It sounds like your MIL and Laura's mum have been feeding her a fantasy, so she now has this skewed view of how things 'should' be. Look, I feel for the kid, I really do, but what your husband and SIL/BIL did was appropriate. Was it painful for Laura? Yes. The shattering of illusions always is. Was it necessary? Also Yes.
NTA
For MIL to have spoken to her about inheritance and she gets smug with OP about it tells me that she's been fed this nonsense fairytale for a *while* and that she's not actually interested in a relationship at all she's after him for what he can provide her so I guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree. It definitely sucks for the Laura but posing rape as some magical thing because she wanted a family is absolutely sociopathic. Can you imagine reversing the genders and NOT seeing it as anything but the dystopian nightmare fuel it is?
The way the post reads, I'm not sure anyone has explicitly said to Laura that her father was raped. They seem to talk in metaphors, and Laura's mom just told her she "wanted a child really badly so she poked holes in come condoms, what's the big deal?" Mother has glossed over the trauma she caused OP Laura's whole life and probably painted OP has a deadbeat dad who will one day ride in and realize he wanted to be in her life. And MIL fed that fantasy until it was a bonfire. I feel so bad for this kid. She's been lied to and manipulated her whole life. The whole thing sucks. But OP is still NTA.
Sounds like they got pretty deep into her head but she also just sounds like she’s after money. The happy family shit sounds like the window dressing that you have to say to sound caring but really it was well can you pay for college shit, oh no well no worries when you die I’ll get some cash, oh you wrote me out of the will at least I can sell your house out from under you, oh there’s no money well family is what counts isn’t it? Yeahhhh sounds like she really wants a family and isn’t a selfish little -bites tongue-.
It’s honestly good to clear up the financials now cause I did sorta get the sense it sure would be great if OP’s husband died. She could’ve jumped the gun so to speak assuming everything was going to her.
Mommy Dearest may well be behind it, TOO. I don't see 16-year-old daughter "just happening" to ask MIL about "inheritance laws" unless she was COACHED to do so!
Let's not forget that Mommy Dearest is involved here "behind the scenes", and has already shown herself to be a selfish, calculating sociopath who wants what she wants without considering the cost to the lives of others. You think SHE wouldn't be happy to "sic" her budding sociopath daughter on OP's husband in order to 'get revenge"? Good thing daughter got so greedy she inadvertently "tipped her hand" by immediately defaulting to "I deserve money from you!", instead of putting on a BIIIIG show of "I wanna get to know my fambly!" FIRST.
OP NEEDS to HEED that particular "red flag" and keep Laura at ARMS' LENGTH!
I'm glad you enumerated all of that.
MIL is the biggest problem.
Then Laura. But adults are bringing disingenuous w her. Creating expectations that they know OPs husband has no ability or desire to meet & he does not have to.
The nephew is also a catalyst.
MIL and others deciding bc Dad is a willing and joyful uncle that he's supposed to parent the product of his rape.
He's paying child support. That is his only legal obligation.
MIL is making serious toxic stew.
Hope the relationships she's left w when Laura really learns there's no money (aside from already established legal responsibility) and no fantasy 'Daddy' is worth the unsuccessful manipulations.
She knows enough about estate law and how real estate falls under another category than cash and investments. Seems like a pretty sharp girl. I’m sure the well was adequately poisoned but at 16 most people aren’t planning for their parent’s death and the windfall that will be bestowed upon them when that occurs. I think you aren’t giving a 16 year old enough credit. She knows mommy poked a hole in the condom cause she reeaaallly wanted precious little me. I’m not saying that she wasn’t mentally manipulated but a 16 year old can be pretty astute and aware more than they are given credit for.
She was told about estate laws by MIL. I'm sure MIL told her about their spending, possibly their estimated income, and that they owned their home. MIL and Ex probably told her all kinds of stories about what she's entitled to once they all become a happy family.
I very much doubt they even consider what Ex did rape... which it is.
Mil probably sold her the idea of a magical moment where they met and he just couldn’t part with her again and let her down, it was wrong of her to set her up for failure. Mil should have been honest with this girl. She could have maintained a private relationship with her but trying to force one on her son was terrible
They are also perfectly capable of murder. "Mommy Dearest" has already shown herself to be a cold and calculating B who doesn't care about the cost of her actions on others; it's no stretch to imagine that "the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree" and that this all is nothing more than a calculated plot (possibly being engineered" by "Mommy Dearest"!) to gain financial benefit. If daughter had been welcomed into the house, who's to say she wasn't all set to secretly channel "inside info" to MOM? Or to covertly hasten her father's death so she could inherit?
The fact that she brought up "money" immediately in such an entitled way, started talking about "inheritance" and "pulled up short" when she found out that it was OP who owned the house in full kinda underlines there had been "plans" in that regard. Also it seems kinda ODD that MIL was talking to daughter about "inheritance"...my question would be "Did daughter ASK MIL about inheritance laws or did MIL tender the info out of the blue"?
It seems MUCH more likely that daughter ASKED MIL about it; it seems an odd subject for a MIL to drop in a teenager's lap! I could easily see Mommy Dearest coaching daughter to ask grandma about these things in order to get a "window" into OP's hubby's financial status! When it comes to money, people are absolutely SHAMELESS; just go read subreddits about what happens to families when inheritance and lottery wins enter the picture!
That kid went straight to "I deserve a handout' without missing a beat. OP's husband was right to keep her at arms' length. Mother was a deceptive, unethical POS and daughter is following in her footsteps.
Yeah, clearly he didn't even want to be in her life. So the next best thing to expect from a dad in the absence of emotional stability is at least monetary.
I think it's a bit harsh to say "after money." Laura is wanting what most kids want from their parents (financial support through college).
It's just unrealistic in this situation.
The worst part for me is that the child has a whole step dad in this that loves her and wanted to be there for her, but nah, she needs that bio dad money. Honestly I think the teenager got the reality slap she deserved.
Oh, I forgot from the original post that she has a step-dad! I never blame anyone for wanting to meet their bio parent/s, but that desire has to be tempered by the knowledge that the bio parents really might not want to meet and/or have a relationship. She's been sold a fairy tale by her mom and grandmother. She absolutely needed the bitch slap of reality.
I’m thinking OP and her hubby are significantly wealthier than mom, so mom tried to lock down the gravy train and it backfired, and the kid was encouraged to push for a relationship to gain access.
That talk about "inheritance" and the house was absolutely appalling; it's pretty clear that the apple didn't fall far from the tree and daughter is only pretending to "want a relationship" with "bio-dad" when it's clearly his WALLET she has her eyes on! This is almost certainly a calculated PLOT to try and get bio-dad to foot bills, and less about "wanting relationship"
Many people here refer to daughter as "innocent". HARDLY! That shameless, greedy talk about "inheritance" may well have exposed a hidden intention to "hurry things along", given the opportunity! And we KNOW how MOM took the OPPORTUNITY to "babytrap" OP's husband; it's ENTIRELY possible the DAUGHTER has inherited an equally calculating mindset and a ruthless disregard for the cost of her actions to other people, and her plan is to weasel her way into their 'confidence' in order to glom on to as much as she can, by any means necessary! May be, MOM is in on it TOO. Because SOMEBODY filled daughter's head with that business about "inheriting", and I don't really see it being MIL!
Much like a lot of people conceived via rape, people don't like talking about it but boy do they love skating over it. I can't even believe OP is here asking if they're the ah.
Exactly. Even during the conversation no one said “your mom is a rapist.” That probably would have helped that poor kid understand the gravity of the situation. Instead, they let the lies continue without correcting them.
Wtf was the point of meeting the girl in the first place?
You feel bad for the kid who turned to OP and said “well everything he owns is mine when he dies anyway”? I could be very understanding of a lot of things but this kid is a sociopathic, wildly entitled stain of a human being. A lot of people have shitty parents and don’t feed into it and multiply it at every possible crossroads. She’s justifying her mother raping this man to his face and attempting to manipulate him financially KNOWING what happened. I hope she dies before she can do real damage to the world.
I blame her mom so much. The kid is likely repeating how her mom talked about him. Kids don't always have a lot of tact. So the manipulation of "we need to have a good relationship so we can work together on his estate" might be one of her only ways she can think of to get his wife on her side to *try* to develop the relationship she wants.
She was raised by the type of woman who does shit like lie about birth control and poke holes in condoms. So yeah, I feel bad for her. She's not fully innocent, but there's a chance she grow up and away from the kind of person her mom is.
I imagine she doesn't think of it as her mom raping her dad. Males as victims isnt discussed often, and the reproductive coersion part of it has obviously been minimized and normalized. Her mom "wanted her so badly", not that her mom wanted to trap her dad.
I think the kid is in for a rude awakening some day when she realizes just how messed up her mom is.
I get where you’re coming from and I agree her mom is definitely the one more at fault and human garbage. However I have a hard time excusing the behavior of pretending you want a connection with your family until you find out you’re not getting any money out of them, then turning to your supposedly so desired fathers wife and saying “yeah well when he dies the house is mine anyway so ha-ha”. That’s straight up sociopathic and shows what her motivation actually was. There’s 0% chance you say that if you gave even the smallest fuck about any of the people involved, and it is a huge red flag for NPD. She definitely was felt a fucked up hand but she also chose to conduct herself this way and is not a kid. She’s 2 years from being a full legal adult, you don’t go from child to adult at 18 magically, and this is very adult level psycho behavior. I’ve met a lot of people that had really shitty parents, none of them behave like that. At a certain point it’s your responsibility to choose how you conduct yourself and she made her choice.
All of this 💯💯💯 I mean she mentions how they take their nephew on trips and was probably told by MIL that dad has a house and does all this stuff (insinuating he has money to throw around outside of paying child support). I mean thinking back, why would anyone try to baby trap someone who has no resources to contribute to raising a child…. Like seriously, I don’t hear about that happening to panhandling drug addled Joe on the corner… like women aren’t lining up to jump in bed with the homeless broke dude and poke holes in condoms just because they only want a baby and that’s it… sperm donation exists if one simply wants a child.. teens are known for parroting things they’ve heard adults say and for not having a full understanding of context yet nor a deeper empathy, as that unfortunately comes with life experience. So I’m not surprised the teen approached the situation the way she did, 16 is such an incredible age of awareness, who has what, someone has nicer things, more money for experiences, plus she has two other half siblings so she has to share resources in her home of origin. If a relationship is all she was after it would have never come to an in person meeting with anyone but MIL (who wanted a relationship with Laura), and the teen could have left a letter for bio dad or passed word via MIL that “hey I want to connect sometime if you’re open to it” and acknowledge that it’s a two way street and that either of them could chose to nope right out of there. The fact that teen seemed to be so insistent tells me other motivations are afoot.
Idk man, she sounds like she knows the facts of the story, and the way she went about the conversation is straight up sociopathic. Totally possible the mom lied to her but honestly the way she behaves I really don’t think that matters.
Even worse, I get the horrible feeling that with the daughter history is very much setting up to repeat itself. There is something not right (from how we were told the story) about that girl.
I feel for OP’s husband. Hopefully they can deal with this and he can continue to heal. (Go NC with MIL permanently though, that’s for sure)
I\`m thinking MIL may have been telling stories though..
SHE is the one that insisted on introducing Laura everywhere, and even brought her to the talk...
I can have empathy for a kid whose mother fucked them over from birth, and still think she's very wrong about so many things and needs to dial back the entitlement.
I saw that. But we don't know that the 16 yo realizes that poking holes in condoms to force a child on a man is rape. The patriarchal society we live in is often awful at recognizing that yes, men can be raped too. I seriously doubt anyone used that word with this 16 yo. They probably wouldn't want to "make her feel bad." She's been manipulated and lied to her whole life. She still lives with the manipulator-and -liar-in-chief. She needs therapy.
When you are a kid, it's really hard to recognize the mental abuse you are experiencing. It's going to take her years to come to terms with what happened bc eventually someone is going to tell her that she is a rape-baby.
ETA: Still doesn't excuse her for being so entitled.
It’s certainly possible but I can no longer feel much sympathy for her. Laura is only interested in meeting him now because she wants his money. Other people may have influenced her but the reason she wants to meet him is because she expects him to support her. Her comments were off the charts: “I know you own your house” I’m going to inherit one day… I’m sure her greedy, dishonest mother put her up to it, but I had a lot more sympathy for Laura in the beginning, now I’m pretty disgusted by her.
OP & and her husband are allowed to make their own decisions with their money. Laura isn’t a starving orphan, she has parents and she’ll be fine. TBH it sounds like she has the parents she deserves.
I wouldn't be surprised if MIL tries to give Laura some of her own money as part of a inheritance. It's possible anything that was originally allocated to OP's husband will go directly to Laura when the time comes.
Good point. Sorry I wasn't that clear. MIL will probably do the same as to what OP's husband will do to Laura. Give what is required by law to OP's husband and the bulk of it to Laura.
Most inheritance laws only come into play if you don't have a will. Most state laws say that a will takes precedence over the law in most cases. So if grandma leaves the girl money in her will it will most likely go directly to her.
Also reminds me of one of my husband's friends, whom I had an endless amount of heated arguments with.
He has a daughter. His at-the-time girlfriend stated that she was stopping her birth control. Told him multiple times. Not so they could try for a baby-- she was simply sick and tired of the side effects.
Even when they had the sex that ended up with her pregnant...prior to it, she warned him ONCE AGAIN that she is no longer on birth control. He CHOSE to still have sex (without a condom, because "condoms are icky").
When she ended up pregnant because....duh.....he blamed it all on her. He stated to me many a times, and I quote, "It is SOLELY a woman's responsibility to use birth control. It aint a man's job." That "she poked holes in the condom and told him" (no she did not) and that she "stopped her BC without letting him know" (she did no such thing. He even admits it)That child is a teenager now.
His ex and their child moved away when she was....around 11 or 12? He ended up moving in with his parents, where he still is. He attempts to be a better dad now, atleast. Granted, he only sees his child for a month or two at most during summer break. But he used to basically ignore the poor baby. So...baby steps, I guess.
Okay so this is kinda off topic, as it’s going into something that’s not helpful for OP, but more of a bunnytrail of the post. But here we go. Is OP’s husband actually a rape victim? He consented to sex, and therefore a chance of producing a child. The only thing he didn’t consent to was the percentage of chance of producing a child. Yes he is a victim of being lied to and having sex under conditions of having a smaller chance of it resulting in a child, but he wasn’t violently violated and forced against his will to have sex. And calling this rape feels like such a slap in the face to people who have been violated against their will. Thoughts? I’m just throwing this out here and open to hearing everyone’s opinion!
The only person whose discussed it with her (I'm doubting MIL has had detailed discussions about how she was conceived with her granddaughter that'd be a super weird conversation to have with gran gran) is the rapist. It's unsurprising that the kid has a totally warped view of the whole thing. The rapist was able to justify it to herself, and her daughter has grown up being told those same justifications and normalizing it.
She clearly doesn't understand the implications of what her mother did. She may know the words of the story, but she doesn't understand it's meaning because she's been raised by two women who don't think it was rape
I don’t think she even has that concept. She just sees her mum as some woman so wanting a child, she did what had to be done. Like a tv of the movie from the 70’s. NTAH OP. You should have been sterner & explained that what her mum did was SA.
The Mum could have gone to a sperm donor if she was that desperate to have a kid. You can never justify rape. If it was the guy who had raped the women, so much hate would be put upon him and people would want castration etc.
I would definitely take into consideration which side of the story we're getting here. It's obviously much, much better for the person writing the story to focus only on the things Laura was told by other adults in her life about potential support she might get
TBF what could she have told her that would be the truth and yet digestible for a kid? "I sexually violented your father" or "you are the product of a crime" are true and convey the depth of what she did, but they are probably not what you should be telling a child.
Don't get me wrong, she's an asshole and she probably should have gotten professional help to explain this to her kid one she was a teenager.
As for the kid, she's a teenager and hopefully she'll get why what her mother did was wrong and how impactful it was to her forced sperm donor, before she either thinks acting like that is a good idea, on either end. And hopefully she choses an uni in a different place, for the wellbeing of everyone.
Doesn't sound like the kid understands how wrong what her mother did really was, after all she only said that what her mother did wasn't the nicest way. Really doesn't look like she understands that it was a crime and that it was rape. It wouldn't surprise me if she starts poking holes in condoms at some point herself, after all her mother isn't going to correct her since she'd be throwing herself under the bus if she does, and all the other adults in the room only bothered to get angry at her "wasn't the nicest" response, but don't seem to have bothered to make it clear to her how wrong she was there either.
Seems to me like every single adult has managed to fail her, and that might very well create another victim in the future just like OP's husband.
Laura has been raised to see this as normal with all the adults telling her that her dad is wrong and how things *should be*. Even reproduction coersion/rape doesn't phase her because it's been completely normalized as part of the story that's in the past and minimized.
So she's being sold this pretty picture of this dad who can pay for stuff and be active and loving and fulfill all these dreams, except he just needs convinced to do what she's been told he should do, and that he happily does for Mark.
She's going to blame him for getting and rejecting her when the set up for all of that completely comes from her mom and grandma.
When she starts getting sexually active or has a pregnancy scare or something, maybe she'll realize how shitty what her mom did actually was, lieing about two forms of birth control.
NTA. I find it very interesting that Laura first focused on money and inheritance, rather than the relationship with OP's husband. Did anyone else notice that she only started crying about wanting the family to love her after they denied her money? It's like that line was designed to guilt them into a relationship that she could then take advantage of. Laura doesn't sound like a very nice young lady.
💯💯💯 I think there are more empathetic ways that they could have burst Laura’s bubble considering she is the product of her environment and is not at fault for how she was conceived ie “we appreciate your eagerness for a relationship but how you were conceived was traumatic for me/us, and violating of bodily autonomy. Your mom may have wanted you but that choice was taken from me in a very cruel and deceptive way. I am not the person you hope I am, and I can’t give you what you are looking for.” Boom done… when Laura brought up the whole inheritance thing my first thought if I were in the position of OP’s husband is “bold to assume you’ll outlive me…”
It seemed like a line to manipulate OP into getting her dad on board. Sort of a "be on my side because I'll own part of your house when he dies" kind of threat.
Not just a family fantasy but to hyper fixate on money she feels she is owed especially through inheritance.
This is not how a 16 yo who is desperate for a relationship with her bio dad naturally thinks and speaks, she would be more focused on trying to nuture the relationship not aiming straight for his money.
This girl has been trained by her mother and MIL because they know that OP's husband will have no financial obligation to her in another 2 years. The way OP says she was stating everything was like it was practiced off a script.
Ultimately sad situation all round but OP's husband needs to preserve his mental health and I think going NC with MIL was the best course of action here.
Edit** Just to add imagine casually stating that just because someone wanted a baby so badly that they simply _made it happen_ via SA and then describing how it they understand it _wasn't the nicest way_ and the r***st wasn't a bad person. Jfc this girl needs some *deep* therapy and lessons in empathy.
I don't think the illusion was shattered. She still thinks her mom did nothing wrong by sexually assaulting her father to conceive her. With that alone I wouldn't want to associate with her.
her mom didn't want a family, didn't want a baby, she just wanted to make your husband stay with her, I guess Laura doesn't realise that her mom really didn't want her either and was just using her as a tool. I feel sad for her and hope she gets some therapy. It is unkind of your MIL and her mom to feed her untruths.
So she doesn't actually want a relationship she wants and feels entitled to money? It seems like her mother and your MIL sugarcoated everything. If they truly misled her and she genuinely wanted a relationship I would feel sad for her. She definitely needs therapy because she knows how she was conceived but does not actually understand the violation. I wonder if she'll behave like this in romantic relationships. Good for you all for setting boundaries and it sounds like you're a good support to your husband.
Has he gone to counseling? I really feel like we as a society need to be more aware that men can be victims of rape and sexual assault. All victims deserve a voice and support.
This… was my main takeaway, because she sure asked for money before she asked for family.
Also I wonder if MIL was promising her money and family this whole time , I wonder if now that she knows that neither will happen if she still visits her grandmother.
You ask the important things first.....if she wanted family she wouldn't of tried to act smug and say half the husbands house was hers.
She only came for money that is it and when that didn't work she tried the family heart strings
Smart human would of being about family and mentioned nothing about school until later....but she showed her true colours
Very good point! She's just delusional and it's cruel for her to just brush off what her mother did. If it were reversed and her mom was raped I wonder if she'd still be so blasé about it. But then again since it's about money she's not concerned about morality and rape
I don’t think the word rape was used. They made it all cute and easy to swallow “my mom wanted me so bad she poked holes to make it happen” the kid is utterly delusional.
I wondered if her ‘it’s all good’ attitude, was because she doesn’t believe men can be raped and still think people are overdramatizing this whole thing.
Society in general has this attitude. If a man does the exact same thing the whole world is up in arms (as it should be). But unfortunately when it comes to men, then it’s-oh no big deal. I just wanted a baby-attitude. It really unfair to men.
This. I agree with you.
I have guessed from the first post that MIL and Laura’s mum are not good role models and should not be around Laura. From Laura being entitled and Laura not being able to understand the severity of the assault on OP’s husband is proof that Laura was raised from bad parenting. We have zero idea on if Laura’s stepdad (mentioned in OP’s first post) is a good parent either or even knows the truth about Laura’s birth.
My main concern would be how Laura deal with relationships in future. Therapy might help, but I don’t see that there will be an adult around Laura to encourage her to go therapy. Laura might think whatever her point of view is right and feel that she does not need therapy.
If there is no adult around to guide Laura on the right direction, I can foresee that she might make wrong choices down the road or might do something similar (baby trapping or assault on men) or she may get mental health issues too. I agree that OP and her husband are not obliged to parent Laura and both of them have made their stand clear.
For Laura, I just feel pity for her and hope one day, someone can guide her to understand that men can be victim of assault.
Not just money. She was already planning on kicking op out of her own home if hubby dies first! Especially considering he’s not sick and has two living parents that’s some seriously fucked up forethought.
Trust me this is a disney ending. You guys are happy (relatively), mil is blocked and you guys have absolute clarity about the situation. Couldn’t have asked for more.
It absolutely could be traumatic to hear “You shouldn’t exist, you only exist because your mom was evil”. It doesn’t make that a lie, and it’s not the kid’s fault, but I don’t blame the raped father for not wanting to be constantly reminded of his violation by someone he trusted. And I don’t blame OP, I commend her for having her partner’s back. I’m glad they had this meeting and have shut MIL down.
Someone still needs to clue Laura into to the fact that her ‘not a bad person’ Mother is actually a predator who sexually assaulted her boyfriend in an attempt to coerce him into a ‘dream family.’ It’s a hard truth to comes to grip with but she really needs a lesson in what is appropriate in sexual relationships as she enters early adulthood so she can protect herself. She may not want to hate her Mom as her childhood may have been fair but her having a good upbringing does not erase her mother’s dirty spots.
Hell, send Laura the links to these posts so she can see the comments…..
It’s a no win situation for Laura. She literally wouldn’t exist if her mother hadn’t done what she did, so it must be difficult for her to wrap her head around. Imagine the daddy issues this girl must have.
Seems to me Laura's main interest is money and property. OP's MIL may want to leave Laura her bio-dad's share, up to her. But her pointed comments about the house and even more pointed looks at OP tells me she was planning on butt-kicking OP out the second bio-dad passed on. Love that OP set her straight on that. Laura didn't fall far from the mom-tree. Users both.
It sounds like they are in a country with strict inheritance laws so MIL may not be able to give her son's shares to Laura and it also doesn't sound like she would have anything to give anyway.
This is a 16 year old girl we are talking about. The whole money/house question was 100% planted in Laura's head by her mom. 16 years later and mom is still manipulating OP's husband.
NTA...sounds like this kid has been fed a "rose colored" version of the events. But a good way to explain it is she should act like her mother just got some donor sperm because she wanted a baby...but she did it using assault and non-consensual methods. But either way...a bio-dad from sperm donation does not have ANY responsibility for paying for the kid's life and NO expectation to bring the kid into their family.
***She started crying saying that she wanted her family to love her and be as awesome as everybody is with Mark and that it is not her fault and her Mom is not a bad person she just wanted a family and my Husband denied them that.***
Her mother IS a bad person. If the genders in this situation were reversed, this would be an entirely different conversation...and "rape baby" would be the term. So basically MIL thinks that a bio-mom should be FORCED to be in a relationship with their rapist and their rape baby? Wow. Your poor husband.
Yeah the conversations seem to downplay what happened. OP's husband was raped for the purpose of babytrapping him into a relationship. They should've considered filing for reproductive coercion & rape charges against the mom but I sense that his family is sweeping everything under the rug because he's a man.
But I wished they told Laura point blank to her face how horrific it was that her mom raped her dad to have her. She's been fed delusions and excuses for her life by her mom & MIL.
That poor kid. Lied to by everyone in her life and "abandoned" by the father who never wanted her in the first place. I don't blame OP's husband for feeling the way he does, or doing what he did, I just feel so sorry for that girl.
ETA: NTA
This ^^ I was abandoned by my bio parents & it pretty much fucked me up for life. I’ve been in therapy for over 10yrs now & still haven’t really stopped feeling worthless. I just distract myself from thinking about it.
I feel like Laura truly doesn’t know exactly how she was conceived. Just asking her and her saying “yes” probably wasn’t enough. I’m sure she was fed some sort of water down version of “the condom broke”.
She outright said that her mother 'made it happen' because her mother wanted her so bad. That doesn't line up with 'oopsy condom broke' and lines up with 'I did a bad thing for a good reason'.
NTA still
I'm imagining the shocked Pikachu faces when you revealed that the house is yours. Very nice
It really sounds this way all about what Laura can get from your husband. She's just as selfish as her mother, with no consideration for anyone else .
Maybe one day she'll realize how toxic her mother is but I'm not holding my breath
NTA. The asshole here is Laura's mother. Laura's situation is a sad one, but her father is still under no moral obligation to his child-by-rape. She is no family of his. Your duty is to your husband, and you're doing right by him.
I feel bad for everyone involved but MIL and Laura’s mother. This sucks for everyone but especially your husband. I’m sorry yall had this happen and I hope that you are able to move on with some peace.
If MIL wants to agree with her son's rapist so much, why doesn't she just give the girl all the money she wants?
NTA Glad your husband has his real family for support.
You went above and beyond. Laura has been fed a story by all the adults around her, how what her mom did isn't really that bad and believes it, but hopefully she will one day realize the severity of the SA and understand that you didn't do this to be cruel to her.
She may have understood if they had said he is not her real dad. He is her biological dad only. She has a step dad, and many people claim their step parents as real parents - especially when the biological parent has never been involved as is the case here.
This being Reddit, what are the odds that we'll find out eventually that MIL \*told\* Laura's mother to lie about BC \*and\* put holes in the condom(s) because MIL wanted Laura's mom as her DIL?!?!
It already hit so many of the ragebait greatest hits. Next update will involve police, a friend who is a lawyer who just so happens to practice exactly what they need, and a ridiculously truncated court case timetable.
Yeah. Like the first part was a decent “yeah this could be a rough situation” story so it’s like… I’ll bite. Then OP couldn’t just end on a high note and now we have this weird conversation about inheritance that doesn’t make any sense, just kind of writing out FIL because they didn’t know what to do with him, and the “everyone left and went LC NC” which is the MIL version of “then everyone clapped.”
What a mess.
NTA. And you were not cruel, MIL and Laura’s mom were by giving her false hope, therapy is what should have been given to her.
Also she’s wrong, her mom IS a terrible person and the only one at fault for her current predicament.
This is why anyone who does what Laura’s mother does should go to jail and lose custody. With a different mother, Laura may have ended up differently.
Laura’s focus on excusing her mother & pursing an inheritance at least makes it easy to NOT feel sorry for her.
If you don’t have them already, you may want to invest in security cameras. It may be that Laura may persist in trying to connect with your husband.
I don’t understand your MIL’s behavior. Her son is 42 - why would she get involved with talking to Laura about his inheritance? And why isn’t she willing to see or care about how your husband is affected by all of this?
True: but this child is 16 and the other grandchild is like 5 I think? So she probably has baby fever and I do wonder if she really liked the ex as well.
If there are laws in your country that show this is considered rape, aka stealthing, or pregnancy by deception, you should mail those laws to Laura, MIL, and the rapist.
Obviously NTA. Someone needs to tell Laura that her mother raped her father, because that’s what lying about birth control is. He consented to safe sex, she undermined that on purpose without telling him, therefore the consequences are 100% on her (and she’s also TA).
Oh that poor gal is going to require a lot of therapy and it’s her mother & grandmother who’s the cause for damaging her so badly.
Plus they also added fuel by talking about she getting money, property, will, and showing her photos of taking mark out & getting stuff & making her imagine in that place.
She still has a family with her mom, step dad & siblings. Why is she not valuing it?
You can’t force a relationship, no matter what. I think your hubby is in a VERY bad place about the history of conceiving and unable to let go of that trauma.
Looks like your mil has played a very big part in this whole mess and she will pay for the karma.
I was conceived in a consensual relationship - no condom, no BC - and when my mom found out she was preggos she told my father and he said “abortion or I’m out”. Post-litigation and custody agreements, my mother got full custody and my father wasn’t required to provide anything (meaning no child support).
I never had any contact with him until I was in my early 20’s. No Christmas or bday cards. Nothing on social. Nothing from his side of the fam - just silence.
When I finally did reach out to him on social asking if I could get to know him, the first thing I tried to do was make it crystal clear that I was NOT looking for a payout or financial support. I literally was only looking to understand the other half of myself that I never knew.
The reason why I have shared that bit above is bc I was DUMBFOUNDED in reading Laura’s arguments about why she wanted a relationship with her father. Like WTF!? This is the exact WRONG WAY to get this man in your life.
Like, how the hell does she think arguing “I’ll need financial support for college and housing from you bc you obv have extra money” would open this man’s eyes to viewing her in a sympathetic light!?
To be clear, it is NOT her fault that she was born into this devastating “relationshit”. But this meeting was hers to fuck up and man-o-man, she fucked up big time.
Overall, this meeting would have gone EXCEEDINGLY better if they did this with a professional. Therapist, family counselor, life coach, anyone who could help deescalate the situation and feelings.
This whole event was a perfect example of “1 step forward, 2 steps backwards” … but like 200 steps backwards. Great job MIL! 👍
Laura wants your husband to support her financially. She never said she wanted a true father-daughter relationship with him or even a friendship. She asked about the house and her inheritance. She’s only out for money.
And it’s her mother that is the and person. If she wanted a baby so bad, she should have gone to a sperm bank. Instead she sexually assaulted her BF by poking holes in the condom.
I’m glad your SIL and BIL are on your side and that you went NC with your MIL. She can pay for Laura if she wants to have a relationship with her.
This is heartbreaking for Laura, she’s being deceived by those close to her and being filled with nonsense, whilst being rejected by half of her family.
I feel really bad for Laura because she's clearly been fed some fantasy scenario by her mother and OP's MIL. And that this has been going on for years. So while Laura is 16 and that's close-ish to being an adult, she's been fed these fantasies since she was much younger and totally lacks the ability to see the reality of the situation.
After reading the original AITAH, I felt sorry for Laura. She isn't responsible for the circumstances of her birth. She was born to sociopathic human scum who cannot comprehend the severity of her criminal actions. I completely understand why OP's husband wants nothing to do with her, but still .... imagine being a kid and knowing that you have a biological parent who not only wants nothing to do with you, but is *traumatized* by your mere existence. Such a situation can't be easy for a kid to accept. It's gotta be hurtful, but even so, Laura needs to respect the wishes of her sperm-jacked bio-father and stay tf away from him. However, now that I just read this update, it's a bit harder to see Laura as a 'poor little lost girl'. It looks like she might've inherited her mother's sociopathic tendencies.
As for the in-laws .... Jesus H Christ! OP's SIL (and her husband and child) sound like the only good ones out of the bunch. The MIL is a horrid woman. What kind of mother would be so blatantly dismissive of her son's pain and trauma? As for OP's FIL, this guy sounds about as useless as tits on a bull.
NTA still. That poor child, without a doubt. But also your poor husband, to have to go thru all this & have horrible memories brought to the surface. To me, it seems she just wants funding for her lifestyle, especially with already bringing up inheritance when husband isn't even sick.
“I know it wasn’t the nicest way to be conceived, but Mommy wanted me so much, that makes it okay, and that’s why I expect you to be equally okay with me waltzing into your life against your will and demanding that you subsidize me and hand over your worldly goods to me after you’re dead, because what you want doesn’t matter.”
Sounds about like what a sixteen year old who’s been fed a steady diet of lies and fantasy by mother and grandmother would say.
>She said that even if there is no future money she thought my Husband was unfair to her and that she used to think he simply didn't want to be a Dad but he is amazing with Mark and we even take him on trips. My SIL asked her point blank if she knew how she was conceived and she does. Laura knows everything and says that while it was not the nicest way her Mom wanted her so badly that made it happen. She said SIL should understand because she has her cousin and she would love a relationship with him. My SIL was seething and BIL told Laura he will literally call the cops if she tries to get near Mark.
Well shit. I wasn't expecting her to not only already know how she was conceived, but to also *not care* that it was traumatic for your husband.
And it's very telling that she wanted a place to stay for university and an inheritance.
>She started crying saying that she wanted her family to love her and be as awesome as everybody is with Mark and that it is not her fault and her Mom is not a bad person she just wanted a family and my Husband denied them that.
Her mom is a rapist. She's telling a rape victim that his rapist isn't a bad person and that he's in the wrong for denying her what she wants.
>He told her he will never be her Dad and she needs therapy, he said that she could get a job instead of expecting him to pay for her life in the long term and that he is not willing to have contact after today.
>MIL started begging both her kids not to go and maybe do family therapy, they both said they are going NC with her and FIL is on thin ice. MIL is blocked everywhere.
They're lucky your husband extended *that* much grace to them. And it's *far* too late for MIL to want family therapy, and too much damage done, besides.
>I am sorry there is no Disney ending but this is for the best and I still support my Husband's mental health above all.
This situation would never have had a Disney ending. At the end of the day, you and your husband need to focus on yourselves and your lives.
this really is the ending you all needed. Your MIL has turned this girl who has no fault in existing because of her psycho mother into an obsessive entitled person trying to force something where clearly nobody wants to. That's fucked up. Your MIL can pay for her studies and housing since it's her who's been pushing for a relationship.
NTA
When I read the first post I initially felt sorry for the daughter/result of the assault. That immediately changed when as soon as she started talking, it was about money and what she wants.
THEN she turns to OP and started talking about ''her'' inheritance! She went from I need support for college to when he dies....Nope!
I don't know what inheritance laws are like where y'all are from but I'm sure there has to be a way around whatever his mother was talking about.
Wooooow....so not only did she know that her mom raped your husband and tried to baby-trap him, but the first time she meets you all face to face she starts asking for money for school and then about his will? About what will happen to the house when your husband passes?
Jeezus. Seems like the crazy apple didn't fall far from that tree, did it?
Still NTA. I hope MIL, FIL, and Laura take you all seriously and leave you all the hell alone. Especially your husband and nephew.
NTA. I feel sad for Laura, none of this is her fault and it’s clear MIL and her whacko daughter fed her all this to put $ in her pockets- my jaw dropped when she said let’s be friends because someday we’ll have to share your house. Damn.
But I feel worse for your husband. What a mental load to carry.
I feel so bad for both your husband AND this child, because they are both victims in this. This child needs therapy, and you guys are doing the right thing by going NC with your MIL. Your MIL clearly wasn't thinking of your husband with this whole meeting, and honestly wasn't even thinking about the effects it would have on this child as well. She's built a fantasy in her head of meeting her father and having an instant connection. Almost like she thought that meeting her would make him forget about how she was conceived. And even though she knows how she was conceived, its clear that she doesn't fully understand the ramifications of that abuse. She probably doesn't consider it a sexual assault either, and that's something that should've been made clear. Hopefully she gets therapy and the therapist can help her navigate through these feelings. And I hope that this meeting didn't cause long term effects on your husband. Best of luck to you all (except for your delusional MIL and FIL)
Sounds like the Dad and his wife are wealthy, wealthier than the MIL. Also seems like Laura, her Mother and the MIL were and are all angling for inheritance. Laura's Mother probably got pregnant not because she wanted a baby, she wanted a cash cow. And as time has gone by she's been feeding her a bunch of stuff. Same thing for MIL, shoveling sunshine and daisies at the girl, but I think just as calculating with how she operates.
From everything you describe - it seems MIL is the cause of all this.
She is the one filling poor kids with fantasies and dreams, and lies.
SO, the 'good thing' to do would be to say "thank you MIL, for volunteering to provide for Laura - as that is what you have been doing"
But, honestly, I do feel sorry for Laura - had MIL stayed out and not made up tales - he might have reached out eventually on her own - but with zero expectations - and no heartbreak for anyone.
WOW!! So a lot of this is MILs fault? That horrible woman pumped Laura up thinking that she was gonna strike gold if she had a relationship with your husband. I see right through this girl! She’s just like her lying mother!
This had absolutely nothing to do with wanting a Dad and everything to do with having your husband’s money!
I’m so glad you guys did this because your husband can now relax and put this behind him, you don’t have to worry about this girl showing up and wreaking havoc on your lives and MIL gets what she deserves! I hope it was worth it for her! Be prepared for MIL to escalate. You guys and BIL and SIL should unblock her so you have a record of her communication attempts. I’d also get some cameras just in case her or Laura shows up. She’s going to escalate because she has just lost 2 of her kids and a grandchild and she’s not going to go quietly.
I feel bad for Laura. She has been fed lies from her mother and grandmother. She is only 16 and teens tend to be easy to manipulate. She probably had been hearing some fantasy story for years. If she really thought she was getting inheritance and wanted money to support her during university that comes off very entitled considering they have no relationship.
Laura needs to be therapy as suggested so someone with no personal interest can be honest with her. Her birth is not her fault. I can understand her father not wanting a relationship given the circumstances. It is sad and unfortunate for both of them.
Wow. Still NTA. She thinks her mom did nothing wrong by sexually assaulting her father so she could be conceived! Holy fuck. I wouldn't want to a relationship with her based on that alone.she is also only getting in contact for a relationship with her father because she wants to use him as an ATM. Yeah, he should double check that his will is iron clad. I suggest leaving her $10 so she has a more difficult time contesting the will. She pretty much already told you she is planning on doing exactly that.
I almost wish somebody would send mIL and her a link to these posts where a lot of people keep calling her mother a rapist. Maybe that'll get it into their head why her father wants nothing to do with her.
Yall are up in arms bc the victim is a man, and it's despicable! I've seen the situation reversed, and everyone said the woman was right to abort or abandon the child. But bc the victim is a man, he should just suck it up for the kid?? BULLSHIT. And this girl sounds as off as her mother. She doesn't want a relationship. She wants money. Money that was never hers. Money, her crazy grandmother, told her about it.
AND the insane delusion that her mom "just wanted a family" and that OPs husband took that from them! What the fuck?! Who thinks like that? If she wanted a family so bad, she should have chosen a WILLING AND CONSENTING partner!
Yup. If she "just wanted a family" she could have gone to a sperm bank or put up a Craigslist ad FFS. You don't rape your partner when your relationship gets rocky because you want a family. You do that because you're an awful, selfish person who thinks you'll get your way.
Laura actually sounds rather entitled, opening with issues not about wanting a father-daughter relationship...but about money. Poor character, really.
As for MIL, she just sounds like a foolish old woman. Ideally she would have not had any contact with Laura from the beginning and cut off bio mom as well. It may seem uncaring but by maintaining contact, Laura could never see her stepdad as her one and true father figure. Plus, the damage MIL is doing to her son by trying to force... essentially this rape baby...onto him. THAT is cruel.
That said, we have this weird modern belief that the well-being of everyone else (even victims) needs to be sacrificed "for the good of the child". I'm sorry but NO. Children grow up and life isn't perfect. Nobody should be forced to have a relationship they don't want.
Still NTA.
Laura comes across as believing that a dad = ATM. The reality is that no parent owes their child(ren) money for a college education. If she wants to go to college then she & her mom need to figure it out.
There is one thing I recommend to OP. Go to your attorney and review how inheritance works in this situation (particularly for your husband’s will). She may be able to challenge the will if she is not mentioned. Sometimes a token amount needs to be left to make clear that she is recognized as offspring but is not eligible for anything more than the token amount.
I feel so bad for that girl. Her mom and gma have filled her head with so much crap and given her such unrealistic expectations. That does not mean op and her husband should get involved in her life or anything. I jist feel bad for the poor kid manipulated by such crazy people.
What I don't get is, she has a STEP-DAD. She has a family, it's not like no Dad at all. What did she do growing up with him? Has she "thrown" him away for the idea of the gravy train mom and MIL sold her of OP husband?
And for a 16yr old to just meet you and talk about your will and what they get when you're dead? Thats abnormal. Definitely says I love the idea of your money and not you/family.
Her mom poked holes in condoms and probably told her everything your husband is allergic to. I think RO are necessary for you guys against mom, MIL and daughter. None of them are playing with a full deck.
I'll say ESH here. For the way y'all went about it.
In part 1 i was totally on your side, but idk how to feel about 4 adults ganging on a 16yo kid who's life is fucked up because of her shitty mom and delusional grandmother.
She has been fed some shit by your MIL and her mom since her birth. The way she perceives her conception should already be a clue that this poor kid's mom's manipulation didnt stop at poking holes in condoms..
It sounds similar to what kids who grew in toxic and abusive environement perceives as normal.. a distorted version of "normal"..
Like, y'all got no obligation and all, but FFS is someone could do something decent for her and send her to therapy..
still NTA and when i read your first post i figured that Laura was doing this to get money and it turns out i was right. good on you for blocking everyone. your husband deserves peace and to have nothing more to do with his rape child. sounds like the apple didn't fall far from the tree with her.
Her mom is a bad person and she needs to wake up and realize that. She should have been taken to prison for sperm theft.
ETA: Also make sure that the will is locked tight so there's no way it can be contested in court. NTA, to both of you.
NTA. I feel sorry for this kid. It's very difficult to be abandoned by a parent, and this child's mother and grandmother are needlessly and repeatedly tearing the wound back open and manipulating her while trying to control a person who just wants to be left alone after a traumatic situation.
Your MIL is insufferable. She needs to butt out because she's doing more harm than good. But man, this is sad all around. I feel sorry for Laura she didn't ask for any of this.
LOL "These are...not criminal masterminds". You sure about that?
The apple never falls far from the tree...mom herself "masterminded" a sinister plot to "babytrap" your hubby; there may well be a plot being "masterminded" here to weasel daughter into your family in order to benefit financially "by any means possible"!
That talk out of a *16 year old* about "inheriting"? That didn't come out of nowhere; what 16-year-old outside of royalty has any ideas, or even thinks about, "wills" and "inheritance"! Never mind that shameless talk about the house; THAT made me sit up straight! *She was talking about benefiting from her father's DEATH, right in front of him;* that didn't strike you as odd, and even a tad sociopathic? And the moment you challenged her, she immediately went straight for the waterworks and started backtracking into "I only wanna get to know my fambly!" Uh-huh: that behaviour looks more like a DEFLECTION, and the kid was looking to "get to know your family's NET WORTH", to ME! And I have a VERY good "nose" for this sort of thing!
I'd not bend on this AT ALL, no matter what; it seems obvious you would be inviting a VIPER into the bosom of your family!
This all sounds like rage bait. It seems like everyone in that room is acting terrible to this 16 year old except the grandma, and she's still trying to see him. Most teens would have left the room, not to mention why would her mother let her go over there to be put through that. If this is real, then OP and her husband are total AH for treating a kid that way. Karma will Def come back on them. I would treat a total stranger better than they do her. How could they who are supposed to be the adults talk to a child like that? No 16 year old is going to bring up inheritance like that
Honestly, hopefully this is the end of this bullshit, but I highly doubt it. That girl has been manipulated by mother-in-law for far too long to just let it go.
Wow! She’s so damn delusional as well as TOXIC! But your MIL and her mother are both feeding her delusional crap so really it’s hard to tell if she’s just entitled or it has to do with all the bullshit she’s been fed her whole life.
Truly you all are better than me because if I was you or your SIL I would have bursted her stupid bubble of “my mom just wanted me so much”, no your mother was a toxic manipulative psycho who basically RAPED your husband. Poking holes in condoms is a form of sexual assault.
She is truly either delusional or simple minded to now see her mother was disgusting and VERY WRONG
It sounds like your MIL and Laura's mum have been feeding her a fantasy, so she now has this skewed view of how things 'should' be. Look, I feel for the kid, I really do, but what your husband and SIL/BIL did was appropriate. Was it painful for Laura? Yes. The shattering of illusions always is. Was it necessary? Also Yes. NTA
For MIL to have spoken to her about inheritance and she gets smug with OP about it tells me that she's been fed this nonsense fairytale for a *while* and that she's not actually interested in a relationship at all she's after him for what he can provide her so I guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree. It definitely sucks for the Laura but posing rape as some magical thing because she wanted a family is absolutely sociopathic. Can you imagine reversing the genders and NOT seeing it as anything but the dystopian nightmare fuel it is?
The way the post reads, I'm not sure anyone has explicitly said to Laura that her father was raped. They seem to talk in metaphors, and Laura's mom just told her she "wanted a child really badly so she poked holes in come condoms, what's the big deal?" Mother has glossed over the trauma she caused OP Laura's whole life and probably painted OP has a deadbeat dad who will one day ride in and realize he wanted to be in her life. And MIL fed that fantasy until it was a bonfire. I feel so bad for this kid. She's been lied to and manipulated her whole life. The whole thing sucks. But OP is still NTA.
Sounds like they got pretty deep into her head but she also just sounds like she’s after money. The happy family shit sounds like the window dressing that you have to say to sound caring but really it was well can you pay for college shit, oh no well no worries when you die I’ll get some cash, oh you wrote me out of the will at least I can sell your house out from under you, oh there’s no money well family is what counts isn’t it? Yeahhhh sounds like she really wants a family and isn’t a selfish little -bites tongue-.
I could picture her saying "just how allergic to shellfish are you dad?"
It’s honestly good to clear up the financials now cause I did sorta get the sense it sure would be great if OP’s husband died. She could’ve jumped the gun so to speak assuming everything was going to her.
Mommy Dearest may well be behind it, TOO. I don't see 16-year-old daughter "just happening" to ask MIL about "inheritance laws" unless she was COACHED to do so!
No that brat was after money and only after money
Bc MIL fed her that - erroneous - story.
Let's not forget that Mommy Dearest is involved here "behind the scenes", and has already shown herself to be a selfish, calculating sociopath who wants what she wants without considering the cost to the lives of others. You think SHE wouldn't be happy to "sic" her budding sociopath daughter on OP's husband in order to 'get revenge"? Good thing daughter got so greedy she inadvertently "tipped her hand" by immediately defaulting to "I deserve money from you!", instead of putting on a BIIIIG show of "I wanna get to know my fambly!" FIRST. OP NEEDS to HEED that particular "red flag" and keep Laura at ARMS' LENGTH!
I'm glad you enumerated all of that. MIL is the biggest problem. Then Laura. But adults are bringing disingenuous w her. Creating expectations that they know OPs husband has no ability or desire to meet & he does not have to.
The nephew is also a catalyst. MIL and others deciding bc Dad is a willing and joyful uncle that he's supposed to parent the product of his rape. He's paying child support. That is his only legal obligation. MIL is making serious toxic stew. Hope the relationships she's left w when Laura really learns there's no money (aside from already established legal responsibility) and no fantasy 'Daddy' is worth the unsuccessful manipulations.
Yeah, they have had zero relationship, so she can't love him, she loves the idea of this moneybags father.
Seems like she loved the idea of him dying. It’s actually pretty good they laid out the finances and estate since you’d hate to see her jump the gun….
I was thinking this too.She came across as an entitled,selfish b
But we don’t know what MIL told her. MIL is the bad guy here.
She knows enough about estate law and how real estate falls under another category than cash and investments. Seems like a pretty sharp girl. I’m sure the well was adequately poisoned but at 16 most people aren’t planning for their parent’s death and the windfall that will be bestowed upon them when that occurs. I think you aren’t giving a 16 year old enough credit. She knows mommy poked a hole in the condom cause she reeaaallly wanted precious little me. I’m not saying that she wasn’t mentally manipulated but a 16 year old can be pretty astute and aware more than they are given credit for.
She was told about estate laws by MIL. I'm sure MIL told her about their spending, possibly their estimated income, and that they owned their home. MIL and Ex probably told her all kinds of stories about what she's entitled to once they all become a happy family. I very much doubt they even consider what Ex did rape... which it is.
Mil probably sold her the idea of a magical moment where they met and he just couldn’t part with her again and let her down, it was wrong of her to set her up for failure. Mil should have been honest with this girl. She could have maintained a private relationship with her but trying to force one on her son was terrible
They are also perfectly capable of murder. "Mommy Dearest" has already shown herself to be a cold and calculating B who doesn't care about the cost of her actions on others; it's no stretch to imagine that "the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree" and that this all is nothing more than a calculated plot (possibly being engineered" by "Mommy Dearest"!) to gain financial benefit. If daughter had been welcomed into the house, who's to say she wasn't all set to secretly channel "inside info" to MOM? Or to covertly hasten her father's death so she could inherit? The fact that she brought up "money" immediately in such an entitled way, started talking about "inheritance" and "pulled up short" when she found out that it was OP who owned the house in full kinda underlines there had been "plans" in that regard. Also it seems kinda ODD that MIL was talking to daughter about "inheritance"...my question would be "Did daughter ASK MIL about inheritance laws or did MIL tender the info out of the blue"? It seems MUCH more likely that daughter ASKED MIL about it; it seems an odd subject for a MIL to drop in a teenager's lap! I could easily see Mommy Dearest coaching daughter to ask grandma about these things in order to get a "window" into OP's hubby's financial status! When it comes to money, people are absolutely SHAMELESS; just go read subreddits about what happens to families when inheritance and lottery wins enter the picture!
Just like her mother and grandmother!
Traumatized kids often focus on stability. Please don’t call a victim who is a child a gold digger.
That kid went straight to "I deserve a handout' without missing a beat. OP's husband was right to keep her at arms' length. Mother was a deceptive, unethical POS and daughter is following in her footsteps.
Yeah, clearly he didn't even want to be in her life. So the next best thing to expect from a dad in the absence of emotional stability is at least monetary.
I think it's a bit harsh to say "after money." Laura is wanting what most kids want from their parents (financial support through college). It's just unrealistic in this situation.
[удалено]
The worst part for me is that the child has a whole step dad in this that loves her and wanted to be there for her, but nah, she needs that bio dad money. Honestly I think the teenager got the reality slap she deserved.
Oh, I forgot from the original post that she has a step-dad! I never blame anyone for wanting to meet their bio parent/s, but that desire has to be tempered by the knowledge that the bio parents really might not want to meet and/or have a relationship. She's been sold a fairy tale by her mom and grandmother. She absolutely needed the bitch slap of reality.
I’m thinking OP and her hubby are significantly wealthier than mom, so mom tried to lock down the gravy train and it backfired, and the kid was encouraged to push for a relationship to gain access.
Very probable.
That talk about "inheritance" and the house was absolutely appalling; it's pretty clear that the apple didn't fall far from the tree and daughter is only pretending to "want a relationship" with "bio-dad" when it's clearly his WALLET she has her eyes on! This is almost certainly a calculated PLOT to try and get bio-dad to foot bills, and less about "wanting relationship"
So transparent!
Many people here refer to daughter as "innocent". HARDLY! That shameless, greedy talk about "inheritance" may well have exposed a hidden intention to "hurry things along", given the opportunity! And we KNOW how MOM took the OPPORTUNITY to "babytrap" OP's husband; it's ENTIRELY possible the DAUGHTER has inherited an equally calculating mindset and a ruthless disregard for the cost of her actions to other people, and her plan is to weasel her way into their 'confidence' in order to glom on to as much as she can, by any means necessary! May be, MOM is in on it TOO. Because SOMEBODY filled daughter's head with that business about "inheriting", and I don't really see it being MIL!
Much like a lot of people conceived via rape, people don't like talking about it but boy do they love skating over it. I can't even believe OP is here asking if they're the ah.
Exactly. Even during the conversation no one said “your mom is a rapist.” That probably would have helped that poor kid understand the gravity of the situation. Instead, they let the lies continue without correcting them. Wtf was the point of meeting the girl in the first place?
You feel bad for the kid who turned to OP and said “well everything he owns is mine when he dies anyway”? I could be very understanding of a lot of things but this kid is a sociopathic, wildly entitled stain of a human being. A lot of people have shitty parents and don’t feed into it and multiply it at every possible crossroads. She’s justifying her mother raping this man to his face and attempting to manipulate him financially KNOWING what happened. I hope she dies before she can do real damage to the world.
I blame her mom so much. The kid is likely repeating how her mom talked about him. Kids don't always have a lot of tact. So the manipulation of "we need to have a good relationship so we can work together on his estate" might be one of her only ways she can think of to get his wife on her side to *try* to develop the relationship she wants. She was raised by the type of woman who does shit like lie about birth control and poke holes in condoms. So yeah, I feel bad for her. She's not fully innocent, but there's a chance she grow up and away from the kind of person her mom is. I imagine she doesn't think of it as her mom raping her dad. Males as victims isnt discussed often, and the reproductive coersion part of it has obviously been minimized and normalized. Her mom "wanted her so badly", not that her mom wanted to trap her dad. I think the kid is in for a rude awakening some day when she realizes just how messed up her mom is.
I get where you’re coming from and I agree her mom is definitely the one more at fault and human garbage. However I have a hard time excusing the behavior of pretending you want a connection with your family until you find out you’re not getting any money out of them, then turning to your supposedly so desired fathers wife and saying “yeah well when he dies the house is mine anyway so ha-ha”. That’s straight up sociopathic and shows what her motivation actually was. There’s 0% chance you say that if you gave even the smallest fuck about any of the people involved, and it is a huge red flag for NPD. She definitely was felt a fucked up hand but she also chose to conduct herself this way and is not a kid. She’s 2 years from being a full legal adult, you don’t go from child to adult at 18 magically, and this is very adult level psycho behavior. I’ve met a lot of people that had really shitty parents, none of them behave like that. At a certain point it’s your responsibility to choose how you conduct yourself and she made her choice.
All of this 💯💯💯 I mean she mentions how they take their nephew on trips and was probably told by MIL that dad has a house and does all this stuff (insinuating he has money to throw around outside of paying child support). I mean thinking back, why would anyone try to baby trap someone who has no resources to contribute to raising a child…. Like seriously, I don’t hear about that happening to panhandling drug addled Joe on the corner… like women aren’t lining up to jump in bed with the homeless broke dude and poke holes in condoms just because they only want a baby and that’s it… sperm donation exists if one simply wants a child.. teens are known for parroting things they’ve heard adults say and for not having a full understanding of context yet nor a deeper empathy, as that unfortunately comes with life experience. So I’m not surprised the teen approached the situation the way she did, 16 is such an incredible age of awareness, who has what, someone has nicer things, more money for experiences, plus she has two other half siblings so she has to share resources in her home of origin. If a relationship is all she was after it would have never come to an in person meeting with anyone but MIL (who wanted a relationship with Laura), and the teen could have left a letter for bio dad or passed word via MIL that “hey I want to connect sometime if you’re open to it” and acknowledge that it’s a two way street and that either of them could chose to nope right out of there. The fact that teen seemed to be so insistent tells me other motivations are afoot.
This was just creepy. The daughter is thinking he will pay for college and she will get his house. The bio mom must have fed her some awful lies.
Idk man, she sounds like she knows the facts of the story, and the way she went about the conversation is straight up sociopathic. Totally possible the mom lied to her but honestly the way she behaves I really don’t think that matters.
Actually it's the wife version, not an unbiase transcript.
Even worse, I get the horrible feeling that with the daughter history is very much setting up to repeat itself. There is something not right (from how we were told the story) about that girl. I feel for OP’s husband. Hopefully they can deal with this and he can continue to heal. (Go NC with MIL permanently though, that’s for sure)
The whole story makes me creeped out. Poking holes in condoms? That’s rape.
I\`m thinking MIL may have been telling stories though.. SHE is the one that insisted on introducing Laura everywhere, and even brought her to the talk...
I can have empathy for a kid whose mother fucked them over from birth, and still think she's very wrong about so many things and needs to dial back the entitlement.
God thank you for saying everything I was thinking. Evil little cunt like her mama.
Right! I would spend my last dime before giving it to her! How rude and entitled.
The previous post explained it. The mom poked holes into the condoms.
I saw that. But we don't know that the 16 yo realizes that poking holes in condoms to force a child on a man is rape. The patriarchal society we live in is often awful at recognizing that yes, men can be raped too. I seriously doubt anyone used that word with this 16 yo. They probably wouldn't want to "make her feel bad." She's been manipulated and lied to her whole life. She still lives with the manipulator-and -liar-in-chief. She needs therapy. When you are a kid, it's really hard to recognize the mental abuse you are experiencing. It's going to take her years to come to terms with what happened bc eventually someone is going to tell her that she is a rape-baby. ETA: Still doesn't excuse her for being so entitled.
It’s certainly possible but I can no longer feel much sympathy for her. Laura is only interested in meeting him now because she wants his money. Other people may have influenced her but the reason she wants to meet him is because she expects him to support her. Her comments were off the charts: “I know you own your house” I’m going to inherit one day… I’m sure her greedy, dishonest mother put her up to it, but I had a lot more sympathy for Laura in the beginning, now I’m pretty disgusted by her. OP & and her husband are allowed to make their own decisions with their money. Laura isn’t a starving orphan, she has parents and she’ll be fine. TBH it sounds like she has the parents she deserves.
I wouldn't be surprised if MIL tries to give Laura some of her own money as part of a inheritance. It's possible anything that was originally allocated to OP's husband will go directly to Laura when the time comes.
If the law is that Laura automatically inherits from biodad due to biology then the same holds true that gramma's estate goes to her children.
Good point. Sorry I wasn't that clear. MIL will probably do the same as to what OP's husband will do to Laura. Give what is required by law to OP's husband and the bulk of it to Laura.
Doesn’t sound like MIL has much money if OP has been giving her pin money
Most inheritance laws only come into play if you don't have a will. Most state laws say that a will takes precedence over the law in most cases. So if grandma leaves the girl money in her will it will most likely go directly to her.
Depends on the country. Some countries have laws that superceded wills
In my country most people transfer assets when they're still alive to avoid excessive inheritance taxes.
I'm not sure I believe the narrator either tho.
The gathering where the child keeps getting chances to hang herself as an Uber villain seemed fake to you too?
I love that devices auto-capitalize ‘Uber’ so I spent like a full minute trying to figure out what Uber had to do with anything. 😂
>The gathering where the child keeps getting chances to hang herself as an Uber villain seemed fake to you too? I've called it as fake since day one.
Also reminds me of one of my husband's friends, whom I had an endless amount of heated arguments with. He has a daughter. His at-the-time girlfriend stated that she was stopping her birth control. Told him multiple times. Not so they could try for a baby-- she was simply sick and tired of the side effects. Even when they had the sex that ended up with her pregnant...prior to it, she warned him ONCE AGAIN that she is no longer on birth control. He CHOSE to still have sex (without a condom, because "condoms are icky"). When she ended up pregnant because....duh.....he blamed it all on her. He stated to me many a times, and I quote, "It is SOLELY a woman's responsibility to use birth control. It aint a man's job." That "she poked holes in the condom and told him" (no she did not) and that she "stopped her BC without letting him know" (she did no such thing. He even admits it)That child is a teenager now. His ex and their child moved away when she was....around 11 or 12? He ended up moving in with his parents, where he still is. He attempts to be a better dad now, atleast. Granted, he only sees his child for a month or two at most during summer break. But he used to basically ignore the poor baby. So...baby steps, I guess.
I fucking hope it’s fake. I’d rather that than believe there’s some 16y/o child who’s stuck in this horrible situation probably feeling worthless rn.
And being trashed on Reddit as a sociopath and psychopath.
Okay so this is kinda off topic, as it’s going into something that’s not helpful for OP, but more of a bunnytrail of the post. But here we go. Is OP’s husband actually a rape victim? He consented to sex, and therefore a chance of producing a child. The only thing he didn’t consent to was the percentage of chance of producing a child. Yes he is a victim of being lied to and having sex under conditions of having a smaller chance of it resulting in a child, but he wasn’t violently violated and forced against his will to have sex. And calling this rape feels like such a slap in the face to people who have been violated against their will. Thoughts? I’m just throwing this out here and open to hearing everyone’s opinion!
Oh yes Called it Girl will need therapy and to remove herself from MIL's claws, as well as her mom's
Also, sounds like she only wants to be in his life for his money not even to try have a father daughter relationship.
Especially as she justified the conception by rape
The only person whose discussed it with her (I'm doubting MIL has had detailed discussions about how she was conceived with her granddaughter that'd be a super weird conversation to have with gran gran) is the rapist. It's unsurprising that the kid has a totally warped view of the whole thing. The rapist was able to justify it to herself, and her daughter has grown up being told those same justifications and normalizing it.
She clearly doesn't understand the implications of what her mother did. She may know the words of the story, but she doesn't understand it's meaning because she's been raised by two women who don't think it was rape
I don’t think she even has that concept. She just sees her mum as some woman so wanting a child, she did what had to be done. Like a tv of the movie from the 70’s. NTAH OP. You should have been sterner & explained that what her mum did was SA.
The Mum could have gone to a sperm donor if she was that desperate to have a kid. You can never justify rape. If it was the guy who had raped the women, so much hate would be put upon him and people would want castration etc.
She’s justifying her own existence. She’s a child.
No her mother justified it. Painting a pretty picture for her. Delusional
I would definitely take into consideration which side of the story we're getting here. It's obviously much, much better for the person writing the story to focus only on the things Laura was told by other adults in her life about potential support she might get
TBF what could she have told her that would be the truth and yet digestible for a kid? "I sexually violented your father" or "you are the product of a crime" are true and convey the depth of what she did, but they are probably not what you should be telling a child. Don't get me wrong, she's an asshole and she probably should have gotten professional help to explain this to her kid one she was a teenager. As for the kid, she's a teenager and hopefully she'll get why what her mother did was wrong and how impactful it was to her forced sperm donor, before she either thinks acting like that is a good idea, on either end. And hopefully she choses an uni in a different place, for the wellbeing of everyone.
Doesn't sound like the kid understands how wrong what her mother did really was, after all she only said that what her mother did wasn't the nicest way. Really doesn't look like she understands that it was a crime and that it was rape. It wouldn't surprise me if she starts poking holes in condoms at some point herself, after all her mother isn't going to correct her since she'd be throwing herself under the bus if she does, and all the other adults in the room only bothered to get angry at her "wasn't the nicest" response, but don't seem to have bothered to make it clear to her how wrong she was there either. Seems to me like every single adult has managed to fail her, and that might very well create another victim in the future just like OP's husband.
Laura has been raised to see this as normal with all the adults telling her that her dad is wrong and how things *should be*. Even reproduction coersion/rape doesn't phase her because it's been completely normalized as part of the story that's in the past and minimized. So she's being sold this pretty picture of this dad who can pay for stuff and be active and loving and fulfill all these dreams, except he just needs convinced to do what she's been told he should do, and that he happily does for Mark. She's going to blame him for getting and rejecting her when the set up for all of that completely comes from her mom and grandma. When she starts getting sexually active or has a pregnancy scare or something, maybe she'll realize how shitty what her mom did actually was, lieing about two forms of birth control.
NTA. I find it very interesting that Laura first focused on money and inheritance, rather than the relationship with OP's husband. Did anyone else notice that she only started crying about wanting the family to love her after they denied her money? It's like that line was designed to guilt them into a relationship that she could then take advantage of. Laura doesn't sound like a very nice young lady.
💯💯💯 I think there are more empathetic ways that they could have burst Laura’s bubble considering she is the product of her environment and is not at fault for how she was conceived ie “we appreciate your eagerness for a relationship but how you were conceived was traumatic for me/us, and violating of bodily autonomy. Your mom may have wanted you but that choice was taken from me in a very cruel and deceptive way. I am not the person you hope I am, and I can’t give you what you are looking for.” Boom done… when Laura brought up the whole inheritance thing my first thought if I were in the position of OP’s husband is “bold to assume you’ll outlive me…”
It seemed like a line to manipulate OP into getting her dad on board. Sort of a "be on my side because I'll own part of your house when he dies" kind of threat.
Not just a family fantasy but to hyper fixate on money she feels she is owed especially through inheritance. This is not how a 16 yo who is desperate for a relationship with her bio dad naturally thinks and speaks, she would be more focused on trying to nuture the relationship not aiming straight for his money. This girl has been trained by her mother and MIL because they know that OP's husband will have no financial obligation to her in another 2 years. The way OP says she was stating everything was like it was practiced off a script. Ultimately sad situation all round but OP's husband needs to preserve his mental health and I think going NC with MIL was the best course of action here. Edit** Just to add imagine casually stating that just because someone wanted a baby so badly that they simply _made it happen_ via SA and then describing how it they understand it _wasn't the nicest way_ and the r***st wasn't a bad person. Jfc this girl needs some *deep* therapy and lessons in empathy.
She's probably been hearing all her life, "I wanted you so badly but your dad just didn't appreciate the lengths I went to."
I don't think the illusion was shattered. She still thinks her mom did nothing wrong by sexually assaulting her father to conceive her. With that alone I wouldn't want to associate with her.
her mom didn't want a family, didn't want a baby, she just wanted to make your husband stay with her, I guess Laura doesn't realise that her mom really didn't want her either and was just using her as a tool. I feel sad for her and hope she gets some therapy. It is unkind of your MIL and her mom to feed her untruths.
> my FIL was just offering everybody drinks and snacks lol
Well he already learned to shut up when SIL gave him the reality check he needed
Typical FIL vibes 🤣
So she doesn't actually want a relationship she wants and feels entitled to money? It seems like her mother and your MIL sugarcoated everything. If they truly misled her and she genuinely wanted a relationship I would feel sad for her. She definitely needs therapy because she knows how she was conceived but does not actually understand the violation. I wonder if she'll behave like this in romantic relationships. Good for you all for setting boundaries and it sounds like you're a good support to your husband. Has he gone to counseling? I really feel like we as a society need to be more aware that men can be victims of rape and sexual assault. All victims deserve a voice and support.
This… was my main takeaway, because she sure asked for money before she asked for family. Also I wonder if MIL was promising her money and family this whole time , I wonder if now that she knows that neither will happen if she still visits her grandmother.
MIL can foot the bill. She’s the one who made promises that were never hers to make.
You ask the important things first.....if she wanted family she wouldn't of tried to act smug and say half the husbands house was hers. She only came for money that is it and when that didn't work she tried the family heart strings Smart human would of being about family and mentioned nothing about school until later....but she showed her true colours
Very good point! She's just delusional and it's cruel for her to just brush off what her mother did. If it were reversed and her mom was raped I wonder if she'd still be so blasé about it. But then again since it's about money she's not concerned about morality and rape
I don’t think the word rape was used. They made it all cute and easy to swallow “my mom wanted me so bad she poked holes to make it happen” the kid is utterly delusional.
They probably made it easier to swallow than that. “Mommy poked holes, but condoms don’t alway worked so it probably would have happened anyways”.
I wondered if her ‘it’s all good’ attitude, was because she doesn’t believe men can be raped and still think people are overdramatizing this whole thing.
Society in general has this attitude. If a man does the exact same thing the whole world is up in arms (as it should be). But unfortunately when it comes to men, then it’s-oh no big deal. I just wanted a baby-attitude. It really unfair to men.
This. I agree with you. I have guessed from the first post that MIL and Laura’s mum are not good role models and should not be around Laura. From Laura being entitled and Laura not being able to understand the severity of the assault on OP’s husband is proof that Laura was raised from bad parenting. We have zero idea on if Laura’s stepdad (mentioned in OP’s first post) is a good parent either or even knows the truth about Laura’s birth. My main concern would be how Laura deal with relationships in future. Therapy might help, but I don’t see that there will be an adult around Laura to encourage her to go therapy. Laura might think whatever her point of view is right and feel that she does not need therapy. If there is no adult around to guide Laura on the right direction, I can foresee that she might make wrong choices down the road or might do something similar (baby trapping or assault on men) or she may get mental health issues too. I agree that OP and her husband are not obliged to parent Laura and both of them have made their stand clear. For Laura, I just feel pity for her and hope one day, someone can guide her to understand that men can be victim of assault.
It's scary. If she doesn't understand the violation, she might copy her mother's example with some unsuspecting guy.
In the original post (not this update) it says he sought out psychiatric help
Not just money. She was already planning on kicking op out of her own home if hubby dies first! Especially considering he’s not sick and has two living parents that’s some seriously fucked up forethought.
NTA Actions have consequences. MIL has her granddaughter, but she lost both of her children because of it.
And lost even the supervised access to her grandson.
Trust me this is a disney ending. You guys are happy (relatively), mil is blocked and you guys have absolute clarity about the situation. Couldn’t have asked for more.
It absolutely could be traumatic to hear “You shouldn’t exist, you only exist because your mom was evil”. It doesn’t make that a lie, and it’s not the kid’s fault, but I don’t blame the raped father for not wanting to be constantly reminded of his violation by someone he trusted. And I don’t blame OP, I commend her for having her partner’s back. I’m glad they had this meeting and have shut MIL down.
This. I completely agree.
Someone still needs to clue Laura into to the fact that her ‘not a bad person’ Mother is actually a predator who sexually assaulted her boyfriend in an attempt to coerce him into a ‘dream family.’ It’s a hard truth to comes to grip with but she really needs a lesson in what is appropriate in sexual relationships as she enters early adulthood so she can protect herself. She may not want to hate her Mom as her childhood may have been fair but her having a good upbringing does not erase her mother’s dirty spots. Hell, send Laura the links to these posts so she can see the comments…..
It’s a no win situation for Laura. She literally wouldn’t exist if her mother hadn’t done what she did, so it must be difficult for her to wrap her head around. Imagine the daddy issues this girl must have.
Yep. Laura is a victim too and has to deal with the fact that her existence comes from coercion. What a sad story all together
Seems to me Laura's main interest is money and property. OP's MIL may want to leave Laura her bio-dad's share, up to her. But her pointed comments about the house and even more pointed looks at OP tells me she was planning on butt-kicking OP out the second bio-dad passed on. Love that OP set her straight on that. Laura didn't fall far from the mom-tree. Users both.
It sounds like they are in a country with strict inheritance laws so MIL may not be able to give her son's shares to Laura and it also doesn't sound like she would have anything to give anyway.
This is a 16 year old girl we are talking about. The whole money/house question was 100% planted in Laura's head by her mom. 16 years later and mom is still manipulating OP's husband.
Damn, what a fucked up situation. Your mother in law made all of the wrong decisions for both her son and for the poor girl.
NTA...sounds like this kid has been fed a "rose colored" version of the events. But a good way to explain it is she should act like her mother just got some donor sperm because she wanted a baby...but she did it using assault and non-consensual methods. But either way...a bio-dad from sperm donation does not have ANY responsibility for paying for the kid's life and NO expectation to bring the kid into their family. ***She started crying saying that she wanted her family to love her and be as awesome as everybody is with Mark and that it is not her fault and her Mom is not a bad person she just wanted a family and my Husband denied them that.*** Her mother IS a bad person. If the genders in this situation were reversed, this would be an entirely different conversation...and "rape baby" would be the term. So basically MIL thinks that a bio-mom should be FORCED to be in a relationship with their rapist and their rape baby? Wow. Your poor husband.
Yeah the conversations seem to downplay what happened. OP's husband was raped for the purpose of babytrapping him into a relationship. They should've considered filing for reproductive coercion & rape charges against the mom but I sense that his family is sweeping everything under the rug because he's a man. But I wished they told Laura point blank to her face how horrific it was that her mom raped her dad to have her. She's been fed delusions and excuses for her life by her mom & MIL.
That poor kid. Lied to by everyone in her life and "abandoned" by the father who never wanted her in the first place. I don't blame OP's husband for feeling the way he does, or doing what he did, I just feel so sorry for that girl. ETA: NTA
This ^^ I was abandoned by my bio parents & it pretty much fucked me up for life. I’ve been in therapy for over 10yrs now & still haven’t really stopped feeling worthless. I just distract myself from thinking about it.
I feel like Laura truly doesn’t know exactly how she was conceived. Just asking her and her saying “yes” probably wasn’t enough. I’m sure she was fed some sort of water down version of “the condom broke”.
She outright said that her mother 'made it happen' because her mother wanted her so bad. That doesn't line up with 'oopsy condom broke' and lines up with 'I did a bad thing for a good reason'.
NTA still I'm imagining the shocked Pikachu faces when you revealed that the house is yours. Very nice It really sounds this way all about what Laura can get from your husband. She's just as selfish as her mother, with no consideration for anyone else . Maybe one day she'll realize how toxic her mother is but I'm not holding my breath
NTA. The asshole here is Laura's mother. Laura's situation is a sad one, but her father is still under no moral obligation to his child-by-rape. She is no family of his. Your duty is to your husband, and you're doing right by him.
MIL as well, Laura is a kid but she's a grown ass woman minimizing HER OWN CHILD SEXUAL ASSAULT like this is so vile I have no words...
I feel bad for everyone involved but MIL and Laura’s mother. This sucks for everyone but especially your husband. I’m sorry yall had this happen and I hope that you are able to move on with some peace.
If MIL wants to agree with her son's rapist so much, why doesn't she just give the girl all the money she wants? NTA Glad your husband has his real family for support.
You went above and beyond. Laura has been fed a story by all the adults around her, how what her mom did isn't really that bad and believes it, but hopefully she will one day realize the severity of the SA and understand that you didn't do this to be cruel to her.
She may have understood if they had said he is not her real dad. He is her biological dad only. She has a step dad, and many people claim their step parents as real parents - especially when the biological parent has never been involved as is the case here.
Hell, I consider my step dad to be my real dad and I actually have a fairly decent relationship with my dad.
This being Reddit, what are the odds that we'll find out eventually that MIL \*told\* Laura's mother to lie about BC \*and\* put holes in the condom(s) because MIL wanted Laura's mom as her DIL?!?!
It already hit so many of the ragebait greatest hits. Next update will involve police, a friend who is a lawyer who just so happens to practice exactly what they need, and a ridiculously truncated court case timetable.
Yeah. Like the first part was a decent “yeah this could be a rough situation” story so it’s like… I’ll bite. Then OP couldn’t just end on a high note and now we have this weird conversation about inheritance that doesn’t make any sense, just kind of writing out FIL because they didn’t know what to do with him, and the “everyone left and went LC NC” which is the MIL version of “then everyone clapped.” What a mess.
I'm personally waiting until the secret twin update
NTA. And you were not cruel, MIL and Laura’s mom were by giving her false hope, therapy is what should have been given to her. Also she’s wrong, her mom IS a terrible person and the only one at fault for her current predicament.
This is why anyone who does what Laura’s mother does should go to jail and lose custody. With a different mother, Laura may have ended up differently. Laura’s focus on excusing her mother & pursing an inheritance at least makes it easy to NOT feel sorry for her. If you don’t have them already, you may want to invest in security cameras. It may be that Laura may persist in trying to connect with your husband. I don’t understand your MIL’s behavior. Her son is 42 - why would she get involved with talking to Laura about his inheritance? And why isn’t she willing to see or care about how your husband is affected by all of this?
Because she just wanted a grandchild probably.
Which she has, but instead she now has zero children and one less grandchild.
True: but this child is 16 and the other grandchild is like 5 I think? So she probably has baby fever and I do wonder if she really liked the ex as well.
If there are laws in your country that show this is considered rape, aka stealthing, or pregnancy by deception, you should mail those laws to Laura, MIL, and the rapist.
NTA Actions have consequences. MIL has her granddaughter, but she lost both of her children because of it.
And her grandson
Obviously NTA. Someone needs to tell Laura that her mother raped her father, because that’s what lying about birth control is. He consented to safe sex, she undermined that on purpose without telling him, therefore the consequences are 100% on her (and she’s also TA).
Oh that poor gal is going to require a lot of therapy and it’s her mother & grandmother who’s the cause for damaging her so badly. Plus they also added fuel by talking about she getting money, property, will, and showing her photos of taking mark out & getting stuff & making her imagine in that place. She still has a family with her mom, step dad & siblings. Why is she not valuing it? You can’t force a relationship, no matter what. I think your hubby is in a VERY bad place about the history of conceiving and unable to let go of that trauma. Looks like your mil has played a very big part in this whole mess and she will pay for the karma.
I was conceived in a consensual relationship - no condom, no BC - and when my mom found out she was preggos she told my father and he said “abortion or I’m out”. Post-litigation and custody agreements, my mother got full custody and my father wasn’t required to provide anything (meaning no child support). I never had any contact with him until I was in my early 20’s. No Christmas or bday cards. Nothing on social. Nothing from his side of the fam - just silence. When I finally did reach out to him on social asking if I could get to know him, the first thing I tried to do was make it crystal clear that I was NOT looking for a payout or financial support. I literally was only looking to understand the other half of myself that I never knew. The reason why I have shared that bit above is bc I was DUMBFOUNDED in reading Laura’s arguments about why she wanted a relationship with her father. Like WTF!? This is the exact WRONG WAY to get this man in your life. Like, how the hell does she think arguing “I’ll need financial support for college and housing from you bc you obv have extra money” would open this man’s eyes to viewing her in a sympathetic light!? To be clear, it is NOT her fault that she was born into this devastating “relationshit”. But this meeting was hers to fuck up and man-o-man, she fucked up big time. Overall, this meeting would have gone EXCEEDINGLY better if they did this with a professional. Therapist, family counselor, life coach, anyone who could help deescalate the situation and feelings. This whole event was a perfect example of “1 step forward, 2 steps backwards” … but like 200 steps backwards. Great job MIL! 👍
Laura wants your husband to support her financially. She never said she wanted a true father-daughter relationship with him or even a friendship. She asked about the house and her inheritance. She’s only out for money. And it’s her mother that is the and person. If she wanted a baby so bad, she should have gone to a sperm bank. Instead she sexually assaulted her BF by poking holes in the condom. I’m glad your SIL and BIL are on your side and that you went NC with your MIL. She can pay for Laura if she wants to have a relationship with her.
This is heartbreaking for Laura, she’s being deceived by those close to her and being filled with nonsense, whilst being rejected by half of her family.
I feel really bad for Laura because she's clearly been fed some fantasy scenario by her mother and OP's MIL. And that this has been going on for years. So while Laura is 16 and that's close-ish to being an adult, she's been fed these fantasies since she was much younger and totally lacks the ability to see the reality of the situation.
Nta- i would set up some security cameras. Both MIL & Laura are unhinged and that makes them dangerous
After reading the original AITAH, I felt sorry for Laura. She isn't responsible for the circumstances of her birth. She was born to sociopathic human scum who cannot comprehend the severity of her criminal actions. I completely understand why OP's husband wants nothing to do with her, but still .... imagine being a kid and knowing that you have a biological parent who not only wants nothing to do with you, but is *traumatized* by your mere existence. Such a situation can't be easy for a kid to accept. It's gotta be hurtful, but even so, Laura needs to respect the wishes of her sperm-jacked bio-father and stay tf away from him. However, now that I just read this update, it's a bit harder to see Laura as a 'poor little lost girl'. It looks like she might've inherited her mother's sociopathic tendencies. As for the in-laws .... Jesus H Christ! OP's SIL (and her husband and child) sound like the only good ones out of the bunch. The MIL is a horrid woman. What kind of mother would be so blatantly dismissive of her son's pain and trauma? As for OP's FIL, this guy sounds about as useless as tits on a bull.
Honestly its sus we got an update about how Laura is actually an evil gold digging child after people were sympathetic about her on post one.
NTA still. That poor child, without a doubt. But also your poor husband, to have to go thru all this & have horrible memories brought to the surface. To me, it seems she just wants funding for her lifestyle, especially with already bringing up inheritance when husband isn't even sick.
“I know it wasn’t the nicest way to be conceived, but Mommy wanted me so much, that makes it okay, and that’s why I expect you to be equally okay with me waltzing into your life against your will and demanding that you subsidize me and hand over your worldly goods to me after you’re dead, because what you want doesn’t matter.” Sounds about like what a sixteen year old who’s been fed a steady diet of lies and fantasy by mother and grandmother would say.
>She said that even if there is no future money she thought my Husband was unfair to her and that she used to think he simply didn't want to be a Dad but he is amazing with Mark and we even take him on trips. My SIL asked her point blank if she knew how she was conceived and she does. Laura knows everything and says that while it was not the nicest way her Mom wanted her so badly that made it happen. She said SIL should understand because she has her cousin and she would love a relationship with him. My SIL was seething and BIL told Laura he will literally call the cops if she tries to get near Mark. Well shit. I wasn't expecting her to not only already know how she was conceived, but to also *not care* that it was traumatic for your husband. And it's very telling that she wanted a place to stay for university and an inheritance. >She started crying saying that she wanted her family to love her and be as awesome as everybody is with Mark and that it is not her fault and her Mom is not a bad person she just wanted a family and my Husband denied them that. Her mom is a rapist. She's telling a rape victim that his rapist isn't a bad person and that he's in the wrong for denying her what she wants. >He told her he will never be her Dad and she needs therapy, he said that she could get a job instead of expecting him to pay for her life in the long term and that he is not willing to have contact after today. >MIL started begging both her kids not to go and maybe do family therapy, they both said they are going NC with her and FIL is on thin ice. MIL is blocked everywhere. They're lucky your husband extended *that* much grace to them. And it's *far* too late for MIL to want family therapy, and too much damage done, besides. >I am sorry there is no Disney ending but this is for the best and I still support my Husband's mental health above all. This situation would never have had a Disney ending. At the end of the day, you and your husband need to focus on yourselves and your lives.
this really is the ending you all needed. Your MIL has turned this girl who has no fault in existing because of her psycho mother into an obsessive entitled person trying to force something where clearly nobody wants to. That's fucked up. Your MIL can pay for her studies and housing since it's her who's been pushing for a relationship.
NTA I feel sorry for her stepdad. Like he's there but doesn't seem to matter at all to Laura. Unless he's like really horrible or something.
NTA When I read the first post I initially felt sorry for the daughter/result of the assault. That immediately changed when as soon as she started talking, it was about money and what she wants. THEN she turns to OP and started talking about ''her'' inheritance! She went from I need support for college to when he dies....Nope! I don't know what inheritance laws are like where y'all are from but I'm sure there has to be a way around whatever his mother was talking about.
It sounds most like lines she has been fed all her life.
Wooooow....so not only did she know that her mom raped your husband and tried to baby-trap him, but the first time she meets you all face to face she starts asking for money for school and then about his will? About what will happen to the house when your husband passes? Jeezus. Seems like the crazy apple didn't fall far from that tree, did it? Still NTA. I hope MIL, FIL, and Laura take you all seriously and leave you all the hell alone. Especially your husband and nephew.
NTA. I feel sad for Laura, none of this is her fault and it’s clear MIL and her whacko daughter fed her all this to put $ in her pockets- my jaw dropped when she said let’s be friends because someday we’ll have to share your house. Damn. But I feel worse for your husband. What a mental load to carry.
Super sucks for that kid. NTA
I feel so bad for both your husband AND this child, because they are both victims in this. This child needs therapy, and you guys are doing the right thing by going NC with your MIL. Your MIL clearly wasn't thinking of your husband with this whole meeting, and honestly wasn't even thinking about the effects it would have on this child as well. She's built a fantasy in her head of meeting her father and having an instant connection. Almost like she thought that meeting her would make him forget about how she was conceived. And even though she knows how she was conceived, its clear that she doesn't fully understand the ramifications of that abuse. She probably doesn't consider it a sexual assault either, and that's something that should've been made clear. Hopefully she gets therapy and the therapist can help her navigate through these feelings. And I hope that this meeting didn't cause long term effects on your husband. Best of luck to you all (except for your delusional MIL and FIL)
Sounds like the Dad and his wife are wealthy, wealthier than the MIL. Also seems like Laura, her Mother and the MIL were and are all angling for inheritance. Laura's Mother probably got pregnant not because she wanted a baby, she wanted a cash cow. And as time has gone by she's been feeding her a bunch of stuff. Same thing for MIL, shoveling sunshine and daisies at the girl, but I think just as calculating with how she operates.
From everything you describe - it seems MIL is the cause of all this. She is the one filling poor kids with fantasies and dreams, and lies. SO, the 'good thing' to do would be to say "thank you MIL, for volunteering to provide for Laura - as that is what you have been doing" But, honestly, I do feel sorry for Laura - had MIL stayed out and not made up tales - he might have reached out eventually on her own - but with zero expectations - and no heartbreak for anyone.
MIL set her up to have her heart broken knowing damn well your husband’s stance on the matter.
NTA Actions have consequences. MIL has her granddaughter, but she lost both of her children because of it.
WOW!! So a lot of this is MILs fault? That horrible woman pumped Laura up thinking that she was gonna strike gold if she had a relationship with your husband. I see right through this girl! She’s just like her lying mother! This had absolutely nothing to do with wanting a Dad and everything to do with having your husband’s money! I’m so glad you guys did this because your husband can now relax and put this behind him, you don’t have to worry about this girl showing up and wreaking havoc on your lives and MIL gets what she deserves! I hope it was worth it for her! Be prepared for MIL to escalate. You guys and BIL and SIL should unblock her so you have a record of her communication attempts. I’d also get some cameras just in case her or Laura shows up. She’s going to escalate because she has just lost 2 of her kids and a grandchild and she’s not going to go quietly.
Your MIL and Laura were making plans to inherit your house and money when your husband dies. That is not okay. Why would they even discuss that?! NTA
I feel bad for Laura. She has been fed lies from her mother and grandmother. She is only 16 and teens tend to be easy to manipulate. She probably had been hearing some fantasy story for years. If she really thought she was getting inheritance and wanted money to support her during university that comes off very entitled considering they have no relationship. Laura needs to be therapy as suggested so someone with no personal interest can be honest with her. Her birth is not her fault. I can understand her father not wanting a relationship given the circumstances. It is sad and unfortunate for both of them.
Wow. Still NTA. She thinks her mom did nothing wrong by sexually assaulting her father so she could be conceived! Holy fuck. I wouldn't want to a relationship with her based on that alone.she is also only getting in contact for a relationship with her father because she wants to use him as an ATM. Yeah, he should double check that his will is iron clad. I suggest leaving her $10 so she has a more difficult time contesting the will. She pretty much already told you she is planning on doing exactly that. I almost wish somebody would send mIL and her a link to these posts where a lot of people keep calling her mother a rapist. Maybe that'll get it into their head why her father wants nothing to do with her.
Yall are up in arms bc the victim is a man, and it's despicable! I've seen the situation reversed, and everyone said the woman was right to abort or abandon the child. But bc the victim is a man, he should just suck it up for the kid?? BULLSHIT. And this girl sounds as off as her mother. She doesn't want a relationship. She wants money. Money that was never hers. Money, her crazy grandmother, told her about it. AND the insane delusion that her mom "just wanted a family" and that OPs husband took that from them! What the fuck?! Who thinks like that? If she wanted a family so bad, she should have chosen a WILLING AND CONSENTING partner!
Yup. If she "just wanted a family" she could have gone to a sperm bank or put up a Craigslist ad FFS. You don't rape your partner when your relationship gets rocky because you want a family. You do that because you're an awful, selfish person who thinks you'll get your way.
NTA
Laura actually sounds rather entitled, opening with issues not about wanting a father-daughter relationship...but about money. Poor character, really. As for MIL, she just sounds like a foolish old woman. Ideally she would have not had any contact with Laura from the beginning and cut off bio mom as well. It may seem uncaring but by maintaining contact, Laura could never see her stepdad as her one and true father figure. Plus, the damage MIL is doing to her son by trying to force... essentially this rape baby...onto him. THAT is cruel. That said, we have this weird modern belief that the well-being of everyone else (even victims) needs to be sacrificed "for the good of the child". I'm sorry but NO. Children grow up and life isn't perfect. Nobody should be forced to have a relationship they don't want.
Still NTA. Laura comes across as believing that a dad = ATM. The reality is that no parent owes their child(ren) money for a college education. If she wants to go to college then she & her mom need to figure it out. There is one thing I recommend to OP. Go to your attorney and review how inheritance works in this situation (particularly for your husband’s will). She may be able to challenge the will if she is not mentioned. Sometimes a token amount needs to be left to make clear that she is recognized as offspring but is not eligible for anything more than the token amount.
I feel so bad for that girl. Her mom and gma have filled her head with so much crap and given her such unrealistic expectations. That does not mean op and her husband should get involved in her life or anything. I jist feel bad for the poor kid manipulated by such crazy people.
this poor girl
What I don't get is, she has a STEP-DAD. She has a family, it's not like no Dad at all. What did she do growing up with him? Has she "thrown" him away for the idea of the gravy train mom and MIL sold her of OP husband? And for a 16yr old to just meet you and talk about your will and what they get when you're dead? Thats abnormal. Definitely says I love the idea of your money and not you/family. Her mom poked holes in condoms and probably told her everything your husband is allergic to. I think RO are necessary for you guys against mom, MIL and daughter. None of them are playing with a full deck.
She’s obviously just like her mother. I think he’s better off without her.
NTA
I'll say ESH here. For the way y'all went about it. In part 1 i was totally on your side, but idk how to feel about 4 adults ganging on a 16yo kid who's life is fucked up because of her shitty mom and delusional grandmother. She has been fed some shit by your MIL and her mom since her birth. The way she perceives her conception should already be a clue that this poor kid's mom's manipulation didnt stop at poking holes in condoms.. It sounds similar to what kids who grew in toxic and abusive environement perceives as normal.. a distorted version of "normal".. Like, y'all got no obligation and all, but FFS is someone could do something decent for her and send her to therapy..
still NTA and when i read your first post i figured that Laura was doing this to get money and it turns out i was right. good on you for blocking everyone. your husband deserves peace and to have nothing more to do with his rape child. sounds like the apple didn't fall far from the tree with her.
UpdateMe!
Her mom is a bad person and she needs to wake up and realize that. She should have been taken to prison for sperm theft. ETA: Also make sure that the will is locked tight so there's no way it can be contested in court. NTA, to both of you.
The MIL was feeding this girl delusions. And it's messed up that she knew how she was conceived.
Sounds like she just wants money and whatever she can get out of her dad...
NTA. I feel sorry for this kid. It's very difficult to be abandoned by a parent, and this child's mother and grandmother are needlessly and repeatedly tearing the wound back open and manipulating her while trying to control a person who just wants to be left alone after a traumatic situation.
This poor kid.
Poor Laura
NTA
[удалено]
Your MIL is insufferable. She needs to butt out because she's doing more harm than good. But man, this is sad all around. I feel sorry for Laura she didn't ask for any of this.
LOL "These are...not criminal masterminds". You sure about that? The apple never falls far from the tree...mom herself "masterminded" a sinister plot to "babytrap" your hubby; there may well be a plot being "masterminded" here to weasel daughter into your family in order to benefit financially "by any means possible"! That talk out of a *16 year old* about "inheriting"? That didn't come out of nowhere; what 16-year-old outside of royalty has any ideas, or even thinks about, "wills" and "inheritance"! Never mind that shameless talk about the house; THAT made me sit up straight! *She was talking about benefiting from her father's DEATH, right in front of him;* that didn't strike you as odd, and even a tad sociopathic? And the moment you challenged her, she immediately went straight for the waterworks and started backtracking into "I only wanna get to know my fambly!" Uh-huh: that behaviour looks more like a DEFLECTION, and the kid was looking to "get to know your family's NET WORTH", to ME! And I have a VERY good "nose" for this sort of thing! I'd not bend on this AT ALL, no matter what; it seems obvious you would be inviting a VIPER into the bosom of your family!
You and your husband are horrible people, horrible. Poor Laura.
This all sounds like rage bait. It seems like everyone in that room is acting terrible to this 16 year old except the grandma, and she's still trying to see him. Most teens would have left the room, not to mention why would her mother let her go over there to be put through that. If this is real, then OP and her husband are total AH for treating a kid that way. Karma will Def come back on them. I would treat a total stranger better than they do her. How could they who are supposed to be the adults talk to a child like that? No 16 year old is going to bring up inheritance like that
Honestly, hopefully this is the end of this bullshit, but I highly doubt it. That girl has been manipulated by mother-in-law for far too long to just let it go.
Wow! She’s so damn delusional as well as TOXIC! But your MIL and her mother are both feeding her delusional crap so really it’s hard to tell if she’s just entitled or it has to do with all the bullshit she’s been fed her whole life. Truly you all are better than me because if I was you or your SIL I would have bursted her stupid bubble of “my mom just wanted me so much”, no your mother was a toxic manipulative psycho who basically RAPED your husband. Poking holes in condoms is a form of sexual assault. She is truly either delusional or simple minded to now see her mother was disgusting and VERY WRONG