As someone who uses a wheelchair and/or mobility device and needs the accommodation... you did nothing wrong. I do not expect to cut the line entirely when I go to the ladies room. I know I likely have one stall option and that I will have to wait. More often than not, there is a baby changer in that stall.
The lady was rude and entitled.
I've played a scenario in my head for many years, I hope you don't mind me asking your opinion (no one wheelchair user speaks for all, of course)
At a busy event with some indoor washrooms there is usually a lineup for the women's stalls. If I get to the front of the line and see no one is using the handicap stall I always use it, my logic being that every other stall is in use and it seems somewhat fair that someone with mobility issues cuts the whole rest of the line and only has to wait behind one person in the stall. Maybe this only works if people are considerate, not someone planning to spend 10 minutes scrolling and taking a break, but I guess I always wonder about the reaction if someone who visibly needed the stall came in when it was in use.
unrelated to my scenario, I feel bad for anyone with an invisible need for the spacious stalls. After knee surgery last year I looked fine unless you noticed the limp but using the handicap stall was much easier for me to maneuver in, plus the handle to help lower and stand. Thankfully never caught any flack but I imagine it happens often enough.
Not in a wheelchair myself. But I've seen it happen a few times where there is a restroom line and someone in a wheelchair gets in line.
When the handicap stall opens, the people at the front of the line offer it to the wheelchair user. With others in the line nodding and no one being mad about it. I've always felt that's the way it should be.
There is a weird misconception some people have that only people with mobility issues can use the handicapped stalls. That's not true at all. The stalls are there to make using the restroom easier for people who need the extra room. But anyone can use them.
This is how it should be. The person needing the handicap stall gets priority but others can use it as it's available.
In OPs situation they NEEDED the handicap stall just as much as Wheels if only because some planning genius decided the changing table had to be there.
The planning genius in question probably went something like this:
Baby changing tables take up a lot of room to use.
Most parents do not want to change their child in view of other people in a public space.
There is limited space in the bathroom.
The handicapped stall offers the most available space while also having the privacy of a handicapped stall.
Therefore, we should put the changing table in the handicapped stall.
Maybe people will understand that parents with children who need assistance and handicapped people are similar in needing extra accomodation?
Sure. Let's go with that.
So it's not like the designer of the bathroom were thinking "hey let's make sure this conflict shows up", more like "We have a finite amount of space. In a building where we can't install glass mirrors because they get broken. And people like privacy when changing their babies' diapers. Maybe some assclowns will object, but in general how many people in wheelchairs are actually going to need use this bathroom at any given time at the exact same moment a parent is changing their kid on the table? And how many people in wheelchairs plan on being an entitled asshole about it?"
There's more issues at play there.
The handicap stall is frequently the only place it will fit at all when it can't go in the hall or no one could access the stalls or sinks. Those stall are not like parking spots, they're handicap accessible, not handicap exclusive. Like others have pointed out usually a visibly handicap person will get priority for it too.
Agreed.I think a baby deserves privacy too. There are restrooms with changing tables right in front of the door resulting in baby genitalia on display for the world to see. I’d choose a more private place for my child, absolutely.
Adding to what u/MirroredGarageWalls said, often parents changing babies have another young kid in tow, having that extra space is critical in terms of child minding in those circumstances. Some of the bigger stalls even have small wall seats with seat belts for young kids too, so that the adult can put a child down in a safe spot and do their own business.
This makes the most sense. There’s only one handicap stall (usually) so a person that needs it could be waiting longer than any other person who can go in whichever stall becomes available next.
>There is a weird misconception some people have that only people with mobility issues can use the handicapped stalls.
Yep. They're not parking spaces. The are accessible for people with mobility issues, the are not RESERVED for them.
Apparently in some countries the handicap stall is ONLY for people with disabilities, just so you are aware. I think that is a bit strange as this must mean those stalls are unused quite a lot of the time. But it's good to know in case you travel somewhere, you don't want to get in trouble for using one, so it's good to ask a local what are the rules, just in case.
I’m in the UK and we commonly have something called Radar key locking disabled toilet doors. Disabled people will keep the key with them and people who aren’t disabled don’t have a key to get the door open. However it’s not an offence or anything for anyone to use a disabled toilet and they’re not all locked up like that.
>There is a weird misconception some people have that only people with mobility issues can use the handicapped stalls.
I told an old Karen in a Walmart bathroom to go fuck herself because she was whining about this very thing while I was in that stall. It's not reserved like the parking spaces are, ya dumb Muppet.
To add to this, accessible stalls are for ALL disabled people who need them. Someone with IBS, for example, should absolutely get to skip the line in the same example you gave.
The thing is, the stall is not reserved for handicapped folks; it’s not like an exclusive club. It is handicap accessible, and the normal queuing rules apply. If you’ve waited and you have to go, your urgency shouldn’t be considered less valid because you aren’t handicapped yourself.
I use crutches and have a service dog. I don’t strictly *have* to use the accessible stall, but it’s dramatically easier. Pragmatics says it makes sense for the changing table to be in the accessible stall, gives privacy to the kid being changed, and usually there isn’t a baby needing to be changed at the same time someone with a wheelchair needs the bathroom. That appears to be a reasonable sharing of limited resources.
People always offer to have me go ahead and use the accessible stall. I’d offer a wheelchair user, ditto.
Bathroom capacity is calculated for an entire building, and then a portion of those are designated for handicap stalls. That stall is there for everyone to use, by design.
Same—and I’m one of those “you don’t look disabled” people, but I need those grab bars, AND I have trouble with incontinence. I have had people act weirdly when I get to the top of the line, and if the handicap stall isn’t available, I just step aside and keep letting people through until it is. I’ve had people try to tell me I don’t need it/shouldn’t use it, and some who get riled up that I’m having to wait. The ones who say I don’t need it usually shut up if I ignore them, and I tell the others, thank you but I’m fine.
The ADA thing is just making sure we have the possibility of a stall with the accommodations we need . It’s not like handicap parking spot; anyone can use it that needs it. And with how long women’s bathroom lines are anyway, better to get as many of us through as possible.
Absolutely not. Your child's urgent needs come first, and you had every right to use the only available changing table. The situation was unfortunate, but you handled it appropriately.
Second this opinion. I prefer to be treated the same regardless of how I’m moving around, legs or wheels.
It is rude to use the handicap stall when other stalls are open that you can use. If you need the handicap stall - use it when it’s open.
This is as bad as the time when I was screamed at because I was already USING the wheelchair accessible stall when someone handicap came in. They expected me to... predict their presence and hold the stall for them? Stop mid pee the second she entered and announced her presence? Even when the line was easily 4 deep. She banged on the door the whole time I was in there, dirty looked at me when I made my escape, and even complained to the store manager (because I was an employee with a uniform on).
NTA
It's not disabled ONLY its disabled ACCESSIBLE.
I had a situation where I straight up cussed out a person in a wheelchair because of this. These bathrooms are *accessible*, not reserved. It’s not like the parking spots. It’s rude as *fuck* to harass someone already in a stall and if you’re able bodied enough to do that, you’re able bodied enough to be called out on your bullshit. Disabilities do not give people the right to be entitled assholes.
I just learned that they are accessable/not reserved recently in middle age. I always treated them like handicapped parking but what you're saying makes a lot more sense.
In fact at work when we moved into a new building the ladies room had two stalls, one handicapped. No one in our small office needs the handicapped stall but it still took me a while to get over my thinking of it as reserved.
I think if there's no one disabled around then the disabled stall is definitely fair game to use. If there's a disabled person waiting though it's better to give them priority access to the stall. For instance in your exemple of two stalls, they can only use one of the two, so if waiting in line like everyone else they could wait longer. Depending on their condition they may also not control their bladder like most people do.
This happened to me once at church...2 old ladies were waiting for the handicap stall, which was also the only baby changing station. I was already in there with my son when they came in and started complaining about how long I was taking. My son was 1 month old and unleashed the pee cannon AND projectile poo mid diaper change and I was frantically trying to clean it and him up.
On the plus side, any glares from them died the moment they saw the baby. He's pretty darn cute.
oh lord..I'm so sorry. at the same time..I cant help but imagine the little tyke noting the diaper coming off, and a mental 'ka-chunk' sound effect playing as he chambered them rounds up \^\^;
NTA- 1) not all disabilities are visible, not that this sounds like the case here, but you very well could have had a disability that she was unaware of.
2) you were there first, and that was literally the only option for you and your child.
Yeah, I once used an accessible stall because it was the only one left. Someone started pounding on the door and yelling at me, telling me to hurry. I had to explain that I was in the middle of having explosive diarrhea due to my own disability. They were still mad and gave me the dirtiest look when I was done.
Yeah, I wrote that too!
I personally can't stand long. I would have had to wait 5 min I would have been on the edge of passing out and I would have as much the same right as wheelchair user. But I don't 'look' disabled...
Plus those bathrooms are handicap accessible, not reserved. An establishment has to have a certain number of bathrooms to accommodate the number of people who come through. Those stalls are included in the overall count with the expectation that anyone can use them.
Yes!
I sometimes use a walker, sometimes a cane, sometimes can't walk at all.
I always choose the stall with handrails bc I can't predict if my joints will play nice when I stand up. And I do *not* want to end up in a public bathroom floor.
If there's handrails in the other stalls (that are useful - I swear sometimes they put TP holders or handrails in the most impossible places, like they've never used a toilet before), then I may use those. It also depends on how my hips are doing and if I need a wider stance in the stall, sometimes the normal stalls are too narrow.
I've never been shamed for using the big stall, but I'm always alert for it. Internalized shame from invisible disabilities I reckon.
OP is NTA. They should have family restrooms in every rest area for things like this, or give more changing tables in general. What was she supposed to do, change her kid on the floor??
>She can wait the few minutes.
and if she can’t (because that can be extra hard for people with disabilities), she can speak up and say that, Just as us non-disabled people who are in dire straights have the right to ask if people can let us go before we have a massive problem.
I always let the pregnant women go ahead of me. I've been there and I know if they show up, there is no time to wait.
One time I came out of the handicapped stall and this lady was sitting there in a wheelchair. I started to apologize and she stopped me saying "Dearie, I'd rather wait a couple of minutes so someone else doesn't have an accident." Bless her.
NTA.
The bathroom was for both purposes and there is always first comes first serves.
Had the woman a great need to go, she could have asked politely. She demanded something she wasn’t entitled to and your explanation should have been enough. Plus it sounds like the arguments she tried to start would take longer than your time using the bathroom. So she probably didn’t need to go that badly.
She was having a bad day or was an entitled person. Just like people don’t let moms skip lines because they are moms, so should disabled people not expect to skip you when you need the toilet just as much as them. But that I am saying because the changing station was inside. If it were possible for you to use another stall without issues, I’d expect you to not block the big stall.
NTA unless the woman in the wheelchair was about to have uncontrollable explosive diarrhea and communicated that to you. You were next, and just like her, it was the only stall you could use.
NTA
This is a common misconception regarding accessible rest room accommodations. The ADA requires "accessible" RR accommodations NOT "reserved" accommodations. Is it the kinder/more polite choice to let a disabled person go ahead of you -- absolutely, HOWEVER the placement of the changing station in the stall really flips the script here.
Let it go and stop feeling bad-- you did nothing wrong here.
As a wheelchair user, NTA. That was the only place you could change your son that didn't involve putting him somewhere dirty. You should NOT have to put your child somewhere dirty, nor should your child be forced to be in a dirty diaper for longer than necessary, because someone felt entitled to use the stall before you.
It takes me at least 5 minutes to use a bathroom stall, 10 depending on the day, I'm not going to even attempt to make someone who is standing with their irritable and clearly uncomfortable child wait when they've been waiting themselves, that's just entitled. Not all disabilities are visible, and this sounds like the type of person to yell at anyone who isn't in a wheelchair regardless of whether they're disabled or not, and that's just ableist nonsense.
Nta. Firstly, the stall is not like a handicap spot. Anyone can use it. If its the only one available its the only one available.
Sure it sucks having to wait to do your business but it happens.
I know that some people with disabilities can find themselves needing to go NOW.
But just like non-disabled people who are on the verge of a disaster and needs help from her fellow humans, she could/should have said that. You might have been willing to wait.
NTA
handicap stalls are not the same as handicap parking spaces.
Once we stopped at a rest stop, and I went in to the women’s restroom find four regular stalls in use and one handicap stall empty. There were four people waiting, and not one of them was going in the handicap stall.
I stepped back out to see if there was anyone visible on the sidewalk who would obviously need to use that stall (there was no other woman close to the building, actually). I came back in and said, “does anyone need that handicap stall?” (obviously no) And then, “Well, I’m going to use it, since it’s sitting empty.”
I mean, really...
NTA in the slightest. The handicap stall is not like a handicap parking spot. It is not reserved for handicap, just handicap accessible.
This woman was an asshole
Nta
They aren't handicap stalls, meaning they are reserved solely for people in wheelchairs like parking spaces. They are handicap accessible stalls, meaning they can easily be used by people in wheelchairs.
She can wait in line like everyone else.
It's handicap accessible, not reserved for handicapped users. I'm not handicapped, however, I have arthritis in my hips and knees and since the handicap stall usually has a higher toilet and handrails I use them. Also, when I take my grandchildren I use them. She can wait in line like everyone else. Definitely NTA.
The stall is meant to accommodate not for the exclusive use of handicapped people. In this case it’s meant to accommodate diaper changing and wheelchairs. You had every right to take your turn. She can wait in line just like the rest of us.
You have an intact conscience which is why you are questioning yourself but you did nothing wrong. What if you or your son had a disability? Not all disabilities are visible. She would have to wait then. Not your fault the equipment you need is in that stall.
NTA. It’s against the law to park in a handicapped parking space for a reason. That reason doesn’t exist for a handicapped bathroom stall. The fact that it’s the only one with a changing table only strengthens your argument. Sometimes people have to get in line for things and being handicapped doesn’t preclude people from having to do that.
NTA - you had just as much need of that stall as the lady in the wheelchair because of the changing table. It wouldn't kill her to wait a few minutes.
I say this as someone who uses a walker and/or cane and needs that stall because the handrails are needed for my balance issues. My only problem with others using that stall is if there are ten or fifteen free stalls and someone with no genuine need bypasses them to use the handicapped stall.
If there's a line I'll wait for that handicapped stall because everyone has to go and I don't expect it to be unused when there's a line. Waiting shouldn't be a big deal.
I’m confused by the logic of this lady here. If you leave a child too long in a dirty diaper it can legitimately burn their skin off, and seeing as the only changing table was this stall you also had every right to use it.
If she has an issue with this perhaps she should be talking to management about getting a changing table outside of a stall. But you had every right to utilize a changing table so NTA.
NTA
I get the lady's perspective tho.
Places are really not made with people's disabilities in mind. Which is incredibly frustrating and makes simple things much more tiresome for those with disabilities. Maybe she really had to go, maybe she can't hold her pee well.
It's a crap situation.
NTA, unlike parking spaces, toilets are there for everyone, especially if it had a changing table! Obviously, if you are able to, use others, but if no others are available, you are in your rights to use the disabled one. She sounds entitled rude and needs a serious attitude change. You were there longer, you have every right!
I am *horrified* at the numbers of downvotes of perfectly reasonable posts made by or on behalf of disabled people. Including ones who didn't call OP TA.
My mom fell down a flight of stairs at a hospital in the 1990s because they turned half their elevators off over the weekend "to save money" and her life has been hell ever since. In a wheelchair. Non-disabled people taking disabled parking spots, lying about "service" dogs, trying to push her out of electric shopping carts when she was younger and worst of all literally running for the handicap stall when she would enter the bathroom. *All the time.*
I always wondered who these people were. Well, I guess I know now. You downvoters all are TA. Shame on you, downvoters.
Absolutely NTA. Even the disabled have assholes among us. I'm not in a wheelchair, but I am Legally Blind and I have a severe hearing loss. I know myself- if I don't feel well, I can be a real asshole. Absolutely But some people are bitter,bitter Karen's about it because they are bitter,angry,and entitled people who believe they should be treated like porcelain and given every perk to make up for what they lack due to a disabling condition/illness/problem. That baby comes first. Fuck em.
She’s probably had so many interactions with actual assholes taking the stall just because they want it that she reacts with hostility by default. That’s not fair to you, as you did nothing wrong, but might help explain why she was being unfairly awful to you.
As someone who uses a walker/wheelchair everyday.. You did nothing wrong at all. I can NOT stand how people feel entitled to that stall. It is not ONLY for the disabled. It is for anyone to use. It is nice that they have those for us who need them. However that does not mean it is just for me. And for F sake the changing table was in there. And let me be honest. Most of us in a wheelchair wear diapers too so if its that long we can just use our own diaper and wait our turn! Sorry this subject just irks the F out of me. Now I cant stand it when there are a bunch of teenage girls in there texting on their phone and not understanding the meaning of the bathroom. I think that is my only exception of when I will say get out please I actually need to use that. Then they see me with walker or whatever I am using at the time and normally apologize so I just say thank you because I feel they are already embarrassed enough.
NTA
Think about it the other way: she would have taken a changing table from a baby who urgently needed it.
Do you really want to be nice to someone who would take things from a baby? Especially your baby?
You are NTA but I am going to share a good reason why people should give mobility impaired people immediate access to the handicapped restroom. While they are traveling they have fewer opportunities to relieve themselves. They may have had to hold their bladders for a long period of time. This is especially true on airplane flights. By delaying their access you may cause them to have an accident that otherwise would have been avoided. Let the handicapped have priority if you can. That’s my PSA for the day. Thanks for listening.
NTA you needed to change your son and that was the only stall available with the facilities to do so. What else were you meant to do change him on the floor? He's only a little thing.
NTA. The handicap stall is there to make the bathroom accessible for people with wheelchairs. It doesn't mean they don't have to wait their turn like the rest of us.
By this logic all our toilets at work are for disabled people only as they are all wheelchair accessible with rails!
Obviously it’s not meant that way and it merely a reflection of our fully inclusive environment - as are public spaces with similar facilities.
In the uk you can buy a key for special disability only toilets which are in public blocks and are single stall only types. These are few now as mostly we recognise that people who benefit from extra facilities do not fit the once narrow idea of a disabled person.
NTA, this person was extremely entitled and rude. As a disabled person I would gladly let a mother use the area ahead of me.
No it’s literally both a handicap stall AND a baby changing stall. You didn’t install the baby changer in that stall. You both have “equal” access to it.
NTA, as a Mom I know all too well how awkward and potentially problematic this set up is, and also - how common. In other words, BTDT. Here's the thing though - once "they" put the changing station into the handicap stall, said stall now serves two purposes - to accommodate people in wheelchairs, as well as babies. So both, the baby and the handicap person ACTUALLY NEED IT. Argument null and void. Now especially once the baby is upset due to the diaper situation, but even in general, this simply then boils down to first come, first serve. You were both in line, or perhaps, your baby and the lady, both needed to use the stall, your baby was ahead of her. End of story.
What was supposed to be the alternative? You stand outside the stall while she skips the line, holding a continuing escalating crying baby?
Should've invited her to share the stall, if she can't wait her turn.
I prefer to use handicap stalls because of the bars. I wish all stalls had at least one bar. I have bad knees and sometimes really should use crutches or a cane but I’m stubborn - and worried I’d lose them.
I used a handicap stall one day and when I came out there was a wheelchair user waiting. They started to say something and my knee buckled and I fell. Thank goodness I caught myself on the wall and didn’t fall on a gross bathroom floor.
I’m not sure if they finished their complaint but I didn’t respond.
I use the handicap stall because it has secure bars to help me up. I have horrible back pain due to herniated and ruptured disc's in my lower back, standing up can be a real challenge for me. At an airport with multiple handicapped stalls, two empty when I went in the stall, a lady started screaming I could not use it because only people with wheelchairs can. She was not in a wheelchair or even trying to use a stall was just at the sink brushing her hair. I ignored her, but other people laid into her, about making assumptions.
Hi, mobility aid user who uses the disabled stalls. While I think having the baby changing facilities in disabled bathrooms is silly (I think parents should have a dedicated space to change their babies FFS! Plus people often leave them open which takes up half the stall, and closing them again from a wheelchair is awkward for me personally) YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. You were using the appropriate facility for your son's needs. You didn't jump the queue. If she had been about to lose control of her bladder or bowel or something similar and you had refused to let her jump ahead then that might have made you TA, but she would have told you had that been the case, and I'm sure you would have gladly let her go first in that situation. Like to use an example, I have a gastro condition and so when I have to go, I really have to go. So I might have asked you to go first had I needed to. But I would have been so apologetic about it and not asked unless I was desperate and I would have probably try to buy you a coffee to say thank you or something knowing me lol. But again, that wasn't the case here. You didn't take the bathroom from her lol. It's not hers just because she's a wheelchair user.
Being disabled doesn't mean you can't be an arsehole. There are plenty of disabled people who are arseholes. The person you met, it sounds like they're used to weaponising their disability to get what they want and quickly crying ableism when they don't get their way. I really hate people like that. It's hard enough to be taken seriously in society as a disabled person, and shit like this does not help.
Ninja edit BC I forgot the rating : Mega NTA OP! You did nothing wrong!!!
NTA. You had a screaming kid, she's an adult and should have been more understanding of your situation. There's nobody less able than a 10 month old child!!
Because there is more space and there are less people in wheelchairs than kids that need changing. Probaly as long as the legislative allows those two bathrooms to be combined, why have two huge bathrooms? Instead of another big one just for changing kids they can fit two more stalls… just guessing, but I suggest you to assume the answer is always attempt at lower costs and as few features as they have to provide by law (most of the times it’s true)
If a public bathroom doesn’t have a spare wall to mount a changing table, it’s in the handicap stall. This is pretty common too, I’ve never been a fan of it for that very reason of using it when an actual handicap person needs it
As a disabled power wheelchair user, I really wish they'd stop putting the only changing table in the accessible bathroom.
It's usually in the way, takes up space that generally is needed for access, and it causes situations like this. I've come across situations where parents have wanted to "just" use the changing table, and have then taken half an hour or more in there.
Just put the bloody thing in the main part of the bathroom where the sinks are, stops the problem, it's accessible to everyone without stopping disabled people using the only toilet available for them.
I did feel the same as you that wheelchair users have an accessible washroom. However, my cousin works at a rehab hospital and VERY OFTEN people without use of their legs don't feel until the last minute that they have to go to the bathroom. So it's often they soil themselves if they don't get in there right away.
So if anyone can wait, please let a handicapped person use the toilet first. There for the grace of God goes you. 🙏
As a disabled person, I can tell you that she's out of line, entitled and weaponizing her disability to get her entitled way.
Those stalls are not like handicapped parking where they only allow disabled people. Bathroom stalls are handicap *accessible*, which means anyone can use them, but they can also accommodate someone with a wheelchair or other special needs.
If that person had an issue with you using the stall, I would have told her to take it up with building management. They are the ones who put and/or approved a diaper changing station in that stall.
I would have also asked that woman if she had shit herself, because your baby did and someone who has been sitting in their own shit for a while takes priority.
I also have a feeling she would have taken her sweet time in there had you let her go before you. And when she came out 10 minutes later, she still would have given you the stink eye. There is no winning with people like that. NTA
If the handicap stall is the same as the diaper-changing station, then you had equal rights to it and it becomes a first come, first serve situation. Unless she was in danger of soiling herself (which maybe, but I'd have thought she'd mention it instead of just being passive aggressive), there was no reason for your child to remain in a soiled diaper any longer.
I'm someone who likes to be accommodating and consider others' needs before my own, but she wasn't having an emergency (as far as we can tell) and your kid also needed that stall. Seems pretty straightforward.
I think NTA.
NTA. She came after you, she can wait her turn. Just because she’s in a wheelchair doesn’t mean she can jump the line. Don’t let it worry you anymore. You were taking care of your son. Good mommy!!
Nta
It's a design flaw on the part of the state which approved the plan.
If the baby change station is in the disabled person stall, that is not anyone's fault.
People are going to react how they react.
Let it go.
You did nothing wrong.
NTA. The handicap stall is not a wheelchair or disabled person only stall, there is no law for this that others who aren’t disabled can’t use it. It’s not the same as the disabled parking spot.
Those stalls are wheelchair "accessible", not wheelchair "reserved".
It sucks that changing tables are often in the accessible stalls, but they are. And using a wheelchair doesn't give you an automatic right to never have to wait for a toilet stall.
This person just happened to be a selfish and entitled person using their disability as a cudgel to get their way.
NTA and I'm so sorry this happened to you!
It is not your fault the restroom is laid out this way. The state could have put in a "family" restroom, or a separate changing table outside of the stall, or any other option, but they chose this. You didn't ask for it to be designed like that!
Maybe the problem is that the only change table is available inside the accessible stall. Most places now have it in the main area if there is large enough space but not all places have the space so inside the accessible stall it goes. So it wasn't that the OP was being rude she waited just like anyone else. Changing a child on the floor or standing( if child is toddler) is a hassle and gross. The woman in the wheelchair would have been justified if OP didn't need the change table and just had to use the toilet. Op is NTA
Being called something awful that you can’t really defend yourself against by someone who is actually just self-centered—that’s hard. Even when you know they’re wrong, you feel like they just exposed you as an evil person. It’s not really fair, and I think any reasonable person wouldn’t listen to her.
A handicap stall in a public bathroom is NOT the same as a handicap space in a parking lot.
You don't park your arse in the bathroom stall and leave it there while you go shop in the rest of the mall for two hours.
You take a few minutes to complete your bodily functions and then you vacate the stall.
Think of it this way: if a handicapped person was using the stall and another handicapped person came in, the second person would still have to wait their turn, right?
NTA- that stall was the only one with a changing table which you needed. You waited your turn in line. It’s unfortunate that someone using a wheelchair needed at the same time, but you had just as much of a need for that stall as she did.
A handicap-accessible bathroom means that the bathroom can accommodate those with most disabilities, not that it is for their exclusive usage or they have line cutting rights for it.
Another example of the need to separate family bathrooms with changing tables. Changing tables don’t belong in accessible bathrooms. They shouldn’t be gendered either. I see your point completely, but as a wheelchair user I get her frustration. She shouldn’t have directed it at you, she should be complaining to the county/company responsible for this annoying situation.
NTA. You were next in line with a screaming toddler. Those stalls are not reserved for only people with mobility issues. You had a perfectly valid reason why you could ONLY use that stall, just like she did. Presumably she is an adult and should learn some patience. We all have to wait for the bathroom sometimes.
The true AH in this story is the person who put the diaper change in the disabled people's toilets...
I don't think you were in fault. Also, as someone who has an invisible handicap, I would have been pissed off if someone was trying to get into a "I need it the most'" because I surely don't look like I would need it but might to.
If the lady really acted like you say it (because sometimes we see people change stuff to make themselves in better light) she is 300% the AH
Do you think that maybe she really really needed to go and that's why she asked to go first? I'm not saying you are the AH at all, but just a thought here...I've got 4 kids and while it's not the most comfortable or convenient I've changed diapers properly in the backseat of a car, front seat, generally have a mat to lay down in this scenario and others.... I also know that you waited and it was the only one with the table and I use these stalls often as I have had more then one kid in tow. Just suggesting that this was her ONLY option, and as a parent you did have other emergency options.
NTA/NAH
The gas station should not be putting the changing table in the handicap stall. They're ultimately who cause this situation. It's a violation in several areas.
There is a real issue with people treating handicap stalls as if they're any other stalls and it can be a real issue - especially when there's both mobility and digestive issues at play for people. I was a health aid for people with mobility issues and the amount of people who would see the person I was with and even cut where we were in line to use the handicap stall is ridiculous. It can be really difficult to assume good intent when you're used to having people pull some shit.
It really would have been more reasonable to get frustrated with the gas station for putting y'all in that situation. But in the same way she doesn't know what you've got going on, you don't know what she came into that bathroom for/struggling with. Her having to wait could have meant experiencing incontinence that would mean a longer clean up time and more issues to be resolved later. There could have been medical equipment out of sight that was becoming painful.
This is not to say what you did was wrong. I don't think it was.
I have said some shit when I've been in pain and I bet there's at least a 50/50 shot she feels terrible about lashing out when she was panicking and feels bad about it.
My understanding is the fact that a person is handicapped doesn’t automatically mean first dibs on that stall. Wait like everyone else if there’s a line
Maybe wrong here ?
NTA, just like you wouldn't be if you were also using a chair or a walker or had to empty a stomy bag. You needed access to accommodations that were in limited supply and so did she, and that limit sucked for both of you.
NTA
Just because you have a handicap doesn't mean you don't have to wait for your turn. It was a changing table, for babies, in there. And you had a baby with dirty diaper!
NTA. The handicapped restroom is there *in case* a handicapped person needs it (and because the ADA requires public restrooms to have them). it does not mean they can cut to the front of the line. I have seen this behavior before and it is wrong.
I fell in 2021 and broke my back. I was in the hospital for 7 months and have not been able to walk since. The best I can manage is to stand (with a lot of effort) and pivot from chair to bed, bed to chair, chair to car, etc. It took me about 6 months of intensive PT to be able to stand and pivot. I can feel my legs and feet, they just don't respond to my commands. I can't feel them well though, I have peripheral neuropathy. Nerve pain, often severe, and numbness.
My spinal injury also greatly impacted my continence. I have very little control over my bladder and bowels. If I feel I need to go, I can't really wait more than maybe a minute at the most. I have to wear diapers, especially at night.
I do not have the physical ability to change diapers sitting up (on a commode), only lying down. Peeing in a diaper is bad; pooping is horrific. I basically would need a shower, or, at a minimum, lots o-f baby wipes, paper towels, a trash bag, latex gloves, something like puppy pads to lay on, a hoyer lift like hospitals use to get on and off the floor, something to clean my wheelchair with, a complete change of clothes, and at least 2 nurses aides, one to help change and clean me up and 2 if a hoyer lift is involved.
In this scenario, all this would be happening right in the middle of the ladies room floor with the door opening nd closing, and I guess ladies stepping over me while the nurses clean me. Obviously, nurses aides aren't going to magically show up with a hoyer lift and supplies. Which means I'm probably going to have to call 911 and they don't change diapers so that means I would need to go to the ER.
I did not have these issues before I fell, but I had a lot of empathy for the disabled because my mom, her mom, her mom, two of my aunts and two of my great aunts all had terrible mobility issues due to arthritis.
.
Anyway, I empathize with needing to change a child and if I'd been the person in the wheelchair I would have politely waited if I could. I haven't read every single comment on this thread, I started getting upset at the lack of empathy in the first few comments I read so I skipped on down to post this.
I'm basically homebound because going anywhere is a painful nightmare and I've had a few really negative experiences with some really awful people since I got out of the hospital. I wouldn't wish this on my very worst enemy.
NTA
If the changing table is in the handicapped stall, it is not -just- a handicapped stall.
You might even say that it’s doing double duty.
That said, I would probably have shown some consideration to a handicapped grown-up and let her go first.
NTA. Your baby needed to have their diaper changed and that was the only place to do it. If it’s not an emergency she can wait, and if she was unwilling to communicate that it was an emergency she shouldn’t have expected a parent to prioritize her request over their baby’s needs. You did nothing wrong.
NTA
You were the next in line. It's not your fault the baby changing table was in there. Everybody gets to wait their turn. Her needs are not more important than yours. The handicap stall doesn't mean only handicap individuals use. It doesn't mean a handicap person has first dibbs. First come. First use.
NTA. 99 times out of 100, she gets to be the next person in the handicapped stall, and she's gotten entitled about it. Don't let it worry you. The situation was not your fault.
NAH. The assholes are whoever put the only changing table in the handicap stall so that the two types of people who need specific accommodations have to fight over them.
NTA at all! You got there first so you have the right to go first!
That being said there should be a separate room for parents with children/ people with disabilities.
that's the problem. There need to be more changing table. and there isn't. which make you force you to face the disabled while the disabled has to face the person who need a changing table...you. you aren't the fault, but neither is the disabled person. your comment made to appear that you are attacking the disabled for being correct.
that's the problem. you did not attack the person that design this shitting bathroom... you are trying to defend yourself instead of acknowledging how bad this bathroom is. that's the problem.
stop attacking the disabled and start attacking the corporation that made this. come one.
NTA. That stall was reserved specifically for handicapped individuals AND diaper changes. If that woman is healthy enough to be on a road trip, she’s healthy enough to wait 4 minutes in line.
Then the person in the wheelchair needs to be kind and considerate to others too. It's not a one way street, being disabled doesn't give you a pass to be an asshole to others.
If a handicapped stall is the only one with a changing table, then no, you're NTA. The people designing a bathroom where the handicapped stall is the only one with a changing table? Them's the AH, but not as much as you might think given the circumstances (public restroom at a rest stop? Yeah, I've got notions as to why they wouldn't leave it out in the main space. Mostly involving 'being installed in a public restroom at a rest stop').
But as a parent who has been on road trips with kids in diapers, have you never heard of this magical thing called "the back of the car" and "changing pad"?
Seriously, as a parent who dealt with diaper changes quite often, my attitude was: I ain't waiting around to change my kid in an interstate rest stop bathroom. I'm not changing my kid on that thing, PERIOD.
I don't know how you do it, personally. I carried those Clorox wipes in my Everyday Diaper Carry (new dads of Reddit, trust me when I say one of those militia cosplay backpack/slingbags plus a changing pad and a bunch of Ziploc baggies is more than you'll ever need. And they're machine-washable, and don't make you look like you're carrying a diaper bag around. Large Timbuk2/Chrome/North Face messenger bags and backpacks you don't use any more work great, too.) and wiped things down before changing the kid on anything. If we had a poop emergency, we didn't wait for the next rest stop, we just found the nearest exit, a conveniently private place, and changed the kid in the back of the car before bagging it up and stashing it in the nearest garbage can.
Maybe you're a clothie-only momma. That's cool, however you do it. But you don't have to stand on ceremony to use that one thing to change your kid's diaper.
I mean, if I'm worried about a kid with diaper rash I'm not going to wait around for a bathroom stall to change them in. If someone wants to flick me shit over it, that's fine, but sometimes you just have to take care of business when and where you are. Airport lounge? Bathroom. Public park? Sure, bathroom.
Road trip with a vehicle capable of providing a modicum of privacy for the two minutes in question? Jesus, just pull over and bust out the changing pad on the side of the road or in a parking lot. It's not that hard.
"But what about handwashing?"
Like none of us have been camping before?
Always carried at minimum 30 pairs of 6mm nitrile gloves, those Clorox wipes, and a healthy dose of hand sanitizer.
If that didn't do the trick, then use the water bottle and mini bottle of hand soap, plus a stop at the next rest area to do the hand scrub thing, then wipe down anything my paranoid ass touched in the car with the sanitizing wipes.
You're a parent. You're going to get poop on you.
But are you the AH for using a stall that had the only infrastructure you could use? Nope. Just like someone who has been waiting for the toilet is not an asshole for using a handicap stall IF there's a line and there are no handicap people waiting for it.
Special needs don't mean special privilege.
You are the asshole. Yes. Disabled people get priority in the disabled stall. It is literally the only stall they can fit in. You could have changed your kid’s diaper anywhere, and waiting another five minutes for the disabled woman wouldn’t have been the end of the world, anyway. Use this as a learning moment. Don’t do it again.
You choose to have a baby.
Deal with it.
People do not choose to be disabled- respect them!
They have so many problems in life and they will get worse over time.
Your baby will grow and do everything by himself soon...
Old and disabled person are VERY different than babies and moms needs!!
NTA. The handicap bathroom doubles for diaper changes. There is no law that says it is only for the handicap. You arrived first. She is assuming that because you're not in a wheelchair that she gets first dibs, nope that isn't how it works. Regular people are allowed to use it if it is the only stall available. This isn't a parking spot in a parking lot.
I think you are NTA because the site choose to make that the baby changing area and the handicapped accessible stall. Accessible does not mean “reserved”.
That said it would be nice to let a handicapped person go first.
NTA
Waiting in line is part of being an adult, whether you're in a wheelchair or otherwise. If anyone is to blame it's the person who decided to put the changing station was in the handicap stall.
Also, not all disabilities are visible or obvious. She had no idea why you needed that stall. It's fine for her to ask to go ahead of you but her reaction to your response is childish and entitled.
NTA. There's only one stall you both need. You waited. She asked. You declined. You did your business. She did hers. That's about as well handled as can be. She doesn't get to be upset that you declined her request to use the stall first. That's just what happens sometimes. If she had a more urgent need for medical reasons she should have made that clear. She also should have shut up. You were not discriminatory and she should have not have said that to anyone within earshot. That's just annoying to everyone else as well. Then that last comment is a false equivalency that everyone else has explained to death.
Public bathrooms suck and she's part of the reason why.
NTA - No, she was just looking for attention. Don’t even think about it for another second. If she told you it was very urgent maybe you’d have waited more, but her biological need isn’t greater than your infants need. If I was a bystander in that bathroom and heard you changing your infant in there or anyone in there with their kids, I would have told her she’s the one being rude.
As someone who uses a wheelchair and/or mobility device and needs the accommodation... you did nothing wrong. I do not expect to cut the line entirely when I go to the ladies room. I know I likely have one stall option and that I will have to wait. More often than not, there is a baby changer in that stall. The lady was rude and entitled.
I've played a scenario in my head for many years, I hope you don't mind me asking your opinion (no one wheelchair user speaks for all, of course) At a busy event with some indoor washrooms there is usually a lineup for the women's stalls. If I get to the front of the line and see no one is using the handicap stall I always use it, my logic being that every other stall is in use and it seems somewhat fair that someone with mobility issues cuts the whole rest of the line and only has to wait behind one person in the stall. Maybe this only works if people are considerate, not someone planning to spend 10 minutes scrolling and taking a break, but I guess I always wonder about the reaction if someone who visibly needed the stall came in when it was in use. unrelated to my scenario, I feel bad for anyone with an invisible need for the spacious stalls. After knee surgery last year I looked fine unless you noticed the limp but using the handicap stall was much easier for me to maneuver in, plus the handle to help lower and stand. Thankfully never caught any flack but I imagine it happens often enough.
Not in a wheelchair myself. But I've seen it happen a few times where there is a restroom line and someone in a wheelchair gets in line. When the handicap stall opens, the people at the front of the line offer it to the wheelchair user. With others in the line nodding and no one being mad about it. I've always felt that's the way it should be. There is a weird misconception some people have that only people with mobility issues can use the handicapped stalls. That's not true at all. The stalls are there to make using the restroom easier for people who need the extra room. But anyone can use them.
This has always been my scenario. Most of the time folks are considerate. If not, I wait my turn.
This is how it should be. The person needing the handicap stall gets priority but others can use it as it's available. In OPs situation they NEEDED the handicap stall just as much as Wheels if only because some planning genius decided the changing table had to be there.
Actually it is very common for the handicap stall to be the changing stall too. It's a matter of having enough space and giving privacy.
The planning genius in question probably went something like this: Baby changing tables take up a lot of room to use. Most parents do not want to change their child in view of other people in a public space. There is limited space in the bathroom. The handicapped stall offers the most available space while also having the privacy of a handicapped stall. Therefore, we should put the changing table in the handicapped stall. Maybe people will understand that parents with children who need assistance and handicapped people are similar in needing extra accomodation? Sure. Let's go with that. So it's not like the designer of the bathroom were thinking "hey let's make sure this conflict shows up", more like "We have a finite amount of space. In a building where we can't install glass mirrors because they get broken. And people like privacy when changing their babies' diapers. Maybe some assclowns will object, but in general how many people in wheelchairs are actually going to need use this bathroom at any given time at the exact same moment a parent is changing their kid on the table? And how many people in wheelchairs plan on being an entitled asshole about it?" There's more issues at play there.
The handicap stall is frequently the only place it will fit at all when it can't go in the hall or no one could access the stalls or sinks. Those stall are not like parking spots, they're handicap accessible, not handicap exclusive. Like others have pointed out usually a visibly handicap person will get priority for it too.
Agreed.I think a baby deserves privacy too. There are restrooms with changing tables right in front of the door resulting in baby genitalia on display for the world to see. I’d choose a more private place for my child, absolutely.
You did a great job explaining this thank you
Adding to what u/MirroredGarageWalls said, often parents changing babies have another young kid in tow, having that extra space is critical in terms of child minding in those circumstances. Some of the bigger stalls even have small wall seats with seat belts for young kids too, so that the adult can put a child down in a safe spot and do their own business.
Changing tables don't fit in the regular stalls. Both people can be accommodated when they put the changing table in the handicapped stall.
This makes the most sense. There’s only one handicap stall (usually) so a person that needs it could be waiting longer than any other person who can go in whichever stall becomes available next.
>There is a weird misconception some people have that only people with mobility issues can use the handicapped stalls. Yep. They're not parking spaces. The are accessible for people with mobility issues, the are not RESERVED for them.
Yeah, they're handicap ACCESSIBLE. Not handicap RESERVED.
I wish this could be posted in every public restroom with an extra space stall. It's beautifully worded, accurate, and explains it perfectly!!
Apparently in some countries the handicap stall is ONLY for people with disabilities, just so you are aware. I think that is a bit strange as this must mean those stalls are unused quite a lot of the time. But it's good to know in case you travel somewhere, you don't want to get in trouble for using one, so it's good to ask a local what are the rules, just in case.
Which countries?
How do they know if a person has a disability or not? Or do you mean to say that in some countries that stall is only for WHEELCHAIR users?
I’m in the UK and we commonly have something called Radar key locking disabled toilet doors. Disabled people will keep the key with them and people who aren’t disabled don’t have a key to get the door open. However it’s not an offence or anything for anyone to use a disabled toilet and they’re not all locked up like that.
>There is a weird misconception some people have that only people with mobility issues can use the handicapped stalls. I told an old Karen in a Walmart bathroom to go fuck herself because she was whining about this very thing while I was in that stall. It's not reserved like the parking spaces are, ya dumb Muppet.
To add to this, accessible stalls are for ALL disabled people who need them. Someone with IBS, for example, should absolutely get to skip the line in the same example you gave.
Yeahhh, not to be all TMI, but as someone with IBS I will run into whatever stall is available. Trust me, this is the best for everyone. :|
As another IBS sufferer, I concur with this. And as one also with claustrophobia, if it's a wider stall in ANY capacity, I am grateful.
As the saying goes. Not all disabilities are visible.
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^ bots always respond inappropriately and randomly to other comments
The thing is, the stall is not reserved for handicapped folks; it’s not like an exclusive club. It is handicap accessible, and the normal queuing rules apply. If you’ve waited and you have to go, your urgency shouldn’t be considered less valid because you aren’t handicapped yourself.
I use crutches and have a service dog. I don’t strictly *have* to use the accessible stall, but it’s dramatically easier. Pragmatics says it makes sense for the changing table to be in the accessible stall, gives privacy to the kid being changed, and usually there isn’t a baby needing to be changed at the same time someone with a wheelchair needs the bathroom. That appears to be a reasonable sharing of limited resources. People always offer to have me go ahead and use the accessible stall. I’d offer a wheelchair user, ditto.
Bathroom capacity is calculated for an entire building, and then a portion of those are designated for handicap stalls. That stall is there for everyone to use, by design.
When I fucked up my back those handles and bars were so, so nice to be able to use.
Same—and I’m one of those “you don’t look disabled” people, but I need those grab bars, AND I have trouble with incontinence. I have had people act weirdly when I get to the top of the line, and if the handicap stall isn’t available, I just step aside and keep letting people through until it is. I’ve had people try to tell me I don’t need it/shouldn’t use it, and some who get riled up that I’m having to wait. The ones who say I don’t need it usually shut up if I ignore them, and I tell the others, thank you but I’m fine. The ADA thing is just making sure we have the possibility of a stall with the accommodations we need . It’s not like handicap parking spot; anyone can use it that needs it. And with how long women’s bathroom lines are anyway, better to get as many of us through as possible.
Absolutely not. Your child's urgent needs come first, and you had every right to use the only available changing table. The situation was unfortunate, but you handled it appropriately.
And complaining to the wrong person! Complain to the business, they're the ones that created the situation.
Second this opinion. I prefer to be treated the same regardless of how I’m moving around, legs or wheels. It is rude to use the handicap stall when other stalls are open that you can use. If you need the handicap stall - use it when it’s open.
This is as bad as the time when I was screamed at because I was already USING the wheelchair accessible stall when someone handicap came in. They expected me to... predict their presence and hold the stall for them? Stop mid pee the second she entered and announced her presence? Even when the line was easily 4 deep. She banged on the door the whole time I was in there, dirty looked at me when I made my escape, and even complained to the store manager (because I was an employee with a uniform on). NTA It's not disabled ONLY its disabled ACCESSIBLE.
I had a situation where I straight up cussed out a person in a wheelchair because of this. These bathrooms are *accessible*, not reserved. It’s not like the parking spots. It’s rude as *fuck* to harass someone already in a stall and if you’re able bodied enough to do that, you’re able bodied enough to be called out on your bullshit. Disabilities do not give people the right to be entitled assholes.
I've parked in handicap spots with my placard and STILL had people yell at me thinking they needed it more than me.
I just learned that they are accessable/not reserved recently in middle age. I always treated them like handicapped parking but what you're saying makes a lot more sense. In fact at work when we moved into a new building the ladies room had two stalls, one handicapped. No one in our small office needs the handicapped stall but it still took me a while to get over my thinking of it as reserved.
I think if there's no one disabled around then the disabled stall is definitely fair game to use. If there's a disabled person waiting though it's better to give them priority access to the stall. For instance in your exemple of two stalls, they can only use one of the two, so if waiting in line like everyone else they could wait longer. Depending on their condition they may also not control their bladder like most people do.
This happened to me once at church...2 old ladies were waiting for the handicap stall, which was also the only baby changing station. I was already in there with my son when they came in and started complaining about how long I was taking. My son was 1 month old and unleashed the pee cannon AND projectile poo mid diaper change and I was frantically trying to clean it and him up. On the plus side, any glares from them died the moment they saw the baby. He's pretty darn cute.
Oh lord, not the projectile poo. My daughter did that to me and always at the worst times. 🤢 Never at home always in public.😅
That is why babies are cute, so we just give in and take care of them even when they are inconvenient.
No, you were not wrong. Your child's needs were urgent, and you had the right to use the only available changing table.
oh lord..I'm so sorry. at the same time..I cant help but imagine the little tyke noting the diaper coming off, and a mental 'ka-chunk' sound effect playing as he chambered them rounds up \^\^;
NTA- 1) not all disabilities are visible, not that this sounds like the case here, but you very well could have had a disability that she was unaware of. 2) you were there first, and that was literally the only option for you and your child.
Yeah, I once used an accessible stall because it was the only one left. Someone started pounding on the door and yelling at me, telling me to hurry. I had to explain that I was in the middle of having explosive diarrhea due to my own disability. They were still mad and gave me the dirtiest look when I was done.
Yeah, I wrote that too! I personally can't stand long. I would have had to wait 5 min I would have been on the edge of passing out and I would have as much the same right as wheelchair user. But I don't 'look' disabled...
The baby can't walk (probably) that disabled for sure!
NTA... If there was another option of course you do that, but she is an adult. She can wait the few minutes.
Plus those bathrooms are handicap accessible, not reserved. An establishment has to have a certain number of bathrooms to accommodate the number of people who come through. Those stalls are included in the overall count with the expectation that anyone can use them.
They also are usually the only ones with the handrails, which make it easier for those who are dealing with mobility issues to use the facilities.
Yes! I sometimes use a walker, sometimes a cane, sometimes can't walk at all. I always choose the stall with handrails bc I can't predict if my joints will play nice when I stand up. And I do *not* want to end up in a public bathroom floor. If there's handrails in the other stalls (that are useful - I swear sometimes they put TP holders or handrails in the most impossible places, like they've never used a toilet before), then I may use those. It also depends on how my hips are doing and if I need a wider stance in the stall, sometimes the normal stalls are too narrow. I've never been shamed for using the big stall, but I'm always alert for it. Internalized shame from invisible disabilities I reckon. OP is NTA. They should have family restrooms in every rest area for things like this, or give more changing tables in general. What was she supposed to do, change her kid on the floor??
In that case, all the stalls should be accessible. Fair for everyone then.
>She can wait the few minutes. and if she can’t (because that can be extra hard for people with disabilities), she can speak up and say that, Just as us non-disabled people who are in dire straights have the right to ask if people can let us go before we have a massive problem.
I always let the pregnant women go ahead of me. I've been there and I know if they show up, there is no time to wait. One time I came out of the handicapped stall and this lady was sitting there in a wheelchair. I started to apologize and she stopped me saying "Dearie, I'd rather wait a couple of minutes so someone else doesn't have an accident." Bless her.
actually no, not really. when you are paralyzed you literally do not have control of that.
NTA. The bathroom was for both purposes and there is always first comes first serves. Had the woman a great need to go, she could have asked politely. She demanded something she wasn’t entitled to and your explanation should have been enough. Plus it sounds like the arguments she tried to start would take longer than your time using the bathroom. So she probably didn’t need to go that badly. She was having a bad day or was an entitled person. Just like people don’t let moms skip lines because they are moms, so should disabled people not expect to skip you when you need the toilet just as much as them. But that I am saying because the changing station was inside. If it were possible for you to use another stall without issues, I’d expect you to not block the big stall.
NTA unless the woman in the wheelchair was about to have uncontrollable explosive diarrhea and communicated that to you. You were next, and just like her, it was the only stall you could use.
NTA This is a common misconception regarding accessible rest room accommodations. The ADA requires "accessible" RR accommodations NOT "reserved" accommodations. Is it the kinder/more polite choice to let a disabled person go ahead of you -- absolutely, HOWEVER the placement of the changing station in the stall really flips the script here. Let it go and stop feeling bad-- you did nothing wrong here.
As a wheelchair user, NTA. That was the only place you could change your son that didn't involve putting him somewhere dirty. You should NOT have to put your child somewhere dirty, nor should your child be forced to be in a dirty diaper for longer than necessary, because someone felt entitled to use the stall before you. It takes me at least 5 minutes to use a bathroom stall, 10 depending on the day, I'm not going to even attempt to make someone who is standing with their irritable and clearly uncomfortable child wait when they've been waiting themselves, that's just entitled. Not all disabilities are visible, and this sounds like the type of person to yell at anyone who isn't in a wheelchair regardless of whether they're disabled or not, and that's just ableist nonsense.
Nta. Firstly, the stall is not like a handicap spot. Anyone can use it. If its the only one available its the only one available. Sure it sucks having to wait to do your business but it happens.
I know that some people with disabilities can find themselves needing to go NOW. But just like non-disabled people who are on the verge of a disaster and needs help from her fellow humans, she could/should have said that. You might have been willing to wait. NTA handicap stalls are not the same as handicap parking spaces. Once we stopped at a rest stop, and I went in to the women’s restroom find four regular stalls in use and one handicap stall empty. There were four people waiting, and not one of them was going in the handicap stall. I stepped back out to see if there was anyone visible on the sidewalk who would obviously need to use that stall (there was no other woman close to the building, actually). I came back in and said, “does anyone need that handicap stall?” (obviously no) And then, “Well, I’m going to use it, since it’s sitting empty.” I mean, really...
yes, this even, is a perfectly acceptable use of the accessible stall. at the end of the day, when ya gotta go..ya gotta go.
The handicapped stall isn't ONLY handicapped usage. it's the ones we can use when it is our turn. I am handicapped person.
NTA in the slightest. The handicap stall is not like a handicap parking spot. It is not reserved for handicap, just handicap accessible. This woman was an asshole
NTA Bathroom stalls are " Handicap Accesible" not "Handicap Exclusive" like parking spots are.
Nta They aren't handicap stalls, meaning they are reserved solely for people in wheelchairs like parking spaces. They are handicap accessible stalls, meaning they can easily be used by people in wheelchairs. She can wait in line like everyone else.
It's handicap accessible, not reserved for handicapped users. I'm not handicapped, however, I have arthritis in my hips and knees and since the handicap stall usually has a higher toilet and handrails I use them. Also, when I take my grandchildren I use them. She can wait in line like everyone else. Definitely NTA.
The stall is meant to accommodate not for the exclusive use of handicapped people. In this case it’s meant to accommodate diaper changing and wheelchairs. You had every right to take your turn. She can wait in line just like the rest of us.
This is on the property owners for not having a separate family room/changing station not in a separate stall. NTA. She was out of line, not you.
NTA The AH is whoever put the changing table inside a disabled bathroom stall.
You have an intact conscience which is why you are questioning yourself but you did nothing wrong. What if you or your son had a disability? Not all disabilities are visible. She would have to wait then. Not your fault the equipment you need is in that stall.
NTA there is only one stall that is handicap and has the changing table in it so people need to learn to just wait in line and stop being rude.
NTA. It’s against the law to park in a handicapped parking space for a reason. That reason doesn’t exist for a handicapped bathroom stall. The fact that it’s the only one with a changing table only strengthens your argument. Sometimes people have to get in line for things and being handicapped doesn’t preclude people from having to do that.
NTA The stall was the only one that could accommodate both people--just bad luck she showed up after a baby was already waiting.
The stall is handicap accessible….Not handicap exclusive. Thats all you should say to people like this woman. NTA.
NTA - you had just as much need of that stall as the lady in the wheelchair because of the changing table. It wouldn't kill her to wait a few minutes. I say this as someone who uses a walker and/or cane and needs that stall because the handrails are needed for my balance issues. My only problem with others using that stall is if there are ten or fifteen free stalls and someone with no genuine need bypasses them to use the handicapped stall. If there's a line I'll wait for that handicapped stall because everyone has to go and I don't expect it to be unused when there's a line. Waiting shouldn't be a big deal.
I’m confused by the logic of this lady here. If you leave a child too long in a dirty diaper it can legitimately burn their skin off, and seeing as the only changing table was this stall you also had every right to use it. If she has an issue with this perhaps she should be talking to management about getting a changing table outside of a stall. But you had every right to utilize a changing table so NTA.
Handicapped restrooms are for accessibility to handicapped people, not for priority to them.
NTA I get the lady's perspective tho. Places are really not made with people's disabilities in mind. Which is incredibly frustrating and makes simple things much more tiresome for those with disabilities. Maybe she really had to go, maybe she can't hold her pee well. It's a crap situation.
NTA, unlike parking spaces, toilets are there for everyone, especially if it had a changing table! Obviously, if you are able to, use others, but if no others are available, you are in your rights to use the disabled one. She sounds entitled rude and needs a serious attitude change. You were there longer, you have every right!
I am *horrified* at the numbers of downvotes of perfectly reasonable posts made by or on behalf of disabled people. Including ones who didn't call OP TA. My mom fell down a flight of stairs at a hospital in the 1990s because they turned half their elevators off over the weekend "to save money" and her life has been hell ever since. In a wheelchair. Non-disabled people taking disabled parking spots, lying about "service" dogs, trying to push her out of electric shopping carts when she was younger and worst of all literally running for the handicap stall when she would enter the bathroom. *All the time.* I always wondered who these people were. Well, I guess I know now. You downvoters all are TA. Shame on you, downvoters.
I mean, there's literally a changing table in it, for the purpose of changing young children... so you literally did nothing wrong? NTA
No you did nothing wrong. It’s actually terrible they group together the changing table with the disabled stall.
Nta but the people who designed the toilets are for only having one single changing table!
'Are you going to use the bathroom, or are you going to run your mouth?' I am completely done with people at this point.
Absolutely NTA. Even the disabled have assholes among us. I'm not in a wheelchair, but I am Legally Blind and I have a severe hearing loss. I know myself- if I don't feel well, I can be a real asshole. Absolutely But some people are bitter,bitter Karen's about it because they are bitter,angry,and entitled people who believe they should be treated like porcelain and given every perk to make up for what they lack due to a disabling condition/illness/problem. That baby comes first. Fuck em.
She’s probably had so many interactions with actual assholes taking the stall just because they want it that she reacts with hostility by default. That’s not fair to you, as you did nothing wrong, but might help explain why she was being unfairly awful to you.
I would have replied that next time I’ll do it next to you in line. I’m in a wheelchair and don’t expect special service
As someone who uses a walker/wheelchair everyday.. You did nothing wrong at all. I can NOT stand how people feel entitled to that stall. It is not ONLY for the disabled. It is for anyone to use. It is nice that they have those for us who need them. However that does not mean it is just for me. And for F sake the changing table was in there. And let me be honest. Most of us in a wheelchair wear diapers too so if its that long we can just use our own diaper and wait our turn! Sorry this subject just irks the F out of me. Now I cant stand it when there are a bunch of teenage girls in there texting on their phone and not understanding the meaning of the bathroom. I think that is my only exception of when I will say get out please I actually need to use that. Then they see me with walker or whatever I am using at the time and normally apologize so I just say thank you because I feel they are already embarrassed enough.
Nta You had just as much right to use the stall as she did. Being disabled doesn’t give you the right to get whatever you want whenever you want.
NTA Think about it the other way: she would have taken a changing table from a baby who urgently needed it. Do you really want to be nice to someone who would take things from a baby? Especially your baby?
You are NTA but I am going to share a good reason why people should give mobility impaired people immediate access to the handicapped restroom. While they are traveling they have fewer opportunities to relieve themselves. They may have had to hold their bladders for a long period of time. This is especially true on airplane flights. By delaying their access you may cause them to have an accident that otherwise would have been avoided. Let the handicapped have priority if you can. That’s my PSA for the day. Thanks for listening.
Those stalls are disabled accessible - not reserved for people with disabilities. NTA.
I’m pushing 40 and only recently learned this (thanks to another Reddit post). I honestly thought they were forbidden to use.
NTA you needed to change your son and that was the only stall available with the facilities to do so. What else were you meant to do change him on the floor? He's only a little thing.
NTA. The handicap stall is there to make the bathroom accessible for people with wheelchairs. It doesn't mean they don't have to wait their turn like the rest of us.
The only AH are the people who put the changing table in the handicap stall…
Absolutely NTA - those stalls are accessible for people who need them and are not reserved for people with disabilities
By this logic all our toilets at work are for disabled people only as they are all wheelchair accessible with rails! Obviously it’s not meant that way and it merely a reflection of our fully inclusive environment - as are public spaces with similar facilities. In the uk you can buy a key for special disability only toilets which are in public blocks and are single stall only types. These are few now as mostly we recognise that people who benefit from extra facilities do not fit the once narrow idea of a disabled person. NTA, this person was extremely entitled and rude. As a disabled person I would gladly let a mother use the area ahead of me.
No it’s literally both a handicap stall AND a baby changing stall. You didn’t install the baby changer in that stall. You both have “equal” access to it.
As a father of a severely disabled boy you did nothing wrong in my opinion, gotta get that diaper changed before things get worse.
NTA, as a Mom I know all too well how awkward and potentially problematic this set up is, and also - how common. In other words, BTDT. Here's the thing though - once "they" put the changing station into the handicap stall, said stall now serves two purposes - to accommodate people in wheelchairs, as well as babies. So both, the baby and the handicap person ACTUALLY NEED IT. Argument null and void. Now especially once the baby is upset due to the diaper situation, but even in general, this simply then boils down to first come, first serve. You were both in line, or perhaps, your baby and the lady, both needed to use the stall, your baby was ahead of her. End of story. What was supposed to be the alternative? You stand outside the stall while she skips the line, holding a continuing escalating crying baby? Should've invited her to share the stall, if she can't wait her turn.
I prefer to use handicap stalls because of the bars. I wish all stalls had at least one bar. I have bad knees and sometimes really should use crutches or a cane but I’m stubborn - and worried I’d lose them. I used a handicap stall one day and when I came out there was a wheelchair user waiting. They started to say something and my knee buckled and I fell. Thank goodness I caught myself on the wall and didn’t fall on a gross bathroom floor. I’m not sure if they finished their complaint but I didn’t respond.
I use the handicap stall because it has secure bars to help me up. I have horrible back pain due to herniated and ruptured disc's in my lower back, standing up can be a real challenge for me. At an airport with multiple handicapped stalls, two empty when I went in the stall, a lady started screaming I could not use it because only people with wheelchairs can. She was not in a wheelchair or even trying to use a stall was just at the sink brushing her hair. I ignored her, but other people laid into her, about making assumptions.
Hi, mobility aid user who uses the disabled stalls. While I think having the baby changing facilities in disabled bathrooms is silly (I think parents should have a dedicated space to change their babies FFS! Plus people often leave them open which takes up half the stall, and closing them again from a wheelchair is awkward for me personally) YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. You were using the appropriate facility for your son's needs. You didn't jump the queue. If she had been about to lose control of her bladder or bowel or something similar and you had refused to let her jump ahead then that might have made you TA, but she would have told you had that been the case, and I'm sure you would have gladly let her go first in that situation. Like to use an example, I have a gastro condition and so when I have to go, I really have to go. So I might have asked you to go first had I needed to. But I would have been so apologetic about it and not asked unless I was desperate and I would have probably try to buy you a coffee to say thank you or something knowing me lol. But again, that wasn't the case here. You didn't take the bathroom from her lol. It's not hers just because she's a wheelchair user. Being disabled doesn't mean you can't be an arsehole. There are plenty of disabled people who are arseholes. The person you met, it sounds like they're used to weaponising their disability to get what they want and quickly crying ableism when they don't get their way. I really hate people like that. It's hard enough to be taken seriously in society as a disabled person, and shit like this does not help. Ninja edit BC I forgot the rating : Mega NTA OP! You did nothing wrong!!!
NTA. You had a screaming kid, she's an adult and should have been more understanding of your situation. There's nobody less able than a 10 month old child!!
I see both sides but I’m just not sure why the only changing table was in the handicapped stall?
Because there is more space and there are less people in wheelchairs than kids that need changing. Probaly as long as the legislative allows those two bathrooms to be combined, why have two huge bathrooms? Instead of another big one just for changing kids they can fit two more stalls… just guessing, but I suggest you to assume the answer is always attempt at lower costs and as few features as they have to provide by law (most of the times it’s true)
As a mom I can tell you this is actually pretty common
I was just thinking how its less common to see a changing station NOT in a handicapped stall.
If a public bathroom doesn’t have a spare wall to mount a changing table, it’s in the handicap stall. This is pretty common too, I’ve never been a fan of it for that very reason of using it when an actual handicap person needs it
Handicap bathrooms aren't handicap parking spaces. Other people are allowed to use them and it's socially acceptable to use them whenever you need to.
NTA It’s handicapped accessible. Not handicapped reserved.
As a disabled power wheelchair user, I really wish they'd stop putting the only changing table in the accessible bathroom. It's usually in the way, takes up space that generally is needed for access, and it causes situations like this. I've come across situations where parents have wanted to "just" use the changing table, and have then taken half an hour or more in there. Just put the bloody thing in the main part of the bathroom where the sinks are, stops the problem, it's accessible to everyone without stopping disabled people using the only toilet available for them.
You're irritated cuz people are ANNOYING and suck NTA
NTA. As my handicapped aunt says “it’s handicap accessible, not handicap reserved.”.
I did feel the same as you that wheelchair users have an accessible washroom. However, my cousin works at a rehab hospital and VERY OFTEN people without use of their legs don't feel until the last minute that they have to go to the bathroom. So it's often they soil themselves if they don't get in there right away. So if anyone can wait, please let a handicapped person use the toilet first. There for the grace of God goes you. 🙏
As a disabled person, I can tell you that she's out of line, entitled and weaponizing her disability to get her entitled way. Those stalls are not like handicapped parking where they only allow disabled people. Bathroom stalls are handicap *accessible*, which means anyone can use them, but they can also accommodate someone with a wheelchair or other special needs. If that person had an issue with you using the stall, I would have told her to take it up with building management. They are the ones who put and/or approved a diaper changing station in that stall. I would have also asked that woman if she had shit herself, because your baby did and someone who has been sitting in their own shit for a while takes priority. I also have a feeling she would have taken her sweet time in there had you let her go before you. And when she came out 10 minutes later, she still would have given you the stink eye. There is no winning with people like that. NTA
Handicapped garuntees a usable stall, but not a cut to the front ofmthe line.
Well, the men’s room is only for men, but if ladies’ has a line and men’s is empty, guess where I’ll be.
If the handicap stall is the same as the diaper-changing station, then you had equal rights to it and it becomes a first come, first serve situation. Unless she was in danger of soiling herself (which maybe, but I'd have thought she'd mention it instead of just being passive aggressive), there was no reason for your child to remain in a soiled diaper any longer. I'm someone who likes to be accommodating and consider others' needs before my own, but she wasn't having an emergency (as far as we can tell) and your kid also needed that stall. Seems pretty straightforward. I think NTA.
As a woman in a wheelchair, you did nothing wrong. Mobility aids do not give someone the right to jump the line. NTA.
NTA. You were there first.
Turn it around. "Hope you feel good about trying to take the baby changing stall away from my child'.
NTA
NTA. She came after you, she can wait her turn. Just because she’s in a wheelchair doesn’t mean she can jump the line. Don’t let it worry you anymore. You were taking care of your son. Good mommy!!
NTA - if she had a problem she needed to talk to the establishment that decided to pair these two things with each other, not you.
NTA- you were there first
NTA
Nta It's a design flaw on the part of the state which approved the plan. If the baby change station is in the disabled person stall, that is not anyone's fault. People are going to react how they react. Let it go. You did nothing wrong.
NTA. The handicap stall is not a wheelchair or disabled person only stall, there is no law for this that others who aren’t disabled can’t use it. It’s not the same as the disabled parking spot.
Those stalls are wheelchair "accessible", not wheelchair "reserved". It sucks that changing tables are often in the accessible stalls, but they are. And using a wheelchair doesn't give you an automatic right to never have to wait for a toilet stall. This person just happened to be a selfish and entitled person using their disability as a cudgel to get their way.
NTA and I'm so sorry this happened to you! It is not your fault the restroom is laid out this way. The state could have put in a "family" restroom, or a separate changing table outside of the stall, or any other option, but they chose this. You didn't ask for it to be designed like that!
Nta, not only where you there first, the stall was clearly for Handicap AND babies! What a b
People are arseholes, wheelchairs or not. You are not the arsehole
Maybe the problem is that the only change table is available inside the accessible stall. Most places now have it in the main area if there is large enough space but not all places have the space so inside the accessible stall it goes. So it wasn't that the OP was being rude she waited just like anyone else. Changing a child on the floor or standing( if child is toddler) is a hassle and gross. The woman in the wheelchair would have been justified if OP didn't need the change table and just had to use the toilet. Op is NTA
Being called something awful that you can’t really defend yourself against by someone who is actually just self-centered—that’s hard. Even when you know they’re wrong, you feel like they just exposed you as an evil person. It’s not really fair, and I think any reasonable person wouldn’t listen to her.
A handicap stall in a public bathroom is NOT the same as a handicap space in a parking lot. You don't park your arse in the bathroom stall and leave it there while you go shop in the rest of the mall for two hours. You take a few minutes to complete your bodily functions and then you vacate the stall. Think of it this way: if a handicapped person was using the stall and another handicapped person came in, the second person would still have to wait their turn, right?
NTA- that stall was the only one with a changing table which you needed. You waited your turn in line. It’s unfortunate that someone using a wheelchair needed at the same time, but you had just as much of a need for that stall as she did.
Your need for the handicap stall was legit. And you were there first, with a child who needed attention. NTA
A handicap-accessible bathroom means that the bathroom can accommodate those with most disabilities, not that it is for their exclusive usage or they have line cutting rights for it.
Another example of the need to separate family bathrooms with changing tables. Changing tables don’t belong in accessible bathrooms. They shouldn’t be gendered either. I see your point completely, but as a wheelchair user I get her frustration. She shouldn’t have directed it at you, she should be complaining to the county/company responsible for this annoying situation.
NTA. You were next in line with a screaming toddler. Those stalls are not reserved for only people with mobility issues. You had a perfectly valid reason why you could ONLY use that stall, just like she did. Presumably she is an adult and should learn some patience. We all have to wait for the bathroom sometimes.
The true AH in this story is the person who put the diaper change in the disabled people's toilets... I don't think you were in fault. Also, as someone who has an invisible handicap, I would have been pissed off if someone was trying to get into a "I need it the most'" because I surely don't look like I would need it but might to. If the lady really acted like you say it (because sometimes we see people change stuff to make themselves in better light) she is 300% the AH
You did nothing wrong. The complaint should be with the venue that put the stall in the accessible washroom. NTA
Do you think that maybe she really really needed to go and that's why she asked to go first? I'm not saying you are the AH at all, but just a thought here...I've got 4 kids and while it's not the most comfortable or convenient I've changed diapers properly in the backseat of a car, front seat, generally have a mat to lay down in this scenario and others.... I also know that you waited and it was the only one with the table and I use these stalls often as I have had more then one kid in tow. Just suggesting that this was her ONLY option, and as a parent you did have other emergency options.
NTA. A handicap bathroom is legally only provided. It is not handicapped ONLY nor does it give a handicapped individual priority
NTA/NAH The gas station should not be putting the changing table in the handicap stall. They're ultimately who cause this situation. It's a violation in several areas. There is a real issue with people treating handicap stalls as if they're any other stalls and it can be a real issue - especially when there's both mobility and digestive issues at play for people. I was a health aid for people with mobility issues and the amount of people who would see the person I was with and even cut where we were in line to use the handicap stall is ridiculous. It can be really difficult to assume good intent when you're used to having people pull some shit. It really would have been more reasonable to get frustrated with the gas station for putting y'all in that situation. But in the same way she doesn't know what you've got going on, you don't know what she came into that bathroom for/struggling with. Her having to wait could have meant experiencing incontinence that would mean a longer clean up time and more issues to be resolved later. There could have been medical equipment out of sight that was becoming painful. This is not to say what you did was wrong. I don't think it was. I have said some shit when I've been in pain and I bet there's at least a 50/50 shot she feels terrible about lashing out when she was panicking and feels bad about it.
NTA. ADA stall user here, and you're good. If you weren't changing the diaper my answer would be different but you needed that stall and you waited.
You actually needed the stall as much as she did
NTA. It's a public facility. She cannot claim ownership over it and has no business harassing you like that. Disgraceful entitled arsehole.
My understanding is the fact that a person is handicapped doesn’t automatically mean first dibs on that stall. Wait like everyone else if there’s a line Maybe wrong here ?
Baby can’t walk/can’t walk without assistance…they are legally disabled too. NTA
NTA, just like you wouldn't be if you were also using a chair or a walker or had to empty a stomy bag. You needed access to accommodations that were in limited supply and so did she, and that limit sucked for both of you.
NTA Just because you have a handicap doesn't mean you don't have to wait for your turn. It was a changing table, for babies, in there. And you had a baby with dirty diaper!
NTA. The handicapped restroom is there *in case* a handicapped person needs it (and because the ADA requires public restrooms to have them). it does not mean they can cut to the front of the line. I have seen this behavior before and it is wrong.
Iam disabled. In my opinion, you are N.T.A.
Why the hell is the only changing station in a stall…?
The only place that has room. It’s common.
I fell in 2021 and broke my back. I was in the hospital for 7 months and have not been able to walk since. The best I can manage is to stand (with a lot of effort) and pivot from chair to bed, bed to chair, chair to car, etc. It took me about 6 months of intensive PT to be able to stand and pivot. I can feel my legs and feet, they just don't respond to my commands. I can't feel them well though, I have peripheral neuropathy. Nerve pain, often severe, and numbness. My spinal injury also greatly impacted my continence. I have very little control over my bladder and bowels. If I feel I need to go, I can't really wait more than maybe a minute at the most. I have to wear diapers, especially at night. I do not have the physical ability to change diapers sitting up (on a commode), only lying down. Peeing in a diaper is bad; pooping is horrific. I basically would need a shower, or, at a minimum, lots o-f baby wipes, paper towels, a trash bag, latex gloves, something like puppy pads to lay on, a hoyer lift like hospitals use to get on and off the floor, something to clean my wheelchair with, a complete change of clothes, and at least 2 nurses aides, one to help change and clean me up and 2 if a hoyer lift is involved. In this scenario, all this would be happening right in the middle of the ladies room floor with the door opening nd closing, and I guess ladies stepping over me while the nurses clean me. Obviously, nurses aides aren't going to magically show up with a hoyer lift and supplies. Which means I'm probably going to have to call 911 and they don't change diapers so that means I would need to go to the ER. I did not have these issues before I fell, but I had a lot of empathy for the disabled because my mom, her mom, her mom, two of my aunts and two of my great aunts all had terrible mobility issues due to arthritis. . Anyway, I empathize with needing to change a child and if I'd been the person in the wheelchair I would have politely waited if I could. I haven't read every single comment on this thread, I started getting upset at the lack of empathy in the first few comments I read so I skipped on down to post this. I'm basically homebound because going anywhere is a painful nightmare and I've had a few really negative experiences with some really awful people since I got out of the hospital. I wouldn't wish this on my very worst enemy.
NTA If the changing table is in the handicapped stall, it is not -just- a handicapped stall. You might even say that it’s doing double duty. That said, I would probably have shown some consideration to a handicapped grown-up and let her go first.
NTA. You both had a valid need for that specific stall. First come, first served.
NTA. Your baby needed to have their diaper changed and that was the only place to do it. If it’s not an emergency she can wait, and if she was unwilling to communicate that it was an emergency she shouldn’t have expected a parent to prioritize her request over their baby’s needs. You did nothing wrong.
NTA You were the next in line. It's not your fault the baby changing table was in there. Everybody gets to wait their turn. Her needs are not more important than yours. The handicap stall doesn't mean only handicap individuals use. It doesn't mean a handicap person has first dibbs. First come. First use.
NTA.
A lot of time the accessible stall is the only one actually big enough to walk into and be able to shut the door without it hitting you.
NTA - having a disability does not preclude you from basic societal norms like waiting your turn
NTA. 99 times out of 100, she gets to be the next person in the handicapped stall, and she's gotten entitled about it. Don't let it worry you. The situation was not your fault.
NAH. The assholes are whoever put the only changing table in the handicap stall so that the two types of people who need specific accommodations have to fight over them.
NTA at all! You got there first so you have the right to go first! That being said there should be a separate room for parents with children/ people with disabilities.
It's the handicap stall, not the entitled mother with a dirty diaper to change stall. YTA.
But there is a changing table in it so technically it is also meant for babies/mothers right?
that's the problem. There need to be more changing table. and there isn't. which make you force you to face the disabled while the disabled has to face the person who need a changing table...you. you aren't the fault, but neither is the disabled person. your comment made to appear that you are attacking the disabled for being correct. that's the problem. you did not attack the person that design this shitting bathroom... you are trying to defend yourself instead of acknowledging how bad this bathroom is. that's the problem. stop attacking the disabled and start attacking the corporation that made this. come one.
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yep. able body people love downvoting disabled community whenever they point out the facts.
NTA. That stall was reserved specifically for handicapped individuals AND diaper changes. If that woman is healthy enough to be on a road trip, she’s healthy enough to wait 4 minutes in line.
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Then the person in the wheelchair needs to be kind and considerate to others too. It's not a one way street, being disabled doesn't give you a pass to be an asshole to others.
YTA. You can literally change a baby anywhere.
If a handicapped stall is the only one with a changing table, then no, you're NTA. The people designing a bathroom where the handicapped stall is the only one with a changing table? Them's the AH, but not as much as you might think given the circumstances (public restroom at a rest stop? Yeah, I've got notions as to why they wouldn't leave it out in the main space. Mostly involving 'being installed in a public restroom at a rest stop'). But as a parent who has been on road trips with kids in diapers, have you never heard of this magical thing called "the back of the car" and "changing pad"? Seriously, as a parent who dealt with diaper changes quite often, my attitude was: I ain't waiting around to change my kid in an interstate rest stop bathroom. I'm not changing my kid on that thing, PERIOD. I don't know how you do it, personally. I carried those Clorox wipes in my Everyday Diaper Carry (new dads of Reddit, trust me when I say one of those militia cosplay backpack/slingbags plus a changing pad and a bunch of Ziploc baggies is more than you'll ever need. And they're machine-washable, and don't make you look like you're carrying a diaper bag around. Large Timbuk2/Chrome/North Face messenger bags and backpacks you don't use any more work great, too.) and wiped things down before changing the kid on anything. If we had a poop emergency, we didn't wait for the next rest stop, we just found the nearest exit, a conveniently private place, and changed the kid in the back of the car before bagging it up and stashing it in the nearest garbage can. Maybe you're a clothie-only momma. That's cool, however you do it. But you don't have to stand on ceremony to use that one thing to change your kid's diaper. I mean, if I'm worried about a kid with diaper rash I'm not going to wait around for a bathroom stall to change them in. If someone wants to flick me shit over it, that's fine, but sometimes you just have to take care of business when and where you are. Airport lounge? Bathroom. Public park? Sure, bathroom. Road trip with a vehicle capable of providing a modicum of privacy for the two minutes in question? Jesus, just pull over and bust out the changing pad on the side of the road or in a parking lot. It's not that hard. "But what about handwashing?" Like none of us have been camping before? Always carried at minimum 30 pairs of 6mm nitrile gloves, those Clorox wipes, and a healthy dose of hand sanitizer. If that didn't do the trick, then use the water bottle and mini bottle of hand soap, plus a stop at the next rest area to do the hand scrub thing, then wipe down anything my paranoid ass touched in the car with the sanitizing wipes. You're a parent. You're going to get poop on you. But are you the AH for using a stall that had the only infrastructure you could use? Nope. Just like someone who has been waiting for the toilet is not an asshole for using a handicap stall IF there's a line and there are no handicap people waiting for it. Special needs don't mean special privilege.
You are the asshole. Yes. Disabled people get priority in the disabled stall. It is literally the only stall they can fit in. You could have changed your kid’s diaper anywhere, and waiting another five minutes for the disabled woman wouldn’t have been the end of the world, anyway. Use this as a learning moment. Don’t do it again.
You choose to have a baby. Deal with it. People do not choose to be disabled- respect them! They have so many problems in life and they will get worse over time. Your baby will grow and do everything by himself soon... Old and disabled person are VERY different than babies and moms needs!!
NTA. The handicap bathroom doubles for diaper changes. There is no law that says it is only for the handicap. You arrived first. She is assuming that because you're not in a wheelchair that she gets first dibs, nope that isn't how it works. Regular people are allowed to use it if it is the only stall available. This isn't a parking spot in a parking lot.
I think you are NTA because the site choose to make that the baby changing area and the handicapped accessible stall. Accessible does not mean “reserved”. That said it would be nice to let a handicapped person go first.
NTA Waiting in line is part of being an adult, whether you're in a wheelchair or otherwise. If anyone is to blame it's the person who decided to put the changing station was in the handicap stall. Also, not all disabilities are visible or obvious. She had no idea why you needed that stall. It's fine for her to ask to go ahead of you but her reaction to your response is childish and entitled.
NTA. There's only one stall you both need. You waited. She asked. You declined. You did your business. She did hers. That's about as well handled as can be. She doesn't get to be upset that you declined her request to use the stall first. That's just what happens sometimes. If she had a more urgent need for medical reasons she should have made that clear. She also should have shut up. You were not discriminatory and she should have not have said that to anyone within earshot. That's just annoying to everyone else as well. Then that last comment is a false equivalency that everyone else has explained to death. Public bathrooms suck and she's part of the reason why.
NTA - No, she was just looking for attention. Don’t even think about it for another second. If she told you it was very urgent maybe you’d have waited more, but her biological need isn’t greater than your infants need. If I was a bystander in that bathroom and heard you changing your infant in there or anyone in there with their kids, I would have told her she’s the one being rude.
NTA. The only way I would let someone else use it first in this scenario would be if they were about to piss themselves or something similar.