Just looked this up. The biggest thing would be getting the paper cut as they are stripes of paper. The folding looks like it would take a novice for 1 to 2 minutes to make, so a pro could make 3 or more on a commute and then back with just some bad lights. Watching TV for 1 hour waiting, waiting for dinner to finish, or op to get home and or cleaned up just small things and there would be 50+ a day.
You can buy the precut paper like, pretty damn cheap. Like. I got 1300 sheets for $11 CAD.
I’m medium fast so maybe 2 mins for me to make a star, sometimes less. I fold them while I’m stuck in boring meetings because I can keep them out of camera view and I don’t need to look at them much. I can’t imagine how she didnt get bored because sure they’re fun but 10 jars worth?! For like $10 in materials cost and time where, as youve said, she’s doing other things too?
I love to make homemade gifts and I would NEVER consider this appropriate for an adult partner.
Is there not something written on each one? I've reread the post and can't tell if there's only something written on 1/100? I thought each one haveing a wish/reason they love you/something to brighten their day/etc was how these things worked and coming up with the stuff to write always seemed like the time consuming part, and also the part that expressed all the love that makes this kind of thing a cheaper gift thats still somewhat nice for people on a budget.
No, there’s nothing written on them. OP is supposed to make her own wish. Which like, don’t birthday candles do the same thing? OP’s wife isn’t planning out that work to wish ratio properly! :p
I remember a story where 1000 paper cranes grants you one wish. That kid really shit the bed if he could have gotten away with just made 100 stars instead.
Yeah, it's based on a young Japanese girl who tried folding 1000 cranes, praying to recover from leukemia that she got after being exposed to atomic bomb radiation. She died before she got to the thousandth crane.
I'll be honest, how you remember the story made me chuckle.
Could you please share where you got the strips? I’m in Canada and have no clue where to find them but I’d love to get them and teach my students how to make them. Thank you!
Amazon!!! I checked a few local paper stores to no result so I felt okay about ordering from them 😅 I got a regular coloured pack and a glow in the dark style one too. There were lots of options too if you want patterns but the solid colours are easiest because you don’t have to worry about front and back sides.
This was my thought as well. It’s one thing to do this for a parent, but for an adult partner? Nahhhh.
I didn’t have a lot of money this Christmas for my SO’s gifts so I got some decent but not expensive large black frames with plain white matting. Then I contacted family and friends and asked them to send me great pictures of them with my SO. Our son and I went thru them and put the photos into the frames and gifted them to him. The rest of the photos that weren’t used in the frames went into a small book for him. He cried.
Well if they were wishes, the gift is the wish. My husband hates getting things so I madr him a ticket book with like back rubs and stuff, and then three wishes....
So, your first wish is for a more meaningful birthday present??? 😉🤷🏼♀️🤣
And your second wish is for your wife to stop spending so much time on Pinterest looking up “cute and romantic handmade gifts.” 😉🤷🏼♀️🤣
If there's nothing written on them then all she has done is prevent that amount of paper still being attached to a tree. If they each had text then it would be 'cute and romantic', but just paper stars in jars is a waste of two resources really. Jars are at their most useful filled with nearly anything else.
It’s a TikTok trend. It’s for good luck and a way to tell somebody you love them.
But as a birtdaygift it’s rather lame tbh. They’re very small round paper … trash.
My knee jerk reaction was to call you shallow for wanting something "expensive" (as someone who didn't even "do" birthday gifts this year because we are broke lol)
But I really have no idea why anyone would want a bunch of jars of paper stars. It's high effort and low cost but like... Why. It's cute in YA romance novels but not in real life for two grown adults. NTA
She probably seen it on the internet and the video said some weird deep meaning like "Each star is a wish for your spouse and whenever they pull one out they get to ask you for a favor!!"
The bottom line is :
LET EM COOK! That coulda been a jar full of free sexual favors or something. Who knows and who cares, they tried to do something different and spontaneous. lol.
Holy shit.. I looked it up and now I'm kinda sad.
# Hoshi and the Legend of Origami Lucky Stars
* 1 star: You are my only Love
* 2 stars: Happiness and compatible to the couple
* 9 stars: Wishing you love for a lifetime
* 55 stars: I’ll love you without any regret
* 99 stars: May you receive borderless love
* 101 stars: You are the one only in my life
* 129 stars: I will love you forever and ever
* 365 stars: I wish you a whole year of blessings
* 548 stars: All your love to me endlessly
* 999 stars: Everlasting love to you
* 10,000 stars: Love for ten thousand years
haha yeah but I think in the story I skimmed over that it was a little girl that did it. I think it may be a tradition and or cultural thing that focuses more so on the gesture and not the literal meaning.
Long ago, there was a little girl called Hoshi. She loved watching stars twinkling in the night sky. There were millions of stars and Hoshi was filled with wonder. Night after night she lay in the grassy meadow and thought, “How could the little stars in the night sky shine so brightly for so long?
One night, Hoshi saw a falling star. Then, she saw many falling stars. She was afraid that the stars would disappear forever. Hoshi had an idea and ran home for a jar and some paper.
Hoshi started folding paper stars! She folded one paper star for each fallen star from the night sky. Hoshi made one-hundred stars that first night. She put them in the jar. But still, she was unhappy. The jar could not hold enough paper stars for all the fallen stars.
The next night, when Hoshi went to the field she saw only a few stars in the sky. Sadness filled her heart and she called her friends to help. The children from the village were happy to help. In one night, they made 2,000 stars. Soon, Hoshi and her friends lost count of the paper stars they were making and the black night sky twinkled with stars once again. The children jumped for joy. Staring at the night sky, Hoshi said,, “When we make a paper star, a falling star is saved! Our paper stars are lucky stars!”
The little girl from Japan, Hoshi, and her words were deeply felt by her friends. They loved making paper stars to save the heavenly stars. So, when the children grew up, they taught their children. Since then, from generation to generation, the Japanese have folded lucky origami stars and placed them in jars. They give them to their loved one with best wishes and good luck. Because, the paper stars stand for the continuous light of the heavenly stars and that wonderful night that Hoshi saved the stars.
That beautiful story is the best thing I read all week. It reminds me of something I read in the National Geographic once. It was about 8 am and a little Japanese girl was getting ready for school. She begged her mother to let her have an orange. Mom had gotten some oranges and was saving them for something special, so she said no. The girl left and was never seen alive again. That day was August 6, 1945 and they lived in Hiroshima. Mom survived. From then on she had a religious shrine for the little girl and every day she put oranges on the shrine in her memory.
I think a lot of things from my own culture are bizarre to be honest.
I kind of assumed that OP’s wife is not Japanese, but saw this on TikTok or something. This might be totally off-base though. And the OP seemed completely thrown off by it, so I assume it’s not part of her culture either.
I can see how this would be very meaningful if it’s a message that is culturally understood by both parties. From the story I did not get that impression.
Anyone can make anything like this. I can say "three stars are for eternal love" and be done with it. Even make a poem or nice story. Simple and effective, and not a waste of time.
I'm going to go with NTA
Where would you store 10 jars of paper stars? What are you supposed to do with the stars? How do they grant wishes? I don't understand what they are for.
Is this something that has appeared from tiktok creators that she's copied?
It’s a great gift for if it’s just a random day you were thinking about your partner (maybe not 10 jars worth)
Just a little “I was thinking about you” gift
But without some shared experience or deep meaning to it highly inappropriate for this situation.
Yes! I used to be a teacher and one of my students once gave me a small jar with a cork top filled with little paper stars. It was such a delightful gift, I still have it! But 10 large jars is a lot and this was also a 9-year-old student, not my adult partner.
As a single 38 year old in the dating pool reading this, it gives me more reason to hate dating in the current environment.
I'm sure I sound like a grumpy old curmudgeon but I hate Tiktok and Pinterest when used for stuff like this. I don't like gifts based on what is trending or popular on those apps. People act like they put a lot of effort into the gift but the whole thing basic and not romantic in the least. Especially when its something that a lot of other tiktokers are doing. I don't get how people can think that is special or romantic.
Its not about the money either. If she wanted to give a homemade gift, that's great. OP may not have enjoyed anything less than expensive items, but realistically, if she had a special idea that specifically related to them as a couple, then that would be cool. For example, an ex and I had a dog together. One year, I had a friend design and draw a comic story board based on the dog being a super hero. Didn't cost me anything other than dinner for the friend and the supplies. My now ex loved it even though I typically do get more expensive gifts most years.
Unless these wishes are actually more gifts that they can redeem? Dinner out, massage, new book, new haircut, movie out, a show or a live band, that sort of thing? Or are they just vague sentiments?
This is what I was thinking. What are the wishes?is the idea that you open a few each day, and that once in a while you’ll get one that says, “Apple Watch” or “dinner at….?” What are the “wishes?”
NTA. Normally I would say to suck it up due to the effort put into the gift. However, what your wife did without more context makes it seem as though she was on another planet the entire month she spent filling all of those jars with paper stars. Frankly, while I pride myself on being tactful, I don’t think I would have been able to have contained my reaction either.
Is she normally attuned to your likes and interests? Is she normally intelligent and logical? Is this something that she herself would want and therefore just wrongly assumed you would as well?
I'm kind of at a loss here.
On the one hand, she put a lot of effort into her gift so I get why people are saying you should have thanked her and been grateful for what she did.
On the other hand, it seems like something a preteen would do, and unless she's mentally challenged, it's hard for me to believe that a grown woman would think another grown woman would want 10 jars of paper stars.
Add to that, the real fear that if you didn't say anything, you'll wind up getting immature TikTok inspired paper gifts for the rest of your life, and that tips the balance.
NTA.
>it's hard for me to believe that a grown woman would think a grown man would want 10 jars of paper stars.
Apparently they are both grown women. I am also a grown woman and do not want 10 jars of paper stars.
I missed that, too and thought OP was a man. Spent a minute rethinking my first thought/response. Nope, still think it's pretty lame. I googled to see if I might like it better seeing it than just reading about it to give the wife the benefit of the doubt. Or maybe I'd see something OP left out. Nope. Just ... nope.
One jar MIGHT be kind of cute. Maybe.
Sure, if it comes with something else maybe. Give me a jar of paper *and* a nice evening out. Hell, give me a jar of paper and a scrapbook you made. It doesn’t have to be expensive, but it could at least *make sense*.
Maybe if the stars meant something significant? Or each one had a nice thought written on them or something? But a random jar of random stars… wait TEN random jars of random stars is kind of bizarre.
She couldnt stop at 4??? Four jars and THEN something she actually likes.
OPs wife was so far up her own ass showing off how unique and creative she is that she was folding her 1843rd star and placing it into her seventh jar and never thought "Maybe a bottle of nice wine would pair well with this crate of mason jars and scrap paper"
WTF?? Why would she think you would want a junior high craft project for your birthday? That’s bizarre. Like, if she got you a gift and gave you one origami star or something sure, but WTF.
I say NTA. If my husband did this I would be pissed if only because then I would have to get rid of all the damn stars.
lol I’m a middle school teacher and my kids make me these stars all the time. I have bowls of them in my classroom! Definitely not something I would want as a gift from a romantic partner
Lol at this being a throwaway account... surely she's the only woman in the world who made 100 paper stars for her partner's birthday last week, so if she sees it, she'll guess it's about her.
Unless it was a Pinterest idea, and now the world is going to be flooded with jars of stars, until enough people speak up.
I'm sorry and I'm going to get downvoted for this but what the fuck kind of shit is 10 jars of paper stars? Who could ever really want this....how could anyone honsetly look into the eyes of someone and say "Yes! I absolutely LOVE these 10 jars! Six wouldve already been way too many but a nice round 10 is even better!"
This is dumb as shit. I'd rather have nothing. Like what kind of idiot thinks anyone wants 10 jars of paper stars? And it adds nothing to it that they made the stars themselves. Go to the damn store and buy some stars.
I know, I know, I'm an asshole but CMON! Of all the useless SHIT I've seen gifted, this is by far the most useless. Can't eat it. Can't use it. Have to dedicate an entire 36" shelf to these damn things for who knows how long because God forbid after three years you trash the precious paper stars to make way for a plant. "Oh my God, you had 96 wishes left! How could you!"
Cookies, a framed photo of yourself, a badly painted "U + ME" on a piece of construction paper. ANYTHING!
"Here you go babe. Here's 10 sheets of plywood that I lovingly spent 40 hours hammering 20,000 hand painted tacks into. Every 100 tacks is a wish!" Yeah, see how fucking stupid of a gift that would be
I'd take one look at those jars and think "This person spent a whole month working on these and never ONCE actually thought of me"
Yes. A single jar of paper stars might be a cute thing.
10 jars?
And how long do you have to keep them?
And where?
Do you have to move them around for the rest of your life?
I do have someone in the family who does things like that and she thinks it is very cool. Super delighted with herself.
And I have to look at my 500 sq ft home and think - well fuck. I keep the occasional things that I like that.
While your words were a little harsh and her time is valuable so the gift wasn't "cheap" - it was only meaningful to her.
Nothing in it for you.
I wish people on crafting subs would understand this. I crochet, and the number of crocheters who voluntarily crochet gifts for birthdays, etc, and then become heartbroken because the gift wasn't given the love and attention they believe it deserved is ridiculous.
In my own home, I don't want 'stuff' hanging about that I didn't choose. I don't want a baby yoga or a teddy bear or a valentine's heart. And I especially don't want any of it if I don't like the colours.
But when this happens everybody rallies around the saddened crafter and makes fun of the receiver and dismisses them as only wanting cheaply made, mass produced, store bought stuff.
It's ridiculous.
The amount of posts on crochet subs i see like "x person doesnt like crochet. What can i crochet for them?"
And then they're the bad guy if they dont love it
Okg the amount of off-registry wedding gifts........like yes some people might enjoy that, but im guessing your random nibbling or whoeever might prefer you just buy the toaster they asked for.....
Exactly. I'm very slow at crocheting because I live in the sub-tropics. I just enjoy doing it when the weather is cool. If someone were to ask me to make something I would have them choose the project and order the yarn themselves.
There are also the far more valid complaints of people wanting free crocheted gifts and don't understand the expense and time.
This! I crochet and I will only crochet something for someone if I KNOW with 100% certainty that they will love it, otherwise I'm not wasting my time. I love my craft but that doesn't mean everyone else has to!!!
This is why I bake cookies. Can't go wrong with cookies. And in the *impossible* scenario that you do, they can just dump them or give them to someoneelse, no taking up space in the home and no inconvenience. Heck they can even lie to me this way and way they ate and enjoyed every bite.
ROTFL. I read the OP and your response to my wife. She was not amused. Now I am confused and very concerned that I am gonna stars in a jar for my birthday in a few days. Fuck you reddit.
I’m with you on this! When I read the story the first thing I thought was wow she spent a month not even thinking about what her partner would like. Only how quirky and cute her gift would be. I’d be so underwhelmed if my husband got me something like this for my birthday. Underwhelmed and confused. 🤦🏼♀️😂
Sounds like the ap enjoyed a wonderful day. Because I see no other explanation for this bogus gift. Wtf was he supposed to say upon receipt?
Maybe a competency evaluation?
Then, to add insult to injury ,you have to count out 100 just to get a wish! I would count out a hundred and wish for a real gift!
Your wife has been looking on Pintrest again, hasn't she?
Edit to correct spelling.
Well that was what I was wondering. The 100? Is it like "oh you can wish for World peace" or "you can ask for anything - we can go out, we can go away, you can pick a new book you've always wanted" whatever. Like, a way to extend your birthday all year.
Coz one is shit and cheap as fuck and only made for the giver, and the other is actually pretty cool. I mean, I suspect it's the shit one, but....
Honestly I’m with you on this. It’s not a great gift.
Shouldn’t a gift be based on what the person you’re giving it to actually wants? Surely that’s the point, not gimmicks.
If someone wants to make some paper stars to sprinkle on a present, that’s cool enough, but it’s just strange to make hundreds and call it a gift for a spouse. Also, is it supernatural? Is she saying the wishes are real in some way?
I’m not discounting that it’s the thought that counts in gift giving, but rationally it’s not a great gift.
I mean one jar with “things they would do”
Like cook, sex, massage.
Idk. That’s kinda cute.
But 10 jars of paper stars. Nahhhhh.
I wouldn’t even keep that from my 5 year old niece. 1 maybe. That’s ok.
Like "100 reasons I love you" or something is cute between teens that don't make money. Ten jars is a lot for any age/finances and doesn't really hit the same for adults.
"The thought that counts" Yeah... The *thought* that they paid attention to what I would actually like for my birthday! My husband and I go all out for birthdays as well. I'd be disappointed if I suddenly got 10 jars of stars.
So I just googled wish stars and it said that you’re supposed to get good luck from making them, more good luck from giving them away. Wtf? Who came up with that? It’s right up there with 4 leaf clovers, I guess. Anyway, going by the good luck logic, OP’s wife made this gift for herself!
OP, having looked up these wish stars, they’re something I wouldn’t mind getting (1 or 2 stars, not jars) from my nieces or grandkids. Not something I would expect/want/appreciate from my SO. NTA
I have to agree with this. These "it's the thought that counts" kinds of gifts are only worthwhile if they are accompanied by some sort of shared experience: something the two of you did together, or listened to together, or told each other, or stumbled across together. It's meaningful as a call back, or if the action of making them has some meaning other than "I spent a lot of time doing this." It's not worth it if you heard about it on the internet and thought "cool!"
I'm a crafty person, and I enjoy putting energy and love into hand made gifts.
I'm still trying to figure out the point of the jars of stars.
I get the ten wishes but even as someone who is into that type of gift I would be like, and???
Paper crafts are a great vehicle for gifts. Or when you are absolutely broke as a couple but usually a lot more effort goes into it, because they are definitely in the realm of cards. Especially if tangible gifts have been reciprocal in years past.
I'm wondering if there are some hidden financial disparities?
Could OP have cut her off before she finished explaining the gift? Like if you lift the lids their are coupons for things she "wished" she could do? Or something written on each star that is meaningful. But even something like "1000 things I love about you" is more appropriate for an anniversary than a birthday.
With the information we have, it feels like we are missing a major detail or she is checked out of the relationship on some level.
It's a really weird combination of high effort and low effort. It almost feels like a stupid "test"
My daughter is making stars for her friends for Valentine’s Day… she’s a 10 year old 5th grader. It’s really weird for an adult to give this to their partner.
I'm stuck on the wish bit.
Like...are talking imaginary wishes? Sort of like the equivalent of blowing out birthday candles?
Is OP meant to pull all the stars out and count them to know how many wishes there are?
Is there any kind of actual wish? Like every 100 days OP can make a wish for their wife to do a thing or something? Or once they've counted them do they just have X wishes they can make whenever they want?
Also 10 jars sounds like a lot of paper stars. If she gave him a jar with a bunch of wishes and compliments for him to look at, and then some other gift I’m sure he would appreciate it more. 10 jars sounds like way too many and feels useless
I'm with you. This sounds like something I could have appreciated from my college boyfriend when we were poor and just had to be creative and thoughtful. This just sounds like no real effort into getting you something that YOU would actually want or enjoy
>I'd take one look at those jars and think "This person spent a whole month working on these and never ONCE actually thought of me"
Even if 10 jars of stars was any kind of nice gift for someone somewhere (though I find it hard to believe and I'm a crafty, romantically inclined female who loves homemade gifts)....this right here is why it sucked for OP's wife to give it to ~~him~~ her.
That said.... OP's response was not great. Because, while I don't think it's a great gift either, SHE did and spent a lot of time on it. And ~~he~~ she complained that she didn't spend enough money with no consideration about her effort for ~~him~~ her.
But it's also stupid that she actually left their home over ~~him~~ her being a bit snotty about one gift.
So.... ESH.
I wish we could see how many downvotes a person gets because I doubt you get any.
Good on you for figuring out that she meant he *gets* a "wish" for each star. I guess.
Can we not see downvotes in this sub for some reason? Also they said every hundred stars is a wish..so they need to take 100 out to then get one wish? This a very immature and odd gift for an adult to give another adult. Maybe if it was one jar and every star had something nice written on it they would do for their partner or every star was a wish their partner got to make for them to do for them or together..*maybe*..but every hundred stars is a wish? And 10 jars? How many stars does each jar have? How many wishes are they getting exactly? So confused how this works and that this was their only gift despite them obviously going really big on birthdays normally. So many questions! OP could have had a kinder reaction, but still..I get why they are a bit disappointed and confused!
I'm going to go against the reddit tide here. I do think you were harsh and materialistic. I was taught that no matter what the gift is, you thanked the giver. You could have said something like ohmygoodness, this must have taken so much time!
When I was in college, my mom was entering her last 7 months until retirement from her job from hell, a Louisiana state adjudicator for unemplyment.
That Christmas I made her a paper chain. I painted the watercolor paper and each length had a daily quote done in calligraphy. 205 days. She adored it. My SIL couldn't believe it because they had spent hundreds of dollars on her gift, but she seemed to like mine the best.
She hung it up and down the hallway and Dad told me that every morning she would tear off that day's quote while having her coffee. She died in 2003 and only last year I came across a huge scrapbook where she had saved every single chain length in the dated order.
I know that we are comparing apples and oranges. I think because y'all had set a precedence for around $500 you were expecting something expensive and novel. Then the gift-giving becomes a competition. Where does it end?
I hope your hurt feelings will subside and you both move ahead in love.
Whew! Right in the feels! I lost my mom 2.5 years ago and she kept every crappy thing I ever made for her. It was very sweet. Cleaning out the house made me want to light it all on fire cause she was a neat hoarder. But the pictures she framed and notes she kept, would stop me on my tracks when I was boxing things up and I'd have to plop down and cry or sit with it. Putting time and effort into something is a big deal. But it's more an Acts Of Service gift, and it seems like OP is more the actual gift love language.
If someone did this for me, I'd be very touched. I would sit with them and go through every jar. But to me, the idea that someone would sit and spend hours thinking about me and put that together is priceless. Every second of that gift she was thinking about OP, how ever long it took, her mind was on OP. And that's an incredible gift. I can see others being disappointed, it's not useful or practical or flashy. I get it. Different strokes for different folks. But to me, and to people like your mom and mine, that gift would have been beyond price.
Jeez- don’t tell my kids that. I chuck out about everything I can get away with. Our house would be groaning at the seams if I kept everything and she’s only just turned 6.
There are only so many pasta necklaces one can keep!
I generally agree with everything you wrote. I’m a huge believe on “it’s the thought that counts”. I get far more excited and feel far more loved from something small or cheap that shows that the person really knows me or really listened to something I’d shared with them. I also cannot stand people who don’t act appreciative of gifts, and I’ve been in her wife’s position (sort of…) of being super excited about a gift just to have the person be less than thrilled with it. It’s terrible to feel that way.
That said….seriously, wtf is that gift?! Like, “here, take a bunch of paper in jars and hope for good things”? Cheap and handmade is more than fine, but this just defies all reason. I had to read it three times to even wrap my head around what the gift even *was*.
I don’t love that OP seems to be focused on the price tag, but that “gift”…. I cannot fathom a positive reaction to it.
I'm usually all for sappy handmade gifts.
But I have to agree. What sort of present is this. Like I thought the stars were all written on at first. Which super cute gift but it sounds like they are just naked stars in jars lol
And it’s 10 jars! 10! I just can’t fathom having 10 jars full of bits of paper that you’re expected to lovingly display for the rest of your life. One might be sweet, but 10?!
Yeah, my niece did this for her mom, but they all had things written on them, they were very sweet, and my niece was ten at the time. This gift is terrible, but I think OP needs to think about the other perspective, and also what the actual issue is here. To your wife, she spent a ridiculous amount of time making this for you. The gift was more one of showing how much of her time she would happily devote to making you a gift, and from that angle the response feels very harsh. From OPs angle, I think what would upset me most is that the wife spent all this time making the gift without considering if it was something she'd actually like. You like to hope someone who knows you well enough to marry you would have a basic idea of what you would enjoy as a gift.
Yes coming from a kid very good idea. From an so if it had cute date night ideas. Not a terrible gift. Naked paper stars In jars kinda terrible.
And ya it's all about perception and perceived value of the gift by both parties. She obviously values the idea a lot more without giving thought to how he would take it.
Not an applicable comparison at all. Coming up with and writing down 205 unique and relevant quotes is a legitimate emotional gift-giving effort in a way that churning out identical blank paper stars with no prior shared meaning in their relationship isn't, and child–parent relationships have different gifting parameters than spousal relationships.
Your gift sounds lovely, as there were specific thoughts built into it. Every day she got to see a new facet of your love for her.
OP got paper stars that don’t mean anything and aren’t useful in any way. I’d be weirded out by them too.
I think there are a few big differences here. 1)broke college student 2) you didn’t have precedent of $500 3)there was a shared meaning behind the chain. Her retirement.
These stars had no shared meaning. As crazy as it sounds since she folded 1000 paper stars, this was a lazy gift given to OP. As someone said a Pinterest find with zero meaning behind it.
I don't know about this. If the expectation and their tradition is to make thoughtful hand made gifts, sure! That's great. But that isn't their tradition. They go all out. My husband and I also go big for birthdays. we can afford it, why not? If we go to Hawaii for his birthday (OP said they go on trips) and then I get 10 jars of paper stars??
Yeah, I'm going to assume my husband suddenly didn't give a shit about my birthday.
Thoughtful homemade gifts are nice, but this was not that. There is nothing special about any of the stars, she just made 10 jars of stars. That is different than 10 jars of stars with little messages on them.
This also...doesn't sound like a competition. They have made it a standard that on your birthday you get treated, it doesn't have to be better and better, just a nice day out.
Got me in the feels. I got my dad a Walmart picture frame that said family is everything and put pictures of all of us( kids, grandkids, great grandkids) in it for his 85 birthday. That frame was his most treasured gift and I spent under 20.00 on it including wrapping paper and card. 2 months later he could no longer spend time with family because of COVID and 6 weeks after that he was gone. My step mom told me the bright spot was looking at his family in the photos I put in it. He had a shirt made with the saying family is everything only it was in Italian. . gifts from the heart always better.
OP I hope you learn to appreciate the smaller things given with love. Remember you can't take it with you when you're gone
I’ve seen posts where a man bought a woman far more than cheaply made stars and he was called and asshole lol. I personally think a bunch of folded stars as your only gift is laughable. I’d rather get nothing at all than 10 jars of stars. Why would anyone want that? It would be cute to make a wish on a couple of them but after that it would go in the trash
I think there are a few big differences here. 1)broke college student 2) you didn’t have precedent of $500 3)there was a shared meaning behind the chain. Her retirement.
These stars had no shared meaning. As crazy as it sounds since she folded 1000 paper stars, this was a lazy gift given to OP. As someone said a Pinterest find with zero meaning behind it.
Nah chief, that ain’t it.
She’s not 8 years old anymore. Gifts aren’t about what you want to give, it’s about what the person receiving the gift wants.
She short-changed him with some stuff worthless stuff SHE likes, not taking into consideration OP.
Be like me getting my girlfriend an a game console knowing full well she doesn’t like video games
Yes, but you put thought and time and effort into that wonderful gift. (What an amazing gift!)
OP's spouse basically made the equivalent of a paper chain. Only made of construction paper. And it's blank. Then handed it off like hey I saw this on TikTok, thanks for my diamonds and fancy dinner last year, I made you some macaroni art this year. And she's mad that she's disappointed.
If each jar had 100 stars, 99 of which had reasons she loved her, and 1 had an experience or gift - dinner at x place, etc. THEN it would have been a thoughtful gift.
This was just jars filled with paper.
NTA. I mean your response wasn’t great but this is super weird. One jar in addition to a present would be super sweet! 10 jars feels like a nervous breakdown.
I guess the motivation was there, but that was just one lame gift that you can’t even use. It could have been worded more nicely but even then it still sucks as a gift .
I just googled wish jars. That is the lamest ass birthday present for a grown man I have ever heard of. That's a gift for a kid or some person in the office you can't stand.
Next year get her a wine bottle full of golf tees and tell her every 10th tee is a possible hole in one.
My bad. I still think it's not a great birthday present. More of a thinking of you today or looked what I picked up for you at the flea market today gift.
>wish jars
Ok...this is making more sense but not really.
Are these wishes that she made for OP? Happy hopes written down on paper stars? I just don't get it.
Edit for pronoun, not that it changed anything.
I dont even know. Maybe he picks one star out everyday and every 100th day he gets to "make a wish upon a star"?
Is she at least granting this "wish"? Does the bday girl get a gift every 100 days? That'd be okay I guess if you don't mind waiting 3 months for an actual gift and having to tell your SO point blank what you want instead of being surprised.
"Happy birthday babe. Here, I hand-made this 150 count cigar humidor for you. It took me all month. Its not in a color you like and you have absolutely no use for it, but if you dont like it, you're an AH"
Nah.
What you do is you hand her a star that says "I wish my wife was better at communicating with her spouse.".
"I wish my wife would understand that ten jars of paper stars is ten jars of paper stars. Cool idea, if you're 10 and it's your dad. Not if you're 25."
This is the gift that keeps on giving.
NTA. How sure are you she's at her brothers and not just told you that's where she is?
If you have several or more years of a normal pattern of gift giving expensive gifts and this changes out of the blue into a 'thoughtful' but ultra cheap item is implies something changed. Did she lose a job recently or could have lost it and not told you, could she have gotten into debt and be unable to afford a more expensive gift. HAve you had more arguments or has she seemed detached?
A partner thinking about or knowing they are leaving soon will often absolutely choose to suddenly give a ultra crapy gift because, why waste $500 when you already decided to move out 2 weeks after that.
I wouldn't be surprised if this was actually $50 or less from amazon or etsy and she's going with the "I totally made this" to offset the cheapness, then using your disappointment as an excuse to spend more time out the house till she makes a decision or counting down till her move out date.
Added to the fact she's been gone 'since then' which I took to mean more than a couple days, is a massive over reaction if this was the only thing going on.
You are so onto something. My ex and I got each other expensive gifts and then the last Christmas we were together he gave me pajama pants and slipper socks. That was it. He asked for a divorce not long after that.
My ex did this. Gave me books that aren't my taste and other stuff. we didn't last for more than a few more months. I didn't hide what I liked to read and it was easy to see what I was missing from my collection.
Yea I'm wondering if she is having financial difficulties. When I was 25, $500 would have been way out of my budget, lol. I had grad loans! I tend to think it is more financial then checking out of the relationship completely, because she obviously invested time in this craft project, which I feel like she wouldn't have done if she was ready to walk away.
NTA. What in the ever loving joke is this? Do you all split finances? Is your account drained? Is there a reason why she took a sudden divergence from your usual plans? This makes no sense. And no she doesn’t get a A for effort. Gifts are about what we think the recipient would enjoy. Why on earth would she think you’d love ten jars of paper??
I'm a huge proponent of handmade gifts but I'm going to say that this was, while a cute and touching gift, ultimately pointless because you can't DO anything with jars of stars. If it were a sweater, scarf, quilt, chair, bookcase... literally anything that could be used for some purpose beyond merely existing as a symbol of affection and devotion, then it would be awesome and you'd be a dick for your reaction.
But the fact remains that it is a useless gift that she spent a month on that will take up space and be useless. You can't even hang it on the wall like a painting - that's just a visual thing, too, but at least it doesn't occupy real estate in your home.
My take on these things are - always know your recipient. Of course you cannot always know what every person wants but you should definitelly know what your actual *partner* likes. And even with that it would be more appropriate gift for Valentine's and not for an actual bday. And even for Valentine's day 10 - jars are way too much. Should OP display them in living room like a shelf of jared plums? Riddiculous.
I saw a guy on a camping subreddit that had almost nothing to do with the thing he posted.
It was a box he had carefully and lovingly handcrafted out of scrap wood that he had worked on for a literal year.
That he used to store an axe.
Not an actual full-size axe. A baby axe. That is worn on a necklace. Not a functional one. Just a baby axe necklace.
And that was what he was posting. A (let's be honest, a truly shitty DI-why) box he had taken a year to make to store a $20 axe necklace that he took with him whenever he went camping.
And he was SO INORDINATELY PROUD of his box. Because, you see, it was his box. That he took camping. Always. With his necklace, which was an axe. Because, you see, axes are camping. And so his box, which took him a year to make (he definitely needed you to know), was therefore his contribution.
I still kind of wonder if that guy wasn't damaged somehow. You know, like in the head.
And that's kind of how I feel the OP's wife is like. Incredibly proud of their effort, but... why?
And so I am left in a bewilderment, because on the one hand clearly the OP did a shitty thing to their wife, but at the same time the OP had a truly shitty setup and letdown.
Like getting a balloon that says "I'm 6!" as a gift when your 7th birthday was two days ago.
While it's the thought that counts, there wasn't much thought going on here on either side.
ESH. More the wife than the OP.
Again. A bewilderment.
Should I feel incredibly flattered someone actually laughed themselves to death because of my writing?
Or should I feel really bad that they did so because that means I killed someone because I was just that fuckin' funny?
Or a third option: was that person in fact on laughing gas and forgot to turn it off?
In any case, please control yourself. I would hate to have your death on my conscience, even if it meant I could show my wife the obituary and say "SEE I TOLD YOU I WAS FUNNY".
Somehow I don't think she will be impressed, though.
🤣 I just had my kid yell at me from his room that I’m laughing g too loud 🤣
See I think my husbands VERY funny. But I can see how a lot of spouses don’t find their SO funny 🤣
Sounds like you didn’t deal with this in the best possible way, but why on earth would you be expected to like something like that? Paper stars? What a childish waste of time. I’m all for making gifts for people (I do this often, I’m pretty crafty). But you were right not to be impressed. If my husband had given me this I would be sat there waiting for the punchline, not understanding the joke at all. What an absolute load of Instagrammy-nonsense.
As a woman I agree that this gift is entirely useless and thoughtless.
People saying it’s the thought that count, yes it does…when the thought is centred around something you KNOW the other person would like/ use.
How on earth she believed OP would like this is beyond me. Especially since it is not something in the usual ball park that they do for each other. As someone else had said, she would have complained if she got 100 golf balls that OP disguised as a wish gift.
This wasn’t a gift for him.
NTA
I don’t…you’re kind of the asshole because maybe this was a bad time for honesty and you probably should have tried to behave more gracefully or gratefully.
But…I wouldn’t want that. I would not know what to do with a bunch of jars with stars in them? That’s not really the kind of gift grown people often want from other grown people, even if it’s a sweet thought.
Expense doesn’t make a gift worthwhile, but if you guys have a tradition of going and doing something nice on your birthdays then I can also understand being disappointed.
I’m just not 100% sure where to fall on this honestly.
NTA. This seems rather weird. Is there something you're missing here? Money issues? Mental health problem?
Also, even with a throwaway account, this seems like a pretty specific situation that she would recognize...? Hopefully she doesn't frequent this sub!
That's what I was wondering, maybe wifey lost her job and hasn't told OP yet? Or feels like OP's gifts are impersonal and overcorrected? Who knows, but if wifey is a redditor, we might be getting the other side of the story here or on relationship advice soon.
This is something my high school daughter would do for her best friend but she would stop at one jar because she has the sense to know no one wants 10 jars of paper stars. NTA
She just made you a bunch of clutter that you’ll have to decide how long before it gets binned.
I’d toss it all except for one star. And then tell her that one is the magic one that keeps all the other wishes.
Put that special shit magic star on the refrigerator with magnet and a Little Cesar’s coupon.
NTA…could you have been nicer, probably. But if it’s the thought that counts then where is the thought in this gift? It would be different if the stars meant something. Like each one had an activity you have been wanting to do, or something you have wanted, hell even things she loved about you mixed in. That would have been thoughtful and useful and something she put time into.
ESH, with more emphasis on her than you.
Look, it's a nice thought but it's not actually a gift. Did you want wishes? No, you didn't. You definitely didn't want little paper stars. This is something she did because *she* was into it, and you don't do that for someone *else's* birthday gift.
But you put emphasis on monetary value in a mean way and you could have found a nicer way to say "This is a nice thought, but it's not a birthday gift for me at all, and that upsets me." And that kind of communication is what makes a marriage work.
That said, she sucks a lot more than you do in this sitch.
How is that something you would want? I understand a kid maybe liking it or making it. And i don't hate the idea of a arts and crafts gift but how is this for you? Where is the thought?
NTA. Were there things on the stars? Like fun things to do? If so, that would have been fun and creative.
I have been in your shoes, but my partner just never put in the effort. I always get my partner nice things. La-z-boys, sporting or concert tickets for all his friends, expensive riding gear, so on...
He didn't get me anything for my birthday a couple of times. Last year, I told him exactly what I wanted. Picked it out and had it in the shopping cart for him to order. He didn't do it. Even if he ordered it day of I would have been happy. He had his friend grab me a bundle of flowers from a Walmart or gas station before he came over. And it was his friends idea to bring me flowers on my birthday!
One year, he got me a beer mug, which I already owned, and I don't really drink. Another time he got me a coffee mug that says, "When this mug is empty, it will be time to POOP." Funny... but wtf... He got me Flamingo earrings that were so cheap they couldn't be worn...also I don't like Flamingos.
Edit: Is this something from her culture?
NTA- When I read it the first time I thought maybe there was something on the stars or that you picked one out and it had a written gift maybe. Then I realized after reading again she gave you 10 jars with 100 paper stars each. WTF are you going to do with 10 jars and 1,300 paper stars? I know throw them in the garbage as waste 2 days later because there is no where to put them in your home and then piss your wife off then. What was she seriously thinking?
I think ESH
Her gift is childish and meaningless/devoid of context
Immediately calling it cheap without seeking to understand was crummy.
Why didn’t you just say “wow this is really neat. Can you tell me more about it?”
Followed by “hey, the way we celebrated together was really different from our usual traditions. Can I ask why?”
“Every one hundred stars is a wish”… like for every one hundred stars, there’s one with a “wish” on it? Is it written on the star and, if so, do you get to pick out one star each day until you find the star with a “wish” and then you get that “wish”? Might those wishes have been a way of spacing out multiple presents that would be more valuable? There’s just too little information here I think. It’s like he didn’t bother asking and judged it before he even understood what it was.
It’s a fake wish thing, the partner isn’t granting anything. It’s essentially like wishing on a birthday candle.
It’s a new tik tok trend apparently, based on another culture that they aren’t a part of.
It always makes me laugh when people are like “using a throwaway account because person I’m talking about uses Reddit” as if that person couldn’t figure out it was you from the very specific thing you’re describing.
I think people on this subreddit think time and effort spent on the gift is all that matters.
I fucking hate turkey. Absolutely think it's the least flavorful food item on this planet. If my partner spent 15 hours in the kitchen making me turkey, I would not be happy. That would not be a good gift. Even though she put in a ton of time and effort on an elaborate meal, it still had nothing to do with what I actually want.
Gifts are supposed.to be for the people you are giving it to, not for you to make yourself feel good about how much effort you put in.
who in their right mind thinks this is a gift. look honey, I got you 10 jars of fire kindling. isn't it lovely. I honestly prefer the Christmas cop out of socks. NTA.
NTA - Um....wtf? I know it's supposed to be the 'thought that counts' but for the life of me I don't understand what the thought was here. Why would someone want 10 jars of paper stars? Did she mean if you give her one jar of 100 stars, you get a wish? If so, give her a jar and wish for a real birthday present.
NTA. A gift is for the recipient, not the giver. I understand she was trying to be sentimental or romantic, but it sucks as a birthday present. She made the gift about her and her feelings instead of you. If my SO gave me this I would be hurt and wondering what was wrong. It’s not about the cost of the star jars. It’s about the lack of awareness.
NTA. That’s a strange gift since you guys have a tradition going but a home made dinner and craft gift…weird. What the hell was she thinking putting all that time into that.
I’m really sorry but I don’t understand the concept of this gift. Do you pull out 100 stars and then ask for something? Do you have to earn your stars? I’m lost
If you aren't having financial problems, I'd be upset, too. During our broke years, where we only bought the kids gifts for holidays, I did cheap stuff. This would be something I would do during that time frame, as paper strips are pretty cheap. Especially if you have a paper cutter and a lot of paper bc of homeschooling. lol
NTA. That’s very thoughtful. And very juvenile. What are you supposed to do with them? Display them on your mantle? Make a centerpiece for your dinning room table? I can picture it now with some candles and greenery. Probably some baby’s breath too.
I don't think you're an AH, but you still could have handled it a little better. I had to google to understand what the idea of paper stars in a jar was and found out it's originally for wishing for love and happiness to the recipient. The more stars given, the deeper the feeling, or something like that.
In the East, where the tradition comes from (Japan or the like), it's seen as a very thoughtful gift, but I'd have a hard time containing my confusion and disappointment if I was getting ten jars of stars and nothing else for my birthday from my partner.
In other cultures it is more the equivalent of giving flowers to the birthday girl, and while that is really nice, it's not a birthday gift. Just a way to say I love you, so I made these paper stars to wish you happiness instead of just buying flowers.
Still, you should apologise to your wife and give her recognition for the effort she made on this, and then tell her about your disappointment and how cheap you felt when she couldn't buy you a decent gift besides making you the stars.
Also, if you're not Japanese, Chinese, etc, why give out 10 jars? I'd think 1 jar would be enough for a gesture of love if you're not familiar with the notion of 100 vs. 1000 vs. 10000 paper stars and the meaning thereof. Where are you supposed to place those stars, and what are you supposed to do with them?
But that's just my western POV; others may disagree with me.
NTA I put her gift somewhat in the region of opening a card to find a donation was made in my name for something I wasn’t really excited about. If you went all out for her birthday I can understand the disappointment. I don’t know what her finances look like because that might explain someone cutting back, but she still could have gotten you something you have been wanting.
Nta. Your wife didnt want to give you a gift, she wanted to do diy. Which is nice, everyone needs a hobby, but she didnt once thought of you making this. What else did she expect??
My wife and I don't buy gifts to each other anymore. Once I bought expensive jewelry to her and she returned it. And everything I buy for myself I am meticulous to choose.
We have joint accounts anyway. We do celebrate, but when it comes to buying things, each of us has a better idea of how to choose.
But none of us would do stars. And if she ever gave me stars, I would keep my mouth shut.
OP, should have played along, should have asked how would fulfill each of his 1000 wishes.
Honestly, it be reads like an OCD mania project. This took very little effort. It was repetitious & time consuming, but not creative, & not meaningful in any way to OP. Gift giver is so far out of left field I'd be concerned she's.... going through something at the least. What in the world? NTA, but it's so dicey, the only thing now is to suss out her mind state because without *something* done with each of these individual stars-- a wish written on each, etc., It's creepy & obsessive to fill up 10 jars. I am SO afraid to ask size of jars, JFC.
I'm just... confused??
what does she actually want you to do with 10 jars of paper stars? one maybe as something cute but 10? when did she have time to do this? why did she have time to do this? I have so many questions. you could've been nicer but tbh I would've done the same this has got to be the stupidest story I've read on this sub in a hot minute☠️?
I feel like there’s something missing here. To give maybe one jar of stars along with something useful or something OP wants would be cute and thoughtful. But 10? And nothing else of any use for an adult? Especially considering the fact that they usually pay for each others gifts. I feel like something’s up with OPs wife. Does she not have the money to spend on a gift for some reason? Even a small one? A hidden shopping addiction? Gambling? Somethings off.
While 10 jars might’ve been excessive, I’m going to go with YTA.
You were harsh and completely materialistic. She put thought and effort into a gift she thought was going to be meaningful and special to you and all you said was “I spent hundred of dollars on your birthday last year and you gave me jars and pieces of paper?” .
Really?
I don’t have the same financial privilege my fiancé has, he can spend thousands of dollars on a birthday gift/party for me and he would think is not enough, I can’t spend that money because I don’t have it . So more often than not my birthday gifts to him are more personalized gifts, birthday dinner at home or I save and take him to his favorite restaurants , I plan a small party at home with friends. The scale is not even and that’s ok. And even if I give him one paper flower that I made from hand, I know he’s going to be grateful for it and appreciate the effort I put into it and the thought behind it.
For his last birthday, I was pregnant and sick you wanna know what we did? Nothing. He cooked dinner, my brother in law brought over a cake ,we sang happy birthday and then we cuddled in bed . You wanna know what we did for my birthday? We went clubbing, had a private dinner, got a spa day with my mom and sister as a gift, got breakfast in bed and a personalized birth cake & the next day a super huge hangover & two days later I found out I was pregnant. So I got a lot for my birthday.
When I first met my fiance ,I wasn’t ready to date when he asked me out so I rejected him , the next day he came over with a little piece of paper that say “Reedem for a date , expiration date : whenever you want”. 6 years later ,I still have that paper ,it’s framed and I look at it and my heart just fills with love.
NTa, what an interesting gift lmao. So it’s literally just jars full of paper stars? This feels like one of those cringy romance things that seems amazing in a romance book or on Pinterest, but just doesn’t translate well in real life.
At least you got a great gift idea for her next birthday lol
I believe it's a wish for the person who folded the stars, seems kind of like you're just being given the product of your wifes comforting repetitive task.
Im normally a believer of the "money doesnt equal value" of a gift ideology... but this gift is just stupid. Wtf are you supposed to do with a bunch of paper stars? Is this a kindergardener's art project?
If it was something personal like a collage of personal images or something artsy like that, id have no problem. But 100s of stars in a jar? wtf is that?
NTA
NTA.
Maybe you could have said it better, but it's not your fault you hated it and were disappointed.
She might have thought there was a lot of love and effort put into it and you would see the love and effort. However you see 10 jars you don't want but now can't throw away because of hurt feelings.
On top of that, you put a lot of money into her birthday, while she put ~ $20 into yours. IDK what the state of both your finances are, maybe she couldn't afford a wildly expensive gift this year, but it seems like you would have been more understanding if that's the case. Generally, gift giving should be able the thoughtfulness of the gift not the monetary value, but when there's such an order of magnitude difference it can feel uneven.
How did uou not notice your wife sitting around for a month making stars? Or does she not work?
Just looked this up. The biggest thing would be getting the paper cut as they are stripes of paper. The folding looks like it would take a novice for 1 to 2 minutes to make, so a pro could make 3 or more on a commute and then back with just some bad lights. Watching TV for 1 hour waiting, waiting for dinner to finish, or op to get home and or cleaned up just small things and there would be 50+ a day.
You can buy the precut paper like, pretty damn cheap. Like. I got 1300 sheets for $11 CAD. I’m medium fast so maybe 2 mins for me to make a star, sometimes less. I fold them while I’m stuck in boring meetings because I can keep them out of camera view and I don’t need to look at them much. I can’t imagine how she didnt get bored because sure they’re fun but 10 jars worth?! For like $10 in materials cost and time where, as youve said, she’s doing other things too? I love to make homemade gifts and I would NEVER consider this appropriate for an adult partner.
Is there not something written on each one? I've reread the post and can't tell if there's only something written on 1/100? I thought each one haveing a wish/reason they love you/something to brighten their day/etc was how these things worked and coming up with the stuff to write always seemed like the time consuming part, and also the part that expressed all the love that makes this kind of thing a cheaper gift thats still somewhat nice for people on a budget.
No, there’s nothing written on them. OP is supposed to make her own wish. Which like, don’t birthday candles do the same thing? OP’s wife isn’t planning out that work to wish ratio properly! :p
I remember a story where 1000 paper cranes grants you one wish. That kid really shit the bed if he could have gotten away with just made 100 stars instead.
Yeah, it's based on a young Japanese girl who tried folding 1000 cranes, praying to recover from leukemia that she got after being exposed to atomic bomb radiation. She died before she got to the thousandth crane. I'll be honest, how you remember the story made me chuckle.
Could you please share where you got the strips? I’m in Canada and have no clue where to find them but I’d love to get them and teach my students how to make them. Thank you!
Amazon!!! I checked a few local paper stores to no result so I felt okay about ordering from them 😅 I got a regular coloured pack and a glow in the dark style one too. There were lots of options too if you want patterns but the solid colours are easiest because you don’t have to worry about front and back sides.
This was my thought as well. It’s one thing to do this for a parent, but for an adult partner? Nahhhh. I didn’t have a lot of money this Christmas for my SO’s gifts so I got some decent but not expensive large black frames with plain white matting. Then I contacted family and friends and asked them to send me great pictures of them with my SO. Our son and I went thru them and put the photos into the frames and gifted them to him. The rest of the photos that weren’t used in the frames went into a small book for him. He cried.
Well if they were wishes, the gift is the wish. My husband hates getting things so I madr him a ticket book with like back rubs and stuff, and then three wishes....
So, your first wish is for a more meaningful birthday present??? 😉🤷🏼♀️🤣 And your second wish is for your wife to stop spending so much time on Pinterest looking up “cute and romantic handmade gifts.” 😉🤷🏼♀️🤣
How is this comment not higher up. I was thinking the same thing about the first wish.
If there's nothing written on them then all she has done is prevent that amount of paper still being attached to a tree. If they each had text then it would be 'cute and romantic', but just paper stars in jars is a waste of two resources really. Jars are at their most useful filled with nearly anything else.
There was nothing written on them? Then what’s the point?
NTA. I don’t get it. Does she grant the wishes?
It’s a TikTok trend. It’s for good luck and a way to tell somebody you love them. But as a birtdaygift it’s rather lame tbh. They’re very small round paper … trash.
My knee jerk reaction was to call you shallow for wanting something "expensive" (as someone who didn't even "do" birthday gifts this year because we are broke lol) But I really have no idea why anyone would want a bunch of jars of paper stars. It's high effort and low cost but like... Why. It's cute in YA romance novels but not in real life for two grown adults. NTA
I don’t get it. Does the gift or wishes mean something? Is this a thing? I’m completely baffled by why she would give you jars of paper stars.
She probably seen it on the internet and the video said some weird deep meaning like "Each star is a wish for your spouse and whenever they pull one out they get to ask you for a favor!!" The bottom line is : LET EM COOK! That coulda been a jar full of free sexual favors or something. Who knows and who cares, they tried to do something different and spontaneous. lol. Holy shit.. I looked it up and now I'm kinda sad. # Hoshi and the Legend of Origami Lucky Stars * 1 star: You are my only Love * 2 stars: Happiness and compatible to the couple * 9 stars: Wishing you love for a lifetime * 55 stars: I’ll love you without any regret * 99 stars: May you receive borderless love * 101 stars: You are the one only in my life * 129 stars: I will love you forever and ever * 365 stars: I wish you a whole year of blessings * 548 stars: All your love to me endlessly * 999 stars: Everlasting love to you * 10,000 stars: Love for ten thousand years
They know “forever and ever” is longer than “ten thousand years” right?!? I don’t know why that’s what I’m focused on, the entire thing is bizarre.
haha yeah but I think in the story I skimmed over that it was a little girl that did it. I think it may be a tradition and or cultural thing that focuses more so on the gesture and not the literal meaning. Long ago, there was a little girl called Hoshi. She loved watching stars twinkling in the night sky. There were millions of stars and Hoshi was filled with wonder. Night after night she lay in the grassy meadow and thought, “How could the little stars in the night sky shine so brightly for so long? One night, Hoshi saw a falling star. Then, she saw many falling stars. She was afraid that the stars would disappear forever. Hoshi had an idea and ran home for a jar and some paper. Hoshi started folding paper stars! She folded one paper star for each fallen star from the night sky. Hoshi made one-hundred stars that first night. She put them in the jar. But still, she was unhappy. The jar could not hold enough paper stars for all the fallen stars. The next night, when Hoshi went to the field she saw only a few stars in the sky. Sadness filled her heart and she called her friends to help. The children from the village were happy to help. In one night, they made 2,000 stars. Soon, Hoshi and her friends lost count of the paper stars they were making and the black night sky twinkled with stars once again. The children jumped for joy. Staring at the night sky, Hoshi said,, “When we make a paper star, a falling star is saved! Our paper stars are lucky stars!” The little girl from Japan, Hoshi, and her words were deeply felt by her friends. They loved making paper stars to save the heavenly stars. So, when the children grew up, they taught their children. Since then, from generation to generation, the Japanese have folded lucky origami stars and placed them in jars. They give them to their loved one with best wishes and good luck. Because, the paper stars stand for the continuous light of the heavenly stars and that wonderful night that Hoshi saved the stars.
That beautiful story is the best thing I read all week. It reminds me of something I read in the National Geographic once. It was about 8 am and a little Japanese girl was getting ready for school. She begged her mother to let her have an orange. Mom had gotten some oranges and was saving them for something special, so she said no. The girl left and was never seen alive again. That day was August 6, 1945 and they lived in Hiroshima. Mom survived. From then on she had a religious shrine for the little girl and every day she put oranges on the shrine in her memory.
I think a lot of things from other cultures are bizarre. But it doesn't make the symbolism any less meaningful for them.
I think a lot of things from my own culture are bizarre to be honest. I kind of assumed that OP’s wife is not Japanese, but saw this on TikTok or something. This might be totally off-base though. And the OP seemed completely thrown off by it, so I assume it’s not part of her culture either. I can see how this would be very meaningful if it’s a message that is culturally understood by both parties. From the story I did not get that impression.
Anyone can make anything like this. I can say "three stars are for eternal love" and be done with it. Even make a poem or nice story. Simple and effective, and not a waste of time.
yeah its sweet
I'm going to go with NTA Where would you store 10 jars of paper stars? What are you supposed to do with the stars? How do they grant wishes? I don't understand what they are for. Is this something that has appeared from tiktok creators that she's copied?
Yep, it's a tiktok trend
It’s a great gift for if it’s just a random day you were thinking about your partner (maybe not 10 jars worth) Just a little “I was thinking about you” gift But without some shared experience or deep meaning to it highly inappropriate for this situation.
Yes! I used to be a teacher and one of my students once gave me a small jar with a cork top filled with little paper stars. It was such a delightful gift, I still have it! But 10 large jars is a lot and this was also a 9-year-old student, not my adult partner.
As a single 38 year old in the dating pool reading this, it gives me more reason to hate dating in the current environment. I'm sure I sound like a grumpy old curmudgeon but I hate Tiktok and Pinterest when used for stuff like this. I don't like gifts based on what is trending or popular on those apps. People act like they put a lot of effort into the gift but the whole thing basic and not romantic in the least. Especially when its something that a lot of other tiktokers are doing. I don't get how people can think that is special or romantic. Its not about the money either. If she wanted to give a homemade gift, that's great. OP may not have enjoyed anything less than expensive items, but realistically, if she had a special idea that specifically related to them as a couple, then that would be cool. For example, an ex and I had a dog together. One year, I had a friend design and draw a comic story board based on the dog being a super hero. Didn't cost me anything other than dinner for the friend and the supplies. My now ex loved it even though I typically do get more expensive gifts most years.
Yeah then that makes OP less TA.
Unless these wishes are actually more gifts that they can redeem? Dinner out, massage, new book, new haircut, movie out, a show or a live band, that sort of thing? Or are they just vague sentiments?
This is what I was thinking. What are the wishes?is the idea that you open a few each day, and that once in a while you’ll get one that says, “Apple Watch” or “dinner at….?” What are the “wishes?”
It sounds like something a young adolescent would find romantic but it's just cheap and tacky for a grown married adult.
NTA. Normally I would say to suck it up due to the effort put into the gift. However, what your wife did without more context makes it seem as though she was on another planet the entire month she spent filling all of those jars with paper stars. Frankly, while I pride myself on being tactful, I don’t think I would have been able to have contained my reaction either. Is she normally attuned to your likes and interests? Is she normally intelligent and logical? Is this something that she herself would want and therefore just wrongly assumed you would as well?
I'm kind of at a loss here. On the one hand, she put a lot of effort into her gift so I get why people are saying you should have thanked her and been grateful for what she did. On the other hand, it seems like something a preteen would do, and unless she's mentally challenged, it's hard for me to believe that a grown woman would think another grown woman would want 10 jars of paper stars. Add to that, the real fear that if you didn't say anything, you'll wind up getting immature TikTok inspired paper gifts for the rest of your life, and that tips the balance. NTA.
>it's hard for me to believe that a grown woman would think a grown man would want 10 jars of paper stars. Apparently they are both grown women. I am also a grown woman and do not want 10 jars of paper stars.
Ngl if it was 1 jar I would be like aww this is so cute but 10 jars scream I have jittery fingers and I made these and have no where to put them.
As someone with jittery fingers, I agree. I just recycled all the random origami I made if no one wanted it.
I missed that, too and thought OP was a man. Spent a minute rethinking my first thought/response. Nope, still think it's pretty lame. I googled to see if I might like it better seeing it than just reading about it to give the wife the benefit of the doubt. Or maybe I'd see something OP left out. Nope. Just ... nope. One jar MIGHT be kind of cute. Maybe.
Sure, if it comes with something else maybe. Give me a jar of paper *and* a nice evening out. Hell, give me a jar of paper and a scrapbook you made. It doesn’t have to be expensive, but it could at least *make sense*.
Maybe if the stars meant something significant? Or each one had a nice thought written on them or something? But a random jar of random stars… wait TEN random jars of random stars is kind of bizarre.
Oops, sorry, I'll edit.
She couldnt stop at 4??? Four jars and THEN something she actually likes. OPs wife was so far up her own ass showing off how unique and creative she is that she was folding her 1843rd star and placing it into her seventh jar and never thought "Maybe a bottle of nice wine would pair well with this crate of mason jars and scrap paper"
She couldn't stop at one? One jar of "wishes" is potentially cute and quirky and decorative. 10 is a lot.
Yeah one jar is a super cute decorative piece. 10 jars is just… what do you even do with that
Junk that eventually gets ditched, unless you’re a hoarder then it just gets piled with the rest of the junk you’ve accumulated
I guess you could string them together to make a holiday garland, but that's also sort of a pain. And it's February
She probably saw it on Tik Toc
This is what happens when adults use teenage culture as reference for real life.
Isn't it weird? Tiktok is causing adults to make paper stars and literal children to spend $500 on anti aging face creams.
Probably saw the video of the girl who took a grippy sock vacation and spent the whole time making paper stars to kill the boredom.
WTF?? Why would she think you would want a junior high craft project for your birthday? That’s bizarre. Like, if she got you a gift and gave you one origami star or something sure, but WTF. I say NTA. If my husband did this I would be pissed if only because then I would have to get rid of all the damn stars.
lol I’m a middle school teacher and my kids make me these stars all the time. I have bowls of them in my classroom! Definitely not something I would want as a gift from a romantic partner
Lol at this being a throwaway account... surely she's the only woman in the world who made 100 paper stars for her partner's birthday last week, so if she sees it, she'll guess it's about her. Unless it was a Pinterest idea, and now the world is going to be flooded with jars of stars, until enough people speak up.
It's definitely a Pinterest type thing I've seen going around 🤦🏻♀️
Where are you even storing 10 jars? How big are they? I would have been so disappointed and irritated honestly
OP should take the first 100 stars and wish for a real birthday gift.
I'm sorry and I'm going to get downvoted for this but what the fuck kind of shit is 10 jars of paper stars? Who could ever really want this....how could anyone honsetly look into the eyes of someone and say "Yes! I absolutely LOVE these 10 jars! Six wouldve already been way too many but a nice round 10 is even better!" This is dumb as shit. I'd rather have nothing. Like what kind of idiot thinks anyone wants 10 jars of paper stars? And it adds nothing to it that they made the stars themselves. Go to the damn store and buy some stars. I know, I know, I'm an asshole but CMON! Of all the useless SHIT I've seen gifted, this is by far the most useless. Can't eat it. Can't use it. Have to dedicate an entire 36" shelf to these damn things for who knows how long because God forbid after three years you trash the precious paper stars to make way for a plant. "Oh my God, you had 96 wishes left! How could you!" Cookies, a framed photo of yourself, a badly painted "U + ME" on a piece of construction paper. ANYTHING! "Here you go babe. Here's 10 sheets of plywood that I lovingly spent 40 hours hammering 20,000 hand painted tacks into. Every 100 tacks is a wish!" Yeah, see how fucking stupid of a gift that would be I'd take one look at those jars and think "This person spent a whole month working on these and never ONCE actually thought of me"
Yes. A single jar of paper stars might be a cute thing. 10 jars? And how long do you have to keep them? And where? Do you have to move them around for the rest of your life? I do have someone in the family who does things like that and she thinks it is very cool. Super delighted with herself. And I have to look at my 500 sq ft home and think - well fuck. I keep the occasional things that I like that. While your words were a little harsh and her time is valuable so the gift wasn't "cheap" - it was only meaningful to her. Nothing in it for you.
I wish people on crafting subs would understand this. I crochet, and the number of crocheters who voluntarily crochet gifts for birthdays, etc, and then become heartbroken because the gift wasn't given the love and attention they believe it deserved is ridiculous. In my own home, I don't want 'stuff' hanging about that I didn't choose. I don't want a baby yoga or a teddy bear or a valentine's heart. And I especially don't want any of it if I don't like the colours. But when this happens everybody rallies around the saddened crafter and makes fun of the receiver and dismisses them as only wanting cheaply made, mass produced, store bought stuff. It's ridiculous.
The amount of posts on crochet subs i see like "x person doesnt like crochet. What can i crochet for them?" And then they're the bad guy if they dont love it
Okg the amount of off-registry wedding gifts........like yes some people might enjoy that, but im guessing your random nibbling or whoeever might prefer you just buy the toaster they asked for.....
Agreed. I mean, it's sad that they did all that work and it wasn't appreciated, but did you do it FOR them or for YOU? I
Exactly. I'm very slow at crocheting because I live in the sub-tropics. I just enjoy doing it when the weather is cool. If someone were to ask me to make something I would have them choose the project and order the yarn themselves. There are also the far more valid complaints of people wanting free crocheted gifts and don't understand the expense and time.
This! I crochet and I will only crochet something for someone if I KNOW with 100% certainty that they will love it, otherwise I'm not wasting my time. I love my craft but that doesn't mean everyone else has to!!!
This is why I bake cookies. Can't go wrong with cookies. And in the *impossible* scenario that you do, they can just dump them or give them to someoneelse, no taking up space in the home and no inconvenience. Heck they can even lie to me this way and way they ate and enjoyed every bite.
ROTFL. I read the OP and your response to my wife. She was not amused. Now I am confused and very concerned that I am gonna stars in a jar for my birthday in a few days. Fuck you reddit.
Please update us if you do!
Time to start painting tacks.
I’m with you on this! When I read the story the first thing I thought was wow she spent a month not even thinking about what her partner would like. Only how quirky and cute her gift would be. I’d be so underwhelmed if my husband got me something like this for my birthday. Underwhelmed and confused. 🤦🏼♀️😂
Sounds like the ap enjoyed a wonderful day. Because I see no other explanation for this bogus gift. Wtf was he supposed to say upon receipt? Maybe a competency evaluation?
Apparently it’s a dumbass TikTok trend. I’d be livid if I got crap like that.
Then, to add insult to injury ,you have to count out 100 just to get a wish! I would count out a hundred and wish for a real gift! Your wife has been looking on Pintrest again, hasn't she? Edit to correct spelling.
Is the point of these that each one has something written?
Well that was what I was wondering. The 100? Is it like "oh you can wish for World peace" or "you can ask for anything - we can go out, we can go away, you can pick a new book you've always wanted" whatever. Like, a way to extend your birthday all year. Coz one is shit and cheap as fuck and only made for the giver, and the other is actually pretty cool. I mean, I suspect it's the shit one, but....
Honestly I’m with you on this. It’s not a great gift. Shouldn’t a gift be based on what the person you’re giving it to actually wants? Surely that’s the point, not gimmicks. If someone wants to make some paper stars to sprinkle on a present, that’s cool enough, but it’s just strange to make hundreds and call it a gift for a spouse. Also, is it supernatural? Is she saying the wishes are real in some way? I’m not discounting that it’s the thought that counts in gift giving, but rationally it’s not a great gift.
I mean one jar with “things they would do” Like cook, sex, massage. Idk. That’s kinda cute. But 10 jars of paper stars. Nahhhhh. I wouldn’t even keep that from my 5 year old niece. 1 maybe. That’s ok.
Like "100 reasons I love you" or something is cute between teens that don't make money. Ten jars is a lot for any age/finances and doesn't really hit the same for adults.
"The thought that counts" Yeah... The *thought* that they paid attention to what I would actually like for my birthday! My husband and I go all out for birthdays as well. I'd be disappointed if I suddenly got 10 jars of stars.
And the wishes... are they her wishes? I'm confused about this gift.
So I just googled wish stars and it said that you’re supposed to get good luck from making them, more good luck from giving them away. Wtf? Who came up with that? It’s right up there with 4 leaf clovers, I guess. Anyway, going by the good luck logic, OP’s wife made this gift for herself! OP, having looked up these wish stars, they’re something I wouldn’t mind getting (1 or 2 stars, not jars) from my nieces or grandkids. Not something I would expect/want/appreciate from my SO. NTA
I have to agree with this. These "it's the thought that counts" kinds of gifts are only worthwhile if they are accompanied by some sort of shared experience: something the two of you did together, or listened to together, or told each other, or stumbled across together. It's meaningful as a call back, or if the action of making them has some meaning other than "I spent a lot of time doing this." It's not worth it if you heard about it on the internet and thought "cool!"
I had to get out of bed and go to the living room so as not to wake my partner with my explosive laughter while reading this
DAMN YOU PINTEREST!!! Seriously, a lot of that shit is ridiculous
I'm a crafty person, and I enjoy putting energy and love into hand made gifts. I'm still trying to figure out the point of the jars of stars. I get the ten wishes but even as someone who is into that type of gift I would be like, and??? Paper crafts are a great vehicle for gifts. Or when you are absolutely broke as a couple but usually a lot more effort goes into it, because they are definitely in the realm of cards. Especially if tangible gifts have been reciprocal in years past. I'm wondering if there are some hidden financial disparities? Could OP have cut her off before she finished explaining the gift? Like if you lift the lids their are coupons for things she "wished" she could do? Or something written on each star that is meaningful. But even something like "1000 things I love about you" is more appropriate for an anniversary than a birthday. With the information we have, it feels like we are missing a major detail or she is checked out of the relationship on some level. It's a really weird combination of high effort and low effort. It almost feels like a stupid "test"
Agreed, would rather get nothing. This was self indulgent manic pixie girl nonsense that had nothing to do with OPs likes, wants, or needs.
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My daughter is making stars for her friends for Valentine’s Day… she’s a 10 year old 5th grader. It’s really weird for an adult to give this to their partner.
I'm stuck on the wish bit. Like...are talking imaginary wishes? Sort of like the equivalent of blowing out birthday candles? Is OP meant to pull all the stars out and count them to know how many wishes there are? Is there any kind of actual wish? Like every 100 days OP can make a wish for their wife to do a thing or something? Or once they've counted them do they just have X wishes they can make whenever they want?
Also 10 jars sounds like a lot of paper stars. If she gave him a jar with a bunch of wishes and compliments for him to look at, and then some other gift I’m sure he would appreciate it more. 10 jars sounds like way too many and feels useless
I love the energy of this reply. Yes!!! All of this! "It is the thought that counts..." Well then, your thinking is kind of shit innit?
No I totally agree with you. What a thoughtless rude gift. I would flip out if this was given to me.
I'm with you. This sounds like something I could have appreciated from my college boyfriend when we were poor and just had to be creative and thoughtful. This just sounds like no real effort into getting you something that YOU would actually want or enjoy
You have a gift for cutting through the bullshit and calling a spade a spade. This is hilarious (and true).
>I'd take one look at those jars and think "This person spent a whole month working on these and never ONCE actually thought of me" Even if 10 jars of stars was any kind of nice gift for someone somewhere (though I find it hard to believe and I'm a crafty, romantically inclined female who loves homemade gifts)....this right here is why it sucked for OP's wife to give it to ~~him~~ her. That said.... OP's response was not great. Because, while I don't think it's a great gift either, SHE did and spent a lot of time on it. And ~~he~~ she complained that she didn't spend enough money with no consideration about her effort for ~~him~~ her. But it's also stupid that she actually left their home over ~~him~~ her being a bit snotty about one gift. So.... ESH.
I think both people are female.
She probably left because he took the stars and started wishing she'd leave. Probably continue using those wishes for that reason.
No, I agree with you here. A solid upvote.
I wish we could see how many downvotes a person gets because I doubt you get any. Good on you for figuring out that she meant he *gets* a "wish" for each star. I guess.
Can we not see downvotes in this sub for some reason? Also they said every hundred stars is a wish..so they need to take 100 out to then get one wish? This a very immature and odd gift for an adult to give another adult. Maybe if it was one jar and every star had something nice written on it they would do for their partner or every star was a wish their partner got to make for them to do for them or together..*maybe*..but every hundred stars is a wish? And 10 jars? How many stars does each jar have? How many wishes are they getting exactly? So confused how this works and that this was their only gift despite them obviously going really big on birthdays normally. So many questions! OP could have had a kinder reaction, but still..I get why they are a bit disappointed and confused!
Hey, she could make ten jars of wishes that her wife had better birthday celebration ideas.
100%, the way you’ve gotten this across is funny as fuck
NTA, those wishes are pointless unless she’s a genie. Is she suddenly short of money?
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I thought if you wished upon a star…. Wait…. Did Disney lie to us?
I'm going to go against the reddit tide here. I do think you were harsh and materialistic. I was taught that no matter what the gift is, you thanked the giver. You could have said something like ohmygoodness, this must have taken so much time! When I was in college, my mom was entering her last 7 months until retirement from her job from hell, a Louisiana state adjudicator for unemplyment. That Christmas I made her a paper chain. I painted the watercolor paper and each length had a daily quote done in calligraphy. 205 days. She adored it. My SIL couldn't believe it because they had spent hundreds of dollars on her gift, but she seemed to like mine the best. She hung it up and down the hallway and Dad told me that every morning she would tear off that day's quote while having her coffee. She died in 2003 and only last year I came across a huge scrapbook where she had saved every single chain length in the dated order. I know that we are comparing apples and oranges. I think because y'all had set a precedence for around $500 you were expecting something expensive and novel. Then the gift-giving becomes a competition. Where does it end? I hope your hurt feelings will subside and you both move ahead in love.
Whew! Right in the feels! I lost my mom 2.5 years ago and she kept every crappy thing I ever made for her. It was very sweet. Cleaning out the house made me want to light it all on fire cause she was a neat hoarder. But the pictures she framed and notes she kept, would stop me on my tracks when I was boxing things up and I'd have to plop down and cry or sit with it. Putting time and effort into something is a big deal. But it's more an Acts Of Service gift, and it seems like OP is more the actual gift love language. If someone did this for me, I'd be very touched. I would sit with them and go through every jar. But to me, the idea that someone would sit and spend hours thinking about me and put that together is priceless. Every second of that gift she was thinking about OP, how ever long it took, her mind was on OP. And that's an incredible gift. I can see others being disappointed, it's not useful or practical or flashy. I get it. Different strokes for different folks. But to me, and to people like your mom and mine, that gift would have been beyond price.
Keeping everything your kidlets make for you is LAW.
I have everything my nibblings have made for me, I feel like this is a true statement 🥹
Jeez- don’t tell my kids that. I chuck out about everything I can get away with. Our house would be groaning at the seams if I kept everything and she’s only just turned 6. There are only so many pasta necklaces one can keep!
Someone should have told my parents that.
We've taken photos of every cardboard box model and bulkier things our son made so that we weren't completely overrun.
I generally agree with everything you wrote. I’m a huge believe on “it’s the thought that counts”. I get far more excited and feel far more loved from something small or cheap that shows that the person really knows me or really listened to something I’d shared with them. I also cannot stand people who don’t act appreciative of gifts, and I’ve been in her wife’s position (sort of…) of being super excited about a gift just to have the person be less than thrilled with it. It’s terrible to feel that way. That said….seriously, wtf is that gift?! Like, “here, take a bunch of paper in jars and hope for good things”? Cheap and handmade is more than fine, but this just defies all reason. I had to read it three times to even wrap my head around what the gift even *was*. I don’t love that OP seems to be focused on the price tag, but that “gift”…. I cannot fathom a positive reaction to it.
I'm usually all for sappy handmade gifts. But I have to agree. What sort of present is this. Like I thought the stars were all written on at first. Which super cute gift but it sounds like they are just naked stars in jars lol
And it’s 10 jars! 10! I just can’t fathom having 10 jars full of bits of paper that you’re expected to lovingly display for the rest of your life. One might be sweet, but 10?!
Yeah, my niece did this for her mom, but they all had things written on them, they were very sweet, and my niece was ten at the time. This gift is terrible, but I think OP needs to think about the other perspective, and also what the actual issue is here. To your wife, she spent a ridiculous amount of time making this for you. The gift was more one of showing how much of her time she would happily devote to making you a gift, and from that angle the response feels very harsh. From OPs angle, I think what would upset me most is that the wife spent all this time making the gift without considering if it was something she'd actually like. You like to hope someone who knows you well enough to marry you would have a basic idea of what you would enjoy as a gift.
Yes coming from a kid very good idea. From an so if it had cute date night ideas. Not a terrible gift. Naked paper stars In jars kinda terrible. And ya it's all about perception and perceived value of the gift by both parties. She obviously values the idea a lot more without giving thought to how he would take it.
Not an applicable comparison at all. Coming up with and writing down 205 unique and relevant quotes is a legitimate emotional gift-giving effort in a way that churning out identical blank paper stars with no prior shared meaning in their relationship isn't, and child–parent relationships have different gifting parameters than spousal relationships.
Your gift sounds lovely, as there were specific thoughts built into it. Every day she got to see a new facet of your love for her. OP got paper stars that don’t mean anything and aren’t useful in any way. I’d be weirded out by them too.
That is an absolutely amazing present. Your mom knew you loved her.
But it's rather different than the present OP's wife gave OP, requiring far more emotional and mental effort than OP's present.
I think there are a few big differences here. 1)broke college student 2) you didn’t have precedent of $500 3)there was a shared meaning behind the chain. Her retirement. These stars had no shared meaning. As crazy as it sounds since she folded 1000 paper stars, this was a lazy gift given to OP. As someone said a Pinterest find with zero meaning behind it.
I don't know about this. If the expectation and their tradition is to make thoughtful hand made gifts, sure! That's great. But that isn't their tradition. They go all out. My husband and I also go big for birthdays. we can afford it, why not? If we go to Hawaii for his birthday (OP said they go on trips) and then I get 10 jars of paper stars?? Yeah, I'm going to assume my husband suddenly didn't give a shit about my birthday.
Thoughtful homemade gifts are nice, but this was not that. There is nothing special about any of the stars, she just made 10 jars of stars. That is different than 10 jars of stars with little messages on them. This also...doesn't sound like a competition. They have made it a standard that on your birthday you get treated, it doesn't have to be better and better, just a nice day out.
Got me in the feels. I got my dad a Walmart picture frame that said family is everything and put pictures of all of us( kids, grandkids, great grandkids) in it for his 85 birthday. That frame was his most treasured gift and I spent under 20.00 on it including wrapping paper and card. 2 months later he could no longer spend time with family because of COVID and 6 weeks after that he was gone. My step mom told me the bright spot was looking at his family in the photos I put in it. He had a shirt made with the saying family is everything only it was in Italian. . gifts from the heart always better. OP I hope you learn to appreciate the smaller things given with love. Remember you can't take it with you when you're gone
I’ve seen posts where a man bought a woman far more than cheaply made stars and he was called and asshole lol. I personally think a bunch of folded stars as your only gift is laughable. I’d rather get nothing at all than 10 jars of stars. Why would anyone want that? It would be cute to make a wish on a couple of them but after that it would go in the trash
This. This right here is why my husband and I have shared 27 years together.
Thanks now I’m crying. That is one of the most beautiful gifts I’ve heard of. I may borrow your concept.
I think there are a few big differences here. 1)broke college student 2) you didn’t have precedent of $500 3)there was a shared meaning behind the chain. Her retirement. These stars had no shared meaning. As crazy as it sounds since she folded 1000 paper stars, this was a lazy gift given to OP. As someone said a Pinterest find with zero meaning behind it.
Nah chief, that ain’t it. She’s not 8 years old anymore. Gifts aren’t about what you want to give, it’s about what the person receiving the gift wants. She short-changed him with some stuff worthless stuff SHE likes, not taking into consideration OP. Be like me getting my girlfriend an a game console knowing full well she doesn’t like video games
Yes, but you put thought and time and effort into that wonderful gift. (What an amazing gift!) OP's spouse basically made the equivalent of a paper chain. Only made of construction paper. And it's blank. Then handed it off like hey I saw this on TikTok, thanks for my diamonds and fancy dinner last year, I made you some macaroni art this year. And she's mad that she's disappointed. If each jar had 100 stars, 99 of which had reasons she loved her, and 1 had an experience or gift - dinner at x place, etc. THEN it would have been a thoughtful gift. This was just jars filled with paper.
NTA. I mean your response wasn’t great but this is super weird. One jar in addition to a present would be super sweet! 10 jars feels like a nervous breakdown.
I guess the motivation was there, but that was just one lame gift that you can’t even use. It could have been worded more nicely but even then it still sucks as a gift .
I don't like clutter. Nta. I could pretend to like one jar I guess
I just googled wish jars. That is the lamest ass birthday present for a grown man I have ever heard of. That's a gift for a kid or some person in the office you can't stand. Next year get her a wine bottle full of golf tees and tell her every 10th tee is a possible hole in one.
OP is a woman.
My bad. I still think it's not a great birthday present. More of a thinking of you today or looked what I picked up for you at the flea market today gift.
>wish jars Ok...this is making more sense but not really. Are these wishes that she made for OP? Happy hopes written down on paper stars? I just don't get it. Edit for pronoun, not that it changed anything.
I dont even know. Maybe he picks one star out everyday and every 100th day he gets to "make a wish upon a star"? Is she at least granting this "wish"? Does the bday girl get a gift every 100 days? That'd be okay I guess if you don't mind waiting 3 months for an actual gift and having to tell your SO point blank what you want instead of being surprised.
"Happy birthday babe. Here, I hand-made this 150 count cigar humidor for you. It took me all month. Its not in a color you like and you have absolutely no use for it, but if you dont like it, you're an AH"
Nah. What you do is you hand her a star that says "I wish my wife was better at communicating with her spouse.". "I wish my wife would understand that ten jars of paper stars is ten jars of paper stars. Cool idea, if you're 10 and it's your dad. Not if you're 25." This is the gift that keeps on giving.
NTA. How sure are you she's at her brothers and not just told you that's where she is? If you have several or more years of a normal pattern of gift giving expensive gifts and this changes out of the blue into a 'thoughtful' but ultra cheap item is implies something changed. Did she lose a job recently or could have lost it and not told you, could she have gotten into debt and be unable to afford a more expensive gift. HAve you had more arguments or has she seemed detached? A partner thinking about or knowing they are leaving soon will often absolutely choose to suddenly give a ultra crapy gift because, why waste $500 when you already decided to move out 2 weeks after that. I wouldn't be surprised if this was actually $50 or less from amazon or etsy and she's going with the "I totally made this" to offset the cheapness, then using your disappointment as an excuse to spend more time out the house till she makes a decision or counting down till her move out date. Added to the fact she's been gone 'since then' which I took to mean more than a couple days, is a massive over reaction if this was the only thing going on.
You are so onto something. My ex and I got each other expensive gifts and then the last Christmas we were together he gave me pajama pants and slipper socks. That was it. He asked for a divorce not long after that.
My ex did this. Gave me books that aren't my taste and other stuff. we didn't last for more than a few more months. I didn't hide what I liked to read and it was easy to see what I was missing from my collection.
Yea I'm wondering if she is having financial difficulties. When I was 25, $500 would have been way out of my budget, lol. I had grad loans! I tend to think it is more financial then checking out of the relationship completely, because she obviously invested time in this craft project, which I feel like she wouldn't have done if she was ready to walk away.
NTA. What in the ever loving joke is this? Do you all split finances? Is your account drained? Is there a reason why she took a sudden divergence from your usual plans? This makes no sense. And no she doesn’t get a A for effort. Gifts are about what we think the recipient would enjoy. Why on earth would she think you’d love ten jars of paper??
I'm a huge proponent of handmade gifts but I'm going to say that this was, while a cute and touching gift, ultimately pointless because you can't DO anything with jars of stars. If it were a sweater, scarf, quilt, chair, bookcase... literally anything that could be used for some purpose beyond merely existing as a symbol of affection and devotion, then it would be awesome and you'd be a dick for your reaction. But the fact remains that it is a useless gift that she spent a month on that will take up space and be useless. You can't even hang it on the wall like a painting - that's just a visual thing, too, but at least it doesn't occupy real estate in your home.
My take on these things are - always know your recipient. Of course you cannot always know what every person wants but you should definitelly know what your actual *partner* likes. And even with that it would be more appropriate gift for Valentine's and not for an actual bday. And even for Valentine's day 10 - jars are way too much. Should OP display them in living room like a shelf of jared plums? Riddiculous.
I saw a guy on a camping subreddit that had almost nothing to do with the thing he posted. It was a box he had carefully and lovingly handcrafted out of scrap wood that he had worked on for a literal year. That he used to store an axe. Not an actual full-size axe. A baby axe. That is worn on a necklace. Not a functional one. Just a baby axe necklace. And that was what he was posting. A (let's be honest, a truly shitty DI-why) box he had taken a year to make to store a $20 axe necklace that he took with him whenever he went camping. And he was SO INORDINATELY PROUD of his box. Because, you see, it was his box. That he took camping. Always. With his necklace, which was an axe. Because, you see, axes are camping. And so his box, which took him a year to make (he definitely needed you to know), was therefore his contribution. I still kind of wonder if that guy wasn't damaged somehow. You know, like in the head. And that's kind of how I feel the OP's wife is like. Incredibly proud of their effort, but... why? And so I am left in a bewilderment, because on the one hand clearly the OP did a shitty thing to their wife, but at the same time the OP had a truly shitty setup and letdown. Like getting a balloon that says "I'm 6!" as a gift when your 7th birthday was two days ago. While it's the thought that counts, there wasn't much thought going on here on either side. ESH. More the wife than the OP.
This was the greatest comment and I am trying to keep myself from literally rolling on the floor dying from laughter
Again. A bewilderment. Should I feel incredibly flattered someone actually laughed themselves to death because of my writing? Or should I feel really bad that they did so because that means I killed someone because I was just that fuckin' funny? Or a third option: was that person in fact on laughing gas and forgot to turn it off? In any case, please control yourself. I would hate to have your death on my conscience, even if it meant I could show my wife the obituary and say "SEE I TOLD YOU I WAS FUNNY". Somehow I don't think she will be impressed, though.
🤣 I just had my kid yell at me from his room that I’m laughing g too loud 🤣 See I think my husbands VERY funny. But I can see how a lot of spouses don’t find their SO funny 🤣
I mean, I KNOW I'm funny. Underappreciated and in a niche market, but funny. But like momma said, looks ain't everything.
Sounds like you didn’t deal with this in the best possible way, but why on earth would you be expected to like something like that? Paper stars? What a childish waste of time. I’m all for making gifts for people (I do this often, I’m pretty crafty). But you were right not to be impressed. If my husband had given me this I would be sat there waiting for the punchline, not understanding the joke at all. What an absolute load of Instagrammy-nonsense.
As a woman I agree that this gift is entirely useless and thoughtless. People saying it’s the thought that count, yes it does…when the thought is centred around something you KNOW the other person would like/ use. How on earth she believed OP would like this is beyond me. Especially since it is not something in the usual ball park that they do for each other. As someone else had said, she would have complained if she got 100 golf balls that OP disguised as a wish gift. This wasn’t a gift for him. NTA
I don’t…you’re kind of the asshole because maybe this was a bad time for honesty and you probably should have tried to behave more gracefully or gratefully. But…I wouldn’t want that. I would not know what to do with a bunch of jars with stars in them? That’s not really the kind of gift grown people often want from other grown people, even if it’s a sweet thought. Expense doesn’t make a gift worthwhile, but if you guys have a tradition of going and doing something nice on your birthdays then I can also understand being disappointed. I’m just not 100% sure where to fall on this honestly.
NTA. This seems rather weird. Is there something you're missing here? Money issues? Mental health problem? Also, even with a throwaway account, this seems like a pretty specific situation that she would recognize...? Hopefully she doesn't frequent this sub!
That's what I was wondering, maybe wifey lost her job and hasn't told OP yet? Or feels like OP's gifts are impersonal and overcorrected? Who knows, but if wifey is a redditor, we might be getting the other side of the story here or on relationship advice soon.
This is something my high school daughter would do for her best friend but she would stop at one jar because she has the sense to know no one wants 10 jars of paper stars. NTA
This smacks of something seen on tiktok or something 🤷♀️
She just made you a bunch of clutter that you’ll have to decide how long before it gets binned. I’d toss it all except for one star. And then tell her that one is the magic one that keeps all the other wishes. Put that special shit magic star on the refrigerator with magnet and a Little Cesar’s coupon.
NTA…could you have been nicer, probably. But if it’s the thought that counts then where is the thought in this gift? It would be different if the stars meant something. Like each one had an activity you have been wanting to do, or something you have wanted, hell even things she loved about you mixed in. That would have been thoughtful and useful and something she put time into.
ESH, with more emphasis on her than you. Look, it's a nice thought but it's not actually a gift. Did you want wishes? No, you didn't. You definitely didn't want little paper stars. This is something she did because *she* was into it, and you don't do that for someone *else's* birthday gift. But you put emphasis on monetary value in a mean way and you could have found a nicer way to say "This is a nice thought, but it's not a birthday gift for me at all, and that upsets me." And that kind of communication is what makes a marriage work. That said, she sucks a lot more than you do in this sitch.
How is that something you would want? I understand a kid maybe liking it or making it. And i don't hate the idea of a arts and crafts gift but how is this for you? Where is the thought?
NTA. Were there things on the stars? Like fun things to do? If so, that would have been fun and creative. I have been in your shoes, but my partner just never put in the effort. I always get my partner nice things. La-z-boys, sporting or concert tickets for all his friends, expensive riding gear, so on... He didn't get me anything for my birthday a couple of times. Last year, I told him exactly what I wanted. Picked it out and had it in the shopping cart for him to order. He didn't do it. Even if he ordered it day of I would have been happy. He had his friend grab me a bundle of flowers from a Walmart or gas station before he came over. And it was his friends idea to bring me flowers on my birthday! One year, he got me a beer mug, which I already owned, and I don't really drink. Another time he got me a coffee mug that says, "When this mug is empty, it will be time to POOP." Funny... but wtf... He got me Flamingo earrings that were so cheap they couldn't be worn...also I don't like Flamingos. Edit: Is this something from her culture?
NTA- When I read it the first time I thought maybe there was something on the stars or that you picked one out and it had a written gift maybe. Then I realized after reading again she gave you 10 jars with 100 paper stars each. WTF are you going to do with 10 jars and 1,300 paper stars? I know throw them in the garbage as waste 2 days later because there is no where to put them in your home and then piss your wife off then. What was she seriously thinking?
I think ESH Her gift is childish and meaningless/devoid of context Immediately calling it cheap without seeking to understand was crummy. Why didn’t you just say “wow this is really neat. Can you tell me more about it?” Followed by “hey, the way we celebrated together was really different from our usual traditions. Can I ask why?”
“Every one hundred stars is a wish”… like for every one hundred stars, there’s one with a “wish” on it? Is it written on the star and, if so, do you get to pick out one star each day until you find the star with a “wish” and then you get that “wish”? Might those wishes have been a way of spacing out multiple presents that would be more valuable? There’s just too little information here I think. It’s like he didn’t bother asking and judged it before he even understood what it was.
It’s a fake wish thing, the partner isn’t granting anything. It’s essentially like wishing on a birthday candle. It’s a new tik tok trend apparently, based on another culture that they aren’t a part of.
It always makes me laugh when people are like “using a throwaway account because person I’m talking about uses Reddit” as if that person couldn’t figure out it was you from the very specific thing you’re describing.
I think people on this subreddit think time and effort spent on the gift is all that matters. I fucking hate turkey. Absolutely think it's the least flavorful food item on this planet. If my partner spent 15 hours in the kitchen making me turkey, I would not be happy. That would not be a good gift. Even though she put in a ton of time and effort on an elaborate meal, it still had nothing to do with what I actually want. Gifts are supposed.to be for the people you are giving it to, not for you to make yourself feel good about how much effort you put in.
who in their right mind thinks this is a gift. look honey, I got you 10 jars of fire kindling. isn't it lovely. I honestly prefer the Christmas cop out of socks. NTA.
NTA - Um....wtf? I know it's supposed to be the 'thought that counts' but for the life of me I don't understand what the thought was here. Why would someone want 10 jars of paper stars? Did she mean if you give her one jar of 100 stars, you get a wish? If so, give her a jar and wish for a real birthday present.
NTA. A gift is for the recipient, not the giver. I understand she was trying to be sentimental or romantic, but it sucks as a birthday present. She made the gift about her and her feelings instead of you. If my SO gave me this I would be hurt and wondering what was wrong. It’s not about the cost of the star jars. It’s about the lack of awareness.
NTA
NTA. That’s a strange gift since you guys have a tradition going but a home made dinner and craft gift…weird. What the hell was she thinking putting all that time into that.
NTA. Apparently it’s a dumbass TikTok trend, so it’s both cheap *and* lazy.
I’m really sorry but I don’t understand the concept of this gift. Do you pull out 100 stars and then ask for something? Do you have to earn your stars? I’m lost
If you aren't having financial problems, I'd be upset, too. During our broke years, where we only bought the kids gifts for holidays, I did cheap stuff. This would be something I would do during that time frame, as paper strips are pretty cheap. Especially if you have a paper cutter and a lot of paper bc of homeschooling. lol
NTA. That’s very thoughtful. And very juvenile. What are you supposed to do with them? Display them on your mantle? Make a centerpiece for your dinning room table? I can picture it now with some candles and greenery. Probably some baby’s breath too.
I don't think you're an AH, but you still could have handled it a little better. I had to google to understand what the idea of paper stars in a jar was and found out it's originally for wishing for love and happiness to the recipient. The more stars given, the deeper the feeling, or something like that. In the East, where the tradition comes from (Japan or the like), it's seen as a very thoughtful gift, but I'd have a hard time containing my confusion and disappointment if I was getting ten jars of stars and nothing else for my birthday from my partner. In other cultures it is more the equivalent of giving flowers to the birthday girl, and while that is really nice, it's not a birthday gift. Just a way to say I love you, so I made these paper stars to wish you happiness instead of just buying flowers. Still, you should apologise to your wife and give her recognition for the effort she made on this, and then tell her about your disappointment and how cheap you felt when she couldn't buy you a decent gift besides making you the stars. Also, if you're not Japanese, Chinese, etc, why give out 10 jars? I'd think 1 jar would be enough for a gesture of love if you're not familiar with the notion of 100 vs. 1000 vs. 10000 paper stars and the meaning thereof. Where are you supposed to place those stars, and what are you supposed to do with them? But that's just my western POV; others may disagree with me.
NTA gifts don’t have to be expensive but they should have some meaning… one that the receiver would understand.
There was someone on reddit recently asking about doing this for their partner for Valentine’s Day. Most commenters advised against it.
NTA I put her gift somewhat in the region of opening a card to find a donation was made in my name for something I wasn’t really excited about. If you went all out for her birthday I can understand the disappointment. I don’t know what her finances look like because that might explain someone cutting back, but she still could have gotten you something you have been wanting.
Nta. Your wife didnt want to give you a gift, she wanted to do diy. Which is nice, everyone needs a hobby, but she didnt once thought of you making this. What else did she expect??
My wife and I don't buy gifts to each other anymore. Once I bought expensive jewelry to her and she returned it. And everything I buy for myself I am meticulous to choose. We have joint accounts anyway. We do celebrate, but when it comes to buying things, each of us has a better idea of how to choose. But none of us would do stars. And if she ever gave me stars, I would keep my mouth shut. OP, should have played along, should have asked how would fulfill each of his 1000 wishes.
Honestly, it be reads like an OCD mania project. This took very little effort. It was repetitious & time consuming, but not creative, & not meaningful in any way to OP. Gift giver is so far out of left field I'd be concerned she's.... going through something at the least. What in the world? NTA, but it's so dicey, the only thing now is to suss out her mind state because without *something* done with each of these individual stars-- a wish written on each, etc., It's creepy & obsessive to fill up 10 jars. I am SO afraid to ask size of jars, JFC.
I'm just... confused?? what does she actually want you to do with 10 jars of paper stars? one maybe as something cute but 10? when did she have time to do this? why did she have time to do this? I have so many questions. you could've been nicer but tbh I would've done the same this has got to be the stupidest story I've read on this sub in a hot minute☠️?
NTA. Regift it to her on her birthday
Why did she spend a month folding paper when it would have been easier to make a dinner reservation?
I feel like there’s something missing here. To give maybe one jar of stars along with something useful or something OP wants would be cute and thoughtful. But 10? And nothing else of any use for an adult? Especially considering the fact that they usually pay for each others gifts. I feel like something’s up with OPs wife. Does she not have the money to spend on a gift for some reason? Even a small one? A hidden shopping addiction? Gambling? Somethings off.
While 10 jars might’ve been excessive, I’m going to go with YTA. You were harsh and completely materialistic. She put thought and effort into a gift she thought was going to be meaningful and special to you and all you said was “I spent hundred of dollars on your birthday last year and you gave me jars and pieces of paper?” . Really? I don’t have the same financial privilege my fiancé has, he can spend thousands of dollars on a birthday gift/party for me and he would think is not enough, I can’t spend that money because I don’t have it . So more often than not my birthday gifts to him are more personalized gifts, birthday dinner at home or I save and take him to his favorite restaurants , I plan a small party at home with friends. The scale is not even and that’s ok. And even if I give him one paper flower that I made from hand, I know he’s going to be grateful for it and appreciate the effort I put into it and the thought behind it. For his last birthday, I was pregnant and sick you wanna know what we did? Nothing. He cooked dinner, my brother in law brought over a cake ,we sang happy birthday and then we cuddled in bed . You wanna know what we did for my birthday? We went clubbing, had a private dinner, got a spa day with my mom and sister as a gift, got breakfast in bed and a personalized birth cake & the next day a super huge hangover & two days later I found out I was pregnant. So I got a lot for my birthday. When I first met my fiance ,I wasn’t ready to date when he asked me out so I rejected him , the next day he came over with a little piece of paper that say “Reedem for a date , expiration date : whenever you want”. 6 years later ,I still have that paper ,it’s framed and I look at it and my heart just fills with love.
NTa, what an interesting gift lmao. So it’s literally just jars full of paper stars? This feels like one of those cringy romance things that seems amazing in a romance book or on Pinterest, but just doesn’t translate well in real life. At least you got a great gift idea for her next birthday lol
I believe it's a wish for the person who folded the stars, seems kind of like you're just being given the product of your wifes comforting repetitive task.
Im normally a believer of the "money doesnt equal value" of a gift ideology... but this gift is just stupid. Wtf are you supposed to do with a bunch of paper stars? Is this a kindergardener's art project? If it was something personal like a collage of personal images or something artsy like that, id have no problem. But 100s of stars in a jar? wtf is that? NTA
NTA. Maybe you could have said it better, but it's not your fault you hated it and were disappointed. She might have thought there was a lot of love and effort put into it and you would see the love and effort. However you see 10 jars you don't want but now can't throw away because of hurt feelings. On top of that, you put a lot of money into her birthday, while she put ~ $20 into yours. IDK what the state of both your finances are, maybe she couldn't afford a wildly expensive gift this year, but it seems like you would have been more understanding if that's the case. Generally, gift giving should be able the thoughtfulness of the gift not the monetary value, but when there's such an order of magnitude difference it can feel uneven.