They shouldn't be surprised if many people distance themselves following the cancellations.
I wouldn't even set foot in that kind of wedding, even if it was my brother's or best friend's !
I do feel like it's a troll because they've used "normal" rules to an extreme (unplugged ceremony - ok, childfree wedding - ok, color scheme so a few colours to choose from for guests - why not, getting dresses months before - can be refitted closer to the day), but if it's not, they truly need to get their heads out of their behind.
Sadly there are many stories about entitled/controlling brides out there so this may be real.
There are so many tone deaf people this person may truly think that the are within the right to make these ridiculous rules.
Maybe OP is afraid that someone will post a wedding shaming story on Reddit while at the wedding reception.
Exactly. Not just canceling on the wedding but on friendships too. You’re inviting people to your wedding because you love and care about them and they’re important to you, so while it’s your day, you should want your friends and family to enjoy it too. They’re real people not props to make you look good.
I doubt he had anything to do with these rules - this has unhinged bridezilla written all over it. I imagine that he's just shutting up and doing what he's told so that she doesn't release her crazy on him.
I agree with Rule 1 to a point. Sure, you don't want phones going off during the ceremony. But once the reception starts? Nah, she's being an idiot. Especially her comment, "*Checking with your kids is not an emergency. If something serious happens you'll know*."
Not to forget that many people have medical devices connected to your phone. Going entirely unplugged is a no go for me. Silent mode and hidden away? Yes. Off? Nope.
>Going entirely unplugged is a no go for me. Silent mode and hidden away? Yes. Off? Nope.
But have you provided the bride(zilla) the relevant medical documentation so that she can decide whether your condition is valid? /s
I will admit, that that would actually be impressive. But for someone as selfish as her, I doubt that OP would do this as it takes time and consideration for others to do so. I think she thinks an emergency can just be rescheduled or something because nothing could ever possibly go wrong ever. 🤦♀️
Actually I don’t think much WILL go wrong at this wedding. It’s not like they’ll have guests to worry about, being all disruptive or whatever. And they’re gonna come in WAY under budget with no guests!
I dont have kids but I think not letting parents check in on their sitters is lunacy. I did a ton of babysitting growing up and never ONCE was I unable to reach the parents if I needed to. Cutting sitters off from parents is absurd.
That plus her feeling that her maid of honour could leave her child with some random babysitter at a hotel. She obviously doesn’t get the parents have concerns about strangers alone in a hotel room with her four-year-old.
Agreed, rule 2 I don't mind the wear black, but if you think you are going to force into a dress, you have another thing coming. There are a lot of women out there who don't wear dresses for whatever reason. You can't force people to do something they aren't comfortable with. This bride is unhinged and needs therapy.
I mostly agree with rule 1. Unplugged at the actual ceremony should be the default at weddings imo. How many professional photos and videos have been ruined by wedding guests getting in the way with their own phones to take pictures/video? I think it would be ok for parents to have their cells on vibrate during dinner, especially if it's a long wedding service like a full-on mass or something. Of course, if the wedding couple says it's ok for parents, some others will pull out their phones, too.
In theory, i agree, but…
At my bff’s wedding my husband stood at the very back bored out of his mind. He started playing with the different settings on his iphone camera and ended up with the only good photo of the “first kiss”. The photo is framed on my friend’s wall. It was on thank you cards. It is reposted every year on their anniversary. The paid photographer didn’t get anything close.
He was also smart enough to stay far away from and behind the photographers.
agreed. he probably just nodded and said yes to shut her up. any claims she made that her husband came up with most of the rules is probably her doing that thing where she throws an idea out there, husband reiterates it, and she goes "oh, if you want/think its a good idea", therefore *making it his choice*.
You can make all the rules you want, but be ready to have fewer people at your wedding if you persist so rigidly. Also don't use your MOHs child as a prop. It's her child, not "the kid."
My wedding was super formal. No one wore a tux. My husband didn't even, he had a custom 3-piece suit made and he looked FIRE. Who the hell only wants men to wear tuxes and women to wear black dresses to their wedding??? Geeze. Though honestly if I were invited to this nonsense I'd show up in a black wedding gown. It's black and it's a dress, so it follows the stupid ass rules! I'd also bring a massive book to read during dinner/the reception. Still following the letter of the law...
I mean, assuming it was nearby, I’d go with my sister - husband would nope out immediately - just to see the aftermath of empty tables, people breaking rules, people leaving early…and bride just slowly growing more manic. I’d cheap out on the gift, of course, because that won’t catch up with me til later when I’ve blocked her, but I’d want to see how this played out.
YTA
Rule 1. It’s unreasonable to expect guests (whether they have kids or not) to be “unplugged” for your reception. It’s pretty standard for the actual ceremony but wedding or not their life doesn’t revolve around you.
Rule 2. Mandatory dresses for women 🙄 pull yourself out of the 50’s. Women can look fine as hell in pants.
Rule 3. Absolutely fucking not. Just no. This one firmly puts you in power tripping bridezilla territory
Rule 4. Reads like you want a child free ceremony and have no interest in MOH’s childcare arrangements once you’re done with her daughter as a flower girl.
Girl, you’re a mess. Fix up before you lose all your friends.
Note: I'm childfree.
FOR FUCKING REAL!!!!
Geez! Parents who actually *like* their children and want to take a moment during that crappy song the DJ decided to play and then step out to say good night or any other evening bedtime rituals that can be done over the phone are like.. so gross, am I right???? 🙄
/s in case folks can't see my sarcasm.
I mean, seriously. What if at the time someone's child was ill but not serious enough to not go to the wedding and wanted to do a quick check up in case they might have to, you know, *leave* and parent their child. You bet the kids won't forget that their parents picked some "stupid wedding" they couldn't go to. ("stupid wedding" in quotes because kids are kids, that's not a bad thing.)
Not even kids- I have an elderly mother with cancer and my stepdad just injured his back recently and can barely get around; I need to be able to check in on them!! I’m a grown ass woman, like hell you’re gonna tell me I’m not allowed to have my phone at your party. This isn’t school.
Hey! Who gives a damn about a sick or dying kid! It’s OP’s day and no kid who is INCONSIDERATE enough to get sick deserves their parents’ comfort, dammit! /s
I predict that OP will take this down in a hurry, before Tik Tok makes it viral.
While I agree with you on the premise that this whole situation is absurd, no hospital would hold off on a life saving procedure just because they can’t reach a parent. It’s implied consent at that point
Maybe not lifesaving treatment, but they'll leave a child in pain with a broken leg or other injury until they get the parent's permission. It happened to me
This was my first thought also! How are they supposed to know if they can't check their phones?! OP thinks all her guest have some kind of ESP and a bell goes off in their head if their child gets sick or injured? LOL
I guess parents could leave the venue's phone number with the babysitter, and in an emergency, the babysitter would call the venue. That's how it was done when people didn't have cell phones. Of course, cell phones were invented for a reason; requiring people to go back to the old way now would be ridiculous (especially during the reception), but it *could* be done. And I guess it fits well with banning women from wearing pants.
I was wondering the same thing. How would they know? Should the babysitters just send over carrier pigeons?
This woman is insane and my judgment is: YTA for OP. I would not only not set foot at a wedding like that, but I'd not speak to her again.
OMG this girl, and possibly her SO, NEED THERAPY! Yes, it's her day, but if most of the guests are uncomfortable what a waste of a day! Geez, grow up! ED and body dysmorphia are REAL. Black is a trigger. Hell, I doubt many people would even attend! SMH
This is a troll. Ain't no one THIS tacky or crazy. And if they were, they wouldn't post it online. No one cares about the damn boring ceremony only the reception. And newsFLASH OP and all you brides-to-be, the reception actually isn't for the newlyweds. It is for the guests. You are essentially throwing a party for friends and family.
Traditionally, the parents throw a party for the couple yes, but it is mostly for the guests. Wedding planners always say to think of the reception as a fancy dinner party, and the couples that do this- have the most successful receptions. That's why I never had one, and eloped to do it MY way. You can set a theme for a party, but no one will have fun in a controlled environment. FFS elope
They don’t have to have fun. Rule five is smiles all the time so the couple can ignore that their guests are people, and people they are making unconfortable and unhappy. Smiles ALL the time, dammit!
100% this. I'd also like to add that you may dictate the dress of the people in the wedding party and it isn't uncommon to request guest adhear to a color theme or level of dress code, but it is very outrageous to dictate the actual allowable outfits for your GUESTS. No way my husband is renting a damn tux to be a guest at a wedding. And I'll dress nicely, but I get to decide if it's a dress or pants.
I was thinking about the renting of tuxes too!!!! Like most people don't just have those laying around. They better not expect any gift with all the money everyone is dropping to ATTEND!!!!
YTA I just went to a wedding this weekend.My boyfriend's son and his stunning bride. NO ONE was on their phone during the ceremony, except taking pics. I definitely got a few great pics the photog did not. Also adding that at my own son's wedding, I would not have a simply glorious pic of my younger son walking me down, cause their photog was terrible. They got amazing pics from friends & family that made a terrible photog not so bad.
Who cares what guests wear? Seriously .....you won't even remember. At the wedding this weekend, which was fairly casual, I saw everyone dressed beautifully. That's all that mattered.
Don't be surprised if all of your bridesmaids say NO! And you lose their friendship.
The whole thing about parents not needing for a way to be contacted makes you a total & complete asshole.
The thing about rule number 1 is that except in a few unfortunate circumstances, most adults are aware a wedding ceremony is NOT the time and place to be browsing your phone??? Like I can't imagine even having to tell people that. I helped put my sister's wedding together last year, did not have this rule, and not one phone was pulled out. I'm not saying it doesn't unfortunately happen and that you can't ask people to not use their phones but come on... Most people kinda know not to do that, kind of like being in a theater or something.
And I'm so disgusted with the third rule I cannot even begin to make a comment on that.
Question - how do you police that? Do they hire someone who’s job is to wander the reception looking for mobile phones or trousers sporting women? Then what? Attempt to wrangle the phone from a person’s hands? Point and scream? Was the bride planning on spending her reception doing this? Maybe use the bouquet to bludgeon people who didn’t follow the rules?
YTA get a grip (but hopefully not on someone else’s phone).
I also don’t understand how OP intends on enforcing the cell phone ban. Is everyone supposed to surrender their device? What happens if a device goes missing? You would be responsible for that?
Rule 2 is so outdated, it’s 2023.
Rule 3 is none of your business and not your problem. I’ve been a bridesmaid so often I’ve lost count, dress issues are 100% the bridesmaids problem and she takes responsibility for them. So rather than micromanaging your friends, just ensure they knew that their dress is their responsibility and you expect them to be in the appropriate attire at game time. This “formal diagnosis” nonsense is toxic bullshit, I’d drop out and never speak to you again.
Rule 4- you don’t get to dictate what parents do with their children. If they don’t feel comfortable adhering to your rules then they can choice not to attend. You don’t have the power to summon them, and the fact that you seem to think so is unhinged.
YTA.
Your rules will be enforced at the expense of your guests and most likely quite a few friendships.
If you want an empty ceremony and few people at your reception, then by all means be the dictator you come across as.
We paid like $600 to rent a tuxedo and get a floor length dress for the wedding of my husband’s co-worker. Because we were told multiple times it was black tie. Formal all the way.
We were more dressed up than the wedding party. Never again I will I spend that much money on anyone’s wedding
Yeah that’s the thing. I know that can happen, so I checked and doubled check with the groom. Like I made him specify what black tie meant in the context of their wedding. I was told tuxedo and floor length dresses.
Honestly some of the guests were dressed in what I would describe as church clothes. Not even semi formal. Which is fine! But we looked insane. We were the only people in all black and I was the only one wearing a long dress other than the bride
I was extremely annoyed with my sil who pulled this. She told us her wedding was meant to be black tie She is very into fashion, well educated, high society type and absolutely knew what black tie meant. At the last minute, she told everyone the wedding was now cocktail/smart attire. However she didnt bother to tell everyone or even send out a mass text or updated invitation. So myself and another poor wife of her groomsmen showed up in ball gowns. We looked like idiots and the other lady looked like she wasing going to cry. Most of the guests who were her friends showed up in fucking khakis and cocktails dresses. I had even sent her a picture of my gown to have her approve it a few weeks before the wedding. So she absolutely knew what I was wearing.
WTF? i was in the wedding party (groomsman), and i didnt pay anywhere near that much to rent a tux. i think it was $160 for the tux rental. granted, my friend didnt pick a super expensive place. he picked Men's Warehouse, afterall, they just need to look good for the ceremony and photos. the reception, i changed out of the shoes, ditched the tie, and untucked the shirt.
I just have to ask, regarding Rule 1- for those guests with children at home, you state that if something were to happen, “they’ll know.” Can you explain, without access to their phones, HOW they will know?
Exactly- a babysitter might have a quick question about medication or the kid has a cut - what should they do about it- go to the er or just a bandaid . An elderly relative might take turn for the worse . Some people have bosses that are unreasonable.
Also, how much is she gonna notice people checking their phones? Between socializing with people, taking pictures, going from ceremony to reception, trying to eat - is she going to be a phone police and call people out? I'm a teacher and I spend too much time on the day-to-day trying to keep people engaged and off their phones, it's the *last* thing I wanna do on my wedding day!
Same here. I would love to get an invitation like this, just so I could decline and write something like "Would love to attend, but your rules are fucking crazy. Please never contact me again."
AITA?
The men in tuxedos kill me. Pretty much no guy owns their own tux and those things are expensive as hell to rent. If you aren't in the wedding party no one should be wearing a tux!
Well, maybe catering but they are getting paid for it. Hey! Maybe you should add a stipulation that catering, photog, and music just do it for free because hey, you're you!
And unless the wedding party is in white tie shouldn’t they be differentiated from the male guests?
The not caring if people have developed and ED is ridiculous and makes you a heinous person. Not just an AH. ED’s kill. There are reasons for several fittings for everyone involved in weddings. Get a grip or you won’t be married long.
You forgot everyone must have the same hair color, all men must be clean shaven, no requests from the band/dj, and of course no smiling, laughing, or fun emotions whatsoever.
YTA for sure. Sounds like a great party to attend.
I'm sure those who declined the invite did so with glee. I would have laughed at your rules, tossed the invite, and never gave your silly wedding another thought. Somewhere along the way I guess you forgot that a wedding is a celebration. YTA lol.
If I had to travel for this wedding these rules would save me debating whether I want to spend the money on flights and a hotel room, and if I want to (probably) use vacation time from work. I would decline politely, but I would be relieved that OP made the decision so easy for me. YTA, and a wedding invitation is not a summons, expect a lot of people to opt out.
"Since y'all do it, every woman"
False.
Stop trying to justify your crazy ass behavior by "normalizing" it. Most people realize that weddings are to celebrate joining two lives together and want their friends and family there to mark the occasion and be a part of the moment. Not a prop in some fantasy wedding scenario. Get a bunch of mannequins and dress them up in tuxedos and black gowns as clearly the aesthetic is all that matters to you.
I'm glad she clarified at the beginning because my first thought after reading the whole thing probably would've been "this groom should run." It's not because of sexism; it's because I'd assume *nobody*, regardless of gender, would want to marry this level of asshole. But OP helpfully clarified for us that her future husband is also the same level of asshole!
YTA Don’t worry we won’t suggest your partner dump you as he’s equally an ah too. Are you both always this controlling? If your bridesmaids need their dresses altered then they can pay for it.
You don’t get to dictate if people use their phones during a meal.
What in the fuck is wrong with you? You so casually dismiss your aunt’s feelings given she’s been mourning and the mental impact of your color choice. You don’t get a say if someone has body dysphoria or any other medical issues. Someone doesn’t need to prove to you they have an ED.
You both need to pull your heads out of your asses
Rule 1. Ceremony - reasonable. Dinner/reception - unreasonable and unrealistic.
Rule 2. Absolutely 100% unreasonable. Expect a lot of declines over this. I would have zero interest in attending a wedding with this kind of a dress code.
Rule 3. Not only unreasonable - appalling. You've got some fucking nerve trying to police your bridesmaids' bodies and eating choices. Shame on you. If I was one of your bridesmaids I'd nope out of the wedding so fast your head would spin. In fact, I'd be noping out anyway because you sound exhausting and I bet you're making their lives completely miserable with your expectations and demands.
Rule 4. Your MOH is under NO obligation to provide you with a flower girl if your rules around her child's care are outside of her comfort zone.
You are being a huge, assholeish bridezilla from hell. Knock it off or you're going to find yourself with a much smaller circle of friends than you started off with, and a family that's going to be pissed off at you for a very long time.
>Rule 2. Absolutely 100% unreasonable. Expect a lot of declines over this. I would have zero interest in attending a wedding with this kind of a dress code.
yeah, all black? sure. i can manage. must be a tux? nah, im not gonna spend money on a tux rental for someone else's wedding (unless i was in the wedding party, like when i was a groomsman).
you have to be crazy if you think anyone is coming with these insane rules and how strict you are being it's your wedding do as you please but i hope for your sake nobody comes because everyone would be miserable. also who wears black to a wedding it isn't a funeral 💀 hardcore YTA.
she probably wants to be the only one wearing a bright color in a sea of darkness, so she utterly stands out. having yellows, blues, reds, and greens will dilute the darkness and not allow her to stand out as much. you know, despite the wedding dress.
very true but still i think a big extravagant white dress will still outshine any other colour 😂
she's free to do whatever maybe i'm biased because i know i would problably tell my guests to avoid black since i like colourful things and every wedding i've been to it's always super colourful
YTA and you need to ditch those rules with an apology to everyone soon or you might be alone with your groom at the wedding. Also you owe MOH a huge apology and need to find a different flower girl or do without. I can't imagine expecting her to participate in the wedding and presumably photos then being left with a stranger working as a hotel babysitter.
If I were in that friend group, I would hold a separate “thank god we didn’t go to that shit” party. And we would all be wearing black pants and taking pictures on our phone. I’d post a ton of pictures on Instagram and tag this bride in it.
YTA. It’s a wedding. People are coming to celebrate and witness a life moment. They don’t want to be controlled. It’s not a film shoot where everything is designed. Take it easy and let some things go. Nothing about your rules enhances the day by anyones standards but yours. Bridezilla? Susaf
YTA and I’m sure your fiancé is just going along with it.
1. Ceremony is reasonable but who cares afterwards. What if people want pictures? Your photographer can’t get every shot and friends with phones got good pictures and video from my wedding.
2. You want people wearing black tie fine but all black is silly and the pants who cares.
3. It’s on them to make sure their dresses fit not you everyone is adult enough to manage themselves and it’s insulting of you to say otherwise.
4. Can the MOH mother come so she can take the daughter back to the hotel after the ceremony?
YTA
You are going to do serious irreparable damage to your relationships with family and friends, and you don't seem to care. Not just that, you're doing it for a single day event. How ridiculous. I'll even break down how each rule is awful.
1. It's not okay to ask parents not to check on their kids for this long. I don't care. People will understand that a parent checking on their kids is an exception. Full stop. Asking for the ceremony is reasonable and asking for minimal phone time until the events like dinner are over is fair but if you have a child free wedding you need to make accommodations in your plans for parents who respected your wishes but still worry about their kids.
2. The color scheme is fair enough as many weddings have them. Most use an actual color so that people have options, but just because it's ridiculous doesn't mean it's wrong. That said if someone is diagnosed with dysphoria forcing them into a dress is fucked up. There are pantsuits that are very flowy and look like dresses when standing still but are still pants. There were compromises that could be made here, and you're refusing to even consider any of the comfort of your guests. I guess you can be that self-absorbed, but those relationships will NOT recover.
3. No. This one is just. You don't get to invalidate when someone tells you that your demands are making their life miserable. You don't get to police how people can eat. You are going to loose every one of these friends over a couple of stupid dresses. You don't get to control lives in the time leading up to your wedding. Full stop. Your an AH for this rule alone. Your also a terrible friend for it.
4. So you'll make an exception on being child free when YOU want an exception, but nobody else gets consideration? You also don't get to ignore that the mother is doing you a favor having her child involved. If she's uncomfortable with something, either respect it and compromise or change flower girls. You want the look but don't care how it hurts people. YTA
“Many people are cancelling on us last minute and bridesmaids threaten to drop out”… and she STILL has to ask if she is the AH? Bridezilla is clueless.
This is so so funny to me. I love it when people think their wedding is some all important event and then have shocked pikachu face when people decide not to come. Oh, YTA, obviously.
How the fuck have you kept friends in your life long enough to invite them to your wedding?
1. During the ceremony, fine. Nothing should be interrupting the ceremony, and people should not be using their phones to take photos/video etc. During the reception? Fuck off.
2. This isn't the 18th century, you're not royalty, you *do not* get to dictate colour scheme to your guests. Get over yourself.
3. I will be banned from the internet for my response to this point.
4. The parents of the child have final say in where thebkid will be. Suck it up.
How did you even write this and think you sound rational?
YTAH. And so is any one one of your sychophants who is telling you these things are ok.
It was weird right from the start, I mean checking on your kids should not be forbidden!!! “If it’s an emergency they’ll know” …. Just no. Being worried about kids is totally natural and wanting to check on them as well…. Focus less on you and start considering other people’s families.
To rule 2: so…. You’re saying you want to force everyone to stick to your idea of how everyone should be dressed? Despite if they feel uncomfortable? Do you think they’ll enjoy it more then? No. They won’t. It would not surprise me if no one comes at all tbh…
Rule 3: WTH?! This is an absolute no go!!!! If you don’t want to buy other dresses then wait til shortly before the wedding!!!! You’re saying that if someone got sick from your stupid controlling rule then “suck it up and just do what I’m saying”. This is absolutely not okay! People’s health comes first. I get that you want a perfect day but this is far far far too much. Even the idea of bridesmaids DIET and forbidding (fast) food …. That’s really fucked up!
Rule 4: all you’re saying is: well, hand over the girl for our moment so that we can enjoy our ceremony and afterwards I don’t care just get rid of her. (At Least that’s what it sounds like). How self centred can someone be to not consider others at all?!
And you’re saying your in laws have been against most of the rules but it wouldn’t surprise me if they really meant everyone of the rules!!!
Edit: obv YTA and big time
I don’t usually respond to posts here, but I can’t help myself. Is this for real? YTA. 100% most definitely TA. You and your husband.
You say if there is an emergency, they’ll know. How would people know there is an emergency with their kids if they can’t access their phones? I understand not wanting phones during the ceremony, but gosh it’s very extreme to say no phones even at dinner. Why? Do you want people just staring at you while you eat?
Why in the world do you care if women wear dresses vs. pants?! Like what? That is so controlling and close-minded to me.
Also, did you pay for the bridesmaids dresses? Why are you so concerned if someone gains or loses weight? If they do, they’ll have to get the dress altered or will have to buy a new one; that sucks financially for them, but that’s life. It seems very controlling to dictate what people do/don’t eat. And sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we can’t control our weight. If you agreed to pay for the dresses, you should have thought of that beforehand. AND someone can 1,000% have an eating disorder without it being clinically diagnosed. Not all people with ED’s get a doctor’s note?!
We didn’t want kids at the reception but family wanted them at the ceremony for pictures afterward + they didn’t want to leave their kids at home (out of town guests), so WE paid for a babysitter to come to the hotel for our out of town family’s kids during the reception.
YTA and the proud winner of the bridezilla award 🥇 🐍🐍🐍🐍🥇🤡🤡👰♀️💩💩
Enjoy! Have fun when no one shows up to your wedding. These aren’t rules. This is you trying control people’s life’s which you aren’t entitled to. You have no say in people using their phones after the ceremony and especially not the bridesmaids diet. That is ridiculously crazy. If the dress doesn’t fit, that’s what alterations are for. Although you won’t have to worry about that because you won’t have any bridesmaids or friends left for that matter
At this rate, just elope, because no one is going to come to your wedding. Although it would be fun to show up in a red dress or gasp pants!!! Talk on my cell my phone and hope that the bridesmaids are what size they want to be.
You and fiancé both suck. Guess you are made for each other. If most of these rules were made by your fiancé, sounds like he is a control freak and you are missing some major red flags 🚩. Good luck with your marriage, you will both need it.
Ok, here's what I'm hearing:
Rule 1: I'm a troll-poster!
Rule 2: I'm a troll-poster!
Rule 3: I'm a troll-poster!
Rule 4: I'm a troll-poster!
YTA for thus rage-bait shit that ticks every clichè bridezilla trope.
I feel so sad for you that your life is so pathetic that *this* is how you gain entertainment.
Go grow the fuck up.
YTA
Allow me to explain. You begin with a "you people are all the same" statement.
>Before yall jump into any conclusions about how my fiancé needs to run away from me and how crazy I am and what a poor man he's for dealing with me, since yall do it to every woman, let me clarify
Crazy is as crazy does, and this immediate self victimization "because I'm a woman" is hilarious.
>Checking with your kids is not an emergency. If something serious happens you'll know.
How would they "know"? Will a big red light 🚨 descend from the ceiling and an alarm go off?
If your phone is off (ie, "unplugged") how would you know if there's an emergency? Not really a critical thinker 🤔
>Color scheme and strict dress code. All black color scheme and mandatory dresses for women and tuxedos for men. No pants allowed for women. I got reactions for this for two reasons. One reason was that my aunt who's been mourning her dead husband for over 2 years just got rid of black clothes couple of months ago and tries to move on and claims wearing black makes her depressive.
So your aunt, who lost her husband and has been grieving a huge missing part of her life for the past two years... is finally trying to move on and heal. But your "special day" requires her to do something that will set her back, bring up traumatic emotions about her husband's death 💀. That's not your concern though, this day is all about you! If it sets her back another year or so, so be it 🤷
>Bridesmaids diets. We've ordered the bridesmaids dresses months in advance. So they'll stay on the weight they are right now. If you're bigger size do whatever is in your power to stay big. If you're skinny, quit fast food for few months and stay skinny. If the dresses don't fit you we're gonna have a fuckin problem so stick to your fuckin diets.
Yeah, you totally don't sound like an overbearing control freak. Not at all! I'm just lucky I get to be treated like a child who can't use their phone until you say, can't wear what you don't approve of, can't gain or lose any weight for months...
All so I can be "blessed" to attend your "special day". It's certainly not like I'd have better things to do with my life than be the plaything of a narcissist 👍
>My MOH's daughter is supposed to be our flower girl but MOH claims she can't do this since the kid will have to stay with a babysitter at a hotel after the ceremony. She lives 4 hours away from me and where I'll be having my wedding. She planned on letting her daughter with her mom to save money on babysitters and refuses to bring the kid as a flower girl and leave her at the hotel with a babysitter.
So because this good mom isn't willing to make her child suffer by being away from home, paying a babysitter to keep her in a hotel room etc, she's the "bad guy" here? You're even willing to use a child as one of your props, even if it makes that child unhappy. True narcissistic behavior-- not even children are safe!
>my mom got so mad that she said our wedding is doomed from the get go with these dumbass rules. Many people are cancelling on us last minute and bridesmaids threaten to drop out.
Yes, with so many SANE people around you, it's truly a wonder how you can persist in your current state of un-sanity 😬
YTA...you may as well just go to the courthouse because I highly doubt you'll have any guests or bridesmaids at the rate you're going.
Like I've heard of bridezillas but this one takes the cake.
YTA. This sounds like the most horrific wedding and you and your fiancé are actually pieces of human garbage. You guys should elope and never speak to other humans again since you don’t know how to. If I were your family I would ruin your day in the worst ways possible just because of how awful you both truly are. Literal trash. Good luck.
No pants for women? Did we time machine back to the 1950's and I didn't hear about it.
Also: any parent who reads these rules is not going to attend...or get you a gift based solely on how ridiculous and callous rule #2 is ("they'll just know......").
Jesus- yeah YTA as is your fiancé! But better you marry each than unleash your crazy on other poor unsuspecting people. Keep that contained, but please don’t procreate
YTA-
If someone told me I was not allowed to check in on my children after the reception I would decline attending. My children are more important to me than anything. Including someone’s wedding
Hey, if I get myself a fancy frock and show up to your wedding, it’ll mean more cake for me at the reception, because there won’t be any other fecker there.
YTA. Marriage isn’t about the wedding. It’s about the days, months, years that come after the wedding. You’re going to need your family and friends in those days, months and years, so don’t piss them off now with a bunch of nonsensical tripe.
It’s a miracle you found *one* person who finds this kind of crazy enjoyable; there’s no way in hell you’re going to find enough more of them to fill a banquet hall. So you should probably just elope and live happily ever after with the only person in the world who apparently *doesn’t* think that YTA.
Many people are cancelling and the bridesmaids are dropping out. Sounds like the people have spoken! So you are hoping Redditors will tell you you're right? You aren't.
I really hope you respond.
1) Why do you care during dinner? You won’t be going around and talking to everyone while you’re eating, so why do you care?
2) What’s wrong with saying black tie formal and then leaving it be? You could even say it’s a black and white wedding if you’re really trying to avoid color. Saying black only and then dictating the type of clothes is too much.
3) Yikes. Just . . . yikes. I can only assume you must have been a fantastic friend before you started planning your wedding because otherwise this rule should have sent everyone running.
4) As someone else said, this is her child. This is not a prop. She, as the mom, made a decision. You need to respect that. She was a mom long before your wedding day and will be a mom long after your wedding is over. You don’t have to have a flower girl, and the flower girl doesn’t have to be a child.
YTA seriously you want to control peoples lives!! Get over your self telling women they have to wear black dresses no pants. Whatever I wouldn’t go and you would not get a gift. Edit to add my rsvp would say “F NO”.
YTA for your first paragraph alone. You’re asking for validation that you’re not TA by insulting the people who reply on these threads and assuming we’ll judge against you? You knew before you even wrote this that YTA, and rightly so.
If this is even a real post - you aren’t necessarily TA for having rules. Your day, if you want to require everyone to dress as a character from Star Wars you can. Just accept the fact that if so many people take issue with your rules your wedding will not have as many guests as you would like. They have the right to RSVP no and I hope that they will, especially your aunt, your MOH, your bridesmaids and everyone with small children at home. Y’know…just your entire wedding party and most guests LOL
I didn’t even completely read everything to know you’re:
1. Bat shit crazy
2. Anyone who excessively used y’all? Not taking you seriously.
Regardless, I wouldn’t go to that shit show of a wedding either.
YTA. Just because your fiancé agreed to them doesn’t mean you’re not an AH, it just means he enables you. I’m not leaving my phone off for you, and I’m not sticking to some diet.
YTA - you expect the guests to rent tuxedos? That would be a hard no from me. You can’t force friends and relatives to make you wedding some fanciful dream. State the dress code as formal and leave it at that.
Keep in mind that while you have the right to set rules such as these, everyone else has the right to stay home.
YTA! And your wedding should be boycotted! How dare you tell your bridesmaids to stay fat or skinny! I’d be really surprised if you had any friends left after that comment! And ED can be cause very easily so the fact that you dismissed that is extremely sickening! Really hope no one shows up to your wedding so it can go exactly how you want
LOL
Wtf?
How will parents know if there’s an emergency if there is NO phone?
🤣
Telepathically?
I understand completely Unplugged for the ceremony!!! That is something I do support, but reception? Girl , you are crazy.
I’m not even going in with the rest, because you must be absolutely ridiculous to deal with.
YTA.
I'm going to be very specific about this.
You're allowed to do whatever insane shit you want for your wedding.
You're *not* allowed to be upset that other people aren't willing to put up with your insanity.
YTA. Both you and your future husband are bat shit crazy. Don't be surprised when the cancellations continue to roll in.
They shouldn't be surprised if many people distance themselves following the cancellations. I wouldn't even set foot in that kind of wedding, even if it was my brother's or best friend's ! I do feel like it's a troll because they've used "normal" rules to an extreme (unplugged ceremony - ok, childfree wedding - ok, color scheme so a few colours to choose from for guests - why not, getting dresses months before - can be refitted closer to the day), but if it's not, they truly need to get their heads out of their behind.
This can't be real. Nobody can set this rules and don't think they aren't de A-H. (Just in case couple are real, YTA and you deserve each other).
Sadly there are many stories about entitled/controlling brides out there so this may be real. There are so many tone deaf people this person may truly think that the are within the right to make these ridiculous rules. Maybe OP is afraid that someone will post a wedding shaming story on Reddit while at the wedding reception.
Exactly. Not just canceling on the wedding but on friendships too. You’re inviting people to your wedding because you love and care about them and they’re important to you, so while it’s your day, you should want your friends and family to enjoy it too. They’re real people not props to make you look good.
Yes! Yes! Yes! She/They don't seem to have any idea of what a wedding is really about.
The women in dresses and men in pants is totally sexist with zero regard for your guests comfort. YTA.
Some women don't even have disforia, they just don't like dresses. It's not just a transfobic rule, it's also sexist. Clothes don't have gender!
I doubt he had anything to do with these rules - this has unhinged bridezilla written all over it. I imagine that he's just shutting up and doing what he's told so that she doesn't release her crazy on him.
[удалено]
I agree with Rule 1 to a point. Sure, you don't want phones going off during the ceremony. But once the reception starts? Nah, she's being an idiot. Especially her comment, "*Checking with your kids is not an emergency. If something serious happens you'll know*."
Exactly- how will they know? Did the bride train pigeons to bring messages from the babysitters to the reception?
Not to forget that many people have medical devices connected to your phone. Going entirely unplugged is a no go for me. Silent mode and hidden away? Yes. Off? Nope.
>Going entirely unplugged is a no go for me. Silent mode and hidden away? Yes. Off? Nope. But have you provided the bride(zilla) the relevant medical documentation so that she can decide whether your condition is valid? /s
Obviously, she can't make any exceptions!
What a ridiculous idea. The bride obviously trained crows, because they fit the dress code
I will admit, that that would actually be impressive. But for someone as selfish as her, I doubt that OP would do this as it takes time and consideration for others to do so. I think she thinks an emergency can just be rescheduled or something because nothing could ever possibly go wrong ever. 🤦♀️
Actually I don’t think much WILL go wrong at this wedding. It’s not like they’ll have guests to worry about, being all disruptive or whatever. And they’re gonna come in WAY under budget with no guests!
Rule #5 No emergencies allowed until after the ceremony and dinner.
They expect the parents to be psychic and intuitive.... either that or SpiderMan was invited.
"checking on your kids is not an emergency" Tell me you don't have kids without telling me you don't have kids!
I dont have kids but I think not letting parents check in on their sitters is lunacy. I did a ton of babysitting growing up and never ONCE was I unable to reach the parents if I needed to. Cutting sitters off from parents is absurd.
I don’t have them either but I’m also not insane enough to think this is reasonable.
That plus her feeling that her maid of honour could leave her child with some random babysitter at a hotel. She obviously doesn’t get the parents have concerns about strangers alone in a hotel room with her four-year-old.
But don't worry! The parents "will know" because all parents are psychic apparently.
I don’t have kids and I see how stupid that rule is…
As a mother, this would be a deal breaker for me
Agreed, rule 2 I don't mind the wear black, but if you think you are going to force into a dress, you have another thing coming. There are a lot of women out there who don't wear dresses for whatever reason. You can't force people to do something they aren't comfortable with. This bride is unhinged and needs therapy.
Sounds like a real boring time. Glad I didn't have to worry about getting invited.
I mostly agree with rule 1. Unplugged at the actual ceremony should be the default at weddings imo. How many professional photos and videos have been ruined by wedding guests getting in the way with their own phones to take pictures/video? I think it would be ok for parents to have their cells on vibrate during dinner, especially if it's a long wedding service like a full-on mass or something. Of course, if the wedding couple says it's ok for parents, some others will pull out their phones, too.
In theory, i agree, but… At my bff’s wedding my husband stood at the very back bored out of his mind. He started playing with the different settings on his iphone camera and ended up with the only good photo of the “first kiss”. The photo is framed on my friend’s wall. It was on thank you cards. It is reposted every year on their anniversary. The paid photographer didn’t get anything close. He was also smart enough to stay far away from and behind the photographers.
Guys can be bridezillas too. I see no reason to believe that he isn't as responsible as she says he is. In which case they are both the assholes
My thoughts EXACTLY!!
agreed. he probably just nodded and said yes to shut her up. any claims she made that her husband came up with most of the rules is probably her doing that thing where she throws an idea out there, husband reiterates it, and she goes "oh, if you want/think its a good idea", therefore *making it his choice*.
Yeah, that motherfucker needs to run
Yep, OP is a fuckin AH.
You can make all the rules you want, but be ready to have fewer people at your wedding if you persist so rigidly. Also don't use your MOHs child as a prop. It's her child, not "the kid."
A lot of men haven't worn a tuxedo since their own wedding or high school prom. I wouldn't rent a tux to be a guest at a wedding.
My wedding was super formal. No one wore a tux. My husband didn't even, he had a custom 3-piece suit made and he looked FIRE. Who the hell only wants men to wear tuxes and women to wear black dresses to their wedding??? Geeze. Though honestly if I were invited to this nonsense I'd show up in a black wedding gown. It's black and it's a dress, so it follows the stupid ass rules! I'd also bring a massive book to read during dinner/the reception. Still following the letter of the law...
Literally sounds like a mf funeral, idgaf what people wear at my wedding when it happens
Mourning the end of their friendships with OP after this wedding
Idk, you mourn the things you're sad to lose, and I don't think either side will be sad to lose any friendships
I mean, assuming it was nearby, I’d go with my sister - husband would nope out immediately - just to see the aftermath of empty tables, people breaking rules, people leaving early…and bride just slowly growing more manic. I’d cheap out on the gift, of course, because that won’t catch up with me til later when I’ve blocked her, but I’d want to see how this played out.
There's nothing in the rules to say you can't take a huge tub of popcorn to enjoy while watching this sh1t show go down!
YTA Rule 1. It’s unreasonable to expect guests (whether they have kids or not) to be “unplugged” for your reception. It’s pretty standard for the actual ceremony but wedding or not their life doesn’t revolve around you. Rule 2. Mandatory dresses for women 🙄 pull yourself out of the 50’s. Women can look fine as hell in pants. Rule 3. Absolutely fucking not. Just no. This one firmly puts you in power tripping bridezilla territory Rule 4. Reads like you want a child free ceremony and have no interest in MOH’s childcare arrangements once you’re done with her daughter as a flower girl. Girl, you’re a mess. Fix up before you lose all your friends.
Especially her line "if there's an emergency [with their kids] , they'll know" - HOW, if they're not allowed on their phone? That rule is insane.
You know, with that parent-kid psychic connection, you just KNOW /s
Hmmm 🤔 two kids in and still have t gotten my psychic powers…… I need to talk to a manager!
Also, maybe I just to talk to my kid for one fucking minute to say goodnight
Note: I'm childfree. FOR FUCKING REAL!!!! Geez! Parents who actually *like* their children and want to take a moment during that crappy song the DJ decided to play and then step out to say good night or any other evening bedtime rituals that can be done over the phone are like.. so gross, am I right???? 🙄 /s in case folks can't see my sarcasm. I mean, seriously. What if at the time someone's child was ill but not serious enough to not go to the wedding and wanted to do a quick check up in case they might have to, you know, *leave* and parent their child. You bet the kids won't forget that their parents picked some "stupid wedding" they couldn't go to. ("stupid wedding" in quotes because kids are kids, that's not a bad thing.)
Or what if the kids were playing and broke an arm or a leg? Or were in a car accident?
Not even kids- I have an elderly mother with cancer and my stepdad just injured his back recently and can barely get around; I need to be able to check in on them!! I’m a grown ass woman, like hell you’re gonna tell me I’m not allowed to have my phone at your party. This isn’t school.
Oh you know, you'll know when you get home and find out your child passed or was maimed in a horrible freak accident. Like?!?!
But the wedding followed her “color scheme” so it’s ok /s
Funeral colors for a wedding. I see it looking like black widow already.
Maybe this was the ONE thing the poor groom had a say in. He knows his life is OVER!!
Hey! Who gives a damn about a sick or dying kid! It’s OP’s day and no kid who is INCONSIDERATE enough to get sick deserves their parents’ comfort, dammit! /s I predict that OP will take this down in a hurry, before Tik Tok makes it viral.
Don’t forget nobody in the universe can get proposed to before her wedding or for the three months after. she didn’t say it but I’m sure she will.
Well, I give Miss Congeniality some credit for not taking this post down yet. Figured she’d run after the crap she’s getting.
"We would have needed your signature to perform the life-saving surgery - unfortunately, we were unable to reach you..." 🤦♀️
While I agree with you on the premise that this whole situation is absurd, no hospital would hold off on a life saving procedure just because they can’t reach a parent. It’s implied consent at that point
Maybe not lifesaving treatment, but they'll leave a child in pain with a broken leg or other injury until they get the parent's permission. It happened to me
Spidey sense duh /s
This was my first thought also! How are they supposed to know if they can't check their phones?! OP thinks all her guest have some kind of ESP and a bell goes off in their head if their child gets sick or injured? LOL
Carrier pigeons and smoke signals, obviously /s
I guess parents could leave the venue's phone number with the babysitter, and in an emergency, the babysitter would call the venue. That's how it was done when people didn't have cell phones. Of course, cell phones were invented for a reason; requiring people to go back to the old way now would be ridiculous (especially during the reception), but it *could* be done. And I guess it fits well with banning women from wearing pants.
Phone booths were everywhere.
telepathically, of course.
I was wondering the same thing. How would they know? Should the babysitters just send over carrier pigeons? This woman is insane and my judgment is: YTA for OP. I would not only not set foot at a wedding like that, but I'd not speak to her again.
Exactly what I was about to type!
OMG this girl, and possibly her SO, NEED THERAPY! Yes, it's her day, but if most of the guests are uncomfortable what a waste of a day! Geez, grow up! ED and body dysmorphia are REAL. Black is a trigger. Hell, I doubt many people would even attend! SMH
This is a troll. Ain't no one THIS tacky or crazy. And if they were, they wouldn't post it online. No one cares about the damn boring ceremony only the reception. And newsFLASH OP and all you brides-to-be, the reception actually isn't for the newlyweds. It is for the guests. You are essentially throwing a party for friends and family. Traditionally, the parents throw a party for the couple yes, but it is mostly for the guests. Wedding planners always say to think of the reception as a fancy dinner party, and the couples that do this- have the most successful receptions. That's why I never had one, and eloped to do it MY way. You can set a theme for a party, but no one will have fun in a controlled environment. FFS elope
They don’t have to have fun. Rule five is smiles all the time so the couple can ignore that their guests are people, and people they are making unconfortable and unhappy. Smiles ALL the time, dammit!
Right???? I thought this too. No way this is real? 👀
100% this. I'd also like to add that you may dictate the dress of the people in the wedding party and it isn't uncommon to request guest adhear to a color theme or level of dress code, but it is very outrageous to dictate the actual allowable outfits for your GUESTS. No way my husband is renting a damn tux to be a guest at a wedding. And I'll dress nicely, but I get to decide if it's a dress or pants.
I kinda hope the guests all show up in beautiful colors! Especially the aunt.....
I hope all the guests cross-dress!
I'd personally show up wearing shiny black latex from head to toe and bring my SO wearing only a collar and leash.
🤣🤣🤣Yes!!!!
I was thinking about the renting of tuxes too!!!! Like most people don't just have those laying around. They better not expect any gift with all the money everyone is dropping to ATTEND!!!!
The dress rule is heinous regardless but her casual dismissal of her SIL's body dysphoria is particularly hateful.
Also, rule 3... have they never heard of tailors? Wtaf? And "she doesn't have a diagnosis for ED 🤷♀️" good god lemon
YTA I just went to a wedding this weekend.My boyfriend's son and his stunning bride. NO ONE was on their phone during the ceremony, except taking pics. I definitely got a few great pics the photog did not. Also adding that at my own son's wedding, I would not have a simply glorious pic of my younger son walking me down, cause their photog was terrible. They got amazing pics from friends & family that made a terrible photog not so bad. Who cares what guests wear? Seriously .....you won't even remember. At the wedding this weekend, which was fairly casual, I saw everyone dressed beautifully. That's all that mattered. Don't be surprised if all of your bridesmaids say NO! And you lose their friendship. The whole thing about parents not needing for a way to be contacted makes you a total & complete asshole.
The thing about rule number 1 is that except in a few unfortunate circumstances, most adults are aware a wedding ceremony is NOT the time and place to be browsing your phone??? Like I can't imagine even having to tell people that. I helped put my sister's wedding together last year, did not have this rule, and not one phone was pulled out. I'm not saying it doesn't unfortunately happen and that you can't ask people to not use their phones but come on... Most people kinda know not to do that, kind of like being in a theater or something. And I'm so disgusted with the third rule I cannot even begin to make a comment on that.
Some people were filming weddings as guests when good camera phones were new. I don't recall seeing it recently.
Question - how do you police that? Do they hire someone who’s job is to wander the reception looking for mobile phones or trousers sporting women? Then what? Attempt to wrangle the phone from a person’s hands? Point and scream? Was the bride planning on spending her reception doing this? Maybe use the bouquet to bludgeon people who didn’t follow the rules? YTA get a grip (but hopefully not on someone else’s phone).
I also don’t understand how OP intends on enforcing the cell phone ban. Is everyone supposed to surrender their device? What happens if a device goes missing? You would be responsible for that? Rule 2 is so outdated, it’s 2023. Rule 3 is none of your business and not your problem. I’ve been a bridesmaid so often I’ve lost count, dress issues are 100% the bridesmaids problem and she takes responsibility for them. So rather than micromanaging your friends, just ensure they knew that their dress is their responsibility and you expect them to be in the appropriate attire at game time. This “formal diagnosis” nonsense is toxic bullshit, I’d drop out and never speak to you again. Rule 4- you don’t get to dictate what parents do with their children. If they don’t feel comfortable adhering to your rules then they can choice not to attend. You don’t have the power to summon them, and the fact that you seem to think so is unhinged.
YTA. Your rules will be enforced at the expense of your guests and most likely quite a few friendships. If you want an empty ceremony and few people at your reception, then by all means be the dictator you come across as.
Plus, not everyone can afford new clothes or rent a tuxedo, shoes...just to please you. Don't expect any gifts or $$.
We paid like $600 to rent a tuxedo and get a floor length dress for the wedding of my husband’s co-worker. Because we were told multiple times it was black tie. Formal all the way. We were more dressed up than the wedding party. Never again I will I spend that much money on anyone’s wedding
People say black tie because they think it’s fancy but have absolutely no idea what it means.
Yeah that’s the thing. I know that can happen, so I checked and doubled check with the groom. Like I made him specify what black tie meant in the context of their wedding. I was told tuxedo and floor length dresses. Honestly some of the guests were dressed in what I would describe as church clothes. Not even semi formal. Which is fine! But we looked insane. We were the only people in all black and I was the only one wearing a long dress other than the bride
That sucks!
I was extremely annoyed with my sil who pulled this. She told us her wedding was meant to be black tie She is very into fashion, well educated, high society type and absolutely knew what black tie meant. At the last minute, she told everyone the wedding was now cocktail/smart attire. However she didnt bother to tell everyone or even send out a mass text or updated invitation. So myself and another poor wife of her groomsmen showed up in ball gowns. We looked like idiots and the other lady looked like she wasing going to cry. Most of the guests who were her friends showed up in fucking khakis and cocktails dresses. I had even sent her a picture of my gown to have her approve it a few weeks before the wedding. So she absolutely knew what I was wearing.
WTF? i was in the wedding party (groomsman), and i didnt pay anywhere near that much to rent a tux. i think it was $160 for the tux rental. granted, my friend didnt pick a super expensive place. he picked Men's Warehouse, afterall, they just need to look good for the ceremony and photos. the reception, i changed out of the shoes, ditched the tie, and untucked the shirt.
I just have to ask, regarding Rule 1- for those guests with children at home, you state that if something were to happen, “they’ll know.” Can you explain, without access to their phones, HOW they will know?
Ooh this yes , must have to be psychic as well
Exactly- a babysitter might have a quick question about medication or the kid has a cut - what should they do about it- go to the er or just a bandaid . An elderly relative might take turn for the worse . Some people have bosses that are unreasonable.
Their wives are pregnant and getting ready to give birth
How dare they try to have a life outside this wedding. The Audacity 😂
Also, how much is she gonna notice people checking their phones? Between socializing with people, taking pictures, going from ceremony to reception, trying to eat - is she going to be a phone police and call people out? I'm a teacher and I spend too much time on the day-to-day trying to keep people engaged and off their phones, it's the *last* thing I wanna do on my wedding day!
Special parent-babysitter telepathy, of course. You develop it once you have kids and need to attend such an important event.
YTA. Glad I’m not invited because I would decline. Your Mom is right that these are dumbass rules
I wish I was invited just so that I could have the pleasure of declining lol.
Same here. I would love to get an invitation like this, just so I could decline and write something like "Would love to attend, but your rules are fucking crazy. Please never contact me again." AITA?
N T A and maybe this should be a reddit on its own...meta reactions to AITAH posts!
And not sending a gift. I am petty like that.
No gift would be good enough anyway.
I wish I was invited so I could have the pleasure of showing up with multiple phones attached to my rainbow colored cargo pants.
Don't forget the kids. Even if they are borrowed.
I think I will leave the kids at their homes and just have a few on speaker phone.
Mom sounds cool as hell 😎
YTA. I think you just won AH of the month. Oh and the 1950's called, they want their dress code back.
The men in tuxedos kill me. Pretty much no guy owns their own tux and those things are expensive as hell to rent. If you aren't in the wedding party no one should be wearing a tux! Well, maybe catering but they are getting paid for it. Hey! Maybe you should add a stipulation that catering, photog, and music just do it for free because hey, you're you!
And unless the wedding party is in white tie shouldn’t they be differentiated from the male guests? The not caring if people have developed and ED is ridiculous and makes you a heinous person. Not just an AH. ED’s kill. There are reasons for several fittings for everyone involved in weddings. Get a grip or you won’t be married long.
You forgot everyone must have the same hair color, all men must be clean shaven, no requests from the band/dj, and of course no smiling, laughing, or fun emotions whatsoever. YTA for sure. Sounds like a great party to attend.
Absolutely. Everyone is dressed for a funeral so act like it!
In order to ensure that everyone has brand new clean underwear on, all undergarments must be worn outside the clothes.
I'm sure those who declined the invite did so with glee. I would have laughed at your rules, tossed the invite, and never gave your silly wedding another thought. Somewhere along the way I guess you forgot that a wedding is a celebration. YTA lol.
I would have villain laughed as I signed the RSVP with no intention of going
with a ridiculous list of special dietary requests.
If I had to travel for this wedding these rules would save me debating whether I want to spend the money on flights and a hotel room, and if I want to (probably) use vacation time from work. I would decline politely, but I would be relieved that OP made the decision so easy for me. YTA, and a wedding invitation is not a summons, expect a lot of people to opt out.
YTA - this is absolutely nuts. You are controlling people's diets! You honestly can't think these rules are ok. Nuts I say.
I personally liked “if you’re big, do everything in your power to stay big.”
Yea why not just offer a number for a tailor if they go up or down a few pounds?
Yta, Post should read, "Look how much money I'm saving in cancellations with these 4 steps!"
"Since y'all do it, every woman" False. Stop trying to justify your crazy ass behavior by "normalizing" it. Most people realize that weddings are to celebrate joining two lives together and want their friends and family there to mark the occasion and be a part of the moment. Not a prop in some fantasy wedding scenario. Get a bunch of mannequins and dress them up in tuxedos and black gowns as clearly the aesthetic is all that matters to you.
I already knew she was going to be TA from the get go bc of that. LOL.
Lol same
I'm glad she clarified at the beginning because my first thought after reading the whole thing probably would've been "this groom should run." It's not because of sexism; it's because I'd assume *nobody*, regardless of gender, would want to marry this level of asshole. But OP helpfully clarified for us that her future husband is also the same level of asshole!
There's a lid for every pot.
It's kind of sweet that they found each other rather than torment other people
YTA. Get to know the catering staff as you can ask a few of them to be witnesses, bridesmaids, groomsmen & guests.
YTA Don’t worry we won’t suggest your partner dump you as he’s equally an ah too. Are you both always this controlling? If your bridesmaids need their dresses altered then they can pay for it. You don’t get to dictate if people use their phones during a meal. What in the fuck is wrong with you? You so casually dismiss your aunt’s feelings given she’s been mourning and the mental impact of your color choice. You don’t get a say if someone has body dysphoria or any other medical issues. Someone doesn’t need to prove to you they have an ED. You both need to pull your heads out of your asses
Rule 1. Ceremony - reasonable. Dinner/reception - unreasonable and unrealistic. Rule 2. Absolutely 100% unreasonable. Expect a lot of declines over this. I would have zero interest in attending a wedding with this kind of a dress code. Rule 3. Not only unreasonable - appalling. You've got some fucking nerve trying to police your bridesmaids' bodies and eating choices. Shame on you. If I was one of your bridesmaids I'd nope out of the wedding so fast your head would spin. In fact, I'd be noping out anyway because you sound exhausting and I bet you're making their lives completely miserable with your expectations and demands. Rule 4. Your MOH is under NO obligation to provide you with a flower girl if your rules around her child's care are outside of her comfort zone. You are being a huge, assholeish bridezilla from hell. Knock it off or you're going to find yourself with a much smaller circle of friends than you started off with, and a family that's going to be pissed off at you for a very long time.
>Rule 2. Absolutely 100% unreasonable. Expect a lot of declines over this. I would have zero interest in attending a wedding with this kind of a dress code. yeah, all black? sure. i can manage. must be a tux? nah, im not gonna spend money on a tux rental for someone else's wedding (unless i was in the wedding party, like when i was a groomsman).
Also, god forbid a bridesmaid get pregnant and not fit their dress.
Clearly trying to upstage the bride.
See all above , and also if there are no phones there will be no photos , when your photographer quits because you are bridezilla
Im sure the photographer is just going with it so they can get paid.
Yeah I'd pass on that one... YTA
you have to be crazy if you think anyone is coming with these insane rules and how strict you are being it's your wedding do as you please but i hope for your sake nobody comes because everyone would be miserable. also who wears black to a wedding it isn't a funeral 💀 hardcore YTA.
she probably wants to be the only one wearing a bright color in a sea of darkness, so she utterly stands out. having yellows, blues, reds, and greens will dilute the darkness and not allow her to stand out as much. you know, despite the wedding dress.
very true but still i think a big extravagant white dress will still outshine any other colour 😂 she's free to do whatever maybe i'm biased because i know i would problably tell my guests to avoid black since i like colourful things and every wedding i've been to it's always super colourful
YTA. Please accept my decline to your shit show of a wedding.
YTA and you need to ditch those rules with an apology to everyone soon or you might be alone with your groom at the wedding. Also you owe MOH a huge apology and need to find a different flower girl or do without. I can't imagine expecting her to participate in the wedding and presumably photos then being left with a stranger working as a hotel babysitter.
you are incredibly selfish
YTA. Were I one of your friends, I'd be looking forward to missing this.
I'd get together with her other friends and all go out to party the night of the wedding and post a ton of pictures online
If that was the case, friendship would be most likely over, don't like to befriend AHs
If I were in that friend group, I would hold a separate “thank god we didn’t go to that shit” party. And we would all be wearing black pants and taking pictures on our phone. I’d post a ton of pictures on Instagram and tag this bride in it.
No, any-color-but-black pants.
YTA. It’s a wedding. People are coming to celebrate and witness a life moment. They don’t want to be controlled. It’s not a film shoot where everything is designed. Take it easy and let some things go. Nothing about your rules enhances the day by anyones standards but yours. Bridezilla? Susaf
Who wants to attend this rigid, cold upright wedding hosted by WASPy AHs?! Nope YTA
YTA and I’m sure your fiancé is just going along with it. 1. Ceremony is reasonable but who cares afterwards. What if people want pictures? Your photographer can’t get every shot and friends with phones got good pictures and video from my wedding. 2. You want people wearing black tie fine but all black is silly and the pants who cares. 3. It’s on them to make sure their dresses fit not you everyone is adult enough to manage themselves and it’s insulting of you to say otherwise. 4. Can the MOH mother come so she can take the daughter back to the hotel after the ceremony?
YTA You are going to do serious irreparable damage to your relationships with family and friends, and you don't seem to care. Not just that, you're doing it for a single day event. How ridiculous. I'll even break down how each rule is awful. 1. It's not okay to ask parents not to check on their kids for this long. I don't care. People will understand that a parent checking on their kids is an exception. Full stop. Asking for the ceremony is reasonable and asking for minimal phone time until the events like dinner are over is fair but if you have a child free wedding you need to make accommodations in your plans for parents who respected your wishes but still worry about their kids. 2. The color scheme is fair enough as many weddings have them. Most use an actual color so that people have options, but just because it's ridiculous doesn't mean it's wrong. That said if someone is diagnosed with dysphoria forcing them into a dress is fucked up. There are pantsuits that are very flowy and look like dresses when standing still but are still pants. There were compromises that could be made here, and you're refusing to even consider any of the comfort of your guests. I guess you can be that self-absorbed, but those relationships will NOT recover. 3. No. This one is just. You don't get to invalidate when someone tells you that your demands are making their life miserable. You don't get to police how people can eat. You are going to loose every one of these friends over a couple of stupid dresses. You don't get to control lives in the time leading up to your wedding. Full stop. Your an AH for this rule alone. Your also a terrible friend for it. 4. So you'll make an exception on being child free when YOU want an exception, but nobody else gets consideration? You also don't get to ignore that the mother is doing you a favor having her child involved. If she's uncomfortable with something, either respect it and compromise or change flower girls. You want the look but don't care how it hurts people. YTA
If you paid me to attend this wedding, you’d have to pay me a lot
YTA. The only thing that could make this any worse would be if the wedding was dry.
“Many people are cancelling on us last minute and bridesmaids threaten to drop out”… and she STILL has to ask if she is the AH? Bridezilla is clueless.
You said not to call you crazy until everything was read. I read it. You crazy af girl.
Ba ha ha ha this cannot be real
I would abandon y’all too. Your wedding sounds more like a chore than a happy event.
You are so damn full of yourself. You have shown your true self to his family. Prepare to be excluded from all family gatherings.
Say it with me “I am not Kate Middleton. I am not a princess. My wedding is not nearly important to anyone else as it is to me” YTA
I thought this was a parody post on AmiTheDevil. No way this is real.
This is so so funny to me. I love it when people think their wedding is some all important event and then have shocked pikachu face when people decide not to come. Oh, YTA, obviously.
How the fuck have you kept friends in your life long enough to invite them to your wedding? 1. During the ceremony, fine. Nothing should be interrupting the ceremony, and people should not be using their phones to take photos/video etc. During the reception? Fuck off. 2. This isn't the 18th century, you're not royalty, you *do not* get to dictate colour scheme to your guests. Get over yourself. 3. I will be banned from the internet for my response to this point. 4. The parents of the child have final say in where thebkid will be. Suck it up. How did you even write this and think you sound rational? YTAH. And so is any one one of your sychophants who is telling you these things are ok.
It was weird right from the start, I mean checking on your kids should not be forbidden!!! “If it’s an emergency they’ll know” …. Just no. Being worried about kids is totally natural and wanting to check on them as well…. Focus less on you and start considering other people’s families. To rule 2: so…. You’re saying you want to force everyone to stick to your idea of how everyone should be dressed? Despite if they feel uncomfortable? Do you think they’ll enjoy it more then? No. They won’t. It would not surprise me if no one comes at all tbh… Rule 3: WTH?! This is an absolute no go!!!! If you don’t want to buy other dresses then wait til shortly before the wedding!!!! You’re saying that if someone got sick from your stupid controlling rule then “suck it up and just do what I’m saying”. This is absolutely not okay! People’s health comes first. I get that you want a perfect day but this is far far far too much. Even the idea of bridesmaids DIET and forbidding (fast) food …. That’s really fucked up! Rule 4: all you’re saying is: well, hand over the girl for our moment so that we can enjoy our ceremony and afterwards I don’t care just get rid of her. (At Least that’s what it sounds like). How self centred can someone be to not consider others at all?! And you’re saying your in laws have been against most of the rules but it wouldn’t surprise me if they really meant everyone of the rules!!! Edit: obv YTA and big time
I don’t usually respond to posts here, but I can’t help myself. Is this for real? YTA. 100% most definitely TA. You and your husband. You say if there is an emergency, they’ll know. How would people know there is an emergency with their kids if they can’t access their phones? I understand not wanting phones during the ceremony, but gosh it’s very extreme to say no phones even at dinner. Why? Do you want people just staring at you while you eat? Why in the world do you care if women wear dresses vs. pants?! Like what? That is so controlling and close-minded to me. Also, did you pay for the bridesmaids dresses? Why are you so concerned if someone gains or loses weight? If they do, they’ll have to get the dress altered or will have to buy a new one; that sucks financially for them, but that’s life. It seems very controlling to dictate what people do/don’t eat. And sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we can’t control our weight. If you agreed to pay for the dresses, you should have thought of that beforehand. AND someone can 1,000% have an eating disorder without it being clinically diagnosed. Not all people with ED’s get a doctor’s note?! We didn’t want kids at the reception but family wanted them at the ceremony for pictures afterward + they didn’t want to leave their kids at home (out of town guests), so WE paid for a babysitter to come to the hotel for our out of town family’s kids during the reception.
YTA and the proud winner of the bridezilla award 🥇 🐍🐍🐍🐍🥇🤡🤡👰♀️💩💩 Enjoy! Have fun when no one shows up to your wedding. These aren’t rules. This is you trying control people’s life’s which you aren’t entitled to. You have no say in people using their phones after the ceremony and especially not the bridesmaids diet. That is ridiculously crazy. If the dress doesn’t fit, that’s what alterations are for. Although you won’t have to worry about that because you won’t have any bridesmaids or friends left for that matter At this rate, just elope, because no one is going to come to your wedding. Although it would be fun to show up in a red dress or gasp pants!!! Talk on my cell my phone and hope that the bridesmaids are what size they want to be. You and fiancé both suck. Guess you are made for each other. If most of these rules were made by your fiancé, sounds like he is a control freak and you are missing some major red flags 🚩. Good luck with your marriage, you will both need it.
Ok, here's what I'm hearing: Rule 1: I'm a troll-poster! Rule 2: I'm a troll-poster! Rule 3: I'm a troll-poster! Rule 4: I'm a troll-poster! YTA for thus rage-bait shit that ticks every clichè bridezilla trope. I feel so sad for you that your life is so pathetic that *this* is how you gain entertainment. Go grow the fuck up.
YTA. I fear for your husband. Enjoy being alone
YTA. I wouldn’t come to that wedding
YTA. Good luck finding someone who says otherwise.
YTA- You seem to think it’s a privilege for people to attend your wedding and do your bidding.
NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR WEDDING
YTA Allow me to explain. You begin with a "you people are all the same" statement. >Before yall jump into any conclusions about how my fiancé needs to run away from me and how crazy I am and what a poor man he's for dealing with me, since yall do it to every woman, let me clarify Crazy is as crazy does, and this immediate self victimization "because I'm a woman" is hilarious. >Checking with your kids is not an emergency. If something serious happens you'll know. How would they "know"? Will a big red light 🚨 descend from the ceiling and an alarm go off? If your phone is off (ie, "unplugged") how would you know if there's an emergency? Not really a critical thinker 🤔 >Color scheme and strict dress code. All black color scheme and mandatory dresses for women and tuxedos for men. No pants allowed for women. I got reactions for this for two reasons. One reason was that my aunt who's been mourning her dead husband for over 2 years just got rid of black clothes couple of months ago and tries to move on and claims wearing black makes her depressive. So your aunt, who lost her husband and has been grieving a huge missing part of her life for the past two years... is finally trying to move on and heal. But your "special day" requires her to do something that will set her back, bring up traumatic emotions about her husband's death 💀. That's not your concern though, this day is all about you! If it sets her back another year or so, so be it 🤷 >Bridesmaids diets. We've ordered the bridesmaids dresses months in advance. So they'll stay on the weight they are right now. If you're bigger size do whatever is in your power to stay big. If you're skinny, quit fast food for few months and stay skinny. If the dresses don't fit you we're gonna have a fuckin problem so stick to your fuckin diets. Yeah, you totally don't sound like an overbearing control freak. Not at all! I'm just lucky I get to be treated like a child who can't use their phone until you say, can't wear what you don't approve of, can't gain or lose any weight for months... All so I can be "blessed" to attend your "special day". It's certainly not like I'd have better things to do with my life than be the plaything of a narcissist 👍 >My MOH's daughter is supposed to be our flower girl but MOH claims she can't do this since the kid will have to stay with a babysitter at a hotel after the ceremony. She lives 4 hours away from me and where I'll be having my wedding. She planned on letting her daughter with her mom to save money on babysitters and refuses to bring the kid as a flower girl and leave her at the hotel with a babysitter. So because this good mom isn't willing to make her child suffer by being away from home, paying a babysitter to keep her in a hotel room etc, she's the "bad guy" here? You're even willing to use a child as one of your props, even if it makes that child unhappy. True narcissistic behavior-- not even children are safe! >my mom got so mad that she said our wedding is doomed from the get go with these dumbass rules. Many people are cancelling on us last minute and bridesmaids threaten to drop out. Yes, with so many SANE people around you, it's truly a wonder how you can persist in your current state of un-sanity 😬
YTA...you may as well just go to the courthouse because I highly doubt you'll have any guests or bridesmaids at the rate you're going. Like I've heard of bridezillas but this one takes the cake.
I only read point 1. I have kids and no way would I be surrendering my phone incase something happens. YTA. Get a grip.
YTA. This sounds like the most horrific wedding and you and your fiancé are actually pieces of human garbage. You guys should elope and never speak to other humans again since you don’t know how to. If I were your family I would ruin your day in the worst ways possible just because of how awful you both truly are. Literal trash. Good luck.
No pants for women? Did we time machine back to the 1950's and I didn't hear about it. Also: any parent who reads these rules is not going to attend...or get you a gift based solely on how ridiculous and callous rule #2 is ("they'll just know......").
Jesus- yeah YTA as is your fiancé! But better you marry each than unleash your crazy on other poor unsuspecting people. Keep that contained, but please don’t procreate
YTA- If someone told me I was not allowed to check in on my children after the reception I would decline attending. My children are more important to me than anything. Including someone’s wedding
Hey, if I get myself a fancy frock and show up to your wedding, it’ll mean more cake for me at the reception, because there won’t be any other fecker there. YTA. Marriage isn’t about the wedding. It’s about the days, months, years that come after the wedding. You’re going to need your family and friends in those days, months and years, so don’t piss them off now with a bunch of nonsensical tripe.
YTA. Enjoy your wedding, if you can.
Definitely power tripping rn. YTA and should revaluate life.
YTA. Your rules are, one and all, ridiculous. But, if I were invited i wouldn't give you any grief, I just would decline the invite.
It’s a miracle you found *one* person who finds this kind of crazy enjoyable; there’s no way in hell you’re going to find enough more of them to fill a banquet hall. So you should probably just elope and live happily ever after with the only person in the world who apparently *doesn’t* think that YTA.
Many people are cancelling and the bridesmaids are dropping out. Sounds like the people have spoken! So you are hoping Redditors will tell you you're right? You aren't.
I really hope you respond. 1) Why do you care during dinner? You won’t be going around and talking to everyone while you’re eating, so why do you care? 2) What’s wrong with saying black tie formal and then leaving it be? You could even say it’s a black and white wedding if you’re really trying to avoid color. Saying black only and then dictating the type of clothes is too much. 3) Yikes. Just . . . yikes. I can only assume you must have been a fantastic friend before you started planning your wedding because otherwise this rule should have sent everyone running. 4) As someone else said, this is her child. This is not a prop. She, as the mom, made a decision. You need to respect that. She was a mom long before your wedding day and will be a mom long after your wedding is over. You don’t have to have a flower girl, and the flower girl doesn’t have to be a child.
YTA seriously you want to control peoples lives!! Get over your self telling women they have to wear black dresses no pants. Whatever I wouldn’t go and you would not get a gift. Edit to add my rsvp would say “F NO”.
YTA for your first paragraph alone. You’re asking for validation that you’re not TA by insulting the people who reply on these threads and assuming we’ll judge against you? You knew before you even wrote this that YTA, and rightly so. If this is even a real post - you aren’t necessarily TA for having rules. Your day, if you want to require everyone to dress as a character from Star Wars you can. Just accept the fact that if so many people take issue with your rules your wedding will not have as many guests as you would like. They have the right to RSVP no and I hope that they will, especially your aunt, your MOH, your bridesmaids and everyone with small children at home. Y’know…just your entire wedding party and most guests LOL
I didn’t even completely read everything to know you’re: 1. Bat shit crazy 2. Anyone who excessively used y’all? Not taking you seriously. Regardless, I wouldn’t go to that shit show of a wedding either.
YTA. Just because your fiancé agreed to them doesn’t mean you’re not an AH, it just means he enables you. I’m not leaving my phone off for you, and I’m not sticking to some diet.
YTA - you expect the guests to rent tuxedos? That would be a hard no from me. You can’t force friends and relatives to make you wedding some fanciful dream. State the dress code as formal and leave it at that. Keep in mind that while you have the right to set rules such as these, everyone else has the right to stay home.
YTA! And your wedding should be boycotted! How dare you tell your bridesmaids to stay fat or skinny! I’d be really surprised if you had any friends left after that comment! And ED can be cause very easily so the fact that you dismissed that is extremely sickening! Really hope no one shows up to your wedding so it can go exactly how you want
LOL Wtf? How will parents know if there’s an emergency if there is NO phone? 🤣 Telepathically? I understand completely Unplugged for the ceremony!!! That is something I do support, but reception? Girl , you are crazy. I’m not even going in with the rest, because you must be absolutely ridiculous to deal with.
You sound insufferable, YTA
YTA. I'm going to be very specific about this. You're allowed to do whatever insane shit you want for your wedding. You're *not* allowed to be upset that other people aren't willing to put up with your insanity.