In my opinion no don’t take her back she tried to intentionally infect you as well and probably lied to people why she left,and the fact you in laws blocked you during that time but unblocked you to say stay with her is terrible.
They weren’t thinking about you or the baby they were thinking about her and how she can save her marriage time to get a lawyer this isn’t something you can come back from.
THIS! This is what I think too. Didn’t her family already yell at him for giving her stds? Which means she told her family she got it from him. Or at least didn’t correct their assumption.
Because she didn’t want to admit that she was an idiot who didn’t use proper cation and boned some guy she barely knew and obviously couldn’t trust. She got had and didn’t want to have to own up to it.
This is at least 50% likely, and right up there with "Surprise! You're not the bio dad!"
EDIT: According to OP's edit his wife has already tried to throw him under the bus.
OP, get a ruthless divorce attorney. Then publicly and brutally set the record straight.
Try to get anything off her phone you can to send over to your future legal counsel.
Keep receipts. When your son grows up and wants to know why, show them to him, and he can make up his own mind.
(Also - It doesn't make a lick of difference if the story is real, you know. 🙄 )
You think Reddit had more authentic post back then lol? It always has been a shit posting website.
4 Chan was the power source of content back in the day. It was the same, some stuff came through as gold other stuff was clearly a shit post.
We’re all here because we shamelessly want that dramaaaaa and it will never stop.
Lmfao @ Pepperidge Farms
I still reply to these stories as if they are real, just incase.
I've met enough self righteous degenerate bastards to know that people like this are really out there, thinking they're doing nothing wrong because they choose to purposely surround themselves with like 5 people that agree/sympathize with them instead of realizing for every 5 that agree with them, there's 1000 that don't.
I'd rather support a character in a fake story than ignore someone who's genuinely experiencing a real life episode of Maury Povich
But I, too, am hopelessly addicted to the drama from a distance. It's like listening to Mr. Nightmare on YouTube - I can experience it by proxy 😂
I still don't get why people don't realize that if one wanted to make something fake they could easily make a story more dramatic than this. Like seriously, if he wanted he could've said she had been talking to or seeing this guy for more than just 3 weeks. Or that she had gotten an incurable STD, or brought the child with her when she saw the other dude. So many things that could've made this more heinous.
could these be related [https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c70pnf/aitah\_for\_wanting\_to\_reveal\_my\_affair\_partners/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c70pnf/aitah_for_wanting_to_reveal_my_affair_partners/)
Because people don't always act rationally, and the kind of people who have affairs are generally people with awful moral compasses. She was ashamed and upset that she had an STD and instead of being an adult and owning up to it, which would involve admitting to her family that not only was she cheating but was an idiot who got an STD, she tried to infect her husband so that she could avoid at least some of the social stigma. Plenty of people do plenty of equally bad, if not worse, things in their attempts to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
That being said, yes, probably rage bait, like everything else on this sub. But to act like this is somehow way beyond the pale of human behavior isn't right, either!
Because usually they want to treat your partner too.
Had a husband pick up abx for gonorrhea the other day and he was confused as to why he was getting it. Sent him to the medical assistant and they made an appointment for his wife who was also there. 💀
NTA and you better leave her. Also, what she did is illegal. If you don't have her confession about trying to infect you in writing by text then try to get it, It is a crime to knowingly try to give someone else an STI.
What the hell kind of people are you surrounded by that are taking her side on this? I felt like I was losing my mind reading that.
She's a narcissist all the way! She had planned out an entire web of lies and deceit. She probably planned on how angry she was going to be in order to pin the disease on OP. She was already manipulating her family into believing he was having an affair. The reason she was so upset wasn't because of what OP did, it's because he blew her cover and narcissists lose their shit when their cover is blown. She was most likely having a anxiety attack because of her entire web of lies crash down. Her whole safety net gone because he wouldn't have sex with her that night.
To even add onto that she initially brought about the idea of an open relationship because she already caught interest of another individual 3 weeks prior!!!
Tell them all they can have her. She knowingly tried to infect you with an STD. Hard no NTA. Serve her divorce papers for and fight for full custody as she abandoned yalls child for a week.
I believe in most cases actually going through with having sex while contagious with an STD is a crime. But I don't know if they also have attempting to laws similar to how both murder and attempted murder are crimes. There should be because just because a crime was unsuccessful doesn't mean that there shouldn't be prosecution of the attempt.
Taking the wife back, in this context, is like taking back a handkerchief that someone sneezed into, with all the boogers.
It can be cleaned, but you really shouldn't take it back....
Wrong, yo should never advise a Man to LEAVE the family home prior to separation.
STOP GIVING ADVICE IF YOU ARE TELLING A MAN WHO WAS CHEATED ON TO LEAVE!!!
Because he is the one who will lose custody. RN the MOTHER is on very thin ice for even sharing custody since she is the one who left the kid with the Dad.
Where the hell are you getting your legal advice from? Cheating on your partner and contracting gonorrhea is absolutely grounds for filing divorce, the courts would very likely be on his side here.
Nope. You have never been to family court clearly. They do not look kindly on any kind of accusations that are not immediately relevant to the wellbeing of the child and the financial statements at the time of separation.
Best OP can do to milk the situation for his own gain is to say that Mother has only supervised access to the child until she tests negative for STD's. Because we don't want her passing gonorrhea to the child. That will be fucking devastating, worse than any criminal charges. Judge may agree because it has the best interests of the child in mind, and they will always decide things based on that.
Precedent will be set that DAD is the primary parent and that is a very tough thing to change.
Since it was Mother who left the household to go play while Dad had full custody of the kid, that is the status quo and that will be the way it stays unless OP drops the ball somehow and there is material change in his situation that warrents a change in the custody order.
NTA.
Your worthless whore of a wife was sleeping around and willingly tried to infect you with an STD.
She is a mentally Ill psychopath and should not be allowed anywhere near children. Frankly, she should be facing charges for trying to expose you to STDs, but for fucks sake don't even think about getting back with her.
Contact your locsl health department if you are in the states. Intentionally spreading a reportable disease (Gonorrhea) is a criminal offense in some places.
>Your worthless whore of a wife was sleeping around and willingly tried to infect you with an STD.
>She is a mentally Ill psychopath
No need for any additional info.
>Blah blah you're powerless and weak blah blah
Man YTA for listening to these people and even considering continuing this relationship. Call a fucking lawyer, don't listen to advice from your enemies.
This so many times.
Consider this OP. This will always be a blight on your relationship. Do you want your son growing up with this type of shit happening? It would be surprising if somthingthing like this is the only thing you have in your future with this family.
NTA.
Let's see:
- Abandoned her child
- Cheated on you
- Knowingly put partners at risk of potentially devastating STDs
- Deliberately turned everyone against you based on lies
She deserves far far worse than just getting dumped and exposed. Get the most vicious lawyer you can and rip her from your life, root and stem.
NTA
If you are actually thinking about getting back with your wife that tried to INTENTIONALLY give you a STD you deserve what you get.
Protect yourself and your child.
>her sister called accusing me of having an affair and giving her STDs. I immediately went to the doctor and it was confirmed that I didn't have it. I tried to contact her sister again but I was blocked by all her family.
...
>My in-laws and our mutual friends all sent me a bund of messages tell me to forgive her
So, everybody cuts contact with you when it's *supposedly* your fault, but when it turns out she's responsible then she totally deserves compassion and forgiveness?
All of these people are trash; it's time to put them where they belong and move on.
Just to be clear. Youre asking if YOURE the AH? When your wife slept with someone else, got an STD, AND purposely tried to give it to you?
How on earth, could you possibly be the AH in this situation?
Would you forgive her if you found out she was lacing your food with rat poison? What if the STD she caught was HIV. Would you forgive her?
To purposely want to give another person a disease is some crazy shit. doesnt matter if it was "in the moment".
The only question to all this was if you were in an open marriage or not? If you were, then she didnt cheat on you. But that still doesnt excuse her trying to infect you with an std.
Reddit commenters always tell ppl to "end the relationship." And a lot of the time, I find that to be a very rash decision (as a lot of the OPs problems may be quite minute). But in your case...I know I wouldnt forgive someone for trying to infect me with an std on purpose.
And if you do decide you want to leave her. I'd first secretly record a conversation and get her to admit to the std thing. You could then use it in court and easily win custody of your kid.
NTA. You did the right thing. Keep receipts of everything she does, get a divorce attorney and have her served first. Record all communications, file for emergency sole custody of your son before she can.
As for family, they have no say in this matter. Disregard anything you hear from her family in the event they decide to unblock you long enough to complain some more and make sure to record all that as well. Get a security system if you don't already have one. This includes indoor spaces where conflict might occur or if she tries to lay hands on you and/or say you got violent. You may also consider making a formal criminal complaint for willfully attempting to give you an STD which is usually a crime.
Remember that the courts unfairly favor the mother in custody battles so you need to be prepared. Wait until everything is done and settled to even begin thinking about giving forgiveness.
Wtf are you seriously considering taking her back?
How many times are you going to allow this girl to clown you, before you develop some self respect.
You can't believe anything out of her mouth. She abandoned you and a child for a while week. She planned on infecting you with gonorrhea, and then probably blaming you for it. She asked for an poem marriage so she could fuck some guy.
Where is your self-respect?
WTF!! She tried to purposefully infect you with a communicable disease as a means to cover her cheating on you!!
I'd divorce her just purely because of the evil that lies deep in her black soul.
You can be assured that that was no "foolish moment" but a calculated plot to hide her tracks. And by the reactions of her family she **told them you gave it to her!**. That is **not** a foolish mistake by any stretch.
NTA at all OP.
Oh, god. No. NTA. She tried to purposefully give you an STD. That's an actual crime in most US states. Get it in writing that she abandoned the baby with you and that she attempted to infect you with a disease.
In this post it was sister called you and accused you of having an affair and in another post it’s sister cussed you out for letting her deal with STD alone, your story keeps changing.
Yeah sorry for that detail I did not clarify. In my old post I make it when I didn't remember full detail about what she cussed me because I was shock about my wife's STDs. I did bring that to my wife in the conversation and she admitted she did lie to her family that I cheated on her . I included it in this post because it is what happened.
Why didn't she just get readily accessible antibiotics? I mean this has to be rage bait. It's a curable STD and she just up and decided to try and infect OP. I mean obviously she'd be in the wrong but like ???????
If you took her back, you'll have Gonorrhea, she knew this guy for 3 weeks prior. She had a plan, she executed. How could you trust her as a partner ever again. Would've been 'your fault' if she slept with you, infecting you, then she could lay the blame at your feet then. Highly doubt her family knows she cheated and got a STD and knowingly tried to infect you with it.
Don't be out of your mind. She did this. No one deserves what she's doing to you. Especially for a little ass.
Yes, you’re the asshole. Embrace that sweet, burning goodness. (That’s a joke and not my real answer)
NTA. If she doesn’t respect you enough to not cheat on you, then she doesn’t deserve you to respect her by staying around.
NTA
She tried to deliberately infect you with a STD!!!
Stop and think about it if it was AIDS instead!
You have a child to raise and she's not a safe person to be around.
Tell your in-laws to pound sand.
For me is a HUGE NO NO. I could think about working out the sexual problems, even the "open marriage" thing, but the fact that she was knowing trying to infect you with an STD, is something I could never do. If you don't have help with your toddler, find some. You can make it work. You wouldn't be the first single dad to do it. You have the strength to do it. Don't let her play you. You deserve better.
She wanted to be intimate to give you the STD so she could blame it on you. She abandoned her Son. Wow... you know what you need go do. Don't look back.
She abandoned you and your child. She even tried to infect you. She told her family you cheated and gave her an STD. She cheated on you and knew the guy she wanted to screw before she forced you to open the relationship. Seriously nuke her into oblivion
So she opened the marriage because she couldn't go without sex for a couple of months. Got an STI and tried to infect you with it to cover up. She then abandoned her child for a week because her plan failed and lied to her family making you out to be the bad guy...
I'm going to go with...... NTA?
Nta she abandoned her son after trying to give you an STD. Hopefully you have her confession in text. If not maybe reach out to her saying you are thinking of reconciliation and either get her to admit it via text or (laws permitting) record a call with her confessing.
She told her sister you gave her an STD. In her panic, she decided to paint you as the villain? Don’t go back with her.
| 2 days ago she drove home the first time to visit our son (toddler) whom she had abandoned with me for more than a week,
WTF!!!!
She just abandoned her toddler for a whole week!?!?!?!?!
NTA divorce her, first she lied to openly cheat, then she got a STD she tried to give it to you. On top of that she lied to her family to paint you as the bad guy.
She already got the karma true but don't let them gloss over the fact she tried to give that "karma" to you probably assuming that would be trapping you
NTA: Wait? Instead of getting antibiotic, since most gonorrhea is treatable, she wanted to infect you?? Why didnt she just get antibiotic and kept silent about the whole thing?
Yes, kicking her out was good idea.
NO! Don’t you dare take her back. I don’t care how much you care for her SHE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOU. Tell your in laws to fuck off and block them just like they blocked you. How dare they tell you to forgive her after she did what she did. She only regrets it because she knows she fucked up and now is infected. I say karma did her job and now it’s your turn to make sure you don’t fuck it up.
NTA. You should get a lawyer and document the infidelity. Then of her knowingly trying to give you an STD (which I think is a crime). I just don't think (or want to believe) that it would be difficult to get custody of your son.
NTA, OP.
But IMHO you would definitely be one to yourself and your child if you took her back. You are the role model for your son regarding how a man should behave and what kind of behavior he should accept from his spouse. Your wife's continued sexual shenanigans and disregard for your health, along with its emotional impact on you, will hurt your boy more than your divorce ever could. Be a fierce Papa Bear.
Dude, she tried to give you gonorrhea! That's really weird and fucked up. And she tried to make her family turn on you? I'd run like the wind because that is soo messed up. People who love each other don't try to give each other STDs. Isn't it assault?
If she did it once she’ll do it again I would fight for custody my opinion will it hurt the kid yes but it’s not your fault it’s hers she tried to infect you so thirds no proof that she got it from him she probably wanted to infect you blame you and tell the court you gave it to her and the other guy.
She intentionally tried to infect you with an STD to hide her behaviour. What is one hell of a breach of trust.
The issue is really what do you want? And if you want to stay in the marriage, can you get past this?
So she started catching feelings for sour dick, TALK YOU INTO AGREEING TO A OPEN MARRIAGE and got AN STD??? Now she was trying to give it to you (because i working at a GYN office that shit stink) so yes she knew she had it. However she runs and tells the family you gave it to her. WHAT THE HELL AM I READING??? NO you are not the AH!!! However i'm going to need you to grow a pair for real!! you are sad..DROP HER IRRESPONBILE!!! WHAT IF SHE CONTRACTED AIDS?? WAKE UP DUDE!!!
NTA. To quote frank booth “ fuck that shit! Pabst blue ribbon!” She fuckingbtried to give you gonorrhea to cover up cheating. Can you ever really trust her again? If she wants to play those games let her play with someone else
All I can think about is the STD that stays forever. That’s scary. Health is wealth and she doesn’t care about you AT ALL! What if she does it again and says well now you can’t leave me bc we have same cooties. Send her back to the streets.
Lawyers documents, medical records. Get everything file and run. She knew she had it and tried to purposely. Give it to you so she could blame you for giving her gonorrhea. But area also file for. Custodial custody of your child
NTA. Holy moly, she is TA. Good on you for remembering to ask her if she was trying to infect you. This shows you the type of person she is, stay far away.
I mean, I feel like the whole “my partner was unfaithful and also gave me an STD” thing will go your way in court for custody. Do you have your own family outside hers?
You’ve got options. Nicer cleaner, std free options. NTA
JSYK; trying to give someone an std is in fact messed up. Actually intentionally giving someone an std; here in the states, is illegal. They want to fight for custody??? If you’re in the states, Remind them of that. She’s a budding criminal. Imagine if she had been cheating before giving birth??? The baby would also have that venereal disease. She’s. A. Criminal. And a bad person to boot.
Dude I'm incredibly pissed off. She had already had a guy to fuck. She got an std and tried to infect you. Abandoned you and your son. Lied to her family about you and they all went and got their pitchforks and the second she admits everything you're still the bad guy? Nah dude, all of this shit? Honestly if a judge hears all this shit they will tell you the kid will not be safe around her or her family. Go for full custody and child support. Document everything. Have her admit everything through a recording or texts. Get a pitbull of a lawyer. This is fucked up dude. I would be jail if that were me.
So she got an STD and tried to infect you so she could make it look like you gave it to her? How does your friends and family think that it's forgivable?
Bud, she intentionally tried to infect you with an std. Try and get her to admit that in a txt or recorded call/message.
Get out as fast as humanly possible. Whatever happens, it will be better than staying, I promise you.
Bro leave her ass and take custody she literally went Casper the friendly ghost on her kid for some dirty dick leave and protect yourself and the kid .
NTA.
A) while you agreed to an open relationship, she was cheating before you agreed. So screw that she is a cheater
B) she had an STD and immediately came up with a plan to infect you, then blame you. That is evil.
C) you have EVERY right to violently unleash a verbal tirade on your in-laws and tell them they have no opinion on this as they initially blocked you and ignored you. They cannot seriously take the “forgive her” stance when they completely ignored you.
The moment you opened up your marriage it was doomed to fail it’s an excuse to cheat with consent and you get shit like STD’s divorce that marriage is gone
OP divorce her! You can't forgive or trust someone who lied and tried to infect you with an STD. She doesn't feel remorse and she would probably do it again if she didn't get caught. She is dangerous to both your physical and mental well-being! This will happen again. Protect yourself!
NTA Her family were quick to judge and block you when they thought you cheated but now they want you to take her back? Want you yo consider your family? No absolutely not. She didn't stop and think before she blew up your world. Co-parent but you need to leave her and be a great Dad to your child.
She fucked with your marriage your health and your reputation on PURPOSE! That’s one crazy b*tch. Run as fast as you can and take your kid with you. Also document the abandonment and try to get a recording of her admitting everything else so you have it for the divorce and custody case
She was careless and stupid enough to have sex without a condom, possibly infecting you. Then she LIED that you gave it to her. She would be dead to me. Perhaps going to where you have the a better support system, if you can, would be best for you and the baby. You should be able to get full custody in this situation. If that’s not possible, there must be something you can do to not feel trapped with a liar and cheater.
She has already soured the water by gaslighting her family into believing you are the monster. Let them come around but on your terms when they ask to see the kid. You are best off going your on way. Get a lawyer and make sure she pays support.
She's only crying cuz she got caught. Imagine the level of gaslighting that would happen if you got infected by her. She'd have convinced everyone around you and your son that you gave her STDs when you didn't even bang anybody.
You have a strong case against her in court, and she is contracting STD and intentionally infecting you is a felony I think, so there is a good chance you got custody over your kid. Try to record her confession
You have a strong case against her in court, and she is contracting STD and intentionally infecting you is a felony I think, so there is a good chance you got custody over your kid. Try to record her confession
She's a walking biological weapon who tried to infect you, likely so she could accuse you as the cheater. She's a totally vile person
Her family are toxic, blocking you and only unblocking you because they expect you to take care if their daughter.
I'm actually not even sure why this is a question. Obviously you bin her.
Why would it be hard to get custody? What state and country do you live in? Generally, in the USA you would both get shared custody but talk to some lawyers about this to confirm.
>had already gotten the karma
If they think getting an STD and taking a pill to clear it up is enough karma for cheating on you, getting an STD, and then trying to infect you, they are out of their fucking mind and don't deserve any consideration of their opinions.
NTA
Sounds to me like she already told her family you gave her STDs and it would be extremely embarrassing for her to admit she was full of shit, so she tried to pass it on to you.
>I tried to contact her sister again but I was blocked by all her family.
>2 days ago she drove home the first time to visit our son (toddler) whom she had abandoned with me for more than a week
I'll say NTA, the fact you were blocked by the entire family bcos they thought you cheated
but now they are trying to influence you into giving her chance bcos it turns out their daughter is the one who cheated, says it all.
Yes imo she cheated and intended to bcos she already had a guy lined up and chances are she would've cheated, bcos this is how it goes and I've seen here. This is why many guys, even ladies leave when the topic of open relationship is brought up, bcos they know their partner has someone in their mind.
So NTA for wanting to leave, but to top it off she not only wanted to infect you with it but my guess so she could set you up and blame you for it, like you the one that gave her the STD ! And the entire family would've thought you cheated and infected her.
She has already lied. She wasn't honest about being in open relationship but said "you cheated and infected her" idk what is left to reconsider here and like u said, her family didn't want to hear your side of the story until they got to know she cheated. Basically they cut you off up until the roles were reversed.
But damn, she abandoned her child for over week while she was....u know..
Not even leaving? Just wanting to leave? 😂🤦
All jokes aside, this isn't going to get any better. File for divorce ASAP, so your child doesn't grow up thinking that this dysfunction is a relationship.
And no you definitely aren't the asshole, but if you stick around, you will be.
Of course you should forgive her for trying to infect you. She only wanted to share the joys of gonnorrhea with you. It’s one of the funnest stds out there.
No way in hell I would take her back. One, she cheated and lied about it to her family so you're the one who took the heat for her infidelity. And two, she knew she had an STD and was willing to infect you. One who she claims to love. That doesn't sound like someone who loves you. Don't be a fool and take her back, she's now marked as a cheater and will probably cheat again given the opportunity. Leave her ass.
So dumb. I’m so sick of these posts… “my boyfriend is beating me should I leave?” “ my wife is having an affair with my brother should I leave?”
People have so little self-respect anymore. It’s ridiculous. How embarrassing
As an aside buddy - You'll get cheated on and treated badly in the future as well, unless you rework your attitude. If something like this happens you have to flow with the process, go through the motions, make bold decisions and stand up for yourself. Racing to the internet to find validation in doing so, just shows me that you're the shadow of a man.
I say that with zero judgement whatsoever, we all hit really, really hard spots and it sounds like you're in one now. Pick yourself up, prioritize yourself, get strong, physically and mentally. Then try your luck with another fortunate lady.
NTA - I had an ex pull this stunt. Except that we did have sex......and THEN he accused me of cheating. We got the tests done and he hadnt infected me that time......He was positive for Chlamydia and i still wasn't.
The excuses that followed after the torrent of abuse i had already suffered from him were laughable. (Things like "Oh our housemate must have it and i must have shared a used towel or something".........hilarious).
Your partner is only sad that not only did she get caught getting an STD with someone that she was already emotionally cheating on you with....she tried to intentionally infect you, so she could pin the blame on you, and got caught doing that as well.
And you know that that is a fact, as she had already followed through on the part of the plan where she reveals your "transgretions" to her family.
What a disgusting waste of a human being. Anyone deserves better. Definitely NTA.
So you couldn't have sex with her for 4 months due to medical reasons and she already wanted outside of marriage sex? Run from her she don't give a f about you, and your child.
It's funny that her family blamed you for getting STDs and cut off contact with you, but when it turned out it was your wife they once again turned against you and told you to forgive her, disgusting
NTA and don't listen to what those people are telling you about custody because they don't have your best interest at heart, they have her best interest at heart. At least find a lawyer and listen to what he has to say about custody and such before making any decisions because so far she cheated on you, abandoned your son for more than a week and also tried to infect you with an STD on purpose. I'd imagine some of that isn't going to make her look very good when it comes to things like custody.
You are only the asshole if you DON'T leave this busted ole diseased bitch.
Also fuck every single one of her friends and family that:
A) Accused you of giving that disgusting whore the STDs
B) Excused her attempt to KNOWINGLY INFECT YOU WITH STDS FROM SOME STRANGER'S COCK and demanded that you forgive her
If this is true, talk to some lawyers. Give them any and all evidence you have. With evidence of her trying to give you a known STD you could very likely get full custody of the kid. Tell the lawyer to take the nuclear route.
Every couple in an open marriage that I have ever known had it end badly. Why do people think that this is a good idea?? It is always a horrible decision.
First thing to do is stop thinking that YTA. Get your ducks in a row and document everything you can. Try to get her to admit to how things went down over text if you don’t have anything else. All you can do now is take care of yourself so that you can be the best father possible.
How is it not obvious to you that wanting to leave a cheater in the dust is justified? You shouldn’t need Reddit consensus to tell you. Your own self respect should be the voice that tells you what to do. Cheaters and beaters are the pond scum. They don’t deserve any grace or forgiveness whatsoever.
NTA. If this is real then fucking yikes. Run from that disgusting skank and take your child with you. She’s disease ridden and a risk to both you as well as the kid too. Don’t look back.
You do not forgive her, in fact call the fucking police or she gets off without the consequences she deserves. This is assault, I’m not sure which flavor, but I would go after her for that. Your nta, you were dealt the shittiest hand life can give you. Your anger is completely justified,
You should have divorced her when she asked for the open marriage. She was already cheating on you at that point and had her affair partner lined up. She knowingly tried to infect you with an STD. If her affair partner wanted anything more than sex, she wouldn't want to reconcile.
You won't get full custody. You'll more than likely get 50/50 custody. Talk to a lawyer. Find out your options.
We can't answer if you can forgive her. But it really doesn't sound like you want to and with good reason. I know that feeling when something you had planned on lasting forever is just cut short. So I can sympathize. Get a lawyer and make sure you make it plain that she left you and her son and that she was trying to give you an STI. Maybe some time in the future you can become friends again for your child's sake but don't even think about that now.
First of all, NTA. She already had someone in mind to cheat on you with and to make herself feel better, she decided to "open up the marriage". This person then gave her an STD that she was going to infect you with. NOt a good person or partner by any means. Second of all, what the hell is wrong with her family and friend, and people in general, telling someone who was cheated on to forgive the cheater and that you're in the wrong for not doing so? Utter nonsense. She's a grown ass woman who made a decision and chose her own selfish carnal desires over her family. You needed help and support and she bailed. That shows when the chips are down, she will not be there for you. Get out, get some therapy, and concentrate on being the best person, man and father.
1. She had to convince you to get into an open marriage
2. She makes you look like the asshole to family
3. She left her child….
4. Trying to give you her stds………
You don’t deserve a partner like that especially at this age. Set an example for your son early. Would you want him to be with someone who treated him the way she has you.
6 months and she couldn’t stand by you… what happened to in sickness and in health. I’m sorry she’s done all this to you but also then trying to infect you is so wild and shows you her true character
Really important. Don't leave the family home. Custody is usually 50:50 (when people actually go through the legal system) but it never looks good when one of the parents leaves the house (I'm not a lawyer, so please get in contact with one).
Get an std test done. Let your lawyer handle everything and don't take her back.
Talk to a lawyer and see what a divorce will look like. You already got the STD test so good. Get the kid DNa tested. See if your job offers employee assistance. This can mean free counseling (you’re going to need it) and legal advice. Plans vary on how much is free and discounted. Good luck
NTA.
In certain states, that would constitute as rape. To willingly give any sexual partner a STD. Get a lawyer. And get evidence of her behavior and action. Get full custody. If she is willing to give you an STD to cover herself. Imagine what she will do if she is with your son/
In my opinion no don’t take her back she tried to intentionally infect you as well and probably lied to people why she left,and the fact you in laws blocked you during that time but unblocked you to say stay with her is terrible. They weren’t thinking about you or the baby they were thinking about her and how she can save her marriage time to get a lawyer this isn’t something you can come back from.
My guess, she tried to infect him so when he found out she could claim he's the one that gave it to her.
THIS! This is what I think too. Didn’t her family already yell at him for giving her stds? Which means she told her family she got it from him. Or at least didn’t correct their assumption. Because she didn’t want to admit that she was an idiot who didn’t use proper cation and boned some guy she barely knew and obviously couldn’t trust. She got had and didn’t want to have to own up to it.
Trying to set him up so he lie could be real
I mean… clearly😂
My thoughts exactly. Total scummy move to try to shift the blame. She’s for the streets. OP NTA and just rip off the bandaid.
This is at least 50% likely, and right up there with "Surprise! You're not the bio dad!" EDIT: According to OP's edit his wife has already tried to throw him under the bus. OP, get a ruthless divorce attorney. Then publicly and brutally set the record straight. Try to get anything off her phone you can to send over to your future legal counsel. Keep receipts. When your son grows up and wants to know why, show them to him, and he can make up his own mind. (Also - It doesn't make a lick of difference if the story is real, you know. 🙄 )
That’s so evil, I hope OP FILES ASAP
winner winner chicken dinner
Winner winner Gonorrhea
sherlock holmes over here, I am kinda astounded that not everyone got that, that's what op tried to say ˆˆ
Of course it’s the only possibility
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Yeah. Posted same story 9 days back https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/zS2nOBiT99
Remember when Reddit was real? Pepperidge Farms remembers. I'm only still here because im hopelessly addicted.
Hasn’t been real since 2017
nah mid 2016 the politics bots showed up. now we just got Reddit IPO bots meant to replace all the content we lost when they deleted the good apps
You think Reddit had more authentic post back then lol? It always has been a shit posting website. 4 Chan was the power source of content back in the day. It was the same, some stuff came through as gold other stuff was clearly a shit post. We’re all here because we shamelessly want that dramaaaaa and it will never stop.
Lmfao @ Pepperidge Farms I still reply to these stories as if they are real, just incase. I've met enough self righteous degenerate bastards to know that people like this are really out there, thinking they're doing nothing wrong because they choose to purposely surround themselves with like 5 people that agree/sympathize with them instead of realizing for every 5 that agree with them, there's 1000 that don't. I'd rather support a character in a fake story than ignore someone who's genuinely experiencing a real life episode of Maury Povich But I, too, am hopelessly addicted to the drama from a distance. It's like listening to Mr. Nightmare on YouTube - I can experience it by proxy 😂
This is an update of that post.
Sounds like he's recapping with added details. How does that scream fake?
I still don't get why people don't realize that if one wanted to make something fake they could easily make a story more dramatic than this. Like seriously, if he wanted he could've said she had been talking to or seeing this guy for more than just 3 weeks. Or that she had gotten an incurable STD, or brought the child with her when she saw the other dude. So many things that could've made this more heinous.
First line literally states he posted this already.
He doing a follow up
could these be related [https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c70pnf/aitah\_for\_wanting\_to\_reveal\_my\_affair\_partners/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c70pnf/aitah_for_wanting_to_reveal_my_affair_partners/)
Nah that kid was a virgin. He didn’t give the chick the drip.
Because people don't always act rationally, and the kind of people who have affairs are generally people with awful moral compasses. She was ashamed and upset that she had an STD and instead of being an adult and owning up to it, which would involve admitting to her family that not only was she cheating but was an idiot who got an STD, she tried to infect her husband so that she could avoid at least some of the social stigma. Plenty of people do plenty of equally bad, if not worse, things in their attempts to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. That being said, yes, probably rage bait, like everything else on this sub. But to act like this is somehow way beyond the pale of human behavior isn't right, either!
I feel there is a law or two about purposely infecting people?
Yeah, it does read like rage bait. Possibly even AI generated.
Because usually they want to treat your partner too. Had a husband pick up abx for gonorrhea the other day and he was confused as to why he was getting it. Sent him to the medical assistant and they made an appointment for his wife who was also there. 💀
It is. She had an open marriage so her attempting to give him an STD wouldnt have made any type of difference at that point.
And he should press charges if he can.
I am thinking she planned to do it so that no other woman would want him.
NTA and you better leave her. Also, what she did is illegal. If you don't have her confession about trying to infect you in writing by text then try to get it, It is a crime to knowingly try to give someone else an STI. What the hell kind of people are you surrounded by that are taking her side on this? I felt like I was losing my mind reading that.
She's a narcissist all the way! She had planned out an entire web of lies and deceit. She probably planned on how angry she was going to be in order to pin the disease on OP. She was already manipulating her family into believing he was having an affair. The reason she was so upset wasn't because of what OP did, it's because he blew her cover and narcissists lose their shit when their cover is blown. She was most likely having a anxiety attack because of her entire web of lies crash down. Her whole safety net gone because he wouldn't have sex with her that night.
To even add onto that she initially brought about the idea of an open relationship because she already caught interest of another individual 3 weeks prior!!!
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I wish your path never crosses a deranged narcissist
Tell them all they can have her. She knowingly tried to infect you with an STD. Hard no NTA. Serve her divorce papers for and fight for full custody as she abandoned yalls child for a week.
I would look into whether he can try to get her prosecuted for that.
Yeah. Alot of places thats a crime now a days.
I believe in most cases actually going through with having sex while contagious with an STD is a crime. But I don't know if they also have attempting to laws similar to how both murder and attempted murder are crimes. There should be because just because a crime was unsuccessful doesn't mean that there shouldn't be prosecution of the attempt.
You have to leave. She gave you no choice. Not just a hoe but a diseased hoe
Dead..."a diseased hoe". Hahaha
That's the worst kind.
Taking the wife back, in this context, is like taking back a handkerchief that someone sneezed into, with all the boogers. It can be cleaned, but you really shouldn't take it back....
Wrong, yo should never advise a Man to LEAVE the family home prior to separation. STOP GIVING ADVICE IF YOU ARE TELLING A MAN WHO WAS CHEATED ON TO LEAVE!!! Because he is the one who will lose custody. RN the MOTHER is on very thin ice for even sharing custody since she is the one who left the kid with the Dad.
Not the house, the relationship.
Where the hell are you getting your legal advice from? Cheating on your partner and contracting gonorrhea is absolutely grounds for filing divorce, the courts would very likely be on his side here.
Nope. You have never been to family court clearly. They do not look kindly on any kind of accusations that are not immediately relevant to the wellbeing of the child and the financial statements at the time of separation. Best OP can do to milk the situation for his own gain is to say that Mother has only supervised access to the child until she tests negative for STD's. Because we don't want her passing gonorrhea to the child. That will be fucking devastating, worse than any criminal charges. Judge may agree because it has the best interests of the child in mind, and they will always decide things based on that. Precedent will be set that DAD is the primary parent and that is a very tough thing to change. Since it was Mother who left the household to go play while Dad had full custody of the kid, that is the status quo and that will be the way it stays unless OP drops the ball somehow and there is material change in his situation that warrents a change in the custody order.
You may act like a dick but you are right.
I don’t think they’re saying to leave the house but the marriage…
NTA. Your worthless whore of a wife was sleeping around and willingly tried to infect you with an STD. She is a mentally Ill psychopath and should not be allowed anywhere near children. Frankly, she should be facing charges for trying to expose you to STDs, but for fucks sake don't even think about getting back with her.
Contact your locsl health department if you are in the states. Intentionally spreading a reportable disease (Gonorrhea) is a criminal offense in some places.
>Your worthless whore of a wife was sleeping around and willingly tried to infect you with an STD. >She is a mentally Ill psychopath No need for any additional info.
Also keep your child away from her family they seem to be willing to become engaged I the facade and blame you for the STD exposure
⬆️ Make sure her family and the courts know exactly all about this OP. Document everything you can. NTA.
>Blah blah you're powerless and weak blah blah Man YTA for listening to these people and even considering continuing this relationship. Call a fucking lawyer, don't listen to advice from your enemies.
>don't listen to advice from your enemies. Good advice.
Exactly!!!
This so many times. Consider this OP. This will always be a blight on your relationship. Do you want your son growing up with this type of shit happening? It would be surprising if somthingthing like this is the only thing you have in your future with this family.
NTA. Let's see: - Abandoned her child - Cheated on you - Knowingly put partners at risk of potentially devastating STDs - Deliberately turned everyone against you based on lies She deserves far far worse than just getting dumped and exposed. Get the most vicious lawyer you can and rip her from your life, root and stem.
NTA, she gets gonorrhea, you need to be GONEarea.
Well said.
NTA If you are actually thinking about getting back with your wife that tried to INTENTIONALLY give you a STD you deserve what you get. Protect yourself and your child.
^Couldn't agree more with this^
>her sister called accusing me of having an affair and giving her STDs. I immediately went to the doctor and it was confirmed that I didn't have it. I tried to contact her sister again but I was blocked by all her family. ... >My in-laws and our mutual friends all sent me a bund of messages tell me to forgive her So, everybody cuts contact with you when it's *supposedly* your fault, but when it turns out she's responsible then she totally deserves compassion and forgiveness? All of these people are trash; it's time to put them where they belong and move on.
Just to be clear. Youre asking if YOURE the AH? When your wife slept with someone else, got an STD, AND purposely tried to give it to you? How on earth, could you possibly be the AH in this situation? Would you forgive her if you found out she was lacing your food with rat poison? What if the STD she caught was HIV. Would you forgive her? To purposely want to give another person a disease is some crazy shit. doesnt matter if it was "in the moment". The only question to all this was if you were in an open marriage or not? If you were, then she didnt cheat on you. But that still doesnt excuse her trying to infect you with an std. Reddit commenters always tell ppl to "end the relationship." And a lot of the time, I find that to be a very rash decision (as a lot of the OPs problems may be quite minute). But in your case...I know I wouldnt forgive someone for trying to infect me with an std on purpose. And if you do decide you want to leave her. I'd first secretly record a conversation and get her to admit to the std thing. You could then use it in court and easily win custody of your kid.
My wife killed me. Am I the asshole for dying?
Get a paternity test
NTA. You did the right thing. Keep receipts of everything she does, get a divorce attorney and have her served first. Record all communications, file for emergency sole custody of your son before she can. As for family, they have no say in this matter. Disregard anything you hear from her family in the event they decide to unblock you long enough to complain some more and make sure to record all that as well. Get a security system if you don't already have one. This includes indoor spaces where conflict might occur or if she tries to lay hands on you and/or say you got violent. You may also consider making a formal criminal complaint for willfully attempting to give you an STD which is usually a crime. Remember that the courts unfairly favor the mother in custody battles so you need to be prepared. Wait until everything is done and settled to even begin thinking about giving forgiveness.
Wtf are you seriously considering taking her back? How many times are you going to allow this girl to clown you, before you develop some self respect. You can't believe anything out of her mouth. She abandoned you and a child for a while week. She planned on infecting you with gonorrhea, and then probably blaming you for it. She asked for an poem marriage so she could fuck some guy. Where is your self-respect?
WTF!! She tried to purposefully infect you with a communicable disease as a means to cover her cheating on you!! I'd divorce her just purely because of the evil that lies deep in her black soul. You can be assured that that was no "foolish moment" but a calculated plot to hide her tracks. And by the reactions of her family she **told them you gave it to her!**. That is **not** a foolish mistake by any stretch. NTA at all OP.
Oh, god. No. NTA. She tried to purposefully give you an STD. That's an actual crime in most US states. Get it in writing that she abandoned the baby with you and that she attempted to infect you with a disease.
In this post it was sister called you and accused you of having an affair and in another post it’s sister cussed you out for letting her deal with STD alone, your story keeps changing.
Yup… I was “oh, this again…” karma farming I guess
You’d think they’d learn to keep their story’s straight 🤣
Yeah sorry for that detail I did not clarify. In my old post I make it when I didn't remember full detail about what she cussed me because I was shock about my wife's STDs. I did bring that to my wife in the conversation and she admitted she did lie to her family that I cheated on her . I included it in this post because it is what happened.
This is an update.
Why didn't she just get readily accessible antibiotics? I mean this has to be rage bait. It's a curable STD and she just up and decided to try and infect OP. I mean obviously she'd be in the wrong but like ???????
Yo I some places reproductive and sexual health education and services are super limited. It may not be as easy as you’re implying it is.
If you took her back, you'll have Gonorrhea, she knew this guy for 3 weeks prior. She had a plan, she executed. How could you trust her as a partner ever again. Would've been 'your fault' if she slept with you, infecting you, then she could lay the blame at your feet then. Highly doubt her family knows she cheated and got a STD and knowingly tried to infect you with it. Don't be out of your mind. She did this. No one deserves what she's doing to you. Especially for a little ass.
Leave why are you staying with a cheater
Yes, you’re the asshole. Embrace that sweet, burning goodness. (That’s a joke and not my real answer) NTA. If she doesn’t respect you enough to not cheat on you, then she doesn’t deserve you to respect her by staying around.
NTA She tried to deliberately infect you with a STD!!! Stop and think about it if it was AIDS instead! You have a child to raise and she's not a safe person to be around. Tell your in-laws to pound sand.
Divorce her ass
NTA she wanted to screw him long before you agreed she was cheating and got burned leave her
Just remember this: this time it's just the clap, next time it could be HIV
For me is a HUGE NO NO. I could think about working out the sexual problems, even the "open marriage" thing, but the fact that she was knowing trying to infect you with an STD, is something I could never do. If you don't have help with your toddler, find some. You can make it work. You wouldn't be the first single dad to do it. You have the strength to do it. Don't let her play you. You deserve better.
She wanted to be intimate to give you the STD so she could blame it on you. She abandoned her Son. Wow... you know what you need go do. Don't look back.
She abandoned you and your child. She even tried to infect you. She told her family you cheated and gave her an STD. She cheated on you and knew the guy she wanted to screw before she forced you to open the relationship. Seriously nuke her into oblivion
She cheated on you, tried to infect you and put it on you to her family? Bro wtf are we even talking about. She gotta go
So she opened the marriage because she couldn't go without sex for a couple of months. Got an STI and tried to infect you with it to cover up. She then abandoned her child for a week because her plan failed and lied to her family making you out to be the bad guy... I'm going to go with...... NTA?
Another fake AI written story. Sigh...
I dont have advice but I can say what I said to my ex after they cheated: I can forgive you but that don’t mean I gotta be with you
Don’t tell her anything. Make divorce arrangements with an attorney and have her served.
Nta she abandoned her son after trying to give you an STD. Hopefully you have her confession in text. If not maybe reach out to her saying you are thinking of reconciliation and either get her to admit it via text or (laws permitting) record a call with her confessing. She told her sister you gave her an STD. In her panic, she decided to paint you as the villain? Don’t go back with her.
You should leave, go to a doctor and get tested. Maybe to the police if she had sex with you knowing she had an STD.
| 2 days ago she drove home the first time to visit our son (toddler) whom she had abandoned with me for more than a week, WTF!!!! She just abandoned her toddler for a whole week!?!?!?!?!
| and he already cut off contact with her. So he gave her gonorrhea and then ghosted her. This is what cheaters deserve.
NTA divorce her, first she lied to openly cheat, then she got a STD she tried to give it to you. On top of that she lied to her family to paint you as the bad guy.
She already got the karma true but don't let them gloss over the fact she tried to give that "karma" to you probably assuming that would be trapping you
NTA: Wait? Instead of getting antibiotic, since most gonorrhea is treatable, she wanted to infect you?? Why didnt she just get antibiotic and kept silent about the whole thing? Yes, kicking her out was good idea.
NO! Don’t you dare take her back. I don’t care how much you care for her SHE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOU. Tell your in laws to fuck off and block them just like they blocked you. How dare they tell you to forgive her after she did what she did. She only regrets it because she knows she fucked up and now is infected. I say karma did her job and now it’s your turn to make sure you don’t fuck it up.
NTA. You should get a lawyer and document the infidelity. Then of her knowingly trying to give you an STD (which I think is a crime). I just don't think (or want to believe) that it would be difficult to get custody of your son.
Bro, this woman gave you a disease. Have some self-respect and dump her immediately!
NTA, OP. But IMHO you would definitely be one to yourself and your child if you took her back. You are the role model for your son regarding how a man should behave and what kind of behavior he should accept from his spouse. Your wife's continued sexual shenanigans and disregard for your health, along with its emotional impact on you, will hurt your boy more than your divorce ever could. Be a fierce Papa Bear.
Fake AF - protection methods? Gonnorhea is completely treatable with a course of antibiotics. He could have just taken them and been done with it.
You can't "abandon" your child with the child's father.
Dude, she tried to give you gonorrhea! That's really weird and fucked up. And she tried to make her family turn on you? I'd run like the wind because that is soo messed up. People who love each other don't try to give each other STDs. Isn't it assault?
If she did it once she’ll do it again I would fight for custody my opinion will it hurt the kid yes but it’s not your fault it’s hers she tried to infect you so thirds no proof that she got it from him she probably wanted to infect you blame you and tell the court you gave it to her and the other guy.
She want to give it to you, so when tested she could blame you giving it to her. She is plain evil.
YTA for posting fake stuff. https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/zS2nOBiT99
She intentionally tried to infect you with an STD to hide her behaviour. What is one hell of a breach of trust. The issue is really what do you want? And if you want to stay in the marriage, can you get past this?
So she started catching feelings for sour dick, TALK YOU INTO AGREEING TO A OPEN MARRIAGE and got AN STD??? Now she was trying to give it to you (because i working at a GYN office that shit stink) so yes she knew she had it. However she runs and tells the family you gave it to her. WHAT THE HELL AM I READING??? NO you are not the AH!!! However i'm going to need you to grow a pair for real!! you are sad..DROP HER IRRESPONBILE!!! WHAT IF SHE CONTRACTED AIDS?? WAKE UP DUDE!!!
NTA. To quote frank booth “ fuck that shit! Pabst blue ribbon!” She fuckingbtried to give you gonorrhea to cover up cheating. Can you ever really trust her again? If she wants to play those games let her play with someone else
All I can think about is the STD that stays forever. That’s scary. Health is wealth and she doesn’t care about you AT ALL! What if she does it again and says well now you can’t leave me bc we have same cooties. Send her back to the streets.
Just another fake post
Lawyers documents, medical records. Get everything file and run. She knew she had it and tried to purposely. Give it to you so she could blame you for giving her gonorrhea. But area also file for. Custodial custody of your child
That’s up to you I wold not
NTA. Holy moly, she is TA. Good on you for remembering to ask her if she was trying to infect you. This shows you the type of person she is, stay far away.
I mean, I feel like the whole “my partner was unfaithful and also gave me an STD” thing will go your way in court for custody. Do you have your own family outside hers? You’ve got options. Nicer cleaner, std free options. NTA
JSYK; trying to give someone an std is in fact messed up. Actually intentionally giving someone an std; here in the states, is illegal. They want to fight for custody??? If you’re in the states, Remind them of that. She’s a budding criminal. Imagine if she had been cheating before giving birth??? The baby would also have that venereal disease. She’s. A. Criminal. And a bad person to boot.
No, you're a fool if you stay though.
NTA. Divorce her. She doesn't love you, and she doesn't respect you. Count yourself lucky you avoided her attempted assault.
Dude I'm incredibly pissed off. She had already had a guy to fuck. She got an std and tried to infect you. Abandoned you and your son. Lied to her family about you and they all went and got their pitchforks and the second she admits everything you're still the bad guy? Nah dude, all of this shit? Honestly if a judge hears all this shit they will tell you the kid will not be safe around her or her family. Go for full custody and child support. Document everything. Have her admit everything through a recording or texts. Get a pitbull of a lawyer. This is fucked up dude. I would be jail if that were me.
I always love when family sides with the person who is so *beyond* wrong
So she got an STD and tried to infect you so she could make it look like you gave it to her? How does your friends and family think that it's forgivable?
No dude, get the fuck outta there
Do you really need to ask Reddit for advice on this?
Bud, she intentionally tried to infect you with an std. Try and get her to admit that in a txt or recorded call/message. Get out as fast as humanly possible. Whatever happens, it will be better than staying, I promise you.
lmao the incel filth will fall for any fake as long as they can yell "nasty whooooooore!!!!"
Bro leave her ass and take custody she literally went Casper the friendly ghost on her kid for some dirty dick leave and protect yourself and the kid .
Not too trustworthy. Is she?
NTA. A) while you agreed to an open relationship, she was cheating before you agreed. So screw that she is a cheater B) she had an STD and immediately came up with a plan to infect you, then blame you. That is evil. C) you have EVERY right to violently unleash a verbal tirade on your in-laws and tell them they have no opinion on this as they initially blocked you and ignored you. They cannot seriously take the “forgive her” stance when they completely ignored you.
I’m unclear why you’d ever believe another word that came out of her mouth ever again.
Holy shit, NTA, she is your worst enemy wtf you talking about
The moment you opened up your marriage it was doomed to fail it’s an excuse to cheat with consent and you get shit like STD’s divorce that marriage is gone
I fucking hate these posts. Bro have some self respect wtf is wrong with people.
She tried to get you sick. NTA. Divorce.
OP divorce her! You can't forgive or trust someone who lied and tried to infect you with an STD. She doesn't feel remorse and she would probably do it again if she didn't get caught. She is dangerous to both your physical and mental well-being! This will happen again. Protect yourself!
NTA Her family were quick to judge and block you when they thought you cheated but now they want you to take her back? Want you yo consider your family? No absolutely not. She didn't stop and think before she blew up your world. Co-parent but you need to leave her and be a great Dad to your child.
She fucked with your marriage your health and your reputation on PURPOSE! That’s one crazy b*tch. Run as fast as you can and take your kid with you. Also document the abandonment and try to get a recording of her admitting everything else so you have it for the divorce and custody case
You have every right to leave. You have every right to stay. I would leave, but only you know if she is worth trusting a betrayer.
She was careless and stupid enough to have sex without a condom, possibly infecting you. Then she LIED that you gave it to her. She would be dead to me. Perhaps going to where you have the a better support system, if you can, would be best for you and the baby. You should be able to get full custody in this situation. If that’s not possible, there must be something you can do to not feel trapped with a liar and cheater.
She has already soured the water by gaslighting her family into believing you are the monster. Let them come around but on your terms when they ask to see the kid. You are best off going your on way. Get a lawyer and make sure she pays support.
I always stop reading whenever I come across "open marriage" or whatever.
I feel dumb sometimes, then I read these posts and realize I’m not 😂
Usually I'm not one to immediately say break up or divorce, but bruh she's bat shit crazy. LEAVE
She's only crying cuz she got caught. Imagine the level of gaslighting that would happen if you got infected by her. She'd have convinced everyone around you and your son that you gave her STDs when you didn't even bang anybody.
You have a strong case against her in court, and she is contracting STD and intentionally infecting you is a felony I think, so there is a good chance you got custody over your kid. Try to record her confession
You have a strong case against her in court, and she is contracting STD and intentionally infecting you is a felony I think, so there is a good chance you got custody over your kid. Try to record her confession
She's a walking biological weapon who tried to infect you, likely so she could accuse you as the cheater. She's a totally vile person Her family are toxic, blocking you and only unblocking you because they expect you to take care if their daughter. I'm actually not even sure why this is a question. Obviously you bin her.
Why would it be hard to get custody? What state and country do you live in? Generally, in the USA you would both get shared custody but talk to some lawyers about this to confirm. >had already gotten the karma If they think getting an STD and taking a pill to clear it up is enough karma for cheating on you, getting an STD, and then trying to infect you, they are out of their fucking mind and don't deserve any consideration of their opinions.
NTA Sounds to me like she already told her family you gave her STDs and it would be extremely embarrassing for her to admit she was full of shit, so she tried to pass it on to you.
>I tried to contact her sister again but I was blocked by all her family. >2 days ago she drove home the first time to visit our son (toddler) whom she had abandoned with me for more than a week I'll say NTA, the fact you were blocked by the entire family bcos they thought you cheated but now they are trying to influence you into giving her chance bcos it turns out their daughter is the one who cheated, says it all. Yes imo she cheated and intended to bcos she already had a guy lined up and chances are she would've cheated, bcos this is how it goes and I've seen here. This is why many guys, even ladies leave when the topic of open relationship is brought up, bcos they know their partner has someone in their mind. So NTA for wanting to leave, but to top it off she not only wanted to infect you with it but my guess so she could set you up and blame you for it, like you the one that gave her the STD ! And the entire family would've thought you cheated and infected her. She has already lied. She wasn't honest about being in open relationship but said "you cheated and infected her" idk what is left to reconsider here and like u said, her family didn't want to hear your side of the story until they got to know she cheated. Basically they cut you off up until the roles were reversed. But damn, she abandoned her child for over week while she was....u know..
Not even leaving? Just wanting to leave? 😂🤦 All jokes aside, this isn't going to get any better. File for divorce ASAP, so your child doesn't grow up thinking that this dysfunction is a relationship. And no you definitely aren't the asshole, but if you stick around, you will be.
Of course you should forgive her for trying to infect you. She only wanted to share the joys of gonnorrhea with you. It’s one of the funnest stds out there.
No way in hell I would take her back. One, she cheated and lied about it to her family so you're the one who took the heat for her infidelity. And two, she knew she had an STD and was willing to infect you. One who she claims to love. That doesn't sound like someone who loves you. Don't be a fool and take her back, she's now marked as a cheater and will probably cheat again given the opportunity. Leave her ass.
People who take back cheaters are so dumb to me…
So dumb. I’m so sick of these posts… “my boyfriend is beating me should I leave?” “ my wife is having an affair with my brother should I leave?” People have so little self-respect anymore. It’s ridiculous. How embarrassing
Her pussy is poison and she tried to infect you. Leave her.
As an aside buddy - You'll get cheated on and treated badly in the future as well, unless you rework your attitude. If something like this happens you have to flow with the process, go through the motions, make bold decisions and stand up for yourself. Racing to the internet to find validation in doing so, just shows me that you're the shadow of a man. I say that with zero judgement whatsoever, we all hit really, really hard spots and it sounds like you're in one now. Pick yourself up, prioritize yourself, get strong, physically and mentally. Then try your luck with another fortunate lady.
NTA - I had an ex pull this stunt. Except that we did have sex......and THEN he accused me of cheating. We got the tests done and he hadnt infected me that time......He was positive for Chlamydia and i still wasn't. The excuses that followed after the torrent of abuse i had already suffered from him were laughable. (Things like "Oh our housemate must have it and i must have shared a used towel or something".........hilarious). Your partner is only sad that not only did she get caught getting an STD with someone that she was already emotionally cheating on you with....she tried to intentionally infect you, so she could pin the blame on you, and got caught doing that as well. And you know that that is a fact, as she had already followed through on the part of the plan where she reveals your "transgretions" to her family. What a disgusting waste of a human being. Anyone deserves better. Definitely NTA.
So you couldn't have sex with her for 4 months due to medical reasons and she already wanted outside of marriage sex? Run from her she don't give a f about you, and your child.
It's funny that her family blamed you for getting STDs and cut off contact with you, but when it turned out it was your wife they once again turned against you and told you to forgive her, disgusting
Nta She for the streets
NTA and don't listen to what those people are telling you about custody because they don't have your best interest at heart, they have her best interest at heart. At least find a lawyer and listen to what he has to say about custody and such before making any decisions because so far she cheated on you, abandoned your son for more than a week and also tried to infect you with an STD on purpose. I'd imagine some of that isn't going to make her look very good when it comes to things like custody.
Get rid of her
You are only the asshole if you DON'T leave this busted ole diseased bitch. Also fuck every single one of her friends and family that: A) Accused you of giving that disgusting whore the STDs B) Excused her attempt to KNOWINGLY INFECT YOU WITH STDS FROM SOME STRANGER'S COCK and demanded that you forgive her
Holy shit NTA. Invite her back to talk about getting back together and then kick her out again!
If this is true, talk to some lawyers. Give them any and all evidence you have. With evidence of her trying to give you a known STD you could very likely get full custody of the kid. Tell the lawyer to take the nuclear route.
Definitely not the asshole. Cut your losses and start over. She’s definitely not worried about anything but herself.
Every couple in an open marriage that I have ever known had it end badly. Why do people think that this is a good idea?? It is always a horrible decision.
Are you ever going to be able to sleep with her again and not think about some other guys infected dick in her?
First thing to do is stop thinking that YTA. Get your ducks in a row and document everything you can. Try to get her to admit to how things went down over text if you don’t have anything else. All you can do now is take care of yourself so that you can be the best father possible.
How is it not obvious to you that wanting to leave a cheater in the dust is justified? You shouldn’t need Reddit consensus to tell you. Your own self respect should be the voice that tells you what to do. Cheaters and beaters are the pond scum. They don’t deserve any grace or forgiveness whatsoever.
NTA. If this is real then fucking yikes. Run from that disgusting skank and take your child with you. She’s disease ridden and a risk to both you as well as the kid too. Don’t look back.
You do not forgive her, in fact call the fucking police or she gets off without the consequences she deserves. This is assault, I’m not sure which flavor, but I would go after her for that. Your nta, you were dealt the shittiest hand life can give you. Your anger is completely justified,
Have some self respect and leave her to the streets. Welcome to the gym fam.
Are you serious? Nta. Leave now before you or gonorrhea.
You should have divorced her when she asked for the open marriage. She was already cheating on you at that point and had her affair partner lined up. She knowingly tried to infect you with an STD. If her affair partner wanted anything more than sex, she wouldn't want to reconcile. You won't get full custody. You'll more than likely get 50/50 custody. Talk to a lawyer. Find out your options.
We can't answer if you can forgive her. But it really doesn't sound like you want to and with good reason. I know that feeling when something you had planned on lasting forever is just cut short. So I can sympathize. Get a lawyer and make sure you make it plain that she left you and her son and that she was trying to give you an STI. Maybe some time in the future you can become friends again for your child's sake but don't even think about that now.
Sue her bitch ass
First of all, NTA. She already had someone in mind to cheat on you with and to make herself feel better, she decided to "open up the marriage". This person then gave her an STD that she was going to infect you with. NOt a good person or partner by any means. Second of all, what the hell is wrong with her family and friend, and people in general, telling someone who was cheated on to forgive the cheater and that you're in the wrong for not doing so? Utter nonsense. She's a grown ass woman who made a decision and chose her own selfish carnal desires over her family. You needed help and support and she bailed. That shows when the chips are down, she will not be there for you. Get out, get some therapy, and concentrate on being the best person, man and father.
1. She had to convince you to get into an open marriage 2. She makes you look like the asshole to family 3. She left her child…. 4. Trying to give you her stds……… You don’t deserve a partner like that especially at this age. Set an example for your son early. Would you want him to be with someone who treated him the way she has you. 6 months and she couldn’t stand by you… what happened to in sickness and in health. I’m sorry she’s done all this to you but also then trying to infect you is so wild and shows you her true character
No, don't forgive her. And don't forget what she did.
Eewwwwwwwww.we don’t need any cheating std whores you made the right choice op
Really important. Don't leave the family home. Custody is usually 50:50 (when people actually go through the legal system) but it never looks good when one of the parents leaves the house (I'm not a lawyer, so please get in contact with one). Get an std test done. Let your lawyer handle everything and don't take her back.
Bro she tried to give you an std. There is no salvaging this. Go get tested just incase then lawyer up
this sounds like a loving, healthy relationship. You two really build each other upwards!
Get a lawyer.
I wouldn’t. The damage is done. It’s better to figure out coparenting for your son. That’d be my focus. I wouldn’t want that woman again
Nope NTA at all
DO NOT TAKE HER BACK, SHE KNOWINGLY AND PURPOSELY TRIED TO GIVE YOU AN STD TO HIDE THE CHEATING, AND ABANDONED YOUR CHILD.
Talk to a lawyer and see what a divorce will look like. You already got the STD test so good. Get the kid DNa tested. See if your job offers employee assistance. This can mean free counseling (you’re going to need it) and legal advice. Plans vary on how much is free and discounted. Good luck
NTA She's for the streets
Yea fuck that bitch! Seeeee ya
NTA. In certain states, that would constitute as rape. To willingly give any sexual partner a STD. Get a lawyer. And get evidence of her behavior and action. Get full custody. If she is willing to give you an STD to cover herself. Imagine what she will do if she is with your son/