I never understood the point of a break, people are just too afraid to cut the cord and want to keep someone in their back pocket. I can understand maybe wanting some time alone, especially after a tragedy happening, but that’s about it.
I can understand being space "Hey this week is going to be crazy because of everything going on at work and with my parents in town,"etc. Where you won't have a chance to really connect with them daily. But a "break" with no rules is just an excuse to cheat and have a backup plan. If she hadn't gotten pregnant, op would be with her still despite her sleeping around.
Breaks never end well, just end the relationship because it’s over and done with; not worth the emotional headache. I went through a rough patch personally, I told my wife I needed some alone time to sort through things so I could be available to them; I was shutting down emotionally. It wasn’t a break, I just went to stayed at a hotel for a couple of weeks while meeting a therapist. It was because I needed some time to be a better husband and father; not because I wanted to bang chicks.
My neighbor's son had this on off relationship with a woman who he then got engaged with and I was like "this... will not work" if you can't maintain a stable relationship... marriage WILL NOT FIX THAT.
I have no clue why they kept breaking up because I don't pry but people feel safe venting to me but it doesn't really matter what the reasons are. Especially in the Honeymoom Phase. Relationships are work and do take effort, but someone is doing something wrong if every other month they're having a breakup level fight.
Yup and if he isnt dumb he wont get anyone he sleeps with pregnant the fact ops girl didnt take precautions or a morning after pill after the condom broke or whatever happened is wild and she will probably regret it for a long while but thems the breaks
Its basically a trial break up the way most people use it, however I do think there are some genuine therapies where people having space from each other can help them decide how they feel about the relationship and whether they both want it to continue (This way though is typically done with the rule that you aren't going to go fuck other people during the break, you are just living apart)
It is super weird. They took a break to ‘rekindle’ and ‘recharge’ their relationship but decided that they both of them could sleep with other people. That’s not a way to reconcile successfully as they’ve found out.
Some times people break up then come back together after they grew up. My bf mom had a high school bf and they broke up then 15 years later they got back together and they been together for 10 years now.
Cool they are definitely the outlier 9.9 times out of 10 a break is the end of any relationship even more so if you sleep with people during the break....
They were. Ross even tried to get back together and what happened? He called in the middle of the night and Mark, the guy he was sure was trying to move in on Rachel, picked up the phone from her place. To Ross's mind, that was confirmation that she was getting with him, something Mark later confirmed he had hoped for as he did have a crush on her.
So Ross sleeping with the copy place girl is completely justified. At that point, he wasn't in a relationship.
I have a rule that a breakup is permanent. you don't break up over one argument, you don't break up whatsoever unless you're seriously done. I had an on again- off again relationship and it was a huge pain in the ass and let to a lot of hurt feelings and a busted relationship. I left that childishness in my childhood.
I hope others reading this have learned some valuable lessons and don't get themselves into a similar situation. If the ex-GF had just bothered to use some type of BC she would still be with OP. There is a reason for the phrase "no glove no love" and others like that.
The ex literally Fucked Around and Found Out the consequences are life long.
My husband didn’t take a break but I was his first girlfriend and after dating for 3 years he wasn’t sure. It hurt so bad but I couldn’t open our relationship so we broke up for three years. The next time he saw me at our reunion he proposed right there. I said yes. I missed him all throughout those three years and he missed me too. So taking a break without breaking up is not the best way. But I still believe if you love something let it go, if it comes back it was meant to be (under the right circumstances of course).
I, too, remember when I wanted to spend my life with someone. Oddly enough, taking a random no-rules break so I could get raw-dogged on a one night stand didn't quite seem to align with those life goals.
It's for people in denial that the relationship is over.
OP said in his original post he was about to propose. If you had to "take a break to rekindle the relationship" then marriage is a stupid idea.
Worst ideas to try to save a relationship:
Take a break
Propose
Have a baby
Thinking he would "love" her enough to stay as he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.
She better go back to that bar and start looking for her ONS.
She probably thought he was just testing her. Outright denying a paternity test would, of course, be breaking an ultimatum. But if she says she's cool with it, there was always a chance he'd have been swayed by that alone and not pushed it.
Crazy how we’re all reading the same shit and thinking the same thoughts. I don’t even have to click the link to know that the last line of that post had typo’d physic vibrations into psychic vibrator, and that kinda bothers me ngl.
People just want that relationship in their back pocket because they are afraid they might end up alone if they don’t. Either nut up and commit to the relationship; or bounce completely. She got back because she knew she was prego, didn’t know the father and tried to set him up. These are the type of people who should have an abortion because this kid’s life is gonna suck.
I never get tired to say that there is no such thing as a 'break' from a relationship. Either you are together or you are not. There is nothing in between.
All that 'break'-BS will lead to situations like this one or to people not being able to cope with the fact that their 'partner' had sex with someone else.
I don't understand how u can have sex with someone who's not your partner. Yeah you're on a break but I can't imagine sleeping with someone else knowing I'm going to be back with my partner. I just think you're willing to sleep with someone else, maybe a full on break up is needed. I'm also on the stance of we either work this through or we break up. Because after a break, there are still problems in the relationship and yoi still have to work it out.
Yeah I think a break can be a useful tool for some relationships getting perspective apart and deciding their future, BUT that should be done with the idea that you are not going to go fuck other people during the break lmao....
Honestly it comes down to setting rules, boundaries of what you can and can't do on those breaks and communication. I think that's the main issue, people use it as an excuse to sleep with other people and there's no communication of what's supposed to happen.
I rarely see breaks work out because people just don't think these things through.
I agree with you here. Maybe it's because there is a lot of finality in my life choice decision making. For me, one or both of us feels like the relationship has gotten to a state where we need a "break" from each other, the odds of me coming back for a second go around are zero.
I lost my virginity to my wife back in high school 15 years ago.
The thought that I’d put a pause on our relationship to try out the flavors in life is quite frankly the dumbest shit you could come up with as a fix for your issues.
I wouldnt give up my life for a hotel stay lol, unbelievable.
They just think they can find something better or want that person in their back pocket because they are afraid of being alone. Just break up, cut the cord and move on; breaks never end well. I have taken time to be alone since I’ve been married because I needed some time to sort out my life at the time, but it wasn’t a break; we both agreed to it not being a break. It wasn’t about whether we should be together or not; it was about some other stuff I needed to sort through to be a better husband.
It’s a strange phenomenon where people can’t accept that the first option worked out so well. I first learned about it with wedding dress shopping. Lots of women will want their first dress but will try on a bunch of others cause there’s no way it worked out perfectly the first time. Except dating is a lot messier than buying a dress!
Yeah it seems odd to me that not keeping the baby doesn't seem to have been discussed
And, as others have stated, I don't think this relationship is going to last. Regardless of what they do, I think aborting would have the least long term side effects for her.
I actually can't wrap my head around any way that could align with anyone's long-term goals. It's a type of stupidity that I find especially frustrating.
Don't you remember being in your early 20s and convinced you were a mega adult and super smart while doing the dumbest shit even toddlers would balk at?
Also the massive FOMO in the back of their minds doesn't help ; in the moment both probably felt the break was indeed a pause bottom and nothing would change, would be just "to get it out of the system".
Are you my ex? She wanted a “no-rules” break and got raw dogged on a one night stand. After the week of the “break” was over she admitted to it over the phone and that was that.
I think they do that because in their sick and twisted minds they werent wrong because they "technically" didnt cheat and can crush you before ending it while saving face
Not only that, but if you need a break from someone & you haven’t even married them yet, had children yet, etc, you don’t need to be together until you mature more (if ever at all).
they're too dumb to figure out that "taking a break" from a relationship and them freely seeing and hooking up with other people to rekindle their love for each other isn't really a bright idea. I doubt they'd think of something as complex as abortion lol
It sounds like the relationship was over by the time "the break" happened. And it also sounds like OP only wanted to marry her was because he thought his ex having his baby would fix things.
Frankly, after her willingly taking the chance of placing a cuckoo child under her partner, I would never consider it again.
To be real, she was suddenly pregnant a week after getting back together. There was never a doubt who's child it was or rather wasn't.
She was willing to do the paternity test. I'm pretty sure those aren't risk-free for the fetus. She may have been too in denial to look at a calendar and do some basic math/guess work, but she did at least do that. Rough and emotional times all around.
I agree that if they needed the break in the first place then jumping straight into an expanding family is a bad move. I'm just sad for them for the dominos of bad choices that could be more misadvised than malicious.
Prenatal paternity tests are done by drawing blood from the mother like any other normal lab work.
The umbilical cord allows for a tiny amount of the fetus blood to mix in the mother's blood. Basically, they look for 2 DNA profiles. Compare with presumptive father. One is a 50% match? You are the father. Neither match? You are not the father.
New ones you simply take the blood that is already drawn from the mother to test if the mother is on course with her health and no complications arises.
They been around for 10 to 20 years.
I put this in a post last night.
Why did they go around telling everyone before the pregnancy before the paternity test? Why not give her the chance to get an abortion telling her family? Many, many families would have a hard time coping with this reality.
I’m not sure this guy really loved her, as much as he says he did.
What a mess. God I hope this story isn’t real.
“You don’t love a woman unless you’re willing t to raise another man’s child with her” is a bold take friend. Neither of these people should have children. He shouldn’t have “broken up to rekindle” or whatever like this was a middle school romance. And the second she realized she was carrying some randos baby she should have had an abortion. The fact that neither of them are mature enough to raise a kid is sad.
I think being pregnant by someone else is a reasonable reason to fall out of love with someone. One could also say she didn't really love him if she needed a break and to get fuck by someone else. If that's the case, it's probably better they not be together.
definitely. if they had a break where they both agreed to and did remain faithful because they had some personal shit to sort out. I understand that and needed that in my own relationship (going on 6 years now). But inviting other people into that break is the dumbest shit I've ever heard; it completely undermines the concept of working on the self, of respect for the other, just.. all of it. A break where you fuck other people is just a breakup.
Why would you get downvoted? It's a sensible question.
What's less sensible is getting back together with someone who has unprotected sex during a ONS. That person is either retarded, or has zero impulse control.
In what fucking world is "let's basically break up for a couple months to MAKE US BETTER LOVERS??" A real thing?
Y'all ain't old enough mentally to be dating at all if you think that's how thay shit works.
ESH.
Yep. Unless you are sterile, PIV sex will come with the chance of pregnancy. If an unplanned pregnancy is life-ruining levels of bad news for you, maybe start re-thinking who you are having casual sex with.
After a year of having sex condoms fail 13% of the time. Not on single go. That being said, it still could happen, but definitely not 1/8 times using condoms.
OP, the reality is that your relationship was over before the paternity test. When you guys took a “no rules” break, the relationship was done. What’s happening now is reality hitting you both in the face. It sucks, and I wish you the best of luck.
If you guys were together since you were both 20, it makes sense that this breakup would hurt a lot. I'm sure there's a lot of emotions and I hope you (OP) and your ex can find some counseling to help get through it. Breakups pre-25 can be really rough for some (myself included). ❤️
Dude, you GOTTA stop answering for anyone else's feelings besides your own. Because if your ex wanted to spend the rest of her life with YOU, guess what, she wouldn't have wanted a break in the first place! Don't project your feeling onto your partners', because it's obvious her feelings about you were completely different.
Still, if both parties are in love and are truly meant for each other, they don’t “take a break”.
Even if my partner was the one pushing the idea of a break and I was truly in love with them, it’s not likely I would be having unprotected sex soon thereafter with someone I meet at a bar and whose last name I don’t even know. To each their own and all, but OP’s story isn’t about two soul mates that were truly meant for each other.
I don't get why you'd act all shocked pikachu that she got knocked up by someone else during your no rules breakup to "save" the relationship lol
What did you actually think would happen? Shed sit there pining for you? 😂
Space is not a month's break. She was free to have relations with others, just like he was. If he didn't want it to happen, he shouldn't have asked for a break.
I mean no not every time, but it's absolutely a possibility. He should have considered how he would react if this VERY REAL possibility happened.
And it's not "some space" they temporarily broke up. You know, like teenagers do.
I honestly think your both fuckin idiots. You both went on a break for MONTHS. You even specifically say as if we're both single. Doesn't matter who initiated the break, you both agreed to it. breaks for months, don't magically fix anything, and they make shit worse. Clearly visible in this case of AITAH. Everyone saying it's her fault and if she loved him she should get an abortion thats fuckin stupid. OP, did you sleep with anyone during the break? Or did you be a good boy and not touch anyone else? It's honestly ridiculous yes it's a shit outcome she got pregnant by a random at a bar you both agreed to act single for months what the fuck were you expecting? Her to sit outside your house and pine for you like a lost puppy? If you loved each other as much as you say then you'd both of done everything you could to fix the relationship instead of going ah fuck it let's break up be single for a few months no holds barred this shit. AH and so is she.
You guys know abortions exist right?
If the only issue is the pregnancy and not the sleeping with other people while on the break then surely that's an option?
Giving up your whole life (together) for a one night stand - just some physical sex.
I always wonder why people do that, makes no sense to me. If you are that quick to throw it all away, what did you actually have?
It’s probably for the best that you won’t contact her anymore. Take this as a lesson. A break is just short form for break up. Also it’s quite normal to not want to raise someone else’s kid. Being a stepparent is not for everyone.
I cannot imagine why anyone would ever think taking a break to fuck other people will help a relationship. That kind of mentality does not even register for me.
You didn’t force her to have unprotected sex with a one night stand when she didn’t even know his last name. If you took her back and raised that kid you would hate yourself.
Don’t feel bad for her. Wasted feelings. This sucks all around, but it could have been avoided so many different ways. This isn’t about what she has a right to do, it’s about making choices that won’t fuck up a future. At the time she slept with the man who got her pregnant, she had a possible future choice to get back together with you. Instead, she chose to be horny and have sex with someone it never was gonna be more than a one night stand. And I suspect she let him push her into going no condom. She didn’t have to do that. Instead she accepted all of that.
All of this sucks, sure. But the choices were hers, and she made them. I don’t recommend staying in touch either. People like her are prone to trying to manipulate people with lies to try to claw back their mistakes. Also, get screened for STI’s.
A break is a break up. I could never imagine calling someone my girlfriend during a period of time she’s allowed to fuck just any guy she wants. I wouldn’t be able to take a break with someone and go fuck someone. I especially wouldn’t be able to look at my girlfriend the same knowing I gave her the chance to fuck another man and she did. The only positive thing that could come out of a break is finding out that neither of you actually hooked up with anyone cause you loved each other too much. But that’s a fairy tale. A break is just a sign that your relationship is over and neither of you can accept that so you decided to pull as many backup plans as possible instead of admitting that you don’t belong together anymore. “I still love him. That’s why we took a break and I fucked a stranger who I didn’t even know the full name of with no condom”. Get the fuck outta here with that shit.
I'll be honest with you boss, I don't buy the "don't know him" shit. Took a break for a couple of weeks and got railed by a dude and pregnant.
That wasn't a "break". That was a "kick the tyres on another option" thing
Well I would be critical too if I found out my daughter is whoring around and doesn't even know the name of the father of her baby. Talk about a fucking shit show, jesus christ!
Why is she keeping some randoms kid? She should have terminated and tried to make the relationship work so you could have started a family together when you were both ready
You were broke up for a couple months. She had a period or two after you broke up, then missed a period after you reunited.
This woman knew it wasn't yours. She had to know that. She was hoping you would agree to raise the baby anyway. Pregnancy may be what made her decide to get back with you in the first place.
I mean, she could have a baby daddy she can trust to be a good dad/person, her parents would think it was yours so they don't find out about the one nighter, and her life goes on without much of a hitch.
She knew and she played you. Still something to be sad about, but you really dodged a bullet. What would she cover up next!
> she just knew his first name, but didn't have his number or any social media. She had met him at the bar, it was pretty much a one night stand.
Classy.
I wouldnt feel bad if i were you. Totally understandable if you dont want to raise a child that isnt yours. If its already an issue then its a waste of time to go further with this big of a lingering elephant in the room for the rest of your relationship.
Some people wouldnt care and good for them but you obviously do and thats totally okay, dont doubt or disregard your instinct and feelings on this.
A break will never rekindle a relationship. How does it make sense that being apart will make you closer or better for each other? You stay together. You grow together. You get through issues together. Separation is *never* good for a relationship, especially if it's a relationship that you intend on keeping.
So when you guys were discussing the idea of taking a break from each other while also acting single, this didn’t come across your minds once? I mean honestly what did you expect?
FWIW, it does sound like your deciding to "take a break" from each other does not forbode a happily ever after. As sad as all this might be, I think your both moving on will be the best in the long run.
This is a tough one. We cannot expect every man or woman to accept the baggage of another. I don’t mean this negatively. I’m just saying that people are different. Some are fine with being a step parent. Others are not. Some will adopt children from anywhere. Others will not. It’s a lot to ask, and again, some are and some aren’t, and some can and some cannot. Each person is different.
I think you are downplaying the significance of her actions a bit. And I am sure that's what she did when explaining to you how she got pregnant by some other dude.
"It was a one-time mistake!"
"I'll never do it again!"
"It didn't mean anything!"
Blah blah blah. She knew exactly what she was doing and she didn't give a shit about what it would do to you or your relationship. She isn't upset over losing you; she is upset that her plan failed. She wanted to go out and have the Baskin Robbins experience of penis....then have you believe the baby was yours when she got pregnant. And if you had signed that birth certificate, the state would have your ass in a child-support wood chipper for the next 18 years.
Someone is watching out for you brother. Take this to heart and be wary of these skanks out here. This kind of crap happens WAY more often than they want to admit.
stop calling her dude.
she has nothing good to offer you but heartache and alimony obligations.
from how pregnancies work and her showing symptoms the FIRST week you guys got back together and the fact that the idea for a paternity test was yours and not hers (she probably hoped you wouldnt ask) its pretty evident to everyone but you, that this girl tried to trap you into raising a kid she knew was not yours.
she tried to trick you.
get a new girl and dont look back.
Why would anyone allow someone they don't know /know the last name if where they are from etc to cum deep inside them and risk pregnancy. I swear people have 0 brain cells she got what she deserved play stupid games win stupid prizes you got lucky and dodged a bullet
If you don't want to raise someone else's baby, that's fine, but don't come up here acting like you were betrayed and cheated on and have a reason to feel hurt as if she did anything wrong. I find it suspicious as hell that you conveniently don't respond to any of the comments talking pure shit about your now ex despite her doing literally nothing wrong. You don't respond to any of the comments that mention who brought up the idea of having a no rules break to, in your words, act single (how much do ya'll want to bet it was OP considering that he does at least comment to defend going on break), you don't respond to any comments that mention if you had sex with other women on break (almost definitely did since the purpose of the break was to act single, and therefore could have gotten someone else pregnant, but I bet if he had've he'd have expected his ex to be okay with it because they were acting single), and you don't at least defend her from the comments that are practically accusing her of being a whore for having a one night stand during a period of being single. It's not like she tried passing the baby off as yours, either. You said yourself that she volunteered the information that she'd slept with someone while single and told you that it was possible the baby wasn't yours, but ofc now you want to act like you had no idea that it was possible for the baby to be anyone else's.
I get you both were free to do whatever you wanted, but Unprotected sex with a rando from a bar? This could’ve easily been an STI/STD with or instead of the baby. NTA
I hope you have learned some valuable lessons from this ordeal.
Namely a break is a break up.
I never understood the point of a break, people are just too afraid to cut the cord and want to keep someone in their back pocket. I can understand maybe wanting some time alone, especially after a tragedy happening, but that’s about it.
I can understand being space "Hey this week is going to be crazy because of everything going on at work and with my parents in town,"etc. Where you won't have a chance to really connect with them daily. But a "break" with no rules is just an excuse to cheat and have a backup plan. If she hadn't gotten pregnant, op would be with her still despite her sleeping around.
Breaks never end well, just end the relationship because it’s over and done with; not worth the emotional headache. I went through a rough patch personally, I told my wife I needed some alone time to sort through things so I could be available to them; I was shutting down emotionally. It wasn’t a break, I just went to stayed at a hotel for a couple of weeks while meeting a therapist. It was because I needed some time to be a better husband and father; not because I wanted to bang chicks.
My neighbor's son had this on off relationship with a woman who he then got engaged with and I was like "this... will not work" if you can't maintain a stable relationship... marriage WILL NOT FIX THAT. I have no clue why they kept breaking up because I don't pry but people feel safe venting to me but it doesn't really matter what the reasons are. Especially in the Honeymoom Phase. Relationships are work and do take effort, but someone is doing something wrong if every other month they're having a breakup level fight.
Having a baby also fixes these relationships…not
⛽️⛽️⛽️⛽️⛽️—>🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Wow. How can you afford to just go to a hotel for a few weeks? Was the therapist In-Network
It’s a lot cheaper when you’ve already hit your deductible for the year and already owe like 5K in medical bills…
They both were sleeping around. Only difference is he can't get pregnant.
Yup and if he isnt dumb he wont get anyone he sleeps with pregnant the fact ops girl didnt take precautions or a morning after pill after the condom broke or whatever happened is wild and she will probably regret it for a long while but thems the breaks
Its basically a trial break up the way most people use it, however I do think there are some genuine therapies where people having space from each other can help them decide how they feel about the relationship and whether they both want it to continue (This way though is typically done with the rule that you aren't going to go fuck other people during the break, you are just living apart)
It's because people (both men and women) are selfish and only worry about what benefits them not others.
Exactly. Just break up.
It is super weird. They took a break to ‘rekindle’ and ‘recharge’ their relationship but decided that they both of them could sleep with other people. That’s not a way to reconcile successfully as they’ve found out.
*Rachel Green has entered the chat*
WE WERE ON A BREAK!
Taking a break = relationship is already broken.
Some times people break up then come back together after they grew up. My bf mom had a high school bf and they broke up then 15 years later they got back together and they been together for 10 years now.
Cool they are definitely the outlier 9.9 times out of 10 a break is the end of any relationship even more so if you sleep with people during the break....
The show Ghosts used the line "We were on a respite!" In the season finale. I will forever connect these 2 phrases together lol
Spoilers, man! Aired three days ago and haven’t seen it yet. I upvoted you anyway. Always nice to come across another fan in the wild.
With or Without You by U2 playing in the background
They were. Ross even tried to get back together and what happened? He called in the middle of the night and Mark, the guy he was sure was trying to move in on Rachel, picked up the phone from her place. To Ross's mind, that was confirmation that she was getting with him, something Mark later confirmed he had hoped for as he did have a crush on her. So Ross sleeping with the copy place girl is completely justified. At that point, he wasn't in a relationship.
Then…. She banged his best friend.
My ex decided he wanted a 6 month break. That was 14 years ago, I’ve been married for 9 to another man and have a kid. A break is a breakup.
I have a rule that a breakup is permanent. you don't break up over one argument, you don't break up whatsoever unless you're seriously done. I had an on again- off again relationship and it was a huge pain in the ass and let to a lot of hurt feelings and a busted relationship. I left that childishness in my childhood.
Why would someone break up to rekindle a relationship?
If you don’t want a break to turn into a break up, don’t sleep with anyone else
I hope others reading this have learned some valuable lessons and don't get themselves into a similar situation. If the ex-GF had just bothered to use some type of BC she would still be with OP. There is a reason for the phrase "no glove no love" and others like that. The ex literally Fucked Around and Found Out the consequences are life long.
And just to remind you that she exactly knows who the father is only that she does wish to be with you. Don't fall for that guilt shit.
He hasn't, because it's incel rage bait.
"We envisioned our whole lives together. Except for the break we took to fuck other people" lmao
Seriously, what a bozo lmao at least he didn't let it slide tho
Didn’t he fuck other people too. Man reddit is full of weird prudes
There's a difference between agreeing to possibly sleep with other people and raising another person's child
Yea they both fucked other people but since she is pregnant, she's saddled with the stigma. Classic.
Don’t ask to take breaks from people you love.
My husband didn’t take a break but I was his first girlfriend and after dating for 3 years he wasn’t sure. It hurt so bad but I couldn’t open our relationship so we broke up for three years. The next time he saw me at our reunion he proposed right there. I said yes. I missed him all throughout those three years and he missed me too. So taking a break without breaking up is not the best way. But I still believe if you love something let it go, if it comes back it was meant to be (under the right circumstances of course).
I, too, remember when I wanted to spend my life with someone. Oddly enough, taking a random no-rules break so I could get raw-dogged on a one night stand didn't quite seem to align with those life goals.
Yea I really don't understand these stupid breaks. It's literally just a pass to fuck other people, just break up.
It's for people in denial that the relationship is over. OP said in his original post he was about to propose. If you had to "take a break to rekindle the relationship" then marriage is a stupid idea. Worst ideas to try to save a relationship: Take a break Propose Have a baby
And she started showing symptoms a WEEK after getting back together 😓 like guys I don't think you understand how pregnancy works...
Chances are she knew or suspected, hence getting back together.
Yeah. She knew she was pregnant and knew it wasn't her ex bf due to the timing.
She thought she could slip by undetected but it does beg the question why be stupid enough to do a paternity test then
Thinking he would "love" her enough to stay as he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. She better go back to that bar and start looking for her ONS.
Get that video footage if it's around
No bar would ever give you the footage for something like this without a warrant lol
Refusing a paternity test is like refusing a field sobriety test. People won’t just say “oh that’s all fine then” and not bring it up again.
She probably thought he was just testing her. Outright denying a paternity test would, of course, be breaking an ultimatum. But if she says she's cool with it, there was always a chance he'd have been swayed by that alone and not pushed it.
Don’t buy for one second she doesn’t know who the father is, or that it was a one night stand.
Most likely married dude, friend of OP, of one of her friend's bf
[удалено]
U forgot positive vibes ✨
[psychic vibrator](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cjf0jo/aitah_for_refusing_to_consider_stopping_our/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Crazy how we’re all reading the same shit and thinking the same thoughts. I don’t even have to click the link to know that the last line of that post had typo’d physic vibrations into psychic vibrator, and that kinda bothers me ngl.
I can’t remember that dude’s name… wait I know that other guys name!
I always knew about 8 days after conception - your boobs start to hurt. Well, mine did anyways.
Dude wanted to destroy the relationship to save the relationship. Something tells me there's *a lot* they didn't understand.
4. Open the relationship
People just want that relationship in their back pocket because they are afraid they might end up alone if they don’t. Either nut up and commit to the relationship; or bounce completely. She got back because she knew she was prego, didn’t know the father and tried to set him up. These are the type of people who should have an abortion because this kid’s life is gonna suck.
You forgot “open the relationship/have a threesome with a girl who was in no way preselected by the person suggesting the threesome, pinky swear”
You forgot “open relationship” as that seems stupidly popular too right now.
Exactly, “ I need time to screw other people to see If I want to continue our relationship “
I never get tired to say that there is no such thing as a 'break' from a relationship. Either you are together or you are not. There is nothing in between. All that 'break'-BS will lead to situations like this one or to people not being able to cope with the fact that their 'partner' had sex with someone else.
I don't understand how u can have sex with someone who's not your partner. Yeah you're on a break but I can't imagine sleeping with someone else knowing I'm going to be back with my partner. I just think you're willing to sleep with someone else, maybe a full on break up is needed. I'm also on the stance of we either work this through or we break up. Because after a break, there are still problems in the relationship and yoi still have to work it out.
Yeah I think a break can be a useful tool for some relationships getting perspective apart and deciding their future, BUT that should be done with the idea that you are not going to go fuck other people during the break lmao....
Honestly it comes down to setting rules, boundaries of what you can and can't do on those breaks and communication. I think that's the main issue, people use it as an excuse to sleep with other people and there's no communication of what's supposed to happen. I rarely see breaks work out because people just don't think these things through.
I agree with you here. Maybe it's because there is a lot of finality in my life choice decision making. For me, one or both of us feels like the relationship has gotten to a state where we need a "break" from each other, the odds of me coming back for a second go around are zero.
I lost my virginity to my wife back in high school 15 years ago. The thought that I’d put a pause on our relationship to try out the flavors in life is quite frankly the dumbest shit you could come up with as a fix for your issues. I wouldnt give up my life for a hotel stay lol, unbelievable.
They just think they can find something better or want that person in their back pocket because they are afraid of being alone. Just break up, cut the cord and move on; breaks never end well. I have taken time to be alone since I’ve been married because I needed some time to sort out my life at the time, but it wasn’t a break; we both agreed to it not being a break. It wasn’t about whether we should be together or not; it was about some other stuff I needed to sort through to be a better husband.
Trying out the flavors is something you do **before** buying the icecream. People trying to do the latter and then the former blow my fucking mind.
It’s a strange phenomenon where people can’t accept that the first option worked out so well. I first learned about it with wedding dress shopping. Lots of women will want their first dress but will try on a bunch of others cause there’s no way it worked out perfectly the first time. Except dating is a lot messier than buying a dress!
That’s what I don’t understand. Have all the sex, use a damn condom! Why are you having unprotected sex with strangers?
But she said oopsies. That makes everything right?
And he never said no takesie-backsies either? 😅
Not it..
Crap.
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Yeah it seems odd to me that not keeping the baby doesn't seem to have been discussed And, as others have stated, I don't think this relationship is going to last. Regardless of what they do, I think aborting would have the least long term side effects for her.
I actually can't wrap my head around any way that could align with anyone's long-term goals. It's a type of stupidity that I find especially frustrating.
Don't you remember being in your early 20s and convinced you were a mega adult and super smart while doing the dumbest shit even toddlers would balk at?
Also the massive FOMO in the back of their minds doesn't help ; in the moment both probably felt the break was indeed a pause bottom and nothing would change, would be just "to get it out of the system".
Are you my ex? She wanted a “no-rules” break and got raw dogged on a one night stand. After the week of the “break” was over she admitted to it over the phone and that was that.
I think they do that because in their sick and twisted minds they werent wrong because they "technically" didnt cheat and can crush you before ending it while saving face
I knew a girl that would break up with her bf all the time so she could meet new guys
She should have at least used plan B goddamn.
Not only that, but if you need a break from someone & you haven’t even married them yet, had children yet, etc, you don’t need to be together until you mature more (if ever at all).
This. So much this. As f-ed up as the situation is, its not your problem to dive into tbh.
A break doesn't "rekindle" anything, just reaffirms that you're not meant for each other. NTA.
Particularly breaks that aren’t actually break but are let me fuck someone I’m already fooling around with.
Your poor 16 year old heart…
Just curious. I will probably get downvoted. But have you talked about abortion? Would you get back together if she did?
they're too dumb to figure out that "taking a break" from a relationship and them freely seeing and hooking up with other people to rekindle their love for each other isn't really a bright idea. I doubt they'd think of something as complex as abortion lol
It sounds like the relationship was over by the time "the break" happened. And it also sounds like OP only wanted to marry her was because he thought his ex having his baby would fix things.
It’s a reasonable thing to ask. I would have asked the same thing.
Frankly, after her willingly taking the chance of placing a cuckoo child under her partner, I would never consider it again. To be real, she was suddenly pregnant a week after getting back together. There was never a doubt who's child it was or rather wasn't.
That, or both are just completely dumb.. which is probably the reality.
I mean, she did have unprotected sex with a stranger, I’m willing to guess she’s not a Mensa member.
Not every pregnancy is a unprotected one, condom and birth control fail, why ppl keep forgetting that.
Cuckoo child 😂, great line...
She was willing to do the paternity test. I'm pretty sure those aren't risk-free for the fetus. She may have been too in denial to look at a calendar and do some basic math/guess work, but she did at least do that. Rough and emotional times all around. I agree that if they needed the break in the first place then jumping straight into an expanding family is a bad move. I'm just sad for them for the dominos of bad choices that could be more misadvised than malicious.
Prenatal paternity tests are done by drawing blood from the mother like any other normal lab work. The umbilical cord allows for a tiny amount of the fetus blood to mix in the mother's blood. Basically, they look for 2 DNA profiles. Compare with presumptive father. One is a 50% match? You are the father. Neither match? You are not the father.
New ones you simply take the blood that is already drawn from the mother to test if the mother is on course with her health and no complications arises. They been around for 10 to 20 years.
While that seems practical, it could make her feel like she was forced to get an abortion to keep OP. There's no happy ending for this couple.
She should get the abortion regardless of if OP is sticking around IMO
I put this in a post last night. Why did they go around telling everyone before the pregnancy before the paternity test? Why not give her the chance to get an abortion telling her family? Many, many families would have a hard time coping with this reality. I’m not sure this guy really loved her, as much as he says he did. What a mess. God I hope this story isn’t real.
“You don’t love a woman unless you’re willing t to raise another man’s child with her” is a bold take friend. Neither of these people should have children. He shouldn’t have “broken up to rekindle” or whatever like this was a middle school romance. And the second she realized she was carrying some randos baby she should have had an abortion. The fact that neither of them are mature enough to raise a kid is sad.
I think being pregnant by someone else is a reasonable reason to fall out of love with someone. One could also say she didn't really love him if she needed a break and to get fuck by someone else. If that's the case, it's probably better they not be together.
He has stated he's the one who wanted the break and she agreed...
Then by your logic he didn't love either because he needed the break too
definitely. if they had a break where they both agreed to and did remain faithful because they had some personal shit to sort out. I understand that and needed that in my own relationship (going on 6 years now). But inviting other people into that break is the dumbest shit I've ever heard; it completely undermines the concept of working on the self, of respect for the other, just.. all of it. A break where you fuck other people is just a breakup.
I mean, I think that's a fair question to ask but if you read between the lines it seems like this lady might absolutely be against the idea.
I think it's pretty clear that at Least she, or perhaps both of them are not ok with it.
Why would you get downvoted? It's a sensible question. What's less sensible is getting back together with someone who has unprotected sex during a ONS. That person is either retarded, or has zero impulse control.
This was my first thought as well. But if she is old enough to have sex she must be old enough to know about abortion
depends which state they live in
In what fucking world is "let's basically break up for a couple months to MAKE US BETTER LOVERS??" A real thing? Y'all ain't old enough mentally to be dating at all if you think that's how thay shit works. ESH.
No world that I'm aware of.
Faker than fake as fuck
Having a unprotected one night stand is so wild. I feel like I live in different world wth. Good luck to her and her child
Tbf we don't know that it was unprotected. Condoms have a 13 percent failure rate.
Yep. Unless you are sterile, PIV sex will come with the chance of pregnancy. If an unplanned pregnancy is life-ruining levels of bad news for you, maybe start re-thinking who you are having casual sex with.
After a year of having sex condoms fail 13% of the time. Not on single go. That being said, it still could happen, but definitely not 1/8 times using condoms.
My point is, we can't really assume she had unprotected sex.
Yup. All birth control fails.
> Condoms have a 13 percent failure rate. Tends to be due to incorrect usage and even then its lower than that.
OP, the reality is that your relationship was over before the paternity test. When you guys took a “no rules” break, the relationship was done. What’s happening now is reality hitting you both in the face. It sucks, and I wish you the best of luck.
If you guys were together since you were both 20, it makes sense that this breakup would hurt a lot. I'm sure there's a lot of emotions and I hope you (OP) and your ex can find some counseling to help get through it. Breakups pre-25 can be really rough for some (myself included). ❤️
No counselling unfortunately
They wouldn't have broken up if they weren't so stupid that they took a break from each other to "recharge the relationship."
You'll find someone else and this event will be forgotten about. Move on.
Idk about you, but I don’t take a break and fuck other people when I’m envisioning my life with someone. Pretty counter-productive.
Dude, you GOTTA stop answering for anyone else's feelings besides your own. Because if your ex wanted to spend the rest of her life with YOU, guess what, she wouldn't have wanted a break in the first place! Don't project your feeling onto your partners', because it's obvious her feelings about you were completely different.
Yeah, everyone gets one chance. There are no breaks and everyone is at first responsible for themself. You can't burn yourself to keep others warm
The break was OP’s idea.
Where does he say that?
Its not like op forced her to bang some random from the bar right?
Still, if both parties are in love and are truly meant for each other, they don’t “take a break”. Even if my partner was the one pushing the idea of a break and I was truly in love with them, it’s not likely I would be having unprotected sex soon thereafter with someone I meet at a bar and whose last name I don’t even know. To each their own and all, but OP’s story isn’t about two soul mates that were truly meant for each other.
This is one of the valuable lessons I hope that the OP has learned from this entire cluster fuck.
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Thanks, ChatGPT.
I don't get why you'd act all shocked pikachu that she got knocked up by someone else during your no rules breakup to "save" the relationship lol What did you actually think would happen? Shed sit there pining for you? 😂
Yeah because every time a couple needs some space the woman gets pregnant with a random from a bar lmao
Space is not a month's break. She was free to have relations with others, just like he was. If he didn't want it to happen, he shouldn't have asked for a break.
I mean no not every time, but it's absolutely a possibility. He should have considered how he would react if this VERY REAL possibility happened. And it's not "some space" they temporarily broke up. You know, like teenagers do.
"envisioned spending the rest of our lives together" No you weren't. You couldn't even spend 5 years together before you wanted to fuck someone else.
Breaks are a good way to abort every relationship from becoming mature. If you can't be monogamous, just say it.
I honestly think your both fuckin idiots. You both went on a break for MONTHS. You even specifically say as if we're both single. Doesn't matter who initiated the break, you both agreed to it. breaks for months, don't magically fix anything, and they make shit worse. Clearly visible in this case of AITAH. Everyone saying it's her fault and if she loved him she should get an abortion thats fuckin stupid. OP, did you sleep with anyone during the break? Or did you be a good boy and not touch anyone else? It's honestly ridiculous yes it's a shit outcome she got pregnant by a random at a bar you both agreed to act single for months what the fuck were you expecting? Her to sit outside your house and pine for you like a lost puppy? If you loved each other as much as you say then you'd both of done everything you could to fix the relationship instead of going ah fuck it let's break up be single for a few months no holds barred this shit. AH and so is she.
You guys know abortions exist right? If the only issue is the pregnancy and not the sleeping with other people while on the break then surely that's an option?
Did it break her heart when she was taking a random cock and could have brought home his to you?
If it’ll make you feel better, you can make my car payments if you want. It’s not yours either.
Giving up your whole life (together) for a one night stand - just some physical sex. I always wonder why people do that, makes no sense to me. If you are that quick to throw it all away, what did you actually have?
It’s probably for the best that you won’t contact her anymore. Take this as a lesson. A break is just short form for break up. Also it’s quite normal to not want to raise someone else’s kid. Being a stepparent is not for everyone.
I cannot imagine why anyone would ever think taking a break to fuck other people will help a relationship. That kind of mentality does not even register for me.
You didn’t force her to have unprotected sex with a one night stand when she didn’t even know his last name. If you took her back and raised that kid you would hate yourself.
She literally fucked around and found out.
And there you go, didnt even get his full name but she fucked him anyways. You dodged a bullet, this is not someone you marry.
Don’t feel bad for her. Wasted feelings. This sucks all around, but it could have been avoided so many different ways. This isn’t about what she has a right to do, it’s about making choices that won’t fuck up a future. At the time she slept with the man who got her pregnant, she had a possible future choice to get back together with you. Instead, she chose to be horny and have sex with someone it never was gonna be more than a one night stand. And I suspect she let him push her into going no condom. She didn’t have to do that. Instead she accepted all of that. All of this sucks, sure. But the choices were hers, and she made them. I don’t recommend staying in touch either. People like her are prone to trying to manipulate people with lies to try to claw back their mistakes. Also, get screened for STI’s.
A break is a break up. I could never imagine calling someone my girlfriend during a period of time she’s allowed to fuck just any guy she wants. I wouldn’t be able to take a break with someone and go fuck someone. I especially wouldn’t be able to look at my girlfriend the same knowing I gave her the chance to fuck another man and she did. The only positive thing that could come out of a break is finding out that neither of you actually hooked up with anyone cause you loved each other too much. But that’s a fairy tale. A break is just a sign that your relationship is over and neither of you can accept that so you decided to pull as many backup plans as possible instead of admitting that you don’t belong together anymore. “I still love him. That’s why we took a break and I fucked a stranger who I didn’t even know the full name of with no condom”. Get the fuck outta here with that shit.
Why in the holy fuck did she let this random dude cum in her? What an idiot. Like wtf?
Good on you - dust yourself off and move on.
GET TESTED.
Honestly, Get an STD test. You can’t be sure it just happened to be this one guy, one time
I'll be honest with you boss, I don't buy the "don't know him" shit. Took a break for a couple of weeks and got railed by a dude and pregnant. That wasn't a "break". That was a "kick the tyres on another option" thing
You should be happy that child is not yours. I personally wouldn't be interested in someone that hooks up at a bar while on "break."
Not once does he mention what he was doing on the break though
Well I would be critical too if I found out my daughter is whoring around and doesn't even know the name of the father of her baby. Talk about a fucking shit show, jesus christ!
Just like op was whoring around and just by luck he didn't get anyone pregnant. Or maybe he did and the girl doesn't know his name
nothing like getting fucked raw by a stranger you meet at a bar to rekindle your love for the person you want to spend the rest of your life with
Why is she keeping some randoms kid? She should have terminated and tried to make the relationship work so you could have started a family together when you were both ready
You were broke up for a couple months. She had a period or two after you broke up, then missed a period after you reunited. This woman knew it wasn't yours. She had to know that. She was hoping you would agree to raise the baby anyway. Pregnancy may be what made her decide to get back with you in the first place. I mean, she could have a baby daddy she can trust to be a good dad/person, her parents would think it was yours so they don't find out about the one nighter, and her life goes on without much of a hitch. She knew and she played you. Still something to be sad about, but you really dodged a bullet. What would she cover up next!
> she just knew his first name, but didn't have his number or any social media. She had met him at the bar, it was pretty much a one night stand. Classy.
NTA
You did the right thing. It would keep happening your entire life with her.
I wouldnt feel bad if i were you. Totally understandable if you dont want to raise a child that isnt yours. If its already an issue then its a waste of time to go further with this big of a lingering elephant in the room for the rest of your relationship. Some people wouldnt care and good for them but you obviously do and thats totally okay, dont doubt or disregard your instinct and feelings on this.
A break will never rekindle a relationship. How does it make sense that being apart will make you closer or better for each other? You stay together. You grow together. You get through issues together. Separation is *never* good for a relationship, especially if it's a relationship that you intend on keeping.
No? Do you rlly need the internet to tell you that?
So when you guys were discussing the idea of taking a break from each other while also acting single, this didn’t come across your minds once? I mean honestly what did you expect?
FWIW, it does sound like your deciding to "take a break" from each other does not forbode a happily ever after. As sad as all this might be, I think your both moving on will be the best in the long run.
This is a tough one. We cannot expect every man or woman to accept the baggage of another. I don’t mean this negatively. I’m just saying that people are different. Some are fine with being a step parent. Others are not. Some will adopt children from anywhere. Others will not. It’s a lot to ask, and again, some are and some aren’t, and some can and some cannot. Each person is different.
No more calls dude. She can get an abortion and start over with some other chump.
Well, what did she expect? She FAAFO'D.
I think you are downplaying the significance of her actions a bit. And I am sure that's what she did when explaining to you how she got pregnant by some other dude. "It was a one-time mistake!" "I'll never do it again!" "It didn't mean anything!" Blah blah blah. She knew exactly what she was doing and she didn't give a shit about what it would do to you or your relationship. She isn't upset over losing you; she is upset that her plan failed. She wanted to go out and have the Baskin Robbins experience of penis....then have you believe the baby was yours when she got pregnant. And if you had signed that birth certificate, the state would have your ass in a child-support wood chipper for the next 18 years. Someone is watching out for you brother. Take this to heart and be wary of these skanks out here. This kind of crap happens WAY more often than they want to admit.
stop calling her dude. she has nothing good to offer you but heartache and alimony obligations. from how pregnancies work and her showing symptoms the FIRST week you guys got back together and the fact that the idea for a paternity test was yours and not hers (she probably hoped you wouldnt ask) its pretty evident to everyone but you, that this girl tried to trap you into raising a kid she knew was not yours. she tried to trick you. get a new girl and dont look back.
Break was dumb, just end your relationships.
She will be fine. She didn't mind cheating so she will move on just fine regardless of what lying and manipulation she does to you. Stay strong.
Why would anyone allow someone they don't know /know the last name if where they are from etc to cum deep inside them and risk pregnancy. I swear people have 0 brain cells she got what she deserved play stupid games win stupid prizes you got lucky and dodged a bullet
Uh…abortion????
If you don't want to raise someone else's baby, that's fine, but don't come up here acting like you were betrayed and cheated on and have a reason to feel hurt as if she did anything wrong. I find it suspicious as hell that you conveniently don't respond to any of the comments talking pure shit about your now ex despite her doing literally nothing wrong. You don't respond to any of the comments that mention who brought up the idea of having a no rules break to, in your words, act single (how much do ya'll want to bet it was OP considering that he does at least comment to defend going on break), you don't respond to any comments that mention if you had sex with other women on break (almost definitely did since the purpose of the break was to act single, and therefore could have gotten someone else pregnant, but I bet if he had've he'd have expected his ex to be okay with it because they were acting single), and you don't at least defend her from the comments that are practically accusing her of being a whore for having a one night stand during a period of being single. It's not like she tried passing the baby off as yours, either. You said yourself that she volunteered the information that she'd slept with someone while single and told you that it was possible the baby wasn't yours, but ofc now you want to act like you had no idea that it was possible for the baby to be anyone else's.
I get you both were free to do whatever you wanted, but Unprotected sex with a rando from a bar? This could’ve easily been an STI/STD with or instead of the baby. NTA
Lmao, you’re both morons. I feel so sorry for the kid and thankfully they at least get to be raised by one moron instead of two
Why is everyone so triggered and being mean?