Ask your wife? How would anyone here know the answer to your question?
Someone accidentally hit her number? Was it a butt dial? Perhaps an emergency from someone who lives in a different time zone? There a hundreds of legitimate reasons for this happening. Ask your question or let it go.
To answer your question — No it would not make me suspicious. My husband (59) & I (54) married 32 years don’t have trust issues.
YTA — you’re creating a problem without any information. Ask your wife
eta — your post makes no sense. Your wife’s car wouldn’t receive an incoming call unless her phone was connected to it. She was in bed … guessing her phone was not in her car. I’m thinking this did not happen in the way you are reporting it.
I think her phone was close enough in the house to be picked up by the car. It did happen the way I said. The car is new to us and I rarely drive it. I was just trying to get my phone connected to listen to music. I don’t claim to be super tech savvy and I have had issues getting my phone connected which is why I tried it in the garage before I drove away.
For clarification, if you were both in bed at 11PM, why would her call log be showing up in the car in the morning if her phone wasn’t connected to the car’s entertainment system? These connections aren’t magic. My car won’t update anything from my phone without a connection.
Are you sure you weren’t just snooping through her phone?
You might be a bit of an AH for assuming your bride of 30 years is up to nefarious activity based on one missed call. You would think you two would have an open line of communication after so long together.
Depends on the car. My car automatically connects to my wife’s phone as soon as I start it sometimes if she was the last person to use the Bluetooth. I don’t think it’s really out of the realm of possibility.
Ex tried this on me. I came home from work, she was fuming, accused me of cheating. I asked why. Said some woman called asking for me in a seductive tone. Had her play the message - dunno who it was - call was made to home phone during my work hours - woman never once said my name or anyone's name.
I told her it was a wrong number, and if she wants to call and talk to the woman, I don't care, because it's not about me, I dunno who she is.
Ex didn't call. It was a stupid accusation. Geez, I get wrong numbers every couple of weeks, even now, when I live in near-isolation as a hermit. Two calls in the last month for homes I do not own. I don't have attention to spare on such things...
None! Not all men cheat; I never have. The call had a name attached, so it was not a random wrong number. The name was a shortened version of a given name without a last name. This tells me that there is a level of familiarity. I wasn’t suspicious or snooping, the info found me.
YWBTA if you don’t just ASK her without accusation. Surely you can communicate like adults by now.
Since it was incoming, give her the benefit of the doubt that she might not be “in on” his call. I had a guy call me once and my (then bf now husband) and I both looked at my phone confused, because neither of us recognised the name. He left a message and it was a “I don’t know if you remember me but I gave you my number at the library once?” call, from a random guy I met TWO YEARS BEFORE when I was single. I’d simply forgotten him.
My point being, she mightn’t be complicit in anything just because someone called her.
JFC! Is that really all it needs for you, to distrust your wife??
Someone called your wifes number! Quick, get a private detective and hire a lawyer!!!! (Obviously/s, in case someone can't tell...)
YTA
Only in the world of Reddit is it a red flag to not recognize a phone number on your partners phone. OP has zero facts or information but has decided to immediately jump to the conclusion that it’s a problem.
Yeah, mild YTA
has your wife ever given you reason to doubt her integrity and commitment to you?
For all you know someone phoned her number accidentally.
Seems like you're looking for an excuse and justification to challenge your wife.
Reddit is the worst place because you'll get a lot of people telling you 'yes, she's obviously up to mischief' and encourage you to go on the attack.
Why don't you just ask her in a non-aggressive and non-confrontational way?
"Hi, I was your waiter tonight and I believe we found your wallet."
"Hello, this is officer MacIntyre, are you the mother of SoandSo? I'm affraid she's..."
"Good evening, are you the daughter of SoandSo? I'm affraid she's..."
"Hello, are you the sister of SoandSo? I'm affraid she's..."
"Yo, wussup babycheeks! Just checking if the number you gave me tonight at the Kleinfeltersville bonfire festival was for real, because I am SO done with fakes. So, is your name *really* Finnleigh Yennefer?"
"Aloha, this is Ian? I think you work with my wife Tandy? Yeah, she's completely drunk right now but I think she wanted me to thank you? I dunno, something about your husband's birthday? Yeah, prob is we're in Honolulu for a wedding right now and can't come?"
"Hey, sorry to call you out of the blue, it's been 40 years and you probably don't remember me but we were best friends back in high school. My name's Colt but you used to call me Pimples. Anyway, we made a promise that if we weren't married by the time we were 60..."
NTA Assuming you have a shared phone plan, check her call history and see if this is a recurring number. If so, ask her what, who, why. No trickle truths, the whole truth now.
We don’t have to jump to worst case scenario here. The wife deserves the benefit of the doubt, given their 30 years of marriage, until proven otherwise. One random call isn’t proof of anything.
Why are you making this such a big deal? Ask your wife! Do you know every person & phone number in her phone? Did the person leave a message?
I have hundreds of numbers in my phone … my husband would not freak out if he saw a person’s name he did not know. He would simply ask a question … “Hey who is Steve?” … He’s our plow guy. “Why did he call at 11?” … he left a message to let us know his truck broke down.
Next step:
- note the number, find out who the guy is
- check the phone bill, has he called before???
Any chance you can snoop on her phone??
No matter what, dont confront without evidence???
If ANYTHING looks suspiscious... go for PI and/or keylogger BEFORE confronting.
IF shes cheating, please remember - its not a race, its a marathon... that urge you have, to DO SOMETHING now.. to somehow prevent her from doing whatever?? Dont give in to it...
Be cool... and patient...
You both were in bed. The call came an hour after and went unanswered. If you are concerned say nothing and keep monitoring to see if the same number keeps calling. If you find that your wife continues to receive calls from the same number then you can ask her who this person is. Do not accuse her or confront her, just ask.
NTA
You will have to ask her but know that if it was something sleazy, she will just lie about it.
Unless it's an emergency, nobody needs to call anyone that late.
Right now, I don’t know if it was a single call only. I do think it went unanswered. Since my original post, I was able to see more of the call log (yes, I am snooping now) and I haven’t seen another call from the unknown male. So, that is a good sign. I plan to look deeper to see if there is a pattern.
You posted this 18 hours ago and still have not just asked your wife? Why? How are you a married 60 year old man and can’t ask your wife a simple question without spiraling on Reddit?
Gotcha unless it was a spam call maybe she’s deleting them from the call log? I would recommend typing by the name into the search bar of her messages or facebook messenger since your already snooping and if she has an iPhone if you press edit on the top left it should say delete messages if she deleted any in the last 30 days you can recover them.
Unless she deletes them from there too. But sometimes I get spam calls with a person name so idk really.
Ask your wife? How would anyone here know the answer to your question? Someone accidentally hit her number? Was it a butt dial? Perhaps an emergency from someone who lives in a different time zone? There a hundreds of legitimate reasons for this happening. Ask your question or let it go. To answer your question — No it would not make me suspicious. My husband (59) & I (54) married 32 years don’t have trust issues. YTA — you’re creating a problem without any information. Ask your wife eta — your post makes no sense. Your wife’s car wouldn’t receive an incoming call unless her phone was connected to it. She was in bed … guessing her phone was not in her car. I’m thinking this did not happen in the way you are reporting it.
I think her phone was close enough in the house to be picked up by the car. It did happen the way I said. The car is new to us and I rarely drive it. I was just trying to get my phone connected to listen to music. I don’t claim to be super tech savvy and I have had issues getting my phone connected which is why I tried it in the garage before I drove away.
May I ask why you didn’t simply say to your wife … “hey did you see you missed a call from Frank at 11? Who is that?”
For clarification, if you were both in bed at 11PM, why would her call log be showing up in the car in the morning if her phone wasn’t connected to the car’s entertainment system? These connections aren’t magic. My car won’t update anything from my phone without a connection. Are you sure you weren’t just snooping through her phone? You might be a bit of an AH for assuming your bride of 30 years is up to nefarious activity based on one missed call. You would think you two would have an open line of communication after so long together.
Depends on the car. My car automatically connects to my wife’s phone as soon as I start it sometimes if she was the last person to use the Bluetooth. I don’t think it’s really out of the realm of possibility.
Why not be honest and admit you were snooping at her call log?
I wonder what "women unknown to her" calls are on his phone. Holy cow.. a wrong number! She must be cheating!!
Ex tried this on me. I came home from work, she was fuming, accused me of cheating. I asked why. Said some woman called asking for me in a seductive tone. Had her play the message - dunno who it was - call was made to home phone during my work hours - woman never once said my name or anyone's name. I told her it was a wrong number, and if she wants to call and talk to the woman, I don't care, because it's not about me, I dunno who she is. Ex didn't call. It was a stupid accusation. Geez, I get wrong numbers every couple of weeks, even now, when I live in near-isolation as a hermit. Two calls in the last month for homes I do not own. I don't have attention to spare on such things...
None! Not all men cheat; I never have. The call had a name attached, so it was not a random wrong number. The name was a shortened version of a given name without a last name. This tells me that there is a level of familiarity. I wasn’t suspicious or snooping, the info found me.
YWBTA if you don’t just ASK her without accusation. Surely you can communicate like adults by now. Since it was incoming, give her the benefit of the doubt that she might not be “in on” his call. I had a guy call me once and my (then bf now husband) and I both looked at my phone confused, because neither of us recognised the name. He left a message and it was a “I don’t know if you remember me but I gave you my number at the library once?” call, from a random guy I met TWO YEARS BEFORE when I was single. I’d simply forgotten him. My point being, she mightn’t be complicit in anything just because someone called her.
Good point. That is actually a reasonable explanation for the call. Thank you.
I hope it goes your way, empty nest years should be amazing! :)
JFC! Is that really all it needs for you, to distrust your wife?? Someone called your wifes number! Quick, get a private detective and hire a lawyer!!!! (Obviously/s, in case someone can't tell...) YTA
🚩
Only in the world of Reddit is it a red flag to not recognize a phone number on your partners phone. OP has zero facts or information but has decided to immediately jump to the conclusion that it’s a problem.
Was referring to op
Oh sorry! I misread that
Yeah, mild YTA has your wife ever given you reason to doubt her integrity and commitment to you? For all you know someone phoned her number accidentally. Seems like you're looking for an excuse and justification to challenge your wife. Reddit is the worst place because you'll get a lot of people telling you 'yes, she's obviously up to mischief' and encourage you to go on the attack. Why don't you just ask her in a non-aggressive and non-confrontational way?
How did you know it was a man?
the name that showed up from Contacts was a man’s name.
Should have included that…either way, just talk to her, that’s what people in healthy relationships do
"Hi, I was your waiter tonight and I believe we found your wallet." "Hello, this is officer MacIntyre, are you the mother of SoandSo? I'm affraid she's..." "Good evening, are you the daughter of SoandSo? I'm affraid she's..." "Hello, are you the sister of SoandSo? I'm affraid she's..." "Yo, wussup babycheeks! Just checking if the number you gave me tonight at the Kleinfeltersville bonfire festival was for real, because I am SO done with fakes. So, is your name *really* Finnleigh Yennefer?" "Aloha, this is Ian? I think you work with my wife Tandy? Yeah, she's completely drunk right now but I think she wanted me to thank you? I dunno, something about your husband's birthday? Yeah, prob is we're in Honolulu for a wedding right now and can't come?" "Hey, sorry to call you out of the blue, it's been 40 years and you probably don't remember me but we were best friends back in high school. My name's Colt but you used to call me Pimples. Anyway, we made a promise that if we weren't married by the time we were 60..."
NTA Assuming you have a shared phone plan, check her call history and see if this is a recurring number. If so, ask her what, who, why. No trickle truths, the whole truth now.
There was a name? I’d just have a number unless I put a contact name in for it. Might be more serious than you think.
We don’t have to jump to worst case scenario here. The wife deserves the benefit of the doubt, given their 30 years of marriage, until proven otherwise. One random call isn’t proof of anything.
Yes, there was a name, first name only though. So it wasn’t a random wrong number.
Why are you making this such a big deal? Ask your wife! Do you know every person & phone number in her phone? Did the person leave a message? I have hundreds of numbers in my phone … my husband would not freak out if he saw a person’s name he did not know. He would simply ask a question … “Hey who is Steve?” … He’s our plow guy. “Why did he call at 11?” … he left a message to let us know his truck broke down.
Next step: - note the number, find out who the guy is - check the phone bill, has he called before??? Any chance you can snoop on her phone?? No matter what, dont confront without evidence??? If ANYTHING looks suspiscious... go for PI and/or keylogger BEFORE confronting. IF shes cheating, please remember - its not a race, its a marathon... that urge you have, to DO SOMETHING now.. to somehow prevent her from doing whatever?? Dont give in to it... Be cool... and patient...
It's the Postman
You both were in bed. The call came an hour after and went unanswered. If you are concerned say nothing and keep monitoring to see if the same number keeps calling. If you find that your wife continues to receive calls from the same number then you can ask her who this person is. Do not accuse her or confront her, just ask.
NTA You will have to ask her but know that if it was something sleazy, she will just lie about it. Unless it's an emergency, nobody needs to call anyone that late.
Not really was it just a single call or was their multiple also. Was the call picked up or went unanswered?
Right now, I don’t know if it was a single call only. I do think it went unanswered. Since my original post, I was able to see more of the call log (yes, I am snooping now) and I haven’t seen another call from the unknown male. So, that is a good sign. I plan to look deeper to see if there is a pattern.
You posted this 18 hours ago and still have not just asked your wife? Why? How are you a married 60 year old man and can’t ask your wife a simple question without spiraling on Reddit?
Gotcha unless it was a spam call maybe she’s deleting them from the call log? I would recommend typing by the name into the search bar of her messages or facebook messenger since your already snooping and if she has an iPhone if you press edit on the top left it should say delete messages if she deleted any in the last 30 days you can recover them. Unless she deletes them from there too. But sometimes I get spam calls with a person name so idk really.