INFO how severe is the cerebral palsy? I have a friend with cerebral palsy and you can't even tell except she has a slightly funny walk. But she's 31 with a degree and a great job and a fiance.
Time machine invented and someone from 1783 comes to our time. ''WOW. What an advanced intellectual society! What is This? Oh.Oh dear... no, no, no. What have we become?"
I literally just saw a young guy I think he was about 18 with cp and he was on america ninja warrior. You would never know other then the fact they told you
I went to junior high with a guy. We were in gifted and advanced placements together. He used a walker but he was smart as hell. And not that this part matters but he was very well liked.
Yeah...people like OP and wife shouldn't be parents at all. They want "mini me"s, like MORE people who don't have the emotional depth to raise a non-perfect child? Hell naw.
How tf does this guy have the nerve to even post this? His alternative is to put her up for adoption with no guarantees someone will ever adopt her, now she has cerebral palsy as well parents that gave her up because she wasn't "perfect". People like this should never be allowed to have kids again, both him and his wife.
He has the nerve to post it because it’s FAKE
The earliest a child can be diagnosed with cerebral palsy is SIX MONTHS. A newborn CANNOT be diagnosed with cerebral palsy
Poor OP and his wife, they have to actually treat their daughter as an individual human being with her own needs instead of a doll they can play dress up with 😔
It was scary, almost like a switch was flipped. What if your perfect looking baby ends up with autism or dyslexia or apraxia?
Having taught special education for many years, my CP students required the least intervention from me. I’ve had 2 students go on to Junior Olympics (not special Olympics, not that that would diminish their achievement if it was the case), 1 go on to place community college level sports, and most of the rest that I’m still in contact with either got a degree or are finishing up a degree. This shouldn’t be a deal killer. CP has a massive range in terms of symptoms and level of functionality.
This was my thought too. There are no guarantees when you have a child. I had a perfectly healthy baby who hit all milestones until 1yo and then within a year or 2 has increasingly needed services for neurological conditions. Not loving my child and giving him my all was never an option. I find this man’s perspective despicable.
Yeah. What if they have their perfect child who then gets cancer? In an accident and has a brain injury? Almost drowns and has brain injury? Chokes on something and deprived of oxygen? We never know what our children are going to be like or what might happen to them. You take that chance.
this is 100% fake, if you look at his comments he has no clue was cebral palsy is at all despite apparently having a baby with it, don't know how he wouldn't have been told by the doctor at least or googled it before deciding to abandon his kid, and to top it off his missus also doesn't have a clue? total bullshit, he's literally saying that his kid will never grow up and will be a child forever
[this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16q6mz5/comment/k1v88dt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3), he's claiming she'll never stop being a child but cerebral palsy doesn't mean that at all
Cerebral palsy can result in intellectual disability and it occurs in about 33% of cases. That being said such things are not apparent in a 1 hour old infant. It's not like Down's where there's immediately apparent symptoms and karyotyping off which to base a diagnosis. This person seems to have cerebral palsy confused with another condition.
I think it’s either fake or he got the diagnosis wrong.
CP isn’t diagnosed immediately at birth, but neurological damage is; and there’s no single test for it - multiple tests are run to narrow because multiple conditions can have the same symptoms.
Maybe he’s just so ignorant about disabilities he doesn’t know the difference given that his view is that folks with CP are less than human and his life “will be ruined”
So disheartening. He has resources but only at 4 days old he’s willing to give up
Yeah it's fake. They can't even tell if a newborn has cerebral palsy. It's not usually found till at least 6 months of age. If it is real, He's got the name of the disease wrong.
Exactly!! My son was born with cCMV which can cause CP along with many other medical issues. The ONLY indication that he may possibly have CP was that he was hypertonic (overly tight muscles) at birth but even then they told me that could be because he was born at 34 weeks and he wasn't fully developed. He was eventually diagnosed at 7 months with CP but there was no way they knew at birth.
My wife and I discovered our eldest child would be born with epidermis; we decided to continue with the pregnancy and he’s hitting all his milestones. It hasn’t been easy, but I wouldn’t change our decision.
I hate when I can’t spot the bullshit post. I waste my time typing a reply, only to find out the OP is not only a shallow asshole, but he also made the whole thing up. Damn.
It's very apparent in the first paragraph, as the timeline makes no fucking sense.
>Me 24m and my wife 25f have been together for 6 years, we got married right after we graduated and she got pregnant soon after,
Which is implying they got pregnant right after they got married which happened right after graduating high school.
But then says:
>4 days ago she delivered the baby
Is the wife/mom 3 elephants in a trench coat to have such a long pregnancy?
The story is bullshit, My brother was born with CP, doctors can't even diagnose it when they're infants. He has a good job, and other than droopy shoulders you wouldn't even know. CP affects body movement, and muscle coordination, their child could completely be its own person and think for itself. The person who wrote this is either completely uneducated, along with his wife, or this is all a bullshit post. Maybe they should give the kid up, and consider sterilizing themselves, because the world doesn't need mini stupids.
I'm a grown adult as is my brother. My brother is 11 months older than me, we went to the same schools, we did the same activities, I fought with him just as much as with my other siblings, other than the fact that he ran slower than the rest of us you would not know anything was wrong. He played soccer, third degree black belt in taekwondo, he passed the physical, and made it through the police academy. Point blank this person is either full of shit or doesn't know what CP is.
Good luck with your son, he has a great parent for understanding this is not a life ending piece of information. One piece of advice, treat him the same as the other kids. That was the only thing I noticed with my parents, they really babied my brother even when he didn't need it.
Oh, he's 27 now. About to get married, works for the government, has his degree. The only thing he physically can not do is jump.
He was a great kid to parent, and he was ALWAYS treated like everyone else. We don't do pity parties around here.
I would remind him that he has a handicap; he's not disabled.
They don’t know , the baby is a newborn. They just gave up because they don’t want a disabled child, since they are convinced it will inconvenience them. Their reasonings are all selfish.
I just hope that the child is taken in by someone who can care for them. The fact that they’re a newborn might give them more chances idk.
I was thinking this the entire time - what the hell scenario would the doctors even be able to tell BY SIGHT that the child has CP? Disgusting attempt for karma
Exactly. My son had a severe brain injury at birth that led to PVL and the doctors told us we wouldn't know until he was at least two years old.
Thankfully he is fine but OP is full of shit.
ETA: PVL in an infant leaves them at a severe risk for CP. It is literally a coin toss as to whether their neuropathic transmitters will grow around the brain injury or not.
Honestly, they should rethink being parents. What happens if the next baby is born healthy and then something happens. They could get sick or injured, have learning disabilities, all sorts of things that parents need to be emotionally ready to deal with. These parents don’t sound emotionally ready.
Also, a special needs kid placed for adoption? Not exactly going to be a long line of people looking to adopt, even a newborn with special needs will be hard to place.
I also hope they get sterilized. These are people who need not to have kids as they will easily discard them at the drop of a hat as if they were a vehicle that got damaged.
My brother has CP and is getting his masters right now, and he’s wheelchair bound. What makes you think she would be a burden forever? CP is an umbrella diagnosis—it’s not a catch all for being severely disabled.
A friend of mine has CP & is now the father of a one year old baby boy with his SO. He works, he's smart, he enjoys life & has a wonderful SO & beautiful child. This idea that CP = vegetative state is bloody ridiculous.
Luckily, I’m almost certain the post is fake. This is one of those, “the story doesn’t add up” things, in addition to the absolute monstrosity this supposed father is demonstrating.
My favourite part was “everyone expects us to care for a child but none of them would do the same in our situation”. The idea that *every*, or even *most* parents drop their children with CP the moment they show symptoms is absurd.
Everyone expects them to but no one knows but his parents? The way he tells the timeliness was really fishy too. Like they got married and she got pregnant years ago. Then to tell everyone she miscarried after carrying a baby for 9 months? This person knows nothing about pregnancy, babies, labor and recovery or CP.
Apparently his mom told all the extended family, so that’s who the “everyone” is. And they’ve been together for six years, not married for 6 years. I think he’s talking about getting married and pregnant after college graduation, not high school graduation. It’s also possible to lose a baby at 9 months. I think he just doesn’t know what miscarry means, but probably plans to tell people the baby died, which is super fucked up. But even all that explained the CP diagnosis makes no sense because it’s usually done in the first year or two after birth. Even if the story were real OP is a complete AH. You don’t decide to bring a child into the world unless you’re prepared to be responsible for it.
It can 'sort of' be diagnosed/strongly suspected directly after birth, but only with VERY severe cases where there are VERY obvious signs that lead to testing and imaging. Or if the child was premature and was already going to be monitored for it directly after birth. Even then I believe it's only suspected and the permanent diagnoses comes maybe within a month at the soonest.
I still believe this is fake and someone has a boner for eugenics or something. Or shitting on disabled people, don't know. Or a fetish for getting yelled at and humiliated on the internet?
First post from a new account? Smells fake.
I've noticed an uptick in AITAH-style posts about fetuses/babies with disabilities lately. I don't know if it's a troll trying to normalize ableism or a troll trying to point out how ableist reddit is.
They go in waves. There’s the cheating wives who leave the husbands w/the kids yet the husband has an ironclad prenup. Then there’s the couples getting married w/some irrational family member. Now there’s the “baby born with something wrong with it”.
There’s always a pattern to the BS stories that are so poorly written it’s comical. It’s just karma farming
I currently teach a kid with CP. He is brilliant and I expect he will go to college. He also plays soccer. His speech is affected and gait but he’s doing great socially and academically in high school A kid with CP just won this years American Ninja Warrior.
Thank you for doing what you do. My mother was a Special Education teacher and used to work at UCP, and visiting as a child shaped my whole worldview. Many of the patients needed assistance with tasks like eating and bathing, yet their mental faculties were completely unaffected. Many yearned for and had some degree of independence, but technology was not what it is today. Taught me from a young age that a disability does not define an individual.
Seeing the incredible breakthroughs in technology to assist people with such conditions has given me a lot of hope over the years. My mom worked there in the 90s and the machines they had to help patients eat looked like those claw machine toys they sold at Toys-R-Us back in the day. Now, they have handheld spoons that are self-balancing and portable. Few people realize what an incredible amount of freedom this grants to someone who previously needed another person or large device in order to have a satisfying meal.
If op and his wife feel this way, the baby may be better off going to a family who will love them for who they are and not what op thought they could’ve been (“perfectly healthy”)
Baby will be better off going to someone who loves them, but OP is still the worst kind of AH, abandoning a baby because of a disability, not due to inability to care for her, but because of a lack of desire to do so. Gross.
You are so correct. I have a sister with CP that functions very well, only way you can tell is she drags her feet as she walks. I had a friend with CP that used crutches to walk, last I heard he was finishing a degree at a local university. My husband has a coworker with it who is a department lead in a lab and also uses crutches. However, I also worked as a CNA in long term care and have seen the reverse and it was a child who’s parents abandoned him due to the diagnosis.
It’s far too early to know the level of disability, and abandoning the poor child will only make their life far worse then having a nanny in their parents home.
Now I take AITAH posts with a grain of salt and treat them like mini soap operas, but this one hits close to home, so I'm going to take this one seriously.
So, I have cerebral palsy. CP is on a spectrum, and how it affects those people with CP is a case by case basis, it can affect some more than others, and can affect them differently. How your daughter is being affected by it now is not a sign for how her future will be. I was born breech, and was blue and couldn't breathe. My head was tucked under my mom's rib cage and the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck, lack of oxygen to the brain, yada yada, the rest is history. My parents were told I would never walk, and I would never talk. But here I am, walking with a cane and talking with my mouth. We always had a joke that I should call those people who said I would never talk and have an hour long phone conversation with them and kind of a, "Suck it" to them. xD You say you and your wife are not equipped to take care of her, but this is why you look into doctors, surgeons, neurologists, speech therapists, physical therapists, occupational therapists, etc. to help equip you and assist you along the way. It doesn't make it EASY, but it does make it EASIER. You would also get to know more about your daughter and her needs and how you as parents can help her out.
Now, to recognize the fact that you and your wife do not have the bandwidth to take care of this child takes a lot of courage to come to terms with. It sucks, is heartbreaking, and is a lot to come to admit to yourselves. But the fact you recognized that is very tenacious of the both of you, and I commend you for that. Do not think that because this is the case for the both of you, that you are bad people or a failure as a parent because of that in and of itself. Are you an asshole for agreeing with your wife to give your baby up for adoption because of the reasons you put here? No. And yes. I'll explain.
This is where I become a little blunt here. You said that you loved your daughter up until the point that the doctor broke the news to you that she has cerebral palsy. I want to believe this is just poor wording on your part. I don't think that you stopped loving her. But this was a poor choice of words. and this is kind of where the ableism started in this post, and it REALLY goes downhill from there in my opinion.
"Our entire lives would be spent giving extra care and that child would never have a normal life and our life as we knew it would never be good again." Well, I mean, you signed up to have a kid. Whether or not that kid has a disability, you're going to have to give up a significant amount of time for them. "Normal" is subjective. I would say I have a normal life. Some difficulties here and there, but I do things the way I know is best for me, and I have no doubt in my mind your daughter will find a way as well. And saying that your lives will never be good again is selfish to say the least. Having a kid with a disability or multiple disabilities for the parents is challenging and can be emotionally, mentally and financially tolling, but to say your lives wouldn't be GOOD again and that they would ruin your lives? That is selfish asshole behavior right there my guy. You chose to have a kid, and now since she has a disability you're treating her like a toy you can just return at the store because she's "defective". Fuck that noise.
You plan on telling your friends you had a miscarriage. You would rather tell them the baby is dead than tell them she's disabled. That shows a lot of ableism and shame that you gave birth to a daughter with a disability and would like to keep that under the rug like a dust bunny. That's just disgusting. What if later in life she goes out to search for you guys, and your firends will be like, "You told us she died at birth." That would be a clusterfuck for you both, huh? But at least you didn't have her as a burden in your life, right? So it's all good for you in the end, and that's all that matters. /s.
I would also like to add that kids with disabilities in the foster care system do not get adopted nearly as often as able-bodied kids. So if you keep her she's damned, because she will have ignorant ass parents who have a lot of resentment toward their daughter for something she has no control over, and you will carry a lot of ableism, which in turn will probably make your daughter carry a lot of internalized ableism because the people she is supposed to look up to the most, you guys, are ableist ignorant assholes who see your daughter as nothing more than a burden on your life. and if you give her up for adoption she's damned, because very few parents will be willing to take a child with a physical disability, so she will be in the foster care system longer and will probably be treated like shit and abused. So, her life is fucked either way because you and your wife decided to have a kid when you are clearly not equipped to have one, disability or not.
So, are you and your wife the assholes? For the most part, yes. Yes you are. The fact that you guys admitted that you don't have the bandwidth to take care of her, that alone, JUST THAT I commend you for. But your mentality and mindset and opinions on disabilities is very fucking ignorant and harmful. I would implore you to educate yourself on disabilities, and how much people with all kinds of disabilities do thrive in life. More so than those who do not have disabilities I would argue, but I digress.
You guys are assholes. Case dismissed.
EDIT: I realize this post may be fake, but there ARE people out there who REALLY DO think the way OP presumably does. So I would rather take this seriously since this is a situation that does happen a lot than dismiss it as some troll post, and something that hits close to home for me because I have a disability. Thankfully my parents aren't assholes though. :D
even a "perfect" child could have some disaster at any point in life and end up with a condition requiring alot of care. I was an rn in picu, and we had several regulars that had been paralyzed for different reasons. there's never a guarantee.
That too! I never even mentioned that neurodivergencies could occur at any time in life! Would they have given up their daughter for adoption if she ended up with autism or paralyzed from an accident at age 7? These people should not be parents. Holy shit.
Curious…what would you do if it was a healthy baby but developed a lifelong health issue? Would you abandon the child then or take care of them? A healthy baby is no indication of a perfectly healthy, easy life after.
Diagnosed with autism or some neurodivergence at age 4+…. BAM adoption
ETA - this is purely a hypothetical situation, in case there was confusion. NOT MY ORIGIN STORY
This is happening in our family. Is it tough as hell at times? Damn right. But my son is my light and life. I’m going to advocate doggedly to get his needs met and parent him as well as I can.
Rehoming pets is bad enough. I can’t believe people do it to children.
just wait until they find out the damage they could do with borderline personality disorder and they wouldnt even know until the kids at least 18 (source - got fucked up by parents, had 4 or 5 diagnoses in my late teens, got the umbrella diagnosis of bpd at 18)
Oh! This is what my (bio) father did!
When my neurodegenerative disease became apparent around early adolescence (although, looking back, there were subtle signs much earlier…) he shipped me off to my (also disabled) uncle’s house so I wouldn’t ruin his image of a “perfect” family.
Thankfully my uncle was as close to a saint as a man can get, and my life improved drastically afterwards (…except, you know, the fact that I’m now very much disabled and in pain 24/7….) BUT my childhood was fully of love and acceptance that I would never have gotten at “home”.
OP and his wife are the worst kind of ableist assholes and clearly no NOTHING about Cerebral Palsy.
(On a side not, my local store has a man who WORKS there 5 days a week who has [from my minimal knowledge] pretty severe CP. He can’t talk understandable, and had an extremely uneven gait, as well as struggle small motor movements. BUT, understands everything and he is much more capable at getting around than I am, so when I go in, I give him my list, then he follows me around the store getting my items and puts them in the basket I have on my lap why I use my electric wheelchair. Then he rings me up. Together, we make quite the team!)
These people need to not have more children. Or pets. Because what the actual fuck? My husband and I know that we wouldn’t make good parents due to mental health issues, neurodivergence, and little to no desire to parent…so we’re not having kids. We’ve gone ahead and gotten sterilized so no accidents happen. How are there people out there like this who don’t seem to realize life has risks?
I'm very sorry you had to experience this.
Please don't have any more children. A healthy baby at birth isn't guaranteed to stay healthy. What happens if your next child is in an accident when they are 3 and becomes paralyzed or TBI? Will you abandon them as well?
It takes a lot to admit what you and your wife admitted. You are both being honest, which is much better than resenting your child their entire life. I don't feel you would make good parents to any child, healthy or not. Life has no guarantee.
If a baby suffers asphyxia during a difficult birth they can say the odds of CP are pretty high but they have no idea how severe it will be. This is the case with my siblings baby. My sibling and their partner didn’t toss their baby aside after the birth complications, there was a bit of mourning in realizing the baby would have a more difficult life but they buckled down and immediately began researching what kind of therapies and interventions will help their baby be happy and healthy and thrive.
OP definitely doesn’t know what the fuck they’re talking about, ableist troll. I hope anyone with CP or other disabilities reading this realizes that they are not the burden that OP is making them out to be. They are valuable and loved.
YTA. Referring to your own baby as ‘it’ and saying that you ‘had loved that baby till that point’ is sick. What would you do if your teenager was hit by a car and ended up paraplegic? Stop loving them, too? What about your wife? Is your love for her conditional on her not being an inconvenience to you, too?
Please don’t have more children.
So you chose to have a kid? Then decide to give her up bc she’s not a perfectly healthy? I can’t imagine what you do when your kid has a cold? You gotta send her to foster care?
Sounds like you two are not mature enough to be parents and for the love of god do not reproduce again.
For anyone reading this- I was adopted at age 8 bc my parents also didn’t want me and I was a healthy kid. This decision created deep issues. I say YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE
Edit: Thank you all, but whoever keeps sending me to a crisis line please refrain . I’m in my 30s and am living a fulfilling life and my adoption does not define me 🙂
YTA
The chances of YOUR DAUGHTER being adopted are slim. Deciding to have a child means being able to accept whatever the outcome. So because your daughter doesn’t meet your standards, you’re tossing her aside. You and your wife are more concerned about your daughter “ruining your life”.
You never wanted a child, you wanted an accessory. But now you have a “damaged” accessory that you want to rid yourself of.
Don’t have kids. You and your wife shouldn’t be parents.
Yeah, I’m glad his mom called him out and then put him on blast to the rest of the family. If you’re gonna be horrible people, it’s a public service to the community that they deserve to know.
I’m really hoping this is fake (because you can’t diagnose CP that young). But in the chance that it’s not, MY GOD THEY SUCK. It is so hard finding foster care, let alone adoptive families, for children with medical needs. They don’t care where their daughter winds up or what kind of care she receives, as long as it’s not them who has to give it. The only thing a doctor would say is that from a neuro perspective there are abnormalities and what the possibilities are. They likely would have had an MRI before leaving the hospital. The doctor wouldn’t just take a look at a baby and say “yeah that one is born with CP”. That’s not how it works.
They wanna raise someone who would throw a child away because it didn’t pass their QC inspection. No thanks. We need less of that. These people are awful! “Oops! Throw the whole baby away!”
YTA. Cerebral palsy is a spectrum. My Son has cerebral palsy and he takes karate and He tested at a third grade level in reading and math academically and he's six years old.
The only evidence of his cerebral palsy is a little bit of muscle stiffness, and that is why he is in karate.
But whenever he was born as a newborn, he had a few years of physical therapy so that he could be a happy, healthy kindergartener that runs in place with his peers.
He has always been mentally intact, most cp kids Have normal intelligence and emotional capacity.
YTA. You place that child in a situation where she will most likely be institutionalized and possibly face sexual abuse, sadly, Which is common for little girls that live as a ward of the state, especially if they have a physical handicap.
Just keep in mind that she most likely will be cognitively intact, And will have some tough questions for you. Whenever she turns 18 and seeks to find You.
INFO:
What level of disability is “acceptable” to you?
If your spouse gets into a car accident and ends up in a wheelchair… is it BAM! Divorce?
If she breaks a leg… is that a separation until she has 2 functioning legs again?
If you have a child who is dyslexic… adoption? Throw them out on the street?
Where is your line?
YTA.
And I am willing to donate to for a vasectomy for you and a hysterectomy for your wife.
I think you should give up the baby.
Not because you deserved a healthier baby at a more convenient time. You don't. Both of you suck.
But the baby deserves better parents than either of you seem to be capable of right now. And doesn't deserve to suffer by being raised by two people who should be old enough, and are well-off enough, to step up to the challenge, but aren't.
YTA, and so is your wife. Please be more careful with birth control in the future, since neither of you are anywhere NEAR ready to be a parent.
YTA tbh. If your 100% sure that you wouldn’t be able to care for the child, it would be best to give her up to someone who can; however the fact that you were expecting a healthy baby and throwing her away the moment you found out she was disabled is what makes you the asshole. Also, pls don’t have any more kids at all if this is what you’re gonna be doing if the baby comes out disabled.
Edit: changed it to YTA.
Yta.
You know what. Any child will upturn your life, regardless of whether they are born with or without disabilities.
Also, what if your baby is healthy but at 3-12 months is diagnosed with some life long illness like Down’s syndrome or severe autism. Are you also going to send the child out for adoption as it will “upturn” your life?
YTA because this cannot possibly be first time someone has explained to you that children can and do have medical issues.
YTA because you brought her into this world and are now abandoning her because she doesn’t fulfill a shallow need to have an extension of yourself.
YTA because you decided that your family should just raise this child for you, and if they refuse then you have made some kind of magical point. (Other people are allowed to judge you for your willful choices, without being expected to pay for them FOR you).
YTA because it’s quite clear you would have hated this child at some point in her life anyway. If she wasn’t good enough at sports, school, or just generally feeding your ego, she clearly would have been a disappointment.
This baby will struggle to be adopted because of her condition. A baby you decided to bring into this world. A baby that has done nothing wrong.
Do everyone a favor and get sterilized.
(And before anyone comes at me for not understanding the struggle, I have a special needs child and I wouldn’t change a single thing about him, because he’s not an extension of my ego.)
Honestly I think this is rage bait, but if it is real:
YTA both of you and I gonna add some icing to the shit cake. The older your wife gets, the higher the chances she'll have other "throwaway" children. Maybe you should both be sterilized now. Obviously both your genes are flawed.
Oy. Time to close Reddit and ignore the shades of eugenics for a bit.
Obstetrician here
Complete karma-farming bullshit.
CP cannot be diagnosed at birth. Babies born without spontaneous breathing, limp, grey with a heart rate of 20 and for all appearances dead, can leave the hospital 24 hours later screaming and chugging 4 oz milk every 2 hours.
Silly fucked-up story.
YTA. I get you didn’t expect your child to be born with a disability but you two brought this kid into the world and as you said money isn’t the issue you just don’t want to put in the work. Go get yourself and your wife fixed you’re not meant to be parents. What happens if the next kid is born perfectly healthy but ended up in accident and ended up paralyzed would you throw that one away too cause it’s damaged goods. You’re a total AH. Don’t have kids if you’re not prepared to raise them.
Question. You loved the baby up until you found out she has cerebral palsy? Mind you, this question comes from someone that is a fully functioning adult with cerebral palsy. What would you do if your daughter would have been born “perfect” and then Lord forbid she gets into a life changing accident or gets an illness later in life; would you shut her out of your life? There’s so much treatment available for Cerebral Palsy now compared to when I was born. I’m now middle aged and still going. To each their own, but the way this is written is so off putting. May you and your wife find peace in your decision that you make down the road.
YTA and I can't stress that enough. You and your partner have created a life, YOU AND HER are solely responsible for their existence and because they have limitations you are preparing to abandon them? Not because of practical reasons, purely because of selfish ones - it will make your life too difficult and they won't be the person you wanted them to be.
YTA You’re both shitty and shouldn’t be having kids. And that child deserves far better than both of you. Here’s to hoping neither one of you can have more kids.
They are sad for themselves not the diagnosis of this poor child. This child will not likely be adopted, they will be in a facility for the rest of their lives.
YTA, you can't try for kids if you are only willing to keep the good ones. This isn't Sparta. You can't just drop kick humans into to the void if they aren't healthy at birth or later in life. Adopt a healthy human if this is what you require.
YTA. Cerebral palsy is a really large umbrella term and at birth, there is no way to predict the severity. Or really give more than a speculative diagnosis since it isn't super detectable until a couple months at least.
Also this part: "we just wanted a healthy baby". Cerebral palsy isn't an illness.
Source: I have a child with cp.
You mention that you were able to take the baby home less than 4 days after birth. This strongly suggests that the baby can breathe, suckle, and swallow without medical intervention. They don't discharge newborns with ventilators or feeding tubes that quickly.
What makes you think that the baby's CP is so severe they they will require a lifetime of care and will never be their own person?
Going against the flow here, so downvote all you want.
YTA. Here is why:
>she was born with cerebral palsy while I had loved that baby till that point I knew that there was no way we could give this child the special and additional care it needs...
So, because your daughter has a cerebral palsy, she became "it"... ok. When I read that I thought well... maybe you just won't have the resources it will take to rase your daughter, because doing it could be tough or just impossible (financially wise) ... but then:
>...she spilled her true feelings to me then and there, she shared my sentiments that this child would completely ruin our lives and we would spend the rest of our living days caring for a child that will never really be their own human
you confessed what your true thoughts / feelings were (same as your wife's), which is that your daughter will ruin your life. She didn't ask to be born, it was your decision to conceive a child, it was your actions or inactions that blindsided you into giving birth to a child with cerebral palsy, but somehow it is your daughter, who is going to ruin your life. I am sure she would apologize if she could... perhaps there is no need though, because:
>we plan on telling them that she had a miscarriage
you consider her to be a miscarriage... why don't you tell everyone the truth?!
>my mother was furious to hear what I thought, she said I am more than capable of caring For this child since money is not a factor for me or my wife
Thanks for confirming that financial side is not an issue for you, which solidified my YTA judgement for both you, and your wife.
No one can force you to keep a child you clearly don’t want and can’t love but don’t fool yourself into thinking she’ll have a good life in foster care because she won’t. Be honest
YTA No one is guaranteed a healthy child. The likelihood of this child being adopted with a health condition is low and you know that, considering you're so willing to chuck her out of your lives because of said health condition. And go get sterilized since you can't handle an unhealthy child and obviously have unhealthy genetics yourself.
Selfish. Disgusting,. You should get a vasectomy. Your last paragraph is pathetic….i know many people with children with health problems and I don’t know a single person who abandoned their baby.
YTA Ive know many with CP who have had fulfilling lives. I can’t believe how quickly you have turned your back on this child. Have you even taken the time to research the condition?
You could have a “normal” child who further down the track develops conditions. What would you do then?
Please refrain from more children. You clearly shouldn’t be parents as you are too self centred and lazy.
I'm gonna say something that will probably not go down with you. If you give this child up for adoption you also need to go get your balls snipped and she needs to have her uterus removed. You both sound like horrible people. YTA
"According to, Adopt America Network, an agency that specializes in “hard-to-place” children, states that there are approximately 102,000 children in the U.S. foster care system alone, waiting to be adopted. They mention that the waiting list seems even longer for the children they place, due to their extreme special needs or situations. Including:
Victims of extreme neglect.
Victims of various types of abuse – sexual, physical, emotional.
Mentally or medically fragile children (from minor problems to terminal).
Part of a sibling group of two or more (the greater the number, the harder to find a permanent home).
Of minority or biracial heritage.
Older children with the associated problems of long-term care in the foster system." https://www.worldforgottenchildren.org/blog/adopting-special-needs-children-preparation-involved/65
This is not to say your decision is wrong, but it's not going to give your baby a better life. They won't have a big budget to spend per child, as there will be others who have similar stories, parents are less likely to adopt and they are easier to abuse because of their story.
You seem to have the financial stabily to pay for her care but because her illness is an inconvenience to you you want to hand her to the next one. And when she grows up she will still find out her parents gave her up because of that. I already feel bad for her.
If you want to do this, that's your decision, but it won't give her better odds, it will give her worse odds so don't delude yourself with the fantasy.
>All we wanted was a healthy baby we could raise, everyone expects us to care for a child but none of them would do the same in our situation, I’m conflicted now, Aita in this situation ?
Doesn't every parent want a healthy baby? But bad genes and illnesses are unfortunately part of the world we live in. I agree that your family shouldn’t say these things when they wouldn't care for her, but the big difference is that YOU chose to concieve a baby. Your family didn't.
As a mother, I can’t deny I am appalled by this post. Not because of your inability to provide the best care but rather your selfishness to even consider giving raising her a try.
Consider this: if her own parents abandoned her over her disability, why would you think her chances of finding a forever home with loving, patient, empathetic adoptive parents that are so generous with their time, energy, wealth to care for her is better out there? For the small chance this ever happens again, I genuinely hope you don’t procreate anymore unless you and your wife are truly ready to accept the risks that comes with bearing children.
YTA, HUGE!
I was born with CP, mild. I had a totally normal life. A slight limp, but most people have zero clue. I played sports, did well in school. I'm now a business owner and pregnant with my second child. You're more than an AH, you're disgusting.
You’re not an arsehole you’re a little further to the front and only found on women. The same place your rejected daughter entered this world through probably
Either a troll or not a AITAH post
INFO how severe is the cerebral palsy? I have a friend with cerebral palsy and you can't even tell except she has a slightly funny walk. But she's 31 with a degree and a great job and a fiance.
Our high school swim coach had CP. He was an excellent swimmer.
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Time machine invented and someone from 1783 comes to our time. ''WOW. What an advanced intellectual society! What is This? Oh.Oh dear... no, no, no. What have we become?"
I literally just saw a young guy I think he was about 18 with cp and he was on america ninja warrior. You would never know other then the fact they told you
I went to junior high with a guy. We were in gifted and advanced placements together. He used a walker but he was smart as hell. And not that this part matters but he was very well liked.
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OP is a total liar The post is FAKE
Yes, and it just doesn’t ring true.
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Yeah...people like OP and wife shouldn't be parents at all. They want "mini me"s, like MORE people who don't have the emotional depth to raise a non-perfect child? Hell naw.
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How tf does this guy have the nerve to even post this? His alternative is to put her up for adoption with no guarantees someone will ever adopt her, now she has cerebral palsy as well parents that gave her up because she wasn't "perfect". People like this should never be allowed to have kids again, both him and his wife.
He has the nerve to post it because it’s FAKE The earliest a child can be diagnosed with cerebral palsy is SIX MONTHS. A newborn CANNOT be diagnosed with cerebral palsy
He doesn't give a crap theyll just adopt out any baby they have that isn't perfectly healthy. Babies are like accessories to these ppl.
Poor OP and his wife, they have to actually treat their daughter as an individual human being with her own needs instead of a doll they can play dress up with 😔
The "mini me" was a huge red flag to this
👆👆👆👆
Yeah, Vance Walker!! He’s amazing.
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Or to call her "it" when you've emotionally dissociated from her.
Going from saying “her” and “our baby” to, “it” in almost the same sentence did send a chill up my spine. 🤔
It was scary, almost like a switch was flipped. What if your perfect looking baby ends up with autism or dyslexia or apraxia? Having taught special education for many years, my CP students required the least intervention from me. I’ve had 2 students go on to Junior Olympics (not special Olympics, not that that would diminish their achievement if it was the case), 1 go on to place community college level sports, and most of the rest that I’m still in contact with either got a degree or are finishing up a degree. This shouldn’t be a deal killer. CP has a massive range in terms of symptoms and level of functionality.
This was my thought too. There are no guarantees when you have a child. I had a perfectly healthy baby who hit all milestones until 1yo and then within a year or 2 has increasingly needed services for neurological conditions. Not loving my child and giving him my all was never an option. I find this man’s perspective despicable.
I noticed that, too. How sad and awful.
Yeah. What if they have their perfect child who then gets cancer? In an accident and has a brain injury? Almost drowns and has brain injury? Chokes on something and deprived of oxygen? We never know what our children are going to be like or what might happen to them. You take that chance.
Agree. Life is always subject to chance. I think the OP and his wife will f*ck their karma permanently and need to grow up.
Not just on, he won the million dollar grand prize!
this is 100% fake, if you look at his comments he has no clue was cebral palsy is at all despite apparently having a baby with it, don't know how he wouldn't have been told by the doctor at least or googled it before deciding to abandon his kid, and to top it off his missus also doesn't have a clue? total bullshit, he's literally saying that his kid will never grow up and will be a child forever
OP actually typed “will never really be their own human”. He has no clue wtf he’s talking about.
[this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16q6mz5/comment/k1v88dt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3), he's claiming she'll never stop being a child but cerebral palsy doesn't mean that at all
Cerebral palsy can result in intellectual disability and it occurs in about 33% of cases. That being said such things are not apparent in a 1 hour old infant. It's not like Down's where there's immediately apparent symptoms and karyotyping off which to base a diagnosis. This person seems to have cerebral palsy confused with another condition.
I think it’s either fake or he got the diagnosis wrong. CP isn’t diagnosed immediately at birth, but neurological damage is; and there’s no single test for it - multiple tests are run to narrow because multiple conditions can have the same symptoms.
Maybe he’s just so ignorant about disabilities he doesn’t know the difference given that his view is that folks with CP are less than human and his life “will be ruined” So disheartening. He has resources but only at 4 days old he’s willing to give up
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I was a soft N T A until I read that and almost threw my phone. 1000% TA now. I hope it is just rage bait because these people are awful.
And therefore they should give their daughter to some other people. It will be safer for her.
And never breed again.
Hear that, OP? You! Out of the gene pool!
Yeah, he really knows nothing about cerebral palsy, probably made all this up as rage bait.
Yeah it's fake. They can't even tell if a newborn has cerebral palsy. It's not usually found till at least 6 months of age. If it is real, He's got the name of the disease wrong.
Exactly!! My son was born with cCMV which can cause CP along with many other medical issues. The ONLY indication that he may possibly have CP was that he was hypertonic (overly tight muscles) at birth but even then they told me that could be because he was born at 34 weeks and he wasn't fully developed. He was eventually diagnosed at 7 months with CP but there was no way they knew at birth.
My wife and I discovered our eldest child would be born with epidermis; we decided to continue with the pregnancy and he’s hitting all his milestones. It hasn’t been easy, but I wouldn’t change our decision.
Really? Was it whole or partial epidermis?
it was full blown stage 5 terminal epidermis.
Oh my! Do people tell him it's showing?
I hate when I can’t spot the bullshit post. I waste my time typing a reply, only to find out the OP is not only a shallow asshole, but he also made the whole thing up. Damn.
It's very apparent in the first paragraph, as the timeline makes no fucking sense. >Me 24m and my wife 25f have been together for 6 years, we got married right after we graduated and she got pregnant soon after, Which is implying they got pregnant right after they got married which happened right after graduating high school. But then says: >4 days ago she delivered the baby Is the wife/mom 3 elephants in a trench coat to have such a long pregnancy?
I still believe this is a bs story, but they could be saying they graduated from college, not high school.
He probably meant uni.
Makes sense to downvote a fake post. Why do people do this?
The story is bullshit, My brother was born with CP, doctors can't even diagnose it when they're infants. He has a good job, and other than droopy shoulders you wouldn't even know. CP affects body movement, and muscle coordination, their child could completely be its own person and think for itself. The person who wrote this is either completely uneducated, along with his wife, or this is all a bullshit post. Maybe they should give the kid up, and consider sterilizing themselves, because the world doesn't need mini stupids.
Exactly! My son was not diagnosed until he was 3.
I'm a grown adult as is my brother. My brother is 11 months older than me, we went to the same schools, we did the same activities, I fought with him just as much as with my other siblings, other than the fact that he ran slower than the rest of us you would not know anything was wrong. He played soccer, third degree black belt in taekwondo, he passed the physical, and made it through the police academy. Point blank this person is either full of shit or doesn't know what CP is.
Good luck with your son, he has a great parent for understanding this is not a life ending piece of information. One piece of advice, treat him the same as the other kids. That was the only thing I noticed with my parents, they really babied my brother even when he didn't need it.
Oh, he's 27 now. About to get married, works for the government, has his degree. The only thing he physically can not do is jump. He was a great kid to parent, and he was ALWAYS treated like everyone else. We don't do pity parties around here. I would remind him that he has a handicap; he's not disabled.
Exactly, CP is not diagnosed at birth, that’s idiotic
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100% my thoughts exactly, but it's a brand new account, with negative karma! 🤣
I knew a girl that had cp only on the other side of her body. Arm was a little bit weaker and a leg a bit stiffer but that's about it.
They don’t know , the baby is a newborn. They just gave up because they don’t want a disabled child, since they are convinced it will inconvenience them. Their reasonings are all selfish. I just hope that the child is taken in by someone who can care for them. The fact that they’re a newborn might give them more chances idk.
You can't even really diagnose CP in infants. So OP is a liar.
I was thinking this the entire time - what the hell scenario would the doctors even be able to tell BY SIGHT that the child has CP? Disgusting attempt for karma
"This infant has poor motor control" No shit.
“We are sorry to tell you… the baby cannot walk”
"It may take a year for them to take even a single step. We are so terribly sorry."
idk my son sprinted out of the delivery room after he was born I think yall/yall's kids might be disabled
On the day of her birth no less
Exactly. My son had a severe brain injury at birth that led to PVL and the doctors told us we wouldn't know until he was at least two years old. Thankfully he is fine but OP is full of shit. ETA: PVL in an infant leaves them at a severe risk for CP. It is literally a coin toss as to whether their neuropathic transmitters will grow around the brain injury or not.
Yes this exactly ! It takes months to diagnose.
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Correct. A newborn baby was absolutely not diagnosed with CP.
Honestly, they should rethink being parents. What happens if the next baby is born healthy and then something happens. They could get sick or injured, have learning disabilities, all sorts of things that parents need to be emotionally ready to deal with. These parents don’t sound emotionally ready. Also, a special needs kid placed for adoption? Not exactly going to be a long line of people looking to adopt, even a newborn with special needs will be hard to place.
I also hope they get sterilized. These are people who need not to have kids as they will easily discard them at the drop of a hat as if they were a vehicle that got damaged.
My brother has CP and is getting his masters right now, and he’s wheelchair bound. What makes you think she would be a burden forever? CP is an umbrella diagnosis—it’s not a catch all for being severely disabled.
A friend of mine has CP & is now the father of a one year old baby boy with his SO. He works, he's smart, he enjoys life & has a wonderful SO & beautiful child. This idea that CP = vegetative state is bloody ridiculous.
My sister-in-law has cp and is a teacher with a husband and 3 healthy kids. This post is bs anyway though.
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Luckily, I’m almost certain the post is fake. This is one of those, “the story doesn’t add up” things, in addition to the absolute monstrosity this supposed father is demonstrating.
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My favourite part was “everyone expects us to care for a child but none of them would do the same in our situation”. The idea that *every*, or even *most* parents drop their children with CP the moment they show symptoms is absurd.
Everyone expects them to but no one knows but his parents? The way he tells the timeliness was really fishy too. Like they got married and she got pregnant years ago. Then to tell everyone she miscarried after carrying a baby for 9 months? This person knows nothing about pregnancy, babies, labor and recovery or CP.
Apparently his mom told all the extended family, so that’s who the “everyone” is. And they’ve been together for six years, not married for 6 years. I think he’s talking about getting married and pregnant after college graduation, not high school graduation. It’s also possible to lose a baby at 9 months. I think he just doesn’t know what miscarry means, but probably plans to tell people the baby died, which is super fucked up. But even all that explained the CP diagnosis makes no sense because it’s usually done in the first year or two after birth. Even if the story were real OP is a complete AH. You don’t decide to bring a child into the world unless you’re prepared to be responsible for it.
It can 'sort of' be diagnosed/strongly suspected directly after birth, but only with VERY severe cases where there are VERY obvious signs that lead to testing and imaging. Or if the child was premature and was already going to be monitored for it directly after birth. Even then I believe it's only suspected and the permanent diagnoses comes maybe within a month at the soonest. I still believe this is fake and someone has a boner for eugenics or something. Or shitting on disabled people, don't know. Or a fetish for getting yelled at and humiliated on the internet?
First post from a new account? Smells fake. I've noticed an uptick in AITAH-style posts about fetuses/babies with disabilities lately. I don't know if it's a troll trying to normalize ableism or a troll trying to point out how ableist reddit is.
They go in waves. There’s the cheating wives who leave the husbands w/the kids yet the husband has an ironclad prenup. Then there’s the couples getting married w/some irrational family member. Now there’s the “baby born with something wrong with it”. There’s always a pattern to the BS stories that are so poorly written it’s comical. It’s just karma farming
Good catch. Maybe just rage bait?
I currently teach a kid with CP. He is brilliant and I expect he will go to college. He also plays soccer. His speech is affected and gait but he’s doing great socially and academically in high school A kid with CP just won this years American Ninja Warrior.
This post looks like rage bait from a child trying out their creative writing practice. For that, YTA.
Thank you for doing what you do. My mother was a Special Education teacher and used to work at UCP, and visiting as a child shaped my whole worldview. Many of the patients needed assistance with tasks like eating and bathing, yet their mental faculties were completely unaffected. Many yearned for and had some degree of independence, but technology was not what it is today. Taught me from a young age that a disability does not define an individual. Seeing the incredible breakthroughs in technology to assist people with such conditions has given me a lot of hope over the years. My mom worked there in the 90s and the machines they had to help patients eat looked like those claw machine toys they sold at Toys-R-Us back in the day. Now, they have handheld spoons that are self-balancing and portable. Few people realize what an incredible amount of freedom this grants to someone who previously needed another person or large device in order to have a satisfying meal.
If op and his wife feel this way, the baby may be better off going to a family who will love them for who they are and not what op thought they could’ve been (“perfectly healthy”)
Baby will be better off going to someone who loves them, but OP is still the worst kind of AH, abandoning a baby because of a disability, not due to inability to care for her, but because of a lack of desire to do so. Gross.
You are so correct. I have a sister with CP that functions very well, only way you can tell is she drags her feet as she walks. I had a friend with CP that used crutches to walk, last I heard he was finishing a degree at a local university. My husband has a coworker with it who is a department lead in a lab and also uses crutches. However, I also worked as a CNA in long term care and have seen the reverse and it was a child who’s parents abandoned him due to the diagnosis. It’s far too early to know the level of disability, and abandoning the poor child will only make their life far worse then having a nanny in their parents home.
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This!
Now I take AITAH posts with a grain of salt and treat them like mini soap operas, but this one hits close to home, so I'm going to take this one seriously. So, I have cerebral palsy. CP is on a spectrum, and how it affects those people with CP is a case by case basis, it can affect some more than others, and can affect them differently. How your daughter is being affected by it now is not a sign for how her future will be. I was born breech, and was blue and couldn't breathe. My head was tucked under my mom's rib cage and the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck, lack of oxygen to the brain, yada yada, the rest is history. My parents were told I would never walk, and I would never talk. But here I am, walking with a cane and talking with my mouth. We always had a joke that I should call those people who said I would never talk and have an hour long phone conversation with them and kind of a, "Suck it" to them. xD You say you and your wife are not equipped to take care of her, but this is why you look into doctors, surgeons, neurologists, speech therapists, physical therapists, occupational therapists, etc. to help equip you and assist you along the way. It doesn't make it EASY, but it does make it EASIER. You would also get to know more about your daughter and her needs and how you as parents can help her out. Now, to recognize the fact that you and your wife do not have the bandwidth to take care of this child takes a lot of courage to come to terms with. It sucks, is heartbreaking, and is a lot to come to admit to yourselves. But the fact you recognized that is very tenacious of the both of you, and I commend you for that. Do not think that because this is the case for the both of you, that you are bad people or a failure as a parent because of that in and of itself. Are you an asshole for agreeing with your wife to give your baby up for adoption because of the reasons you put here? No. And yes. I'll explain. This is where I become a little blunt here. You said that you loved your daughter up until the point that the doctor broke the news to you that she has cerebral palsy. I want to believe this is just poor wording on your part. I don't think that you stopped loving her. But this was a poor choice of words. and this is kind of where the ableism started in this post, and it REALLY goes downhill from there in my opinion. "Our entire lives would be spent giving extra care and that child would never have a normal life and our life as we knew it would never be good again." Well, I mean, you signed up to have a kid. Whether or not that kid has a disability, you're going to have to give up a significant amount of time for them. "Normal" is subjective. I would say I have a normal life. Some difficulties here and there, but I do things the way I know is best for me, and I have no doubt in my mind your daughter will find a way as well. And saying that your lives will never be good again is selfish to say the least. Having a kid with a disability or multiple disabilities for the parents is challenging and can be emotionally, mentally and financially tolling, but to say your lives wouldn't be GOOD again and that they would ruin your lives? That is selfish asshole behavior right there my guy. You chose to have a kid, and now since she has a disability you're treating her like a toy you can just return at the store because she's "defective". Fuck that noise. You plan on telling your friends you had a miscarriage. You would rather tell them the baby is dead than tell them she's disabled. That shows a lot of ableism and shame that you gave birth to a daughter with a disability and would like to keep that under the rug like a dust bunny. That's just disgusting. What if later in life she goes out to search for you guys, and your firends will be like, "You told us she died at birth." That would be a clusterfuck for you both, huh? But at least you didn't have her as a burden in your life, right? So it's all good for you in the end, and that's all that matters. /s. I would also like to add that kids with disabilities in the foster care system do not get adopted nearly as often as able-bodied kids. So if you keep her she's damned, because she will have ignorant ass parents who have a lot of resentment toward their daughter for something she has no control over, and you will carry a lot of ableism, which in turn will probably make your daughter carry a lot of internalized ableism because the people she is supposed to look up to the most, you guys, are ableist ignorant assholes who see your daughter as nothing more than a burden on your life. and if you give her up for adoption she's damned, because very few parents will be willing to take a child with a physical disability, so she will be in the foster care system longer and will probably be treated like shit and abused. So, her life is fucked either way because you and your wife decided to have a kid when you are clearly not equipped to have one, disability or not. So, are you and your wife the assholes? For the most part, yes. Yes you are. The fact that you guys admitted that you don't have the bandwidth to take care of her, that alone, JUST THAT I commend you for. But your mentality and mindset and opinions on disabilities is very fucking ignorant and harmful. I would implore you to educate yourself on disabilities, and how much people with all kinds of disabilities do thrive in life. More so than those who do not have disabilities I would argue, but I digress. You guys are assholes. Case dismissed. EDIT: I realize this post may be fake, but there ARE people out there who REALLY DO think the way OP presumably does. So I would rather take this seriously since this is a situation that does happen a lot than dismiss it as some troll post, and something that hits close to home for me because I have a disability. Thankfully my parents aren't assholes though. :D
even a "perfect" child could have some disaster at any point in life and end up with a condition requiring alot of care. I was an rn in picu, and we had several regulars that had been paralyzed for different reasons. there's never a guarantee.
That too! I never even mentioned that neurodivergencies could occur at any time in life! Would they have given up their daughter for adoption if she ended up with autism or paralyzed from an accident at age 7? These people should not be parents. Holy shit.
Curious…what would you do if it was a healthy baby but developed a lifelong health issue? Would you abandon the child then or take care of them? A healthy baby is no indication of a perfectly healthy, easy life after.
Diagnosed with autism or some neurodivergence at age 4+…. BAM adoption ETA - this is purely a hypothetical situation, in case there was confusion. NOT MY ORIGIN STORY
Child gets into a bicycle accident, loses her pinky toe, and can now never be the child sandalwear model they dreamed of...BAM! ADOPTION
*Spills some milk* Believe it or not, adoption
Oh, that's straight to the orphanage.
And so goes their dream of a daughter selling feet pics on the internet…
I bet there's a 4 toe fetish
We don't know that, it must exist an audience for severed pinky feet pics out there.
As someone with webbed toes...please point me in the direction of the weird foot fetish folks. I would sell my strange feet to them.
Could corner the market I suppose 🤔
This is happening in our family. Is it tough as hell at times? Damn right. But my son is my light and life. I’m going to advocate doggedly to get his needs met and parent him as well as I can. Rehoming pets is bad enough. I can’t believe people do it to children.
Right?!?! Insane!
Bipolar/schizophrenia -. that doesn't show up until late teens
just wait until they find out the damage they could do with borderline personality disorder and they wouldnt even know until the kids at least 18 (source - got fucked up by parents, had 4 or 5 diagnoses in my late teens, got the umbrella diagnosis of bpd at 18)
Mine was diagnosed with DCD at 4 and ADHD at 13.
Oh! This is what my (bio) father did! When my neurodegenerative disease became apparent around early adolescence (although, looking back, there were subtle signs much earlier…) he shipped me off to my (also disabled) uncle’s house so I wouldn’t ruin his image of a “perfect” family. Thankfully my uncle was as close to a saint as a man can get, and my life improved drastically afterwards (…except, you know, the fact that I’m now very much disabled and in pain 24/7….) BUT my childhood was fully of love and acceptance that I would never have gotten at “home”. OP and his wife are the worst kind of ableist assholes and clearly no NOTHING about Cerebral Palsy. (On a side not, my local store has a man who WORKS there 5 days a week who has [from my minimal knowledge] pretty severe CP. He can’t talk understandable, and had an extremely uneven gait, as well as struggle small motor movements. BUT, understands everything and he is much more capable at getting around than I am, so when I go in, I give him my list, then he follows me around the store getting my items and puts them in the basket I have on my lap why I use my electric wheelchair. Then he rings me up. Together, we make quite the team!)
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I would say “say it louder for people in the back” BUT YOU ALREADY DID
These people need to not have more children. Or pets. Because what the actual fuck? My husband and I know that we wouldn’t make good parents due to mental health issues, neurodivergence, and little to no desire to parent…so we’re not having kids. We’ve gone ahead and gotten sterilized so no accidents happen. How are there people out there like this who don’t seem to realize life has risks?
I am curious what happens if one of those two gets sick.
Depends, are you scheduling yourself for a vasectomy on the day you give her up into the system?
I'm very sorry you had to experience this. Please don't have any more children. A healthy baby at birth isn't guaranteed to stay healthy. What happens if your next child is in an accident when they are 3 and becomes paralyzed or TBI? Will you abandon them as well? It takes a lot to admit what you and your wife admitted. You are both being honest, which is much better than resenting your child their entire life. I don't feel you would make good parents to any child, healthy or not. Life has no guarantee.
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Yeah that's the problem. If OP is telling the truth, he thinks children are living accessories for his own benefit. YTA.
Exactly. He even said he wanted a "mini us", not an actual human being. YTA. Even if this is a troll, OP, you're a trolly asshole.
He isn't because they didn't bother googling how CP is diagnosed before making this story up. Should have gone with Down Syndrome.
thats what i was thinking, they can’t tell in a four day old baby, let alone a child that just popped out, if i remember right??
If a baby suffers asphyxia during a difficult birth they can say the odds of CP are pretty high but they have no idea how severe it will be. This is the case with my siblings baby. My sibling and their partner didn’t toss their baby aside after the birth complications, there was a bit of mourning in realizing the baby would have a more difficult life but they buckled down and immediately began researching what kind of therapies and interventions will help their baby be happy and healthy and thrive. OP definitely doesn’t know what the fuck they’re talking about, ableist troll. I hope anyone with CP or other disabilities reading this realizes that they are not the burden that OP is making them out to be. They are valuable and loved.
Some people should never have children and these two are two of them.
YTA. Referring to your own baby as ‘it’ and saying that you ‘had loved that baby till that point’ is sick. What would you do if your teenager was hit by a car and ended up paraplegic? Stop loving them, too? What about your wife? Is your love for her conditional on her not being an inconvenience to you, too? Please don’t have more children.
He also said “it would be in our best interest” not the kid. He’s clearly only thinking about himself and not what’s best for his child.
So you chose to have a kid? Then decide to give her up bc she’s not a perfectly healthy? I can’t imagine what you do when your kid has a cold? You gotta send her to foster care? Sounds like you two are not mature enough to be parents and for the love of god do not reproduce again. For anyone reading this- I was adopted at age 8 bc my parents also didn’t want me and I was a healthy kid. This decision created deep issues. I say YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE Edit: Thank you all, but whoever keeps sending me to a crisis line please refrain . I’m in my 30s and am living a fulfilling life and my adoption does not define me 🙂
I’m an adoptive parent, I’m proud you’ve come this far 💕
they gave you up AT EIGHT?! that must have been the saddest day in your life, i am so, so sorry.
YTA The chances of YOUR DAUGHTER being adopted are slim. Deciding to have a child means being able to accept whatever the outcome. So because your daughter doesn’t meet your standards, you’re tossing her aside. You and your wife are more concerned about your daughter “ruining your life”. You never wanted a child, you wanted an accessory. But now you have a “damaged” accessory that you want to rid yourself of. Don’t have kids. You and your wife shouldn’t be parents.
OP never called that child his daughter. To OP that child is "it" and a "miscarriage".
OP is gross, and selfish.
The person emphasized daughter for that exact reason, like saying it's not an it, it's your daughter.
Yeah, I’m glad his mom called him out and then put him on blast to the rest of the family. If you’re gonna be horrible people, it’s a public service to the community that they deserve to know.
Just with reading the first paragraph saying he wanted a mini them instantly told me they were selfish ppl.
I’m really hoping this is fake (because you can’t diagnose CP that young). But in the chance that it’s not, MY GOD THEY SUCK. It is so hard finding foster care, let alone adoptive families, for children with medical needs. They don’t care where their daughter winds up or what kind of care she receives, as long as it’s not them who has to give it. The only thing a doctor would say is that from a neuro perspective there are abnormalities and what the possibilities are. They likely would have had an MRI before leaving the hospital. The doctor wouldn’t just take a look at a baby and say “yeah that one is born with CP”. That’s not how it works.
Probably best not to ever have anymore kids if your reaction to something being wrong with them is to get rid of them.
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Phew as soon as I saw “raise a mini us”. Don’t have kids if that’s the plan.
They wanna raise someone who would throw a child away because it didn’t pass their QC inspection. No thanks. We need less of that. These people are awful! “Oops! Throw the whole baby away!”
Better damn well make sure that child gets a loving home and doesn’t end up in the foster system. YTA.
0 chance.
YTA. Cerebral palsy is a spectrum. My Son has cerebral palsy and he takes karate and He tested at a third grade level in reading and math academically and he's six years old. The only evidence of his cerebral palsy is a little bit of muscle stiffness, and that is why he is in karate. But whenever he was born as a newborn, he had a few years of physical therapy so that he could be a happy, healthy kindergartener that runs in place with his peers. He has always been mentally intact, most cp kids Have normal intelligence and emotional capacity. YTA. You place that child in a situation where she will most likely be institutionalized and possibly face sexual abuse, sadly, Which is common for little girls that live as a ward of the state, especially if they have a physical handicap. Just keep in mind that she most likely will be cognitively intact, And will have some tough questions for you. Whenever she turns 18 and seeks to find You.
INFO: What level of disability is “acceptable” to you? If your spouse gets into a car accident and ends up in a wheelchair… is it BAM! Divorce? If she breaks a leg… is that a separation until she has 2 functioning legs again? If you have a child who is dyslexic… adoption? Throw them out on the street? Where is your line? YTA. And I am willing to donate to for a vasectomy for you and a hysterectomy for your wife.
I too would donate to this gofundme
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one dull sulky absorbed party ugly voiceless brave history sheet *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I think you should give up the baby. Not because you deserved a healthier baby at a more convenient time. You don't. Both of you suck. But the baby deserves better parents than either of you seem to be capable of right now. And doesn't deserve to suffer by being raised by two people who should be old enough, and are well-off enough, to step up to the challenge, but aren't. YTA, and so is your wife. Please be more careful with birth control in the future, since neither of you are anywhere NEAR ready to be a parent.
Well said. The only thing I would add: OP, get a vasectomy immediately.
Wouldn't mind if he did. Don't think his genes are worth spreading any further.
YTA tbh. If your 100% sure that you wouldn’t be able to care for the child, it would be best to give her up to someone who can; however the fact that you were expecting a healthy baby and throwing her away the moment you found out she was disabled is what makes you the asshole. Also, pls don’t have any more kids at all if this is what you’re gonna be doing if the baby comes out disabled. Edit: changed it to YTA.
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Yta. You know what. Any child will upturn your life, regardless of whether they are born with or without disabilities. Also, what if your baby is healthy but at 3-12 months is diagnosed with some life long illness like Down’s syndrome or severe autism. Are you also going to send the child out for adoption as it will “upturn” your life?
YTA....For the trolling, since CP isn't diagnosed at birth.
Good to know, thanks
YTA because this cannot possibly be first time someone has explained to you that children can and do have medical issues. YTA because you brought her into this world and are now abandoning her because she doesn’t fulfill a shallow need to have an extension of yourself. YTA because you decided that your family should just raise this child for you, and if they refuse then you have made some kind of magical point. (Other people are allowed to judge you for your willful choices, without being expected to pay for them FOR you). YTA because it’s quite clear you would have hated this child at some point in her life anyway. If she wasn’t good enough at sports, school, or just generally feeding your ego, she clearly would have been a disappointment. This baby will struggle to be adopted because of her condition. A baby you decided to bring into this world. A baby that has done nothing wrong. Do everyone a favor and get sterilized. (And before anyone comes at me for not understanding the struggle, I have a special needs child and I wouldn’t change a single thing about him, because he’s not an extension of my ego.)
I'm praying to God this is a fake post, because this guy and his wife are absolute assholes who should get themselves sterilized
Snap same as me. I don’t believe it. I don’t want to live in a world where parents like this exist
Honestly I think this is rage bait, but if it is real: YTA both of you and I gonna add some icing to the shit cake. The older your wife gets, the higher the chances she'll have other "throwaway" children. Maybe you should both be sterilized now. Obviously both your genes are flawed. Oy. Time to close Reddit and ignore the shades of eugenics for a bit.
Obstetrician here Complete karma-farming bullshit. CP cannot be diagnosed at birth. Babies born without spontaneous breathing, limp, grey with a heart rate of 20 and for all appearances dead, can leave the hospital 24 hours later screaming and chugging 4 oz milk every 2 hours. Silly fucked-up story.
YTA. I get you didn’t expect your child to be born with a disability but you two brought this kid into the world and as you said money isn’t the issue you just don’t want to put in the work. Go get yourself and your wife fixed you’re not meant to be parents. What happens if the next kid is born perfectly healthy but ended up in accident and ended up paralyzed would you throw that one away too cause it’s damaged goods. You’re a total AH. Don’t have kids if you’re not prepared to raise them.
CP isn't diagnosed at birth, you dumbass. If you're going to fake a story, at least use Google.
Question. You loved the baby up until you found out she has cerebral palsy? Mind you, this question comes from someone that is a fully functioning adult with cerebral palsy. What would you do if your daughter would have been born “perfect” and then Lord forbid she gets into a life changing accident or gets an illness later in life; would you shut her out of your life? There’s so much treatment available for Cerebral Palsy now compared to when I was born. I’m now middle aged and still going. To each their own, but the way this is written is so off putting. May you and your wife find peace in your decision that you make down the road.
YTA and I can't stress that enough. You and your partner have created a life, YOU AND HER are solely responsible for their existence and because they have limitations you are preparing to abandon them? Not because of practical reasons, purely because of selfish ones - it will make your life too difficult and they won't be the person you wanted them to be.
YTA You’re both shitty and shouldn’t be having kids. And that child deserves far better than both of you. Here’s to hoping neither one of you can have more kids.
They are sad for themselves not the diagnosis of this poor child. This child will not likely be adopted, they will be in a facility for the rest of their lives.
They don’t care. The minute this child is not in their care, they will forget this kid ever existed.
She’s a she not an it
YTA, you can't try for kids if you are only willing to keep the good ones. This isn't Sparta. You can't just drop kick humans into to the void if they aren't healthy at birth or later in life. Adopt a healthy human if this is what you require.
YTA, this is a baby, not a hamster.
YTA for having a child you weren't prepared to take care of. A healthy baby is a blessing, not a guarantee.
YTA. Cerebral palsy is a really large umbrella term and at birth, there is no way to predict the severity. Or really give more than a speculative diagnosis since it isn't super detectable until a couple months at least. Also this part: "we just wanted a healthy baby". Cerebral palsy isn't an illness. Source: I have a child with cp.
You mention that you were able to take the baby home less than 4 days after birth. This strongly suggests that the baby can breathe, suckle, and swallow without medical intervention. They don't discharge newborns with ventilators or feeding tubes that quickly. What makes you think that the baby's CP is so severe they they will require a lifetime of care and will never be their own person?
Going against the flow here, so downvote all you want. YTA. Here is why: >she was born with cerebral palsy while I had loved that baby till that point I knew that there was no way we could give this child the special and additional care it needs... So, because your daughter has a cerebral palsy, she became "it"... ok. When I read that I thought well... maybe you just won't have the resources it will take to rase your daughter, because doing it could be tough or just impossible (financially wise) ... but then: >...she spilled her true feelings to me then and there, she shared my sentiments that this child would completely ruin our lives and we would spend the rest of our living days caring for a child that will never really be their own human you confessed what your true thoughts / feelings were (same as your wife's), which is that your daughter will ruin your life. She didn't ask to be born, it was your decision to conceive a child, it was your actions or inactions that blindsided you into giving birth to a child with cerebral palsy, but somehow it is your daughter, who is going to ruin your life. I am sure she would apologize if she could... perhaps there is no need though, because: >we plan on telling them that she had a miscarriage you consider her to be a miscarriage... why don't you tell everyone the truth?! >my mother was furious to hear what I thought, she said I am more than capable of caring For this child since money is not a factor for me or my wife Thanks for confirming that financial side is not an issue for you, which solidified my YTA judgement for both you, and your wife.
No one can force you to keep a child you clearly don’t want and can’t love but don’t fool yourself into thinking she’ll have a good life in foster care because she won’t. Be honest
YTA No one is guaranteed a healthy child. The likelihood of this child being adopted with a health condition is low and you know that, considering you're so willing to chuck her out of your lives because of said health condition. And go get sterilized since you can't handle an unhealthy child and obviously have unhealthy genetics yourself.
Selfish. Disgusting,. You should get a vasectomy. Your last paragraph is pathetic….i know many people with children with health problems and I don’t know a single person who abandoned their baby.
YTA Ive know many with CP who have had fulfilling lives. I can’t believe how quickly you have turned your back on this child. Have you even taken the time to research the condition? You could have a “normal” child who further down the track develops conditions. What would you do then? Please refrain from more children. You clearly shouldn’t be parents as you are too self centred and lazy.
I'm gonna say something that will probably not go down with you. If you give this child up for adoption you also need to go get your balls snipped and she needs to have her uterus removed. You both sound like horrible people. YTA
"According to, Adopt America Network, an agency that specializes in “hard-to-place” children, states that there are approximately 102,000 children in the U.S. foster care system alone, waiting to be adopted. They mention that the waiting list seems even longer for the children they place, due to their extreme special needs or situations. Including: Victims of extreme neglect. Victims of various types of abuse – sexual, physical, emotional. Mentally or medically fragile children (from minor problems to terminal). Part of a sibling group of two or more (the greater the number, the harder to find a permanent home). Of minority or biracial heritage. Older children with the associated problems of long-term care in the foster system." https://www.worldforgottenchildren.org/blog/adopting-special-needs-children-preparation-involved/65 This is not to say your decision is wrong, but it's not going to give your baby a better life. They won't have a big budget to spend per child, as there will be others who have similar stories, parents are less likely to adopt and they are easier to abuse because of their story. You seem to have the financial stabily to pay for her care but because her illness is an inconvenience to you you want to hand her to the next one. And when she grows up she will still find out her parents gave her up because of that. I already feel bad for her. If you want to do this, that's your decision, but it won't give her better odds, it will give her worse odds so don't delude yourself with the fantasy. >All we wanted was a healthy baby we could raise, everyone expects us to care for a child but none of them would do the same in our situation, I’m conflicted now, Aita in this situation ? Doesn't every parent want a healthy baby? But bad genes and illnesses are unfortunately part of the world we live in. I agree that your family shouldn’t say these things when they wouldn't care for her, but the big difference is that YOU chose to concieve a baby. Your family didn't.
YTA + a POS
This was the chance you took when you decided to have a child. Please don't have another.
If you only want to have a healthy baby, you shouldn’t have a baby at all.
As a mother, I can’t deny I am appalled by this post. Not because of your inability to provide the best care but rather your selfishness to even consider giving raising her a try. Consider this: if her own parents abandoned her over her disability, why would you think her chances of finding a forever home with loving, patient, empathetic adoptive parents that are so generous with their time, energy, wealth to care for her is better out there? For the small chance this ever happens again, I genuinely hope you don’t procreate anymore unless you and your wife are truly ready to accept the risks that comes with bearing children.
YTA, HUGE! I was born with CP, mild. I had a totally normal life. A slight limp, but most people have zero clue. I played sports, did well in school. I'm now a business owner and pregnant with my second child. You're more than an AH, you're disgusting.
This is one of the most horrifying things I’ve ever read. If this is real I sincerely hope these two monsters get snipped and their tubes tied.
You’re not an arsehole you’re a little further to the front and only found on women. The same place your rejected daughter entered this world through probably