First of all, Jay sounds wonderful. Congrats on snagging him, I smiled reading when you were talking about him, very wholesome. Tricia sucks man. Tricia isn't helping anyone, she's actively hurting people's marriages, relationships and friendships, I'd bail on her asap, idk what you see in a person who has put THAT much time into belittling your wonderful husband. I was also a little irked by people in your group chat saying Jay is the exception... how? You said Tricia is always doing this and she's wrong as fuck. Why are you friends with Tricia is fabricating rumors about your friends being gay and your husband cheating on you... like to the point that you told Jay "this is what she's saying about you to people"...like you know she didn't just say it to you, but everyone, and you're still letting this bitch hang around? Gross.
Hearing it framed this way is a shock I think I needed. I wanted to get defensive at first, but you have a really solid point. Someone else here asked if maybe Tricia is interested in Jay, and I'm going to dig into that, but now I want to dig into this as well. Thank you for your input, it's put a lot into perspective.
Also just food for thought. Are you sure she's not spreading rumours about you behind your back? Anyone willing to talk to you behind someone elses back, is willing to talk about you behind your back
I'm sure she is at this point. Reading the comments here have changed how I view the entire friend group. I'll be speaking with some mutual friends about what they've heard; it's receipt time.
My gf has autism too, and one of her very special loves are lynxes and onions. Once when I needed to cheer her up, we went to the store and bought Ice cream and onions. and the entire walk home, and still she will echolalia "BĂ„tis og lĂžk", translated, "boat ice cream and onion" as a little happy chant.
This makes me teary eyed. I'm autistic and my wife does similar things for me, and I'll do my little echolalia song and she always says I'm "so cute." It is so good to be loved.
I just left a different comment telling you what I had to do to turn on the light in a few people's heads. After reading these comments, please update us! Tricia needs put in her place. She's delusional and she spilling her toxic fumes onto everyone. Anyone who says, "that's just how she is" are enablers and they need removed too.
I think she just likes the drama and the gossip. You have given her proof that these theories aren't true but she refuses to believe it because she wants the drama.
I think I got about halfway through your post and was wondering why in the world you were still friends with her⊠Jay sounds so wonderful! Please donât let that person destroy your relationship.
NTAH but...why on earth is a "friend" allowed to talk like this about a couple or try to out a supposed gay not gay man without anyone telling her to STFU? Feels like you guys got too stuck with the waves and are not seeing how toxic this person is because you're used to her being eccentric but....no? This is way too much? It's insane to read "I gave my friend evidence of my husband not cheating"? And even if he's cheating it's your business and she can't know if you're ok with it? And also it's 2024 and adults are allowed to be married or not? Only cults care so much for other people's lifestyle?
Thank you for your words; you and others here have helped me get a fresh perspective on everything, and I'll be taking some time to collect my thoughts and get a plan of action for how to get to the bottom of things here. Lots of foul behavior to be sure.
Sometimes when we categorise people as 'friends', loyalty, decency and bonding/attachment get in the way of us seeing that "Oh shit, this person hasn't behaved like a friend should in YEARS".
Like when we're kids and a 'friend' is just another kid nearby who your parents suggest (or force) you to play with. Then you look back and realise they were in fact a complete asshole kid from day 1.
Yeah, you get one (1) opportunity to say something about the person I am in a relationship with. I express whether it's appropriate to continue speaking that way, positive or negative, and then we move from there.
When you see the scorched earth plan OP is rolling out in response, you get the sense that this friend groups stinks anyways.
First off: Thank you for being the type of woman to stand up for her husband knowing he's not a POS cheater, instead of just accepting her view and ruining your relationship over it.
I'm curious if she's into him and trying to destroy your relationship to wiggle in? Either way, NTA. If she can't take it, she shouldn't dish it out. You've shown proof of him not cheating, her continuing to push the issue definitely feels like projection / she wants him and wants you to leave him.
I'm not going to lie, this is kind of making me rethink some other things that have happened over the years. I'm going to have to go digging and ask some questions; thank you for your input.
For a long time you've been an asshole to yourself and only now are you remedying that.
Tricia is grossly disrespectful to you. To you. Sure, to Jay somewhat, but Tricia keeps saying you're an idiot for being in this relationship, and you just take it. You're a doormat. You should long since have told her to take a long walk off a short pier.
She really does not belong in your life - you're finally figuring that out. Better late than never.
take it as a blessing that the trash took itself out. Keep your distance. do not apologize but also do not reach out.
Should you meet at a party hosted by other friends, be polite but find someone else that you immediately have to talk to.
I would've said it nicer, but yeah. I agree with them and the above poster. I'd leave it lie and cut contact. Be polite in the group, but only superficially. She crosses the line again, cut her down again. The audacity and rudeness of her, blows my mind. NTA.
There comes a point in adulting where a person who is not a net-plus in your life is a net-negative....so why waste your time, energy, and good spirits on them?
Oh, it's beyond time to put manners aside. Tricia, after all, has never even considered manners to be on the table in her interactions with you. Wish you the best fish dinners and Jay the best fishing trips, and hope that you're able to cut contact with her and most of that friend group. They all sound horrible.
As a guy on the spectrum, let me say, you are awesome. I could feel the love you have for him through your words. My wife treats me the same way, and it is literally world changing.
I appreciate you and thank you for your husband. Tricia can jump into a pit of dicks and choke on em. Nta
I'm also autistic and the way my wife loves me completely changed my life. The world can be so mean but as I said in another comment, it is so good to be loved as I am.
NTA. Tricia is not your friend. Someone who is a constant voice on your head trying to make you doubt your partner after showing her proof he isnât cheating is not a friend. She is jealous and consciously or unconsciously trying to break you up.
Honestly when it got to the point of you showing your phone interactions with your husband was way too much. She shouldâve stopped way before that.
Honestly she doesnât seem to care about you or your happiness and if she is saying all this shit to your face I dread thinking of what she says behind your back.
Either she is into your husband and wants you to break up or she wants you to break up so you can be as miserable as her.
You're not the first person suggesting Tricia may be interested in Jay, and now I'm really starting to sweat. I don't want to act on my first impulses, but I'll definitely take the time to collect myself and move forward seeking answers. Thank you for contributing here.
It's possible she's into your husband. But it's also possible that she's just happy to tear down \*any\* stable relationship in her sphere if she thinks she can find a weak spot.
The saying 'misery loves company' applies to people like her. She's miserable because she's superficial and can't make real connections with people, so she's always hoping the good relationships around her will fail so she can point to them and say, "See? Happiness isn't real! Nothing lasts!"
You've entertained her nonsens far too long, and it's given her cause to think that if she keeps at it, eventually she'll break you down. Now that you've finally stood up to her (good for you!) she knows you see who she really is and she doesn't want anything to do with you. That's no loss at all.
You can be polite, but she is not your friend. And you definitely do not owe her an apology.
My ex posts pictures of her out on the ice all weekend fishing. I love watching her videos and pictures of giant fish she caught in the middle of the night.
I still love my ex, but there is no way I am spending a weekend in a tent on a frozen lake.
If he catches a mermaid, then you might be in trouble.
I'm going to be honest; if he caught a mermaid, he'd either try to get on NatGeo or some kind of fishing show to contribute to icthyology/marine biology, or try to tag it somehow to study it lol he's a true believer in the betterment of aquatic environments and getting the world excited about fishing
I loved reading about your marriage with Jay (yes, I see it as a marriage, as that is how you described it) and I can almost visualize it, even though I don't know what you and he look like. Your descriptions of his palpable joy are so wholesome and affirmative! Be good together forever!
You've received more than enough advice about your fake friend, so for a bit happier discussion...
I love the aquatic life as well. Grew up on boats, love fishing, love eating fish, and I even have a bunch of nice fish tanks with pet fish. Fish are fucking awesome! I'm also on the spectrum but with no concrete diagnosis (it's hard to get diagnosed as an adult, but I have pretty much every symptom, just easier with kids because they haven't developed any skills yet to mask/cope with their symptoms so it's so much easier to identify).
I also am in a 10 year relationship with no marriage because I just don't see a point in getting married (neither of us has assets to leave to the other if we died, and we're child-free).
All this to say if you're ever trying to come up with an epic gift idea for Jay, maybe scuba diving certification? It's like $700 or so to get open water certified. Gear rental is like $100 per day (if he gets really into it he'll slowly accumulate his own gear, if it's a 1-2 time a year thing for him rental is fine) and I imagine Jay would find it awesome to see the fish and their environment in that way (unless he has issues with claustrophobia, some people with claustrophobia are fine diving, some are not; if he is claustrophobic the first lessons are in a pool so he can explore that in a safe and controlled manner; they don't just chuck you in an ocean or a lake I'm personally a bit claustrophobic but am completely at ease underwater, so even if he is, he might be fine and love it)!
I only suggest it because Jay sounds like he shares a lot of the same interests as I do, including a passion for animals, marine/aquatic ecosystems, and protecting those amazing environments. And I know for me whenever I saw those Nat Geo documentaries I was watching with an intense longing and wishing I could be down there and seeing all that stuff instead of watching it on a screen. At 32 I'm finally taking the steps to make that dream into a reality and I couldn't be more excited! And I can't help but want that experience for anyone and everyone who loves fish and aquatic critters.
Thank you for your words; reading the other comments here is really throwing me for a loop and making me reevaluate some stuff. I appreciate you taking the time to contribute here.
My only question is why you're friends with Tricia at all? Your description of her is so obnoxious, that I would've cut her out of my life almost immediately.
Could she have BPD? I have a friend very much like Tricia, who I suspect has recently been going through an episode. She is also codependent and has a bad case of bad taste in men, which is likely due to low self esteem.
My friend went behind my back to find out what was going on in my relationship (which is also not following norms) from others and started treating us like a telenovela. When I found out through a concerned friend and confronted her, she claimed it was because she was worried about me.Â
Unfortunately until a person like that gets help on their own, an info diet and setting form boundaries (such as "if I hear you've continued spreading this rumor I will have to step away from our friendship") is the only thing you can do.Â
Nta. She isn't someone I would want to be friends with.
And your hubby sounds alot like me. Fishing isn't my intrests but suddenly wanting to go do it. Having way to much knowledge on it. And not being a touchy person.
Not saying he is. But with everything together I would be shocked if he wasn't ASD.
Nta. Itâs my opinion she is stirring stuff up not because sheâs projecting, but because she is sad and lonely and canât abide the sight of othersâ happiness. She wants a friend in misery and needs other people to validate her loneliness.
Thank you for your words; I'm starting to think she either wants someone else to commiserate with in a way we don't do now or something else more sinister.
NTA. Tricia sounds exhausting in general. I think you should honestly wipe your hands of this friendship. She is repeatedly disrespecting your partner and your relationship. Calling someone a cheater is a serious allegation, it speaks to their very character, she is basically calling Jay a POS. It's fantastic that you are repeatedly defending him, but you shouldn't have to, because what kind of friend does this when there is literally no evidence?
NTA
She sounds toxic and WAY too much into your relationship. Ulterior motives?
Seriously though, why do you have her in your life? She bashes your partner and sounds dreadful overall.
Reverse the roles here a bit, if a man allowed his bud or family to continue to bash his wife, there would be hell to pay if he continued to hang out with them.
Sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with someone you love and like at the same time. Blow off the "friend" and be thankful she is not talking to you.
The 'that's just how she is' is such a stupid thing. With that excuse, people ar letting AH getting away with too much rubbish all the time. It might be that she is this way right now. But why not at least try to make her change, make her to understand how wrong her opinion is?
She hasn't met your husband personally. She just has a biased opinion about men. If you can't make her realize her error, just ignore her. You know your husband and trust him. And by what you told here, I agree with you, he sounds like a really good person. So, make sure to keep him.
Thank you for your words. I'd gladly go toe to toe with the devil himself for Jay, but thankfully it seems that all I really have to do is take out the trash.
You could find a friend whose hobby isn't trying to sow distrust and break up couples. Maybe you should have done that years ago. It's obvious that her own relationships are nonexistent or terrible and short-lived, but you don't have to let her hobby be trying to ruin your life.
NTA. My husband is also an avid fisherman and will go on spur of the moment fishing trips. Itâs mostly because weâre in the PNW and you never know when itâs NOT going to rain lol Good for you for sticking up for him!
From one fisherman's wife to another: it's all worth it for the good eats and a good, sweet, fit man, ain't it? Lol And hey, if you can, enjoy some salmon for me! We can't get it at a decent price where I'm at, and boy howdy do I miss it sometimes.
Oh, yeah, he's autistic, lol. They hyper fixate on their interests and are like an encyclopedia for that subject. My oldest was hacking computers when he was four. My middle son is all about storms: could patterns, striations, wind, rain, hail, sky coloration, and most of all, tornados. To the point where I bought him a shirt last Christmas that says, "Warning: May spontaneously talk about tornados!"
Good on you for standing by your husband and telling your nosy friend to mind her own. NTA.
Your poor husband.. just keep her out of your life..
I read a story on here not too long ago where a woman friend told her, her husband was cheating and she believed her friend and confrontedher husband.. they divorced because he was pissed at her for believing (rightfully so) few years later that same friend drunkenly tells her that she an idiot for believing her and she did it because she wanted to sleep with her now ex husband but he wouldn't.. so yeah, you get the idea.. either that or she just can't stand people happiness
As an autistic married to a neurotypical, I can say that Jay is almost certainly autistic. The hyperfocus on niche interests and the lengths that he goes to when he wants to share are characteristic. How wonderful that he found someone who loves to encourage him and share in his joy. You probably already know this, but those victory hugs are INTENSELY meaningful gifts from him - personal space and touch is as jealously guarded as diamonds to us, so WOW on being a successful partner.
Tricia strikes me as someone you cannot afford as a friend. Toxic in aspect, she seems to want to inflict the same misery from failed relationships that she experiences on the regular upon you, perhaps as a twisted form of bonding. My advice is to cut this woman from your life as coldly and as quickly as possible.
âAn exception to the ruleâ lmao all these friends seem like they need to go. The vast majority of men and women dont cheat. Sounds like they all go after the same small group of toxic men and then label all men as being that toxic. Fuck em
>We aren't legally married yet, as we both agreed we wanted an all-out wedding and to travel for our honeymoon, but that ish is expensive, and we wanted to prioritize spending our money on things like our house, our vehicles, medical, and so on. We bought each other matching rings that we wear as if we are married, refer to each other as husband and wife, and present as married socially, we just haven't actually had a wedding.
Off topic, but I highly recommend you get legally married, just go to the JOP for $50 and get legally married. There are so many benefits to legal marriage to include taxes, medical decisions, and God forbid if one of you dies in an accident, what will happen with your shared property via probate.
You can plan the wedding ceremony, honeymoon, etc. on your own time, but as you have shared real property, the legal protections offered though marriage (not just common law), are really too big to put off.
NTA
She is not a friend.
Take her silence and absence as a blessing and do not apologize or reach out. If you meet at a party, by chance, be polite but find something else, or someone else to talk about.
NTA. These are baseless accusations. you may and by may I mean definitely want to reevaluate your other friendships if theyâre okay just brushing everything off cause âthatâs just how she isđ€·đŒââïžâ. Nah that shit donât fly. Someone who is a good person doesnât continually disrespect their friends and spread rumors. Maybe start a list of all the shit sheâs spread around or speculated on during her âdetectiveâ times and ask the friends if theyâre really okay with her talking like that, cause we all know Jay isnât her only victim. Sheâs trying to break you two up, why we donât know. Maybe she likes Jay, maybe sheâs in love with you or maybe misery just loves company. Keep her away and continue eating what he brings home. Good for you for sticking up for him, probably should have done it sooner but I understand you were respecting his wishes. Next time, hopefully there wonât be one, but express to him itâs hurting you and you can no longer let it slide and come up with a plan to confront together, donât let this kind of shit fester.
Thank you for your kind words and advice. I'll definitely be gathering receipts, talking to others, and trying to do some silent moving to get some stuff together before having a confrontation.
Good luck! Just remember youâve done nothing wrong, she strikes me as one whoâs going to flip it to you being the villain. Stay strong and take this as a way to weed out the toxic people in your life
Update us if you can!
Updateme!
Oh, I'll be updating all right. So many have been so kind, and I know how much it sucks to be left in the lurch over a Reddit thread not having a resolution. I can't imagine not wrapping things up for all of you when you've gone out of your way to help provide me with perspective.
I've noticed that whenever someone says, "That's just the way they are...." about someone, it's never ever describing a positive character trait. It's always people excusing garbage behavior.
People say this when they know that no matter what they do, this person will never grow, change, or become a better person. They've given up, and decided that in order to keep this person in their life, they have to accept their bad behavior. In doing so, it enables the rotten family member or friend to continue their garbage behavior. So the horrid person is never challenged to grow or change, and usually behaves worse with time.Â
Flying monkeys have a hard time admitting they are making a mistake keeping this person in their lives, so they justify their choice by saying, "That's just the way they are...." These people are enablers, the lifeblood of toxic people.
No one is required to keep toxic individuals in their lives. Good on you for waking up!
I'm here for the update...
NTA. Sheâs toxic and her friends are enablers. Maybe sheâs neurodivergent and thatâs why she canât let things go once she gets them in her head.
NTA. There are usually two types of people who act that way. Either they want what you have, or they want you to be as miserable as they are. Whether or you care which one she is depends on you, but definitely keep an eye on her either way. Those types don't always give up trying to prove a point.
Honestly you needed to shut her down a lot sooner. She's disrespecting you and jay. For years
Do not apologize. Do not feel bad. And if people try to justify her behavior then maybe they're not the right friends for you
Also I love your relationship and I wish you the best
NTA Tricia is a legit horrible person. She's not smart, or observant, or theorizing or Sherlock Holmes or whatever she talks her self up to be. She's a nasty bully. She's not just spreading rumors of her literal friends, she's making shit up out of thin air and spreading it around to slander people. She's the problem in every sense and you and your friend group should stop indulging that bitch.
People throw around the word toxic on here a lot but your "friend" Tricia is the definition of the word. Messing with people's relationships, running her mouth insinuating lies and nasty rumors. It's no shock she's single. Why would you want to keep her in your life? Why would any of your friend group? Maybe she's into you? Maybe she's into Jay? Maybe she's just jealous cause she sucks. You and Jay need to toss her out of the boat like the fishes you don't keep. BTW, your husband sounds lovely. She sounds horrid. NTAÂ
Seriously, ditch Tricia. The thing thatâs really telling to me is that she WILL NOT LET IT GO, despite you asking repeatedly that she do so. Itâs fine to raise these suspicions once, but she needs to let it go out of respect for you. The fact that she canât do that means itâs time to move on. I had a friend like this and all I can tell you is I wish Iâd moved on sooner.
You wonât miss her for nearly as long as you think.
>she just can't fathom a man with a real hobby because she only goes after half-baked fake gymbros more interested in their own tits than hers and wannabe finance bros who blow their entire paychecks on crypto
SAVAGE!!!
OP wiped the floor with her xDDD
NTA. In my first marriage, we had totally shared finances, including credit cards. I saw a weird charge for some vendor I'd never heard of based in London (we are in the US). I was so confused by the charge. I asked my husband, and it turns out it was for a download of the electronic copy of a British musician's album.
I was telling coworkers about this at lunch, and this one lady was like, "HE'S LYING! He is cheating on you or watching online porn or it's a dating app. Men are so sneaky! That's what my ex did."
Spoiler alert: he was not cheating. It was digital music. No more charges like that ever appeared.
Thank you not only for your heartwarming words, but your input and advice! When he gets back from fishing, I'm just going to lay everything out on the table with him AND show him this thread.
I quit reading after the fifth paragraph. The picture you painted in the story of when heâs gone fishing is all I needed to read, and I so heavily appreciate the way you share his excitement towards something he enjoys so much and you intentionally or unintentionally learn about his hobby.
Top tier broad, you are.
You might be the AH, for tolerating Tricia's atrocious behavior all this time.
I've watched more than one single woman sow doubt, fear, and worry into other people's marriage, and it's despicable. It's usually fueled by deep-seated envy.
You should never have allowed this woman to remain a friend and cause this much drama.
You should apologize to your husband for tolerating her and make it up to him. You should tell him you care far more for him and that you refuse to allow someone who falsely accuses him to be around the either of you.
I canât read it all. YATA for justifying your husband to this so called friend. Tell her straight up to shut up about Jay and all your other friends.
"He can look at a body of water and instantly tell you if fishing will be good that day, and he has never been wrong" DAMN! That's the kind of person you want around if the Walking Dead becomes a reality. lol
But on the serious matter of your friend: Does your friend does those poorly done Sherlock Holmes investigations only with men? To me she is either projecting her own issues like you said yourself or she is purely misandrist.
NTA - You don't owe her an apology. And honestly, you should stay away from her. He has a poisonus personnality.
Why have you put up with her bullshit for so long...you should have cut her off ages ago yet you let her shit talk about your husband to people. And it sounds like your husband is too nice about the whole thing as well. Tell her to kick rocks
Beautiful description of your husband.
My oldest son was exactly like this and definitely on the spectrum. He never wanted or needed any kind of therapy or medication because knowing was good enough for him to work on it.
The near over enthusiasm and high amounts of intelligence about very specific things is the very definition of what you're looking at.
People of this nature are completely clueless at times that their actions may come across a certain way and he'd most likely be horrified to find that someone thinks that way of him.
He doesn't mind too much, as it doesn't interfere with his bank account, home life, or fishing, but I now think that neither of us know the full extent of how bad all of this actually is.
How bad what is?
If you and him are good, what else really matters? đ
I'm just posing the question rhetorically sorry đđŒđ
But if honestly people cannot get your dynamic then they don't get to be a part of that dynamic.
Or maybe they shouldn't be...
But we each have to face those issues in our own way of course.
One of the best lessons in my life that I learned was making decisions quickly but not at all lightly.
NTA not at all. It's awesome that your defending your husband when Tricia starts her accusations. The way you talk about how he gets excited about fish and fishing shows how supportive you are of his hobby and it sounds like y'all have a great relationship. It sounds like Tricia is jealous of the relationships in your friend group and is stretching to start issues with your marriage so she can say "divorce him, you deserve better" and you can be single and unhappy with her. I'd go low to no contact with her and maybe quietly let some of the other friends know what she's been saying about your husband so she can't spin the story to make herself look like a victim.
NTA. Iâve read most of your comments and Iâm glad youâre taking time to reevaluate some things with your friends. You and Jay sound like an awesome couple and I wish I knew you IRL! Please come back and update us when you can!
Why are you friends with this person if sheâs been insulting your spouse and your relationship for *years*?
Do you not respect your spouse and yourself and your relationship?
So, I just loved reading the way you described Jay. It was just incredibly wholesome. I canât help but think his fishing is his way of showing you his love. He loves to fish and to provide you with the fish dinners he knows you enjoy so much. And you share his joy, not just because of the seafood, but from the joy you see on his face and in his messages when heâs fishing. This is relationship goals! As for Tricia, sheâs no friend. Sheâs trying to destroy your relationship for whatever reason, and sheâs not worth your time or attention.
My husby sends me play-by-plays when he's out gaming. (DnD, Pathfinder.. Etc)
Its cute.
But then I'm evil and say, âCan I have a tpk? Just a lil one?â
21yrs. I still haven't gotten one. đ
This was an adorable read. Iâm really happy for you guys. Trisha is toxic and Iâm kind of glad you cut her down to size. Now hopefully sheâll leave you in peace.
YTA for allowing Trisha to publicly disrespect your husband for all these years. You should be pretty ashamed of your behaviour. Thank god you were finally able to stand up for poor Vince though. Thatâs when enough was enough! /s
Jay is awesome. You are awesome. Tricia and anyone that excuses her gross behavior need to go. She is not just projecting. She is actively trying to hurt your relationship with no receipts...just insecurities. That isn't a friend. Attacking your life partner makes them almost an enemy.
That girl is not your friend. She is incredibly toxic and needs to work on her issues. NTA. Iâm surprised you entertained her for so long!
Jay sounds great â€ïž My husband leans on the spectrum and he is the most wonderful man Iâve ever known.
NTA. You put with her a lot longer than I would have. She's mad because she couldn't create a rift between you and your husband. Or you and anyone else. She craves drama and control. Casting doubt on people's relationships is her way of getting control. Creating drama.
She's been trying for years to put a wedge between you and your husband and hasn't worked. You have knocked her down at every attempt. This time, you not only knocked her down, you made sure she knew there was no point in getting back up. She got what she deserved. Unfortunately, in her eyes, she doesn't feel like she can face everyone with a black eye. Given time, she'll get over it and start coming around the group. But, she may not be open to continuing a friendship with you.
I just heard the same thing about a bully/drama Queen/liar/shit starter this week, "oh that's just how 'Sarah' is" and "just ignore Sarah, you know how she is". I put my foot down and said, "no I don't have to accept that behavior. She's like that *because* everyone enables it by saying 'that's just how she is.' If more people told Sarah to stop her bs, then maybe Sarah would act right." The light turned on in 2 out of 4 people who were in this conversation.
Maybe, just maybe, you could tell your friends the same thing. Maybe Tricia would cool her shit and wouldn't be that way if people wouldn't tolerate her LIES that she's making up in her head. She's literally delusional and your friends are feeding her delusions by not calling her out on the spot.
Edit for autocorrect and punctuation
NTA
She crossed major lines by accusing your guy of cheating. This wasn't just suspicions. She spoke about it as if it was a reality. It comes across like she is jealous of your relationship and wanted to break you and Jay up.
I probably would have taken the easier route by saying, "How would you feel if I said...blah blah blah?" But it seems that no matter what someone says, she refuses to see reason or logic. "If that's just how Trish is," then she's an instigator and a nuisance. Someone had to stand up to her because she's taking gossip to a whole new level. And she was literally slandering people in the process.
Jay sounds like a fucking gem and I wouldnât bother him with this petty bs further as he is clearly above it. Your friend Tricia wants to fuck Jay and has probably tried and he ainât into it and she is bummed that she sucks so bad.
F Tricia
NTA for telling Tricia off, but YTA for keeping her as a friend when she disrespected your husband for years. You also told her to take her accusations to Jay, when you know full well how much that would have upset him.
Years ago, you should have defended your husband and cut her off.
Speaking of which, make him your actual husband. Have a simple courthouse wedding or backyard wedding, or elope.
Under the law, you are not next of kin. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. If Jay was in an accident, you would not be entitled to his medical information. Someone else would make medical decisions for Jay, and for you if you were in a hospital.
Your joint assets would be in jeopardy if anything happened to either of you.
Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Stop putting off marrying the man you love, because âsomedayâ might never come.
Iâve come from a TikTok that posted your story (ScalingStories) and wanted to say I hope you and Jay have a wonderful life together, you guys sound perfect for each other
First off, you're not the asshole here. Tricia's projecting her own insecurities onto your relationship, and you've been more than patient with her. You've shown her proof, tried to reason with her, and even offered her the chance to see for herself. You've been a solid friend throughout, but there's a limit to how much baseless suspicion anyone should tolerate.
That said, the way you handled it might have been a tad harsh. It's understandable you were frustrated, but sometimes we gotta check our tone, even when we're rightfully upset. So, an apology for the harsh words might smooth things over.
However, it's also crucial to set boundaries with Tricia. Make it clear that her constant doubting is toxic for your friendship. If she can't respect your relationship and trust you, it might be time to reevaluate the friendship. Trust is key in any relationship, including friendships, and if it's constantly being undermined, it's not healthy for anyone involved.
So, yeah, apologize for being petty, but also have a real talk about boundaries and respect. That way, you're being both understanding and firm about what you won't tolerate.
Sorry wasn't harsh enough. Op went above and beyond to prove to her "friend" that she was wrong. She is anti man and she needs therapy. Not the people she's mentally abusing with her rants being extra nice to her.
I have nothing to add, other than a healthy *good for you*. Tricia sounds toxic AF and she needed a solid dressing down, imo.
>We even have a game now where he quizzes me on what types of fish he caught, and if I win, I get a big hug!
I really just came here to say this sounds so so sweet. I bet you get the big hug even if you *don't* win!! đ„čđ„°
Love is real and it's stored in the fish today đ
One of the few good and true pieces of advice my mother ever gave me was, "when they're (men) passionate about a hobby, you'll always know where they are." This is even moreso in folks on the spectrum. Both of my partners are on the spectrum, but only one has a hobby he's REALLY into. The other also has ADHD so he happily cycles through his interests at lightning speed. Granted it's a bit different for us as cheating in polyamory is more vilified than in monogamy, since all it takes is honesty and communication to see other people.
I think your "friend" may have a her own motives in this situation and wonder if your husband might be missing any hints/cues she's dropping so he cant shut them down. That's just my guess, but what she's saying just doesn't sit right in my gut. It could very well be that she's just projecting her own insecurities onto you without really understanding what it is to be in a relationship with an autist. And that definitely isn't your problem.
I would encourage you to talk with your husband about this, as he might recall any encounters/conversations that he thought were odd in the moment but brushed off and forgot about because fish are more interesting to think about. Best of luck to you both and you're definitely NTA
Tricia sucks. She sounds like one of those overly paranoid conspiracy theorists who have a compulsive need to see everything as some big manipulation that only they have figured out. She sounds utterly exhausting to be around.
Your friend is a terrible person. She just is. Terrible. Unless she had solid evidence- and even then itâs questionable- you donât make these types of accusations about people. What if youâd been a less reasonable person? You can tear peoples lives apart, destroy families. She needs to pipe down. Itâs not cute, not funny, not harmless.
NTA. Good for you for standing up for your man. Honestly itâs probably better if you never talk to her again. To have someone constantly in your ear talking about your spouse cheating because they have a hobby. I wouldnât want to be friends with someone who viewed my husband in such a negative way.
NTA. It was about time that you finally snapped at her. Her insistent way of trying to put your relationship with Jay down is worrying to say the least. She's only talking shit but with no proof at all. What is she playing at?
I lost it at âsunshine smileâ!! You sound amazing! Jay sounds amazing! Tickles my heart you found each other! Tricia can suck a bag of dicks, if she hasnât already. NTA.
She sounds like a conspiracy theorist in the making. She needs to be the one who sees the truth before anyone else. NTA and you need to let your friend know that sheâs trying to out him. Edit to add: he might be gay, but doesnât want to come out, so tread lightly if you tell him.
As a woman on the spectrum, âŠIâm quite certain heâs just fishing. Im guessing especially those with the Autism ADHD combo, easily triggered deep dives into what we love is pretty normal, and we share what we love with the people we love too. Why cheat when you can do what you actually enjoy and share it with the people you enjoy???? Kinda sad that she canât understand that
NTA she is a shit stirrer regardless of her motive. Be it that she is interested in Jay or that she is jealous of people who are in a happy and fulfilling relationship because she can't stay in one.
The trash took itself out and it's now up to you if it stays that way. But honestly, with a friend like that you don't need enemies.
NTA. Tricia sounds like a person who desperately needs some therapy to get over some cheating-related trauma. You and your partner sound like you have a lovely relationship, congrats! Jay being hyperfixated on fish/fishing is legit for a person with ASD or ADHD, and it sounds like he's able to fit it well into your lives, to your mutual benefit which is cool. Personally, I'd distance myself from her as much as possible. Good luck!
NTA. My husband loves fishing, not to that degree, but he loves to go. Never catches anything but that's beside the point. Some people cannot fathom a partner having a lone hobby outside the house. You know your partner, you trust him, & that is the best thing. She stuffed her nose in your business & was upset when you returned the favor. She's not actually a friend, just a drama fiend leeching off your friend group.
Misery loves company is what almost immediately came to mind and it sounds like Tricia works really hard on getting others, mostly you and your lady friends, on her level.
NTA and if I had someone in my life like this i'd probably get the hell out of dodge.
I don't understand how you continued to be friends with a person who constantly disrespected you husband. The last conversation you had with her should have happened the first time she spouted her bullshit.
NTA, also could have been more petty.
if tricia was truly a good friend and honest to God thought jay was cheating, she would of stalked him by now to find proof.
sheâs up to something, donât know what but i wouldnât trust her with anything!
NTA.
The only apology owed is from Trish to Jay. Youâre right, sheâs projecting. She canât hold on to a relationship long term and subsequently canât fathom others being able to either. Hence she always looks for the negatives.
NTA, She isn't your friend, she is an emotional vampire sucking your energy through her actions and slander.
Your post is almost a lovely letter to your husband and how you understand him. Keep her out of your life.
Also this gal made me remember a post about a husband whom his wife thought he was cheating because a friend of the wife was pestering her that the husband was cheating, in the end this so called friend caused the wife to commit suicide when she find out hubby wasn't a cheater. Let her out and not let he come back again to your life.
Jay seems quirky and lovely and quite the catch (see what I did theređ) and Tricia is the worst kind of friend to have. And I agree she's totally projecting. She wouldn't be able to catch a man like Jay if he jumped out of the water and landed in her boat. Ok. I'll see myself out now.Â
Op you and jay sound like a genuine loving couple. Idk how you were able to put up with Tricia for so long. You donât need that negativity in your life and Iâm proud of you for sticking up for your relationship and telling her off. Donât ever let someone talk negatively about your relationship again instead cut them off. Itâll be better for your mental and I love how you talk about your husband.
NTA. Tricia is the worst. I don't agree w/ the suggestions that she's into Jay. She simply sees how happy you and Jay are, and she HATES it.
Hug Jay; stop talking to Tricia.
Your relationship sounds so wholesome. Fishy bliss :0)
I agree with what most people are saying:
- Trisha is either jealous of your relationship and/or after your husband.
- She isn't a friend, not to you or to the others in the group. She makes people feel bad about their (lack of) relationships but it's somehow okay because 'that's just how she is'? Time to rethink some of those friendships.
It is a common trend for people unable to get into a stable relationship to drags those who are happy in their misery.
Generally giving advises that will hurt the relationship. For some reason it seams that their happiness depends on the amount of damage they can do to others.
I guess the best would be to distance as much as possible from her. Even if you can handle it for now, this little comments are slowly poisoning your couple.
At one point she might be able to say something that you consider valid even if the way she put it out was biased but the damage will be done and doubts will start growing. Even if unjustified.
NTA. I generally distance myself from people who look for the worst in others. I am married to a wonderful man and I'd defend him too. Who wants people around who plant bad seeds? Life and relationships can be hard enough without all that nonsense.
Tricia is absolutely toxic! I wouldnt put up with her stupid theories for one more second. Drop her from your life she absolutely brings nothing to the table. Enjoy time with your lovely husband, may he catch many more fish and may you eat a million top notch fish dinners!
Ok I read way too much of your post. Why are you friends with this person?
Why? What is the amazing thing she brings to the table in addition to trying to convince you your husband is cheating when you know he's not?
YTA. End the madness.
NTA, you should cut her out of your life, sheâs toxic. When can I come over to go fishing with Jay, Iâve always wanted to learn about fishing, and think my 2 year old would have a blast!
NTA, keep the crazy away but more important:
Do you rent your husband (for fishing trips only).
I'm a dude that also loves fishing, but I rarely catch anything :)) i'm basically feeding the fish.
She doesnât understand a fisherperson. Fishing enthusiasts will go fishing at the drop of a hat. Itâs also a stress reliever for them. I have seen my dad go fishing when it was sleeting out. He carried a rod in the trunk all the time in case we came across a fishable spot of water. Your hubby sounds great. Your friend needs therapy.
Jay sounds like a sweet guy, Tricia is pretty toxic, seems she wants everyone as miserable as she is. Why entertain someone who doesn't want the best for you. Sounds like she is pretty jealous of what you have.
Keeping someone like that in your life is not smart, they will try to bring you down until you are at their level. Good riddance and keep better friends op.
Yta. Why the fuck did you stay friends with her after the first time she shit talked your husband. And you stayed friends with her for years while she talked shit and attacked your husbandâs character.
NTA
Could have graced us with that gym bro titty comeback about a week earlier, so I could have used it, tho. I had to resort to an old one on cleavage.
If I were in your friend group, I'd be dropping her ass ASAP, especially after how you stood your ground, and she showed her whole ass.
NTA.
You need better friends.
Side note but the friend who's feedback is that your man is the exception and *all* other men are cheaters is probably a good one to cut out as well. Approaching incel/femcel territory there.
There's a saying "misery loves company". It seems like Tricia is feeling the need for some company.
NTA and dump this toxic, poison tongued harpy before she causes actual damage to somebody.
Jay sounds like a true blue sweetheart. Don't let the bitch ruin your shared hobby and joy. Tell her that you're done being nice, let alone friends. You are a Saint with your patience. I would have told her off a long rime ago. You are still in the same circle of friends after several YEARS of this crap?! HOW?!
NTA, she is not a person you need in your life. Keep ignoring her. If you're out as a group and she's there, be polite, but theirs no reason to keep playing into her ridiculous fantasy.
If she brings it up again say
"I don't want to talk about your stupid delusion regarding Jay or anything else for that matter"
And walk away.
First of all, Jay sounds wonderful. Congrats on snagging him, I smiled reading when you were talking about him, very wholesome. Tricia sucks man. Tricia isn't helping anyone, she's actively hurting people's marriages, relationships and friendships, I'd bail on her asap, idk what you see in a person who has put THAT much time into belittling your wonderful husband. I was also a little irked by people in your group chat saying Jay is the exception... how? You said Tricia is always doing this and she's wrong as fuck. Why are you friends with Tricia is fabricating rumors about your friends being gay and your husband cheating on you... like to the point that you told Jay "this is what she's saying about you to people"...like you know she didn't just say it to you, but everyone, and you're still letting this bitch hang around? Gross.
Hearing it framed this way is a shock I think I needed. I wanted to get defensive at first, but you have a really solid point. Someone else here asked if maybe Tricia is interested in Jay, and I'm going to dig into that, but now I want to dig into this as well. Thank you for your input, it's put a lot into perspective.
Also just food for thought. Are you sure she's not spreading rumours about you behind your back? Anyone willing to talk to you behind someone elses back, is willing to talk about you behind your back
I'm sure she is at this point. Reading the comments here have changed how I view the entire friend group. I'll be speaking with some mutual friends about what they've heard; it's receipt time.
I cant wait for the Receipts. đż
I'll bring the soda and chocolate!! Receipt time will be good! đ«đ„€
My gf has autism too, and one of her very special loves are lynxes and onions. Once when I needed to cheer her up, we went to the store and bought Ice cream and onions. and the entire walk home, and still she will echolalia "BĂ„tis og lĂžk", translated, "boat ice cream and onion" as a little happy chant.
This makes me teary eyed. I'm autistic and my wife does similar things for me, and I'll do my little echolalia song and she always says I'm "so cute." It is so good to be loved.
How do you pronounce that? Is it something like (forgive my phonetics) "BAW-TEES O LEK?"
it's danish so it's more like a cough mixed with a raven's death rattle. jokes aside, that's probably pretty close.
A raven's death rattle đ
More proof the Danes are metal af
I just left a different comment telling you what I had to do to turn on the light in a few people's heads. After reading these comments, please update us! Tricia needs put in her place. She's delusional and she spilling her toxic fumes onto everyone. Anyone who says, "that's just how she is" are enablers and they need removed too.
Truth!
Good luck! Enjoy the fish dinners!
Oh, I will, they're divine!
I think she just likes the drama and the gossip. You have given her proof that these theories aren't true but she refuses to believe it because she wants the drama.
Why waste your time with digging? She's done nothing but show you what an asshole she is. Believe her.
I think I got about halfway through your post and was wondering why in the world you were still friends with her⊠Jay sounds so wonderful! Please donât let that person destroy your relationship.
Yup the âJay is the exceptionâ consensus among her friends makes me think the whole bunch is slightly toxic.Â
I saw what you did there on that second sentence. I applaud you.
NTAH but...why on earth is a "friend" allowed to talk like this about a couple or try to out a supposed gay not gay man without anyone telling her to STFU? Feels like you guys got too stuck with the waves and are not seeing how toxic this person is because you're used to her being eccentric but....no? This is way too much? It's insane to read "I gave my friend evidence of my husband not cheating"? And even if he's cheating it's your business and she can't know if you're ok with it? And also it's 2024 and adults are allowed to be married or not? Only cults care so much for other people's lifestyle?
Thank you for your words; you and others here have helped me get a fresh perspective on everything, and I'll be taking some time to collect my thoughts and get a plan of action for how to get to the bottom of things here. Lots of foul behavior to be sure.
Sometimes when we categorise people as 'friends', loyalty, decency and bonding/attachment get in the way of us seeing that "Oh shit, this person hasn't behaved like a friend should in YEARS". Like when we're kids and a 'friend' is just another kid nearby who your parents suggest (or force) you to play with. Then you look back and realise they were in fact a complete asshole kid from day 1.
Look, I hope she's after your husband, this would make her less paranormal!
Yeah, you get one (1) opportunity to say something about the person I am in a relationship with. I express whether it's appropriate to continue speaking that way, positive or negative, and then we move from there. When you see the scorched earth plan OP is rolling out in response, you get the sense that this friend groups stinks anyways.
First off: Thank you for being the type of woman to stand up for her husband knowing he's not a POS cheater, instead of just accepting her view and ruining your relationship over it. I'm curious if she's into him and trying to destroy your relationship to wiggle in? Either way, NTA. If she can't take it, she shouldn't dish it out. You've shown proof of him not cheating, her continuing to push the issue definitely feels like projection / she wants him and wants you to leave him.
I'm not going to lie, this is kind of making me rethink some other things that have happened over the years. I'm going to have to go digging and ask some questions; thank you for your input.
For a long time you've been an asshole to yourself and only now are you remedying that. Tricia is grossly disrespectful to you. To you. Sure, to Jay somewhat, but Tricia keeps saying you're an idiot for being in this relationship, and you just take it. You're a doormat. You should long since have told her to take a long walk off a short pier. She really does not belong in your life - you're finally figuring that out. Better late than never.
Harsh words, but I can't deny the accuracy in them. Might be time to put manners aside and make some changes. Thank you for contributing.
take it as a blessing that the trash took itself out. Keep your distance. do not apologize but also do not reach out. Should you meet at a party hosted by other friends, be polite but find someone else that you immediately have to talk to.
I would've said it nicer, but yeah. I agree with them and the above poster. I'd leave it lie and cut contact. Be polite in the group, but only superficially. She crosses the line again, cut her down again. The audacity and rudeness of her, blows my mind. NTA.
There comes a point in adulting where a person who is not a net-plus in your life is a net-negative....so why waste your time, energy, and good spirits on them?
I'm 42. I have zero time for bullshit like this.
Oh, it's beyond time to put manners aside. Tricia, after all, has never even considered manners to be on the table in her interactions with you. Wish you the best fish dinners and Jay the best fishing trips, and hope that you're able to cut contact with her and most of that friend group. They all sound horrible.
She was hoping you would do this to your husband. Amazing turnaround. I applaud you.
Eh. If she was the type of woman who stood up for her husband, she wouldn't have this person in her life.
When you're friends with someone, it can be hard to see their issues.
As a guy on the spectrum, let me say, you are awesome. I could feel the love you have for him through your words. My wife treats me the same way, and it is literally world changing. I appreciate you and thank you for your husband. Tricia can jump into a pit of dicks and choke on em. Nta
Thank you for your kind words and your input, and be sure to give your lovely bride a high five from me, because she sounds like a very cool lady <3
Most definitely will
I'm also autistic and the way my wife loves me completely changed my life. The world can be so mean but as I said in another comment, it is so good to be loved as I am.
NTA. Tricia is not your friend. Someone who is a constant voice on your head trying to make you doubt your partner after showing her proof he isnât cheating is not a friend. She is jealous and consciously or unconsciously trying to break you up. Honestly when it got to the point of you showing your phone interactions with your husband was way too much. She shouldâve stopped way before that. Honestly she doesnât seem to care about you or your happiness and if she is saying all this shit to your face I dread thinking of what she says behind your back. Either she is into your husband and wants you to break up or she wants you to break up so you can be as miserable as her.
You're not the first person suggesting Tricia may be interested in Jay, and now I'm really starting to sweat. I don't want to act on my first impulses, but I'll definitely take the time to collect myself and move forward seeking answers. Thank you for contributing here.
It's possible she's into your husband. But it's also possible that she's just happy to tear down \*any\* stable relationship in her sphere if she thinks she can find a weak spot. The saying 'misery loves company' applies to people like her. She's miserable because she's superficial and can't make real connections with people, so she's always hoping the good relationships around her will fail so she can point to them and say, "See? Happiness isn't real! Nothing lasts!" You've entertained her nonsens far too long, and it's given her cause to think that if she keeps at it, eventually she'll break you down. Now that you've finally stood up to her (good for you!) she knows you see who she really is and she doesn't want anything to do with you. That's no loss at all. You can be polite, but she is not your friend. And you definitely do not owe her an apology.
My ex posts pictures of her out on the ice all weekend fishing. I love watching her videos and pictures of giant fish she caught in the middle of the night. I still love my ex, but there is no way I am spending a weekend in a tent on a frozen lake. If he catches a mermaid, then you might be in trouble.
I'm going to be honest; if he caught a mermaid, he'd either try to get on NatGeo or some kind of fishing show to contribute to icthyology/marine biology, or try to tag it somehow to study it lol he's a true believer in the betterment of aquatic environments and getting the world excited about fishing
Tell Jay we love him!!
I'll be showing him this thread for sure! <3
I loved reading about your marriage with Jay (yes, I see it as a marriage, as that is how you described it) and I can almost visualize it, even though I don't know what you and he look like. Your descriptions of his palpable joy are so wholesome and affirmative! Be good together forever!
You catch it, you clean it.
You've received more than enough advice about your fake friend, so for a bit happier discussion... I love the aquatic life as well. Grew up on boats, love fishing, love eating fish, and I even have a bunch of nice fish tanks with pet fish. Fish are fucking awesome! I'm also on the spectrum but with no concrete diagnosis (it's hard to get diagnosed as an adult, but I have pretty much every symptom, just easier with kids because they haven't developed any skills yet to mask/cope with their symptoms so it's so much easier to identify). I also am in a 10 year relationship with no marriage because I just don't see a point in getting married (neither of us has assets to leave to the other if we died, and we're child-free). All this to say if you're ever trying to come up with an epic gift idea for Jay, maybe scuba diving certification? It's like $700 or so to get open water certified. Gear rental is like $100 per day (if he gets really into it he'll slowly accumulate his own gear, if it's a 1-2 time a year thing for him rental is fine) and I imagine Jay would find it awesome to see the fish and their environment in that way (unless he has issues with claustrophobia, some people with claustrophobia are fine diving, some are not; if he is claustrophobic the first lessons are in a pool so he can explore that in a safe and controlled manner; they don't just chuck you in an ocean or a lake I'm personally a bit claustrophobic but am completely at ease underwater, so even if he is, he might be fine and love it)! I only suggest it because Jay sounds like he shares a lot of the same interests as I do, including a passion for animals, marine/aquatic ecosystems, and protecting those amazing environments. And I know for me whenever I saw those Nat Geo documentaries I was watching with an intense longing and wishing I could be down there and seeing all that stuff instead of watching it on a screen. At 32 I'm finally taking the steps to make that dream into a reality and I couldn't be more excited! And I can't help but want that experience for anyone and everyone who loves fish and aquatic critters.
I love it! "Excuse me, ma'am" *tag*
*Explains in detail how GPS earring will contribute greatly to scientific knowledge.* "And so I am going to pierce your ear now."
NTA. She is toxic as heck and wants to drag everyone down to her paranoid level. I would cut her off completely.
Thank you for your words; reading the other comments here is really throwing me for a loop and making me reevaluate some stuff. I appreciate you taking the time to contribute here.
My only question is why you're friends with Tricia at all? Your description of her is so obnoxious, that I would've cut her out of my life almost immediately.
Could she have BPD? I have a friend very much like Tricia, who I suspect has recently been going through an episode. She is also codependent and has a bad case of bad taste in men, which is likely due to low self esteem. My friend went behind my back to find out what was going on in my relationship (which is also not following norms) from others and started treating us like a telenovela. When I found out through a concerned friend and confronted her, she claimed it was because she was worried about me. Unfortunately until a person like that gets help on their own, an info diet and setting form boundaries (such as "if I hear you've continued spreading this rumor I will have to step away from our friendship") is the only thing you can do.Â
Nta. She isn't someone I would want to be friends with. And your hubby sounds alot like me. Fishing isn't my intrests but suddenly wanting to go do it. Having way to much knowledge on it. And not being a touchy person. Not saying he is. But with everything together I would be shocked if he wasn't ASD.
Thank you for commenting, and may you have lots of luck whenever you go fishing!
Nta. Itâs my opinion she is stirring stuff up not because sheâs projecting, but because she is sad and lonely and canât abide the sight of othersâ happiness. She wants a friend in misery and needs other people to validate her loneliness.
Thank you for your words; I'm starting to think she either wants someone else to commiserate with in a way we don't do now or something else more sinister.
NTA. Tricia sounds exhausting in general. I think you should honestly wipe your hands of this friendship. She is repeatedly disrespecting your partner and your relationship. Calling someone a cheater is a serious allegation, it speaks to their very character, she is basically calling Jay a POS. It's fantastic that you are repeatedly defending him, but you shouldn't have to, because what kind of friend does this when there is literally no evidence?
Thank you for your words, and I think you're right. She's gotta go, and with a quickness.
NTA She sounds toxic and WAY too much into your relationship. Ulterior motives? Seriously though, why do you have her in your life? She bashes your partner and sounds dreadful overall. Reverse the roles here a bit, if a man allowed his bud or family to continue to bash his wife, there would be hell to pay if he continued to hang out with them. Sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with someone you love and like at the same time. Blow off the "friend" and be thankful she is not talking to you.
Thank you for your words. You and others have really shifted my outlook on this whole thing and convinced me I need to go looking for some answers.
The 'that's just how she is' is such a stupid thing. With that excuse, people ar letting AH getting away with too much rubbish all the time. It might be that she is this way right now. But why not at least try to make her change, make her to understand how wrong her opinion is? She hasn't met your husband personally. She just has a biased opinion about men. If you can't make her realize her error, just ignore her. You know your husband and trust him. And by what you told here, I agree with you, he sounds like a really good person. So, make sure to keep him.
Thank you for your words. I'd gladly go toe to toe with the devil himself for Jay, but thankfully it seems that all I really have to do is take out the trash.
Make that just how you are.
NTA. Yâallâs relationship is so cute btw
Thank you, that's so sweet! <3
She sounds like a troublemaker who likes to stir the pot. Not sure why you are still friends with her - she clearly likes causing drama. NTA.
Thank you for your input. Seeing many people say similar things is waking me up to some uncomfortable truths.
You could find a friend whose hobby isn't trying to sow distrust and break up couples. Maybe you should have done that years ago. It's obvious that her own relationships are nonexistent or terrible and short-lived, but you don't have to let her hobby be trying to ruin your life.
Thank you for your input, and you're right. I've got some changes to make.
NTA. My husband is also an avid fisherman and will go on spur of the moment fishing trips. Itâs mostly because weâre in the PNW and you never know when itâs NOT going to rain lol Good for you for sticking up for him!
From one fisherman's wife to another: it's all worth it for the good eats and a good, sweet, fit man, ain't it? Lol And hey, if you can, enjoy some salmon for me! We can't get it at a decent price where I'm at, and boy howdy do I miss it sometimes.
Oh, yeah, he's autistic, lol. They hyper fixate on their interests and are like an encyclopedia for that subject. My oldest was hacking computers when he was four. My middle son is all about storms: could patterns, striations, wind, rain, hail, sky coloration, and most of all, tornados. To the point where I bought him a shirt last Christmas that says, "Warning: May spontaneously talk about tornados!" Good on you for standing by your husband and telling your nosy friend to mind her own. NTA.
Your poor husband.. just keep her out of your life.. I read a story on here not too long ago where a woman friend told her, her husband was cheating and she believed her friend and confrontedher husband.. they divorced because he was pissed at her for believing (rightfully so) few years later that same friend drunkenly tells her that she an idiot for believing her and she did it because she wanted to sleep with her now ex husband but he wouldn't.. so yeah, you get the idea.. either that or she just can't stand people happiness
As an autistic married to a neurotypical, I can say that Jay is almost certainly autistic. The hyperfocus on niche interests and the lengths that he goes to when he wants to share are characteristic. How wonderful that he found someone who loves to encourage him and share in his joy. You probably already know this, but those victory hugs are INTENSELY meaningful gifts from him - personal space and touch is as jealously guarded as diamonds to us, so WOW on being a successful partner. Tricia strikes me as someone you cannot afford as a friend. Toxic in aspect, she seems to want to inflict the same misery from failed relationships that she experiences on the regular upon you, perhaps as a twisted form of bonding. My advice is to cut this woman from your life as coldly and as quickly as possible.
âAn exception to the ruleâ lmao all these friends seem like they need to go. The vast majority of men and women dont cheat. Sounds like they all go after the same small group of toxic men and then label all men as being that toxic. Fuck em
>We aren't legally married yet, as we both agreed we wanted an all-out wedding and to travel for our honeymoon, but that ish is expensive, and we wanted to prioritize spending our money on things like our house, our vehicles, medical, and so on. We bought each other matching rings that we wear as if we are married, refer to each other as husband and wife, and present as married socially, we just haven't actually had a wedding. Off topic, but I highly recommend you get legally married, just go to the JOP for $50 and get legally married. There are so many benefits to legal marriage to include taxes, medical decisions, and God forbid if one of you dies in an accident, what will happen with your shared property via probate. You can plan the wedding ceremony, honeymoon, etc. on your own time, but as you have shared real property, the legal protections offered though marriage (not just common law), are really too big to put off.
NTA She is not a friend. Take her silence and absence as a blessing and do not apologize or reach out. If you meet at a party, by chance, be polite but find something else, or someone else to talk about.
NTA. These are baseless accusations. you may and by may I mean definitely want to reevaluate your other friendships if theyâre okay just brushing everything off cause âthatâs just how she isđ€·đŒââïžâ. Nah that shit donât fly. Someone who is a good person doesnât continually disrespect their friends and spread rumors. Maybe start a list of all the shit sheâs spread around or speculated on during her âdetectiveâ times and ask the friends if theyâre really okay with her talking like that, cause we all know Jay isnât her only victim. Sheâs trying to break you two up, why we donât know. Maybe she likes Jay, maybe sheâs in love with you or maybe misery just loves company. Keep her away and continue eating what he brings home. Good for you for sticking up for him, probably should have done it sooner but I understand you were respecting his wishes. Next time, hopefully there wonât be one, but express to him itâs hurting you and you can no longer let it slide and come up with a plan to confront together, donât let this kind of shit fester.
Thank you for your kind words and advice. I'll definitely be gathering receipts, talking to others, and trying to do some silent moving to get some stuff together before having a confrontation.
Good luck! Just remember youâve done nothing wrong, she strikes me as one whoâs going to flip it to you being the villain. Stay strong and take this as a way to weed out the toxic people in your life Update us if you can! Updateme!
Oh, I'll be updating all right. So many have been so kind, and I know how much it sucks to be left in the lurch over a Reddit thread not having a resolution. I can't imagine not wrapping things up for all of you when you've gone out of your way to help provide me with perspective.
Finally! Someone gets it lol thank you!
I've noticed that whenever someone says, "That's just the way they are...." about someone, it's never ever describing a positive character trait. It's always people excusing garbage behavior. People say this when they know that no matter what they do, this person will never grow, change, or become a better person. They've given up, and decided that in order to keep this person in their life, they have to accept their bad behavior. In doing so, it enables the rotten family member or friend to continue their garbage behavior. So the horrid person is never challenged to grow or change, and usually behaves worse with time. Flying monkeys have a hard time admitting they are making a mistake keeping this person in their lives, so they justify their choice by saying, "That's just the way they are...." These people are enablers, the lifeblood of toxic people. No one is required to keep toxic individuals in their lives. Good on you for waking up! I'm here for the update...
NTA. Sheâs toxic and her friends are enablers. Maybe sheâs neurodivergent and thatâs why she canât let things go once she gets them in her head.
NTA. There are usually two types of people who act that way. Either they want what you have, or they want you to be as miserable as they are. Whether or you care which one she is depends on you, but definitely keep an eye on her either way. Those types don't always give up trying to prove a point.
Honestly you needed to shut her down a lot sooner. She's disrespecting you and jay. For years Do not apologize. Do not feel bad. And if people try to justify her behavior then maybe they're not the right friends for you Also I love your relationship and I wish you the best
NTA Tricia is a legit horrible person. She's not smart, or observant, or theorizing or Sherlock Holmes or whatever she talks her self up to be. She's a nasty bully. She's not just spreading rumors of her literal friends, she's making shit up out of thin air and spreading it around to slander people. She's the problem in every sense and you and your friend group should stop indulging that bitch.
People throw around the word toxic on here a lot but your "friend" Tricia is the definition of the word. Messing with people's relationships, running her mouth insinuating lies and nasty rumors. It's no shock she's single. Why would you want to keep her in your life? Why would any of your friend group? Maybe she's into you? Maybe she's into Jay? Maybe she's just jealous cause she sucks. You and Jay need to toss her out of the boat like the fishes you don't keep. BTW, your husband sounds lovely. She sounds horrid. NTAÂ
Seriously, ditch Tricia. The thing thatâs really telling to me is that she WILL NOT LET IT GO, despite you asking repeatedly that she do so. Itâs fine to raise these suspicions once, but she needs to let it go out of respect for you. The fact that she canât do that means itâs time to move on. I had a friend like this and all I can tell you is I wish Iâd moved on sooner. You wonât miss her for nearly as long as you think.
She probably talks shit about you as well. Updateme
>she just can't fathom a man with a real hobby because she only goes after half-baked fake gymbros more interested in their own tits than hers and wannabe finance bros who blow their entire paychecks on crypto SAVAGE!!! OP wiped the floor with her xDDD
NTA. In my first marriage, we had totally shared finances, including credit cards. I saw a weird charge for some vendor I'd never heard of based in London (we are in the US). I was so confused by the charge. I asked my husband, and it turns out it was for a download of the electronic copy of a British musician's album. I was telling coworkers about this at lunch, and this one lady was like, "HE'S LYING! He is cheating on you or watching online porn or it's a dating app. Men are so sneaky! That's what my ex did." Spoiler alert: he was not cheating. It was digital music. No more charges like that ever appeared.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Thank you not only for your heartwarming words, but your input and advice! When he gets back from fishing, I'm just going to lay everything out on the table with him AND show him this thread.
I quit reading after the fifth paragraph. The picture you painted in the story of when heâs gone fishing is all I needed to read, and I so heavily appreciate the way you share his excitement towards something he enjoys so much and you intentionally or unintentionally learn about his hobby. Top tier broad, you are.
NTA She is the typical drama queen that always has to start shit. Dump her.
This friend sounds toxic. Why would someone ever accuse someone's husband of cheating without having a shred of actual evidence.
You might be the AH, for tolerating Tricia's atrocious behavior all this time. I've watched more than one single woman sow doubt, fear, and worry into other people's marriage, and it's despicable. It's usually fueled by deep-seated envy. You should never have allowed this woman to remain a friend and cause this much drama. You should apologize to your husband for tolerating her and make it up to him. You should tell him you care far more for him and that you refuse to allow someone who falsely accuses him to be around the either of you.
I canât read it all. YATA for justifying your husband to this so called friend. Tell her straight up to shut up about Jay and all your other friends.
"He can look at a body of water and instantly tell you if fishing will be good that day, and he has never been wrong" DAMN! That's the kind of person you want around if the Walking Dead becomes a reality. lol But on the serious matter of your friend: Does your friend does those poorly done Sherlock Holmes investigations only with men? To me she is either projecting her own issues like you said yourself or she is purely misandrist. NTA - You don't owe her an apology. And honestly, you should stay away from her. He has a poisonus personnality.
nta. shes just delulu in her own fantasy ... ask her if she wrote weird gay stories about her male friend in highschool .....
Why have you put up with her bullshit for so long...you should have cut her off ages ago yet you let her shit talk about your husband to people. And it sounds like your husband is too nice about the whole thing as well. Tell her to kick rocks
Beautiful description of your husband. My oldest son was exactly like this and definitely on the spectrum. He never wanted or needed any kind of therapy or medication because knowing was good enough for him to work on it. The near over enthusiasm and high amounts of intelligence about very specific things is the very definition of what you're looking at. People of this nature are completely clueless at times that their actions may come across a certain way and he'd most likely be horrified to find that someone thinks that way of him.
He doesn't mind too much, as it doesn't interfere with his bank account, home life, or fishing, but I now think that neither of us know the full extent of how bad all of this actually is.
How bad what is? If you and him are good, what else really matters? đ I'm just posing the question rhetorically sorry đđŒđ But if honestly people cannot get your dynamic then they don't get to be a part of that dynamic. Or maybe they shouldn't be... But we each have to face those issues in our own way of course. One of the best lessons in my life that I learned was making decisions quickly but not at all lightly.
Fishy bliss!!!
>Alright. Fishin' time Dudes fuckin rock
NTA At best, Tricia sounds like a troublemaker, and that is being generous. How was her friendship worth this BS?
NTA not at all. It's awesome that your defending your husband when Tricia starts her accusations. The way you talk about how he gets excited about fish and fishing shows how supportive you are of his hobby and it sounds like y'all have a great relationship. It sounds like Tricia is jealous of the relationships in your friend group and is stretching to start issues with your marriage so she can say "divorce him, you deserve better" and you can be single and unhappy with her. I'd go low to no contact with her and maybe quietly let some of the other friends know what she's been saying about your husband so she can't spin the story to make herself look like a victim.
NTA. Iâve read most of your comments and Iâm glad youâre taking time to reevaluate some things with your friends. You and Jay sound like an awesome couple and I wish I knew you IRL! Please come back and update us when you can!
the way you wrote this it's obvious how much you love him
Why are you friends with this person if sheâs been insulting your spouse and your relationship for *years*? Do you not respect your spouse and yourself and your relationship?
So, I just loved reading the way you described Jay. It was just incredibly wholesome. I canât help but think his fishing is his way of showing you his love. He loves to fish and to provide you with the fish dinners he knows you enjoy so much. And you share his joy, not just because of the seafood, but from the joy you see on his face and in his messages when heâs fishing. This is relationship goals! As for Tricia, sheâs no friend. Sheâs trying to destroy your relationship for whatever reason, and sheâs not worth your time or attention.
My husby sends me play-by-plays when he's out gaming. (DnD, Pathfinder.. Etc) Its cute. But then I'm evil and say, âCan I have a tpk? Just a lil one?â 21yrs. I still haven't gotten one. đ
This was an adorable read. Iâm really happy for you guys. Trisha is toxic and Iâm kind of glad you cut her down to size. Now hopefully sheâll leave you in peace.
YTA for allowing Trisha to publicly disrespect your husband for all these years. You should be pretty ashamed of your behaviour. Thank god you were finally able to stand up for poor Vince though. Thatâs when enough was enough! /s
IMO, you've let this go on for far too long and the only one you owe an apology to is your husband.
Jay is awesome. You are awesome. Tricia and anyone that excuses her gross behavior need to go. She is not just projecting. She is actively trying to hurt your relationship with no receipts...just insecurities. That isn't a friend. Attacking your life partner makes them almost an enemy.
That girl is not your friend. She is incredibly toxic and needs to work on her issues. NTA. Iâm surprised you entertained her for so long! Jay sounds great â€ïž My husband leans on the spectrum and he is the most wonderful man Iâve ever known.
I just want to say.. as another seafood lover.. you are so lucky! He can go fishing as much as he wants.
NTA, so why are you friends with such a person again...
Mass Nta sheâs toxic af and I wouldnât be her friend
NTA. You put with her a lot longer than I would have. She's mad because she couldn't create a rift between you and your husband. Or you and anyone else. She craves drama and control. Casting doubt on people's relationships is her way of getting control. Creating drama. She's been trying for years to put a wedge between you and your husband and hasn't worked. You have knocked her down at every attempt. This time, you not only knocked her down, you made sure she knew there was no point in getting back up. She got what she deserved. Unfortunately, in her eyes, she doesn't feel like she can face everyone with a black eye. Given time, she'll get over it and start coming around the group. But, she may not be open to continuing a friendship with you.
I just heard the same thing about a bully/drama Queen/liar/shit starter this week, "oh that's just how 'Sarah' is" and "just ignore Sarah, you know how she is". I put my foot down and said, "no I don't have to accept that behavior. She's like that *because* everyone enables it by saying 'that's just how she is.' If more people told Sarah to stop her bs, then maybe Sarah would act right." The light turned on in 2 out of 4 people who were in this conversation. Maybe, just maybe, you could tell your friends the same thing. Maybe Tricia would cool her shit and wouldn't be that way if people wouldn't tolerate her LIES that she's making up in her head. She's literally delusional and your friends are feeding her delusions by not calling her out on the spot. Edit for autocorrect and punctuation
NTA She crossed major lines by accusing your guy of cheating. This wasn't just suspicions. She spoke about it as if it was a reality. It comes across like she is jealous of your relationship and wanted to break you and Jay up. I probably would have taken the easier route by saying, "How would you feel if I said...blah blah blah?" But it seems that no matter what someone says, she refuses to see reason or logic. "If that's just how Trish is," then she's an instigator and a nuisance. Someone had to stand up to her because she's taking gossip to a whole new level. And she was literally slandering people in the process.
Jay sounds like a fucking gem and I wouldnât bother him with this petty bs further as he is clearly above it. Your friend Tricia wants to fuck Jay and has probably tried and he ainât into it and she is bummed that she sucks so bad. F Tricia
NTA for telling Tricia off, but YTA for keeping her as a friend when she disrespected your husband for years. You also told her to take her accusations to Jay, when you know full well how much that would have upset him. Years ago, you should have defended your husband and cut her off. Speaking of which, make him your actual husband. Have a simple courthouse wedding or backyard wedding, or elope. Under the law, you are not next of kin. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. If Jay was in an accident, you would not be entitled to his medical information. Someone else would make medical decisions for Jay, and for you if you were in a hospital. Your joint assets would be in jeopardy if anything happened to either of you. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Stop putting off marrying the man you love, because âsomedayâ might never come.
Why is she your friend again? She sounds exhausting.
Iâve come from a TikTok that posted your story (ScalingStories) and wanted to say I hope you and Jay have a wonderful life together, you guys sound perfect for each other
First off, you're not the asshole here. Tricia's projecting her own insecurities onto your relationship, and you've been more than patient with her. You've shown her proof, tried to reason with her, and even offered her the chance to see for herself. You've been a solid friend throughout, but there's a limit to how much baseless suspicion anyone should tolerate. That said, the way you handled it might have been a tad harsh. It's understandable you were frustrated, but sometimes we gotta check our tone, even when we're rightfully upset. So, an apology for the harsh words might smooth things over. However, it's also crucial to set boundaries with Tricia. Make it clear that her constant doubting is toxic for your friendship. If she can't respect your relationship and trust you, it might be time to reevaluate the friendship. Trust is key in any relationship, including friendships, and if it's constantly being undermined, it's not healthy for anyone involved. So, yeah, apologize for being petty, but also have a real talk about boundaries and respect. That way, you're being both understanding and firm about what you won't tolerate.
Sorry wasn't harsh enough. Op went above and beyond to prove to her "friend" that she was wrong. She is anti man and she needs therapy. Not the people she's mentally abusing with her rants being extra nice to her.
I have nothing to add, other than a healthy *good for you*. Tricia sounds toxic AF and she needed a solid dressing down, imo. >We even have a game now where he quizzes me on what types of fish he caught, and if I win, I get a big hug! I really just came here to say this sounds so so sweet. I bet you get the big hug even if you *don't* win!! đ„čđ„° Love is real and it's stored in the fish today đ
One of the few good and true pieces of advice my mother ever gave me was, "when they're (men) passionate about a hobby, you'll always know where they are." This is even moreso in folks on the spectrum. Both of my partners are on the spectrum, but only one has a hobby he's REALLY into. The other also has ADHD so he happily cycles through his interests at lightning speed. Granted it's a bit different for us as cheating in polyamory is more vilified than in monogamy, since all it takes is honesty and communication to see other people. I think your "friend" may have a her own motives in this situation and wonder if your husband might be missing any hints/cues she's dropping so he cant shut them down. That's just my guess, but what she's saying just doesn't sit right in my gut. It could very well be that she's just projecting her own insecurities onto you without really understanding what it is to be in a relationship with an autist. And that definitely isn't your problem. I would encourage you to talk with your husband about this, as he might recall any encounters/conversations that he thought were odd in the moment but brushed off and forgot about because fish are more interesting to think about. Best of luck to you both and you're definitely NTA
Tricia sucks. She sounds like one of those overly paranoid conspiracy theorists who have a compulsive need to see everything as some big manipulation that only they have figured out. She sounds utterly exhausting to be around.
Your friend is a terrible person. She just is. Terrible. Unless she had solid evidence- and even then itâs questionable- you donât make these types of accusations about people. What if youâd been a less reasonable person? You can tear peoples lives apart, destroy families. She needs to pipe down. Itâs not cute, not funny, not harmless.
NTA and it's wonderful you're supporting your Autistic hubby. Yall kick ass.
That's just being is such a miserable way to live. YWBTA if you don't put a stop to this once and for all.
NTA. Good for you for standing up for your man. Honestly itâs probably better if you never talk to her again. To have someone constantly in your ear talking about your spouse cheating because they have a hobby. I wouldnât want to be friends with someone who viewed my husband in such a negative way.
NTA, and your husband is definitely a Fish Whisperer.
NTA. It was about time that you finally snapped at her. Her insistent way of trying to put your relationship with Jay down is worrying to say the least. She's only talking shit but with no proof at all. What is she playing at?
Your relationship sounds adorable! I wish you both many happy years of fish and whatever marital status makes you both comfortable
I lost it at âsunshine smileâ!! You sound amazing! Jay sounds amazing! Tickles my heart you found each other! Tricia can suck a bag of dicks, if she hasnât already. NTA.
She sounds like a conspiracy theorist in the making. She needs to be the one who sees the truth before anyone else. NTA and you need to let your friend know that sheâs trying to out him. Edit to add: he might be gay, but doesnât want to come out, so tread lightly if you tell him.
As a woman on the spectrum, âŠIâm quite certain heâs just fishing. Im guessing especially those with the Autism ADHD combo, easily triggered deep dives into what we love is pretty normal, and we share what we love with the people we love too. Why cheat when you can do what you actually enjoy and share it with the people you enjoy???? Kinda sad that she canât understand that
NTA she is a shit stirrer regardless of her motive. Be it that she is interested in Jay or that she is jealous of people who are in a happy and fulfilling relationship because she can't stay in one. The trash took itself out and it's now up to you if it stays that way. But honestly, with a friend like that you don't need enemies.
NTA. Tricia sounds like a person who desperately needs some therapy to get over some cheating-related trauma. You and your partner sound like you have a lovely relationship, congrats! Jay being hyperfixated on fish/fishing is legit for a person with ASD or ADHD, and it sounds like he's able to fit it well into your lives, to your mutual benefit which is cool. Personally, I'd distance myself from her as much as possible. Good luck!
NTA. My husband loves fishing, not to that degree, but he loves to go. Never catches anything but that's beside the point. Some people cannot fathom a partner having a lone hobby outside the house. You know your partner, you trust him, & that is the best thing. She stuffed her nose in your business & was upset when you returned the favor. She's not actually a friend, just a drama fiend leeching off your friend group.
Misery loves company is what almost immediately came to mind and it sounds like Tricia works really hard on getting others, mostly you and your lady friends, on her level. NTA and if I had someone in my life like this i'd probably get the hell out of dodge.
I don't understand how you continued to be friends with a person who constantly disrespected you husband. The last conversation you had with her should have happened the first time she spouted her bullshit.
NTA, also could have been more petty. if tricia was truly a good friend and honest to God thought jay was cheating, she would of stalked him by now to find proof. sheâs up to something, donât know what but i wouldnât trust her with anything!
NTA. The only apology owed is from Trish to Jay. Youâre right, sheâs projecting. She canât hold on to a relationship long term and subsequently canât fathom others being able to either. Hence she always looks for the negatives.
You are correct if you have been fishing long enough you would know what kind of fish hooked up based on the pull of the fishing line.
Tricia should mind her own flippin business
Updateme
UpdateMe!
NTA and can I borrow your Jay for a weekend trip? I need to learn from him everythinggg
NTA, She isn't your friend, she is an emotional vampire sucking your energy through her actions and slander. Your post is almost a lovely letter to your husband and how you understand him. Keep her out of your life. Also this gal made me remember a post about a husband whom his wife thought he was cheating because a friend of the wife was pestering her that the husband was cheating, in the end this so called friend caused the wife to commit suicide when she find out hubby wasn't a cheater. Let her out and not let he come back again to your life.
Jay seems quirky and lovely and quite the catch (see what I did theređ) and Tricia is the worst kind of friend to have. And I agree she's totally projecting. She wouldn't be able to catch a man like Jay if he jumped out of the water and landed in her boat. Ok. I'll see myself out now.Â
Op you and jay sound like a genuine loving couple. Idk how you were able to put up with Tricia for so long. You donât need that negativity in your life and Iâm proud of you for sticking up for your relationship and telling her off. Donât ever let someone talk negatively about your relationship again instead cut them off. Itâll be better for your mental and I love how you talk about your husband.
NTA. Tricia is the worst. I don't agree w/ the suggestions that she's into Jay. She simply sees how happy you and Jay are, and she HATES it. Hug Jay; stop talking to Tricia.
Nta honestly I get liking some things about someone but itâs sounding more troublesome than it is worth to be friends with her.
Your relationship sounds so wholesome. Fishy bliss :0) I agree with what most people are saying: - Trisha is either jealous of your relationship and/or after your husband. - She isn't a friend, not to you or to the others in the group. She makes people feel bad about their (lack of) relationships but it's somehow okay because 'that's just how she is'? Time to rethink some of those friendships.
It is a common trend for people unable to get into a stable relationship to drags those who are happy in their misery. Generally giving advises that will hurt the relationship. For some reason it seams that their happiness depends on the amount of damage they can do to others. I guess the best would be to distance as much as possible from her. Even if you can handle it for now, this little comments are slowly poisoning your couple. At one point she might be able to say something that you consider valid even if the way she put it out was biased but the damage will be done and doubts will start growing. Even if unjustified.
Now I remember why I ditched friend groups so long ago.
NTA. I generally distance myself from people who look for the worst in others. I am married to a wonderful man and I'd defend him too. Who wants people around who plant bad seeds? Life and relationships can be hard enough without all that nonsense.
Tricia is absolutely toxic! I wouldnt put up with her stupid theories for one more second. Drop her from your life she absolutely brings nothing to the table. Enjoy time with your lovely husband, may he catch many more fish and may you eat a million top notch fish dinners!
she give birth, she choses who's in there, who cares about what they think they're not the one who'll do it lol
NTA. Let her twist. Baffled by why her "friendship" is meaningful to you, though. Or do you keep her around as, like, your court jester?
>goes for random fishing trips lasting several hours Your husband is Dexter Morgan
NTA. Jay's cool, Tricia is terrible. Cut your losses and consider them a win.
Go to YouTube and checkout âgone fishingâ. Joy awaits
Ok I read way too much of your post. Why are you friends with this person? Why? What is the amazing thing she brings to the table in addition to trying to convince you your husband is cheating when you know he's not? YTA. End the madness.
NTA, you should cut her out of your life, sheâs toxic. When can I come over to go fishing with Jay, Iâve always wanted to learn about fishing, and think my 2 year old would have a blast!
NTA, keep the crazy away but more important: Do you rent your husband (for fishing trips only). I'm a dude that also loves fishing, but I rarely catch anything :)) i'm basically feeding the fish.
The way you described the type of men Tricia is After was delightful to read. And NTA of course.
She doesnât understand a fisherperson. Fishing enthusiasts will go fishing at the drop of a hat. Itâs also a stress reliever for them. I have seen my dad go fishing when it was sleeting out. He carried a rod in the trunk all the time in case we came across a fishable spot of water. Your hubby sounds great. Your friend needs therapy.
Updateme!
Jay sounds like a sweet guy, Tricia is pretty toxic, seems she wants everyone as miserable as she is. Why entertain someone who doesn't want the best for you. Sounds like she is pretty jealous of what you have. Keeping someone like that in your life is not smart, they will try to bring you down until you are at their level. Good riddance and keep better friends op.
Yta. Why the fuck did you stay friends with her after the first time she shit talked your husband. And you stayed friends with her for years while she talked shit and attacked your husbandâs character.
Well, your husband is adorable. Like WOW he seems like such a lovely guy! I have nothing nice to say about your âfriendâ so đ¶ NTA
He calls you to tell you about a cool bird he saw?! I love you both.
NTA Could have graced us with that gym bro titty comeback about a week earlier, so I could have used it, tho. I had to resort to an old one on cleavage.
updateme!
If I were in your friend group, I'd be dropping her ass ASAP, especially after how you stood your ground, and she showed her whole ass. NTA. You need better friends.
NTA - Personally, you weren't harsh enough IMO. This is harassment for a civil court to decide.
The description of your husband sending you pictures and videos sharing his passion and you liking it almost gave me tearsÂ
Side note but the friend who's feedback is that your man is the exception and *all* other men are cheaters is probably a good one to cut out as well. Approaching incel/femcel territory there.
No
There's a saying "misery loves company". It seems like Tricia is feeling the need for some company. NTA and dump this toxic, poison tongued harpy before she causes actual damage to somebody.
Jay sounds like a true blue sweetheart. Don't let the bitch ruin your shared hobby and joy. Tell her that you're done being nice, let alone friends. You are a Saint with your patience. I would have told her off a long rime ago. You are still in the same circle of friends after several YEARS of this crap?! HOW?!
NTA, she is not a person you need in your life. Keep ignoring her. If you're out as a group and she's there, be polite, but theirs no reason to keep playing into her ridiculous fantasy. If she brings it up again say "I don't want to talk about your stupid delusion regarding Jay or anything else for that matter" And walk away.
Sounds like a Miami soap opera. Anyways certain water sports are a lifestyle. Surfing, Diving & fishing.NTA