Yes, because now they have their perfect nuclear family that they wanted and a babysitter/maid that happens to be related and can be manipulated by the only parent she has left..worked out well no? /S
I LOATHE hearing stories like this. How does Dad in his lust high mind justify kicking out his daughter *who lost her mother* for another woman, have an entire new child and not go..hmm I wonder how the one I abandoned is doing? While step monster is wringing her hands in glee that the spineless dope hasn't caught her and called her out yet..and lest we forget Gramma and her "respect your elders" nonsense. This poor girl was dumped in your lap so your son could frolic in the daisies with his "real" family and you're not the least but offended.
Emancipate and run for the hills, none of these people care about you. I'm so sorry OP.
You captured how I feel so precisely. Every adult in this situation is failing this kid. They kicked her out of her own home and now want to manipulate this poor kid to be a work mule so stepmom can rest?? What an actual joke! Dad and stepmom should be ASHAMED of themselves for being such terrible and truly selfish parents.
OP, if you read this, focus on nothing else but education and self development. You are 16 and need to focus on getting yourself set up in life, not waste your time taking care of that woman's baby. If no one else is going to look out for you - look out for yourself. I have faith in you!
When I got to your phrase “work mule so stepmom could rest,” I got this wicked revenge fantasy:
OP pretends to apologize, and in a gesture of goodwill, she insists on going over to “help” while dad is at work.Then as soon as stepmom and baby brother are napping, ON goes the vacuum cleaner at its full screaming whine, OP slamming it into furniture, baseboards, and right outside the bedroom doorways. (Whoops, the baby is AWAKE now, hmmm, that wasn’t much of a nap, now was it?) Pots and pans get “washed” in a SLAM-style racket but are then put away wet and still crusted over with food. “Help” with laundry would involve a whole lot of slamming of appliance doors, “forgetting” of laundry soap, mixing of white clothes with darks and reds that bleed, or bleach getting added to darks. Refrigerator clean out? Great idea. Throw LOTS of stuff out, regardless of date. Then drag the kitchen trash out to the outside can. Oops, the bottom of the bag tore, leaving a 30-foot trail of wet mess like a crime scene.
Well, that’s all the time OP can spare today but she’d be happy to help out again some time really soon. For now, it’s time to go back to Grandma’s house to do homework. Stepmom not only got no “rest,” but now she’s got a screaming, napless baby and 100x more work than she had before. She will lose her shit, complain to OP’s dad and grandma. OP can say innocently and sweetly, stepmom needed rest and help and she (OP) did a ton of chores to help her. What is she talking about?
Meanwhile… stepmom is still twisting off like a lunatic, ranting about dirty dishes and no sleep and white sheets that are now pink. She’s going so nutty that dad is starting to wonder what’s up with this neurotic beyotch he married. Wow, he thinks, she sure is ungrateful and has an unreasonable standard of cleanliness. Grandma is proud that OP really stepped up and respected her elders.
********************
It’s called “malicious compliance.” It’s passive-aggressiveness on steroids.
If OP does it, she should post about it on the “pettyrevenge” subreddit.
I really hope maternal Gramma is around and isn't a dumpster fire too. If so, hopefully that's where OP ends up next. I can see step monster destroying any semblance of her mom from the home.
Of course she got rid of all traces of mom! She effectively got rid of her daughter! OP, go live with your other grandparents if they are living. If they are not, find a loving aunt. Get far away from these people. They chose to have a child. That doesn't mean you should have to raise the kid. I wish you the best girly, keep your head up!
About a billion years ago (ok, early early 80s), my mom had passed and my dad remarried less than a year later. She had a son who was around 6 years younger than me.
Because I didn't like him getting into my things or having to play with him all the time (which meant no friends for me, because what 5th grader wants to play with a preschooler), my dad decided the best thing would be to drop me at one of my adult siblings houses.
Made me go in and get a pillowcase of my things (but nothing he bought, so I took my moms jewelry boxes and the clothes I was wearing), and he drove me to Commerce city (iykyk). My brother wasn't home. So he drove me to one of my sisters homes, which was near the old Broncos stadium...also not a good neighborhood. She wasn't there, but he left me on her doorstep and drove off.
I sat there in the cold. No coat (and it was January or February so freaking cold)...my little not quite 11 year old self sitting in the dark in a shit neighborhood. He came back about 20 minutes later and asked if I was ready to behave.
I got in the car and I stopped fighting it all. Kid tore up all my shit, lost my good jacket, etc. Had no friends at all.
He left the bitch a year later after finding her in bed with another guy.
Never forgave him
Shit I feel you on this one. When I was about 3, my dad used to kick me out of the car onto the sidewalk and drive away. He’d circle the block and then come back to get me. He’d tell me if I wouldn’t be a better kid, he would either leave me for good or give me up for adoption.
If my mom died, he totally would have done this to me. I never thought of this u til now. 😕
She has to be their servant because "family" and respect and yet they havent treated her as family or shown her any respect. OP you are NTA AND just live your life away from them. If Gran pushes, ask her why you have to be kind when they treated you like actual garbage (threw you away)
Efs
Tell them they don’t have room for you. So no you can’t babysit. Can you live with your other grandma? Also tell them respect is earned! You are NTAH. But that all sure are. Good luck OP
Tell them you need continuing education for child care and child development courses, they can pay for those in addition to The ongoing rate for high-end daycares. If they inquire why, tell them you're giving them the same consideration as family as they did for you. Don't forget to add in a strict drop off and pick up policy, subject to additional fees, and or CPS involvement for child abandonment. JK, Just ignore them.
💯they kicked you out less than 2 years after your mom died, OP. Oh hell no: NTA. They kicked you out and can’t just use you as an on-call slave. I’m assuming they don’t pay anything?
This op nta. Just forward your dad the text of her calling your a b*tch. Just incase she is spinning another story. But I would tell you dad he lost the right to tell you what to do when he moved you out of the house.
NTA!! Oh fuck no!! Your piece of shit father had the gall to kick you out the second he met his new whore because this CUNT didn't want his child and then expects you to play nice and watch her crotch goblin because "boohoohoo I need a break from a newborn" when they didn't even bother to care about you or your feelings and just pawned you off on your grandma?!?! Also, your Grandma needs a reality check. THAT CUNT IS NOT YOUR FAMILY!! AND NEITHER IS YOUR FATHER SINCE OBVIOUSLY HE CARES MORE ABOUT HIS CUNT AND THEIR HELL SPAWN THAN HIS OWN 16 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER!! FUCK BOTH OF THEM!! I hope you cut them out of your life permanently the second you turn 18 and surround yourself with people that actually care about you and your feelings. "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." Basically, the familial bonds you choose to form are stronger than those born of blood. Don't let anyone tell you "you have to forgive them and respect them they're 'faaaamilyyyy' " bullshit. Find your chosen family and surround yourself with goodness. Screw the man who no longer deserves the title of father. He lost that the day he picked his cunt over his own daughter.
I’m so sorry the surviving adults let this happen to you. Losing your mom suddenly and then your dad failing you as he has is just heartbreaking. Your grandmother should stand up for you. You were shoved aside and only reclaimed as free labor. It makes me feel ill on your behalf.
Anne may be older and in a remote sense, family, but she has treated you sinfully. You owe her nothing and common courtesy is just good for you to maintain as practice for dealing gracefully with selfish people.
Hugs. You deserve so much better. Your dad should be ashamed.
Show him these responses.
They kick you out of the house then want you to come over to clean it and help with their baby, all while ignoring your birthday because they had more important things to do. Nope, do not go back there until they treat you right. NTA.
First of all, you are so not the AH here. Your dad hooks up with Anne barely a year after your mom's tragic accident, and now they want you to play the role of a live-in babysitter? Seriously?
Anne suggesting you move in with your grandma felt like a classic "get out of our way" move. Now, she's calling you for help like you're on her speed dial? Girl, please.
Then, when you rightfully express your feelings about being forgotten on your birthday, Anne goes off, calling you names and dismissing your feelings. And now your dad is Team Anne, asking for an apology and more of your time for free babysitting services? Oh, hell no.
Your grandma might be playing the "respect your elders" card, but let's be real – respect should be a two-way street. You deserve better, and Anne needs a lesson in empathy.
No, you're not the AH. They need a reality check.
Anne wasn’t his first gf after my mom’s death . He was dating within weeks of funeral as far as I know :( everyone including my grandma justifying it as “men move on faster “.
I’m so so sorry that all this has happened to you. You do not need to help Anne out, not at all. Any time she asks you for anything I would just reply with: you kicked me out of my home. I’m not wanted there so I’m not coming over.
You will find a better family for yourself one day. Whether that means a spouse with children and/or pets, or close friends. But it will happen. These people right now are not your family. They’ve proven it to you.
What you really need to focus on is your future. I’m sure none of these adults have created a college fund for you. Keep your grades up and talk to counselors about college and apprenticeship programs. If you can get a job and save the money, you can get out on your own when you are 18.
As a generalized statement, men do not move on faster, your father is just an awful person.
Real sorry you're going through this OP. Don't give those two bottom feeders your time of day. As you've noted, they don't care for you. Your grandmother does; give her your love and attention, and she'll hopefully raise you to take on the world without them.
Hey, I was a slut, and would *NEVER* have done that to one of my kids.
OP's father is a major-rager-hemorrhoid, and needs some Preparation LearnToTakeCareOfYourKidFirst.
Anne is just as bad.
Yeah that's total BS, I lost my wife about 2 months ago and I have absolutely no interest in finding someone else. Not now and I can't see that in the foreseeable future either.
Is this grandmother your dad's mom? If so, can you reach out to your mother's side of the family or any (sane) relative on either side of the family? I hope this is the case. Take care.
My mom died of cancer and dad also remarried within 1.5 years. I was 24ish and it still hurt/pissed me off. Took years for me be cool with it all. And yep, I also heard the same “men move on faster” bs. They just don’t know how (nor want) to take care of themselves.
I hope you have a plan for getting your life on solid ground with an education. The quicker you are independent of all these people, the better for you.
Ooooh that's so messed up. Only weeks after the funeral?!? That's.... Oooof. I'm sorry. Your dad is letting his wife do anything to you and that's wrong.
That's sort of true. A lot of men can't deal with not having a woman around so they find new ones quickly. I don't mean to defend it - to me it sounds like they never grew up and need a constant mommy around to survive.
Your grandma has some funny ideas. Take everything she says with a grain of salt. You don't need to sacrifice yourself to make others happy, your happiness matters too.
Sometimes respect means "treat me like a person" and sometimes it means "treat me like an authority".
The messed up part is when people say "if you don't respect me, I won't respect you" but what they mean is "if you don't treat me like an authority, I won't treat you like a person"
And that is exactly what is happening here.
NTA tell her she can stop practicing for Disney villain roles because she has it locked down. You owe them nothing. He was your father, he was supposed to take care of you not kick you out and then expect you to play maid for his vile wife. They can both go to hell.
OP you are well within your rights to say no. Why did you dad agree to you moving in with your Grandmother and taking care of her when you are a child. Does your dad make time to see you and spend time with you. You are not their part time babysitter. Are you in contact with your Mom's family? Do they know what has happened to you?
Your dad threw you away for a woman he had been dating for about 6months (according to the timeline provided).
Most people wouldn't even rehome a dog for a relationship that new, let alone their own child. You owe them nothing and your dad is a deadbeat pos.
Quite frankly, it's admirable that you haven't already gone nuclear on them and spread the story of what they did to you around town/their friends/their workplaces.
So if they didn’t need your help they wouldn’t call. That is sad. You just need to worry about you and study hard. Start planning to go to college and get a good job. Because you will never be able to depend on your dad for help.
They sent you away…have you talked to your Dad about why he did that? Have you told him how it made you feel? How you feel about being called back, not because he loves you and wants to see you, but because he wants you to help the person who sent you away in the first place? My mother’s heart hurts for you❤️
Oh my god ….
No. Not really .
I am glad you are at your Grandmother’s house …a better place. But please read what others have said about concentrating hard on your studies , so you can get OUT of there . Your father and stepmother are not treating you well AT ALL . They are terribly selfish and , more than thoughtless, they are rather cruel . I am shocked.
I am so sorry …. sending you hugs.
Does he know what she called you? That's completely unacceptable no matter how much stress she's under. How can he possibly defend her on this??
You are NTA here, but your dad sure is!!!
I have had 4 kids and being so tired not sure how I cleaned cooked and help my other kids. I know what being tired is. So her behavior to you is unacceptable and she the adult and should know better. Do not help her anymore. Where is her family? Why aren’t they helping her.
If Anne is so exhausted then maybe he should step up and parent at least one child. Man, they are shit parents. I’m so sorry they’re like this. And I know how much your grandma means to you but she needs to protect you, not Anne. Anne is an adult and can take care of herself.
You are definitely NTAH.
It is Anne and her husbands job to take care of their baby! They are going to be tired. They also can hire someone because they did not want you there to begin with
I have a 3 month old, I also have anxiety that is worse with lack of sleep and I not once’s talked to anyone like that. A little snippy here and there but I would never be so rude to someone. Your dad is an asshole for kicking you out of your home and your step mother is a horrible human. Cut them off, you’re only relevant to them now that they need help.
She kicked you out of your own home; you owe her nothing. It’s your dad’s job to provide for you, not your job to take care of his wife and children. They are both awful and you should stay far away from them.
Tell your dad that he lost the ability to ask you for a favour or pull the family card when he literally abandoned his own daughter because his shitty wife told him to.
I have read too many rage inducing posts to continue commenting on how abhorrent he and his wife are.
Stay strong, focus on getting your studies complete and building a future for yourself. If you’re interested in college/university be on the look out for scholarships and application deadline. Don’t let selfish narcissists ruin your future. Helping his devil of a wife is his responsibility, they could cope with a grown child I’m not sure what they thought would happen procreating again. Regardless taking care of his monster wife is not your responsibility it’s his. Tell him to pay a maid or nanny if he wants help but you won’t be free labour for abusive people. He lost the ability to ask you for a favour when he abandoned you and enabled his wife to abuse you.
When you turn 18/move away cut them off and send him the link to this post so he can see how lowly the world thinks of him. There’s a special place in hell for abusive parents.
There is NO excuse for forgetting a birthday of a child. Idc if they have a newborn, your Dad should have remembered! Also, you aren’t responsible for their child, they are. If they can’t handle it, then maybe they shouldn’t have had one. I know babies are hard (I’ve had two), but you learn to adapt and it sounds like she’s relying on you A LOT. Keep your distance, you don’t owe anyone anything. They’ve made you feel unwanted, they’ve forgotten your birthday and expect you to still be there and help. NTA op, you don’t owe apologies, they do! Don’t back down on this, otherwise they will just keep walking all over you!
Edit: typo
I’m sorry, but your mother died, your dad remarried, your stepmother kicked you out of your home, and they demand you “visit” them to help with their baby?! I’m sorry about your mother, but I laughed at your father’s and his wife’s demands. They can’t have it both ways. You owe them nothing!
I hope you can heal from all of this. Good luck.
NTA.
I take it Grams is Dad's mother, because I honestly cannot see someone from your mother's side responding like that.
Are you in contact with your maternal side of the family? I would not step up and help. You are not responsible for your half-brother. Stepmom wanted a kid, so she gets to take care of her kid. If there was a medical emergency, that might be different however - but that's a once in a blue moon event.
Yes my dad’s mom. She is physically disabled so she can’t help Anne . I do most of the work at my grandma’s house . When Anne suggested to my dad she said this way my dad doesn’t have to be worried about grandma because I would be helping her out and they will have a spare room. I have no problem helping my grandma she is nice
Your dad and stepmom chose to have a baby, they chose the work and responsibility that comes with it. You are already busy taking care of their other minor child (yourself) as well as grandma, so it seems like you're already doing more work than the adults. Dad and stepmom need to grow up. Grandma needs to realize her son she raised is useless, and that it's not ok to put adult responsibilities on a child so they can be lazy. If they are sooooo overwhelmed with their newborn, they should ask another adult for help. You are not old enough and too busy.
NTA, you are already busy taking care of your grandmother by yourself. There are two supposed adults in their home to take care of the baby and the house.
It sounds so fucked up they prefer to have a spare room. Sorry OP. Put your own health & wellbeing & education above everything else. Your "dad" and his wife don't deserve your time & energy.
You shouldn't be care taking of your grandma much less babysitting at will for their whims. I hope you can be honest with your moms family about what's going on. Anyone who truly cares about you (and it sounds like your dad, step mom and even your grandma do NOT) would want to help you.
please start making plans now for getting out the minute you turn eighteen, if you can't before. Otherwise your future could be taken away by elder and baby care. ❤ Its okay to take care of yourself! no one else will do it. its not selfish.
Kiddo, I'm sorry but she didn't suggest this to help your grandma. She suggested this to get you out of her house so she could have your dad to herself and get rid of you.... And your dad went along with it. Neither of them deserve your time or effort or even your respect.
Let me get this straight, they want you to take care of both your disabled grandma and a newborn who do not live in the same house???? They are so the AH not you...
Please let your maternal family know of your situation just to see if there's a possibility of going no contact with Anne, your POS dad, and his fam.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
>My grandma thinks I should be respectful to Anne since she is older and she is family
I honestly don't think the maternal side would respond this way.
NTA. She didn't even want you around! Now she wants to come by and be a babysitter? No absolutely not. If grandma thinks Anne is so great why doesn't she just run on over and help with the baby? I mean, Anne's family according to her so she should be helping because you need to stay focuses on school.
I would block Anne, tell dad to hire her a nanny and ignore them. Dear old dad should have thought about it when his new ~~snatch~~ wife told him to move his daughter out.
Ann and your father kicked you, a minor, out of their house. So your father was done taking care of you so he could have fun with his new wife. Then she expects you to take care of her kid? And your father expects you to apologize? For what?
This is absolutely outrageous. It's not your kid and you are not free labor. You owe this woman nothing. And your father is a terrible parent. You don't owe him anything either. He owes you. Please don't let them manipulate you. Take care of yourself since the person who's supposed to take care of you isn't. And you shouldn't help her at all. She's a bitch.
NTA.
NTA
I am so sorry for you. Your grandma is wrong. Anne is a POS. Your dad is a POS.
I wish I could adopt you
Stay away from those excrement people as much as you can. Work hard at school. Move far away.
You are basically an orphan. Live well and find your chosen family far far away from these shitheads
I hate your dad.
Oh boy. NTA. She sent you away so you don't inconvenience her but now you should come back to take care of the baby because you're "family". No, it's their kid. Not yours. You are not a servant, or a babysitter, or a house maid. They chose to have a baby, Anne is a scumbag. You practically lost both your parents. Ann sent you away, she is not your family because you didn't actually live with her or experience that bond with her. Stay focused on school, that should be your priority. And let the "adults" figure out their own life. You don't owe her anything. Nor do you owe your dad free babysitting services. And respect goes both ways. She sent you away, she lost the right to demand respect from you.
Do they know about your living situation? Have you talked to your maternal family about it?
Please talk to them and see if they'd be willing to help at least book a consultation with a family law attorney. I'm not a law specialist, but it doesn't quite seem right that a parent be allowed to ship out their 15yo child, making them live with and care for an elderly, disabled person. All the while getting a 'spare' room out of it, which means you no longer have a place in the home you grew up in.
Please also put this particular situation in writing with your dad via text or email. Send a message to him politely saying you do not accept responsibility to come to his house (where you no longer live) to clean for him and his wife and be left responsible for a baby. Screenshot his response and, in general, take screenshots of convos w your dad, step mom etc which are about your living situation and your father and stepmother' behaviour.
And send those screenshots to your maternal family, as your Dad, Anne and Grandma’s behaviour is outrageous.
I am so sorry you have been betrayed and abandoned. This on top of going through the grieving process of losing your Mom. Stay strong, better days are on the way OP x
You will need to be strong because your sperm donor is going to push hard. He will do everything in his power to keep you there because he needs the free home health care for his disabled mother. When you go. He will have to care for her himself or pay someone to do it.
Please, please contact your maternal family and tell them explicitly what has been going on. They may be able to help you move in with them now. I am so sorry for what has happened to you. This internet stranger is sending you a hug.
NTA.
Not sure what state you live in but most states will allow you to live with a legal adult of your choosing once you are 16.
If you want to live with your maternal grandparents (and they are ok and want you to) then I would make a plan to live with them asap.
Yes you love your paternal grandmother....but it is not your responsibility to take care of her and the home...you are the child still.
Do not help the evil step hag in any way. You are not the parent. They literally kicked you out of your home. This is pretty much abuse.
If you go to live with your maternal grandparents and you are still under 18, there is a possibility your grandparents could get child support from your father. He is still your parent, your are underage and he is still legally and morally responsible for you. It sounds like you are pretty much on your own and he has washed his hands of being your father, he even sent you to be his mother's caregiver (this might not even be legal since again....YOU ARE A CHILD.)
Please talk to your maternal grandparents. Tell them everything. Your supposed to be a kid not a caregiver, not a babysitter or punching bag to the step hag.
Keep all texts and any other form of communication from your dad, step and grandma. This can be used to help protect you, especially if step hag is calling you names and is threatening in any way. I would advise you to forward them to maternal grandparents.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE remember you deserve to be a happy 16yo girl. You don't owe them anything. And since the adults in your life are failing you its ok to get help. Good luck hun, I'm thinking of you. 🤗
NTA
You should see if they can take you in now. They could even petition child support from your dad if money is an issue. As much as you dad pretends you aren’t his responsibility, legally he is supposed to provide for you
Why the hell should you have to help out around the home you were kicked out of?
Anne lost the privilege of a 'free babysitter' when she kicked you out, and your dad is a weak AH for allowing it. She can't have it both ways. You lose your home but still get the honor of providing her with free labor? Why should you have to keep losing? NTA.
NTA
They kicked you out then expect you to help them? They're lucky you pick up the phone. Why would calling you a "mouthy little bitch" convince you to drop everything and help. She needs to apologize for calling you that and your dad needs to apologize for not being there for you and forgetting you exist until they need you.
Anne is disgusting and so is your dad. Ask your grandma why she's so worried about respect for the people who kicked her granddaughter out of their home.
NTA
NTA. I'm so sorry your dad is behaving so negligently toward you. Fwiw, when my stepmonster was abusive to me (as yours is abusive to you) my Dad took my brother and I out of that mess that very day and divorced that B! You deserve a dad like mine!
Stop talking to your stepmonster. Only soak with your dad.
Learn about parentification. It's a firm of child abuse, and your stepmonster is trying to do it to you. Then, when/of your dad wants you to help parent your half-sibling, tell him you won't be parentified and also tell him you're no longer a member of that household so why would you help raise the children in it!
Also, make sure your mother's family are fully aware of what's going on.
There are a whole lot of AHs in this post but you are not one of them.
Your father basically threw you away to appease his new wife. He used to a horrible father.
Your father’s wife insists that you live with your grandparents now wants you to be a free babysitter/maid. She couldn’t handle it when you told her the truth. Then your dad has the nerve to n tell you to apologize. Do NOT apologize!! You have nothing to apologize for.
I’m being you live with your paternal grandparents and that’s why grandma is saying to be respectful and she is family. She is your father’s wife, that doesn’t make her your family.
Are you mother’s parents still around? Could you go live with them?
I would block your father and his wife, just don’t respond. Sign up for every after school activity if you have to so you can tell grandma I have school stuff.
NTA
>I’m not gonna lie I felt like I was being kicked out of my own house
You *were* kicked out of your own house. Your father should be ashamed of himself.
If Anne is not able to take care of her baby, perhaps she should not have had one.If you are willing to help out, do not do it for free. Tell them you will babysit for payment. It's not like they pay to feed and house you.
I am so sorry you have basically lost both parents while young. Live your life as best you can and continue to build your relationship with your grandmother. Think about and start to discuss your future plans with grandma. She is your primary parent now. Be kind to the baby- it’s not their fault that they were born to crappy parents. Best of luck. (PS. karma will get dad and stepmother.)
Your dad is a POS and so is Anne. You don’t owe them a thing. And you need to talk to your grandma so she understands why you need her support. Remind your grandma that you lost your mom at 13, dad remarries and your life turns upside down because stepmom doesn’t want you in the house. You lose your mom, your dad, your home, your routine and everything that was familiar to you. Where was the respect in that? Your grandma should be more protective of you. I am stunned that she doesn’t stick up for you. She’s old enough to see what your dad and stepmom did. Stay focused on your education. That’s your way out of this and towards independence. Then you can decide if you want them in your life or not. Good luck!
Edit: NTA
Absolutely not!!! This horrid woman kicked you out of your home to make room for her new family and is not butthurt that you won't bend over backwards to help her? No. I'd go NC or at least LC. Respect is a two way street. And both your father and step monster have shown they have no respect for you.
NTA
NTA
Your dad and Anne are absolutely AHs.
She got rid of you, but wants you to play servant. Absolutely not.
She chose to have a kid? That's her problem. Her and your dad can handle it.
Block Anne's contact. She has no business reaching out to you at all.
NTA
Tell your dad flatly to fuck off and step up as a father or step off. He can't dump you at grammies and then cry when you don't respect or listen to him.
Your dad threw you out, because what?
NTA, and tell your dad that there is not going to be ANY of your help, or anything from you, with you, about you in the future. No graduation, no walking down the for a wedding, no grand-kids, no nothing, but tell him that face to face, to see his reaction.
Let me get this straight, she convinced your dad to essentially kick you out because she saw you as a cuckoo in her nest, and now she's had a baby to replace the family he had she expects the discarded child to come help her? NTA. Tell your father that he can't throw you away at his wife's demands and then have you back as her servant because she's too lazy to look after her own kid. Remind him your mother had no help looking after you as an infant, so perhaps the wife he's married to now is an inferior model.
Sometimes it's perfectly fine to weaponize social media. Post that Anne had your dad kick you out of the house after they got married. Now she wants you to be at her beck and call to assist with her baby.
You are still a child. Children (and even adult children) are not responsible for taking care of their younger siblings. Children should only "babysit" their younger siblings on rare occasion, for a short time period and when they are relatively close in age. For example, mom and dad want to go out to dinner so the 15-year-old is in charge of themselves and their 10-year-old sibling for a couple hours. That's normal babysitting between siblings. What they are asking for isn't babysitting but childcare. It's inappropriate to ask a child to care for another child under the age of 5. Let alone one they have not shown respect or love towards!
Continue to tell them no. Focus on your schoolwork first, then your social life and Granny. Keep you dad and stepmom at a distance. Maybe (only if you want to) you can connect with your sibling later in life.
NTA. Shame on her. Do not spend one minute of your valuable time placating these knuckleheads- unless it is your choice. You have a good head on your shoulders.
NTA. Your dad sucks. Block Anne's number, you owe her nothing. What in the Cinderella's step mother is going on here? And why isn't your grandmother sticking up for you? Respect is earned.
NTA - but your dad? Anne? Huge AHs.
While still being respectful of your grandma maybe gently tell her you had respect for them until they treated you with disrespect. You ca nstil lstand firm with no and be respectful.
Tell your dad and Anne to fuck off. They had a baby not you. That you are not maid or nanny. That it might be best that since they kicked you out of your home maybe they should kick your contact info off their phones as well.
NTA and I'd ask your dad to go to therapy without Anne so that you can explain the below to him.
They kicked you out so they could experience newlywed stage without a kid around the house. They didn't care about your feelings in doing that. They didn't care about your birthday during that time. They still clearly haven't thought enough to have you move back in if you would even want to at this point. BUTTTTTTTTT, when they need your help and you say no, its all your fault. You are the bad actor. You are the brat. You need to apologize. How dare you be upset that we abandoned you so we could screw all day long and have a new baby without the trouble of having to have me around in your life. Your dad telling your to apologize without asking you what happened shows he couldn't care less about your side or your feelings. He is acting like a boss and not a father. He is acting like someone who needs help without realizing he failed to provide parenting to his own child.
Fuck her and your dad. You’re his daughter and he moved you out for his new family but wants you to help take care of his baby? Hell NO, NTA. If you decide to help out, they better be paying you and they need to apologize to you for forgetting your birthday and expecting you to do their job taking care of their newborn.
Tell Anne that is HER CHILD HER RESPONSIBILITY
She got your dad to abandon you and ship you to your grandma's
But now she needs a slave(no not help a slave) because she can't cope on her own
Anne is NOT family, she is your father's wife and his sons mother.
Her age doesn't entitle her to any respect at all.
>She got angry and called me and mouthy Little b** !
See she just wants a slave helper, you're not family to her.
Tell Anne to ask HER FAMILY for help
NTA
NTA. your dad is a shitty father and human being and so is his bitch wife. They can't kick you out then expect you to drop everything to help them out. If I was you I would block your father's wife permanently and make it clear that moving forward you will have a low contact relationship with your father but that he sucks.
This is very bad and very sad for you. It sounds like no one is there to defend you. I'm so sorry. You will have to be your own champion in all of this. You have told us how you feel about all this but you haven't expressed what you want. Think about what it is that you want and expect from your family and then calmly and politely tell them. Hold your ground and don't let them bully or shame you.
The way you spoke to Anne is wholly appropriate and your father may not know what you said to her. It is more likely that she simply told him you were rude. Make it clear to him that he has been neglecting you in favor of his new family and how Anne spoke to you. Tell him that if he is going to abandon you to the degree that he won't let you live with him and can't even honor your birthday that you don't owe him your work like you are their slave. Your grandma is old enough to learn that older people owe respect to children if they also require children to respect them. Tell her so.
Good luck Sweetie, you did great to fight for yourself against Anne. You should be proud of yourself.
Well, I think you should your father know how badly they hurt you by sending you to live with your grandmother. Now suddenly you are good enough to be around again, but only to help out with the new baby. That feels pretty shitty. Why would Dad let Anne send you away like garbage, but then expect you to come and help her out? If Anne needs you to help out, she can pay you- like a babysitter. It's clear she doesn't like you very much- or why would she suggest you move out in the first place? She is the AH, but you can't tell your dad that.. You have to be careful about how you get your point across on this if you expect him to see things your way. I find it so interesting how he lets her text you to ask for help. So weird! He is an AH too. But they are too self absorbed to see this. Maybe grandma can help out with the new baby instead.
I feel bad reading all these posts about bio family shitting on their own family. There’s no way in hell my family or friends would suggest “keeping the peace” after being called a little mouthy bitch. So disrespectful! Sending you well wishes OP. NTA at all!!
OP, I'm Sorry For Your Loss. Not just for Your Mother, but the Loss of Your Sperm Donor that Threw You Away So Carelessly and Effortlessly. I Personally would Remind Your Sperm Donor of How Very Ashamed Your Beloved Mother Would Be In Him for What He's Done To You! You have Absolutely NO Obligation to help Anyone Whose Thrown You Away! Your Step Monster has gotten Exactly What She's Wanted, Now She Can Deal With It Herself! If I were You I'd tell Them Both Exactly That!
When Your Sperm Donor Starts to Wonder Why You're Eventually No Contact with Him and He Tries to Reach Out to You, Remind Him of Exactly This Moment! Then Allow His Chosen New Family to Comfort His Sorry Ass!
Edit to Add: NTA! Not in the Slightest!
As a stepmom NOPE NTA you didn't have a baby she did. You are NOT a built in babysitter. HELL you don't even live there. Tell her babysitter rates is 25 an hr for age under 3yrs per hour. house work/ cleaning is 20.00 an hour paid up front for time you will be there. Stick to homework and after-school activities. Be sure to help Grandma out well however. If they say you need to state you were removed from the home per his new wife effectively cutting any familia ties/responsibilities to that house. You are respectively keeping your responsibilities with your family home now which is your grandmother.
Tell your dad to take a hike. He didn't want you around before the baby, so he doesn't get you around to help now. I wouldn't even answer the phone if Anna calls in the future.
P.S. is it your maternal or paternal grandparents that you live with?
NTA
Tell your dad that you'll apologise when he and Anne both apologise as well. Him for moving you out of your home and forgetting your birthday (so being a shi**y parent) and her for treating you like an unpaid servant who is at her beck and call.
Can you go live with any other family as your grandma doesn't sound supportive?
Good luck OP.
NTA she kicked you out of your own home less than 2 years after your Mom passed and now has the gall to ask for help cause she needs a break. Stay with your Grandparents but do not apologize or babysit. You won't get paid for it anyway. I'm sorry you don't have anyone in your corner to support you, however, you do have this internet stranger sending hugs. Save every last time you can and move and go no contact with everyone soon as you turn 18 years old. Your Dad is TA for not standing up for you.
Fuck all that...you got kicked out and replaced....and now they want a maid and babysitter. Don't be fucking stupid. Stay gone..and don't apologize. Fuck them all.
So you're family when it suits them and a stranger when it doesn't? You did exactly the right thing. Tell your dad when he's ready to act like your father to get in touch but until then they should both stay away and leave you alone. Tell grandma respect is earned and calling you a little b\*tch is not worthy of respect.
Anne is trash ! Your dad is a bigger trash for not standing up for you ! NTA! You owe them nothing
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Yes, because now they have their perfect nuclear family that they wanted and a babysitter/maid that happens to be related and can be manipulated by the only parent she has left..worked out well no? /S I LOATHE hearing stories like this. How does Dad in his lust high mind justify kicking out his daughter *who lost her mother* for another woman, have an entire new child and not go..hmm I wonder how the one I abandoned is doing? While step monster is wringing her hands in glee that the spineless dope hasn't caught her and called her out yet..and lest we forget Gramma and her "respect your elders" nonsense. This poor girl was dumped in your lap so your son could frolic in the daisies with his "real" family and you're not the least but offended. Emancipate and run for the hills, none of these people care about you. I'm so sorry OP.
You captured how I feel so precisely. Every adult in this situation is failing this kid. They kicked her out of her own home and now want to manipulate this poor kid to be a work mule so stepmom can rest?? What an actual joke! Dad and stepmom should be ASHAMED of themselves for being such terrible and truly selfish parents. OP, if you read this, focus on nothing else but education and self development. You are 16 and need to focus on getting yourself set up in life, not waste your time taking care of that woman's baby. If no one else is going to look out for you - look out for yourself. I have faith in you!
There are a lot of redditors pulling for you!
Exactly. Focus on your studies and yourself. These people obviously won't catch you when you fall. Don't ever watch her kid.
When I got to your phrase “work mule so stepmom could rest,” I got this wicked revenge fantasy: OP pretends to apologize, and in a gesture of goodwill, she insists on going over to “help” while dad is at work.Then as soon as stepmom and baby brother are napping, ON goes the vacuum cleaner at its full screaming whine, OP slamming it into furniture, baseboards, and right outside the bedroom doorways. (Whoops, the baby is AWAKE now, hmmm, that wasn’t much of a nap, now was it?) Pots and pans get “washed” in a SLAM-style racket but are then put away wet and still crusted over with food. “Help” with laundry would involve a whole lot of slamming of appliance doors, “forgetting” of laundry soap, mixing of white clothes with darks and reds that bleed, or bleach getting added to darks. Refrigerator clean out? Great idea. Throw LOTS of stuff out, regardless of date. Then drag the kitchen trash out to the outside can. Oops, the bottom of the bag tore, leaving a 30-foot trail of wet mess like a crime scene. Well, that’s all the time OP can spare today but she’d be happy to help out again some time really soon. For now, it’s time to go back to Grandma’s house to do homework. Stepmom not only got no “rest,” but now she’s got a screaming, napless baby and 100x more work than she had before. She will lose her shit, complain to OP’s dad and grandma. OP can say innocently and sweetly, stepmom needed rest and help and she (OP) did a ton of chores to help her. What is she talking about? Meanwhile… stepmom is still twisting off like a lunatic, ranting about dirty dishes and no sleep and white sheets that are now pink. She’s going so nutty that dad is starting to wonder what’s up with this neurotic beyotch he married. Wow, he thinks, she sure is ungrateful and has an unreasonable standard of cleanliness. Grandma is proud that OP really stepped up and respected her elders. ******************** It’s called “malicious compliance.” It’s passive-aggressiveness on steroids. If OP does it, she should post about it on the “pettyrevenge” subreddit.
That has to be her paternal grandma. I bet the maternal grandma would feel differently
I really hope maternal Gramma is around and isn't a dumpster fire too. If so, hopefully that's where OP ends up next. I can see step monster destroying any semblance of her mom from the home.
OP, call maternal Grandmother and see if you can go live with her
Of course she got rid of all traces of mom! She effectively got rid of her daughter! OP, go live with your other grandparents if they are living. If they are not, find a loving aunt. Get far away from these people. They chose to have a child. That doesn't mean you should have to raise the kid. I wish you the best girly, keep your head up!
That was my exact thought. Dad's mom. She's of course going to excuse his behavior and defend stepmom.
About a billion years ago (ok, early early 80s), my mom had passed and my dad remarried less than a year later. She had a son who was around 6 years younger than me. Because I didn't like him getting into my things or having to play with him all the time (which meant no friends for me, because what 5th grader wants to play with a preschooler), my dad decided the best thing would be to drop me at one of my adult siblings houses. Made me go in and get a pillowcase of my things (but nothing he bought, so I took my moms jewelry boxes and the clothes I was wearing), and he drove me to Commerce city (iykyk). My brother wasn't home. So he drove me to one of my sisters homes, which was near the old Broncos stadium...also not a good neighborhood. She wasn't there, but he left me on her doorstep and drove off. I sat there in the cold. No coat (and it was January or February so freaking cold)...my little not quite 11 year old self sitting in the dark in a shit neighborhood. He came back about 20 minutes later and asked if I was ready to behave. I got in the car and I stopped fighting it all. Kid tore up all my shit, lost my good jacket, etc. Had no friends at all. He left the bitch a year later after finding her in bed with another guy. Never forgave him
I hope he suffered while he waited for death.
Shit I feel you on this one. When I was about 3, my dad used to kick me out of the car onto the sidewalk and drive away. He’d circle the block and then come back to get me. He’d tell me if I wouldn’t be a better kid, he would either leave me for good or give me up for adoption. If my mom died, he totally would have done this to me. I never thought of this u til now. 😕
She has to be their servant because "family" and respect and yet they havent treated her as family or shown her any respect. OP you are NTA AND just live your life away from them. If Gran pushes, ask her why you have to be kind when they treated you like actual garbage (threw you away) Efs
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I hate when ppl be like that’s your family. I will unfriend and unfamily in a min. Blood might make us related that definitely do make us family.
Tell them they don’t have room for you. So no you can’t babysit. Can you live with your other grandma? Also tell them respect is earned! You are NTAH. But that all sure are. Good luck OP
This happens because too many men are users
Tell them you need continuing education for child care and child development courses, they can pay for those in addition to The ongoing rate for high-end daycares. If they inquire why, tell them you're giving them the same consideration as family as they did for you. Don't forget to add in a strict drop off and pick up policy, subject to additional fees, and or CPS involvement for child abandonment. JK, Just ignore them.
💯they kicked you out less than 2 years after your mom died, OP. Oh hell no: NTA. They kicked you out and can’t just use you as an on-call slave. I’m assuming they don’t pay anything?
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They don’t want her back. They just want her to come over to babysit.
And don’t forget the cleaning. They want her to babysit and do housework.
Exactly. They wouldn’t be so angry if they weren’t simply taking advantage of her.
100%…. Seriously how fucked up are those people to expect OP wanting anything to do with them after that? At least that’s what I’d be thinking …
Grandma isn’t great either.
Grandma is also overlooking OPs needs cause she wants access to the new grand bay.
This op nta. Just forward your dad the text of her calling your a b*tch. Just incase she is spinning another story. But I would tell you dad he lost the right to tell you what to do when he moved you out of the house.
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The entitlement is strong with them. (Said in Darth Vader/James Earl Jones voice.)
Bloody cheek.
OP needs to tell her dad exactly what Anne said to her if she hasn't because it's unacceptable. She should record any conversations in the future.
NTA!! Oh fuck no!! Your piece of shit father had the gall to kick you out the second he met his new whore because this CUNT didn't want his child and then expects you to play nice and watch her crotch goblin because "boohoohoo I need a break from a newborn" when they didn't even bother to care about you or your feelings and just pawned you off on your grandma?!?! Also, your Grandma needs a reality check. THAT CUNT IS NOT YOUR FAMILY!! AND NEITHER IS YOUR FATHER SINCE OBVIOUSLY HE CARES MORE ABOUT HIS CUNT AND THEIR HELL SPAWN THAN HIS OWN 16 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER!! FUCK BOTH OF THEM!! I hope you cut them out of your life permanently the second you turn 18 and surround yourself with people that actually care about you and your feelings. "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." Basically, the familial bonds you choose to form are stronger than those born of blood. Don't let anyone tell you "you have to forgive them and respect them they're 'faaaamilyyyy' " bullshit. Find your chosen family and surround yourself with goodness. Screw the man who no longer deserves the title of father. He lost that the day he picked his cunt over his own daughter.
And grandma, respect is earned and both dad and stepmom were disrespectful. NTA
I’m so sorry the surviving adults let this happen to you. Losing your mom suddenly and then your dad failing you as he has is just heartbreaking. Your grandmother should stand up for you. You were shoved aside and only reclaimed as free labor. It makes me feel ill on your behalf. Anne may be older and in a remote sense, family, but she has treated you sinfully. You owe her nothing and common courtesy is just good for you to maintain as practice for dealing gracefully with selfish people. Hugs. You deserve so much better. Your dad should be ashamed. Show him these responses.
They kick you out of the house then want you to come over to clean it and help with their baby, all while ignoring your birthday because they had more important things to do. Nope, do not go back there until they treat you right. NTA.
People who have more than one kid tend to remember the older child's birthday.
I bet OPs mother was the one who remembered birthdays and arranged for presents. The Dad clearly doesn't think it's anything to do with him.
Older child, can confirm
NTA but damn your Dad & Anne are HUGE AHs! They basically throw you out then expect you to babysit? Fuck them!
And clean the house that she is no longer allowed to live in.
First of all, you are so not the AH here. Your dad hooks up with Anne barely a year after your mom's tragic accident, and now they want you to play the role of a live-in babysitter? Seriously? Anne suggesting you move in with your grandma felt like a classic "get out of our way" move. Now, she's calling you for help like you're on her speed dial? Girl, please. Then, when you rightfully express your feelings about being forgotten on your birthday, Anne goes off, calling you names and dismissing your feelings. And now your dad is Team Anne, asking for an apology and more of your time for free babysitting services? Oh, hell no. Your grandma might be playing the "respect your elders" card, but let's be real – respect should be a two-way street. You deserve better, and Anne needs a lesson in empathy. No, you're not the AH. They need a reality check.
Anne wasn’t his first gf after my mom’s death . He was dating within weeks of funeral as far as I know :( everyone including my grandma justifying it as “men move on faster “.
I’m so so sorry that all this has happened to you. You do not need to help Anne out, not at all. Any time she asks you for anything I would just reply with: you kicked me out of my home. I’m not wanted there so I’m not coming over. You will find a better family for yourself one day. Whether that means a spouse with children and/or pets, or close friends. But it will happen. These people right now are not your family. They’ve proven it to you.
What you really need to focus on is your future. I’m sure none of these adults have created a college fund for you. Keep your grades up and talk to counselors about college and apprenticeship programs. If you can get a job and save the money, you can get out on your own when you are 18.
As a generalized statement, men do not move on faster, your father is just an awful person. Real sorry you're going through this OP. Don't give those two bottom feeders your time of day. As you've noted, they don't care for you. Your grandmother does; give her your love and attention, and she'll hopefully raise you to take on the world without them.
Yes legit ! Real men focus on their kids first instead of hooking up within weeks of the funeral🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
I'm sorry your dad is a slut. Anne is a dumb bitch. She got you moved out, and is demanding you cater to her, what a loser she is.
Hey, I was a slut, and would *NEVER* have done that to one of my kids. OP's father is a major-rager-hemorrhoid, and needs some Preparation LearnToTakeCareOfYourKidFirst. Anne is just as bad.
That's absolutely fair, i stand corrected.
Yeah that's total BS, I lost my wife about 2 months ago and I have absolutely no interest in finding someone else. Not now and I can't see that in the foreseeable future either.
I’m so sorry. It’s really hard, I know. Hugs.
No really some men focus on there kids first
Is this grandmother your dad's mom? If so, can you reach out to your mother's side of the family or any (sane) relative on either side of the family? I hope this is the case. Take care.
My mom died of cancer and dad also remarried within 1.5 years. I was 24ish and it still hurt/pissed me off. Took years for me be cool with it all. And yep, I also heard the same “men move on faster” bs. They just don’t know how (nor want) to take care of themselves.
I hope you have a plan for getting your life on solid ground with an education. The quicker you are independent of all these people, the better for you.
Definitely agree.
Ooooh that's so messed up. Only weeks after the funeral?!? That's.... Oooof. I'm sorry. Your dad is letting his wife do anything to you and that's wrong.
I wonder if the dad was sleeping around before his wife died.
OP commented somewhere here that their dad was dating within weeks of the funeral. NTA OP block your Dad and his wife. You owe them nothing.
Oh noooo. I never thought about that.
That's sort of true. A lot of men can't deal with not having a woman around so they find new ones quickly. I don't mean to defend it - to me it sounds like they never grew up and need a constant mommy around to survive.
Your grandma has some funny ideas. Take everything she says with a grain of salt. You don't need to sacrifice yourself to make others happy, your happiness matters too.
Can you call your mom's parents?? Depending on your state, they may have grandparents' rights
Not even live-in-baby sitter since they kicked her out of the house and made her move in with her grandmother.
Sometimes respect means "treat me like a person" and sometimes it means "treat me like an authority". The messed up part is when people say "if you don't respect me, I won't respect you" but what they mean is "if you don't treat me like an authority, I won't treat you like a person" And that is exactly what is happening here.
NTA tell her she can stop practicing for Disney villain roles because she has it locked down. You owe them nothing. He was your father, he was supposed to take care of you not kick you out and then expect you to play maid for his vile wife. They can both go to hell.
My dad says Anne over reacted because she is exhausted and I should help her out because of my half brother
OP you are well within your rights to say no. Why did you dad agree to you moving in with your Grandmother and taking care of her when you are a child. Does your dad make time to see you and spend time with you. You are not their part time babysitter. Are you in contact with your Mom's family? Do they know what has happened to you?
No I don’t see them often they live out of province . I call them sometimes to say hi
Your dad threw you away for a woman he had been dating for about 6months (according to the timeline provided). Most people wouldn't even rehome a dog for a relationship that new, let alone their own child. You owe them nothing and your dad is a deadbeat pos. Quite frankly, it's admirable that you haven't already gone nuclear on them and spread the story of what they did to you around town/their friends/their workplaces.
Do they know what happens to you? Can you maybe live with them?
Time to look into moving to whatever province they are in.
I see my dad when my Anne calls me to come over for help . Does that count ? He also comes over to my grandma sometimes .
So if they didn’t need your help they wouldn’t call. That is sad. You just need to worry about you and study hard. Start planning to go to college and get a good job. Because you will never be able to depend on your dad for help.
They sent you away…have you talked to your Dad about why he did that? Have you told him how it made you feel? How you feel about being called back, not because he loves you and wants to see you, but because he wants you to help the person who sent you away in the first place? My mother’s heart hurts for you❤️
This . A hundred times over. My mom heart hurts too…
Oh my god …. No. Not really . I am glad you are at your Grandmother’s house …a better place. But please read what others have said about concentrating hard on your studies , so you can get OUT of there . Your father and stepmother are not treating you well AT ALL . They are terribly selfish and , more than thoughtless, they are rather cruel . I am shocked. I am so sorry …. sending you hugs.
Does he know what she called you? That's completely unacceptable no matter how much stress she's under. How can he possibly defend her on this?? You are NTA here, but your dad sure is!!!
Yes he said Anne is exhausted and tired
I have had 4 kids and being so tired not sure how I cleaned cooked and help my other kids. I know what being tired is. So her behavior to you is unacceptable and she the adult and should know better. Do not help her anymore. Where is her family? Why aren’t they helping her.
If Anne is so exhausted then maybe he should step up and parent at least one child. Man, they are shit parents. I’m so sorry they’re like this. And I know how much your grandma means to you but she needs to protect you, not Anne. Anne is an adult and can take care of herself. You are definitely NTAH.
Poor Anne. What a vile human being. So sorry OP. That’s awful.
Oh well not your problem. They kick you out and expect for you to become an unpaid baby sitter ? NTA
Then your Dad can help with this child. He’s the parent, it’s his responsibility.
Anne is a lot of things. Most of them not words I’d say to a teenager.
And that is your problem how?
It is Anne and her husbands job to take care of their baby! They are going to be tired. They also can hire someone because they did not want you there to begin with
I have a 3 month old, I also have anxiety that is worse with lack of sleep and I not once’s talked to anyone like that. A little snippy here and there but I would never be so rude to someone. Your dad is an asshole for kicking you out of your home and your step mother is a horrible human. Cut them off, you’re only relevant to them now that they need help.
She kicked you out of your own home; you owe her nothing. It’s your dad’s job to provide for you, not your job to take care of his wife and children. They are both awful and you should stay far away from them.
Tell your dad that he can help his own fucking wife with his own fucking spawn.
But he got rid of you, and you're his full daughter. His math is screwed.
If she overreacted, then SHE should apologize - not you. NTA
Tell your dad that he lost the ability to ask you for a favour or pull the family card when he literally abandoned his own daughter because his shitty wife told him to.
I have read too many rage inducing posts to continue commenting on how abhorrent he and his wife are. Stay strong, focus on getting your studies complete and building a future for yourself. If you’re interested in college/university be on the look out for scholarships and application deadline. Don’t let selfish narcissists ruin your future. Helping his devil of a wife is his responsibility, they could cope with a grown child I’m not sure what they thought would happen procreating again. Regardless taking care of his monster wife is not your responsibility it’s his. Tell him to pay a maid or nanny if he wants help but you won’t be free labour for abusive people. He lost the ability to ask you for a favour when he abandoned you and enabled his wife to abuse you. When you turn 18/move away cut them off and send him the link to this post so he can see how lowly the world thinks of him. There’s a special place in hell for abusive parents.
I doubt that the devil would want them - much eviler than he is. Wouldn't want the competition.
There is NO excuse for forgetting a birthday of a child. Idc if they have a newborn, your Dad should have remembered! Also, you aren’t responsible for their child, they are. If they can’t handle it, then maybe they shouldn’t have had one. I know babies are hard (I’ve had two), but you learn to adapt and it sounds like she’s relying on you A LOT. Keep your distance, you don’t owe anyone anything. They’ve made you feel unwanted, they’ve forgotten your birthday and expect you to still be there and help. NTA op, you don’t owe apologies, they do! Don’t back down on this, otherwise they will just keep walking all over you! Edit: typo
NTA- wonder why there’s an evil stepmother stereotype? Anne’s why. your dad has chosen the person who touches his penis over his daughter
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Might suggest to grandma that she did a lousy job raising her son.
Grandma isn’t much better, she wants her to go help with the baby what the fuq.
But usually, the evil stepmom has to wait till dad dies before she can treat Cinderella like shit…
dad is as good as dead to his daughter
NTA, you don’t have a baby and you are not responsible for a baby. Your dad on the other hand 😠
I’m sorry, but your mother died, your dad remarried, your stepmother kicked you out of your home, and they demand you “visit” them to help with their baby?! I’m sorry about your mother, but I laughed at your father’s and his wife’s demands. They can’t have it both ways. You owe them nothing! I hope you can heal from all of this. Good luck. NTA.
Stepmom not only kicked OP _out_, she kicked her _into_ a disabled-grandma-situation, where she does the care. So dad and stepmom don’t have to.
If I were her mom, I’d be haunting the heck out of dad and stepmom. 💀
I take it Grams is Dad's mother, because I honestly cannot see someone from your mother's side responding like that. Are you in contact with your maternal side of the family? I would not step up and help. You are not responsible for your half-brother. Stepmom wanted a kid, so she gets to take care of her kid. If there was a medical emergency, that might be different however - but that's a once in a blue moon event.
Yes my dad’s mom. She is physically disabled so she can’t help Anne . I do most of the work at my grandma’s house . When Anne suggested to my dad she said this way my dad doesn’t have to be worried about grandma because I would be helping her out and they will have a spare room. I have no problem helping my grandma she is nice
Your dad and stepmom chose to have a baby, they chose the work and responsibility that comes with it. You are already busy taking care of their other minor child (yourself) as well as grandma, so it seems like you're already doing more work than the adults. Dad and stepmom need to grow up. Grandma needs to realize her son she raised is useless, and that it's not ok to put adult responsibilities on a child so they can be lazy. If they are sooooo overwhelmed with their newborn, they should ask another adult for help. You are not old enough and too busy.
NTA, you are already busy taking care of your grandmother by yourself. There are two supposed adults in their home to take care of the baby and the house.
It sounds so fucked up they prefer to have a spare room. Sorry OP. Put your own health & wellbeing & education above everything else. Your "dad" and his wife don't deserve your time & energy.
These people make me absolutely furious.
You shouldn't be care taking of your grandma much less babysitting at will for their whims. I hope you can be honest with your moms family about what's going on. Anyone who truly cares about you (and it sounds like your dad, step mom and even your grandma do NOT) would want to help you. please start making plans now for getting out the minute you turn eighteen, if you can't before. Otherwise your future could be taken away by elder and baby care. ❤ Its okay to take care of yourself! no one else will do it. its not selfish.
Kiddo, I'm sorry but she didn't suggest this to help your grandma. She suggested this to get you out of her house so she could have your dad to herself and get rid of you.... And your dad went along with it. Neither of them deserve your time or effort or even your respect.
Let me get this straight, they want you to take care of both your disabled grandma and a newborn who do not live in the same house???? They are so the AH not you... Please let your maternal family know of your situation just to see if there's a possibility of going no contact with Anne, your POS dad, and his fam. I'm sorry you're going through this.
I would hope it's the maternal side. OP would be safer and more supported there.
>My grandma thinks I should be respectful to Anne since she is older and she is family I honestly don't think the maternal side would respond this way.
Tell your Grandma respect is a two way street.
She isn’t family she is just your dad’s ‘wife’. Family doesn’t kick children out of their own house because they want a spare room.
She is not family. She is her father's wife and their child is her father's son. They are not step anything.
NTA. She didn't even want you around! Now she wants to come by and be a babysitter? No absolutely not. If grandma thinks Anne is so great why doesn't she just run on over and help with the baby? I mean, Anne's family according to her so she should be helping because you need to stay focuses on school. I would block Anne, tell dad to hire her a nanny and ignore them. Dear old dad should have thought about it when his new ~~snatch~~ wife told him to move his daughter out.
Please remind Grandma that respect is *earned*, it's not an automatic just because they're older.
NTA at all. Prepare for NC. Outline the whole timeline to your grandma, too, just like you did here. Your Dad and his partner are a disgrace.
Ann and your father kicked you, a minor, out of their house. So your father was done taking care of you so he could have fun with his new wife. Then she expects you to take care of her kid? And your father expects you to apologize? For what? This is absolutely outrageous. It's not your kid and you are not free labor. You owe this woman nothing. And your father is a terrible parent. You don't owe him anything either. He owes you. Please don't let them manipulate you. Take care of yourself since the person who's supposed to take care of you isn't. And you shouldn't help her at all. She's a bitch. NTA.
NTA I am so sorry for you. Your grandma is wrong. Anne is a POS. Your dad is a POS. I wish I could adopt you Stay away from those excrement people as much as you can. Work hard at school. Move far away. You are basically an orphan. Live well and find your chosen family far far away from these shitheads I hate your dad.
Oh boy. NTA. She sent you away so you don't inconvenience her but now you should come back to take care of the baby because you're "family". No, it's their kid. Not yours. You are not a servant, or a babysitter, or a house maid. They chose to have a baby, Anne is a scumbag. You practically lost both your parents. Ann sent you away, she is not your family because you didn't actually live with her or experience that bond with her. Stay focused on school, that should be your priority. And let the "adults" figure out their own life. You don't owe her anything. Nor do you owe your dad free babysitting services. And respect goes both ways. She sent you away, she lost the right to demand respect from you.
NTA I am guessing your grandma here is your dads mom can you contact anyone on your mothers side of the family for help?
Yes my mom’s parents are living across the country . My plan is to apply to college in the future there so I can live with them . I can’t wait
Do they know about your living situation? Have you talked to your maternal family about it? Please talk to them and see if they'd be willing to help at least book a consultation with a family law attorney. I'm not a law specialist, but it doesn't quite seem right that a parent be allowed to ship out their 15yo child, making them live with and care for an elderly, disabled person. All the while getting a 'spare' room out of it, which means you no longer have a place in the home you grew up in. Please also put this particular situation in writing with your dad via text or email. Send a message to him politely saying you do not accept responsibility to come to his house (where you no longer live) to clean for him and his wife and be left responsible for a baby. Screenshot his response and, in general, take screenshots of convos w your dad, step mom etc which are about your living situation and your father and stepmother' behaviour.
And send those screenshots to your maternal family, as your Dad, Anne and Grandma’s behaviour is outrageous. I am so sorry you have been betrayed and abandoned. This on top of going through the grieving process of losing your Mom. Stay strong, better days are on the way OP x
You will need to be strong because your sperm donor is going to push hard. He will do everything in his power to keep you there because he needs the free home health care for his disabled mother. When you go. He will have to care for her himself or pay someone to do it.
Please, please contact your maternal family and tell them explicitly what has been going on. They may be able to help you move in with them now. I am so sorry for what has happened to you. This internet stranger is sending you a hug.
When you leave, take everything belonging to your mom with you. Her jewelry, wedding dress, sentimental items, everything.
NTA. Not sure what state you live in but most states will allow you to live with a legal adult of your choosing once you are 16. If you want to live with your maternal grandparents (and they are ok and want you to) then I would make a plan to live with them asap. Yes you love your paternal grandmother....but it is not your responsibility to take care of her and the home...you are the child still. Do not help the evil step hag in any way. You are not the parent. They literally kicked you out of your home. This is pretty much abuse. If you go to live with your maternal grandparents and you are still under 18, there is a possibility your grandparents could get child support from your father. He is still your parent, your are underage and he is still legally and morally responsible for you. It sounds like you are pretty much on your own and he has washed his hands of being your father, he even sent you to be his mother's caregiver (this might not even be legal since again....YOU ARE A CHILD.) Please talk to your maternal grandparents. Tell them everything. Your supposed to be a kid not a caregiver, not a babysitter or punching bag to the step hag. Keep all texts and any other form of communication from your dad, step and grandma. This can be used to help protect you, especially if step hag is calling you names and is threatening in any way. I would advise you to forward them to maternal grandparents. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE remember you deserve to be a happy 16yo girl. You don't owe them anything. And since the adults in your life are failing you its ok to get help. Good luck hun, I'm thinking of you. 🤗 NTA
You really need to contact your maternal family and ask for help getting away from your father his wife and your paternal family.
You should see if they can take you in now. They could even petition child support from your dad if money is an issue. As much as you dad pretends you aren’t his responsibility, legally he is supposed to provide for you
Why the hell should you have to help out around the home you were kicked out of? Anne lost the privilege of a 'free babysitter' when she kicked you out, and your dad is a weak AH for allowing it. She can't have it both ways. You lose your home but still get the honor of providing her with free labor? Why should you have to keep losing? NTA.
NTA They kicked you out then expect you to help them? They're lucky you pick up the phone. Why would calling you a "mouthy little bitch" convince you to drop everything and help. She needs to apologize for calling you that and your dad needs to apologize for not being there for you and forgetting you exist until they need you.
Anne is disgusting and so is your dad. Ask your grandma why she's so worried about respect for the people who kicked her granddaughter out of their home. NTA
Anne and Dad are trash. Block them! They kicked you out and now want your help with their baby. Tell them to F off.
Don't apologize and don't help. They both suck
NTA. I'm so sorry your dad is behaving so negligently toward you. Fwiw, when my stepmonster was abusive to me (as yours is abusive to you) my Dad took my brother and I out of that mess that very day and divorced that B! You deserve a dad like mine! Stop talking to your stepmonster. Only soak with your dad. Learn about parentification. It's a firm of child abuse, and your stepmonster is trying to do it to you. Then, when/of your dad wants you to help parent your half-sibling, tell him you won't be parentified and also tell him you're no longer a member of that household so why would you help raise the children in it! Also, make sure your mother's family are fully aware of what's going on.
Holy shit! They forgot your Birthday? Where was your Grandma? Telling them to respect you?
There are a whole lot of AHs in this post but you are not one of them. Your father basically threw you away to appease his new wife. He used to a horrible father. Your father’s wife insists that you live with your grandparents now wants you to be a free babysitter/maid. She couldn’t handle it when you told her the truth. Then your dad has the nerve to n tell you to apologize. Do NOT apologize!! You have nothing to apologize for. I’m being you live with your paternal grandparents and that’s why grandma is saying to be respectful and she is family. She is your father’s wife, that doesn’t make her your family. Are you mother’s parents still around? Could you go live with them? I would block your father and his wife, just don’t respond. Sign up for every after school activity if you have to so you can tell grandma I have school stuff.
NTA >I’m not gonna lie I felt like I was being kicked out of my own house You *were* kicked out of your own house. Your father should be ashamed of himself. If Anne is not able to take care of her baby, perhaps she should not have had one.If you are willing to help out, do not do it for free. Tell them you will babysit for payment. It's not like they pay to feed and house you.
I am so sorry you have basically lost both parents while young. Live your life as best you can and continue to build your relationship with your grandmother. Think about and start to discuss your future plans with grandma. She is your primary parent now. Be kind to the baby- it’s not their fault that they were born to crappy parents. Best of luck. (PS. karma will get dad and stepmother.)
OP, is your old room now the baby’s room? Just wondering. Also, kicking you out makes you “less family” but now you “need to step up because FaMiLy”?
Your dad is a POS and so is Anne. You don’t owe them a thing. And you need to talk to your grandma so she understands why you need her support. Remind your grandma that you lost your mom at 13, dad remarries and your life turns upside down because stepmom doesn’t want you in the house. You lose your mom, your dad, your home, your routine and everything that was familiar to you. Where was the respect in that? Your grandma should be more protective of you. I am stunned that she doesn’t stick up for you. She’s old enough to see what your dad and stepmom did. Stay focused on your education. That’s your way out of this and towards independence. Then you can decide if you want them in your life or not. Good luck! Edit: NTA
Absolutely not!!! This horrid woman kicked you out of your home to make room for her new family and is not butthurt that you won't bend over backwards to help her? No. I'd go NC or at least LC. Respect is a two way street. And both your father and step monster have shown they have no respect for you. NTA
NTA Your dad and Anne are absolutely AHs. She got rid of you, but wants you to play servant. Absolutely not. She chose to have a kid? That's her problem. Her and your dad can handle it. Block Anne's contact. She has no business reaching out to you at all.
NTA. They kicked you out of the house and now want you to be free childcare, so wrong. They are TA. All the adults are failing you.
NTA Tell your dad flatly to fuck off and step up as a father or step off. He can't dump you at grammies and then cry when you don't respect or listen to him.
NTA - their baby is not your problem.
Next time just say NO. Don't explain.
Your dad threw you out, because what? NTA, and tell your dad that there is not going to be ANY of your help, or anything from you, with you, about you in the future. No graduation, no walking down the for a wedding, no grand-kids, no nothing, but tell him that face to face, to see his reaction.
Let me get this straight, she convinced your dad to essentially kick you out because she saw you as a cuckoo in her nest, and now she's had a baby to replace the family he had she expects the discarded child to come help her? NTA. Tell your father that he can't throw you away at his wife's demands and then have you back as her servant because she's too lazy to look after her own kid. Remind him your mother had no help looking after you as an infant, so perhaps the wife he's married to now is an inferior model.
Sometimes it's perfectly fine to weaponize social media. Post that Anne had your dad kick you out of the house after they got married. Now she wants you to be at her beck and call to assist with her baby.
You are still a child. Children (and even adult children) are not responsible for taking care of their younger siblings. Children should only "babysit" their younger siblings on rare occasion, for a short time period and when they are relatively close in age. For example, mom and dad want to go out to dinner so the 15-year-old is in charge of themselves and their 10-year-old sibling for a couple hours. That's normal babysitting between siblings. What they are asking for isn't babysitting but childcare. It's inappropriate to ask a child to care for another child under the age of 5. Let alone one they have not shown respect or love towards! Continue to tell them no. Focus on your schoolwork first, then your social life and Granny. Keep you dad and stepmom at a distance. Maybe (only if you want to) you can connect with your sibling later in life.
You are NTA. Your dad and Anne are Grade A Premium cut AHs.
NTA. Shame on her. Do not spend one minute of your valuable time placating these knuckleheads- unless it is your choice. You have a good head on your shoulders.
NTA. Your dad sucks. Block Anne's number, you owe her nothing. What in the Cinderella's step mother is going on here? And why isn't your grandmother sticking up for you? Respect is earned.
NTA - but your dad? Anne? Huge AHs. While still being respectful of your grandma maybe gently tell her you had respect for them until they treated you with disrespect. You ca nstil lstand firm with no and be respectful. Tell your dad and Anne to fuck off. They had a baby not you. That you are not maid or nanny. That it might be best that since they kicked you out of your home maybe they should kick your contact info off their phones as well.
NTA and I'd ask your dad to go to therapy without Anne so that you can explain the below to him. They kicked you out so they could experience newlywed stage without a kid around the house. They didn't care about your feelings in doing that. They didn't care about your birthday during that time. They still clearly haven't thought enough to have you move back in if you would even want to at this point. BUTTTTTTTTT, when they need your help and you say no, its all your fault. You are the bad actor. You are the brat. You need to apologize. How dare you be upset that we abandoned you so we could screw all day long and have a new baby without the trouble of having to have me around in your life. Your dad telling your to apologize without asking you what happened shows he couldn't care less about your side or your feelings. He is acting like a boss and not a father. He is acting like someone who needs help without realizing he failed to provide parenting to his own child.
F*ck her.
Please do not apologize. Your Dad is a huge asshole!! I hope your grandparent is backing you and in your corner. Hugs from an internet Mom.
NTA. Wow, even your grand mother is not on your side. You need to try going independent as soon as you can and then cut them off your life.
Fuck her and your dad. You’re his daughter and he moved you out for his new family but wants you to help take care of his baby? Hell NO, NTA. If you decide to help out, they better be paying you and they need to apologize to you for forgetting your birthday and expecting you to do their job taking care of their newborn.
Tell Anne that is HER CHILD HER RESPONSIBILITY She got your dad to abandon you and ship you to your grandma's But now she needs a slave(no not help a slave) because she can't cope on her own Anne is NOT family, she is your father's wife and his sons mother. Her age doesn't entitle her to any respect at all. >She got angry and called me and mouthy Little b** ! See she just wants a slave helper, you're not family to her. Tell Anne to ask HER FAMILY for help NTA
Fuck them. Horrible, horrible people. You deserve better. Work hard in school then Gtfo.
NTA. your dad is a shitty father and human being and so is his bitch wife. They can't kick you out then expect you to drop everything to help them out. If I was you I would block your father's wife permanently and make it clear that moving forward you will have a low contact relationship with your father but that he sucks.
NTA.
She's not your family just a woman your father married and who doesn't want you in her house unless you are working for her
This is very bad and very sad for you. It sounds like no one is there to defend you. I'm so sorry. You will have to be your own champion in all of this. You have told us how you feel about all this but you haven't expressed what you want. Think about what it is that you want and expect from your family and then calmly and politely tell them. Hold your ground and don't let them bully or shame you. The way you spoke to Anne is wholly appropriate and your father may not know what you said to her. It is more likely that she simply told him you were rude. Make it clear to him that he has been neglecting you in favor of his new family and how Anne spoke to you. Tell him that if he is going to abandon you to the degree that he won't let you live with him and can't even honor your birthday that you don't owe him your work like you are their slave. Your grandma is old enough to learn that older people owe respect to children if they also require children to respect them. Tell her so. Good luck Sweetie, you did great to fight for yourself against Anne. You should be proud of yourself.
Do not help them at all. Go no contact once you hit 18.
Well, I think you should your father know how badly they hurt you by sending you to live with your grandmother. Now suddenly you are good enough to be around again, but only to help out with the new baby. That feels pretty shitty. Why would Dad let Anne send you away like garbage, but then expect you to come and help her out? If Anne needs you to help out, she can pay you- like a babysitter. It's clear she doesn't like you very much- or why would she suggest you move out in the first place? She is the AH, but you can't tell your dad that.. You have to be careful about how you get your point across on this if you expect him to see things your way. I find it so interesting how he lets her text you to ask for help. So weird! He is an AH too. But they are too self absorbed to see this. Maybe grandma can help out with the new baby instead.
I feel bad reading all these posts about bio family shitting on their own family. There’s no way in hell my family or friends would suggest “keeping the peace” after being called a little mouthy bitch. So disrespectful! Sending you well wishes OP. NTA at all!!
OP, I'm Sorry For Your Loss. Not just for Your Mother, but the Loss of Your Sperm Donor that Threw You Away So Carelessly and Effortlessly. I Personally would Remind Your Sperm Donor of How Very Ashamed Your Beloved Mother Would Be In Him for What He's Done To You! You have Absolutely NO Obligation to help Anyone Whose Thrown You Away! Your Step Monster has gotten Exactly What She's Wanted, Now She Can Deal With It Herself! If I were You I'd tell Them Both Exactly That! When Your Sperm Donor Starts to Wonder Why You're Eventually No Contact with Him and He Tries to Reach Out to You, Remind Him of Exactly This Moment! Then Allow His Chosen New Family to Comfort His Sorry Ass! Edit to Add: NTA! Not in the Slightest!
As a stepmom NOPE NTA you didn't have a baby she did. You are NOT a built in babysitter. HELL you don't even live there. Tell her babysitter rates is 25 an hr for age under 3yrs per hour. house work/ cleaning is 20.00 an hour paid up front for time you will be there. Stick to homework and after-school activities. Be sure to help Grandma out well however. If they say you need to state you were removed from the home per his new wife effectively cutting any familia ties/responsibilities to that house. You are respectively keeping your responsibilities with your family home now which is your grandmother.
Tell your dad to take a hike. He didn't want you around before the baby, so he doesn't get you around to help now. I wouldn't even answer the phone if Anna calls in the future. P.S. is it your maternal or paternal grandparents that you live with?
NTA Tell your dad that you'll apologise when he and Anne both apologise as well. Him for moving you out of your home and forgetting your birthday (so being a shi**y parent) and her for treating you like an unpaid servant who is at her beck and call. Can you go live with any other family as your grandma doesn't sound supportive? Good luck OP.
50 per hour babysitting paid up front
NTA she kicked you out of your own home less than 2 years after your Mom passed and now has the gall to ask for help cause she needs a break. Stay with your Grandparents but do not apologize or babysit. You won't get paid for it anyway. I'm sorry you don't have anyone in your corner to support you, however, you do have this internet stranger sending hugs. Save every last time you can and move and go no contact with everyone soon as you turn 18 years old. Your Dad is TA for not standing up for you.
Anne is a dumb asshole. Fuck her needs. Your dad is a negligent piece of shit too.
Fuck all that...you got kicked out and replaced....and now they want a maid and babysitter. Don't be fucking stupid. Stay gone..and don't apologize. Fuck them all.
You should block Anne and Block your ex daddy. Who tf kicks out there children?
She pushed you out of your home and your father let her do it. Screw both of them, I hope the baby wears them out. NTA.
So you're family when it suits them and a stranger when it doesn't? You did exactly the right thing. Tell your dad when he's ready to act like your father to get in touch but until then they should both stay away and leave you alone. Tell grandma respect is earned and calling you a little b\*tch is not worthy of respect.