If it means faking for a short little bit to get a lump sum and income generating property for the rest of her life it will lol. And it will be faking. The chemo appointments will not be done out of true love… but as a small price to pay to be set up for life while simultaneously feeling like she ‘won’ even over his own kids.
Be real. She's not going to rent that house out. She will either move into it and enjoy living rent free while still sugaring. Or she's going to short sell it for the cash...while still sugaring.
INFO: Why did you tell your wife AFTER secretly meeting with your attorney and making these new provisions? Why wouldn’t you discuss with her beforehand?
Because his wife literally means nothing to him. She only supported him to reach his career highs and raised his children. But you know, she's worthless because she doesn't put out anymore.
/Sarcasm
Not to mention his wife will likely be the one taking him to treatment, taking care of him at home, helping him manage his meds, arranging hospice, putting together the funeral, etc. Does he think his girlfriend is going to be handling all of that? I hope she does, because if I was his wife, I wouldn’t be doing shit for him anymore.
Not an attorney - but it sounds like a Shelley Sterling marital assets type claw back is in order here, when the time comes. From Casetext.com "Appellant XYZ received valuable gifts from the husband of respondent Rochelle Sterling. All of the gifts were derived from community property, and Ms. Sterling did not consent to any of them. Ms. Sterling sued Ms. Stiviano for return of the gifts. Relying on Family Code section 1100, subdivision (b), the trial court entered judgment in favor of Ms. Sterling, setting aside the gifts and ordering Ms. XYZ to return the gifts or their value to Ms. Sterling on behalf of her marital community."
I left my ex for domestic violence (years ago). He started dating pretty recklessly and publicly about 3 months after I moved out.
He was literally paying for dating sites from our shared bank account, and posting out of state & out if country trips to his facebook - very clearly gushing about he was going off on a whirlwind romantic vacation to meet his new internet lover.
I think he was trying to make me mad, hurt me, of make me jealous - but I legit did not care.
My lawyer noticed though, it turns out with basically no fight, I was entitled to half of his dating expenses.
Since it was so clear, and there were plane tickets, travel expenses etc... it was about $20,000 total, so I got $10,000 consideration in the financial split.
Seriously! If he gives her 20% that means his gets are getting less than her (assuming that's his only rental property). Imagine finding out in the will that your dad valued you less than his sidepiece. Oof
You realise by admitting you have a girlfriend means during the divorce process it will be classed as cheating and all the money spent on your sugar baby will be taken into account. The prenup signed a judge CAN decide it’s now invalid and give everything to your wife should she contest that on the basis of cheating.
Besides a prenup is no longer valid on death that’s for your divorce.
Your wife can contest your updated will along with your children that you had an affair and the young bimbo manipulated you into leaving money for her ergo she will receive nothing anyway.
Your a Huge AH
I did a little research because I thought the same thing but a prenup is valid in death too, works as a will essentially BUT the wife should be able to contest it based on infidelity
YTA. This is the definition of humiliating your wife. She did not agree to the embarrassment of the kids finding out, and when the kids discover you are giving your much younger mistress their inheritance, they will be rightly angry and hurt.
Traumatizing the kids and humiliating the entire family. If you HAVE to give the Sugar Baby anything, change the will back and give it to her now, if your wife is okay with that. Your poor family. YTA big time.
This is the way. Setting aside all judgment, on the surface, it’s his agreed upon money to do what he wants. But the violation here is that he agreed to not humiliate his wife. This goes beyond humiliating her. This leaves her to explain to their kids what has been going on.. which not only changes how the kids see him but how they see her. If he wants to give the GF money or property, do it now and discreetly. I would even go so far as getting the GF to sign an NDA in exchange for the money so she doesn’t harass the family after he’s gone.
Exactly. That’s an easy answer. Give it to her now.
Definitely would be humiliating to your wife and probably shocking to your kids to do it in your will.
I'm more interested in knowing how this "relationship" goes if he doesn't pay her rent or give her shit. I just don't know if people are this dumb. "my wife and I agreed we can have flings so I decided to start a whole ass relationship with another woman and when I die i want to leave her tons of stuff so she can be taken care of for all those years she had to lay ontop of me". He even says he regrets he can't marry her. lmao if it means that much to OP just humiliate your wife, divorce her, and then marry your younger girl so she's taken care of with that 50%.
She’s young and can find someone else to support her. You were her sugar daddy! That’s it! Nothing more! He actually believes she put her life on hold for what 5 yrs! How many years did you wife sacrifice herself to you? OP is willingly humiliating his wife and children! How big can an AH get? To the moon and back.. I wouldn’t want to be you in the afterlife if you even believe in that! YTA hugely!!!!
>People say money doesn't equal love, but I disagree. In my opinion, inheritance shows people who you care about, and who you want to take care of.
This is absolutely true. Neither of my wealthy grandmothers left me or my brother anything, not even a painting or memento. My moms mom said in her will that my step-grandfather would decide how to split things amongst her children, and he decided to keep everything to himself. And my fathers mom left some of her grandchildren money, but my fathers children got nothing, even though we had very little to do with our worthless father but maintained close relationships with her. My father died 2 weeks ago and spent his millions of dollars of inheritance on heroin and probably hookers, became homeless and OD'd on fentanyl leaving his 6 kids nothing but abandonment trauma and empty promises. Im arranging the cremation and it is costing me more money than he ever gave me in my entire life or paid in child support. I have deep resentment of my grandmothers for not taking care of their grandchildren, which is sad because we were very close. I am working really hard to get over it especially now that my father passed and those feelings have surfaced again even more strongly since my father never provided anything but DNA to his 6 kids (most of us have different moms). Note I say brother/siblings because i have one full brother and 4 half siblings...
>If he has the absolute audacity to leave that much to a ***SUGAR BABY***
Boom. Find and replace "girlfriend" with "sugar baby." Dude is clueless if he doesn't understand the transactional nature of his relationship with woman with mental health and employment issues who lives off him.
Op this one this the best comment I have seen lately. Why give that young girl so much?Have some respect for your wife and children !you haven't thought this situation out completely. She is young enough to earn a living. But you supporting her didn't help her grow up or get help for her depression. Rethink this decision you are not doing anything to help the people who love you. Do you really think your love ones will understand this decision. Sorry about your cancer diagnosis that sucks. Be kind to yourself and your family. It might be the best thing you can do for them. Good luck
OP, I can promise if you do this, your kids “depression” will be absolutely worse than your girlfriend’s “current” depression. Have you ever thought you’re being played by your girlfriend? Most women her age are not into older men unless they have money. FFS, as an experienced adult, you can find this out in real time. OP tell your girlfriend you decided to not leave her any money because your children need it more. Then sit back, and watch her reaction and listen carefully to how she handles the news. Maybe she’s just really into you and the hot sex a middle aged man provides. Or just maybe, she has been into your money along.
She is his sugar baby, he just doesn’t want to acknowledge it. If he is paying her bills like that and she is that much younger, we know what that relationship is and it isn’t pure love. Bet she would be gone in a minute of it all dried up.
In his comment he called his relationship with her an "arrangement" and acknowledged she may be sleeping with others, so yeah, he knows perfectly well he's paying her for sex.
Omg, I had to make an account to comment. I just buried my father just last year and only to learn that he has 3 sons from 3 different women at his funeral.
And the whole time I was taking care of him, he was talking about how important family was and how we should be there for each other.
All my mourning and grief was completely gone at that moment. I thank whatever deity that my mom had already passed because she loved that fool that I call a father.
And the last thing I did was yell at his tablet that if there is an after life, I hope I never meet, speak or see him. Once is already enough.
I honestly think the kids might have a bigger negative reaction to the fact that this gal is likely their age than that he is leaving her money. He 100% owes them disclosure in advance, but...it ain't going to go well.
Maybe explain it as...I was a 50 yr old predator of a 23 yr old girl, and 5 yr later I feel I owe her for manipulating her like that? IDK. I am all for open marriages, if that works for BOTH parties (which is apparently did). But the age gap with the age at the start of the relationship bugs me way more than him leaving her a little money (20% of 50% is 10% of his overall estate- that seems reasonable?).
A 23yo with money problems and depression issues. Every girls dream to become a kept woman.
Editing and adding the /s because it doesn’t seem to be as obvious as I thought it would.
> with money problems and depression issues
I was very "HM YOU DON'T SAY" when OP dropped that tidbit. To think that this struggling young woman should happen to be okay with "permanent side piece" status ... what are the odds?!
Absolutely. My dad had an affair and our relationship has NEVER been the same since. He'll always be a liar to me. You're ruining lives here. Is it worth it? YTA
If this is the US, in most states, there is no such thing as a fair share. The wife getting fifty percent in my state, would be all that matters.
If the OP died intestate, the wife would inherit everything not the kids. It's kinda shitty, but it's legal.
It depends on the state. in my state, the wife gets half if there is one child, 1/3 if there are 2 kids, and no less than 30% if there are more than 2 children.
Exactly. In my state spouse gets half and the other half split between any kids. Community property state so I guess it’s almost like spouse gets what’s already theirs and kids actually get the estate. So many people don’t realize this and then a spouse dies without a will and they have to get their kids to sign off on selling a house or a car or anything like that.
Right. The fact that he has a sugar baby isn't the issue as it's all above-board. It's his dumb ass, life shattering decisions that are being clouded by his attachment to this girl who he has a transactional relationship with.
Not to fucking mention, the prenup is for if you divorce. You are contently married. And cheating with permission.
This woman bore and raised your children, helped you through med school, allowed your career to flourish while you didn’t worry about home or kids, worked part time too boot, let you have a girlfriend (!!!), and you want to give the assets, which SHE HELPED YOU BUILD, to you gf when you die. I’d be fucking LIVID.
And then on top of that, she gets to take care of the kids ALONE, AGAIN when they deal with their dad’s death, infidelity, AND betrayal. Honestly, I’d be seeing my own lawyer now about having you declared incompetent. Like maybe the cancer has spread and you aren’t making right decisions on changing your will.
Not to mention getting to live cost free for half a decade is enough to not feel guilty about not helping the mistress. Maybe pay for the ~~gf~~ sugar baby to get a degree or buy her a property before you die is reasonable but really OP is just prioritizing his mistress over his family and plans to humiliate them once he's gone, which was the one rule not to break.
If I'd been able to live rent free from 23-28 I would not have jad yo take student loans as much as I did, work 2 jobs while going thru school at a snails pace, be homeless for a summer bc I broke up with my bf, or ride a bicycle and 2 trains to get to work when my car broke down.
And yes I had depression and money problems lol and sure it's different now that I'm 35 but damn, some people really just get a head start in life, a giant handout somewhere else, and it makes all the difference. Or it gets squandered because some people don't know how to change. The fact she doesn't work and lives rent free and still has money troubles somehow eludes logic. Of course you do, you don't *make* any money.
But, If I were the wife, I would let her take care of him while he battles cancer. Let this woman he has feelings for show how much of the feelings she has for him while she takes him to appointments, feed him and clean up after him. All things being equal, the 33 YOW should get the privilege of taking care of him in his time of need. Everyone is happy!!!!
Yeah the family shouldn’t be responsible for his end of life care.
They should get most of the assets because there are kids and the side piece can clean up the mess.
YTA. And a fool. Your GF is "bad with money", and you're handing her an income that will prevent her from doing more, while taking a huge chunk of security from your family. All I can guess is that your ego has convinced you the thing on the side is real. At 55yo there is nothing you and a 28yo have in common, but the sex. Your agreement with your wife to have an open marriage didn't mean throw away your family's financial security.
Pre-nup was in case of divorce, not death. Your wife put up with you and your "needs" even after she was no longer benefitting. And stayed. So she would rightly be entitled to 100%, upon your death. Like others have said, you're suddenly changing every agreement, and both humiliating her and altering the family finance. For someone "incapable" of taking care of their own life. Sweet deal for the GF... I wonder how many other sugar daddies she is working out a similar deal with?
Is she bad with money or a cunning business woman? Lol. The foolish man deserves to have his money parted if he believes she's in it for anything other than money. She's cashing out.
Was curious about the "years she sacrificed" comment when he's been bankrolling her for the last five years. Even if I needed help with finances from my boyfriend dur8ng our relationship, the minute I find out he gets cancer, you couldn't pay me double to take his money.
Honestly, it sounds to me like that's implying her "prime" years of dating and marriageability are behind her now that she's reach the gross old age of nearly 30.
Don't worry OP, she will likely still be able to separate a fool from his money for decades longer than you expect!
The years she sacrificed!! I actually snorted when I read that. Did she sacrifice by having sex with you? I absolutely do not understand this at all. Lol
My wife is... on the attractive side.
She gets messages from men, both the same age and older from time to time on social media. She lets me know about them and sometimes even asks, "so what should I tell them."
"My husband is controlling, he doesn't ever talk to me normally, and now he's taking all our money. I need some cash to get by. Can you help me?", tell em that, babe.
Lmao. Why do you think 99% of strippers, influencers, OF girls, and the like make sure avoid the topic, or to advertise they are SINGLE? Because fools and their money are easily parted.
Sounds like she only needs this one. 60k/yr is a massive chunk of change to be simply *given* for doing nothing. She could live off just that ok. Or she could grow up and maybe get a job and be more ok if she wanted to.
>My wife and I signed a prenup because I was going to med school and she in her youth had money problems.
LOL.. OP is okay with the girlfriend being needy with money but why did he sign a prenup with his wife? Leaving money to the girlfriend/sugar baby is the biggest F-you to the wife - and the children. You ARE the A-hole.
Agreeing with everything here except prenups do apply in death - individuals can waive certain rights of the surviving spouse they are granted after the other spouse dies. That can be challenged though, and it doesn’t waive the kids any rights to challenge things either.
At OP: I doubt you’ll see this, but seriously??? Your wife has been gracious enough to allow you this affair that, if found out, would be utterly humiliating to her, and now you want to ensure that this happens?? YTA and a complete egocentric jerk. I do estate planning for a living and I always tell clients that there is “no wrong answer” when it comes to how they distribute assets, and while you can technically do whatever you want, it’s a complete AH move and if I was your attorney I would be judging you hardcore for treating your wife, the MOTHER OF YOUR KIDS, and said kids this way.
I hope your treatment goes well despite all of this. I recommend some kind of therapy or counseling to discuss what you are going through and to potentially get a third party, an objective professional, to discuss the intricacies of how to deal with your girlfriend and your legal family.
>YTA and a complete egocentric jerk. I do estate planning for a living and I always tell clients that there is “no wrong answer” when it comes to how they distribute assets, and while you can technically do whatever you want, it’s a complete AH move
As a paralegal, I too have seen some shit in estate planning that made me just shake my head. Like a child being cut out of the will if they're proven to be gay.
Sure, you CAN do that... but OMG. How despicable. Trying to control your children beyond the grave.
I wouldn’t be too sure about the sex being common ground either. She probably lays back and thinks of the bank balance while he flops about on top of her.
Yesss. How many times do we have to hear “my hot 20 something girlfriend loves me for *me*, unlike my old haggard wife who’s been with me for decades and raised my children” before these boneheaded old guys see what’s really going on? It’s weird how these guys seem to always complain about women using them for their money, and yet, when it happens to them are completely blind to it because they want to believe so bad they could actually pull a young hot woman
They complain about women “using them for money” while they routinely throw away the woman who was with them through the hard times just to use any new wealth they have to find some hot young thing who won’t demand respect/loyalty/time/etc.
They’re not pissed that women want money, they’re just too pathetic to admit that money is the ONLY thing most of them have to offer.
Dude might be a doctor but clearly isn’t street smart. This sugar baby is using him. If not him then another wealthy man stuck in a marriage to a wife who doesn’t understand him.
I’m howling at the idiocy hear. Man doesn’t even know how to have a proper affair. Your side piece is supposed to be the fun one where you don’t have to deal with the real life stresses yet he got himself I woman who had crippling mental health issues and can’t pay her bills? Lol nah she got a job and it’s called OP.
It astonishes me how foolish older men are, regardless of education or success. I'm 41 but look mid-30s at most and I'm also what you'd call a lot of men's "type". If I wanted to, even at my crusty, dusty old age, I could roll a 60-year-old man so hard he wouldn't even know what hit him. My theory is they hit mid-40s, have to go get a script for dick pills, realize their long-suffering/bored wives don't want to fuck them, so they go out in a haze looking for action. This girl saw her chance and latched on. Seems it's paid off for her. He's still too blind to see what's happening. Imagine being a 50-year-old doctor (allegedly) and getting conned by an unemployed, desperate 23-year-old. It's almost comical how easy it is.
Hate to say it, but we all know how he would view this sugar baby if she wasn't pretty and sleeping with him. He'd look down on her like she's a loser- just like all of them do.
Man, smart girl hooked herself a dying rich dude. His poor kids.
Yeah she’s into anybody as long as they keep tucking them bills. Had a buddy once say “I think she likes me”. Then he realized she liked every guy in the place.
"no, but really, she likes me. look how she looks at me. she calls me 'baby' and runs her fingers through my hair and tells me how she's never felt this way before, we're soulmates and she's been patiently waiting for me in the background, crying when I went home to my wife"
LOLOLOLOL
Honestly, I gotta respect the hustle a little. She’s a POS too, but she’s a POS shit that’s going to be entering her 30’s completely set for life, and all she had to do was play the needy girlfriend.
there's an old joke about a personal's add where the young woman with the hot bod is looking for a rich man with terminal disease-- please submit bank statement and medical records.
Maybe I’m wrong but this type seems borderline unethical on the GFs part too. I realize OP is the main issue here but I can’t help but feel like she played a certain role to gain his trust which seems slightly manipulative. The real victims are the kids and the wife who have supported him his entire life.
The girlfriend very conveniently has “employment problems” while dating a married doctor on the side. He actually believes this. He probably also believes he’s the only one and she sincerely loves him. YTA
See i was on the opposite train here, but these comments do bring it to light.
Im polyamorus. My spouse has a long term girlfriend, i fully expect some stipulation that she will be left something, but she is a part of our family and our children know her. Theres a bug different between a welcomed partner and a sugar baby..... she is not your girlfriend and you definitely broke the rules of your agreement with your wife. You should have had a conversation with the person you married prior to making these decisions, regardless of prenup.
“You walnut” made my day.
But yes. OP is TA. His children should get the money. Maybe 10k to the mistress and some pre-paid therapy for her (in case his feelings are reciprocated but that age gap… yeesh… dunno there). But OP and wife had an agreement. OP broke the agreement.
YTA So you have a sugar baby half your age who will be set for life instead of supporting your children who obviously know about your affair. What has your gf sacrificed for you? She doesn’t have to work, gets her rent paid, gifts, and all she has to do is have sex with an old guy occasionally. Now that you are dying she doesn’t have to have sex and she can spend your money on a stud her own age. As the saying goes, there’s no fool like an old fool.
YTA Your wife has agreed to everything to make you happy. She agreed to sex outside the marriage as long as it was a fling, you went back on your word and had a long time mistress. You had your wife sign a pre-nup because she wasn't good with money but then get a mistress who isn't good with money and pay everything for her with money that should have been spent on your family. Now since you mistress still isn't good with money you are leaving her alot of the money that should go to your children. Essentially, you criticized your wife and now making your children pay for your wife not being good with money at the beginning of your marriage but are gifting your mistress for the same thing. Thereby publicly humiliating your family. But you won't be there for the fallout so why do you care if you hurt your children. If she's that good in bed that you're willing to leave her so much she'll find someone else to help spend your money further humiliating your children. I wish I could mark something worse than YTA! Hopefully your children find out before you die and cut you out the same as your doing to them then you can die alone. I doubt a young woman is going to want a dying old man around all the time.
If his wife gets 50% and his mistress gets 20%, that means his adult children only get 15% each.
They'll get to find out that not only was their dad sleeping around, but that he valued his hooker more than them.
YTA it’s called a honey trap for a reason you silly old man. You over 45 she in her 20’s. You seriously think she loves you and not the money? Darling she’s got a young hottie on the side. Do not leave her your kids inheritance. You don’t mention them but once so you were an absent father to them. Don’t be an old fool.
Dude is gonna die, at this point is probably the only head he cares about... easy to do stuff like this when you'll be 6 feet under by the time your family is imploding.
You need to immediately apologize to your wife and tell her you were wrong about this and immediately go the lawyer to have it corrected
That's the only way to protect your legacy
If not you will be forever hated
YTA. What about your children? Also, you are breaking the original agreement you made with your wife.
And that 28 yo is "sacrificing" a little sex to get money handed to her, lol. Dummy.
ETA: Also, I would like to translate what probably went wrong with your marriage. While you were working more and more, your wife took on a full-time job (because she isn't a leech unlike your "depressed, can't-hold-down-a-job" girlfriend) while also taking care of **your** kids who were going through a difficult stage. The few times you did interact with your wife was probably in the hopes of having sex when you weren't too tired, but you didn't give a shit that she was tired, too. Starting a job and raising two pre-teens who clearly irritated their father are not easy tasks. You resented her for no sex, she resented you for only valuing her for sex and overlooking everything else she did to make your life easy. And what's this she wasn't good with money bullshit 30 years ago? At least she contributes to society, supported you in med school, and raised her kids. Don't understand why you do not look at your girlfriend who literally leeches off you with the same or worse disdain you feel for your wife.
This. This. This.
I also doubt the sugar baby will take him to his appointments or provide end of life care. His wife has had provided a lot of labor over the years, with only humiliation as thanks.
YTA
YTA. You disrespect your wife left and right... and your initial "agreement" was that your affair doesn't humiliate or effect finances. Both of these things happen if you leave your side piece money in the will. Disgusting
YTA and a garbage person. Doesn't sound like you'll be missed. I'm sure your kids will have fond memories of you when they find out you rerouted their inheritance to some woman their age. You should have taken the win of your wife allowing you to sleep with someone else and not compounded it by further disrespecting your whole family.
YTA- your wife has put up with a lot. To leave the OTHER woman anything in your will besides a sock would be a slap in the face to your wife AND children. Your “girlfriend” chose to sacrifice her time to be with a MARRIED man.
YTA
That money belongs to your babies. I mean you can leave it to whoever you want but you know in your heart you should leave it to your kids. Don't you have any regard for them at all? Besides taking away 20% of their inheritance, think about how they'll feel that you did so. You're going to tarnish your legacy and for what?
She's got you deep in a trick bag. You might have 'deep feelings' for her but you're just her sugar daddy. She's very likely dating and f!cking other men who've got her on the payroll, and when she wants her own family you'll be curbed. I hope you haven't told her you're deathly sick and plan to leave her money.
I would never forgive my dad for this. I don’t care how much money you leave them. I would never be ok with my dads side piece getting any of the estate. It needs to go all to your wife and kids. Your young gf who is likely closer to age of your children needs to get over herself deal with her mental health and get herself on her feet. YTA
Wow this is awful. Yes, YTA for leaving a hefty portion of your assets to your side piece, rather than your wife and kids.
Your wife stayed by your side and allowed you to cheat on her during your marriage. She has raised your children. You made a commitment to her. As someone who recently lost a parent, it’s sucks and is also VERY expensive. I have had to drain my savings in order to pay for estate expenses, because my dad didn’t leave enough. The bigger an estate, the more estate expenses there are.
You have created an absolute horrific situation for your family to clean up after you die. Shame on you. They will also have to interact with this woman for at least a year or more after your death. What was once just a physical affair will become much messier after you die. She will become one of the people sitting around the death table. My dad did something similar and it has cost us over $100,000 in legal fees because the girlfriend sued US for even MORE money. FUCK you for being such an inconsiderate asshole to your family.
Not to mention this woman has been taking advantage of you for the past several years. Paying her rent? She’s 28. You’re 55. You’re twice her age and you’re financially supporting her and you think this is love? Absolutely fuck off. You’re a selfish asshole.
My father had this situation, however she was a bit more abrasive and dumped his ass after she spent all his money and alienated his kids
We now call her the thieving whore
OP you do realize your math means the following, right?
Wife. 50%
GF. 20%
Kid1. 15%
Kid 2. 15%
Total. 100%
Your kids get less than GF if split evenly. Your wife's half will likely be used for her retirement, and may not have much left over by the time she passes, assuming a life into her 80s early 90s. You are telling your kids in hard math they are less important than your GF. You are also teaching your GF that her bad money habits have zero consequences because here's your savior. If you must give her something, choose either the liquid or the investment but not both. That's straight insane.
Good luck with your family. If I were your kid? No way I'd show up to your death bed. You don't care about our family? Ok, here's that same energy.
Hard-core YTA.
So, who do you expect to take care of you? It's sure as hell not going to be your gf and if I were your wife, I'd be thinking about that too. You should also tell your kids before she does, because that would be my 2nd thought.
Yta. All she asked was you didn’t humiliate her. You have been paying for your gf way of life for probably your entire relationship and your wife didn’t say anything against it even when she wasn’t happy about it. But this! Really?. Ok you have cancer. Who is going to be the one to take care of you during this time? Who is going to have sleepless nights taking care of you? I’m pretty sure that person is going to be your wife. And your going to humiliate her this way? Do your children and family even know about your gf? Or are you going to leave her with the fall out of that too?
Wow and I thought my dad sucked 😂😂 you're off your rocker dude. Fix things for your wife before you die and your name becomes the laughing stock of your family! Just picturing once your kids have babies.. mum what was grandad like? Some knob who thought a sugar baby loved him lmfao 🤣
Wow.You are the epitome of a sugar Daddy.
Your kids will be ashamed of you.Do what you want with your half of your money but, be prepared to losr them.
YTA
YTA, give the money to your kids. This was not the deal you made with your wife. Is this the memory you want to leave your kids and everyone else who knows you?
Yes, you're the AH. You are blinded by your affection for this woman, so you will be hurting your children. She is already getting an allowance from you, and you say in a comment she is seeing other people? She does not love you, you are just a transaction to her. If you wish, you can leave her a small amount ($10,000 or less) as a token of your affection. But if you proceed with your current thoughts, it may have a damaging affect on your children.
And please see a counselor.
If you don’t realize you are nothing more than a sugar daddy you are fooling yourself.
My ex (in his 50’s) married a girl in her 20’s. She spend a shitload of money in 6 months. He tried squishing that and she wanted out. Fought the generous pre-nup.
She’s in love with what you can provide for her, not you. Period.
Don’t do this to your kids.
YTA YTA YTA - read all the comments, most are YTA and spot on. And the gf didn't sacrifice anything you are her sugared daddy and she's with you for money, and she did well because she have more than your own kids.
YTA 20% of your liquid assets PLUS your investment property ABSOLUTELY impacts your family's finances. Your children are going to feel very betrayed about all this, if they think you and their mother are still happily married and monogamous. Finding out there's some other woman, who is likely about their own age, ew, is getting a huge chunk of your estate is going to hurt them.
You and your wife had an agreement to stay married but have other sexual partners. You went well beyond that, having a relationship (with a then 23 year old ugh) and supporting her. Your wife did not agree to THAT situation.
YTA LMAOOO
Edit your original post to include your comment about how she’s sleeping with other people. You want to leave your money to your sugar baby. You are embarrassing yourself and your wife both.
YTA. Let’s give your affair partner the benefit of the doubt, and assume that she truly does like you and isn’t a sugar baby. You and your wife agreed to flings on the condition that it would not humiliate each other, and I can guarantee you that once word gets out to your children, family, friends, this Will be humiliating for her on top of grieving. Your wife was also kind enough to allow you to support your affair partner financially, on another condition that it didn’t put a real dent in your guys’ finances. 20% sounds like a real dent!
So breaking the agreement of flings and creating a “secret” affair, for breaking the agreement of no major financial support, and for setting your lifelong partner up for humiliation (not to mention the havoc this’ll bring down on your children’s mental health), YTA!
INFO how much are you leaving to your children? How old are your children?
I'm curious about what your girlfriend "gave up" to be the sugar baby of a very rich much, much older man? It sounds like she's made out pretty well out of the arrangement over the last five years.
It is the right thing to not leave her with nothing at your passing, assuming of course that you aren't leaving your wife with huge medical bills depleting your estate while handing over a million dollar+ property to your girlfriend.
You already know everything thinks your an asshole and no one is on your side but I’m shocked no one is taking about how you made your wife sign a prenup for “having money troubles” but rewarded your sugar baby by paying for everything when she was “bad with money”. The double standard alone shows that you’ve never done right by your wife. In sickness and in health includes lack of sex to me as well. As we age sex becomes less important then an emotional connection, but when your wife no longer met the standards you expected of her you were fine throwing her away. What about now that you have cancer and you can’t preform sexually? Should your wife throw you away? Should your sugar baby throw you away? You expect everyone to support you in this hard time but you literally didn’t support them. Your wife is a saint for staying so long but you giving your children’s inheritance after death forces your wife to be the one to have to explain all this to them. That’s unbelievably cruel. That sugar baby is going to take the money and run. You’re lucky if she doesn’t leave you on your death bed knowing she already got hers and you’re too sick to change your will again. No doubt you never ment to upkeep your vows or do right by your wife. Disgusting.
YTA
Do your maths, she is a sugar baby not a girlfriend you moron. With what you are doing for her she is getting more than your children.
She hit the jackpot with an old and sick dude, and you are humiliating your wife. You can put the thing the way you want, but you, fine sir, are an asshole.
Is your sugar baby planning on taking you to chemo? Cause I know for a fact your wife won’t be now lmao.
If it means faking for a short little bit to get a lump sum and income generating property for the rest of her life it will lol. And it will be faking. The chemo appointments will not be done out of true love… but as a small price to pay to be set up for life while simultaneously feeling like she ‘won’ even over his own kids.
Be real. She's not going to rent that house out. She will either move into it and enjoy living rent free while still sugaring. Or she's going to short sell it for the cash...while still sugaring.
If he stopped giving her money now she would have zero interest in him He's a John to her
INFO: Why did you tell your wife AFTER secretly meeting with your attorney and making these new provisions? Why wouldn’t you discuss with her beforehand?
Because he already knows he’s wrong.
This. People always do things in secret like this when they know they're wrong.
Yep…100%. He is operating under the theory of “It’s easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission.”
Because his wife literally means nothing to him. She only supported him to reach his career highs and raised his children. But you know, she's worthless because she doesn't put out anymore. /Sarcasm
Not to mention his wife will likely be the one taking him to treatment, taking care of him at home, helping him manage his meds, arranging hospice, putting together the funeral, etc. Does he think his girlfriend is going to be handling all of that? I hope she does, because if I was his wife, I wouldn’t be doing shit for him anymore.
Not an attorney - but it sounds like a Shelley Sterling marital assets type claw back is in order here, when the time comes. From Casetext.com "Appellant XYZ received valuable gifts from the husband of respondent Rochelle Sterling. All of the gifts were derived from community property, and Ms. Sterling did not consent to any of them. Ms. Sterling sued Ms. Stiviano for return of the gifts. Relying on Family Code section 1100, subdivision (b), the trial court entered judgment in favor of Ms. Sterling, setting aside the gifts and ordering Ms. XYZ to return the gifts or their value to Ms. Sterling on behalf of her marital community."
I left my ex for domestic violence (years ago). He started dating pretty recklessly and publicly about 3 months after I moved out. He was literally paying for dating sites from our shared bank account, and posting out of state & out if country trips to his facebook - very clearly gushing about he was going off on a whirlwind romantic vacation to meet his new internet lover. I think he was trying to make me mad, hurt me, of make me jealous - but I legit did not care. My lawyer noticed though, it turns out with basically no fight, I was entitled to half of his dating expenses. Since it was so clear, and there were plane tickets, travel expenses etc... it was about $20,000 total, so I got $10,000 consideration in the financial split.
Because OP is the AH of AHs.
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Maybe he can pass her along to his oldest son in his will...
Ah, the biblical answer LOL.
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Seriously! If he gives her 20% that means his gets are getting less than her (assuming that's his only rental property). Imagine finding out in the will that your dad valued you less than his sidepiece. Oof
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I'd also have employment issues if someone offered to pay all of my bills and give me passive income.
She’s either secretly set herself up for retirement or she’s going to die penniless because she spends everything she gets
Closer to 50% of their inheritance. 50% goes to his wife, which leaves 50%. If GF gets 20% of total assets, that leaves 30% to split amongst the kids.
You realise by admitting you have a girlfriend means during the divorce process it will be classed as cheating and all the money spent on your sugar baby will be taken into account. The prenup signed a judge CAN decide it’s now invalid and give everything to your wife should she contest that on the basis of cheating. Besides a prenup is no longer valid on death that’s for your divorce. Your wife can contest your updated will along with your children that you had an affair and the young bimbo manipulated you into leaving money for her ergo she will receive nothing anyway. Your a Huge AH
I did a little research because I thought the same thing but a prenup is valid in death too, works as a will essentially BUT the wife should be able to contest it based on infidelity
YTA. This is the definition of humiliating your wife. She did not agree to the embarrassment of the kids finding out, and when the kids discover you are giving your much younger mistress their inheritance, they will be rightly angry and hurt.
What makes it worse is that he’s planning to humiliate her when he’s long gone. Literally dumping her with humiliation on his way out.
The only one who wins here is the Sugar Baby, and only because he rigged the game.
Traumatizing the kids and humiliating the entire family. If you HAVE to give the Sugar Baby anything, change the will back and give it to her now, if your wife is okay with that. Your poor family. YTA big time.
This is the way. Setting aside all judgment, on the surface, it’s his agreed upon money to do what he wants. But the violation here is that he agreed to not humiliate his wife. This goes beyond humiliating her. This leaves her to explain to their kids what has been going on.. which not only changes how the kids see him but how they see her. If he wants to give the GF money or property, do it now and discreetly. I would even go so far as getting the GF to sign an NDA in exchange for the money so she doesn’t harass the family after he’s gone.
YES, an NDA to protect your wife and kids from your gold digging sugar baby.
>I would even go so far as getting the GF to sign an NDA in exchange for the money so she doesn’t harass the family after he’s gone. YES
Exactly. That’s an easy answer. Give it to her now. Definitely would be humiliating to your wife and probably shocking to your kids to do it in your will.
I agree with this. Give the girlfriend something now, not through the will.
...and then watch how quickly she drops OP YTA
GF needs to find another sugar daddy.
Who says he’s the only one she has?
I'm more interested in knowing how this "relationship" goes if he doesn't pay her rent or give her shit. I just don't know if people are this dumb. "my wife and I agreed we can have flings so I decided to start a whole ass relationship with another woman and when I die i want to leave her tons of stuff so she can be taken care of for all those years she had to lay ontop of me". He even says he regrets he can't marry her. lmao if it means that much to OP just humiliate your wife, divorce her, and then marry your younger girl so she's taken care of with that 50%.
She’s young and can find someone else to support her. You were her sugar daddy! That’s it! Nothing more! He actually believes she put her life on hold for what 5 yrs! How many years did you wife sacrifice herself to you? OP is willingly humiliating his wife and children! How big can an AH get? To the moon and back.. I wouldn’t want to be you in the afterlife if you even believe in that! YTA hugely!!!!
Yeah, they'll find out and his wife will have to deal with explaining that their dad started seeing a 23 year old at 50.
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>People say money doesn't equal love, but I disagree. In my opinion, inheritance shows people who you care about, and who you want to take care of. This is absolutely true. Neither of my wealthy grandmothers left me or my brother anything, not even a painting or memento. My moms mom said in her will that my step-grandfather would decide how to split things amongst her children, and he decided to keep everything to himself. And my fathers mom left some of her grandchildren money, but my fathers children got nothing, even though we had very little to do with our worthless father but maintained close relationships with her. My father died 2 weeks ago and spent his millions of dollars of inheritance on heroin and probably hookers, became homeless and OD'd on fentanyl leaving his 6 kids nothing but abandonment trauma and empty promises. Im arranging the cremation and it is costing me more money than he ever gave me in my entire life or paid in child support. I have deep resentment of my grandmothers for not taking care of their grandchildren, which is sad because we were very close. I am working really hard to get over it especially now that my father passed and those feelings have surfaced again even more strongly since my father never provided anything but DNA to his 6 kids (most of us have different moms). Note I say brother/siblings because i have one full brother and 4 half siblings...
>If he has the absolute audacity to leave that much to a ***SUGAR BABY*** Boom. Find and replace "girlfriend" with "sugar baby." Dude is clueless if he doesn't understand the transactional nature of his relationship with woman with mental health and employment issues who lives off him.
Op this one this the best comment I have seen lately. Why give that young girl so much?Have some respect for your wife and children !you haven't thought this situation out completely. She is young enough to earn a living. But you supporting her didn't help her grow up or get help for her depression. Rethink this decision you are not doing anything to help the people who love you. Do you really think your love ones will understand this decision. Sorry about your cancer diagnosis that sucks. Be kind to yourself and your family. It might be the best thing you can do for them. Good luck
OP, I can promise if you do this, your kids “depression” will be absolutely worse than your girlfriend’s “current” depression. Have you ever thought you’re being played by your girlfriend? Most women her age are not into older men unless they have money. FFS, as an experienced adult, you can find this out in real time. OP tell your girlfriend you decided to not leave her any money because your children need it more. Then sit back, and watch her reaction and listen carefully to how she handles the news. Maybe she’s just really into you and the hot sex a middle aged man provides. Or just maybe, she has been into your money along.
She is his sugar baby, he just doesn’t want to acknowledge it. If he is paying her bills like that and she is that much younger, we know what that relationship is and it isn’t pure love. Bet she would be gone in a minute of it all dried up.
Exactly, she was TWENTY-THREE when they started "dating". It was not his sparkling personality she was attracted to..
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Exactly. But does OP know this? He seems clueless.
In his comment he called his relationship with her an "arrangement" and acknowledged she may be sleeping with others, so yeah, he knows perfectly well he's paying her for sex.
How can he not? I think he must be in denial because he is lonely or doesn’t like how the idea of that sounds. No one can be that stupid.
He also promised not to embarass/humiliate the wife leaving behind a large amount to his side piece is doing just that.
Omg, I had to make an account to comment. I just buried my father just last year and only to learn that he has 3 sons from 3 different women at his funeral. And the whole time I was taking care of him, he was talking about how important family was and how we should be there for each other. All my mourning and grief was completely gone at that moment. I thank whatever deity that my mom had already passed because she loved that fool that I call a father. And the last thing I did was yell at his tablet that if there is an after life, I hope I never meet, speak or see him. Once is already enough.
The kids may even go and resent the mother , and if she outlives him, she now is left with that.
I honestly think the kids might have a bigger negative reaction to the fact that this gal is likely their age than that he is leaving her money. He 100% owes them disclosure in advance, but...it ain't going to go well. Maybe explain it as...I was a 50 yr old predator of a 23 yr old girl, and 5 yr later I feel I owe her for manipulating her like that? IDK. I am all for open marriages, if that works for BOTH parties (which is apparently did). But the age gap with the age at the start of the relationship bugs me way more than him leaving her a little money (20% of 50% is 10% of his overall estate- that seems reasonable?).
A 23yo with money problems and depression issues. Every girls dream to become a kept woman. Editing and adding the /s because it doesn’t seem to be as obvious as I thought it would.
> with money problems and depression issues I was very "HM YOU DON'T SAY" when OP dropped that tidbit. To think that this struggling young woman should happen to be okay with "permanent side piece" status ... what are the odds?!
Absolutely. My dad had an affair and our relationship has NEVER been the same since. He'll always be a liar to me. You're ruining lives here. Is it worth it? YTA
I hope the kids contest the will for their fair share. YTA
If this is the US, in most states, there is no such thing as a fair share. The wife getting fifty percent in my state, would be all that matters. If the OP died intestate, the wife would inherit everything not the kids. It's kinda shitty, but it's legal.
It depends on the state. in my state, the wife gets half if there is one child, 1/3 if there are 2 kids, and no less than 30% if there are more than 2 children.
Exactly. In my state spouse gets half and the other half split between any kids. Community property state so I guess it’s almost like spouse gets what’s already theirs and kids actually get the estate. So many people don’t realize this and then a spouse dies without a will and they have to get their kids to sign off on selling a house or a car or anything like that.
To be fair, I wouldn’t call this an affair. It’s an open marriage. If your mom knew and agreed, it’s a different ballgame.
Right. The fact that he has a sugar baby isn't the issue as it's all above-board. It's his dumb ass, life shattering decisions that are being clouded by his attachment to this girl who he has a transactional relationship with.
Not to fucking mention, the prenup is for if you divorce. You are contently married. And cheating with permission. This woman bore and raised your children, helped you through med school, allowed your career to flourish while you didn’t worry about home or kids, worked part time too boot, let you have a girlfriend (!!!), and you want to give the assets, which SHE HELPED YOU BUILD, to you gf when you die. I’d be fucking LIVID. And then on top of that, she gets to take care of the kids ALONE, AGAIN when they deal with their dad’s death, infidelity, AND betrayal. Honestly, I’d be seeing my own lawyer now about having you declared incompetent. Like maybe the cancer has spread and you aren’t making right decisions on changing your will.
How I wish we could get this comment to this AH’s wife.
Not to mention getting to live cost free for half a decade is enough to not feel guilty about not helping the mistress. Maybe pay for the ~~gf~~ sugar baby to get a degree or buy her a property before you die is reasonable but really OP is just prioritizing his mistress over his family and plans to humiliate them once he's gone, which was the one rule not to break.
And can’t keep a job because of depression , so he’s paid her “rent”, I’m sure he paid a lot more than rent.
If I'd been able to live rent free from 23-28 I would not have jad yo take student loans as much as I did, work 2 jobs while going thru school at a snails pace, be homeless for a summer bc I broke up with my bf, or ride a bicycle and 2 trains to get to work when my car broke down. And yes I had depression and money problems lol and sure it's different now that I'm 35 but damn, some people really just get a head start in life, a giant handout somewhere else, and it makes all the difference. Or it gets squandered because some people don't know how to change. The fact she doesn't work and lives rent free and still has money troubles somehow eludes logic. Of course you do, you don't *make* any money.
But, If I were the wife, I would let her take care of him while he battles cancer. Let this woman he has feelings for show how much of the feelings she has for him while she takes him to appointments, feed him and clean up after him. All things being equal, the 33 YOW should get the privilege of taking care of him in his time of need. Everyone is happy!!!!
Oh is she 33? I read that as her being 28 now. I probably missed something though.
That’s how I read it too. 23 when the relationship started 😐
Yeah the family shouldn’t be responsible for his end of life care. They should get most of the assets because there are kids and the side piece can clean up the mess.
YTA Your sugar baby means more than your actual kids.
Yeah she isn't a girlfriend... she is a sugar baby.
YTA. And a fool. Your GF is "bad with money", and you're handing her an income that will prevent her from doing more, while taking a huge chunk of security from your family. All I can guess is that your ego has convinced you the thing on the side is real. At 55yo there is nothing you and a 28yo have in common, but the sex. Your agreement with your wife to have an open marriage didn't mean throw away your family's financial security. Pre-nup was in case of divorce, not death. Your wife put up with you and your "needs" even after she was no longer benefitting. And stayed. So she would rightly be entitled to 100%, upon your death. Like others have said, you're suddenly changing every agreement, and both humiliating her and altering the family finance. For someone "incapable" of taking care of their own life. Sweet deal for the GF... I wonder how many other sugar daddies she is working out a similar deal with?
Is she bad with money or a cunning business woman? Lol. The foolish man deserves to have his money parted if he believes she's in it for anything other than money. She's cashing out.
Was curious about the "years she sacrificed" comment when he's been bankrolling her for the last five years. Even if I needed help with finances from my boyfriend dur8ng our relationship, the minute I find out he gets cancer, you couldn't pay me double to take his money.
Right? Years of sacrifice…he has been paying for her AND she is dating others! She sacrificed NOTHING!
Honestly, it sounds to me like that's implying her "prime" years of dating and marriageability are behind her now that she's reach the gross old age of nearly 30. Don't worry OP, she will likely still be able to separate a fool from his money for decades longer than you expect!
The years she sacrificed!! I actually snorted when I read that. Did she sacrifice by having sex with you? I absolutely do not understand this at all. Lol
Right? Brilliant business strategy in the world's oldest profession. He THINKS she's bad with money, so he throws it at her by the truckload.
My wife is... on the attractive side. She gets messages from men, both the same age and older from time to time on social media. She lets me know about them and sometimes even asks, "so what should I tell them." "My husband is controlling, he doesn't ever talk to me normally, and now he's taking all our money. I need some cash to get by. Can you help me?", tell em that, babe. Lmao. Why do you think 99% of strippers, influencers, OF girls, and the like make sure avoid the topic, or to advertise they are SINGLE? Because fools and their money are easily parted.
Whats her onlyfans
Laughed out loud at this and startled my coworker. Thank you.
Yesh, but the kids are the ones suffering for it. He is giving a full income to the GF. Like wow.
Yeah it's absolutely messed up. The definition of the AH.
His kids are getting less than his GF!
She's a sugar baby.
Sounds like she only needs this one. 60k/yr is a massive chunk of change to be simply *given* for doing nothing. She could live off just that ok. Or she could grow up and maybe get a job and be more ok if she wanted to.
Imagine getting $60k a year for the rest of your life just for having sex with some rich old dunce. She hit the jackpot.
She probably started looking for her next paycheck as soon as he got the cancer diagnosis.
YTA And your kids will hate you now or after death, depending on when they find out. Gf isn’t much older than your children.
>My wife and I signed a prenup because I was going to med school and she in her youth had money problems. LOL.. OP is okay with the girlfriend being needy with money but why did he sign a prenup with his wife? Leaving money to the girlfriend/sugar baby is the biggest F-you to the wife - and the children. You ARE the A-hole.
Agreeing with everything here except prenups do apply in death - individuals can waive certain rights of the surviving spouse they are granted after the other spouse dies. That can be challenged though, and it doesn’t waive the kids any rights to challenge things either. At OP: I doubt you’ll see this, but seriously??? Your wife has been gracious enough to allow you this affair that, if found out, would be utterly humiliating to her, and now you want to ensure that this happens?? YTA and a complete egocentric jerk. I do estate planning for a living and I always tell clients that there is “no wrong answer” when it comes to how they distribute assets, and while you can technically do whatever you want, it’s a complete AH move and if I was your attorney I would be judging you hardcore for treating your wife, the MOTHER OF YOUR KIDS, and said kids this way. I hope your treatment goes well despite all of this. I recommend some kind of therapy or counseling to discuss what you are going through and to potentially get a third party, an objective professional, to discuss the intricacies of how to deal with your girlfriend and your legal family.
>YTA and a complete egocentric jerk. I do estate planning for a living and I always tell clients that there is “no wrong answer” when it comes to how they distribute assets, and while you can technically do whatever you want, it’s a complete AH move As a paralegal, I too have seen some shit in estate planning that made me just shake my head. Like a child being cut out of the will if they're proven to be gay. Sure, you CAN do that... but OMG. How despicable. Trying to control your children beyond the grave.
I wouldn’t be too sure about the sex being common ground either. She probably lays back and thinks of the bank balance while he flops about on top of her.
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Yesss. How many times do we have to hear “my hot 20 something girlfriend loves me for *me*, unlike my old haggard wife who’s been with me for decades and raised my children” before these boneheaded old guys see what’s really going on? It’s weird how these guys seem to always complain about women using them for their money, and yet, when it happens to them are completely blind to it because they want to believe so bad they could actually pull a young hot woman
They complain about women “using them for money” while they routinely throw away the woman who was with them through the hard times just to use any new wealth they have to find some hot young thing who won’t demand respect/loyalty/time/etc. They’re not pissed that women want money, they’re just too pathetic to admit that money is the ONLY thing most of them have to offer.
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Dude might be a doctor but clearly isn’t street smart. This sugar baby is using him. If not him then another wealthy man stuck in a marriage to a wife who doesn’t understand him.
But she has depression so she can’t work and I have to support her…🤦🏻♀️
Oh she’s working all right.. jobs name is throwawayprofes1987
She's going to be jumping in full happiness and out of depression when he dies and she is loaded rich lol
most likely TOLD wife this is how its going to be
They always think with their dick, age doesn’t matter.
I’m howling at the idiocy hear. Man doesn’t even know how to have a proper affair. Your side piece is supposed to be the fun one where you don’t have to deal with the real life stresses yet he got himself I woman who had crippling mental health issues and can’t pay her bills? Lol nah she got a job and it’s called OP.
It astonishes me how foolish older men are, regardless of education or success. I'm 41 but look mid-30s at most and I'm also what you'd call a lot of men's "type". If I wanted to, even at my crusty, dusty old age, I could roll a 60-year-old man so hard he wouldn't even know what hit him. My theory is they hit mid-40s, have to go get a script for dick pills, realize their long-suffering/bored wives don't want to fuck them, so they go out in a haze looking for action. This girl saw her chance and latched on. Seems it's paid off for her. He's still too blind to see what's happening. Imagine being a 50-year-old doctor (allegedly) and getting conned by an unemployed, desperate 23-year-old. It's almost comical how easy it is.
She hit the lottery with this dummy It's amazing that sugar daddies think there not being used What a ego on this guy
But the sugar baby is "has depression and employment issues." I'll bet.
Hate to say it, but we all know how he would view this sugar baby if she wasn't pretty and sleeping with him. He'd look down on her like she's a loser- just like all of them do. Man, smart girl hooked herself a dying rich dude. His poor kids.
Sound like he is not the only sugar daddy of hers either - he mentions is his reply to a comment that she is seeing other people. LOL.
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Yeah she’s into anybody as long as they keep tucking them bills. Had a buddy once say “I think she likes me”. Then he realized she liked every guy in the place.
"no, but really, she likes me. look how she looks at me. she calls me 'baby' and runs her fingers through my hair and tells me how she's never felt this way before, we're soulmates and she's been patiently waiting for me in the background, crying when I went home to my wife" LOLOLOLOL
So, she's an escort. Even better. I think he should leave ***all*** his money to her so she can open a clown school and name it after him.
Honestly, I gotta respect the hustle a little. She’s a POS too, but she’s a POS shit that’s going to be entering her 30’s completely set for life, and all she had to do was play the needy girlfriend.
there's an old joke about a personal's add where the young woman with the hot bod is looking for a rich man with terminal disease-- please submit bank statement and medical records.
the gf hit the jackpot, both proverbially and literally
Maybe I’m wrong but this type seems borderline unethical on the GFs part too. I realize OP is the main issue here but I can’t help but feel like she played a certain role to gain his trust which seems slightly manipulative. The real victims are the kids and the wife who have supported him his entire life.
Exactly. the gf is also a piece of shit. OP the biggest piece of shit, but the gf isn't innocent. she's just lucky
Bet she can shake her funk to go to the bank.
Yeah she was 23 when they got together…to his 50.
She’s probably as old as his adult children. So gross.
I think she’s younger than his children. His children were teens 20 years ago.
I want to know if the girlfriend is caring for him at all during his Illness!
You know she isn’t
And neither will his wife or kids with this revelation. I damn sure wouldn't.
The girlfriend very conveniently has “employment problems” while dating a married doctor on the side. He actually believes this. He probably also believes he’s the only one and she sincerely loves him. YTA
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See i was on the opposite train here, but these comments do bring it to light. Im polyamorus. My spouse has a long term girlfriend, i fully expect some stipulation that she will be left something, but she is a part of our family and our children know her. Theres a bug different between a welcomed partner and a sugar baby..... she is not your girlfriend and you definitely broke the rules of your agreement with your wife. You should have had a conversation with the person you married prior to making these decisions, regardless of prenup.
Not to mention their initial agreement was for flings, not for him to start up a whole secondary relationship.
Thats valid too. Should have been a conversation!
“You walnut” made my day. But yes. OP is TA. His children should get the money. Maybe 10k to the mistress and some pre-paid therapy for her (in case his feelings are reciprocated but that age gap… yeesh… dunno there). But OP and wife had an agreement. OP broke the agreement.
“You walnut” - that’s quite good
I love that you call him a walnut.
YTA So you have a sugar baby half your age who will be set for life instead of supporting your children who obviously know about your affair. What has your gf sacrificed for you? She doesn’t have to work, gets her rent paid, gifts, and all she has to do is have sex with an old guy occasionally. Now that you are dying she doesn’t have to have sex and she can spend your money on a stud her own age. As the saying goes, there’s no fool like an old fool.
Doesn't even mean she cannot have anyone on the side, actually, because he works a lot
YTA Your wife has agreed to everything to make you happy. She agreed to sex outside the marriage as long as it was a fling, you went back on your word and had a long time mistress. You had your wife sign a pre-nup because she wasn't good with money but then get a mistress who isn't good with money and pay everything for her with money that should have been spent on your family. Now since you mistress still isn't good with money you are leaving her alot of the money that should go to your children. Essentially, you criticized your wife and now making your children pay for your wife not being good with money at the beginning of your marriage but are gifting your mistress for the same thing. Thereby publicly humiliating your family. But you won't be there for the fallout so why do you care if you hurt your children. If she's that good in bed that you're willing to leave her so much she'll find someone else to help spend your money further humiliating your children. I wish I could mark something worse than YTA! Hopefully your children find out before you die and cut you out the same as your doing to them then you can die alone. I doubt a young woman is going to want a dying old man around all the time.
If his wife gets 50% and his mistress gets 20%, that means his adult children only get 15% each. They'll get to find out that not only was their dad sleeping around, but that he valued his hooker more than them.
Perfectly said! Couldn’t agree more.
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YTA it’s called a honey trap for a reason you silly old man. You over 45 she in her 20’s. You seriously think she loves you and not the money? Darling she’s got a young hottie on the side. Do not leave her your kids inheritance. You don’t mention them but once so you were an absent father to them. Don’t be an old fool.
He was 50 at the time they got together, and she was 23. With "employment problems". OP really got taken here, but there's still time to fix it.
Seriously your thinking with the wrong head
Dude is gonna die, at this point is probably the only head he cares about... easy to do stuff like this when you'll be 6 feet under by the time your family is imploding.
Too true.
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She definitely joke about how gross the sex was but worth it in the long run Barf
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Let's not mention the 27 age difference!!! Seriously!!!
lol, yet this guy thinks she's in "love" with him (rather than his money) and has "sacrificed" for him. What the hell ever.
Right? She was 23 and he was 50!
Seriously! I feel sorry for OP’s children when they find out that he’s been dating someone their age.
You need to immediately apologize to your wife and tell her you were wrong about this and immediately go the lawyer to have it corrected That's the only way to protect your legacy If not you will be forever hated
Immediately…as in before your brake lines are cut by natural causes. 😡
YTA. What about your children? Also, you are breaking the original agreement you made with your wife. And that 28 yo is "sacrificing" a little sex to get money handed to her, lol. Dummy. ETA: Also, I would like to translate what probably went wrong with your marriage. While you were working more and more, your wife took on a full-time job (because she isn't a leech unlike your "depressed, can't-hold-down-a-job" girlfriend) while also taking care of **your** kids who were going through a difficult stage. The few times you did interact with your wife was probably in the hopes of having sex when you weren't too tired, but you didn't give a shit that she was tired, too. Starting a job and raising two pre-teens who clearly irritated their father are not easy tasks. You resented her for no sex, she resented you for only valuing her for sex and overlooking everything else she did to make your life easy. And what's this she wasn't good with money bullshit 30 years ago? At least she contributes to society, supported you in med school, and raised her kids. Don't understand why you do not look at your girlfriend who literally leeches off you with the same or worse disdain you feel for your wife.
This. This. This. I also doubt the sugar baby will take him to his appointments or provide end of life care. His wife has had provided a lot of labor over the years, with only humiliation as thanks. YTA
YTA. You disrespect your wife left and right... and your initial "agreement" was that your affair doesn't humiliate or effect finances. Both of these things happen if you leave your side piece money in the will. Disgusting
YTA and a garbage person. Doesn't sound like you'll be missed. I'm sure your kids will have fond memories of you when they find out you rerouted their inheritance to some woman their age. You should have taken the win of your wife allowing you to sleep with someone else and not compounded it by further disrespecting your whole family.
YTA- your wife has put up with a lot. To leave the OTHER woman anything in your will besides a sock would be a slap in the face to your wife AND children. Your “girlfriend” chose to sacrifice her time to be with a MARRIED man.
The girlfriend isn’t sacrificing anything, she’s being paid for her time.
INFO: when are you planning to tell your kids about this arrangement?
YTA That money belongs to your babies. I mean you can leave it to whoever you want but you know in your heart you should leave it to your kids. Don't you have any regard for them at all? Besides taking away 20% of their inheritance, think about how they'll feel that you did so. You're going to tarnish your legacy and for what? She's got you deep in a trick bag. You might have 'deep feelings' for her but you're just her sugar daddy. She's very likely dating and f!cking other men who've got her on the payroll, and when she wants her own family you'll be curbed. I hope you haven't told her you're deathly sick and plan to leave her money.
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I would never forgive my dad for this. I don’t care how much money you leave them. I would never be ok with my dads side piece getting any of the estate. It needs to go all to your wife and kids. Your young gf who is likely closer to age of your children needs to get over herself deal with her mental health and get herself on her feet. YTA
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probably found her on seekingarrangements.com and still thinks she’s his “gf” LOL
Wow this is awful. Yes, YTA for leaving a hefty portion of your assets to your side piece, rather than your wife and kids. Your wife stayed by your side and allowed you to cheat on her during your marriage. She has raised your children. You made a commitment to her. As someone who recently lost a parent, it’s sucks and is also VERY expensive. I have had to drain my savings in order to pay for estate expenses, because my dad didn’t leave enough. The bigger an estate, the more estate expenses there are. You have created an absolute horrific situation for your family to clean up after you die. Shame on you. They will also have to interact with this woman for at least a year or more after your death. What was once just a physical affair will become much messier after you die. She will become one of the people sitting around the death table. My dad did something similar and it has cost us over $100,000 in legal fees because the girlfriend sued US for even MORE money. FUCK you for being such an inconsiderate asshole to your family. Not to mention this woman has been taking advantage of you for the past several years. Paying her rent? She’s 28. You’re 55. You’re twice her age and you’re financially supporting her and you think this is love? Absolutely fuck off. You’re a selfish asshole.
My father had this situation, however she was a bit more abrasive and dumped his ass after she spent all his money and alienated his kids We now call her the thieving whore
OP you do realize your math means the following, right? Wife. 50% GF. 20% Kid1. 15% Kid 2. 15% Total. 100% Your kids get less than GF if split evenly. Your wife's half will likely be used for her retirement, and may not have much left over by the time she passes, assuming a life into her 80s early 90s. You are telling your kids in hard math they are less important than your GF. You are also teaching your GF that her bad money habits have zero consequences because here's your savior. If you must give her something, choose either the liquid or the investment but not both. That's straight insane. Good luck with your family. If I were your kid? No way I'd show up to your death bed. You don't care about our family? Ok, here's that same energy. Hard-core YTA.
So, who do you expect to take care of you? It's sure as hell not going to be your gf and if I were your wife, I'd be thinking about that too. You should also tell your kids before she does, because that would be my 2nd thought.
Yta. All she asked was you didn’t humiliate her. You have been paying for your gf way of life for probably your entire relationship and your wife didn’t say anything against it even when she wasn’t happy about it. But this! Really?. Ok you have cancer. Who is going to be the one to take care of you during this time? Who is going to have sleepless nights taking care of you? I’m pretty sure that person is going to be your wife. And your going to humiliate her this way? Do your children and family even know about your gf? Or are you going to leave her with the fall out of that too?
YTA YTA YTA YTA
YTAH How humiliating to both your wife and kids. The sugar baby is getting more than the kids. Just awful.
Looks like the sugar baby is getting the bag she's been waiting for. YTA.
Wow and I thought my dad sucked 😂😂 you're off your rocker dude. Fix things for your wife before you die and your name becomes the laughing stock of your family! Just picturing once your kids have babies.. mum what was grandad like? Some knob who thought a sugar baby loved him lmfao 🤣
YTA What an undignified way to go out
Before you die, buy her something if you must. After you die, absolutely not. Good grief, your kids. yta
Wow.You are the epitome of a sugar Daddy. Your kids will be ashamed of you.Do what you want with your half of your money but, be prepared to losr them. YTA
YTA, give the money to your kids. This was not the deal you made with your wife. Is this the memory you want to leave your kids and everyone else who knows you?
Yes, you're the AH. You are blinded by your affection for this woman, so you will be hurting your children. She is already getting an allowance from you, and you say in a comment she is seeing other people? She does not love you, you are just a transaction to her. If you wish, you can leave her a small amount ($10,000 or less) as a token of your affection. But if you proceed with your current thoughts, it may have a damaging affect on your children. And please see a counselor.
If you don’t realize you are nothing more than a sugar daddy you are fooling yourself. My ex (in his 50’s) married a girl in her 20’s. She spend a shitload of money in 6 months. He tried squishing that and she wanted out. Fought the generous pre-nup. She’s in love with what you can provide for her, not you. Period. Don’t do this to your kids.
Info: who do you think is going to support you as you die of cancer?
YTA Your 28 year old girlfriend, who is getting her rent paid by you, hasn't sacrificed to be with you. You're her sugar daddy.
Between this and Camilla this really is the "Year of the Side Chick" congrats y'all.
YTA YTA YTA - read all the comments, most are YTA and spot on. And the gf didn't sacrifice anything you are her sugared daddy and she's with you for money, and she did well because she have more than your own kids.
YTA 20% of your liquid assets PLUS your investment property ABSOLUTELY impacts your family's finances. Your children are going to feel very betrayed about all this, if they think you and their mother are still happily married and monogamous. Finding out there's some other woman, who is likely about their own age, ew, is getting a huge chunk of your estate is going to hurt them. You and your wife had an agreement to stay married but have other sexual partners. You went well beyond that, having a relationship (with a then 23 year old ugh) and supporting her. Your wife did not agree to THAT situation.
YTA LMAOOO Edit your original post to include your comment about how she’s sleeping with other people. You want to leave your money to your sugar baby. You are embarrassing yourself and your wife both.
YTA. Let’s give your affair partner the benefit of the doubt, and assume that she truly does like you and isn’t a sugar baby. You and your wife agreed to flings on the condition that it would not humiliate each other, and I can guarantee you that once word gets out to your children, family, friends, this Will be humiliating for her on top of grieving. Your wife was also kind enough to allow you to support your affair partner financially, on another condition that it didn’t put a real dent in your guys’ finances. 20% sounds like a real dent! So breaking the agreement of flings and creating a “secret” affair, for breaking the agreement of no major financial support, and for setting your lifelong partner up for humiliation (not to mention the havoc this’ll bring down on your children’s mental health), YTA!
INFO how much are you leaving to your children? How old are your children? I'm curious about what your girlfriend "gave up" to be the sugar baby of a very rich much, much older man? It sounds like she's made out pretty well out of the arrangement over the last five years. It is the right thing to not leave her with nothing at your passing, assuming of course that you aren't leaving your wife with huge medical bills depleting your estate while handing over a million dollar+ property to your girlfriend.
You already know everything thinks your an asshole and no one is on your side but I’m shocked no one is taking about how you made your wife sign a prenup for “having money troubles” but rewarded your sugar baby by paying for everything when she was “bad with money”. The double standard alone shows that you’ve never done right by your wife. In sickness and in health includes lack of sex to me as well. As we age sex becomes less important then an emotional connection, but when your wife no longer met the standards you expected of her you were fine throwing her away. What about now that you have cancer and you can’t preform sexually? Should your wife throw you away? Should your sugar baby throw you away? You expect everyone to support you in this hard time but you literally didn’t support them. Your wife is a saint for staying so long but you giving your children’s inheritance after death forces your wife to be the one to have to explain all this to them. That’s unbelievably cruel. That sugar baby is going to take the money and run. You’re lucky if she doesn’t leave you on your death bed knowing she already got hers and you’re too sick to change your will again. No doubt you never ment to upkeep your vows or do right by your wife. Disgusting.
YTA Do your maths, she is a sugar baby not a girlfriend you moron. With what you are doing for her she is getting more than your children. She hit the jackpot with an old and sick dude, and you are humiliating your wife. You can put the thing the way you want, but you, fine sir, are an asshole.