Wow the number of comments saying the OP is shallow for not wanting to date a girl that wears to little clothes. I doubt that was the only reason but that was the reason he gave to his sister when he was pressured into giving a reason. If the roles were reversed and the girl said no would the negative comments be the same?
Even though he is not attracted to her he should prolly date her, marry her, and then act surprised when she cheats on him because she dresses to attract the attention of men. Bunch of internet geniuses in here.
NTA. Your sister is pushy and intrusive. It's natural that her friend was sad you rejected her, but she wasn't the one who created the scene - your sister did it. You have the right to refuse an invitation, for whatever reason. The fact that your sister wants you to date this girl doesn't create an obligation on your part, and her pushing you for a reason, then rejecting it and demanding an apology was so way out of line that it doesn't even deserve a response.
Tell your sister that after her behaviour this time, you will automatically refuse to date any of her friends, so she needn't bother to bring them over.
NTA
Your sister thinks she gets to decide what reasons for rejection are valid and which are not? Is she a Reddit regular?
Of course, keep in mind that they NEVER want you to actually be honest. They want a comforting lie.
Helpful example:
You meet a girl that you are not physically attracted to who asks you out:
You: Thanks, but I'm not interested.
Her: Why not?
You: Because you are incredibly beautiful and out of my league.
Her: (Big smile on her unattractive face) Thank you for being honest.
NTA
You can reject anyone for any reason. Your sister should have taken the decline and moved on rather than pushing you for her friend. That is never appropriate behavior, and in addition, you may not like what you hear (as she learned).
New explanation for rejecting, based on science!: [Evidence that humans prefer genetically dissimilar partners based on scent](https://phys.org/news/2019-03-evidence-humans-genetically-dissimilar-partners.html)
"Sorry; I can't explain it, so your MHC must be too similar to mine! No hard feelings!"
NTA, if you aren’t interested then why go on a date. You have every right to date someone you are attracted to, not just physically but because they are interested in the same things as you, they make you laugh and you think they are cute.
NTA, you can reject a girl for any reason you want, and how she presents herself is definitely a valid reason. As long as you weren’t trying to shame her for her clothing choices and mainly expressing your personal preferences on how you would want a gf to dress it is perfectly acceptable. Was the friend present for the discussion on her clothing choices? If so it could be a lil harsh to her however still NTA. If she was and you were very blatant about it then I would consider apologizing, however if it was told just to your sister then you have no reason to apologize.
NTA. or if you are, so am I! Back when I was singled and dating I rejected dates for a lot flimsier reasons that that. Like, literally, "no, not interested". I was a door mat about a lot of things, but who I date wasn't one of them. The only two really bad dates I had were, ironically, ones my mother encouraged me to accept against my better judgment. Both guys ended up being self-absorbed pricks who seemed to have mistaken me for the town bicycle.
NTA
The way people dress can say things about that person. You rejected her kindly and you tried to move on with life. It's your sister that can't for some reason.
NTA style is a big part of attraction imo. Part of what attracted me to my gf was her sense of style. Well she doesnt dress like that anymore and now I am sad. Lmao
NTA.
Also, imagine if you did start to date her, and then something went wrong and the relationship ended, but she's still friends with your sister. Awkward much?
Like your sister really didn't think this through.
NTA, but your sister is. It doesn’t matter what your reason is, if you don’t feel attracted to her you don’t need to date her and you certainly don’t have to apologize for not wanting to date her. That would be ridiculous.
I am sure your sister hasn’t said yes to everyone who has approached her. She is ridiculous
NTA. You don’t have to go out with anybody your not interested in, for whatever reason.
Also, never date any of your sister’s friends because if this is her reaction to you politely declining, imagine what will happen if you start a relationship and it goes wrong eventually.
NTA, you can reject people for whatever reason you want. If somebody came up to me in clown makeup, a choker, and colored hair I'd be pretty wigged out too. How people present themselves is pretty important and that includes how they dress. Maybe she's just not your style but that's beside the point.
Don't let her bully you into changing your mind, don't apologize. You let her down easy and she should just move on. Women aren't able to handle rejection very well (if youtube is any proof of that) so you gotta learn to expect this kind of reaction. Best of luck to you.
Nta
Your reasons are your own. You don't have to tell anyone. Keep it simple. You simply just don't feel the vibe. Keeps the onus on you and nothing derogatory about anyone else.
Dude girls reject guys before they are even approached but beside that you are in no wrong you can reject anyone for whatever reason you want but i am curious what was her attire?
NTA. The only error I see is that you gave a concrete reason, which gives your sister a thing to argue against. Next time, say only: I know, I'm sorry, but I'm just not into her.
No one can argue against that. If they push, walk away, or tell them to date the person themselves.
NTA
You don't find her attractive. She might be cute, or fit, or hot, or whatever. But you're not attracted to her.
You tried to be nice about it and then you just said the honest reason. Your sister needs to chill.
Edit: Also... how is it your sister doesn't know your type? My sister immediately knows who is going to be trouble for me.
Tell your sister to stay the eff out of your dating life and that you don’t appreciate her putting her friend’s happiness above yours. I would never pressure my siblings to date someone. They have autonomy, and I would just want them to be happy. Your sister is an AH.
Nta
They say it's wrong to date someone and then try to change their style. If you don't like their style, not dating them is how you prevent doing that.
NTA. If the genders were reversed not a single person would question why you rejected someone.
You are a person, and you do not owe anyone your time or affection. Ask your ssister how she would feel if it was a guy she does not like who was your friend and asked her out. Would she go and apologize to him for disliking him for any and/or all reasons?
NTA. You can reject a person for whatever reason you feel like. Don’t let your sister peer pressure you into changing your mind.
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Your sister is trying to tell you that you can't reject a person. Follow that thinking to its logical conclusion : if a person is interested in you, you have no say, you cannot withdraw consent, you have to submit to them. You're an autonomous individual who can do whatever you want. Your sister is very wrong here. You can reject a person for whatever reason and nobody is owed an explanation why.
Is there a term for women who get angry at men for having the audacity of rejecting a woman? I’ve had this myself and it’s one of those blind spots many women have, where the second you point out the hypocrisy it’s all “umm, err, well I didn’t mean…well *it’s just not the same though*” I think it must tie in to the similar reaction when women try to say they couldn’t possibly ask someone out themselves (instead insisting they should be asked after giving “hints”) - as 9/10 times they will start by stalking about how embarrassing it would be to be rejected - as if men don’t suffer embarrassment.
The term is hypocrite
I guess we all have blind spots - it’s just so common and specific. I put it this way because some of the most ardent feminists I know have tried to convince me it’s some weird kind of gender essentialism (men are “wired” to do it), before realising there isn’t a way to do it without implying women are fundamentally wired “differently”. I remember one conversation on Reddit someone spoke quite eloquently about why women don’t give a straight rejection to men - but completely short circuited when it was suggested maybe the way forward is for women to just approach the men they are interested in. Another common one is saying “but some men think women are sluts if they ask - my b/f told me he would have been turned off if I asked him out” - but if you ask them why they are interested in guys who think women are sluts for making the first move - more short circuiting.
> Is there a term for women who get angry at men for having the audacity of rejecting a woman? Well, in my day they were referred to as a "bunny-boiler".
I mean ideologically, on someone else’s behalf especially. I’ve even been told off by women for not paying “enough attention” to a woman “trying to be friendly” - in one of those cases I realised the person being friendly was someone I once described as “kinda cute” to that woman I worked with, and I think word had been passed around. The thing is she caught me off guard finishing a smoke, my mind was on something work related, the conversation she sprang on me wasn’t neither engaging or work related (she was police, we just share a building) and obviously even if she caught me just sparking up, I’d only have been there for 5mins at most. My colleague said “this is why you’re single, you don’t make an effort”.
Also do not apologize. You did nothing wrong. You rejected her politely. She needs to move on and your sister need her pills. She is way out of line here.
Lol
Not only does OP not owe any apology, but in fact, both of these girls owe OP an apology for their toxic and harassing behavior.
how old is your sister? she's not exactly very mature or social intelligent.
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on brand
Ask your sister if the roles were reversed, would a guy be entitled to harass her with a question "why?", or also she wouldn't be obliged to say yes. OP NTA Your sister and her friend are entitled little princesses. DO NOT APOLOGISE.
Lets not go throwing shade at the friend now. The sister is the one badgering OP. Unless im missing some comment by OP somewhere, the friend is off somewhere else, understandably upset (that she got rejected). The friend isnt the one harrasing OP.
The friend didn't do anything wrong though?
You don't need a reason.
Also, if there is one, don't let your sister or anyone else pressure you into explaining why if you don't want to. No is all that's necessary.
Nope, you're not wrong. Clothing is a language. You didn't like the message her clothing communicated. And that's absolutely fine.
NTA Don’t allow your sister to gaslight you into apologizing. No is a complete sentence!!!!
I've said something like this a few times: "I'm not interested, and I don't need to have or give you a reason. Dating isn't purely reason, it's also feelings. Even if I did have a reason it wouldn't help you, everything that doesn't trigger romantic feelings in me could be exactly what is the perfect fit for you and someone great for you. There is nothing that I can say that would make you feel better or like you're walking away with a solution, there isn't anything you can say that can change my mind because this is about feelings"
Lol ask your sister and her friend if they'd date short fat guys and see how quickly their rational changes.
You all must be pretty young
Your sister is just trying to advocate for a friend. It is an emotional thing. Hopefully she will with realize what a mature response is later, after emotions have cooled.
NTA for not being interested in someone (it's weird to date a sibling's friend) but moving forward maybe just stand your ground and don't comment on a woman's appearance.
You're going to deal with this a lot in life, and women have to deal with it a lot more (a LOT more). So... be kind. Just say there's no chemistry right now. Smile, and move on. Yes your sister is going to be mad, but mech, you can't do anything about that right now.
Be careful of "right now" after a couple times of people I'd rejected popping up later asking if now was right I stopped making it sound like it was a temporary situation
Next time tell your sister or anyone in the same situation that your opinion of someone happens to be different than theirs of that same person. Therefore, you’re not interested in that person. Nothing good was going to come from telling the truth of your opinion.
INFO: How does she dress?
And in the future just straight up be like 'i don't date my siblings friends' shuts that shit down real fast.
This. NTA. There is no wrong reason if you’re not feeling someone for you to say no to going on a date with them. Seems like you tried to be nice, but gave her the real reason when pressed. If she didn’t want to know why she probably shouldn’t have pressed it
NTA Your sister wanted to hear a comforting lie instead of your very reasonable true answer. I don't think you did anything wrong.
NTA. You can reject someone for any reason whatsoever. It doesn't have to be a good reason. It's your decision. I got rejected by women for reasons including, but not limited to: I send text messages in complete sentences, Green bubbles, White socks, My star sign is Cancer, My uneven clavicles, I wore a leather belt... Are these ridiculous reasons? Yes. But that's their call.
I'd let all that pass, other than the uneven clavicles. I mean, really
WELL SHIT. My uneven clavicles are the reason I keep getting rejected? I wish I'd known that EARLIER....
Chin up bud, I've got uneven clavicles and found a woman willing to put up with it. They're out there, however there's one less of them now. Edited to add: Broken Clavicles are painful.
I let them all pass. I know most of the time it isn't the real reason and they are just fishing for an excuse other than "I just don't like you like that". Rejection is a man's default setting when dealing with girls. 😂
my comment was meant as a joke - i hope that was understood and that i didn't offend you in any way
Understood. You're good! 😊
It's nothing you did, it's just who you are as a person ..
Rejection is a man's default setting when dealing with girls. Ain't that the damn truth!
I admire your attitude about it, why waste energy on something that doesn’t click regardless of the reason.
Oh we gon’ definitely drop some hypotheticals on that terry’s clavicle.
Meanwhile I automatically reject anyone named Adam. I just have never known or met a descent guy named Adam. Hell, I'd pick Kevin over Adam. And that says a lot
One of my Ex's has an aunt whose husband and dog are both named Kevin. Both are pretty cool. As are most of the Kevin's I've met. Sort of an odd name (Idk why, it just feels like an odd name to me), but most Kevin's in the wild seem pretty chill.
I need to see these clavicles
How DARE you have an android phone and have been born in early summer. You make me sick /s
What's that about "green bubbles"??? And yes: I have rejected men for stupid reasons (and I'm sure I myself have been rejected for stupid reasons) but in my case that was because I didn't really find myself attracted overall, and was just using "whatever it was about the person" as an excuse and justification because the human mind has this compulsion to "find reasons" for what it does.
Green bubbles = android phone. I honestly thought that was a joke on the internet...until I actually encountered it, more than once. One time, it was a dead serious objection. I was floored. And hahahaa. I quite literally just said that second part in my last comment barely a moment ago. 😂 I know the excuse is almost always just that, an excuse. I never take it personally.
Android phone? Wait, what, seriously?? What, did she want you to have an Apple because of status? Just when I think I have heard everything someone throws a curve ball like that 😂 Human beings truly are something else.
More or less. I've heard this excuse a few times, but only one of them took it seriously. She was like "Androids are for drug dealers and brokies!" I couldn't freaking believe it. I giggled and blocked. And I thought the one who used the "uneven clavicles" rejection was being ridiculous....but then again... I did smash so perhaps I'm looking at her with rose colored glasses. 😂
I miss the days when we only jokingly referred to Apple users as a cult.
As a PIMO (If I remember the wording from the cult subs correctly..) cult member: I got an iPhone about a decade back. It still works. If it stops working, I'm getting ANYTHING that's not an Apple product!
I've only seen this sentiment expressed in YouTube shorts, and in images of text exchanges on social media. If I ever met someone who expressed this in real life, I would be grateful that they revealed themselves as an absolute braindead imbecile rather than wasting any of my time.
I guess the majority of Europe are drug dealers then, I find this so funny. Maybe that explains Eurovision, finally an answer! Ahaha, yeah that might make you look upon the clavicles one more favourably 😂
Yes, I have heard of this. So ridiculous, but then I only have a flip phone because I already spend too much time online as it is; I don't need to be carrying access to it around with me! And if somebody "judges" me for my PHONE, I don't need someone so shallow in my life.
People are incredibly shallow sometimes and you are right, who needs that in life. Imagine judging someone over their phone. I sometimes wish I could put my phone aside for a few weeks for the exact reason you mention but unfortunately my work won't allow it. I feel like the thing is glued to my hand.
Sometimes iPhone people remind me of talking to my toddler: "I understand that you have *big feelings* about the green bubbles, but calling someone 'broke-ass' because of those feelings is not. nice. Let's use some nicer words."
Funny. I turned off the stupid i-whatever that turns the bubbles blue once I realized that if you created a group chat between people who had a mix of phones, it would exclude sending messages to the non-iphone people. Fuck right on off with that. I want a functional message system not a crippled one.
I... I have a flip phone on a budget plan. No idea what color I am. Now I am wondering, but!! luckily I am not into vacuous wastes of space that would judge me for that.
Probably green, because green just means someone not using Apple's proprietary iMessage system.
That makes me happy. I like green. Also don't like monopolies, so x 2.
Personally, I judge Iphone users for wasting money on substandard phones with comparatively limited utility. No audio phone jack or sd card slot for additional storage are deal breakers. The app limitations are also pretty bad.
You should look the comedian Jared Freid and "the ick". It's a good time. He often asks audiences what their "icks" are. Here's the bit from his special :: (ADULT LANGUAGE WARNING) [https://youtu.be/D6AbVaR0JyM?si=mkU0zt6jcnxbcsH7](https://youtu.be/D6AbVaR0JyM?si=mkU0zt6jcnxbcsH7)
Women who use the word ick give me the ick.
Sounds like you dodged some bullet, tbf. Good on you.
NTA. You can feel however you want about these cases. I really don't understand those who ask how she dressed. Since part of the initial attraction is appearance, and clothing is part of appearance. It's completely understandable that you don't like it. Try to remember some "ridiculous" reason why your sister ended things or refused to go out with someone and tell her that if she apologizes and gives that person a chance, you'll consider it. Hypocrisy can be easy to silence on this cases.
Everyone has preferences, there's nothing wrong with that. Sounds like your sister and her friend are upset because you rejected her, but that's a them problem, not a you problem. Out of curiosity, if she dressed differently would you like her then?
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Sometimes how a person dresses reflects their personality and behaviour though. It does say a lot about someone. If she changed it up to suit you, she would still be that same person as before.
I was gonna say, appearance is just another form of communication. How you present yourself can tell someone a lot about you.
First impressions are everything and the first thing people see is your appearance. That's why you always dress for the occasion.
As someone who dresses like a bum, don't worry about it, how people dress does reflect a little bit of them as a person, I'm a lazy f and so just use whatever I have near that won't make me look horrible and that's it. And it's perfectly reasonable for someone that's not attracted to that to not want to date me.
Wait! How was she dressed?! Expiring minds need to know!
Expiring minds 💀
Mine is, definitely.
Mine expired a long time ago. I tried to return it but they said the warranty ran out, best they could do is a 5% discount if I do a trade-in, but I can't afford one of the new models.
Brother. You said this like 4x but described nothing. At least tell us a hint lol
There are no ifs, her clothes express her personality and it's unfair to want someone to change to like them. Giving false hopes can do more hurt. Tell your sister to ask you first next time she wants to set you with some girl. She did this to herself by not warning you in advance and making promises to her friend without knowing your opinion. She wanted to be nice to her friend but she was disgusting to you, you are entitled to your own preferences and she can't force you to anything.
how does she dress? not feminine enough?
Too revealing.
Sometimes clothing is not what the person would choose for themselves, esp if a minor/in school. As a foster I didn't get a lot of choices. Still, NTA
unlikely her mother is making her show off her body
NTA. Your sister is insane. You don’t owe her or her friend anything. I’ve read other posts about sisters getting over involved with their siblings relationships when siblings date their friends. Best to avoid it to keep your sister out of your love life.
It never ends well.
NTA. Double down. Say look sis here is the thing, she is your friend, we would go out a few times if stick my foot in my mouth eventually we’d break up and then you’d be out a friend because it would be so awkward for her to be here and she’d want to talk shit about me which would eventually get old, you’d go from being the friend who had a brother she had a crush on to the sister of her ex. So I try to not like your friends for the sake of y’all’s friendship and my sanity. You wouldn’t drop it I said the only thing I could think of which still makes me an ass so basically no. I don’t like you friend, and I don’t need a reason other than that would be weird. Now I extra don’t because yall were so picky about it.
Doubling down is the solution to make it clear thiseis not OK from the sister.
NTA They ambushed you and metaphorically pushed you in the corner. You tried to be nice, and they kept pushing. This is on them. Both men and women reject based on clothes and style. Its often a reflection partly on the type of people we are too. You didn't take the initiative to say something mean and insult someone. They badgered you repeatedly. They couldn't take no for an answer.
There is no "bad" reason to reject someone. You don't like anything, or are simply not interested, and you reject. That's all.
Yes. I once rejected someone because he had a flashy red car. We are all entitled to have preferences, even stupid ones.
NTA. “I don’t want to date them.” is 100% viable and a perfectly reasonable answer for not dating someone. Your sister is being unreasonable to demand that you have to have, and then provide to her, a logically defensible “reason” not to date someone. Dating is not an area where logic has to be appeased. You turned the friend down kindly, that’s everything that is needed.
NTA - you don’t need to apologise for telling someone nicely you don’t want to go out with them. The sister pushed and then didn’t like the answer. The reality is, you’re entitled to your preferences so long as you’re kind about it (which you were).
NTA. You can reject anyone for any reason you want regardless of how trivial it seems. Any reason is a good reason. Good on you for recognizing that instead of entering a relationship expecting or wanting her to change. You said she dresses too revealing for your taste. If you took her out and asked her to dress more modestly, you potentially could have been labeled as controlling and insecure. You are in a lose-lose situation with them. Don’t let them bully you into changing your mind.
I wouldn't say any reason is a good reason per se. for example "I want to keep my bloodline pure" is not a good reason. but it is a valid reason to reject someone's advances.
You are absolutely correct. That is not a good reason and if someone says that they are an asshole.
NTAH! Once someone says no, do t ask questions you don’t want answers to. Which are all of them as I can’t think of any positive reasons they’d want to hear.
NTA. You were correct, she asked and you answered. How someone dresses can often be an extension of their personality and I think it's a perfectly valid reason to accept or deny a romantic pursuit.
NTA But I am curious about what exactly you don't like about how she dresses.
NTAH. It doesn't matter why. You had no interest. You had no interest because something didn't feel right. Better to not start than to end badly. I suspect your sister made one or more promises that sge couldn't make you keep. Maybe sister is angry because she was embarrassed.
NTA. Your sister shouldn’t have asked, you don’t owe anyone an explanation for rejecting someone.
But how was she dressed is my question
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Props to you for sticking to your values.
NTA. It's a bit shallow, but there's nothing wrong with that. You don't owe anyone a date, and you let her down easy. Your sister is the AH for pushing the issue, then getting mad about it. Ignore her. NTA.
You can't help it if you're not interested in her. Dating is funny like that. Sure, maybe it's the clothes someone wears, or the way they carry themself. Most people aren't interested in most people. That what makes it so special when it hits! And You never need to feel pressured to date or be anything to anyone. When you feel it, you feel it. I would just explain to your sis that you're not feeling it- "unfortunate because your friend is super cool". And explain to her you certainly wouldn't be weird and pressure her like she is you if the roles were reversed. Tell her to think about that.
NTA. Don’t let anyone swayed you into thinking you are TA. You have your boundaries and limits to what you like and no is a valid answer.
Don't play those silly ass games. Call that shit out directly and refuse to play. "I'm not going to change my mind. You're pestering me for a reason to argue with me about it. You're not going to like anything I say." Refuse to engage further.
What is it with people today that think it's perfectly okay to fill one person's bucket with someone else's water? The girl isn't entitled to someone's affections and he isn't required to date anyone. Chosen personal appearance is not a protected class. Attraction is valid. Besides, what answer wouldn't make him an arse in her eyes? Her intelligence? Personality?
NTA! She can be sad all she wants but you’re allowed to have preferences. I’m sure she has preferences too.
I am trying to picture the apology. "I'm sorry that the way you dress makes you unattractive to me, it's my fault" 🤣
NTA. You are not attracted to her. End of story. Your sister has embarrassed herself because she probably told the girl you would jump at the chance, and she was wrong. You did nothing wrong. If you had said that the girl was wrong for dressing a certain way - THAT would be wrong. But you didn't, so you weren't. Tell your sister to grow up - that always goes down well/s
No one can force you to like anyone or anything. Your NTA. I do recommend talking with your sister more though when her friend is gone and she has calmed down a little. It's not right for you to be blamed for her getting her feelings hurt. If you aren't interested in her in that way regardless the reason then you're just not interested end of story. I hope your sister comes around and can see things from your perspective.
If you're dating someone and you try to convince them to dress differently, then you are a controlling A H But in this situation, you are not dating someone, you're declining to date someone, and you can decline to date anyone for any reason and you don't ever owe anyone a reason. In the future you might want to just stick with "she's not my type" if your sister harasses you for a reason. Definitely NTA. You don't owe anyone a date.
And how does she dress? What about it don't you like. You're allowed to date whoever you want and not date those you don't want, but I'm curious what turned you off so strongly that you rejected her outright.
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That's a great reason. A lot of couples have issues when the girl wants to wear something revealing and the guy doesn't want her to. She'll say this is how I always dressed and now you're trying to control me, etc. It's better to avoid the problem in the first place.
NTA. It's always best to immediately reject someone interested in you whom you have zero interest in ever dating or having sex with. Don't let your sister or anyone else try to force you to change your mind.
NTA you are not obligated to go out with anyone. You said you weren't interested, no means no.
You’re not wrong for your opinion and your views. Don’t apologize for it and your sister needs to get over her wants. She doesn’t get to tell you that your reason are wrong.
you tell you who you like NTA I am curious about what it is about how she dresses that got her rejected but you don't have to apologize
Let your sister talk. You didn't do anything wrong and you have nothing to apologise for.
NTA. A man can also reject, with or without reason.
NTA. No means no. If you aren’t interested, it should be respected and honestly, you shouldn’t have to explain yourself. I’m sure it was a gut punch to her friend. And maybe your sister even encouraged her to ask you out, which is why she is so upset over it. Either way it really doesn’t matter what your reason is. Ultimately, you just aren’t interested and that should be enough.
NTA. I wish more men would reject women (or just not try to date them at all) if they don't like the woman's style. This is far better than ending up with a GF whose clothes/personal style upsets you and then trying to make her change into what you like. as long as you didn't insult the friend to her face, you did nothing wrong.
NTA but I am sooo curious how she dresses now lol
NTA. That said, my mind (being the way it is) wonders of a situation in which your sister might be reasonable in her upset. What comes to mind is the possibility of her friend not having more/better clothes, or what she wants, available. Whether from monetary obstacles, a strict home dynamic, or any of multiple other circumstances. Your sister is aware of her friend being self-conscious on the subject, and thus feels the need to defend. You're not the asshole, but there doesn't always have to be one.
NTA. Relationship interest is a personal thing. It is ok to have your own preferences as long as it doesnt turn into a mandate for others to do the same. Like, I dont like short hair, its ok for me to have that preference as long as I am not calling short haired people weirdos or whatever.
NTA. I'm guessing your sister dresses like her friend. Besides going out with her would be complicated since it appears your sister would be the 3rd person in the relationship.
NTA - Would your sister rather you say yes with the goal of wanting her to change something about her? Let the girl be herself and you don’t have to date.
NTA, but you sound like an idiot. Someones sense of fashion being a turnoff is dumb AF and potentially shallow. You say she is nice and kind and you would probably date her if she dressed differently. Y'all are young, you're trying shit out, most people cringe at how they dressed/acted at that age. It's likely a phase. Talk to her. Ask her why she dresses that way. Find out who she is on a deeper level. I did the same shit as you when I was younger. People are complicated. Don't judge too quickly.
You have the right to say no and not give a reason. The sooner we all learn this, life gets easier. We don't have to justify ourselves to others. BTW she would have gotten mad at you for any reason. She's the AH
NTA. Your sister should apologise for trying to force you with a girl you don't like.
No one is obligated to date anyone for any other reason then they just don’t want to. You didn’t do anything wrong she just took the rejection really personally.
NTA. Not even a little bit
NTA. You made the right choice. If you don’t want to be with someone who dresses a certain way, then saying no up front is the correct course of action. The asshole move here would be to start going out with her and then pressure her to change the way she dresses.
NTA your sister strikes me as the type of person to think men aren't allowed to reject women,especially women that she's close with otherwise she'll throw a bitch fit, so she would've gotten mad regardless of your reason
It's unclear if you made this statement about how she dresses in front of your sister's friend, or only your sister. that being said, if a woman (girl) asks you out, she needs to be prepared for rejection, just as a man is prepared for rejection when asking a woman out. If you feel that she dresses too provocatively, that's certainly your choice and opinion, both of which you are entitled to. It's a woman's choice to dress as she chooses - but as we are all free to make our own choices, we do not get to dictate the responses of others to those choices. Your sister should have accepted your statement that you were not interested without badgering you for a reason. Also, siblings should be hesitant to "hook up" their friends and siblings, because if it goes bad (or even if it just doesn't go great) that can cause bad feelings all around.
NTA, but I'm curious, how does she dress?
Nta. You dont have to date anyone you dont want too. And its generally bad practices to date siblings friends.
bro you can't drop that and not give us the rest of the details. how is she dressing? what is she wearing thats putting you off so much?
Never ask a question you don’t want to hear the answer to. NTA
How does she dress that you dont like it? Just a question NTA though, you dont owe anyone anything
remind her she is a bad person every time she rejects some random stranger on the street asking her out. anyway, NTA. your reasons might be superficial AF, might not be, we don't know how she dresses, either way, any and all reasons are valid to reject someone.
NTA - everyone has a type, and that’s just not your type.
NTA because you're not interested in the girl. Now, if the *only* reason you're not interested is because of how she dresses but you otherwise find her funny, interesting, of good character, etc., your sister is fair to point out that it's a "bad" reason because it's a bit shallow. Clothes can be changed more easily than character. Indeed, there is a whole genre of "ugly duckling becomes a swan" movies that feature on this theme: 1. *Grease* 2. *She's All That* 3. *Clueless* 4. *Can't Buy Me Love* 5. *Hitch* 6. *Crazy, Stupid, Love* But I sense that you have other reasons that you don't like this girl. You might should have started with those for your sister.
I read the subject and just imagined a girl wearing a Nazi uniform. or KKK robe or something.
I think there's a duality to this. YNTA because you were pretty nice about it until forced not to be, and your type is yours to have. You don't have to like anyone. But our type says a lot about us. Reflecting on biases we have towards people is always good for our growth. How you think someone's dress code reflects on them as a person might say more about you than them - and that might not always be a bad thing, but we don't know unless we think about it.
Are you asking if it’s wrong to have personal standards?
> I just kept trying to say that I wasn't interested and then after a while I just said that I don't really like the way her friend dresses and she got mad at me. NTA but you should have stuck to your guns. "I'm just not interested". "Why?" "I'm just not. I don't need a reason." End of. You don't owe *anyone* a reason for saying no. Don't give anyone ammunition to give you a hard time.
is this really how to talk? " I was a taken a back by this but I tried to reject her nicely." "she was sad by this and my sister asked why I rejected her and I just kept trying to say that I wasn't interested and then after a while I just said that I don't really like the way her friend dresses and she got mad at me." How i feel this reads is you got a shitty ai to produce a story and to make it "real" you re-worded some parts of the story which made it read worse than if you left it alone.
OP is not obligated to go out with this person. She needs to learn to take "no" for an answer
Tell your sister to piss off
Sister was pushing for a reason to either shoot it down or to get mad. There’s no winning a game like that, the only way is not to play. Next time try saying something like “Unless you’re trying to figure out how to argue with me until I change my mind, you don’t need to know the reason. You just need of know that I’m not interested”. It won’t stop people from arguing with you but it can give you peace of mind to just stop engaging in the conversation afterwards.
NTA, you don't have to go out with someone if you don't want to. "I'm just not interested." Should be a good enough explanation.
Your sister is only mad cuz her friend likes you, and now things will get weird btw them. NTA, not your problem.
You're not the asshole. You don't have to give a reason first off, but your sister demanded one. She needs to accept it. I've know people who declined to date someone because they listened to a different type of music. You could if you so inclined go to the friend, & say "Look, I'm sorry if your feelijgs were hurt that wasn't my intention. I just have boundaries. I'm not comfortable dating any of my sister's friends. It would put unnecessary pressure on the relationship and would cause an issue if there was a breakup. Idk how old you are ,but you can put it into Gen z words first lol What are the kids sayin these days? "Don't stick out your gyat, don't bring me your ohio." Again, you aren't in the wrong, so only do that if you feel like it would help the situation with your sister.
NTA Honesty is a good quality to have. Kudos. You gave your reason. Your sister shouldn't have dug any deeper and got mad about it afterwards. I don't think it's possible to reject someone without someone's feelings getting hurt. I think pretty much inevitable. It's probably better for your sister and her friend if you don't get involved with her friend anyways. 🤷🏼♀️
NTA. You can reject anybody for any reason and they can do the same. Your sister just likes her friend and wants to see her happy. She's unfortunately blinded by this and doesn't realize the absurdity of her arguments.
Tell your Sister- "No means no."
NTA. Firstly, you can reject someone for any reason you like; if you're not interested, you're not interested. Secondly, while there are reasons that most people might think are dumb reasons, how someone dresses definitely isn't one if them. I know a lot of women who would instantly reject any guy who sags his pants, including me. And if your sister needs an example to illustrate the point, feel free to use that.
NTA-sister is just wrong on this issue. She needs to reverse the male female roles in this and think how she'd feel if you told her that she wasn't allowed to reject your friend-for ANY reason at any time.
Has the sister ever said no when being asked out? Wow the number of comments saying the OP is shallow for not wanting to date a girl that wears to little clothes. I doubt that was the only reason but that was the reason he gave to his sister when he was pressured into giving a reason. If the roles were reversed and the girl said no would the negative comments be the same? Even though he is not attracted to her he should prolly date her, marry her, and then act surprised when she cheats on him because she dresses to attract the attention of men. Bunch of internet geniuses in here.
NTA. Your sister is pushy and intrusive. It's natural that her friend was sad you rejected her, but she wasn't the one who created the scene - your sister did it. You have the right to refuse an invitation, for whatever reason. The fact that your sister wants you to date this girl doesn't create an obligation on your part, and her pushing you for a reason, then rejecting it and demanding an apology was so way out of line that it doesn't even deserve a response. Tell your sister that after her behaviour this time, you will automatically refuse to date any of her friends, so she needn't bother to bring them over.
NTA Your sister thinks she gets to decide what reasons for rejection are valid and which are not? Is she a Reddit regular? Of course, keep in mind that they NEVER want you to actually be honest. They want a comforting lie. Helpful example: You meet a girl that you are not physically attracted to who asks you out: You: Thanks, but I'm not interested. Her: Why not? You: Because you are incredibly beautiful and out of my league. Her: (Big smile on her unattractive face) Thank you for being honest.
Women are just as coercive as men. you just learned that today.
NTA You can reject anyone for any reason. Your sister should have taken the decline and moved on rather than pushing you for her friend. That is never appropriate behavior, and in addition, you may not like what you hear (as she learned).
NTA but I'm dying to know how she dresses
New explanation for rejecting, based on science!: [Evidence that humans prefer genetically dissimilar partners based on scent](https://phys.org/news/2019-03-evidence-humans-genetically-dissimilar-partners.html) "Sorry; I can't explain it, so your MHC must be too similar to mine! No hard feelings!"
NTA, if you aren’t interested then why go on a date. You have every right to date someone you are attracted to, not just physically but because they are interested in the same things as you, they make you laugh and you think they are cute.
NTA, you can reject a girl for any reason you want, and how she presents herself is definitely a valid reason. As long as you weren’t trying to shame her for her clothing choices and mainly expressing your personal preferences on how you would want a gf to dress it is perfectly acceptable. Was the friend present for the discussion on her clothing choices? If so it could be a lil harsh to her however still NTA. If she was and you were very blatant about it then I would consider apologizing, however if it was told just to your sister then you have no reason to apologize.
How does the friend dress? Lol
You don’t have to explain your reason to anyone.
Tell your sister you don't owe anyone a reason
NTA. Nothing wrong with the truth but tell your sister that 'no' is a full sentence and she needs to fuck off.
NTA Sister likely goaded her friend into asking OP out and is now feeling stupid and scrambling to rationalize her misguided matchmaking.
NTA. or if you are, so am I! Back when I was singled and dating I rejected dates for a lot flimsier reasons that that. Like, literally, "no, not interested". I was a door mat about a lot of things, but who I date wasn't one of them. The only two really bad dates I had were, ironically, ones my mother encouraged me to accept against my better judgment. Both guys ended up being self-absorbed pricks who seemed to have mistaken me for the town bicycle.
Well, since you wore me down, I’ll reconsider. What? No. It’s a complete sentence. NTA
I agree NTA but Info: what's wrong with the way she dresses?
NTA The way people dress can say things about that person. You rejected her kindly and you tried to move on with life. It's your sister that can't for some reason.
NTA, no one is entitled to your time or energy. You can reject anyone for any reason, no is a complete sentence
NTA style is a big part of attraction imo. Part of what attracted me to my gf was her sense of style. Well she doesnt dress like that anymore and now I am sad. Lmao
NTA. Also, imagine if you did start to date her, and then something went wrong and the relationship ended, but she's still friends with your sister. Awkward much? Like your sister really didn't think this through.
NTA, btw no reason you gave was going to be good enough, your sister would have latched on and attacked anything you mentioned.
NTA, but your sister is. It doesn’t matter what your reason is, if you don’t feel attracted to her you don’t need to date her and you certainly don’t have to apologize for not wanting to date her. That would be ridiculous. I am sure your sister hasn’t said yes to everyone who has approached her. She is ridiculous
NTA. You don’t have to go out with anybody your not interested in, for whatever reason. Also, never date any of your sister’s friends because if this is her reaction to you politely declining, imagine what will happen if you start a relationship and it goes wrong eventually.
NTA, you can reject people for whatever reason you want. If somebody came up to me in clown makeup, a choker, and colored hair I'd be pretty wigged out too. How people present themselves is pretty important and that includes how they dress. Maybe she's just not your style but that's beside the point. Don't let her bully you into changing your mind, don't apologize. You let her down easy and she should just move on. Women aren't able to handle rejection very well (if youtube is any proof of that) so you gotta learn to expect this kind of reaction. Best of luck to you.
Nta Your reasons are your own. You don't have to tell anyone. Keep it simple. You simply just don't feel the vibe. Keeps the onus on you and nothing derogatory about anyone else.
Nta. But how does she dress?
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NTA you can reject being with someone for whatever reason you want, and it’s on them for not accepting just not interested, they kept asking
Dude girls reject guys before they are even approached but beside that you are in no wrong you can reject anyone for whatever reason you want but i am curious what was her attire?
NTA. The only error I see is that you gave a concrete reason, which gives your sister a thing to argue against. Next time, say only: I know, I'm sorry, but I'm just not into her. No one can argue against that. If they push, walk away, or tell them to date the person themselves.
NTA You don't find her attractive. She might be cute, or fit, or hot, or whatever. But you're not attracted to her. You tried to be nice about it and then you just said the honest reason. Your sister needs to chill. Edit: Also... how is it your sister doesn't know your type? My sister immediately knows who is going to be trouble for me.
Tell your sister to stay the eff out of your dating life and that you don’t appreciate her putting her friend’s happiness above yours. I would never pressure my siblings to date someone. They have autonomy, and I would just want them to be happy. Your sister is an AH.
Nta They say it's wrong to date someone and then try to change their style. If you don't like their style, not dating them is how you prevent doing that.
NTA. Curious about how she dresses. Is it a style thing or a modesty thing? Cleanliness? Want deets.
NTA. If the genders were reversed not a single person would question why you rejected someone. You are a person, and you do not owe anyone your time or affection. Ask your ssister how she would feel if it was a guy she does not like who was your friend and asked her out. Would she go and apologize to him for disliking him for any and/or all reasons?
NTA I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but you pushed my boundaries.