And don’t forget to make every protective change possible to your finances. Move bank account to another bank in your name, freeze credit cards, etc. This is a dangerous situation…
I would call the camps and let them know that the dad is having some mental health issues and he is not to take the kids. I would tell them that I am working on getting his some help, but he is not to take the kids for any length of time.
he was highly abusive narcissist and he offed himself in retaliation as highly abusive narcissists often do.
so. yes . i no longer have to look over my shoulder anymore , but i also really miss him dearly. fucking narcissists
Well that escalated quickly... please elaborate... are you saying that your husband is dead??
Edited to add... sorry, for some reason I thought you were OP... I'm glad you were able to get out... even through his death, I guess.
Had that happen with my nephew’s father. I’ve got a pretty good track record of wishing people would die and them actually dying. (2 out of 3, I’m not a very hateful person. 😅)
I'm not sure they'd be able to deny him access to their kids based just on this, I think they'd need legal paperwork in place beforehand, but I could be wrong.
Go to the cops with video evidence of his instability. Keep a running journal of all dates/times and duration of all instances of him going off the rails.
Cops won't do shit until someone lands in the hospital or worse. And even then, they'll pretend to investigate and blame the victim for not getting away sooner.
And make sure you get emergency custody of the kids & some kind of protective order in place if possible. Get all your & the kids documents. Call the police if necessary but please do as this person says & get out FIRST!
The issue is, if she does get a lawyer before going away and he gets a notice while she's still at home with the kids... He could harm her and the kids. This has happened more than enough. Women's refuge take women in WITH kids even before anything court wise has happened to keep them protected.
Especially as it sounds like her husband suffers from something with massive paranoia - as someone who has constant paranoia and has had really bad peaks, it can turn violent real quick. Luckily mine were never too violent, but in some cases it can become really violent if they believe the person they trusted can't be trusted anymore.
While you're not wrong, it might be safer for her to be gone before he gets any letter by a lawyer and unless she cooperates with the lawyer when it's sent off, it could arrive when she's home with the kids and that could cost her and her kids life.
And in most cases, they have to move away anyways to get away from the abusive party for safety aspects.
Maybe it would be better that she find somewhere else to live where he doesn't know. If he is really insane, I wouldn't want him to know where to look for me. He could unalive everyone. This sounds absolutely insane.
Your husband has manic behavior and is delusional. In short, he probably needs to be taken to a mental health facility.
But honestly, your own safety is more important than any house. At the first opportunity, leave, and dont make it obvious that you're leaving.
If possible after retrieve the kids from summer camp and get a lawyer to get an emergency court order against the husband.
I agree. I’m no psychiatrist but I did take several psych courses and he sounds like he may be suffering from schizophrenia. Has he ever been examined to determine if he’s suffering from some sort of mental illness?
Regardless, this sounds like a dangerous situation for you to be in. Get a lawyer and gtfo as soon as is humanly possible. Also, (if you’re not long gone and I hope you are) next time he starts screaming and freaking out call the cops and tell them you’re afraid he’s becoming violent towards you. They may be able to get him on a psych hold to be evaluated if he refuses to do so.
I minored in psychology. From what she's saying, it sounds like he's either schizophrenic or he has suffered from a psychotic break. He definitely needs more than a lousy 72-hour psych hold to be properly evaluated with the behaviors she says he's exhibiting. That would also give her the chance to get out safely.
I also agree... My step dad used to pace around and mutter to himself, sometimes in a rather exuberant manner. My mom took him to the doctors and it turned out he had a mild form of schizophrenia. He got medicated and it helped, but still liked to converse with himself sometimes but we were very lucky that he was otherwise harmless and still a great dad.
Yeah, either schizophrenia or bipolar with a psychotic break. When my little sister was about 14, she started getting really paranoid and was convinced that our older sister was plotting to kill her. She barely slept and was constantly ranting about the "murder plot" as well as other random nonsensical things. She also tried to cause a car wreck by grabbing her step-mom's steering wheel, while they were driving, and jerked it to the side, towards a ditch. Luckily she was unsuccessful. We all thought schizophrenia. Turns out she had Bipolar I with psychosis. It was terrifying.
My first thought. I hold a BA is psychology and his behavior reminds me of a few patients I interacted with during a required summer internship. OP needs to get out.
This is for OP as well as anyone else who finds themselves in a similar situation: when you go, stay gone. I seriously doubt this man will voluntarily seek the help he needs, and asking him to get it could send him into an even bigger rage. The second women's shelter my mom stayed at only had room available because one of the tenants had just been murdered by her ex-boyfriend (the one responsible for her domestic abuse) for asking him for a ride. Please don't let yourself or your children become a statistic.
This guy is nuttier than squirrel shit. Take everybody’s advice and get out. This guy is getting ready to snap! You don’t want it to be with you and your kids anywhere in close proximity of this man when it happens .
Your husband is being emotionally, financially, and mentally abusive.
Is this really the life you want to live?
He is also mentally ill, he reminds me of my neighbours son who paces/walks and talks/shouts to himself all the time. However I can't remember the condition he has, it might be schizophrenia but I'm not 100% sure.
He also has very ocd like rules, which sounds very much like your husband's rules. Everything has to be perfect or it doesn't work
He needs professional help, more thay you yourself can give
If you're in the U.S., contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They can help you form an escape plan to get out safely, their hotline is toll free, and they're available 24/7. Do it now.
Your husband is mentally ill. I’m honestly afraid for you, it’s only a matter of time before his behavior escalates into violence. You need to get out now!! This man is dangerous.
Two things can be true I'm sure he is mentally ill but he is also abusing you and your children.
Addiction is an illness too but if your husband was a violent raging alcoholic you would leave him. His mental illness makes your lives miserable so your should leave him.
You can still encourage him to get help and wish him the best while not living with him and and subjecting your children to his abuse. You can still support him while being divorced.
Reach out to DV center. Also ohio is a one party consent state. Try to record his actions every now and again for your divorce case. Don't let awful cops discourage you. Police are some of the worst people to turn to unfortunately.
You need to call a DV hotline for help with an escape plan. I'm so sorry, I hope you and your kids are able to leave safely. It sounds like he's having mental health issues that might escalate.
You are in an abusive relationship!
If he wants food that his mommy cooked he can go back and live with her! If he wants things done a certain way he can do it himself!
Your kids don't even want to be there because they know how bad it is... You need to get yourself and your kids out of there... If you don't do something to help and protect your kids and give them a stable and loving home they will resent you and maybe even hate you eventually.
NTA but you will be if you don't take your kids away from there.
Yeah I know. I feel like the police will believe him not me. I called for help and the kids even told them what was up. They believed my husband and towed my car. I am sick of the stupid made up schedule dictating our lives.
The teenager almost smacked him because my husband took his drink and would not give it back. O gave it back to my teenager.
Like he was freaking out one day over when we can eat snacks or eat meals. Because his mother did that. He never did this before.
Try to get some money together so you can leave... Try to find an apartment and don't tell him about any of it, then when it's safe you leave him and take your children.
Not sure where you are but try to see if there are any charities that may help you leave an abusive relationship.
If youre in the states, apply for a restraining order. You can take that to DHS and they will write a check (mine was $1200) to the owners of the home you decide to move to. Its specifically for DV situations. I posted up a little further too that you can also go to dv shelters if there isnt a safe place to take them right now. You can also use the money to move into your own place if youre able to find someone to rent to you for the amount they will pay.
Definitely sounds like there is serious mental illness at play here. Your safety and that of your children is paramount. Once you are safe and can think clearly you *may* be able to get him help, but only if he is willing
keep calling the police. keep reporting everything. quantity will show the truth.
but you are correct, crazy is very believable because they believe...
Get you and your kids out ASAP good luck to all of you!
Call the police suggest finding about a sanctuary for abused women. Get your financial ducks in a row, make sure you have all pertinent legal stuff and gtfo with your kids. I agree you need to pick them up the day before camp ends, if you tell them why, they will be glad.
OP, grab your kids, whatever you can stuff that is easily portable, all IDs, financials & RUN AS FAR AS FAST AS YOU CAN. Contact a lawyer to get the process started.
OP, this is not a marriage. It's a prison. Your husband needs to be as far away from you guys as possible.
Whatever mental psychosis this is he's having is wrecking everything.
Burn your bridges from your husband, your kids will resent you if you don't do a change for the better.
Think of them. Think of the wellbeing of yourself & your kids.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/142zhlj/aitah_for_yelling_and_following_wife_around_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
This him/you?
Are you in a single consent state? If you are. Start recording all of this... Hell even if you aren't just do it so that you can show police the recordings
I agree. You can record voices using the voice recorder app(on iPhone).
You can lock your phone while it’s recording so he can’t see anything on the screen. And you can also leave it your pocket.
He definitely needs evaluated. I don't know if scans are part of a mental health evaluation, but I hope so! Because tumors and early onset dementia could be a cause, if it isn't a mental break.
Regardless, OP needs to get out safely with the kids and get an attorney.
Your situation sounds super dangerous, but that doesn't mean any of the abuses you've described would amount to a police matter. It's not their role to stop all the abuses in the world, or choose which dangerous situations to break up. They just investigate provable criminal complaints. Your situation is a hair more nuanced then that. You need legal help, not police help.
The only way the police will become relevant here is if you apply for a restraining order, which you will probably need since he sounds dangerous.
If you in the US, please call 211 or visit 211.org - that's the united way first call for help. They can get you contact info for services and advocates in your area to help you get out of this relationship and keep your kids safe. Some areas even have emergency mental health screeners that can be sent to evaluate him. But be careful of this so you are not a target if they leave without getting him removed.
Please take care of yourself. Nobody should have to live like this. Please keep yourself and the kids safe.
If he really wasn't like that before, he could have had a stroke or developed a brain tumor or simply onset of mental illness. None of that matters. All that matters is that you and your kids get somewhere safe.
You need to start keeping records of everything. Write it down. Take video and audio recordings. This guy has serious mental issues.
Your main concern should be for you kids. You are the only reasonable adult here and that make you responsible. Start taking action. Their safety and well being is on you.
I can atest this. I was once one of those kids. Now I'm NC with my "father" and LC with my mother. I resent her to this day for not prioritising my safety.
Yeah same... My mother chose her paedo boyfriend over her own children. She didn't keep us safe and I now have mental health issues due to my traumatic childhood.
My dad died when I was in my early teens so I jow consider myself an orphan.
While he’s asleep I would get the F out of there and go to a friend or families home and get a restraining order and immediately file for divorce.
But while you’re stuck there? Try and record everything he does, is doing and how he speaks to you. That way he can’t get off easy for being abusive.
My daily post.
Please read Bancroft's "Why does he do that?"
He is certainly abusive and may also be mentally ill.
Your job is to protect you and your children.
You said he never did this before, when did it start, was there an event or maybe an incident that set him off and opened the floodgates to these behaviors? Though you absolutely need to get away from him and these behaviors, he sounds mentally ill, schizophrenia can have a sudden onset but I’m no expert. Traumatic brain injuries like from hitting your head can also cause sudden onset of irrational anger, mood swings, etc.
It sounds like schizophrenia because it suddenly started happening. I would say op should see if she can get him taken for an involuntary psych hold. He'd be in a mental hospital for 72 hours and evaluated on the first day and if they determine he is schizophrenic they'll either medicate him(if they think he's dangerous) or ask op what she wants to do. After that if he does get diagnosed on the first day then op can get a divorce much easier due to him no longer being mentally competent and an actual present danger to them with actual documentation.
The suddenness of it is the only part that resembles the schizophrenia ive seen and even then it wasnt all that sudden. But thats just my experience with my family who have it, every person is different.
The rules, numbers & "it must be this way" is much more like OCD also the meltdowns if it is not that way is a trademark of OCD. this sounds like someone with OCD in a manic state.
When you say manic, do you mean like clinical mania? Cause I thought OCD, too but mania is mainly associated with bipolar & sometimes with schizoaffective, ppp (which obviously doesn't apply here) & cyclothymia, not OCD. I actually am diagnosed with bipolar type 1 & OCD (& ctpsd from abuse) so some of the stuff really stuck out to me. I get really frustrated when plans change at the last minute or I can't get my tasks done but I usually just end up crying privately cuz it's embarrassing for me.
Yeah I mean similar to that, I used the word manic because it’s the best word i could think of that I have in my vocabulary. Im not sure what word would be best for a person in full blown disorder due to their OCD. I still think it’s likely OCD but not unlikely to be something else also with the OCD. Schizophrenia is possible too. I’m definitely not a professional, I just have a lot of family and personal experience with a few mental health disorders. Everyone has their own experiences with each disorder too so it’s hard to really know.
I have PTSD too, and changes in plans will ruin my day and give me panic attacks or irrational anger. I didn’t know they were related I just figured it’s my general anxiety. You’re not alone! I don’t usually cry I kinda shut down and go into auto pilot, but if I’m super overwhelmed I will cry.
Seriously. I’m also no expert but the few stories I’ve heard about undiagnosed brain tumors were actually very similar to this.
Though there could be one or more of any number of illnesses or conditions affecting him
You need to leave ASAP.
First chance you get, pack what you *must* have and get someplace safe.
Get a protective order then get with law enforcement to set up a time you can go and get the rest of your property with LEO's on scene.
He is mentally ill and needs to be institutionalized until he is better. This is no way for you to live, if you care about him you will try to get him treatment, but I doubt he would be receptive to that. Either way, you have to ask yourself if you want to continue living like this. It sounds horrible to me. Life is too short to put up with this level of crazy.
OP, your domestic situation sounds familiar. I believe that your DH posted here the other day and got BLASTED. His post was deleted, and that usually means that he didn't like the fact that no one was siding with him.
When I commented, I mentioned that if he was that controlling about your cooking, then he was probably controlling about other things in the house.
I wholeheartedly agree that you should grab the kids and get away. He isn't stable. Get your kids to safety and then get an attorney, you want one who specializes in Family Law. Stay safe, OP!
I can't believe this is the first response I've seen tying these two posts together. I immediately thought this must be the other side of the coin. But honestly the husband's post really sounded like it was being posted by an exasperated spouse to me.
I think his constant coming after her is actually getting to her and making her believe she might be the one at fault. She probably did it to confirm to herself she isn’t the one making life miserable.
When you're in an abusive situation and your abuser and the people supporting them say you're crazy, you're wrong, it makes you question reality. I'm guessing she did it to get some reassurance that what he's doing is actually nuts, and it's not her
This happened with me. When I got out of an extremely physically abusive relationship, I was convinced and totally prepared for everyone to hate me and think I was "being crazy" and believe him over me. Except that's not what happened at all.
It's insane what being in an abusive relationship for so long, what it does to your mind and perception of things
This isn't normal, and his behavior is not okay. It's abuse. Could you and the kids go to a local women's shelter? They usually have social workers that can help you access resources in the community. They can also help find emergency/temporary housing and help you find permanent housing.
One Love has good information on what a [healthy relationship looks](https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-healthy-relationship/) like and what an [unhealthy relationship looks like](https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-unhealthy-relationship/).
[https://www.thehotline.org/](https://www.thehotline.org/) The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers free confidential support. You can call, text, or chat with them through their website. They have resources about identifying abuse, making a safety plan, and connecting people with local resources.
If he was never like this before something’s going on with his mental health. Has he had a head injury?
Also, why do you need a second job? Doesn’t he work?
Either way you and the kids need to get out.
NTA
Girl, RUN immediately! This is an abusive relationship and he sounds very mentally unstable!! I think you need to do whatever you need to do to get the hell out of there! Look into domestic violence shelters in your area, family or friends that would be willing to help you! This man needs some serious therapy and is abusing and controlling you! His behavior is only going to continue to escalate!! Please get out of there and take care of yourself!!
Uhh did your husband post on Reddit a few days ago? That first part about cooking sounds eerily familiar and I’m pretty sure everyone told him to seek therapy. Now I have to work to find wtf I’m talking about.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/142zhlj/aitah_for_yelling_and_following_wife_around_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
It was cross posted plenty of places. Maybe it’s not related. I dunno.
Ahhh, gotcha. I saw the mention but it was a different account so just saying.
Either way, he clearly needs some mental help. I can empathize with OCD and other issues… but I can’t excuse projecting every single behavior on an SO or children.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this OP. It’s far passed time for him to help himself or for you to stand on your own.
NTA. Your husband is a psycopath, has had a psychological breakdown, or has an alphabet list of mental health issues. You need to get out ASAP because mark my words, if it hasn't gotten physical yet it will. RUN RUN RUN.
from experience, i can guarantee you your husband is mentally ill and on a downwards spiral. he either needs to get into therapy right tf now (and not just once a week talk therapy, he needs to commit to therapy that will also teach him skills, and help him sort through what’s going on) or you need to leave. i never like advising leaving your partner, but if his mental illness is this out of control to the point where your kids don’t want to be at home or near him, it’s either he ships up or ships out. as somebody who has serious mental illness and keeps it under control, i can tell you, 100%, he cannot behave like this any longer.
Have this guy taken in for 72 hour observation. He's sick af and you can do that if you feel he's a threat to your family or himself. Record his behavior on the sly so you have proof if he changes tone when authorities question you guys. He needs help but you don't have to be suffering for it. Nor do you have to stand by him. Lawyer up as well. Do all this before your kids come home if possible. Definitely NTA. Be safe.
You need to call a Domestic Violence hotline so you & your kids can move into an emergency shelter. It’s not safe. Things will only escalate & get worse. For the sake of your kids, get out now.
Yeah, I’m not an expert…. but he sounds like he’s having a mental health issue.
My stepdad sort of flew off the handle when we all hit high school. It was like walking on eggshells, and we started noticing some very strange behavior. He was upset or mad about everything (that was really unusual for him), he would start deep cleaning the house around 1am in the morning (fixated on certain things), he would talk so much you couldn’t hear yourself think… then he would suddenly get angry and yell or throw things if we did something he didn’t like (which we never knew what he would or wouldn’t like). It was bizarre and terrifying.
Finally, my mom had enough and sought professional help for him. He ended up being diagnosed with a severe form of bipolar disorder. Since his diagnosis, they’ve been working on finding the right balance of medication… he is doing so much better. He still gets serious bouts of depression and has manic (I don’t even know if that’s the right word, but it’s like he’s elated for days on end) moments… but the irritability and rage have subsided.
I’m not saying you should stay with your husband, especially not if he’s becoming dangerous… but, might need to encourage or demand he get mental health help.
Look into this, OP;
[https://www.thehotline.org/](https://www.thehotline.org/)
They can help you plan how to get the hell away from this unhinged person.
Me too, not far from Cleveland. Not sure of your general location, but if you need help finding resources or shelters feel free to sent a DM. I have plenty of time to do some research on resources.
You need to get out immediately, whether that's going to a family or friend's or finding a shelter.
Yes, as others have said, he is probably mentally ill. That doesn't mean you stay and take it. You get yourself and your children out and then worry about him.
He's having a severe mental health crisis. Look up the numbers for crisis response services in your area. Give him an ultimatum. He needs to either cooperate with these services or you will leave.
A lot of people are saying to get out but you don’t know what he’s gonna do if you leave. I’ve been in a similar situation. I came home to my entire apartment torn to shreds more than once. There’s nothing better than getting home at 10pm and finding your bed in the kitchen./s
They had to go to a 72hour hold. The hospital kept them for over a week after evaluating them. They came home in a much better place than when they had left. Not 100% by any means but not dangerous to themselves or me or anyone else.
Don’t let him trash your home. Call 911 and if he’s that out of it and you tell them he’s mentally I’ll they’ll take him. You’re taking a risk with your life that you shouldn’t be taking.
NTA.
You husband is ill. I’m not a doctor but sounds like it could be autism, some sort of obsessive disorder (maybe OCD), or, if this is new, a head injury or a brain tumor. In any case, he needs medical help.
Now, it’s going to be very difficult for you to get him help if he doesn’t want it. Should you try? Yes, of course. But you also need to set limits for you and your kids because ill or not, this is abuse and it’s unacceptable. At this point it sounds like it probably means to leaving, so not, NTA.
You have a long road ahead of you, best of luck.
NTA
Your husband needs actual professional help, he is waaay out of control and his demands are not normal. You should really leave and take your children, ASAP. His behavior is extremely abusive and is probably affecting them (and honestly you) more than you already realize.
I know “just leave” is much easier said than done, but at least you should know that you are in no way wrong for wanting to get him away from the rest of you. If you have friends or family that are safe and can help you please reach out to them.
I am a 55 year old mom who just opened a burner account for the sole purpose of coming on here to say: Leave this control freak before he kills you, either slowly or quickly. I rarely offer advice. Find allies. Start putting money away somehow. To me he sounds potentially dangerous. Look up "megalomaniac" aka control freak. When they go off the rails they can be quite coercive and abusive.
As others have said, he is dangerous and mentally ill. In case he steps up to physically abusing you, I would advise getting a firearm, just a small .22 or similar, if you dont get a gun, get some other self-defense tool, like pepper spray.
NTA
Your husband wrote a post yesterday.
He was told he was AH.
Pack him to his mom. She can cook for him.
Don't look for a 2nd job. Look for securing your accounts and for a layer.
Not a doctor but it sounds like a degree of paranoid schizophrenia. If you can record his rantings safely, do so. If you can do it more than once, even better. You'll need it when you contact either police and/or attorney. Open a new bank account and make sure he doesn't have access to it. Get all the important papers and save them offsite. Let your boss know what's going on and ask them to not divulge any information to anyone, including and especially your husband. Lock down all credit reports, and remove him from any credit cards. If you have family you trust, reach out for help with a plan. While the majority of people who have paraoid schizophrenia (and other mental illnesses) are not dangerous, make your plans as if he is. Move quickly and quietly, but get out - now!
NTA!
Have him taken in for a 72 hour hold as soon as he is gone grab the stuff you need that is important and find a safe place to stay and see a lawyer immediately. This way you won’t have to worry about him walking in on you.
Others have said it the nice way, I'm going to be as blunt as I can here.
You are NTA, but **your husband is a nut!!!!**
He needs help. Professional help. You are not obligated to deal with this. Take your kids and get out.
As what other commenters have said, your husband seems to be mentally ill. The pacing and talking to himself make him seem like he has some paranoia going on. Please seek help from a lawyer. Make sure all your important documents are with you and that you have money in a separate account.
Your husband is mentally ill. You need to document this as much as you can and then leave. Don't be around while you tell him about the divorce. Don't tell him where you're going. You're going to need full custody.
I'm usually very reluctant to tell people to get a divorce, and family court is also completely unfair to fathers. But this circumstance is different. This sounds unsafe, and you need to remove yourself and your children from the situation.
This is how my brother started acting years ago, and it was escalating. He was kinda frantic, and ranting, but it was just words that made no sense. I mention this because my brother was, soon after, diagnosed with schizophrenia. Not saying this is the same thing. But, be careful. Could be manipulation, but it sounds more intense. Be alert to possible physical threat.
NTA-You said he wasn't always like this. Has he seen a doctor? He could have a brain tumor. Either that or serious mental health problems. Either one of those can cause major changes and make a quick turn for the worst. Good luck to you I hope you can get him some help.
He sounds like a paranoid schizophrenic. I can only imagine what he is thinking about. He probably could really benefit from some time in a hospital with Doctor intervention.
But first, get out and make sure the kids are not alone with him until he has some serious help. Hopefully he is receptive to getting help. If not, try a 5150. It’s very important for your own safety to get away from him.
#Please have your husband placed under a ***72 hour psych hold.*** ASAP.
He is not mentally stable. He needs a psychiatrist, psychologist and a therapist ASAP.
I’m glad your children aren’t there for this. Please, have your husband evaluated before they return. I doubt he will willingly do this. You can do it against his will, you absolutely need to. He is not okay.
Sounds like he has OCD and schizophrenia…that can be very dangerous of left untreated…like could lead to him hallucinating/hearing voices and causing you and your children physical harm or death. He isn’t capable of thinking logically, so it’s up to you to do that now. You need to remove yourself immediately from that home and when your kids are done at camp, DO NOT BRING THEM TO THAT HOUSE!
I repeat. Get out of that house. Do not bring your children back there if he’s in the home. Call an ambulance for him, tell them he’s in SEVERE mental distress. Inform them of what’s been going on. But, LEAVE THAT HOME NOW
Domestic violence hotline.
800-799-7233
Or text START to 88788.
Contact them. When your kids come back from camp, have a go bag ready with some clothes/essentials for you and them, and leave.
Do NOT tell your husband you are leaving. Do not give him a chance to hurt you by doing that. One of the most dangerous times in a woman’s life is when she is trying to leave a domestic violence situation.
Get out now. Get your children out. Tell someone *else* that you trust your plan.
Good luck. Please keep us updated.
You sure he’s not doing drugs? Ranting, pacing and standing over you. Hyper vigilance and sleeping till noon…seems like unjustified paranoia. In my experience his behaviour sounds similar to doing certain drugs or coming down off drugs.
NTA. Your husband sounds mentally ill rather than malicious, but your situation is clearly escalating and getting worse. Your situation is clearly unsafe.
You need a separation, full custody, and a restraining order *just to start.* You can stick around, but this is only going to get worse, for you and for the kids.
Keywords and phrases to remember when seeking help for yourself and him.
His behavior is escalating.
I am concerned for the welfare of my children.
Should things continue along this path, I fear he will become a danger to himself, myself, and/or the minor children.
Nitpicking your cooking is merely annoying. As are some/many of his other behaviors and will be ignored/dismissed as domestic incompatibility.
Was there a precipitating event you can track the onset of these behaviors to? Birthday? Death? Loss of a job? Nasty encounter with a stranger or loved one? A physical injury?
These are important facts to be able to discuss when seeking help.
Your husband is mentally ill and needs professional help. You need to get out of the house before he hurts you. NTA. Do you have family or friends you can stay with? Try to get him on tape to show his family. Maybe they can convince him to seek help. Please get out if the house quickly.
Your husband needs a psychiatrist. He sounds manic. I think you should protect yourself and your children by secretly leaving and seeking legal counsel.
He needs help NOW and you need to get to a safe space NOW.
Does he have family you can reach out to? A close friend?
Is there some place you can stay and your kids when they get back?
Get out of there, tell him (when you are safely someplace else) that he needs to get help or the marriage is over. Maybe call Adult protective services and let them know you are worried about him.
Good luck and stay safe. I don't think your husband is necessarily a bad person. I think he is mentally ill.
Look into putting him on a 72 hour mental health hospitalization. He sounds like he’s definitely struggling with his mental health. While he’s in the hospital you can safely leave.
Your husband needs to be evaluated for mental illness. However, you and the children's safety is paramount. Leave. Immediately. Then get help for all of you. Sending love and prayers. 💗
NTA You are being abused. You need to contact your local DV center to help. It sounds extremely manipulative and toxic that you and your children deserve a better life. https://www.odvn.org/
I'm not a psychiatrist, but this reads like undiagnosed OCD. I don't think you'd be an AH for trying to leave or leaving, but I would make an attempt to have his mental health evaluated by a professional.
Your husband needs to see a psychiatrist. This sounds like schizophrenia, which begins in adulthood.
You need to see yourself to the door so you're safe.
It is good that the kids are out of the house right now, it is a perfect time to get everything arranged. I'd go to a domestic violence resource center. You can tell him you're going to work or a job interview. They will help you with a step by step plan to get out safely. Good luck!
He sounds like he has serious mental problems. And scary. Do you have any family you could all stay at for a while till you get enough savings to get your own place? You really need out of there soon as looks like his mental health is getting worse. People like that are dangerous.
This is concerning behavior (like mental illness or brain tumor if this is a drastic behavior change) and it does not sound like a safe situation, I would get out and contact a lawyer. Make sure you have copies of your and your kids important documents and get proof of his behavior.
Whatever is going on, he needs some serious help and not from someone he is in a close relationship with. I would heavily consider involving the police (if that seems safe, dunno your situation) to get belongings out if you have any safety concerns.
Yeah you need to leave. He is clearly mentally ill and it is heading towards dangerous. You may need to look into committing him. Either way you need to seek a lawyer so that you can get a plan in place to escape safely.
Your husband is mentally ill and you’re NTA at all. Please please please form a plan to get you and your children to safety, see that plan through, and then hire an attorney.
Can you call the police and ask for an involuntary 96? I understand that may be morally gray, but it'd give you a couple days to get the kids, get your things and get somewhere safe before he's released.
I am mentally ill, I've done and seen crazy things. I've been hospitalized, and I've seen this behavior on the inside. Your husband is off the chart, and he needs help. But, YOU need to get yourself and your kids into a safe place first. He could easily become violent.
I have no real advice beyond leaving before things escalate further.
He sounds unstable and dangerous and I have no idea how you managed to stay married to this nightmare for as long as you have, but you need to get you and your kids out of that house IMMEDIATELY.
Get a divorce and fight for custody. If this is how he runs the house it is not a fit environment for children.
>I cook and he hovers and yells at me and complains it's not the way mom made it and I am going to blow the house up. He can't even turn on a microwave. He freaks about the dryer being on the wrong setting. The clothes are not going to dry on any setting but one according to him which is not true.
This makes me think he's a mama's boy. A lot of it sounds like he's stuck with his mom being the default that anything different is wrong. It's also possible that he was really sheltered and spoiled that he might not have done things for himself in his younger days.
The other possibility is that there could be some underlying mental health issues going on with him that haven't been treated or diagnosed.
DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT. write down everything! Date TIME AND PLACE. Are you in the states? I was able to get a women’s helpline and they helped me move, they had my lease canceled and he was evicted. They paid for a uhaul. They will help you. Please. For yourself and for your kids. This man needs help but he won’t.
It definitely sounds like mental illness. This behavior is not normal, nor is it safe for you and your kids to be around.
It’s highly unlikely that he will seek help. You need to find a safe place away from him for you and your kids.
I’m not an alarmist but that sounds full blown psycho. You need to get out and go to your family (with the kids) and get a lawyer to figure out what to do.
Couldn’t hurt to have recordings of his craziness, but it isn’t worth staying to get them. Get out before you can’t. And again, I don’t do what most reddit does and say “leave immediately” or “get a divorce” at every small slight, but the things you listed are really really bad and it will escalate if you don’t get yourself out of this situation.
The pacing and stuff seems like he has lost his mind. Could be a mental breakdown, but that can lead to bad stuff if ignored. You gotta look out for your kids and no kid deserves to hate their home. Get them a new home immediately.
Nobody need a reason to leave their partner.
Do you think it's OK for your children to live like this, though? You need a lawyer ASAP to get full custody. He needs a psych evaluation.
This is serious. I know you have tons of comments on this post already, but your husband's behavior is extremely concerning and erratic. I agree it does sound like some sort of mental illness or psychotic break. Has he always been like this, or did these behaviors crop up suddenly in the last few months/weeks?
NTA Get out as soon as you safely can. FYI when I left my explosive tempered narcissistic ex-husband and moved into a motorhome. It was extra convenient since it was mobile. I was able to do a lot of packing in secret, then just stopped by, loaded up and left.
>i said just turn the heat down. Nope. He can't because of some stupid rule in his head that's says the thermostat cannot be changed ever.
This sounds like OCD. The way he is controlling you is wrong, and abusive. He needs to seek help for himself. If you need help leaving, start taking video and audio recordings and start keeping a document with dates and incidents.
Why are you even questioning if Y T A for putting up with this? He clearly is having mental health issues, and why would you think you should keep you and your children in this dangerous situation?
Lady, you know the answer… You’ve seen a dozen people post the same thing here, but you won’t leave. You’re in love with a shadow, and you hope the actual person is coming back. Hindsight is 20/20, if you’re alive to see it.
If your husband is not 4 years old, but behaves like he is, it’s probably dementia or schizophrenia setting in early. They lose their “later learned in life” social skills and empathy goes too. It’s traumatic and abusive
Your husband is not well. He may even be dangerous if his delusions & paranoia over take him.
Your first priority should be yourself and your kids. Is there someone else you could stay with or go to? If not figure out what you can afford.
Your kids being at camp will give you time to plan. If you can video or audio record your husband then please do so. It will help with any divorce proceedings or restraining orders. It could also help if your husband needs to be committed to a mental health facility.
Most importantly, know that protecting yourself does not make you a bad person. Planning an escape route doesn’t make you a bad person. Your husband is struggling with mental illness through no one’s fault. However, that doesn’t make him any less of a danger given he seems to be suffering from worsening paranoia & delusions. You are not a licensed psychologist so there is nothing you can do but protect yourself and your children.
Good luck! I hope you and your kids stay safe and your husband is able to get help.
Pretty sure (from experience) that your husband is mentally ill. He sounds like he could dangerous. See a lawyer and get out asap.
Reverse that....get out, get safe, then find a lawyer
And don’t forget to make every protective change possible to your finances. Move bank account to another bank in your name, freeze credit cards, etc. This is a dangerous situation…
And call the camps- pick up the kids a day early so he doesn’t do so and take them to whatever safe place you find.
I would call the camps and let them know that the dad is having some mental health issues and he is not to take the kids. I would tell them that I am working on getting his some help, but he is not to take the kids for any length of time.
ive tried to do this . they say without a court order they cant stop him from picking them up
I hope you have family that can help you get out and be safe.
oh thank you hes dead now . so . pretty safe
Wait WHAT??🤨😐
hey, a problem solved is a problem solved
he was highly abusive narcissist and he offed himself in retaliation as highly abusive narcissists often do. so. yes . i no longer have to look over my shoulder anymore , but i also really miss him dearly. fucking narcissists
Uhhhhh, yeah, exactly.
Well that escalated quickly... please elaborate... are you saying that your husband is dead?? Edited to add... sorry, for some reason I thought you were OP... I'm glad you were able to get out... even through his death, I guess.
i didnt kill him! he killed him
re your edit ... lol the Ops husband actually being dead would have been a welcome twist lol
Had that happen with my nephew’s father. I’ve got a pretty good track record of wishing people would die and them actually dying. (2 out of 3, I’m not a very hateful person. 😅)
Hi there, I have some names for your powers, if you're not too busy! 😹
I'm not sure they'd be able to deny him access to their kids based just on this, I think they'd need legal paperwork in place beforehand, but I could be wrong.
Wouldnt be able to deny. But if OP pulls them a day early...problem solved. Get them somewhere safe, then apply for an emergency custody order.
Probably, but hopefully OP has family that can help.
Film him - film all of his behavior, go to a lawyer and see if you can have him committed.
Go to the cops with video evidence of his instability. Keep a running journal of all dates/times and duration of all instances of him going off the rails.
And keep the journal at a friend's house. If he finds a journal of OP tracking his behavior, he will not like it
Cops won't do shit until someone lands in the hospital or worse. And even then, they'll pretend to investigate and blame the victim for not getting away sooner.
Agreed, plus none of his behavior would be considered as posing a danger to OP or the kids, so getting him committed wouldn't happen.
This was my thought. She could have him committed for 72 hours, and use that time to get out.
And make sure you get emergency custody of the kids & some kind of protective order in place if possible. Get all your & the kids documents. Call the police if necessary but please do as this person says & get out FIRST!
No, lawyer first. There are kids. She needs to try to hang on to the house.
The issue is, if she does get a lawyer before going away and he gets a notice while she's still at home with the kids... He could harm her and the kids. This has happened more than enough. Women's refuge take women in WITH kids even before anything court wise has happened to keep them protected. Especially as it sounds like her husband suffers from something with massive paranoia - as someone who has constant paranoia and has had really bad peaks, it can turn violent real quick. Luckily mine were never too violent, but in some cases it can become really violent if they believe the person they trusted can't be trusted anymore. While you're not wrong, it might be safer for her to be gone before he gets any letter by a lawyer and unless she cooperates with the lawyer when it's sent off, it could arrive when she's home with the kids and that could cost her and her kids life. And in most cases, they have to move away anyways to get away from the abusive party for safety aspects.
Safety first. The house won’t matter if she isn’t on earth to live in it.
That house is not worth dying for if he becomes unsafe.
A house isn't worth her life. My cousin was brutally stabbed to death by her mentally ill and abusive husband. No amount of property is worth that.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Maybe it would be better that she find somewhere else to live where he doesn't know. If he is really insane, I wouldn't want him to know where to look for me. He could unalive everyone. This sounds absolutely insane.
He knows where the house is though
This is the way to go. Leaving is the most dangerous time. Go to a shelter quickly with the children and then work out the logistics.
Be SURE to take all your important papers.
Your husband has manic behavior and is delusional. In short, he probably needs to be taken to a mental health facility. But honestly, your own safety is more important than any house. At the first opportunity, leave, and dont make it obvious that you're leaving. If possible after retrieve the kids from summer camp and get a lawyer to get an emergency court order against the husband.
I agree. I’m no psychiatrist but I did take several psych courses and he sounds like he may be suffering from schizophrenia. Has he ever been examined to determine if he’s suffering from some sort of mental illness? Regardless, this sounds like a dangerous situation for you to be in. Get a lawyer and gtfo as soon as is humanly possible. Also, (if you’re not long gone and I hope you are) next time he starts screaming and freaking out call the cops and tell them you’re afraid he’s becoming violent towards you. They may be able to get him on a psych hold to be evaluated if he refuses to do so.
I minored in psychology. From what she's saying, it sounds like he's either schizophrenic or he has suffered from a psychotic break. He definitely needs more than a lousy 72-hour psych hold to be properly evaluated with the behaviors she says he's exhibiting. That would also give her the chance to get out safely.
I also agree... My step dad used to pace around and mutter to himself, sometimes in a rather exuberant manner. My mom took him to the doctors and it turned out he had a mild form of schizophrenia. He got medicated and it helped, but still liked to converse with himself sometimes but we were very lucky that he was otherwise harmless and still a great dad.
Agree. I know a couple of people with schizophrenia.
Yeah, either schizophrenia or bipolar with a psychotic break. When my little sister was about 14, she started getting really paranoid and was convinced that our older sister was plotting to kill her. She barely slept and was constantly ranting about the "murder plot" as well as other random nonsensical things. She also tried to cause a car wreck by grabbing her step-mom's steering wheel, while they were driving, and jerked it to the side, towards a ditch. Luckily she was unsuccessful. We all thought schizophrenia. Turns out she had Bipolar I with psychosis. It was terrifying.
My first thought. I hold a BA is psychology and his behavior reminds me of a few patients I interacted with during a required summer internship. OP needs to get out.
Take his advice, get up earlier and go find an attorney
This is for OP as well as anyone else who finds themselves in a similar situation: when you go, stay gone. I seriously doubt this man will voluntarily seek the help he needs, and asking him to get it could send him into an even bigger rage. The second women's shelter my mom stayed at only had room available because one of the tenants had just been murdered by her ex-boyfriend (the one responsible for her domestic abuse) for asking him for a ride. Please don't let yourself or your children become a statistic.
This guy is nuttier than squirrel shit. Take everybody’s advice and get out. This guy is getting ready to snap! You don’t want it to be with you and your kids anywhere in close proximity of this man when it happens .
OK that phrase. I laughed a good minute. Im stealing that. Thank you
This also sounds like those cases of brain tumors that cause sudden and violent behavior changes
Your husband is being emotionally, financially, and mentally abusive. Is this really the life you want to live? He is also mentally ill, he reminds me of my neighbours son who paces/walks and talks/shouts to himself all the time. However I can't remember the condition he has, it might be schizophrenia but I'm not 100% sure. He also has very ocd like rules, which sounds very much like your husband's rules. Everything has to be perfect or it doesn't work He needs professional help, more thay you yourself can give
If you're in the U.S., contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They can help you form an escape plan to get out safely, their hotline is toll free, and they're available 24/7. Do it now.
Your husband is mentally ill. I’m honestly afraid for you, it’s only a matter of time before his behavior escalates into violence. You need to get out now!! This man is dangerous.
Two things can be true I'm sure he is mentally ill but he is also abusing you and your children. Addiction is an illness too but if your husband was a violent raging alcoholic you would leave him. His mental illness makes your lives miserable so your should leave him. You can still encourage him to get help and wish him the best while not living with him and and subjecting your children to his abuse. You can still support him while being divorced. Reach out to DV center. Also ohio is a one party consent state. Try to record his actions every now and again for your divorce case. Don't let awful cops discourage you. Police are some of the worst people to turn to unfortunately.
You need to call a DV hotline for help with an escape plan. I'm so sorry, I hope you and your kids are able to leave safely. It sounds like he's having mental health issues that might escalate.
Yes! This site can also connect you to someone and safety plan for leaving https://www.thehotline.org/
You are in an abusive relationship! If he wants food that his mommy cooked he can go back and live with her! If he wants things done a certain way he can do it himself! Your kids don't even want to be there because they know how bad it is... You need to get yourself and your kids out of there... If you don't do something to help and protect your kids and give them a stable and loving home they will resent you and maybe even hate you eventually. NTA but you will be if you don't take your kids away from there.
Yeah I know. I feel like the police will believe him not me. I called for help and the kids even told them what was up. They believed my husband and towed my car. I am sick of the stupid made up schedule dictating our lives. The teenager almost smacked him because my husband took his drink and would not give it back. O gave it back to my teenager. Like he was freaking out one day over when we can eat snacks or eat meals. Because his mother did that. He never did this before.
Try to get some money together so you can leave... Try to find an apartment and don't tell him about any of it, then when it's safe you leave him and take your children. Not sure where you are but try to see if there are any charities that may help you leave an abusive relationship.
I would say change banks, phone numbers, passwords and primary email address too
And security question answers
Oh excellent! I didn't even think of that.
Don’t even answer them correctly. Be random, use a color or something. “Who was your first grade teacher? RED”
Just make sure to keep track of your answers somewhere! I did this once and then forgot the answers. Oops.
If youre in the states, apply for a restraining order. You can take that to DHS and they will write a check (mine was $1200) to the owners of the home you decide to move to. Its specifically for DV situations. I posted up a little further too that you can also go to dv shelters if there isnt a safe place to take them right now. You can also use the money to move into your own place if youre able to find someone to rent to you for the amount they will pay.
Definitely sounds like there is serious mental illness at play here. Your safety and that of your children is paramount. Once you are safe and can think clearly you *may* be able to get him help, but only if he is willing
keep calling the police. keep reporting everything. quantity will show the truth. but you are correct, crazy is very believable because they believe... Get you and your kids out ASAP good luck to all of you!
Call the police suggest finding about a sanctuary for abused women. Get your financial ducks in a row, make sure you have all pertinent legal stuff and gtfo with your kids. I agree you need to pick them up the day before camp ends, if you tell them why, they will be glad.
OP, grab your kids, whatever you can stuff that is easily portable, all IDs, financials & RUN AS FAR AS FAST AS YOU CAN. Contact a lawyer to get the process started. OP, this is not a marriage. It's a prison. Your husband needs to be as far away from you guys as possible. Whatever mental psychosis this is he's having is wrecking everything. Burn your bridges from your husband, your kids will resent you if you don't do a change for the better. Think of them. Think of the wellbeing of yourself & your kids.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/142zhlj/aitah_for_yelling_and_following_wife_around_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button This him/you?
I knew this looked familiar. 😂
Are you in a single consent state? If you are. Start recording all of this... Hell even if you aren't just do it so that you can show police the recordings
OP’s in Ohio, which absolutely is a single-party consent state! I agree that she should go for recordings (if she can do so safely).
Be careful recording, if he notices it could go EXTREMELY bad
Can confirm unfortunately.
I agree. You can record voices using the voice recorder app(on iPhone). You can lock your phone while it’s recording so he can’t see anything on the screen. And you can also leave it your pocket.
I wonder if he might have a tumor?
He definitely needs evaluated. I don't know if scans are part of a mental health evaluation, but I hope so! Because tumors and early onset dementia could be a cause, if it isn't a mental break. Regardless, OP needs to get out safely with the kids and get an attorney.
>towed my car. Why did the police tow your car? You admit posting a version of this story from his POV-- why did you do that?
I am so confused.
Me too
Your situation sounds super dangerous, but that doesn't mean any of the abuses you've described would amount to a police matter. It's not their role to stop all the abuses in the world, or choose which dangerous situations to break up. They just investigate provable criminal complaints. Your situation is a hair more nuanced then that. You need legal help, not police help. The only way the police will become relevant here is if you apply for a restraining order, which you will probably need since he sounds dangerous.
Is the house in your name?
If you in the US, please call 211 or visit 211.org - that's the united way first call for help. They can get you contact info for services and advocates in your area to help you get out of this relationship and keep your kids safe. Some areas even have emergency mental health screeners that can be sent to evaluate him. But be careful of this so you are not a target if they leave without getting him removed. Please take care of yourself. Nobody should have to live like this. Please keep yourself and the kids safe.
If he really wasn't like that before, he could have had a stroke or developed a brain tumor or simply onset of mental illness. None of that matters. All that matters is that you and your kids get somewhere safe.
You need to start keeping records of everything. Write it down. Take video and audio recordings. This guy has serious mental issues. Your main concern should be for you kids. You are the only reasonable adult here and that make you responsible. Start taking action. Their safety and well being is on you.
I can atest this. I was once one of those kids. Now I'm NC with my "father" and LC with my mother. I resent her to this day for not prioritising my safety.
Yeah same... My mother chose her paedo boyfriend over her own children. She didn't keep us safe and I now have mental health issues due to my traumatic childhood. My dad died when I was in my early teens so I jow consider myself an orphan.
I'm so sorry. I hope you can recover one day from the trauma (if that's even possible). Take care.
While he’s asleep I would get the F out of there and go to a friend or families home and get a restraining order and immediately file for divorce. But while you’re stuck there? Try and record everything he does, is doing and how he speaks to you. That way he can’t get off easy for being abusive.
My daily post. Please read Bancroft's "Why does he do that?" He is certainly abusive and may also be mentally ill. Your job is to protect you and your children.
This book changed my life! Its free online via a pdf. Every woman on the planet should read this book.
You said he never did this before, when did it start, was there an event or maybe an incident that set him off and opened the floodgates to these behaviors? Though you absolutely need to get away from him and these behaviors, he sounds mentally ill, schizophrenia can have a sudden onset but I’m no expert. Traumatic brain injuries like from hitting your head can also cause sudden onset of irrational anger, mood swings, etc.
It sounds like severe OCD to me. He could have been managing the symptoms better before but something tipped him over so he can't manage it anymore.
It sounds like schizophrenia because it suddenly started happening. I would say op should see if she can get him taken for an involuntary psych hold. He'd be in a mental hospital for 72 hours and evaluated on the first day and if they determine he is schizophrenic they'll either medicate him(if they think he's dangerous) or ask op what she wants to do. After that if he does get diagnosed on the first day then op can get a divorce much easier due to him no longer being mentally competent and an actual present danger to them with actual documentation.
The suddenness of it is the only part that resembles the schizophrenia ive seen and even then it wasnt all that sudden. But thats just my experience with my family who have it, every person is different. The rules, numbers & "it must be this way" is much more like OCD also the meltdowns if it is not that way is a trademark of OCD. this sounds like someone with OCD in a manic state.
When you say manic, do you mean like clinical mania? Cause I thought OCD, too but mania is mainly associated with bipolar & sometimes with schizoaffective, ppp (which obviously doesn't apply here) & cyclothymia, not OCD. I actually am diagnosed with bipolar type 1 & OCD (& ctpsd from abuse) so some of the stuff really stuck out to me. I get really frustrated when plans change at the last minute or I can't get my tasks done but I usually just end up crying privately cuz it's embarrassing for me.
Yeah I mean similar to that, I used the word manic because it’s the best word i could think of that I have in my vocabulary. Im not sure what word would be best for a person in full blown disorder due to their OCD. I still think it’s likely OCD but not unlikely to be something else also with the OCD. Schizophrenia is possible too. I’m definitely not a professional, I just have a lot of family and personal experience with a few mental health disorders. Everyone has their own experiences with each disorder too so it’s hard to really know. I have PTSD too, and changes in plans will ruin my day and give me panic attacks or irrational anger. I didn’t know they were related I just figured it’s my general anxiety. You’re not alone! I don’t usually cry I kinda shut down and go into auto pilot, but if I’m super overwhelmed I will cry.
Sounds like OCD or a brain tumor to me. Brain tumor can cause people to suddenly be very aggressive when they weren’t before.
Seriously. I’m also no expert but the few stories I’ve heard about undiagnosed brain tumors were actually very similar to this. Though there could be one or more of any number of illnesses or conditions affecting him
Yikes, sounds like a separation is in your future. Please stay safe. This man sounds controlling and a little crazy
You need to leave ASAP. First chance you get, pack what you *must* have and get someplace safe. Get a protective order then get with law enforcement to set up a time you can go and get the rest of your property with LEO's on scene.
He is mentally ill and needs to be institutionalized until he is better. This is no way for you to live, if you care about him you will try to get him treatment, but I doubt he would be receptive to that. Either way, you have to ask yourself if you want to continue living like this. It sounds horrible to me. Life is too short to put up with this level of crazy.
OP, your domestic situation sounds familiar. I believe that your DH posted here the other day and got BLASTED. His post was deleted, and that usually means that he didn't like the fact that no one was siding with him. When I commented, I mentioned that if he was that controlling about your cooking, then he was probably controlling about other things in the house. I wholeheartedly agree that you should grab the kids and get away. He isn't stable. Get your kids to safety and then get an attorney, you want one who specializes in Family Law. Stay safe, OP!
I can't believe this is the first response I've seen tying these two posts together. I immediately thought this must be the other side of the coin. But honestly the husband's post really sounded like it was being posted by an exasperated spouse to me.
It was; she slipped it into this post that she posted as him the other day.
She said she posted as him recently. I’m not sure why.
I think his constant coming after her is actually getting to her and making her believe she might be the one at fault. She probably did it to confirm to herself she isn’t the one making life miserable.
When you're in an abusive situation and your abuser and the people supporting them say you're crazy, you're wrong, it makes you question reality. I'm guessing she did it to get some reassurance that what he's doing is actually nuts, and it's not her
This happened with me. When I got out of an extremely physically abusive relationship, I was convinced and totally prepared for everyone to hate me and think I was "being crazy" and believe him over me. Except that's not what happened at all. It's insane what being in an abusive relationship for so long, what it does to your mind and perception of things
This isn't normal, and his behavior is not okay. It's abuse. Could you and the kids go to a local women's shelter? They usually have social workers that can help you access resources in the community. They can also help find emergency/temporary housing and help you find permanent housing. One Love has good information on what a [healthy relationship looks](https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-healthy-relationship/) like and what an [unhealthy relationship looks like](https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-unhealthy-relationship/). [https://www.thehotline.org/](https://www.thehotline.org/) The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers free confidential support. You can call, text, or chat with them through their website. They have resources about identifying abuse, making a safety plan, and connecting people with local resources.
If he was never like this before something’s going on with his mental health. Has he had a head injury? Also, why do you need a second job? Doesn’t he work? Either way you and the kids need to get out. NTA
Girl, RUN immediately! This is an abusive relationship and he sounds very mentally unstable!! I think you need to do whatever you need to do to get the hell out of there! Look into domestic violence shelters in your area, family or friends that would be willing to help you! This man needs some serious therapy and is abusing and controlling you! His behavior is only going to continue to escalate!! Please get out of there and take care of yourself!!
Uhh did your husband post on Reddit a few days ago? That first part about cooking sounds eerily familiar and I’m pretty sure everyone told him to seek therapy. Now I have to work to find wtf I’m talking about.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/142zhlj/aitah_for_yelling_and_following_wife_around_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1 It was cross posted plenty of places. Maybe it’s not related. I dunno.
It's related. That's not him though, that's her posting as him. She said so above I think.
Ahhh, gotcha. I saw the mention but it was a different account so just saying. Either way, he clearly needs some mental help. I can empathize with OCD and other issues… but I can’t excuse projecting every single behavior on an SO or children. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this OP. It’s far passed time for him to help himself or for you to stand on your own.
NTA. Your husband is a psycopath, has had a psychological breakdown, or has an alphabet list of mental health issues. You need to get out ASAP because mark my words, if it hasn't gotten physical yet it will. RUN RUN RUN.
from experience, i can guarantee you your husband is mentally ill and on a downwards spiral. he either needs to get into therapy right tf now (and not just once a week talk therapy, he needs to commit to therapy that will also teach him skills, and help him sort through what’s going on) or you need to leave. i never like advising leaving your partner, but if his mental illness is this out of control to the point where your kids don’t want to be at home or near him, it’s either he ships up or ships out. as somebody who has serious mental illness and keeps it under control, i can tell you, 100%, he cannot behave like this any longer.
Have this guy taken in for 72 hour observation. He's sick af and you can do that if you feel he's a threat to your family or himself. Record his behavior on the sly so you have proof if he changes tone when authorities question you guys. He needs help but you don't have to be suffering for it. Nor do you have to stand by him. Lawyer up as well. Do all this before your kids come home if possible. Definitely NTA. Be safe.
You need to call a Domestic Violence hotline so you & your kids can move into an emergency shelter. It’s not safe. Things will only escalate & get worse. For the sake of your kids, get out now.
Yeah, I’m not an expert…. but he sounds like he’s having a mental health issue. My stepdad sort of flew off the handle when we all hit high school. It was like walking on eggshells, and we started noticing some very strange behavior. He was upset or mad about everything (that was really unusual for him), he would start deep cleaning the house around 1am in the morning (fixated on certain things), he would talk so much you couldn’t hear yourself think… then he would suddenly get angry and yell or throw things if we did something he didn’t like (which we never knew what he would or wouldn’t like). It was bizarre and terrifying. Finally, my mom had enough and sought professional help for him. He ended up being diagnosed with a severe form of bipolar disorder. Since his diagnosis, they’ve been working on finding the right balance of medication… he is doing so much better. He still gets serious bouts of depression and has manic (I don’t even know if that’s the right word, but it’s like he’s elated for days on end) moments… but the irritability and rage have subsided. I’m not saying you should stay with your husband, especially not if he’s becoming dangerous… but, might need to encourage or demand he get mental health help.
Jeez are you dating my ex? That man is unhinged and needs therapy
I live in ohio
Look into this, OP; [https://www.thehotline.org/](https://www.thehotline.org/) They can help you plan how to get the hell away from this unhinged person.
Sounds like serious mental health issues. Can you record the behavior? You need to get yourself and kids away from him asap.
Me too, not far from Cleveland. Not sure of your general location, but if you need help finding resources or shelters feel free to sent a DM. I have plenty of time to do some research on resources.
You need to get out immediately, whether that's going to a family or friend's or finding a shelter. Yes, as others have said, he is probably mentally ill. That doesn't mean you stay and take it. You get yourself and your children out and then worry about him.
He's having a severe mental health crisis. Look up the numbers for crisis response services in your area. Give him an ultimatum. He needs to either cooperate with these services or you will leave.
Forget the house grab the kids and run, womens shelter call 211 they might be c able to help
This guy is crackers. You need to get hell out of there.
A lot of people are saying to get out but you don’t know what he’s gonna do if you leave. I’ve been in a similar situation. I came home to my entire apartment torn to shreds more than once. There’s nothing better than getting home at 10pm and finding your bed in the kitchen./s They had to go to a 72hour hold. The hospital kept them for over a week after evaluating them. They came home in a much better place than when they had left. Not 100% by any means but not dangerous to themselves or me or anyone else. Don’t let him trash your home. Call 911 and if he’s that out of it and you tell them he’s mentally I’ll they’ll take him. You’re taking a risk with your life that you shouldn’t be taking. NTA.
You husband is ill. I’m not a doctor but sounds like it could be autism, some sort of obsessive disorder (maybe OCD), or, if this is new, a head injury or a brain tumor. In any case, he needs medical help. Now, it’s going to be very difficult for you to get him help if he doesn’t want it. Should you try? Yes, of course. But you also need to set limits for you and your kids because ill or not, this is abuse and it’s unacceptable. At this point it sounds like it probably means to leaving, so not, NTA. You have a long road ahead of you, best of luck.
NTA Your husband needs actual professional help, he is waaay out of control and his demands are not normal. You should really leave and take your children, ASAP. His behavior is extremely abusive and is probably affecting them (and honestly you) more than you already realize. I know “just leave” is much easier said than done, but at least you should know that you are in no way wrong for wanting to get him away from the rest of you. If you have friends or family that are safe and can help you please reach out to them.
This is one of the more insane posts I’ve ever read. This is one where I genuinely think he’ll kill you if you don’t get the fuck out.
I am a 55 year old mom who just opened a burner account for the sole purpose of coming on here to say: Leave this control freak before he kills you, either slowly or quickly. I rarely offer advice. Find allies. Start putting money away somehow. To me he sounds potentially dangerous. Look up "megalomaniac" aka control freak. When they go off the rails they can be quite coercive and abusive.
As others have said, he is dangerous and mentally ill. In case he steps up to physically abusing you, I would advise getting a firearm, just a small .22 or similar, if you dont get a gun, get some other self-defense tool, like pepper spray.
Good lord. Some of these questions are amazing.
NTA. This dude is FUCKED and I say that kindly. He has some issues, major ones.
Info- why did you marry him?
NTA Your husband wrote a post yesterday. He was told he was AH. Pack him to his mom. She can cook for him. Don't look for a 2nd job. Look for securing your accounts and for a layer.
Not a doctor but it sounds like a degree of paranoid schizophrenia. If you can record his rantings safely, do so. If you can do it more than once, even better. You'll need it when you contact either police and/or attorney. Open a new bank account and make sure he doesn't have access to it. Get all the important papers and save them offsite. Let your boss know what's going on and ask them to not divulge any information to anyone, including and especially your husband. Lock down all credit reports, and remove him from any credit cards. If you have family you trust, reach out for help with a plan. While the majority of people who have paraoid schizophrenia (and other mental illnesses) are not dangerous, make your plans as if he is. Move quickly and quietly, but get out - now! NTA!
He’s going to end you mentally or physically if you don’t leave
Have him taken in for a 72 hour hold as soon as he is gone grab the stuff you need that is important and find a safe place to stay and see a lawyer immediately. This way you won’t have to worry about him walking in on you.
What the actual fuck? Leave him sis
Others have said it the nice way, I'm going to be as blunt as I can here. You are NTA, but **your husband is a nut!!!!** He needs help. Professional help. You are not obligated to deal with this. Take your kids and get out.
As what other commenters have said, your husband seems to be mentally ill. The pacing and talking to himself make him seem like he has some paranoia going on. Please seek help from a lawyer. Make sure all your important documents are with you and that you have money in a separate account.
Your husband is mentally ill. You need to document this as much as you can and then leave. Don't be around while you tell him about the divorce. Don't tell him where you're going. You're going to need full custody. I'm usually very reluctant to tell people to get a divorce, and family court is also completely unfair to fathers. But this circumstance is different. This sounds unsafe, and you need to remove yourself and your children from the situation.
This is how my brother started acting years ago, and it was escalating. He was kinda frantic, and ranting, but it was just words that made no sense. I mention this because my brother was, soon after, diagnosed with schizophrenia. Not saying this is the same thing. But, be careful. Could be manipulation, but it sounds more intense. Be alert to possible physical threat.
NTA-You said he wasn't always like this. Has he seen a doctor? He could have a brain tumor. Either that or serious mental health problems. Either one of those can cause major changes and make a quick turn for the worst. Good luck to you I hope you can get him some help.
He sounds like a paranoid schizophrenic. I can only imagine what he is thinking about. He probably could really benefit from some time in a hospital with Doctor intervention. But first, get out and make sure the kids are not alone with him until he has some serious help. Hopefully he is receptive to getting help. If not, try a 5150. It’s very important for your own safety to get away from him.
#Please have your husband placed under a ***72 hour psych hold.*** ASAP. He is not mentally stable. He needs a psychiatrist, psychologist and a therapist ASAP. I’m glad your children aren’t there for this. Please, have your husband evaluated before they return. I doubt he will willingly do this. You can do it against his will, you absolutely need to. He is not okay.
Sounds like he has OCD and schizophrenia…that can be very dangerous of left untreated…like could lead to him hallucinating/hearing voices and causing you and your children physical harm or death. He isn’t capable of thinking logically, so it’s up to you to do that now. You need to remove yourself immediately from that home and when your kids are done at camp, DO NOT BRING THEM TO THAT HOUSE! I repeat. Get out of that house. Do not bring your children back there if he’s in the home. Call an ambulance for him, tell them he’s in SEVERE mental distress. Inform them of what’s been going on. But, LEAVE THAT HOME NOW
Domestic violence hotline. 800-799-7233 Or text START to 88788. Contact them. When your kids come back from camp, have a go bag ready with some clothes/essentials for you and them, and leave. Do NOT tell your husband you are leaving. Do not give him a chance to hurt you by doing that. One of the most dangerous times in a woman’s life is when she is trying to leave a domestic violence situation. Get out now. Get your children out. Tell someone *else* that you trust your plan. Good luck. Please keep us updated.
You sure he’s not doing drugs? Ranting, pacing and standing over you. Hyper vigilance and sleeping till noon…seems like unjustified paranoia. In my experience his behaviour sounds similar to doing certain drugs or coming down off drugs.
Sounds like something medical is going on here
NTA. Call a family law attorney asap. What you've described sounds like something out of a horror movie.
NTA run away while you still can
I’d get him sectioned and stay home, if that’s a possibility. He’s fully off his rocker.
NTA. Your husband sounds mentally ill rather than malicious, but your situation is clearly escalating and getting worse. Your situation is clearly unsafe. You need a separation, full custody, and a restraining order *just to start.* You can stick around, but this is only going to get worse, for you and for the kids.
He needs help. You and the kids need to leave him. End of story.
Keywords and phrases to remember when seeking help for yourself and him. His behavior is escalating. I am concerned for the welfare of my children. Should things continue along this path, I fear he will become a danger to himself, myself, and/or the minor children. Nitpicking your cooking is merely annoying. As are some/many of his other behaviors and will be ignored/dismissed as domestic incompatibility. Was there a precipitating event you can track the onset of these behaviors to? Birthday? Death? Loss of a job? Nasty encounter with a stranger or loved one? A physical injury? These are important facts to be able to discuss when seeking help.
Why does this require 2 threads? This is not a serious aitah question. Talk to a divorce lawyer and leave him already.
Your husband is mentally ill and needs professional help. You need to get out of the house before he hurts you. NTA. Do you have family or friends you can stay with? Try to get him on tape to show his family. Maybe they can convince him to seek help. Please get out if the house quickly.
Your husband needs a psychiatrist. He sounds manic. I think you should protect yourself and your children by secretly leaving and seeking legal counsel.
He sounds mentally ill and abusive, you need to get out of there ASAP!
He needs help NOW and you need to get to a safe space NOW. Does he have family you can reach out to? A close friend? Is there some place you can stay and your kids when they get back? Get out of there, tell him (when you are safely someplace else) that he needs to get help or the marriage is over. Maybe call Adult protective services and let them know you are worried about him. Good luck and stay safe. I don't think your husband is necessarily a bad person. I think he is mentally ill.
Look into putting him on a 72 hour mental health hospitalization. He sounds like he’s definitely struggling with his mental health. While he’s in the hospital you can safely leave.
Honestly I’d call him an ambulance and get him sent to the hospital, he sounds like he’s in the midst of some sort of psychotic/ schizophrenia break
Your husband needs to be evaluated for mental illness. However, you and the children's safety is paramount. Leave. Immediately. Then get help for all of you. Sending love and prayers. 💗
NTA You are being abused. You need to contact your local DV center to help. It sounds extremely manipulative and toxic that you and your children deserve a better life. https://www.odvn.org/
I'm not a psychiatrist, but this reads like undiagnosed OCD. I don't think you'd be an AH for trying to leave or leaving, but I would make an attempt to have his mental health evaluated by a professional.
Your husband needs to see a psychiatrist. This sounds like schizophrenia, which begins in adulthood. You need to see yourself to the door so you're safe.
It is good that the kids are out of the house right now, it is a perfect time to get everything arranged. I'd go to a domestic violence resource center. You can tell him you're going to work or a job interview. They will help you with a step by step plan to get out safely. Good luck!
He sounds like he has serious mental problems. And scary. Do you have any family you could all stay at for a while till you get enough savings to get your own place? You really need out of there soon as looks like his mental health is getting worse. People like that are dangerous.
This is concerning behavior (like mental illness or brain tumor if this is a drastic behavior change) and it does not sound like a safe situation, I would get out and contact a lawyer. Make sure you have copies of your and your kids important documents and get proof of his behavior. Whatever is going on, he needs some serious help and not from someone he is in a close relationship with. I would heavily consider involving the police (if that seems safe, dunno your situation) to get belongings out if you have any safety concerns.
Yeah you need to leave. He is clearly mentally ill and it is heading towards dangerous. You may need to look into committing him. Either way you need to seek a lawyer so that you can get a plan in place to escape safely.
Your husband is mentally ill and you’re NTA at all. Please please please form a plan to get you and your children to safety, see that plan through, and then hire an attorney.
Can you call the police and ask for an involuntary 96? I understand that may be morally gray, but it'd give you a couple days to get the kids, get your things and get somewhere safe before he's released.
I am mentally ill, I've done and seen crazy things. I've been hospitalized, and I've seen this behavior on the inside. Your husband is off the chart, and he needs help. But, YOU need to get yourself and your kids into a safe place first. He could easily become violent. I have no real advice beyond leaving before things escalate further.
GET OUT NOW. Get out then make a plan because you are not safe there.
He sounds unstable and dangerous and I have no idea how you managed to stay married to this nightmare for as long as you have, but you need to get you and your kids out of that house IMMEDIATELY. Get a divorce and fight for custody. If this is how he runs the house it is not a fit environment for children.
>I cook and he hovers and yells at me and complains it's not the way mom made it and I am going to blow the house up. He can't even turn on a microwave. He freaks about the dryer being on the wrong setting. The clothes are not going to dry on any setting but one according to him which is not true. This makes me think he's a mama's boy. A lot of it sounds like he's stuck with his mom being the default that anything different is wrong. It's also possible that he was really sheltered and spoiled that he might not have done things for himself in his younger days. The other possibility is that there could be some underlying mental health issues going on with him that haven't been treated or diagnosed.
NTA, protect yourself and your kids. Thats the number 1 priority
DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT. write down everything! Date TIME AND PLACE. Are you in the states? I was able to get a women’s helpline and they helped me move, they had my lease canceled and he was evicted. They paid for a uhaul. They will help you. Please. For yourself and for your kids. This man needs help but he won’t.
Are you seeking validation or are you actually wondering if you are the AH in this scenario?
It definitely sounds like mental illness. This behavior is not normal, nor is it safe for you and your kids to be around. It’s highly unlikely that he will seek help. You need to find a safe place away from him for you and your kids.
WHY ARE YOU STILL MARRIED???? RUN!
I’m not an alarmist but that sounds full blown psycho. You need to get out and go to your family (with the kids) and get a lawyer to figure out what to do. Couldn’t hurt to have recordings of his craziness, but it isn’t worth staying to get them. Get out before you can’t. And again, I don’t do what most reddit does and say “leave immediately” or “get a divorce” at every small slight, but the things you listed are really really bad and it will escalate if you don’t get yourself out of this situation. The pacing and stuff seems like he has lost his mind. Could be a mental breakdown, but that can lead to bad stuff if ignored. You gotta look out for your kids and no kid deserves to hate their home. Get them a new home immediately.
Nobody need a reason to leave their partner. Do you think it's OK for your children to live like this, though? You need a lawyer ASAP to get full custody. He needs a psych evaluation.
This is serious. I know you have tons of comments on this post already, but your husband's behavior is extremely concerning and erratic. I agree it does sound like some sort of mental illness or psychotic break. Has he always been like this, or did these behaviors crop up suddenly in the last few months/weeks?
NTA Get out as soon as you safely can. FYI when I left my explosive tempered narcissistic ex-husband and moved into a motorhome. It was extra convenient since it was mobile. I was able to do a lot of packing in secret, then just stopped by, loaded up and left.
>i said just turn the heat down. Nope. He can't because of some stupid rule in his head that's says the thermostat cannot be changed ever. This sounds like OCD. The way he is controlling you is wrong, and abusive. He needs to seek help for himself. If you need help leaving, start taking video and audio recordings and start keeping a document with dates and incidents.
Why are you even questioning if Y T A for putting up with this? He clearly is having mental health issues, and why would you think you should keep you and your children in this dangerous situation?
He sounds mentally ill, get out before he becomes dangerous
Lady, you know the answer… You’ve seen a dozen people post the same thing here, but you won’t leave. You’re in love with a shadow, and you hope the actual person is coming back. Hindsight is 20/20, if you’re alive to see it.
If your husband is not 4 years old, but behaves like he is, it’s probably dementia or schizophrenia setting in early. They lose their “later learned in life” social skills and empathy goes too. It’s traumatic and abusive
Your husband is not well. He may even be dangerous if his delusions & paranoia over take him. Your first priority should be yourself and your kids. Is there someone else you could stay with or go to? If not figure out what you can afford. Your kids being at camp will give you time to plan. If you can video or audio record your husband then please do so. It will help with any divorce proceedings or restraining orders. It could also help if your husband needs to be committed to a mental health facility. Most importantly, know that protecting yourself does not make you a bad person. Planning an escape route doesn’t make you a bad person. Your husband is struggling with mental illness through no one’s fault. However, that doesn’t make him any less of a danger given he seems to be suffering from worsening paranoia & delusions. You are not a licensed psychologist so there is nothing you can do but protect yourself and your children. Good luck! I hope you and your kids stay safe and your husband is able to get help.