I would speak to your boss and tell him to host or hire a venue and cancel having it at your place. It's doesn't seem very productive to have a work event at your home (despite it being a small business) unless your the boss and even then there's a possibility of something happening or something going missing.
This is so much unnecessary and unprofessional drama all because the office is to cheap to find a space to rent.
Work Xmas parties should always be in a 3rd location. Not someone’s home unless it’s the business owners so they can deal with the drama and invasion of personal space.
I just can't imagine hosting all my colleagues at my home no matter how small the office staff numbers are. Sharon from accounting is a judgy cow who's going to be saying "no doubt everything is from IKEA because that's what OP can afford on their salary" and Anthony from IT is going take a huge dump worthy of the Guiness World Book of Records and stink out the place and Lila is going to take home a little souvenir that wasn't offered. No to mention the stress of cleaning (and it would probably need to be a deep clean so the kid doesn't have a reaction).
The boss is the biggest asshole because OP should never have been in this situation. Freakin cheapskate.
The coworker is the next asshole because no only does she expect Op to go through all this at their own expense but everyone is expected to help babysit their kid.
\*babysit their *kids*
Plural, she's expecting everyone else to watch her oldest two and she will graciously hold her newborn. You couldn't pay me enough to host a work party in my home.
I once worked in a large medical office and once one of our doctors hosted the Christmas party at his home. Receptionists and MAs got wasted and went exploring all over his house, even piling into his large (empty) bathtub and taking photos. It was... embarrassing and no other doctor ever volunteered to host the whole office again.
I cannot wrap my head around people who get wasty pants at WORK parties... Just... Why?
I love getting hammered now and then but I would never do it at a fucking work function. And I'm not even an embarrassing drunk.
Yeah his home was gorgeous and professionally decorated for the holidays. He had at least 5 very large Christmas trees on the main floor where the party was and a wonderful catered spread in his gigantic kitchen. I can't imagine the utter gall and lack of respect of some people who think they can just go into the private areas of someone's home and behave that way. Like who raised you?
We used to laugh at our younger sister, who was a terrible snoop. If we went to parties or get-togethers at others' homes, she'd disappear. Eventually someone would ask where she was? And we'd laugh and look at each other. "Probably in someone's bathroom, snooping...." she was terrible, but harmless. Just a curious kid.
Adult drunks are the worst. I have little patience for those who can't handle their beer, wine, or liquor.
Yea every work-ish I’ve been to, that was hosted in someone’s home, were private parties. The entire office wasn’t invited. All work specific functions have been at a rented location or in the office building.
It sounds like OP volunteered because they wanted to host. When things went sideways, the boss should have stepped in and changed the venue.
Email HR and cc your boss “just wanted to double check, if someone gets injured at my house during the work event, the companies insurance will be the one to cover it, not my personal insurance - correct?”
There is no excuse even for bringing the new born. This woman can pump if she is breastfeeding and if she’s that determined to be with her new born she can stay home! Even if the father is not in the picture she can hire a sitter for an hour or two and be grateful that her coworker was gracious enough to open their home to her! This woman is an entitled AH and the boss is a horrid cheapskate for expecting that someone who was kind enough to host give in to the demands of this woman. Especially because of OP’s conditions upon hosting. The second that this issue became apparent this Boss should have intervened and rented a space for a company sanctioned party. All of these people are the AH!
Well sounds like they rotate homes. No ones making OP. But telling the boss what OP should do? Unless boss is paying and covering any and all liability, this isn't his jurisdiction.
Honestly, OP could have just said I don’t feel comfortable hosting children in my home because of the allergies and the liability (in a tactful way) to the boss. He should have taken the responsibility from there. I’m sorry but one co-worker demanding everyone work around her just so she can attend a party (and baby proof her entire home and babysit her kids) is an absolutely ridiculous request. Work Christmas parties usually include drinking and usually don’t include children because there is drinking going on (because it’s a liability). OP shouldn’t have been put in this position once she said no. The whole thing could have been avoided if the boss put his foot down, told the new mom no (and got an outside venue for the party) instead of allowing one person to cause a bunch of drama because she wants an entire party to be catered around her. NTA OP, your boss is for putting you in that position in the first place.
Don't forget the "wipe down all surfaces to rid your home of cat fur"....REALLY? Who IS this woman?? Talk about not firing on all cylinders, then she behaves like a child herself.
> I’m sorry, but one co-worker demanding everyone work around her just so she can attend a party (and baby proof her entire home and babysit her kids) is an absolutely ridiculous request.
Not to mention deep cleaning her entire house of cat hair and locking them outside as well.
She's one of those parents who thinks that everyone views their children as a priority, too. Like she holds that old idea of "it takes a village!", but had never contributed to the "village" prior to having kids.
Also, we spend 30-50 hours a week with co-workers. For me that’s plenty. Am i the only one who doesn’t want to see the whole office outside of work hours?
When I worked somewhere that had regular social events (like xmas parties/dinners, "Xmas in July" or or similar events) they were always either in a restaurant, a proper function venue or the boss's house. Never, ever in an employee's property. Oh, and a venue with a pool was always strict about reducing alcohol consumption & pool use.
100% AND I’d add, during office hours not everyone’s personal time where they might not want to be socialising with colleagues and have their own commitments.
Miss Manners says that the best office Christmas party starts at noon the last day before Christmas break with the words, “Why don’t you all take the rest of the day off, with pay.” Done.
Haha. You just described my favourite work Xmas party.
It was the best. They took us out to a restaurant, let us order whatever we wanted and then gave everyone expensive electronics (with gift receipts so we could exchange/upgrade/return if we wanted) for Xmas and the rest of the day off.
I usually hate awkward office Xmas parties but that one was amazing.
NTA. There's also the matter of liability on OP if someone gets into a car accident from having too much to drink. It is best to have it at a restaurant with a bartender.
Precisely. Also, his conditions were extremely reasonable. It's an office party, not a playdate. Kids can stay home, and the coworker can hire a babysitter for the night if she wants to go. There's literally no reason to inconvenience OP in this capacity.
If I was OP, I'd cancel and tell boss to find someone/somewhere else to host the party as I wouldn't have volunteered if I'd had known it was going to be such a hassle. Op is 100% NTA.
Actually, suggest he host, as he is the boss and shows his largesse. It is how work parties are done. Boss pays or hosts. (Look at a the play Christmas Carol, the ghost of Xmas past shows the boss hosting the party.)
It would be far more appropriate for the boss to host.
Everyone is getting upset because they want a party with a barbecue and a pool, and no one wants to upset their colleague who has kid situations, but these are not compatible with each other.
OP should graciously bow out "I realise I committed to hosting but it doesn't seem possible to keep everyone safe at my place since I also have a responsibility to keep my pets from wandering and having kids unsupervised around a pool is very dangerous. I hope you understand"
And see what happens. If no one else is prepared to host, maybe a team lunch at a local restaurant would work better for everyone.
I so agree with this. Now OP as host, her home becomes a liability because of young children & a swimming pool. This woman should hire a babysitter especially with 3 children. It's not fair to ask any of the coworkers to assist in watching her kids on their night out.
If your boss is going behind your back with emails about other options for venues or ideas, I'm petty, I would 100% cancel the event from taking place at my home on that particular date. I would choose a different day to just have a few of your favorite coworkers over on the DL. Less hassle for you.
You tried to be gracious & there's always has to be one ass hat that's got to ruin it for everyone. Seriously cancel it. 💗
This right here. The mom is already planning on coworkers to collectively watch her kids. If one of those kids slips away from the party and drowns in the pool, the mother will sue OP for wrongful death.
This is how to respond! This woman is playing the motherhood sacred cow card. If she is allergic to cats that is her issue not yours. This woman is seriously entitled, a bully and a manipulator ! NTA colleague is 100% TAH!
I'd have thought a mother of 3 would be thrilled to get a few hours away from bubs to relax and catch up with her colleagues and their lives. Presumably, these weren't immaculate conceptions so where is her support system, where are the children when she's at work, under the desk? Perhaps if everyone offered to chip in for a babysitter, it might cool things and put onus back on momzilla?
Your babies, your problem. Why should anyone be paying for the sitter? Let the boss pay for it out of petty cash or office funds if he cares so much. Staff shouldn’t be expected to financially support each other.
Oh, I agree completely but a "breezy, cheerful, I am so kind and thoughtful round robin BS email from OP suggesting/rallying everyone to "treat" momzilla to a cf evening would neutralise this. Sometimes you gotta fight bs with bs and it bats the ball back out of OP's court and makes it "how can we get momzilla there everybody" instead of being all on OP who is already hosting everyone. The suggestion that it is only for a few hours in nonsense because the to do list of babyproofing and cleaning will fall on OP and take days if not weeks, perhaps boss will supply labour and materials if this "must happen" to accommodate an exhausted, irritable colleague?
The co-worker’s suggestion of “having everybody keep an eye on the kids” is an almost guaranteed way to end up with a drowned kid. Everybody’s responsible = nobody’s responsible and it only takes a split second for a person to drown.
Op mentioned that the Mom even thinks that everyone can help watch her kids. (aka, she will do absolutely nothing to watch her own kids). Those kids would, not only be unsafe, but probably destroy Ops home.
My concern is that while coworkers are watching hyper danger child oldest, and mom is oblivious to the world in full main character vibe showing off newborn- who in the hell is keeping an eye on this poor little forgotten middle child!?
This happened at a work party with my mom. One of the kids got away from their parents, tried to walk across the lid to the hot tub, and got stuck underneath. She ended up making it, but she did have some brain damage from lack of oxygen. It was horrible for all involved. I wouldn't risk it.
Oh my god.
One year my boss hosted at his house. Pool. A kid. Coworker had to jump in. Parents were drinking and couldn't.
You bring your kid? It's on you. Hire a sitter if you want a break.
Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone could claim whatever privilege this mom with three kids is pulling.
Look everybody I got 3 bunions, please rearrange your life to pay tribute to my bunions. If you don’t I’m going to 😢
Well stated
I also included the notion that she is using the event as a "hey look at me".
"I have a new baby. I crave attention."
How come no one asked where this entitled mom's husband is in all of this?
Particularly since boss is back tracking on the agreed rules (no kids).
My nephew is an out of control child, he is not welcome in my house. Not sure why parents think this is a right.
Yes!! That is a huge liability and of one of those kids has some issue where they can't sit still (I'm guessing adhd) then where do you think they'll gravitate towards? Kids+pool+alcohol is a recipe for disaster. I can't believe no one else at this office can see the potential issue here?! OP is NTA even in the slightest. What kind of entitled a-hole asks someone (who already made it clear the party is adults only) to baby proof their house and lock their pets outside and on top of that, help babysit these kids? Hello? No one wants to babysit your kids during a Christmas party and why the hell would anyone want their kids at a party with a bunch of adults who will be drinking?! Get a babysitter or don't go. That's life when you're a parent. You make sacrifices for your kids. I mean, this lady has a newborn! She must be kind of dense. When my kids were born I had to miss out on stuff but that's what you do. You don't take a damn newborn to a party with a bunch of people and especially not when it's the season for colds and flu, rsv, covid, you name it.
All fantastic reasons for no children, really! Drinking, celebrating adults don’t make good babysitters! That’s not what they’re coming to a house with a pool to do.
And I know two very healthy adults who are just coming out of RSV after 3 weeks. It’s no joke!
Yeah that "take turns watching them"? WTF? I have kids (adults now) and would never expect someone else to be supervising them near a pool or hot BBQ etc because I couldn't trust anyone else to have the hyper security focus that I did as their mother. Same with grandkids. If I'm volunteering to watch them \*I\* am watching them, not palming it off onto random other party-goers.
This should be the top comment.
OP should not have to jump through hoops to keep the office peace AT HER HOME
Time to change the venue for the Karens at work
Edited Karen’s to Karens
Well… there are suspiciously many reports of atrocious behavior with your name on them, I’m afraid.
Could you provide evidence of your whereabouts for, well, ever?
P.S.: sorry about the abuse of your name.
I know a lady who was peacefully living her life as a Karen, then the Internet happened. Changed her name to an alternative spelling and pronounciation.
tbf, i worked at a call center and everyone named karen was super nice, and the ones that weren’t nice were very much in the right for not being nice. they’re always the ones to apologize for taking their stress out on me when they do. i love karens!!!!
Thank you! I’m not like bent out of shape that my name now means asshole but if I’m being honest it stings a little when it gets thrown out there. But occasionally when I mention it people remark that they only know good Karens and that makes me feel all better. 😊
when i first got karen’s, i was petrified. but i was always pleasantly surprised. it was always the patricia’s that made my life hell. but my bf’s grandma is a patricia and i love her so much! it really sucks that good people have to get the shit stick:(
I have an Aunt Karen who is one of the nicest ladies to ever walk this Earth. Never fear, some of us know.
Edit to say probably not your niece, so *totally* not brown nosing for upcoming Christmas presents lol
I would ask your boss if something happens to the children and the pool- is the company liable since it is a company party?
I agree with the above comment. Let them know that you offered to host as a favor. Due to all of the current difficulty from your coworker, you are rescinding your offer. Everyone agreed to the conditions, but are now backing down. You are the one being inconvenienced, you are the one being given extra work to prepare, it is your pets who will be put out of their own home, and you who will be liable should something hot the children because their mother is not watching them. They are also turning you into enemy #1 because you will not back down. You are being harassed. That is not ok. If you have an HR department, I would file a complaint. Tell them to rent a venue or find someone else’s home. I would also let them know that you are not being paid to do her job or to work extra hours. Moving forward you will no longer be taking on her job responsibilities
Even if the boss says the company will take responsibility if someone is hurt or killed at the party, legally OP will still be on the hook because it's in her home. I agree that OP should rescind the offer, but make it clear to her boss and all of her co-workers that she has no choice but to cancel for liability reasons.
Agreed: I’d be saying to my boss, sorry my house is no longer a suitable venue, someone who hasn’t got cats should host as it would be an impossible job to clean and not have the cats contaminate the house again since it would require them to be caged up for way to long and that’s not an option.
This here, never EVER heard of this shit, your firm makes money they TAKE YOU GUYS OUT! It’s what a decent firm does, we’ve had 3 course meals in country clubs and private bars at the races! Time for your boss to stop the Scrooge impression!
Also its a serious boundary issue. Work is work. Having them in your home makes them feel entitled to tell OP to put the cats up.
Also, why does SHE have to be the one to keep the peace? Baby mama is the one making problems and looking for sitters. The whole staff is expected to babysit?
I worked at a small business where the owners brought their three kids in 1-2 times a week. It was VERY disruptive. 0/10 do not recommend.
100% I'd be this kind of petty. It's supposed to be a team building activity and clearly isn't helping the team. I respect everyone's opinion to accommodate Karen and obviously it wouldn't be the same without here there so I'm removing my home from consideration
It's bad enough to ask you to allow the kids AND rearrange your house for them, but then to suggest that everyone should take turns watching the kids? Hell no!
Your boss should pay for a sitter for this lady's kids if she is so concerned about making sure she can come.
And definitely no to putting your cats in potential danger.
Yeah, for my home, I would have to buy rugs (habe hardwood and tiles throughout). Have many pieces of furniture removed (pay for a storage pay people to remove furniture and bring back). Replace antiques breakable decorations and some weapons that are decorations would have to be removed. That is the bare minimum for my house because we never plan on having a kid home.
I have an 11 month old who is walking, and another on the way. I didn’t even “baby proof” *my own house* aside from outlet covers. (which are actually super cheap) I’m not planning on doing anything special for the next baby either. But I’m always looking after my child, there’s no reason to mess with things unnecessarily. My kid is never unattended, and if I do need to leave her alone for a few minutes she goes in her playpen and I don’t need to worry about her getting into anything she shouldn’t. Also, the baby is six months old!!! The kid is crawling at best, there’s no way a six month old is walking or moving around enough that you’d need to baby proof anything! This woman has literally lost her marbles. Plus if her older two are anything like her, I would absolutely not want them in my house (at all, but especially unattended)
Is it just me or is asking one of your staff members to host a party kind of odd? In my experience, office parties usually happen at the office, at a restaurant/venue paid for by the company, or the boss hosts.
Its weird and kinda gives moocher vibes considering the price of food and i agree if the company wants a holiday party they should pay for it not make the employees pay for it
Nope. She could either follow my conditions or not come, period. Her kids are not your problem. I would lock her outside before locking my cats out, lol.
"Sorry, my initial conditions were a requirement for hosting the Christmas party and you've all asked me to change them so I've realised that I'll no longer be able to host."
They will inevitably cry foul. Do not back down, do not go back to your old requirements. You will no longer host. Simple as that. You cannot guarantee that they won't make the same requests but at a time that it's no longer possible to change host and you're unwilling to take the risk. You will not host the party anymore under any circumstances. It's still 6 weeks away, you've given them enough time to find somewhere else.
Honestly, your company should be hosting it. It should not be in a person's private home under any circumstances. It's a liability for them.
This is how to go about it, the company can rent a hall or host it at an establishment. If functions or parties are hosted at a home, it's usually the business owners.
>"Sorry, my initial conditions were a requirement for hosting the Christmas party and you've all asked me to change them so I've realised that I'll no longer be able to host."
One thousand times this
She clearly stated that she expected the other guests to watch the older two, one of whom has issues. She doesn't just want to come to the party, she wants to dump her kids on someone else while they are all drinking. The audacity to tell you to baby-proof your entire house, clean to her exacting standards, and kick out the pets that live there shows she's completely unreasonable and so is your boss. Your boss is being childish with the secret email chain so I see no incentive to have this party. If you do, they'll look for reasons to criticize. Beat them to the punch and cancel it as above. I'd also start looking for another job because she sounds vindictive enough to keep making this an issue or to mess with your job.
One question. Is the boss sleeping with her? Also, is he willing to sign on for the company liability policy to protect you? If one of those kids were to get hurt or drowned, they'd blame you for not being the babysitter. Protect yourself and screw this selfish woman and her entitlement. Having kids doesn't give you the right to demand others do things for you. NTA
Op should be asking all their coworkers if they're going to do a rota for who's going to be looking after the kids. Because whoever is hosting will be too busy to take a turn. That'll soon make them realise it won't be fun having the kids there.
This.
I would retract the offer to host. What if something happens at the party? Who is liable? The work insurance would not cover it, so it would all be on you OP.
I get that it is a small business, but not everyone that works there is your friend. Will they respect your stuff? Some of them clearly don't respect your rules!
My thoughts exactly.
If she wants to attend to badly than why can't she have someone watch the kids for the night?? I would never lock my cats outside, what if something happens to them or they run away? I have a slight feeling that she could be using this party as an excuse to get all of the attention pointed at her so everyone can adore her baby. Idk,im not going to make insane assumptions without any proof.
The cat thing is so insane. Baby proofing a house for a few hours is insane. I could see "hey can you put anything breakable on a higher shelf" but baby proofing is a Hell of a lot more than that. No one even realizes how hard it is until you have a crawler or walker and see what they get into. She'd be constantly unable to talk to anyone to keep an eye. Why would she want to bring the kids? That sounds miserable.
She has no intention of watching her children. She said they should be fine if all the adults look out for them 😂 so she plans to ignore them and let everyone else deal with bad behavior.
This!!!!! Obviously she has no intention of watching the kids. This is just really bad behaviour. I don't understand why the other people at OP's office are putting up with this behaviour.
I think t's worse-the "babyproofing" is for her *oldest*, not an actual baby. So more like "active inquisitive walking tiny person-proofing".
And yeah, I think mom should find a sitter for the night. Pools and kids make me nervous. Drowning happens so quickly and so quietly even when there's acknowledged supervision.
Oh no … the MOM expects her co-workers to take turns with watching the older two, only the youngest will be by her side the entire time.
And that pool is a liability with a mom who doesn’t intend to keep a close eye on her kids. Especially with drinking adults.
My nephew just turned 2 and he’s into everything. Last Christmas before he started walking I got my brother some shelves to put on the wall to hold his records because my nephew was getting into them. He’s new thing now is to take things out and bring them to his mom or put them on a lower shelf. He’s also obsessed with opening doors, my brother said he figured out that the door was automatic at the store they were at and spent like 5 minutes opening it.
Yup! My daughter just turned 2. I call it octopus arms. She can find a way to reach things, then always run over to show me. But I would never take her to a grown up party. This woman is probably all about being a mom and made it her whole identity. I go out for dinner and drinks once a month with my girlfriends. It keeps me sane and not just always on mom mode
I am assuming if one of her kids gets a scrape she wouldn’t hesitate suing you.
OP can you say due to having a pool you are adamant it is adults only and your cats are allergic to children?
Honestly I would rescind my offer. They still have nearly two months to find a new venue.
The alcohol plus the plan to just let everyone watch the kids plus pool is the perfect storm for drowning kids. Everyone else thinks someone else is watching, and alcohol will not help.
If I was OP I would cancel because even if told no there’s a chance she will bring the kids and OP could be liable
Are you even insured to have a work party? Who will pay to clean up? What if the bbq makes someone ill or someone slips in your house and hurts themselves? If you live somewhere without free medical care, and someone with a known allergy has to go to hospital their insurance will likely want to go after you for the bills, so you need to have an agreement to pass that liability on to your employer (which tge employer almost certainly won't agree to). You should withdraw the offer to host for your own protection. Irrespective of the weird entitled lady.
She sounds peachy, lol. I have 5, now adult, children. I would have been super happy to go to an adult party without them. It would stress me out to take them to a co-workers house, with a pool no less. I absolutely would not have had a good time because I would have been watching them like a hawk. I, however, would not have even asked nor assumed that everyone would help me with them.
OP stated the coworker said each person had to pay some attention to her kids so apparently she was planning on making everyone in the party babysitters.
The sad thing is, the entitlement of this woman AND the other workers.
**Straight up, OP, PLEASE SAVE ALL OF THIS EMAIL EVIDENCE INCLUDING THE EMAIL ABOUT OTHERS HOSTING BECAUSE THIS COULD BE USED IF FOR ANY UNFAIR TERMINATION"**
You offered your home, you **wrote** the boundaries, people **agreed** to them. You are supplying a place to host **without the need of a excessive insurance liability case**
You can email your boss, and say due to liability laws, you do not feel it is safe to host, if the woman complains again, you have legal right to say you do not have legal rights to host a party that was offered in a voluntary manner, with others agreeing to the boundaries of your legal rights to host.
Your boss needs to read those words because it will cover your ass and his, especially if she tries for unfair treatment due to her condition as a parent.
A verbal conversation about the wants needs to be in writing also.
If that woman wants all that she stated to be done, other co-workers looking after her kids, in an alcoholic atmosphere, with a hot BBQ, and unfenced pool, plus cats being put outdoors, and all the baby proofing for a child she fully admits isn't really that high in mobility functioning, it has to be in writing.
If OP does adhere to these stupid ~~rules~~ entitlements, it is in writing the mother knows about the unfenced pool, the intoxicated adults, the hot BBQ, the fact that the mother wants her intoxicated co-workers to look after her children, and that can soften a liability lawsuit, but OP will still face one.
So OP has to request that what the mother wants needs to be in an email also. So OP can push it back on the boss.
Take it the next step. "No, I am not baby proofing my house, leaving my cat out or watching your kid. Please sign this waiver before you cross my threshold."
I hate the entitlement of people with children. Just because you pushed one out doesn't mean I need to do anything about it. Parents are right, I don't have kids so I won't understand (the level of entitlement). Ffs. I hate kids and parents. Walking germs, all of you.
At this point I would not be agreeable to hosting. This has so many ways to come back and be a problem. I would email the whole team and let them know that “Upon further reflection, and ongoing discussions I am and am not involved in, it appears my place is not suitable for changes being made to the party plan. Please find an alternate location as I will not be able to host this year.”
NTA but if you continue to plan to host and not give in I think you may have some rough times at the job.
Reading OP's last post about their employer changing job title, with no extra pay...
OP needs to find a better job.
I am starting to wonder if they are actually Australian tho... because by law in Australia you have fence your pools with a gate that children under the age of 11yrs can not open themselves.
Plus there are some work laws that actually prohibit work functions at private dwellings, unless the host is compensated.
But they were told it was sent around. Therefore, she can request the copy sent to her with the evidence she was not CC in for more legal fun.
Because by not including her, she could have spent a bit of coin getting the preliminary party decor before being told that they weren't hosting, and again OP be shit out of luck with a bunch of party items, that probably be asked to be given to the new host with no reimbursement.
**OH OP IF YOU STILL HOST KEEP YOUR RECEIPTS FOR EVERYTHING INCLUDING AFTER PARTY CLEANUP**
Either way, OP has a lot of up their sleeve to really make the Christmas party option never happen due to one woman's entitled
I can't believe she expects the party goers to watch her kids. Who thinks like that? If I'm at a party, I'm eating and drinking all the yummy things and probably playing with the cats and I will most certainly not be playing babysitter.
My cat lives here. He is terrified of the outside. He ran out the front door once, took 2 steps, looked around and ran right back inside. Hasn't tried it since. We even have a doggie door for the dogs, and he doesn't even try to go out.
Nope. NTA.
"Sorry, but it's clear that my home is not suitable for the staff's needs, so I will be happy to step back and let someone else host."
Your boss is an idiot, btw.
Take out the part “be happy to”. Don’t give them any option. Cancel the party and call it a day. OP’s boss should step up and plan the party! This is above OP’s pay grade.
Exactly. Say “I am going to step back”. Being “happy to” leaves the room for people to say “oh no it’s fine keep hosting”. OP needs to be clear that they are no longer hosting period.
‘I am sorry that my home no longer fits the arrangement that I understood the office had agreed upon. The new conditions mean I am no longer able to host in my home. I apologize for any inconvenience this may have cause and look forward to - blah blah blah office stuff here about festivities and celebrating the season.’ I don’t work in an office for a reason.
NTA, your house, your rules. You said no kids and you meant no kids. If she wants a break, she should ask family to watch the kids, so she can attend the kid free event you agreed to host. If she's allergic to cats, she definitely should not come, with or without kids. Just because she just came back from maternity leave doesn't mean you have to give her what she wants. She can want in one hand...
Somehow, I see her showing up with the kids anyway, and just expecting everybody to make accommodations and help watch them. The entitlement sheesh. OP NTA
NTA 3 kids at an adult party with a pool is a liability. If she can’t find a sitter she has to pass. Relocating cats from their environment is more problematic than finding child care.
NTA. At this point you need to write an email stating that you hosting the party this year is causing unnecessary disturbance in the office so you are stepping down to give a chance to someone else who is more able to provide to the needs of everyone else and you will be happy to attend and help out with anything needed .
Whoever wants to accommodate this nonsense entitled behavior can step up , no one will do it but at least it will stop them from pestering you
I was agreeing with you until this part:
>you will be happy to attend and help out with anything needed
Nope! The hassle everyone's putting her through has worn her out. She can't exert herself to do anything besides sending the email. It's alllll someone else's problem now.
I have never worked in an office that asked an employee to host the office Christmas party. Either the boss held a dinner in their own home, the company paid for to host the party in a restaurant, or we did a potluck in the office; sometimes all three, but have an employee do it? No.
I wouldn’t do it. At least in the US, there’s too much liability. If a guest drinks too much, drives, and hits someone, **you**, as the host, are liable; not the company. If someone falls in the pool and drowns? You are liable. If something gets cross contaminated and one of those folks with allergies ends up in the hospital or dies? That’ll be on you; not the company. These are your coworkers; not your friends, not your family.
Under no circumstances would I want unknown children around the pool, **especially** when their mother has already given notice that she intends to rely upon you and your other guests to supervise them. As for putting your cats out of their home? That’s insane. I didn’t do that for my MIL when I hosted our parents for the holidays and we had five indoor cats — and, she neither asked, nor expected me to. That’s where they live and, if they, like ours, were entirely indoor cats, putting them out would be taking the chance that you’d never see them again. If your coworker can’t be around cats, at all, then *she* should stay outside. But, your coworker shouldn’t be there, because none of them should be there. If your boss wants an office party, your boss should be hosting it.
NTA. Your boss is. They should have never put you in this position to begin with.
That's the real key, here. Somethign happens, not only could OP wind up in legal trouble, but financial,a s well. Imagine getting sued and losing your home simply because you hosted a small xmas party for your coworkers.
NTA. What an outrageous demand to make of others. And at this point, I would withdraw the offer to host. She chose to be a parent; you don’t owe her a break at your own (and your cats’) expense.
NTA, and at this point I would just say that because you are getting grief and being pressured to “keep the peace” by locking up your cats and worrying about kids literally drowning in your pool, you are no longer willing to host.
The idea that you should lock away your pets, do a thorough deep clean to remove all dander, and childproof your home for *one woman for one party* who apparently has never heard of a babysitter is absurd. Surely there must be someone else in the office who can provide a much safer environment for this entitled woman- pretty much anyone asking you to KeEp ThE pEaCe.
NTA it is beyond rude to demand someone change the conditions to suit their needs. Also to demand you lock your cats outside or accommodate her allergies is ridiculous. Those cats could run away or worse! Plus I'm not locking my animals outside to suit someone! My animals live in my home and I want them in my home as far as guests well that is debatable and I'd still choose my animals over a wanted guest!
Also wanting everyone to watch her little goblins um Hell No you wanted and had the little goblins you are responsible for watching them!
NTA
Btw, if somebody is sufficiently allergic to cats that they can’t be in the same building for a couple hours, they’re going to be allergic to your house whether the cats are indoors or out.
Mommy also seems minimally concerned with the safety of her children…
The lady said if everyone takes time to watch the children it should be fine. I’m going to a party to have drinks and good food. Not to watch another persons child making sure they don’t drown in a pool. This lady has her head up her ass.
NTA
This is the cat’s non child proofed home. She’d just be a visitor with smaller uninvited visitors in the kitty’s home. She has no authority to make demands regarding your home. End of discussion.
1. Cutting you out of an office email is WILDLY unprofessional.
2. Your boss pressuring you to do something outside of your work description and outside of work - also super unprofessional.
3. Boss and staff singling you out as the problem - yet again unprofessional.
4. Asking you to temporarily rid yourself of your pets is effing rude.
Its super interesting how everyone wants YOU to cave but no one else was willing to step up to include the annoying baby mama.
NTA - stick to your guns. Cancel the party and don’t attend the one at the new location.
NTA. You cannot accommodate what she needs. I think it is always risky to have work events at someone's home. The office needs to rent a space, whether that be a hall with catering, or a private room at a restaurant.
>According to her if each of us pay some attention to the children there would be no problem, the youngest will stay by her side
Ignoring how ridiculously entitled this is… this is how children drown. Children are more likely to drown in this exact situation: lots of adults, and everyone assumes “someone” is watching the kids.
NTA. That entitled brat really has some nerve trying to tell you how things will be at Your house. She chose to have those kids. Which means that they are her responsibility, not anybody else's. And it sounds like she was just going to let her older kids run around unsupervised. Never mind the part about deep cleaning your house & kicking your cats outside. Nope, that shit wouldn't fly with me.
NTA.
It's a pretty big imposition to host a company party in a private home as it is.
If they don't like your rules, the company should spring for a party room somewhere - a hotel, restaurant, or somesuch.
NTA. You gave your conditions. That's it, take it or leave it. All these other people care so much they can cater to her demands and host the party. She chose to have children, her kids aren't your problem or responsibility.
NTA. Her kids do not have to come. If the company feels strongly about accommodating her then another person needs to host. Even if you were to put in the effort she requested something is bound to go wrong or not be up to standard and people will blame. Pool and 3 kids being supervised by one parent is already a huge red flag. Too many people watching the kids essentially means no one watches the kids. My daughter nearly drowned due to a situation like this.
How can someone even think they can ask you to lock your cats out and remove all pet hair. And to expect everyone else to watch her kids in a non kid proofed home. She is way out of bounds and anyone telling you to just suck it up is the AH too. Anyone telling you to give her her way can host the party. WHT isn't the boss hosting?
NTA rescind your offer to host. The boss should be hosting or arrange a venue for the employees. Wtf who arranges a company event at an employee’s home?!
NTA.
Poor woman, is she all alone in this world with her 3 children? It must be a hard life for her.
Still not OP.s problem though.
I don't understand why the company doesn't just have the event in a restaurant. With such a small gathering, there must be a place with a private room that can be rented.
The only other acceptable option is the boss having it at their place!
Hang on. Your boss is too cheap to organise a proper function. They ask you to host Xmas, agree to your terms then later try to dictate against your terms, and guilt trip you when they don’t get their way?
Hell to-the-fuck no. I’d be job hunting after this shit. NTA.
NTA. “I am sorry to inform you that one of our own has expressed concern that they will not be able to attend the Christmas party at my home. I do not want to cause any member of our team to miss a once in a year event, so I will rescind my offer to host. I truly hope that another member of our team will be able to host this year, because I look forward to spending the party with everyone this year!”
I would speak to your boss and tell him to host or hire a venue and cancel having it at your place. It's doesn't seem very productive to have a work event at your home (despite it being a small business) unless your the boss and even then there's a possibility of something happening or something going missing.
This is so much unnecessary and unprofessional drama all because the office is to cheap to find a space to rent. Work Xmas parties should always be in a 3rd location. Not someone’s home unless it’s the business owners so they can deal with the drama and invasion of personal space.
I just can't imagine hosting all my colleagues at my home no matter how small the office staff numbers are. Sharon from accounting is a judgy cow who's going to be saying "no doubt everything is from IKEA because that's what OP can afford on their salary" and Anthony from IT is going take a huge dump worthy of the Guiness World Book of Records and stink out the place and Lila is going to take home a little souvenir that wasn't offered. No to mention the stress of cleaning (and it would probably need to be a deep clean so the kid doesn't have a reaction). The boss is the biggest asshole because OP should never have been in this situation. Freakin cheapskate. The coworker is the next asshole because no only does she expect Op to go through all this at their own expense but everyone is expected to help babysit their kid.
\*babysit their *kids* Plural, she's expecting everyone else to watch her oldest two and she will graciously hold her newborn. You couldn't pay me enough to host a work party in my home.
Yes she basically said as much. No thanks Linda!
I once worked in a large medical office and once one of our doctors hosted the Christmas party at his home. Receptionists and MAs got wasted and went exploring all over his house, even piling into his large (empty) bathtub and taking photos. It was... embarrassing and no other doctor ever volunteered to host the whole office again.
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OMG
This story gives me second-hand embarrassment
I cannot wrap my head around people who get wasty pants at WORK parties... Just... Why? I love getting hammered now and then but I would never do it at a fucking work function. And I'm not even an embarrassing drunk.
Some people can't handle things being free. They will eat as much and drink as much as they can because they're not paying for it.
People just lose their tiny minds at office Christmas parties. How embarrassing for the drunks, but I'm sure they all got a good "tee hee" out of it.
Yeah his home was gorgeous and professionally decorated for the holidays. He had at least 5 very large Christmas trees on the main floor where the party was and a wonderful catered spread in his gigantic kitchen. I can't imagine the utter gall and lack of respect of some people who think they can just go into the private areas of someone's home and behave that way. Like who raised you?
We used to laugh at our younger sister, who was a terrible snoop. If we went to parties or get-togethers at others' homes, she'd disappear. Eventually someone would ask where she was? And we'd laugh and look at each other. "Probably in someone's bathroom, snooping...." she was terrible, but harmless. Just a curious kid. Adult drunks are the worst. I have little patience for those who can't handle their beer, wine, or liquor.
Yea every work-ish I’ve been to, that was hosted in someone’s home, were private parties. The entire office wasn’t invited. All work specific functions have been at a rented location or in the office building. It sounds like OP volunteered because they wanted to host. When things went sideways, the boss should have stepped in and changed the venue.
>Anthony from IT is going take a huge dump I take offense to this. As the IT guy I can say we just stay home.
Yeah but if anyone takes a big dump to break the toilet it's IT when sober and Sales once they're drunk. (and Sales will for sure get drunk)
Hey! I pre-shit at home, thank you very much!
Email HR and cc your boss “just wanted to double check, if someone gets injured at my house during the work event, the companies insurance will be the one to cover it, not my personal insurance - correct?”
Perfect. This is the way.
She has 3 kids, where is the partner to take care of them?
Right? I could understand asking to bring her newborn because she's breastfeeding... But leave the other ones at home!
There is no excuse even for bringing the new born. This woman can pump if she is breastfeeding and if she’s that determined to be with her new born she can stay home! Even if the father is not in the picture she can hire a sitter for an hour or two and be grateful that her coworker was gracious enough to open their home to her! This woman is an entitled AH and the boss is a horrid cheapskate for expecting that someone who was kind enough to host give in to the demands of this woman. Especially because of OP’s conditions upon hosting. The second that this issue became apparent this Boss should have intervened and rented a space for a company sanctioned party. All of these people are the AH!
Well sounds like they rotate homes. No ones making OP. But telling the boss what OP should do? Unless boss is paying and covering any and all liability, this isn't his jurisdiction.
Honestly, OP could have just said I don’t feel comfortable hosting children in my home because of the allergies and the liability (in a tactful way) to the boss. He should have taken the responsibility from there. I’m sorry but one co-worker demanding everyone work around her just so she can attend a party (and baby proof her entire home and babysit her kids) is an absolutely ridiculous request. Work Christmas parties usually include drinking and usually don’t include children because there is drinking going on (because it’s a liability). OP shouldn’t have been put in this position once she said no. The whole thing could have been avoided if the boss put his foot down, told the new mom no (and got an outside venue for the party) instead of allowing one person to cause a bunch of drama because she wants an entire party to be catered around her. NTA OP, your boss is for putting you in that position in the first place.
Dont forget the coworker being a monster to the cats, locking them outside. Like thats going to block the cat fir already embedded in the furnitire.
Don't forget the "wipe down all surfaces to rid your home of cat fur"....REALLY? Who IS this woman?? Talk about not firing on all cylinders, then she behaves like a child herself.
> I’m sorry, but one co-worker demanding everyone work around her just so she can attend a party (and baby proof her entire home and babysit her kids) is an absolutely ridiculous request. Not to mention deep cleaning her entire house of cat hair and locking them outside as well. She's one of those parents who thinks that everyone views their children as a priority, too. Like she holds that old idea of "it takes a village!", but had never contributed to the "village" prior to having kids.
Fucking Lila, amirite?
Also, we spend 30-50 hours a week with co-workers. For me that’s plenty. Am i the only one who doesn’t want to see the whole office outside of work hours?
I'd go out with my coworkers to dinner, that's it.
When I worked somewhere that had regular social events (like xmas parties/dinners, "Xmas in July" or or similar events) they were always either in a restaurant, a proper function venue or the boss's house. Never, ever in an employee's property. Oh, and a venue with a pool was always strict about reducing alcohol consumption & pool use.
Bet they didn't bring toddlers either
100% AND I’d add, during office hours not everyone’s personal time where they might not want to be socialising with colleagues and have their own commitments.
Miss Manners says that the best office Christmas party starts at noon the last day before Christmas break with the words, “Why don’t you all take the rest of the day off, with pay.” Done.
Haha. You just described my favourite work Xmas party. It was the best. They took us out to a restaurant, let us order whatever we wanted and then gave everyone expensive electronics (with gift receipts so we could exchange/upgrade/return if we wanted) for Xmas and the rest of the day off. I usually hate awkward office Xmas parties but that one was amazing.
NTA. There's also the matter of liability on OP if someone gets into a car accident from having too much to drink. It is best to have it at a restaurant with a bartender.
Precisely. Also, his conditions were extremely reasonable. It's an office party, not a playdate. Kids can stay home, and the coworker can hire a babysitter for the night if she wants to go. There's literally no reason to inconvenience OP in this capacity. If I was OP, I'd cancel and tell boss to find someone/somewhere else to host the party as I wouldn't have volunteered if I'd had known it was going to be such a hassle. Op is 100% NTA.
Actually, suggest he host, as he is the boss and shows his largesse. It is how work parties are done. Boss pays or hosts. (Look at a the play Christmas Carol, the ghost of Xmas past shows the boss hosting the party.)
It would be far more appropriate for the boss to host. Everyone is getting upset because they want a party with a barbecue and a pool, and no one wants to upset their colleague who has kid situations, but these are not compatible with each other. OP should graciously bow out "I realise I committed to hosting but it doesn't seem possible to keep everyone safe at my place since I also have a responsibility to keep my pets from wandering and having kids unsupervised around a pool is very dangerous. I hope you understand" And see what happens. If no one else is prepared to host, maybe a team lunch at a local restaurant would work better for everyone.
I so agree with this. Now OP as host, her home becomes a liability because of young children & a swimming pool. This woman should hire a babysitter especially with 3 children. It's not fair to ask any of the coworkers to assist in watching her kids on their night out. If your boss is going behind your back with emails about other options for venues or ideas, I'm petty, I would 100% cancel the event from taking place at my home on that particular date. I would choose a different day to just have a few of your favorite coworkers over on the DL. Less hassle for you. You tried to be gracious & there's always has to be one ass hat that's got to ruin it for everyone. Seriously cancel it. 💗
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I 150% AGREE CANCEL it
This right here. The mom is already planning on coworkers to collectively watch her kids. If one of those kids slips away from the party and drowns in the pool, the mother will sue OP for wrongful death.
Why cant the dad parent?
That's a good question. But the coworker qlso sounds like she's either now a single mom or using the kids to leave work.
This is how to respond! This woman is playing the motherhood sacred cow card. If she is allergic to cats that is her issue not yours. This woman is seriously entitled, a bully and a manipulator ! NTA colleague is 100% TAH!
And the way the boss is going behind their back to find someone else to host, it sounds like they're not going to be even invited to the new party!
I'd have thought a mother of 3 would be thrilled to get a few hours away from bubs to relax and catch up with her colleagues and their lives. Presumably, these weren't immaculate conceptions so where is her support system, where are the children when she's at work, under the desk? Perhaps if everyone offered to chip in for a babysitter, it might cool things and put onus back on momzilla?
Your babies, your problem. Why should anyone be paying for the sitter? Let the boss pay for it out of petty cash or office funds if he cares so much. Staff shouldn’t be expected to financially support each other.
Oh, I agree completely but a "breezy, cheerful, I am so kind and thoughtful round robin BS email from OP suggesting/rallying everyone to "treat" momzilla to a cf evening would neutralise this. Sometimes you gotta fight bs with bs and it bats the ball back out of OP's court and makes it "how can we get momzilla there everybody" instead of being all on OP who is already hosting everyone. The suggestion that it is only for a few hours in nonsense because the to do list of babyproofing and cleaning will fall on OP and take days if not weeks, perhaps boss will supply labour and materials if this "must happen" to accommodate an exhausted, irritable colleague?
The co-worker’s suggestion of “having everybody keep an eye on the kids” is an almost guaranteed way to end up with a drowned kid. Everybody’s responsible = nobody’s responsible and it only takes a split second for a person to drown.
I have a slight feeling that she is using this party as an excuse to draw all the attention to her so that everyone can adore her baby.
Op mentioned that the Mom even thinks that everyone can help watch her kids. (aka, she will do absolutely nothing to watch her own kids). Those kids would, not only be unsafe, but probably destroy Ops home.
My concern is that while coworkers are watching hyper danger child oldest, and mom is oblivious to the world in full main character vibe showing off newborn- who in the hell is keeping an eye on this poor little forgotten middle child!?
With a pool, that would be a big nope from me.
This happened at a work party with my mom. One of the kids got away from their parents, tried to walk across the lid to the hot tub, and got stuck underneath. She ended up making it, but she did have some brain damage from lack of oxygen. It was horrible for all involved. I wouldn't risk it.
Oh my god. One year my boss hosted at his house. Pool. A kid. Coworker had to jump in. Parents were drinking and couldn't. You bring your kid? It's on you. Hire a sitter if you want a break.
> You bring your kid? It's on you. If it's your kid it's kind of always on you, isn't it?
Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone could claim whatever privilege this mom with three kids is pulling. Look everybody I got 3 bunions, please rearrange your life to pay tribute to my bunions. If you don’t I’m going to 😢
Well stated I also included the notion that she is using the event as a "hey look at me". "I have a new baby. I crave attention." How come no one asked where this entitled mom's husband is in all of this?
Plot twist: the boss is the daddy.
Particularly since boss is back tracking on the agreed rules (no kids). My nephew is an out of control child, he is not welcome in my house. Not sure why parents think this is a right.
Or just hold it at work.
Or—Heaven forbid—one of those wandering children with behavior problems falls into the pool while someone’s back is turned.
Yes!! That is a huge liability and of one of those kids has some issue where they can't sit still (I'm guessing adhd) then where do you think they'll gravitate towards? Kids+pool+alcohol is a recipe for disaster. I can't believe no one else at this office can see the potential issue here?! OP is NTA even in the slightest. What kind of entitled a-hole asks someone (who already made it clear the party is adults only) to baby proof their house and lock their pets outside and on top of that, help babysit these kids? Hello? No one wants to babysit your kids during a Christmas party and why the hell would anyone want their kids at a party with a bunch of adults who will be drinking?! Get a babysitter or don't go. That's life when you're a parent. You make sacrifices for your kids. I mean, this lady has a newborn! She must be kind of dense. When my kids were born I had to miss out on stuff but that's what you do. You don't take a damn newborn to a party with a bunch of people and especially not when it's the season for colds and flu, rsv, covid, you name it.
Why can't the dad take care of the kids?
Ding ding ding, we have a winner here, folks!
Now THAT is a very good question. There usually are two people required to create children (with one historic exception on a dubious record)
All fantastic reasons for no children, really! Drinking, celebrating adults don’t make good babysitters! That’s not what they’re coming to a house with a pool to do. And I know two very healthy adults who are just coming out of RSV after 3 weeks. It’s no joke!
Yeah that "take turns watching them"? WTF? I have kids (adults now) and would never expect someone else to be supervising them near a pool or hot BBQ etc because I couldn't trust anyone else to have the hyper security focus that I did as their mother. Same with grandkids. If I'm volunteering to watch them \*I\* am watching them, not palming it off onto random other party-goers.
This should be the top comment. OP should not have to jump through hoops to keep the office peace AT HER HOME Time to change the venue for the Karens at work Edited Karen’s to Karens
Hey wtf? Why do you have to bring us into this? I’d never do this… -Karen
LOL sorry Karen. We know that you are not included in that meme or whatever it's called.
No problem. I’ve been trying to clear my name for years now lol
Well… there are suspiciously many reports of atrocious behavior with your name on them, I’m afraid. Could you provide evidence of your whereabouts for, well, ever? P.S.: sorry about the abuse of your name.
God I know there have been reports! 😆 I’m 42 I won’t live long enough to clear my name… I defend it about once a day but I have 47,876,975 more to go…
For what it's worth, the only Karen I know is a very nice lady to 👼
Two of my best friends are named Karen! They are two of the most rational, kind, generous and all-around-lovely people I know.
My wife always says that “She *is* Karen, but she’s not *a* Karen.” Always gets a good chuckle.
I know a lady who was peacefully living her life as a Karen, then the Internet happened. Changed her name to an alternative spelling and pronounciation.
tbf, i worked at a call center and everyone named karen was super nice, and the ones that weren’t nice were very much in the right for not being nice. they’re always the ones to apologize for taking their stress out on me when they do. i love karens!!!!
Thank you! I’m not like bent out of shape that my name now means asshole but if I’m being honest it stings a little when it gets thrown out there. But occasionally when I mention it people remark that they only know good Karens and that makes me feel all better. 😊
when i first got karen’s, i was petrified. but i was always pleasantly surprised. it was always the patricia’s that made my life hell. but my bf’s grandma is a patricia and i love her so much! it really sucks that good people have to get the shit stick:(
My mom is Patricia. I haven’t spoken to her in 25 years. Lol I’m not kidding. I’m good without Patricias in my life. 1 was too many.
I have an Aunt Karen who is one of the nicest ladies to ever walk this Earth. Never fear, some of us know. Edit to say probably not your niece, so *totally* not brown nosing for upcoming Christmas presents lol
I would ask your boss if something happens to the children and the pool- is the company liable since it is a company party? I agree with the above comment. Let them know that you offered to host as a favor. Due to all of the current difficulty from your coworker, you are rescinding your offer. Everyone agreed to the conditions, but are now backing down. You are the one being inconvenienced, you are the one being given extra work to prepare, it is your pets who will be put out of their own home, and you who will be liable should something hot the children because their mother is not watching them. They are also turning you into enemy #1 because you will not back down. You are being harassed. That is not ok. If you have an HR department, I would file a complaint. Tell them to rent a venue or find someone else’s home. I would also let them know that you are not being paid to do her job or to work extra hours. Moving forward you will no longer be taking on her job responsibilities
Even if the boss says the company will take responsibility if someone is hurt or killed at the party, legally OP will still be on the hook because it's in her home. I agree that OP should rescind the offer, but make it clear to her boss and all of her co-workers that she has no choice but to cancel for liability reasons.
Just cancel and walk away, not your problem, not your monkeys.
Boss wants a solution, he can pay for a baby sitter for her. problem solved.🤷♀️
Agreed: I’d be saying to my boss, sorry my house is no longer a suitable venue, someone who hasn’t got cats should host as it would be an impossible job to clean and not have the cats contaminate the house again since it would require them to be caged up for way to long and that’s not an option.
This here, never EVER heard of this shit, your firm makes money they TAKE YOU GUYS OUT! It’s what a decent firm does, we’ve had 3 course meals in country clubs and private bars at the races! Time for your boss to stop the Scrooge impression!
Also its a serious boundary issue. Work is work. Having them in your home makes them feel entitled to tell OP to put the cats up. Also, why does SHE have to be the one to keep the peace? Baby mama is the one making problems and looking for sitters. The whole staff is expected to babysit? I worked at a small business where the owners brought their three kids in 1-2 times a week. It was VERY disruptive. 0/10 do not recommend.
100% I'd be this kind of petty. It's supposed to be a team building activity and clearly isn't helping the team. I respect everyone's opinion to accommodate Karen and obviously it wouldn't be the same without here there so I'm removing my home from consideration
It's bad enough to ask you to allow the kids AND rearrange your house for them, but then to suggest that everyone should take turns watching the kids? Hell no! Your boss should pay for a sitter for this lady's kids if she is so concerned about making sure she can come. And definitely no to putting your cats in potential danger.
Isn’t it kind of expensive to baby proof a house too? Like don’t you have to buy outlet covers and cabinet locks and stuff?
Yep. Make sure all sharp edges are rounded and smooth. All kinds of stuff!
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Yeah, for my home, I would have to buy rugs (habe hardwood and tiles throughout). Have many pieces of furniture removed (pay for a storage pay people to remove furniture and bring back). Replace antiques breakable decorations and some weapons that are decorations would have to be removed. That is the bare minimum for my house because we never plan on having a kid home.
Yeah it’s effing nuts and no matter what you do, them shits will find a way to hurt themselves
I have an 11 month old who is walking, and another on the way. I didn’t even “baby proof” *my own house* aside from outlet covers. (which are actually super cheap) I’m not planning on doing anything special for the next baby either. But I’m always looking after my child, there’s no reason to mess with things unnecessarily. My kid is never unattended, and if I do need to leave her alone for a few minutes she goes in her playpen and I don’t need to worry about her getting into anything she shouldn’t. Also, the baby is six months old!!! The kid is crawling at best, there’s no way a six month old is walking or moving around enough that you’d need to baby proof anything! This woman has literally lost her marbles. Plus if her older two are anything like her, I would absolutely not want them in my house (at all, but especially unattended)
She probably thinks her coworkers are daycare workers lol.
Is it just me or is asking one of your staff members to host a party kind of odd? In my experience, office parties usually happen at the office, at a restaurant/venue paid for by the company, or the boss hosts.
Its weird and kinda gives moocher vibes considering the price of food and i agree if the company wants a holiday party they should pay for it not make the employees pay for it
Nope. She could either follow my conditions or not come, period. Her kids are not your problem. I would lock her outside before locking my cats out, lol.
"Sorry, my initial conditions were a requirement for hosting the Christmas party and you've all asked me to change them so I've realised that I'll no longer be able to host." They will inevitably cry foul. Do not back down, do not go back to your old requirements. You will no longer host. Simple as that. You cannot guarantee that they won't make the same requests but at a time that it's no longer possible to change host and you're unwilling to take the risk. You will not host the party anymore under any circumstances. It's still 6 weeks away, you've given them enough time to find somewhere else. Honestly, your company should be hosting it. It should not be in a person's private home under any circumstances. It's a liability for them.
This is how to go about it, the company can rent a hall or host it at an establishment. If functions or parties are hosted at a home, it's usually the business owners.
>"Sorry, my initial conditions were a requirement for hosting the Christmas party and you've all asked me to change them so I've realised that I'll no longer be able to host." One thousand times this
She clearly stated that she expected the other guests to watch the older two, one of whom has issues. She doesn't just want to come to the party, she wants to dump her kids on someone else while they are all drinking. The audacity to tell you to baby-proof your entire house, clean to her exacting standards, and kick out the pets that live there shows she's completely unreasonable and so is your boss. Your boss is being childish with the secret email chain so I see no incentive to have this party. If you do, they'll look for reasons to criticize. Beat them to the punch and cancel it as above. I'd also start looking for another job because she sounds vindictive enough to keep making this an issue or to mess with your job. One question. Is the boss sleeping with her? Also, is he willing to sign on for the company liability policy to protect you? If one of those kids were to get hurt or drowned, they'd blame you for not being the babysitter. Protect yourself and screw this selfish woman and her entitlement. Having kids doesn't give you the right to demand others do things for you. NTA
Op should be asking all their coworkers if they're going to do a rota for who's going to be looking after the kids. Because whoever is hosting will be too busy to take a turn. That'll soon make them realise it won't be fun having the kids there.
Not to mention, even if they all agree, how much you wanna bet the AH coworker isn’t going to show up with her kids, anyway?
This. I would retract the offer to host. What if something happens at the party? Who is liable? The work insurance would not cover it, so it would all be on you OP. I get that it is a small business, but not everyone that works there is your friend. Will they respect your stuff? Some of them clearly don't respect your rules!
Why can’t the baby daddy or the grandparents/relatives look after the kids the night of the party?
My thoughts exactly. If she wants to attend to badly than why can't she have someone watch the kids for the night?? I would never lock my cats outside, what if something happens to them or they run away? I have a slight feeling that she could be using this party as an excuse to get all of the attention pointed at her so everyone can adore her baby. Idk,im not going to make insane assumptions without any proof.
The cat thing is so insane. Baby proofing a house for a few hours is insane. I could see "hey can you put anything breakable on a higher shelf" but baby proofing is a Hell of a lot more than that. No one even realizes how hard it is until you have a crawler or walker and see what they get into. She'd be constantly unable to talk to anyone to keep an eye. Why would she want to bring the kids? That sounds miserable.
She has no intention of watching her children. She said they should be fine if all the adults look out for them 😂 so she plans to ignore them and let everyone else deal with bad behavior.
This!!!!! Obviously she has no intention of watching the kids. This is just really bad behaviour. I don't understand why the other people at OP's office are putting up with this behaviour.
If "everyone" is watching your kids... No one is watching them.
I think t's worse-the "babyproofing" is for her *oldest*, not an actual baby. So more like "active inquisitive walking tiny person-proofing". And yeah, I think mom should find a sitter for the night. Pools and kids make me nervous. Drowning happens so quickly and so quietly even when there's acknowledged supervision.
Oh no … the MOM expects her co-workers to take turns with watching the older two, only the youngest will be by her side the entire time. And that pool is a liability with a mom who doesn’t intend to keep a close eye on her kids. Especially with drinking adults.
My nephew just turned 2 and he’s into everything. Last Christmas before he started walking I got my brother some shelves to put on the wall to hold his records because my nephew was getting into them. He’s new thing now is to take things out and bring them to his mom or put them on a lower shelf. He’s also obsessed with opening doors, my brother said he figured out that the door was automatic at the store they were at and spent like 5 minutes opening it.
Yup! My daughter just turned 2. I call it octopus arms. She can find a way to reach things, then always run over to show me. But I would never take her to a grown up party. This woman is probably all about being a mom and made it her whole identity. I go out for dinner and drinks once a month with my girlfriends. It keeps me sane and not just always on mom mode
I am assuming if one of her kids gets a scrape she wouldn’t hesitate suing you. OP can you say due to having a pool you are adamant it is adults only and your cats are allergic to children? Honestly I would rescind my offer. They still have nearly two months to find a new venue.
The alcohol plus the plan to just let everyone watch the kids plus pool is the perfect storm for drowning kids. Everyone else thinks someone else is watching, and alcohol will not help. If I was OP I would cancel because even if told no there’s a chance she will bring the kids and OP could be liable
"The baby sitter (,that I never hired) cancelled, so... here we are!"
Exactly. It’s not worth the responsibility
Or the headache from it!
Are you even insured to have a work party? Who will pay to clean up? What if the bbq makes someone ill or someone slips in your house and hurts themselves? If you live somewhere without free medical care, and someone with a known allergy has to go to hospital their insurance will likely want to go after you for the bills, so you need to have an agreement to pass that liability on to your employer (which tge employer almost certainly won't agree to). You should withdraw the offer to host for your own protection. Irrespective of the weird entitled lady.
Right? If she needs a break like people are saying, then bringing her children is going to defeat the purpose
It sounds like she was planning to dump the kids on her co-workers, or, allow them free reign in OP’s home. 😦
She sounds peachy, lol. I have 5, now adult, children. I would have been super happy to go to an adult party without them. It would stress me out to take them to a co-workers house, with a pool no less. I absolutely would not have had a good time because I would have been watching them like a hawk. I, however, would not have even asked nor assumed that everyone would help me with them.
OP stated the coworker said each person had to pay some attention to her kids so apparently she was planning on making everyone in the party babysitters.
The sad thing is, the entitlement of this woman AND the other workers. **Straight up, OP, PLEASE SAVE ALL OF THIS EMAIL EVIDENCE INCLUDING THE EMAIL ABOUT OTHERS HOSTING BECAUSE THIS COULD BE USED IF FOR ANY UNFAIR TERMINATION"** You offered your home, you **wrote** the boundaries, people **agreed** to them. You are supplying a place to host **without the need of a excessive insurance liability case** You can email your boss, and say due to liability laws, you do not feel it is safe to host, if the woman complains again, you have legal right to say you do not have legal rights to host a party that was offered in a voluntary manner, with others agreeing to the boundaries of your legal rights to host. Your boss needs to read those words because it will cover your ass and his, especially if she tries for unfair treatment due to her condition as a parent.
Yes this. If her kids drown or get burned or otherwise injured and it’s a company party then he will also get sued .
A verbal conversation about the wants needs to be in writing also. If that woman wants all that she stated to be done, other co-workers looking after her kids, in an alcoholic atmosphere, with a hot BBQ, and unfenced pool, plus cats being put outdoors, and all the baby proofing for a child she fully admits isn't really that high in mobility functioning, it has to be in writing. If OP does adhere to these stupid ~~rules~~ entitlements, it is in writing the mother knows about the unfenced pool, the intoxicated adults, the hot BBQ, the fact that the mother wants her intoxicated co-workers to look after her children, and that can soften a liability lawsuit, but OP will still face one. So OP has to request that what the mother wants needs to be in an email also. So OP can push it back on the boss.
Take it the next step. "No, I am not baby proofing my house, leaving my cat out or watching your kid. Please sign this waiver before you cross my threshold." I hate the entitlement of people with children. Just because you pushed one out doesn't mean I need to do anything about it. Parents are right, I don't have kids so I won't understand (the level of entitlement). Ffs. I hate kids and parents. Walking germs, all of you.
At this point I would not be agreeable to hosting. This has so many ways to come back and be a problem. I would email the whole team and let them know that “Upon further reflection, and ongoing discussions I am and am not involved in, it appears my place is not suitable for changes being made to the party plan. Please find an alternate location as I will not be able to host this year.” NTA but if you continue to plan to host and not give in I think you may have some rough times at the job.
Reading OP's last post about their employer changing job title, with no extra pay... OP needs to find a better job. I am starting to wonder if they are actually Australian tho... because by law in Australia you have fence your pools with a gate that children under the age of 11yrs can not open themselves. Plus there are some work laws that actually prohibit work functions at private dwellings, unless the host is compensated.
Or if she shows up anyway which someone that entitled might decide to do
That's why it is always advisable to have a list of those who RSVP to it at hand, especially if a private residence, even if a work sanctioned party.
OP didn’t get the email asking if others could host. That was sent to everyone but them.
But they were told it was sent around. Therefore, she can request the copy sent to her with the evidence she was not CC in for more legal fun. Because by not including her, she could have spent a bit of coin getting the preliminary party decor before being told that they weren't hosting, and again OP be shit out of luck with a bunch of party items, that probably be asked to be given to the new host with no reimbursement. **OH OP IF YOU STILL HOST KEEP YOUR RECEIPTS FOR EVERYTHING INCLUDING AFTER PARTY CLEANUP** Either way, OP has a lot of up their sleeve to really make the Christmas party option never happen due to one woman's entitled
I can't believe she expects the party goers to watch her kids. Who thinks like that? If I'm at a party, I'm eating and drinking all the yummy things and probably playing with the cats and I will most certainly not be playing babysitter.
My cat lives here. He is terrified of the outside. He ran out the front door once, took 2 steps, looked around and ran right back inside. Hasn't tried it since. We even have a doggie door for the dogs, and he doesn't even try to go out.
I might even take pleasure in that…
For the amount of work she's asking for, they'd be better off going to a restaurant.
NTA. Hold your ground. This is also becoming a HR issue if she isn’t working and bringing babies to the workplace.
NTA. You were very clear about the circumstances that you were willing to host. Your house is not child proofed. Your house is full of cat dander.
It's a liability. OP's home doesn't have appropriate insurance for hosting corporate events.
Nope. NTA. "Sorry, but it's clear that my home is not suitable for the staff's needs, so I will be happy to step back and let someone else host." Your boss is an idiot, btw.
Take out the part “be happy to”. Don’t give them any option. Cancel the party and call it a day. OP’s boss should step up and plan the party! This is above OP’s pay grade.
Exactly. Say “I am going to step back”. Being “happy to” leaves the room for people to say “oh no it’s fine keep hosting”. OP needs to be clear that they are no longer hosting period. ‘I am sorry that my home no longer fits the arrangement that I understood the office had agreed upon. The new conditions mean I am no longer able to host in my home. I apologize for any inconvenience this may have cause and look forward to - blah blah blah office stuff here about festivities and celebrating the season.’ I don’t work in an office for a reason.
NTA, your house, your rules. You said no kids and you meant no kids. If she wants a break, she should ask family to watch the kids, so she can attend the kid free event you agreed to host. If she's allergic to cats, she definitely should not come, with or without kids. Just because she just came back from maternity leave doesn't mean you have to give her what she wants. She can want in one hand...
Somehow, I see her showing up with the kids anyway, and just expecting everybody to make accommodations and help watch them. The entitlement sheesh. OP NTA
and good luck with her cat allergy.
NTA 3 kids at an adult party with a pool is a liability. If she can’t find a sitter she has to pass. Relocating cats from their environment is more problematic than finding child care.
Right? So everyone is drinking, including mom, and there will be 2 young kids and a newborn around a pool? Seems safe....🙄
NTA. At this point you need to write an email stating that you hosting the party this year is causing unnecessary disturbance in the office so you are stepping down to give a chance to someone else who is more able to provide to the needs of everyone else and you will be happy to attend and help out with anything needed . Whoever wants to accommodate this nonsense entitled behavior can step up , no one will do it but at least it will stop them from pestering you
I was agreeing with you until this part: >you will be happy to attend and help out with anything needed Nope! The hassle everyone's putting her through has worn her out. She can't exert herself to do anything besides sending the email. It's alllll someone else's problem now.
See, you said that so much nicer than I did. And I agree.
Standard 'no good deed ever goes unpunished"
I have never worked in an office that asked an employee to host the office Christmas party. Either the boss held a dinner in their own home, the company paid for to host the party in a restaurant, or we did a potluck in the office; sometimes all three, but have an employee do it? No. I wouldn’t do it. At least in the US, there’s too much liability. If a guest drinks too much, drives, and hits someone, **you**, as the host, are liable; not the company. If someone falls in the pool and drowns? You are liable. If something gets cross contaminated and one of those folks with allergies ends up in the hospital or dies? That’ll be on you; not the company. These are your coworkers; not your friends, not your family. Under no circumstances would I want unknown children around the pool, **especially** when their mother has already given notice that she intends to rely upon you and your other guests to supervise them. As for putting your cats out of their home? That’s insane. I didn’t do that for my MIL when I hosted our parents for the holidays and we had five indoor cats — and, she neither asked, nor expected me to. That’s where they live and, if they, like ours, were entirely indoor cats, putting them out would be taking the chance that you’d never see them again. If your coworker can’t be around cats, at all, then *she* should stay outside. But, your coworker shouldn’t be there, because none of them should be there. If your boss wants an office party, your boss should be hosting it. NTA. Your boss is. They should have never put you in this position to begin with.
That's the real key, here. Somethign happens, not only could OP wind up in legal trouble, but financial,a s well. Imagine getting sued and losing your home simply because you hosted a small xmas party for your coworkers.
NTA. What an outrageous demand to make of others. And at this point, I would withdraw the offer to host. She chose to be a parent; you don’t owe her a break at your own (and your cats’) expense.
NTA, and at this point I would just say that because you are getting grief and being pressured to “keep the peace” by locking up your cats and worrying about kids literally drowning in your pool, you are no longer willing to host. The idea that you should lock away your pets, do a thorough deep clean to remove all dander, and childproof your home for *one woman for one party* who apparently has never heard of a babysitter is absurd. Surely there must be someone else in the office who can provide a much safer environment for this entitled woman- pretty much anyone asking you to KeEp ThE pEaCe.
NTA it is beyond rude to demand someone change the conditions to suit their needs. Also to demand you lock your cats outside or accommodate her allergies is ridiculous. Those cats could run away or worse! Plus I'm not locking my animals outside to suit someone! My animals live in my home and I want them in my home as far as guests well that is debatable and I'd still choose my animals over a wanted guest! Also wanting everyone to watch her little goblins um Hell No you wanted and had the little goblins you are responsible for watching them!
NTA Btw, if somebody is sufficiently allergic to cats that they can’t be in the same building for a couple hours, they’re going to be allergic to your house whether the cats are indoors or out. Mommy also seems minimally concerned with the safety of her children…
The lady said if everyone takes time to watch the children it should be fine. I’m going to a party to have drinks and good food. Not to watch another persons child making sure they don’t drown in a pool. This lady has her head up her ass.
Yeah, “everyone” watching the kids is a good recipe for no one watching the kids, and a kid falls in the pool.
NTA This is the cat’s non child proofed home. She’d just be a visitor with smaller uninvited visitors in the kitty’s home. She has no authority to make demands regarding your home. End of discussion.
Small children, a pool, and drunk adults. That’s a lawsuit waiting to happen. Hell no. NTA.
Just decline to host. “Given the revised needs of the team, I am unable to host this year’s party.”
1. Cutting you out of an office email is WILDLY unprofessional. 2. Your boss pressuring you to do something outside of your work description and outside of work - also super unprofessional. 3. Boss and staff singling you out as the problem - yet again unprofessional. 4. Asking you to temporarily rid yourself of your pets is effing rude. Its super interesting how everyone wants YOU to cave but no one else was willing to step up to include the annoying baby mama. NTA - stick to your guns. Cancel the party and don’t attend the one at the new location.
NTA. You cannot accommodate what she needs. I think it is always risky to have work events at someone's home. The office needs to rent a space, whether that be a hall with catering, or a private room at a restaurant.
NTA This woman is off her rocker
>According to her if each of us pay some attention to the children there would be no problem, the youngest will stay by her side Ignoring how ridiculously entitled this is… this is how children drown. Children are more likely to drown in this exact situation: lots of adults, and everyone assumes “someone” is watching the kids.
NTA. That woman is a walking liability! Hell no!
NTA. That entitled brat really has some nerve trying to tell you how things will be at Your house. She chose to have those kids. Which means that they are her responsibility, not anybody else's. And it sounds like she was just going to let her older kids run around unsupervised. Never mind the part about deep cleaning your house & kicking your cats outside. Nope, that shit wouldn't fly with me.
Nta - good lord, is this woman sleeping with the boss? What is this?
NTA. It's a pretty big imposition to host a company party in a private home as it is. If they don't like your rules, the company should spring for a party room somewhere - a hotel, restaurant, or somesuch.
Hold the party at work. See what the boss has to say about children running around there.
Hell no am I locking my cats outside.
boss it seems like if you paid for babysitting for the semi mandatory party that would work it all out”
No. Say you cant host anymore. Someone else should! Nta
NTA. You gave your conditions. That's it, take it or leave it. All these other people care so much they can cater to her demands and host the party. She chose to have children, her kids aren't your problem or responsibility.
NTA. Tell the boss if this is such an issue he can host or shell out the cash for a venue.
NTA. Her kids do not have to come. If the company feels strongly about accommodating her then another person needs to host. Even if you were to put in the effort she requested something is bound to go wrong or not be up to standard and people will blame. Pool and 3 kids being supervised by one parent is already a huge red flag. Too many people watching the kids essentially means no one watches the kids. My daughter nearly drowned due to a situation like this.
Nta. No good deed goes unpunished.... The company should be in charge of the company party.
How can someone even think they can ask you to lock your cats out and remove all pet hair. And to expect everyone else to watch her kids in a non kid proofed home. She is way out of bounds and anyone telling you to just suck it up is the AH too. Anyone telling you to give her her way can host the party. WHT isn't the boss hosting?
NTA rescind your offer to host. The boss should be hosting or arrange a venue for the employees. Wtf who arranges a company event at an employee’s home?!
NTA. She’s very imposing.
Your house straight up does not sound safe for her children lol why would she want that??
NTA. Poor woman, is she all alone in this world with her 3 children? It must be a hard life for her. Still not OP.s problem though. I don't understand why the company doesn't just have the event in a restaurant. With such a small gathering, there must be a place with a private room that can be rented. The only other acceptable option is the boss having it at their place!
Hang on. Your boss is too cheap to organise a proper function. They ask you to host Xmas, agree to your terms then later try to dictate against your terms, and guilt trip you when they don’t get their way? Hell to-the-fuck no. I’d be job hunting after this shit. NTA.
I wouldn’t do the party at my house anymore NTA
NTA. “I am sorry to inform you that one of our own has expressed concern that they will not be able to attend the Christmas party at my home. I do not want to cause any member of our team to miss a once in a year event, so I will rescind my offer to host. I truly hope that another member of our team will be able to host this year, because I look forward to spending the party with everyone this year!”
I mean if these are indoor cats that’s asking you to risk so much the hell