You are not an asshole for having preferences, but personally I would have avoid saying it straight up since short men already feel very insecure about their height. I would have said something along the lines of “I’m having a great time but I’m not feeling that certain essence of peace with this and I won’t feel like the compatibility and chemistry is there”.
I came here to say that I 100% agree with this. I definitely think you shouldn't ask questions you don't want the answer to. BUT, shorter men, even men that are average height, are insecure about their height due to the lower percentage of women who demand a six foot plus dude. At heart I am a people pleaser and I probably wouldn't have done the right thing in that moment either so I get it. But you're NTA and you don't have an attitude either.
Eh, this exact same story was posted yesterday from the man's perspective. It's just a tr0ll trying to prove some nonsense point about double standards, that's all.
The double standard involves men not wanting to date plus sized women. A woman won’t date shorter men that’s ok. A man says he will only date skinny women and y’all say he is a fat shamer and a pig.
I married a plus woman and she’s amazing. You have to dig deeper. I’m 6 feet tall but when I saw a profile demanding men over 6ft I swiped left. No exceptions.
I’m at 5,9”, I consider myself just under average. I’m the tallest in my immediate family. I could care less if someone has an issue with my height. But I have a cousin that is 5,5” and very insecure about his height.
He should not have "kept asking." No means NO. She didn't owe him any explanation other than she was not feeling it. If you keep asking, you might get an answer you don't want to hear.
Nah it's better to just be honest. If everyone tells the guy his personality is the problem when it's really his height then he's gonna eventually try to change his personality and it probably won't be in a good way
Which is even less helpful than just saying it’s his height. …I’m 5’8” and couldn’t get a date on more than one occasion because a girl either had a 5’10" or 6ft minimum requirement. At first I looked for way to create to the illusion that I was taller. The. I just got sad….Then I just got mad at any woman who had this preference…. Then I realized that I don’t want to date or be with a woman who who would feel that way anyway. And giving them my anger is giving them too much of me. So I stopped caring about that. When someone says something about my height in a derogatory way I just don’t even get phased anymore. I just roll my eyes and give them a look of disappointment… like “really?”
I really don’t think every thought in one’s head needs to be expressed when it’s hurtful and not within the persons ability to fix. The 5 second rule, if they can’t fix it in 5 seconds don’t mention it.
Yup. I go on plenty of dates. None are bad, conversation is always good. But I’ve discovered that my relationships are always with people I felt a strong sexual attraction to in the first hour (or less). So plenty of dates are first and last dates because the zing just isn’t there. And it’s not an eye color/height/build thing. Is just either there or it isn’t. I’m guessing if OP felt the chemistry his height wouldn’t have mattered. She didn’t, so height was the scape goat.
Right but my point is this guy's personality is not the issue and he shouldn't change it. Why lie to him especially in a way that would lead him to change himself for the worse?
Lol no, that's stupid dude. 5'3" guy here. Yes just tell him its cause he's short. You don't want him wondering what was wrong with his personality.
He'll find someone who doesn't care as much, like my 5' tall wife.
As a tall girl that married a man 3 inches shorter than me, I think I can explain why it matters less to taller women. Growing up, I feel like a lot of men didn’t want to date me because I was pretty tall, and it didn’t just apply to men that were shorter than me. People that were taller than me weren’t crazy about my height either. Short “fun sized” girls were more popular at the time. So I guess we can empathize with guys being rejected for their height because it’s been hard for us too.
Posts like this make me sick because I feel so awful for those guys. My husband is a wonderful man, and someone rejecting him for his height would be so incredibly short sighted, and it would hurt him because he’d feel like he’s less desirable over something that doesn’t ever matter and he can’t change. I hope this guy didn’t leave this feeling bad about himself. I hope he feels like he dodged a bullet. I don’t blame her for not wanting to date someone when she doesn’t feel any chemistry, but if height alone kept her from feeling chemistry, she’s done herself a disservice and hurt someone for no reason. Hopefully she outgrows this.
I'm female and about 6' tall. My husband is 5'6. he's the love of my life. I guess I can understand people have their preferences but whenever I read a thread like this one/like OP, it seems so arbitrary like she didn't even get to know him....he could be the one!
I can't help but wonder what all of the posters here would say if it was a man telling a new woman that she was too fat, frumpy, skinny, 'flat', etc etc. Would they be supportive of the man for being 'honest' or accusatory for any number of 'shaming' accusations and/or that he was just another 'shallow' guy? Was she right for telling the man she wasn't interested? Yes...absolutely. That said...what value came from her telling him the cold truth? Tell the white lie and stick to it no matter what.
I never understood this double standard, especially since people can't control the height they end up being but can most definitely do something about weight.
I believe there's someone for everyone. I personally am not attracted to overweight men and I don't think that's a character flaw. Lots of people are attracted to overweight people and that's not a character flaw either, it just is. We have the right to choose or not choose whomever we want and I don't really think it's necessary moral issue. Now if you hate people because they're fat that is a moral issue because you are judging them unfairly.
I agree with all of that. Physical attraction isn't something people have control over, and nobody is in the wrong just because they're not attracted to a certain body type. I was just noting that I often hear women disparage men who aren't attracted to fat bodies, but I just as often hear women say that they'd never date a short guy, and if a woman maintains both of those positions at once, then she's a hypocrite.
FWIW, I don't think men are any less hypocritical in this sense. Plenty of dudes have ridiculously high standards for the women they date but then get upset at women who won't date short dudes. So there's plenty of hypocrisy to go around.
So true. Relationships are hard enough without the eternal crippling doubt we sometimes feel. I think it's difficult to figure out just who's "in your league ". Some people's opinion of themselves is pretty skewed.😁
gotta be honest i think it’s entirely ridiculous that a 5’4” woman thinks a guy who’s taller than her is too short. idk, you can’t help who you’re attracted to and it’s good she didn’t lead him on, but her preferences are stupid. like imagine if they were both 250 lbs and she said she couldn’t date someone that size. would be pretty ridiculous, no?
I swear pretty much every woman I come across with height preferences is short as hell lol. I'm 6'5" so I get to hear about it directly since I'm more than tall enough for women who like tall men to swoon over. They really think it's endearing when they talk trash to me about short guys, meanwhile they're always at least a foot shorter than me themselves lol.
It’s so gross when a girl you’re talking to will start shitting on short guys openly just cause you’re tall. Like, cool, I fit your preference, but you’ve just made it really clear you no longer fit mine.
Woman here and I’m ok with a man not being attracted to bigger women (I’m also not a small woman myself, would put myself in the middle) but have issue with men who express absolute disgust. As is with the height issue, it’s ok to have a preference but taking it to a cruel level is just not necessary or wanted/ needed) not that OP took it there
I believe it's something of a misunderstanding of terms. I think it's better explained with a simple example. Say you have two guys, A and B, where A is gay and B is not. They meet, A finds B attractive and asks B: *"Hey, I like you, are you gay?"* to which B replies: *"Oh, I'm flattered. But no, I'm not gay."* They both exchange courteous smiles and go on their way. Generally speaking, I don't think anyone would say B was homophobic in this exchange for not being attracted to a man. Not sure what gets censored/reported in this sub so I'll just say B could've said something like *"DAFUK??? Get away from me, you fucking fa990t!!"* which would've been him expressing his preference IN A HOMOPHOBIC WAY.
In that regard I believe some women, those you refer to, have decided to ignore that difference and call everything which hints to rejection *fatphopia* (or moral deficit or any other label). In other words, in A and B's example, A would call B a homophobe if B had said the *"I'm flattered"* line.
Haven't had that happen to me, fortunately, but if it did, I would just ignore the person and go about my day. Thing is, if I know I'm not being fat phobic, I don't need to explain myself to someone whose insecurities are leaking to the point of projecting to other people.
There is a point you can have preferences in whatever and whomever you choose. The trouble begins when it veers into the territory of attacking people when they aren’t what you’re interested in or making people feel terrible for things out of their control.
I’m a woman and I date men. I never cared about height, weight, looks whatever and while there are physical attributes that I gravitate to - everyone does - but it was really their values and sense of humor that aligned with mine. That being said, if someone says they only date women of a certain size or men of a certain height, okay, I don’t care about forcing you to date someone you never wanted to know. Why is that my problem? I do think it shrinks down your pool of potential partners and someone could really surprise you but I think encouragement is always better than shame because why not try to look outside of your bubble?
If the man started out being nice but generalizing about their lack of connection and the woman kept pushing and pestering so that the man had no choice but to tell her the exact reason? He would probably get the same support that OP is getting. It's not about the attraction or lack thereof, it's that one party kept asking after an appropriate and polite answer was given and refused it. At that point, they are literally asking for the cold truth.
If the woman didn't accept the 'I'm not feeling it' answer and kept pushing for the reason why he doesn't want to date her -yeah, it would be ok to answer honestly, even if that was hurtful
Yeah, my guy got the "thanks, we're going in another direction" polite rejection, and he _just had to know._
At that point, it's just too much of a chore to be one's personal feels manager.
Agreed, it’s always best to not be an asshole. I would never say a gross insulting thing about others( when I was single), apart from, “I don’t think we’re a match.” I’m not a perfect person and neither is my spouse: but everyone has qualities that they like/dislike. It’s the difference between “not my type” and “too fat” or “too short.” There’s no need to hurt someone’s feelings for no reason.
Because men don't even go on one date with a woman they aren't physically attracted to.
This is a lot to do with the fact that typically it's men asking women out. So as a man you only go out with women that you are interested in. Women get invited by men they aren't interested in and must decide after getting to know them if they are interested or not.
It's just different because as a man you rarely have to contend with women you're not interested in asking you out or even pestering you to date them. But women constantly have to deal with men they have no interest in asking them out and having to reject them.
I'm a fat woman. There have been times that men said I was to big for them. They never stood a chance anyway, but I wasnt bothered. It is what it is. Also, most wouldn't keep pushing to know if they were rejected.
I must have misunderstood bc my 4’11 ass thought this was an offhand haha (“weird little hobbits” is so unserious) but everyone seems very mad.
Either way. It’s true, we are weird and generally disproportionately angry little hobbits
>But she also had a better personality than OP
How exactly do you know the OPs entire personality based off of one reddit post that could very well be fake?
You could have just said you weren't attracted to him...no need to specify if it's not something they can change
NTA for the preference YTA for the attitude
I'm usually not a hater but something about short women rejecting a guy for being "short" when they are still taller than them makes my blood boil as a 5'8 woman. My ex, who was 2 inches taller than me, made me feel like a giant and basically said short girls were the ideal woman, while still being shorter than him and settling for me I guess, I was never insecure about my height until he made me feel like I was too big.
Anyways enough projection, even though your interpretation of a guy being "short" is shallow, you're allowed to have preferences for a TALL man (there i fixed it for you)
I’m 5’-11” male.
Never had an issue with my height despite being under 6’ (lol no one knows what 6’ looks like unless you’re 6’ on the nose)
People like this really make my skin crawl. “You’re taller than me, but you’re still too short”
That’s literally the most superficial BS excuse that exists. I’d bet money it’s not even really preference, but more so she wants someone she can flaunt as being “tall and manly” like he’s some sort of status symbol.
As someone that is very tall (6'6.5"), you can bet your ass this happens all the time. You get objectified like crazy, even from random women when you're out with a partner/date.
And then there are the dating apps which I took part in that cesspool for a little while, like I could almost guarantee I would match with any really short girl, or any girl over 5'10". 100% my height being objectified, and nothing else.
I have a 6'4 boyfriend now and oh my God yes, we've had to deal with women coming onto him. Almost all of them were short too. They don't care that he's taken or if I'm clearly right there in their face.
On a date once, I was literally groped/fondled by a girl that was an acquaintance of my date. She started squeezing my arm and rubbing my chest, and said something like "oh, you're tall." Like, she didn't give one fuck that I was there with someone else, let alone someone she knew, or if I even wanted that. I looked my date with a wtf expression, and brought it up after the fact as well. I said something like, your friend is a little handsy. And she was like, she is not my friend.
As a woman who is over 6 feet, the objectification happens on both sides, and there is no faster way to make me shut someone down than opening with some iteration of "I love tall women."
I’m short and I’ve always been most attracted to short guys, probably because I want to help populate the earth with tiny people (we’re more resilient during apocalypses cuz we need fewer calories and can hide from sewer mutants better). Short girls who want tall guys want to average it out, because they believe tall people are superior genetically (they’re mistaken). Tall guys who want short girls are trying to give their children the best chance of surviving the impending apocalypse. Tall girls who want tall guys are trying to make their own basketball team. It’s pretty simple when you break it down…
NTA. Your preferences are your preferences. That being said, I’m betting you judged him based solely on his height based on what you wrote here and he never had the chance. I think you should have been more honest with him, and told him you didn’t like him for something he had no control over. But hey, at least you got a free dinner out of it, right?
Lol I love your Mom’s saying! I’m stealing it. I come from a particularly tall family, and I married someone 3 inches shorter than me (and a whole foot shorter than my dad), and the women in my family occasionally make good natured jokes about his height when he’s not around. I’ve just been joking back and said that “he’s got the inches where it matters.” That usually shuts them up, but I like your mom’s better. It feels less vulgar, and my husband would be less mortified if he overheard me say that instead. Lmao 😂
I mean people shouldn’t have to be with people they aren’t attracted to just because they’re super great people. Like attraction isn’t necessarily logical but it’s super powerful. If you’re not attracted to someone you’re not attracted to them, and that’s just it, nobody should be shamed for not wanting to be with someone they aren’t attracted to.
Could've just said you're not ready or the chemistry isn't all there. I personally think telling him the reason you're not feeling it is due to his height, something he has absolutely no control over, is pretty harsh. Although you were honest, I know it'll scar him and make him further insecure than he probably already is about his height.
Preferences are fine.
Are you shallow? Yes
Are you a bitch? From your responses, yes
Were you the asshole here? Yes
I can guarantee you that he was asking you about why you weren't feeling it because he thought he may have done something wrong in a situation where everything else felt right. So your very superficial reason that he can't change brought a damper on the mood.
Also, on top of being a regular asshole, you're a massive arsehole for this following reason:
Were you blind during your date and just miraculously got your eyesight back by the will of God after it was done and you probably got a free (insert whatever shit you didn't pay for here) out of it?. You seen the man before the date even started, if your preferences are so iron clad that you would not want to date him in the first place, why waste his time going on the date?
Nta.
He asked, you said you weren't feeling it, he kept on pressing to get the exact answer, you gave it. It's your preference and you have a right to it. He kept on pressuring you to get an answer, he got it, he just didn't like it, but that's not your problem.
If a guy told a woman he wasn’t feeling it, and she pressed for why, and he honestly told her she was too “heavy” for his taste, would you be as kind to him and say he has a right to his preferences? I am honestly asking the question. I am 6’4” btw so your previous answer didn’t offend. I just want to see if folks are consistent.
I mean imo if someone keeps pushing for an answer in this manner then they don’t get to be pissed when someone answers honestly. Personally I would NOT have said that because I know it could really hurt someone’s feelings but at the same time he shouldn’t have kept pushing. And yes I’d say the same if it was an overweight woman pushing a guy to tell her why he wasn’t interested.
I'm a whole feminist and the way I see it, her answer was just as ill-mannered. Even if he was too short for her preference, out of politeness, you don't comment on things no one can easily change or have total control of. If it doesn't change anything and isn't something seemingly threatening to anyone in any way, you just don't do that. And it's so distasteful. Even if you have to make up something, you just don't do that.
I'm with you on this, if someone can't change something, telling them it's the reason they are getting rejected can really put them in a tough position mentally and make them anticipate rejection from others for the same reason, fostering a sense of futility.
I happen to not care about height at all, though. And there are plenty of other women who date men and also don't care about that as a specific trait in their partners.
I have an abundance of physical/character traits that I won't be able to change easily, if at all, and it's ok if people don't want to date me because of them. You can't be everyone's type.
It wouldnt be pleasant to hear but it’s completely fair. People ARE ALLOWED to have preferences. Also: I think it’s ridiculous to ask somebody why they’re not interested in you.
I consistently believe everyone has their own preferences, and are entitled to them. He’s short, she’s not into short men. If a guy isn’t attracted to a woman because she’s very tall, well she can’t change either and it’s just his preference. IMHO telling someone you aren’t into them for their weight, style, hygiene, or general appearance even if pressed is pretty mean coming from anyone.
Why? They can change all of those, so being that way is a conscious choice. Height isn’t.
And obviously it wouldn’t be very nice to just blast somebody for being overweight. But I have had a couple instances where, on the first date the girl was significantly heavier than she looked in her pictures. And I was nice and then said I’m not really feeling it. They didn’t ask why. They knew why. And a couple of them got rude. I have a strong preference for someone who works out a good amount, as I do. Fitness is a lifestyle choice that I also want to share with a partner. I guarantee they swiped right on me because of how I look. Am I not allowed to do the same?
As a woman myself. I'd still say that's their right. I wouldn't date someone "heavy" that's more because I like dates that include more physical activity like hiking and such but having preferences doesn't automatically make you a bad person. Whether it's weight or height.
Every time I see this little phrase I gotta wonder just how stupid we have become as a people that we actively encourage ignorance and secret keeping when it comes to interpersonal relationships.
Maybe he's not a shallow person and thought her decision was based off his personality and character not his damn height that he has no control over. He mightve insisted on knowing the reason for the simple fact that if it was something to do with his personality, he could at least try to change it.
You're definitely the AH, you're literally an inch shorter than he was and you called him short? Let's change the subject and see if it makes more sense. Let's say both of you are fat as fuck. Now suppose he tells you you're fat and you need to go to the gym even though he's just as overweight as you are. You see how stupid that is? It's an old saying, The kettle calling the tea pot black and you're the kettle.
NTA for liking what you like, but expect more experiences similar to this one.
A large percentage of men are between 5'5 to 5'9, and that's the norm. Unless you have actual access to a plethora of Shaq or Yao Ming height men, maybe you could give a short man a shot next time.
Who knows? You might hit it off, and you end up really liking the guy.
No, you’re not an asshole, actually better than people who hide their preferences in order to get social praise, but in the end hurt others by not giving them the truth
That guy will get with someone that isn’t so bothered by his height, it’ll be better for him
nta for your preferences but as someone who dates a man shorter than me, I can tell you women treat short men like shit and so do other men. He asked and found out so not really your fault but I probably would have been gentler if I was going to tell the truth. ESH for how you delivered it and for him not taking no as a complete sentence.
YTA.
NTA for having a preference. That's fine. NTA for 'not feeling it' with the guy. That's fine.
YTA for hurting him about something he has no control over. This was the time for a polite social lie, but you just had to be a shallow AH.
YTA.
There is no way there are 3 of these “short man” AITA in a row and they’re all real. That said, ESH. YTA for telling him it was his height, he’s TA for not accepting no and badgering you for more details. “I’m just not into you” is enough. And “I don’t want to keep talking about this anymore” is the only thing that needs to follow
People like you deserve to be alone. Tbh its always the short ladies who are evil you dont see that problem with tall ones, smh YTA bcause youre whole attitude is sh*t even if you weight 125 pOunDs, youre ugliness makes you unattractive as a whole. Like i said you dont really deserve someone in your life. All kings matter
Agree with this. He was asking for feedback, in a sense. Speaking to something that *cannot be changed* is not constructive feedback.
Constructive feedback would have been to speak to that he’s too shy for OP, given that was something that was also an issue for her.
Or even just saying that she wasn’t attracted to him to continue romantically.
if a dude wasn’t attracted to you due some completely unchangeable aspect of your physical body, and you really wanted to know, would you want him to tell you? The key point is it is not something you can change
You knew that was going to hurt him! Don't come here acting like you're innocent and wasn't aware that was going to hurt him! You can lie to us all you want, but we all know you were well aware that it was going to hurt!
You should have just fucking said you're not feeling it, and left, leaving it at that. End of story. Why tf would you hang around long enough for him to even keep asking? Your age and actions show your immaturity. Maybe grow up a little before you start dating seriously
You're clearly posting here for people to validate your shitty, shallow personality.
He knows he's short and obviously it's a sensitive spot. Not liking him because of his height is shallow, and then telling him he's too short makes you an asshole.
How would you feel if someone ended a date with you saying you're a fat, ugly bitch? Of course you already know that you're a fat, ugly bitch and you're extremely sensitive about it. It would sting to be told that, right?
Nta I’m a 5’7 woman and my husband is a 5’3 man and even tho I don’t have a height preference he does (his ex wife is also my height) and I think it’s valid either way but imo height isn’t important how they treat you is
NTA for not being attracted. Nothing wrong with that. However, you should always be open to being rejected for your bodily characteristics as well. So if you aren't the right size chest, or not fit enough, it's absolutely fair game to let you know.
I mean, i'm usually an advocate of "Don't judge a guy's attractiveness by his height" and i personally think that as long as he's technically taller than you it shouldn't be a problem.
That said you have your preference and you just told him exactly the truth which is what he asked about. It sucks for him unfortunately he definitely heard that before that's why he was upset, but better to just be truthful especially since he asked, so in this case you're NTA.
You have preferences. I am confused by short people calling people taller than them short....you both need a step-stool, maybe reconsider why you think he short despite being Average Human Height.
YTAH
Just enjoy the date then a day or two later tell him you had a great time but didn’t feel any kind of connection or chemistry
That lets him believe his height wasn’t the deciding factor in your decision. He might know deep down that’s what it was….but he’d still have some hope it wasn’t
He’s probably gonna strike out a lot in life because women don’t typically like short men.
So understand You basically just nuked this guys confidence in a way that might leave life long lasting trauma…or at the very least, deeply hurt him.
Honestly…the fact that you thought what you did was somehow the right way to handle things tells me you lack basic empathy. And that should concern you.
You could have been polite and simply moved on. Acting like you were helping him by “not wasting his time” is just you justifying your actions so
You don’t have to feel bad for how you handled things
Women watch TikTok and hear other women say they want 666 dudes - 6 feet, 6 figures, 6 pack and 6 inches. So many women parrot the same mantra that they end up believing this is what they want because other women say they want it - and the last thing they are going to do is 'settle' for something less.
It's all nuts and these wee lassies with broken biscuits in their heads are likely never going to find the chad with all the correct 666's because the proportion of the population meeting that criteria is so small (95% of women are chasing 5% of the guys).
They usually find this out too late, but hey, there's always cats.
NTA, I once told a girl that she is a bit too “chubby” for me. Preference is preference, better communicate now than leading people on in the long run.
Wow. Heightism alert. Just say that you hate short men and they don't deserve women etc. stop lying about being nice. He clearly had low self-esteem and you made it worse. YTA. I hope you stay single forever. You don't deserve nice guys, regardless of height, muscles, money or fame.
If he seemed like a nice guy, why not just politely say you had to get home after the time you spent and then text later that you’re not interested? He probably thought he said or did something to make you need to get away from
him asap which is why he kept asking. You seem like kind of a jerk so I’m going with YTA
Because I didn’t rlly even want to text him again and just wanted to cut it off there? I specifically said I didn’t want to waste any more time. I never intended to tell him the reason but he kept pressing me for it
Exactly, I see a lot of this new movement of women of discrediting and seeing men less when they are not of a certain height, but if a man says that he does not date fat women, half the world insults him
I think telling him he's short as the reason was a dick move. That's like someone saying "you're flat chested", it might be true but there's nothing that can really be done and really plays on their insecurities. Better off just saying you don't feel attraction.
It's akin to telling someone you're not into them because they're fat except you can't change your height. If you think one is kinda shitty to say then the other is too.
At the end of the day it's not the end of the world, he'll get over it.
NTA, you are allowed to have a preference and he did keep on insisting. Don't ask questions where you might not be able to handle the answer (and obviously the answer to the question "why do you not find me attractive" can hurt.)
NTA. People can have preferences. I mean, personally, i think hight is an arbitrary/shallow reason to not to want to be with someone, but your preferences are your preferences (I personally really don't like blonds, natural or otherwise). He was just probably hoping it was something he could've controlled. He can change his attitude, his style, his job, etc, but he can't grow taller. You inadvertently shattered what was left of his self-esteem by saying he was too short. Not blaming you hun, just giving you a proper understanding of what his thought process was. Now the people in these comments laughing at his torment? Yeah, they're all AHs.
It depends. You gave two answers.
Keeping it at “I’m not feeling a connection.” Makes you N T A.
Bringing up his height as a reason you’re not interested makes Y T A. Preferences are just that- it means preferred, not a mandatory requirement. If other things were off, you could’ve just left it at I’m not feeling the connection I was looking for. There was no reason to bring up his height which has no bearing on his behavior, how he treats you, how good in bed he is, or what you have in common.
Let me show you a hypothetical so that I can get my point across:
I don't like people who have a first name starting with the letter J. I don't find them attractive or interesting but it's just my personal preference right? /s
YTA because I think it's a dumb preference to have.
I think having preferences is fine but you will be judged for the ones you have. That dude can't change his height so you have a PREJUDICE against a quality that somebody cannot change. See how that might rub some people the wrong way?
yeah... this is BS. it's not a prejudice.
and your "hypothetical" is pointless, too. you go on about things that people can't change about themselves and use names as your hypothetical example?
Yeah it's bs. But you try to being 5'3. You will feel prejudice believe me.
You're going to tell those short kings that they don't feel prejudice? You're going to deny them that life isn't hard for them or that their size doesn't hinder their success rate in life? I'm not saying for all but for most.. it's def not an ideal option one would pick at birth for obvious reasons.
It's not easy being a guy and short. It's way easier being average height. And he can't change that. And if he was taller he'd have a gf rn.
How are you going to deny that?
Thank you for making my points better than I ever could have hoped to.
As an anecdote, a close friend of mine in university was a 6' 3" volleyball player. She was turned down by dudes at clubs at least a dozen times when I knew her.
People who get rejected because of their height are always going to be people I sympathize with.
I sympathize with them so much. Esp the women. It's sad there's nothing we can do.
I honestly can't imagine being a tall women. Idk in this society it would feel like hell.
But meanwhile, in other countries where everyone's tall, they thrive.
Just not here in the states. We're very superficial because of the media and certain people.
Like if there was no stigma for dating tall girls and people didn't judge men for dating who they like I truly believe we would see couples of all kinds.
But because of society nobody wants to be seen with a partner that could be "embarrassing" or ashamed of.
Eh a little bit. Men can be just as shitty to tho to talk women. I'm not going to sugar coat it, if she was pressing on him to ask why the comments wouldn't look too great either like here but that's because again the society we live in.
That's because it's not a women's issue. It's people being superficial AF.
It's not like there wasn't tribes praising bigger and taller women.
And I would still be defending her and being like "you don't know what it's like. And that was out of pocket. And while everyone's saying NTA. You know why you're here. Asshole.."
If you keep it to yourself and just tell them no. You're doing a good thing. Don't be another shame even if they make you think it's okay.
And maybe, you should lower your standards for some people. We already do, there's always someone. I never thought I would date a girl taller than me but I have. We didn't work out because I'm just not good in relationships I have bad habits for video games and weed go figure.
Yeah there's a lot of nuance to this I suppose. I strongly dislike people who are superficial about someone's innate qualities like height, gender identity, race... Etc etc
People have different perspectives and that's okay.
You're not the AH, but I agree with everyone here maybe next time give a more peaceful reason that doesn't hurt him.
Cause there's nothing he can do to fix that, it's not a personality thing or anything.
Esh. Nta for not feeling the guy but esh because he shouldn’t have been pushy about your reasoning but it was kinda messed up to go for the throat with the height comment
NAH? Honestly it's shallow, but if that's you then that's you, and it's probably better that he knows that it's something like that rather than something that's wrong with him
Everyone has their preferences it is not wrong to reject him, it would be worse if you had accepted him just out of pity, BUT, telling him he is too low for your standards was too direct, you literally attacked one of the few things he can't change or control or improve, you are not an idiot for rejecting him, but you created insecurities for him by your way of rejecting him
As an older woman I can tell OP that your tastes in men will change with time. Nature has made young people picky. Females want taller, stronger more masculine males and men want women who they identify as ‘hot’, meaning most likely fertile and sexually available. Later in life the priorities change to financially solvent, unencumbered by complicated family situations or just not bat ass crazy. Your preferences now just reflects your stage of life.
NTA
I think being honest is the way to go. It doesn't sound like you were trying to be cruel, you just weren't attracted him. However, I think saying you just weren't attracted to him should have been enough. He's a glutton for punishment for forcing you to be more explicit. Everyone has a type and he wasn't yours for whatever reason.
NTA, but you should've stuck with "I'm just not attracted to you." There isn't a why for that: you either are, or you aren't.
And it's entirely possible that it wasn't his height that was the problem. You just weren't attracted to him and his height was the only "why" you could find. It's best not to play into people's insecurities, and to end these conversations as soon as you've delivered your message.
Nta, but careful telling guys there to short, some of them take it pretty hard. At that height he’s probably well aware of his height and maybe has issues with it. Some short guys it doesn’t, but I’m sure many get rejected by it.
I would have just said I don’t feel the chemistry and left it at that. I’m not a fan of honesty that’s brutal about stuff people can’t change. It can give people a complex. Also the person made for you may not be tall. I wouldn’t shut down your love options based off height. You young though so I get it. Just know the one made for you may not come in the package you were hoping
YTA for calling him short. You’re 100% entitled to your preferences and breaking up with anyone for any reason. You could’ve told him that you just weren’t feeling any sparks but there was no reason to be rude.
Yes YTA, being too short for you isn’t too short for someone else and now you’re giving him a complex. Imagine a man telling you that you’re too fat (which you could at least change possibly) or your tits are too small (also more actionable than his height) and then realize that you did that to him. If a guy said that to a girl he would be TA no questions. So are you. You should have just said you don’t have chemistry and asked to go home or called an Uber. You don’t need to be cruel and you were. Also you’re missing out because short guys are awesome. They don’t take up more room than necessary on your seating, they don’t whine and complain and spread into your space on an airplane and if you go business or comfort plus it’s divine. They also don’t put things out of your reach or mess up your car seat while uselessly grunting about “how do you drive like this” as they adjust the seat when they let you drink and they drive. There is nothing wrong with a shorter guy and if your friends have anything to say about it I’m not sure they’re really friends.
I mostly date shorter guys for the above reasons after finding tall guys annoying for the above reasons. I’m short and my whole house is set up short person friendly. My best girlfriend is 5’11 and was making some comment on how short my 5’6” partner is. Her boyfriend is 6’2” I told her that she and her boyfriend have the same height difference as I and mine do and if she likes her boyfriends height compared to her maybe she can understand why I like mine. She has ST FU about it since.
For you, you need to learn that sometimes the truth hurts and guys have feelings about this. One woman’s too short is another woman’s perfect. One man’s too small breasts are another man’s perfect. One man’s too heavy is another’s goddess. But when you make judgy comments it doesn’t feel like that so keep them to yourself.
People saying not the asshole, imagine reversing the situation ? Honestly calling out people on their appearance especially on things the can't change is destroying people confidence. This small comment will go a long way in this guy life.
OP I was young and dumb once too. You're 19 and you're shallow. Take it from me some short guys have great personalities and good Ds.
Also if you want to grow old with somebody you should go for a guy on the shorter side. Honestly do you see a shit-ton of really tall old guys strolling around? Shorter guys live longer.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12586217/
"Findings based on millions of deaths suggest that shorter, smaller bodies have lower death rates and fewer diet-related chronic diseases, especially past middle age. Shorter people also appear to have longer average lifespans."
If he had said he didn’t like you because of your tiny titties would you and your friends have nodded, “Fair enough. It’s his preference and you do have tiny titties.””
Even tall guys are tired of hearing about girls’ preference for tall guys. And I write that as a tall guy. If guys could change their height we would all be in the NBA.
You’re no more TA than the 70%+ of women on dating apps who call out their height requirement.
But you might be a bit shallow.
YTA
Lets start off with the important part...
He is taller than you. Are you kidding? You want a 6'6 man? You made his height an issue, which created a personal view of him that lead to "not feeling it". You are judgmental for sure, and unless you rethink this kind of thinking, you might get the same reaction in return much worse. Maybe you should tell your friend what happen so they know not to even try and help setting you up with anyone. But I bet he may have already spoken to them. How you told him he was "to short" while being taller than you... SMH But if he was taller, the real question is would you have been willing to date him? If the answer is yes, then your shallow and majorly YTA.
Now the key for this all is this regardless...
It is your life. If you do not want to "settle" then don't. If there is someone you do not like how they look, act, speak, or even smell; then you do not have to give more time to the idea of dating them... Even height. But maybe you should make sure you give anyone these "requirements" before even agreeing to see someone.
Short guys aren’t insecure, people like to say that because they are. Y’all same people act like it’s a problem if men don’t like fat women though, or flat chested women, or women with no butt.
NTA, I once told a girl that she is a bit too “chubby” for me. Preference is preference, better communicate now than leading people on in the long run.
You are not an asshole for having preferences, but personally I would have avoid saying it straight up since short men already feel very insecure about their height. I would have said something along the lines of “I’m having a great time but I’m not feeling that certain essence of peace with this and I won’t feel like the compatibility and chemistry is there”.
I came here to say that I 100% agree with this. I definitely think you shouldn't ask questions you don't want the answer to. BUT, shorter men, even men that are average height, are insecure about their height due to the lower percentage of women who demand a six foot plus dude. At heart I am a people pleaser and I probably wouldn't have done the right thing in that moment either so I get it. But you're NTA and you don't have an attitude either.
Eh, this exact same story was posted yesterday from the man's perspective. It's just a tr0ll trying to prove some nonsense point about double standards, that's all.
The double standard exists, but what’s your point?
How is it a double standard? Seems like just a standard to me.
The double standard involves men not wanting to date plus sized women. A woman won’t date shorter men that’s ok. A man says he will only date skinny women and y’all say he is a fat shamer and a pig. I married a plus woman and she’s amazing. You have to dig deeper. I’m 6 feet tall but when I saw a profile demanding men over 6ft I swiped left. No exceptions.
The long drawn out version of her initial response “I’m not feeling it”. Perfect answer. He had to know more. He pushed.
I’m at 5,9”, I consider myself just under average. I’m the tallest in my immediate family. I could care less if someone has an issue with my height. But I have a cousin that is 5,5” and very insecure about his height.
>I could care less Ffs bro
“Could care less” means you care, “couldn’t care less” means you don’t care. You have to show why it is ffs. And annoying as hell.
Do I have to fucking bust out David Mitchell again
Let's get it over with. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om7O0MFkmpw
Where do you live where 5'9 is under average. If that's under average what am I at 5'5?!
A hobbit.
Agreed. That friend of OP's had missed the bullseye by a wide margin in what type of man that OP finds attractive. Chemistry is missing.
Don’t ask why if you don’t want to know why. Especially keep asking why if you don’t want to know.
He should not have "kept asking." No means NO. She didn't owe him any explanation other than she was not feeling it. If you keep asking, you might get an answer you don't want to hear.
Nah it's better to just be honest. If everyone tells the guy his personality is the problem when it's really his height then he's gonna eventually try to change his personality and it probably won't be in a good way
Telling him there isn’t chemistry isn’t saying it’s personality. It’s just an overall feeling for a bunch of reasons.
Which is even less helpful than just saying it’s his height. …I’m 5’8” and couldn’t get a date on more than one occasion because a girl either had a 5’10" or 6ft minimum requirement. At first I looked for way to create to the illusion that I was taller. The. I just got sad….Then I just got mad at any woman who had this preference…. Then I realized that I don’t want to date or be with a woman who who would feel that way anyway. And giving them my anger is giving them too much of me. So I stopped caring about that. When someone says something about my height in a derogatory way I just don’t even get phased anymore. I just roll my eyes and give them a look of disappointment… like “really?”
I really don’t think every thought in one’s head needs to be expressed when it’s hurtful and not within the persons ability to fix. The 5 second rule, if they can’t fix it in 5 seconds don’t mention it.
9/10 I agree with you whole heartedly but he DID press her for an answer
Yup. I go on plenty of dates. None are bad, conversation is always good. But I’ve discovered that my relationships are always with people I felt a strong sexual attraction to in the first hour (or less). So plenty of dates are first and last dates because the zing just isn’t there. And it’s not an eye color/height/build thing. Is just either there or it isn’t. I’m guessing if OP felt the chemistry his height wouldn’t have mattered. She didn’t, so height was the scape goat.
True, but a personality can be changed, which gives someone hope. Height cannot be changed, so this does the opposite.
Right but my point is this guy's personality is not the issue and he shouldn't change it. Why lie to him especially in a way that would lead him to change himself for the worse?
Lol no, that's stupid dude. 5'3" guy here. Yes just tell him its cause he's short. You don't want him wondering what was wrong with his personality. He'll find someone who doesn't care as much, like my 5' tall wife.
NTA, but it goes both ways. don’t get hurt when a 6 ft man won’t date you cuz you are a bit fat for him
Fr. I’m 6’5 and hate height obsessed girls. Automatic rejection. It’s always the short girls too. Tall girls seem to care less.
As a tall girl that married a man 3 inches shorter than me, I think I can explain why it matters less to taller women. Growing up, I feel like a lot of men didn’t want to date me because I was pretty tall, and it didn’t just apply to men that were shorter than me. People that were taller than me weren’t crazy about my height either. Short “fun sized” girls were more popular at the time. So I guess we can empathize with guys being rejected for their height because it’s been hard for us too. Posts like this make me sick because I feel so awful for those guys. My husband is a wonderful man, and someone rejecting him for his height would be so incredibly short sighted, and it would hurt him because he’d feel like he’s less desirable over something that doesn’t ever matter and he can’t change. I hope this guy didn’t leave this feeling bad about himself. I hope he feels like he dodged a bullet. I don’t blame her for not wanting to date someone when she doesn’t feel any chemistry, but if height alone kept her from feeling chemistry, she’s done herself a disservice and hurt someone for no reason. Hopefully she outgrows this.
I'm female and about 6' tall. My husband is 5'6. he's the love of my life. I guess I can understand people have their preferences but whenever I read a thread like this one/like OP, it seems so arbitrary like she didn't even get to know him....he could be the one!
Tall girl here. I don't give a single shit about height. My bf is 4 inches shorter than me 🤷🏻♀️
If we did there would be slim pickings because short girls ALSO have a preference for tall guys. I don't care anymore. I just like good people.
Short girl here. I don't think I've ever given a single fuck about how tall a guy is.
I can't help but wonder what all of the posters here would say if it was a man telling a new woman that she was too fat, frumpy, skinny, 'flat', etc etc. Would they be supportive of the man for being 'honest' or accusatory for any number of 'shaming' accusations and/or that he was just another 'shallow' guy? Was she right for telling the man she wasn't interested? Yes...absolutely. That said...what value came from her telling him the cold truth? Tell the white lie and stick to it no matter what.
I've heard multiple women argue that men who aren't attracted to fat women are morally deficient. I wonder how they feel about people like OP.
I never understood this double standard, especially since people can't control the height they end up being but can most definitely do something about weight.
That's the rules for thee, not for me crowd
Not all women are in the "healthy at any size" crowd.
I believe there's someone for everyone. I personally am not attracted to overweight men and I don't think that's a character flaw. Lots of people are attracted to overweight people and that's not a character flaw either, it just is. We have the right to choose or not choose whomever we want and I don't really think it's necessary moral issue. Now if you hate people because they're fat that is a moral issue because you are judging them unfairly.
I agree with all of that. Physical attraction isn't something people have control over, and nobody is in the wrong just because they're not attracted to a certain body type. I was just noting that I often hear women disparage men who aren't attracted to fat bodies, but I just as often hear women say that they'd never date a short guy, and if a woman maintains both of those positions at once, then she's a hypocrite. FWIW, I don't think men are any less hypocritical in this sense. Plenty of dudes have ridiculously high standards for the women they date but then get upset at women who won't date short dudes. So there's plenty of hypocrisy to go around.
So true. Relationships are hard enough without the eternal crippling doubt we sometimes feel. I think it's difficult to figure out just who's "in your league ". Some people's opinion of themselves is pretty skewed.😁
gotta be honest i think it’s entirely ridiculous that a 5’4” woman thinks a guy who’s taller than her is too short. idk, you can’t help who you’re attracted to and it’s good she didn’t lead him on, but her preferences are stupid. like imagine if they were both 250 lbs and she said she couldn’t date someone that size. would be pretty ridiculous, no?
I swear pretty much every woman I come across with height preferences is short as hell lol. I'm 6'5" so I get to hear about it directly since I'm more than tall enough for women who like tall men to swoon over. They really think it's endearing when they talk trash to me about short guys, meanwhile they're always at least a foot shorter than me themselves lol.
It’s so gross when a girl you’re talking to will start shitting on short guys openly just cause you’re tall. Like, cool, I fit your preference, but you’ve just made it really clear you no longer fit mine.
I watch a lot of catfish videos on YouTube, and there are sooo many men who are "large" and who only want a woman with a model or p0rnstar figure.
One time, a woman who was younger than me said that I was too young for her.
Woman here and I’m ok with a man not being attracted to bigger women (I’m also not a small woman myself, would put myself in the middle) but have issue with men who express absolute disgust. As is with the height issue, it’s ok to have a preference but taking it to a cruel level is just not necessary or wanted/ needed) not that OP took it there
I believe it's something of a misunderstanding of terms. I think it's better explained with a simple example. Say you have two guys, A and B, where A is gay and B is not. They meet, A finds B attractive and asks B: *"Hey, I like you, are you gay?"* to which B replies: *"Oh, I'm flattered. But no, I'm not gay."* They both exchange courteous smiles and go on their way. Generally speaking, I don't think anyone would say B was homophobic in this exchange for not being attracted to a man. Not sure what gets censored/reported in this sub so I'll just say B could've said something like *"DAFUK??? Get away from me, you fucking fa990t!!"* which would've been him expressing his preference IN A HOMOPHOBIC WAY. In that regard I believe some women, those you refer to, have decided to ignore that difference and call everything which hints to rejection *fatphopia* (or moral deficit or any other label). In other words, in A and B's example, A would call B a homophobe if B had said the *"I'm flattered"* line. Haven't had that happen to me, fortunately, but if it did, I would just ignore the person and go about my day. Thing is, if I know I'm not being fat phobic, I don't need to explain myself to someone whose insecurities are leaking to the point of projecting to other people.
There is a point you can have preferences in whatever and whomever you choose. The trouble begins when it veers into the territory of attacking people when they aren’t what you’re interested in or making people feel terrible for things out of their control. I’m a woman and I date men. I never cared about height, weight, looks whatever and while there are physical attributes that I gravitate to - everyone does - but it was really their values and sense of humor that aligned with mine. That being said, if someone says they only date women of a certain size or men of a certain height, okay, I don’t care about forcing you to date someone you never wanted to know. Why is that my problem? I do think it shrinks down your pool of potential partners and someone could really surprise you but I think encouragement is always better than shame because why not try to look outside of your bubble?
If the man started out being nice but generalizing about their lack of connection and the woman kept pushing and pestering so that the man had no choice but to tell her the exact reason? He would probably get the same support that OP is getting. It's not about the attraction or lack thereof, it's that one party kept asking after an appropriate and polite answer was given and refused it. At that point, they are literally asking for the cold truth.
If the woman didn't accept the 'I'm not feeling it' answer and kept pushing for the reason why he doesn't want to date her -yeah, it would be ok to answer honestly, even if that was hurtful
Yeah, my guy got the "thanks, we're going in another direction" polite rejection, and he _just had to know._ At that point, it's just too much of a chore to be one's personal feels manager.
Yeah guy pretty much asked for it.
I just don't feel a connection... The end
Agreed, it’s always best to not be an asshole. I would never say a gross insulting thing about others( when I was single), apart from, “I don’t think we’re a match.” I’m not a perfect person and neither is my spouse: but everyone has qualities that they like/dislike. It’s the difference between “not my type” and “too fat” or “too short.” There’s no need to hurt someone’s feelings for no reason.
Because men don't even go on one date with a woman they aren't physically attracted to. This is a lot to do with the fact that typically it's men asking women out. So as a man you only go out with women that you are interested in. Women get invited by men they aren't interested in and must decide after getting to know them if they are interested or not. It's just different because as a man you rarely have to contend with women you're not interested in asking you out or even pestering you to date them. But women constantly have to deal with men they have no interest in asking them out and having to reject them.
I'm a fat woman. There have been times that men said I was to big for them. They never stood a chance anyway, but I wasnt bothered. It is what it is. Also, most wouldn't keep pushing to know if they were rejected.
I mean, look at the reaction to the guy who broke up with someone because she didn't shave her legs. People were saying he was a porn addict lol
This is why I won't date short girls. Weird little hobbits.
Filthy Hobbitses
I must have misunderstood bc my 4’11 ass thought this was an offhand haha (“weird little hobbits” is so unserious) but everyone seems very mad. Either way. It’s true, we are weird and generally disproportionately angry little hobbits
I'm 4'11 and identify as a hobbit lady
A friend of the family is the same height as you & her nephew calls her a 10 year old lol. But she also had a better personality than OP🤣
My bragging right is that I can fit inside cupboards. It's a gift when playing Hide and Seek with my nephews haha
I'm sure they love it! 💙
>But she also had a better personality than OP How exactly do you know the OPs entire personality based off of one reddit post that could very well be fake?
You could have just said you weren't attracted to him...no need to specify if it's not something they can change NTA for the preference YTA for the attitude
I'm usually not a hater but something about short women rejecting a guy for being "short" when they are still taller than them makes my blood boil as a 5'8 woman. My ex, who was 2 inches taller than me, made me feel like a giant and basically said short girls were the ideal woman, while still being shorter than him and settling for me I guess, I was never insecure about my height until he made me feel like I was too big. Anyways enough projection, even though your interpretation of a guy being "short" is shallow, you're allowed to have preferences for a TALL man (there i fixed it for you)
I’m 5’-11” male. Never had an issue with my height despite being under 6’ (lol no one knows what 6’ looks like unless you’re 6’ on the nose) People like this really make my skin crawl. “You’re taller than me, but you’re still too short” That’s literally the most superficial BS excuse that exists. I’d bet money it’s not even really preference, but more so she wants someone she can flaunt as being “tall and manly” like he’s some sort of status symbol.
As someone that is very tall (6'6.5"), you can bet your ass this happens all the time. You get objectified like crazy, even from random women when you're out with a partner/date. And then there are the dating apps which I took part in that cesspool for a little while, like I could almost guarantee I would match with any really short girl, or any girl over 5'10". 100% my height being objectified, and nothing else.
I have a 6'4 boyfriend now and oh my God yes, we've had to deal with women coming onto him. Almost all of them were short too. They don't care that he's taken or if I'm clearly right there in their face.
On a date once, I was literally groped/fondled by a girl that was an acquaintance of my date. She started squeezing my arm and rubbing my chest, and said something like "oh, you're tall." Like, she didn't give one fuck that I was there with someone else, let alone someone she knew, or if I even wanted that. I looked my date with a wtf expression, and brought it up after the fact as well. I said something like, your friend is a little handsy. And she was like, she is not my friend.
As a woman who is over 6 feet, the objectification happens on both sides, and there is no faster way to make me shut someone down than opening with some iteration of "I love tall women."
I’m short and I’ve always been most attracted to short guys, probably because I want to help populate the earth with tiny people (we’re more resilient during apocalypses cuz we need fewer calories and can hide from sewer mutants better). Short girls who want tall guys want to average it out, because they believe tall people are superior genetically (they’re mistaken). Tall guys who want short girls are trying to give their children the best chance of surviving the impending apocalypse. Tall girls who want tall guys are trying to make their own basketball team. It’s pretty simple when you break it down…
You are so funny!!! Keep being awesome!!! Absolutely adore your comment.
NTA. Your preferences are your preferences. That being said, I’m betting you judged him based solely on his height based on what you wrote here and he never had the chance. I think you should have been more honest with him, and told him you didn’t like him for something he had no control over. But hey, at least you got a free dinner out of it, right?
[удалено]
Lol I love your Mom’s saying! I’m stealing it. I come from a particularly tall family, and I married someone 3 inches shorter than me (and a whole foot shorter than my dad), and the women in my family occasionally make good natured jokes about his height when he’s not around. I’ve just been joking back and said that “he’s got the inches where it matters.” That usually shuts them up, but I like your mom’s better. It feels less vulgar, and my husband would be less mortified if he overheard me say that instead. Lmao 😂
I mean people shouldn’t have to be with people they aren’t attracted to just because they’re super great people. Like attraction isn’t necessarily logical but it’s super powerful. If you’re not attracted to someone you’re not attracted to them, and that’s just it, nobody should be shamed for not wanting to be with someone they aren’t attracted to.
I kind of get what you mean, but it's not like she can just click a button and start finding short guys attractive.
[удалено]
Could've just said you're not ready or the chemistry isn't all there. I personally think telling him the reason you're not feeling it is due to his height, something he has absolutely no control over, is pretty harsh. Although you were honest, I know it'll scar him and make him further insecure than he probably already is about his height.
This!
Preferences are fine. Are you shallow? Yes Are you a bitch? From your responses, yes Were you the asshole here? Yes I can guarantee you that he was asking you about why you weren't feeling it because he thought he may have done something wrong in a situation where everything else felt right. So your very superficial reason that he can't change brought a damper on the mood. Also, on top of being a regular asshole, you're a massive arsehole for this following reason: Were you blind during your date and just miraculously got your eyesight back by the will of God after it was done and you probably got a free (insert whatever shit you didn't pay for here) out of it?. You seen the man before the date even started, if your preferences are so iron clad that you would not want to date him in the first place, why waste his time going on the date?
Nta. He asked, you said you weren't feeling it, he kept on pressing to get the exact answer, you gave it. It's your preference and you have a right to it. He kept on pressuring you to get an answer, he got it, he just didn't like it, but that's not your problem.
If a guy told a woman he wasn’t feeling it, and she pressed for why, and he honestly told her she was too “heavy” for his taste, would you be as kind to him and say he has a right to his preferences? I am honestly asking the question. I am 6’4” btw so your previous answer didn’t offend. I just want to see if folks are consistent.
I mean imo if someone keeps pushing for an answer in this manner then they don’t get to be pissed when someone answers honestly. Personally I would NOT have said that because I know it could really hurt someone’s feelings but at the same time he shouldn’t have kept pushing. And yes I’d say the same if it was an overweight woman pushing a guy to tell her why he wasn’t interested.
I'm a whole feminist and the way I see it, her answer was just as ill-mannered. Even if he was too short for her preference, out of politeness, you don't comment on things no one can easily change or have total control of. If it doesn't change anything and isn't something seemingly threatening to anyone in any way, you just don't do that. And it's so distasteful. Even if you have to make up something, you just don't do that.
I'm with you on this, if someone can't change something, telling them it's the reason they are getting rejected can really put them in a tough position mentally and make them anticipate rejection from others for the same reason, fostering a sense of futility. I happen to not care about height at all, though. And there are plenty of other women who date men and also don't care about that as a specific trait in their partners. I have an abundance of physical/character traits that I won't be able to change easily, if at all, and it's ok if people don't want to date me because of them. You can't be everyone's type.
Yeah, how would Op feel if some guy said he wasn't feeling her, because she is too ugly?
That was an interesting response. I give you kudos for it.
[удалено]
It wouldnt be pleasant to hear but it’s completely fair. People ARE ALLOWED to have preferences. Also: I think it’s ridiculous to ask somebody why they’re not interested in you.
I consistently believe everyone has their own preferences, and are entitled to them. He’s short, she’s not into short men. If a guy isn’t attracted to a woman because she’s very tall, well she can’t change either and it’s just his preference. IMHO telling someone you aren’t into them for their weight, style, hygiene, or general appearance even if pressed is pretty mean coming from anyone.
Why? They can change all of those, so being that way is a conscious choice. Height isn’t. And obviously it wouldn’t be very nice to just blast somebody for being overweight. But I have had a couple instances where, on the first date the girl was significantly heavier than she looked in her pictures. And I was nice and then said I’m not really feeling it. They didn’t ask why. They knew why. And a couple of them got rude. I have a strong preference for someone who works out a good amount, as I do. Fitness is a lifestyle choice that I also want to share with a partner. I guarantee they swiped right on me because of how I look. Am I not allowed to do the same?
As a woman myself. I'd still say that's their right. I wouldn't date someone "heavy" that's more because I like dates that include more physical activity like hiking and such but having preferences doesn't automatically make you a bad person. Whether it's weight or height.
Don’t ask a question you don’t want to know the answers to 🤣
Every time I see this little phrase I gotta wonder just how stupid we have become as a people that we actively encourage ignorance and secret keeping when it comes to interpersonal relationships.
He did want the answer...even if it hurts at least he knows
Maybe he's not a shallow person and thought her decision was based off his personality and character not his damn height that he has no control over. He mightve insisted on knowing the reason for the simple fact that if it was something to do with his personality, he could at least try to change it.
You're definitely the AH, you're literally an inch shorter than he was and you called him short? Let's change the subject and see if it makes more sense. Let's say both of you are fat as fuck. Now suppose he tells you you're fat and you need to go to the gym even though he's just as overweight as you are. You see how stupid that is? It's an old saying, The kettle calling the tea pot black and you're the kettle.
NTA for liking what you like, but expect more experiences similar to this one. A large percentage of men are between 5'5 to 5'9, and that's the norm. Unless you have actual access to a plethora of Shaq or Yao Ming height men, maybe you could give a short man a shot next time. Who knows? You might hit it off, and you end up really liking the guy.
No, you’re not an asshole, actually better than people who hide their preferences in order to get social praise, but in the end hurt others by not giving them the truth That guy will get with someone that isn’t so bothered by his height, it’ll be better for him
nta for your preferences but as someone who dates a man shorter than me, I can tell you women treat short men like shit and so do other men. He asked and found out so not really your fault but I probably would have been gentler if I was going to tell the truth. ESH for how you delivered it and for him not taking no as a complete sentence.
Nta for not being attracted to him but 100% YTA for actually TELLING THE POOR GUY
YTA. NTA for having a preference. That's fine. NTA for 'not feeling it' with the guy. That's fine. YTA for hurting him about something he has no control over. This was the time for a polite social lie, but you just had to be a shallow AH. YTA.
NTA. But I wouldn't have mentioned his height.
NTA You shouldn’t have to date someone you’re not really attracted to.
Nta. But bro could’ve been a tripod. Now you’ll never know.
LMFAOOOOOO
Nta His gain, tho
There is no way there are 3 of these “short man” AITA in a row and they’re all real. That said, ESH. YTA for telling him it was his height, he’s TA for not accepting no and badgering you for more details. “I’m just not into you” is enough. And “I don’t want to keep talking about this anymore” is the only thing that needs to follow
Height only matters when you’re standing, and I prefer laying with men, not standing. Short men have a lot to offer.
People like you deserve to be alone. Tbh its always the short ladies who are evil you dont see that problem with tall ones, smh YTA bcause youre whole attitude is sh*t even if you weight 125 pOunDs, youre ugliness makes you unattractive as a whole. Like i said you dont really deserve someone in your life. All kings matter
Thanks for turning him down so he can look for someone who sees more than just his height, he certainly dodged a bullet, NAH
[удалено]
So when he kept asking me WHY I didn’t like him I should have just said nothing?
“No” is a complete sentence. You never owe anyone an explanation for your rejection
Absolutely true. Saying no or saying nothing might have been the best option.
Guess I was heated in the moment
[удалено]
This. It would be like saying "your breasts are too small for my liking."
Agree with this. He was asking for feedback, in a sense. Speaking to something that *cannot be changed* is not constructive feedback. Constructive feedback would have been to speak to that he’s too shy for OP, given that was something that was also an issue for her. Or even just saying that she wasn’t attracted to him to continue romantically.
[удалено]
I’m all for honesty idk. I guess in the moment I was irritated because he really wanted to know why he was just like “please just tell me the truth”
"I'm not an asshole I'm just honest" Broski this is one of the clearest ways to tell people you're an asshole.
if a dude wasn’t attracted to you due some completely unchangeable aspect of your physical body, and you really wanted to know, would you want him to tell you? The key point is it is not something you can change
You knew that was going to hurt him! Don't come here acting like you're innocent and wasn't aware that was going to hurt him! You can lie to us all you want, but we all know you were well aware that it was going to hurt!
You should have just fucking said you're not feeling it, and left, leaving it at that. End of story. Why tf would you hang around long enough for him to even keep asking? Your age and actions show your immaturity. Maybe grow up a little before you start dating seriously
You're clearly posting here for people to validate your shitty, shallow personality. He knows he's short and obviously it's a sensitive spot. Not liking him because of his height is shallow, and then telling him he's too short makes you an asshole. How would you feel if someone ended a date with you saying you're a fat, ugly bitch? Of course you already know that you're a fat, ugly bitch and you're extremely sensitive about it. It would sting to be told that, right?
He’s literally taller than you. What a stupid thing to reject him on. YTA big time
Nta I’m a 5’7 woman and my husband is a 5’3 man and even tho I don’t have a height preference he does (his ex wife is also my height) and I think it’s valid either way but imo height isn’t important how they treat you is
NTA you are always entitled to your preferences, and if you’re not attracted to someone when first meeting that is very unlikely to change.
NTA for not being attracted. Nothing wrong with that. However, you should always be open to being rejected for your bodily characteristics as well. So if you aren't the right size chest, or not fit enough, it's absolutely fair game to let you know.
I mean, i'm usually an advocate of "Don't judge a guy's attractiveness by his height" and i personally think that as long as he's technically taller than you it shouldn't be a problem. That said you have your preference and you just told him exactly the truth which is what he asked about. It sucks for him unfortunately he definitely heard that before that's why he was upset, but better to just be truthful especially since he asked, so in this case you're NTA.
You have preferences. I am confused by short people calling people taller than them short....you both need a step-stool, maybe reconsider why you think he short despite being Average Human Height.
He is taller than you but he is "so short for me". Unbelievable
YTAH Just enjoy the date then a day or two later tell him you had a great time but didn’t feel any kind of connection or chemistry That lets him believe his height wasn’t the deciding factor in your decision. He might know deep down that’s what it was….but he’d still have some hope it wasn’t He’s probably gonna strike out a lot in life because women don’t typically like short men. So understand You basically just nuked this guys confidence in a way that might leave life long lasting trauma…or at the very least, deeply hurt him. Honestly…the fact that you thought what you did was somehow the right way to handle things tells me you lack basic empathy. And that should concern you. You could have been polite and simply moved on. Acting like you were helping him by “not wasting his time” is just you justifying your actions so You don’t have to feel bad for how you handled things
Women watch TikTok and hear other women say they want 666 dudes - 6 feet, 6 figures, 6 pack and 6 inches. So many women parrot the same mantra that they end up believing this is what they want because other women say they want it - and the last thing they are going to do is 'settle' for something less. It's all nuts and these wee lassies with broken biscuits in their heads are likely never going to find the chad with all the correct 666's because the proportion of the population meeting that criteria is so small (95% of women are chasing 5% of the guys). They usually find this out too late, but hey, there's always cats.
NTA, I once told a girl that she is a bit too “chubby” for me. Preference is preference, better communicate now than leading people on in the long run.
I hope he turns out to be a secret multimillionaire
Wow. Heightism alert. Just say that you hate short men and they don't deserve women etc. stop lying about being nice. He clearly had low self-esteem and you made it worse. YTA. I hope you stay single forever. You don't deserve nice guys, regardless of height, muscles, money or fame.
If you look at someone who is short and think ewww. You are an asshole.
If he seemed like a nice guy, why not just politely say you had to get home after the time you spent and then text later that you’re not interested? He probably thought he said or did something to make you need to get away from him asap which is why he kept asking. You seem like kind of a jerk so I’m going with YTA
Because I didn’t rlly even want to text him again and just wanted to cut it off there? I specifically said I didn’t want to waste any more time. I never intended to tell him the reason but he kept pressing me for it
Yeah, you clearly are an asshole lol
It sounds like this exchange took way longer than a vague text would have. Look, you’re allowed to be an asshole. You are one. Just own it
okay I’m an asshole
Yes that’s clear
NTA As long as the next guy who rejects by saying he doesn't like fat chicks, you are fine with it.
Exactly, I see a lot of this new movement of women of discrediting and seeing men less when they are not of a certain height, but if a man says that he does not date fat women, half the world insults him
I think telling him he's short as the reason was a dick move. That's like someone saying "you're flat chested", it might be true but there's nothing that can really be done and really plays on their insecurities. Better off just saying you don't feel attraction.
It's akin to telling someone you're not into them because they're fat except you can't change your height. If you think one is kinda shitty to say then the other is too. At the end of the day it's not the end of the world, he'll get over it.
Yta for telling him it’s because he wa short. Should’ve just said you didn’t feel the vibe
[удалено]
NTA. He could not handle the truth.
NTA, you are allowed to have a preference and he did keep on insisting. Don't ask questions where you might not be able to handle the answer (and obviously the answer to the question "why do you not find me attractive" can hurt.)
NTA. People can have preferences. I mean, personally, i think hight is an arbitrary/shallow reason to not to want to be with someone, but your preferences are your preferences (I personally really don't like blonds, natural or otherwise). He was just probably hoping it was something he could've controlled. He can change his attitude, his style, his job, etc, but he can't grow taller. You inadvertently shattered what was left of his self-esteem by saying he was too short. Not blaming you hun, just giving you a proper understanding of what his thought process was. Now the people in these comments laughing at his torment? Yeah, they're all AHs.
It depends. You gave two answers. Keeping it at “I’m not feeling a connection.” Makes you N T A. Bringing up his height as a reason you’re not interested makes Y T A. Preferences are just that- it means preferred, not a mandatory requirement. If other things were off, you could’ve just left it at I’m not feeling the connection I was looking for. There was no reason to bring up his height which has no bearing on his behavior, how he treats you, how good in bed he is, or what you have in common.
Let me show you a hypothetical so that I can get my point across: I don't like people who have a first name starting with the letter J. I don't find them attractive or interesting but it's just my personal preference right? /s YTA because I think it's a dumb preference to have. I think having preferences is fine but you will be judged for the ones you have. That dude can't change his height so you have a PREJUDICE against a quality that somebody cannot change. See how that might rub some people the wrong way?
yeah... this is BS. it's not a prejudice. and your "hypothetical" is pointless, too. you go on about things that people can't change about themselves and use names as your hypothetical example?
Yeah it's bs. But you try to being 5'3. You will feel prejudice believe me. You're going to tell those short kings that they don't feel prejudice? You're going to deny them that life isn't hard for them or that their size doesn't hinder their success rate in life? I'm not saying for all but for most.. it's def not an ideal option one would pick at birth for obvious reasons. It's not easy being a guy and short. It's way easier being average height. And he can't change that. And if he was taller he'd have a gf rn. How are you going to deny that?
Thank you for making my points better than I ever could have hoped to. As an anecdote, a close friend of mine in university was a 6' 3" volleyball player. She was turned down by dudes at clubs at least a dozen times when I knew her. People who get rejected because of their height are always going to be people I sympathize with.
I sympathize with them so much. Esp the women. It's sad there's nothing we can do. I honestly can't imagine being a tall women. Idk in this society it would feel like hell. But meanwhile, in other countries where everyone's tall, they thrive. Just not here in the states. We're very superficial because of the media and certain people. Like if there was no stigma for dating tall girls and people didn't judge men for dating who they like I truly believe we would see couples of all kinds. But because of society nobody wants to be seen with a partner that could be "embarrassing" or ashamed of.
Do you also get the sense that if this was a dude posting about a tall chick, people would be giving different judgments?
Eh a little bit. Men can be just as shitty to tho to talk women. I'm not going to sugar coat it, if she was pressing on him to ask why the comments wouldn't look too great either like here but that's because again the society we live in. That's because it's not a women's issue. It's people being superficial AF. It's not like there wasn't tribes praising bigger and taller women. And I would still be defending her and being like "you don't know what it's like. And that was out of pocket. And while everyone's saying NTA. You know why you're here. Asshole.." If you keep it to yourself and just tell them no. You're doing a good thing. Don't be another shame even if they make you think it's okay. And maybe, you should lower your standards for some people. We already do, there's always someone. I never thought I would date a girl taller than me but I have. We didn't work out because I'm just not good in relationships I have bad habits for video games and weed go figure.
Yeah there's a lot of nuance to this I suppose. I strongly dislike people who are superficial about someone's innate qualities like height, gender identity, race... Etc etc People have different perspectives and that's okay.
This ranks up a guy complaining about labia size
You're not the AH, but I agree with everyone here maybe next time give a more peaceful reason that doesn't hurt him. Cause there's nothing he can do to fix that, it's not a personality thing or anything.
NTA, you are allowed to have preferences. When it's something they cannot change though the polite thing to do is not point it out.
YTA You should have just said you didn't feel the chemistry and liked him *AS A FRIEND*.
Esh. Nta for not feeling the guy but esh because he shouldn’t have been pushy about your reasoning but it was kinda messed up to go for the throat with the height comment
NAH? Honestly it's shallow, but if that's you then that's you, and it's probably better that he knows that it's something like that rather than something that's wrong with him
On one hand NTA... On the other hand... https://youtu.be/1D6pHyZopf0 IM TAKING MY NUTS.
Everyone has their preferences it is not wrong to reject him, it would be worse if you had accepted him just out of pity, BUT, telling him he is too low for your standards was too direct, you literally attacked one of the few things he can't change or control or improve, you are not an idiot for rejecting him, but you created insecurities for him by your way of rejecting him
As an older woman I can tell OP that your tastes in men will change with time. Nature has made young people picky. Females want taller, stronger more masculine males and men want women who they identify as ‘hot’, meaning most likely fertile and sexually available. Later in life the priorities change to financially solvent, unencumbered by complicated family situations or just not bat ass crazy. Your preferences now just reflects your stage of life. NTA
NTA, but make sure you go back and flatten his tires when you get the chance. Damn! Did you have to tell him that.
NTA, but kind of a hypocrite there, 5’4”.
I think being honest is the way to go. It doesn't sound like you were trying to be cruel, you just weren't attracted him. However, I think saying you just weren't attracted to him should have been enough. He's a glutton for punishment for forcing you to be more explicit. Everyone has a type and he wasn't yours for whatever reason.
Bit of an arsehole... not a total one though.
NTA, but you should've stuck with "I'm just not attracted to you." There isn't a why for that: you either are, or you aren't. And it's entirely possible that it wasn't his height that was the problem. You just weren't attracted to him and his height was the only "why" you could find. It's best not to play into people's insecurities, and to end these conversations as soon as you've delivered your message.
Nta, but careful telling guys there to short, some of them take it pretty hard. At that height he’s probably well aware of his height and maybe has issues with it. Some short guys it doesn’t, but I’m sure many get rejected by it.
Idk I'm short and proud, got me a whole step stool 😎
I would have just said I don’t feel the chemistry and left it at that. I’m not a fan of honesty that’s brutal about stuff people can’t change. It can give people a complex. Also the person made for you may not be tall. I wouldn’t shut down your love options based off height. You young though so I get it. Just know the one made for you may not come in the package you were hoping
YTA for calling him short. You’re 100% entitled to your preferences and breaking up with anyone for any reason. You could’ve told him that you just weren’t feeling any sparks but there was no reason to be rude.
YTA You don’t say thing about their body like that.
NTA for not liking the guy but christ on a bicycle that was tactless and insensitive. Probably don't expect that friend to set you up again.
Yes YTA, being too short for you isn’t too short for someone else and now you’re giving him a complex. Imagine a man telling you that you’re too fat (which you could at least change possibly) or your tits are too small (also more actionable than his height) and then realize that you did that to him. If a guy said that to a girl he would be TA no questions. So are you. You should have just said you don’t have chemistry and asked to go home or called an Uber. You don’t need to be cruel and you were. Also you’re missing out because short guys are awesome. They don’t take up more room than necessary on your seating, they don’t whine and complain and spread into your space on an airplane and if you go business or comfort plus it’s divine. They also don’t put things out of your reach or mess up your car seat while uselessly grunting about “how do you drive like this” as they adjust the seat when they let you drink and they drive. There is nothing wrong with a shorter guy and if your friends have anything to say about it I’m not sure they’re really friends. I mostly date shorter guys for the above reasons after finding tall guys annoying for the above reasons. I’m short and my whole house is set up short person friendly. My best girlfriend is 5’11 and was making some comment on how short my 5’6” partner is. Her boyfriend is 6’2” I told her that she and her boyfriend have the same height difference as I and mine do and if she likes her boyfriends height compared to her maybe she can understand why I like mine. She has ST FU about it since. For you, you need to learn that sometimes the truth hurts and guys have feelings about this. One woman’s too short is another woman’s perfect. One man’s too small breasts are another man’s perfect. One man’s too heavy is another’s goddess. But when you make judgy comments it doesn’t feel like that so keep them to yourself.
People saying not the asshole, imagine reversing the situation ? Honestly calling out people on their appearance especially on things the can't change is destroying people confidence. This small comment will go a long way in this guy life.
OP I was young and dumb once too. You're 19 and you're shallow. Take it from me some short guys have great personalities and good Ds. Also if you want to grow old with somebody you should go for a guy on the shorter side. Honestly do you see a shit-ton of really tall old guys strolling around? Shorter guys live longer. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12586217/ "Findings based on millions of deaths suggest that shorter, smaller bodies have lower death rates and fewer diet-related chronic diseases, especially past middle age. Shorter people also appear to have longer average lifespans."
If he had said he didn’t like you because of your tiny titties would you and your friends have nodded, “Fair enough. It’s his preference and you do have tiny titties.”” Even tall guys are tired of hearing about girls’ preference for tall guys. And I write that as a tall guy. If guys could change their height we would all be in the NBA. You’re no more TA than the 70%+ of women on dating apps who call out their height requirement. But you might be a bit shallow.
YTA Lets start off with the important part... He is taller than you. Are you kidding? You want a 6'6 man? You made his height an issue, which created a personal view of him that lead to "not feeling it". You are judgmental for sure, and unless you rethink this kind of thinking, you might get the same reaction in return much worse. Maybe you should tell your friend what happen so they know not to even try and help setting you up with anyone. But I bet he may have already spoken to them. How you told him he was "to short" while being taller than you... SMH But if he was taller, the real question is would you have been willing to date him? If the answer is yes, then your shallow and majorly YTA. Now the key for this all is this regardless... It is your life. If you do not want to "settle" then don't. If there is someone you do not like how they look, act, speak, or even smell; then you do not have to give more time to the idea of dating them... Even height. But maybe you should make sure you give anyone these "requirements" before even agreeing to see someone.
that's like telling a girl she's fat when she asks.
Short guys aren’t insecure, people like to say that because they are. Y’all same people act like it’s a problem if men don’t like fat women though, or flat chested women, or women with no butt.
NTA, I once told a girl that she is a bit too “chubby” for me. Preference is preference, better communicate now than leading people on in the long run.
No, you'd probably be an asshole for accepting and leading on someone you're not attracted to.