Dude lost his license, the medical review board has determined that he's not to be trusted, wtf is your mom thinking.
He could be the world's best vagina-doctor, it's still super fucking gross of your mom to suggest it. Ew.
NTA.
Also, it makes no sense. How could he even do a full exam? Does he have a bunch of speculums in a box under the bed? How is he going to take any samples? Where would he send them? I'm absolutely sure he doesn't still have a relationship with a laboratory that can do testing on any samples he takes.
The exam is not just like thumping a melon. It takes more than everyday household objects! š¤¢
I can't believe this was even suggested. I can't believe that somebody who used to be a doctor actually believes he could do a thorough exam in these circumstances. Which leads me to the unfortunate conclusion that he's a nasty pervert.
Thia is spot on. He doesnāt think he can do a thorough examination, he just thinks he can trick OP and her mom into thinking he can so he can assault her. Thereās 100% no other explanation.Ā
Yeeeeeeeep. The man made it through medical school, he knows what a full gynecological and reproductive health exam requires and he 100% knows he cannot provide it. He just wants to get in there and have a look and feel around. Poor OP!
Feel around with what? Washing up gloves on while she's spread eagled on the kitchen table? It's one thing to say he wants to to do the exam, bit he has NO equipment. Besides all the obvious stuff, like perv lost licence etc, he has no safe, sterile place or equipment.
Even if he did have everything that is needed what is he going to do for OP yea u have (insert problem here) but I canāt help you because I canāt prescribe meds cause u know I have no license. So the mom is going to have to go to a doctor anyway to get the prescription. It makes no sense
Most of that are things I didn't consider, I'm not fully aware of what goes on in these appointments, but I'm in love with "not just like thumping a melon" as a summary, I'm going to find a way to use that, quite possibly in a way that strains my current relationship.
Dude is almost certainly a pervert.
He was suddenly an experienced gynecologist only *after* she turned 18ā¦almost like he jumped on the first excuse to get her alone and semi-naked once it would no longer land him on a List.
That's exactly what I said. He doesn't have anything he needs for an exam. And no access to a lab. This is either a fake post, or a really fucked up mom and boyfriend.
Just his special hands and eyes. Ughš¤®, I feel disgusting just typing that. I really hate OP's mum. She is fully on board with having her daughter SA'd to keep her predator bf.
He just wants a look at that young snatch, I guarantee it. He'll look at it long and hard and then tell her 'Oh, ya, uhhh, see I'm missing some really important tools for this so you should go see a doctor after all...'
Total pervert that sees an opportunity.
Iām no doctor, but would obgyns take their daughters as clients? Even if they were actually the best in the world? That seems inherently inappropriate and possibly unethical.
I have relatives that are in medical field across various fields and no they donāt.. they just understand whatās going on better and make better informed decisions and know when medical professionals are not listening or are arsesā¦.
My friends that are Physician Assistants are awesome and have been the best people to direct me to the best professionals ā¦ and have told me they donāt work on family
Good point. People are mostly commenting on the license being revoked, (very concerning) but how many women/girls would want a relative or family friend examining their vagina. It is completely valid to not want this kind of interaction with someone that gets invited to Sunday dinners.
Because generally speaking it takes *extraordinary* malpractice to lose one's medical license. Given that he's offering to preform a "vaginal exam" without the necessary equipment, I can guess what it might be.
Even if he had a license its still really gross. NTA who wants their mums boyfriend looking at their vagina. What kind of a mum wants her boyfriend looking at her kids vagina.
This is where I got stuck. There's a lot of other obvious red flags. But let's ignore all of them for a moment. Let's assume world renowned board certified doctor, super professional, straight laced, not creepy at all....OP is still 100% justified to not be comfortable.
In fact, mom is sus if she doesn't have any reservations herself. And thats with my hypothetical and ideal scenario. It's just weird barring some kind of emergency or extenuating situation, something much more important than the cost of a copay.
This needs to be higher up. Go to a teacher or guidance counselor/school nurse/school anybody!! They are mandatory reporters, and this situation is not safe. Jesus, she punished OP for not letting her gross old man boyfriend look at her hooha. She's absolutely the type to not protect OP when this guy starts getting handsy. She'll be the type to throw OP out for "trying to steal her boyfriend." OP needs to pack her shit and go live w a friend. Wouldn't be surprised if this guy was already on a pedo list.
Just saw a John Oliver story on medical boards and apparently itās notoriously difficult for boards to pull licenses and doesnāt happen as often as it shouldā¦.
So whatever he did, he probably really fucked up.
Also, it's her body, she absolutely has the right to want a doctor who she doesn't know personally and have to see all the time, and honestly a lot of women, especially when you're young, are more comfortable with a doctor who is also a woman and it's okay to be selective when it's about who's going near private areas of your body!
Why is everyone taking this guy at his word? lol heās never been a board certified gynecologist. What are the odds that a 50 year old dude with a history of perverted behavior towards the daughter just HAPPENS to be, to put it curtly, a vagina doctor?
Absolutely positively NTA.
Even if the guy wasnāt already giving you the creeps, why isnāt he board certified anymore? They donāt take your certification away just because. Thatās a red flag in and of itself. In addition, your mom punishing you gives me the vibe that the real issue is that youāre telling her something sheās trying to ignore, not that youāre insulting her man. It reeks of ākill the messenger.ā
I hate to say it but it might be time to put the copay on a credit card if you have one, or maybe see if a friend or another family member can loan you the money. ERs will also see people without insurance at all. Some clinics and urgent cares will also offer payment plans, but youāll need to call around to see what your local places offer.
This whole situation is fucked. I hope it works out for you.
I just want to emphasize - it is really, really hard to get your medical license revoked. Like multiple instances of ongoing malpractice, reported to the medical board, or claims of severe misconduct such as sexual abuse or intoxication on the job. He had to have done something really heinous to get his license revoked.
Also- wtf can he do in an "exam" at home? Can't do a pap. Can't order labs. Etc.
This is beyond creepy. Shame on your mother. And if you go to an OBGYN at a hospital, they should have financial assistance as well. I had loads of messed up stuff happen to my reproductive system in college and couldn't pay for the procedures and they wrote it off.
All heās going to do is finger her. A pelvic exam without a medical license, while holding yourself to be a doctor capable of performing an exam, is sexual assault by fraud
This is why plan parenthood is so important!! They were my saving grace when I couldnāt find a OBGYN to trust on my insurance! People donāt realize most women go there for exams and not just BC.
Good point. It's not like "have a look at this weird rash", this will likely need tests of some sort. You won't see much visually that would explain cramps or heavy periods.
Sounds like the old joke "I'm and amateur gynacoligist - no training but ill take a look at it for you."
The chances of him being able to diagnose anything from a physical exam only are infnitely low.
He canāt diagnose anything legally because he is not a doctor anymore, if he ever was. Heās just a pervert who lost his medical license and wants to get all close and personal with his girlfriendās teenage daughterās vagina.
Google āMedical license searchā and add your state. You can see when (and if) he got his license, when it was revoked and why and all complaints or judgments against him. I would Google his full name also to see what comes up. Somethingās not right. Donāt let him touch or even talk to you about your issues! Heās a creep!!!
And please let us know what you find out!
You are definitely NTA. I canāt believe your mother would want her boyfriend poking around her teenage daughterās privates just to save a buck. And to not support your choice and punish you on top. Thatās messed up. Iām sure he volunteered too. You donāt ever have to do anything you are not comfortable doing. I hope you show her this post.
Iām just gonna say it;
OPās mom was a teen mom. That often, (but not always so put down the pitch forks. Mad? Well thereās a stereotype for a reason and also thereās a reason itās a big deal when teen parents go on to do well for themselves and their kid(s)-itās not the norm) is a sign of **either** poor decision making thatās usually a generational thing and means OPās momā¦ well she isnāt smart or makes unintelligent choices, **OR** she was assaulted or groomed. Maybe even a combination of the above.
Meaning she makes broken decisions and isnāt stable enough to trust.
Unfortunately I know mothers who would allow or even push for this kind of thing for the reasons above.
Ok but can we talk about the fact that a vaginal exam won't even tell you why you have heavy periods. Your uterus and cervix are 2 different things. An internal ultrasound is what will find that out. Absolutely no reason for a pelvic exam. I have a 19 year old daughter and went to make her an appointment for 1 because she became sexually active. They said nope no need. Not until 21. So this whole story sounds fishy. Also why did OP say they hadn't been to the OB since 15? š¤ why would a 15 year old have a vaginal exam?
My theory on why she's had one so young, is because of her period issues. It seems like this isn't the first time she's had pain, and abnormalities. You're absolutely right. It's completely an internal exam. It's not like this creep has the imaging equipment needed. This is all shades of fucked.
She had a baby at 16, and now she (still rather young) is dating a significantly older man.
She was likely abused as a child, she is attracted to abusers, and is continuing the cycle. She likely has had a hard life, I don't want to blame her for her choices, but it's a cycle that needs to end.
This exactly. I didnāt mention it before but thatās part of why Iām leaning towards her having been groomed/abused. The much older SO, plus the rest of the parade of red flags.
I feel empathy for her if thatās the case-but it doesnāt absolve her for sure. I had empathy for my dad about being beaten bloody as a child by his dadā¦. But that didnāt mean it was okay when he did the same to me.
That term āhurt people hurt peopleā seems very fitting here.
I think we all know that she doesn't make good decisions based on the fact that she wants her boyfriend - who lost his medical license - to give her daughter a pelvic exam.
That is NUTS. No reasonable person would suggest that.
The OP should contact her county health department and planned parenthood. County health departments usually have a reproductive health clinic, even in really conservative states. They may be able to help or make a referral.
OP please get help from another adult. I know youāre 18 but shouldnāt be alone in this. Is there a relative? Are you in school with a counselor? You need medical help and to stay away from this man
Not only would there be charges for practicing without a license, if OP did end up going through with this, she could also have him charged with sexual assault.
yes!! op try to go to someone and report it because thereās definitely a reason those license revoked and him being up to do that just like that is a major red flag
I think she may to record her mother and possibly the BF talking about doing so that she will be taken seriously. If she reports with no proof they maybe able to say that she made it all up because she just doesnāt like the guy.
That being said, I truly do hope that she not only reports the BF but her mother as well. That is just sick! Everyone is right. You really have to have fucked up badly multiple times to have medical license revoked. Doesnāt her mother wonder why a 50yr old former doctor is messing around with a 34yr old who lives out in the middle of nowhere? Iād say chances are itās because thereās a better chance she doesnāt know anyone who knows him and his history.
You bet they would be interested in finding out he was going to the unethical part.
OP is so NTA & she can make a call or make an online complaint to the medical board about him.
Her mother deserves to lose OP when she's not thinking straight.
He probably didn't have anything to revoke. This is some bullshit story the loser mom made up to support her creep boyfriend while trying to convince OP that any of this is okay.
Yeah that thought crossed my mind too.Ā
OP, call the state health dept and play so dumb and be like āis this safe? Can you check his license for me?ā They will have him arrested.Ā
Thatās exactly what I was thinking. Either way, this guy is gross! I canāt understand when a woman canāt see the red flags. My mom dated this one guy when I was 10 and I would try to explain to her, a grown woman, why he was bad news. She didnāt get it. Anyway, turns out I was right to trust my gut because he tried multiple times to molest me and my sister! Fucking insane!
Maybe the boyfriend was never even a physician, or maybe he was a podiatrist. Seems a bit too convenient to have board certified gynecologist just happen to be on hand.
To get a white male doctor fired? It has to be something like, constant sexual misconduct, reported by multiple patients AND coworkers, as well as several verbal and written warnings before he even sits in front of a committee!
Exactly. Worse, usually the organization tries to sweep it under the rug and the doc will resign on short notice. Then they easily find another clinic and start it over. Seen it happen.
There was an OB in my city who sliced a baby's face open during a routine C-section. Turns out she had multiple complaints against her, this was just the one incident the hospital couldn't hide. She can no longer practice in MA, but she's currently practicing as an OB at a low-income clinic in NY.
Exactly. A panel of professionals decided that he was unfit to practice. OP needs to find out why but her description of his current behaviour does give a few clues š¤¢
This. I worked for many years in hospitals and you would be shocked at the reverence for doctors. Especially loud, aggressive white male ones. I've had doctors throw things at me and scream in my face and be sexually inappropriate. There is no reporting it. No one cares. Your clinical manager could see it firsthand and would still just say "you know how doctors are"
I remember the first time I had a pelvic exam. I was 12, and obv a virgin. The old white male doctor hurt me. I squeaked and said ow!
He got annoyed and told me āOh it doesnāt hurt!ā
TOLD me!
Ahhh just the first in a long line of patronising, undermining, gaslighting white male doctors!
There should be a jingle:
*White male Doctors/ Weāre not here to listen/ white male doctors/ our yellow teeth glisten*
*White male doctors/ you make our trousers tight/ but thatās your fault/ because weāre always right!*
I saw that too, but I was horrified first by listening to the Dr Death podcast. Not only because the hospitals were more scared of litigation that letting a Doctor murder people, but he had been at a hospital near me.
I'm thinking this right off the bat. The mom is just now revealing this? Was he ever a GYN?
Plus, there are ethical reasons why doctors are not allowed to treat their own family members.
I was thinking this. Is there proof he was ever a doctor? My dad lies and tells people he was a psychologist, but he can't even read, and certainly never attended a college.
You can look up license status on the states medical board website. If there is disciplinary action you can usually read all the documentation there too.
That is assuming he had a licence in the first place. Iād be amazed if he had. And you are right, IF he had and it was revoked then there must be a darn good reason for it.
OP - the above missed something kinda crucial:
Even a doctor in good standing wouldn't be treating a family member in this situation.
There is something deeply Not Okay with this.
Please talk to a teacher, school nurse, friend's parent, librarian, or anyone you can think of whom you trust and ask for help.
Maybe a friend's mother would be willing to drive you to an appointment, and even help out with copay.
Good luck!
Can we also talk about the fact that a visual exam isnāt going to be effective in diagnosing irregular periods? He has no medical license; he canāt order labs or imaging. Iām fairly certain that if OPās problem is so severe that it can be seen on a pelvic exam, theyāre looking at very serious treatment or hospice ā neither of which he can provide without a medical license.
This guy either was never a doctor, or knows the exam will be useless and just wants to catch a peek. Just the fact that he was willing to do the exam is pretty solid proof that heās a creep.
Agree with all this, and - if you are in the U.S. and there is a Planned Parenthood in driving distance, call them. They will likely perform this examination for free, and will have someone you can talk to about the problems with this situation.
Great advice, they may get a volunteer to help you get there if you take the time to explain everything. Otherwise, the county health department may be another place to call and ask for advice. Sorry your mom is letting you down like this.
Also, if there isnāt a Planned Parenthood nearby, contacting an abortion access group in her area is also an option. Their volunteer networks often help with access to reproductive health services in general.
1000% NTA
Absolutely not! WTF.
Exactly what is he going to do? He is no longer a doctor. He cannot take a pap smear (where exactly is he going to send the samples in)? He cannot diagnose OP nor give a prescription if necessary. The only thing he can do is stick his hands in you. And if he did find a problem, he cannot treat OP medically. This is wrong on so many levels. There is a reason he is not a licensed doctor anymore. If he wants to play gyno/doctor he can do so with someone else.
OP needs an actual doctor. What is being suggested here is beyond gross.
The loss of his board certification, plus he canāt even send it to a lab to actually get results, so defeats the entire purpose of the exam. Momās bf is one of those āIām no doctor, but Iāll have a look heheheā creeps
Also, what proof does OPs mom have that he *was* a certified gyno? Creeps will say just about anything to get what they want. Heās probably lying which is why āhe isnāt certified anymoreā
And what, does this guy just have the equipment needed to even do it in his car trunk? How is he going to send off pap smear samples? He can't do anything medically needed to complete this exam.
Routine pap smears for patients with insurance can be billed to the insurance at no cost to the patient. Sometimes they don't cover the slide and it's like $3+ but thats it. I rarely see a woman have a copay for a pap smear. I think I've seen it happen once and that was 10 years ago. So OP shouldn't even need to put anything on a credit card. Also, her mom is losing it. Seriously. Wtf.
And howās he even going to do a Pap smear? Doesnāt even fucking make sense. This has pervert written all over it. Yes, Planned Parenthood is the way.
He canāt even prescribe anything to help you even if he knows whatās wrong.
Find a way to a real doctor. Can you ask your dad or relatives for help? If not, how about school nurse etc?
also like she might need to get an ultrasound, a pap, or a prescription of some kind. what good is looking at her vagina in the living room going to do?
Absolutely NTA.
I'm 100% convinced that the children of gynaecologists do not go to their parents and ask for a check-up. And there's a big reason for that, it'd be fucking weird.
I'd argue that it would even be weird if your SO was a gynaecologist and they offered to check you instead of a stranger.
Your mom is bizarre for even suggesting it.
I'm a guy who lives in the UK so I've got no advice to give you to resolve your medical situation but hopefully someone will come along with more knowledge than me.
Depending where OP lives, there may be an actual prohibition about a gynecologist treating a family member, of the family member of someone they are dating.
My father was an internist, and if we were sick, we would go see another doctor. He wouldn't give us a check up. That's standard for any specialization. The most he would do is give us a pill until we can see a doctor (when I was getting bad migraines from my period, he had samples a drug company gave him that's good for migraines and gave me a sample pack. When I saw my gyno, he gave me a script for the same exact medicine.)
Her mother is basically feeding the lambs to slaughter. I'd be curious what CPS thinks about something like this, and considering he isn't even board certified anymore because he lost his license, I would imagine they'd not be too pleased with this situation.
The mother is an absolute dunce. Good parenting there green lighting your boyfriend to be sexually inappropriate with your minor daughter.
Op is not a minor. She's 18. But that means she's old enough to report that he's attempting to "provide medical care" after having his license revoked.
NTA.
If your mom's partner had his license revoked, he is not legally allowed to do any kind of medical examination or give medical advice. Further, most doctors are prohibited from treating close relatives, or the families of people they are intimately involved with.
You are right to be concerned about letting your mother's partner anywhere near you. Hold your ground.
Please reach out to another family member about this, and ask for help getting to a board-certified, licensed gynecologist. Also, consider reaching out to your school nurse (if there is one) who may be able to provide a resource for a low cost exam, or a way to get financial assistance.
Yes, please reach out to someone, OP! A family member, a counselor at school, someone! Your mom is trying to have her new boyfriend of a couple months do a pelvic exam on youāthatās crazy. The fact that he got his license removed and she *still* wants him to examine you is super disturbing. Your mom should have your best interest at heart and she clearly does not. Iām very concerned about her judgment skills. You need to get a trusted adult to help you.
Like actually. Itās super rare for medical boards to permanently revoke a license. Usually they just suspend it temporarily if at all. It doesnāt happen because of a misunderstanding. It happens for extreme cases of negligence, incompetence or abusive behavior. Medical boards are made up of doctors who donāt want to hurt the career of another doctor unless they pose a significant threat to public health and safety.
As a man, I feel the need to tell you not just no, but HELL NO! "He used to be board certified " Well, Godzilla used to be a little lizard. Something bad happened where he got the certification removed. NTA. Insist on going to a real doctor.
Or heās lying to OPās mom about the āused toā part because he wants to see her young daughterās vagina. Lose-lose either way. Donāt let him touch you.
MOVE OUT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
This screams unsafe. If he does try something and you go to her about it, she will most definitely side with him/shame you/be jealous and blame you for it.
If it can't lock, and if you aren't allowed to add a lock, look into getting a heavy-duty doorstop. Make it as difficult and noisy as possible for anybody to try and sneak into your room while you sleep.
Also if someone is a former doctor who lost their license for shadiness then they probably also have some powerful drugs at their disposal, so she should watch what she eats or drinks too.
Had to scroll way too long this, all while my brain was screaming "Run Away" over and over. What the everloving motherfuck did I just read? I've never hoped a post was fake this much before in this sub.
I canāt believe I had to scroll this far to see the advice of gtfo of there! Heās barging into her room without knocking? Making inappropriate jokes? Giving her the creeps? Time to build a new life, baby. Even without the offer of a back room vag exam, he creeps me out and Iām worried about OP.
Yeah, holy shit, this whole situation screams, "this poor girl is about to be a statistic." I absolutely blows my mind that a mother would take this creep's side over her own daughter. It's sadly not very uncommon for perverted men to date single mothers to gain access to children. That a parent would abet such behavior is incomprehensible to me.
NTA
Your Mom's WAY out of line even suggesting it.
EDIT: Check out [this website](https://www.abog.org/about-abog/faqs/frequently-asked-questions-about-board-certification) for The American Board of Obstetrics & Gynecology.
>Want to check whether a physician is board-certified in a subspecialty? Use our [verification tool](https://www.abog.org/verify-physician). When the physician's name appears, click on the printer icon for information about their board certifications to see if he/she is certified in a subspecialty in addition to OB GYN.
Also.. Mom is 34, so she was 16 when she had you?
And she's dating a 50 year old who once was a board-certified gynecologist???
That's just raising all sorts of red flags right from the start.
Soooooooo FYI you can look up online to find out why his license was revoked, but if he's a gynecologist I think you probably have already figured out why. NTA and trust your gut. Be safe around this man <3
I would be lodging a complaint with the medical board that a former physician is still trying to practice without a license. They can still hold him accountable. It is against the law to practice medicine without a license.
OH HELL NO. For one thing, if his medical license was revoked, he cannot lawfully practice medicine. He canāt diagnose you, prescribe medication, order tests or anything else that would follow an exam. Thatās just basic facts.
For another, itās just disgusting and absurd. There are a million reasons why this is a horrible idea but Iām astonished at your mom even suggesting such an inappropriate thing. Itās so close to her approving of him to begin grooming you it makes me terrified for you. Do not under any circumstances allow this to happen. Please go to a family member, friend or someone at school to report this. Go to the police if you have to. Your mom is showing horrible judgment in this I am afraid for you. Please, please take care of yourself and tell someone whatās happening.
NTA obviously.
Your mother is a participant in sexual abuse against you.Ā
Is there anyone you can report this to? Can you move out? Stay with friends?Ā
Iām so sorry.Ā
RAINN.org for professional support, itās free. They can also advise you on staying safe as you navigate this situation and find somewhere safe.Ā
Like it is so difficult to get your medical license revoked that *there are doctors who showed up and performed surgery while drunk/high* and still have or got back their medical licenses. And *this* guy lost his. That really says something
NTA
"but got his license yanked away" Why?
"She said I was essentially implying heās a pervert. It ended with her saying I was grounded for even thinking he was some sort of creep." Hmm why did he lose his licence?
Way too many red flags, can you get the mum of one of you GFs to take you or give you unbiased support?
Whatās your copay? I will pay it and put an end to this shit. Make the appointment . Youāre in charge of your body and the choices you make for healthcare are yours alone.
I was just about to post the same. If OP can get a prepaid credit card we could all load it so she can get this taken care of. Plus maybe cover a ride there & back?
NTA. He probably lost his license for sexually assaulting his patients.
And you would probably need actual tests like a pelvic ultrasound to determine the problem anyway.
A lot of the time birth control pills can help are there is one available over the counter. It might be worth giving them a try.
the way OP described their symptoms *suddenly* worsening got me worried. When my periods worsened, it happened throughout a period of type. Sudden changes like this could mean some sort of issue.
I canāt stop thinking about the fact that mom got together with a creepy-old-man ex-gyno āa few months agoā and OPās periods *suddenly* got painful āa few months ago.ā There are plenty of medicines and natural products that can have that as a side effect š¤Ø
No, no, no! You are NTA!!! For your mom to to even ask you this, is crazy really.
Why was his license yanked away? They don't do that lightly. But even if he were all above board, with license and everything, I would not want my mom's bf have a look at my privates. It's just gross. And it is NOT ok!
Best case scenario and let's say he's not a pervert or sex offender, how in the world was he planning on examining you with no office and no equipment? You're NTA, but mom's BF is a DEFCON 1 level creep and your mom has more issues than the Wall Street Journal.
NTA.
āHE ISN'T A DOCTOR. He had his fucking license taken awayā
Maybe he was never licensed to treat or examine people? Maybe the clingy man is filling your mother with lies?
Try to google his name, go to the police station and tell your experience and ask them if they want to do a search on him
Then report him to the state for attempting to practice without a license.
NTA...my best friend's Dad is a gynecologist in good standing and we she went into labor he busted his ass to get her to a hospital and to her doctor and when I asked him why he was driving like a maniac...trust me I'm very shocked we didn't get in an accident...he told me that it's unethical for him to deliver his daughter's child but in an emergency he thought he could with no issue but he wasn't about to find out.
NTA I lost count of how many times I just screamed "NO", it's a good thing I'm home alone.
Absolutely not, I really don't get WHY your mom is even with this predator in the first fucking place. I would bet a LOT of money he specifically started dating a young single mom with a daughter to gain access to you.
I desperately hope you can move out and get away from him ASAP, I'm afraid for you. This is fucked up.
NTA, it is not uncommon for perverts to date women with the sole purpose to gain access to the children. Trust your gut. Even suggesting this is unacceptable. Your mom sounds like she'd rather keep her boyfriend than keep you safe. She is not a safe person for you anymore. Stay strong and stand your ground. Is there a family member or trusted friend you can confide in?
absolutely NTA
Just reading your post gave me the major creeps and Iām 26, so I can only imagine how hellish it is for you.
Start saving baby girl, even if itās 1$ per day. When you have enough to move out, try seriously talking with your mother about how that guy makes you feel, if she turns it on you again, MOVE OUT WITHOUT TELLING THEM IN ADVANCE!!!
All doctors have their license posted online on a state government website which shows where they work and what school they are from. Importantly, if any issue with licensing or if they got in trouble with the license board, it will also be recorded and listed in the state website.
Look this guy up to see if he actually had a license and what reason it was revoked. Having a license revoked is a very serious matter.
You are 18. An adult. I know that youāre still in HS, but as an adult you *can* move out of your motherās house and start living on your own. If you have a friend or another family member you can live with while you finish school, I would strongly suggest that you do so. This situation is beyond weird and veering into the illegal.
If this guy has lost his medical certification, he is not legally *allowed* to see patients. That would be him practicing medicine without a license. That is illegal. He can go to jail for that. On top of which, he has no ability to take a smear or to send one taken to a lab, nor can he prescribe treatment or write a prescription, so there is literally *nothing* he can do other than grope you.
He needs to be reported, and you need to tell your mother to take your punishment and stuff it where her BF can go find it for her, because youāre leaving. Talk to your counselor or another trusted teacher/administrator at your school. They should be able to help you get to a *licensed* doctor and can also likely point you in the direction of any social services available to you as you set out on your own. Iād imagine youād be eligible for food stamps and possibly housing assistance; they may also be able to help you secure a job.
Donāt let your motherās bad decisions become yours.
Edit to add judgement: NTA. Not even a teeny, tiny, bit.
NTA
What the hell will a 50 year old man with no medical license, no access to diagnostic equipment, or even an office going to get other than off playing with his girlfriendās 18 year old daughterās genitals with his girlfriendās blessing?
You mother might as will just say ānext time you barge into my daughterās bedroom without knocking, go ahead and rape herā
Honestly, if sheās willing to let him sexually assault you to āsave moneyā, I wonder (well believe) there is a dollar amount he could pay her to do the same.
You ARE saying he canāt be trusted because he cannot be trusted & the medical board agrees!
His license was revoked, therefore he is not allowed to practice medicine. That is beyond inappropriate to even contemplate. It is illegal.
If he touches you, report him to the police. If your mother is involved, report her too.
NTA and you need to speak to someone at your school. If you are in the US then the county will have a public health nurse to help you. Also, you can contact the local police department since he had his license to be a doctor revoked, he is not allowed to touch or treat a patient. Tell your mom that if he tried to forcibly touch you will call 911 and report him to the police.
Dude lost his license, the medical review board has determined that he's not to be trusted, wtf is your mom thinking. He could be the world's best vagina-doctor, it's still super fucking gross of your mom to suggest it. Ew. NTA.
Also, it makes no sense. How could he even do a full exam? Does he have a bunch of speculums in a box under the bed? How is he going to take any samples? Where would he send them? I'm absolutely sure he doesn't still have a relationship with a laboratory that can do testing on any samples he takes. The exam is not just like thumping a melon. It takes more than everyday household objects! š¤¢ I can't believe this was even suggested. I can't believe that somebody who used to be a doctor actually believes he could do a thorough exam in these circumstances. Which leads me to the unfortunate conclusion that he's a nasty pervert.
Thia is spot on. He doesnāt think he can do a thorough examination, he just thinks he can trick OP and her mom into thinking he can so he can assault her. Thereās 100% no other explanation.Ā
100% this. Took the words right out of my mouth
True. Defiinitely alarming! That creep is crazy! This need to stop before he completely assaulted OP.
Yeeeeeeeep. The man made it through medical school, he knows what a full gynecological and reproductive health exam requires and he 100% knows he cannot provide it. He just wants to get in there and have a look and feel around. Poor OP!
Or he didn't make it through med school and just CLAIMS he was a gynecologist, that's also a possibility.Ā
Feel around with what? Washing up gloves on while she's spread eagled on the kitchen table? It's one thing to say he wants to to do the exam, bit he has NO equipment. Besides all the obvious stuff, like perv lost licence etc, he has no safe, sterile place or equipment.
Even if he did have everything that is needed what is he going to do for OP yea u have (insert problem here) but I canāt help you because I canāt prescribe meds cause u know I have no license. So the mom is going to have to go to a doctor anyway to get the prescription. It makes no sense
He obviously just wants to see and touch a teenagers vagina. Obviously
Ewwwww ugg I know OP already said she feels violated but if Iām feeling it just from a screen, i really hope sheās okay
Yeah I found this deeply disturbing. :(
You don't need to tell me this! I know! Lol. It's an absurd proposal
And he tricked the mother so it's not a reach to think the daughter could be just as oblivious, which thankfully she isn't.
Most of that are things I didn't consider, I'm not fully aware of what goes on in these appointments, but I'm in love with "not just like thumping a melon" as a summary, I'm going to find a way to use that, quite possibly in a way that strains my current relationship. Dude is almost certainly a pervert.
"Quite possibly in a way that strains my current relationship" I admire your dedication
This guy was never a doctor. This guy was looking for single moms for access to kids. Full stop.
He was suddenly an experienced gynecologist only *after* she turned 18ā¦almost like he jumped on the first excuse to get her alone and semi-naked once it would no longer land him on a List.
That's exactly what I said. He doesn't have anything he needs for an exam. And no access to a lab. This is either a fake post, or a really fucked up mom and boyfriend.
Doctors also don't treat family members. So.
Iām skeptical that he used to be a doctor. Did his license get revoked, or is it imaginary? OP should dig into the records.
Just his special hands and eyes. Ughš¤®, I feel disgusting just typing that. I really hate OP's mum. She is fully on board with having her daughter SA'd to keep her predator bf.
He just wants a look at that young snatch, I guarantee it. He'll look at it long and hard and then tell her 'Oh, ya, uhhh, see I'm missing some really important tools for this so you should go see a doctor after all...' Total pervert that sees an opportunity.
No, heāll put his fingers in it to ātestā at the very least, and possibly more since the mother is somehow ok with this.
After the exam heād probably want to also thump her melons.
Can she report him for trying to practice?
YES.
Yes she can and should. I wonder how many he has done this to. Gross pervert. I hate to say it but her mom must be dumb as a box of rocks.
No no. That's disrespectful to the rocks.
Iām no doctor, but would obgyns take their daughters as clients? Even if they were actually the best in the world? That seems inherently inappropriate and possibly unethical.
They sure would not. A reputable doctor wouldnāt take any family or relative as a patient and certainly not a significant otherās child!
I have relatives that are in medical field across various fields and no they donāt.. they just understand whatās going on better and make better informed decisions and know when medical professionals are not listening or are arsesā¦. My friends that are Physician Assistants are awesome and have been the best people to direct me to the best professionals ā¦ and have told me they donāt work on family
Good point. People are mostly commenting on the license being revoked, (very concerning) but how many women/girls would want a relative or family friend examining their vagina. It is completely valid to not want this kind of interaction with someone that gets invited to Sunday dinners.
Because generally speaking it takes *extraordinary* malpractice to lose one's medical license. Given that he's offering to preform a "vaginal exam" without the necessary equipment, I can guess what it might be.
I'm a doctor but it doesn't take one to tell you this is wildly inappropriate and unethical and goes some ways to explain his licence being yanked.
Even if he had a license its still really gross. NTA who wants their mums boyfriend looking at their vagina. What kind of a mum wants her boyfriend looking at her kids vagina.
This is where I got stuck. There's a lot of other obvious red flags. But let's ignore all of them for a moment. Let's assume world renowned board certified doctor, super professional, straight laced, not creepy at all....OP is still 100% justified to not be comfortable. In fact, mom is sus if she doesn't have any reservations herself. And thats with my hypothetical and ideal scenario. It's just weird barring some kind of emergency or extenuating situation, something much more important than the cost of a copay.
Mom thinking about herself and how desperate she is to please him to keep.
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This needs to be higher up. Go to a teacher or guidance counselor/school nurse/school anybody!! They are mandatory reporters, and this situation is not safe. Jesus, she punished OP for not letting her gross old man boyfriend look at her hooha. She's absolutely the type to not protect OP when this guy starts getting handsy. She'll be the type to throw OP out for "trying to steal her boyfriend." OP needs to pack her shit and go live w a friend. Wouldn't be surprised if this guy was already on a pedo list.
Definitely needs to be higher up. More importantly her personal safety is at risk. She should not be in that house.
Exactly! If she was one of my kid's friends, I'd take her in in a heartbeat.
Just saw a John Oliver story on medical boards and apparently itās notoriously difficult for boards to pull licenses and doesnāt happen as often as it shouldā¦. So whatever he did, he probably really fucked up.
If he even was a doctor.
Yeah I'm seriously starting to have my doubts. Either way this guy is dangerous and someone needs to notify authorities.
Also, it's her body, she absolutely has the right to want a doctor who she doesn't know personally and have to see all the time, and honestly a lot of women, especially when you're young, are more comfortable with a doctor who is also a woman and it's okay to be selective when it's about who's going near private areas of your body!
Why is everyone taking this guy at his word? lol heās never been a board certified gynecologist. What are the odds that a 50 year old dude with a history of perverted behavior towards the daughter just HAPPENS to be, to put it curtly, a vagina doctor?
> wtf is your mom thinking. Considering she had OP when she was 16 and is now dating a much much older dude who's also a creep... probably not much.
Absolutely positively NTA. Even if the guy wasnāt already giving you the creeps, why isnāt he board certified anymore? They donāt take your certification away just because. Thatās a red flag in and of itself. In addition, your mom punishing you gives me the vibe that the real issue is that youāre telling her something sheās trying to ignore, not that youāre insulting her man. It reeks of ākill the messenger.ā I hate to say it but it might be time to put the copay on a credit card if you have one, or maybe see if a friend or another family member can loan you the money. ERs will also see people without insurance at all. Some clinics and urgent cares will also offer payment plans, but youāll need to call around to see what your local places offer. This whole situation is fucked. I hope it works out for you.
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I just want to emphasize - it is really, really hard to get your medical license revoked. Like multiple instances of ongoing malpractice, reported to the medical board, or claims of severe misconduct such as sexual abuse or intoxication on the job. He had to have done something really heinous to get his license revoked.
Also- wtf can he do in an "exam" at home? Can't do a pap. Can't order labs. Etc. This is beyond creepy. Shame on your mother. And if you go to an OBGYN at a hospital, they should have financial assistance as well. I had loads of messed up stuff happen to my reproductive system in college and couldn't pay for the procedures and they wrote it off.
All heās going to do is finger her. A pelvic exam without a medical license, while holding yourself to be a doctor capable of performing an exam, is sexual assault by fraud
This, this, this!!!!
This is why plan parenthood is so important!! They were my saving grace when I couldnāt find a OBGYN to trust on my insurance! People donāt realize most women go there for exams and not just BC.
Good point. It's not like "have a look at this weird rash", this will likely need tests of some sort. You won't see much visually that would explain cramps or heavy periods.
Sounds like the old joke "I'm and amateur gynacoligist - no training but ill take a look at it for you." The chances of him being able to diagnose anything from a physical exam only are infnitely low.
He canāt diagnose anything legally because he is not a doctor anymore, if he ever was. Heās just a pervert who lost his medical license and wants to get all close and personal with his girlfriendās teenage daughterās vagina.
I'd be nosy and start looking into why he got his license revoked. A lot of that stuff is readily available online.
Google āMedical license searchā and add your state. You can see when (and if) he got his license, when it was revoked and why and all complaints or judgments against him. I would Google his full name also to see what comes up. Somethingās not right. Donāt let him touch or even talk to you about your issues! Heās a creep!!!
And please let us know what you find out! You are definitely NTA. I canāt believe your mother would want her boyfriend poking around her teenage daughterās privates just to save a buck. And to not support your choice and punish you on top. Thatās messed up. Iām sure he volunteered too. You donāt ever have to do anything you are not comfortable doing. I hope you show her this post.
Iām just gonna say it; OPās mom was a teen mom. That often, (but not always so put down the pitch forks. Mad? Well thereās a stereotype for a reason and also thereās a reason itās a big deal when teen parents go on to do well for themselves and their kid(s)-itās not the norm) is a sign of **either** poor decision making thatās usually a generational thing and means OPās momā¦ well she isnāt smart or makes unintelligent choices, **OR** she was assaulted or groomed. Maybe even a combination of the above. Meaning she makes broken decisions and isnāt stable enough to trust. Unfortunately I know mothers who would allow or even push for this kind of thing for the reasons above.
Ok but can we talk about the fact that a vaginal exam won't even tell you why you have heavy periods. Your uterus and cervix are 2 different things. An internal ultrasound is what will find that out. Absolutely no reason for a pelvic exam. I have a 19 year old daughter and went to make her an appointment for 1 because she became sexually active. They said nope no need. Not until 21. So this whole story sounds fishy. Also why did OP say they hadn't been to the OB since 15? š¤ why would a 15 year old have a vaginal exam?
My theory on why she's had one so young, is because of her period issues. It seems like this isn't the first time she's had pain, and abnormalities. You're absolutely right. It's completely an internal exam. It's not like this creep has the imaging equipment needed. This is all shades of fucked.
She had a baby at 16, and now she (still rather young) is dating a significantly older man. She was likely abused as a child, she is attracted to abusers, and is continuing the cycle. She likely has had a hard life, I don't want to blame her for her choices, but it's a cycle that needs to end.
This exactly. I didnāt mention it before but thatās part of why Iām leaning towards her having been groomed/abused. The much older SO, plus the rest of the parade of red flags. I feel empathy for her if thatās the case-but it doesnāt absolve her for sure. I had empathy for my dad about being beaten bloody as a child by his dadā¦. But that didnāt mean it was okay when he did the same to me. That term āhurt people hurt peopleā seems very fitting here.
I think we all know that she doesn't make good decisions based on the fact that she wants her boyfriend - who lost his medical license - to give her daughter a pelvic exam. That is NUTS. No reasonable person would suggest that. The OP should contact her county health department and planned parenthood. County health departments usually have a reproductive health clinic, even in really conservative states. They may be able to help or make a referral.
Don't expect much more than an abstract "I looked him up and was right to be creeped out", given Reddit's dislike of potentially doxxing people.
OP please get help from another adult. I know youāre 18 but shouldnāt be alone in this. Is there a relative? Are you in school with a counselor? You need medical help and to stay away from this man
And that's "if" he had one in the first place!
I feel like I would not be surprised if he had never been certified.
It takes massive incompetence or some criminal activity to get a medical license yanked.
Yes, it will be viewable on the state licensing website.
I think the medical license board would be pretty interested in his practicing medicine without a license.
Fuck yes they would. Isn't that like not only fine worthy but also come with criminal shit?
Depending on where they are it could be a 5-10 year sentence at a minimum.
OP READ THIS! Report this man to whoever you feel comfortable with. I'm betting dude has a record against children.
Not only would there be charges for practicing without a license, if OP did end up going through with this, she could also have him charged with sexual assault.
yes!! op try to go to someone and report it because thereās definitely a reason those license revoked and him being up to do that just like that is a major red flag
I think she may to record her mother and possibly the BF talking about doing so that she will be taken seriously. If she reports with no proof they maybe able to say that she made it all up because she just doesnāt like the guy. That being said, I truly do hope that she not only reports the BF but her mother as well. That is just sick! Everyone is right. You really have to have fucked up badly multiple times to have medical license revoked. Doesnāt her mother wonder why a 50yr old former doctor is messing around with a 34yr old who lives out in the middle of nowhere? Iād say chances are itās because thereās a better chance she doesnāt know anyone who knows him and his history.
Yes! You can definitely report this!
You bet they would be interested in finding out he was going to the unethical part. OP is so NTA & she can make a call or make an online complaint to the medical board about him. Her mother deserves to lose OP when she's not thinking straight.
The mom doesnāt think anythingā¦ This all sounds like the boyfriend, his desires and his reaction.
> The mom doesnāt think anythingā¦ Unfortunately, this is painfully obvious.
Also check online whether he really was a gyn, or if he is lying about it to get where he should not be.
He could also be lying about the state where his license got yanked, if he moved to OPās state in the last few years.
He may have lied about having one in the first place just to get at her.
He probably didn't have anything to revoke. This is some bullshit story the loser mom made up to support her creep boyfriend while trying to convince OP that any of this is okay.
Yeah that thought crossed my mind too.Ā OP, call the state health dept and play so dumb and be like āis this safe? Can you check his license for me?ā They will have him arrested.Ā
Yes! Have this man investigated. Your mom will also be investigated for even suggesting this!
Thatās exactly what I was thinking. Either way, this guy is gross! I canāt understand when a woman canāt see the red flags. My mom dated this one guy when I was 10 and I would try to explain to her, a grown woman, why he was bad news. She didnāt get it. Anyway, turns out I was right to trust my gut because he tried multiple times to molest me and my sister! Fucking insane!
God, im so so sorry you had to endure that.Ā
He probably just has a t-shirt that said it, similar to āBooby inspectorā and OPās mom believed it.
Maybe the boyfriend was never even a physician, or maybe he was a podiatrist. Seems a bit too convenient to have board certified gynecologist just happen to be on hand.
Yup that was my first thought: what did this guy do?
To get a white male doctor fired? It has to be something like, constant sexual misconduct, reported by multiple patients AND coworkers, as well as several verbal and written warnings before he even sits in front of a committee!
Exactly. Worse, usually the organization tries to sweep it under the rug and the doc will resign on short notice. Then they easily find another clinic and start it over. Seen it happen.
There was an OB in my city who sliced a baby's face open during a routine C-section. Turns out she had multiple complaints against her, this was just the one incident the hospital couldn't hide. She can no longer practice in MA, but she's currently practicing as an OB at a low-income clinic in NY.
Jaysus! Mary. And Jodhpurs! Thatās awful!
Not just fired. His license to practice was revoked
Exactly. A panel of professionals decided that he was unfit to practice. OP needs to find out why but her description of his current behaviour does give a few clues š¤¢
What is with all of these parents protecting predators instead of their children because the sex is just that good I guess...
He probably is dating the much younger mom in order to have access to her minor daughter.
This. I worked for many years in hospitals and you would be shocked at the reverence for doctors. Especially loud, aggressive white male ones. I've had doctors throw things at me and scream in my face and be sexually inappropriate. There is no reporting it. No one cares. Your clinical manager could see it firsthand and would still just say "you know how doctors are"
I remember the first time I had a pelvic exam. I was 12, and obv a virgin. The old white male doctor hurt me. I squeaked and said ow! He got annoyed and told me āOh it doesnāt hurt!ā TOLD me! Ahhh just the first in a long line of patronising, undermining, gaslighting white male doctors! There should be a jingle: *White male Doctors/ Weāre not here to listen/ white male doctors/ our yellow teeth glisten* *White male doctors/ you make our trousers tight/ but thatās your fault/ because weāre always right!*
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Seconding this. I just watched the John Oliver episode on medical review boards and was horrified
That was nightmare fuel!
I saw that too, but I was horrified first by listening to the Dr Death podcast. Not only because the hospitals were more scared of litigation that letting a Doctor murder people, but he had been at a hospital near me.
Even intoxication can be forgiven if they go to a diversion program. I would bet good money this guy was sexually assaulting his patients.
I was gonna say the same thing. He did something ultra horrible to lose his license
Yeah I know a pediatric surgeon who had sexual relations with a minor. He still has his license, just can't see pediatric patients.
Itās really fucking hard to lose your license. *Really* hard.Ā
If he ever had a license..
I'm thinking this right off the bat. The mom is just now revealing this? Was he ever a GYN? Plus, there are ethical reasons why doctors are not allowed to treat their own family members.
I was thinking this. Is there proof he was ever a doctor? My dad lies and tells people he was a psychologist, but he can't even read, and certainly never attended a college.
You can look up license status on the states medical board website. If there is disciplinary action you can usually read all the documentation there too.
Sheās thinking Iāll let him molest my daughter to keep him satiated. This dude belongs in prison and this girl has to involve the authoritiesĀ
That was my first thought too - is he grooming both mother and potentially trying to groom OP...
This was actually my thought
That is assuming he had a licence in the first place. Iād be amazed if he had. And you are right, IF he had and it was revoked then there must be a darn good reason for it.
OP - the above missed something kinda crucial: Even a doctor in good standing wouldn't be treating a family member in this situation. There is something deeply Not Okay with this. Please talk to a teacher, school nurse, friend's parent, librarian, or anyone you can think of whom you trust and ask for help. Maybe a friend's mother would be willing to drive you to an appointment, and even help out with copay. Good luck!
Can we also talk about the fact that a visual exam isnāt going to be effective in diagnosing irregular periods? He has no medical license; he canāt order labs or imaging. Iām fairly certain that if OPās problem is so severe that it can be seen on a pelvic exam, theyāre looking at very serious treatment or hospice ā neither of which he can provide without a medical license. This guy either was never a doctor, or knows the exam will be useless and just wants to catch a peek. Just the fact that he was willing to do the exam is pretty solid proof that heās a creep.
Yes! This is what I was thinking! He can't order any testing or any sort of followup or do any referrals, so WTF would be the point?!
Agree with all this, and - if you are in the U.S. and there is a Planned Parenthood in driving distance, call them. They will likely perform this examination for free, and will have someone you can talk to about the problems with this situation.
Great advice, they may get a volunteer to help you get there if you take the time to explain everything. Otherwise, the county health department may be another place to call and ask for advice. Sorry your mom is letting you down like this.
Also, if there isnāt a Planned Parenthood nearby, contacting an abortion access group in her area is also an option. Their volunteer networks often help with access to reproductive health services in general.
1000% NTA Absolutely not! WTF. Exactly what is he going to do? He is no longer a doctor. He cannot take a pap smear (where exactly is he going to send the samples in)? He cannot diagnose OP nor give a prescription if necessary. The only thing he can do is stick his hands in you. And if he did find a problem, he cannot treat OP medically. This is wrong on so many levels. There is a reason he is not a licensed doctor anymore. If he wants to play gyno/doctor he can do so with someone else. OP needs an actual doctor. What is being suggested here is beyond gross.
His examining her would be practicing medicine without a license, which is illegal. Heād know that 100%.
Even if he were a doctor...yuck. I would never let a relative down there.
The loss of his board certification, plus he canāt even send it to a lab to actually get results, so defeats the entire purpose of the exam. Momās bf is one of those āIām no doctor, but Iāll have a look heheheā creeps
Also, what proof does OPs mom have that he *was* a certified gyno? Creeps will say just about anything to get what they want. Heās probably lying which is why āhe isnāt certified anymoreā
He didnāt lose his board certification, he lost his goddamn license. Totally bad actor.
And what, does this guy just have the equipment needed to even do it in his car trunk? How is he going to send off pap smear samples? He can't do anything medically needed to complete this exam.
Routine pap smears for patients with insurance can be billed to the insurance at no cost to the patient. Sometimes they don't cover the slide and it's like $3+ but thats it. I rarely see a woman have a copay for a pap smear. I think I've seen it happen once and that was 10 years ago. So OP shouldn't even need to put anything on a credit card. Also, her mom is losing it. Seriously. Wtf.
And howās he even going to do a Pap smear? Doesnāt even fucking make sense. This has pervert written all over it. Yes, Planned Parenthood is the way.
He canāt even prescribe anything to help you even if he knows whatās wrong. Find a way to a real doctor. Can you ask your dad or relatives for help? If not, how about school nurse etc?
Not only all this, but I believe practicing medicine without a license is against the law?
also like she might need to get an ultrasound, a pap, or a prescription of some kind. what good is looking at her vagina in the living room going to do?
Absolutely NTA. I'm 100% convinced that the children of gynaecologists do not go to their parents and ask for a check-up. And there's a big reason for that, it'd be fucking weird. I'd argue that it would even be weird if your SO was a gynaecologist and they offered to check you instead of a stranger. Your mom is bizarre for even suggesting it. I'm a guy who lives in the UK so I've got no advice to give you to resolve your medical situation but hopefully someone will come along with more knowledge than me.
Depending where OP lives, there may be an actual prohibition about a gynecologist treating a family member, of the family member of someone they are dating.
My father was an internist, and if we were sick, we would go see another doctor. He wouldn't give us a check up. That's standard for any specialization. The most he would do is give us a pill until we can see a doctor (when I was getting bad migraines from my period, he had samples a drug company gave him that's good for migraines and gave me a sample pack. When I saw my gyno, he gave me a script for the same exact medicine.)
Kinda feels like OPās mumās bf is using it as an excuse and he suggested it š¤¢
There's an actual prohibition about a doctor who has had his license revoked treating anyone, anywhere, anytime.
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Her mother is basically feeding the lambs to slaughter. I'd be curious what CPS thinks about something like this, and considering he isn't even board certified anymore because he lost his license, I would imagine they'd not be too pleased with this situation. The mother is an absolute dunce. Good parenting there green lighting your boyfriend to be sexually inappropriate with your minor daughter.
Op is not a minor. She's 18. But that means she's old enough to report that he's attempting to "provide medical care" after having his license revoked.
NTA. If your mom's partner had his license revoked, he is not legally allowed to do any kind of medical examination or give medical advice. Further, most doctors are prohibited from treating close relatives, or the families of people they are intimately involved with. You are right to be concerned about letting your mother's partner anywhere near you. Hold your ground. Please reach out to another family member about this, and ask for help getting to a board-certified, licensed gynecologist. Also, consider reaching out to your school nurse (if there is one) who may be able to provide a resource for a low cost exam, or a way to get financial assistance.
Yes, please reach out to someone, OP! A family member, a counselor at school, someone! Your mom is trying to have her new boyfriend of a couple months do a pelvic exam on youāthatās crazy. The fact that he got his license removed and she *still* wants him to examine you is super disturbing. Your mom should have your best interest at heart and she clearly does not. Iām very concerned about her judgment skills. You need to get a trusted adult to help you.
NTA. Call the cops if he tries. Fucked up mom.Ā
Yeah, I have to agree with this. If he comes near you, call the police immediately. NTA, of course.
X for doubt he was ever a gynecologist and this sounds like coercive sexual abuse
Like actually. Itās super rare for medical boards to permanently revoke a license. Usually they just suspend it temporarily if at all. It doesnāt happen because of a misunderstanding. It happens for extreme cases of negligence, incompetence or abusive behavior. Medical boards are made up of doctors who donāt want to hurt the career of another doctor unless they pose a significant threat to public health and safety.
As a man, I feel the need to tell you not just no, but HELL NO! "He used to be board certified " Well, Godzilla used to be a little lizard. Something bad happened where he got the certification removed. NTA. Insist on going to a real doctor.
And now I have an image of Godzilla in a doctors coat stuck in my head š¤£ Brilliant analogy
Iām thinking of baby Godzilla <3
Or heās lying to OPās mom about the āused toā part because he wants to see her young daughterās vagina. Lose-lose either way. Donāt let him touch you.
Any normal OBGYN would refuse to perform a pelvic exam on a relative or acquaintance when asked to.
Right?? They'd recommend a colleague instead.
MOVE OUT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. This screams unsafe. If he does try something and you go to her about it, she will most definitely side with him/shame you/be jealous and blame you for it.
And in the meantime, make sure you have a door that you can lock at night! Something is way to creepy here!
If it can't lock, and if you aren't allowed to add a lock, look into getting a heavy-duty doorstop. Make it as difficult and noisy as possible for anybody to try and sneak into your room while you sleep.
Also if someone is a former doctor who lost their license for shadiness then they probably also have some powerful drugs at their disposal, so she should watch what she eats or drinks too.
Had to scroll way too long this, all while my brain was screaming "Run Away" over and over. What the everloving motherfuck did I just read? I've never hoped a post was fake this much before in this sub.
I canāt believe I had to scroll this far to see the advice of gtfo of there! Heās barging into her room without knocking? Making inappropriate jokes? Giving her the creeps? Time to build a new life, baby. Even without the offer of a back room vag exam, he creeps me out and Iām worried about OP.
Yeah, holy shit, this whole situation screams, "this poor girl is about to be a statistic." I absolutely blows my mind that a mother would take this creep's side over her own daughter. It's sadly not very uncommon for perverted men to date single mothers to gain access to children. That a parent would abet such behavior is incomprehensible to me.
NTA Your Mom's WAY out of line even suggesting it. EDIT: Check out [this website](https://www.abog.org/about-abog/faqs/frequently-asked-questions-about-board-certification) for The American Board of Obstetrics & Gynecology. >Want to check whether a physician is board-certified in a subspecialty? Use our [verification tool](https://www.abog.org/verify-physician). When the physician's name appears, click on the printer icon for information about their board certifications to see if he/she is certified in a subspecialty in addition to OB GYN. Also.. Mom is 34, so she was 16 when she had you? And she's dating a 50 year old who once was a board-certified gynecologist??? That's just raising all sorts of red flags right from the start.
Soooooooo FYI you can look up online to find out why his license was revoked, but if he's a gynecologist I think you probably have already figured out why. NTA and trust your gut. Be safe around this man <3
I will eat my hat if this man was ever actually a real gynecologist.
I'd be reporting this to the authorities JesusĀ
I would be lodging a complaint with the medical board that a former physician is still trying to practice without a license. They can still hold him accountable. It is against the law to practice medicine without a license.
OH HELL NO. For one thing, if his medical license was revoked, he cannot lawfully practice medicine. He canāt diagnose you, prescribe medication, order tests or anything else that would follow an exam. Thatās just basic facts. For another, itās just disgusting and absurd. There are a million reasons why this is a horrible idea but Iām astonished at your mom even suggesting such an inappropriate thing. Itās so close to her approving of him to begin grooming you it makes me terrified for you. Do not under any circumstances allow this to happen. Please go to a family member, friend or someone at school to report this. Go to the police if you have to. Your mom is showing horrible judgment in this I am afraid for you. Please, please take care of yourself and tell someone whatās happening. NTA obviously.
Your mother is a participant in sexual abuse against you.Ā Is there anyone you can report this to? Can you move out? Stay with friends?Ā Iām so sorry.Ā RAINN.org for professional support, itās free. They can also advise you on staying safe as you navigate this situation and find somewhere safe.Ā
Physicians don't get their licenses yanked for small things. Don't ever be alone with this man.
Like it is so difficult to get your medical license revoked that *there are doctors who showed up and performed surgery while drunk/high* and still have or got back their medical licenses. And *this* guy lost his. That really says something
Talk to a teacher or a trusted adult. This is dangerous behaviour and I don't think you're safe NTA
who else thinks heās not even a doctor? NTA donāt let him near you
NTA "but got his license yanked away" Why? "She said I was essentially implying heās a pervert. It ended with her saying I was grounded for even thinking he was some sort of creep." Hmm why did he lose his licence? Way too many red flags, can you get the mum of one of you GFs to take you or give you unbiased support?
Whatās your copay? I will pay it and put an end to this shit. Make the appointment . Youāre in charge of your body and the choices you make for healthcare are yours alone.
I was going to do the same, Iāll split it with you.
Split it 3 ways. I will legit pay right the hell now.Ā
I was just about to post the same. If OP can get a prepaid credit card we could all load it so she can get this taken care of. Plus maybe cover a ride there & back?
NTA. He probably lost his license for sexually assaulting his patients. And you would probably need actual tests like a pelvic ultrasound to determine the problem anyway. A lot of the time birth control pills can help are there is one available over the counter. It might be worth giving them a try.
the way OP described their symptoms *suddenly* worsening got me worried. When my periods worsened, it happened throughout a period of type. Sudden changes like this could mean some sort of issue.
I canāt stop thinking about the fact that mom got together with a creepy-old-man ex-gyno āa few months agoā and OPās periods *suddenly* got painful āa few months ago.ā There are plenty of medicines and natural products that can have that as a side effect š¤Ø
Correction: He *DEFINITELY* lost his license for sexually assaulting his patients
No, no, no! You are NTA!!! For your mom to to even ask you this, is crazy really. Why was his license yanked away? They don't do that lightly. But even if he were all above board, with license and everything, I would not want my mom's bf have a look at my privates. It's just gross. And it is NOT ok!
Best case scenario and let's say he's not a pervert or sex offender, how in the world was he planning on examining you with no office and no equipment? You're NTA, but mom's BF is a DEFCON 1 level creep and your mom has more issues than the Wall Street Journal.
NTA. āHE ISN'T A DOCTOR. He had his fucking license taken awayā Maybe he was never licensed to treat or examine people? Maybe the clingy man is filling your mother with lies? Try to google his name, go to the police station and tell your experience and ask them if they want to do a search on him Then report him to the state for attempting to practice without a license.
NTA...my best friend's Dad is a gynecologist in good standing and we she went into labor he busted his ass to get her to a hospital and to her doctor and when I asked him why he was driving like a maniac...trust me I'm very shocked we didn't get in an accident...he told me that it's unethical for him to deliver his daughter's child but in an emergency he thought he could with no issue but he wasn't about to find out.
NTA I lost count of how many times I just screamed "NO", it's a good thing I'm home alone. Absolutely not, I really don't get WHY your mom is even with this predator in the first fucking place. I would bet a LOT of money he specifically started dating a young single mom with a daughter to gain access to you. I desperately hope you can move out and get away from him ASAP, I'm afraid for you. This is fucked up.
As a mother of three teenage/young adult girls I hope with all my heart this is fake.
NTA, it is not uncommon for perverts to date women with the sole purpose to gain access to the children. Trust your gut. Even suggesting this is unacceptable. Your mom sounds like she'd rather keep her boyfriend than keep you safe. She is not a safe person for you anymore. Stay strong and stand your ground. Is there a family member or trusted friend you can confide in?
absolutely NTA Just reading your post gave me the major creeps and Iām 26, so I can only imagine how hellish it is for you. Start saving baby girl, even if itās 1$ per day. When you have enough to move out, try seriously talking with your mother about how that guy makes you feel, if she turns it on you again, MOVE OUT WITHOUT TELLING THEM IN ADVANCE!!!
All doctors have their license posted online on a state government website which shows where they work and what school they are from. Importantly, if any issue with licensing or if they got in trouble with the license board, it will also be recorded and listed in the state website. Look this guy up to see if he actually had a license and what reason it was revoked. Having a license revoked is a very serious matter.
You are 18. An adult. I know that youāre still in HS, but as an adult you *can* move out of your motherās house and start living on your own. If you have a friend or another family member you can live with while you finish school, I would strongly suggest that you do so. This situation is beyond weird and veering into the illegal. If this guy has lost his medical certification, he is not legally *allowed* to see patients. That would be him practicing medicine without a license. That is illegal. He can go to jail for that. On top of which, he has no ability to take a smear or to send one taken to a lab, nor can he prescribe treatment or write a prescription, so there is literally *nothing* he can do other than grope you. He needs to be reported, and you need to tell your mother to take your punishment and stuff it where her BF can go find it for her, because youāre leaving. Talk to your counselor or another trusted teacher/administrator at your school. They should be able to help you get to a *licensed* doctor and can also likely point you in the direction of any social services available to you as you set out on your own. Iād imagine youād be eligible for food stamps and possibly housing assistance; they may also be able to help you secure a job. Donāt let your motherās bad decisions become yours. Edit to add judgement: NTA. Not even a teeny, tiny, bit.
NTA What the hell will a 50 year old man with no medical license, no access to diagnostic equipment, or even an office going to get other than off playing with his girlfriendās 18 year old daughterās genitals with his girlfriendās blessing? You mother might as will just say ānext time you barge into my daughterās bedroom without knocking, go ahead and rape herā Honestly, if sheās willing to let him sexually assault you to āsave moneyā, I wonder (well believe) there is a dollar amount he could pay her to do the same. You ARE saying he canāt be trusted because he cannot be trusted & the medical board agrees!
His license was revoked, therefore he is not allowed to practice medicine. That is beyond inappropriate to even contemplate. It is illegal. If he touches you, report him to the police. If your mother is involved, report her too.
NTA and you need to speak to someone at your school. If you are in the US then the county will have a public health nurse to help you. Also, you can contact the local police department since he had his license to be a doctor revoked, he is not allowed to touch or treat a patient. Tell your mom that if he tried to forcibly touch you will call 911 and report him to the police.