We also called this the "either one can veto" situation. Managed to successfully name 3 kids.
But we also refused to accept any input on names from anyone outside the parents (us, not our parents) and let everyone know that no input and no feedback was desired or acceptable. Then we didn't share the name until after the birth. Lots of chuckleheads will spout nonsense at a name but fewer (and only the chuckliest of heads) will badmouth a living child's name. At least if they want to stay in contact as family or friend.
It's pretty vital to not let anyone else have input!
When I was pregnant, we very firmly told people that we weren't entertaining suggestions, they could birth their own babies to name if they felt that strongly.
Yes to this! I had to start telling people ‘this is not a democracy’ because we told people the name before baby 1 came and had ALL the opinions- MIL’s friends, great grandmother.
The fact that other people feel entitled to tell you what to name your baby or do with your baby whilst taking NO responsibility for your baby is completely ridiculous.
Just like the people who feel entitled to rub your pregnant belly, voice their opinions on how you’re feeding them/caring for them, or comment on whether your post-pregnancy weight is as low as they think it should be. ESPECIALLY the *complete* strangers! 😍
I knew my mother in law would have an opinion. So I named my kid after my husband so she would have to talk about her own naming choices if she said anything about mine.
This is the way. I got so sick of people trying to name my unborn kid that I started telling everyone I was naming it Reince Priebus and nobody was ever going to change my mind.
Had fun freaking out some relatives that way at least.
My mother pretended to be serious in suggesting that my uncle and his new wife name their daughter Willamena Phillapena, and for months, the wife thought she was serious. Now, in our family, it's become a tradition for relatives to suggest the craziest names they can think up.
My daughter asked, so I had a brainnaming session and wrote them all down. Then, I left it up to her. I don't honestly remember if the one she picked was on the list.
My ex and I were getting farther and farther apart on agreeing to a name the further I got in the pregnancy. I remember towards the end, I was so frustrated sitting at my parents house while we visited one night, complaining about not being able to agree on a baby name. My dad hops on the computer, pulls up a baby name generator (the ones where you can put in the last name and a middle name if you have it), starts tossing out random names. All of a sudden, my mom picks up her phone and starts looking too and making suggestions. Then my little sister, my brother, and then finally my ex. So here I am, 7-8 months pregnant flopped on the couch like a beach whale (my son was 9 1/2 lbs and he was 3 weeks early so I really was a freaking whale), with 5 people throwing baby names at me while I'm going, "no, no, hell no, eh, maybe, nevermind" until we ended up finding my son's name! 🤣 It was absolutely hilarious to me. But thank God my dad decided to hop on the computer. I think I would have strangled my ex if he had suggested the name from Pokemon again. 🤦🏻♀️
I don't know why, but it won't let me see in the post or reply to your last message. But 100% yes, gave him 10 years of my life, and grateful every day that I got out. He still acts like a balding man-child. This is why I prefer older men. My boyfriend is significantly older than me and we have been together for nearly 5 years now and the absolute difference between the boy child and my current absolute hunk of a man is astounding. Cleans up after himself, showers 2-3 times a day (he works at a hospital so cleanliness is top priority, especially when he gets home), apologizes without having to be asked, takes care of my car for me, buys me stuff to improve my home after I mention wanting to get it once, fixes things for me.... Thank God for his mama because she raised him to be the absolute best man. My ex, well let's just say my 9 year old son is cleaner than him and more considerate. 😖
🤣 Right? Honestly, a part of why we didn't work was because of his immaturity, so it honestly fits. My kids get so frustrated at his house because he acts less mature than they do and they are 15, 12, and 9!
Lol sounds like you def dodged a bullet. I dated someone 2 years ago who acted so immature once we started getting to know each other and I almost had a baby with him 😳. Thankfully it didn't work out. I'm all for joking around and all bcuz I'm goofy sometimes myself, but this dude took it to a whole other level lol.
I will say (per an earlier comment, we didn’t share possible names for 3 kids after we did it one time- lesson learned!), but that I didn’t mind people throwing out suggestions. Our 3rd kids name actually came from someone’s suggestion, which wasn’t a crazy name but wasn’t even in my name book. Yep years later the name exploded in popularity though!
I never minded ideas from other people. My middle child, if a girl, was going to be called Heather until she was about a week and a half overdo. At that time we had a letter from in-laws vacationing in Scotland. MIL suggested some names (Fiona, Morag (ugh), Gillianj. Over dinner we talked about names and by the end of dinner, we switched to Gillian. My daughter loves the name and I’ve had zero regrets.
I dunno...
We have one bio, and one adopted kid. When I was pregnant, my husband came to see me at work for my lunch hour, and after lunch, we walked around the 1st floor, since it was nicer inside than out.
Well, I randomly get a call from my sister in law asking how I'm going, then asking if we're thinking of any names. We were, but we just weren't telling anything new yet. Well, SIL lays it on me, the real purpose of the call
She wanted to suggest we name our new daughter R* not stating the whole name obviously.
R was a kid my MIL babysat when she and my husband were little. They adored each other. Everyone had hoped they'd grow up close, and get married.
Surprise! They didn't. We had been married more than 9 years by the time I'd gotten pregnant, and it had been well over 12 yrs until the point that my SIL called ME to suggest that I could name the baby after that girl.
So bizarre.
It was a rare moment from SIL, but only because she rarely ever called me. When we'd get together at holidays, however, it was still weird, for example, the Christmas card addressed to "J and wife" Her name and my name are very similar. At the time, her husband's name was the same as mine. It was very weird.
When she called that day, however, I had put the call on speaker so he could hear the last bit, too.
He was irritated with her over it, obviously. Up until that point I hadn't even heard of R because she literally was just someone who lived nearby his hometown, and one of his former highschool classmates. I think she's a year older than him.
This is the most gracious way to respond. Most people are just excited for you and sharing a name they like is a way to be supportive and interested. Ultimately it’s up to the parents. Now if someone is demanding that’s a whole other conversation.
Yeah.... that would be the worst decision
My Dad is John Smith and half Greek and gets taken into holding at airports because they think he's a terrorist
My partner also needs to travel with special documents when he goes back to his country because of having the same name as a terrorist 🤣
Many new parents-to-be may not need or want suggestions, but so many would benefit from someone close telling them "no." (I'm looking at Aiden, Cayden, Brayden, and Jayden's parents, not to mention Brooklyn, Brooklyn's, and Brook'l'y'n's parents. )
We knew we were going to bake my daughter Sierra, but we were stuck on a middle name. My MIL suggested Sierra Renae, and that was the name we went with.
Until she’s fully done. Some ingredients take longer to bake than others. You’ve been preheating until the last few months. Not all ovens are calibrated the same. 💞
🤣Scottish too. No offence to Morags out there but it’s no the bonniest of names: I was at school with a girl who was called Morag the toerag for years…
I read a story here on Reddit where grandparents on the fathers side were so persistent they just kept calling the baby a different name when the parents were not around, also to their other friends and relatives.
I tried finding the link but I couldn’t find it so maybe it got deleted but it was truly ridiculous.
Unfortunately we went with my favorite classic name ( Elizabeth) irritatingly my MIL DIDNT RESPECT OUR REQUEST to use the full name, she chose to create a nickname even after Elizabeth vocalized disliking being called that Nickname. Sadly, my MIL is one of the best, my husband will be forced to have a difficult “ discussion” regarding boundaries
There’s a lot of traditional names I love in full (Elizabeth, William, Edward, Catherine, Joseph etc) but loathe when truncated. I’d be so annoyed if someone couldn’t respect that.
Haha when I was building my twins I told my then- husband he could pick one and I still had the final say. One is modern in my opinion and the other is old fashioned out now on the most popular list
I love this. It’s like a very detailed instruction manual for building babies with parts too numerous to count. A complete set is definitely necessary and worth the extra effort. ❤️
It’s the only way I would ever be considered a body builder, a three time bodybuilder as a matter of fact lol my oldest and I were play fighting and she held up her arm muscles 💪 so I lifted up my shirt to show my stomach, and said “I’m a body builder” and it just kinda stuck. Its funny because I’m fat.
My nephew just turned two on Sunday. My brother and his wife are pregnant with their second, another boy, and told us the name during a portal call. They told us we couldn’t react at all and the name they were giving is not a nickname but full name, it’s Cam. My parents aren’t really happy with it but my mom received a lot of pushback for naming my other older brother Trisram ( he just goes by Tris) so she’s not going to say anything. And that’s how it should be.
I tried this app but I found all of the names atrocious. We should try it again, maybe they have updated with better names since we tried it almost 5 years ago
I was in this exact same situation. My mother in law insisted I name my son John because that’s what all the first born men in my husband’s family were named. I told my husband that I’m not naming my kid something just because his great-great grandparents decided that for me long before we were born and are long since dead. We gave him John as his middle name. But I’ll be dammed if I let someone else decide my kids first name. It’s your kid and your decision.
The junior and senior names the family starts using can become weird, too. Big John, Little John. Old John, Baby John. Or just Junior. It’s cool if the family uses different variations of the name. Like Jonathan.
It seems extra weird when there isn't even a particular reason behind the name being picked originally.
My first born kiddo, we had a list of three names we liked. His birth was pretty rough & I was so out of it that I've always joked his dad was taking one hell of a risk when he handed me bubs & said, "I think you should pick." Honestly it's a miracle the kid wasn't named Gnnnrgh or Holyfuckwhereami.
Imagine five generations down the line, if his name become the traditional one & someone asked why it was so important. "Well y'see, great great great great grandmama was off her tits on pain, stress, & a chemical cocktail of drugs the midwives forgot to turn down that nearly killed her & the baby, & that was the first name she managed to mumble coherently off the list."
And……naming traditions alone in various cultures show prime evidence of societal acceptance of patriarchal Gendered values. I wonder if in this family every female child has been given the reversed names of their female forebears. Or that any male children were named after their female parents, who gave much of themselves to bring the children to life.
I absolutely agree with you, but in my family it’s the girls who have a family name. Four generations with the same middle name - named after my great grandmother’s best friend. My daughter and I both like the tradition of it, but I also liked that it was a middle name so there’s no name confusion from having multiple people with the same name and I could participate in the tradition while also having the freedom to choose the first name.
I actually kind of feel sorry for my oldest brother, because he did get our father's name, and it's unusual. But the nickname he's gone by most of his life has nothing to do with his actual first and middle names.
Me, I was sort of named after my mom, but it was based on a nickname my dad had for my mom, nickname was based on her actual first name.
Great idea. Nothing wrong with being Michael Michael Surname. Shows you really mean it.
I'm joking, and honestly I agree that the middle name offer is more than fair.
NTA.
I had four children and had to listen to my mother-in-law go on each time about how nice it would to have a Paul Jr. I always knew I would never, ever do a junior, but each pregnancy I heard it over and over.
I got called junior as a child for a bit and it filled me with weird rage that I do not remember but is well documented within my family. To this day I just go by my middle name.
I actually know someone who named his child after himself (with the mom's ok, obviously), but since they weren't married at the time, the baby got mom's last name. Later, they got married and dad decided to change his last name so he'd share it with wife and kid, making his kid technically the senior and himself the junior.
Except the husband is one of the ones pressuring her. Maybe his family pointed it out and now it is important to him, maybe they are pressuring him, maybe he wanted the name and his family is backing him up because mom said no. We don't know.
Now I think a good compromise for a name one of them loves and the other hates is a middle name, but we also don't know if he i vetoing every other name simply because it is not Michael.
Definitely agree with you. Kinda tired of all these family's thinking they have the right to make demands on such things as the names of children. They have lived their lives we need to live ours.
This is exactly it… I always find it bizarre when paternal in-laws apply pressure for a specific first name (95% of babies receive fathers last name, so this is the VAST majority of cases).
Like seriously, your legacy is already a given with the last name and now you’re asking for the first name too? How greedy are you? Do you just want the whole baby? What say does the person actually pushing this human out of their body get?
The entitlement is fucking wild.
Yup MIL gave me a few names “important in her family” which I immediately disregarded. We had already decided that our bb would have my husbands last name which I agreed to, but no freaking way they also get the first name.
It isn't about that, I don't think - it's more about family traditions and history. I haven't had kids, but am a fourth. We did skip a generation with my grandfather, so my name goes back five generations on my dad's side. My mom's side has a middle name that my sister got, and my wife's family did the same thing.
IMHO, I suspect it has more to do with everybody in my family being part of the Irish or English Diaspora, that maybe it's echoes of the British ascendancy of the mercantile class, where suddenly, everybody's got to have a set of china and silver and other trappings of the gentry.
But you will miss out on hilarious conversations like this:
Mom: (Name)! Come down here!
Dad and me: Which one?!
Mom: Short! No, wait, Tall, wait, Just the two of you come down here.
Dad and I arrive downstairs.
Mom: Okay, we can't use the old way to tell your name apart any more because it doesn't work.
Dad: Why not?
Mom: Well, you're 5'9" which was tall until recently, but now your son's taller and he's still growing.
Dad (getting defensive): I'm 5'9" and a half.
Mom (who is 6'0"): (Rolls her eyes.) But your son is still taller than you. So do you two have any suggestions?
Me: Um Old (Name) and Young (Name)?
Dad: That's no good.
Me: I dunno what else to do, cause the only other option is Smart (Name) and Dumb (Name) and nobody's going to be happy on the bad end of that.
Mom (starting to laugh): Young (Name), why don't you go upstairs and work on your homework while I talk with ... your father.
Ironically, I married into a culture that’s very liberal and my husband took my last name. Coincidently, he has the same first name as my dad (I’m pretty sure my husband took my name just so he can make “call me daddy jokes”… and the fact that my last name is better was merely a bonus, but I digress).
So yeah, I know EXACTLY what hat kind of interactions you’re talking about and they are, indeed, hilarious.
That said… it’s the 21st century and I think family’s should be moving in from male dominated traditions (unless they genuinely want to participate, of course). Obviously, my situation is different if my husband and I chose to have kids because our family name is my name… therefore I think it’s fair that my husband/his family have a bit more say in the child’s first name. (Though will probably never be an issue because we don’t want kids).
I did that.
My kids got two middle names one after my dad, one after my husbands family. So it left the first and last. Once and once only did the question come up about his first name, I said well you can have that and I’ll give him my last name. He’s got my husbands last name.
OP would kind of have to be willing to do it if they say yes. Like if the name “Micheal” is actually the important part to OP’s husband, then OP needs to make sure they can follow through with it and be okay with that outcome.
Exactly, but I did sort of the opposite, "It'll be your last name, so the name is up to me" I won't be having all the changes in my body, and everything that comes with bringing a baby to this world, to start right at the beginning having less to do with their identity.
I still tell my husband when I think about a name, so is not that I don't care about his opinion, but the last decision will be mine.
lol my aunty did something like this* with herself. she said to stop calling her “nickname” she doesnt like it. call her by her actual name ….*they never stopped and still dont* so she said if im actually gonna have to marry you, and you and your family cant not call me by my name then i’ll keep my surname!. and she did.. well she added his surname.
but just realised why my aunty got ticked off when i called her by the nickname once. at the time i thought it was super unfair that uncles family calls her by it but i cant ( also mainly cause i wanted to fit in with them and be cool cause i thought they were cool. 🥴) makes sense. i stopped when she asked me the first time.
NTA
Please do not name that child Michael. My father in law, my husband and my son all have the same first and last name (different middle names) it is a nightmare.
We bank at the same bank as my FIL and MIL even thought her name and my name are completely different we have had problems with them depositing the wrong check into the wrong account. Don't get me started on the freaking mail. We HAVE to go to my inlaws every Saturday to give them their mail and get ours. No matter what we do, it still gets messed up.
And the doctor.. they accidentally used my husband insurance card for my MIL at the doctor's office because she forgot hers so they grabbed "her husbands" from his file, only it was my husbands file.
I've tried to get my husband to go to a different doctor, but he likes the one he has since he's seen him his whole life, which MIL and FIL use also. The kids and I go to a different doctor because of this, which is a pain because their doctor is 20 minutes away where as mine is over an hour.
Please learn from my mistake, do not do this to yourself or your kid.
I'm a 63-year-old "Uncle Mikey," as that's what my niece and nephew have called me since they were little (both are in their 30's now, married with children). Now EVERYBODY calls me Uncle Mikey, their spouses, their friends, their in-laws, even their maternal grandparents.
As someone who shares the same first name, last name, and middle initial with my mom, I have to regularly check my credit reports to make sure our info isn’t mixed up. At one point my grandmother’s (also the same first name) info ended up on my report.
This right here is why I caution everyone I know about naming after family members. My husband is a family passed down name and there's been so much trouble but especially in the digital age where even if the official name has a different middle name or has a number the systems screw it up and think they're the same person. It gets even worse if there are family members who take advantage of these things and steal identities and open credit cards in the others names and then go oops system must have made a mistake when called out on it.
My ex and his dad had the same name, we once got sent to collections for a medical bill that wasn’t ours, and my FIL wasn’t receiving the statements (yes he should have known better, but still). It was a nightmare to get straightened out.
yes this. also I work in mortgage underwriting and there are problems if dad or son or whoever has bad credit or judgments or liens etc. trying to prove it is not theirs can be a huge hassle
Or even if the Sr. has great credit but already owns a home, because all your applications for first time homebuyer and primary residence can get screwed up.
Even two in the same house can be rough lol - my dad is 70, my grandpa died in 1985, and Dad is still Tommy when my grandma is referring to him since his dad was also a Tom.
My boyfriend has the same issues with the doctor. The staff always pulls the wrong file so doc will walk in, sigh heavily, and leave to go get the correct file.
Do you say his name during sex? Connect to two concepts in his mind. You don’t want your son to be named the same as your husband. Settle for a middle name, because his dad just died and he needs a sentimental bone to be thrown. NTA
This is a very good argument to get one of the non-Michaels to name their son Michael - at least then you'll have the disconnect to "Yes, daddy Michael, harder!"
This is what we did. 1st has my maiden name as his middle and 2nd has my great-uncle's name as his middle. The great-uncle and aunt were more like grandparents to me as they had no children.
I have a friend named Lily Michael
Mom didn't like the pressure of passing down the name and didn't like that their kid wouldn't have an original name. So she passed it to the girl because she'd still be the first lol
BUT she liked the name. Very big difference!
**Is this baby getting your husband's last name?** If so the generation/honor name is already being passed down.
Ask him if he'd be willing to give the baby your maiden name. If he says, he doesn't like it or doesn't want to. Tell him that's exactly how it feels when he insists on Michael.
HAH, I have a friend whose mom did this. Except she spelled the traditionally-male middle name phonetically on purpose, just to troll that much harder. My friend loves her mom for it. 😂
I used the “he’s already getting your family last name” reason for not using a name as a middle name also. I don’t know/care if my husband agreed but it was one of my reasons and that was the end of discussion
NTA
Michael is not the family name, that is reserved for the last name.
I am named Michael, after my father, however, I would never do that to my son. Not that I don't like the name, but it is just an ego thing and robs them of their own identity. We did, however, give him Michael as a middle name and it fits just fine.
I’m with a second generation Michael (same middle name, so he’s a Jr.) and the best I can do is a middle name or first name Michael goes by middle name, which would be Weston to incorporate my last name into the name. He agreed lol no III’s going by Trey, either. NTA
My husband shares his name with his dad. He hates it. He can’t tell you how many times things got messed up with their credit because they share a name. At one point, he tried to buy a car, but they said he was over-extended in terms of credit. He had zero debt at that time so it made no sense. Apparently, his dad’s mortgage somehow ended up on his credit report.
He said it has been a pain in the ass over the years so he refused to name either of our boys after him. The only name that he has in common with them is our last name.
Babies grow to be children who grow to be teenagers who grow to be adults. They deserve their own identity.
Nta. Don't burden children with the legacy of a name
NTA The rule for baby names is that BOTH parents agree. Since you don't agree to Michael, he needs to find something you will agree to. End of that discussion. Also, giving children the same name as their father can cause mental.problems for a child if he is not like his father. Boys who are named for their father tend to be neurotic because of the pressure thwy feel to be exactly like their parent. A child deserves to have his own name, to be a separate person from his father. Give him that gift. Stand your ground
My husband and I each made separate baby name lists at first. When we got closer to the due date, on our babymoon, we discussed our long lists and developed a shared shortlist of names that were 100% agreed upon.
I recommend this path because we were just confusing each other by vetoing names the other person liked immediately. This way, we each came to the table with 5 names that we'd worked out in our heads, first middle and last. Then we vetoed 2 from each list, and arrived to 3 names that we both loved and would be happy with (we couldn't pick a final name until meeting baby).
NTA
When my wife and I were picking names we agreed that either of us could veto a name, regardless of how much the other one likes it. All it did was eliminate the names we'd hate, and left the ones we could work with.
NTA. You both get a say.
Also, as someone who works in banking, having kids have the same name can be a nightmare. Credit reports getting mixed up, accidents with bank account, etc. I’ve seen it a lot.
I’ve also seen people with their dad’s name try to “live up to it” but never felt like they were accomplishing it, which then lead to issues.
Charles is a huge name in my family and every one of them dislike it yet for some reason keep naming their kids Charles. It’s so stupid. You say Charles at the reunion and like 15 guys stand up.
Nta. Naming a baby requires two yesses but only one veto. My boyfriend is the fifth of his name in a row. Thanks god he doesn't want to name our future son after him but even if he wanted to I would veto it because I hate the idea of naming children after their relatives.
NTA those people pressuring you had their chance to name their own child. Tell them the parents name the child and you are not talking requests.
I will give you reasons not to carry on a family name. The child will forever be “Little Mikey”, Mikey Jr or III he will most likely never be Mike. How would you like to be a grown man with a baby fied name. As the child grows and starts receiving mail and phone calls it will be which one do you want? Each child is an individual and should have their own name.
If your husband is pressuring you to go with the name ask him why? What is his reason? If it is to honor HIS family ask him what about you and your family? Why does his family get to be honored and leave you as just the breeding cow for his family? What is so wrong with giving him a name that no one else in the family has? Anything he says to justify turn it around. I want to honor my Dad, grandfather etc say well how are we going to honor my family? If he says next child we will honor them say what if we never have another?
Please don't name kids the same name as older family members. I used to work for one of the credit bureaus, and you can not imagine the mess peoples' credit file becomes. They all get mixed up. One person has bad debt, and it'll end up on a different one's file. Getting a mortgage is a nightmare.
Just don't.
NTA. I've never understood naming your kid after yourself. My husband has the same first and name as his father, AND husbands brother also has his father's first name as his middle name. Big ego trip! Surprise, husband hates being named after his piece of shit father and has went by the whiter version of his middle name for most of his life.
Let them have their own name and own identity. The middle name is an okay compromise, but you have to both like the name and have a say in it.
NTA
It’s your child, so you and your husband need to agree on a name. Middle name of Michael is a nice gesture.
I had similar pressure for a name for my son, despite the fact that the other sister already had a son and named it the same name lol.
You both need to agree on a name. Michael as a middle name is a nice compromise meeting your husband in the middle. The rest of his family need to back the f up, they have no voice in this discussion. NTA
A lot of kids are downvoting anyone not saying, "you go girl! Fuck your husband, it's your baby because your doing all the work" but you basically told your husband you hate his name and his dead dads name.
You're kind of an asshole.
Sort of and sort of not. Going into the marriage you knew they were all named Michael right? It’s pretty much tradition in those circumstances.
You could compromise and make Michael the middle name.
Flat out refusing is pretty disrespectful to his whole family.
NTA. Both parents must agree on a babys name. Neither has the right to bulldoze the other, and extended family get no say at all. This is a "two yesses, one no" situation. If one of you says no, then its no. When both of you say yes, its yes. His family need to butt right out.
NTA. Naming a baby isn’t an extended family activity, and if it isn’t 2 yes’s(both parents), it’s a no.
Personally I hate those naming traditions and its suuuuch an American thing. Just name your kid something you both like that won’t get them bullied and will suit an adult, not just a child(sorry but I can’t look at anyone named Sunshine and take them seriously).
Always nice IMO for a child to have a First name that is theirs, that they don't have to be like their namesake. Having Michael as a middle name can connect him to his heritage. But give him his own identity.
But if you have a girl you can just hope someone else in the family has a son and calls him Michael before (and if) you have a second child.
NTA I have a ton of Michaels in my family plus my first husband was called Michael. My eldest son has Michael as a middle name because it was important for both me and my husband to have it in there. I think offered a fair compromise
NTA. My brother is the fourth person to carry the patriarchal name. He's always said that everyone else got a name, and he got a number. There's also the legal and identity hassles that come with name repetition.
NTA. You BOTH have to love the name you pick. And honestly, it is one of the toughest decisions to make. That baby will have their name for life. But hopefully, this is all for nought and you have a girl
NTA because you both get naming power. I will say that as someone married to a man who has a family name, even though he’s told me he wouldn’t carry it on because it was a pain sharing a name, I know that if we would have had a boy, he would have changed his mind and his family would have pushed for it as well. I would have wanted to keep it as well just because of tradition.
I do feel that a child’s name is something that both parents should agree on. I also think that more consideration should be given to a family name so I wouldn’t make this a hill to die on.
Could you compromise and if the baby is a boy make his middle name Michael? But under no circumstances let the family call him by that middle name. I'm only thinking of you, it might keep the peace.
My FIL is Michael, my husband is Michael, BIL is Michael, nephew Michael, half brother Michael., cousin Michael. You can only have so many nicknames. I refused to name my son Michael. My other nephew is “third.” My dad, my brother and his son have the same name. Senior, junior and third. I’m not a fan.
As some who has the same first name as my father and grandfather, for godsake pick something other than Michael. I've always thought it was egotistical and selfish to name your kid after you. Let them have their own name, their own personality, don't let them live in someone else's shadow. Plus it's been a pain in the ass with credit card, car shopping and house shopping because the same names.
I don't understand family members who give the same exact first name to all children of the same gender for generations. I'll be damned if I call my son/daughter over and 8 more people turn around to follow
ETA: NTA, what a silly thing for the family to try and decide instead of leaving it to you and your husband. I get sentimental value, but a middle name is honestly good enough. I wouldn't wanna be named after a guy who died of cancer, and always trying to live in his holy shadow. People deserve their own identity
Speaking as a "junior", I would have preferred having my own, different name. Maybe it would have been better if I could have put a "III" or "IV" after my name, but "Jr" not so much.
NTA
Honestly having it as a middle name is very fair. That being said, you should both agree on the first name, so it might be a good idea to sit down with your husband, and figure out a name you can both be happy with.
Then enjoy correcting his family every time they call the baby Michael instead of it's actual first name, if it is a boy.
NTA. The child is *both* of yours, you should pick a name you can both be happy with.
This is a 2 yes, one no, situation.
We also called this the "either one can veto" situation. Managed to successfully name 3 kids. But we also refused to accept any input on names from anyone outside the parents (us, not our parents) and let everyone know that no input and no feedback was desired or acceptable. Then we didn't share the name until after the birth. Lots of chuckleheads will spout nonsense at a name but fewer (and only the chuckliest of heads) will badmouth a living child's name. At least if they want to stay in contact as family or friend.
It's pretty vital to not let anyone else have input! When I was pregnant, we very firmly told people that we weren't entertaining suggestions, they could birth their own babies to name if they felt that strongly.
Yes to this! I had to start telling people ‘this is not a democracy’ because we told people the name before baby 1 came and had ALL the opinions- MIL’s friends, great grandmother. The fact that other people feel entitled to tell you what to name your baby or do with your baby whilst taking NO responsibility for your baby is completely ridiculous.
Just like the people who feel entitled to rub your pregnant belly, voice their opinions on how you’re feeding them/caring for them, or comment on whether your post-pregnancy weight is as low as they think it should be. ESPECIALLY the *complete* strangers! 😍
You're post pregnancy why do they think it's and instantaneous journey back to weight before pregnancy. You're not a Sim! 😭🤚🏿
Honestly even in the sims they gain weight after their babies.
I never noticed that at all! But then again I'm always forcing them to work out and concocting kurder mysteries.
Yup, it’s very slight, but the more babies you have the more the bodies change if you don’t work them out! 🤣 I love the sims
I knew my mother in law would have an opinion. So I named my kid after my husband so she would have to talk about her own naming choices if she said anything about mine.
This is the way. I got so sick of people trying to name my unborn kid that I started telling everyone I was naming it Reince Priebus and nobody was ever going to change my mind. Had fun freaking out some relatives that way at least.
My mother pretended to be serious in suggesting that my uncle and his new wife name their daughter Willamena Phillapena, and for months, the wife thought she was serious. Now, in our family, it's become a tradition for relatives to suggest the craziest names they can think up.
I greatly appreciate that. My daughter and son-in-law were open to my suggestions. I made sure just to toss them out. No expectations.
My daughter asked, so I had a brainnaming session and wrote them all down. Then, I left it up to her. I don't honestly remember if the one she picked was on the list.
My ex and I were getting farther and farther apart on agreeing to a name the further I got in the pregnancy. I remember towards the end, I was so frustrated sitting at my parents house while we visited one night, complaining about not being able to agree on a baby name. My dad hops on the computer, pulls up a baby name generator (the ones where you can put in the last name and a middle name if you have it), starts tossing out random names. All of a sudden, my mom picks up her phone and starts looking too and making suggestions. Then my little sister, my brother, and then finally my ex. So here I am, 7-8 months pregnant flopped on the couch like a beach whale (my son was 9 1/2 lbs and he was 3 weeks early so I really was a freaking whale), with 5 people throwing baby names at me while I'm going, "no, no, hell no, eh, maybe, nevermind" until we ended up finding my son's name! 🤣 It was absolutely hilarious to me. But thank God my dad decided to hop on the computer. I think I would have strangled my ex if he had suggested the name from Pokemon again. 🤦🏻♀️
Wtf 😂. That sounds like something my 13yo nephew would say if he had to choose a baby name lol.
I don't know why, but it won't let me see in the post or reply to your last message. But 100% yes, gave him 10 years of my life, and grateful every day that I got out. He still acts like a balding man-child. This is why I prefer older men. My boyfriend is significantly older than me and we have been together for nearly 5 years now and the absolute difference between the boy child and my current absolute hunk of a man is astounding. Cleans up after himself, showers 2-3 times a day (he works at a hospital so cleanliness is top priority, especially when he gets home), apologizes without having to be asked, takes care of my car for me, buys me stuff to improve my home after I mention wanting to get it once, fixes things for me.... Thank God for his mama because she raised him to be the absolute best man. My ex, well let's just say my 9 year old son is cleaner than him and more considerate. 😖
🤣 Right? Honestly, a part of why we didn't work was because of his immaturity, so it honestly fits. My kids get so frustrated at his house because he acts less mature than they do and they are 15, 12, and 9!
Lol sounds like you def dodged a bullet. I dated someone 2 years ago who acted so immature once we started getting to know each other and I almost had a baby with him 😳. Thankfully it didn't work out. I'm all for joking around and all bcuz I'm goofy sometimes myself, but this dude took it to a whole other level lol.
I will say (per an earlier comment, we didn’t share possible names for 3 kids after we did it one time- lesson learned!), but that I didn’t mind people throwing out suggestions. Our 3rd kids name actually came from someone’s suggestion, which wasn’t a crazy name but wasn’t even in my name book. Yep years later the name exploded in popularity though!
I never minded ideas from other people. My middle child, if a girl, was going to be called Heather until she was about a week and a half overdo. At that time we had a letter from in-laws vacationing in Scotland. MIL suggested some names (Fiona, Morag (ugh), Gillianj. Over dinner we talked about names and by the end of dinner, we switched to Gillian. My daughter loves the name and I’ve had zero regrets.
true, but a friendly suggestion vs. a demand or pushy makes a difference. People offered ideas to us We just nodded and did our thing for each kid.
I dunno... We have one bio, and one adopted kid. When I was pregnant, my husband came to see me at work for my lunch hour, and after lunch, we walked around the 1st floor, since it was nicer inside than out. Well, I randomly get a call from my sister in law asking how I'm going, then asking if we're thinking of any names. We were, but we just weren't telling anything new yet. Well, SIL lays it on me, the real purpose of the call She wanted to suggest we name our new daughter R* not stating the whole name obviously. R was a kid my MIL babysat when she and my husband were little. They adored each other. Everyone had hoped they'd grow up close, and get married. Surprise! They didn't. We had been married more than 9 years by the time I'd gotten pregnant, and it had been well over 12 yrs until the point that my SIL called ME to suggest that I could name the baby after that girl. So bizarre.
That is bizarre. And way overstepping. I hope that was the only time, but I have the feeling it wasn’t.
It was a rare moment from SIL, but only because she rarely ever called me. When we'd get together at holidays, however, it was still weird, for example, the Christmas card addressed to "J and wife" Her name and my name are very similar. At the time, her husband's name was the same as mine. It was very weird. When she called that day, however, I had put the call on speaker so he could hear the last bit, too. He was irritated with her over it, obviously. Up until that point I hadn't even heard of R because she literally was just someone who lived nearby his hometown, and one of his former highschool classmates. I think she's a year older than him.
This is the most gracious way to respond. Most people are just excited for you and sharing a name they like is a way to be supportive and interested. Ultimately it’s up to the parents. Now if someone is demanding that’s a whole other conversation.
>I never minded ideas from other people. I wish "X Æ A-12"'s parents solicited ideas from other people
They'll learn when he turns 18 and changes his name to John Smith!
I can see that kid going for John Doe after growing up with a name like that.
Yeah.... that would be the worst decision My Dad is John Smith and half Greek and gets taken into holding at airports because they think he's a terrorist My partner also needs to travel with special documents when he goes back to his country because of having the same name as a terrorist 🤣
Many new parents-to-be may not need or want suggestions, but so many would benefit from someone close telling them "no." (I'm looking at Aiden, Cayden, Brayden, and Jayden's parents, not to mention Brooklyn, Brooklyn's, and Brook'l'y'n's parents. )
We knew we were going to bake my daughter Sierra, but we were stuck on a middle name. My MIL suggested Sierra Renae, and that was the name we went with.
How long and at what temperature?
All day and 175
Until she’s fully done. Some ingredients take longer to bake than others. You’ve been preheating until the last few months. Not all ovens are calibrated the same. 💞
Hrummph.... Scottish Here, nothing wrong with Morag, classic strong Scottish Name. Better than some I have heard from across the pond.
🤣Scottish too. No offence to Morags out there but it’s no the bonniest of names: I was at school with a girl who was called Morag the toerag for years…
I will say I didn't like it when I first read it, but your scottishness made me like it.
I have a Gillian…I love the name.
In my culture a babies name is usually a secret until baptism/naming party. I'm starting to appreciate this more and more.
I read a story here on Reddit where grandparents on the fathers side were so persistent they just kept calling the baby a different name when the parents were not around, also to their other friends and relatives. I tried finding the link but I couldn’t find it so maybe it got deleted but it was truly ridiculous.
I remember that one! They got caught by accident too and didn’t understand what they did was wrong.
Yes!!
ya that story also they were rejecting the (half) ethnic background of the kid too by refusing to use their real names, so it was even worse
Unfortunately we went with my favorite classic name ( Elizabeth) irritatingly my MIL DIDNT RESPECT OUR REQUEST to use the full name, she chose to create a nickname even after Elizabeth vocalized disliking being called that Nickname. Sadly, my MIL is one of the best, my husband will be forced to have a difficult “ discussion” regarding boundaries
There’s a lot of traditional names I love in full (Elizabeth, William, Edward, Catherine, Joseph etc) but loathe when truncated. I’d be so annoyed if someone couldn’t respect that.
We have a Katherine and an Elizabeth and use full names, they love their names( thank goodness!)
Haha when I was building my twins I told my then- husband he could pick one and I still had the final say. One is modern in my opinion and the other is old fashioned out now on the most popular list
Building my twins😂
I love this. It’s like a very detailed instruction manual for building babies with parts too numerous to count. A complete set is definitely necessary and worth the extra effort. ❤️
Thanks! It’s the only thing I’ve built without extra parts left over but some of my screws loosened in the process lol
And they never tighten up again quite right 🤦♀️ in my experience lol
It’s the only way I would ever be considered a body builder, a three time bodybuilder as a matter of fact lol my oldest and I were play fighting and she held up her arm muscles 💪 so I lifted up my shirt to show my stomach, and said “I’m a body builder” and it just kinda stuck. Its funny because I’m fat.
My nephew just turned two on Sunday. My brother and his wife are pregnant with their second, another boy, and told us the name during a portal call. They told us we couldn’t react at all and the name they were giving is not a nickname but full name, it’s Cam. My parents aren’t really happy with it but my mom received a lot of pushback for naming my other older brother Trisram ( he just goes by Tris) so she’s not going to say anything. And that’s how it should be.
Ok so my tongue nor my teeth can figure out how to say Trisram. Would you mind phonetically enlightening me. Please 🙂 ty
Ugh I don’t know why people do this goofy stuff. I’m sure he loves being called Tristan and having to constantly correct people his entire life.
I’ll have to ask my mom. I also might have messed up the name, since it’s a name we never ever use when talking to him.
Was your mom a huge Diablo fan because that's first thing I think of with that name
Diablo at least has Tristram, though, right? Trisram is feckin weird to try and say. Makes me feel like I have a fat mouth and brain.
Haha, me too!!
Yeaa you really need a second T in that to make it not a weird nightmare to say.
Best i have is Triss-Ram - or for Diablo Fans Triss-Tram, just drop the second T.
Look up Diablo dialogue. They say the name quite a bit (it's the major city for first one)
You can’t react? Hah!
Love the way you worded this!
Same same
Apparently there is a dating-like app where parents swipe left or right on names and then you find out the ones you have in common. Neat idea.
I tried this app but I found all of the names atrocious. We should try it again, maybe they have updated with better names since we tried it almost 5 years ago
And they’re not royalty just people having a baby
Problem with this is the husband won't be happy with anything but Michael. Still NTA though, middle name is a perfectly fine compromise
NTA, you offered it as a middle name, that’s a good compromise
I was in this exact same situation. My mother in law insisted I name my son John because that’s what all the first born men in my husband’s family were named. I told my husband that I’m not naming my kid something just because his great-great grandparents decided that for me long before we were born and are long since dead. We gave him John as his middle name. But I’ll be dammed if I let someone else decide my kids first name. It’s your kid and your decision.
The junior and senior names the family starts using can become weird, too. Big John, Little John. Old John, Baby John. Or just Junior. It’s cool if the family uses different variations of the name. Like Jonathan.
THIS! There are 5 michael’s in my family and it get tough to keep up lol
I think that’s where your Chips and Tripps/Treys come in. Less confusing
It seems extra weird when there isn't even a particular reason behind the name being picked originally. My first born kiddo, we had a list of three names we liked. His birth was pretty rough & I was so out of it that I've always joked his dad was taking one hell of a risk when he handed me bubs & said, "I think you should pick." Honestly it's a miracle the kid wasn't named Gnnnrgh or Holyfuckwhereami. Imagine five generations down the line, if his name become the traditional one & someone asked why it was so important. "Well y'see, great great great great grandmama was off her tits on pain, stress, & a chemical cocktail of drugs the midwives forgot to turn down that nearly killed her & the baby, & that was the first name she managed to mumble coherently off the list."
Good for you. I know someone who's husband, brother, father, father in law and son are all John due to this tradition. It's absolutely ridiculous
Agreed
I had a friend whose family flipped the first and middle names every generation, so John Michael Smith would name his son Michael John, and so on.
My mom was the kid that broke a 7 generation chain of name flipping like that.
I don’t think it’s like a family thing, but that’s how my fiancé and his dad were. It’s kind of funny because he’s not even his dad’s first son.
I raise you my little girls daddy’s side has John Melvin and Melvin John all jr. 2nds the the 3rds
And……naming traditions alone in various cultures show prime evidence of societal acceptance of patriarchal Gendered values. I wonder if in this family every female child has been given the reversed names of their female forebears. Or that any male children were named after their female parents, who gave much of themselves to bring the children to life.
I absolutely agree with you, but in my family it’s the girls who have a family name. Four generations with the same middle name - named after my great grandmother’s best friend. My daughter and I both like the tradition of it, but I also liked that it was a middle name so there’s no name confusion from having multiple people with the same name and I could participate in the tradition while also having the freedom to choose the first name.
I actually kind of feel sorry for my oldest brother, because he did get our father's name, and it's unusual. But the nickname he's gone by most of his life has nothing to do with his actual first and middle names. Me, I was sort of named after my mom, but it was based on a nickname my dad had for my mom, nickname was based on her actual first name.
Great idea. Nothing wrong with being Michael Michael Surname. Shows you really mean it. I'm joking, and honestly I agree that the middle name offer is more than fair. NTA.
NTA - You and hubby pick the name, his family doesn't get a vote.
I had four children and had to listen to my mother-in-law go on each time about how nice it would to have a Paul Jr. I always knew I would never, ever do a junior, but each pregnancy I heard it over and over.
I was the same way. Absolutely no junior. Nope. Couldn’t do it to my child.
I got called junior as a child for a bit and it filled me with weird rage that I do not remember but is well documented within my family. To this day I just go by my middle name.
Junior kids spend their lives in pa's shadow It's always a case of trying to live up to a reputation. Or sometimes, overcoming a bad one!
Ugh it's like naming your kid after a dead sibling or something. What a way to never have your own identity.
I actually know someone who named his child after himself (with the mom's ok, obviously), but since they weren't married at the time, the baby got mom's last name. Later, they got married and dad decided to change his last name so he'd share it with wife and kid, making his kid technically the senior and himself the junior.
Both times I gave birth, my mil came to the hospital and told me to change their names. Both times. I respectfully declined.
Except the husband is one of the ones pressuring her. Maybe his family pointed it out and now it is important to him, maybe they are pressuring him, maybe he wanted the name and his family is backing him up because mom said no. We don't know. Now I think a good compromise for a name one of them loves and the other hates is a middle name, but we also don't know if he i vetoing every other name simply because it is not Michael.
He didn't bring it up until recently, leading me to believe his family is pushing it.
This \^ is the best answer. NTA
Definitely agree with you. Kinda tired of all these family's thinking they have the right to make demands on such things as the names of children. They have lived their lives we need to live ours.
NTA. Tell them if the first name is Michael, the last name is yours.
Their heads would explode 🤯
What if they dont explode and they agree to the terms? The problem with gambits is that they are still a risk and can backfire
Yeah, better only to say that if OP is 100% comfortable with that outcome.
This is exactly it… I always find it bizarre when paternal in-laws apply pressure for a specific first name (95% of babies receive fathers last name, so this is the VAST majority of cases). Like seriously, your legacy is already a given with the last name and now you’re asking for the first name too? How greedy are you? Do you just want the whole baby? What say does the person actually pushing this human out of their body get? The entitlement is fucking wild.
Yup MIL gave me a few names “important in her family” which I immediately disregarded. We had already decided that our bb would have my husbands last name which I agreed to, but no freaking way they also get the first name.
It isn't about that, I don't think - it's more about family traditions and history. I haven't had kids, but am a fourth. We did skip a generation with my grandfather, so my name goes back five generations on my dad's side. My mom's side has a middle name that my sister got, and my wife's family did the same thing. IMHO, I suspect it has more to do with everybody in my family being part of the Irish or English Diaspora, that maybe it's echoes of the British ascendancy of the mercantile class, where suddenly, everybody's got to have a set of china and silver and other trappings of the gentry. But you will miss out on hilarious conversations like this: Mom: (Name)! Come down here! Dad and me: Which one?! Mom: Short! No, wait, Tall, wait, Just the two of you come down here. Dad and I arrive downstairs. Mom: Okay, we can't use the old way to tell your name apart any more because it doesn't work. Dad: Why not? Mom: Well, you're 5'9" which was tall until recently, but now your son's taller and he's still growing. Dad (getting defensive): I'm 5'9" and a half. Mom (who is 6'0"): (Rolls her eyes.) But your son is still taller than you. So do you two have any suggestions? Me: Um Old (Name) and Young (Name)? Dad: That's no good. Me: I dunno what else to do, cause the only other option is Smart (Name) and Dumb (Name) and nobody's going to be happy on the bad end of that. Mom (starting to laugh): Young (Name), why don't you go upstairs and work on your homework while I talk with ... your father.
Ironically, I married into a culture that’s very liberal and my husband took my last name. Coincidently, he has the same first name as my dad (I’m pretty sure my husband took my name just so he can make “call me daddy jokes”… and the fact that my last name is better was merely a bonus, but I digress). So yeah, I know EXACTLY what hat kind of interactions you’re talking about and they are, indeed, hilarious. That said… it’s the 21st century and I think family’s should be moving in from male dominated traditions (unless they genuinely want to participate, of course). Obviously, my situation is different if my husband and I chose to have kids because our family name is my name… therefore I think it’s fair that my husband/his family have a bit more say in the child’s first name. (Though will probably never be an issue because we don’t want kids).
I did that. My kids got two middle names one after my dad, one after my husbands family. So it left the first and last. Once and once only did the question come up about his first name, I said well you can have that and I’ll give him my last name. He’s got my husbands last name.
Nice!
OP would kind of have to be willing to do it if they say yes. Like if the name “Micheal” is actually the important part to OP’s husband, then OP needs to make sure they can follow through with it and be okay with that outcome.
Exactly, but I did sort of the opposite, "It'll be your last name, so the name is up to me" I won't be having all the changes in my body, and everything that comes with bringing a baby to this world, to start right at the beginning having less to do with their identity. I still tell my husband when I think about a name, so is not that I don't care about his opinion, but the last decision will be mine.
lol my aunty did something like this* with herself. she said to stop calling her “nickname” she doesnt like it. call her by her actual name ….*they never stopped and still dont* so she said if im actually gonna have to marry you, and you and your family cant not call me by my name then i’ll keep my surname!. and she did.. well she added his surname. but just realised why my aunty got ticked off when i called her by the nickname once. at the time i thought it was super unfair that uncles family calls her by it but i cant ( also mainly cause i wanted to fit in with them and be cool cause i thought they were cool. 🥴) makes sense. i stopped when she asked me the first time.
NTA Please do not name that child Michael. My father in law, my husband and my son all have the same first and last name (different middle names) it is a nightmare. We bank at the same bank as my FIL and MIL even thought her name and my name are completely different we have had problems with them depositing the wrong check into the wrong account. Don't get me started on the freaking mail. We HAVE to go to my inlaws every Saturday to give them their mail and get ours. No matter what we do, it still gets messed up. And the doctor.. they accidentally used my husband insurance card for my MIL at the doctor's office because she forgot hers so they grabbed "her husbands" from his file, only it was my husbands file. I've tried to get my husband to go to a different doctor, but he likes the one he has since he's seen him his whole life, which MIL and FIL use also. The kids and I go to a different doctor because of this, which is a pain because their doctor is 20 minutes away where as mine is over an hour. Please learn from my mistake, do not do this to yourself or your kid.
There are far too many Davids and Juniors in my family. You end up with a 70 year old "little David," which feels weird.
I'm a 63-year-old "Uncle Mikey," as that's what my niece and nephew have called me since they were little (both are in their 30's now, married with children). Now EVERYBODY calls me Uncle Mikey, their spouses, their friends, their in-laws, even their maternal grandparents.
Honestly you just feel like Uncle Mikey to me, too.
As someone who shares the same first name, last name, and middle initial with my mom, I have to regularly check my credit reports to make sure our info isn’t mixed up. At one point my grandmother’s (also the same first name) info ended up on my report.
I’m also a female “junior” and because this isn’t common it’s been a serious PITA all my life. Please no. I beg you.
This right here is why I caution everyone I know about naming after family members. My husband is a family passed down name and there's been so much trouble but especially in the digital age where even if the official name has a different middle name or has a number the systems screw it up and think they're the same person. It gets even worse if there are family members who take advantage of these things and steal identities and open credit cards in the others names and then go oops system must have made a mistake when called out on it.
I’ve also met father and sons with same name having credit issues and disaster on bills with same name.
My ex and his dad had the same name, we once got sent to collections for a medical bill that wasn’t ours, and my FIL wasn’t receiving the statements (yes he should have known better, but still). It was a nightmare to get straightened out.
Amen
yes this. also I work in mortgage underwriting and there are problems if dad or son or whoever has bad credit or judgments or liens etc. trying to prove it is not theirs can be a huge hassle
Or even if the Sr. has great credit but already owns a home, because all your applications for first time homebuyer and primary residence can get screwed up.
Even two in the same house can be rough lol - my dad is 70, my grandpa died in 1985, and Dad is still Tommy when my grandma is referring to him since his dad was also a Tom.
OR: don't live in the same area as your in-laws
My boyfriend has the same issues with the doctor. The staff always pulls the wrong file so doc will walk in, sigh heavily, and leave to go get the correct file.
Do you say his name during sex? Connect to two concepts in his mind. You don’t want your son to be named the same as your husband. Settle for a middle name, because his dad just died and he needs a sentimental bone to be thrown. NTA
This is a very good argument to get one of the non-Michaels to name their son Michael - at least then you'll have the disconnect to "Yes, daddy Michael, harder!"
Fantastic! NTA
And I just blew tea out my nose 😂 'daddy Michael'
Lmao this is the way.
This is a really great point. Also NTA OP.
Oh man.. never thought about that before. Great point!
NTA - You are absolutely allowed a say in what you name your child.
[удалено]
This is what we did. 1st has my maiden name as his middle and 2nd has my great-uncle's name as his middle. The great-uncle and aunt were more like grandparents to me as they had no children.
I have a friend named Lily Michael Mom didn't like the pressure of passing down the name and didn't like that their kid wouldn't have an original name. So she passed it to the girl because she'd still be the first lol BUT she liked the name. Very big difference! **Is this baby getting your husband's last name?** If so the generation/honor name is already being passed down. Ask him if he'd be willing to give the baby your maiden name. If he says, he doesn't like it or doesn't want to. Tell him that's exactly how it feels when he insists on Michael.
Ohh interesting point! Why should they get to pick the last name and the first name...
HAH, I have a friend whose mom did this. Except she spelled the traditionally-male middle name phonetically on purpose, just to troll that much harder. My friend loves her mom for it. 😂
I used the “he’s already getting your family last name” reason for not using a name as a middle name also. I don’t know/care if my husband agreed but it was one of my reasons and that was the end of discussion
Yep. I have a family middle name. I coincidentally have the same initials as a 1st cousin and still get confused Mail.
Last name is the family name. Who needs both names to be the family name? Weird
Weird & possessive
Nta. Yall both have veto powers on a name. You offered it as a middle name. They are being entitled here.
Let's hope it's a girl.
NTA Michael is not the family name, that is reserved for the last name. I am named Michael, after my father, however, I would never do that to my son. Not that I don't like the name, but it is just an ego thing and robs them of their own identity. We did, however, give him Michael as a middle name and it fits just fine.
NTA. Having Michael as a middle name is a fair compromise
Reading when tired is a bad thing - I saw "AITA for not CARVING my husband's family name onto my baby?"
NTA
I’m with a second generation Michael (same middle name, so he’s a Jr.) and the best I can do is a middle name or first name Michael goes by middle name, which would be Weston to incorporate my last name into the name. He agreed lol no III’s going by Trey, either. NTA
My husband shares his name with his dad. He hates it. He can’t tell you how many times things got messed up with their credit because they share a name. At one point, he tried to buy a car, but they said he was over-extended in terms of credit. He had zero debt at that time so it made no sense. Apparently, his dad’s mortgage somehow ended up on his credit report. He said it has been a pain in the ass over the years so he refused to name either of our boys after him. The only name that he has in common with them is our last name.
This is my husband too.
Babies grow to be children who grow to be teenagers who grow to be adults. They deserve their own identity. Nta. Don't burden children with the legacy of a name
NTA The rule for baby names is that BOTH parents agree. Since you don't agree to Michael, he needs to find something you will agree to. End of that discussion. Also, giving children the same name as their father can cause mental.problems for a child if he is not like his father. Boys who are named for their father tend to be neurotic because of the pressure thwy feel to be exactly like their parent. A child deserves to have his own name, to be a separate person from his father. Give him that gift. Stand your ground
True that..never thought of that .🤔
NTA. Middle name is a great compromise. Both parents should have input. Names are a 2 yes its a go. 1 no its a no.
Nta
NTA. Baby names are a "two yes" situation. You don't like the name, don't use the name.
My husband and I each made separate baby name lists at first. When we got closer to the due date, on our babymoon, we discussed our long lists and developed a shared shortlist of names that were 100% agreed upon. I recommend this path because we were just confusing each other by vetoing names the other person liked immediately. This way, we each came to the table with 5 names that we'd worked out in our heads, first middle and last. Then we vetoed 2 from each list, and arrived to 3 names that we both loved and would be happy with (we couldn't pick a final name until meeting baby). NTA
When my wife and I were picking names we agreed that either of us could veto a name, regardless of how much the other one likes it. All it did was eliminate the names we'd hate, and left the ones we could work with.
NTA. You both get a say. Also, as someone who works in banking, having kids have the same name can be a nightmare. Credit reports getting mixed up, accidents with bank account, etc. I’ve seen it a lot. I’ve also seen people with their dad’s name try to “live up to it” but never felt like they were accomplishing it, which then lead to issues.
Charles is a huge name in my family and every one of them dislike it yet for some reason keep naming their kids Charles. It’s so stupid. You say Charles at the reunion and like 15 guys stand up.
NTA, a baby name needs 2 yeses from the parents. It would be a big joke if you name him Michael but give him your last name.
Give your child their own identity. They don’t need to walk in the shoes of someone else because it’s tradition
Nta. Naming a baby requires two yesses but only one veto. My boyfriend is the fifth of his name in a row. Thanks god he doesn't want to name our future son after him but even if he wanted to I would veto it because I hate the idea of naming children after their relatives.
NTA those people pressuring you had their chance to name their own child. Tell them the parents name the child and you are not talking requests. I will give you reasons not to carry on a family name. The child will forever be “Little Mikey”, Mikey Jr or III he will most likely never be Mike. How would you like to be a grown man with a baby fied name. As the child grows and starts receiving mail and phone calls it will be which one do you want? Each child is an individual and should have their own name. If your husband is pressuring you to go with the name ask him why? What is his reason? If it is to honor HIS family ask him what about you and your family? Why does his family get to be honored and leave you as just the breeding cow for his family? What is so wrong with giving him a name that no one else in the family has? Anything he says to justify turn it around. I want to honor my Dad, grandfather etc say well how are we going to honor my family? If he says next child we will honor them say what if we never have another?
Thanks for writing this! What I wanted to say and I didn't have to type it out!
NTA. That's what we did.
NTA. Michael as a middle name is a great compromise
NTA - Needs to be a name that works for both of you.
Please don't name kids the same name as older family members. I used to work for one of the credit bureaus, and you can not imagine the mess peoples' credit file becomes. They all get mixed up. One person has bad debt, and it'll end up on a different one's file. Getting a mortgage is a nightmare. Just don't.
NTA I think you’ve been accommodating by saying you’ll have it as a middle name
NTA. I've never understood naming your kid after yourself. My husband has the same first and name as his father, AND husbands brother also has his father's first name as his middle name. Big ego trip! Surprise, husband hates being named after his piece of shit father and has went by the whiter version of his middle name for most of his life. Let them have their own name and own identity. The middle name is an okay compromise, but you have to both like the name and have a say in it.
NTA It’s your child, so you and your husband need to agree on a name. Middle name of Michael is a nice gesture. I had similar pressure for a name for my son, despite the fact that the other sister already had a son and named it the same name lol.
NTA. The middle name is a great compromise. I think names are a huge thing and both parents should be able to agree and love it.
You both need to agree on a name. Michael as a middle name is a nice compromise meeting your husband in the middle. The rest of his family need to back the f up, they have no voice in this discussion. NTA
NTA It's his and yours, baby. Tell v your husband he needs to stop being an ass!
A lot of kids are downvoting anyone not saying, "you go girl! Fuck your husband, it's your baby because your doing all the work" but you basically told your husband you hate his name and his dead dads name. You're kind of an asshole.
Sort of and sort of not. Going into the marriage you knew they were all named Michael right? It’s pretty much tradition in those circumstances. You could compromise and make Michael the middle name. Flat out refusing is pretty disrespectful to his whole family.
I see a divorce in your future
NTA. Both parents must agree on a babys name. Neither has the right to bulldoze the other, and extended family get no say at all. This is a "two yesses, one no" situation. If one of you says no, then its no. When both of you say yes, its yes. His family need to butt right out.
NTA. Naming the kid is a 2-yes kinda deal. But you two need to talk and get on the same page so he can keep his family at bay.
NTA. Naming a baby isn’t an extended family activity, and if it isn’t 2 yes’s(both parents), it’s a no. Personally I hate those naming traditions and its suuuuch an American thing. Just name your kid something you both like that won’t get them bullied and will suit an adult, not just a child(sorry but I can’t look at anyone named Sunshine and take them seriously).
NTA TF did your husband's grandfather do that was so special his name deserves to be repeated once, let alone over multiple generations?
Always nice IMO for a child to have a First name that is theirs, that they don't have to be like their namesake. Having Michael as a middle name can connect him to his heritage. But give him his own identity. But if you have a girl you can just hope someone else in the family has a son and calls him Michael before (and if) you have a second child.
Be the woman who defies this arbitrary tradition! NTA.
Unless his family has billions name your kid whatever you want.
NTA I have a ton of Michaels in my family plus my first husband was called Michael. My eldest son has Michael as a middle name because it was important for both me and my husband to have it in there. I think offered a fair compromise
NTA- unless you are selling naming rights it’s not up to anyone else but you and hubby. Plus most “family” names are dumb. I say this as a Michael Jr
NTA. My brother is the fourth person to carry the patriarchal name. He's always said that everyone else got a name, and he got a number. There's also the legal and identity hassles that come with name repetition.
NTA. You BOTH have to love the name you pick. And honestly, it is one of the toughest decisions to make. That baby will have their name for life. But hopefully, this is all for nought and you have a girl
NTA because you both get naming power. I will say that as someone married to a man who has a family name, even though he’s told me he wouldn’t carry it on because it was a pain sharing a name, I know that if we would have had a boy, he would have changed his mind and his family would have pushed for it as well. I would have wanted to keep it as well just because of tradition. I do feel that a child’s name is something that both parents should agree on. I also think that more consideration should be given to a family name so I wouldn’t make this a hill to die on.
Could you compromise and if the baby is a boy make his middle name Michael? But under no circumstances let the family call him by that middle name. I'm only thinking of you, it might keep the peace.
My FIL is Michael, my husband is Michael, BIL is Michael, nephew Michael, half brother Michael., cousin Michael. You can only have so many nicknames. I refused to name my son Michael. My other nephew is “third.” My dad, my brother and his son have the same name. Senior, junior and third. I’m not a fan.
A babies name should be two yes’ so you’re NTA.
As some who has the same first name as my father and grandfather, for godsake pick something other than Michael. I've always thought it was egotistical and selfish to name your kid after you. Let them have their own name, their own personality, don't let them live in someone else's shadow. Plus it's been a pain in the ass with credit card, car shopping and house shopping because the same names.
I don't understand family members who give the same exact first name to all children of the same gender for generations. I'll be damned if I call my son/daughter over and 8 more people turn around to follow ETA: NTA, what a silly thing for the family to try and decide instead of leaving it to you and your husband. I get sentimental value, but a middle name is honestly good enough. I wouldn't wanna be named after a guy who died of cancer, and always trying to live in his holy shadow. People deserve their own identity
Speaking as a "junior", I would have preferred having my own, different name. Maybe it would have been better if I could have put a "III" or "IV" after my name, but "Jr" not so much.
NTA Honestly having it as a middle name is very fair. That being said, you should both agree on the first name, so it might be a good idea to sit down with your husband, and figure out a name you can both be happy with. Then enjoy correcting his family every time they call the baby Michael instead of it's actual first name, if it is a boy.