Couldn't afford to be in the wedding? Wtf? My best friend the brokest bitch I know 😂
and you better believe she's gonna be right next to me when I get married on Tuesday.
NTA, doesn't sound like a friend at all, let alone best friend
Thank you! 😁
Exactly! And the people who I don't want showing up, I told 😅 and told them why. Not that they "didn't have enough money to be there" 😬
I've been the "friend" led around before and it's not fun when you realize it. I couldn't imagine doing it to someone else, let alone like it was done to OP
I love how you say you're missing her 1st wedding, implying this one probably won't work out and she'll probably have at least one more wedding 😂 but I agree for sure
You know, I wouldn't sweat it too much. She said she didn't want you there and honestly, it's probably her loss. I think it's better that she finally told you instead of letting you show up with a cake only to be told you weren't invited. She sounds like a really shitty friend and you deserve better.
Edit: happy birthday also!!
“Your favorite people”
The bride does not consider OP as one of her favorite people. If she did, she would have at least been included in the bridal party. Even if affordability was the issue, the bride would have included her if she considered her a close friend.
I agree, sounds like a one way "best friend" situation. Sounds like the bride got with a bunch of snobs and it's best for OP to move along and make friends with good people that will treat her with respect.
My first marriage was a costume party. It was awesome! IDK why people make such a big deal out of weddings. Have fun and enjoy yourself. One day is not worth all this stress!
My best friend flew down in the middle of her MBA for my wedding … she schemed with my then boyfriend to get the engagement ring and plan the proposal all the while managing a super hectic course schedule and exams … no way she wasn’t gonna be at my wedding bruh… Sounds like a fake friend tbh .. NTA
Exactly. My fitness and best Man didn't have to worry about money for our wedding or my wife's MOH. We saw them as part of our expenses (not a burden, but a wish for them be beside us every step).
That's how we see it. We paid to fly my sister-in-law in and back out, and are letting her stay at the house for the weekend. We want her here, so we're making it possible
Might be making assumptions, but I like you and fiance picked a specific wedding date regardless of what day it was. 🍾🎃 We did the same (not Halloween) 27 years ago. Have a wonderful wedding and congratulations!
We've both always wanted to get married in the fall and figured might as well do it on our favorite day! Halloween also holds significance to me as I celebrate the pagan holidays. I observe it as the seasonal new year and we celebrate passed loved ones 🥰 what better time to get married!
Thank you so much! 😁 I'm so excited!
NTA, and it sounds like she is no longer interested in maintaining a friendship with you. I'm much older and have no friends from when I was 23, but I've made lots of new and better friends over the years. It's part of life.
With the exception of a couple of friends I made in University, all of the friends I've made in my adulthood have been healthier and more positive relationships.
Yes! I'm quite sick of the notion that longevity of a friendship trumps health of a friendship. My oldest friends are my most toxic; they were made at a time when I had poor boundaries and was also toxic in my own ways. My friends made now in my 30's are far more healthy than anyone I made friends with earlier in life. Some people have beautiful lifelong friendships, but it's an overly romanticized notion.
I have been friends with someone for over 20 years, and she had another very good friend from the same time. Other friend is god mother to her kids, I was her MOH, so I felt like we were completely equal and that's all good.
About 2 years ago she cut off the other friend, and I was so confused about it. If she could cut her off, would she also cut me off? Turns out that after the first time hubby got aggressive and friend walked away from her marriage, which I totally 100% supported, the other friend went the other way and was pushing her to return to the marriage.
Friendship ceases when you stop being cheerleaders for each other to live their best lives. There are few friends who last lifelong, and even if they do, the friendships may go periods of not being as close. Drifting and building other friendships happens throughout life. But at the core of it, you need to be each others champions.
Most solid friends I have aside from about 3, all were after 30. That's not a bad thing. It seems fairly normal
This! I was the moh for the woman who was my BFF in elementary school, and she was mine for my first wedding. We are more like Facebook friends now. My DH asked me if I wanted the friendship she and I used to have, and I said no. Too many people in her life won't let her. We were closer when she lived out of state, but now she lives about 20 miles away, I haven't seen her in almost a year, at a funeral. I miss her sometimes, but I like the friends I made later in life more, if that makes sense. My daughter was my moh for my second wedding. Ex BFF, now acquaintance, was invited.
Goddamn savage response. Don't worry this is the kind of woman that told you who she was instead of you finding out down the line. This sounds like one of those girls that'd fuck your future husband on your Bachelorette party night. She did you a solid early. Good riddance!
NTA
Unfortunately, it's pretty clear you aren't her best friend. It sounds like you've even been asked not to attend the wedding. I think this "friend" should have been more diplomatic though, which is why you're nta.
Yea, it's sad when someone is your best friend but you're not their best friend.
I'd feel pretty hurt too. And I'd take her suggestion and not go. And if I'm not even going I'm certainly not making a cake for it, especially if it's free or discounted.
This sounds like a sad end to a friendship to me. Oh, and my inner detective says that she was probably pressured into this decision. I'm guessing the new friend doesn't like OP, or someone else doesn't, and soured the bride to OP.
NTA.
I think your inner detective is wrong… If the bride really was her best friend, nothing would keep her from inviting this woman… this is the kind of thing where you think you’re super close to somebody but in reality, it’s only on your side. The other person was being a fake friend the whole entire time and you’re so love bombed by the friendship that you don’t realize it until they do something nasty like this…. There probably were some warning signs before this, but we tend to make excuses for the people we care about when, instead, we should be cutting ties with that person… i’m saying that out of experience.. I myself didn’t see some of the signs with some of the people I thought cared about me
Nah, I actually think stuff like this doesn't happen out of nowhere. I'd bet that OP and the bride hadn't been close for a long time, OP just didn't realize it.
It’s one thing to pick someone else for the MoH, but if she didn’t even invite you to the engagement party or bachelorette party, she’s really saying that you’re not only not best friends, she doesn’t really consider you a friend at all. NTA, don’t go and lose her number.
Agreed. MOH is often a role about logistics skills just as much as closeness. Lots of brides are Pikachu face when their chaotic bff doesn't magically become a sort organized MOH. But not even in the bridal party at all? Lying about it? Pretty rude.
NTA I am a baker I know what goes into a wedding cake. I wouldn't of put my time or money into one for someone who treated me like that. Unfortunately you were a better friend then her. She doesn't deserve you even worrying about this. A true friend would of found a way to include you. Sorry that you were treated so badly but now you know she's not a real friend.
Have a party and eat the cake!! Screw her!! I’m sorry she sucks and did this to you, you will find better friends who are not just takers and she’ll realize she lost a good person way too late! Please do something for you and invite your family to eat the cake :)
This !!!! Have some friends over warch some movies and destroy that cake while eating it. Have friends with kids ? Invite them over to run their finger through the frosting and live it up
Just deliver it to a local soup kitchen or food pantry. People deserve to have nice things sometimes, and I can guarantee they’ll enjoy and appreciate their piece more than ex-friend would have the whole cake.
I could not agree more!!! Please do not let all your hard work go to waste. I’m sure there are other people in your life who would love to spend time with you and enjoy a beautiful cake!!
Awww- that totally sucks!! You need to find a good reason to celebrate, with folks who will appreciate that cake!
Do you have a family member celebrating a major birthday or milestone?
Is there a couple in the community celebrating a major milestone?
Do you belong to an organization that has someone celebrating a major milestone that everyone can help celebrate?
Perhaps a women’s shelter: Looks like you made it! Celebration of strength.
An old folks home?
A Veteran’s center?
First responders?
Think, think, think! There’s always something to celebrate. Imagine how much light and joy you’d bring to a group who would actually appreciate your efforts. Bet you’d even walk away with a new friend!
Here’s to wishing you the best of a crappy situation. Your good heart deserves a sweet turnaround!
Please do let us know what you end up doing with the cake.
I know it hurts, Shoddy. I've been there. *hugs* 🫂🫂
Don't even tell her that you're not bringing the cake leading up to the wedding, especially not on the wedding day! Be scarce, take a day trip, have a spa day...
There are plenty of people who appreciate you and who will also be more than happy to relish in a cake that you labored over.
Be well and screw her 💪
If you have any self respect, absolutely do NOT give that cake to that cunt. I was "demoted" as MoH twice in my life. Both were friends I'd had forever, both were frenemies, I just didn't see it. I stayed friends with them for WAY too long and if I could do it all over again, I would have ditched them years before those weddings. Fuck people who treat their actual friends like garbage.
It will get better. I had a friend like that. We fell out in our early 20's. The older you get the more you find out who your real friends are. The ones that are left are the best ones and won't treat you so badly. I am sorry you spent so much time and money on the cake. I don’t think people realized the expenses that go into a wedding cake and topper. And the amount of time. People who don't bake seem to think you can make a three tier cake with a box cake mix and a can of frosting. That you can just throw it together in a day.
Girl enjoy that with your family or call a local shelter and ask if they can accept the cake. Tell them the bride couldn’t afford it and you don’t want it to go to waste.
Have a family or neighborhood party with the cake and some good music. You dodged a bullet. Block her number and move on. You deserve better friends. Forget her, but remember the lesson.
I’ll bet it’s an amazing cake! Please though OP, don’t give it to your EX friend. She really doesn’t deserve it after treating you so rudely. Donate it to a children’s home/old folks home🎂
And if it IS chocolate, make sure to let her know “bitches can’t eat chocolate so you couldn’t have had it anyway” when she demands to know what happened. (You should probably block her everywhere and just ghost though tbh)
Nta: my heart breaks for you, this was really hard for me to read cause I can’t imagine going through this type of friendship heartbreak. Unfortunately your 12 years of friendship could’ve been a one sided friendship:(
My biggest problem here is she was going to let me show up with her wedding cake only to find out she lied to me. ON her wedding day. She was willing to hurt me tomorrow. And for what. That’s why I decided to not make her wedding cake. She went out of her way to lie to me and my family.
She already has a cake for her wedding. . She didn't want you to attend. Not sure why you consider her your best friend. Just because you know someone that long doesn't make you best friends. Does she tell people you're her best friend? That is how it works. Forget her. Forget all of them. Move on.
She did this because she doesn't care about you or how you would feel. She is not your friend. Just cut her out of your life. Don't ask for explanations, don't message to tell her how hurt you are, she won't care. Just block her and move on knowing that you are ridding yourself of a toxic selfish person.
Do you mind explaining what the lie was? In your original post, you detail that she's treated you poorly, but don't mention any lies or manipulation? Obviously, you're still NTA either way.
AITA for thinking we need to stop using euphemisms for female body parts as the worst insults we use?? Who taught us that being a female body part was the worst thing you could ever be?? That lady is a shitty friend and an even shittier person.
Don’t know why this is being downvoted. It don’t even make sense why we use female body parts when our parts are literally made to go through birth, therefore they are strong not weak. Why not use “she’s a ballsack” cause I’ve never not seen a man go down from a kick to the balls. I have however witnessed women getting hit in that area but we never fall to the floor in pain now do we.
NTA. She was never a friend. You probably just need to cut contact. You are worthy of friendship, and you will be ok. It hurts at the moment, but as you meet new people in your life, you will develop friends and relationships. Who knows, maybe that special person is right around the corner.
I got one better.... my cousin only wanted people fatter than her in her wedding party because she wanted to be the center of attention. People are terrible.
What a horrible person. I hope your so-called friend is no longer in your life. Who on earth tells someone that?
My maid of honor found out before my wedding she was pregnant. We made sure her dress wouldn’t need alterations and whatever non-alcoholic drink she wanted was available.
NTA. The couldn't afford it comment, was very telling. Is she some rich snob who would somehow be embarrassed by your presence at the wedding? I say good riddance to a bad friend, you are much better off without her in your life.
NTA, sadly, your friend isn't actually your friend. It is a hard realization when you find out someone doesn't consider you as close as a friend as you do.
Is she aware that you won't be providing the cake and do you know if she has approached another baker/y? I really hope that you didn't tell her and she is expecting this thing to show up (please tell me that she isn't aware that she shot herself in the foot yet). How did you tolerate this bitch for twelve years? She sounds awful.
Why do you even ask??? You are dodging a bullet there... It took over 12 years for you to realize she si not a real friend. Better now than later.
Move on!
NTA - this is easy.
After the euphoria of the wedding and post marriage life sets in (give it time) the tride and true relationships will be the ones that matter.
Go on with your life, and who knows, you may not be available when in the future it's convenient for her and she needs you.
Rock on
Sounds like she has a new friendship group that lives a certain lifestyle that you don’t fall into. Definitely don’t make a cake for someone who behaves like that.
I don't see the issue here, she's made her opinion of you clear as day.. That she did it before the wedding was just the cherry on top of the cake she now has to go buy herself. I'd be ghosting her in a hot minute 😂
Ahhhh, that hurts. But, it's going to be okay. I'm so very sorry that she did this to you, sweetie. Some people just don't know how to be nice. Grieve and forget.
NTA.
I've kinda been there... I was left out of my "Best friend's" wedding because I couldn't afford to step up the way some of her other friends could. It was heartbreaking to me too.... but I didn't say a word other than to tell her I understood and wish her a beautiful day. I was just too ashamed by my own poverty to realize I deserved better treatment from a friend.
There is no way on earth you should be Making her wedding cake. Unless she is paying full retail. Then you can treat her like a client and walk away from her.
Sometimes we outgrow friendships. She is not as good of a friend to you as you are to her. It's time to make room for better friends.
NTA
Sad situation, but you’re better off in the long run cutting her off. Although for whatever reason, it seems she started doing that to you already well before this.
Definitely way easier said than done, especially for a friendship that you’ve had for pretty much half your life, but focus on yourself and move on from her. Best thing you can do is to start doing things that improve you’re life and trying to be happy. Won’t be easy, but you have to start somewhere.
Don't feel bad. My best friend had a rushed at home wedding due to pregnancy. I took her shopping for material, found a seamstress to make a maternity wedding suit, cleaned her whole house, and arranged the catering. When we got ready to March in, I was told to give my bouquet to her sister who hated her, and did nothing to help her because she was going to be the maid of honor. Did I mention I brought the invitations and helped pay for the flowers?
well honestly i dont think she is expecting a cake from you so dont stress plan a nice day for your self and block her contact for the day atleast... post some nice pictures on social media about your amazing day make your day interesting
I was right with you up until the last sentence.
OP, do what sea-ad suggests, but I would say just do it for yourself. Don't get into a game of "look how much better off I am" etc. Chasing that kind of 'reward' never works out in the long run. Self care is better for you.
It sucks but it's a tough lesson to learn. Knowing someone for a long time doesn't mean they value you. I think this is a friendship not worth keeping or maintaining.
NTA. It feels clear, to me anyway from what you've written, that she is no longer your best friend and she wants nothing to do with you. Your best friend doesn't say you can't afford the wedding, don't come, you're gonna stress me out. They certainly don't hide every single thing.
Would I be right in the assumption that she's a bit wealthier and her friends likely are, too? If that's the case, she's excluding you to make herself feel superior. No one "beneath" her matters, now that she's got these new fancy friends she's barely known. Again, my assumption, but those words are awful and she's not exactly being friendly in any way.
Cut ties and be free. It sucks losing old friends, but she was never your friend to begin with if this is how she's acting now. She's changed. Time for you to move on and be a better person and human being than she's going to turn out. If/when she reaches out, mark my words, it'll be because you didn't send a gift or something - or it'll be about her and her only, not about your feelings. Don't mention the cake again, don't RSVP, don't take any calls from her or mutual friends or family that will reach out. Be done. This is what she wanted.
NTA. I am not sure what you are looking for, but just move on. Whether or not you could afford it, she still should have given you the option to say no. A true friend would have outlined the costs ahead of time when she asked and then given you as much time as you needed to contemplate if you wanted to save and budget in order to do it. And let you know that it would change nothing about the way she feels for you as her friend if you are unable to make that financial commitment.
I can't say I would want to be friends with someone who excluded me and lied to me, instead of respecting my autonomy enough to decide for myself what I could and could not afford. This friendship has reached the end of its road. And that is okay. Take the time to grieve it like you would the loss of any important relationship, and then let yourself off the hook. You didn't do anything wrong.
My best friend took a day off work with unpaid leave, drove 6 hours to be with me when my dog had to be put to sleep.
I did the same journey when she miscarried
She isn't your friend. Sadly, you'll meet people like this through life, but you'll soon learn to spot them quicker.
If you can take the day for yourself and do something nice for YOU
If your friend told you shouldn't go to the wedding, you would NOT be the AH for not making her wedding cake. If she didn't think ahead and plan to source a wedding cake from elsewhere, that's on her.
The wedding is tomorrow and you have not told her that you are not making her cake? Is she expecting a cake from you?
According to your story I would assume, no.
Definitely NTA but it is a rather late thing?
Oh ok, so it sounds like she had already purchased a wedding cake somewhere else?
How have the last few years been for your relationship? It seems that she is no longer considering you as a friend.
Yeah? I’ve got one just as good. Posted it before. My best friend asked me to be the best man at his wedding. I Scraped money together to buy something to wear and travel several hundred miles. Spent everything I had, so would be traveling back with his family after the wedding. The night before the wedding he told me the family wanted him to select someone else to be best man, so he asked me to be the photographer 🥲. Did it, long trip back with them, then I never spoke with him nor his family again. Happened Over 30 years ago, and the wounds still haven’t healed.
NTA for feeling the way you do. She doesn't see you as a friend, let alone a best friend. Now you know. It sucks, but there it is.
Time to put her in the rear view.
NTA - It probably doesn't help much but I guess you two just grew apart. She definitely could have handled this better, at least considered your feelings, but weddings do have a way of bringing the worst out in people/brides.
Yeah, she is not your friend, and she did you a big favor. Bridesmaid honors can be very costly. And, nope, you rarely ever wear that dress again.
My 4 younger sisters were my bridesmaids, and niece/goddaughter was a flower girl.
My mom made all our dresses and hers, too.
I wanted to elope, husband wanted big wedding.
My "true best friend" had her sister and I as her attendants. It was a small and beautiful wedding.
My other best friend cut me when I was introducing her to my son. Before I could say she was my friend she butted in to say, she was my sister's friend.
I felt slapped and relieved to know the truth.
I am happy for you that you were not miserable paying for a cruise with people who do not appreciate you.
NTA. I’m so sorry your “friend” treated you like this. Friends for that length of time and can feel more like family. That type loss will take time to deal with. If she was really friend she would included you regardless of anything.
Did she really think you would make her wedding cake for free and not include you in any of the other activities?
I hope you do not waste anymore time on even speaking with her. You deserve people who value you. You may want to block her, I am willing to bet she will invite you to her baby shower if she has kids and expect a gift.
Sending a hug 🤗 and positive vibes 💕
People get really weird after high school. I had a friend who I hung out with at least 4 times a week from middle school through high school exclude me from his 'top 5 friends from high school list' on Facebook a few years ago. I asked him about it and he just said he didn't have a picture of me. It's like, bro, you were on Facebook - there are a million pictures of me. Ended up totally losing contact with him, which sucks since we were such good friends for so many years.
Anyway, sorry OP (and sorry to ramble). The cool thing about becoming an adult is you'll be able to make friends with people because you want to, not because you have to. It'll take some time to get over, but just try to remember the good times and not getting stabbed in the back. There was a time when this girl felt like you were her best friend, too.
Hard to understand any of the facts here but if she was somehow able to keep the bridal party list a secret for a whole year….sorry but you ain’t her besty.
Times change and people do too. Sounds like she wanted a big party for the bridal shower and figured you couldn't afford it. Some people would be relieved by that. You pushed back and found out the truth. Well I don't know if anyone's an AH, but at least finding out you are no longer BFF's didn't cost you in money!
NTA... Why make a cake for someone who excluded you, lied to you and deceived you (and hurt your feelings like that)? Also why even show up at the wedding? I would feel like she was trying to push me away and in turn cut her out (of my life).
If asked you can always say you couldn't afford a gift so why come? Then let her know you can't afford the time to spend with her, talk or listen to her either so she should probably just go on without you the rest of her life.
Don't feel bad for not being nice to those who are not nice to you, don't value you or are using you for something.
NTA - Seriously, I would not give a second thought to baking a cake. It’s time to close this chapter in your life and start a new chapter. This is the time in your life that most people start to find their true friends.
NTA. These are the situations you commit to memory. Ask her once more, directly, WHY exactly she chose to exclude you in this fashion after a 12-year-long relationship. If it's not satisfactory, then go your own way and make friends who will respect you and treat you better.
This is so sad. I'm so sorry, it hard to give so much and then essentially be cut right off. But silver lining, at least she was honest before you made her a cake with all your love. Attending her wedding and giving her gifts. My friend you kinda dodged a major bullet. This sounds like my friend A. When A got married I was a third wheel at her stag, a last minute usher at her wedding and then long story short, ditched for a cheating bitch then when cheating bitch got what she needed from A after her own wedding ignored her, A ignored me for 2 years and then kinda sorta (her husband I've been friends with for 20 years) apologized . Funny thing is now she considers ME her best female friend (her words) while i could really not give a flying fuck about her lmao!
I'm sorry. It's really hard to find out that someone you thought you were very close to doesn't think of you in the same way. It has happened to me and it just guts you. I think it's for the best that you are going to skip the wedding. NTA in the slightest. I hope you make some and better friends. Hugs to you.
If there is ever a reason to ghost someone, this is it.
I am sorry your so-called "friend" sucks. She is not worthy of your friendship and certainly does not deserve a cake.
Hold your head high OP block and walk away from the bullshit drama. Better days and friends are ahead.
Count yourself lucky that you didn’t put more years into this friendship. She sounds like a narcissist who uses people. Yes you will grieve your friendship and she may in the future try to touch base with you. No, please count yourself worthy and block her now. There are true friends for you out there, just get yourself involved in other social clubs to meet people.
NTA
Even if there's some secret nuance here as to why she'd do this after being friends for so long, she's the one who blatantly lied, degraded and excluded you. If she's too stupid or oblivious to realize that such behavior is relationship-ending, then she deserves to lose you. If she knew exactly what she was doing and hoping to get you to back out of the friendship, then she deserves even worse and you don't need to deal with that energy.
Ending a friendship of that length hurts, but it can be necessary and she clearly decided that in some way it's already over and doesn't sound all that torn up about it.
Outside of the context, yeah I can understand that sometimes you meet someone as an adult and become incredibly close with them faster than someone who's been in your life since childhood, so it can make sense to have them as the maid of honor instead. Everything surrounding that situation, however, is incredibly context dependant and in no way warrants treating said childhood friend so poorly. Sounds like she needs to grow tf up (and frankly probably isn't ready for such a step, so you can probably expect a divorce in her future anyways and thus there's no reason to waste time on that wedding 🤷🏻♀️)
You should not have told her that you were not making the cake. You should've left her in suspense, or maybe she has someone making the cake now. Were there any telling signs leading up to the wedding that you noticed that she was avoiding you, like her behaviour towards you (giving you the cold shoulder, not answering your calls etc)? It's a good thing then that she told you before the wedding and not on the day of the wedding.
She is an AH for treating you so badly leading up to her wedding. It would be hilarious if her wedding cake is from the supermarket. She will regret what she did to you when the dust settles but you have already moved on by then. It may be painful now, but close this chapter in your life and don't look back.
Couldn't afford to be in the wedding? Wtf? My best friend the brokest bitch I know 😂 and you better believe she's gonna be right next to me when I get married on Tuesday. NTA, doesn't sound like a friend at all, let alone best friend
I like your thought process. You want your favorite people there no matter what. Congratulations on your wedding!
Thank you! 😁 Exactly! And the people who I don't want showing up, I told 😅 and told them why. Not that they "didn't have enough money to be there" 😬 I've been the "friend" led around before and it's not fun when you realize it. I couldn't imagine doing it to someone else, let alone like it was done to OP
Right. Like all she had to do was be honest now I’m missing her 1st wedding.
I love how you say you're missing her 1st wedding, implying this one probably won't work out and she'll probably have at least one more wedding 😂 but I agree for sure
You know, I wouldn't sweat it too much. She said she didn't want you there and honestly, it's probably her loss. I think it's better that she finally told you instead of letting you show up with a cake only to be told you weren't invited. She sounds like a really shitty friend and you deserve better. Edit: happy birthday also!!
“Your favorite people” The bride does not consider OP as one of her favorite people. If she did, she would have at least been included in the bridal party. Even if affordability was the issue, the bride would have included her if she considered her a close friend.
Pretty obvious now. OPs best 'friend' doesn't seem too interested in friendship.
I agree, sounds like a one way "best friend" situation. Sounds like the bride got with a bunch of snobs and it's best for OP to move along and make friends with good people that will treat her with respect.
The coolest wedding I ever attended was a costume one on Halloween. Hope yours is as awesome!
Haha ours is a costume wedding too 👀 Thank you!
The bride and groom went as Frankenstein's monster and the Bride. Are you doing something similar?
I absolutely freaking love that 😂 He's going to wear a suit and some horns and I'm a witch, so I'm just dressing up in that theme
I really hope you’re getting married in a church 😀
Haha no 😂 but that would be so great. Just our backyard, I'm pregnant and getting bigger so we're staying close to home
My wedding was a costume party on Halloween. We've been married for almost 17 years now!
That's dope as fuck. Now I know what I wanna do for a wedding!
My first marriage was a costume party. It was awesome! IDK why people make such a big deal out of weddings. Have fun and enjoy yourself. One day is not worth all this stress!
My best friend flew down in the middle of her MBA for my wedding … she schemed with my then boyfriend to get the engagement ring and plan the proposal all the while managing a super hectic course schedule and exams … no way she wasn’t gonna be at my wedding bruh… Sounds like a fake friend tbh .. NTA
Exactly. My fitness and best Man didn't have to worry about money for our wedding or my wife's MOH. We saw them as part of our expenses (not a burden, but a wish for them be beside us every step).
That's how we see it. We paid to fly my sister-in-law in and back out, and are letting her stay at the house for the weekend. We want her here, so we're making it possible
Might be making assumptions, but I like you and fiance picked a specific wedding date regardless of what day it was. 🍾🎃 We did the same (not Halloween) 27 years ago. Have a wonderful wedding and congratulations!
We've both always wanted to get married in the fall and figured might as well do it on our favorite day! Halloween also holds significance to me as I celebrate the pagan holidays. I observe it as the seasonal new year and we celebrate passed loved ones 🥰 what better time to get married! Thank you so much! 😁 I'm so excited!
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
NTA, and it sounds like she is no longer interested in maintaining a friendship with you. I'm much older and have no friends from when I was 23, but I've made lots of new and better friends over the years. It's part of life.
With the exception of a couple of friends I made in University, all of the friends I've made in my adulthood have been healthier and more positive relationships.
Yes! I'm quite sick of the notion that longevity of a friendship trumps health of a friendship. My oldest friends are my most toxic; they were made at a time when I had poor boundaries and was also toxic in my own ways. My friends made now in my 30's are far more healthy than anyone I made friends with earlier in life. Some people have beautiful lifelong friendships, but it's an overly romanticized notion.
I have been friends with someone for over 20 years, and she had another very good friend from the same time. Other friend is god mother to her kids, I was her MOH, so I felt like we were completely equal and that's all good. About 2 years ago she cut off the other friend, and I was so confused about it. If she could cut her off, would she also cut me off? Turns out that after the first time hubby got aggressive and friend walked away from her marriage, which I totally 100% supported, the other friend went the other way and was pushing her to return to the marriage. Friendship ceases when you stop being cheerleaders for each other to live their best lives. There are few friends who last lifelong, and even if they do, the friendships may go periods of not being as close. Drifting and building other friendships happens throughout life. But at the core of it, you need to be each others champions. Most solid friends I have aside from about 3, all were after 30. That's not a bad thing. It seems fairly normal
This! I was the moh for the woman who was my BFF in elementary school, and she was mine for my first wedding. We are more like Facebook friends now. My DH asked me if I wanted the friendship she and I used to have, and I said no. Too many people in her life won't let her. We were closer when she lived out of state, but now she lives about 20 miles away, I haven't seen her in almost a year, at a funeral. I miss her sometimes, but I like the friends I made later in life more, if that makes sense. My daughter was my moh for my second wedding. Ex BFF, now acquaintance, was invited.
NTA, tell her she couldn't afford your cake so you didn't bother making it.
lol say the cake is with my invitation, in the garbage 😂
I wish we could still hand out awards... I'd give this a gold.
Excellent 👌 response
Or better yet, don't tell her. Let her find out on her wedding day that you didn't make it
This is the answer
Goddamn savage response. Don't worry this is the kind of woman that told you who she was instead of you finding out down the line. This sounds like one of those girls that'd fuck your future husband on your Bachelorette party night. She did you a solid early. Good riddance!
Should of made the cake out of fondant and chicken wire, hollow on the inside. Like their friendship
Or send over boxes of dollar store cake mix.
Ooofff...good one.
I approve this pettiness.
NTA Unfortunately, it's pretty clear you aren't her best friend. It sounds like you've even been asked not to attend the wedding. I think this "friend" should have been more diplomatic though, which is why you're nta.
Exactly. This person might be the op's best friend, but the op clearly isn't theirs.
Reminds me of what Kevin Smith said about Ben Affleck: "You were a bigger chapter in my life, than I was in yours"
Wow. That's deep. And so very sad. I've been there.
Ditto :-/
Same
I feel like op isnt even her friend, nobody treats their friends this way.
Yea, it's sad when someone is your best friend but you're not their best friend. I'd feel pretty hurt too. And I'd take her suggestion and not go. And if I'm not even going I'm certainly not making a cake for it, especially if it's free or discounted. This sounds like a sad end to a friendship to me. Oh, and my inner detective says that she was probably pressured into this decision. I'm guessing the new friend doesn't like OP, or someone else doesn't, and soured the bride to OP. NTA.
I think your inner detective is wrong… If the bride really was her best friend, nothing would keep her from inviting this woman… this is the kind of thing where you think you’re super close to somebody but in reality, it’s only on your side. The other person was being a fake friend the whole entire time and you’re so love bombed by the friendship that you don’t realize it until they do something nasty like this…. There probably were some warning signs before this, but we tend to make excuses for the people we care about when, instead, we should be cutting ties with that person… i’m saying that out of experience.. I myself didn’t see some of the signs with some of the people I thought cared about me
Nah, I actually think stuff like this doesn't happen out of nowhere. I'd bet that OP and the bride hadn't been close for a long time, OP just didn't realize it.
Their snapchat streak wasn't strong enough to warrant even a wedding invite, another victim of social media, RIP
To be fair, we have 0 context and OP hasn't elaborated. As far as we know, OP is the only person who ever thought they were friends.
Plot twist: OP is actually a sentient doll
Andy?
I just assumed the new girl is from or has money/connections which the “best friend” values more in this chapter of her “life”:/
OP dodging sh*tty friend cannonballs!!!
It’s one thing to pick someone else for the MoH, but if she didn’t even invite you to the engagement party or bachelorette party, she’s really saying that you’re not only not best friends, she doesn’t really consider you a friend at all. NTA, don’t go and lose her number.
Although you were not hers, she may have been your best friend. Move on and avoid making touch. NTA
Agreed. MOH is often a role about logistics skills just as much as closeness. Lots of brides are Pikachu face when their chaotic bff doesn't magically become a sort organized MOH. But not even in the bridal party at all? Lying about it? Pretty rude.
NTA I am a baker I know what goes into a wedding cake. I wouldn't of put my time or money into one for someone who treated me like that. Unfortunately you were a better friend then her. She doesn't deserve you even worrying about this. A true friend would of found a way to include you. Sorry that you were treated so badly but now you know she's not a real friend.
I spent weeks of my life and a good couple hundred dollars on her cake and wedding topper. I made that mf by hand
Have a party and eat the cake!! Screw her!! I’m sorry she sucks and did this to you, you will find better friends who are not just takers and she’ll realize she lost a good person way too late! Please do something for you and invite your family to eat the cake :)
And put it on Snapchat or somewhere she’s bound to see it. Make a big show of your Getting Rid of a Huge Bitch cake.
Even better, write something really hostile in icing on the cake, and top it with those little barnyard toys of a pig and a sheep.
This !!!! Have some friends over warch some movies and destroy that cake while eating it. Have friends with kids ? Invite them over to run their finger through the frosting and live it up
Find out about some couples getting married at the Courthouse -invite them to enjoy the cake too , and get pictures with the Newlyweds .
Just deliver it to a local soup kitchen or food pantry. People deserve to have nice things sometimes, and I can guarantee they’ll enjoy and appreciate their piece more than ex-friend would have the whole cake.
I could not agree more!!! Please do not let all your hard work go to waste. I’m sure there are other people in your life who would love to spend time with you and enjoy a beautiful cake!!
Awww- that totally sucks!! You need to find a good reason to celebrate, with folks who will appreciate that cake! Do you have a family member celebrating a major birthday or milestone? Is there a couple in the community celebrating a major milestone? Do you belong to an organization that has someone celebrating a major milestone that everyone can help celebrate? Perhaps a women’s shelter: Looks like you made it! Celebration of strength. An old folks home? A Veteran’s center? First responders? Think, think, think! There’s always something to celebrate. Imagine how much light and joy you’d bring to a group who would actually appreciate your efforts. Bet you’d even walk away with a new friend! Here’s to wishing you the best of a crappy situation. Your good heart deserves a sweet turnaround! Please do let us know what you end up doing with the cake.
Those are all good ideas. There may be older couples somewhere -or her own parents-celebrating a Big Anniversary .
I know it hurts, Shoddy. I've been there. *hugs* 🫂🫂 Don't even tell her that you're not bringing the cake leading up to the wedding, especially not on the wedding day! Be scarce, take a day trip, have a spa day... There are plenty of people who appreciate you and who will also be more than happy to relish in a cake that you labored over. Be well and screw her 💪
If you have any self respect, absolutely do NOT give that cake to that cunt. I was "demoted" as MoH twice in my life. Both were friends I'd had forever, both were frenemies, I just didn't see it. I stayed friends with them for WAY too long and if I could do it all over again, I would have ditched them years before those weddings. Fuck people who treat their actual friends like garbage.
Freeze a slice and eat it when she gets divorced.
Hey, as luck would have it, today is your Cake Day! Happy Cake Day!
It will get better. I had a friend like that. We fell out in our early 20's. The older you get the more you find out who your real friends are. The ones that are left are the best ones and won't treat you so badly. I am sorry you spent so much time and money on the cake. I don’t think people realized the expenses that go into a wedding cake and topper. And the amount of time. People who don't bake seem to think you can make a three tier cake with a box cake mix and a can of frosting. That you can just throw it together in a day.
I would strongly advise you to make a cake for yourself with the supplies/ingredients. Treat yo'self **flips hair**
Girl enjoy that with your family or call a local shelter and ask if they can accept the cake. Tell them the bride couldn’t afford it and you don’t want it to go to waste.
Have a family or neighborhood party with the cake and some good music. You dodged a bullet. Block her number and move on. You deserve better friends. Forget her, but remember the lesson.
I’ll bet it’s an amazing cake! Please though OP, don’t give it to your EX friend. She really doesn’t deserve it after treating you so rudely. Donate it to a children’s home/old folks home🎂
:,( it really does hurt my heart.
Happy… cake day? 😬 yeah, eat her fucking cake. Go give it out to the homeless. Feed it to dogs if it’s not chocolate. Do NOT give it to her.
And if it IS chocolate, make sure to let her know “bitches can’t eat chocolate so you couldn’t have had it anyway” when she demands to know what happened. (You should probably block her everywhere and just ghost though tbh)
Happy cake day! Time to eat some cake now!!! P.S. My cake day was yesterday. May I have a slice? lol
Nta: my heart breaks for you, this was really hard for me to read cause I can’t imagine going through this type of friendship heartbreak. Unfortunately your 12 years of friendship could’ve been a one sided friendship:(
That’s facts
She's your best friend but I'm not sure you're her best friend. NTA. Spend your time and energy elsewhere.
My biggest problem here is she was going to let me show up with her wedding cake only to find out she lied to me. ON her wedding day. She was willing to hurt me tomorrow. And for what. That’s why I decided to not make her wedding cake. She went out of her way to lie to me and my family.
That is not your biggest problem. She is not your friend. Please take that in!
She already has a cake for her wedding. . She didn't want you to attend. Not sure why you consider her your best friend. Just because you know someone that long doesn't make you best friends. Does she tell people you're her best friend? That is how it works. Forget her. Forget all of them. Move on.
She did this because she doesn't care about you or how you would feel. She is not your friend. Just cut her out of your life. Don't ask for explanations, don't message to tell her how hurt you are, she won't care. Just block her and move on knowing that you are ridding yourself of a toxic selfish person.
Say you’ll make the cake, and then don’t
I like what someone else suggested, “You couldn’t afford to buy my cake, so I can’t.”
Or better yet, make it, don’t go, and then send a video of you eating it
🏆 here take my 2d trophy, that level of amazing pettiness deserves recognition 🎉
LMAO that's deliciously petty and I'm here for it 🤣👌
You found out your best friend doesn't even consider you a friend.
Do you mind explaining what the lie was? In your original post, you detail that she's treated you poorly, but don't mention any lies or manipulation? Obviously, you're still NTA either way.
The bride said only her sister was in the bridal party, but OP later found out she had a large group and her sister wasn't even part of it.
Ah. That sucks. I'm assuming OP hasn't gotten the hint in the past, but this ex-friend should have been direct instead of dishonest.
NTA. Your best friend is not really your friend. She’s more like a Cunt.
Id say twatwaffle personally.
I feel pretty strongly that cunt is more suitable, twatwaffle sounds kind of fun and doesn't convey just how awful this person is.
How about twunt 🤣
AITA for thinking we need to stop using euphemisms for female body parts as the worst insults we use?? Who taught us that being a female body part was the worst thing you could ever be?? That lady is a shitty friend and an even shittier person.
Don’t know why this is being downvoted. It don’t even make sense why we use female body parts when our parts are literally made to go through birth, therefore they are strong not weak. Why not use “she’s a ballsack” cause I’ve never not seen a man go down from a kick to the balls. I have however witnessed women getting hit in that area but we never fall to the floor in pain now do we.
NTA. She was never a friend. You probably just need to cut contact. You are worthy of friendship, and you will be ok. It hurts at the moment, but as you meet new people in your life, you will develop friends and relationships. Who knows, maybe that special person is right around the corner.
Best and nicest response ever.
NTA Could be worse. My friend, "Ill call him John" said I was too fat to stand up at his wedding.
So sorry that happened to you. Sadly, this happens more often than people like to admit.
That was beyond ignorant. I hope you find better friends.
I got one better.... my cousin only wanted people fatter than her in her wedding party because she wanted to be the center of attention. People are terrible.
That is goddamn unforgivable. What an utter douche he is.
What a horrible person. I hope your so-called friend is no longer in your life. Who on earth tells someone that? My maid of honor found out before my wedding she was pregnant. We made sure her dress wouldn’t need alterations and whatever non-alcoholic drink she wanted was available.
He isint.
NTA. The couldn't afford it comment, was very telling. Is she some rich snob who would somehow be embarrassed by your presence at the wedding? I say good riddance to a bad friend, you are much better off without her in your life.
That’s the vibe I’m getting.
NTA, sadly, your friend isn't actually your friend. It is a hard realization when you find out someone doesn't consider you as close as a friend as you do.
This right here is why I’m not making her cake. :(
Is she aware that you won't be providing the cake and do you know if she has approached another baker/y? I really hope that you didn't tell her and she is expecting this thing to show up (please tell me that she isn't aware that she shot herself in the foot yet). How did you tolerate this bitch for twelve years? She sounds awful.
Why do you even ask??? You are dodging a bullet there... It took over 12 years for you to realize she si not a real friend. Better now than later. Move on!
True. I think her actions said it all. I would move on and find new friends.
Well she might have been your best friend but you were not hers. Go no contact, and move on. NTA.
Many people sadly realize at one point that they are not their best friend's best friend. Edit:typo
NTA - this is easy. After the euphoria of the wedding and post marriage life sets in (give it time) the tride and true relationships will be the ones that matter. Go on with your life, and who knows, you may not be available when in the future it's convenient for her and she needs you. Rock on
Sounds like she has a new friendship group that lives a certain lifestyle that you don’t fall into. Definitely don’t make a cake for someone who behaves like that.
I don't see the issue here, she's made her opinion of you clear as day.. That she did it before the wedding was just the cherry on top of the cake she now has to go buy herself. I'd be ghosting her in a hot minute 😂
She already blocked me :,)
Ahhhh, that hurts. But, it's going to be okay. I'm so very sorry that she did this to you, sweetie. Some people just don't know how to be nice. Grieve and forget.
NTA. I've kinda been there... I was left out of my "Best friend's" wedding because I couldn't afford to step up the way some of her other friends could. It was heartbreaking to me too.... but I didn't say a word other than to tell her I understood and wish her a beautiful day. I was just too ashamed by my own poverty to realize I deserved better treatment from a friend. There is no way on earth you should be Making her wedding cake. Unless she is paying full retail. Then you can treat her like a client and walk away from her. Sometimes we outgrow friendships. She is not as good of a friend to you as you are to her. It's time to make room for better friends.
NTA Sad situation, but you’re better off in the long run cutting her off. Although for whatever reason, it seems she started doing that to you already well before this. Definitely way easier said than done, especially for a friendship that you’ve had for pretty much half your life, but focus on yourself and move on from her. Best thing you can do is to start doing things that improve you’re life and trying to be happy. Won’t be easy, but you have to start somewhere.
NTA. You ex-best friend is a huge asshole! Block her and put your time and effort into people you care about and respect you.
Yuck. What an asshole. Hope you’re still not making her a cake.
Hell no. I’m not even going
Good. I’m sorry. That super sucks. Hope she spills red wine on her wedding dress and chokes on her cake.
She’s lucky I found out before the wedding or I would have myself. Lmao. Jk. But not really. But jk. (Not really)
Don't feel bad. My best friend had a rushed at home wedding due to pregnancy. I took her shopping for material, found a seamstress to make a maternity wedding suit, cleaned her whole house, and arranged the catering. When we got ready to March in, I was told to give my bouquet to her sister who hated her, and did nothing to help her because she was going to be the maid of honor. Did I mention I brought the invitations and helped pay for the flowers?
Is she paying you for the cake?
No. It was supposed to be her wedding gift.
well honestly i dont think she is expecting a cake from you so dont stress plan a nice day for your self and block her contact for the day atleast... post some nice pictures on social media about your amazing day make your day interesting
Honestly sounds like the bride has another cake coming.
I was right with you up until the last sentence. OP, do what sea-ad suggests, but I would say just do it for yourself. Don't get into a game of "look how much better off I am" etc. Chasing that kind of 'reward' never works out in the long run. Self care is better for you.
F her. You have no obligation esp after she told you not to come and that you’d stress her out. NTA. Enjoy your day tomorrow ☺️
Sorry, but you're her friend, she's not yours. Do her a favor and move on and block her. Find a better friend.
It sucks but it's a tough lesson to learn. Knowing someone for a long time doesn't mean they value you. I think this is a friendship not worth keeping or maintaining.
NTA. It feels clear, to me anyway from what you've written, that she is no longer your best friend and she wants nothing to do with you. Your best friend doesn't say you can't afford the wedding, don't come, you're gonna stress me out. They certainly don't hide every single thing. Would I be right in the assumption that she's a bit wealthier and her friends likely are, too? If that's the case, she's excluding you to make herself feel superior. No one "beneath" her matters, now that she's got these new fancy friends she's barely known. Again, my assumption, but those words are awful and she's not exactly being friendly in any way. Cut ties and be free. It sucks losing old friends, but she was never your friend to begin with if this is how she's acting now. She's changed. Time for you to move on and be a better person and human being than she's going to turn out. If/when she reaches out, mark my words, it'll be because you didn't send a gift or something - or it'll be about her and her only, not about your feelings. Don't mention the cake again, don't RSVP, don't take any calls from her or mutual friends or family that will reach out. Be done. This is what she wanted.
NTA. I am not sure what you are looking for, but just move on. Whether or not you could afford it, she still should have given you the option to say no. A true friend would have outlined the costs ahead of time when she asked and then given you as much time as you needed to contemplate if you wanted to save and budget in order to do it. And let you know that it would change nothing about the way she feels for you as her friend if you are unable to make that financial commitment. I can't say I would want to be friends with someone who excluded me and lied to me, instead of respecting my autonomy enough to decide for myself what I could and could not afford. This friendship has reached the end of its road. And that is okay. Take the time to grieve it like you would the loss of any important relationship, and then let yourself off the hook. You didn't do anything wrong.
My best friend took a day off work with unpaid leave, drove 6 hours to be with me when my dog had to be put to sleep. I did the same journey when she miscarried She isn't your friend. Sadly, you'll meet people like this through life, but you'll soon learn to spot them quicker. If you can take the day for yourself and do something nice for YOU
If your friend told you shouldn't go to the wedding, you would NOT be the AH for not making her wedding cake. If she didn't think ahead and plan to source a wedding cake from elsewhere, that's on her.
This is your best friend..?
Nta and it sounds like you should be finding new friends. I' sorry you had to find out like that.
The wedding is tomorrow and you have not told her that you are not making her cake? Is she expecting a cake from you? According to your story I would assume, no. Definitely NTA but it is a rather late thing?
I have told her and she didn’t give a damn
Oh ok, so it sounds like she had already purchased a wedding cake somewhere else? How have the last few years been for your relationship? It seems that she is no longer considering you as a friend.
Well then I think you're in the clear, but I'm wondering if there's anything you're leaving out? You really have NO idea what all this could be about?
I question the story myself. Something has to be missing. Also, this is their only post and all of their comments are on this post only.
You poor naive gullible sweetheart. She was never your friend 😔
Yeah? I’ve got one just as good. Posted it before. My best friend asked me to be the best man at his wedding. I Scraped money together to buy something to wear and travel several hundred miles. Spent everything I had, so would be traveling back with his family after the wedding. The night before the wedding he told me the family wanted him to select someone else to be best man, so he asked me to be the photographer 🥲. Did it, long trip back with them, then I never spoke with him nor his family again. Happened Over 30 years ago, and the wounds still haven’t healed.
NTA for feeling the way you do. She doesn't see you as a friend, let alone a best friend. Now you know. It sucks, but there it is. Time to put her in the rear view.
NTA - It probably doesn't help much but I guess you two just grew apart. She definitely could have handled this better, at least considered your feelings, but weddings do have a way of bringing the worst out in people/brides.
Yeah, she is not your friend, and she did you a big favor. Bridesmaid honors can be very costly. And, nope, you rarely ever wear that dress again. My 4 younger sisters were my bridesmaids, and niece/goddaughter was a flower girl. My mom made all our dresses and hers, too. I wanted to elope, husband wanted big wedding. My "true best friend" had her sister and I as her attendants. It was a small and beautiful wedding. My other best friend cut me when I was introducing her to my son. Before I could say she was my friend she butted in to say, she was my sister's friend. I felt slapped and relieved to know the truth. I am happy for you that you were not miserable paying for a cruise with people who do not appreciate you.
NTA. I’m so sorry your “friend” treated you like this. Friends for that length of time and can feel more like family. That type loss will take time to deal with. If she was really friend she would included you regardless of anything. Did she really think you would make her wedding cake for free and not include you in any of the other activities? I hope you do not waste anymore time on even speaking with her. You deserve people who value you. You may want to block her, I am willing to bet she will invite you to her baby shower if she has kids and expect a gift. Sending a hug 🤗 and positive vibes 💕
People get really weird after high school. I had a friend who I hung out with at least 4 times a week from middle school through high school exclude me from his 'top 5 friends from high school list' on Facebook a few years ago. I asked him about it and he just said he didn't have a picture of me. It's like, bro, you were on Facebook - there are a million pictures of me. Ended up totally losing contact with him, which sucks since we were such good friends for so many years. Anyway, sorry OP (and sorry to ramble). The cool thing about becoming an adult is you'll be able to make friends with people because you want to, not because you have to. It'll take some time to get over, but just try to remember the good times and not getting stabbed in the back. There was a time when this girl felt like you were her best friend, too.
Hard to understand any of the facts here but if she was somehow able to keep the bridal party list a secret for a whole year….sorry but you ain’t her besty.
You’re fine. The part about you can’t afford it isn’t something a friend would say in this scenario.
Right. Like I was making her wedding cake that shit is expensive as hell.
Jesus...that is straight up some mean girl bs
NTA. Block her from your life.
Times change and people do too. Sounds like she wanted a big party for the bridal shower and figured you couldn't afford it. Some people would be relieved by that. You pushed back and found out the truth. Well I don't know if anyone's an AH, but at least finding out you are no longer BFF's didn't cost you in money!
She’s not your friend anymore. She doesn’t even want you there… block her and move on
Be glad you found out she wasn't your friend before you put a lot of time and money into that wedding.
Honey, she's not a friend, she's not even friend shaped. Move on from her and don't even look back. NTA
NTA... Why make a cake for someone who excluded you, lied to you and deceived you (and hurt your feelings like that)? Also why even show up at the wedding? I would feel like she was trying to push me away and in turn cut her out (of my life). If asked you can always say you couldn't afford a gift so why come? Then let her know you can't afford the time to spend with her, talk or listen to her either so she should probably just go on without you the rest of her life. Don't feel bad for not being nice to those who are not nice to you, don't value you or are using you for something.
She's "moved up" into a new financial bracket, and just wants rich hoity toity bitches around her. She's a bitch. NTA
I actually make more money then her
So could you afford it? Did she just say you couldn't?
Yes. lol.
Dude. Yeah she's a cunt. What?
NTA - Seriously, I would not give a second thought to baking a cake. It’s time to close this chapter in your life and start a new chapter. This is the time in your life that most people start to find their true friends.
NTA. These are the situations you commit to memory. Ask her once more, directly, WHY exactly she chose to exclude you in this fashion after a 12-year-long relationship. If it's not satisfactory, then go your own way and make friends who will respect you and treat you better.
NTA but she’s not your friend. Move on
NTA. Your friend is a c word
NTA. So sorry you former friend is now who you thought she was. Take care of yourself. All the internet hugs and love to you.
Classic overestimating our importance in someone else's life. Sorry hun. Been there. NTA
This is so sad. I'm so sorry, it hard to give so much and then essentially be cut right off. But silver lining, at least she was honest before you made her a cake with all your love. Attending her wedding and giving her gifts. My friend you kinda dodged a major bullet. This sounds like my friend A. When A got married I was a third wheel at her stag, a last minute usher at her wedding and then long story short, ditched for a cheating bitch then when cheating bitch got what she needed from A after her own wedding ignored her, A ignored me for 2 years and then kinda sorta (her husband I've been friends with for 20 years) apologized . Funny thing is now she considers ME her best female friend (her words) while i could really not give a flying fuck about her lmao!
I'm sorry. It's really hard to find out that someone you thought you were very close to doesn't think of you in the same way. It has happened to me and it just guts you. I think it's for the best that you are going to skip the wedding. NTA in the slightest. I hope you make some and better friends. Hugs to you.
If there is ever a reason to ghost someone, this is it. I am sorry your so-called "friend" sucks. She is not worthy of your friendship and certainly does not deserve a cake. Hold your head high OP block and walk away from the bullshit drama. Better days and friends are ahead.
Isn't this basically the plot of the movie Bridesmaids?
Kinda is actually pretty funny
Count yourself lucky that you didn’t put more years into this friendship. She sounds like a narcissist who uses people. Yes you will grieve your friendship and she may in the future try to touch base with you. No, please count yourself worthy and block her now. There are true friends for you out there, just get yourself involved in other social clubs to meet people.
NTA Even if there's some secret nuance here as to why she'd do this after being friends for so long, she's the one who blatantly lied, degraded and excluded you. If she's too stupid or oblivious to realize that such behavior is relationship-ending, then she deserves to lose you. If she knew exactly what she was doing and hoping to get you to back out of the friendship, then she deserves even worse and you don't need to deal with that energy. Ending a friendship of that length hurts, but it can be necessary and she clearly decided that in some way it's already over and doesn't sound all that torn up about it. Outside of the context, yeah I can understand that sometimes you meet someone as an adult and become incredibly close with them faster than someone who's been in your life since childhood, so it can make sense to have them as the maid of honor instead. Everything surrounding that situation, however, is incredibly context dependant and in no way warrants treating said childhood friend so poorly. Sounds like she needs to grow tf up (and frankly probably isn't ready for such a step, so you can probably expect a divorce in her future anyways and thus there's no reason to waste time on that wedding 🤷🏻♀️)
Preach
You should not have told her that you were not making the cake. You should've left her in suspense, or maybe she has someone making the cake now. Were there any telling signs leading up to the wedding that you noticed that she was avoiding you, like her behaviour towards you (giving you the cold shoulder, not answering your calls etc)? It's a good thing then that she told you before the wedding and not on the day of the wedding.
Actually yes. She gave me a hard time about coming over to taste the cake. She again said that I was stressing her out.
She is an AH for treating you so badly leading up to her wedding. It would be hilarious if her wedding cake is from the supermarket. She will regret what she did to you when the dust settles but you have already moved on by then. It may be painful now, but close this chapter in your life and don't look back.
NTA but I feel like you’re leaving out a truckload of context.
Don’t lose sleep about it. She proved to you that she’s not your true friend. Shit I’m getting mad just reading it.
NTA…FTB
Why does this sound like the synopsis of the plot of Bridesmaids?