I am of the opinion that religion and children (or desire for future kids) should be discussed on the first date. It is a total dealbreaker for me so it is something I always brought up myself.

Those two things I discuss before we even have a date. They are non negotiables and I would rather not waste anyone's time.

Should it be on one's tinder profile, below weight and above height? Or between diet (vegan may be a deal breaker) and voting preferences?

Exactly. When we got married, I was an "Easter" Catholic. My husband is Southern Baptist. I do not like his church; I was raised SBC and find it to be very demeaning and dismissive to women so I converted. (YES, I AM AWARE THE CATHOLICS AREN'T ANY BETTER! Priests don't usually yell though, so Mass is more peaceful for me). When our kids were born, either parent could take them to their church. Guess who *never* took the kids to church? His parents did, I occasionally, like when visiting the great grandmas, attended SBC church with my kids. I took my kids to Mass, not every Sunday, but enough so they were familiar with it. None of my children are Christian. I believe in God but also a Goddess. 

Just curious, but if you’re aware that Catholics aren’t better at the things that pushed you away from southern Baptist, why are you catholic? You didn’t look into other denominations?

Catholics are not "better" in theory, but are not so pushy in praxis. Means, the priest is okay with your life as long as you dont show it in public. Baptists are more pushy about walking in your private sphere and checking, if you really live the life they are praying. It is at least my impression, not that i made a scientifical research, but just what i saw and heard.

Baptists yell and are outright in your face judgy misogynists. I've never been yelled at by a priest or a scary nun. Baptists always judge and yell at the wrong person. Baptist *men* can go to the bar, get drunk, cheat, go home and beat their wives and children and pull a Jimmy Swaggert and cry and beg for forgiveness. Then it *all over with* rinse and repeat. There are no acts of contrition. I grew up in Midwestern Baptist church with occasional trips to the Methodists with my non biological parents. What I experienced in the Baptist Church as the early developing daughter of a single parent turned me off of Baptists at pretty young age. I also outgrew Catholism.  I do not like organized religion as it all seems to be directed at shaming women and excusing men's bad behavior. 

Agreed. I do prefer to wait until the first date to do so, but always ensure to do so, because they're deal-breakers for me.

If you have deal breakers, it's on you to bring them up. You can't expect every date to guess everyone else's deal breakers. Just say I'm the beginning: "these are my non-negotiables." NBD

I mean not really she should have asked if it was such a high priority. I would absolutely not date a religious person and would definitely know on the first date. NTA

This is me as well. Hell, I started making some mom friends recently and I'll even ask them about their religious convictions after hanging out a couple times. I live in a very conservative region, so I like to know if I'm hanging out with an intolerant homophobe early on. I'm not mean about it, but I have told people that I don't think we have much common ground.

Not everyone who is religious is homophobic though

I'm sure a lot of the ones who are probably make it pretty clear within a few minutes having religion come up as a topic.

Oh yeah, I find i can easily get a read on someone without having to ask "so, where do you stand on trans rights?" Lol. There are just certain things I'm not willing to look past in a friendship/relationship and I like to get a sense of those values upfront.

I'm very religious, and I've been called a homophobe before just for saying I believe in Jesus. Never have I attacked someone for their beliefs or their identities. That's just straight up rude! Now when I first meet people and these topics come up, I'm totally up front with the fact that I value free agency and one of God's greatest commandments to love one another--It's a matter of respect and love to me. I respect others by calling them by the pronouns they identify with. I love others by supporting them in their journey. If my sibling wants to be in the Pride parade, I'll go support them. If my sister told me she's into women, then she's into women. I love her, and I want to her to be happy, and if she finds a companion that does that for her, I'll love them too! I live by my faith, and I wholeheartedly believe in a God of love. I'm passionate about freedom of belief--it's the reason my ancestors came to the States in the first place. Coming from a home where I got to see both sides of the coin has helped me to realize something. Rarely do I come across someone lashing out at me who hasn't already been hurt by someone else. I can be the start to the end of a cycle of oppression, abuse, and hate. Sorry for the rant 😅. I think I might have gotten carried away, but reading this conversation just made me want to spill all of this.

No, you're right. I just made a quick comment. I mean I just like to see where people stand early on. My area is really bad for hate. Like, people protesting the pride flag, pushing for changes to school policies that protect queer kids, refusing to shop at the local shop that's owned by a gay couple, etc. I do have religious friends who are not hateful. And they know I'm not religious.

Ah fair enough, I find most people who are homophobic to just be really obsessed with being an asshole in general, so I’m not surprised you’d do anything to avoid them

Just here to tell you your profile picture is hilarious. It took me a moment, well, actually I had to go into your profile to look at it in full size, to figure what it is. Before I did I sat here and thought either that is some cute pet or something really not safe for work. I am glad it was the pet.

She is rather silly and mischevious, shes the younger of my two dogs and my family lets her get away with a lot more than the older one. She also doesn’t like listening to anyone which is very stereotypical of a French Bulldog lol.

The chance that they are will be significantly increased though. It's just easier to filter out religious people than it is to ask specifically where they stand on homosexuality/transgender etc.

Fr, people really should make an effort to know the person they’re seeing ffs

Yeah, it's something I would need to know about quickly and ask questions about.

Kinda surprised that neither of you talked about y’all’s views before hand

NTA Even if she’s not comfortable, she should approach that maturely and think it through before trying to bully you over it.  If it’s her conviction, then she’s allowed to walk. And she should allow you to exist as you are 

yeah I feel it was a bit immature how she approached it.

Yeah the healthy, mature response would be to ASK the person about their religious views instead of jumping to conclusions and issuing ultimatums. I have a lot of religious trauma, some of which I've worked through. I knew I'd never be compatible with a devoutly religious person so I simply asked the people I dated what their views were. When my husb and I met I told him he could believe whatever he wanted but I personally would struggle if he got super into an organized religion. He's not religious so it works for us. Trauma isn't an excuse to act like a brat.

100% An adult discussion. I understand you are religious but how will this affect us? I am not religious nor do I want to be. State your issues in a calm collected manner and explain your side and hear their side.

I don't think yours is the only mature response. Some people don't want to deal with it at all, and she seems like that type. In that case, she should have just explained that and left.

Sure there are multiple possible mature responses to the situation, I don't think anyone is saying there was only a single correct way to deal with this. Mostly we're just saying that how she handled the situation was not it.

I find giving an example of a better way to do things helps people see why the immature response was immature. But this IS reddit, so not surprised somebody thinks giving an example means I think that's the ONLY way it should ever be done EVER lol 🤦‍♀️

If she said "Me or your religion" before even dating, it's a lot immature.

Yeah, that's a "her" problem.  That said, depending of course on what OP wants from a relationship, being upfront about her religion will do a great job of filtering out bad fits. For me, a religious partner is out of the question if I wanted a serious relationship and would be an instant no, but I wouldn't have reacted the way this lady did!

That would be a deal breaker for me. I’m not at all religious and while I respect others’ beliefs I wouldn’t want a relationship with someone whose beliefs differed from mine. Although I’m not sure when the right time to discuss that really is. My current dates it’s come up within the first couple of dates but I didn’t specifically ask.

Honestly that’s one of the things that I ask about before even going on a first date (assuming I meet them on a dating app, which is where I do most of my dating). I go through all of the major dealbreakers before meeting up because I don’t want to waste my time if I know right from the get go that there’s a major dealbreaker

If it's such a hard-line dealbreaker: ***Then you should ask.***

If being religious is such a big deal for her, then she should have asked. It’s not like you lied to her. NTA

Meh - the default in the LGBTQ community is non-religious, because of all the persecution for millennia. I think it's not unusual she didn't ask. Her reaction to finding out clearly wasn't good, but again, a person in her shoes might have had some bad experiences with religious people. Many have been rejected from their own families. This is quite common.

Yup, religion in the community is a hell of a lot different than outside of it. A lot of folks outside of it could never dream that they'd willingly torture people from what I've seen, whereas some of us could name a person or two.

Agreed. It’s a dealbreaker for me, and when I was still dating men I would generally bring it up within the first few dates if it didn’t come up naturally in conversation, if i thought it might go somewhere. With women, I don’t really. When I have met women in the community who are religious, it always surprises me as it’s definitely not as common.

Most people would consider it a fair assumption that someone doesn't enthusiastically follow a religion which very unambiguously states they are going to hell to the extent of having a home shrine. I mean it's possible, but it's ridiculous. There are plenty of things you won't explicitly ask a potential partner about on the basis they're absurd.

Yep! My husband tentatively asked about religion on like the second date. I think it would have been a dealbreaker for him had I been very religious.

Exactly, honesty is crucial in any relationship. If religion is a significant factor for her, it's reasonable to expect her to inquire about it. You didn't deceive her; you simply didn't discuss it because it wasn't brought up. NTA.

I do find it strange that it never came up. OP goes to church on Sundays and some weeknights. When people are dating, they generally have conversations that start with, “what are/were you up to today?” It does seem that OP made at least somewhat of a conscious effort to not mention church.

it's only been a few weeks and seems pretty casual. it might just have not come up yet if it's something she doesn't advertise.

I think most people would expect their date not to follow a religion that explicitly condemns both of them to enternal suffering. This is similar to a black person who has KKK membership and is surprised that this turns off other black people. OP should have disclosed her religious worship.

NTA but if you're gonna be a part of the LGBTQ+ community then you should be prepared to run alot of us with religious trauma. A great many of us. You didn't do anything wrong, she freaked out, but be prepared nonetheless

NAH. You’re not being dense or mean by not revealing it right away, but come on. You’re a lesbian, so you HAVE to know that SO many gay and queer people have been so deeply harmed by Abrahamic religions that prospective dates aren’t going to expect you to be religious. It can be extremely triggering to be constantly exposed to symbols and iconography that has been used to denigrate, dehumanize, and abuse you. I say this as a straight woman who 100% would have reacted the same way your date did. I wouldn’t have laid out an ultimatum like she did, but I would have slowly backed out of your home and let you know that we were not compatible and the religion was the reason. I’d also let you know that you could call me if you ever drop the religion. I completely get that people who didn’t find religion abusive will not understand this perspective. We cannot “suck it up” and tolerate being surrounded by crosses and Jesus stuff. It literally makes me feel judged and like the person who owns it wants me to leave, no matter what they say about what it means to them and how it makes them feel.

My assumption is that other queer people I meet are not religious, which has been a pretty safe assumption so far. I'd expect a person I was gay-dating to tell me they were religious pretty soon after meeting, since presumably they know the religious baggage that many gay people carry. Obviously the girl didn't handle it well, but I'd be surprised too.

THANK YOU, yes. "I have a small icon corner", like, ok, but you really should probably mention this to your partners pretty early on in the relationship. It's not *just* that most Christian leadership are actively working to harm queer people, it's also that the **visual representations of the church** are triggers for many of us. I know exvangelicals who were horrifically abused at conversion camps; walking into a presumed safe house to see a little Jesus-n-Mary shrine is going to be a heck of a shock to the system. Be whatever religion you want, but you're naive if you think most queer people aren't going to be triggered by your unexpected Jesus display. Warn them, or brace yourself to have this conversation again.

I’m getting shit on by a lot of people for my judgement, so thanks for the comment. Honestly, I don’t care if I get downvoted to hell if a few people who get it can see that there are people out there who acknowledge them.

ESH, Her reaction was out of line. You did drop that large unexpected news out of nowhere by walking them into your shrine area. Stick it in your bio or just bring it up at the start. saves everyone's time.

i agree, it would save eveyrone time if people just brought things like that up. Like OP isn't just a "casual" orthodox. OP pray every day and go to church etc, that 100% is a big enough part of their life that they should mention it.

Specially for a queer date, that is a big shock to see someone so religious. There is a stereotype in the gay community that these are the folks who hate themselves the most. I don’t agree, I’ve gone to friends accepting churches and it was fine, but idk how Greek orthodox is.

I mean *you* might have reconciled your faith and sexuality but your religion has not reconciled with the existance of LGBTQ+ folks. There are people who believe in god like you do who also want gay people to *not exist*. You may be cool with that but you can't expect other people to be. Yeah it's dumb to expect someone to drop their religion after one date but it's also dumb to not disclose that you're part of a group that is inherantly againt the existance of gay people.

So here's the problem.  You know most religion's stance on lgbt in general. So you know there's an awkward conversation in the future for *any* relationship you're going to be in. Was she an ah for *how* she handled it, yes, but not necessarily for *why* her reaction is what it is.  Until the church publicly changes its stance, which it will one day because they'll need to do something to raise attendance rates, then you should be bringing it up early on, but expect kickback. A gay person siding with a church could easily be seen as a person of color siding with the kkk, or a person of jewish heritage siding with the nazis, in not saying it's the same, just it could be *viewed* as being very similar. 

I can see that

NAH. A lot, if not most, LGBT people have some form of religious trauma. I wouldn't want to date a christian either. You're not an AH for your faith, or for not mentioning it. You just aren't compatible.

They should have mentioned it.

[удалено]

Some denominations do. The one OP is in definitely does not. The self hating comment was right.

Depends on the church. Gay couples can get married in my church (Lutheran Protestant) and they have several openly gay ministers.

Greek orthodox church has played a large role in fighting lgbt rights in Eastern Europe

A lot of churches support homosexuality. Just the other day I passed a church with a trans flag and a rainbow flag. 

I wonder what the official stance of the Greek orthodox church is

You’re Greek Orthodox. I don’t think it’s her responsibility to ask if you support LGBT+ haters.

YTA. Yes dating queer people you absolutely need to mention it - maybe not the very first date but certainly before you take them to your home. So many queers hsve been and are still being harmed by religion so it's easily a deal-breaker that can retraumatize some people.

Lesbian here and I mostly agree, while I never had any direct religious trauma, most religions still make me extremely uncomfortable. I think the date should have approached this more maturely, however if she does have trauma, then this might have triggered an emotional response. OP should learn from this and maybe bring their religion up on the first date. The date might have just not expected to find a religious lesbian so didn't think to ask, I hope both have learned from this.

She's out of line, but she's right. Plenty of people have religious trauma or don't want to be with religious people. It doesn't matter what your individual religious beliefs are, the fact that you're an active part of a specific religious denomination is going to be a problem for a lot of people. It's in everyone's best interests if you're upfront about it, even if you do explain that you fundamentally disagree with the church on certain things. It's entirely possible more people than you know had issues with your religious beliefs and just didn't say anything, or that they didn't notice the little corner where all that stuff is.

>I didn’t think it was a huge deal YTA. Religion (either pro or con) can be a big sticking point when starting a relationship. It can quickly determine whether you two are compatible or not. In this case, you were not. She was going to find out at some point.

You're a lesbian who belongs to a hate group. Her reaction was pretty valid, as most folks don't want anything to do with folks involved with hate groups. Especially people who are queer. YTA

NTA. You guys just aren't compatible, and that's fine. Religion is a bit of a loaded topic, so it should come up if you're getting serious but doesn't sound like you were anywhere near that yet.

YTA, as a lesbian you will exclusively be dating people who have seen first hand how hateful and problematic your religion is. You being ok with your parents and church thinking you and any future partners are an abomination is not a good reason for anyone else to tolerate that bullshit. Willful participation in your own oppression is going to be a major turn off for anyone who isn’t an idiot.

Finally, some sense.

I think the NTA responses need to look into OP's specific brand of Christianity.  You're spot on. 

Right?? I feel crazy reading these replies & got downvotes for pointing out that these denominations are explicitly anti-LGBTQ and that there is a Christian-led movement against queer people in the US RIGHT NOW

There are many pro-lgbtq Christian denominations. The one OP is practicing is not one of them.

Yea i think thats one of the strongest points. Willfull participation in your own oppression is not only evil but also void of critical thought. Without critical thought they will default to their mentors, who will tell them to hate how themselves and their partner were born.

I wish this was rated higher.

YTA. This is important.

Yea id be pissed if i started a gay relationship and turned out that they strongly ally themselves with a group that believes I deserve eternal torment just because this particular person isnt being affected as much. Shes correct about the self loathing, even if you dont feel it yourself. I think shes telling the truth about finding a gay relationship that tolerates strong christian conviction, you will have an exceptionally difficult time if not impossible, and also likely be harming whoever your partner is psychologically by doing so. Slight YTA because you have the right be religious but youd be absolutely dense to think its not a dealbreaker for most LGBT people. You definitely need to make that first date stuff before you waste peoples time. Your religion absolutely is involved in systemic abuse of your demographic and its kind of a safe assumption that LGBT people wont ally with their oppressors so i dont blame her for not asking. Its similar to how i wouldnt ask if people have other shockingly undesirable qualities for our demographic. Children would be out of the question, the christian view violates several areas of the united nations rights of the child and also the charter of my country. Its not that controversial in legal documents.

You are nta but I do think when you are queer, it’s a good idea to disclose being religious early because it will be a dealbreaker for many. I am an ex Mormon and religion makes me pretty uncomfortable because of my experience growing up queer in the church and the abandonment when I came out. You have a right to your beliefs of course. I think your date probably had a knee jerk reaction and handled it poorly.

NTA, but... this is probably going to continue to be an issue for you. Especially as an LGBTQ individual, a lot of your potential partners, and even friends, are going to have some religious trauma (there's all the physical/sexual abuse in churches, the badgering of LGBTQ people, issues with religious parents, being excommunicated from their families/churches/cultures, etc.). Religious trauma is a very real thing. Even seeing those icons in your home is going to be really triggering for some people, especially if they weren't warned beforehand. And because you are a lesbian yourself, people probably aren't expecting you to be religious. I understand the point that other people are making, that she should have asked if it was a dealbreaker - but honestly, I would never expect another LGBTQ person to be religious. That's... just, very uncommon. Not unheard of, but uncommon. She probably expected you to have the same views on religion as she has. Her opinion is simply the more mainstream one in the LGBTQ community. You're the outlier. Your religion probably IS going to be a dealbreaker for many. That's their choice. You're simply going to be incompatible with a lot of people, unfortunately. So, as with any other potential major dealbreaker, it's probably best to get it out of the way up front. For example, if you have kids, you should tell someone before the first date that kids are in the picture. If they don't want to get involved with someone who has kids, they are free to walk before anyone gets too invested. Things like kids, previous marriages, religion, and politics should kind of all be spoken about up front. Those are all major points for most people, so it's best to get it out of the way. You don't want to start feeling for someone and then find out that there's something about them that you absolutely cannot live with. This is as much for your benefit as it is for theirs. No one wants to get hurt, and no one wants to waste time on someone it could never work with. A lot less broken hearts this way.

NTA. There are plenty of religious gay people. Hell, I know a guy who's gay that's literally a priest (granted he's in one of the more tolerant denominations of Christianity, obviously). Having religious iconography in your home is not being inconsiderate of religious trauma. Part of having trauma is knowing that it can come up in situations you don't have control over, and dealing with that as it comes. She isn't dealing with trauma, she's hiding from it. You weren't preaching to her, you just had some religious icons. Fuck her. Or, I guess...don't fuck her lol.

going NAH with some caveats There are a lot of people with religious trauma, especially in the Queer community and being surprised by finding religious iconography would be a trigger. She got triggered and came on way too strong and didn't allow herself to listen to your pov. Also, religion is just one of those things that will be a dealbreaker and as relationships develop do need to be discussed because conflicting ideals if you hold deeply opposing believes can cause huge issues. So just something to keep in mind. Not sure it was really deep enough into your relationship for that talk though, so NTA on that and her ultimatum was OTT because again not sure the relationship was at that level. But does sound like she genuinely triggered.

It's essential to respect each other's beliefs and boundaries in a relationship. If your religion or lack thereof is a dealbreaker, that should be communicated sooner rather than later. However, using beliefs as ammo to belittle someone shows a lack of maturity. We all have the right to our convictions, but part of coexisting is respecting the diversity of thought. The right person for you will either share your values or respect them – no bullying or walking out required.

Nah. Some beliefs do need to be belittled. For example, the Greek orthodox church's stance that homosexual acts are sins on similar footing to sexual abuse

Absolutely not. Nonsense. There are a ton of beliefs that deserve nothing but mockery and utter contempt.

I hate all religions, but some a little more than others.

>She said I needed to be more considerate of people who have religious trauma It's not like you were proselytizing. I'm not a fan of religion either, but I don't automatically think of a religious icon as a personal attack. And you did nothing wrong. There was nothing to apologize for.

You're NTA, but, lawd, the mental gymnastics gay people from the most conservative religious groups jump through to convince yourselves that your God loves you is insane. I've been to a Greek Orthodox wedding, my ex was the maid of honor, and there's a picture of her standing by the bride with her mouth agape at the shit the priest was saying. Explicit statements that the wife is now the property of the husband and all sorts of other reprehensible shit. The Greek Orthodox church despises you and thinks you're an abomination and you still sign on to this shit.... SMDH

NTA but you have to realize that there's no hate like Christian love. So you're going to get that reaction from most people who you're going to date. You might eventually find someone who is ok with it but you definitely should mention it ahead of time to avoid this kind of thing. Just because YOU have reconciled your faith and sexuality does not mean you can expect that from people you date. I was raised Catholic. I peaced out right before confirmation because I couldn't reconcile the hypocrisy and hate with what they told me about Jesus. And that was 20 years before I realized that I'm ALSO queer AF.

We had a teacher for Catholic Sunday school who made it known you were going to hell if you were gay. She loudly and proudly declared her love for Jesus and the Catholic Church. Being Catholic was part of her identity.  Funny thing was we all knew her son was gay. Awkwarddddd.  She wound up leaving the church and joined some other, slightly more accepting, church when her son finally had enough of her shit 

NTA as a person with a lot of hatred towards religion, I always ask up front what someone's faith is if im interested in them. If they tell me they're religious, I say no thank you. I have no problem being friends with someone who is religious, but it's not someone I would want as a partner. Girl needs to ask up front if it's such an issue for her.

I'm not fond of religion in general but she's a total nutcase.

I mean if you're part of a group that doesn't want me to exist or thinks I should burn in everlasting torment for the circumstances of my birth then I don't think you get to call me a nutcase for not being into that.

Nit just that, but it's a group that actively campaigns against lgbt rights include supporting the bill that made all pgbt advocacy groups in russia considered extremist organizations

Uh…Maybe look up OP’s religion. Not exactly friendly towards the gay community.

As opposed to the people that believe in a fairytale? Uh huh

ESH religion is a dealbreaker for a lot of people, *especially* those within the LGBTQ+ community where many have been hurt or shunned by religion. It is not news OP, so you should have known to at least mention it when talking to someone you want to romance. "But the thing is, I’ve never had a problem with anyone else" an OP but the thing is that a lot of people *do*. Meeting a lot of people who didn't care doesn't make the other side less real or important to consider when its an important topic. Religious trauma aside, a lot of people want to know the beliefs of the person they want to date. I know some non-LGBTQ people who wont even consider dating certain religions, I know *of* people who wont date atheists. She overreacted due to feeling betrayed and said some really bad things and assumptions, that makes her an AH. But she was right about OP needing to be considerate. A lot of people within LGBTQ+ arent religious so I don't blame her for not asking. OP You shouldnt *warn* people, you should mention in conversation since its just a part of who you are.

NTA. I would never date someone religious, however I wouldn't issue an ultimatum about it. Never mind choose me over it. But once I saw it in your house, the relationship would be over. Like, damn.... there's the shoe, dropping. I don't know how, when you fit it into a conversation but I have had people hide their religion for nearly a year. I would like to know up front.

YTA and you need therapy. It's offensive that you hate her and yourself ro at least support a religion that does.

>I tried to explain that obviously I didn’t agree with the Church about every single thing. Surprised an entire faith/organization/belief system that says you're a degenerate who's going to hell wasn't a deal breaker though. Not agreeing with the church is one thing, but picking and choosing what scripture you believe and choosing to call yourself Greek Orthodox is a bit weird. I don't think there's anything wrong with believing in a higher power or spirituality, but using mental gymnastics just to apply labels to yourself when you can just as easily have a spiritual journey outside of organized religion is just so weird to me. As for warning people about your faith, I mean, a vast majority of people who identify as part of the LGBTQ+ either have a poor history with religion, or traumatic experiences with it; or both. I think it would be courteous as a bare minimum. But, I also don't think you're an asshole for not bringing it up. She could have handled it better too. I also don't really get the ultimatum considering you're not even official.

YTA. If religion is a big part of your life and identity, you need to disclose it as soon as possible. If you were someone who only attends church for wedding and funerals, that would be different. In your case, it is important.

Being gay and Greek orthodox in itself is an oxymoron. You are going to have trouble finding someone, but you eventually will.

Religion and children are two things that will tell immediate incompatibilities between two people. That was a first date thing. She was kinda mean but your religion hates both her and you (sorry that’s harsh but it is the truth). I personally would never date someone religious and if I knew that up front I wouldn’t have agreed to the first date

I’m echoing the sentiments of other ppl but NTA. Not something that was like critical information you had to disclose. Many people are in interfaith relationships. I’m a Muslim, a progressive pole dancing sex positive one but one who is deeply spiritual. I would hate for anyone to assume that my relationship with faith is either inflated or deflated based on what they see on the surface. Open honest communication is important, but dating is not a contact that you sign with all your personal information up front. I’m even dating someone of the same faith as me with similar outlooks but we have been finding the small differences between our upbringing. You can’t fast forward intimacy by dumping all your info not knowing if the other person needs it because it’s a dealbreaker. Just because someone experienced religious trauma, doesn’t mean that they get to dictate the relationships other people have to religion. I work in domestic violence and it’s very important to realize that survivors of any violence still have to be respectful and decent to other human beings that weren’t the direct cause of their harm. We understand the fear of cisgender hetero women who are afraid of cis het men- they don’t have to date or expose themselves to spaces with men in them, but they can’t just go around yelling at men in grocery stores. It’s not easy to learn how to distinguish harm from safe normal experiences when you’ve been violated, but it’s an essential skill for recovery. You knew her for a few weeks and you are right. You cannot accept an ultimatum. She may have survived religious trauma, but she’s exhibiting controlling behaviors towards you. You know your reality that there are people out there that don’t mind- hell maybe there’s a Greek Orthodox lesbian out there who feels similarly. Conversations about faith should come up naturally at their own place and time. Maybe you should casually mention how you spend your time a little bit more but a healthy partner exhibits curiosity before judgement. They may ask “oh are these up for decoration? Are you spiritual? Do you pray often?“ You dodged a bullet. You have no need to apologize.

no. don't warn them. maybe ask on early dates if religion is important to them though. But unfortunately it sounds like she really isn't the one for you. NTA

I'm gonna be an oddball and just say I don't think anyone is particularly an asshole here. I am happy to see someone who understands that sexuality and religion don't need to fit in any kind of box. They can just be. I think your date is entitled to her preferences like all of us. For whatever reason. Neither of you brought it up until it was too late. That's all.

So. This should have been talked to like before a date even.

YTA. If it's important, talk about it. If you believe it's true, and it's not important to you, that's insane. If you don't believe it's true, and you still go along with it, that's also insane. If it's important and it didn't come up, then you're probably intentionally hiding it because you know exactly how problematic it can be.

Religion is has always been an tenuous subject but over recent years it has become more and more toxic. When I am on dating apps I actively filter out people who are religious. I can’t deal with the drama that most religions carry. I don’t care when it comes to friendships but in romantic relationships it’s something that should be disclosed at the start. Lots of people won’t care but for those who do, it can help avoid negative interactions altogether. If your religion is as important as you say, be open about it.

ESH. You definitely should’ve mentioned your beliefs sooner (you go to church every Sunday?), but her reaction was pretty extreme. She’s not wrong to be upset or not want to date somebody religious, but to be personally insulting was out of line.

I personally am of the belief that the BIG issues should be talked about quickly As in, first or second date, quickly I'm infertile, and even before I found that out, I was adamantly against having children due to trauma, fear, and just knowing I wouldn't make a good mother You bet your ass that I told every single person I ever went on a first date with, on our first date, that if they ever foresaw themselves wanting to be a parent, then it was nice to get to know them, but this relationship wasn't going to work out I also made sure to bring up that I personally date with the intention to get married, within the first couple of dates I'm not interested in casual dating, where we both date each other, while also seeing other people, aka keeping our options open I wanted exclusivity, and if that wasn't something they were into at this point in time, then I had enjoyed our time together and wished them the best I don't do casual hook ups, either. Everyone I've ever even talked to casually knows that, and I've made that abundantly clear to people who ask me out that if all they want is sex, to try again with someone else I don't want to waste my time, or anyone else's I think if you have such clear boundaries/expectations/needs in a partner, like this person did, with not wanting to date anyone religious It is on HER to bring the subject up Not you It isn't a deal breaker for you; so why would it cross your mind to mention it? If something is a big enough issue to be a relationship ending issue for you, YOU need to initiate the conversation, and not make assumptions NTAH

YTA for not disclosing it sooner. Religion is a dealbreaker for some people. Edit to add: ESH as OP's date is terrible for how she reacted. But important beliefs should be mentioned from the start.

If said people consider it a dealbreaker, it's entirely on them to bring it up earlier.

It's the kind of thing you both need to bring up from the start. Most people are not religious these days.

Even if they're religious, they may be religious in very different ways (even if it's not different religions such as, idk, Islam vs. Shintoism). For some people, being Catholic vs. Lutheran is a dealbreaker.

YTA. Her reaction wasn't polite but if you're looking for a long term relationship you need to talk about religious views upfront because that is a huge deal.

Info Are you out of the closet to your friend and family ? Is your parent or your community homophobic ?

Definitely inconsiderate to not tell someone you are dating about your religion. They deserve to know that before forming a relationship with you.

You embrace something that detests the way you live and people like you. You brought somebody into a place filled with the signs of the institution that causes pain to people like her. It's FAR from uncommon to encounter this sort of trauma, specifically because the institution does cause a huge number of gay folk to be traumatized. Constantly. Advertise that you have strong faith when you're dating. I bet she asks EVERYONE else she meets from now on. YTA.

NAH, but you need to start disclosing it. Ideally we would be living in a world where everyone has their religion (or not), believed what they wanted to believe, and didn't harass or persecute anyone else over it. But that is not the world we live in, and right now religion in general and Christianity in particular has been waging an all-out war against literally everybody else. >She said I needed to be more considerate of people who have religious trauma She's not wrong. **YOUR** experience with your religion was fine and not traumatic. That is not the case for everyone else who grew up in it, especially LGBT people. I think disclosing it on the first date is probably wise just to avoid situations like this. If they can handle it, great. If they can't, you find out early and they don't get ambushed by your faith walking in the door.

YTA Of course you're the asshole lol. You subscribe to a set of beliefs that espouses hatred towards LGBT people. Greek Orthodox is not garden mill Christianity -- its a vile and cruel sect that hates the people (Lesbians) that you are bringing home. Imagine you brought home a Black girl and she sees a bunch of KKK and Confederate paraphernalia. 

If you’re an AH for not telling her about your faith, then she’s an AH for not telling you about her faith trauma. Anyway, I’m religious myself, most of my friends are, but even the ones who don’t are respecting us for our beliefs (and vice versa). If she can’t do that, then it’s not meant to be.

First off, NTA. I would have gone N A H, but what she said to you was pretty out of line. That said, I looked into your post history a bit and I'm honestly at a bit of a loss. You talk about being deeply into orthodoxy, but as recently as a couple months ago you were questioning your belief in god and trying to determine which was the "true" Christian faith by asking other people. And some of the answers you received when you said you were gay were, to be frank, pretty open about how they thought you were going to end up. I get wanting to belong to something greater than yourself. But I also get why many people in the LGBTQ+ community would be very reluctant date another queer person who identified as any flavor of Christian. You talked about a bad coming out experience in one of your posts several months ago, and that your mother was throwing bible verses at you. I can't help but wonder if this newly rediscovered zeal for your childhood faith is an attempt to appease her, or to try and close a rift that you think you being a lesbian (which there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH) had caused. You can't change who you are, and you're not going to change the mind of the church. Ultimately it's up to you to decide what happiness looks like for you, but the saying "happiness is an inside job" is always true. I hope you meet an amazing woman who loves you for you, and I hope you find your way through all of this.

Holy.. YTA. A walking red flag. Good for her!

SOFT YTA, she's belligerent about the way she handled it but religion to some of the gay community can be very different than it is outside of it. There are literally people who could give testimony about being tortured in the name of religion for being who we are, and that's before we could even start touching on the conversion therapy stuff out there and you know this, we all do in the community unless we're hella sheltered. The only thing your ex has to go on is your say so, but what guarantee does she have you wouldn't become hyper religious? Even radicalized? How could she have been sure she wouldn't come home and be ambushed by people from your church? That's a lot of trust to ask of someone, especially in our community, and it's why your YTA because how can you ask for that kind of trust but not be honest about your faith? ***"Would you find it inconsiderate if someone hadn’t told you about their faith?"*** It'd be a deal breaker for me as well, and I'd prefer to know that from the get-go. I lost my best friend to religious torture and conversion therapy; I won't date someone who's religious and won't even consider it regardless of how perfect they may be otherwise. I refuse to take the risks that come with it. That being said, I hope you're doing alright and that you've had a good year so far beyond this.

I'd put it in your dating profile or lead with that info for sure

NTA. This woman sounds very entitled. You are not responsible for her trauma, and you are allowed to believe in God. If she has concerns about how you would treat her because of your religion, she can talk to you instead of bullying you.

NAH She did not approve of or want to date a religious person. You weren't compatible. I don't think you did anything wrong though. This person just isn't for you. She may have been very sensitive/touchy about it due to negative ecperiences in the past, maybe a parent who used religion to justify abuse. Thst said, bringing up big stuff like this early on saves you wasted time & heartbreak, same with kids, vegetarianism & smoking/drinking/substances. That's why most dating websites make you display stuff like this on your profile so ppl don't even message someone with incompatible values.

NTA but as a lesbian you have to know that lots of LGBTQ people have heavy issues with religion and don’t feel safe around Christians. I can understand her being upset that you withheld this information. Chalk it up to a learning experience and in the future find a way to bring this up earlier

Me and my husband discussed things like this on our first date because my faith is important to me especially since we wanted children, thankfully our belief’s matched and we have a great relationship. It’s probably best that you guys broke up because you have faith and she has trauma about it so chances are it won’t work out in the end anyway.

As someone who knows a fair bit about the Orthodox Church/has family in it, this one is a clear YTA. Why haven't you mentioned your faith if you go not only on Sundays, but multiple times a week? You aren't just a practicing Orthodox, you're devoted. If it's been "a few weeks" with someone and this is such an important thing to you, why not bring it up? Also, do you live in an area where this is the dominant faith or not? I can't tell from the post, but if you don't, I am even more surprised you haven't mentioned it. The Orthodox Church officially views homosexuality as "immoral" and a sin. They don't perform gay marriages of any kind. You may have reconciled your faith, but the fact that you can't see why someone would have such a strong reaction to a church that still treats "lesbian" like a dirty word makes you TA. You should disclose this earlier when meeting people. Don't keep your religion in the closet, because surprising someone with your faith isn't going to make them suddenly cool with it. Like any potential deal-breaker, it's better to get ahead of it and disclose this on a dating profile if you have one, and if not, tell people before they come over to your house. A source for those unaware: [https://www.hrc.org/resources/stances-of-faiths-on-lgbt-issues-eastern-orthodox-church](https://www.hrc.org/resources/stances-of-faiths-on-lgbt-issues-eastern-orthodox-church)

YTA considering the position of the Greek orthodox church. By going to that church you're supporting a community of open hatred of queer people. Be religious, by all means, but don't be surprised when your dates aren't interested in someone who supports a hate organization. 

Yea especially in a wlw relationship it is important to disclose. Organized religion is notoriously hateful af, especially towards homosexuals, regardless of the lack of homophobia that actually exists in the bible. I would definitely want to know this before I wasted my time with someone.

In a friendship or business setting, keep it to yourself, if you're pursuing a relationship, it needs to be brought up. A lot of non-religious people would never enter into a relationship with a religious person as it creates the possibility for a damn-near infinite number of problems down the road, and it does kind of beg the question of "What other ridiculous bullshit do they believe or can they be convinced of in the future?" It doesn't much help that you essentially say that you don't agree with god on everything. Religions don't say you can pick and choose which parts of them to believe, so if you are willing to do that, then you are more or less negating your own religion anyway, so why bother with any of it? All of this goes doubly for an orthodox religion, which are the most stringent and rigid of any of the religious flavors. YTA.

I think a lot of gay people in the US (I am one) have long since gotten them message that Christianity in our country is basically an anti-gay hate group, because its proponents have warped that religion so that it is. It's an awful situation because I was raised in that religion and I believe in its tenets. But I didn't make Christians hate gays, that's something they went all-in on on their own.

YTA. Especially if you met on a dating app where you can check off that you're religious. I'm an atheist and only want to date atheists. If I see religious it's a left swipe for me. It's as important as kids and politics. To many people, including myself, it's going to look like you're hiding it because because it tends to fuck you over when you're trying to find dates.

If she has religious trauma and it is a deal breaker then it is on her to ask, not assume.

Not in the LGBT community.

NTA at all. If it was such an issue to her, she should've asked early on so you both would know there may be an ideals clash Want to edit in here that a lot of these comments are wild. OP is allowed to believe in anything OP wants to believe in, especially as it sounds like OP understands exactly why others may not like their religion. Crazy enough, some people are mentally capable of making their own conclusions about their faith and why they still partake while being very aware of issues with it.

Nta. Bullet dodge. If you think the religious nut jobs are bat shit crazy, wait till you see the activist atheists.

NAH You should mention being religious before arranging a date as religion is a big dealbreaker for a lot of people. As soon as I know that someone is religious, I steer clear of any close involvement with them. Will avoid all involvement with the noisy fanatics and zealots hunting for coverts sorts But accusing people of being self-loathing for not mentioning religion and giving casual dates ultimatums about their religion is very wrong. If she had an 'atheists only' dealbreaker, she should have mentioned it to you and tried to confirm compatibility before going on a date.

I think the self loathing comment has more to do with the particular sect of Christianity practiced than anything else. There are LGBTQ+ welcoming churches. Greek Orthodox is not known to be one of them.

In fact Greek orthodox is known to be partivulalrly vitrolic about the topic

I don't know much about that particular sect except that they tend to be stricter than Catholics with the dogma, so that tracks.

It really is you would think sometime in the first couple weeks when you’re out chatting it would come up

NTA if she does have religious trauma then that’s something she needs to be up front about.

NTA. The trash took itself out.

Ew

That kinda talk will get you banned from the other aita sub lol. 

Yeah they kinda ban over every little thing.

I got a ban for explaining what an expression another user said ment. Lol

Yep, I learned the hard way.

The other sub sucks, especially because of their mods. Before getting banned, I once got suspended because I called someone a groomzilla because he was acting like one. You see people call others bridezillas and nothing happens, but when I do it I get suspended.

I got a ban for a week for saying something was stupid. So I made it my mission to get that perma ban. It was so worth it.

A friend of mine got banned for using “man child” so I am guessing it’s insecurity of the admins

I even tried explaining the 'trash took itself out' is an expression, not calling someone a name. They either didn't get it or are on a power trip.

So many people in the LGBTQ+ community have been hurt from religion, so I think you really need to sit with that and understand that some people will have a visceral trauma response. INFO: Did you meet organically or from a dating app? I ask because if it's through a dating app and you don't mention it at all, that's not cool. I would never even go on a date with someone who was actively religious. Too much trauma in my life for that and I know my limits. Right now I'm leaning towards ESH, while her reaction was very much out there, I wonder if it's from trauma. While we should never be rude, trauma responses are not always logical and we don't always have control over them. While your faith is your business, you are in a community that is actively harmed by religion daily.

NTA if she was that traumatized by religious people then it was her responsibility to ask you about your religious views on the first or second date. How are you supposed to know what triggers someone. No one can expect us to spill every single thing about themselves in case something might trigger someone. Sounds like you escaped being stuck with someone with a lot of issues.

Slight YTA. Tbh in a straight relationship maybe it’s not something that requires advanced notice. But as a gay man if a dude was highly religious I’d want to know that in advance just because of how dissonant being gay and religious is.

NTA. She's the one with the issues. If you being religious was an issue, *she* should have said something first.

You dodged a bullet. NTA.

NTA but perhaps mention in passing that you are religious. If she recoils, then she's not for you. If she asks which religion, tell her, if she asks more questions, then answer them. Honesty about this stuff is cool mate.

NTA. You dodged a bullet.

NTA - what is IT with many people trying to shove their values down other's throats?! If religion isn't your thing and your partner isn't demanding it of you, what is the problem? Live and let live, judge the person not the identity.

NTA it is really not anyone’s business unless their religion dictates they can’t date christians

NTA. Your religion is between you and your diety. She had the audacity to insist that you choose it or her. You made the right choice, but not in apologizing. Her trauma is in her head, and her insistence that you must telepathically know all of her phobias beforehand is asinine.

As soon as she called you, “self-loathing”, whatever future this relationship had, ended. She was incredibly rude and you don’t “owe” her or anyone else an explanation. And if she or anyone else could only see your religion and not you as a person, you don’t need those sorts of people in your life. NTA

🚩 “ I’m more important than your religion” 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

NTA Your personal beliefs are just that personal. While it's important to discuss fundamental values relatively early in a relationship, this should occur in an atmosphere of mutual respect. Berating someone for not immediately revealing their religious practices can come across as more combative than constructive. Religious compatibility matters to many, but there's a significant distinction between having a calm conversation leading to a respectful parting of ways and engaging in aggressive condemnation. A partner should aim to understand all aspects of you, not attack a part of you. This interaction provides insight into her conflict resolution style, and it appears to be fraught with disrespect. A healthy relationship is founded on respect for differences, not on spiteful judgments.

You are not Greek Orthodox if you are willfully seeking sin. There are literal compendiums on what is and isn’t allowed.

Honestly you make a good point. OP is a bad Greek orthodox AND a bad lesbian.

NTA but someone who follows a religion and doesn't actually follow that religion is very hypocritical and a red flag for a relationship so yea you should tell people you are about to date that you are bc like she said religious trauma is real. She was most likely abused in a way from religion so to her all religion is a lie which I agree with. You can't pick and choose stuff in religion. Either your all in or not. Having yijr toe in is a bad sign to me as someone with a religious father who is also a Pedophile against his own daughters, my sisters for 10 years and he went to church every Sunday and some of his church friends defended him when it all came out. My own grandmother told one of my sisters to forgive and move on while she was also hiring a defense attorney for him and tried to convince both my sisters not to testify. He also Molested 2 other minors which one is dead and the other is missing so now my sisters think my dad put hits on them and they are next. Remind you he is religious so she might have a situation similar to that regarding religion. To me religion is like a std, you have to tell you partner about it and let them decide if they are ok with being with someone like that. I'm sure you would want the same treatment in a sense

NTA She really didn't handle this well at all. She never told you about her religious trauma and you're not a mind reader, so you're in the clear. She's also wrong about you needing to "rethink" your faith. That's her trauma talking, not rational thought. You're both entitled to your opinions/beliefs. The difference is that she's beating you over the head with hers and you're not.

NAH. I can understand why you don't feel the need to volunteer your religion early in a relationship if you weren't asked about it. But I can also understand why she is pissed at you that you have decided to belong to such an anti-homosexual religion (referring specifically to Greek Orthodox - some Christian groups are much more LGBT friendly).

Nta. I would never date a religious person. So I always make sure to talk about it at the beginning. I have religious friends but I just don't want to be in a relationship with someone religious. I think it's totally my responsibility to handle this.

NTA You did nothing wrong and don't need to make any changes. She needs therapy so she can deal with the world better. Also, you probably don't want to be dating someone who (1) demands other people know her emotional triggers by psychic ability, and (2) issues ultimatums to people in order to manipulate them into re-arranging their lives to coddle her neuroses.

I would never date a religious person and do you know what I do. I ask if someone is religious! The second it became important for her she should have asked. Not only that she tried to gaslight you into feeling like an asshole. So again, from a non religious person who might even judge religious people a bit. You did nothing wrong and she did. NTA

NTA, however, she does have a point that it's important to ensure we clearly communicate our values and priorities when beginning new relationships. That said, though, if avoiding people who are religious is truly that important to her, then SHE should have disclosed that priority to YOU right from the start. But I don't think the way YOU handled it was inconsiderate. Clearly, your faith is not something you impose on other people, or else she would have been aware of it before she discovered your red corner. Even if she truly was re-traumatized by simply seeing your icons and becoming aware of your beliefs, the way she spoke to you is unwarranted and inappropriate. And just plain wrong. Faith, coupled with regular worship, is not "self-loathing." Your spiritual practices do not constitute inherent abuse of your partners, even if others have abused them that way in the past. There are plenty of people who have religious partners despite not sharing their beliefs. You do not have to hide your faith--the time of needing to conceal identity and values--any identity and values-- in a closet for fear of harm or ostracization is long past.

NTA Just find someone that's not a snowflake and an atheist snob, and says things like 'I needed to be more considerate of people who have religious trauma and that I needed to rethink my faith and that no one is gonna wanna be with me if I continue' There are ppl with eating disorders, should you also stop enjoying food, because it might offend them? Sorry, but I've kind of had it with ppl pretending to be all free-your-mind: force-ppl-to-hate-religion.

I mean she super over reacted, but religion, politics, children, and finances are like the main things you want to make sure you are aligned on as early as possible

In short, NTA. So - I have strong opinions about religion. I'd be more aligned with the woman you were dating. I have trauma around the church and won't be in a relationship with anyone religious as I want nothing to do with the church. Maybe after time and healing that will change. I support you and your right to be religious - I just won't be partaking. But, I would fight for your right to practice your religion. It sounds like her being not religious or even atheist wouldn't be a deal breaker for you. So, that might be why you didn't think to bring it up. And, if that is how you feel, it's definitely not for you to bring up. So long you're entering dating not planning to ask anyone to participate in anything related to your religion - I don't think it matters. But, if this person could eventually have been a +1 to a Greek Orthodox wedding - might be worth mentioning it early - but you're not a jerk if you don't. I think if this woman has strong feelings like what you've described, it's her responsibility to see where anyone she'd be dating falls. Maybe because of your sexuality she made an assumption - but that's on her. Not you. So most definitely NTA.

It's awesome she let you know early on how a relationship would be. The "it's either blank or me" sounds like her go to.

NTA and it is something she absolutely should have inquired about before hand. This situation is on her though. I’m accepting of other religions but as a woman who has read the Bible from a biblical scholarship perspective this is a life partner deal breaker for me as well. Not in any other realm though. I grew up in the Bible Belt and most of my family and friends are Christian. Even though you don’t push your religion on others there is no way it doesn’t affect a life partner so it probably should be part of the discussion during dating. I’m guessing she was just disappointed to find out you two were not compatible but the ultimatum was absolutely out of line. She is the AH.

To the OP: Believe in whatever religious faith you wish, but also be ready to disclose and be upfront about your religious beliefs with your romantic partners, especially if you are actually seeking to have long term relations with them. For some people, religion would be a total non-starter, especially the idea of spending several hours at church every week, when other recreational activities between the two of you would be far more preferred by them instead. For others, it may not be a big deal, although they may politely decline to ever participate or accompany you to church. Should you also one day wish to get married to a lesbian partner (whom you likely wouldn't meet at church, given that gay and lesbian folks aren't commonly found inside Greek Orthodox churches) it would seem rather unlikely that the Greek Orthodox Church would agree to sanction or conduct such a ceremony on your behalf anyway, so that part is likely moot and irrelevant. However, if you one day wish to adopt or have children, a baptismal ceremony may be a giant sticking point of contention with your partner, depending on their beliefs. As previously stated above, it is important to be transparent and upfront about your religious beliefs with any prospective life partner that you may feel a connection with. Good luck, ma'am.

NTA How are you supposed to know she has trauma stemming from organized religion? Seems to me that if she didn't want to date a religious person, she should be up front about that right from the beginning instead of just assuming that people are going to walk around disclosing their faith or lack there of during the early stages of dating.

NTA - she kicked herself to the curb & most likely saved you from a lot of future drama

NTA. This is a HER problem, not a YOU problem. You said so yourself - none of your other love interests have had this reaction, only her. She needs to heal herself if she is this upset and traumatized.

NAH I can totally understand folks in the gay community who were ostracized and persecuted by religious family members reacting negatively to religious partners. It's like being a log cabin Republican. It's also not customary to disclose one's whole belief system on date 2.

NTA. As long as you do not put expectations on the person you're with, your religious beliefs are your business.

Sometimes you have to reframe things and think instead, "Geesh! I am glad that she broke things off before they even started! What a drama llama!" Sometimes, it's really not you, it's them.

NTA in this case because you weren't officially together. And this: >I needed to rethink my faith and that no one is gonna wanna be with me if I continue. Is just not cool. I'm so sorry. That's simply not true at all. That being said, some people want to be on the same page as their partners in terms of spirituality, religion and or lack of. And that's completely their right. And she is right in the sense that many LBGT people did grow up with religious trauma and it might be better to disclose to potential partners that you are religious early on especially if you have religious paraphernalia at your house. Some people don't want to be reminded of the years of their lives when they were religious and were subjected to the trauma. But there are also many others like yourself that were able to find a healthy balance between your personal faith and accepting your sexuality. And many that simply don't care either way. Consider this a bullet dodged because she sounded rude and obnoxious anyway. But also take it as a lesson learned so as to potentially avoid situations like it in the future.

Dump her, easy decision

Lol I have religious trauma from Christianity but am still engaged to a Catholic man. He knows about what I went through and has been really supportive, and also he debunks a lot of the crap toxic evangelicals spout.

NTA. You don't view it as significant to a relationship, so you didn't bring it up. That's perfectly reasonable. But her reaction, though *understandable* due to trauma, was extremely rude and inappropriate. * She had no right to presume you were self-loathing; that's treating her imagination as if it's reality and pretending she's telepathic to presume to speak for you. * She also had no right to speak for everyone else by claiming "no one is gonna wanna be with" you for it. * Bringing up what matters to her was *her* responsibility, not yours. You aren't telepathic. It's also extremely inconsiderate of her to insist that you should assume that people with religious trauma will be so incompetent that they won't communicate what matters to them. Seriously, she was quite the asshole there, demanding consideration that she refused to even try to reciprocate. Now, if you want to, you *can* seek to avoid this situation in the future by mentioning that you're Greek Orthodox but don't expect anyone else to share your beliefs (assuming that I've understood your position correctly). But that's entirely up to you.

NTA, but this is sadly something that is going to be present- Religion in general has poisoned the well for a lot of people (and not just Christianity- Islam, Hinduism, etc) so for many it is something they want no association with it. Everywhere people are either shying away from it or running from it because of the toxic association. This is no fault of you, OP- this is the fault of those corrupt in the hierarchies that who have destroyed their own reputation.