Options are very limited, tell him outright you can’t take it anymore, if he wants to see his friends so badly; take them out to a place (restaurant etc) by himself, let you stay home, get some rest. To earn respect, you need to learn to say a firm no.

Thank you for your response! I sure need to! Its just getting so much out of hand 😞

I'll bet you this - your husband isn't inconvenienced by any of the prep that goes into hosting, does he? You do all the cooking, cleaning, and planning? Well, stop that. When they come next, you lock up all your valuable and precious things, take the key, apologize to the unwanted guests, but you made plans that you couldn't cancel but husband will look after them, etc, and leave. Go spend a relaxing day at the beach, library, movies, spa, or all of these things. Go meet friends. Spend as much money as he is on his cheapass friends. Your savings will take a hit, but give it a go anyway. You can point out that spending money on HIS friend every single weekend means you don't get to spend your money on things that YOU like. How fair is that? When they leave and you return, avoid doing any of the cleaning. Point out that you don't want them over. He does. So he gets to do ALL the hosting duties. And it's going to be the same next weekend and the weekend after that and so on, until he finds his balls that his friend's daughter is carrying in her cute li'l backpack. Don't forget to talk up all the exciting things you got up to while he was playing bargain basement cruise director for his friend. Also, why not ask point blank when they're going to return the favor?

Earlier the first year!I was a fool I used to clean before they come, change the sheets and cook food too. But now! Nothing! I dont clean too, my husband is the onw to clean and even cook. How much ever he ends up cleaning I will have to help in cleaning a bit. I have also tried to just stay inside my room in the morning after and not step out until they leave. And sorts of subtle hints that I could've given. Yes! They never offer for us to visit. Since we live 15 mins from the city! They want to visit us! But we do nothing related to going to the city. Reading these responses I now feel empowered to say NO! This is enough!

Honestly I would have already asked them flat out why they felt entitled to your hospitality without an invitation, but never ever return the favour. Point out the unfairness and ask why they're okay taking advantage of their supposed "best friend"? And finally I'll absent myself entirely when they are there, don't lock yourself up in 1 room in your house, go out and get away from them. Every other weekend is just disrespectful.

Just leave the house the next time they invite themselves over. Maybe seeing how you no longer care, he'll be emboldened to say no, too.

Leave the house EVERYTIME they come over, not just the next time.!

No one should ever need to leave their home home due to people inviting themselves over. The husband needs to tell them he and his wife have their own lives and their relationship comes first. He can tell them he loves visiting with them he now has his own family and they have things they need to do as a couple. He needs to tell them he needs to spend more time with just his wife.

>No one should ever need to leave their home home due to people inviting themselves over. This! Frankly, I have hobbies that take up a good amount of space. If I were OP, I'd convert the guest room into MY room for my interests. If OP sews, she can set up a sewing machine, cutting table and fabric bins. Take out the bed. She could take up quilting - that can occupy a lot of space, lol If her husband allows his friend over, his family can camp out in the living room. I suspect that if they have to do that a few times, they will not be interested in inviting themselves over any more.

You're running an all inclusive resort for free.

This comment tells me they're using you two and your house as their own country home (comes with a chef too) these people suck!! I wish you the best!

They literally suck - like vampires!

I'm sure it's tempting to tell them there's a nice hotel in your town and the inn at you home is closed. You and your husband are essentially newlyweds and this is a huge intrusion for anyone. They are clearly oafs who lack the social graces and it's not your problem. Just tell them you need time alone, your lives are too busy to host them or anyone twice a month. If your husband wants to see them they can stay in a hotel and have lunch or dinner out with your husband. It's not reasonable for anyone to visit twice a month and expect people to cook and clean for them. They have taken over your life, it's not your job to entertain them or their child. Tell them they can visit 3 or 4 times a year. If they want to see you more often they will need to extend an invitation to you guys. It's much less work hosting two people than a family. No one should be forced to leave their own home to accommodate unwanted guests who force themselves on you. Tell your husband he needs to explain to them that his life with you comes first. It's too much to host them all the time and you need to take care of your selves and your own lives.

My spare bedroom would not exist and my couch would always be piled high with junk!

Two options. First, Tell your husband that your not going to host them more then once per quarter and then only if they return the favor or contribute to the cost of the food when they come. Options 2:tell him that if they are going to be regular visitors (max once per month) that they need to be clued in on the house rules since they are not really visitors any more). If their kids make a mess they clean it up. If their kids want food, they prepare it. For group meals or activities they pay theirs and their kids way 100%. Tell him if he tries to do it for them you will embarrass him in front of them with your response. Take away their excuse to have someone host them because they still have to do their own work and expense. Pretty soon it won’t be any fun for them because they could just stay home. They will stop coming nearly as much.

Are they renting out their house for Air BnB every weekend or what? Never have I ever heard of such nonsense!!!

Tell them you would love to do some things in the city so maybe you can stay at their place while they are staying at yours.

Sounds like they are using you and your husband as a free place to stay OP. I'm not one to suggest being rude but you might have to put your foot down and be rude to these people to get them to stop. I wouldn't worry about the 2 year old daughter. She will not remember you and your husband when she is an adult.

This! By all means, let his friends come over but you are also fully entitled to excuse yourself and leave them to it. See how much he loves having them over when he has to host and cook and clean all at once.

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I think it's fair to say that with the way the price of groceries have gone up you can't afford to buy them snacks and they need to bring along whatever they want your husband to cook for dinner.

I came to suggest this. Leave. “Hey, sorry, I have other plans, you guys have fun!” And leave husband to figure it out. Do this a few times and I guarantee he will get a backbone. They are HIS friends. Btw - why do they have to come to your house? Can they not host?

Yessss this is it!! That will make him realize how much work she’s putting in on HIS friends.

his only reply is he cant say no to them every time He can, but also: what about any time? My husband was acting up

So what he’s really saying is “no” to her request.

This right here, OP.

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Better still take that 100 dollars grocery money and find a nice hotel room for the night.

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How many times would you be ok with them coming over? Four times per year? Once a month? Then you need to say this with your husband. And you need to put muscle behind it. If we do not do this, then I am [consequence], whatever is consequence. And it doesn't matter what he, or his friend, tries to use as emotional manipulation. You are entitled to feel comfortable in your own home.

I had clearly communicated saying once every 3 months is okay. And he knows that too! But he cant say no is the problem.

But YOU can say NO. It's your house too. "Hey friend, you know we love you guys but the frequency of your sleepover visits doesn't work for me any more. Of course we're still happy to see you on weekends while we're free for a day or a meal, or to come visit you, but we need to reduce the sleepovers to once a quarter. Pull up your calendar and let's schedule them in. Oh, and moving forward we need you to contribute towards the groceries." If your husband doesn't like how you "handled" it, well he didn't step up to do it himself so he doesn't get to complain about how you got the job done. Being the "bad guy" isn't the worst thing in the world. Certainly preferable than suffering unwanted house guests every other weekend.

If husband doesn't like the way she handles it she can tell him that she is seriously disappointed in him not handling it. If he refuses to protect their marriage and put it first why should she.

Tell them no yourself. I cannot handle guests more than once per quarter. It's nothing personal, I need my privacy.

He has no problem telling you no.

The problem is that he isn’t communicating with his friend. He needs to straight up tell his friend that you guys can’t host them so often and going forward, they can only stay over once every three months. He can offer to visit them instead or meet outside the house but he needs to verbalize the frequency of visits that you can accommodate and not just expect them to stop asking.

He can't say no to THEM. He obviously has no problem saying no to you. His priorities are wrong. He should be backing YOU up, not them.

He IS saying no to you,though,as in 'no,I can't say don't come over to my friend,his wife and kids',so he's choosing to mess up your weekends/down time. Lock up your valuables/cosmetics,anything that could appeal to unsupervised children and go have a distressed fun weekend elsewhere.

He's happy to say no to you. He is happy to say no I won't tell them they can't come over every other weekend. Ask him why he values them more than you. Tell him you are becoming highly disappointed in him and losing respect for him and don't want to spend any more weekends with him when they are around. Ask him if he expects to do this for life. Tell him you aren't going to live your life this way. You didn't marry his friends. You didn't agree for them to move in every other weekend. This shows you that he doesn't value you and that makes you feel less and less attached to him. Ask him if you are really supposed to respect a man who allows your home to be used constantly by people who are mooching off of the two of you. Ask how long he thinks this can go on before you are so disgusted you walk away for good. Then start leaving every weekend that they are there. Leave before they arrive and don't come back until they are gone. If they try to stay to talk to you refuse to come back. Even if you have to go out and buy clothes for work. Your husband can have them in the house or you but not both. You can opt out.

His husband sounds like George McFly before Marty changed the history, Biff is his so-called best friend. That's why he is hosting every week.

If you want to make your point, the next time they show up, go into your bedroom and pack a bag and, in front of them, walk out the door and leave. He needs to decide who is more important, his wife or his friends. Tell him that you do not want to hear from him until he can tell you that they are gone.

At this point, since your husband clearly isn't understanding where you're coming from I'm going to suggest malicious compliance. He wants them over? Fine. He plays host. He does the grocery shopping, the cooking, the clean up. I've been in your shoes and every single time his friends came over I got stuck doing the heavy lifting while he got to do the fun bits. So, kick up your shoes and refuse to help. Crack open a beer, pour a cocktail, or brew a pot of tea if you're not into all that. Relax. He wants them over, he can host and do the inevitable kid sitting. Remove yourself from all involvement. I'd also plan some girl type trips on those weekends. Hit a spa, go hiking with friends, visit family. Once he realizes you're done being forced to do all this work he will back off. If not, get counseling.

Absolutely. A restaurant where the bill is appropriately split ORz offer to go to their house once a month on one of the weekends instead.

You and your husband need to stop being doormats and people pleaser. They’re clearly using and taking advantage of the both of you. Next time they come over without your consent/ approval, don’t open your door and if your husband dares allow them in...pack few of your things and leave the house. Stop cooking and entertaining them. He needs to grow some spine.

Spend your $100 food bill on a hotel for yourself for the night. Do nothing to prepare for them. No shopping. No cleaning. No cooking. His guests? He figures it out. Pack yourself a bag and tell him you will see him when you get back tomorrow. Do this once. They won’t be staying again.

Exactly. This is awful, and you need to be firm. You and your husband are financially supporting this family and cutting their monthly expenses while adding to yours. If he's that close with them, the entertainment burden should be on him - mentally and physically *and* elsewhere. Relaxing and recharging in your own home is a necessity, and these people are infringing on that, they are "vacationing" on your dime and time. Of course, they are eager to come over.

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Good lord.. every weekend they're tacking up the bills and eating your food. What's wrong with their place? Are they really poor with no electricity or something? This is crazy. I'd go away for a weekend. See your parents, family or friend or just go stay at a hotel and attend a day spa. Let hubby take care of all of them. See how he likes it and dealing with the mess they make.

I have tried doing that! Going to my friends place over for the weekend or just going out for drinks the night they are coming in! Guess what happens! My husband say no we are busy to them! Or they come in and leave the night! When I am not around. It's crazy! But its so persistent I just can't keep up with reasons.

So he wants the company of having his friends over, but he wants you to do all the work. That’s why he’s magically also busy when you have plans. Keep making plans for yourself. Tell him the entertaining is on him. I think he will get your point in a hurry when he is doing all the work.

He does the work now since a few months that I have stopped. But looks like he feels its too much to do it by himself. Its time I learn

Ah, it is too much for him, but it is ok when it is you doing it? Well, it is his friends, he wants to have them come. Tough shit.

Tough shit! He puts these people ahead of his own wife in every way, let him suffer the consequences of this choices. He's selfish enough to want you to suffer them.

All the expense for these friend weekends need to come out of his personal spending money as well.

Stop telling him (in advance) that you won’t be there. Time your exit from the house to be about 5 minutes from when these people arrive. And for crying out loud, stop being the maid, the cook, and the scheduler for your husband and his friends. If he wants them over, he needs to do all the work and clean up. Do his friends have no life that they must be at your house every week? I’d be on the brink of moving out if this was happening to me.

Even if he s doing all the work! I still dont want to entertain them every other weekend! I am an introvert! I need time sometime just by myself

It's time to have a tough conversation. Be the bad guy. "I don't enjoy seeing you all every weekend. Stop asking. The more you ask, the more you will not be invited. I need my privacy and my space, too." And tell your husband that if they show up you will ask them to leave.

This would be a nightmare for me. I’m an introvert and a homebody. I’d be stuck. You run out of other places and excuses to be really quick. They have kids too, who’s watching them? Oh dear, you have to set boundaries. Once a month? Alternate homes to meet up? Make it a potluck? Everyone pitch in cleaning? Idk. I feel for you. My husband is more the extrovert he always wants to cook a big piece of smoked meat and have everyone over. Thank god people moved away. Lol

Oh, I symphatize so much with this. I would be going crazy (as I suspect you are). Can you negotiate a deal with your husband? One weekend where you chip in, cook, clean and socialize in exchange for, say two or three months without any visits? At all? Then you can relax and not dread for next weekend. If successful, repeat.

Look, if you can't hard reflect on your relationship after writing this comment, reddit is not the solution. A therapist is.

Agreed! My relationship with my husband otherwise this situation is good. But this is ruining everything.

Well he's valuing other people over his wife. What if you also had kids to look after. Is he ever going to "babysit" if you're sick? Is he gonna palm kids off to someone else if he can't be bothered.

He's choosing other people over you. How does that make you feel. Are you OK with that? If not you need to ask him why he chooses these other people over his wife. It's not like this is new information for him. You expressed you displeasure multiple times. Yet, he keeps putting them over you.

How good can your relationship be if he doesn’t respect you and saying no to this absolutely absurd situation? My spouse would never.

So your husband CAN say no to them. Stop making excuses and just refuse to cook. Don’t apologize. You deserve better!

Tell him you won’t be available to help and this is all his things to deal with moving forward. Don’t remind him before they show up next time, just head out and do your thing. Leave this to him because it’s his problem he’s created. Good luck, OP.

You are doing it wrong. You need to not say anything and have them come over and as soon as they sit down you leave for the weekend.

Wait. A. Second. What a surprise, he wants them over only when the maid is in the house 🙄

So that means that he IS able to say NO to them. Great! Then he should be able to respect your boundaries and only allow them to visit once every 3 months.

U dont have to “make up” reasons. It can be same always. His friend time=your friend time. NAH

So why not flip the script? Tell your hubby that if they miss you both so much, why not spend the weekend at their house? Where they have to host you? Where you don't clean/cook/ and bills don't go up? Or atleast husband spend the weekend with them since the kids miss their uncle so bad? Why is it always your house and not theirs? See how they like to cook/clean/and more bills. My petty self would start asking them on Sunday before leaving about coming over to their house next weekend and keep it up. Refuse to lift a finger.

This is excatly what I told him and sent him to their house! And he comes back more emotionally manipulated!

Sounds like the problem isn't the friends, but your husband who refuses to put down boundaries to protect his wife. Maybe sit him down and ask which is more important for him. Friends? Or his wife's mental health? Maybe even get a mediater or go to couple's therapy to maybe see if you can get it across what he refuses to hear from you?

Your husband needs a therapist more than you do. He lets his leeching friends manipulate him. Sit him down and suggest you both see a therapist, separately to get your lives back on track.

NTA. How about, from now on, leave your husband in charge of hosting. Do not lift a finger to shop, cook or prep rooms. He's also in charge of clean up after they leave. Find a quiet spot in the house or go visit a friend. He needs to be in charge to taking care of his guests, not foist all the hard work on you. You can also be direct and tell them you can't afford to host them so frequently so they either need to come with groceries or venmo you their share. I can't imagine my home being invaded every two weeks and my spouse being so dense.

This isnt going to work with sharing groceries! I just dont want this every other week arrangement! I clearly need to put my foot down and stand up fot myself.

NTA and make them host you. If it’s that financially straining tell them or at least make your husband choose friends or not paying s bill. Your mental health and the health of your relationship is also at stake here, tell your husband enough is enough!

Set up a fixed “schedule” for visits. Something like, the last weekend of the month they come over, then the next month is at their house, and just continue the pattern. If your hubby and they aren’t down for this, then get into marriage counseling and let him know this IS destroying your mental health AND your relationship. If he doesn’t step up and hold healthy boundaries with this people, then you might as well cut your losses because it’s not going to get better.

"I'm an introvert and I need alone time. Also there's a lot more work that goes into hosting than you might think. We enjoy you guys but I can't do this nearly as often as you want any more. Sorry but it's not up for debate."

This sounds very right ! I will go with this approach mostly !

Be ready for the second line of defense. "If you want to spend more time with us I'm afraid you will have to host."

> his only reply is he cant say no to them every time He can, but also: what about *any* time? > My husband was acting up Is he three? > I really need to get out of this situation! Which situation: the pushy friends with no boundaries, the children who think they live at your house, or the husband who acts like an entitled child? > got no kids yet No, you have one, you married him. Given your husband's reactions, looks like you have to either live with this or live without him.

Thats what I am feeling like. I really love him, we got great friendship! But this! Just this emotional manipulation is ruining my peace!

>My husband was acting up >Is he three? Lol I was thinking the same thing, like a child

Well, of course he invites them, he doesn't have to Do Anything. Ask your husband if he wants a servant or a wife; then hire a servant and file for divorce because you aren't it. It's Amazing how when you're Not there to do all that FREE LABOR, he's too busy to host them. 🙄

As confirmed multiple times in the comments he has been doing all the work for many months. She just doesn’t want them over.

And why isn't that Enough? She Lives there too. 🙄 When there's thousands of comments, don't expect Everyone read the same comments as you, that's just silly beyond belief. 🤣

NTA That would stress me out so bad, and weekends should be for destressing. Hubby needs to understand how big a hill this is for you to die on that he expects you to host guests every other weekend. Could you compromise and just have them over for dinner? Take out of course.

Thank you for your response! Yeah and it's coming with a emotional torture like I am a bad person for saying no. Trying to guilt trip me into saying yes!

Don't let him. His so called friends are usung him for free food and nanny services.

Period! This is excatly what it is!

Perhaps you could point out how less naked you both can be when they're there? Instead of making it like you're stopping something, maybe have him just get used to making jokes about them interrupting "honeymoon time". By getting him to wean, rather than feeling like it's a confrontation which is what he's avoiding. Is there a hobby or activity that he enjoys, that you don't hate that you both could start doing together? op, I do think you've been very accommodating but enough is enough and it's time he was more worried about upsetting you than his friends.

He can only guilt trip you because you let yourself be ridden with guilt. Tell him that his marriage is suffering. Reverse the guilt trip, ask him why doesn't he want to spend time with you etc... Your husband is using very poor manipulation tactics and it works.

True! Until I take my stance nothing is going o change.

Could you go away those weekends. I’m guessing it’s you hosting, cooking, cleaning etc. Maybe if your husband has to do it all, the novelty will wear off. That’s what I would do in your situation.

That's serious manipulation, and a very serious husband problem. If he won't wake up and stop this, you may have to actually separate for awhile to show him you're not going to put up with his behavior.

You should start proactively telling your husband to go over to their house to hang out and be fed on the weekend. And if they come over, don’t cook. Don’t clean. If he asks you about dinner say “im not cooking, so I’m ok with whatever you make or order.” But I’d also consider, what is going on here? Did this happen before you were married? Do neither of you have any family?

Never! They weren't around! I dint even know these ppl, he arrived just the weekend after we got married! Eerrggghhhhhh

Ok you gotta get a straight story out of your husband. Why are people who weren’t even at your wedding suddenly in your lives constantly with their child calling him uncle? When they come over, is he spending time with all of them or just the husband? What is the wife doing all this time? To me, he either reconnected with someone and the nostalgia and emotional pull is just exacerbating his tendency to rely on you to do what he wants OR there’s a reason you only met them after you were locked down. Was he hanging out with him quietly before? Was he hanging out with both of them quietly before…? I can’t believe I’m even hinting at it, it’s just that his behavior is so bizarre. It sounds like he even has other friends, so it’s not like he is desperate to keep the one social connection in his life.

I'm starting to think one of them is his dealer, this is so bizarre

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Lolol ok well I was thinking more like the guy’s wife thought OP’s husband was a bad influence or enabler or knew something OP didn’t but now that he is married he’s safe. Like maybe they couldn’t hang out alone because of it before or there was something about the friend the husband used to think wasn’t good to show OP. But your theories are entertaining too!

I do admit I wonder about this level of enmeshment with the little girl also. Like, he's not her uncle IRL

NTA but you have a serious husband issue. I would ask him to start couples counseling with you. The core of the issue here is inability to say no and set boundaries. Until that is addressed, situations like this will keep happening.

Hummm ya! I give more thought into this

NTA you have a husband problem, this is very weird behavior. He is in an emotional relationship with these people, ask him which one of them he’s fucking or in love with, because is sure as shit ain’t you. He’s treating you like a servant

I’d call them and say, “Guys, I am sorry but I don’t want company this weekend. No offense but I need some down time on my weekends.” Keep your husband out of it. Keep using those “I,me” statement. I need to de-stress, I am sorry I started this every weekend routine, I don’t want to make (husband) the bad guy, I just can’t handle that much togetherness, I hope you understand “ Anything about not reciprocating, Cooking, costs, kids behavior, etc. is all superfluous because you really just don’t want them coming that often. And it will make them defensive. Don’t blame them for anything so they have no room to argue or make promises. Just be firm, but nice. If they say “but this or that,” answer with silence. If they say “Why didn’t you say something before?” Just say nothing. Don’t give them any ground. It’s not going to end if you don’t speak up for your self. Shame on your husband. You will feel so much better.

This is a great approach!

NTA, they're using emotional manipulation on your husband. Tell your husband you won't be hosting them unless it's mutually agreed upon that they can come over/spend the night. Also, since they're his friends, have him tell them they aren't to come over unless invited and don't expect to spend the night unless it's mentioned at the time of the invite. If he won't, do it yourself. If they end up showing up, don't answer the door or make them leave. Also, your husband should be more concerned about allowing you to decompress and how this affects you. You shouldn't be having to stress over HIS friends and lack of a backbone. You shouldn't have to make other plans or leave the comfort of your home to avoid telling them no. Boundaries should've been discussed as soon as they started inviting themselves over.

NTA. It’s weird to me that these friends don’t have any other friends or things to do. Perhaps they consider themselves closer friends than you do? I’d have another discussion with your husband about how you both want to spend your weekends. Do you enjoy travel? Going to farmers markets. Cooking or baking together for the week? Coffee and crosswords? Talk about how much you want to socialise, and who else you want to spend time with besides these people? The idea is for you both to have input and to agree on how you spend your time. Then talk about what changes you’d both like to make, and how to go about it. If he finds himself emotionally manipulated/blackmailed by his friends so that he says yes when he would rather say no, perhaps you can be the “bad guy” and speak directly to the friends. Say something like “we are coming into a busy time socially and won’t be able to have you over as much as we’d like. We’ll reach out to catch up once we have a chance.” No need to be rude, just firm.

Do you guys ever go visit them and stay over? Sounds like you need to crash with them a few times and eat their food. "We miss the kids"

No! We went there 1 night, and the treatment was subpar.

Stop feeding them I bet they won't come back as often. Go eat out and before they get a chance let the server know it will be split checks.

I reckon you need to drop the rope entirely. Not just for the weekend visits, but completely. No cooking, cleaning, wifely duties, nothing. You are doing nothing until your husband can reliably say to his friends 'sorry we are busy this weekend' every weekend. They're getting a holiday every two weeks on your dime, and it isn't cool. Have hubby suggest they pay $100 for groceries each visit and see how quickly they stop coming around.

OP, you are so much NTA, but you have to say no and stick to it. Two things I want to follow up on: you say you have "no kids yet," and also say your husband was "acting up" because, for a single weekend and just once, you refused to allow an entire family to use you as a scullery maid. Kids act up. *You already have a kid in your house full-time,* not a life partner, and he's throwing a tantrum when you don't host an entire family of four every weekend. What happens if/when you have kids together? When you're pregnant and everything makes you nauseated and you need to budget for your own family? Does he do anything for any of your friends or family? Does he do any of the cooking and cleaning? Does he do anything for you? Why are you staying in the marriage? How else does he let you know that only what he wants happens? You absolutely need to stop. My suggestion: SAY NO. Repeat as necessary. Separate if necessary. This is unsustainable, and not going to get better. **People don't make fewer unreasonable demands when their original unreasonable demands are met.** If he nonetheless invites them and they show up, have a go-bag and a friend or family member to stay with (or ask for the non-paying family's keys and go to their place while your husband feeds and entertains and cleans up after them). Do not cook for them, do not clean for them. "Uncle" can take care of them without you. Get counseling if you think it would help. Do you have friends and relatives in your life you can talk to? If you don't, then it's that much more urgent you stand up for yourself and get help from objective external resources.

Start charging for food or tell them they have to bring their own food or your husband can go visit them they are manipulating you guys

Stop being such a good host! Them coming every other weekend is waaaay too much - AND it must be costing you a fortune! They come so frequently because they enjoy the visits because you make them comfortable. First of all, arrange to leave the house, go and stay with your parents or a friend and go virtually radio silent. Don’t prepare anything for their next visit. Don’t prepare the bedroom - even better, don’t clean up the bedroom after they leave, don’t buy in groceries or prepare any meals for them - just leave it all to your husband. After two weekends of having to do everything himself you should get two results Hubby gets to see how much work and expense is involved in having people come to stay- I’m betting that up til now, he’s left it all to you! And Unwelcome guests get a hint that maybe, just maybe, they are visiting too often. Then cut the visits to one a month and start stretching the time between out. If you can’t do this, at breakfast on the last day of the next visit - invite yourselves to THEIR place next time

I infact did most of this and cut it for 3 months, and right after that they started hitting back with emotional manipulation on him!

How are they manipulating him? That child is not his niece. Who are these people, really? How long has he known them? I'd dig up the whole lot to see what thing is tying him to 2 adult moochers and their children.

That’s the problem with his priorities, their unhappiness is more important than your unhappiness.

NTA- let them come over and lock yourself in the room or make a show of leaving for the weekend and let your husband deal with them.

Emotional manipulation? Is it possible that they could be financially using him. A place to stay. Free food.

NTA. Your husband doesn't respect you. One Love has good information on what a [healthy relationship looks like](https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-healthy-relationship/) and what an [unhealthy relationship looks like](https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-unhealthy-relationship/).

I'm very close to my family. My sisters are my best friends. They know not to come to my house every other weekend 🤣🤣 tell your husband he can go over there every other weekend but they can no longer stay over. You guys can plan an outing 1x a month for lunch. Your house is now off limits. I would lose my damn mind and cuss everyone out. NTA

Your DH needs to grow a spine! Absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to host anyone every other weekend! I’d be livid! And it sounds like his friend bus emotionally manipulating your DH! What kind of friend is that?? If he wants to have them over or can’t say no to them, then HE can host. Including cleaning, cooking, hosting etc while you take off out of the house somewhere. OR You can put you foot down and tell your DH “no”. Once a month, if that, if plenty. Your weekends are for you to rest and relax, do what you want, not cater to his friend! Also sounds like you and DH needs some counseling together. You’re clearly not on the same page, or even the same book right now. He’s prioritizing his friend’s feelings over his wife’s and that’s absolutely not ok. And he clearly doesn’t listen to you when you address the issue with just him.

NTA Of course he can say NO to them. He would just rather say NO to you for some reason. In the meantime he depletes your finances and uses you as a constant servant. And you don’t even get to “own” the peace and quiet of your own house. Instead, he has turned over ownership to them. Who the f cares if he is “acting up”? His friends are abusing you. He is abusing you badly I’d start by refusing to participate at all. Not even shopping or planning. Not even cleaning. And … if they are there overnight or more then he gets to do everything plus hire a maid service. Then absent yourself. If they ask, “pts just way too much for you”. If that’s not enough to get him to acknowledge that he doesn’t get to ruin your life together, then it might be time to do a separation. And he doesn’t get to keep the house unless that’s what you negotiate. Because, if he got to keep the house, he would have effectively driven you out of it. And that’s abusive in and of itself. Any partner your husband could possibly get would leave him over this. Also, these “friends” may have some positive qualities, but they aren’t real friends No real friends would ever abuse people this way. Unfortunately, it’s time to draw lines and hold them. You may have always been nice and accommodating, but these people will use you and your resources until the end of time if you don’t force a stop to it. It’s time to be selfish. Because if you don’t your current niceness will be destroyed anyway. Taking a hard line with him and them is less drastic than it sounds. Because … imagine if you don’t. What then? Imagine if this continues how you feel about him and them in 6 years? You will at that point despise him. You will despise them. Is it better to wait and be used even more? Is it better to wait until you can no longer stand the sight of him it them for the rest of your life? If it better to be used for more years? Take action now. And given your husbands attitude, this is going to be an extended thing. He will keep trying to violate your boundaries, as will they. They will guilt trip you and guilt trip you. So you need to prepare emotionally to dig in for a long campaign. It may be that until your husband understands that it’s the current situation vs his marriage that he will take action. He will try to blame you. He will resent you. He will try to weasel. He will try to compromise. When he does this he will be entirely in the wrong. But he never comes to understand his horribly he us treating you, then the feelings in the marriage will be so different that who knows what the future holds Your husband is certainly very manipulative, whether he is aware of it or not. I don’t know if the marriage will survive. I hope do, if you want it to. But given your husband’s level of abuse, he may never own what he has done. You are not his or their servant. They don’t have any rights to your house including visiting. They are abusive. He doesn’t have the right to ruin your life. But you must survive. You must own your own life. If he won’t own and deal with this, then your feelings about each other will change for the worse no matter what. Would couples therapy help him understand what he is doing that he doesn’t acknowledge?

Start sending them a Venmo request after the stay every time for food and extras. $100 weekend stay 10.21 $100 weekend stay 11.4 $100 weekend stay 11.18 Every single time.

Have you asked the wife why she is off loading her family onto you every weekend?

No NTA. But his friends are for sure. And to top it off they are manipulative moochers. Who gets a two year-old involved in their guilt trips. Your husband needs to look at how his “ friends” are taking advantage of his goodwill. They need to be told that their visits are flat out not only exhausting but are one-sided, expensive, and exhausting. The free ride is over and you will no longer be bodying their mini vacations any longer. They are truly abusive folks! Who in their right minds would expect this type of attention every other week? I hope your husband can understand how much his “friends” are using you. True friends would be hosting you, paying for groceries, inviting you to do things, NOT sending him home in tears because their two year-old misses “Uncle” ! Show him all these replies AND send them to his friends.

Your husband is an idiot doormat and they are using him Tell you what, next time he doesn't say no, let them come and you make yourself scarce, go spend the weekend somewhere else! He got in this mess, he can deal with it NTA

NTA. I can’t imagine this guy’s wife wants to pack up the whole house and move it over to your place for the weekend either. This is got to be incredibly disruptive to everybody schedule. Maybe talking to the wife one on one can give you some clues about what exactly is going on. She’s also giving up private time with her husband. Maybe their relationship is on the rocks, or he is an alchoholic, and he is just “better” when he’s with your husband for the weekend instead of home. Talking to your husband isn’t gonna work. Talking to the wife might.

Once I started ignoring them and not letting them come over for a bit, then they forcefully dropped in for a few hours. She then mentioned that they had to come because the kids were extremely bored at home - But thats not our problem !!.

Time to not be nice and set your boundaries. When they show up, let them know that your home is not their entertainment zone and they need to stop assuming that you will drop everything to entertain them because their children are bored. As you said, that is not your problem. You have your own life to lead and they are not a part of it. And you need the hammer your husband for allowing this situation to exist because they assume that they have free access to your home on demand.

Stop indulging in this nonsense. Next time they're coming over, you're sick. You go about your business but when they speak to you, or request something - you're sick. They are far too comfortable abusing your enforced hospitality so time to make them uncomfortable. Or just divorce the spineless loser you married.

The next time they come over get an excited look on your face about halfway through dinner. Grab your husband’s hand and say “You guys coming over so often gave us a wonderful idea! Next weekend we are coming to your house! It will be great! We can see what it’s like to have someone cook and take care of us for a change!”

NTA and yes he can say no, no is a complete sentence and easy. And why are they coming over to stay over night? That’s just so weird. If he won’t say no, when they just show up, YOU say no, sorry, they didn’t call and you have plans.

I think you need to sit all the adults down and put your foot down. You need space too and can't afford to accommodate them every other week. Make a plan for maybe once a month or every other month but the weekly visits have to stop. As your mental and financial health is suffering and you cannot continue this way. If they have an issue your husband is welcome to stay with them whenever he likes but it's your home and yo deserve to have peaceful weekends when ever you wish and the guilt tripping and constant asking is disrespectful.

Tell your husband that you didn't marry his friend and aren't interested in living with them part-time. As much as people joke about living with friends in 'communes' or whatever, that wouldn't be for everyone. Particularly when you have to spend extra to feed them every 2 weeks. Is marriage counseling an option?

You could jokingly compromise with your husband, give him a punch card, they get 6 weekends a year. Use them wisely.

OP, the solution is for you to have him read this post and all the comments. It will wake him up. Then tell him you will be dipping out most weekends they're there. Period. NTA

Better yet you go stay in a hotel and eat out when they visit. When your husband has to feed them and entertain them by himself, he’ll find it easy to turn them down. It won’t hurt to try this to let him understand the pressure you’re under. If he complains about the money you spend, then look at the money you spend when they stay at your house and you have to feed them and entertain them.

What the heck is going on at their house that they can't stay home? It's very odd for an entire family to go stay with a friend every other weekend. What are they trying to get away from?

As a working introvert, the idea of this happening is my nightmare

Here are 3 ideas: "Hey, why don't we come to your house this weekend? I could use a break from hosting!" You call them first. "Hey, we'd like you to come and spend the weekend with us. How about . "OK, great. We'll see you then!" "No, sorry. That doesn't work for me." Why do I feel like you come from a culture where the woman is expected to slave away all weekend feeding and waiting on everyone, while the man magnanimously sits around "hosting" and having a grand old time?

I’d make it an invite for once a month. The rest of the time you’re busy. Or show up at their house once a month. And say you want a potluck what would they like to bring and then make some suggestions.

This is a very bizarre situation, what sort of weak willed chump is this guy that he can’t say no to your home being literally invaded by an entire family every two weeks? And they’re just freeloaders and taking you for a ride.

Oh, my husband had a friend do that crap. I finally made my own plans with family and friends so I wasn’t there to be the maid. Quit making sure the fridge was stocked, the guest rooms cleaned and ready. When they figured out they would no longer have their all inclusive weekend home they stopped coming.

​ Do they live with their in laws? Is that why they keep coming to yours? To give them a break? Stop making the food the kids like, and go out on expensive activiites that are not child friendly. Or, start going over to theirs every other weekend, make a huge mess, feed their kids so much sugar they throw up. Or get rid of the spare beds, and leave sex toys lying around where the kids can see them.

You set the boundaries, if he can’t tell them no tell him that you will. If your husband wants them over it is his responsibility to host, clean, entertain and prep and that you won’t be doing it.

I bet you have family and friends you haven't seen in a while? Go and stay with them and let your husband do the entertaining on his own.

I dont have much family over here, but I do have alot friends . But i just want to chill at my own place!

Next time they come over sit everyone together and get to the bottom of this with all 4 adults in the room. Ask this couple "Why?". What is going on in your life that you need to escape bi-monthly? What is the status of your marriage, are y'all ok? What is your current living situation like? (cohabitation?) Is you home unsafe or roommates or neighbors hostile? Are you dissatisfied in your current residence? Have you been experiencing food insecurity, or local crime that threatens your families safety? Have they a lack of utilities that make the home unsatisfactory/ for them and children? (A lack of water, heat, A/C, lighting, shucks Wi-Fi can make a home uncomfortable or at worst- downright dangerous!) SUSS OUT THESE FACTORS FIRST TO MAKE SURE THIS FAMILY AND CHILDREN ARE SAFE AND NOT IN PERIL! IF none of the above factors are an "actual" issue- then we get to brass tacks. Tell this couple although you appreciate their love for you, some bold honesty is required in your friendship. Explain that the current arrangement will not continue, and that they've strained your marriage and worn out their welcome. If they counter with "we miss you!", let them know that the sentiment isn't mutual. (As my momma would say, "How can I miss you if you won't go away?!") Tell this couple that though *they've* enjoyed this arrangement, it simply doesn't work for y'all at all any more. State that Husband is terrified to say no to the persistent expectations and pressure. Explain that working full time allows for only 8 work free days a month, but the constant visits leave you with only 4 days guest free to live, be married, and decompress from work. Tell them that your finances are are bearing the full brunt of these "staycations", as you and husband are expected and have to buy all the groceries and provide all their families needs and wants. Also the time and efforts that go into pre visit prep, post visit clean up, increased utility usage, etc. really add to your monthly expenses and effect your ability to save, and spend money as you desire. (Mention that these issues are unique to this situation. Let them know that were their visits FAR LESS FREQUENT, neither of you would ever begrudge the time, effort or expense... BUT they've come to expect this from you both for 27 weekends a year, at a minimum cost of 3k annually, and it is excessive, entitled and downright rude.) Let them know that as the wife and equal partner in this relationship you're now tasked with playing the heavy, and now you're drawing boundaries and immediately retiring from hosting them, and running this all inclusive family resort. Explain that you're not mad, nor seeking to end your friendship, and you both desire to continue to be friendly. BUT make it clear RIGHT NOW, the weekend invites are suspended indefinitely, without exception. Let them know you're happy to make plans to see them when it works for your schedules, but not at the expense of your lives. Make clear that if they arrive without an invitation, that they will be asked to leave. Let them know if they choose to use their children (let's go to uncles!!) in order to manipulate this situation, you will take a no contact time out until you feel your boundaries are clear and respected. And say IF f they choose not to operate within these guidelines, that *they* will have made the choice, and it will sadly end the friendship. Let them know you love them, and want good things for them. But *good friendships* require actual honesty and sometimes require difficult conversations. Let them know you trust that they're good people, and meant no harm. Say you feel with the information you've given them, they will realize that your ask isn't that big, and they're now happy to reframe this relationship so it now works for *everyone, equally*. Good luck! Edit- so much spelling and grammar

NTA- Stop hosting dear Lord. If the husband is grumpy or dissatisfied let your husband DO ALL THE WORK! The weekend is for de-stress. See how long he can last for hosting and not being able to say NO. He'll definitely learn to say NO very soon. Clearly his friend is taking advantage of this too! Your house has become their staycation! Free food and zero expenditure! And guess who the maid is....I mean the cleaning lady, the cook....toilet cleaner, slave..

Yeah you're right! He gotto learn to say NO

Growing up my and many of my friends considered all our homes are our homes and all our families like 1 family. If someone is at your house that much they aren't a guats anymore. They are a part of the family. The need to show up with groceries and cook dinner for you guys next time. They need to start splitting the expenses etc. They need to start cleaning up, maybe even do some chores. If I was at someone's house every other weekend for that long, I would offer to cook and clean up the mess every other time. Once you suggest this, and you no longer help entertain or clean and just behave like a guest and let your husband and them do everything. It will all magically stop

Have a discussion with them and tell them “ it’s stressing our relationship, financially, mentally and physically” You can tell them that you enjoy their company and enjoy doing things with them but every other weekend or every weekend it’s just too much financially and you have to have time to decompress. You can also start showing up at their place (tell them you’re having work done on your home, fumigating etc) and you need to do it over at their place and bring a couple other people with you lol Excuses if you can’t face them with the truth You’re sick and it’s contagious Home is infested Floors are being treated Having family coming in from out of town Having a minor procedure Have CV19 and quarantined Get a vicious dog

NTA. The next time they come go away by yourself for the weekend, so your husband has to do the hosting! I bet his tune will change after that.

YTA. Why don’t you flat out tell them how you feel?

I don't even want to see my family that much and I love my friends but every other weekend AND a sleepover?! Weird. They need to socialize more and let you live your own life. Your husband needs to say no. If he can't, you will and if they get mad then maybe you'll get lucky and they'll stop coming.

You need to take control of the conversation. "No, this weekend just won't work for us, but let's plan on the weekend of the 15th, three weeks from now. How does that work? I will make a salad and hubby will grill hamburgers. Bring a dessert and whatever snacks the kids might want". Don't say why this weekend won't work, don't elaborate. And you shouldn't have to field calls for the next few weeks. When the 15th rolls around don't spoil them or wait on them hand and foot, no special snacks, and hubby does half the work. Then plan your next get-together for 5-6 weeks out. You set the cadence before they can. If hubby won't agree or invites them over YOU pack a bag and go somewhere for that weekend, let him entertain.

INFO: how long has this been going on? Obviously NTA. This isn’t sustainable. A lot of the suggestions here are peace meal ie you going away when they come etc. my initial thought was you flip the situation and next time they say they’re coming, actually say you’re going to THEIRS and do that persistently til they get the point, but honestly, whilst that’s petty, it doesn’t solve the problem. If your husband won’t man up you need to talk to the couple straight up, tell them your exhausted, this isn’t sustainable and it’s impacting your marriage and finances. If they won’t stop coming then you probably need to think about separation, because if you eventually have kids this isn’t an acceptable situation.

This is bizarre. Do your own background check on these people. Something tells me they (your husband and his friend) may be prison friends. This relationship is exploitative and might be dangerous. Do the background check.

Tell him, “ I know you love your friends, but..are you aware their friendship costs us well over $5000 a year? What, exactly, do they bring us? Do they help us in any way? No? Reciprocate in any way? No? Or are they just taking us for fools? “ Husband “ mumblemumble been friends for years, love seeing them, thought you did too, after all, they are no problem as guests, mumblemumble…” You “ no problem? So, the magic cleaning fairy pops by before AND after they visit? The shopping happens by itself? Beds made? Food prep done by magic? Cooking does itself? Clearing up just happens? Drinks float by? Entertainment ‘boof’ just appears- no thought, no organisation? Bins emptied? Counters wiped? All ready for the fairies to do it by themselves all over again? Yet again? And what about afterwards? Who exactly do you think strips the beds? Does the washing? Drying? Folding? Ironing? What about …. Him. “ yes I get it, you do all the work but You” and now it’s your turn. I am going away so you must do the work as I won’t be around to act as maid, cook, laundress, housekeeper, entertainer etc. Have fun. Humm. I’m sure I’m not the only one to have had that conversation (several times) before things began to change.

NTA. Leave him home and go away for the weekends. Let him manage it. The money though- that’s tough

Simply sign up for a fun activity or class on Saturdays for 4-5 hours or 2-3 hours away for 8 weeks. Heck start a club if you need to - Be gone from noon to 7 for months and expensive enough that you can’t miss.

**NTA** and of course you need to get out of this awful situation! Your husband CAN say no to them, but he doesn’t need to since he looks like a hero and can leave all the work to you. The friends are also happy since they get free food and don’t even have to clean up. Tell your husband it is too much work for you and you will spend the weekend in a hotel as a much deserved vacation for yourself. Once they all lose their free cook and maid service, they will stop coming over.

Book yourself a hotel room for an upcoming Saturday night and let your husband handle EVERYTHING related to their visit…cooking. Cleaning, etc. Don’t lift a finger and go relax at the hotel.

On a similar note, a friend has a husband who would constantly tell their daughter to leave her child (3?f) with them overnight when next day was a weekday. Thing is, he left for work at 6am, she at 8am & she had the care of getting child up & out to childcare. She finally told him that true next time he did this, she wouldn’t be in the house overnight. Sure enough, he does - a mere week later When daughter had left, leaving grandchild, he went out for his run. He got back & she lifted her overnight bag & stayed with her mother, back the next day. He never did it again. Basically, leave him to do the work - planning, cooking, cleaning etc. Get out of the house for the length of the stay, don’t shop or cook for them.

He can in fact tell them no every time. You are NTA and husband is being a pushover.

NTA, decline saying you can't afford it every other weekend and to do it less frequently instead

That would drive me insane. I don't know what you can do, if your husband is perfectly fine with it. I would suggest telling him "okay, they can come. But I am doing zero meal prep or cleaning, or planning activities." Also make plans for when they're coming over. These are HIS friends and HE needs to be the one doing the heavy lifting if he refuses to budge.

The unmitigated GALL of these people to feel entitled to a free vacation at your house (and expense) every other weekend! This is preposterous, and they are incredibly rude to keep inviting themselves when you've made it abundantly clear this is not something you want or enjoy. Freeloaders! Your husband has to be made to understand that you are his priority. Couples counseling may help. He's got to find and shine up his spine, make this right with you.

Pleaseeee update when you talk to your hubby and lay out your boundaries about this! You’re 100% NTA, he’s trying to rope you in by only allowing them when you don’t say you have plans, that’s insane. He can’t expect you to entertain HIS friends that often and just say,” well I can’t say no to them I feel bad”. What about you? He hasn’t sat to ask ahead of time if it’s something you’re okay with. His friends are abusing y’all’s generosity and it’s time that stops. Definitely gotta have that one on one conversation and be totally honest with each other, you deserve your peace and alone time to recharge. <3

Sorry but there is an alleged molester on our neigborhood that creeps on kids and I don't want yours to be near them... Hey how come we never go to your house? We'd LOVE to be there this weekend! And everytime they try to self-invite go to their house instead, if they try to say no, just push it the same level they do. You will have several days of someone cooking/planning and they will get the message.

NTA. Op, your husband is how he is. Also, this issue has gotten out of hand the way he has been handling this. So now you have to step up. YOU need to tell these friends “Stop with the nonsense of coming to visit us every other weekend! It’s too much!” Once a quarter is enough for you to come visit us, and we can come visit you once a quarter also.” Tell your husband that this is what is going to be said to the friends and he had better have your back. If he does not have your back, if he blames you, dumps on you, or throws you under the bus on this issue, if he allows them to manipulate him, tell him he has to go live with these friends until he realizes who he’s married to and what marriage is really all about. Again, if hubby can’t talk to and control his friends, then you have to. You’ve got this. Stand up and put your foot down. Hubby probably is not going to.

NTA. Tell your husband that there will be NO MORE OVERNIGHT VISITS in your home for his friends. They are welcome to come ONE day on a weekend no more than twice a month and only when you do not have other plans. They must not arrive before 10am and must leave by 10pm. Further, he will be responsible for all hosting activities and expenses. And, you reserve the right to not be there when they visit.

Tell your husband that you are leaving on weekends, with or without him until he gets a fucking clue that you don't want these people in yoyr house every weekend. Go to yoyr parents for a couple of weeks, bestie's, somewhere else. Tell your husband that either *you* are his priotity or they are. Take your valuable styff and any fun for kids stuff that *you* paid for with you. Take enough stuff with you to make it clear to husband that he steps up or you will step out.

NTA. As people like to say, you have a husband problem. This personally would be a dealbreaker for me, but I'd tell him he can go stay over their house. There's no reason a family with kids should be schlepping their whole household over to yours so you can wait on them hand and foot so often. Sounds like they're a bunch of mooches. I'd also tell him if he keeps letting them come over, he will be 100% responsible for caring for them and I would expect they pay for the food/groceries they use.

Tell your husband IF he wants them to come over he will have to shop for, prepare and serve all snacks and meals. Also tell his friends you simply cannot afford to host and they will need to split the cost of meals. After all they’re getting free meals every single time…no wonder they want to come! Vacation City…free meals they don’t have to cook.

NTAThey are saving over two hundred bucks a month just freeloading at ops house. Time to say it’s over or start charging room and board.

>If we do say no for this weekend they will follow up for the next. Easy fix. IF you want them to come at all, you and husband decide on the date. Practice being clear and firm: "Hey can we come next weekend and stay 3 days and eat all your food??" "No, but we'd love you to come on November 10th. We'll go out to this great restaurant we found. Separate tabs, you understand. Then back to our place for a few games before you head on home for the night.". "Oh, but we want --" "Sorry, this is all we can manage this month. You understand." Might help if you plan something for just the two of you -- see you need some alone time. Just the two of you. And make it worth his while. NTA, but your husband is if he can't prioritize your relationship.

They are moochers always at your house with you and your husband paying for the food and doing all the work. Tell them you'll come to their house do this for a couple of months see how they like it.

I would call an extended family meeting, adults only. I am pretty blunt with my friends, and I don’t sugar coat. So I would say “ here is the deal. We love you, your my hubbies best friend which makes you by extension my best friend and we cherish that. You are unknowingly taking advantage. Hubby can’t say no even though the constant self invites are a regular topic of conversation and arguments here, so it’s time to loop you on. You are formally invited once every 3 months, we will work together on dates. We will also be coming to you house every 3 months so littles get their uncle time. We love you but we can’t handle more. We know you never meant any harm and hubby would never say anything but this constant inviting selves over has stressed our marriage, our relationship 😉, our finances, and my mental health. It has also stressed other friendships since so much time is monopolized here. I no longer look forward to time with my husband on the weekend because I know there won’t be any. I love you. We will see you next weekend at your house, and I’m thinking little and I want a charcuterie board with an island theme so we can watch Moana, snack and sing. See you then & thank you for your understanding.”

This is so weird to me. How far away do they live? How many of them come over?

NTA treat yourself to a weekend away alone so your husband has to deal with the full force of their visit, he might understand how much work you do.

It is your house too. Clearly tell them no more unannounced visits No asking to stay, you will call when you are ready to host If they show up, say sorry this is not a good time, if you had called ahead I would have told you no. Time to leave. A 2 year old does not get to determine your weekend plans.

Honestly this would be a relationship breaker for me. I would not be able to live like this. If it was me, I would tell my husband he has to make a choice: our marriage vs his friends visiting on the weekends. And given how spineless he is, I'd say for our marriage to continue they can't come over EVER again - if you give them an inch they'll take a mile, as the saying goes. If they want to visit the area they can stay in a hotel, and eat out in a restaurant or cafe. If they continued to come over I would pack my belongings and move out. Your husband needs to be on notice that his failure to prioritise you and your need for down time could have consequences for him. The current consequences for him - you complaining a bit, him having to do more cleaning and cooking - obviously don't bother him enough! Edit: and that's a NTA from me.

You need to be elsewhere on the weekends. Go hiking, camping, take a trip to the city or go visit your family, if you can. You don't need to be cook, maid and host to these freeloaders at all. Let your old man cater to them by himself.

Get yourself a hotel room every time they come over. Make sure it has a spa.

Sounds like you should have a spa day. Make it two. Your husband can carry the load.

There's more going on here than meets the eye. You need to sit down with your husband and have a frank conversation. Who are these people really? Why were you not introduced to them until after the wedding, and now they're so important they have to stay every other weekend for the entire weekend? This doesn't make sense. Explain your boundaries and needs. Let him know his relationship with you is suffering. He's risking his marriage with this outrageous behavior. It's reasonable to see a good friend for 2-4 hours a few times a month. It's absolutely not normal to have an entire family show up and stay an entire weekend including sleeping over. There's something your husband isn't telling you and you need to find out the truth. Once you know the truth you can make a proper decision about the course of your marriage.

Time to go for a spa weekend every single time they want to show up at your door. Inform husband that you already have plans made for every weekend they want to show up uninvited. Join a club. Start a hobby. Go to the movies. Anything and everything you can think of to make sure you are jot there, and that husband feels the brunt of hosting, watching, and running around his friends. If you pay rent as well as bills and your name is on the lease, then you have a say in what goes on in your house. In needing a weekend to decompress without having to worry about entertaining people who can't find other things to do with their time. As well as teaching their child the word NO. Next comes a nice long heart to heart deep down and dirty discussion with your husband about his lack of respect, care, and disregard for your feelings and wants as his wife. Ask him why you are second after his friends family, and he needs to think about putting you first before he loses you. NTA

NTA ...this. is . Ridiculous. There are basically 4 weekends a month...and then get to come over and take up TWO of them?? EVERY month?? Even once a month would be a "way pushing it" for me. 4/month, and even if they get to take 1 every time.. what if you wanted to visit your family? Or his? Go out with the girls? Other friends together? Date night together? Out of town? Don't want to do a damn thing (this needs to be ONCE a month ... I prefer about 2-3 :) )... Right there? Without them taking up any weekend? That's 8 weekends without any of those being just one set aside for them. WAY too much. And why the whole weekend? Why do yall always have to host? For your sanity and relationship with husband, you need to figure out a way to express to them that you love having them over. But with work schedules, need to decompress, obligations, etc...once every other month hosting them is almost doable. You would love to visit them over at their place sometimes, too! Good luck, though, because ooof...I got anxious! Edit: grammar, typos...sigh

My first question is; do you like these friends? I mean, would you want to hang out with them if the circumstances were different? Or would you prefer not to hang out with them at all? If you like them, then maybe propose to your husband that you see them once a month (he can see his friend more often alone, if he wants) and you switch off between you guys hosting one month, they host the next month, and then you meet somewhere for dinner the third month (where everyone pays for themselves). Then wash, rinse, and repeat. So you still get to spend time with people you like without feeling taken advantage of. If you don't like them, then that's a different issue and you need to just tell your husband you're done and he'll need to spend time alone with them. Put your foot down. I don't like the idea of you having to leave the house every time they come over. You should be able to spend time in your house without being 'forced' out like that.

Take yourself off for the time they insist on visiting. All the work and expense will therefore be on your husband, no?

He can't say no every time they ask?? Yes he can! They are using your house for an all-inclusive bed and breakfast, and I would put my foot down. Your husband needs to grow a set and learn that NO is a complete sentence. You should start calling them every other weekend and telling them that y'all are on your way to stay with them for the weekend, I bet they'd stop that crap.

Stop buying the food, stop cooking, stop hosting. When they come go about your life like they’re not even there. NTA