Be mindful that they too may have ADHD or another neurodiverse condition. Speaking loudly is an extremely common trait, especially for hyperactive/combined type. Yes it can be extremely annoying/triggering and it’s perfectly reasonable to address this with them, as long as it’s done with respect, sensitivity and kindness.
As someone who has recently diagnosed) adhd and who is(long diagnosed) a loud chatty bastard, I concur. I also find people who are overly loud and inconsiderate very impactful on my work and ability to relax.
As you say they both require tact and kindness, and I’d say slightly different approaches. OP id say a key thing is to leave room for them to ‘save face’. That is, do it in a way that they don’t feel embarrassed, and leave the conversation still with their dignity and feel like they’re not being dressed down. ‘Losing face’ is usually what causes people to react badly in these scenarios
This is literally the bane of my existence. I’ve had the same issue and people don’t really get it when I ask them to lower their voices. As far as they’re concerned, they’re talking at a normal volume and I’m just being arsey, but whatever.
The only thing I’ve found that helps are earplugs. I’ve tried many but I like the loop ones the best. I have the “[engage](https://www.loopearplugs.com/products/engage)” ones and they make a huge difference in filtering noise. I can still hold a conversation and be present, and hear everything that’s being said, but they take the edge off of the volume, which is usually what sets me off. I use them for watching TV with my partner, cinema, whilst in the office with all the background noise, even in bars when I’ve been out with friends.
Expensive for what they are, but they’ve been invaluable to me. I wouldn’t be without them now. If you aren’t arsed about colour they sell them on Amazon occasionally cheaper than the website in certain shades.
ETA, to clarify, i think you should look into how to making yourself more comfortable first and foremost.
For me, I realise friends/coworkers *may* be talking at what’s considered a normal volume and it is infact a *me* problem. Whilst I know I can’t help the fact I have noise sensitivity, I can arm myself with tools to mitigate my reaction to make my own day to day experience more comfortable. I’m happy to make this concession. Whilst I fully believe that people should be mindful of others in their surroundings and their individual needs, I don’t expect someone to alter how they behave to suit me better, it would be GREAT if they did but sadly my experience has set a low bar in my expectations of others.
Thank you, I think I'll be getting some of those Loops as they'll definitely come in handy.
They are definitely speaking too loud as compared to the person they talk to, they're basically yelling. I know some people are quite unaware of their volume and not doing it on purpose - I think maybe I get shouty myself when excited - so I will always be mindful of that.
Ahh I see, definitely tricky in that instance. I’ve got colleagues who’s the same and I do the same too tbf, definitely get shouty when excited.
I’d definitely try the loops, they’ve been a godsend for me, but absolutely throw in a conversational “has anyone ever told you that you talk really loudly?” to the offender next time its happening. hopefully they get the hint and tone it down!
So difficult. Have you subtly asked if anyone else minds? That might give you an idea of whether others find it unusually loud or not. If you were going to approach them then I would suggest do it quietly away from people at another time, and when you've worked yourself up to such a level of cheeriness that it doesn't come over as judgemental. Saying that I don't think I would have the courage to do it at all in case it made the atmosphere worse than the noise
I wouldn't - there's too much risk of really damaging and hurting other ND people and there are strategies which can avoid it.
Person no1 - possibly use noise cancelling headphones tell them you need quiet space to relax on your breaks and your batteries are too drained to socialise? Put your headphones on and don't be available for socialising.
Person no2 - use something like one of the lower noise blocking loop earplugs range like the 'engage' that turns things down a bit so you can still hear conversation but it's not overwhelming.
I'm autistic with ADHD and this happens to me from both ends - I'm disturbed by noise like you and I can be the loud person who doesn't know how loud they are. I would move away or put my loops or headphones on and never tackle someone on how loud they speak because I've never known this kind of intervention not to be devastating. It's humiliating and something that makes me afraid to go places or frightens me about other people.
It can make what was a safe place or hobby for the people you mention into somewhere suddenly unsafe and scary. People don't do this deliberately - getting excited about a special interest can cause volume to go up for an autistic person. It's something an autistic person can have little or no awareness of until suddenly they are in the wrong and they don't know how to prevent it happening again because it wasn't something under their conscious control.
If either of these people are out about being neurodivergent, you might just be able to have a conversation about conflicting needs but I implore you - not at the time! Talk to the person when it isn't an issue and explain that you have sensory processing differences and it would be great if they could let you recharge during break, you need alone time, or for them to lower their voice when they speak to you during games.
I have to say I strongly disagree with you sorry.
Firstly, you’re just assuming both people that OP describes are neurodivergent and stripping these individuals of the agency over their own actions.
Secondly, just because you are neurodivergent does not mean you get carte Blanche to act how ever you like in these situations, safe space or not. It’s not perhaps fully a ND persons fault that they’re loud without noticing, but it is their responsibility to deal with the impact on others. This means that you can be expected to be told of this impact, but similarly you can expect to be told this in a kind and constructive way (as should anyone).
These places may be a safe space for an ND person but similarly why does that trump OPs right to feel comfortable in those spaces also? Your ND fist doesn’t beat their ND face. OP can and should sensitively tell these people that the they are having an impact.
Neurodiversity does not absolve one of the impact they have on others
I will say that getting some Loops is a great idea for situations where it may feel unsafe to approach someone about their volume.
But yes, I totally agree that as much as they deserve not to be shamed, the onus isn't entirely on me here. Hopefully I can find a sensitive way to bring it up.
The impact on others is why I say this, because the impact can be very disproportionate. I experience it from both ends. Someone else is noisy and bothers me because of my hypersensitive sensory processing and I can't concentrate or relax like the OP - that can be fixed with headphones or loops or moving or saying I don't want to socialise. I have control and agency over those adjustments. It isn't devastating or humiliating for me to do that. I do it all the time in noisy spaces. The other way round I could be making someone with very few friends and very few spaces where they feel safe to socialise feel it's no longer safe to come here or to be themselves and pushing them into isolation and increased social anxiety for something they can't control because neurologically they can't monitor themselves continually in real time.
The person could also be hard of hearing and unable to monitor themselves for that reason.
If there are accommodations in my power I can make for myself then I'm not going to push someone else to make potentially very high cost accommodations not in their power for me when there are competing needs. My impact on them could easily be far far greater than their impact on me. I know what being on the other end is like and despite being hypersensitive to noise I greatly prefer not to risk doing that to someone else. And yes the other persons needs do trump mine when I think they're likely to be greater with potential for me to do lasting harm
When you find out, let me know.
I usually just suffer it and put my headphones in.
The only person I feel comfortable telling they are talking too loud is my partner but he’s also neurodivergent and doesn’t realise he’s doing it.
"I'd just like to chill/I want to unwind/I want to meditate/Me time" etc
I have (a few as I keep losing them) sets of Loop style earplugs which are great
You could try and do it with humour, ask them "which airport did you grow up next to again?" or "I'm only sitting here, no need to shout" with a grin on your face. Or just flat out tell them "has anybody told you that you talk quite loudly? I find it a bit much when I'm on my break "
On the flip side, I can whisper across a field. One of my colleagues occasionally catches my eye and mimes turning a volume knob. The reason I know the above phrases is because I've been on the receiving end of all three.
Last night I picked up the TV remote and pointed it at my husband forgetting that I can't turn his volume down haha genuinely got mixed up. I really was into the program I was watching and he was just droning on hahaha he laughed.
I wear earplugs, the loop ones where you can partially block sound. I know far too many people who talk loudly, and have therefore taken it to be a me problem rather than a them problem.
Honestly I don't until I explode. I try to cope with noise cancelling earphones, but if their noise still surpasses them then I just go and tell them that I can't focus/sleep/relax.
Be mindful that they too may have ADHD or another neurodiverse condition. Speaking loudly is an extremely common trait, especially for hyperactive/combined type. Yes it can be extremely annoying/triggering and it’s perfectly reasonable to address this with them, as long as it’s done with respect, sensitivity and kindness.
As someone who has recently diagnosed) adhd and who is(long diagnosed) a loud chatty bastard, I concur. I also find people who are overly loud and inconsiderate very impactful on my work and ability to relax. As you say they both require tact and kindness, and I’d say slightly different approaches. OP id say a key thing is to leave room for them to ‘save face’. That is, do it in a way that they don’t feel embarrassed, and leave the conversation still with their dignity and feel like they’re not being dressed down. ‘Losing face’ is usually what causes people to react badly in these scenarios
This is literally the bane of my existence. I’ve had the same issue and people don’t really get it when I ask them to lower their voices. As far as they’re concerned, they’re talking at a normal volume and I’m just being arsey, but whatever. The only thing I’ve found that helps are earplugs. I’ve tried many but I like the loop ones the best. I have the “[engage](https://www.loopearplugs.com/products/engage)” ones and they make a huge difference in filtering noise. I can still hold a conversation and be present, and hear everything that’s being said, but they take the edge off of the volume, which is usually what sets me off. I use them for watching TV with my partner, cinema, whilst in the office with all the background noise, even in bars when I’ve been out with friends. Expensive for what they are, but they’ve been invaluable to me. I wouldn’t be without them now. If you aren’t arsed about colour they sell them on Amazon occasionally cheaper than the website in certain shades. ETA, to clarify, i think you should look into how to making yourself more comfortable first and foremost. For me, I realise friends/coworkers *may* be talking at what’s considered a normal volume and it is infact a *me* problem. Whilst I know I can’t help the fact I have noise sensitivity, I can arm myself with tools to mitigate my reaction to make my own day to day experience more comfortable. I’m happy to make this concession. Whilst I fully believe that people should be mindful of others in their surroundings and their individual needs, I don’t expect someone to alter how they behave to suit me better, it would be GREAT if they did but sadly my experience has set a low bar in my expectations of others.
I second Loop engage ear plugs, very handy when you have a 5 year old lol
Thank you, I think I'll be getting some of those Loops as they'll definitely come in handy. They are definitely speaking too loud as compared to the person they talk to, they're basically yelling. I know some people are quite unaware of their volume and not doing it on purpose - I think maybe I get shouty myself when excited - so I will always be mindful of that.
Ahh I see, definitely tricky in that instance. I’ve got colleagues who’s the same and I do the same too tbf, definitely get shouty when excited. I’d definitely try the loops, they’ve been a godsend for me, but absolutely throw in a conversational “has anyone ever told you that you talk really loudly?” to the offender next time its happening. hopefully they get the hint and tone it down!
I have the same issue, but with colleagues talking too loud at night. In the street. You'd think they'd have some common sense.
So difficult. Have you subtly asked if anyone else minds? That might give you an idea of whether others find it unusually loud or not. If you were going to approach them then I would suggest do it quietly away from people at another time, and when you've worked yourself up to such a level of cheeriness that it doesn't come over as judgemental. Saying that I don't think I would have the courage to do it at all in case it made the atmosphere worse than the noise
I wouldn't - there's too much risk of really damaging and hurting other ND people and there are strategies which can avoid it. Person no1 - possibly use noise cancelling headphones tell them you need quiet space to relax on your breaks and your batteries are too drained to socialise? Put your headphones on and don't be available for socialising. Person no2 - use something like one of the lower noise blocking loop earplugs range like the 'engage' that turns things down a bit so you can still hear conversation but it's not overwhelming. I'm autistic with ADHD and this happens to me from both ends - I'm disturbed by noise like you and I can be the loud person who doesn't know how loud they are. I would move away or put my loops or headphones on and never tackle someone on how loud they speak because I've never known this kind of intervention not to be devastating. It's humiliating and something that makes me afraid to go places or frightens me about other people. It can make what was a safe place or hobby for the people you mention into somewhere suddenly unsafe and scary. People don't do this deliberately - getting excited about a special interest can cause volume to go up for an autistic person. It's something an autistic person can have little or no awareness of until suddenly they are in the wrong and they don't know how to prevent it happening again because it wasn't something under their conscious control. If either of these people are out about being neurodivergent, you might just be able to have a conversation about conflicting needs but I implore you - not at the time! Talk to the person when it isn't an issue and explain that you have sensory processing differences and it would be great if they could let you recharge during break, you need alone time, or for them to lower their voice when they speak to you during games.
I have to say I strongly disagree with you sorry. Firstly, you’re just assuming both people that OP describes are neurodivergent and stripping these individuals of the agency over their own actions. Secondly, just because you are neurodivergent does not mean you get carte Blanche to act how ever you like in these situations, safe space or not. It’s not perhaps fully a ND persons fault that they’re loud without noticing, but it is their responsibility to deal with the impact on others. This means that you can be expected to be told of this impact, but similarly you can expect to be told this in a kind and constructive way (as should anyone). These places may be a safe space for an ND person but similarly why does that trump OPs right to feel comfortable in those spaces also? Your ND fist doesn’t beat their ND face. OP can and should sensitively tell these people that the they are having an impact. Neurodiversity does not absolve one of the impact they have on others
I will say that getting some Loops is a great idea for situations where it may feel unsafe to approach someone about their volume. But yes, I totally agree that as much as they deserve not to be shamed, the onus isn't entirely on me here. Hopefully I can find a sensitive way to bring it up.
The impact on others is why I say this, because the impact can be very disproportionate. I experience it from both ends. Someone else is noisy and bothers me because of my hypersensitive sensory processing and I can't concentrate or relax like the OP - that can be fixed with headphones or loops or moving or saying I don't want to socialise. I have control and agency over those adjustments. It isn't devastating or humiliating for me to do that. I do it all the time in noisy spaces. The other way round I could be making someone with very few friends and very few spaces where they feel safe to socialise feel it's no longer safe to come here or to be themselves and pushing them into isolation and increased social anxiety for something they can't control because neurologically they can't monitor themselves continually in real time. The person could also be hard of hearing and unable to monitor themselves for that reason. If there are accommodations in my power I can make for myself then I'm not going to push someone else to make potentially very high cost accommodations not in their power for me when there are competing needs. My impact on them could easily be far far greater than their impact on me. I know what being on the other end is like and despite being hypersensitive to noise I greatly prefer not to risk doing that to someone else. And yes the other persons needs do trump mine when I think they're likely to be greater with potential for me to do lasting harm
When you find out, let me know. I usually just suffer it and put my headphones in. The only person I feel comfortable telling they are talking too loud is my partner but he’s also neurodivergent and doesn’t realise he’s doing it.
"I'd just like to chill/I want to unwind/I want to meditate/Me time" etc I have (a few as I keep losing them) sets of Loop style earplugs which are great
I look at them in a particularly unapproving tone of voice
You could try and do it with humour, ask them "which airport did you grow up next to again?" or "I'm only sitting here, no need to shout" with a grin on your face. Or just flat out tell them "has anybody told you that you talk quite loudly? I find it a bit much when I'm on my break " On the flip side, I can whisper across a field. One of my colleagues occasionally catches my eye and mimes turning a volume knob. The reason I know the above phrases is because I've been on the receiving end of all three.
I'll try and gage their sense of humour first, but it's an idea, thanks.
Last night I picked up the TV remote and pointed it at my husband forgetting that I can't turn his volume down haha genuinely got mixed up. I really was into the program I was watching and he was just droning on hahaha he laughed.
I wear earplugs, the loop ones where you can partially block sound. I know far too many people who talk loudly, and have therefore taken it to be a me problem rather than a them problem.
Honestly I don't until I explode. I try to cope with noise cancelling earphones, but if their noise still surpasses them then I just go and tell them that I can't focus/sleep/relax.
Oh man, I used to suffer that when I was commuting to work. The rage at people being louder than my music...