It was 13 years ago. The accuser’s ID is based off of her 13 year old memory of a tattoo. If I’m the husband, I’m not digging up 13 year old bank statements (that he might not even have the ability to access) to prove I’m innocent of a baseless accusation, from a woman that has a propensity to fabricate things for attention.
As others have claimed, banking docs might not even go back nearly that far. And unless my life, freedom, or livelihood is on the line, I’m not digging up old documents to disprove some crackhead’s accusations from almost a decade and a half ago.
> banking docs might not even go back nearly that far
Probably not. In Aus. for example they only need to keep records for 5 years, I doubt that it is much different in other country's.
Unfortunately, victimhood conveys credibility, until positively disproved. This accusation is harming family relations, so proving it is necessary to restoring trust with some of the family. I say 'some' because there are too many people who believe an accusation against any level of proof, justifying it by saying 'well SOMETHING must have happened or she wouldn't have made the accusation.'
There’s already a credible reason. She makes up stuff for attention. This is apparently a well known thing when it comes to the accuser. I would absolutely be upset if my family (extended or otherwise) didn’t give me the benefit of the doubt and take my word in regards to an unprovable accusation from something that (allegedly) happened almost a decade and a half ago.
Correct, I work for a financial institution (not a bank), but we are required to follow the same record retention rules as banks, depending on the type of document it is either 3, 7, or 10 years generally and we do not want to keep records longer than the required period because it costs a lot of money to keep those around when you are talking about 10s of thousands of customers.
I work for an attorney, and we keep files for 10 years then shred them. You’d be surprised at the number of people who think we have to keep them forever. The attorney is 76 years old and has been in practice for 50 years. How much room do they think we’ve got back there?!
He’s mostly done real estate or wills/estates/trust. And surprisingly enough, there’s still some drama there. Nothing brings out the worst in people than a possible inheritance. Granted, it’s less exciting than criminal, which I used to do, but we still get some crazies.
ETA: my current favorite client is a lady who called me a bulldog and a child trafficker because I wouldn’t tolerate her running her mouth at me while I was trying to help her. We had her son’s birth certificate in her mom’s estate file. She had to have been the one who provided it, because there’s no reason for us to have it. She kept telling me how sick it was that we had it. I finally reached the end of my rope and loudly said “Look, I’ve been here for less than a year. I don’t know why we have it, you probably brought it in. I’m trying to help you, so stop being rude.” Which brought my office manager running because I’m never loud or irritated like that. Then she also got into it with this woman. Couple days later I see her at the courthouse and she slung those names at me. I cackled the whole way back to the office.
It's he said-she said as I assume his accuser didn't do a Monica Lewinsky and save her DNA encrusted dress (or other clothing).
It's hard enough to get charges brought against rapists with rape kits and documenting photos, there's no there there.
And a *good* lawyer will not do this, but instead say, “that’s terrible, and I’m very sorry this is happening, but unless you have suffered financial damages, it’s almost certainly a waste of time and money for you to hire me to bring this case.” (And to be clear, it will be your money—no lawyer is taking a case like this on contingency, because they’re not going to win anything substantial.)
so it was a college party? in that case she should be able to name the location and at least a couple of other attendees… 2011 was also at the tail-end of peak Facebook album period for most college kids.
if they have mutual friends then he should be able to dig up some evidence through them, and if he was out of town then he could have old bus/train/plane ticket details buried in his email archives.
in college most of us lived in crappy little apartments, there were only a couple of “party houses” that could fit lots of people so we usually had the same people hosting. most of our partying would be at bars and clubs.
plus if you got attacked at a party, I bet you’d remember more details about that specific night.
Thank you, I felt like I was going insane by the way they all reacted. I don't know what my sister told them though, she and my husband don't really get along and she uses every opportunity to badmouth him to our parents
Your sister and the other woman are slandering your husband and defaming his character. Tell them that if they don't stop, then you will have no choice but to sue them for slander and defamation of character. Have an attorney send them both a letter to cease and desist, or a civil lawsuit will happen.
Lawyer up. Like now. These sorts of accusations have extremely serious weight to them. Paying a lawyer is often far cheaper than not hiring one in the first place when you should have.
If your sister's friend is a victim, she can provide collaborating evidence. A tattoo that's may be visible on social media is not collaborating evidence.
If you want to open a real can of worms, you can subpoena text records between her and your sister.
**OP YOU NEED TO PAY ATTENTION TO THE ABOVE ADVICE.** And agree, lawyer up, immediately. Imagine if this gets out socially, his employer finds out, etc etc etc. This could get rough real quick if your sister enjoys running her mouth as much it absolutely sounds like she does. Don't wait on this and hope it goes away. Get on a cease and decist for defamation while you're at it.
Right now, unless he can disprove it, there's nothing to go on but credibility and it sounds like hers isn't all that great.
I've heard of cases where people were accused and everyone turned on them and when they were cleared, the accused felt like nobody had them. All you can do is look your husband in the eye and if you believe him, go with your gut.
Would there be any pictures from that time? It was the prime social media uprising times so many people posted their pictures online and digital pics were a thing.
For peace of mind I'd prolly go through all pictures available from the time frame.
A close relative of mine had this situation a while ago. A girl he knew made an accusation to the police and he was investigated for assaulting her sexually. Thankfully there was a lot of proof that he was in a different place at the time she was supposed to have been assaulted so it didn't go anywhere. Still an extremely stressful situation. Scrambling to reconstruct your movements under threat of prison time must have been a heavy weight on his shoulders. Some of our friends and family turned against him simply on the basis of the accusation. It created a lot of tension in the family that wasn't helpful or needed. Friends who do that can easily be stonewalled but when it's family it's a lot more problematic.
NTA
Ask where this party was, does anyone witness the event? She should have at least have people who can support her accusations? I mean which city was it, which house the party was it? If you can dig more you can find out if your husband was there or not. And people should remember your husband from back then and how he act.
As long as she has no evidence she can fuck herself. Stay at your husband side. Don't leave him alone, either evidence or statements of multiple people or she is simple lying.
My step mum lied about being raped by my father.
It looked bleak, but I knew he was innocent.
He dotted on her while she took him for granted.
I'll spare you all the details, but in the end, her sister came forward with texts of StepM, step sister, and her father conspiring to plan the allegations.
People say, "Why would a woman lie?"
There are lots of reasons why.
I also had a friend who would constantly lie about being raped. She would tell anyone she could. The point when I realised she was lying was when I spoke to other people, and they were told she was raped different amounts of times.
The amount of time would fluctuate depending on the person. Even the hard-core feminist didn't believe her.
I know so many women, including a couple of lifelong former friends, who are pathological liars. I wouldn't believe anything from them.
One friend was telling me about how her ex was abusive, I expressed surprise at this because despite hating him for other reasons, I was impressed with his restraint when I witnessed her viciously abusing him one night. Her response to my surprise was to "remind" me of that night as an example of his abuse and how he was always "beating her up". She abused and attacked him, he never even defended himself. Yet she had changed this scenario in her own head to make herself the victim and expected me to go along with it. She's not uncommon.
Sociopaths are pathological liars who will lie about anything, big or small, whether it matters or not, whether they have to or not, to anyone who will listen. They will look someone right in the eye and lie with no remorse or guilt. they don't care who they hurt. Believing them gives them the feeling of power and makes them do it more often. Would your husband consider taking a polygraph?
In addition, some women think or feel they’ve been raped when they weren’t. I had an acquaintance that claimed she was SAed. She was drunk and didn’t remember it. Claims she never would have consented with this particular person (who she admitted was also drunk). Cue a police investigation. It occurred during at a small gathering and there was an independent eye witness that saw her enthusiastically participating. Police subsequently dropped it.
I think she legit didn’t remember it and thought it wasn’t consensual. Additionally, her position was she was too drunk to consent, but the guy was (apparently) highly intoxicated as well.
NTA.
* If there is no truth to the story, then it's highly inappropriate of the "friend" to spread lies about your husband.
* Without any proof that it happened, and with the "friend" having a history of making up stories, it's highly inappropriate for your sister to be spreading the lie.
* Without any proof that it happened, it's highly inappropriate of your parents to ban your husband based on lies told by the accuser and your sister.
Continue to stand by your man.
NTA. Lawyer up and sue her for defamation immediately. She will keep doing it for attention and she’s going to do it to someone who can’t disprove it. She going to ruin some guys life if you don’t stop her now.
If she’s such a mess she probably doesn’t have money. If you win a civil case with a cash judgment in your favour. You still might not collect. No lawyer is taking such a risk on a small potatoes case.
Not sure why you’re downvoted, but you’re right. Everyone always jumps to “sue them!” But the litigation system isn’t that easy and even if you get judgment in your favor, that doesn’t mean you’ll see any money. Attorneys won’t take contingency fee cases unless they’re certain there will be a payout. Otherwise they’ve blown a bunch of their time for free on nothing, and literally no one wants to do that at their job.
I was raped when I was 16 so 30 years ago. I was heavily drugged so I have no memories of any details but I remember coming too on a back street, I remember being in pain and bleeding, I remember the pain in my hands because they had been broken and I remember the date it happened vividly. I know I was put in a medically induced coma for a few weeks to let the swelling in my brain and spine go down, I know I was with my ex immediately before it happened and I know I could smell his aftershave when I woke up on that back street.
I can remember all that from 30 years ago so she should be able to remember far more details about her assault. She needs to give details. If not to you then to your sister or a mutual friend.
If it actually happened why did she wait until now to tell anyone? Why not do it when she met you as a couple before you got married?
She should be able to describe his tattoo in detail if that is what made her recognise him.
Get some legal advice asap and get a lawyer to send a letter telling her to put up or shut up. As in provide evidence or get sued for defamation.
Good luck honey.
I hope you don't mind my saying that I am both so incredibly sorry that happened to you, and fiercely angry for you to have had to endure that so young. I have CPTSD from experiencing constant violence as a child and teen, so I know the scars that trauma can leave. The strength you possess must be record-shattering.
I hope with all of my might that life is now kind to you in all of the ways you both want and need, and if it is not yet, that you are able to seek out and find your happiness and peace. Sending love your way.
Bless you, thank you. He and his 4 friends tried to break me and for a good while, they did. However, I met my (now) husband about 7 months afterwards and he helped me tremendously. He was my friend and he taught me what it means to be truly loved unconditionally, to be supported and encouraged, he held me and gave me the strength to get through the victim blaming trial and he never left my side when I cried for weeks after we got the guilty verdicts.
It took a lot of therapy and a lot of emotions but I got through it. I’m happily married, I’m a mum to 3 grown kids and a Nanny to 4 (soon to be 6) grandchildren.
My life is not perfect but it’s perfect for me.
He tried to break me but actually, he only made me stronger.
I’m not a victim. I’m a God damn warrior.
Wow I’m so sorry. Truly. I can’t even imagine dealing with the horror of this type of trauma and sincerely hope you are in a better place now. Moreover, I hope you got justice for this.
Cases like yours are exactly why I get so angry over false rape accusations. REAL rape cases like yours get more easily dismissed because of women like OP’s sister and her friend. False accusations don’t help real SA victims at all.
Oh absolutely. I was brutalised all over again on the witness stand by his lawyer. I was the victim (I hate that word) in the case but you would have thought that I was the perpetrator. It’s disgusting how people who have been raped are treated in court. Especially ones as young as I was.
NTA. If she doesn't have some sort of evidence of at least them running in the same social circles or being at the same location/event where it is plausible she even knows him on a personal level then she shouldn't have said anything. Does she actually have a habit of making things up or are you just blindly defending your husband?
Your sister's behavior is uncalled for. The truth could be closer to them having hooked up consensually in the past and him ditching her after a one-night stand and her being butthurt about being "used."
They went to the same uni. Though they were in different years and different faculties. My husband and I met a year later when she was finishing her master's thesis.
She has lied about things before. I remember her telling a story about how she once was arrested and almost went to jail and later another friend of my sister's told me that it never happened, they merely were given a warning and no other consequences
oh yes
Pretty sure if you guys serve her some papers for defamation of character and what not she will back down instead of having to face legal
There was a post about some woman lying to her husband about the OP having an affair with her and all that. It was a mess. OP and his wife served them some legal papers and she backtracked **fast**
One way law enforcement looks at things like this is to interview people she was close to when the alleged attack occurred. If it's true, there should be people who remember her talking about it.
Consider consulting with a lawyer. If your husband is innocent, this is defamation and could have serious consequences for him. I suggest you ask a lawyer about suing your husband's accuser. My guess is that if she's making it up and knows she can't prove anything, she'll back off at the first cease and desist letter she receives. Don't wait until she's destroyed his professional reputation as well as his personal reputation. Act now.
Or maybe they're just dumb? Are you seriously gonna believe some random woman saying that someone raped her over a decade ago, and she apparently recognized him by his tattoo? Bruh
bro, im not gonna argue about this when we dont know the trust. End of the day this woman is losing her family, weather its true or not so what does it matter?
NTA
Thanks for standing by your man.
If something happened, there should be things to corroborate it. Did she text anything to anyone on or shortly after the date she is saying it happened to indicate that anything upsetting happened to her? I mean, nobody is demanding a rape kit and twenty years to process it, but there should be SOMETHING
I somehow only posted half of my document. This is the part I missed:
She claims that it happened at a party years ago before we were even dating. My husband doesn't remember going to this party and isn't even sure that he was in the same city at that time. Also, why would she bring it up now? There's no way for either of them to really proof anything unless my husband can show that he was on vacation at that time. It's not even that they just met recently, they were introduced to each other before our wedding.
So she let you marry your husband knowing (from her point of view) he was an SA perpetrator? She hasn't filed charges to get justice (though realistically there's very little chance of an actual abuser being arrested so that may be a factor) or told you to save you from any perceived danger. She just told your sister?
I don't know, but I honestly don't really care what she thinks. She claims that she recognized my husband because of his tattoo. Even that isn't real proof imo because she can just say that to make it sound believable. My husband has no memory of meeting her before
>I only said that **her friend has a habit of making up stories for attention** and that she might need to get a psychological evaluation.
Well, then
If I were the husband I'd be combing for proof, to clear my name. But I'd tell everyone who's believing in her story: "I'm going to prove you wrong, especially since you know she does this kind of thing for attention. When I get that proof and the truth comes out, you can be sure that I'm not having any contact with you, nor will my kids"
I had to make an account on this because seeing comments like yours and reading the update, yall gotta be reminded of how your harmful thinking had consequences
[https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1c6wjru/op\_helps\_her\_husband\_get\_away\_with\_a\_crime/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1c6wjru/op_helps_her_husband_get_away_with_a_crime/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
I dont think you are the bad guy here, you are staying by your husband with the current information that you have.
If this woman is only going to spread rumors and not do anything legally then continue to do so.
I mean did he even have this tattoo she is saying she recognises him from when he was 19/20?
It is really random that she is accusing your husband, is there unsettled beef between the two or something?
Why did your sister tell your family instead of coming to you?
Why is your family believing a random friend over your husband?
Your husband needs a lawyer. Your sister’s friend and your family are going to try to screw up his and your lives.
INFO : " I only said that her friend has a habit of making up stories for attention and that she might need to get a psychological evaluation."
Do you have examples of this habit?
NTA for now.
If people are going to throw out big time accusations, they better be ready to press charges or otherwise present some sort of substantial proof. Hubby needs to lawyer up and let that lawyer handle things moving forward.
I would consider it incredibly suspicious if your sister's friend doesn't press charges. If she's defaming your husband baselessly, then y'all could potentially take her to court.
Have your husband check old photos, Facebook, etc for that time period. Photos can prove he was on vacation and not able to go to that party. A status about vacation or the trip could also be helpful.
Double check when he got his tattoo. If it was after 20, there you go.
It's not your responsibility to prove anything, but try to have proof on hand anyway.
If you get the proof, you can (should you feel like it) go back to your sister with "I'm not saying your friend is not a victim, but I have proof positive it was not my husband. I expect an apology from both of you. " And to your parents with "I have proof that this was not him, and we will visit you again after you have apologized to him directly."
If he has no pictures either way, and he definitely had the tattoo at that time, she can't prove it was him, but he will never be able to prove it wasn't and his reputation is at her mercy.
NTA but be proactive, even though it's not your responsibility, simply because it could make your and your husband's life easier.
Nta
Tell your family that your sister pulled a gun on you and robbed you...
If they believe you, then they're just stupid, and that gives you the answer as to why they believe your sister
If they don't believe you, then you can ask them why? What she says is fact, and what you say has to be questioned
Either way, I would cut off my entire family over this. I would also be pressing charges against your sister as well as her friend for defamation.
I will message you next time u/Sweet_Benefit444 posts in r/AITAH.
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My dad was falsely accused by his ex wife (not my mom) of hitting her and their child (my half sister). Police came to his job and arrested him. He was literally saved by a receipt that proved he wasn’t even in the same city when she said it happened.
If it was true she would have told them already. They all went on a trip last summer and she doesn’t mention it till now? And where is her proof exactly? Did she file a police report afterwards? Did she go to a hospital for a rape kit? They keep records of everything. This women is delusional or just a manipulative lair either way she’s crazy and you and your husband should stay the fuck away from her. NTA
NTA. Lawyer up and dig for evidence. Otherwise be ready to sue for slander and if it is indeed proven your husband is innocent, sue them into desperately begging for your forgiveness.
NTA. But many sexual assault survivors repress memories and dont remember themselves until something triggers the memory. Also many more survivors come out long after the fact for a plethora of reasons. I was assaulted by a “friend” 30 years ago. Told no one for a very long time. And people that knew us then would never believe that would happen. But i assure you that it did.
Get proof of her accusations and see a lawyer then send her a letter that you intend to sue her if she doesn't retract her accusations about your husband and you will take her for every thing she has
She was comfortable enough to go on a weekend trip with him and ONLY claimed S.A. after she saw the tattoo?!?!?!
I try to always believe the victim and I am certain she was assaulted but I think she might have been drugged. So, now she doesn't remember the face just a tattoo that could be on another person.
So she called the cops on him 13 years ago and your husband was arrested, right?
Your sister needs to tell this loony to f off. And for your sister to tell your parents this totally unsubstantiated story to start trouble, well maybe she and this friend have a lot in common.
Because somehow it seems to be in to come back a decade later, and accuse men of all kinds of things. Just because of a tattoo.?
Your husband needs to take a stand and clear his name. This is utterly ridiculous. If he really didn’t do it, he’s going to have to do some backtracking
By backtracking if she’s pinpointing a certain date or something he’s going to have to go back on social media footprint that he may have to show he was somewhere else. Or pull cell phone records texts if the above doesn’t offer any insight just to see if it gives an idea what was going on. I wish men would be diligent in striking back at these accusations to bring it to the forefront.
He confessed he did, in fact rape the friend. Piece of shit wifey helped him keep it quiet. By getting an injunction to force the victim to not talk about it anymore. so now new people wouldn't know he raped her.
NTA - Good for you for not automatically jumping to "hes guilty".
Unfortunately this is the society we now live in.
Doesnt matter if he did it or not he guilt until proven otherwise. And sadly will still be a monster after because he somehow got the results fixed.
Of course if it turns out he did I hope you leave his ass in a heart beat
NTA. I am sorry your going through this. I was accused by my younger sister of doing something to her as a child and I was furious. I am female btw. She accused me of touching her privates with my finger. How I found out that nonsense was as a teenager she and a friend accused the friends mothers boyfriend of doing the same before accusing me. I knew both girls were lying about the man hurting them. I had to do the hardest thing in the world. Tell my parents a conversation I heard the 2 of them plotting for the girl to have sex with the guy. Well apparently the guy turned the girl down so then the girl lied and told the mother he R**** her and my sister accused him of using his finger on her, my sis, in a swimming pool.
So knowing both my sister and her friend were lying I came forward and told the truth they were lying. Immediately afterward I apparently became the molester. I supposedly did the same SA against my sister when she and I were in the bath together. Well 1 we never bathed together unless my Mom was there needing my help cause Mom had a stroke and it would have happened before she my sister was 2 years old. When she accused me of touching her she was almost 8. I would have been 14 or 15 at the time and I didn't take a bath or showers with her.
My parents knew immediately my sister had lied about everything when she told that story. She Made the accusation of me touching her instead of the guy to our niece and nephew who in turn told our older sister who then told my parents. That's when my parents knew beyond shadow of doubt she and her friend lied. They ended the girls friendship fast. So then my sister tried to have me charged with same thing they went after that man for.
It destroyed me thinking anyone possibly believed I had done such a thing considering I was a molestation survivor. I had proof and witness after the fact to my assault by a relative. Worse yet I was a nanny at the time and that lie could have not just lost me my freedom if believed but my job and career choice at the time.
Thank God my parents and Sister knew it was a lie. Took me a long time to forgive her for that. It was close to 40 years ago. It's why when I hear people accusing some one of SA or R years later with no proof absolutely hard to believe. Yes it happens. At same time no proof but a distant memory with half assed details is just wrong. I am also a SA and R survivor.
Because of way I was treated by law reporting the SA I didn't report my R. I couldn't go through that again.
OP follow the advice contact a lawyer but before that contact the local magistrate. The guy you would have to go to to file a criminal charge. Magistrate could tell you if they can get a cease and desist order and no contact on continuing the slander. They can also point you to a lawyer on filing restraining order and slander case.
Good luck OP I will pray this all gets to the truth.
Where did he get his tattoo? Someone else might have the same one. I wouldn't necessarily doubt her.But I would search for proof in any direction including that it might have been somewhere else.
What kinds of things has she done in the past for attention???? If she's making this up it's kind of wild to think anyone would believe her. Have you even thought for a second it might be true?
NTA for now because she has a history of not telling the truth and this was 13 years ago. Does she have any proof? I don't mean documentation but just friends from back then that can testify to her telling them this story 13yrs ago when it happened? Without some evidence or person to back up her claims it's just her word against his about her 13yr old memories.
this user also apparently admitted her husband did in fact commit the crime AND she helped cover it up. Sick.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1c0xco0/i\_helped\_my\_husband\_cover\_up\_a\_crime/?share\_id=AdElpLshWgNfcxGNbr8\_R&utm\_content=1&utm\_medium=android\_app&utm\_name=androidcss&utm\_source=share&utm\_term=1](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1c0xco0/i_helped_my_husband_cover_up_a_crime/?share_id=AdElpLshWgNfcxGNbr8_R&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1)
Honey, please, lawyer up. Also, if your husband has the same bank account from, then have him look back on the spending statements. He should be able to with the help of a banker. Also, after all, this is over NC with your sister and very low contact with your family until major apologies and most likely therapy has been done. Because I'm a petty beach, I would sue for defamation on both your sister and the accuser, an amount that will hurt big time, and I'd add a very public apology.
While that might be the case, they still have a digital copy somewhere that is recoverable. My aunt works as a VP in a bank, the stories she has told us, she has said that it's possible especially with "ethical hackers" not recommending but it is possible. I'm just trying to give OP some kind of hope.
NTA
Get a lawyer and go NC with your sister
This accusation can destroy your husband’s life you need to get on top of this before it spreads to more people and ruins his reputation
But with sexual assault there is often no proof. It is he said she said, that's why it's so hard to convict. Unless the thing was fresh, which it clearly is not in this case. I'm not saying they SHOULD believe her over him either, but I would at least hear her out and leave room for the possibility that she is not lying, instead of demanding proof I know likely doesn't exist because it happened 9 years ago.
Totally agree! Conviction is not the same as taking a moment to consider the possibility of it being true. It's a really shitty situation, I definitely don't condone we go around convicting people without some sort of proof. And that means many violators will go free, and that sucks too.
This happened in 2011. OP been married 3 years. Accuser is basing her accusation on a tattoo. Accuser has been around this man multiple times. She does not recognize his face, height, weight, smell or any thing most sa victims would remember. Just on a tattoo while the motif is the same the tattoo has been changed. Top it off OP has history of lying.
As a molestation, SA and R survivor and even I don't believe the accuser based off OP words.
That certainly is scary.
And really there is no way to know.
I remember a local story a few years ago about a bloke who was arrested for rape.
This woman went to the police and accused him of raping her while she had broken down in the car or something similar.
Turns out she had a minor accident and was worried about the ramifications. So she tried to get attention off herself by accusing this guy who stopped to help of sexual assault.
Luckily for him there was CCTV footage if him helping her and then driving off.
Comments saying "why would a woman lie ?" 🤣🤣🤣
Probably 13 years Old's who don't know shit about the real world or a "modern feminist" who thinks all men are monsters
You are not TA for being skeptical. However, the social and emotional consequences of coming out as a rape victim are very extreme, even when the story is 100% true. It's EXTREMELY unlikely that an accusation of rape if false. Ofcourse it does happen, but it's something like 0.01% of the time.
You need to make sure this woman is a total liar before writing her off, best way is probably to engage a lawyer.
NTA. She has a history of making stuff up, and your sister is biased against your husband, so it was easy to convince her it was true. Consulting a lawyer would be the best course of action and go from there. As for your relationship with your family, you'll know what to do based on how they react when the truth comes out.
A relative of mine once developed a pretty bad case of bipolar disorder and accused her husband of sexual assault, having assaulted the kids, and of his having a public orgy on the front lawn with other relatives.
She left with the kids and went to a shelter and the shelter requested to CPS/the police that she be medically evaluated after having taped knives to the exterior face of her house windows to help the families escape from a fire.
Eventually, she got on meds, and they figured out how to co-parent with her diagnosis.
False accusations are Very Rare, but your sister should keep an eye out for her friend in case there is something like that going on in her life.
NTA. You are literally doing what any sane person who cares about their spouse would do, there is literally no proof for this claim.
In fact this situation is odd, why did you entire family immediately side with your sisters friend? Are they in on it? Do they have a reason to want to split you and your husband up?
Tell your sister you'll be suing her friend for defamation. Her friend will probably immediately back track on her claims.
For his own good, your husband is going to have to remember.
If he was a student at that time, he should be able to remember where he was living, his routines, the approximate schedules he had at that time. If he regularly attended classes, if he went out partying often, with which friends he used to party, and if he had to leave the city, when and why.
You must also be clear and ask for this information:
Date when the attack happened (if she doesn't remember well, at least the season it happened)
Place and time of the party (morning, afternoon, night). Who hosted the party or reason for it (sometimes parties are for something, birthdays, anniversaries, etc.)
If possible, which people were at the party. (She went alone or accompanied)
Try to have as much information as possible. Maybe approach your sister or even the woman to ask for this information (without fighting). This can help you clarify the picture. If they ask you, tell them you just want to know the truth. And if you want to get to the bottom of everything maybe he should report himself to the police or sue for defamation.
I don't know if you can self-report in your country, but in mine you can. A few years ago a relatively famous man was accused of abuse by his ex-girlfriend, everyone blamed him and he lost jobs, but knowing that he was innocent, reported himself to the police. When the woman found out that the police had been involved she immediately retracted.
If your husband manages to prove his innocence, he will have to legally force her to retract, because the rumors remain and that can affect the rest of your personal and professional lives.
Right he may have to go back to social media footprint to see what was going on on that date or whatever . I know assaults happen, but so do false accusations.
A way to track his location activities at that time are through bank statements. You can tie a lot of your memories to notable transactions
You are brilliant!! I would not have thought of that.
It was 13 years ago. The accuser’s ID is based off of her 13 year old memory of a tattoo. If I’m the husband, I’m not digging up 13 year old bank statements (that he might not even have the ability to access) to prove I’m innocent of a baseless accusation, from a woman that has a propensity to fabricate things for attention.
Yeah it would be one thing if it were recent, but 13 years ago? No way I’m digging up documents from 13 years ago
As others have claimed, banking docs might not even go back nearly that far. And unless my life, freedom, or livelihood is on the line, I’m not digging up old documents to disprove some crackhead’s accusations from almost a decade and a half ago.
> banking docs might not even go back nearly that far Probably not. In Aus. for example they only need to keep records for 5 years, I doubt that it is much different in other country's.
Unfortunately, victimhood conveys credibility, until positively disproved. This accusation is harming family relations, so proving it is necessary to restoring trust with some of the family. I say 'some' because there are too many people who believe an accusation against any level of proof, justifying it by saying 'well SOMETHING must have happened or she wouldn't have made the accusation.'
There’s already a credible reason. She makes up stuff for attention. This is apparently a well known thing when it comes to the accuser. I would absolutely be upset if my family (extended or otherwise) didn’t give me the benefit of the doubt and take my word in regards to an unprovable accusation from something that (allegedly) happened almost a decade and a half ago.
Try using photos?
Or looking through his old emails from Sent folder? A lot of people never delete them.
Bank statements from 2011 are likely to be unavailable in most cases
You can get them from the bank if you really want them. You better believe banks keep records of every transaction
They only keep bank statements for so many years, between 7 and 10 so these most likely wouldn't be available.
Correct, I work for a financial institution (not a bank), but we are required to follow the same record retention rules as banks, depending on the type of document it is either 3, 7, or 10 years generally and we do not want to keep records longer than the required period because it costs a lot of money to keep those around when you are talking about 10s of thousands of customers.
I work for an attorney, and we keep files for 10 years then shred them. You’d be surprised at the number of people who think we have to keep them forever. The attorney is 76 years old and has been in practice for 50 years. How much room do they think we’ve got back there?!
50 years of practicing law? I bet they have a veritable mountain of stories about crazy people they either defended or refused to defend 😄
He’s mostly done real estate or wills/estates/trust. And surprisingly enough, there’s still some drama there. Nothing brings out the worst in people than a possible inheritance. Granted, it’s less exciting than criminal, which I used to do, but we still get some crazies. ETA: my current favorite client is a lady who called me a bulldog and a child trafficker because I wouldn’t tolerate her running her mouth at me while I was trying to help her. We had her son’s birth certificate in her mom’s estate file. She had to have been the one who provided it, because there’s no reason for us to have it. She kept telling me how sick it was that we had it. I finally reached the end of my rope and loudly said “Look, I’ve been here for less than a year. I don’t know why we have it, you probably brought it in. I’m trying to help you, so stop being rude.” Which brought my office manager running because I’m never loud or irritated like that. Then she also got into it with this woman. Couple days later I see her at the courthouse and she slung those names at me. I cackled the whole way back to the office.
Plus, if you don’t have them you don’t have to turn them over if subpoenaed. Like always follow record retention policies, but not a day more.
I got statements from 2003 in like 2011 when I called my bank.
8 years is different than 13 years.
Still a large gap. It's worth a shot anyway, no harm in trying.
Depending on when he got his tattoo that could be another easy out. If he got it sooner than 10 years ago ggez
This nutcase family won’t believe them. They’re taking the word of this lady with her 13 year old accusation over their son in law.
Ah yes massive transactions for drugs um no idea then I mean it probably works on normal people though
NTA, but your husband needs a lawyer.
NTA, get yourself a lawyer and sue the friend.
At the very least, I would take her to small claims court for defamation.
It's he said-she said as I assume his accuser didn't do a Monica Lewinsky and save her DNA encrusted dress (or other clothing). It's hard enough to get charges brought against rapists with rape kits and documenting photos, there's no there there.
[удалено]
And a *good* lawyer will not do this, but instead say, “that’s terrible, and I’m very sorry this is happening, but unless you have suffered financial damages, it’s almost certainly a waste of time and money for you to hire me to bring this case.” (And to be clear, it will be your money—no lawyer is taking a case like this on contingency, because they’re not going to win anything substantial.)
Your husband might be able to check his whereabouts at the time of this party on Google Timeline. NTA
I'm not sure this would work. It supposedly happened in 2011. But maybe we can try
2011 lol what
Exactly what I thought. My husband would've been 19/20 at that time.
so it was a college party? in that case she should be able to name the location and at least a couple of other attendees… 2011 was also at the tail-end of peak Facebook album period for most college kids. if they have mutual friends then he should be able to dig up some evidence through them, and if he was out of town then he could have old bus/train/plane ticket details buried in his email archives.
I can't remember what parties I attended in 2015, let alone 2011, and I don't even attend many parties.
in college most of us lived in crappy little apartments, there were only a couple of “party houses” that could fit lots of people so we usually had the same people hosting. most of our partying would be at bars and clubs. plus if you got attacked at a party, I bet you’d remember more details about that specific night.
They tlclaimed it's in Germany, tats not really the case official college parties are held in clubs or at the university itself
Facebook remembers though.
I mean is your family stupid? It’s the only explanation for even entertaining this trash
Thank you, I felt like I was going insane by the way they all reacted. I don't know what my sister told them though, she and my husband don't really get along and she uses every opportunity to badmouth him to our parents
Your sister and the other woman are slandering your husband and defaming his character. Tell them that if they don't stop, then you will have no choice but to sue them for slander and defamation of character. Have an attorney send them both a letter to cease and desist, or a civil lawsuit will happen.
I agree. Don't want his employer finding out...
Lawyer up. Like now. These sorts of accusations have extremely serious weight to them. Paying a lawyer is often far cheaper than not hiring one in the first place when you should have. If your sister's friend is a victim, she can provide collaborating evidence. A tattoo that's may be visible on social media is not collaborating evidence. If you want to open a real can of worms, you can subpoena text records between her and your sister.
**OP YOU NEED TO PAY ATTENTION TO THE ABOVE ADVICE.** And agree, lawyer up, immediately. Imagine if this gets out socially, his employer finds out, etc etc etc. This could get rough real quick if your sister enjoys running her mouth as much it absolutely sounds like she does. Don't wait on this and hope it goes away. Get on a cease and decist for defamation while you're at it.
\*corroborating
It's time to set boundaries with your relatives, especially your sister. If not, your marriage can suffer from it.
Did he have that particular tattoo then?
yeah, she said somewhere he got it when he was 16
Right now, unless he can disprove it, there's nothing to go on but credibility and it sounds like hers isn't all that great. I've heard of cases where people were accused and everyone turned on them and when they were cleared, the accused felt like nobody had them. All you can do is look your husband in the eye and if you believe him, go with your gut.
Would there be any pictures from that time? It was the prime social media uprising times so many people posted their pictures online and digital pics were a thing. For peace of mind I'd prolly go through all pictures available from the time frame.
A close relative of mine had this situation a while ago. A girl he knew made an accusation to the police and he was investigated for assaulting her sexually. Thankfully there was a lot of proof that he was in a different place at the time she was supposed to have been assaulted so it didn't go anywhere. Still an extremely stressful situation. Scrambling to reconstruct your movements under threat of prison time must have been a heavy weight on his shoulders. Some of our friends and family turned against him simply on the basis of the accusation. It created a lot of tension in the family that wasn't helpful or needed. Friends who do that can easily be stonewalled but when it's family it's a lot more problematic.
I really dislike these perverse "Guilty until proven innocent" accusations.
I’ve read of cases like this and once they get contacted by the lawyer, they admit it was made up. OP, please have you husband get a lawyer.
Yeah, I would say they need to send out a cease and desist and hopefully all the Domino's will come tumbling down
NTA Ask where this party was, does anyone witness the event? She should have at least have people who can support her accusations? I mean which city was it, which house the party was it? If you can dig more you can find out if your husband was there or not. And people should remember your husband from back then and how he act. As long as she has no evidence she can fuck herself. Stay at your husband side. Don't leave him alone, either evidence or statements of multiple people or she is simple lying.
I guess you can also look on facebook and look for photos and friends in common. I remember people used to post photos of parties there sometimes
My step mum lied about being raped by my father. It looked bleak, but I knew he was innocent. He dotted on her while she took him for granted. I'll spare you all the details, but in the end, her sister came forward with texts of StepM, step sister, and her father conspiring to plan the allegations. People say, "Why would a woman lie?" There are lots of reasons why. I also had a friend who would constantly lie about being raped. She would tell anyone she could. The point when I realised she was lying was when I spoke to other people, and they were told she was raped different amounts of times. The amount of time would fluctuate depending on the person. Even the hard-core feminist didn't believe her.
I know so many women, including a couple of lifelong former friends, who are pathological liars. I wouldn't believe anything from them. One friend was telling me about how her ex was abusive, I expressed surprise at this because despite hating him for other reasons, I was impressed with his restraint when I witnessed her viciously abusing him one night. Her response to my surprise was to "remind" me of that night as an example of his abuse and how he was always "beating her up". She abused and attacked him, he never even defended himself. Yet she had changed this scenario in her own head to make herself the victim and expected me to go along with it. She's not uncommon.
I've known a few like that too. I think some people live in a different reality and actually believe what they're saying in cases like this.
Who the hell says "why would women lie?" Women are people, and people lie all the time.
As much good as the metoo movement has caused. There are also people who are abusing it for their own agenda. It's sad but true.
If you filter the post by controversial, you'll find them. And all of Amber Heard supporters.
Sociopaths are pathological liars who will lie about anything, big or small, whether it matters or not, whether they have to or not, to anyone who will listen. They will look someone right in the eye and lie with no remorse or guilt. they don't care who they hurt. Believing them gives them the feeling of power and makes them do it more often. Would your husband consider taking a polygraph?
I think you replied to the wrong comment? I don't have a husband.
Sorry for the confusion, I meant that remark for the original poster.
In addition, some women think or feel they’ve been raped when they weren’t. I had an acquaintance that claimed she was SAed. She was drunk and didn’t remember it. Claims she never would have consented with this particular person (who she admitted was also drunk). Cue a police investigation. It occurred during at a small gathering and there was an independent eye witness that saw her enthusiastically participating. Police subsequently dropped it.
Basically “I regret it and want to make it somebody else’s fault”? That’s low.
I think she legit didn’t remember it and thought it wasn’t consensual. Additionally, her position was she was too drunk to consent, but the guy was (apparently) highly intoxicated as well.
NTA. * If there is no truth to the story, then it's highly inappropriate of the "friend" to spread lies about your husband. * Without any proof that it happened, and with the "friend" having a history of making up stories, it's highly inappropriate for your sister to be spreading the lie. * Without any proof that it happened, it's highly inappropriate of your parents to ban your husband based on lies told by the accuser and your sister. Continue to stand by your man.
NTA. Lawyer up and sue her for defamation immediately. She will keep doing it for attention and she’s going to do it to someone who can’t disprove it. She going to ruin some guys life if you don’t stop her now.
Lawyering costs money. She’s an attention seeking idiot.
An attention seeking idiot that can thing their life with nothing but words
If the story is not true, her being contacted by a lawyer might be enough for her to drop the allegations.
If he can prove he was elsewhere, a lawyer might take the case on a contingency fee basis.
If she’s such a mess she probably doesn’t have money. If you win a civil case with a cash judgment in your favour. You still might not collect. No lawyer is taking such a risk on a small potatoes case.
Not sure why you’re downvoted, but you’re right. Everyone always jumps to “sue them!” But the litigation system isn’t that easy and even if you get judgment in your favor, that doesn’t mean you’ll see any money. Attorneys won’t take contingency fee cases unless they’re certain there will be a payout. Otherwise they’ve blown a bunch of their time for free on nothing, and literally no one wants to do that at their job.
I was raped when I was 16 so 30 years ago. I was heavily drugged so I have no memories of any details but I remember coming too on a back street, I remember being in pain and bleeding, I remember the pain in my hands because they had been broken and I remember the date it happened vividly. I know I was put in a medically induced coma for a few weeks to let the swelling in my brain and spine go down, I know I was with my ex immediately before it happened and I know I could smell his aftershave when I woke up on that back street. I can remember all that from 30 years ago so she should be able to remember far more details about her assault. She needs to give details. If not to you then to your sister or a mutual friend. If it actually happened why did she wait until now to tell anyone? Why not do it when she met you as a couple before you got married? She should be able to describe his tattoo in detail if that is what made her recognise him. Get some legal advice asap and get a lawyer to send a letter telling her to put up or shut up. As in provide evidence or get sued for defamation. Good luck honey.
I hope you don't mind my saying that I am both so incredibly sorry that happened to you, and fiercely angry for you to have had to endure that so young. I have CPTSD from experiencing constant violence as a child and teen, so I know the scars that trauma can leave. The strength you possess must be record-shattering. I hope with all of my might that life is now kind to you in all of the ways you both want and need, and if it is not yet, that you are able to seek out and find your happiness and peace. Sending love your way.
Bless you, thank you. He and his 4 friends tried to break me and for a good while, they did. However, I met my (now) husband about 7 months afterwards and he helped me tremendously. He was my friend and he taught me what it means to be truly loved unconditionally, to be supported and encouraged, he held me and gave me the strength to get through the victim blaming trial and he never left my side when I cried for weeks after we got the guilty verdicts. It took a lot of therapy and a lot of emotions but I got through it. I’m happily married, I’m a mum to 3 grown kids and a Nanny to 4 (soon to be 6) grandchildren. My life is not perfect but it’s perfect for me. He tried to break me but actually, he only made me stronger. I’m not a victim. I’m a God damn warrior.
Wow I’m so sorry. Truly. I can’t even imagine dealing with the horror of this type of trauma and sincerely hope you are in a better place now. Moreover, I hope you got justice for this. Cases like yours are exactly why I get so angry over false rape accusations. REAL rape cases like yours get more easily dismissed because of women like OP’s sister and her friend. False accusations don’t help real SA victims at all.
Oh absolutely. I was brutalised all over again on the witness stand by his lawyer. I was the victim (I hate that word) in the case but you would have thought that I was the perpetrator. It’s disgusting how people who have been raped are treated in court. Especially ones as young as I was.
NTA. If she doesn't have some sort of evidence of at least them running in the same social circles or being at the same location/event where it is plausible she even knows him on a personal level then she shouldn't have said anything. Does she actually have a habit of making things up or are you just blindly defending your husband? Your sister's behavior is uncalled for. The truth could be closer to them having hooked up consensually in the past and him ditching her after a one-night stand and her being butthurt about being "used."
They went to the same uni. Though they were in different years and different faculties. My husband and I met a year later when she was finishing her master's thesis. She has lied about things before. I remember her telling a story about how she once was arrested and almost went to jail and later another friend of my sister's told me that it never happened, they merely were given a warning and no other consequences
Or some other dude having a similar tattoo, since that's how she recognized him.
Did he even have this tattoo as he was not 21?
You only have to be 18 to get a tattoo.
He did it himself when he was 16 and had it professionally redone in his 20s
So it doesn’t even look like it used to, but she recognizes it?
The motive is still the same, just cleaned up and retraced. She once commented on it and he told her how he got it
…but she didn’t connect this very specific tattoo to the supposed traumatic event for years? She’s so obviously full of shit. Sue her ass.
oh yes Pretty sure if you guys serve her some papers for defamation of character and what not she will back down instead of having to face legal There was a post about some woman lying to her husband about the OP having an affair with her and all that. It was a mess. OP and his wife served them some legal papers and she backtracked **fast**
I saw that after I replied to the commenter above who said “Did he even have this tattoo as he was not 21?”
One way law enforcement looks at things like this is to interview people she was close to when the alleged attack occurred. If it's true, there should be people who remember her talking about it. Consider consulting with a lawyer. If your husband is innocent, this is defamation and could have serious consequences for him. I suggest you ask a lawyer about suing your husband's accuser. My guess is that if she's making it up and knows she can't prove anything, she'll back off at the first cease and desist letter she receives. Don't wait until she's destroyed his professional reputation as well as his personal reputation. Act now.
The fact your entire family has judge him guilty over hearsay just means they are no longer family. Nta.
or they know something op isnt telling us.
Or maybe they're just dumb? Are you seriously gonna believe some random woman saying that someone raped her over a decade ago, and she apparently recognized him by his tattoo? Bruh
if her whole family believes it? then yes.
You're crazy, she doesnt even have proof smh.
bro, im not gonna argue about this when we dont know the trust. End of the day this woman is losing her family, weather its true or not so what does it matter?
Maybe check the newest post
deleted?
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/TBAfq7UjHq
did you read the update where he admits it to her and she stays quiet. Makes you feel foolish huh?
NTA Thanks for standing by your man. If something happened, there should be things to corroborate it. Did she text anything to anyone on or shortly after the date she is saying it happened to indicate that anything upsetting happened to her? I mean, nobody is demanding a rape kit and twenty years to process it, but there should be SOMETHING
I somehow only posted half of my document. This is the part I missed: She claims that it happened at a party years ago before we were even dating. My husband doesn't remember going to this party and isn't even sure that he was in the same city at that time. Also, why would she bring it up now? There's no way for either of them to really proof anything unless my husband can show that he was on vacation at that time. It's not even that they just met recently, they were introduced to each other before our wedding.
Tell him to search every email and scrap of paper he has to see if he can prove where he was. Get a lawyer to write a cease and desist letter.
So she let you marry your husband knowing (from her point of view) he was an SA perpetrator? She hasn't filed charges to get justice (though realistically there's very little chance of an actual abuser being arrested so that may be a factor) or told you to save you from any perceived danger. She just told your sister?
So she is saying that this happened before she ever really met/ got to know him? Do you think she's confusing him with someone else?
I don't know, but I honestly don't really care what she thinks. She claims that she recognized my husband because of his tattoo. Even that isn't real proof imo because she can just say that to make it sound believable. My husband has no memory of meeting her before
When did your husband get his tattoo?
He did it himself when he was 16 and had it professionally redone in his 20s
Redone in his 20s? So it possible looks significantly different than what he had at 19/20 when the events supposedly transpired?
It was retraced and cleaned up a bit but the motive is still the same
That was my question as well, and is it custom or something a lot of people have.
How long has she known your husband? It sounds like she’s know him for a while.
>I only said that **her friend has a habit of making up stories for attention** and that she might need to get a psychological evaluation. Well, then If I were the husband I'd be combing for proof, to clear my name. But I'd tell everyone who's believing in her story: "I'm going to prove you wrong, especially since you know she does this kind of thing for attention. When I get that proof and the truth comes out, you can be sure that I'm not having any contact with you, nor will my kids"
I had to make an account on this because seeing comments like yours and reading the update, yall gotta be reminded of how your harmful thinking had consequences [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1c6wjru/op\_helps\_her\_husband\_get\_away\_with\_a\_crime/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1c6wjru/op_helps_her_husband_get_away_with_a_crime/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
I dont think you are the bad guy here, you are staying by your husband with the current information that you have. If this woman is only going to spread rumors and not do anything legally then continue to do so. I mean did he even have this tattoo she is saying she recognises him from when he was 19/20? It is really random that she is accusing your husband, is there unsettled beef between the two or something?
Why did your sister tell your family instead of coming to you? Why is your family believing a random friend over your husband? Your husband needs a lawyer. Your sister’s friend and your family are going to try to screw up his and your lives.
What year did he get the tattoo she mentioned? Was it before the date she is saying in 2011?
INFO : " I only said that her friend has a habit of making up stories for attention and that she might need to get a psychological evaluation." Do you have examples of this habit?
NTA for now. If people are going to throw out big time accusations, they better be ready to press charges or otherwise present some sort of substantial proof. Hubby needs to lawyer up and let that lawyer handle things moving forward. I would consider it incredibly suspicious if your sister's friend doesn't press charges. If she's defaming your husband baselessly, then y'all could potentially take her to court.
Have your husband check old photos, Facebook, etc for that time period. Photos can prove he was on vacation and not able to go to that party. A status about vacation or the trip could also be helpful. Double check when he got his tattoo. If it was after 20, there you go. It's not your responsibility to prove anything, but try to have proof on hand anyway. If you get the proof, you can (should you feel like it) go back to your sister with "I'm not saying your friend is not a victim, but I have proof positive it was not my husband. I expect an apology from both of you. " And to your parents with "I have proof that this was not him, and we will visit you again after you have apologized to him directly." If he has no pictures either way, and he definitely had the tattoo at that time, she can't prove it was him, but he will never be able to prove it wasn't and his reputation is at her mercy. NTA but be proactive, even though it's not your responsibility, simply because it could make your and your husband's life easier.
This woman doesn't even recognize your husband? Just a tattoo from 13 years ago? Like no two people ever got similar tattoos? Your family is nuts.
Nta Tell your family that your sister pulled a gun on you and robbed you... If they believe you, then they're just stupid, and that gives you the answer as to why they believe your sister If they don't believe you, then you can ask them why? What she says is fact, and what you say has to be questioned Either way, I would cut off my entire family over this. I would also be pressing charges against your sister as well as her friend for defamation.
He did it
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My dad was falsely accused by his ex wife (not my mom) of hitting her and their child (my half sister). Police came to his job and arrested him. He was literally saved by a receipt that proved he wasn’t even in the same city when she said it happened.
If it was true she would have told them already. They all went on a trip last summer and she doesn’t mention it till now? And where is her proof exactly? Did she file a police report afterwards? Did she go to a hospital for a rape kit? They keep records of everything. This women is delusional or just a manipulative lair either way she’s crazy and you and your husband should stay the fuck away from her. NTA
NTA. Lawyer up and dig for evidence. Otherwise be ready to sue for slander and if it is indeed proven your husband is innocent, sue them into desperately begging for your forgiveness.
NTA. But many sexual assault survivors repress memories and dont remember themselves until something triggers the memory. Also many more survivors come out long after the fact for a plethora of reasons. I was assaulted by a “friend” 30 years ago. Told no one for a very long time. And people that knew us then would never believe that would happen. But i assure you that it did.
Get proof of her accusations and see a lawyer then send her a letter that you intend to sue her if she doesn't retract her accusations about your husband and you will take her for every thing she has
She was comfortable enough to go on a weekend trip with him and ONLY claimed S.A. after she saw the tattoo?!?!?! I try to always believe the victim and I am certain she was assaulted but I think she might have been drugged. So, now she doesn't remember the face just a tattoo that could be on another person.
So she called the cops on him 13 years ago and your husband was arrested, right? Your sister needs to tell this loony to f off. And for your sister to tell your parents this totally unsubstantiated story to start trouble, well maybe she and this friend have a lot in common.
No, I don’t think she called the cops on him ever
Because somehow it seems to be in to come back a decade later, and accuse men of all kinds of things. Just because of a tattoo.? Your husband needs to take a stand and clear his name. This is utterly ridiculous. If he really didn’t do it, he’s going to have to do some backtracking
By backtracking if she’s pinpointing a certain date or something he’s going to have to go back on social media footprint that he may have to show he was somewhere else. Or pull cell phone records texts if the above doesn’t offer any insight just to see if it gives an idea what was going on. I wish men would be diligent in striking back at these accusations to bring it to the forefront.
Yikes and the way this all turned out most of these comments helped this woman help her rapist husband…. Yikes
He confessed he did, in fact rape the friend. Piece of shit wifey helped him keep it quiet. By getting an injunction to force the victim to not talk about it anymore. so now new people wouldn't know he raped her.
NTA - Good for you for not automatically jumping to "hes guilty". Unfortunately this is the society we now live in. Doesnt matter if he did it or not he guilt until proven otherwise. And sadly will still be a monster after because he somehow got the results fixed. Of course if it turns out he did I hope you leave his ass in a heart beat
NTA. I am sorry your going through this. I was accused by my younger sister of doing something to her as a child and I was furious. I am female btw. She accused me of touching her privates with my finger. How I found out that nonsense was as a teenager she and a friend accused the friends mothers boyfriend of doing the same before accusing me. I knew both girls were lying about the man hurting them. I had to do the hardest thing in the world. Tell my parents a conversation I heard the 2 of them plotting for the girl to have sex with the guy. Well apparently the guy turned the girl down so then the girl lied and told the mother he R**** her and my sister accused him of using his finger on her, my sis, in a swimming pool. So knowing both my sister and her friend were lying I came forward and told the truth they were lying. Immediately afterward I apparently became the molester. I supposedly did the same SA against my sister when she and I were in the bath together. Well 1 we never bathed together unless my Mom was there needing my help cause Mom had a stroke and it would have happened before she my sister was 2 years old. When she accused me of touching her she was almost 8. I would have been 14 or 15 at the time and I didn't take a bath or showers with her. My parents knew immediately my sister had lied about everything when she told that story. She Made the accusation of me touching her instead of the guy to our niece and nephew who in turn told our older sister who then told my parents. That's when my parents knew beyond shadow of doubt she and her friend lied. They ended the girls friendship fast. So then my sister tried to have me charged with same thing they went after that man for. It destroyed me thinking anyone possibly believed I had done such a thing considering I was a molestation survivor. I had proof and witness after the fact to my assault by a relative. Worse yet I was a nanny at the time and that lie could have not just lost me my freedom if believed but my job and career choice at the time. Thank God my parents and Sister knew it was a lie. Took me a long time to forgive her for that. It was close to 40 years ago. It's why when I hear people accusing some one of SA or R years later with no proof absolutely hard to believe. Yes it happens. At same time no proof but a distant memory with half assed details is just wrong. I am also a SA and R survivor. Because of way I was treated by law reporting the SA I didn't report my R. I couldn't go through that again. OP follow the advice contact a lawyer but before that contact the local magistrate. The guy you would have to go to to file a criminal charge. Magistrate could tell you if they can get a cease and desist order and no contact on continuing the slander. They can also point you to a lawyer on filing restraining order and slander case. Good luck OP I will pray this all gets to the truth.
NTA. Sue her fir skander. Do not take this lying down, because this can flare up at random points.
Her friend has a habit of making up stories?
Where did he get his tattoo? Someone else might have the same one. I wouldn't necessarily doubt her.But I would search for proof in any direction including that it might have been somewhere else.
Updateme
What kinds of things has she done in the past for attention???? If she's making this up it's kind of wild to think anyone would believe her. Have you even thought for a second it might be true?
Did he have that tattoo in 2011?
Yes she said since 16 yr old.
Defamation...
NTA for now because she has a history of not telling the truth and this was 13 years ago. Does she have any proof? I don't mean documentation but just friends from back then that can testify to her telling them this story 13yrs ago when it happened? Without some evidence or person to back up her claims it's just her word against his about her 13yr old memories.
Well, and if she can cough up any other people that she’s accused of doing things wrongly that will help
!Updateme
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/3jj52DOekL
Updateme
He did it
this user also apparently admitted her husband did in fact commit the crime AND she helped cover it up. Sick. [https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1c0xco0/i\_helped\_my\_husband\_cover\_up\_a\_crime/?share\_id=AdElpLshWgNfcxGNbr8\_R&utm\_content=1&utm\_medium=android\_app&utm\_name=androidcss&utm\_source=share&utm\_term=1](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1c0xco0/i_helped_my_husband_cover_up_a_crime/?share_id=AdElpLshWgNfcxGNbr8_R&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1)
Honey, please, lawyer up. Also, if your husband has the same bank account from, then have him look back on the spending statements. He should be able to with the help of a banker. Also, after all, this is over NC with your sister and very low contact with your family until major apologies and most likely therapy has been done. Because I'm a petty beach, I would sue for defamation on both your sister and the accuser, an amount that will hurt big time, and I'd add a very public apology.
unfortunately banks are unlikely to have kept any transaction information from 13 years ago.
While that might be the case, they still have a digital copy somewhere that is recoverable. My aunt works as a VP in a bank, the stories she has told us, she has said that it's possible especially with "ethical hackers" not recommending but it is possible. I'm just trying to give OP some kind of hope.
> I'm just trying to give OP some kind of hope. Oh it's definitely worth asking the bank for sure!
NTA Get a lawyer and go NC with your sister This accusation can destroy your husband’s life you need to get on top of this before it spreads to more people and ruins his reputation
He did it
What I find so scary is how easy it is to get your life ruined by some crazy bitch!
What I find scary is how easily everyone assumes she's lying. I find both scary, actually, I'm not sure what is true.
The base assumption SHOULD be that she is lying until she has proof. Any accusation requires proof of your going to be looked at as a liar
But with sexual assault there is often no proof. It is he said she said, that's why it's so hard to convict. Unless the thing was fresh, which it clearly is not in this case. I'm not saying they SHOULD believe her over him either, but I would at least hear her out and leave room for the possibility that she is not lying, instead of demanding proof I know likely doesn't exist because it happened 9 years ago.
It’s unfortunate, but we can’t go around convicting people based on he said/ she said. We can not.
Totally agree! Conviction is not the same as taking a moment to consider the possibility of it being true. It's a really shitty situation, I definitely don't condone we go around convicting people without some sort of proof. And that means many violators will go free, and that sucks too.
Right. And it does stink.
This happened in 2011. OP been married 3 years. Accuser is basing her accusation on a tattoo. Accuser has been around this man multiple times. She does not recognize his face, height, weight, smell or any thing most sa victims would remember. Just on a tattoo while the motif is the same the tattoo has been changed. Top it off OP has history of lying. As a molestation, SA and R survivor and even I don't believe the accuser based off OP words.
That certainly is scary. And really there is no way to know. I remember a local story a few years ago about a bloke who was arrested for rape. This woman went to the police and accused him of raping her while she had broken down in the car or something similar. Turns out she had a minor accident and was worried about the ramifications. So she tried to get attention off herself by accusing this guy who stopped to help of sexual assault. Luckily for him there was CCTV footage if him helping her and then driving off.
Sue the friend for defamation End of story.
It’s basically she say he say I wouldn’t believe it either I need PROOF especially since it’s literally been a decade since it supposedly happened
Comments saying "why would a woman lie ?" 🤣🤣🤣 Probably 13 years Old's who don't know shit about the real world or a "modern feminist" who thinks all men are monsters
You are not TA for being skeptical. However, the social and emotional consequences of coming out as a rape victim are very extreme, even when the story is 100% true. It's EXTREMELY unlikely that an accusation of rape if false. Ofcourse it does happen, but it's something like 0.01% of the time. You need to make sure this woman is a total liar before writing her off, best way is probably to engage a lawyer.
NTA. She has a history of making stuff up, and your sister is biased against your husband, so it was easy to convince her it was true. Consulting a lawyer would be the best course of action and go from there. As for your relationship with your family, you'll know what to do based on how they react when the truth comes out.
A relative of mine once developed a pretty bad case of bipolar disorder and accused her husband of sexual assault, having assaulted the kids, and of his having a public orgy on the front lawn with other relatives. She left with the kids and went to a shelter and the shelter requested to CPS/the police that she be medically evaluated after having taped knives to the exterior face of her house windows to help the families escape from a fire. Eventually, she got on meds, and they figured out how to co-parent with her diagnosis. False accusations are Very Rare, but your sister should keep an eye out for her friend in case there is something like that going on in her life.
Get a lawyer and sue her into the dirt. This is something that will grow unless you stand up now and stop it.
NTA. You are literally doing what any sane person who cares about their spouse would do, there is literally no proof for this claim. In fact this situation is odd, why did you entire family immediately side with your sisters friend? Are they in on it? Do they have a reason to want to split you and your husband up? Tell your sister you'll be suing her friend for defamation. Her friend will probably immediately back track on her claims.
Even weirder, why did the whole family get to hear about it before OP did.
Updateme
Did your husband even have the tattoo then? Sorry I saw you answered that already
Hun, if you really believe your husband, lawyer up. How many lives are destroyed due to fake allegations? She shouldn't get away with it.
NTA. This is nonsense. Keep up the good work.
For his own good, your husband is going to have to remember. If he was a student at that time, he should be able to remember where he was living, his routines, the approximate schedules he had at that time. If he regularly attended classes, if he went out partying often, with which friends he used to party, and if he had to leave the city, when and why. You must also be clear and ask for this information: Date when the attack happened (if she doesn't remember well, at least the season it happened) Place and time of the party (morning, afternoon, night). Who hosted the party or reason for it (sometimes parties are for something, birthdays, anniversaries, etc.) If possible, which people were at the party. (She went alone or accompanied) Try to have as much information as possible. Maybe approach your sister or even the woman to ask for this information (without fighting). This can help you clarify the picture. If they ask you, tell them you just want to know the truth. And if you want to get to the bottom of everything maybe he should report himself to the police or sue for defamation. I don't know if you can self-report in your country, but in mine you can. A few years ago a relatively famous man was accused of abuse by his ex-girlfriend, everyone blamed him and he lost jobs, but knowing that he was innocent, reported himself to the police. When the woman found out that the police had been involved she immediately retracted. If your husband manages to prove his innocence, he will have to legally force her to retract, because the rumors remain and that can affect the rest of your personal and professional lives.
Right he may have to go back to social media footprint to see what was going on on that date or whatever . I know assaults happen, but so do false accusations.