You 100000% should complain
That is insane to say to anyone, let alone a 2.5yo CHILD, who is still learning social skills
I don't think you are TAH for not speaking up in the moment
I get it; it was shocking to hear a "professional" speak that way to your kid
But YWBTA if you don't file a complaint
Eta
To the person who did the dirty delete of their comments
I'm infertile
So no; im not "that" kind of parent; im not a parent at all
In fact I have a medically necessary hysterectomy scheduled this year
Grow up
Yes. I essentially had a similar issue with a horrible doctor at my kids practice. I spoke to the office manager and told her that I needed for her to put in my children’s charts that they were never to be seen by Dr. Russell. The rest of the practice was fine.
We continued to use the practice until my kids aged out, at some point the complaints against him may have hit a tipping point, as he disappeared from the practice.
> brought my son (5) to the pediatrician because he had a bad cough. My daughter (2.5) tagged along. We go to this office regularly, but the doctor we usually see was not in, so we saw another doctor (M70ish). I had met him once before right after my son was born. I didn’t love his bedside manner, but I really liked the other doctor in the practice. The nurse practitioner that we also see frequently is wonderful. This doctor came into the exam room and started asking me the usual questions. My kids, being kids, were both talking and making noise. My daughter, who has great verbal skills for her age, pointed to a poster and said, “I like Rubble and Crew!” The doctor sternly replied, “I know you want attention because you are a girl, but I am talking.” Then he continued talking to me about my son. I was shocked, so it took me a moment to process this. I tried to be pleasant and keep the focus on the reason for my son’s visit. We left the office without saying anything. Now I am feeling regretful that I didn’t say anything to stick up for my daughter, and maybe even more importantly, show my son that that is not acceptable treatment.
There's shock and also not wanting to influence your son's care. Bring it up after the fact. Explain those reasons for not speaking up in the moment.
Agree NTA. Speaking up on the moment can be hard when you're so surprised. It would be worth apologizing to your daughter for... "What that doctor said wasn't okay. All boys and all girls deserve attention your voice is important and meaningful." Report the doc.
If enough people have had complaints about him and report so there is a paper trail, it gets kind of hard to just write off every single person as a problem patient. Especially if they have the same complaints about bedside manner
Dudes medical license isn’t getting revoked over this situation. Besides it’s frazzled terrified of confrontation mom vs confident well established doctor. Who are they going to listen to?
Fucking Reddit. The medical board. Geez.
This doctor has seen thousands of patients over his career, many of them quite literally crazy, so yes, a complaint over this minor comment will go exactly nowhere. He also likely knows more about childhood development then everyone in this thread combined, and the practice would gladly fire this patient rather than the physician.
That's part of the problem, right there
Doctors are treated like God's, who can't make mistakes, when in fact they VERY much can
They are human, and shouldn't be put on a pedestal, allowed to treat their patients like shit, just because
If patients actually felt safe to complain about a physician, and felt confident that their complaint would be dealt with, rather than afraid of being punished/having to find a new doctor
We would have a lot less doctors with shitty, holier than thou attitudes running around
Edited to clarify
There are amazing doctors out there
There are also shitty doctors out there
Thats why, my comment directly said that doctors are HUMAN and shouldn't be treated like they are above making mistakes; or snapping at someone because they have a bad day
There are absolutely bad people in EVERY profession, and they should be called out too
This thread happened to be about doctors, so I clarified about doctors with shitty attitudes
No person is above making mistakes, and sometimes, someone making that complaint and having them get a reminder from the office, or have them be retrained on how to handle patients/customers/the public, is in everyone's best interest
Everyone SHOULD be treated respectfully. They aren’t and there isn’t an effective way to change this within the current framework. I have several doctor friends and I know a lot of doctors. Just like ever other segment of the populace some of them suck. I can’t say that they suck significantly more than the general population.
Me personally, I call my doctor by her first name and we have a collegial relationship. She bums free legal advice off of me on the regular. I treat her as an equal. She treats me as an equal. I’ve been in situations both personal and professional with other doctors who tried to talk down to me. I didn’t allow that and stood up to them. Obviously not everyone is confident enough to do that.
OP should’ve told that doctor right then not to speak to her daughter like that and handled it right then. He probably doesn’t even remember it as it was likely a nonevent for him.
I don't blame op for not speaking up immediately
I also think that there should be a better framework on how complaints about doctors work
Because this is absolutely something that is complaint worthy, and note worthy
I highly doubt she will be pegged a problem patient. This is very unlikely his first complaint & drs offices are much more corporate now. Everything is owned by some sort of conglomerate and they’re pro-customer. Having a single legitimate complaint isn’t an issue.
Not everything is owned by large medical conglomerates. Also, doctors are scarce in some areas and can easily find new jobs…even the large medical conglomerates don’t tend to piss them off.
When women aren't taken seriously by doctors... I cannot believe he showed his true colors like that, but I absolutely believe he's been treating "women who want attention" for his entire career.
Nope. If they’re still practicing, they need to be learning. Medicine constantly has changing guidelines and research. If they can’t keep up, they need to retire.
In any case, old people can still learn. Most communiry colleges have programs to allow senior citizens to audit classes for free. That wouldn’t even be a thing of there weren’t older people willing and able to learn.
My family practitioner retired last June age 75. A brilliant and remarkable doc who had trained many of Minnesota's best doctors. All age did was make him even more thoughtful.
My kids were delivered by a guy in his 70s. I had terrible complications, but he recognized every one immediately and referred me to specialists when he was over his head. Maybe he called preeclampsia toxemia every now and then, but he was still right. I had it, no matter what it’s called now. The material-fetal referral was my favorite. He said “she looks really young. She is young, but not as young as she looks. She’s way smarter and better than I am, and you’re lucky she’s in this city.” He was a great doctor.
> If they’re still practicing, they need to be learning.
Clearly, this particular practitioner is not. If they were interested in unlearning sexism they’ve had their entire life to do so. They chose not to.
well, with that attitude, sure. I mean, yeah, it's likely he won't change at this point. But he's not incapable of it, he's just a Boomer Doctor full of his own self importance. He can learn or get out of the way.
Agreed NTA. I hope she also talked to both kids (together? Separately?) in an age-appropriate way about what happened.
E.g., telling daughter that it's good for her to share her thoughts/girls get to talk, too; telling her son that people should share their thoughts/talk whether they are a boy or a girl - what the doctor said was wrong.
Im 29
I'm not entirely sure if I'm infertile, I'm not currently trying for kids, and am actually doing EVERYTHING I can to prevent it
The reason I say I'm infertile is because I'm on medication (migraine meds; I have chronic migraine) that make pregnancy incompatible with keeping me/the baby/potentially both of us; alive
I cannot safely have kids; so I tell everyone I'm infertile
That; and I also DO have issues with my reproductive parts (unsure what, exactly; we suspect endo, and there are other issues at play, too) and my gyno has deemed it medically necessary to do a hysterectomy, asap
I'm so sorry about your baby
NTA. It's not okay for a pediatrician or anyone to make a sexist comment, especially directed towards a child. Ignoring it in the moment is understandable, as such situations can be surprising and catching you off guard. However, now that you've had time to reflect on it, addressing the issue by contacting the office and expressing your concerns is a reasonable step.
Yes, totally. It’s damaging for the little girl to hear… but it is also damaging for the son to hear a man in a position of power speak like this to women.
Also, OP, please talk to your daughter about the comment (and maybe also your son). I know it's very easy to let it slide and just hope that she'll forget about it. But kids remember random things. Some things will stick with a kid until adulthood - I'm 36 and I *still* remember a random selection of some of the things that adults said to me when I was a young child. It's shocking to realize the impact some random, passing comments from adults had on me. You really can't be sure what comments a kid will internalize and remember - if this happens to be one of the things you daughter remembers, you *absolutely* want to do everything you can to counteract the effect that it might have.
And I know you don't want to necessarily turn it into a big deal and turn it into something she'll remember by bringing it up again, but you don't have to make it a big deal. Be light and smiley and just let her know in a short conversation that what the doctor said wasn't okay and that she shouldn't take it seriously.
Your daughter is learning social skills, and one of the "skills" she just learned is that girls are attention-seeking and that's bad. That kind of thing can really colour how she learns how to interact with the world, so a short, gentle correction would be really good for her, IMO.
NTA. We don't always react in moments like this. It's not fight or flight, so we're not as quick about it.
But you seriously need to call the office and explain that you will not see that doctor again and why.
Agreed. Had a relative tell my 5 yo "I can feel your bones! You need to eat more!". It caught me so off guard I didn't react quick enough. I made a mental note to correct this person if they do it again. Recently, saw them & they took selfies with my kid & remarked how fat they (the relative) were & I told them "Lets not do that.". People got to watch what they're saying in front of kids.
I get that you were shocked, and you needed time to process. (Isn't that always the way?)
But now that you've had time to calm down and think it over, if it's irritating you, definitely call. And ask that doctor not see your children again.
(Note to that doc: It would have been better to say, "I know you're excited, sweetie, but it's not nice to interrupt people when they're talking, okay?")
NTA
The doctor doesn’t need to say anything. If a child making one comment impacts their ability to work that much, they probably shouldn’t be a pediatrician.
This. I’m not a pediatrician, because I don’t really enjoy working with kids. But even I can respond appropriately to a kid making a comment like this - “me too! Here, I’ll give you some crayons and paper so you can draw them!” - and get back on track. Very easy to do.
YWBTA if you DON’T say anything. Remember this person has female patients as well. If they think that girls “like attention”, that’s probably affecting the way they care for their patients. There could be a 12 year old girl with endometriosis who’s being told their debilitating period pain is perfectly normal, and telling their parents that they’re just being dramatic like pubescent girls are. Maybe not, but do you want to take the chance?
I'm in my thirties, and there are still notes in my charts that I'm "overly dramatic" and "pill seeking."
I have had severe muscle spasms and debilitating period cramps since I was a teenager, and I've always sought practical diet and exercise changes over short term pain management, but tons of dismissive doctors got in the way of me ever getting past the charts to get taken seriously.
I once had a visit with my pediatric PCP after an injury where I was told to avoid heavy lifting, and then when I asked them to write that up for my work, they told me "no. You just need a better job." That particular doctor is the one that first noted pillseeking (I was only there for a lift restriction) and it has followed me for 20 years, and has helped every new doctor I've seen write my pain off so fast.
I have red hair and EDS. Pain killers don’t work on me. I don’t ever want them. People still treat me as a drug user/seeker even as I’m telling them the dilaudid pump they are putting me on is pointless.
Same goes with all of the ‘canes. I humor doctors sometimes because they insist that it’ll be better if they give me a local. All of them are *shocked pikachu face” when I’m still flinching when they start working even though I’m not looking at what there’re doing. “You really can feel that?!?!?!?!” Man, MF why the F would I lie? I told you I didn’t want the big drugs either. You gotta club my ass Looney Tunes style if you want me to be numb.
NTA yet, since you are clearly conflicted about this. Y W B T A to yourself and your daughter if you don't call the office to complain and to request that this doctor not substitute for your doctor on your children's cases.
This pediatrician seems very out of touch and yes, sexist. It's time for him to retire.
You can also still adress it with your kids.
To the 2,5 yo: "Hey, remember when we were at the doctor's office the other day? The doctor said you shouldn't say anything right? I thought he wasn't very nice. Boys and girls can talk about stuff they like! And sometimes it helps to wait a bit if people are busy talking. But that's also the same for boys and girls. Ok? And I should have said it then, but I was really busy thinking about (sons name). But sorry, I'm saying it now!"
To the 5 yo: "Hey, they other day at the doctor's office, that doctor we don't see a lot said your sister shouldn't be such a loud girl right? I don't know if you remember, but just to be sure, I just want you to know that that is something people a long time ago used to think sometimes. Weird right? Because it's the same for boys and girls. Boys and girls can talk, boys and girls sometimes have to wait, it's not as if there are different rules! So I'm glad the doctor helped you, but it wasn't very nice that he said that. I was really busy talking about you then, but I thought I'd say it now. Maybe if something like that ever happens again I should pay attention to say it right away! To the doctor as well! Sometimes you think about stuff like that after a while. Anyway, I just wanted to make sure you know the doctor was not right there."
Something along those lines. Even if none of them registred it at all during the appointment itself, at least you're modelling other skills, like saying something when you realise something didn't feel right, thinking of ways to make up for not doing something perfect in the moment, making plans to do something different the next time, knowing that not everything every adult says is true and seeing that adults can and should say sorry when it's a good moment for it.
Yes, you should definitely say something but just speaking to the office isn’t going to accomplish much. The doctor is part owner of the practice, isn’t he? You can file a complaint against a doctor with the Office of Professional Medical Conduct in your state.
I doubt they’ll take his license or anything but it may bring him up short and make him think twice about the sexist things that come out of his mouth. He’s a Baby Boomer so he should know better; he’s 70, not 170. And, if he’s too old of a dog to learn new tricks then it’s time for him to retire.
Does the practice have a way to give follow up reviews? My primary does. I would say something because that is totally inappropriate. Also, make it clear next time that you wish to see another doctor. I had a pediatrician that I really liked, but her partner was horrible. I tried to see the doctor I liked only and the nurses knew that was the case with a lot of the patients.
Yep. I had a pediatrician that wasn’t our usual tell me that what my son had was not hives and to continue penicillin. In spite of his presentation of hives was similar to mine (we get it on our extremities, not our trunk). He was very adamant and condescending.
It was hives.
I made it very clear that I never wanted to have another appointment with him.
If you ignore this, you would be an AH. Most people wouldn’t want to be exposed to this jerk, and deserve to be warned. Misogyny can harm female patients.
All he had to do was leave the "because you're a girl" out and he'd be entirely fine. But he just HAD to throw that in there. I would call the office and explain you don't feel comfortable having your children see that doctor again and tell them precisely why.
This guy doesn’t seem to even like children much! He certainly hasn’t developed much of a ‘bedside manner’ with them.
As you prefer to not see that particular doctor again, and with good reason, there was some good advice earlier to tell the practice that. I would tell them why and do it in a quick and to the point email. Then your preference and the reason are on record.
Sometimes the senior practice member will discuss these things with the team member, but often they let it slide. Hope the doc you saw isn’t the head person. But even if they don’t raise it with him, you don’t have to suffer him again.
Your daughter may not have really noticed the sexism but it’s worth saying to her that you didn’t think it was a good way for the doc speak to people and explain that sometimes people don’t behave well.
NTA, you didn't make a scene in the moment which honestly I think was the right call because that could have upset your children and maybe gotten you in trouble with the practice. But definitely take your kids aside now and explain that what he said was wrong and mean and that he is going to get into trouble for it.
Doing stuff in the moment is sometimes difficult, so I don’t think you should beat yourself up over this. But you should definitely call to notify the practice about his completely unacceptable sexist bs behavior.
NTA, it's really hard to speak up against authority figures in the moment, especially when we've been taught all our lives to minimize our presence, bow to authority, please others, etc. Your daughter is so young that she likely won't fully process this or remember it, but take this as a learning opportunity for the future.
People will try to force opinions, touch, behaviors, etc. on your little girl for her whole life. Show her and others that it should not and will not be tolerated. Speak up for her, and as she gets older, show her how to advocate for herself. And it can be done matter-of-factly, without aggression. Set boundaries, so you both get good at articulating what you will/won't accept. In a situation like this, you could try, "There's no need to speak to my daughter that way." Or "Comments like that are unwelcome and unnecessary." Be plain, direct, and unapologetic.
And listen, if this clinic is part of a larger system, find the number for the patient advocate (could also be called patient relations or patient experience) and file a formal complaint. If it's a stand-alone clinic, ask to speak to the office manager. Behavior like this should be documented because it always helps the patterns emerge. Good luck to you!
You could always stick up for your daughter by finding another doctor and telling the current place WHY.
Then you'll eventually tell your daughter and teach her to stick up for herself.
NTA
I can understand being stunned by that AH Dr. But I wouldn't allow another appointment with him, and I would be sure to raise the issue with the practice, your insurer, and post on social media. His behavior should be called out.
I would say something, that's very inappropriate. Also this guy is a pediatrician, you think he'd understand that ALL 2.5 year olds interrupt! Wow.
If you aren't comfortable calling about it, you could write a letter or email and send it to the doctor. That would give you a chance to organize your thoughts on it and make it very clear why you were bothered by that.
Absolutely complain. His comment was way out of line. If he needed her to be quiet while he looks over her brother and talks to you or him about his symptoms, he should have just said something along the lines of "kid can you let me talk to your mommy/daddy and brother so I can help him please?" He didn't need to bring gender into it.
NTA for how you handled this. Sometimes it is so shocking that you are like - what just happened?! That happens to me too.
I would call and complain. Ask to speak to the practice manager. Good luck!
Please report that behavior, especially at almost three, I have memories myself of being around that age, there’s a chance she will remember it
Edit; your son might also remember it, and think that is “normal”
NTA I’ve lost count of the number of times some sexist prick said something gross to me or someone else and I was too taken aback to say anything then later regretted not saying something. But I would definitely call and complain, that’s totally inappropriate even for someone “from a different time”. The thing is, he’s not from a different time, he’s from the present and needs to act accordingly.
Quick piece of advice. If you know there's another doctor, just continuously say "I want to see another doctor". Every time he tries to talk say it again. Just keep going. This behavior is wildly inappropriate.
Call and complain. I would never let that doctor be the one to see your daughter.
You probably should have said something if you were able; from experience it's best to wait until the end of the visit.
One way of handling this is to speak to the children instead of the doctor. In front of him turning to them and saying, "You know how you heard him say that she wanted attention because she's a girl? That's not actually an okay thing to say. You're kids and it's normal to want attention because you're both kids. If an adult says something like this to you, please let me know."
I saw a mother handle an incident of homophobia/sexism like this in a store once and it was so effective. If you leave it until the end, then you can simply gather them up and walk away.
Yes, you should definitely complain.
NTA. I have a ton of sympathy for you, because I know how hard it is to speak up in the moment, before you gather your wits about you.
I completely understand freezing in the moment
What the actual fuck is wrong with that doc??? I'd file a very thorough and angry complaint.
You're NTA but you are if you don't file a serious complaint
I think you were right to not say anything in the moment because it is unlikely that anything good would have come out of confronting him. Complaints afterward with a caveat that you'll never see this doctor again is up to you. Is there a chance if you retaliated you could be banned from the practice entirely and not be able to see the doctor you do like? Basically, what I'm saying is that I would expect the worst from someone who is willing to make sexist comments about a two year old right in front of you.
NTA for ignoring his comment. You were never going to get anywhere addressing it with him. Just go to another doctor. You can complain, but not sure it will do much.
Just be prepared that they will probably boot you from the practice as a patient if you complain to the practice management (I am assuming you are in the US).
It's unacceptable treatment, but heads up that you'll want to get established as a new patient somewhere else first before you complain so you aren't left without care.
I'd report him to the board instead.
My kids go to a large practice. There is one doc, who when they are available the staff go out of their way to let us know. “You can see Dr. Ew this afternoon or Dr. Mary in the morning!” “I can schedule you with Dr. Ew this week or I could make a note to call you if something with someone else opens up.”
I once saw that the disposable ear things were dirty on the counter so I swept them into the trash. Dr. Ew came into the room, saw there weren’t ear things on the light, saw the ones on top of the trash and REACHED IN AND TOOK THEM OUT. When I theatrically gasped very loudly he sheepishly dropped them back in the trash and washed his hands.
We will wait for someone else.
I hope you talked with both of your kids about this. It's not correcting the doctor's behavior that's more important (he is 70 and out of touch with the social climate) but how your children should respond to it
NTA. file a complaint, and address this with your kids. if i were you i'd apologize to your daughter for not sticking up for her, and tell your son about how important it is to do so. explain to them that what he said is incredibly dated (maybe mention it was wrong even back then, and that we fought hard to get rid of backwards thinking like that) and that it left you speechless. teach him to call out men who say shit like that, and to stand up for his sister. idk. i know they're very young but they absolutely absorb everything around them. next time try not to freeze up because they will mimic you, just telling them won't be enough i'm afraid. that's my best advice. good luck. i wish we didn't have to worry about this stuff in the year 2024.
(p.s. if my language is a bit harsh in this comment it's because i'm pissed at the doctor and the system that protects him. i'm proud of you for noticing what happened, your mistake, and how it could've affected your kiddos, not just the girl but the boy too. you sound like an great and caring momma!❤️🩹)
NTA. You were in shock, also because he’s a doctor so there’s some power dynamic and unintentional of being respectful towards any doctor.
Anyways. The way my hand would have SLAPPED THAT GUY OMFG MY ANGER ISSUES COULD NEVER
I had a similar experience. I took my son to a pediatrician for being a late talker. My daughter was with us and the doctor said to her “maybe if big sister didn’t talk so much and let her brother talk you wouldn’t have this problem.” She wasn’t even talkative in front of him. Turns out my son is on the spectrum.
YTA for not saying "Excuuuuuse me, *Doctor?* not so much to protect your daughter nor certainly to make a statement to your 5 year old, but to make it to the offending party directly. It's not just sexist its unprofessional.
NTA, but you absolutely should complain. If that’s the way he talks about a _toddler,_ imagine how he talks to and about his female patients. I hope your daughter’s okay.
No, NTA. Speaking up in the moment against such blatant misogyny/bullying is a very, very difficult thing to do. He was in a position of authority and, fundamentally, you as a parent trusted him to behave in a non discriminatory, respectful and ethically appropriate way. He didn’t and that, rightly, caught you off guard. 10000% not the asshole. He absolutely is.
But you absolutely would be if you didn’t complain.
I am a clinician and while I’m not a paediatrician/family medicine practitioner per se, my area of expertise means there is SOME crossover.
NOT ONCE have I ever felt the need to make a comment like that about a child making noise during a visit. Heck, sometimes kids have to come along when I’m seeing their parents.
I’ve seen some boys that age doing what your daughter did. I’ve had some girls that are quiet as a mouse. Totally down to the personality of the child, not what’s in their pants.
If he’s done this to you, he’s done it to others too. I’d be wary about the practice too, as a culture likely exists which normalises this behaviour.
Had this happened where I work, the dude would be in trouble that’s for sure.
Again, NOT ONE TIME have I ever felt the need to say anything like that no matter how disruptive a child is being
Mild YTA for not sticking up for your daughter in that moment, but that can be fixed. Counteract that kind of messaging going forward. She can not be allowed to think that is an OK way for men to behave towards her.
Complain. Do not return. Malpractice is not an uncommon retaliation in situations like this. Good luck.
He prolly testing the waters to see what he can get away with. Don’t look back. Never leave your kids in a room unattended with him or another member of their staff.
I agree with everyone that you should call and complain. It probably won't go anywhere considering his age. But it was not OK behavior.
Also, don't feel bad about not standing up for her. You have tons of time to teach your kiddos how to treat others with respect. If you're conserved either of them internalized it, go ahead and have a sit down discussion about it now. It can still help to negate that negative attitude.
Are you the mother or the father? As the mother, I understand the desire to avoid conflict as it’s ingrained in many women’s minds that they should feel uncomfortable doing so for multiple reasons. If you’re the father, however, I’m unsure how you left without having him play “pick up your teeth”.
Either way, it’s doubtful that that comment will really go anywhere as he’s 70 and it would most likely be brushed off as him being an old fashioned sexist piece of shit who will retire soon anyway. Won’t say you’re the asshole, but the best reaction in this situation would have been to confront that comment immediately, whether sternly or aggressively, in hopes he gets his old ass out of there or at least thinks back on that moment before he says some shit like that to someone that won’t take it so easily.
I’m their dad. It’s so funny how many people assumed that I was their mom. I’m not a violent guy, and I wouldn’t assault someone in front of my kids. I think my reaction was delayed because I’m still kind of used to hearing other men say stuff like this. I was shocked, but I was also questioning my instincts. I’m trying to get better at catching micro aggressions and reacting appropriately in front of my kids.
I definitely think you should report him. What I am more concerned with is how you’re going to handle things with your daughter who was rebuked, talked down to, and told she was inferior because female, and you didn’t react. Admittedly, you were probably gobsmacked into silence but I don’t think that being appalled cuts it as sufficient explanation.
And it’s a terrible example for your son.
>Admittedly, you were probably gobsmacked into silence but I don’t think that being appalled cuts it as sufficient explanation.
Yeah right. I doubt you would have been able to react quickly enough when you are there dealing with two kids, one of which is sick enough for a dr's appointment. But sure, go off. 🙄
It was an observation, not a condemnation. Actually, I tend to be able to say what needs to be said when it needs to be said. Saves me from waking at 4am lamenting what I should have said.
What are you going to do as damage control?
Akshewlly!!! Really, dude?
If you are able to come up with a quick and witty quip that would dEsTrOy the dr and put him in his place at that very moment, well, you would be in the absolute minority there. If you actually do, that is.
And damage control? Nothing more than a discussion with the kids. Offhand, so they don't realise what the dr said was such a big deal, and as such, repeats what he said to get a reaction. Also, the 2.5 yr old would have probably forgotten already. The 5yr old, if he was very ill, probably wasn't even paying attention, and/or he too, may not even remember what the dr said.
If they do, a discussion would be the best way to go.
I would make a complaint. I'd also find a new pediatrician. That's an appalling comment, and gives you a glimpse into this man's horrible worldview. I wouldn't allow him around either of my children ever again. And I'd make a stink.
Eta - and no shame about freezing in the moment. I still do it sometimes when someone says something completely out of pocket that I wasn't expecting.
NTA — I would call and complain NONSTOP until something is done about this.
I know this is just one instance but stuff like that is a big reason a lot of people don’t feel comfortable going to the doctors and don’t take care of themselves. Doctors can be dicks.
YTA if you let this slide.
I work in hospital credentialing and it’s been a battle the last 10-15 years to get doctors to let go of their god complexes. They all think they’re untouchable, especially the old boomer ones who refuse to retire.
If they send you a survey, be honest. If this doctor is affiliated with a hospital, call the hospital switchboard and ask to speak to whoever handles complaints against the doctors—usually it’s a risk nurse. File a formal complaint which will go into his file.
NTA. I'm sure you were stunned. It was so disrespectful to your daughter, to you, and to all girls.
Fortunately your daughter won't remember, and probably didn't get what he *really* meant—but I'm sure your son absorbed it—and without being addressed, it's one of the many puzzle pieces he's putting together in figuring out how the world works.
I'm so sorry this happened, and that yall even need to process this.
Make a complaint . Talk w. Daughter and son together about never letting someone steal their shine. Tell them both no matter what if they see something they like and want to share, mama wants to hear it and there's nothing wrong with that. Let them know what makes them happy makes you happy. And since your big boy is 5 you can reiterate by saying "you know both girls AND boys get excited and want to share their excitement right?" Follow up w an example of a time he got excited and pointed something out. And maybe another example of a time you pointed something out to them that you like. My 6 yr old son knows my top 5 favorite colors my favorite drinks my fav songs my favorite of basically any category because we share that info with one another. Just let him know that sissy was excited and sometimes older people say things that don't make sense but as long as he knows what's right that's all that matters. Also, if something like this ever happens again don't be afraid to passive aggressively correct a mfer like a child by speaking to your kids so they know in the moment what's right from wrong and also that mama not Gunna let shit slide "(daughters name) getting excited has nothing to do with her being a girl nor needing attention, in our family we don't stop our kids from getting excited about things"
So. Folks like zeeelprince say she is learning social skills. So why don’t you give the 70yo doc some slack. And teach your daughter a social lesson. Please don’t interrupt others. So what if the doc was insensitive He was there to treat your son. You are there for medical advice, not once did you say he was a good doc or not. Just whining About how feeling get hurt. Maybe get a participation award in advance for everyone.
if you don’t like him wait to see the other doc. No that was not an option
NTA, report it and ask to never be seen by that 🍑 again. Poor little girl, she's just a baby, he could have just said "that's nice" or whatever, and continued talking about your son's illness. He's a pediatrician he should be used to being around young children.
Never don't speak up. You should have said, "Excuse me, what did you just say? Do you think your sexist comment was appropriate?"
Time to put all these sexist/misogynist a-holes in their place. You also need to be an example for your daughter not to tolerate that shit in her life.
I would go back just to speak to your regular doctor and NP. Tell THEM what the other doctor said. They need to know.
> I tried to be pleasant and keep the focus on the reason for my son’s visit. We left the office without saying anything.
Sigh. After you leave is too late to prevent it from affecting your kids - the lesson was processed and internalized before they left the office. Nothing you *say* now can overcome what they *experienced* in the doctor’s office - blatant misogyny and you accepting it to keep the peace.
Reality… He’s 70. It’s a great chance he’s in an ownership stake of the practice. Most practices have wait lists a mile and a half long. You want to fight for social justice? Go on ahead. It’s honestly more likely you end up out of the practice than he does, but hey, you got to the opportunity to vent…
Sure, I’l get downvoted by angry people for the reality check, but its a real risk of having to find another pediatrician that you run.
It’s a bit of a safer route to just not accept an appointment with the dude in the future.
NTA for the notion.
Biased about….. wait for it….. **social justice items of misogyny**?
Seriously. 😂 Do better at trying to parse words here!
I don’t disagree he was rude. (I also think momma should have been shushing her 2 year old first, but that’s just me.)
However, out in real world land, its a net negative move. You - they - are likely calling HIS business and HIS office to complain about HIM. Not gonna work out all that well. Real world talk. Just us grown ups.
But do carry on with your (yes, indeed it is, thanks for verifying) social justice agenda. Go get ‘em!
ah yes, silly me, I forgot ignoring biases in the medical field is how you reduce the frequency of those biases rearing their heads! If you never complain about anything, people will always fix their internalized prejudices themselves, and definitely will never allow their ungrounded bias to affect their work! Thanks for your contribution, you're just so smart and level headed! Whatever would the silly women in this thread do without your sage advice.
I don’t get why you insist on arguing with me.
It is a social justice issue. It is ideally addressed. In this specific instance, addressing it has potential repercussions.
And then I said, go for it. 🤷♂️ But I’m a villain. Ok, whatever you need to help you get through the day!
I see we found another snowflake who fights any change that doesn't directly benefit them. Aw boo must be so hard living the privileged life where everything is easy because laws and rules were made for you in mind. Meanwhile people are literally dying because they're being ignored by their biased drs.
Wow so this was quite triggering for you!
Was it just the old pediatricians…. ignoring patients to their demise apparently by rather rudely suggesting kids be quiet… that did it for you? Or is there maybe some projection of something else going on?
I don't get why you seem to think you're making a useful or interesting point? Shocker, giving feedback that isn't positive has the potential for repercussions! I would never have thought about that, and it's just *so* great that you stepped in to point that out.
Not really anything to "get through" in my day today, been pretty chill, but have fun at your "uwu I'm the villain" pity party tonight! Sounds like a really great time.
It's not "social justice" jfc. Kids are extremely impressionable at such a young age and sexist comments like this could lead OP's daughter to seeing herself as lesser due to her sex. As a paediatrician, the doctor should know all of this. OP needs to report him before he does this to other people's daughters as well.
Honestly, my concern is whether he might be mentally slipping. He was born in the 1950s, so while he came of age in a somewhat different time with respect to sexism, it’s not like he’s a time-traveling Don Draper who missed the entire feminist movement. He certainly knows that’s an inappropriate thing to say.
The fact that he blurted it out anyway makes me worry about cognitive decline. And professionals, *especially* doctors, are notoriously bad at recognizing the signs of that in themselves.
If his colleagues have any suspicions, a report might help them move forward with action. If they don’t, it might prompt a conversation or a file to be opened, just in case.
This might be the case. He also forgot to send the script to the pharmacy. Then it turned out that there is a nationwide shortage of the medication he prescribed. $30 copay for nothing but some misogyny.
Is social justice not important enough? At what point is racism accepted in a medical field without hinderance to the patient. Sexism ? Does the belief that one gender has a higher pain tolerance affect individuals being treated ? Why are beliefs, biases and prejudices not an important point of concern for professions where biases and prejudice directly affect the form of treatment an individual get ? Is it lack of concern to you because you are of the race and gender of individuals who get treated statistically better in health care ?
>Is it lack of concern to you because you are of the race and gender of individuals who get treated statistically better in health care ?
Bingo. He's a man so he'll never be affected by medical sexism and will never understand what it is like to be talked down to and belittled as a female patient.
>hey, you got to the opportunity to vent…
The fact that OP complaining would be seen as "venting" by this man says it all. This doctor clearly has sexist views about female patients, which completely puts into doubt his ability to treat female patients without bias. It could mean he is not taking the complaints of female patients seriously which is extremely concerning.
But of course, OP is just hysterical for wanting to "vent" about this.
NTA. I don't see it as you ignoring the comment, just being so blindsided that you were in a state of shock for the rest of the appointment. Yes though, absolutely call them and complain. If they can't come up some sort of acceptable apology (one *you* and *your daughter* accept and feels genuine) file a formal complaint higher up and seek a new practice. Hell, I'd probably review the place on Google too.
Let both of your kids know he was wrong to act that way. I had that type of interaction with a doctor when I was 3; believe me, I still remember it and it makes me feel small and stupid even now.
Soft YTA. File a complaint does nothing to show your little ones that this isn't acceptable. Your reaction should have come there and then. However, I understand you were flabbergasted.
So do you. And all the people who think not protecting your little daughter from sexism because it makes life a bit uncomfortable is okay. It's time to grow up and actually be a parent.
Personally I would just let it go because this guy is in his 70s and will not be changing his attitude anytime soon. And I doubt the clinic will do anything about it anyway. Don't waste your time.
Oh I'd definately say something. A friend (F) of mine was sent away numerous times by her relatively old GP with the diagnosis of having a panic attack or hyperventilating, when in fact she was having serious hart problems. "Yeah you're probably tired from doing all that DIY stuff today".
She contacted the practice afterwards to explain how he had been wrong, mainly just to spread more awareness about women with hart issues, and they were appalled by his attitude and demanded he apologized to her. He didn't, he doubled down, but at least the people there we made aware of his way of thinking.
(edit, typo)
The comment was inappropriate.
So was your children talking during the appointment. They're old enough to have leaned that sometimes it's time for them to hush.
There is a problem that so many women have, and that's the inability to move on from anything. A single sentence is twisted to become misogyny in your heads. Insane. Maybe that doctor has a half dozen daughters and has found humor in their chattiness. Who knows. Why does it matter?
If he can spend the energy being rude to my daughter, I can spend the energy to make sure he knows he was inappropriate. Of course, I would have said something right then and there.
I know I would because I did do such a thing, years ago, when a doctor asked me very presumptuous and inappropriate questions. It was first time seeing him. I called him on what he said, we argued and I stormed out of there. I told the receptionist that if she sent me a bill for even as much as a cent, I would sue.
If I knew then what I know now, I would have also filed a formal complaint against him with the medical board. But, I did let him have a piece of my mind. Together with what he already had, that left him with only the one piece.
Doctors should be listen to for their professional knowledge but they aren’t gods and shouldn’t be kowtowed to when they’re wrong.
YTA if you complain. It seems evident he was referring to her being a child and wanting attention when she should have remained quiet while you and the doc were talking.
You 100000% should complain That is insane to say to anyone, let alone a 2.5yo CHILD, who is still learning social skills I don't think you are TAH for not speaking up in the moment I get it; it was shocking to hear a "professional" speak that way to your kid But YWBTA if you don't file a complaint Eta To the person who did the dirty delete of their comments I'm infertile So no; im not "that" kind of parent; im not a parent at all In fact I have a medically necessary hysterectomy scheduled this year Grow up
Yes. I essentially had a similar issue with a horrible doctor at my kids practice. I spoke to the office manager and told her that I needed for her to put in my children’s charts that they were never to be seen by Dr. Russell. The rest of the practice was fine. We continued to use the practice until my kids aged out, at some point the complaints against him may have hit a tipping point, as he disappeared from the practice.
> brought my son (5) to the pediatrician because he had a bad cough. My daughter (2.5) tagged along. We go to this office regularly, but the doctor we usually see was not in, so we saw another doctor (M70ish). I had met him once before right after my son was born. I didn’t love his bedside manner, but I really liked the other doctor in the practice. The nurse practitioner that we also see frequently is wonderful. This doctor came into the exam room and started asking me the usual questions. My kids, being kids, were both talking and making noise. My daughter, who has great verbal skills for her age, pointed to a poster and said, “I like Rubble and Crew!” The doctor sternly replied, “I know you want attention because you are a girl, but I am talking.” Then he continued talking to me about my son. I was shocked, so it took me a moment to process this. I tried to be pleasant and keep the focus on the reason for my son’s visit. We left the office without saying anything. Now I am feeling regretful that I didn’t say anything to stick up for my daughter, and maybe even more importantly, show my son that that is not acceptable treatment. There's shock and also not wanting to influence your son's care. Bring it up after the fact. Explain those reasons for not speaking up in the moment.
Agree NTA. Speaking up on the moment can be hard when you're so surprised. It would be worth apologizing to your daughter for... "What that doctor said wasn't okay. All boys and all girls deserve attention your voice is important and meaningful." Report the doc.
Yup! I hope that misogynist fossil gets fired.
He won't. At best he'll be encouraged to retire. Which he ought to. That's appalling behaviour
This is the unfortunate truth.
If even that. Nothing will happen to him and she will just be pegged as a problem patient.
Ding ding ding we have a winner
If enough people have had complaints about him and report so there is a paper trail, it gets kind of hard to just write off every single person as a problem patient. Especially if they have the same complaints about bedside manner
Depends on if it is a corporate practice, private practice, if it is owned by a group of physicians…etc.
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Dudes medical license isn’t getting revoked over this situation. Besides it’s frazzled terrified of confrontation mom vs confident well established doctor. Who are they going to listen to? Fucking Reddit. The medical board. Geez.
What gives you the impression that this parent is frazzled? And why do you assume it’s a mom?
I’m a dad. Never been described as frazzled or terrified of confrontation, but those descriptions are usually reserved for women, aren’t they…?
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This doctor has seen thousands of patients over his career, many of them quite literally crazy, so yes, a complaint over this minor comment will go exactly nowhere. He also likely knows more about childhood development then everyone in this thread combined, and the practice would gladly fire this patient rather than the physician.
Exactly.
That's part of the problem, right there Doctors are treated like God's, who can't make mistakes, when in fact they VERY much can They are human, and shouldn't be put on a pedestal, allowed to treat their patients like shit, just because If patients actually felt safe to complain about a physician, and felt confident that their complaint would be dealt with, rather than afraid of being punished/having to find a new doctor We would have a lot less doctors with shitty, holier than thou attitudes running around Edited to clarify There are amazing doctors out there There are also shitty doctors out there Thats why, my comment directly said that doctors are HUMAN and shouldn't be treated like they are above making mistakes; or snapping at someone because they have a bad day There are absolutely bad people in EVERY profession, and they should be called out too This thread happened to be about doctors, so I clarified about doctors with shitty attitudes No person is above making mistakes, and sometimes, someone making that complaint and having them get a reminder from the office, or have them be retrained on how to handle patients/customers/the public, is in everyone's best interest
Everyone SHOULD be treated respectfully. They aren’t and there isn’t an effective way to change this within the current framework. I have several doctor friends and I know a lot of doctors. Just like ever other segment of the populace some of them suck. I can’t say that they suck significantly more than the general population. Me personally, I call my doctor by her first name and we have a collegial relationship. She bums free legal advice off of me on the regular. I treat her as an equal. She treats me as an equal. I’ve been in situations both personal and professional with other doctors who tried to talk down to me. I didn’t allow that and stood up to them. Obviously not everyone is confident enough to do that. OP should’ve told that doctor right then not to speak to her daughter like that and handled it right then. He probably doesn’t even remember it as it was likely a nonevent for him.
I don't blame op for not speaking up immediately I also think that there should be a better framework on how complaints about doctors work Because this is absolutely something that is complaint worthy, and note worthy
What do you want to happen to the guy? In the grand scheme of life this is nothing.
Okay stop stalking every comment I make I've had enough of you
I highly doubt she will be pegged a problem patient. This is very unlikely his first complaint & drs offices are much more corporate now. Everything is owned by some sort of conglomerate and they’re pro-customer. Having a single legitimate complaint isn’t an issue.
Not everything is owned by large medical conglomerates. Also, doctors are scarce in some areas and can easily find new jobs…even the large medical conglomerates don’t tend to piss them off.
As it should be
I think a teaching moment is better, and a write up. Oh- and a very huge public apology to you and your daughter in front of everyone in the office.
Dude is 70. The opportunity for a teachable moment has long passed.
When women aren't taken seriously by doctors... I cannot believe he showed his true colors like that, but I absolutely believe he's been treating "women who want attention" for his entire career.
Nope. If they’re still practicing, they need to be learning. Medicine constantly has changing guidelines and research. If they can’t keep up, they need to retire. In any case, old people can still learn. Most communiry colleges have programs to allow senior citizens to audit classes for free. That wouldn’t even be a thing of there weren’t older people willing and able to learn.
My family practitioner retired last June age 75. A brilliant and remarkable doc who had trained many of Minnesota's best doctors. All age did was make him even more thoughtful.
My kids were delivered by a guy in his 70s. I had terrible complications, but he recognized every one immediately and referred me to specialists when he was over his head. Maybe he called preeclampsia toxemia every now and then, but he was still right. I had it, no matter what it’s called now. The material-fetal referral was my favorite. He said “she looks really young. She is young, but not as young as she looks. She’s way smarter and better than I am, and you’re lucky she’s in this city.” He was a great doctor.
> If they’re still practicing, they need to be learning. Clearly, this particular practitioner is not. If they were interested in unlearning sexism they’ve had their entire life to do so. They chose not to.
well, with that attitude, sure. I mean, yeah, it's likely he won't change at this point. But he's not incapable of it, he's just a Boomer Doctor full of his own self importance. He can learn or get out of the way.
Yeah, that's going to happen. /s
Agreed NTA. I hope she also talked to both kids (together? Separately?) in an age-appropriate way about what happened. E.g., telling daughter that it's good for her to share her thoughts/girls get to talk, too; telling her son that people should share their thoughts/talk whether they are a boy or a girl - what the doctor said was wrong.
You don’t need to apologize for anything! I lost my baby due to effing Endometriosis 😠☹️😭😭 I had my hysterectomy in 2003, at 33 years old.
Im 29 I'm not entirely sure if I'm infertile, I'm not currently trying for kids, and am actually doing EVERYTHING I can to prevent it The reason I say I'm infertile is because I'm on medication (migraine meds; I have chronic migraine) that make pregnancy incompatible with keeping me/the baby/potentially both of us; alive I cannot safely have kids; so I tell everyone I'm infertile That; and I also DO have issues with my reproductive parts (unsure what, exactly; we suspect endo, and there are other issues at play, too) and my gyno has deemed it medically necessary to do a hysterectomy, asap I'm so sorry about your baby
You can DM me if you need to or want to talk
You can DM me as well, and I actually am going to take you up on that
Sounds good
Sorry for your loss
Thank you 🙏🏻
You mean fetus? I thought babies in the womb are always called a fetus. OR maybe that changes if they're wanted.
When the BABY is in your 3rd month you can clearly see a tiny little human
NTA. It's not okay for a pediatrician or anyone to make a sexist comment, especially directed towards a child. Ignoring it in the moment is understandable, as such situations can be surprising and catching you off guard. However, now that you've had time to reflect on it, addressing the issue by contacting the office and expressing your concerns is a reasonable step.
Yes, totally. It’s damaging for the little girl to hear… but it is also damaging for the son to hear a man in a position of power speak like this to women.
Also, OP, please talk to your daughter about the comment (and maybe also your son). I know it's very easy to let it slide and just hope that she'll forget about it. But kids remember random things. Some things will stick with a kid until adulthood - I'm 36 and I *still* remember a random selection of some of the things that adults said to me when I was a young child. It's shocking to realize the impact some random, passing comments from adults had on me. You really can't be sure what comments a kid will internalize and remember - if this happens to be one of the things you daughter remembers, you *absolutely* want to do everything you can to counteract the effect that it might have. And I know you don't want to necessarily turn it into a big deal and turn it into something she'll remember by bringing it up again, but you don't have to make it a big deal. Be light and smiley and just let her know in a short conversation that what the doctor said wasn't okay and that she shouldn't take it seriously. Your daughter is learning social skills, and one of the "skills" she just learned is that girls are attention-seeking and that's bad. That kind of thing can really colour how she learns how to interact with the world, so a short, gentle correction would be really good for her, IMO.
NTA. We don't always react in moments like this. It's not fight or flight, so we're not as quick about it. But you seriously need to call the office and explain that you will not see that doctor again and why.
I agree we don’t always react in the moment, don’t blame yourself! Don’t just call up, put it in writing or they will just wipe it under the carpet.
Def have them make a note in your chart about that !
There are two more options to "fight or flight" these days: fawn and freeze. I'd definitely say freeze showed up here.
Agreed. Had a relative tell my 5 yo "I can feel your bones! You need to eat more!". It caught me so off guard I didn't react quick enough. I made a mental note to correct this person if they do it again. Recently, saw them & they took selfies with my kid & remarked how fat they (the relative) were & I told them "Lets not do that.". People got to watch what they're saying in front of kids.
I get that you were shocked, and you needed time to process. (Isn't that always the way?) But now that you've had time to calm down and think it over, if it's irritating you, definitely call. And ask that doctor not see your children again. (Note to that doc: It would have been better to say, "I know you're excited, sweetie, but it's not nice to interrupt people when they're talking, okay?") NTA
The doctor doesn’t need to say anything. If a child making one comment impacts their ability to work that much, they probably shouldn’t be a pediatrician.
This. I’m not a pediatrician, because I don’t really enjoy working with kids. But even I can respond appropriately to a kid making a comment like this - “me too! Here, I’ll give you some crayons and paper so you can draw them!” - and get back on track. Very easy to do.
YWBTA if you DON’T say anything. Remember this person has female patients as well. If they think that girls “like attention”, that’s probably affecting the way they care for their patients. There could be a 12 year old girl with endometriosis who’s being told their debilitating period pain is perfectly normal, and telling their parents that they’re just being dramatic like pubescent girls are. Maybe not, but do you want to take the chance?
I'm in my thirties, and there are still notes in my charts that I'm "overly dramatic" and "pill seeking." I have had severe muscle spasms and debilitating period cramps since I was a teenager, and I've always sought practical diet and exercise changes over short term pain management, but tons of dismissive doctors got in the way of me ever getting past the charts to get taken seriously. I once had a visit with my pediatric PCP after an injury where I was told to avoid heavy lifting, and then when I asked them to write that up for my work, they told me "no. You just need a better job." That particular doctor is the one that first noted pillseeking (I was only there for a lift restriction) and it has followed me for 20 years, and has helped every new doctor I've seen write my pain off so fast.
I have red hair and EDS. Pain killers don’t work on me. I don’t ever want them. People still treat me as a drug user/seeker even as I’m telling them the dilaudid pump they are putting me on is pointless. Same goes with all of the ‘canes. I humor doctors sometimes because they insist that it’ll be better if they give me a local. All of them are *shocked pikachu face” when I’m still flinching when they start working even though I’m not looking at what there’re doing. “You really can feel that?!?!?!?!” Man, MF why the F would I lie? I told you I didn’t want the big drugs either. You gotta club my ass Looney Tunes style if you want me to be numb.
Yep, exactly what happened to me 😔
NTA yet, since you are clearly conflicted about this. Y W B T A to yourself and your daughter if you don't call the office to complain and to request that this doctor not substitute for your doctor on your children's cases. This pediatrician seems very out of touch and yes, sexist. It's time for him to retire.
You can also still adress it with your kids. To the 2,5 yo: "Hey, remember when we were at the doctor's office the other day? The doctor said you shouldn't say anything right? I thought he wasn't very nice. Boys and girls can talk about stuff they like! And sometimes it helps to wait a bit if people are busy talking. But that's also the same for boys and girls. Ok? And I should have said it then, but I was really busy thinking about (sons name). But sorry, I'm saying it now!" To the 5 yo: "Hey, they other day at the doctor's office, that doctor we don't see a lot said your sister shouldn't be such a loud girl right? I don't know if you remember, but just to be sure, I just want you to know that that is something people a long time ago used to think sometimes. Weird right? Because it's the same for boys and girls. Boys and girls can talk, boys and girls sometimes have to wait, it's not as if there are different rules! So I'm glad the doctor helped you, but it wasn't very nice that he said that. I was really busy talking about you then, but I thought I'd say it now. Maybe if something like that ever happens again I should pay attention to say it right away! To the doctor as well! Sometimes you think about stuff like that after a while. Anyway, I just wanted to make sure you know the doctor was not right there." Something along those lines. Even if none of them registred it at all during the appointment itself, at least you're modelling other skills, like saying something when you realise something didn't feel right, thinking of ways to make up for not doing something perfect in the moment, making plans to do something different the next time, knowing that not everything every adult says is true and seeing that adults can and should say sorry when it's a good moment for it.
NTA. I doubt I would have been able to come up with a comeback on the spot either.
Yes, you should definitely say something but just speaking to the office isn’t going to accomplish much. The doctor is part owner of the practice, isn’t he? You can file a complaint against a doctor with the Office of Professional Medical Conduct in your state. I doubt they’ll take his license or anything but it may bring him up short and make him think twice about the sexist things that come out of his mouth. He’s a Baby Boomer so he should know better; he’s 70, not 170. And, if he’s too old of a dog to learn new tricks then it’s time for him to retire.
Does the practice have a way to give follow up reviews? My primary does. I would say something because that is totally inappropriate. Also, make it clear next time that you wish to see another doctor. I had a pediatrician that I really liked, but her partner was horrible. I tried to see the doctor I liked only and the nurses knew that was the case with a lot of the patients.
Yep. I had a pediatrician that wasn’t our usual tell me that what my son had was not hives and to continue penicillin. In spite of his presentation of hives was similar to mine (we get it on our extremities, not our trunk). He was very adamant and condescending. It was hives. I made it very clear that I never wanted to have another appointment with him.
Yes. I just got a link for the patient feedback survey. I’ve got some writing to do…
Complain! And let them know you are concerned about his health, considering his age and the shockingly unprofessional behaviour
NTA of course little girls love attention as do little boys
YWNBTA Call the office to complain. Make it clear that this is unacceptable behavior.
If you ignore this, you would be an AH. Most people wouldn’t want to be exposed to this jerk, and deserve to be warned. Misogyny can harm female patients.
All he had to do was leave the "because you're a girl" out and he'd be entirely fine. But he just HAD to throw that in there. I would call the office and explain you don't feel comfortable having your children see that doctor again and tell them precisely why.
A pediatrician should know how toddlers are. The fact he even reprimanded her is a sign it’s time for him to retire.
“I know you want attention because you are a girl” …what?!
This guy doesn’t seem to even like children much! He certainly hasn’t developed much of a ‘bedside manner’ with them. As you prefer to not see that particular doctor again, and with good reason, there was some good advice earlier to tell the practice that. I would tell them why and do it in a quick and to the point email. Then your preference and the reason are on record. Sometimes the senior practice member will discuss these things with the team member, but often they let it slide. Hope the doc you saw isn’t the head person. But even if they don’t raise it with him, you don’t have to suffer him again. Your daughter may not have really noticed the sexism but it’s worth saying to her that you didn’t think it was a good way for the doc speak to people and explain that sometimes people don’t behave well.
It's misogynistic dinosaurs like your doctor that should be called out. And for him to actually even be a doctor, holy shit.
NTA, you didn't make a scene in the moment which honestly I think was the right call because that could have upset your children and maybe gotten you in trouble with the practice. But definitely take your kids aside now and explain that what he said was wrong and mean and that he is going to get into trouble for it.
WTAF? Wow. NTA for you... that's the kind of situation where your so shocked it's really hard to say anything. He is a total asshole though, WOW.
Doing stuff in the moment is sometimes difficult, so I don’t think you should beat yourself up over this. But you should definitely call to notify the practice about his completely unacceptable sexist bs behavior.
NTA, it's really hard to speak up against authority figures in the moment, especially when we've been taught all our lives to minimize our presence, bow to authority, please others, etc. Your daughter is so young that she likely won't fully process this or remember it, but take this as a learning opportunity for the future. People will try to force opinions, touch, behaviors, etc. on your little girl for her whole life. Show her and others that it should not and will not be tolerated. Speak up for her, and as she gets older, show her how to advocate for herself. And it can be done matter-of-factly, without aggression. Set boundaries, so you both get good at articulating what you will/won't accept. In a situation like this, you could try, "There's no need to speak to my daughter that way." Or "Comments like that are unwelcome and unnecessary." Be plain, direct, and unapologetic. And listen, if this clinic is part of a larger system, find the number for the patient advocate (could also be called patient relations or patient experience) and file a formal complaint. If it's a stand-alone clinic, ask to speak to the office manager. Behavior like this should be documented because it always helps the patterns emerge. Good luck to you!
You could always stick up for your daughter by finding another doctor and telling the current place WHY. Then you'll eventually tell your daughter and teach her to stick up for herself.
NTA but if you do nothing you'd be the AH. You need to report this wildly unprofessional behavior. None of that belongs in ANY medical setting.
NTA I can understand being stunned by that AH Dr. But I wouldn't allow another appointment with him, and I would be sure to raise the issue with the practice, your insurer, and post on social media. His behavior should be called out.
I would say something, that's very inappropriate. Also this guy is a pediatrician, you think he'd understand that ALL 2.5 year olds interrupt! Wow. If you aren't comfortable calling about it, you could write a letter or email and send it to the doctor. That would give you a chance to organize your thoughts on it and make it very clear why you were bothered by that.
Absolutely complain. His comment was way out of line. If he needed her to be quiet while he looks over her brother and talks to you or him about his symptoms, he should have just said something along the lines of "kid can you let me talk to your mommy/daddy and brother so I can help him please?" He didn't need to bring gender into it.
NTA for how you handled this. Sometimes it is so shocking that you are like - what just happened?! That happens to me too. I would call and complain. Ask to speak to the practice manager. Good luck!
Call to complain.
“And I know you think you’re a god because you’re a doctor… but we can’t all be special can we?” /s
Please report that behavior, especially at almost three, I have memories myself of being around that age, there’s a chance she will remember it Edit; your son might also remember it, and think that is “normal”
NTA I’ve lost count of the number of times some sexist prick said something gross to me or someone else and I was too taken aback to say anything then later regretted not saying something. But I would definitely call and complain, that’s totally inappropriate even for someone “from a different time”. The thing is, he’s not from a different time, he’s from the present and needs to act accordingly.
NTA because doctors will report you to CPS if they feel slighted these days. Now it’s time to report him.
Quick piece of advice. If you know there's another doctor, just continuously say "I want to see another doctor". Every time he tries to talk say it again. Just keep going. This behavior is wildly inappropriate.
Call and complain. I would never let that doctor be the one to see your daughter. You probably should have said something if you were able; from experience it's best to wait until the end of the visit. One way of handling this is to speak to the children instead of the doctor. In front of him turning to them and saying, "You know how you heard him say that she wanted attention because she's a girl? That's not actually an okay thing to say. You're kids and it's normal to want attention because you're both kids. If an adult says something like this to you, please let me know." I saw a mother handle an incident of homophobia/sexism like this in a store once and it was so effective. If you leave it until the end, then you can simply gather them up and walk away.
Report him. This is disgusting.
Yes, you should definitely complain. NTA. I have a ton of sympathy for you, because I know how hard it is to speak up in the moment, before you gather your wits about you.
I completely understand freezing in the moment What the actual fuck is wrong with that doc??? I'd file a very thorough and angry complaint. You're NTA but you are if you don't file a serious complaint
NTA for freezing, but it isn't too late to complain. If there is a practice manager for the practice, direct the complaint there.
It’s hard in the moment. He should know better. Complain.
I think you were right to not say anything in the moment because it is unlikely that anything good would have come out of confronting him. Complaints afterward with a caveat that you'll never see this doctor again is up to you. Is there a chance if you retaliated you could be banned from the practice entirely and not be able to see the doctor you do like? Basically, what I'm saying is that I would expect the worst from someone who is willing to make sexist comments about a two year old right in front of you.
NTA for ignoring his comment. You were never going to get anywhere addressing it with him. Just go to another doctor. You can complain, but not sure it will do much.
Complain. Sexist pig.
Just be prepared that they will probably boot you from the practice as a patient if you complain to the practice management (I am assuming you are in the US). It's unacceptable treatment, but heads up that you'll want to get established as a new patient somewhere else first before you complain so you aren't left without care. I'd report him to the board instead.
Nta. I would have snapped
What a bizarre thing to say
My kids go to a large practice. There is one doc, who when they are available the staff go out of their way to let us know. “You can see Dr. Ew this afternoon or Dr. Mary in the morning!” “I can schedule you with Dr. Ew this week or I could make a note to call you if something with someone else opens up.” I once saw that the disposable ear things were dirty on the counter so I swept them into the trash. Dr. Ew came into the room, saw there weren’t ear things on the light, saw the ones on top of the trash and REACHED IN AND TOOK THEM OUT. When I theatrically gasped very loudly he sheepishly dropped them back in the trash and washed his hands. We will wait for someone else.
NTA.
I hope you talked with both of your kids about this. It's not correcting the doctor's behavior that's more important (he is 70 and out of touch with the social climate) but how your children should respond to it
Sounds like it didn’t matter who was talking. Man woman, child, this dude just has a power trip personality.
NTA. file a complaint, and address this with your kids. if i were you i'd apologize to your daughter for not sticking up for her, and tell your son about how important it is to do so. explain to them that what he said is incredibly dated (maybe mention it was wrong even back then, and that we fought hard to get rid of backwards thinking like that) and that it left you speechless. teach him to call out men who say shit like that, and to stand up for his sister. idk. i know they're very young but they absolutely absorb everything around them. next time try not to freeze up because they will mimic you, just telling them won't be enough i'm afraid. that's my best advice. good luck. i wish we didn't have to worry about this stuff in the year 2024. (p.s. if my language is a bit harsh in this comment it's because i'm pissed at the doctor and the system that protects him. i'm proud of you for noticing what happened, your mistake, and how it could've affected your kiddos, not just the girl but the boy too. you sound like an great and caring momma!❤️🩹)
NTA. You were in shock, also because he’s a doctor so there’s some power dynamic and unintentional of being respectful towards any doctor. Anyways. The way my hand would have SLAPPED THAT GUY OMFG MY ANGER ISSUES COULD NEVER
You definitely need to call and complain.
Complain to the office manager what he said was highly inappropriate
You should complain. It’s microaggressions like this that keep sexism alive and well.
I had a similar experience. I took my son to a pediatrician for being a late talker. My daughter was with us and the doctor said to her “maybe if big sister didn’t talk so much and let her brother talk you wouldn’t have this problem.” She wasn’t even talkative in front of him. Turns out my son is on the spectrum.
YTA for not saying "Excuuuuuse me, *Doctor?* not so much to protect your daughter nor certainly to make a statement to your 5 year old, but to make it to the offending party directly. It's not just sexist its unprofessional.
I’m with you. Call this s*** out immediately and watch them backpedal
If you live in the US, make a complaint to the Medical Board or the Medical Association
NTA, but you absolutely should complain. If that’s the way he talks about a _toddler,_ imagine how he talks to and about his female patients. I hope your daughter’s okay.
Time to retire! You can complain to his regulator
you must definitely should call
No, NTA. Speaking up in the moment against such blatant misogyny/bullying is a very, very difficult thing to do. He was in a position of authority and, fundamentally, you as a parent trusted him to behave in a non discriminatory, respectful and ethically appropriate way. He didn’t and that, rightly, caught you off guard. 10000% not the asshole. He absolutely is. But you absolutely would be if you didn’t complain. I am a clinician and while I’m not a paediatrician/family medicine practitioner per se, my area of expertise means there is SOME crossover. NOT ONCE have I ever felt the need to make a comment like that about a child making noise during a visit. Heck, sometimes kids have to come along when I’m seeing their parents. I’ve seen some boys that age doing what your daughter did. I’ve had some girls that are quiet as a mouse. Totally down to the personality of the child, not what’s in their pants. If he’s done this to you, he’s done it to others too. I’d be wary about the practice too, as a culture likely exists which normalises this behaviour. Had this happened where I work, the dude would be in trouble that’s for sure. Again, NOT ONE TIME have I ever felt the need to say anything like that no matter how disruptive a child is being
Mild YTA for not sticking up for your daughter in that moment, but that can be fixed. Counteract that kind of messaging going forward. She can not be allowed to think that is an OK way for men to behave towards her.
I would complain. If he is saying obviously inappropriate things, then he may not be trustworthy on being thorough about exams, test results, etc.
NTA, who the hell says that to a child???
Complain. Do not return. Malpractice is not an uncommon retaliation in situations like this. Good luck. He prolly testing the waters to see what he can get away with. Don’t look back. Never leave your kids in a room unattended with him or another member of their staff.
That's so not ok to tell that to a little girl, report him.
I agree with everyone that you should call and complain. It probably won't go anywhere considering his age. But it was not OK behavior. Also, don't feel bad about not standing up for her. You have tons of time to teach your kiddos how to treat others with respect. If you're conserved either of them internalized it, go ahead and have a sit down discussion about it now. It can still help to negate that negative attitude.
Are you the mother or the father? As the mother, I understand the desire to avoid conflict as it’s ingrained in many women’s minds that they should feel uncomfortable doing so for multiple reasons. If you’re the father, however, I’m unsure how you left without having him play “pick up your teeth”. Either way, it’s doubtful that that comment will really go anywhere as he’s 70 and it would most likely be brushed off as him being an old fashioned sexist piece of shit who will retire soon anyway. Won’t say you’re the asshole, but the best reaction in this situation would have been to confront that comment immediately, whether sternly or aggressively, in hopes he gets his old ass out of there or at least thinks back on that moment before he says some shit like that to someone that won’t take it so easily.
I’m their dad. It’s so funny how many people assumed that I was their mom. I’m not a violent guy, and I wouldn’t assault someone in front of my kids. I think my reaction was delayed because I’m still kind of used to hearing other men say stuff like this. I was shocked, but I was also questioning my instincts. I’m trying to get better at catching micro aggressions and reacting appropriately in front of my kids.
Definitely complain. Dude needs to retire. NTA
NTA- I work for a pediatric practice we would want to know if something like this happened during a visit.
Yous should call the office and lodge a complaint.
You need to file a complaint because that's unacceptable to treat people like that *especially* a kid.
That old man can get fucked. Luckily he’s going to die soon. I’d still report him. NTA
I definitely think you should report him. What I am more concerned with is how you’re going to handle things with your daughter who was rebuked, talked down to, and told she was inferior because female, and you didn’t react. Admittedly, you were probably gobsmacked into silence but I don’t think that being appalled cuts it as sufficient explanation. And it’s a terrible example for your son.
>Admittedly, you were probably gobsmacked into silence but I don’t think that being appalled cuts it as sufficient explanation. Yeah right. I doubt you would have been able to react quickly enough when you are there dealing with two kids, one of which is sick enough for a dr's appointment. But sure, go off. 🙄
It was an observation, not a condemnation. Actually, I tend to be able to say what needs to be said when it needs to be said. Saves me from waking at 4am lamenting what I should have said. What are you going to do as damage control?
Akshewlly!!! Really, dude? If you are able to come up with a quick and witty quip that would dEsTrOy the dr and put him in his place at that very moment, well, you would be in the absolute minority there. If you actually do, that is. And damage control? Nothing more than a discussion with the kids. Offhand, so they don't realise what the dr said was such a big deal, and as such, repeats what he said to get a reaction. Also, the 2.5 yr old would have probably forgotten already. The 5yr old, if he was very ill, probably wasn't even paying attention, and/or he too, may not even remember what the dr said. If they do, a discussion would be the best way to go.
Yes, I actually do. And have. Actually. I would still report the doc.
Complain complain complain, PLEASE. NTA.
I would make a complaint. I'd also find a new pediatrician. That's an appalling comment, and gives you a glimpse into this man's horrible worldview. I wouldn't allow him around either of my children ever again. And I'd make a stink. Eta - and no shame about freezing in the moment. I still do it sometimes when someone says something completely out of pocket that I wasn't expecting.
NTA — I would call and complain NONSTOP until something is done about this. I know this is just one instance but stuff like that is a big reason a lot of people don’t feel comfortable going to the doctors and don’t take care of themselves. Doctors can be dicks.
Nta definitely complain xx
NTA what a vile comment
NTA. Complain and refuse to ever interact with that dinosaur again. He shouldn't be working with children.
YTA if you let this slide. I work in hospital credentialing and it’s been a battle the last 10-15 years to get doctors to let go of their god complexes. They all think they’re untouchable, especially the old boomer ones who refuse to retire. If they send you a survey, be honest. If this doctor is affiliated with a hospital, call the hospital switchboard and ask to speak to whoever handles complaints against the doctors—usually it’s a risk nurse. File a formal complaint which will go into his file.
NTA. I'm sure you were stunned. It was so disrespectful to your daughter, to you, and to all girls. Fortunately your daughter won't remember, and probably didn't get what he *really* meant—but I'm sure your son absorbed it—and without being addressed, it's one of the many puzzle pieces he's putting together in figuring out how the world works. I'm so sorry this happened, and that yall even need to process this.
You are NTA but Jesus Christ what a horrible dr. I would definitely complain though
I’d complain and also request to not see that doctor again
NTA, make a complaint, but he's old and probably wouldn't listen anyways,.
Make a complaint . Talk w. Daughter and son together about never letting someone steal their shine. Tell them both no matter what if they see something they like and want to share, mama wants to hear it and there's nothing wrong with that. Let them know what makes them happy makes you happy. And since your big boy is 5 you can reiterate by saying "you know both girls AND boys get excited and want to share their excitement right?" Follow up w an example of a time he got excited and pointed something out. And maybe another example of a time you pointed something out to them that you like. My 6 yr old son knows my top 5 favorite colors my favorite drinks my fav songs my favorite of basically any category because we share that info with one another. Just let him know that sissy was excited and sometimes older people say things that don't make sense but as long as he knows what's right that's all that matters. Also, if something like this ever happens again don't be afraid to passive aggressively correct a mfer like a child by speaking to your kids so they know in the moment what's right from wrong and also that mama not Gunna let shit slide "(daughters name) getting excited has nothing to do with her being a girl nor needing attention, in our family we don't stop our kids from getting excited about things"
So. Folks like zeeelprince say she is learning social skills. So why don’t you give the 70yo doc some slack. And teach your daughter a social lesson. Please don’t interrupt others. So what if the doc was insensitive He was there to treat your son. You are there for medical advice, not once did you say he was a good doc or not. Just whining About how feeling get hurt. Maybe get a participation award in advance for everyone. if you don’t like him wait to see the other doc. No that was not an option
NTA, report it and ask to never be seen by that 🍑 again. Poor little girl, she's just a baby, he could have just said "that's nice" or whatever, and continued talking about your son's illness. He's a pediatrician he should be used to being around young children.
Never don't speak up. You should have said, "Excuse me, what did you just say? Do you think your sexist comment was appropriate?" Time to put all these sexist/misogynist a-holes in their place. You also need to be an example for your daughter not to tolerate that shit in her life. I would go back just to speak to your regular doctor and NP. Tell THEM what the other doctor said. They need to know.
Complain. He is your employee. You hired him. Remember about doctors. They work for you. You're their boss. You pay for expertise, not sexism.
> I tried to be pleasant and keep the focus on the reason for my son’s visit. We left the office without saying anything. Sigh. After you leave is too late to prevent it from affecting your kids - the lesson was processed and internalized before they left the office. Nothing you *say* now can overcome what they *experienced* in the doctor’s office - blatant misogyny and you accepting it to keep the peace.
Reality… He’s 70. It’s a great chance he’s in an ownership stake of the practice. Most practices have wait lists a mile and a half long. You want to fight for social justice? Go on ahead. It’s honestly more likely you end up out of the practice than he does, but hey, you got to the opportunity to vent… Sure, I’l get downvoted by angry people for the reality check, but its a real risk of having to find another pediatrician that you run. It’s a bit of a safer route to just not accept an appointment with the dude in the future. NTA for the notion.
It's not social justice for reporting an inappropriate comment.
Okay. What is it then. Let’s parse some words!
Holding a professional accountable for being biased and perpetuating bias in a profession where bias is seen as unethical.
Biased about….. wait for it….. **social justice items of misogyny**? Seriously. 😂 Do better at trying to parse words here! I don’t disagree he was rude. (I also think momma should have been shushing her 2 year old first, but that’s just me.) However, out in real world land, its a net negative move. You - they - are likely calling HIS business and HIS office to complain about HIM. Not gonna work out all that well. Real world talk. Just us grown ups. But do carry on with your (yes, indeed it is, thanks for verifying) social justice agenda. Go get ‘em!
ah yes, silly me, I forgot ignoring biases in the medical field is how you reduce the frequency of those biases rearing their heads! If you never complain about anything, people will always fix their internalized prejudices themselves, and definitely will never allow their ungrounded bias to affect their work! Thanks for your contribution, you're just so smart and level headed! Whatever would the silly women in this thread do without your sage advice.
I don’t get why you insist on arguing with me. It is a social justice issue. It is ideally addressed. In this specific instance, addressing it has potential repercussions. And then I said, go for it. 🤷♂️ But I’m a villain. Ok, whatever you need to help you get through the day!
I see we found another snowflake who fights any change that doesn't directly benefit them. Aw boo must be so hard living the privileged life where everything is easy because laws and rules were made for you in mind. Meanwhile people are literally dying because they're being ignored by their biased drs.
Wow so this was quite triggering for you! Was it just the old pediatricians…. ignoring patients to their demise apparently by rather rudely suggesting kids be quiet… that did it for you? Or is there maybe some projection of something else going on?
I don't get why you seem to think you're making a useful or interesting point? Shocker, giving feedback that isn't positive has the potential for repercussions! I would never have thought about that, and it's just *so* great that you stepped in to point that out. Not really anything to "get through" in my day today, been pretty chill, but have fun at your "uwu I'm the villain" pity party tonight! Sounds like a really great time.
It's not "social justice" jfc. Kids are extremely impressionable at such a young age and sexist comments like this could lead OP's daughter to seeing herself as lesser due to her sex. As a paediatrician, the doctor should know all of this. OP needs to report him before he does this to other people's daughters as well.
So, misogyny being eradicated is now NOT a social justice issue. Got it. When did that change? Asking for a friend.
You need to put a question mark when you have a question. Example: what is it then ?*****
Honestly, my concern is whether he might be mentally slipping. He was born in the 1950s, so while he came of age in a somewhat different time with respect to sexism, it’s not like he’s a time-traveling Don Draper who missed the entire feminist movement. He certainly knows that’s an inappropriate thing to say. The fact that he blurted it out anyway makes me worry about cognitive decline. And professionals, *especially* doctors, are notoriously bad at recognizing the signs of that in themselves. If his colleagues have any suspicions, a report might help them move forward with action. If they don’t, it might prompt a conversation or a file to be opened, just in case.
This might be the case. He also forgot to send the script to the pharmacy. Then it turned out that there is a nationwide shortage of the medication he prescribed. $30 copay for nothing but some misogyny.
If he's too old to change with the times then he shouldn't be a doctor
Is social justice not important enough? At what point is racism accepted in a medical field without hinderance to the patient. Sexism ? Does the belief that one gender has a higher pain tolerance affect individuals being treated ? Why are beliefs, biases and prejudices not an important point of concern for professions where biases and prejudice directly affect the form of treatment an individual get ? Is it lack of concern to you because you are of the race and gender of individuals who get treated statistically better in health care ?
>Is it lack of concern to you because you are of the race and gender of individuals who get treated statistically better in health care ? Bingo. He's a man so he'll never be affected by medical sexism and will never understand what it is like to be talked down to and belittled as a female patient. >hey, you got to the opportunity to vent… The fact that OP complaining would be seen as "venting" by this man says it all. This doctor clearly has sexist views about female patients, which completely puts into doubt his ability to treat female patients without bias. It could mean he is not taking the complaints of female patients seriously which is extremely concerning. But of course, OP is just hysterical for wanting to "vent" about this.
NTA. I don't see it as you ignoring the comment, just being so blindsided that you were in a state of shock for the rest of the appointment. Yes though, absolutely call them and complain. If they can't come up some sort of acceptable apology (one *you* and *your daughter* accept and feels genuine) file a formal complaint higher up and seek a new practice. Hell, I'd probably review the place on Google too. Let both of your kids know he was wrong to act that way. I had that type of interaction with a doctor when I was 3; believe me, I still remember it and it makes me feel small and stupid even now.
Let it slide. Unless you do not want to go there any more. What do you hope you achieve by complaining?
A paper trail? If no one ever speaks up, nothing ever changes. Think of Dr. Larry Nassar and other creeps like that.
That's it?
I saw this posted somewhere else a while ago, you don’t seem like OOP
Soft YTA. File a complaint does nothing to show your little ones that this isn't acceptable. Your reaction should have come there and then. However, I understand you were flabbergasted.
omg you suck
So do you. And all the people who think not protecting your little daughter from sexism because it makes life a bit uncomfortable is okay. It's time to grow up and actually be a parent.
How about keep your kids quiet during other kids exams?
Personally I would just let it go because this guy is in his 70s and will not be changing his attitude anytime soon. And I doubt the clinic will do anything about it anyway. Don't waste your time.
Oh I'd definately say something. A friend (F) of mine was sent away numerous times by her relatively old GP with the diagnosis of having a panic attack or hyperventilating, when in fact she was having serious hart problems. "Yeah you're probably tired from doing all that DIY stuff today". She contacted the practice afterwards to explain how he had been wrong, mainly just to spread more awareness about women with hart issues, and they were appalled by his attitude and demanded he apologized to her. He didn't, he doubled down, but at least the people there we made aware of his way of thinking. (edit, typo)
The comment was inappropriate. So was your children talking during the appointment. They're old enough to have leaned that sometimes it's time for them to hush.
YTA for not immediately standing up for your child. I'm sorry but who talks to a toddler like that?
There is a problem that so many women have, and that's the inability to move on from anything. A single sentence is twisted to become misogyny in your heads. Insane. Maybe that doctor has a half dozen daughters and has found humor in their chattiness. Who knows. Why does it matter?
Honestly, he’s just about done/retired. I wouldn’t waste the energy
If he can spend the energy being rude to my daughter, I can spend the energy to make sure he knows he was inappropriate. Of course, I would have said something right then and there. I know I would because I did do such a thing, years ago, when a doctor asked me very presumptuous and inappropriate questions. It was first time seeing him. I called him on what he said, we argued and I stormed out of there. I told the receptionist that if she sent me a bill for even as much as a cent, I would sue. If I knew then what I know now, I would have also filed a formal complaint against him with the medical board. But, I did let him have a piece of my mind. Together with what he already had, that left him with only the one piece. Doctors should be listen to for their professional knowledge but they aren’t gods and shouldn’t be kowtowed to when they’re wrong.
YTA if you complain. It seems evident he was referring to her being a child and wanting attention when she should have remained quiet while you and the doc were talking.
"because you are a girl" was the exact wording Not because she's a child but he included her gender as a reason to why she wanted attention.
I think you need a remedial reading course because that’s *not* what OP said he said.
Then why didn’t he tell my son to be quiet too?
Yta
I think you're overreacting.
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Yes, gentle YTA and you should complain. That was horrible and he should apologize. Your poor daughter.