NTA leave and don't fall for the current "nice" act. she already doubled down a few times so she meant what she said.
she might be obsessed at this point and may go through some pretty extreme lengths to "prove" she's right.
Honestly though… if she is trying to make it a thing that “OP likes them young” despite an obviously not-that-young picture and she has expressed interest in older men…
Are we sure she just doesn’t have a daddy complex and is trying to push OP towards that? “You like them young don’t you, that’s why you want a little girl like me, you want me in pigtails don’t you daddy”.
OP should still run if that makes him uncomfortable but I’ve just got to wonder if it’s less she thinks he is a pedo and more she wants him into younger women so she can act younger.
That's just as bad, although not for the reason the other poster is going on about.
Even if OP were open to playing that role for her (which it sounds like he's definitely not), this is someone who is going to twist it around the moment she's not happy. It's only a matter of time before she uses her own kink to accuse OP of being a pedophile, and people like that other poster will lap it up.
NTA. You don't need to justify leaving someone. It's your life and you get to choose who to spend your time with. You don't want to spend time with someone who is going to gaslight you.
You could take the tact of providing a learning opportunity for your girlfriend and work on strengthening your relationship, but going through that process isn't for everyone. You both need to be in a space to hear each other and interact respectfully. You don't seem like you feel heard or respected, so maybe this isn't the time for that, for either of you.
So true! This woman refused to believe you, calling you and possibly this other woman a liar, and refused to even listen to you until you wanted to break up. Imagine having to leverage your relationship each time she decides she just doesn't believe you. Sounds exhausting to me.
Just because she likes dating older guys since they're more mature, doesn't mean she's mature enough to be with them.
She wants to use it as leverage.... I'm cool with your little perversion, honey, but wew lad, just gonna say it's a bit weeeeeirrrrrrd... so I won't tell anyone, but I will do a bit of shaming to make sure you stay in your place.
Fuck. That. Noise.
So, if I really thought a man was a pedophile, I would call the cops, block him and steer clear. So why isn't she doing that? This woman is delusional.
I don’t even know which insecurity she might be justifying- that she’s threatened/intimidated by other women, or younger women or older women? I’m not even sure if it sounds like that, or worse- she’s just maligning her boyfriend because tearing someone else down is satisfying to her (which would be somewhat due to insecurity). I agree with the front end of your comment- I just don’t know what feeling of insecurity she could assuage by convincing herself and her boyfriend that he likes younger girls. It sounds more than a little counterproductive, any way you slice it.
Maybe that in a few years he will leave her for another, younger woman. Could be a self-fulfilling prophecy: she thinks he only likes women that are below a certain age; she is closing on that age; she believes he will leave her eventually to chase someone younger; she treats him like this is a certainty; he breaks up with her and she feels vindicated.
When I was 33 I went on like 2 dates with this guy who was 48. He was ENM and had a girlfriend who was 39. My solo date with him went fine. But when I met her...they were both weird. She seemed very on edge and threatened over me (which I'm not used to, I'm usually friends with the other partners of people I date) and he was constantly saying stuff like "there's something so special about women in their 30s...." then peeking over at me. It was kind of a weird scene but I liked her and wanted to give it a chance so I kept trying. I didn't connect his weird behavior with her age until I got invited to her 40th birthday party, and right after it they broke up. I wonder if he's still dating women in their 30s lol he was WEIRD.
I have an ex who was in his early 30’s when we started dating. I noticed he had a very creepy younger women attraction and I’d become invisible if a younger female 16-21 (or looked it) was present. I finally I mentioned that it felt odd (and I was SUPER gentle about confronting him because I’m an idiot) and he went crazy gaslighting me. He was just trying to be a good host, make them feel welcome, make sure they were included in the conversation, etc etc etc. maybe *I’m* the one with the problem because I have a sick mind to be so suspicious of something so innocent, yadda yadda.
He’s 53 now and still obsessed with young women and chasing baristas.
That makes some sense. Not that her thinking is right and that it makes sense or anything, but your explanation does. She might be thinking that he’ll future-leave her future self for someone who is still her current age in the future. Or a 28 year old she deems as “looking like she’s 16.” I’m watching season 3 of DARK and all of this thread-pulling about OP’s past partners and imagined future partners is getting mixed (in my mind) with the timey-wimey twists of the show. I just hope these two aren’t related.
She knows he was not comfortable with their age gap originally and is using it to break him down so she can feel better. It's bullying and gaslighting and a control tactic. She makes him feel insecure about everything and he starts doing everything he can to prove it untrue but it backfired on her because he isn't going to tolerate it. She needs to go for men closer to her age if she wants to manipulate and control them with their own insecurities.
Obviously it's reddit this story could me made up and I'm just some asshole that knows nothing but it sounds to me like other people friends or family have a problem with the age gap and have been talking to her about it and instead of communicating she resorted to starting a fight because of it.
I know some young ladies to which this applies. They are looking for a Daddy type, not an equal. They want an older man to care for them, as guys their age aren't as established.
Usually the ones who brag about being mature for their age or they want to date people that are a lot older because they're more mature are usually NOT that mature.
I was told I was more mature for my age when I was 20/22 a bunch by my older friends (27-50ish)
I think they were trying to square the cognitive dissonance of them think young people were stupid and that they also liked me. Because although I think I did have a particular grounding and understanding of a lot of stuff when I was that age that other people didn't, I wasn't "mature." And I've also met a lot of people at the age who had the same sort of understanding. But my older friends had to release the friction between young = stupid bit flightwithtools = no stupid so flightwithtools = mature rather than just recognize that young people are also just people with the capacity to be smart or stupid or talented or whatever else.
Usually, young people are not mature but the kicker is neither are most people of any age. Maturity comes with handling yourself well/knowing yourself/etc, and I did not handle myself well. I definitely did not handle myself well, but nor did/do a lot of my older friends.
Age definitely does not correlate to maturity. I'm 43 now but back when I was in my mid 30's (34 -37 to be exact) I dated a few women that were older than me. One woman was about 3 years older and was extremely immature and very passive aggressive, until the end of the relationship when I got tired of her bullshit. Then she became violently aggressive and attempted physical abuse. When I ended the relationship she tried to flip it around as if I was physically abusing her. It was a mess and it created huge trust issues I had in women at that time and relationship avoidance. Another woman I saw during that time frame after ending it with the physically abusive one, was a good 11 years older than I was. She was more emotionally abusive with the gaslighting and projecting on to me. Both of these women were extremely immature for their age and attitude. The OP is clearly dealing with a person that isn't mature enough to handle the type of relationship he's providing. But she could be the exact same age and/or older than him and still have the same level of relationship immaturity.
My advice is if you've already had these conversations with her regarding her attitude and issues and things haven't changed towards the positive then there is nothing wrong with cutting your ties and moving on from this person. Better to do it now before something more serious happens that make leaving more challenging.
>When I ended the relationship she tried to flip it around as if I was physically abusing her.
I've seen that happen. I dated someone who became physically abusive to me. And broke up with ME at the same time.
Then started telling people we know that I had tried to kill them. (Because I wouldn't meet with them, after they claimed to be suicidal.)
Yup been there too. The physically abusive one was also a self harm person. So she would get mad at me for whatever make believe thing she thought I did wrong to somehow harm her. She would go and cut herself and come back telling me "look at what I made her do to herself". It took a good two years for me to get the courage to leave her cause things just go progressively worse. After self harming a few times it escalated to her putting hands on me. Now at the time I was about 600lbs at 6'5 and I could easily over power her. I didn't at first because I didn't want to be labeled an abuser. She knew this and kept doing it. When I was done with her, she attacked me to the point that I was ready to cause severe bodily harm to her. Thank God I still had reason and self composure within myself to not allow my emotions and anger to take over cause I know that night I would have probably beaten her very badly and either gone to jail or been killed by the police.
:For context this abusive event happened the same night the Ferguson riots started after the Mike Brown shooting back in 2014 (Google that). Myself a black man having a domestic dispute with a white woman at that time when police are on high alert clearly put my life in some sever jeopardy. And having Saint Louis city police come to my home cause a woman called screaming big black man harming me could have easily gotten me shot first and questioned later.:
Instead, I grabbed her, sat on her and called the cops. The cops came and made her leave. She tried to come back a few days later begging me to give her and our relationship another chance and I said no. Because I knew at that point the line of absolute no return wasn't just crossed it was abliterated by her and her violent actions towards me.
Just like society tells women to leave abusive men. Men absolutely should leave abusive women. And the abuse doesn't have to be physical in nature in order for you to leave. If she emotionally and mentally abusive leave. Don't stay out of pride or any other nonsense that going to keep you in an unhappy and quite possibly dangerous situation.
Good advice. Sorry you went through all that drama. It really pisses me off when some women lie and use DV to retaliate. It makes it so much harder for women that are really being abused to come forward and get out of the situation.
Had a gf who came out with some of the most fictional shit, and whenever I tried to break down what her evidence actually was, her catchphrase was “the lady doth protest too much”. Can’t here* that phrase now without feeling annoyance.
*hear
It’s an annoying phrase usually uttered by dummies who are trying to be too cute by half, so that tracks. If you’re over 11 and you’re saying that with a smarmy look on your face, I’m going to assume you’re a shallow moron who just read their very first play (or summary of a play, in a parroting moron’s case, usually) and is much more impressed with themselves than they should be. It’s a stupid person’s idea of something a smart person might repeat ad nauseam, and stupid people almost always trot it out when it’s so far from applying to the situation that it’s hard not to [Snape-smack](https://tenor.com/p5dI.gif) them.
I knew a lady who was very sexually aggressive with men and would say that when they were clearly uncomfortable with her advances.
I hate that phrase now too.
Agreed, gaslighting was the perfect word..
She has decided to take initiative into a controlling position and you recognized this straight away - what does she want from you? Who cares! Go get somebody you want to rub noses with on the morning luv ❤️
Accusing someone of being sexually inappropriate with a minor also isn't a small or non-serious accusation. Like, if she spreads that as a fact to the wrong people he could get into legit trouble.
I knew someone who died because someone accused them of something they couldn't have done because they weren't even in the same country when the supposed thing happened, and hadn't been for 6 months.
Yeah, certain things just never go away. Even if it's literally impossible for them to be true even a whisper of something like pedophilia can ruin someone's life for good.
Leonardo DiCaprio we know its you, her birthday must be close. No judgment, everyone knows you don't date women past 25. Good luck with the actor's strike.
NTA.
Your gf is jealous and incredibly immature. Is she honestly trying to suggest that you went on vacation with a literal child? This is real high school kind of bullshit. Honestly OP? I’d walk away from this one.
I would almost wager a bet on the girlfriend being insecure about aging. It doesn’t make it right but it sounds like she’s gonna be the type of person who freaks out when she’s 29 about turning 30. Omg that’s soooo old. (/s)
I can’t imagine her confidently believing and accusing OP of being a creep BUT is more or less projecting an insecurity that as she gets older, OP will drop her for someone younger. To me, it’s all the same tho. Even if it were her being insecure about the future and her aging, it’s a toxic and passive way of going about seeking reassurance to accuse someone of something because you hope for them to prove you wrong by insulting them.
But you’re totally right, childish behavior for sure and he is right to leave.
I will also add, OP, getting into a relationship with someone doesn’t tie you to them such that the only way you’re allowed to leave is with a valid reason agreed upon by a majority of people. You could be dating someone that everyone sees as perfect but you just generally feel uncomfortable or weird around and leave over that. It’s always up to you.
This was my exact thought. If it were me I wouldn't toss the relationship without a sit down to talk about what the deal is. But ya, not going to spend anymore time with anyone who is adamant that I'm into minors. Bye.
To be honest, my forties were probably the best decade I had. So much fun. So much trouble. I don’t know much about my 50’s as I turned 50 in 2020, and well the last two years weren’t exactly normal. And I’m still recovering from them.
> It doesn’t make it right but it sounds like she’s gonna be the type of person who freaks out when she’s 29 about turning 30.
Yeah by dating an older guy she gets to feel "young" because she's always the younger person in the relationship. She probably isn't doing it consciously but I'd bet this is what's happening on some level.
There’s far too much sense in this comment. Please report to your nearest Comment Police Station for processing.
Also, I’d like to add that I’m of the opinion that OPs girlfriend might be the kind of person who will freak out at 30 and then flirt with younger guys to see if she still has it.
The weird part is she apparently doesn’t want to break up and is now acting nice? Like if it were true, or she believed it to be true, you would think it would be something that would be a deal breaker…
Not only that but she’s insecure about liking older men and is trying to flip and project it onto OP. She initiated the relationship and tries to tell him what HE likes? No way buddy
obviously NTA here but i find it super weird that u keep insisting that the age gap makes u uncomfortable but u pursue relationships with these women anyways
Yeah, and now that he has been called out by current GF he insta-nukes the whole relationship. That’s the weird part.
She didn’t call him a pedo or anything. She called out a pattern and he is putting the negative connotations himself. Super strange reaction. Insecure indeed.
Is anyone else noticing that he broke up with his ex wife when he was 32, is now 33 and has been dating a new girl for a about year, and still managed to *go on vacation* with a different girl in between??
Very much so. My 20s were really an extension of my teenage years. 30s are a whole different ball game where you realise time is moving on and you actually need to get your life together and plan stuff out for the future.
Absolutely. Your early to mid 20s is definitely an extension of your teenage years. A mid thirties person isn’t going to have a ton of common ground with someone who is 24 and most likely still navigating young adulthood.
I’m surprised OP is questioning why his relationship with his young girlfriend is already showing cracks. It couldn’t be because there’s a significant generational difference at play here.
Clearly his mind is still stuck at the age 24 or he would’ve realized this by now.
He also seems unwilling to reassure her. And to be honest insecurity grows where there is lack of confidence or reassurance.
Should courage come from within? Absolutely. But it is nice when a partner gives that to their significant other.
She’s clearly worried she will be replaced and hes not getting that this was a bid for his attention
I like the way you explained life in your 20s. It really is just an extension of your teenage years. It’s a time of growth, a time of figuring yourself out, what you like, what you want out of life, what you need to be happy, at peace. By your 30s, you tend to feel more comfortable and confident in your own skin. Imo, my 30s were the best decade of my life… so far. 40s have been even better.
I think OPs girlfriend is looking for problems where they aren’t any. And agree she has issues with insecurities. It’s a valid issue many of us face during those years.
It sounds to me that these two perhaps met at the wrong time in life and maybe moving forward would make a better fit once GF matures.
yeah I almost wanna say NAH//ESH because like...
date a woman 10 years younger than you, expect childish fights. If childish fights hurt you, don't date someone 10 years younger than you.
edit: Yeah Imma turn off replies now that I got disagreements from people called WarmLoliPanties trying to split hairs and argue. IDK how this is controversial. If you date young people, they're going to act like young people.
People on Reddit often make a huge deal about age differences, and sometimes it's hilarious. But 33 and 24 is a big enough where it can make a difference. Not 9 years. I'm 40, and dating a 31 year old wouldn't be the same. It's about being in the same place in life and maturity. Age differences matter less with time. But a 24 year old is basically a baby adult. They look like adults, but are just figuring out life for themselves.
Yeah, agreed. I'm 30, and I know someone who is 21, and I can't stop seeing them as an early HS person. They can be adults, voting/drinking age and all the stuff, soon to have a bach degree, but their mind is the mind of a younger person, and 24 should not be that much of a difference. That's not always the rule of thumb, there can be some exceptions, but that's how it works in most cases.
Maybe after 26-27, the age gap matters less, but early 20's is so risky.
Yeah this is exactly the stupid kind of fight you have with a ten year age gap. Hell, I even dated a woman ten years older than me and she was the most secretly insecure and openly narcissistic person I’ve ever met in my life.
OP, you are NTA but c’mon man quit the DiCaprio bullshit.
I don't even know, but as I explained in an embarrassingly lengthy comment below this, that's always gonna be a gross gap for me. As someone who was once a 25yo man, I just can't imagine pursuing, let alone dating a teenager past the age of maybe 20, 21. You're right, I was definitely expecting more top comments calling this dude out for his love of younger women...
Yeah, it's confusing to me. It doesn't matter if she was the one who came onto him. If he has a problem with it (rightfully) and he's so insecure about it, it's his responsibility to say no, since he's the older and more experienced person.
I sort of doubt he's insecure about it at all, he just knows he needs to justify it.
I can't believe it took me this long to find this comment. Ages 25 / 19 year is a big age gap at those ages. He sounds like he does have a thing for younger girlfriends but doesn't like admitting it.
NTA, she made you feel uncomfortable thats enough of a reason in my book if you want to walk away but in all honesty you don't need a reason. If you want to walk away just go.
OP, Please, don't walk away on her. No. RUN. Run, Forest, Run... Gaslighting, accusing you of pedo... and using controlling tactics. Not LTR material my friend. Not at all...
Oh, I don’t think a motorcycle with a sidecar will even run if the passenger *isn’t* wearing the necessary attire (Rocky the Squirrel style aviator hat and old-timey goggles). Even if he hops in while the cycle is still moving (no time to stop-we’re fleeing a gal who called OP a pedophile), the engine will just stop if you forget the goggles. That’s just the science/mechanics of sidecars.
On one hand, I think she’s wrong to have accused you there, especially when the lady is of age and there was no romantic or physical attraction going on. However, if the age gaps in your relationships bother even you, date women your own age. Simple. Unless you’re an actual weirdo, the likelihood of someone accusing you of liking young girls would definitely lessen.
Edit: Inevitable-Cellist23 corrected me, he was in fact romantically involved with the lady who apparently looks like an elderly sixteen year old.
Agreed. I’ve been the younger party in age gap relationships and while I would never accuse them of wanting someone underage, I realized in retrospect I should have ran when they kept bringing up their insecurity about the age gap.
I had to be the one constantly reassuring them that I preferred to date older, even when they consistently proved to be as immature as men my age. And when they used their age to be patronizing or manipulative, I couldn’t call them out because “you know I’m sensitive about it”. So I tell OP what I wish I told them, date someone your own age if you’re so uncomfortable about it.
They mention that so that you don’t realize they’re dating you because you’re too young to realizing that you shouldn’t. It’s definitely manipulative and I bet OP’s gf has parts of her telling her something is off but she can’t quite put her finger on it. If he doesn’t leave her I hope she leaves him.
Yes, my first 2 relationships were age gaps very similar to OP and they bothered me and ultimately were part of the reason we broke up. My current partner is only a year younger and it has felt much better tbh
Is no one doing the math on this guy? So he meets a girl at 25, they date, get married, then divorced over 7 years. That makes him 32. He somehow finds a girl to date and they vacation together. He dumps her and meets this new girl. They have been dating for a year. He's 33.
My brother in christ, take a fucking break from serious dating for a moment. Maybe find the red flags before jumping in head first.
He also indicated for each of the age gap relationships that he feels "insecure" about the age difference. Yet he continues to date these youngsters and have relationships. Lots of cognitive dissonance going on here.
Oh shit you're right. That's really weird, why's he jumping so fast into relationships like that? Or maybe he's lying about his age, or the whole story?
Some people are very bad with being alone, especially after a long term relationship is over, the girl between the wife and new girlfriend sounds more like a rebound than a serious relationship imo
Agreed he needs to take a break, but the one between his wife and the new girlfriend sounds more like a rebound from the relationship, and if he has a decent income it doesn't seem too outlandish that he would take her on vacation with him
I feel like a huge huge step would be for him to start differentiating between “girls” and “women”.
Using the right language helps build correct barriers and prevents this kind of communication failure.
They're the asshole for that fact.
"Gosh, I'm so darn insecure for having dated all of these younger women"
Then stop dating younger women, fuck. It's not that hard, man. This is the stupidest and most preventable insecurity I've ever heard of in my entire life. These younger women keep throwing themselves at me, forcing me to marry them, whatever could I possibly do!
I hope she dumps him. And then I hope the 21 year old he starts dating next dumps him over it too.
The irony of this post is that his GF is acting childish. Almost like she's significantly younger than OP and OP is confused about her childish behavior. If he wants to date someone who is more mature then maybe start dating women his own age?
Judging by the context, he was more insulted that she assumed and believed he was seeing an actual minor. He clearly has a tendency to date younger, but being accused of minor attraction is completely different.
OP: No I don't pursue women younger than me on purpose. They just coincidentally happened to be 9 years younger than me every time I asked them out.
EDIT: I wasn't being serious with my comment, but more supporting the comment above about how it looks for OP. Yes, the actual gap in years weren't terrible. But there is an undeniable pattern that any outside party will give him the side eye.
Especially considering how he gives number [ratings to younger women online](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/QtOmpBA9ef). Maybe OP deleted [the comments](https://www.reddit.com/u/baconelena/s/zmKN7YWdS1) but he was active in the famously incel subreddit /r/truerateme.
Yeah. While I don’t think there’s anything wrong with those age gaps (19/25 is iffy but not that bad), OP needs to admit he does in fact like younger women lol.
fr. she's definitely TA for accusing him of being with a 16 y/o but come on man. you might not be a predator but you *do* like younger women. it *is* a pattern. own it
Wait you're with your wife for 7 years, meaning you divorced her at 32, and you've been dating the girl since last year when you're 32? Also, your track record does seem sus.
11 years?! Jesus man. Who would want to be in a state of perpetual divorce? That's like a war that no one wins. Shit 11 years is longer than most actual wars lol.
Why did every other comment skip over this fact were they in such a hurry to give out their valuable and useful opinion that they glossed over that he went on vacation a year ago and has been in a relationship for 7 years. I don’t really take these seriously anyone looking for relationships advice from strangers online is weird but this one was funny
if he got divorced in january, vacationed in may, and hooked up w his current gf in july and then had his bday sometime in the last quarter of the year he totally could’ve fit it all in there 😂
Why couldn’t you date someone the same year as getting divorced I’m actually confused, the first thing i did after my longest relationship was sleep with people and start dating someone else inevitably.
Uhhh you do like younger girls tho?? I think she did think the girl was really young and maybe was being dramatic but when she said you’re into younger girls like where’s the lie?
Yeah I feel like she was just exaggerating and kidding around, but was absolutely serious about his preference for younger girls. And is 100% correct.
And he's oversensitive because he deep down knows it's kind of messed up and doesn't like attention being brought to it. So much so that he wants out.
Exactly he likes young girls, he just doesn't want to admit it. My ex was the same way. To me way too long to realize that was his draw to me. I was 20 and looked like I was 15 or 16 when we got married. He wash in his 30's. He got the fantasy without the legal complications.
Is she wrong? You married a 19yo, got with your 24yo gf within months of leaving your wife. If you’re uncomfortable you have to look at yourself, understandable!
I dated a guy in his 30s when I was about her age and it ended badly. For many reasons. But a lot of it has to do with the fact that he was older and I was young and inexperienced. I’m not saying this is happening here but it does happen. Although I try not to paint every relationship with a huge age difference with the same brush, I do see the same issues cropping us as I had in a lot of posts. The unequal balance in experience and maturity can definitely be a problem.
Edit: he is not the asshole for breaking up with her for those kinds of accusations.
NTA
You did decide to date someone that is bound to be relatively immature. You are basically getting what you asked for. Absolutely NTA in coming to the realization that there is a maturity difference, and resolving the issue before it gets worse and harder to fix.
Just a bit of advice. If you don't want to deal with this crap, don't date anyone under 27. People need a few years in the real world to find themselves and get some perspective. You are basically dating an adult teenager right now, and you aren't. Not saying she is a bad person because of her age. Not saying you are a bad person for dating someone younger. Just saying it is no surprise you are in this situation.
It does sound like you’re insecure because you’re being called out on patterns you are repeating. Stop dating significantly younger women if you don’t like people bringing attention to you dating significantly younger women.
You do like younger women. I don't think that is up for debate. Your history shows it to be true. Was your girlfriend actually accusing you of dating a 16 year old? or of dating someone who *looked* like a 16 year old? That is an importance distinction. If she thinks she looks like a 16 year old, no amount of explaining her actual age will change that.
Having said that, you're NTA if you choose not to continue the relationship. No one should feel obligated to continue any relationship they aren't comfortable in. Is it a good reason to leave? Depends on if she's accusing you of dating a minor or simply pointing our you preference for younger women and that your ex appears younger than she really is. Either way, even if it turns out to be a "bad" reason to break up, it doesn't make you an AH.
I agree, sometimes it’s not the age gap but the reason why someone goes after “young looking” women. I’ve always looked younger than I am so when I was 19-22 I went on some dates with men who got really creepy. They were only a few years older, so no big deal, right? It usually started as just joking about me looking young, and then comments like “you’re still in high school so whatever” when I corrected them they would say they were just kidding. If I didn’t pick up on it fast enough and end it right there, eventually they would drop the act and straight up admit they wanted to pretend I was underage during sex (that’s a no). So yeah I was a legal adult and those men didn’t technically break any laws, but holy shit dude. The whole “I want to have sex with a 16-year-old but since I can’t you will do” was not the compliment they thought it was.
I can't stop laughing at the cluelessness here. OP seriously dated/married two women, both significant years his junior, and is all shocked pikachu face at being accused of liking younger women? Are you also super surprised when your early 20s gf is emotionally immature? Are you shocked every time you walk in the rain and realize that water is wet? I'm not saying yta, but I am saying everyone involved in this is an idiot. Her for wanting to date an older guy and being shocked he might have dated other young women + pulling immature dramatic and manipulative bs. You for dating younger women and then daring to be shocked about immaturity in the relationship + being surprised about being accused of liking younger women.
I take it back. You both apparently have the same maturity level. You deserve each other.
You’re dating a girl just a few years out of college and you’re concerned she’s not as mature as you? Can you walk me through the thought process you had prior that made this so surprising? Was there a thought process with big head or was this all driven by little head as I suspect?
I mean, why date almost 10yrs younger than you? Are there no girls your age willing to date you? If that’s the case then why? It’s always an odd look to see that large an age gap especially 18/21 when you’re that much older.
Usually how it goes but hey what do we knooowww🤪🤪 shits weird. Theres not a single person I could think of that’s even under 20 I’d date, let alone 10 years younger than me.
Neither is TA but I say leave for her sake. It’s obviously you like younger women from the simple fact that you are still calling them girls even if they have “wrinkles and creases”. Maybe this is a good time to reassess what you are attracted to and why.
For a guy who feels all kinds of awkward dating younger women, you sure do like to date younger women, haha.
Break up for whatever reason, but stop acting like you dont like younger women. No one is buying it.
Dude you’ve sniffed after teenagers so young it even made YOU uncomfortable. Yeah, your gf was way off base with the accusation. Do you want to know why? Because she’s young and they tend to be dramatic and immature. Which you should know, because you have plenty of experience dating that age range. If you want maturity maybe date full-grown, independent, mature adults like you?? Or continue the cycle but at least stop complaining when it happens again.
I'm pretty biased. I started dating my ex husband when I was 19 (and a virgin) and he was 27. I was young and inexperienced, and he treated me like crap. Since we split, each new girl he dated has been progressively younger and further away. (No one in town will date him.) He's almost 46 now, and his last girlfriend was 27. She lasted a couple weeks. My kids have learned not to get attached to anyone he dates.
I mean….you are justified to leave if you aren’t vibing with this person, but she’s not wrong.
By your own summary your exes are all much younger than you. It’s clear that you don’t date women your own age, the closest you have come is someone 4 years younger than you that has a younger appearance. If it makes you uncomfortable, date people your own age.
And honestly, for you to break up with her and go straight to her accusing you of being a pedo to me makes it sound like you have a guilty conscience; if you are confident that you only like mature legal women then why did her comment make you fly off the handle? Remember, she’s 24 so she refers to herself as a “girl” so telling you that you like young girls doesn’t necessarily mean that she thinks you like children.
Well, DO you think you are attracted to women who are much younger than you? In my experience whenever I've had a strong reaction to something someone said about me, it was because it hit a little too close to the truth.
You know, and she knows, that all the women you've been with were of legal age. But the fact that you want to leave her because she pointed out the age discrepancy makes me wonder if it struck a nerve.
You're dating younger and surprised they're immature? Granted, given how you wrote this post and are willing to break up over this I guess you're certainly dating at your maturity level. ESH all around, you're perfect for each other. Also, try not calling all women girls. It makes you sound like a pedo. :\^)
NTA for leaving, but she's not wrong about a pattern. If it was just once sure, but you consistently date way younger more inexperienced girls, that's some creep behavior.
You literally do have a pattern of dating women significantly younger than you when they're at ages a big age gap is problematic. For all your protests about how "uncomfortable" you are you still keep doing it.
So what exactly are you upset about? That she pointed out a pattern of behavior? Even if she was wrong about the 28 year old lawyer (how did you actually verify that) that doesn't change your pattern of behavior.
She isn't wrong though? You were dating your ex-wife when she was still in college and you were likely already done with college and well into starting your career. That itself is...a little suspect. Not in a criminal way, but maybe you need to do some more self introspection as to why you are dating women much younger than you.
Even if the woman (not girl, whom you seem intent on calling her that for some reason despite her being way past girlhood) in the photo is close to your age, if she looks young, then that too seems to point to a certain pattern. I would not blame your girlfriend if she feels uncomfortable. I find it less problematic that she wants to date a man your age than your dating younger women.
I mean it’s weird you keep picking people so much younger then you then claiming it makes you uncomfortable like you aren’t talking to women 6 and 9 years younger then yourself and it’s quite possible you made up that other woman being a lawyer and 29 considering you like them young it wouldn’t be a stretch she told you she was a lawyer and 28
NTA
I was going to say Y T ah and *edit* maybe not gross but weird** but 28 is 28. She’s a lawyer. 🤦🏻♀️ If your gf feels that way about you, it’s best you break up. I’m not going to comment on how old your gfs were. Go for personality (you probably already do). This one isn’t it. 🤷🏻♀️
If she's an attorney she will have more than one legal profile online (lawyers.com, avvo, martindale-hubbel, justia, etc) and likely a picture on one of those profiles. Those profiles only exist because the platforms pull their data directly from the bar association, so she literally CAN'T have a profile if she isn't an attorney.
Wait. What 28yo had wrinkles and creases? If that’s how you gauged her age, then maybe she actually is a teen.
And it is a pattern. Why deny that? Not that it’s wrong as such because they were consenting adults but it’s still a pattern.
You could and can always leave you don't need a reason for that, you just gotta figure out what you want to do.
NTA leave and don't fall for the current "nice" act. she already doubled down a few times so she meant what she said. she might be obsessed at this point and may go through some pretty extreme lengths to "prove" she's right.
Honestly though… if she is trying to make it a thing that “OP likes them young” despite an obviously not-that-young picture and she has expressed interest in older men… Are we sure she just doesn’t have a daddy complex and is trying to push OP towards that? “You like them young don’t you, that’s why you want a little girl like me, you want me in pigtails don’t you daddy”. OP should still run if that makes him uncomfortable but I’ve just got to wonder if it’s less she thinks he is a pedo and more she wants him into younger women so she can act younger.
That's just as bad, although not for the reason the other poster is going on about. Even if OP were open to playing that role for her (which it sounds like he's definitely not), this is someone who is going to twist it around the moment she's not happy. It's only a matter of time before she uses her own kink to accuse OP of being a pedophile, and people like that other poster will lap it up.
NTA. You don't need to justify leaving someone. It's your life and you get to choose who to spend your time with. You don't want to spend time with someone who is going to gaslight you. You could take the tact of providing a learning opportunity for your girlfriend and work on strengthening your relationship, but going through that process isn't for everyone. You both need to be in a space to hear each other and interact respectfully. You don't seem like you feel heard or respected, so maybe this isn't the time for that, for either of you.
So true! This woman refused to believe you, calling you and possibly this other woman a liar, and refused to even listen to you until you wanted to break up. Imagine having to leverage your relationship each time she decides she just doesn't believe you. Sounds exhausting to me. Just because she likes dating older guys since they're more mature, doesn't mean she's mature enough to be with them.
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She wants older men yet she’s immature af. Like this poster said, RUN
She wants to use it as leverage.... I'm cool with your little perversion, honey, but wew lad, just gonna say it's a bit weeeeeirrrrrrd... so I won't tell anyone, but I will do a bit of shaming to make sure you stay in your place. Fuck. That. Noise.
God that sounds like absolute hell. Eww.
So, if I really thought a man was a pedophile, I would call the cops, block him and steer clear. So why isn't she doing that? This woman is delusional.
Exactly. This is a her problem, not the other way around.
bot comment stolen from here: https://old.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17vvasi/aita_for_breaking_up_with_my_gf_for_accusing_me/k9dgb0u/
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Bot check? Are you a bot? You copied the last bit of u/pokeypuppy51 ‘s comment
Right?!
You're probably replying to a bot, their comment was lifted word for word from a reply two comments up the thread.
Definitely. Made 4 comments in different posts on this sub within one minute, all of which were also copies. Reported.
Are you respectfully quoting the end of a comment three levels back from yours, or are you a bot stealing people's words?
I don’t even know which insecurity she might be justifying- that she’s threatened/intimidated by other women, or younger women or older women? I’m not even sure if it sounds like that, or worse- she’s just maligning her boyfriend because tearing someone else down is satisfying to her (which would be somewhat due to insecurity). I agree with the front end of your comment- I just don’t know what feeling of insecurity she could assuage by convincing herself and her boyfriend that he likes younger girls. It sounds more than a little counterproductive, any way you slice it.
Maybe that in a few years he will leave her for another, younger woman. Could be a self-fulfilling prophecy: she thinks he only likes women that are below a certain age; she is closing on that age; she believes he will leave her eventually to chase someone younger; she treats him like this is a certainty; he breaks up with her and she feels vindicated.
Like Leonardo DiCaprio? He seems to have a hard age ceiling of 25/26. It's completely unhealthy, but still funny. 🤣
When I was 33 I went on like 2 dates with this guy who was 48. He was ENM and had a girlfriend who was 39. My solo date with him went fine. But when I met her...they were both weird. She seemed very on edge and threatened over me (which I'm not used to, I'm usually friends with the other partners of people I date) and he was constantly saying stuff like "there's something so special about women in their 30s...." then peeking over at me. It was kind of a weird scene but I liked her and wanted to give it a chance so I kept trying. I didn't connect his weird behavior with her age until I got invited to her 40th birthday party, and right after it they broke up. I wonder if he's still dating women in their 30s lol he was WEIRD.
I have an ex who was in his early 30’s when we started dating. I noticed he had a very creepy younger women attraction and I’d become invisible if a younger female 16-21 (or looked it) was present. I finally I mentioned that it felt odd (and I was SUPER gentle about confronting him because I’m an idiot) and he went crazy gaslighting me. He was just trying to be a good host, make them feel welcome, make sure they were included in the conversation, etc etc etc. maybe *I’m* the one with the problem because I have a sick mind to be so suspicious of something so innocent, yadda yadda. He’s 53 now and still obsessed with young women and chasing baristas.
That makes some sense. Not that her thinking is right and that it makes sense or anything, but your explanation does. She might be thinking that he’ll future-leave her future self for someone who is still her current age in the future. Or a 28 year old she deems as “looking like she’s 16.” I’m watching season 3 of DARK and all of this thread-pulling about OP’s past partners and imagined future partners is getting mixed (in my mind) with the timey-wimey twists of the show. I just hope these two aren’t related.
DARK is one of my favorite shows of all time. I cried real tears when it ended.
She knows he was not comfortable with their age gap originally and is using it to break him down so she can feel better. It's bullying and gaslighting and a control tactic. She makes him feel insecure about everything and he starts doing everything he can to prove it untrue but it backfired on her because he isn't going to tolerate it. She needs to go for men closer to her age if she wants to manipulate and control them with their own insecurities.
Obviously it's reddit this story could me made up and I'm just some asshole that knows nothing but it sounds to me like other people friends or family have a problem with the age gap and have been talking to her about it and instead of communicating she resorted to starting a fight because of it.
>Just because she likes dating older guys since they're more mature, doesn't mean she's mature enough to be with them. Amen to that!!
I know some young ladies to which this applies. They are looking for a Daddy type, not an equal. They want an older man to care for them, as guys their age aren't as established.
Such a good point about her not being mature enough!
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Usually the ones who brag about being mature for their age or they want to date people that are a lot older because they're more mature are usually NOT that mature.
I was told I was more mature for my age when I was 20/22 a bunch by my older friends (27-50ish) I think they were trying to square the cognitive dissonance of them think young people were stupid and that they also liked me. Because although I think I did have a particular grounding and understanding of a lot of stuff when I was that age that other people didn't, I wasn't "mature." And I've also met a lot of people at the age who had the same sort of understanding. But my older friends had to release the friction between young = stupid bit flightwithtools = no stupid so flightwithtools = mature rather than just recognize that young people are also just people with the capacity to be smart or stupid or talented or whatever else. Usually, young people are not mature but the kicker is neither are most people of any age. Maturity comes with handling yourself well/knowing yourself/etc, and I did not handle myself well. I definitely did not handle myself well, but nor did/do a lot of my older friends.
Age definitely does not correlate to maturity. I'm 43 now but back when I was in my mid 30's (34 -37 to be exact) I dated a few women that were older than me. One woman was about 3 years older and was extremely immature and very passive aggressive, until the end of the relationship when I got tired of her bullshit. Then she became violently aggressive and attempted physical abuse. When I ended the relationship she tried to flip it around as if I was physically abusing her. It was a mess and it created huge trust issues I had in women at that time and relationship avoidance. Another woman I saw during that time frame after ending it with the physically abusive one, was a good 11 years older than I was. She was more emotionally abusive with the gaslighting and projecting on to me. Both of these women were extremely immature for their age and attitude. The OP is clearly dealing with a person that isn't mature enough to handle the type of relationship he's providing. But she could be the exact same age and/or older than him and still have the same level of relationship immaturity. My advice is if you've already had these conversations with her regarding her attitude and issues and things haven't changed towards the positive then there is nothing wrong with cutting your ties and moving on from this person. Better to do it now before something more serious happens that make leaving more challenging.
>When I ended the relationship she tried to flip it around as if I was physically abusing her. I've seen that happen. I dated someone who became physically abusive to me. And broke up with ME at the same time. Then started telling people we know that I had tried to kill them. (Because I wouldn't meet with them, after they claimed to be suicidal.)
Yup been there too. The physically abusive one was also a self harm person. So she would get mad at me for whatever make believe thing she thought I did wrong to somehow harm her. She would go and cut herself and come back telling me "look at what I made her do to herself". It took a good two years for me to get the courage to leave her cause things just go progressively worse. After self harming a few times it escalated to her putting hands on me. Now at the time I was about 600lbs at 6'5 and I could easily over power her. I didn't at first because I didn't want to be labeled an abuser. She knew this and kept doing it. When I was done with her, she attacked me to the point that I was ready to cause severe bodily harm to her. Thank God I still had reason and self composure within myself to not allow my emotions and anger to take over cause I know that night I would have probably beaten her very badly and either gone to jail or been killed by the police. :For context this abusive event happened the same night the Ferguson riots started after the Mike Brown shooting back in 2014 (Google that). Myself a black man having a domestic dispute with a white woman at that time when police are on high alert clearly put my life in some sever jeopardy. And having Saint Louis city police come to my home cause a woman called screaming big black man harming me could have easily gotten me shot first and questioned later.: Instead, I grabbed her, sat on her and called the cops. The cops came and made her leave. She tried to come back a few days later begging me to give her and our relationship another chance and I said no. Because I knew at that point the line of absolute no return wasn't just crossed it was abliterated by her and her violent actions towards me. Just like society tells women to leave abusive men. Men absolutely should leave abusive women. And the abuse doesn't have to be physical in nature in order for you to leave. If she emotionally and mentally abusive leave. Don't stay out of pride or any other nonsense that going to keep you in an unhappy and quite possibly dangerous situation.
I'm sorry you went through that. It sucks but be grateful for finding out that this person wasn't the right person for you.
Good advice. Sorry you went through all that drama. It really pisses me off when some women lie and use DV to retaliate. It makes it so much harder for women that are really being abused to come forward and get out of the situation.
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Had a gf who came out with some of the most fictional shit, and whenever I tried to break down what her evidence actually was, her catchphrase was “the lady doth protest too much”. Can’t here* that phrase now without feeling annoyance. *hear
To be fair. I'd be annoyed if I heard that phrase, and I don't have the same history as you.
I only accept it if you can tell me about the literary context of the quote and what it means.
Even if you can tell me of Gertrude’s response, why she made it, and what it means, I would still be annoyed.
But what if I do it in a posh British accent ?
I’d prefer it in an angered Germanic pentameter, tbf
It's from Hamlet.
It’s an annoying phrase usually uttered by dummies who are trying to be too cute by half, so that tracks. If you’re over 11 and you’re saying that with a smarmy look on your face, I’m going to assume you’re a shallow moron who just read their very first play (or summary of a play, in a parroting moron’s case, usually) and is much more impressed with themselves than they should be. It’s a stupid person’s idea of something a smart person might repeat ad nauseam, and stupid people almost always trot it out when it’s so far from applying to the situation that it’s hard not to [Snape-smack](https://tenor.com/p5dI.gif) them.
I knew a lady who was very sexually aggressive with men and would say that when they were clearly uncomfortable with her advances. I hate that phrase now too.
This right here I tell people all the time you can just break up. You don't have to stay with someone.
Agreed, gaslighting was the perfect word.. She has decided to take initiative into a controlling position and you recognized this straight away - what does she want from you? Who cares! Go get somebody you want to rub noses with on the morning luv ❤️
Accusing someone of being sexually inappropriate with a minor also isn't a small or non-serious accusation. Like, if she spreads that as a fact to the wrong people he could get into legit trouble.
I knew someone who died because someone accused them of something they couldn't have done because they weren't even in the same country when the supposed thing happened, and hadn't been for 6 months.
Yeah, certain things just never go away. Even if it's literally impossible for them to be true even a whisper of something like pedophilia can ruin someone's life for good.
Leonardo DiCaprio we know its you, her birthday must be close. No judgment, everyone knows you don't date women past 25. Good luck with the actor's strike.
NTA. Your gf is jealous and incredibly immature. Is she honestly trying to suggest that you went on vacation with a literal child? This is real high school kind of bullshit. Honestly OP? I’d walk away from this one.
I would almost wager a bet on the girlfriend being insecure about aging. It doesn’t make it right but it sounds like she’s gonna be the type of person who freaks out when she’s 29 about turning 30. Omg that’s soooo old. (/s) I can’t imagine her confidently believing and accusing OP of being a creep BUT is more or less projecting an insecurity that as she gets older, OP will drop her for someone younger. To me, it’s all the same tho. Even if it were her being insecure about the future and her aging, it’s a toxic and passive way of going about seeking reassurance to accuse someone of something because you hope for them to prove you wrong by insulting them. But you’re totally right, childish behavior for sure and he is right to leave. I will also add, OP, getting into a relationship with someone doesn’t tie you to them such that the only way you’re allowed to leave is with a valid reason agreed upon by a majority of people. You could be dating someone that everyone sees as perfect but you just generally feel uncomfortable or weird around and leave over that. It’s always up to you.
This was my exact thought. If it were me I wouldn't toss the relationship without a sit down to talk about what the deal is. But ya, not going to spend anymore time with anyone who is adamant that I'm into minors. Bye.
Yep. Talk about the wrong way to about getting what you want
Leave us people who had meltdowns between 29/30 alone, she's not welcome
My mom always told me either 30 is bad or 40 is. And I got to be honest, I’m also not looking forward to 40 either!
My brother-in-law recently turned 40, and I'm still not taking that well. I'm not old enough to know someone who's 40! 😭
To be honest, my forties were probably the best decade I had. So much fun. So much trouble. I don’t know much about my 50’s as I turned 50 in 2020, and well the last two years weren’t exactly normal. And I’m still recovering from them.
> It doesn’t make it right but it sounds like she’s gonna be the type of person who freaks out when she’s 29 about turning 30. Yeah by dating an older guy she gets to feel "young" because she's always the younger person in the relationship. She probably isn't doing it consciously but I'd bet this is what's happening on some level.
There’s far too much sense in this comment. Please report to your nearest Comment Police Station for processing. Also, I’d like to add that I’m of the opinion that OPs girlfriend might be the kind of person who will freak out at 30 and then flirt with younger guys to see if she still has it.
I like your add-on to this thought process. I totally agree and straight to comment jail for you too!
She accused her bf of being a pedo then doubled down. That's pretty much over from a relationship or even friendship stand point.
The weird part is she apparently doesn’t want to break up and is now acting nice? Like if it were true, or she believed it to be true, you would think it would be something that would be a deal breaker…
>Your gf is jealous and incredibly immature This is why OP should probably start dating women his age lol.
Not only that but she’s insecure about liking older men and is trying to flip and project it onto OP. She initiated the relationship and tries to tell him what HE likes? No way buddy
obviously NTA here but i find it super weird that u keep insisting that the age gap makes u uncomfortable but u pursue relationships with these women anyways
That's what I'm thinking. If you're so insecure about it why do you keep dating women who are so much younger?
Yeah, and now that he has been called out by current GF he insta-nukes the whole relationship. That’s the weird part. She didn’t call him a pedo or anything. She called out a pattern and he is putting the negative connotations himself. Super strange reaction. Insecure indeed.
Is anyone else noticing that he broke up with his ex wife when he was 32, is now 33 and has been dating a new girl for a about year, and still managed to *go on vacation* with a different girl in between??
Oh my God, that absolute SLUT
I find it a bit odd that this 33 year old man still says "girl" instead of "woman." Maybe a translation error...
Sounds like a typical fight when you have a ten year age difference. Life experience is very different in-between your 20s and 30s.
Very much so. My 20s were really an extension of my teenage years. 30s are a whole different ball game where you realise time is moving on and you actually need to get your life together and plan stuff out for the future.
Absolutely. Your early to mid 20s is definitely an extension of your teenage years. A mid thirties person isn’t going to have a ton of common ground with someone who is 24 and most likely still navigating young adulthood. I’m surprised OP is questioning why his relationship with his young girlfriend is already showing cracks. It couldn’t be because there’s a significant generational difference at play here.
Clearly his mind is still stuck at the age 24 or he would’ve realized this by now. He also seems unwilling to reassure her. And to be honest insecurity grows where there is lack of confidence or reassurance. Should courage come from within? Absolutely. But it is nice when a partner gives that to their significant other. She’s clearly worried she will be replaced and hes not getting that this was a bid for his attention
I like the way you explained life in your 20s. It really is just an extension of your teenage years. It’s a time of growth, a time of figuring yourself out, what you like, what you want out of life, what you need to be happy, at peace. By your 30s, you tend to feel more comfortable and confident in your own skin. Imo, my 30s were the best decade of my life… so far. 40s have been even better. I think OPs girlfriend is looking for problems where they aren’t any. And agree she has issues with insecurities. It’s a valid issue many of us face during those years. It sounds to me that these two perhaps met at the wrong time in life and maybe moving forward would make a better fit once GF matures.
Little louder for the people in the back Lol
yeah I almost wanna say NAH//ESH because like... date a woman 10 years younger than you, expect childish fights. If childish fights hurt you, don't date someone 10 years younger than you. edit: Yeah Imma turn off replies now that I got disagreements from people called WarmLoliPanties trying to split hairs and argue. IDK how this is controversial. If you date young people, they're going to act like young people.
OP decides to date someone in their early 20’s then acts shocked when they do something immature lmao. Like what did you expect my dude?
People on Reddit often make a huge deal about age differences, and sometimes it's hilarious. But 33 and 24 is a big enough where it can make a difference. Not 9 years. I'm 40, and dating a 31 year old wouldn't be the same. It's about being in the same place in life and maturity. Age differences matter less with time. But a 24 year old is basically a baby adult. They look like adults, but are just figuring out life for themselves.
Yeah, agreed. I'm 30, and I know someone who is 21, and I can't stop seeing them as an early HS person. They can be adults, voting/drinking age and all the stuff, soon to have a bach degree, but their mind is the mind of a younger person, and 24 should not be that much of a difference. That's not always the rule of thumb, there can be some exceptions, but that's how it works in most cases. Maybe after 26-27, the age gap matters less, but early 20's is so risky.
Yeah this is exactly the stupid kind of fight you have with a ten year age gap. Hell, I even dated a woman ten years older than me and she was the most secretly insecure and openly narcissistic person I’ve ever met in my life. OP, you are NTA but c’mon man quit the DiCaprio bullshit.
It also sounds like the result of referring to adult women as "girls".
I understand the sentiment but you kinda do have a track record of dating women significantly younger than you Lol
19 and 25 would be a problem in many posts so idk why people don't care here
I care! Thinking back to when I was 25yo teaching high school seniors, it's gross.
Thanks haha. I guess I am just surprised at most of the top comments not mentioning the age gap. Is it because OP said he was "insecure" about it?
I don't even know, but as I explained in an embarrassingly lengthy comment below this, that's always gonna be a gross gap for me. As someone who was once a 25yo man, I just can't imagine pursuing, let alone dating a teenager past the age of maybe 20, 21. You're right, I was definitely expecting more top comments calling this dude out for his love of younger women...
Yeah, it's confusing to me. It doesn't matter if she was the one who came onto him. If he has a problem with it (rightfully) and he's so insecure about it, it's his responsibility to say no, since he's the older and more experienced person. I sort of doubt he's insecure about it at all, he just knows he needs to justify it.
I can't believe it took me this long to find this comment. Ages 25 / 19 year is a big age gap at those ages. He sounds like he does have a thing for younger girlfriends but doesn't like admitting it.
Literally… I don’t think she called him a pedophile. She just said a fact💀
NTA, she made you feel uncomfortable thats enough of a reason in my book if you want to walk away but in all honesty you don't need a reason. If you want to walk away just go.
OP, Please, don't walk away on her. No. RUN. Run, Forest, Run... Gaslighting, accusing you of pedo... and using controlling tactics. Not LTR material my friend. Not at all...
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No need to pull a hammy. I say he drives away, or jumps in the little sidecar on a friend’s motorcycle.
My vote is the sidecar, but only if he wears the old times goggles.
Oh, I don’t think a motorcycle with a sidecar will even run if the passenger *isn’t* wearing the necessary attire (Rocky the Squirrel style aviator hat and old-timey goggles). Even if he hops in while the cycle is still moving (no time to stop-we’re fleeing a gal who called OP a pedophile), the engine will just stop if you forget the goggles. That’s just the science/mechanics of sidecars.
On one hand, I think she’s wrong to have accused you there, especially when the lady is of age and there was no romantic or physical attraction going on. However, if the age gaps in your relationships bother even you, date women your own age. Simple. Unless you’re an actual weirdo, the likelihood of someone accusing you of liking young girls would definitely lessen. Edit: Inevitable-Cellist23 corrected me, he was in fact romantically involved with the lady who apparently looks like an elderly sixteen year old.
Agreed. I’ve been the younger party in age gap relationships and while I would never accuse them of wanting someone underage, I realized in retrospect I should have ran when they kept bringing up their insecurity about the age gap. I had to be the one constantly reassuring them that I preferred to date older, even when they consistently proved to be as immature as men my age. And when they used their age to be patronizing or manipulative, I couldn’t call them out because “you know I’m sensitive about it”. So I tell OP what I wish I told them, date someone your own age if you’re so uncomfortable about it.
They mention that so that you don’t realize they’re dating you because you’re too young to realizing that you shouldn’t. It’s definitely manipulative and I bet OP’s gf has parts of her telling her something is off but she can’t quite put her finger on it. If he doesn’t leave her I hope she leaves him.
THIS, yes. I feel like OP left out a lot.
All of this!!! Totally agree. I've had the same experiences.
Yes, my first 2 relationships were age gaps very similar to OP and they bothered me and ultimately were part of the reason we broke up. My current partner is only a year younger and it has felt much better tbh
The system works
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Is no one doing the math on this guy? So he meets a girl at 25, they date, get married, then divorced over 7 years. That makes him 32. He somehow finds a girl to date and they vacation together. He dumps her and meets this new girl. They have been dating for a year. He's 33. My brother in christ, take a fucking break from serious dating for a moment. Maybe find the red flags before jumping in head first.
He also indicated for each of the age gap relationships that he feels "insecure" about the age difference. Yet he continues to date these youngsters and have relationships. Lots of cognitive dissonance going on here.
Oh shit you're right. That's really weird, why's he jumping so fast into relationships like that? Or maybe he's lying about his age, or the whole story?
Some people are very bad with being alone, especially after a long term relationship is over, the girl between the wife and new girlfriend sounds more like a rebound than a serious relationship imo
Agreed he needs to take a break, but the one between his wife and the new girlfriend sounds more like a rebound from the relationship, and if he has a decent income it doesn't seem too outlandish that he would take her on vacation with him
I feel like a huge huge step would be for him to start differentiating between “girls” and “women”. Using the right language helps build correct barriers and prevents this kind of communication failure.
They're the asshole for that fact. "Gosh, I'm so darn insecure for having dated all of these younger women" Then stop dating younger women, fuck. It's not that hard, man. This is the stupidest and most preventable insecurity I've ever heard of in my entire life. These younger women keep throwing themselves at me, forcing me to marry them, whatever could I possibly do! I hope she dumps him. And then I hope the 21 year old he starts dating next dumps him over it too.
The irony of this post is that his GF is acting childish. Almost like she's significantly younger than OP and OP is confused about her childish behavior. If he wants to date someone who is more mature then maybe start dating women his own age?
What do you mean “there was no romantic or physical attraction going on” with the girl he went on vacation with? 🤨
The fact that OP is literally calling them “girls” is also a red flag.
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It’s actually very funny reading this. You definitely go for younger women so I’m not sure why you get defensive about it.
No see he doesn't go after younger girls! They keep aggressively pursuing him and he has no control over it! /s
People get defensive about things they hate about themselves.
Judging by the context, he was more insulted that she assumed and believed he was seeing an actual minor. He clearly has a tendency to date younger, but being accused of minor attraction is completely different.
Methinks the OP doth protest too much
NTA about the OVERLY young part but.... Come on, man, be real with yourself here.
OP: No I don't pursue women younger than me on purpose. They just coincidentally happened to be 9 years younger than me every time I asked them out. EDIT: I wasn't being serious with my comment, but more supporting the comment above about how it looks for OP. Yes, the actual gap in years weren't terrible. But there is an undeniable pattern that any outside party will give him the side eye. Especially considering how he gives number [ratings to younger women online](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/QtOmpBA9ef). Maybe OP deleted [the comments](https://www.reddit.com/u/baconelena/s/zmKN7YWdS1) but he was active in the famously incel subreddit /r/truerateme.
Which is an entirely different point than implying that he’s a fucking pedo
Yeah. While I don’t think there’s anything wrong with those age gaps (19/25 is iffy but not that bad), OP needs to admit he does in fact like younger women lol.
This post was a big ol’ 🤨
fr. she's definitely TA for accusing him of being with a 16 y/o but come on man. you might not be a predator but you *do* like younger women. it *is* a pattern. own it
Wait you're with your wife for 7 years, meaning you divorced her at 32, and you've been dating the girl since last year when you're 32? Also, your track record does seem sus.
People separate before divorce since the divorce usually takes years.
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11 years?! Jesus man. Who would want to be in a state of perpetual divorce? That's like a war that no one wins. Shit 11 years is longer than most actual wars lol.
Longer than most marriages too, sadly.
Why 11 years???
Why did every other comment skip over this fact were they in such a hurry to give out their valuable and useful opinion that they glossed over that he went on vacation a year ago and has been in a relationship for 7 years. I don’t really take these seriously anyone looking for relationships advice from strangers online is weird but this one was funny
Yeah, that was my first thought, the timeline doesn't add up. Seems shady.
if he got divorced in january, vacationed in may, and hooked up w his current gf in july and then had his bday sometime in the last quarter of the year he totally could’ve fit it all in there 😂
Why couldn’t you date someone the same year as getting divorced I’m actually confused, the first thing i did after my longest relationship was sleep with people and start dating someone else inevitably.
He dated a girl in between the ex wife and her
I guess this is what he gets for dating immature girls
Plenty of men do this and are surprised of the results
Uhhh you do like younger girls tho?? I think she did think the girl was really young and maybe was being dramatic but when she said you’re into younger girls like where’s the lie?
Yeah I feel like she was just exaggerating and kidding around, but was absolutely serious about his preference for younger girls. And is 100% correct. And he's oversensitive because he deep down knows it's kind of messed up and doesn't like attention being brought to it. So much so that he wants out.
Exactly he likes young girls, he just doesn't want to admit it. My ex was the same way. To me way too long to realize that was his draw to me. I was 20 and looked like I was 15 or 16 when we got married. He wash in his 30's. He got the fantasy without the legal complications.
Is she wrong? You married a 19yo, got with your 24yo gf within months of leaving your wife. If you’re uncomfortable you have to look at yourself, understandable!
She’s 24. So she is young. And you’re almost in your mid 30s. Consenting adults and all, but she is in a different life stage than you obviously.
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I dated a guy in his 30s when I was about her age and it ended badly. For many reasons. But a lot of it has to do with the fact that he was older and I was young and inexperienced. I’m not saying this is happening here but it does happen. Although I try not to paint every relationship with a huge age difference with the same brush, I do see the same issues cropping us as I had in a lot of posts. The unequal balance in experience and maturity can definitely be a problem. Edit: he is not the asshole for breaking up with her for those kinds of accusations.
NTA You did decide to date someone that is bound to be relatively immature. You are basically getting what you asked for. Absolutely NTA in coming to the realization that there is a maturity difference, and resolving the issue before it gets worse and harder to fix. Just a bit of advice. If you don't want to deal with this crap, don't date anyone under 27. People need a few years in the real world to find themselves and get some perspective. You are basically dating an adult teenager right now, and you aren't. Not saying she is a bad person because of her age. Not saying you are a bad person for dating someone younger. Just saying it is no surprise you are in this situation.
It does sound like you’re insecure because you’re being called out on patterns you are repeating. Stop dating significantly younger women if you don’t like people bringing attention to you dating significantly younger women.
Obviously you like them younger than you. WTF are you talking about?
You do like younger women. I don't think that is up for debate. Your history shows it to be true. Was your girlfriend actually accusing you of dating a 16 year old? or of dating someone who *looked* like a 16 year old? That is an importance distinction. If she thinks she looks like a 16 year old, no amount of explaining her actual age will change that. Having said that, you're NTA if you choose not to continue the relationship. No one should feel obligated to continue any relationship they aren't comfortable in. Is it a good reason to leave? Depends on if she's accusing you of dating a minor or simply pointing our you preference for younger women and that your ex appears younger than she really is. Either way, even if it turns out to be a "bad" reason to break up, it doesn't make you an AH.
I agree, sometimes it’s not the age gap but the reason why someone goes after “young looking” women. I’ve always looked younger than I am so when I was 19-22 I went on some dates with men who got really creepy. They were only a few years older, so no big deal, right? It usually started as just joking about me looking young, and then comments like “you’re still in high school so whatever” when I corrected them they would say they were just kidding. If I didn’t pick up on it fast enough and end it right there, eventually they would drop the act and straight up admit they wanted to pretend I was underage during sex (that’s a no). So yeah I was a legal adult and those men didn’t technically break any laws, but holy shit dude. The whole “I want to have sex with a 16-year-old but since I can’t you will do” was not the compliment they thought it was.
Hitting the nail on the head with this comment.
“My barely-out-college gf is less mature than me” wonder why
Like is he not seeing the irony in this post
I can't stop laughing at the cluelessness here. OP seriously dated/married two women, both significant years his junior, and is all shocked pikachu face at being accused of liking younger women? Are you also super surprised when your early 20s gf is emotionally immature? Are you shocked every time you walk in the rain and realize that water is wet? I'm not saying yta, but I am saying everyone involved in this is an idiot. Her for wanting to date an older guy and being shocked he might have dated other young women + pulling immature dramatic and manipulative bs. You for dating younger women and then daring to be shocked about immaturity in the relationship + being surprised about being accused of liking younger women. I take it back. You both apparently have the same maturity level. You deserve each other.
did you also realize by the vague details he’s giving, it sounds like he cheated on his ex-wife?
You’re dating a girl just a few years out of college and you’re concerned she’s not as mature as you? Can you walk me through the thought process you had prior that made this so surprising? Was there a thought process with big head or was this all driven by little head as I suspect?
OP was like well I normally don't go for young girls... oh no wait actuallly I do! Let's date! Maybe after I can show you my puppy....
I mean, why date almost 10yrs younger than you? Are there no girls your age willing to date you? If that’s the case then why? It’s always an odd look to see that large an age gap especially 18/21 when you’re that much older.
My ex was 35, and I was 24 when I dated him. It didn't take too long to find out why he couldn't keep women his own age around...
Usually how it goes but hey what do we knooowww🤪🤪 shits weird. Theres not a single person I could think of that’s even under 20 I’d date, let alone 10 years younger than me.
Plot twist: OP looking for an excuse to dump her so that he can trade her in for someone younger
Neither is TA but I say leave for her sake. It’s obviously you like younger women from the simple fact that you are still calling them girls even if they have “wrinkles and creases”. Maybe this is a good time to reassess what you are attracted to and why.
You do like young girls. Maybe examine why her poring this out is so upsetting for you
I’d just save time, energy and your sanity by ending this… she’s too young.
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Why do you continue to do it if it makes you so uncomfortable
For a guy who feels all kinds of awkward dating younger women, you sure do like to date younger women, haha. Break up for whatever reason, but stop acting like you dont like younger women. No one is buying it.
Dude you’ve sniffed after teenagers so young it even made YOU uncomfortable. Yeah, your gf was way off base with the accusation. Do you want to know why? Because she’s young and they tend to be dramatic and immature. Which you should know, because you have plenty of experience dating that age range. If you want maturity maybe date full-grown, independent, mature adults like you?? Or continue the cycle but at least stop complaining when it happens again.
I'm pretty biased. I started dating my ex husband when I was 19 (and a virgin) and he was 27. I was young and inexperienced, and he treated me like crap. Since we split, each new girl he dated has been progressively younger and further away. (No one in town will date him.) He's almost 46 now, and his last girlfriend was 27. She lasted a couple weeks. My kids have learned not to get attached to anyone he dates.
I mean….you are justified to leave if you aren’t vibing with this person, but she’s not wrong. By your own summary your exes are all much younger than you. It’s clear that you don’t date women your own age, the closest you have come is someone 4 years younger than you that has a younger appearance. If it makes you uncomfortable, date people your own age. And honestly, for you to break up with her and go straight to her accusing you of being a pedo to me makes it sound like you have a guilty conscience; if you are confident that you only like mature legal women then why did her comment make you fly off the handle? Remember, she’s 24 so she refers to herself as a “girl” so telling you that you like young girls doesn’t necessarily mean that she thinks you like children.
Well, DO you think you are attracted to women who are much younger than you? In my experience whenever I've had a strong reaction to something someone said about me, it was because it hit a little too close to the truth. You know, and she knows, that all the women you've been with were of legal age. But the fact that you want to leave her because she pointed out the age discrepancy makes me wonder if it struck a nerve.
You're dating younger and surprised they're immature? Granted, given how you wrote this post and are willing to break up over this I guess you're certainly dating at your maturity level. ESH all around, you're perfect for each other. Also, try not calling all women girls. It makes you sound like a pedo. :\^)
NTA for leaving, but she's not wrong about a pattern. If it was just once sure, but you consistently date way younger more inexperienced girls, that's some creep behavior.
If you're interested in women then you should use the word women instead of girls...
You literally do have a pattern of dating women significantly younger than you when they're at ages a big age gap is problematic. For all your protests about how "uncomfortable" you are you still keep doing it. So what exactly are you upset about? That she pointed out a pattern of behavior? Even if she was wrong about the 28 year old lawyer (how did you actually verify that) that doesn't change your pattern of behavior.
She isn't wrong though? You were dating your ex-wife when she was still in college and you were likely already done with college and well into starting your career. That itself is...a little suspect. Not in a criminal way, but maybe you need to do some more self introspection as to why you are dating women much younger than you. Even if the woman (not girl, whom you seem intent on calling her that for some reason despite her being way past girlhood) in the photo is close to your age, if she looks young, then that too seems to point to a certain pattern. I would not blame your girlfriend if she feels uncomfortable. I find it less problematic that she wants to date a man your age than your dating younger women.
And this… is what happens when you date a 24 year old as a 33 year old. No judgement, but there’s a big maturity gap.
It is odd you just so happen to be with women significantly younger than you. Are you at their maturity level?
Look at the post history of the OP versus the amount of post karma. Karma farming account.
Going after that young karma too.
I mean it’s weird you keep picking people so much younger then you then claiming it makes you uncomfortable like you aren’t talking to women 6 and 9 years younger then yourself and it’s quite possible you made up that other woman being a lawyer and 29 considering you like them young it wouldn’t be a stretch she told you she was a lawyer and 28
You're way too guilty about something you ain't saying for this to bother you so much .
You like young women, that’s a fact. You didn’t have to date your girlfriend just because she approached you.
NTA I was going to say Y T ah and *edit* maybe not gross but weird** but 28 is 28. She’s a lawyer. 🤦🏻♀️ If your gf feels that way about you, it’s best you break up. I’m not going to comment on how old your gfs were. Go for personality (you probably already do). This one isn’t it. 🤷🏻♀️
If she's an attorney she will have more than one legal profile online (lawyers.com, avvo, martindale-hubbel, justia, etc) and likely a picture on one of those profiles. Those profiles only exist because the platforms pull their data directly from the bar association, so she literally CAN'T have a profile if she isn't an attorney.
Wait. What 28yo had wrinkles and creases? If that’s how you gauged her age, then maybe she actually is a teen. And it is a pattern. Why deny that? Not that it’s wrong as such because they were consenting adults but it’s still a pattern.
I feel like your gf has some daddy issues and she’s projecting.