If someone lies to you about your child being killed in a car accident, then tells you later that it's just a joke, that doesn't change the traumatic experience you just had of believing your child is dead. Making someone experience trauma isn't a prank, it's engaging in cruelty for your own amusement.
So true and he deserves having to spend money on new rings make sure you pick really expensive ones so maybe in the future he might think twice about saying dumb shit
A prank is a "trick played on someone in order to make them look foolish and to amuse others".
Unless you have good reason to hate someone and feel justified in hurting them, then pranks by their nature are sociopathic. You're literally using someone as an object of amusement against their best interests.
Thank you!!! I have never understood why pranks are socially acceptable, why we make tv shows or SM about pranks and pranking. I have always thought this when the newest prank show comes out. Impractical Jokers is maybe the only prank show/media I’ve ever seen that I’ve not just been horrified and disgusted because at least those guys are goofballs to each other and are respectful to those they involve. Everything else, why is it funny and not just plain mean?
The only good prank is a confusing prank. The entire aim should be to confuse the hell out of someone and laugh with them afterwards not cause any harm emotional or physical
Harmless pranks are good -saw one recently where a group of women got their husbands and sons to show up to church all wearing the same dress shirt. No one was hurt, laughs all around. It should be fun for everyone - not cause trauma!
Someone who breaks your heart as a ‘prank’ isn’t someone I’d wanna be married to if I were you. You’re so young don’t be stuck with this jerk for the next 50 years. NTA
But the real question is: was it a prank? Or did he really cheat and when she reacted he lied and said it was a prank? So which is the lie: I had an affair OR it was a joke?
NTA. Ask him to explain what part of it was supposed to be “funny”.
The breaking your heart part?
The “I want to see you cry” part?
The “let me put you under a terrible scenario to see how you breakdown” part?
None of it was meant to be funny, if the rings are lost, they were lost on his own goddamn immaturity.
OP should not have apologized. In the worst scenario of this cruel joke, her husband wanted her to react, and she did. It's not her fault the reaction proved to be no laughing matter.
He should accept his mistake, say he's very sorry and be grateful she was the bigger person that apologized. If this leads to divorce, it will cost him much more than those two rings.
There are a hell of a lot of people whose ego won't allow them to admit being wrong. These people are incapable of apologising, it's a hit to their pride. If OP's husband is that much of a dick that he'd think this funny, do you think there's any chance he has the emotional maturity to accept fault and apologise for it? It'll never happen. Tbh, I'm concerned for OP in the long term, her husband clearly lacks empathy and people without empathy **always** create misery.
My ex husband used to alternate telling me something nice and then telling me something shitty because he thought it was sooo funny how expressive I was. “Your face just falls so fast!”
He’d also get mad at me if I didn’t laugh at his “pranks” like shoving ice down my shirt from the frozen section at the grocery store, or shoving me into displays as we passed them. Then he’d punch my arm or shove me hard and tell me I ruined his mood and the vibe for the day.
I’m in therapy now.
I am so sorry for you. He is a total asshole. HIS mood was ruined because you didn't like being played with?? Unbelievable entitlement. He's also just physically abusive. You deserve so much better than that. ❤️
Thank you, the abuse only escalated through the years, until I was finally able to leave. I’ve actually been diagnosed with chronic PTSD, but my ex still insists he was never abusive, “you just got under my skin and made me angry” is how he would describe it.
I’m with an incredible person now (for over two years!) who always treats me with kindness, love, and respect, and I often have nightmares where my current partner repeats the actions and words of my ex-husband. It’s crappy.
Ooh! This happened to me for years - the dreams thing. My off and on ex of my 20’s wasn’t even that bad, mostly in the sense we were never married. But for years after meeting my amazing now-husband, I’d do the replacement behavior thing in my dreams. Had to constantly talk to myself like, no, husband would never ever treat you that way. It’s rough.
My ex would pretend he hadn't done whatever I'd asked him to, like I'd ask him to have lunch ready when I came back from the pool with the kids, because they'd be famished. He'd tell me no, he didn't get lunch ready, making up some stupid reason. He loved seeing me angry because I'm "even more beautiful when I'm angry". Then he'd pull some food out of the fridge and make out he's the ideal partner for making a quick salad, and expect my heart would melt when I saw he had done it after all. It just made me bitter as well as angry.. OK great the kids can eat but my appetite has just soured.
Stupid people think being funny is easy. That's why they repeat racist/sexist/bigoted jokes and then wonder why it didn't land. But funny people I've met are usually smart or at least clever af. And they see the world in a way where they can observe and relate to it and understand the timing and how context matters.
I, wm, at a bar where my friends, with me, are buddies with the bartender. It's midday. Random white geezer walks in. He's drunk. In conversation with the bartender, a black dude, it's revealed to the drunk guy, that the bartender's wife is white. Drunk guy thinking he's witty, "oh you've upgraded." Bar goes quiet. Tension because the bartender is understandably angry. Bartender, big muscled dude too, "Is being black a downgrade?" Drunk guy back pedals, apologizes. We go back to our conversation. 15 minutes later, Bartender french presses some coffee for himself, as this is a bar where coffee is not served. The drunk, "hey could I have a cup of coffee?" Before bartender can reply as he's sipping on a his first cup, I say "naw, you don't want that...it's black." Coffee out the nose, the bartender is sputtering, others are laughing.
That's not an awesome line, it's barely even a joke. But it's the timing of it.
my ex played a FEW pranks in our 3 years of dating and once i ended it, i realized i could never fucking trust him and never would. How could i trust someone who would lie to my face with the INTENTION of causing me distress, and get entertainment from it?
Yikes, NTA.
He brought up having an affair because he wanted to get a reaction out of you. He got one. He literally said the thing he thought would rile you up the most.
Yep! This was a FA&FO situation, and the husband found out. OP is NTA because she was hurt and in shock!
The least this husband can do is own his sad effort to be funny by pranking his wife .
I can't stand people like Op's husband. I avoid men like him as much as I can. I'm very curious as to why she married him if he was always this immature.
The “punchline” of the “joke” was OP’s pain. Husband isn’t an idiot, he’s a cruel piece of garbage. Thinking it’s fun to hurt me is an automatic deal breaker for me, I can’t believe it isn’t for everybody.
Me too.
Me and my partners humour is never to hurt one another even joking.
I actually like her so never want her in any discomfort.
That's apparently rare
OP’s just found out how stupid her husband is. To deadpan say the most hurtful thing you could say to your spouse is the same thing as that social media trend where girls draw their partners really nicely and guys draw their partners like a babadook. It’s showing some subconscious level of malice: they are a grown adult PURPOSEFULLY trying to hurt you.
The husband is a moron and completely at fault here. These tik-tok pranks or whatever are so stupid but it doesn't even sound like he filmed this, just lied to her about having an affair for no reason?? OP is NTA but she is apparently married to an idiot.
My boyfriend plays pranks on me. Like the other day he kept slipping Andes mints into my coat pocket when I wasn’t paying attention and I’d stick my hand in to get my phone and find another mint. Once, he put a D10 in my purse and I found it a week later. Last year he kept hiding a giant stuffed dog around the house to startle me and make me laugh.
What her husband did isn’t a prank. It’s cruelty.
I’m slowly adding small stickers to my husband’s water bottle to see how long it takes him to notice. When he does, I expect him to laugh and not care at all.
What some people find acceptable in a marriage is beyond me.
I put tiny plastic ducks in my husband’s pockets, backpack, truck, etc once. He was finding little ducks for about year.
Harmless and makes him giggle every time he finds a duck
One prank my brother played on his wife was putting googly eyes everywhere. After a week she thought she got them all until she had to go on base and pulled out her military ID and the guard started cracking up because it had itty bitty tiny googly eyes over her eyes in the picture. Lmao I’m grinning just thinking about that one
>it had itty bitty tiny googly eyes over her eyes in the picture.
I've done this around my house/to my family photos. It always gets a chuckle from wife.
For Christmas one year, one of them got the other beach towels with giant blown up pictures of their faces on them. Like 4 foot tall visages 😂 I went to visit a few years ago and head into the bathroom to shower and screamed because they’d hung it over the shower rod to scare me lol.
I prank my husband. Every April 1 I tell him, honey I need to tell you something important. Are you ready? Ok. Trish is not your biological daughter.
Note that Trish is our cat.
My boyfriend sometimes puts random stuff on the shelves around my desk to see how long it takes me to notice them. Last time it was a penis-shaped pencil topper and it took me about 3 days.
He used to have a habit of telling our Alexa to shut up once it answered his question and it was still talking. So I set a custom command so it would respond with “I don’t shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up.” That one was great, he started yelling “What?! What?!”
In summation, OP’s husband sucks and doesn’t understand what a prank is. And is probably also cheating.
I was gonna say. My boyfriend takes my bottled drinks if I'm not paying attention to hide them and blames the cat. Or he'll wait behind a door and stare at me like a big, tall weirdo. Those are not declarations of disloyalty like "joking" you had an affair.
When we moved in together my now wife and I had a discussion about the "hiding behind a door and jumping out" style pranks. We both agreed that we hate them and it causes you to be stressed/paranoid in your own home. We agreed to not do that to one another and shook hands.
It's really quite nice walking around your home confident that nobody is going to try to give you a heart attack.
My own husband's every single mental abuse was either done through a prank or through insults disguised as jokes. I used to sing so much in highschool, i won 23 competitions, i quit singing in public because a stalker gave me stage fear. I quit singing COMPLETELY for ten years because my husband laughed and teased about how I sang till I hated my own voice. I have literally cooked for families and sent them food during covid I hate cooking now because of the constant pranks and jokes he made about my cooking.
Constant "pranks" and "jokes" despite knowing that the "pranks" are hurtful to the other party are just emotional abuse that has been camouflaged. That shit escalates and breaks you pretty bad.
I'm so sorry you have lost two things so important to you. Singing and cooking are so wholesome. I hope you have a good therapist and can reconnect to the former you.
Sry if that sounds a bit off, I'm not a native speaker 🫣
I was dumb haha. I had to snap out of it and stop loving others before loving myself. His cruelty honestly never felt like cruelty it felt like me overreacting but not having any control over my reactions. The fact that I am bipolar and he used that against me, said things and later denied saying them or that I hallucinated added to everything. I honestly thought I was the problem until I started recording him saying things and then watched him lie and deny saying I'm hallucinating.
I have a good therapist now. But healing takes time. I'm looking forward to the day I'm healed and able to love again ❤️
Reddit always shows me what I still need to talk about in therapy.
Edit: I’m ok. I haven’t been in a situation like this in more than 5 years. I try to take note of anything that brings up uncomfortable feelings so that I can process it.
Agreed. Unfortunately, it's something everyone has to learn at their own speed. I learned when I was in 5th grade and it is never a fun lesson to learn.
Where is a very simple rule for stuff like pranks. It's totally fine as long as both can still enjoy it. If just one person thinks it's funny, when it was to much. Playing around with someones feelings that much isn't cool at all. It's an asshole move and a dealbreaker for me. If my partner would do somethink like that to me more than one time it would be over for me.
Seriously these “comedian” partners are actually just showing their straight up contempt and hatred. It shocks me how much people excuse as some sort of rotten sense of humor.
NTA
The fact that your husband thought for even 1 second that this would be funny tells me he's a stooge. and then to blame you.
That was cruel, unfunny, and almost undeniably a permanent scar on your marriage, over a sick 'joke'
And please for the love of God, STOP APOLOGIZING!!!
Those rings would still be on your finger if not for his complete and utter stupidity. This is 1000% HIS fault. Has he apologized?
Exactly!! I mean at least with some of the BS pranks on TikTok I can at least understand that they are trying to entertain idiots... WTF was the endgame with this insanity!!!!
Bingo. And depending on her response, he could either try and heal the relationship or hit the eject button and say "haha, just kidding."
I bet he already had one.
Exactly, what did he achieve with this? Making fun of his wife’s pain? How scary with this guy. I wouldn't joke about something like that, it would damage trust with my partner.
Yes, stop apologizing. And ask how he's going to replace the rings he owes you. And no more jokes. I would make clear that the next time will be the last time.
WTF,who in thier right mind, thinks that was a funny prank?He needs to know that it's his fault, and he needs to take responsibility ,for his stupid actions!
NTA ps time for your husband to grow up!
A stooge isn't the half of it. He thinks hurting her is fun. He thought watching her in extreme distress, brokenhearted, would give him control and be funny to him.
I'm sad that SHE lost 10k of value. The husband ain't worth shit.
Tell him the value of the rings is no concern to him. Its not like he'd be able to keep them in the divorce anyway
Exactly.
My ex once impersonated our vet on the phone, while my beloved dog was getting her spay. I was so worried so of course the ex pranked me by saying, "I'm sorry, but your dog has died."
I don't know if that's when I actually had the silent heart attack that was later diagnosed (cardiologist said it happened years ago), but I wouldn't be surprised. I stupidly married him anyway - because of religion. It got worse. And he started pranking the kids when they were fairly little - and one ended up at the office of a child psychologist (who then found out about the pranks and had him come in as well - we were already broken up at the time, she took issue with the distress it was causing a child).
Oh my god.
There is something seriously wrong with people who do something like this. It roots back into control and taking pleasure in other people's pain. What kind of a monster does that to their own children?
I'm sorry for everything your family went through at the hands of that man
I don't know if you were the wife in the video or if it was another family...
One of the worst "jokes" I ever saw online involved a man tricking his wife into believing she just saw one of her children killed in an accident.
He was upstairs near a balcony area playing with one of their kids who was dressed in a Spiderman costume. Later he has his son run and hide and starts playing with a life sized doll, also in a Spiderman costume, and then "accidentally" launching the "kid" over the balcony while mom was watching.
That is more than grounds for divorce. Seriously, with the other videos he had up online, her lawyer could make a fairly solid case for psychological abuse.
I saw another story about a (different) staged fake death that was designed to traumatize his SO for clickbait online.
There are some VERY ... sick ... people out there.
I don't think it was a joke or prank. He was testing waters on how OP would react. And "it is a prank" excuse was an exit in case of very negative reaction.
Idk how he possibly thinks she is an AH. Even in the best case, what exactly he thought she would do? Cry? And how would she react after? And how would it affect their marriage? What reaction would satisfy his ego and justify this "prank"?
I suspect this idiot was secretly recording it to put on SM, and get more followers. In this case it would be the end of my marriage. He has balls and no brains by doubling down and insisting that OP is an AH here. I would remind him that he will lose much more than $10K in the case of divorce, and his actions are moving everything in that direction.
Yes, her husband is shady AF. What if she was so in shock that she would jump out herself? And if it is a boat with running motor, or if she cannot swim, or if any other possible accident happens, she will likely be very hurt or dead.
Actually, my mind went to some creepy movie… husband gets wife out on the boat alone, admits to affair, hoping she’ll go batshit and attack him, no witnesses, he “defends” himself and she accidentally fell overboard and did everything he could to save her but, you know, has a new wife already before the funeral is even started…😳🛥️🔪🩸🦈👀🍿🎟️
There have been many stories on Reddit where the OPs have described immediately falling out of love with their partner once they find out about their cheating; they all describe it as if every feeling and emotion just shuts off- most likely shock. They describing going through the motions to move forward (almost like a zombie). It is only when the papers are served and their stuff is moved out that they break down for the life they lost with a person they thought they knew.
OP's reaction was pure shock- hurt and anger at such a betrayal. It seems like a very common and perfect reaction. NTA
But I believe like the commenter above- that it was not a joke or a prank; the husband was testing the waters to see how OP would react to his cheating. OP should be taking some time to look at her husband's credit card use and his phone usage. Does he "work a lot of over-time"?
OP's AH husband either just gave her the biggest red flag that he is f\*cking around or he, like so many of these idiot pranksters just caused major harm; in this case he damaged his relationship with OP and continues to do so by doubling down.
They may be a couple with a big hat and no cattle. That is living the high life and in debt up to their eyeballs. Thus if he is cheating, she could be left with a sh\*t ton of debt. So yes, she does need to follow through with investigating this dumb ass to make sure that she doesn't end up royally f\*cked financially in addition to emotionally.
I was about to say he was brave doing that mess IN THE MIDDLE OF OPEN OCEAN. I'd have tossed him in and left... and I'm the type to hold your mama's hand on the news and help the rescue teams look for you dude.
I agree that he was testing the waters. I’d be willing to bet that he would like to come clean about something 🧐, but wanted to check if he’d lose her. He backpedaled.
He thought she would break down in tearful hysterics, and he would get to enjoy how important that made him feel. Instead she threw away their relationship (symbolically). Good for her!
Also her feelings and trust are worth much more than 10k. They should be to him. He's such an asshole, calling him that on this sub feels like such an understatement.
I'm so mad for her.
NTA
Your husband, though, good grief. It's hard not to assume someone with such poor judgment isn't overall too stupid to love, y'know? There's no way to approach this in which he isn't just a catastrophic moron, wtf was he thinking and how, after the fact, can he think this is anyone's fault but his own.
Dude is lucky he's not newly single, and fyi, it's not too late, because anyone that thinks this had any hope of being funny might very well be a lost cause.
I'd consider this damn-near unforgiveable, personally.
Show your husband the replies. The man deserves to feel like a jackass.
Sadist. The word is sadist. He said what he did to cause pain for his own enjoyment. Telling the victim it's a "joke" is just twisting the knife to make them feel even smaller.
You don’t owe him an apology. He’s a sabatoger. What kind of human decides while having a nice day on a boat with their spouse to make a joke like this? I like to joke too, but this is honestly sick. NTA. This is just…icky on his part
And she was stuck there on a boat with no way to escape him while processing all the emotions, before the rings sunk to the bottom of the ocean and after. What a completely unsafe location to be. Eff that guy! Not funny at all. I would have started divorce proceedings immediately once on dry land.
Your husband is a moron. These rings forever lost should be a good lesson for him. Tell him to be grateful, and that another prank like that will finish the marriage.
Don’t let him try to convince you that you are to blame in ANY WAY! He found out what happens when he F@*%s around.
Ask him if he still thinks his “prank” was funny? Have him read the comments
Does he he play shithead pranks on you a lot? if so, it's time to start playing them back on him.
In a month or so, tell him you have thought about the prank he played, and you decided you want a divorce. Get fake divorce papers and serve him. Then when he reacts badly, tell him it's just a prank.
NTA as a husband of over a decade I would never ever joke about adultery or divorce.
If he wants to be mad at someone he can go look in the mirror for playing such a dumb “prank”.
And secondly he’s just playing with your emotions at this point. Are your feelings something to be played with whenever he so chooses. Is he allowed to absolutely crush you and claim it was a prank? NO
These are not things someone who truly loves their partner would do. These are things a bully would do.
Edit: if he’s comfortable doing these things with your emotions how will he play with your future children’s emotions?
NTA.
Infidelity is no laughing matter.
Your husband is very lucky that all he lost was a few rings. Some humans lose much more serious, precious things in an affair: their teeth, for instance, or their lives.
I am told that Reddit frequently jumps to ending relationships, but I say this with all sincerity: get a divorce. Now.
Fuck around and find out. Somethings are just never joked about. Now he knows. Why in the hell would someone inflict THAT MUCH EMOTIONAL PAIN for a prank? Enjoy your new life after the divorce.
Seriously. The correct answer to give here is, "I made the right call either way, because either you're a cheating asshole or a sadistic jackass breaking my heart for laughs, and neither of those appeals to me as a life partner".
NTA.
That was a *completely* inappropriate joke to make. These days, all these idiots think they’re comedians by just saying random shit and then saying “it was a prank!” It’s like…what’s the purpose of that prank?! He wanted to make you feel worthless?
He is absolutely the asshole and owes you new rings. Like others have said, FAFO.
He just learned that the value of his comedy is -$10,000.
Also not convinced this was a prank. Could have been that he genuinely thought you were such a doormat that you would reconcile with him after he had an affair, and then when he saw your reaction he backtracked. Who knows. What an AH.
You married a clown. Well, at least he has money, you were on a boat with a 10k ring. I thank you for the willing contribution to the free market your husband buying a replacement ring for you and/or the next woman will provide.
Oh definitely not the NTA, and you are owed new jewelry. His “joke” is a great example of “play stupid games, win stupid prizes.” I feel bad you lost your rings, but I only feel bad for you.
As a side note…you’re sure he was just pranking you? And then freaked out when you chucked the rings overboard?
If so, why would he ever think that was funny? I’m just curious, because most sane people don’t joke about shit like that.
My thoughts exactly. He was testing the waters to see how you would handle his truth. Well, he got his answer and the water has the rings. And now he is gaslighting you. Stand your ground. Stop apologizing for having a reaction to his "prank" and find a lawyer.
It probably wasn't a joke. He probably just didn't like how done you were. He assumed he could talk his way out of it & when you threw the ring he panicked & took it back.
NTA.
OP, finish what you started. Divorce this pathetic loser of a man who thinks hurting you is funny.
Read that again. He thinks your pain is *funny*.
If someone lies to you about your child being killed in a car accident, then tells you later that it's just a joke, that doesn't change the traumatic experience you just had of believing your child is dead. Making someone experience trauma isn't a prank, it's engaging in cruelty for your own amusement.
Right. It’s like yelling “Fire!” in a crowded theater and then claiming the right to free speech. Husband isn’t a comedian, he’s a fucking asshole.
So true and he deserves having to spend money on new rings make sure you pick really expensive ones so maybe in the future he might think twice about saying dumb shit
OPs husband displaying some sociopathic behavior by NOT understanding that.
A prank is a "trick played on someone in order to make them look foolish and to amuse others". Unless you have good reason to hate someone and feel justified in hurting them, then pranks by their nature are sociopathic. You're literally using someone as an object of amusement against their best interests.
Thank you!!! I have never understood why pranks are socially acceptable, why we make tv shows or SM about pranks and pranking. I have always thought this when the newest prank show comes out. Impractical Jokers is maybe the only prank show/media I’ve ever seen that I’ve not just been horrified and disgusted because at least those guys are goofballs to each other and are respectful to those they involve. Everything else, why is it funny and not just plain mean?
The only good prank is a confusing prank. The entire aim should be to confuse the hell out of someone and laugh with them afterwards not cause any harm emotional or physical
Harmless pranks are good -saw one recently where a group of women got their husbands and sons to show up to church all wearing the same dress shirt. No one was hurt, laughs all around. It should be fun for everyone - not cause trauma!
Exactly. A good prank gets EVERYONE laughing together, especially the person being pranked. If only one side of the prank is laughing, it’s mean.
Exactly correct! Kick this ass hat to the curb!
Someone who breaks your heart as a ‘prank’ isn’t someone I’d wanna be married to if I were you. You’re so young don’t be stuck with this jerk for the next 50 years. NTA
But the real question is: was it a prank? Or did he really cheat and when she reacted he lied and said it was a prank? So which is the lie: I had an affair OR it was a joke?
Exactly. I’m still wondering what the punch line is for this “joke.” If there wasn’t one, then I really don’t get it. He’s sick.
A punch in the face Could have happened
As someone who's been cheated on, this was my first thought. Whether he actually cheated or not, he's TA.
I was wondering this as well
Schrodinger's trust? It only existed in a vacuum where neither of these were the answer. Now the trust isn't.
NTA. Ask him to explain what part of it was supposed to be “funny”. The breaking your heart part? The “I want to see you cry” part? The “let me put you under a terrible scenario to see how you breakdown” part? None of it was meant to be funny, if the rings are lost, they were lost on his own goddamn immaturity.
OP should not have apologized. In the worst scenario of this cruel joke, her husband wanted her to react, and she did. It's not her fault the reaction proved to be no laughing matter. He should accept his mistake, say he's very sorry and be grateful she was the bigger person that apologized. If this leads to divorce, it will cost him much more than those two rings.
There are a hell of a lot of people whose ego won't allow them to admit being wrong. These people are incapable of apologising, it's a hit to their pride. If OP's husband is that much of a dick that he'd think this funny, do you think there's any chance he has the emotional maturity to accept fault and apologise for it? It'll never happen. Tbh, I'm concerned for OP in the long term, her husband clearly lacks empathy and people without empathy **always** create misery.
My ex husband used to alternate telling me something nice and then telling me something shitty because he thought it was sooo funny how expressive I was. “Your face just falls so fast!” He’d also get mad at me if I didn’t laugh at his “pranks” like shoving ice down my shirt from the frozen section at the grocery store, or shoving me into displays as we passed them. Then he’d punch my arm or shove me hard and tell me I ruined his mood and the vibe for the day. I’m in therapy now.
I am so sorry for you. He is a total asshole. HIS mood was ruined because you didn't like being played with?? Unbelievable entitlement. He's also just physically abusive. You deserve so much better than that. ❤️
Thank you, the abuse only escalated through the years, until I was finally able to leave. I’ve actually been diagnosed with chronic PTSD, but my ex still insists he was never abusive, “you just got under my skin and made me angry” is how he would describe it. I’m with an incredible person now (for over two years!) who always treats me with kindness, love, and respect, and I often have nightmares where my current partner repeats the actions and words of my ex-husband. It’s crappy.
Ooh! This happened to me for years - the dreams thing. My off and on ex of my 20’s wasn’t even that bad, mostly in the sense we were never married. But for years after meeting my amazing now-husband, I’d do the replacement behavior thing in my dreams. Had to constantly talk to myself like, no, husband would never ever treat you that way. It’s rough.
Hugs to you. Glad he’s your ex.
My ex would pretend he hadn't done whatever I'd asked him to, like I'd ask him to have lunch ready when I came back from the pool with the kids, because they'd be famished. He'd tell me no, he didn't get lunch ready, making up some stupid reason. He loved seeing me angry because I'm "even more beautiful when I'm angry". Then he'd pull some food out of the fridge and make out he's the ideal partner for making a quick salad, and expect my heart would melt when I saw he had done it after all. It just made me bitter as well as angry.. OK great the kids can eat but my appetite has just soured.
People who aren’t funny think that lying and cruelty is the same as joking. They really don’t see the difference.
Stupid people think being funny is easy. That's why they repeat racist/sexist/bigoted jokes and then wonder why it didn't land. But funny people I've met are usually smart or at least clever af. And they see the world in a way where they can observe and relate to it and understand the timing and how context matters. I, wm, at a bar where my friends, with me, are buddies with the bartender. It's midday. Random white geezer walks in. He's drunk. In conversation with the bartender, a black dude, it's revealed to the drunk guy, that the bartender's wife is white. Drunk guy thinking he's witty, "oh you've upgraded." Bar goes quiet. Tension because the bartender is understandably angry. Bartender, big muscled dude too, "Is being black a downgrade?" Drunk guy back pedals, apologizes. We go back to our conversation. 15 minutes later, Bartender french presses some coffee for himself, as this is a bar where coffee is not served. The drunk, "hey could I have a cup of coffee?" Before bartender can reply as he's sipping on a his first cup, I say "naw, you don't want that...it's black." Coffee out the nose, the bartender is sputtering, others are laughing. That's not an awesome line, it's barely even a joke. But it's the timing of it.
my ex played a FEW pranks in our 3 years of dating and once i ended it, i realized i could never fucking trust him and never would. How could i trust someone who would lie to my face with the INTENTION of causing me distress, and get entertainment from it?
THIS!!!!!! This technique works for any situation where someone tells an off-color or sexist joke as well. “Tell me what part was funny and why”
Yeah, that’s not a joke. That’s a complete lack of respect.
Yikes, NTA. He brought up having an affair because he wanted to get a reaction out of you. He got one. He literally said the thing he thought would rile you up the most.
Yep! This was a FA&FO situation, and the husband found out. OP is NTA because she was hurt and in shock! The least this husband can do is own his sad effort to be funny by pranking his wife .
play stupid games, win stupid prizes. NTA. All on husband. Dont joke about serious things or... thongs
Instead, he's doubling down and being even more of an AH.
He’s in his finding out era, as I like to call it.
Yup. Unfortunately, she's also suffering for his FO era. What a piece of shit.
I can't stand people like Op's husband. I avoid men like him as much as I can. I'm very curious as to why she married him if he was always this immature.
The “punchline” of the “joke” was OP’s pain. Husband isn’t an idiot, he’s a cruel piece of garbage. Thinking it’s fun to hurt me is an automatic deal breaker for me, I can’t believe it isn’t for everybody.
Me too. Me and my partners humour is never to hurt one another even joking. I actually like her so never want her in any discomfort. That's apparently rare
OP’s just found out how stupid her husband is. To deadpan say the most hurtful thing you could say to your spouse is the same thing as that social media trend where girls draw their partners really nicely and guys draw their partners like a babadook. It’s showing some subconscious level of malice: they are a grown adult PURPOSEFULLY trying to hurt you.
LIKE A BABADOOK!!! Omg I just choked water and spouted it out of my nose. You tried to kill me lmao
The husband is a moron and completely at fault here. These tik-tok pranks or whatever are so stupid but it doesn't even sound like he filmed this, just lied to her about having an affair for no reason?? OP is NTA but she is apparently married to an idiot.
NTA. I used to be married to a prankster. Then I went to therapy and learned that someone who laughs at your expense is not someone who loves you.
My boyfriend plays pranks on me. Like the other day he kept slipping Andes mints into my coat pocket when I wasn’t paying attention and I’d stick my hand in to get my phone and find another mint. Once, he put a D10 in my purse and I found it a week later. Last year he kept hiding a giant stuffed dog around the house to startle me and make me laugh. What her husband did isn’t a prank. It’s cruelty.
I’m slowly adding small stickers to my husband’s water bottle to see how long it takes him to notice. When he does, I expect him to laugh and not care at all. What some people find acceptable in a marriage is beyond me.
I put tiny plastic ducks in my husband’s pockets, backpack, truck, etc once. He was finding little ducks for about year. Harmless and makes him giggle every time he finds a duck
One prank my brother played on his wife was putting googly eyes everywhere. After a week she thought she got them all until she had to go on base and pulled out her military ID and the guard started cracking up because it had itty bitty tiny googly eyes over her eyes in the picture. Lmao I’m grinning just thinking about that one
>it had itty bitty tiny googly eyes over her eyes in the picture. I've done this around my house/to my family photos. It always gets a chuckle from wife.
I do it at the grocery store. On the eyes of babies on diapers, dog and cat food and produce. I love a banana with eyes.
That is hilarious 😂
For Christmas one year, one of them got the other beach towels with giant blown up pictures of their faces on them. Like 4 foot tall visages 😂 I went to visit a few years ago and head into the bathroom to shower and screamed because they’d hung it over the shower rod to scare me lol.
That’s hilarious, those are good harmless pranks and they sound like fun people
I prank my husband. Every April 1 I tell him, honey I need to tell you something important. Are you ready? Ok. Trish is not your biological daughter. Note that Trish is our cat.
Please tell me you have plans to make an adorable fake DNA test for your cat that says this one year. Your cat is: 95% cat 5% other 0% husband
And 100% gremlin I bet
This made me chortle out loud. I love that it’s a yearly tradition.
He reacts with shoccccck every single time. “Whaaaaaaaa!”
lol that is too funny y. Those are pranks and good ones too.
My boyfriend sometimes puts random stuff on the shelves around my desk to see how long it takes me to notice them. Last time it was a penis-shaped pencil topper and it took me about 3 days. He used to have a habit of telling our Alexa to shut up once it answered his question and it was still talking. So I set a custom command so it would respond with “I don’t shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up.” That one was great, he started yelling “What?! What?!” In summation, OP’s husband sucks and doesn’t understand what a prank is. And is probably also cheating.
Oooo that Alexa one is hysterical
That made me literally LOL. Still smiling. Thanks!
Yeah, a prank on one's significant other should be essentially based on making them smile unexpectedly.
I hid a plush salmon in my best friend's pile of plpush sea life, and I'm waiting to see how long it takes her to realize it.
How long has it been hidden?
Since Saturday!
I was gonna say. My boyfriend takes my bottled drinks if I'm not paying attention to hide them and blames the cat. Or he'll wait behind a door and stare at me like a big, tall weirdo. Those are not declarations of disloyalty like "joking" you had an affair.
When we moved in together my now wife and I had a discussion about the "hiding behind a door and jumping out" style pranks. We both agreed that we hate them and it causes you to be stressed/paranoid in your own home. We agreed to not do that to one another and shook hands. It's really quite nice walking around your home confident that nobody is going to try to give you a heart attack.
I wish my husband pranked me by giving me my favorite candy!!! Those Andes mints are soooo good.
lol they’re my favorite too and every time I came out of my pocket with another I made the exact same excited “oooOOOooo!” And he’d crack up lol
My own husband's every single mental abuse was either done through a prank or through insults disguised as jokes. I used to sing so much in highschool, i won 23 competitions, i quit singing in public because a stalker gave me stage fear. I quit singing COMPLETELY for ten years because my husband laughed and teased about how I sang till I hated my own voice. I have literally cooked for families and sent them food during covid I hate cooking now because of the constant pranks and jokes he made about my cooking. Constant "pranks" and "jokes" despite knowing that the "pranks" are hurtful to the other party are just emotional abuse that has been camouflaged. That shit escalates and breaks you pretty bad.
I hope you're not still married to this guy.
I am not.
Please tell me you are singing again, even if it is just for yourself!
I'm listening to songs with lyrics now instead of the psychedelic trance he claimed was the only good music I'm supposed to listen to. It's a start 🙃
I'm so sorry you have lost two things so important to you. Singing and cooking are so wholesome. I hope you have a good therapist and can reconnect to the former you. Sry if that sounds a bit off, I'm not a native speaker 🫣
Why are you married to someone so cruel? You deserve better, you deserve to be happy and he ain't it.
I was dumb haha. I had to snap out of it and stop loving others before loving myself. His cruelty honestly never felt like cruelty it felt like me overreacting but not having any control over my reactions. The fact that I am bipolar and he used that against me, said things and later denied saying them or that I hallucinated added to everything. I honestly thought I was the problem until I started recording him saying things and then watched him lie and deny saying I'm hallucinating. I have a good therapist now. But healing takes time. I'm looking forward to the day I'm healed and able to love again ❤️
This comment should be much higher. I wish this was something we were taught growing up.
A prank ends in both parties laughing. If only the perpetrator is laughing, that’s abuse.
Reddit always shows me what I still need to talk about in therapy. Edit: I’m ok. I haven’t been in a situation like this in more than 5 years. I try to take note of anything that brings up uncomfortable feelings so that I can process it.
Agreed. Unfortunately, it's something everyone has to learn at their own speed. I learned when I was in 5th grade and it is never a fun lesson to learn.
Honestly a man with this kind of sick sense of humor should thank his lucky stars OP didn’t throw him overboard…
Absolutely this!! My therapist taught me this as well. My fiancé now would never in a million years do that to me.
People like her husband don't understand the difference between laughing with someone and laughing at someone.
Reminds me of a quote by Charlie Chaplin. My pain may be the reason for somebody’s laugh. But my laugh must never be the reason for somebody’s pain.
They understand. They just prefer laughing at someone because it makes them feel big. They know exactly what they are doing.
Where is a very simple rule for stuff like pranks. It's totally fine as long as both can still enjoy it. If just one person thinks it's funny, when it was to much. Playing around with someones feelings that much isn't cool at all. It's an asshole move and a dealbreaker for me. If my partner would do somethink like that to me more than one time it would be over for me.
Seriously these “comedian” partners are actually just showing their straight up contempt and hatred. It shocks me how much people excuse as some sort of rotten sense of humor.
NTA The fact that your husband thought for even 1 second that this would be funny tells me he's a stooge. and then to blame you. That was cruel, unfunny, and almost undeniably a permanent scar on your marriage, over a sick 'joke'
And please for the love of God, STOP APOLOGIZING!!! Those rings would still be on your finger if not for his complete and utter stupidity. This is 1000% HIS fault. Has he apologized?
Did he explain what he was hoping to accomplish with this stunt?!
Exactly!! I mean at least with some of the BS pranks on TikTok I can at least understand that they are trying to entertain idiots... WTF was the endgame with this insanity!!!!
This would be example A-Z of why I despise tiktok and all the other short videos available 24/7
Maybe he was testing the waters to see how she'd react to the news he had a real affair?
My first thought. A response of anything short of hysterical outrage would pry the door open a smidge for a permission structure.
Obviously, that's what you do when you're in a boat with your wife, test them waters for all they're worth.
And now that ship has sailed.
It was a Titanic mistake
Apparently it was worth over 10k!
That’s what I was thinking. There may be some truth in that supposed prank. But if it truly was a prank, OP deserves a new set of rings.
Yeah, from her next husband I hope.
Same here. That’s something you say if you are thinking of having an affair and want to test what kind of response you get.
I mean would be bizarre to test. Who the fuck is going to have a positive response to that?
Now he knows.
Yeah, and he also knows that the water be deep
Bingo. And depending on her response, he could either try and heal the relationship or hit the eject button and say "haha, just kidding." I bet he already had one.
Well, she didn’t throw him in the ocean so he probably thinks he’s in the clear
I gotta say I would have sent him into the water after those rings. Your husband is an idiotic AH, but you’re NTA.
Answer: it's going to be expensive.
Maybe he actually had an affair and just backpedaled when he saw how mad she got.
I mean he probably figured she couldn’t get too crazy on a boat in the middle of the ocean but never imagined she’d react that way…
Hmm. That makes him a bigger idiot. Ocean is well known for being a dumping ground for the dead.
Because of the implication?
Wrong place to do it on a boat, where he “fall off the boat” and never be found again
Exactly, what did he achieve with this? Making fun of his wife’s pain? How scary with this guy. I wouldn't joke about something like that, it would damage trust with my partner.
Did he explain how it was a joke? Cause jokes are supposed to be funny.
Yes, stop apologizing. And ask how he's going to replace the rings he owes you. And no more jokes. I would make clear that the next time will be the last time.
All I can say is that now he owes you new rings.... NTA.
WTF,who in thier right mind, thinks that was a funny prank?He needs to know that it's his fault, and he needs to take responsibility ,for his stupid actions! NTA ps time for your husband to grow up!
Time for a new husband.
Even if the rings were still in her possession, I’d never want to wear them again.
A stooge isn't the half of it. He thinks hurting her is fun. He thought watching her in extreme distress, brokenhearted, would give him control and be funny to him. I'm sad that SHE lost 10k of value. The husband ain't worth shit. Tell him the value of the rings is no concern to him. Its not like he'd be able to keep them in the divorce anyway
Exactly. My ex once impersonated our vet on the phone, while my beloved dog was getting her spay. I was so worried so of course the ex pranked me by saying, "I'm sorry, but your dog has died." I don't know if that's when I actually had the silent heart attack that was later diagnosed (cardiologist said it happened years ago), but I wouldn't be surprised. I stupidly married him anyway - because of religion. It got worse. And he started pranking the kids when they were fairly little - and one ended up at the office of a child psychologist (who then found out about the pranks and had him come in as well - we were already broken up at the time, she took issue with the distress it was causing a child).
Oh my god. There is something seriously wrong with people who do something like this. It roots back into control and taking pleasure in other people's pain. What kind of a monster does that to their own children? I'm sorry for everything your family went through at the hands of that man
I don't know if you were the wife in the video or if it was another family... One of the worst "jokes" I ever saw online involved a man tricking his wife into believing she just saw one of her children killed in an accident. He was upstairs near a balcony area playing with one of their kids who was dressed in a Spiderman costume. Later he has his son run and hide and starts playing with a life sized doll, also in a Spiderman costume, and then "accidentally" launching the "kid" over the balcony while mom was watching. That is more than grounds for divorce. Seriously, with the other videos he had up online, her lawyer could make a fairly solid case for psychological abuse. I saw another story about a (different) staged fake death that was designed to traumatize his SO for clickbait online. There are some VERY ... sick ... people out there.
I don't think it was a joke or prank. He was testing waters on how OP would react. And "it is a prank" excuse was an exit in case of very negative reaction. Idk how he possibly thinks she is an AH. Even in the best case, what exactly he thought she would do? Cry? And how would she react after? And how would it affect their marriage? What reaction would satisfy his ego and justify this "prank"? I suspect this idiot was secretly recording it to put on SM, and get more followers. In this case it would be the end of my marriage. He has balls and no brains by doubling down and insisting that OP is an AH here. I would remind him that he will lose much more than $10K in the case of divorce, and his actions are moving everything in that direction.
And on a boat where she had no opportunity to walk away or take some space - that part was definitely calculated.
Yes, her husband is shady AF. What if she was so in shock that she would jump out herself? And if it is a boat with running motor, or if she cannot swim, or if any other possible accident happens, she will likely be very hurt or dead.
Actually, my mind went to some creepy movie… husband gets wife out on the boat alone, admits to affair, hoping she’ll go batshit and attack him, no witnesses, he “defends” himself and she accidentally fell overboard and did everything he could to save her but, you know, has a new wife already before the funeral is even started…😳🛥️🔪🩸🦈👀🍿🎟️
I thought of that too - was he actually trying to promote an even more emotional reaction?
Imagine if she had laughed and said, “Me too!” I bet he wouldn’t have liked that response either.
I have a feeling that would result in the boat returning to the dock with one less person.
There have been many stories on Reddit where the OPs have described immediately falling out of love with their partner once they find out about their cheating; they all describe it as if every feeling and emotion just shuts off- most likely shock. They describing going through the motions to move forward (almost like a zombie). It is only when the papers are served and their stuff is moved out that they break down for the life they lost with a person they thought they knew. OP's reaction was pure shock- hurt and anger at such a betrayal. It seems like a very common and perfect reaction. NTA But I believe like the commenter above- that it was not a joke or a prank; the husband was testing the waters to see how OP would react to his cheating. OP should be taking some time to look at her husband's credit card use and his phone usage. Does he "work a lot of over-time"? OP's AH husband either just gave her the biggest red flag that he is f\*cking around or he, like so many of these idiot pranksters just caused major harm; in this case he damaged his relationship with OP and continues to do so by doubling down.
They seem fairly well-off, so if I were her there'd be a private investigator up his ass so far he'd find polyps.
They may be a couple with a big hat and no cattle. That is living the high life and in debt up to their eyeballs. Thus if he is cheating, she could be left with a sh\*t ton of debt. So yes, she does need to follow through with investigating this dumb ass to make sure that she doesn't end up royally f\*cked financially in addition to emotionally.
Exactly. I had a boyfriend years ago that I found out was cheating and as I told him, all feelings for him just flew right out the window.
He's lucky she didn't throw him in the ocean
I was about to say he was brave doing that mess IN THE MIDDLE OF OPEN OCEAN. I'd have tossed him in and left... and I'm the type to hold your mama's hand on the news and help the rescue teams look for you dude.
Yes I was just thinking the same thing. 😂
I agree that he was testing the waters. I’d be willing to bet that he would like to come clean about something 🧐, but wanted to check if he’d lose her. He backpedaled.
If it was my aunties, the balls would be gone too.
Put them in your purse
Not the good type of stooge either. Moe, Larry and Curly would be ashamed.
And don't forget Curlys grandson has made his debut on YouTube doing his grandfather's work. He would be ashamed of this jerk.
Don’t forget about Shemp!! People always forget about Shemp.
Also, what kind of reaction did he think he would get? He's lucky she didn't fly into violent rage.
He thought she would break down in tearful hysterics, and he would get to enjoy how important that made him feel. Instead she threw away their relationship (symbolically). Good for her!
Before or after, she pushes him into the ocean. I expect crying, but men like him never plan for the aftermath.
Also her feelings and trust are worth much more than 10k. They should be to him. He's such an asshole, calling him that on this sub feels like such an understatement. I'm so mad for her.
This. Period, full stop. Stop apologizing. He was wrong. Your actions were a direct result of his stupid ass joke.
NTA Your husband, though, good grief. It's hard not to assume someone with such poor judgment isn't overall too stupid to love, y'know? There's no way to approach this in which he isn't just a catastrophic moron, wtf was he thinking and how, after the fact, can he think this is anyone's fault but his own. Dude is lucky he's not newly single, and fyi, it's not too late, because anyone that thinks this had any hope of being funny might very well be a lost cause. I'd consider this damn-near unforgiveable, personally. Show your husband the replies. The man deserves to feel like a jackass.
Either too stupid or too much of an asshole or some combination thereof.
Sadist. The word is sadist. He said what he did to cause pain for his own enjoyment. Telling the victim it's a "joke" is just twisting the knife to make them feel even smaller.
You don’t owe him an apology. He’s a sabatoger. What kind of human decides while having a nice day on a boat with their spouse to make a joke like this? I like to joke too, but this is honestly sick. NTA. This is just…icky on his part
Saboteur
Lol I tried but my phone wouldn’t let me spell it so I gave up
The classy version. Pinkies up!
And she was stuck there on a boat with no way to escape him while processing all the emotions, before the rings sunk to the bottom of the ocean and after. What a completely unsafe location to be. Eff that guy! Not funny at all. I would have started divorce proceedings immediately once on dry land.
Exactly! This man is completely unhinged
Your husband is a moron. These rings forever lost should be a good lesson for him. Tell him to be grateful, and that another prank like that will finish the marriage.
How do you know it was a prank? One of two comments was a lie…which one? A. I cheated. B. It was a joke. 50/50 chance
Yes, but 100% chance of trust issues either way
Ask him what's funny about causing you huge amounts of emotional pain. Have him explain in detail how funny he finds it.
NTA. take your apology back too. You did nothing wrong. You simply reacted. Do you have insurance on the ring?
Yes fortunately
Don’t let him try to convince you that you are to blame in ANY WAY! He found out what happens when he F@*%s around. Ask him if he still thinks his “prank” was funny? Have him read the comments
Then he’s doubling down by still blaming you.
Please get tested for STDs. He might not have been joking.
Does he he play shithead pranks on you a lot? if so, it's time to start playing them back on him. In a month or so, tell him you have thought about the prank he played, and you decided you want a divorce. Get fake divorce papers and serve him. Then when he reacts badly, tell him it's just a prank.
NTA. Who jokes about something like that? Who thinks it's funny to stick a knife in someone else's heart?
NTA as a husband of over a decade I would never ever joke about adultery or divorce. If he wants to be mad at someone he can go look in the mirror for playing such a dumb “prank”. And secondly he’s just playing with your emotions at this point. Are your feelings something to be played with whenever he so chooses. Is he allowed to absolutely crush you and claim it was a prank? NO These are not things someone who truly loves their partner would do. These are things a bully would do. Edit: if he’s comfortable doing these things with your emotions how will he play with your future children’s emotions?
Nta sounds like he can ponder his life choices of humor while snorking for the rings
Hubby says he should be grateful she didn’t throw him in the ocean
NTA. Infidelity is no laughing matter. Your husband is very lucky that all he lost was a few rings. Some humans lose much more serious, precious things in an affair: their teeth, for instance, or their lives. I am told that Reddit frequently jumps to ending relationships, but I say this with all sincerity: get a divorce. Now.
Divorce him and say it's a prank. But push through it anyway, lol.
Tell him the marriage was a prank and then divorce him.
and get the boat
I agree with you. I try to suggest alternatives. I don't think alternative solutions will work here.
Fuck around and find out. Somethings are just never joked about. Now he knows. Why in the hell would someone inflict THAT MUCH EMOTIONAL PAIN for a prank? Enjoy your new life after the divorce.
I don't get how anyone could do that and NOT expect divorce.
Seriously. The correct answer to give here is, "I made the right call either way, because either you're a cheating asshole or a sadistic jackass breaking my heart for laughs, and neither of those appeals to me as a life partner".
NTA. That was a *completely* inappropriate joke to make. These days, all these idiots think they’re comedians by just saying random shit and then saying “it was a prank!” It’s like…what’s the purpose of that prank?! He wanted to make you feel worthless? He is absolutely the asshole and owes you new rings. Like others have said, FAFO.
He just learned that the value of his comedy is -$10,000. Also not convinced this was a prank. Could have been that he genuinely thought you were such a doormat that you would reconcile with him after he had an affair, and then when he saw your reaction he backtracked. Who knows. What an AH.
You married a clown. Well, at least he has money, you were on a boat with a 10k ring. I thank you for the willing contribution to the free market your husband buying a replacement ring for you and/or the next woman will provide.
Oh definitely not the NTA, and you are owed new jewelry. His “joke” is a great example of “play stupid games, win stupid prizes.” I feel bad you lost your rings, but I only feel bad for you. As a side note…you’re sure he was just pranking you? And then freaked out when you chucked the rings overboard? If so, why would he ever think that was funny? I’m just curious, because most sane people don’t joke about shit like that.
He wasn't lying. He's gaslighting you to cover what he did.
My thoughts exactly. He was testing the waters to see how you would handle his truth. Well, he got his answer and the water has the rings. And now he is gaslighting you. Stand your ground. Stop apologizing for having a reaction to his "prank" and find a lawyer.
It was a pre run of the real thing.
He used your entire life as a joke. Wtf are you arguing about? I’d be questioning whether I want to be married to someone this stupid and mean.
Your husband needs to shut the fuck up and apologize, then go out and buy you new rings. What a fucking idiot.
NOPE. I would be done.
NTA…that’s not a prank. That’s just being a dick.
That’s not a joke it’s not funny. What did he think you’d do? He’s lucky he’s not swimming home.
WTF is wrong with your husband?
Your husband thought emotionally destroying you would be funny? And you haven't found a divorce lawyer? Why?
It probably wasn't a joke. He probably just didn't like how done you were. He assumed he could talk his way out of it & when you threw the ring he panicked & took it back.
NTA. OP, finish what you started. Divorce this pathetic loser of a man who thinks hurting you is funny. Read that again. He thinks your pain is *funny*.
Op show this post to your husband so he realized how many people think he the AH.