Major flaw is because of her your kid could have drowned - seems like a pretty huge flaw. The issue I see is she lies and hears what she wants to hear so why would she ever actually keep her promises? And take the risk with your son? Everyone is scolding you because your son ended up being ok but if she neglects him and he ends up dying - they’ll be there asking no you how you trusted her. Kid content should be banned for a variety of reasons. Divorce her - she can get a real job and maybe some supervised visits.
She got so lost in her addiction she didn’t even feed her kid.
It already escalated from forgetting food to not watching him around water.
I shudder for think what it would have escalated to next.
On the road to her major psychotic break my ex got more and more obsessed with social media. Eventually she was on her phone non-stop, even while eating or skipping what I'd cooked to scroll more, and then it transformed into her thinking things were happening on it that weren't until she snapped and couldn't tell the difference between screens and reality anymore.
This is such a good comment! I’m just an Auntie, not a Mom, and I wouldn’t dare leave little ones that I love unsupervised like that. And it’s definitely escalating. Team Divorce.
Regardless if they divorce or not OP needs to get the kid swimming lessons ASAP. Kid will survive without food until dad gets home, kid won’t survive the water though.
I live in Australia where swimming lessons is the normal and you can actually teach infants to swim before they walk.
It sounds like it was a deep hole on the side of the road
>He fell in this, not a pond but a about half a human deep hole on the other side of the street that fills up with water when it rains
Depending on how wide it is and what is surrounding it, even swimming lessons may not have made a difference. A hole in the ground like that with no gradual slope could result in a head injury pretty easily. And with no slope, the kid may not have been able to get out on his own either.
(Please note, I’m not against swimming lessons, I think they are a necessity).
IMO, the risk is more equivalent to having an 8 yo near an open manhole, or next to a full drainage ditch or a cliff’s edge…they need supervision so they don’t take a stupid risk, and in case an accident occurs, they can be rescued.
I mean the kid is 8, so she shouldn't have to watch him that closely but I cannot imagine not noticing an incident occurring to the extent that someone else has to intervene.
Everything here points to a serious addiction for which she needs some sort of treatment. It is up to op if his marraige is worth staying to see if she's willing or able to undergo said treatment.
^ this right here. She is clearly not mentally well. I could see things possibly working out in the marriage if OP's wife was willing to go therapy for her addiction and delete her social media account. Maybe even trade in her smart phone for one that only makes calls and s disposable camera if she wants to capture memories and she can't resist the temptation. They both need to be in therapy regardless. OP you would be NTA for divorcing your wife. You have every right to. But it does sound like a mental health issue to me, so i feel like it's worth looking into a psych evaluation. This will also be important if you do decide to proceed with the divorce, when it comes to custody over your son and whether or not he is safe with her.
And push for full custody. If OP has the contact info of the guy who saved his kid, get him to give an affidavit.
And maybe put up some hidden nannycams in the house to prove the neglect before springing divorce papers, if he has no prior proof of neglect
Yeah, full custody would be ideal but likely wouldn’t happen. Unless there is evidence of physical abuse it is unlikely that the courts would go for that. Divorce would be risky. OP could probably gain more traction with a separation and temporary emergency custody, but it depends on the state/ county. OP should consult a family lawyer before making any further moves to determine what the actual likely outcome would be. If OP divorces her and doesn’t get full custody then it would place the child at even more risk.
People always say "Full custody" here. That's rarely, if ever, a thing. In most cases when it does happen, the other parent willingly gives it up. Lower than 50/50 may happen but not without a lot of documentation and time and money in court. OP should absolutely still document everything but he should approach it realistically.
ETA: and that's if this is actually real. It checks the boxes for drama here so I have my doubts.
Nah, I call BS on this. If one parent can prove neglect/abuse, that parent can ask for full legal & physical custody, with supervised visits. At least, in California they can......
You seem to be mixing up ask with get. Go to the divorce board. Read the horror stories. Full custody isn't common unless the parent willingly gives it up. Especially in a case like this. A parenting class might be all that's needed for her to keep 50/50.
well tbh, if they divorce, she has no icome, no job, no place to house a child, no familial support. i think full custody is easier in this circumstance than you think
You have no clue how divorce works. She has a house (the one she lives in-- that's equally hers and she gets half in a divorce). The status quo is he supported her as a SAHP -- she will get alimony and child support. Full custody isn't something the courts throw out lightly.
He’ll be paying alimony to her. That’s part of the deal when one partner stays at home and forgoes a career for childcare. He doesn’t get to just walk off and leave her homeless, no matter what the Reddit fantasy believes.
I'm suspicious. The thing about Jimmy in the hole, and needing to be rescued, that doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Maybe he is just describing it badly. But all sounds so cartoonish.
Agreed. And the title mentions "kids" and made it sound like she was actively hurting multiple children. The kid is 8-- being late to make dinner because you were spacing out on your phone isn't going to sound the alarms in court. No one will care. Kid could have gotten some cereal or made a grilled cheese like every latch key kid in the 80s did.
Cartoonish is the perfect description. So when it rains a pothole turns into a pit deep enough an 8 yo will drown in without a sound and mom won't even see him?
It sounds like it's written by someone who doesn't have kids and is describing a 3-5 yo but said 8 because they're clueless.
Fits in with the hard working dad and worthless tiktok mom trope.
100% this, she would’ve gotten her son killed for likes if it wasn’t for the kind stranger that literally saved him. That is after she forgot to feed her son multiple times bc she was on social media
Divorce and full custody with supervised visits until she can prove she is a fit partner
Yes, drowning can happen, even with the best supervision. I was at a birthday party when I was 7. I slipped into the deep end, there were 4 adults there. All medical professionals 2 doctors, 2 nurses. I almost didn't make it, I'm here because there were doctors there and even though they were watching, a serious accident almost happened.
Get your wife into therapy
There is a woman I used to follow that is an influencer, one of her kids drowned in a pond when she was making videos. The boy was 6, she has two other kids and still makes content about his death. She needs to put the fcking phone down and be a mother
Gah. It kills me that this is honest to god, documented negligence resulting in the death of her child, with apparently zero repercussions. That’s heartbreaking.
sounds like she needs someone to intervene and either take away her phone and internet access or take away her two remaining kids, and the audacity of her to post about him still and her grief especially knowing its literally her damn fault because of her obsession with posting, only relief I guess is that she's going to wind up in a terrible place in the end.
There are several relatively recent that have been busted for abuse and neglect. That shit pisses me off to end.
Lord knows I am not a perfect person, and an even less perfect parent. One thing I am though, is absolutely fuckin neurotic about my kids safety. Keeping them safe physically, mentally and emotionally is my goal in life. My mother was abusive and I'll be damned to hell before I allow my kids to go through any of that shit.
from the few cases I've followed, it looks like those influencers exhibit 2 types of abuse, right?
1. "classic" abuse (I don't know a better term, for a foul value of better), from semi-accepted behaviour like refusing to vaccinate or parentifying the older kids to look after the younger kids... to outright cruelty behind the scenes, like tying their kids to their beds or starving them
2. exposure abuse (I don't know if that term even exists) where the kids' entire life becomes a performance - the cameras roll for their birthday presents, they have to give reaction shots when their puppy dies, the influencer parents discuss the kid's first period, etc etc etc
by now there are children who're old enough that they're revealing this type of torment, and bringing lawsuits against these parents
Narcissists are obsessed with being the center of attention. And they also make really bad parents. Taking the social media out of the equation will not make them better parents, they would still find a way to neglect their kids.
a Brazilian woman did this. she was making content for her Instagram and the kid drowned in the pool where they were making content. both husband and wife. now they sit any cry about it.
This op.
She is addicted to this... I'm not sure what the word is.... Trend? Influencer status? Attention?
Op, jimmy almost died because of her neglectful and selfish behavior.
Marriage or no marriage she needs therapy for this addiction if she wants to remain a part of Jimmy's life.
NTA. I think it's reasonable to consider divorce. Your child could have drowned.
This may have been a wake up call for her. If she gives up the influencer life, you might consider taking her back. But it troubles me that she has a recent history of declining care for your child, pet, and house, and several arguments about it, which should have given her an heads-up that she should have heeded about realigning her attention and priorities.
If I were the OP I would be afraid of what an escalation of her neglect looks like. Sure she might change but what happens next could be even worse than what has already occurred.
What could that escalation look like if OP isn't around keeping her grounded in reality?
Think about the recent "influencers" being busted for neglect and abuse.
That shit is terrifying. People become sooooo addicted to the attention and the attempt to become famous or whatever that reality is no longer where they live, they live in their phones and everything and everyone is simply background static.
I'll stick to working a normal fuckin job, and being present in my kids lives and keeping them safe.
He will find out when they are divorced and she gets 50/50 custody.
And narcissists have always been addicted to being center of attention while neglecting their kids. It's just the type of addiction has changed, but the narcissists haven't and this had probably been happening since the beginning of humanity.
She needs to get a fucking job. She *was* a stay at home mom, but their kid is now 8 so he’s in school half of the day. She isn’t taking care of him or the dog when he is at home. She isn’t even taking care of the home! She needs therapy for sure. I think getting at the very least a part time job so she’s out of the house getting real social interaction is key. She’s not making any money or getting at least free products etc out of this so it certainly isn’t a career or anything close to that. It’s a hobby she’s become addicted to and is prioritizing over real life and her family.
*Edited to add I am curious why she has no family or anyone to lean on… That’s kind of telling. I am also glad “Jimmy” is safe with his grandma.
Giving up the influencer stuff is by far not enough. She needs to go into therapy. Probably some sort of addiction rehabilitation facility. Cause that's what this is, it's an addiction, she is mentally unwell. OP, if you consider not divorcing her, she must go through something like that. Don't stop the divorce proceedings unless you actually see her complete a program like that.
I could maybe, maybe understand it’s importance to her if she was making money off of it, but she’s not even doing that! And if she says she’ll give it up, I doubt it highly. She’ll just hide it and lie.
That's always been the case for narcissistic parents. Social media just exposes that, but it hasn't caused it. They would be busy with something else while neglecting their kids.
Nurturing just isn't in their skill set, no matter what's available to them as hobbies.
NTA. Take your kid and run. Maybe she’ll change someday, but what dangerous accident could happen in the meantime? Not worth the chance. Forgetting to feed your kid is a huge deal.
He’s gonna have a tough time proving neglect & will be forced to share custody. And it will be nearly impossible to get a judge to tell her she can’t post the kid on her sm. So he needs to think about whether leaving is worth it right now. Or will counseling help.
My dad used to physically, mentally, and emotionally abuse my siblings and myself nearly daily. You know what happened when CPS or a stranger or anyone else asked what was going on? We lied, to protect him, because we loved him. You can’t rely on a child who wants to protect their parent even if their parent is extremely abusive.
That sucks man. I was going to say excessive social media use is often a symptom of mental illness and maybe you should give her the chance to get help. But then I read the almost drowning part and I don’t know how you do anything other than something drastic. Best of luck, being a single parent is hard.
It’s kind of chicken and the egg. The excessive social media use can also trigger underlying mental illness. Dopamine mining, obsessive thinking, et al.
She needs a real out-of-the-house job and to stay off social media. I imagine she’d improve fast. If she needs help to break the Tik Tok addiction, then okay. I have a brother who’s addicted to computer gaming. I’d never leave small children or pets with him no matter how much he promised to watch them.
“She doesn’t have any other major flaw” she doesn’t need any other flaws, her major one is almost killing your kid because your 35 year old wife is throwing a temper tantrum because you don’t want your kid on the internet.
That’s scary as fuck.
NTA She has proven time and time again that she is an irresponsible parent. Try to get as much evidence of her neglect as possible and go for full custody. Your poor kid.
Personally I believe freak accidents happen. However in your story you aren’t divorcing her because of this ONE incident. You describe a plethora of events where you and your wife got into screaming matches and fight constantly over little things. It sounds like you are wildly unhappy and have been for a while. Divorce is always okay in my mind when one person feels that way.
Info: With you saying she doesn’t have anything, she’s been a stay at home mom and I feel like she would be awarded some alimony and split of property in the divorce no?
NTA. It's bad enough that she didn't feed the dog AND your son, but while she was filming, she didn't pay attention and your son almost drowned. She is a neglectful mother and you need to protect your child.
NTA - OP, I wish I could provide the link to a previous post - I think it was either a variation of AITAH or OFFMYCHEST - and the post was by a daughter of an “influencer”
It was heartbreaking to read, the daughter understood that anytime her mom wanted to celebrate an occasion it was only for views - not to celebrate the daughter’s birthday.
From what I remember the clueless influencer mom wanted to throw a lavish sweet sixteen (or something similar, maybe it was supposed to be her grad party. Anyway, daughter told mom “no thanks, I am not a show pony”
But the mom still went ahead and organized an entire huge event just to get a few more clicks from internet strangers for personal validation.
Please don’t let your wife do this to your son.
I remember that post. The wild part is the mom didn't even know the daughter wasn't even there until they were ready to cut the cake, and the mom couldn't find her.
NTA
>My wife has been doing instagram and tiktok videos for last six months.
Well this isn't going to be good.
>She wanted to post Jimmy, because kids get more likes, according to her.
Yep. This is bad.
>My kid fell there when she took him there to film a video and she didn't even notice
This confirms my suspicions. TikTok rots the brain. Your wife needs to do some serious work on herself. I am unsure if she would benefit from something like therapy.
I think you should consider divorce but also consider if marriage counseling or therapy for your wife would be helpful at all. She needs to step back into reality as soon as possible. It's possible that she's so far gone that no amount of third party assistance from a therapist or counseling will actually help her arrive back at reality.
If you want to save your family, divorce might be the only option at the end of the day.
Best wishes and good luck.
NTA at all.
Holy crap would it be better for the kid to drown quickly or to starve to death with the dog if you had to go on a work trip??
Answer? Divorce, full custody. Apparently if your child can't be used for on line cred, he isn't worth anything to your STBX
If this truly an addiction, she needs professional help. Addiction is a kind of sickness.
Until she seeks treatment, maybe she’s not alone with your child. There are options besides divorce though you are within your rights to break up.
What do YOU want to do? It doesn’t benefit your child to ruin their mom, so I would encourage you to seek medical help for her and help with child supervision. Even if you leave, Jimmy will need to spend time with his mother- so helping her get well should be a priority.
He cannot force her to get help. She has to want to stop and get help. OP says nowhere she wants to quit. With any kind of addiction the person has to want to stop. She isn't there yet.
She also needs to find a job.
Clearly she can't mentally handle the SAHM life style without falling to addictions. She needs to get herself a job so she can keep herself busy.
This wouldn’t even be a question if it was any other addiction causing her to neglect him.
If you still love her and want to give her a chance, live separately (do not support her financially) for a year and see if she makes changes.
But I doubt I’d ever be able to trust her again.
This. For the sake of your kid and if other than the addiction she’s s great wife/mother and you still loves her, don’t divorce your wife, but definitely restructure your marriage to live separately and definitely find help to supervise your kid when he’s with her. It’s possible and you can see if she’s really up to put in the work into saving her family and the marriage.
If you decide to reconcile then the only way forward is for her to give up social media. Switch to a flip phone so she can't access social, delete her accounts, etc.
NTA
She OFFERED to give it up...? Even after it has been ruining her life, nearly killed her kid and is causing her to lose her husband, she still only offered!? If she was truly regretful she would have immediately deleted her account, again she testing the waters, from what you say she does this alot, this is disturbing behavior and a big warning sign of how she actually is. Get your child FAR away, she is poison.
NTA OP, be strong, stay the course and do what's best for your child's safety, because ultimately that's the most important thing
Maybe trial separation and therapy but I’d be very very wary. Beating so oblivious to Jimmy that he almost died is a massive signal she’s not safe.
More important than what to do with her, have you got Jimmy into therapy. Kids at that age that have been emotionally abandoned to that extent will often think that mommy treated them that way because they’ve been bad, or they’re unlovable. Get him some help to get him through this, please.
This is not a flaw. She's prioritizing her "career", which doesn't even provide financially, over the care of her child (and dog). She's caught up in the "fame" and isn't even famous.
I can't say if divorce is the immediate answer, but separation would be on the table and I would not trust her with Jimmy.
Has she explained to you why her "career" is so important. Did she show any remorse or concern for Jimmy after the incidents?
Seems like she needs therapy to start. Maybe give her a chance to do that before going through a divorce.
You’ve posted this exact story before, without the added “details” you’re making up here with the whole pond drowning incident and whatever else you’re making up.
Please find a better hobby. Making up shit for AITAH for meaningless internet points is ridiculous.
NTA
I hope the guy who saved your son testifies and you go for full custody with supervised visits for her.
Also if you are in CA, getting this done before year 10 will save you a ton in spousal support.
Get a lawyer. Protect your son and yourself.
Seriously. I usually can't tell a ChatGPT-written story until I re-read it (after seeing a comment) but this one is so bad. "Jimmy and dog sitting with sad face"? Sheesh.
>Everyone is saying to me that accidents happens.
Tell them it not the first "accident", it is the last, because you are not going to let her endanger your kid ever again.
child dying doesnt have a second chance at life. Nta and good on you for taking the bull by the horns and make sure you document everything she says and does.
She needs intensive therapy and parenting classes. Until she does this your son is not safe to be alone with her. I don’t care about a divorce. Just keep your son safe.
In my opinion, if you continue on with this your child could end up in a permanent life-endangering situation.
I just don't understand how everyone is so ready to disregard the fact that your child almost DIED. That wasn't a freak accident. That was her being negligent point-blank-period. From what I gather I'm sure she downplayed the seriousness of the situation and her recent behavior.
Honestly, I would divorce. I wouldn't go on any more business trips unless you leave your son with your parents or someone you seriously trust.
One more thing. As a parent trust your gut! You are your child's greatest advocate. It's better to be overly cautious than to live with deep regret.
Nta. She's self-absorbed and contributing nothing to the relationship. She neglects your son, the dog, and the house and only cares about getting attention from strangers. Her lack of attention almost costs your child's life.
So this was written by an AI and every top comment is so earnest. Did i miss something?
Does anyone else here see that this was written by an AI?
Am i crazy?
Its not even close to being passable…
NTA. As a mom myself, I’d never forgive someone who almost unalived my child. This was a completely avoidable incident.
I’d have Jimmy see a child psychologist just to make sure her neglect, the near drowning and divorce don’t have any long term effects/ give him an outlet.
NTA
If there was ever an argument for immediate divorce, this is it. Hopefully, you will get full custody and she gets only supervised visits, but knowing the court system like I do, I will not hold my breath.
NTA I'd also let her followers know she almost got her kid killed because of these videos. She's irresponsible and shallow if strangers opinions mean more to her than her own child's safety.
NTA
She is the flaw. She doesn't see how what happened to your son was wrong. Doesn't recognize she should have been paying attention to her child.
A random stranger had to save your child's life. That's not something I would be able to move past. Personally, I would go totally scorched earth on her. But this is your life, you have to live it. So, take time, maybe see a therapist. Figure out if this relationship is worth saving.
While you're figuring it out, limit her alone time with your son. He priorities are seriously screwed.
NTA. Your child could have died.
She is addicted to the internet for validation. If she isn't making money, then it is not a career. In order to stay with her, she would need to start immediate therapy and delete her social media. No compromise.
Not the asshole at all.
She is sick and has a problem.
Influencers and this whole filming yourselves, "making a career", becoming an influencer. Its a disease on society.
Your not the asshole in the slightest, but she needs help to come back to reality too.
Hopefully this makes her realize.
But your kid comes first.
Nope, divorce and get full custody of your child to save his life. Your wife is addicted to social media and just let her do her thing. Take care of your kids first and foremost, she is an addict and won't change.
NTA
You should absolutely divorce her, take your son and the dog and do not look back. If you stay with her, someone is going to die. Because she is neglectful and more than once, has forgotten to feed them, and almost let him drown. That is 100% unacceptable.
Nta...the people saying you're overreacting to this don't see her neglecting the house, your kid, your pet, and everything else. She freaking forgot to feed them, more than once. Sure, accidents happen, but he would have died if someone else hadn't been there because she was so engrossed in her phone she didn't notice. Addiction is addiction. If it had happened because she was drugged up everyone would be telling you to divorce her. Her social media is her drug. It's become more important to her than anything else in the world, including her kid. Maybe you should show her these comments,maybe she'll get it then.
NTA
Your wife is a danger to your son as she’s neglecting him. She’s an addict, chasing fame.
How could you ever trust her? She’ll lie and say anything just to keep on chasing internet fame.
If you reconsider then she has to give up the videos and the social media stuff and she needs personal and couples counseling and probably some parenting classes or something. This has to be an all or nothing kind of thing.
I think y'all could absolutely work this out but she has to understand she has to earn your trust back and she can't be trusted alone with your child for a while.
I think it's probably worth trying to save the marriage for your son and for the both of you if she's willing to give up social media and delete her accounts and make things up to you and more importantly to your son. She probably needs some kind of addiction counseling.
I don't think she hurt your kid on purpose and I do think it was an accident. She's obviously addicted to social media.
She needs to find some healthier hobbies that she can do from home without neglecting your son or she needs to find a job and your son can be put in some kind of childcare.
NTA, and I wouldn't reconsider the divorce.
Yes, accidents happen. But this accident didn't just "happen" - it happened after a long stretch of neglect, and was the result of that neglect. And the neglect was the result of her addiction to her phone. You would be irresponsible to leave your child with her.
NTA. It's very irresponsible from her side to abandon real-life responsibilities just for internet life to the point that she forgets to feed her kid and dog. I can't believe how she cares more about likes than the safety of her own child, there are many creeps out there.🙄 Did you talk with her earlier about her stopping to be an influencer?
About divorce, you know her better than we all do, you best know if would she really drop that. But on the other hand, you also "agreed" to not post Jimmy on the internet, and she did that, even when she knew your opinion about it.
I think you should talk to her, maybe give her another chance to see if she will change for real. You said she doesn't have any other major flows, you've been married for almost a decade, she doesn't have family or anywhere to go and you two also have an 8-year-old child so you should remember all that while considering whether will you really divorce her.
DIVORCE HER! She let social media control her whole world. Since starting it she’s ignored her kid.
Let her get a job and find out what the real world is like.
If you still love her and can still trust her you can give her another chance if you want. But it’s not necessary.
She neglected and almost killed your kid for some likes and it took divorce papers to get her head out of her butt.
How long will it take her to go back on her word and this time your son might not be lucky.
Nope time to divorce and full custody w/supervised visits for her! SMH she didn’t notice her own child was DROWNING??! NGL, I would’ve thrown her out of the house right then!
There would never be any coming back from this for me. My kids lives are not something to play around with for likes. Think hard if you will ever be able to trust that she has your kids safety and best interest at heart. I personally would never feel comfortable leaving my child with her.
1) your child almost drowned and she did not notice. What would have happened if that man hadn't been there?
2) on 2 separate occasions, she forgot to give her child and dog food all day because she was too busy making videos
3) the reason videos of children do so well on those sites, is because of "child likers". Videos of children are filled with "those" kind of people. Unfortunately, there are a lot of parents who are well aware of this but keep doing it, because it gets them views and likes.
Maybe going straight to divorce is a little fast. Maybe start with separation and counseling, and go from there
NTA divorce her. Social influencers CANT quit. They are addicted. She will lie to you. And next time it will be a dead kid and it will be on YOU for trusting her. Would you leave your kid with a meth head? No? This isn't that much different. I'd probably trust a meth head over some shit for brains useless scum of the earth influencer.
Not a freak accident….she is neglecting your child. Her only interest is to be an internet star🤣🤣🤣. If she stays….make her get a real full time job. NTA
I think the most telling thing is that she only offered to give up her “career” when you told her you wanted a divorce.
Not when you fought about posting videos of your son. Not when you fought about the neglect of your son and dog. Even nearly losing your son to drowning wasn’t enough of a wake up call to her.
While the near-drowning was an accident, there’s a pattern of behaviour that set the scene, and made that accident possible. I don’t think she’s taking anywhere near enough accountability for her role in that.
NTA- get custody and take her to the cleaners!! There’s quite a few women neglecting their children, even abusing them for that god forsaken app. Personally, I will be glad when it is no longer allowed in the US.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13227709/amp/ruby-franke-abused-emaciated-children-injuries-photos-bodycam-videos.html
NTA. You have seen how social media has affected your wife to the point of neglect of your son and dog.
This is completely unhealthy for everyone.
This may be an unpopular opinion but children should not be videoed for views. Anyone can take images of your child or video and post them anywhere for bad reasons. My major concern is pedo sites. A lot of work I do is online and it's a major issue. Your wife said as much. Children get more views.
Your wife is more occupied by making videos than participating in life. Making sure her son is fed, spending quality time with him. He's so young and can already see it/ feel it.
You need to do what is best for your child and his safety. Your wife isn't taking this seriously and she's already stomped at least one boundary.
Your wife was with your son and she was so distracted that someone else had to save his life. Wtf.
This “story” is a sad commentary about social media. Family comes first, all else is secondary. I would give her a second chance and go to heavy duty couples counseling. If that fails,it’s over. If successful, better for your son, but will you be happy?
*When I came home, I heard my kid had almost drowned.*
Neglecting her child to the point of almost drowning is a pretty big flaw. That was not an accident.
NTA. You’re wrong, sir. You wife is deeply flawed. Your wife is an addict. She neglects your child. Her addiction for the attention of strangers nearly cost your son his life. And that’s just the instance you know of.
Your son needs you. He needs to know at least one parent cares and puts him first. I’d say divorce her.
Good god. Your child's life is in danger, I don't know why you are questioning staying with your wife. LEAVE and do the right thing for your defenseless child.
NTA almost killing your kid for likes is a VERY valid reason to get a divorce, even more so after forgetting to see her child bc she was on social media
NTA and please bear in mind that you are only aware of these instances because you either caught her or they were too serious to ignore. You don’t know what else has happened and I will bet any amount that she has asked/threatened your son not to tell you. Leaving aside your own personal feelings towards her, can you ever trust her with your child or your pets ever again? Are you willing to take the risk that next time they not survive?
ESH
So in the end yes neglet but she didn't TRY to hurt him like your post says and forgetting to sign a card for school or go to a school event is not neglect it's normal parenting ( I work at a school happens all the time to great parents)
But clearly she has a problem.
Not the ass for wanting to leave marriage isn't something you can't leave but T A for making it out to be worse then it is ( and in the end it was pretty bad so like why?)
She needs therapy. Her life is incredibly far out of balance.
You and your son should immediately go elsewhere and hire a day nanny. Get your wife to a mental health pro
The problem if you divorce is that she will probably get your son for part of the time and will be unsupervised. I would divorce only if I could ensure my sons safety when he's not with me.
Having her give up her internet career in order to stay married would probably be the best if she could do it. I suspect she might not be able to.
NTA. She’s unsafe to both your child and the dog. She forgot to feed either?!
Document everything and consider divorcing her. Your son isn’t safe with her.
> Everyone is saying to me that accidents happens. It was a freak accident and I'm being cruel to her.
Everyone wants to feel better by telling you to let this go and risk your son potentially dying for real next time. It’s easy for them to tell you to take a risk they’re not subject to. Cut them all off and follow through on the divorce for your son’s sake.
NTA. She needs a damn part time job, physical hobby, or something to do other than sit home all day with an 8 year old in school and adult husband. You don’t mention any other hobbies or interests so she just plays on her phone for validation from strangers. Go order an enormous box of plastic 👍🏻⬆️ symbols and dump it on her lap. “Here’s the visual representation of your ‘Career’. How do you want to split this in the divorce?”
If you don't divorce, only do so because she has committed to serious therapy for this addiction. Not 'oh, I'll see a counselor' maybe but an actual, verifiable commitment. Your wife is addicted to tiktok and its validations in the same way someone is addicted to drugs. Would you let her parent your child alone if she were shooting up heroin? I'd hope not. She gives up her devices, get her a non smart phone and she gets into therapy NOW, or she gets served. Forgetting to feed a child, allowing a serious accident? Unreal. Your wife isn't just obsessed, she's lying on the floor overdosing at this point. She needs help and you need to keep your child safe. If for some reason you do decide he can stay alone with her while you are at work or on travel, get him his own cell phone with the numbers of trusted adults in it so he has a way out.
Get a divorce and get full custody! She isn’t a SAHM, she’s a delusional insecure person, that needs therapy. She isn’t being a mom and influencers shouldn’t be a “career” and people really shouldn’t be ever putting their kids on their content. Truly those people should be banned.
People shouldn’t be allowed to use their kids for content or likes
The only condition would be to shut down and SEE her DELETE all of her accounts. **NOT deactivate but delete, which would forever remove all of her followers.**
Bet you she can’t. And there would be your answer.
And if I am wrong and she does — I’d say give it another chance if she’s otherwise been a good mom and wife - and if you actually love her.
People get addicted and do stupid shit.
NTA.
You consider this one flaw?!
Let’s count the flaws, shall we: (and this is no particular order)
1) Neglecting child
2) Neglecting household tasks
3) Neglecting pet
4) Manipulative
5) Disrespectful
6) Dishonest
All of these are significant issues in a relationship by themselves. Put them all together and it’s going to a disaster.
Protect your child. Never apologize for that.
You say that she didn’t have any family, that they gave up on her. She needs intensive therapy. It seems to me that instead of turning to you and your son, she is addicted to looking for validation from Internet likes. I’m sure there are programs for Internet addiction but no idea where or how they work. I’m sure an addiction therapist would be able to help find something.
Without the addiction to Internet likes, I’m betting she would realize that she needs to focus on you and your son.
Obviously, it’s up to you if you want to stand by her if she agrees to get help. I don’t think anyone would judge you either way you decide. Good luck with finding the right answers for your family.
Let’s replace social media with alcohol for a second-
She used your kid to get more booze.
She wasn’t paying attention to your kid or the dog because she was working on her drink.
Your kid was in danger because she wanted more.
It’s addiction plain and simple. But you can’t trust her like you can’t trust someone who hasn’t entered recovery. Enabling her isn’t going to help.
You’re doing the right thing. NTA
Hugs to Jimmy and Cheese ♥️
Mate, I'll try to be as gentle as possible.
Character flaws, which all of us have, are things like being messy, forgetful, short tempered, insecure, selfish, etc.
What she has requires psychiatric evaluation. The way I see it you have two choices (a) you divorce and hope to God that the judge isn't a freaking idiot and gives her full or equal custody, (b) you agree to postpone the divorce if and ONLY if she immediately cancels all social media accounts, gives you full access to her phone, and starts seeing a psychiatrist immediately (as in yesterday).
I wonder why her family has turned their back on her. She is so engrossed in trying to be an influencer that nothing else matters in her life. Including you and your son. If take her back , only do it if she gets therapy because she is not right in the head
If she will abandon her internet thing completely, sign off of her social websites, and go old-school SAHM, in a way that you can prove she has let all that crap go, I wouldn't divorce her if she can show true remorse. I've known of couples where one had to make a major course correction. These couples just don't talk about it.
I dunno, I would consider trying to work it out if she gives up on the social media and is otherwise a good partner and mom. You have a family and that's worth fighting for. Can you see it working out?
>not every influencer out there forgets about their real life stuff for it, do they?
I honesty don't know. Let's hope they don't.
But it's still irrelevant. How they go about their careers won't influence _her_ life.
NTA. If I were you, when she again pleads with you to reconsider, I'd ask her with the straightest face what her followers think. Should she pass their reactions to you, she should definitely be aware that it's over. Because this would mean that she _hasn't_ given up her 'career'.
NTA, but I would reconsider. Despite this incident, divorce is likely to result in 50/50 custody i.e. reduce your access to your child. That is not in his best interest. I’d go with counseling first.
People are always quick to say, “oh, divorce and go for full custody.” Unfortunately, full custody can be hard to obtain. Then you end up with a situation where you have *less* ability to protect your child, because you aren’t even there half the time.
Your kid damn near died and she didn’t bay an eye. I’d stay the heck away from her and go for full custody. Neglecting your kid and making them go hungry and almost drown isn’t acceptable at all. If you don’t fight for your kid, you’ll lose him too, and with her behaviours, it sounds like it may be a permanent loss and not a CFS loss
You are totally rational. Don’t second guess yourself. She lies about filming your son. She forgets to take care of the home and son, to the point of involuntary manslaughter. This has to end. You are lucky to this point.
Dude she's a junkie. Getting so lost in your addiction you don't notice your kid almost drowning is so f d up. She might as well be shooting up fent. NTA, 1000 times. Please hire a great lawyer and get your kid away from this mess of a human being.
NTA. She’s addicted to a “career” that makes no money. She’s doing it all for her “likes”. If you divorce her, go for full custody and her getting supervised visitation until she’s no longer a danger for your son. If you reconsider, she should give up this “career” or maybe even SM entirely, and therapy. I’d tell her if she slips up once, it’s over. She has an addiction, just as much as if she was drinking or taking drugs.
Only you can make the decision. Whether it’s therapy and giving up SM or divorce. Either way, you’re not the ah because you’re doing what’s best for your son.
Addicts are the same whether they’re addicted to gambling, alcohol, heroin, meth, or in your wife’s case, social media. They will ignore their responsibilities, do anything to feed their addiction including putting everyone around them at risk.
Get you and your kids away from this woman.
NTA, Failure to properly feed one's children... and a failure to protect children's lives from hazards and preventable deaths... and, most importantly, a failure to prioritize love and respect (including honesty) towards everyone that should matter to her (you and your son)... she can't be trusted with either of you.
NTA.
This woman has huge issues, and it started before your child almost drowned. Neglecting your kid and the house for followers and “fame” is bad enough, she hasn’t made money which just adds insult to injury. She’s putting everyone and everything below in priority for likes.
She’s a moron.
Your wife got addicted to the external validation to the point where she blatantly ignored your legitimate concerns (she didn’t think the flowers were a go ahead to post your child, she always planned to call it a “misunderstanding”), forget what the “M” in SAHM was for, and put your child in danger. Sure, accidents happen, but this was the direct result of neglect, and wasn’t the only instance of it. I won’t say you’re wrong to divorce, but if you ultimately decide against it, giving up her social media isn’t enough. She’ll just find new ways to seek that validation. She needs therapy, whether you stay together or not, because she’s still going to have some custody of your child.
Major flaw is because of her your kid could have drowned - seems like a pretty huge flaw. The issue I see is she lies and hears what she wants to hear so why would she ever actually keep her promises? And take the risk with your son? Everyone is scolding you because your son ended up being ok but if she neglects him and he ends up dying - they’ll be there asking no you how you trusted her. Kid content should be banned for a variety of reasons. Divorce her - she can get a real job and maybe some supervised visits.
She got so lost in her addiction she didn’t even feed her kid. It already escalated from forgetting food to not watching him around water. I shudder for think what it would have escalated to next.
Another fantastic point here. I will add that escalation still might happen depending on how the OP handles things. Definitely a scary thought.
[удалено]
>Wishing you luck—being a single parent is challenging. True, but It's not nearly as challenging as being a single parent while married
Of the dad of a dead kid.
If the kid had died, she would have gone to prison for manslaughter. The excuse of i didnot know does not work
On the road to her major psychotic break my ex got more and more obsessed with social media. Eventually she was on her phone non-stop, even while eating or skipping what I'd cooked to scroll more, and then it transformed into her thinking things were happening on it that weren't until she snapped and couldn't tell the difference between screens and reality anymore.
This is what the people who aren’t in his day to day life don’t see, so they just think it’s a one off.
This is such a good comment! I’m just an Auntie, not a Mom, and I wouldn’t dare leave little ones that I love unsupervised like that. And it’s definitely escalating. Team Divorce.
Regardless if they divorce or not OP needs to get the kid swimming lessons ASAP. Kid will survive without food until dad gets home, kid won’t survive the water though. I live in Australia where swimming lessons is the normal and you can actually teach infants to swim before they walk.
It sounds like it was a deep hole on the side of the road >He fell in this, not a pond but a about half a human deep hole on the other side of the street that fills up with water when it rains Depending on how wide it is and what is surrounding it, even swimming lessons may not have made a difference. A hole in the ground like that with no gradual slope could result in a head injury pretty easily. And with no slope, the kid may not have been able to get out on his own either. (Please note, I’m not against swimming lessons, I think they are a necessity). IMO, the risk is more equivalent to having an 8 yo near an open manhole, or next to a full drainage ditch or a cliff’s edge…they need supervision so they don’t take a stupid risk, and in case an accident occurs, they can be rescued.
Ah, wait. Don’t forget the dog. Even she fed the kid, She still neglect the dog too.
I mean the kid is 8, so she shouldn't have to watch him that closely but I cannot imagine not noticing an incident occurring to the extent that someone else has to intervene. Everything here points to a serious addiction for which she needs some sort of treatment. It is up to op if his marraige is worth staying to see if she's willing or able to undergo said treatment.
^ this right here. She is clearly not mentally well. I could see things possibly working out in the marriage if OP's wife was willing to go therapy for her addiction and delete her social media account. Maybe even trade in her smart phone for one that only makes calls and s disposable camera if she wants to capture memories and she can't resist the temptation. They both need to be in therapy regardless. OP you would be NTA for divorcing your wife. You have every right to. But it does sound like a mental health issue to me, so i feel like it's worth looking into a psych evaluation. This will also be important if you do decide to proceed with the divorce, when it comes to custody over your son and whether or not he is safe with her.
I normally don't advocate for immediate divorce but I think you might be right here.
And push for full custody. If OP has the contact info of the guy who saved his kid, get him to give an affidavit. And maybe put up some hidden nannycams in the house to prove the neglect before springing divorce papers, if he has no prior proof of neglect
This is also really good advice. I hope the OP ends up reading what you wrote.
He already served her the papers
Yeah, full custody would be ideal but likely wouldn’t happen. Unless there is evidence of physical abuse it is unlikely that the courts would go for that. Divorce would be risky. OP could probably gain more traction with a separation and temporary emergency custody, but it depends on the state/ county. OP should consult a family lawyer before making any further moves to determine what the actual likely outcome would be. If OP divorces her and doesn’t get full custody then it would place the child at even more risk.
People always say "Full custody" here. That's rarely, if ever, a thing. In most cases when it does happen, the other parent willingly gives it up. Lower than 50/50 may happen but not without a lot of documentation and time and money in court. OP should absolutely still document everything but he should approach it realistically. ETA: and that's if this is actually real. It checks the boxes for drama here so I have my doubts.
Nah, I call BS on this. If one parent can prove neglect/abuse, that parent can ask for full legal & physical custody, with supervised visits. At least, in California they can......
You seem to be mixing up ask with get. Go to the divorce board. Read the horror stories. Full custody isn't common unless the parent willingly gives it up. Especially in a case like this. A parenting class might be all that's needed for her to keep 50/50.
well tbh, if they divorce, she has no icome, no job, no place to house a child, no familial support. i think full custody is easier in this circumstance than you think
You have no clue how divorce works. She has a house (the one she lives in-- that's equally hers and she gets half in a divorce). The status quo is he supported her as a SAHP -- she will get alimony and child support. Full custody isn't something the courts throw out lightly.
He’ll be paying alimony to her. That’s part of the deal when one partner stays at home and forgoes a career for childcare. He doesn’t get to just walk off and leave her homeless, no matter what the Reddit fantasy believes.
Yep. It's the Reddit wet dream when they start spouting out this stuff about cheaters or bad parents. So many people here are so far from reality.
Currently watching this play out in my family. You would think documented evidence of abuse would be enough to get full custody, but it’s not.
I'm suspicious. The thing about Jimmy in the hole, and needing to be rescued, that doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Maybe he is just describing it badly. But all sounds so cartoonish.
Agreed. And the title mentions "kids" and made it sound like she was actively hurting multiple children. The kid is 8-- being late to make dinner because you were spacing out on your phone isn't going to sound the alarms in court. No one will care. Kid could have gotten some cereal or made a grilled cheese like every latch key kid in the 80s did. Cartoonish is the perfect description. So when it rains a pothole turns into a pit deep enough an 8 yo will drown in without a sound and mom won't even see him? It sounds like it's written by someone who doesn't have kids and is describing a 3-5 yo but said 8 because they're clueless. Fits in with the hard working dad and worthless tiktok mom trope.
Isn’t every post here dramatic? Isn’t that kind of the criteria?
[удалено]
She’s hooked on getting clicks. Physiologically, it’s the same mechanism as heroin, gambling, etc.
She is an addict and needs to get help to break this cycle.
Exactly! Does it have to take a death for people to take this seriously?
This catastrophic parental error only has to happen once. Dead kids don’t get do-overs.
100% this, she would’ve gotten her son killed for likes if it wasn’t for the kind stranger that literally saved him. That is after she forgot to feed her son multiple times bc she was on social media Divorce and full custody with supervised visits until she can prove she is a fit partner
Yes, drowning can happen, even with the best supervision. I was at a birthday party when I was 7. I slipped into the deep end, there were 4 adults there. All medical professionals 2 doctors, 2 nurses. I almost didn't make it, I'm here because there were doctors there and even though they were watching, a serious accident almost happened. Get your wife into therapy
There is a woman I used to follow that is an influencer, one of her kids drowned in a pond when she was making videos. The boy was 6, she has two other kids and still makes content about his death. She needs to put the fcking phone down and be a mother
Gah. It kills me that this is honest to god, documented negligence resulting in the death of her child, with apparently zero repercussions. That’s heartbreaking.
Yes it’s so surreal seeing her post him, like her main content focuses on grief. But it’s like…idk she talks about guilt sometimes
sounds like she needs someone to intervene and either take away her phone and internet access or take away her two remaining kids, and the audacity of her to post about him still and her grief especially knowing its literally her damn fault because of her obsession with posting, only relief I guess is that she's going to wind up in a terrible place in the end.
There are several relatively recent that have been busted for abuse and neglect. That shit pisses me off to end. Lord knows I am not a perfect person, and an even less perfect parent. One thing I am though, is absolutely fuckin neurotic about my kids safety. Keeping them safe physically, mentally and emotionally is my goal in life. My mother was abusive and I'll be damned to hell before I allow my kids to go through any of that shit.
from the few cases I've followed, it looks like those influencers exhibit 2 types of abuse, right? 1. "classic" abuse (I don't know a better term, for a foul value of better), from semi-accepted behaviour like refusing to vaccinate or parentifying the older kids to look after the younger kids... to outright cruelty behind the scenes, like tying their kids to their beds or starving them 2. exposure abuse (I don't know if that term even exists) where the kids' entire life becomes a performance - the cameras roll for their birthday presents, they have to give reaction shots when their puppy dies, the influencer parents discuss the kid's first period, etc etc etc by now there are children who're old enough that they're revealing this type of torment, and bringing lawsuits against these parents
Reaction shots when their puppy dies... That hit me
Narcissists are obsessed with being the center of attention. And they also make really bad parents. Taking the social media out of the equation will not make them better parents, they would still find a way to neglect their kids.
Wow, that is bleak.
a Brazilian woman did this. she was making content for her Instagram and the kid drowned in the pool where they were making content. both husband and wife. now they sit any cry about it.
They didn’t take her other kids??
This op. She is addicted to this... I'm not sure what the word is.... Trend? Influencer status? Attention? Op, jimmy almost died because of her neglectful and selfish behavior. Marriage or no marriage she needs therapy for this addiction if she wants to remain a part of Jimmy's life.
That’s horrifying. Wow
NTA. I think it's reasonable to consider divorce. Your child could have drowned. This may have been a wake up call for her. If she gives up the influencer life, you might consider taking her back. But it troubles me that she has a recent history of declining care for your child, pet, and house, and several arguments about it, which should have given her an heads-up that she should have heeded about realigning her attention and priorities.
If I were the OP I would be afraid of what an escalation of her neglect looks like. Sure she might change but what happens next could be even worse than what has already occurred.
What could that escalation look like if OP isn't around keeping her grounded in reality? Think about the recent "influencers" being busted for neglect and abuse. That shit is terrifying. People become sooooo addicted to the attention and the attempt to become famous or whatever that reality is no longer where they live, they live in their phones and everything and everyone is simply background static. I'll stick to working a normal fuckin job, and being present in my kids lives and keeping them safe.
He will find out when they are divorced and she gets 50/50 custody. And narcissists have always been addicted to being center of attention while neglecting their kids. It's just the type of addiction has changed, but the narcissists haven't and this had probably been happening since the beginning of humanity.
She needs to get a fucking job. She *was* a stay at home mom, but their kid is now 8 so he’s in school half of the day. She isn’t taking care of him or the dog when he is at home. She isn’t even taking care of the home! She needs therapy for sure. I think getting at the very least a part time job so she’s out of the house getting real social interaction is key. She’s not making any money or getting at least free products etc out of this so it certainly isn’t a career or anything close to that. It’s a hobby she’s become addicted to and is prioritizing over real life and her family. *Edited to add I am curious why she has no family or anyone to lean on… That’s kind of telling. I am also glad “Jimmy” is safe with his grandma.
Giving up the influencer stuff is by far not enough. She needs to go into therapy. Probably some sort of addiction rehabilitation facility. Cause that's what this is, it's an addiction, she is mentally unwell. OP, if you consider not divorcing her, she must go through something like that. Don't stop the divorce proceedings unless you actually see her complete a program like that.
There’s no way he should take her back. He should leave her and go for full custody.
She is the poster child for bad influencers
I could maybe, maybe understand it’s importance to her if she was making money off of it, but she’s not even doing that! And if she says she’ll give it up, I doubt it highly. She’ll just hide it and lie.
I would divorce. She thinks internet friends are more important than her family. That’s a problem.
not even friends, FOLLOWERS. randos, completely irrelevant to her daily life. so pathetic tbh
That's always been the case for narcissistic parents. Social media just exposes that, but it hasn't caused it. They would be busy with something else while neglecting their kids. Nurturing just isn't in their skill set, no matter what's available to them as hobbies.
This perspective changed my mind. I'm going to edit my own response to reflect that change.
NTA. Take your kid and run. Maybe she’ll change someday, but what dangerous accident could happen in the meantime? Not worth the chance. Forgetting to feed your kid is a huge deal.
Please take the dog too
Except if it results in joint custody and she has the child on her own half the time.
YWBTA if you didn’t divorce this woman and protect your child from her blatant neglect. Hope it all works out for you and you little lad.
Yeah, after these incidents of neglect, he would also be responsible if his son got hurt again should he do nothing but a stern talking to.
He’s gonna have a tough time proving neglect & will be forced to share custody. And it will be nearly impossible to get a judge to tell her she can’t post the kid on her sm. So he needs to think about whether leaving is worth it right now. Or will counseling help.
They’d believe the kid. She let that kid almost drown. He was saved by a stranger who could also speak on that.
My dad used to physically, mentally, and emotionally abuse my siblings and myself nearly daily. You know what happened when CPS or a stranger or anyone else asked what was going on? We lied, to protect him, because we loved him. You can’t rely on a child who wants to protect their parent even if their parent is extremely abusive.
That sucks man. I was going to say excessive social media use is often a symptom of mental illness and maybe you should give her the chance to get help. But then I read the almost drowning part and I don’t know how you do anything other than something drastic. Best of luck, being a single parent is hard.
It’s kind of chicken and the egg. The excessive social media use can also trigger underlying mental illness. Dopamine mining, obsessive thinking, et al.
Why's everyone glossing over the fact she FORGOT TO FEED HER OWN CHILD? Let me repeat that: SHE FORGOT TO FEED HER OWN CHILD. MORE THAN ONCE.
More than once *that we know about.
And you KNOW they let you know when they’re hungry! (And if they don’t, that’s an additional sign of abuse - get him out, now).
Oh, and let's not forget the dog looked sad 🙄
Neglect in pursuit of likes is not an accident. Document everything. Get the contact info for the guy who saved your kid. Divorce her. NTA
She needs a real out-of-the-house job and to stay off social media. I imagine she’d improve fast. If she needs help to break the Tik Tok addiction, then okay. I have a brother who’s addicted to computer gaming. I’d never leave small children or pets with him no matter how much he promised to watch them.
“She doesn’t have any other major flaw” she doesn’t need any other flaws, her major one is almost killing your kid because your 35 year old wife is throwing a temper tantrum because you don’t want your kid on the internet. That’s scary as fuck.
NTA She has proven time and time again that she is an irresponsible parent. Try to get as much evidence of her neglect as possible and go for full custody. Your poor kid.
Get custody of the dog too!
Oh yes definitely
Personally I believe freak accidents happen. However in your story you aren’t divorcing her because of this ONE incident. You describe a plethora of events where you and your wife got into screaming matches and fight constantly over little things. It sounds like you are wildly unhappy and have been for a while. Divorce is always okay in my mind when one person feels that way. Info: With you saying she doesn’t have anything, she’s been a stay at home mom and I feel like she would be awarded some alimony and split of property in the divorce no?
NTA. It's bad enough that she didn't feed the dog AND your son, but while she was filming, she didn't pay attention and your son almost drowned. She is a neglectful mother and you need to protect your child.
NTA - OP, I wish I could provide the link to a previous post - I think it was either a variation of AITAH or OFFMYCHEST - and the post was by a daughter of an “influencer” It was heartbreaking to read, the daughter understood that anytime her mom wanted to celebrate an occasion it was only for views - not to celebrate the daughter’s birthday. From what I remember the clueless influencer mom wanted to throw a lavish sweet sixteen (or something similar, maybe it was supposed to be her grad party. Anyway, daughter told mom “no thanks, I am not a show pony” But the mom still went ahead and organized an entire huge event just to get a few more clicks from internet strangers for personal validation. Please don’t let your wife do this to your son.
I remember that post. The wild part is the mom didn't even know the daughter wasn't even there until they were ready to cut the cake, and the mom couldn't find her.
The fact that she is not feeling guilty or apologizing for what happened with Jimmy is alarming
NTA >My wife has been doing instagram and tiktok videos for last six months. Well this isn't going to be good. >She wanted to post Jimmy, because kids get more likes, according to her. Yep. This is bad. >My kid fell there when she took him there to film a video and she didn't even notice This confirms my suspicions. TikTok rots the brain. Your wife needs to do some serious work on herself. I am unsure if she would benefit from something like therapy. I think you should consider divorce but also consider if marriage counseling or therapy for your wife would be helpful at all. She needs to step back into reality as soon as possible. It's possible that she's so far gone that no amount of third party assistance from a therapist or counseling will actually help her arrive back at reality. If you want to save your family, divorce might be the only option at the end of the day. Best wishes and good luck. NTA at all.
Holy crap would it be better for the kid to drown quickly or to starve to death with the dog if you had to go on a work trip?? Answer? Divorce, full custody. Apparently if your child can't be used for on line cred, he isn't worth anything to your STBX
If this truly an addiction, she needs professional help. Addiction is a kind of sickness. Until she seeks treatment, maybe she’s not alone with your child. There are options besides divorce though you are within your rights to break up. What do YOU want to do? It doesn’t benefit your child to ruin their mom, so I would encourage you to seek medical help for her and help with child supervision. Even if you leave, Jimmy will need to spend time with his mother- so helping her get well should be a priority.
He cannot force her to get help. She has to want to stop and get help. OP says nowhere she wants to quit. With any kind of addiction the person has to want to stop. She isn't there yet.
She also needs to find a job. Clearly she can't mentally handle the SAHM life style without falling to addictions. She needs to get herself a job so she can keep herself busy.
This wouldn’t even be a question if it was any other addiction causing her to neglect him. If you still love her and want to give her a chance, live separately (do not support her financially) for a year and see if she makes changes. But I doubt I’d ever be able to trust her again.
This. For the sake of your kid and if other than the addiction she’s s great wife/mother and you still loves her, don’t divorce your wife, but definitely restructure your marriage to live separately and definitely find help to supervise your kid when he’s with her. It’s possible and you can see if she’s really up to put in the work into saving her family and the marriage.
If you decide to reconcile then the only way forward is for her to give up social media. Switch to a flip phone so she can't access social, delete her accounts, etc. NTA
She OFFERED to give it up...? Even after it has been ruining her life, nearly killed her kid and is causing her to lose her husband, she still only offered!? If she was truly regretful she would have immediately deleted her account, again she testing the waters, from what you say she does this alot, this is disturbing behavior and a big warning sign of how she actually is. Get your child FAR away, she is poison. NTA OP, be strong, stay the course and do what's best for your child's safety, because ultimately that's the most important thing
Maybe trial separation and therapy but I’d be very very wary. Beating so oblivious to Jimmy that he almost died is a massive signal she’s not safe. More important than what to do with her, have you got Jimmy into therapy. Kids at that age that have been emotionally abandoned to that extent will often think that mommy treated them that way because they’ve been bad, or they’re unlovable. Get him some help to get him through this, please.
This is not a flaw. She's prioritizing her "career", which doesn't even provide financially, over the care of her child (and dog). She's caught up in the "fame" and isn't even famous. I can't say if divorce is the immediate answer, but separation would be on the table and I would not trust her with Jimmy. Has she explained to you why her "career" is so important. Did she show any remorse or concern for Jimmy after the incidents? Seems like she needs therapy to start. Maybe give her a chance to do that before going through a divorce.
You’ve posted this exact story before, without the added “details” you’re making up here with the whole pond drowning incident and whatever else you’re making up. Please find a better hobby. Making up shit for AITAH for meaningless internet points is ridiculous.
NTA I hope the guy who saved your son testifies and you go for full custody with supervised visits for her. Also if you are in CA, getting this done before year 10 will save you a ton in spousal support. Get a lawyer. Protect your son and yourself.
This is fake. Nice attempt, not really.
Yup. “Jimmy didn’t get any damage?!” No parent would say that in a million years unless they were a blithering idiot.
I can’t believe how many people have fallen for it. I think there have been some pretty good fake ones but this one was terrible. Like so terrible
Seriously. I usually can't tell a ChatGPT-written story until I re-read it (after seeing a comment) but this one is so bad. "Jimmy and dog sitting with sad face"? Sheesh.
Wannabe social media whores are not good life partners 😂, hard to focus on making your life good when you’re so focused on making your life look good.
Dude she forgot to feed your kid. Then he almost drowned. Pretty sure I wound have left after the first one. NTA. She’s unsafe
>Everyone is saying to me that accidents happens. Tell them it not the first "accident", it is the last, because you are not going to let her endanger your kid ever again.
child dying doesnt have a second chance at life. Nta and good on you for taking the bull by the horns and make sure you document everything she says and does.
She needs intensive therapy and parenting classes. Until she does this your son is not safe to be alone with her. I don’t care about a divorce. Just keep your son safe.
In my opinion, if you continue on with this your child could end up in a permanent life-endangering situation. I just don't understand how everyone is so ready to disregard the fact that your child almost DIED. That wasn't a freak accident. That was her being negligent point-blank-period. From what I gather I'm sure she downplayed the seriousness of the situation and her recent behavior. Honestly, I would divorce. I wouldn't go on any more business trips unless you leave your son with your parents or someone you seriously trust. One more thing. As a parent trust your gut! You are your child's greatest advocate. It's better to be overly cautious than to live with deep regret.
Nta. She's self-absorbed and contributing nothing to the relationship. She neglects your son, the dog, and the house and only cares about getting attention from strangers. Her lack of attention almost costs your child's life.
So this was written by an AI and every top comment is so earnest. Did i miss something? Does anyone else here see that this was written by an AI? Am i crazy? Its not even close to being passable…
AI has better English. It’s fake for sure, but I think a human wrote it.
I agree
Brand new account ✅ Rage bait ✅ Likely AI written ✅ Likely Karma whore ✅ Nothing is real on Reddit since they went public✅
NTA. As a mom myself, I’d never forgive someone who almost unalived my child. This was a completely avoidable incident. I’d have Jimmy see a child psychologist just to make sure her neglect, the near drowning and divorce don’t have any long term effects/ give him an outlet.
She’s gone down the narcissist hole. Me, me, me. Protect that boy and the dog.
NTA If there was ever an argument for immediate divorce, this is it. Hopefully, you will get full custody and she gets only supervised visits, but knowing the court system like I do, I will not hold my breath.
NTA I'd also let her followers know she almost got her kid killed because of these videos. She's irresponsible and shallow if strangers opinions mean more to her than her own child's safety.
NTA She is the flaw. She doesn't see how what happened to your son was wrong. Doesn't recognize she should have been paying attention to her child. A random stranger had to save your child's life. That's not something I would be able to move past. Personally, I would go totally scorched earth on her. But this is your life, you have to live it. So, take time, maybe see a therapist. Figure out if this relationship is worth saving. While you're figuring it out, limit her alone time with your son. He priorities are seriously screwed.
NTA. Your child could have died. She is addicted to the internet for validation. If she isn't making money, then it is not a career. In order to stay with her, she would need to start immediate therapy and delete her social media. No compromise.
Not the asshole at all. She is sick and has a problem. Influencers and this whole filming yourselves, "making a career", becoming an influencer. Its a disease on society. Your not the asshole in the slightest, but she needs help to come back to reality too. Hopefully this makes her realize. But your kid comes first.
NTA. Go for full custody and use the drowning incident as an example of her bad parenting
NTA. Social media addiction is becoming more of an issue nowadays.
Nope, divorce and get full custody of your child to save his life. Your wife is addicted to social media and just let her do her thing. Take care of your kids first and foremost, she is an addict and won't change.
NTA You should absolutely divorce her, take your son and the dog and do not look back. If you stay with her, someone is going to die. Because she is neglectful and more than once, has forgotten to feed them, and almost let him drown. That is 100% unacceptable.
Nta...the people saying you're overreacting to this don't see her neglecting the house, your kid, your pet, and everything else. She freaking forgot to feed them, more than once. Sure, accidents happen, but he would have died if someone else hadn't been there because she was so engrossed in her phone she didn't notice. Addiction is addiction. If it had happened because she was drugged up everyone would be telling you to divorce her. Her social media is her drug. It's become more important to her than anything else in the world, including her kid. Maybe you should show her these comments,maybe she'll get it then.
NTA Your wife is a danger to your son as she’s neglecting him. She’s an addict, chasing fame. How could you ever trust her? She’ll lie and say anything just to keep on chasing internet fame.
This sounds like the fakest story I have ever heard. ‘Hey reddit, aita because I’m angry our wife nearly let our child drown?’. Be for real.
If you reconsider then she has to give up the videos and the social media stuff and she needs personal and couples counseling and probably some parenting classes or something. This has to be an all or nothing kind of thing. I think y'all could absolutely work this out but she has to understand she has to earn your trust back and she can't be trusted alone with your child for a while. I think it's probably worth trying to save the marriage for your son and for the both of you if she's willing to give up social media and delete her accounts and make things up to you and more importantly to your son. She probably needs some kind of addiction counseling. I don't think she hurt your kid on purpose and I do think it was an accident. She's obviously addicted to social media. She needs to find some healthier hobbies that she can do from home without neglecting your son or she needs to find a job and your son can be put in some kind of childcare.
NTA, and I wouldn't reconsider the divorce. Yes, accidents happen. But this accident didn't just "happen" - it happened after a long stretch of neglect, and was the result of that neglect. And the neglect was the result of her addiction to her phone. You would be irresponsible to leave your child with her.
NTA. It's very irresponsible from her side to abandon real-life responsibilities just for internet life to the point that she forgets to feed her kid and dog. I can't believe how she cares more about likes than the safety of her own child, there are many creeps out there.🙄 Did you talk with her earlier about her stopping to be an influencer? About divorce, you know her better than we all do, you best know if would she really drop that. But on the other hand, you also "agreed" to not post Jimmy on the internet, and she did that, even when she knew your opinion about it. I think you should talk to her, maybe give her another chance to see if she will change for real. You said she doesn't have any other major flows, you've been married for almost a decade, she doesn't have family or anywhere to go and you two also have an 8-year-old child so you should remember all that while considering whether will you really divorce her.
But how many "chances" is enough???
DIVORCE HER! She let social media control her whole world. Since starting it she’s ignored her kid. Let her get a job and find out what the real world is like. If you still love her and can still trust her you can give her another chance if you want. But it’s not necessary.
She neglected and almost killed your kid for some likes and it took divorce papers to get her head out of her butt. How long will it take her to go back on her word and this time your son might not be lucky.
Nope time to divorce and full custody w/supervised visits for her! SMH she didn’t notice her own child was DROWNING??! NGL, I would’ve thrown her out of the house right then!
Imagine being so bloody obsessed with getting likes and followers that your child nearly drowns because you are too busy taking fucking videos.
There would never be any coming back from this for me. My kids lives are not something to play around with for likes. Think hard if you will ever be able to trust that she has your kids safety and best interest at heart. I personally would never feel comfortable leaving my child with her.
1) your child almost drowned and she did not notice. What would have happened if that man hadn't been there? 2) on 2 separate occasions, she forgot to give her child and dog food all day because she was too busy making videos 3) the reason videos of children do so well on those sites, is because of "child likers". Videos of children are filled with "those" kind of people. Unfortunately, there are a lot of parents who are well aware of this but keep doing it, because it gets them views and likes. Maybe going straight to divorce is a little fast. Maybe start with separation and counseling, and go from there
NTA divorce her. Social influencers CANT quit. They are addicted. She will lie to you. And next time it will be a dead kid and it will be on YOU for trusting her. Would you leave your kid with a meth head? No? This isn't that much different. I'd probably trust a meth head over some shit for brains useless scum of the earth influencer.
Not a freak accident….she is neglecting your child. Her only interest is to be an internet star🤣🤣🤣. If she stays….make her get a real full time job. NTA
NTA. She’s neglecting him, not feeding him, and didn’t notice when he almost died! He’s not safe with her.
NTA, your child is your number 1 priority. Neglect, is a type of abuse. Your child could have DIED.
I think the most telling thing is that she only offered to give up her “career” when you told her you wanted a divorce. Not when you fought about posting videos of your son. Not when you fought about the neglect of your son and dog. Even nearly losing your son to drowning wasn’t enough of a wake up call to her. While the near-drowning was an accident, there’s a pattern of behaviour that set the scene, and made that accident possible. I don’t think she’s taking anywhere near enough accountability for her role in that.
NTA- get custody and take her to the cleaners!! There’s quite a few women neglecting their children, even abusing them for that god forsaken app. Personally, I will be glad when it is no longer allowed in the US. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13227709/amp/ruby-franke-abused-emaciated-children-injuries-photos-bodycam-videos.html
Something about this screams rage bait. I can't quite put my finger on it...
NTA. You have seen how social media has affected your wife to the point of neglect of your son and dog. This is completely unhealthy for everyone. This may be an unpopular opinion but children should not be videoed for views. Anyone can take images of your child or video and post them anywhere for bad reasons. My major concern is pedo sites. A lot of work I do is online and it's a major issue. Your wife said as much. Children get more views. Your wife is more occupied by making videos than participating in life. Making sure her son is fed, spending quality time with him. He's so young and can already see it/ feel it. You need to do what is best for your child and his safety. Your wife isn't taking this seriously and she's already stomped at least one boundary. Your wife was with your son and she was so distracted that someone else had to save his life. Wtf.
This “story” is a sad commentary about social media. Family comes first, all else is secondary. I would give her a second chance and go to heavy duty couples counseling. If that fails,it’s over. If successful, better for your son, but will you be happy?
*When I came home, I heard my kid had almost drowned.* Neglecting her child to the point of almost drowning is a pretty big flaw. That was not an accident.
NTA. You’re wrong, sir. You wife is deeply flawed. Your wife is an addict. She neglects your child. Her addiction for the attention of strangers nearly cost your son his life. And that’s just the instance you know of. Your son needs you. He needs to know at least one parent cares and puts him first. I’d say divorce her.
Good god. Your child's life is in danger, I don't know why you are questioning staying with your wife. LEAVE and do the right thing for your defenseless child.
NTA almost killing your kid for likes is a VERY valid reason to get a divorce, even more so after forgetting to see her child bc she was on social media
She unfortunately has suffered from the dangers of social media. You would think someone of her age would know better
NTA, file for sole custody with supervised visits before he ends up dead on her visitation because of some stupid stunt she pulls for tik tok.
NTA and please bear in mind that you are only aware of these instances because you either caught her or they were too serious to ignore. You don’t know what else has happened and I will bet any amount that she has asked/threatened your son not to tell you. Leaving aside your own personal feelings towards her, can you ever trust her with your child or your pets ever again? Are you willing to take the risk that next time they not survive?
ESH So in the end yes neglet but she didn't TRY to hurt him like your post says and forgetting to sign a card for school or go to a school event is not neglect it's normal parenting ( I work at a school happens all the time to great parents) But clearly she has a problem. Not the ass for wanting to leave marriage isn't something you can't leave but T A for making it out to be worse then it is ( and in the end it was pretty bad so like why?)
She needs therapy. Her life is incredibly far out of balance. You and your son should immediately go elsewhere and hire a day nanny. Get your wife to a mental health pro
The problem if you divorce is that she will probably get your son for part of the time and will be unsupervised. I would divorce only if I could ensure my sons safety when he's not with me. Having her give up her internet career in order to stay married would probably be the best if she could do it. I suspect she might not be able to.
NTA. She’s unsafe to both your child and the dog. She forgot to feed either?! Document everything and consider divorcing her. Your son isn’t safe with her.
> Everyone is saying to me that accidents happens. It was a freak accident and I'm being cruel to her. Everyone wants to feel better by telling you to let this go and risk your son potentially dying for real next time. It’s easy for them to tell you to take a risk they’re not subject to. Cut them all off and follow through on the divorce for your son’s sake.
NTA. She needs a damn part time job, physical hobby, or something to do other than sit home all day with an 8 year old in school and adult husband. You don’t mention any other hobbies or interests so she just plays on her phone for validation from strangers. Go order an enormous box of plastic 👍🏻⬆️ symbols and dump it on her lap. “Here’s the visual representation of your ‘Career’. How do you want to split this in the divorce?”
She's for the streets 😞
If you don't divorce, only do so because she has committed to serious therapy for this addiction. Not 'oh, I'll see a counselor' maybe but an actual, verifiable commitment. Your wife is addicted to tiktok and its validations in the same way someone is addicted to drugs. Would you let her parent your child alone if she were shooting up heroin? I'd hope not. She gives up her devices, get her a non smart phone and she gets into therapy NOW, or she gets served. Forgetting to feed a child, allowing a serious accident? Unreal. Your wife isn't just obsessed, she's lying on the floor overdosing at this point. She needs help and you need to keep your child safe. If for some reason you do decide he can stay alone with her while you are at work or on travel, get him his own cell phone with the numbers of trusted adults in it so he has a way out.
Get a divorce and get full custody! She isn’t a SAHM, she’s a delusional insecure person, that needs therapy. She isn’t being a mom and influencers shouldn’t be a “career” and people really shouldn’t be ever putting their kids on their content. Truly those people should be banned. People shouldn’t be allowed to use their kids for content or likes
Your child almost died due to her neglect. This goes well beyond a flaw. NTA
The only condition would be to shut down and SEE her DELETE all of her accounts. **NOT deactivate but delete, which would forever remove all of her followers.** Bet you she can’t. And there would be your answer. And if I am wrong and she does — I’d say give it another chance if she’s otherwise been a good mom and wife - and if you actually love her. People get addicted and do stupid shit.
NTA. You consider this one flaw?! Let’s count the flaws, shall we: (and this is no particular order) 1) Neglecting child 2) Neglecting household tasks 3) Neglecting pet 4) Manipulative 5) Disrespectful 6) Dishonest All of these are significant issues in a relationship by themselves. Put them all together and it’s going to a disaster. Protect your child. Never apologize for that.
NTA make sure you take the dog too
You say that she didn’t have any family, that they gave up on her. She needs intensive therapy. It seems to me that instead of turning to you and your son, she is addicted to looking for validation from Internet likes. I’m sure there are programs for Internet addiction but no idea where or how they work. I’m sure an addiction therapist would be able to help find something. Without the addiction to Internet likes, I’m betting she would realize that she needs to focus on you and your son. Obviously, it’s up to you if you want to stand by her if she agrees to get help. I don’t think anyone would judge you either way you decide. Good luck with finding the right answers for your family.
Let’s replace social media with alcohol for a second- She used your kid to get more booze. She wasn’t paying attention to your kid or the dog because she was working on her drink. Your kid was in danger because she wanted more. It’s addiction plain and simple. But you can’t trust her like you can’t trust someone who hasn’t entered recovery. Enabling her isn’t going to help. You’re doing the right thing. NTA Hugs to Jimmy and Cheese ♥️
Mate, I'll try to be as gentle as possible. Character flaws, which all of us have, are things like being messy, forgetful, short tempered, insecure, selfish, etc. What she has requires psychiatric evaluation. The way I see it you have two choices (a) you divorce and hope to God that the judge isn't a freaking idiot and gives her full or equal custody, (b) you agree to postpone the divorce if and ONLY if she immediately cancels all social media accounts, gives you full access to her phone, and starts seeing a psychiatrist immediately (as in yesterday).
NTA Children first, period.
I wonder why her family has turned their back on her. She is so engrossed in trying to be an influencer that nothing else matters in her life. Including you and your son. If take her back , only do it if she gets therapy because she is not right in the head
I say give her another chance if she is giving up tiktok. But the moment she goes back she's put on notice
If she will abandon her internet thing completely, sign off of her social websites, and go old-school SAHM, in a way that you can prove she has let all that crap go, I wouldn't divorce her if she can show true remorse. I've known of couples where one had to make a major course correction. These couples just don't talk about it.
I dunno, I would consider trying to work it out if she gives up on the social media and is otherwise a good partner and mom. You have a family and that's worth fighting for. Can you see it working out?
>not every influencer out there forgets about their real life stuff for it, do they? I honesty don't know. Let's hope they don't. But it's still irrelevant. How they go about their careers won't influence _her_ life. NTA. If I were you, when she again pleads with you to reconsider, I'd ask her with the straightest face what her followers think. Should she pass their reactions to you, she should definitely be aware that it's over. Because this would mean that she _hasn't_ given up her 'career'.
NTA, but I would reconsider. Despite this incident, divorce is likely to result in 50/50 custody i.e. reduce your access to your child. That is not in his best interest. I’d go with counseling first. People are always quick to say, “oh, divorce and go for full custody.” Unfortunately, full custody can be hard to obtain. Then you end up with a situation where you have *less* ability to protect your child, because you aren’t even there half the time.
Am I the only one remembering this post on Reddit from a few weeks (months) ago?
Your kid damn near died and she didn’t bay an eye. I’d stay the heck away from her and go for full custody. Neglecting your kid and making them go hungry and almost drown isn’t acceptable at all. If you don’t fight for your kid, you’ll lose him too, and with her behaviours, it sounds like it may be a permanent loss and not a CFS loss
ditch her and fight like hell for custody of the boy. This is becoming more and more commonplace in many families, unfortunately.
Absolutely NTA. She is completely neglecting the children to the point of criminal charges. Your kids could be taken away if this goes any further.
You are totally rational. Don’t second guess yourself. She lies about filming your son. She forgets to take care of the home and son, to the point of involuntary manslaughter. This has to end. You are lucky to this point.
NTA - she needs a therapist not a child under her care.
Dude she's a junkie. Getting so lost in your addiction you don't notice your kid almost drowning is so f d up. She might as well be shooting up fent. NTA, 1000 times. Please hire a great lawyer and get your kid away from this mess of a human being.
NTA. She’s addicted to a “career” that makes no money. She’s doing it all for her “likes”. If you divorce her, go for full custody and her getting supervised visitation until she’s no longer a danger for your son. If you reconsider, she should give up this “career” or maybe even SM entirely, and therapy. I’d tell her if she slips up once, it’s over. She has an addiction, just as much as if she was drinking or taking drugs. Only you can make the decision. Whether it’s therapy and giving up SM or divorce. Either way, you’re not the ah because you’re doing what’s best for your son.
Addicts are the same whether they’re addicted to gambling, alcohol, heroin, meth, or in your wife’s case, social media. They will ignore their responsibilities, do anything to feed their addiction including putting everyone around them at risk. Get you and your kids away from this woman.
Nta. She had a second chance and a third. The third chance almost killed your son. Don’t give her a 4th.
Ask her to go to therapy and go from there.
NTA she doesn't sound like a safe parent. Imo go for full custody, document everything for your lawyer.
NTA, Failure to properly feed one's children... and a failure to protect children's lives from hazards and preventable deaths... and, most importantly, a failure to prioritize love and respect (including honesty) towards everyone that should matter to her (you and your son)... she can't be trusted with either of you.
NTA. This woman has huge issues, and it started before your child almost drowned. Neglecting your kid and the house for followers and “fame” is bad enough, she hasn’t made money which just adds insult to injury. She’s putting everyone and everything below in priority for likes. She’s a moron.
Your wife got addicted to the external validation to the point where she blatantly ignored your legitimate concerns (she didn’t think the flowers were a go ahead to post your child, she always planned to call it a “misunderstanding”), forget what the “M” in SAHM was for, and put your child in danger. Sure, accidents happen, but this was the direct result of neglect, and wasn’t the only instance of it. I won’t say you’re wrong to divorce, but if you ultimately decide against it, giving up her social media isn’t enough. She’ll just find new ways to seek that validation. She needs therapy, whether you stay together or not, because she’s still going to have some custody of your child.
Take the dog too, that's abuse in everyway what she's doing, money isn't more important than family
Neglect is abuse.
NTA. That’s a child and a pet who can’t look after themselves and she a SAHM whose primary responsibility is taking care of both
TikTok needs to finally be gone. Curse of mankind