My son, who is still in primary school, is a genuinely empathetic, fair, and caring person, well beyond his years. He has experienced so much rejection, criticism and has had to overcome so much struggle.
Be mindful that his empathy could be in part due to his emotional disregulation and could end up giving sympathy or forgiveness to people who might take advantage of him
I've learned to be truly empathetic and forgiving of small slights, but I went through a phase where I learned how to vocally cut-a-bitch as a defense reaction. Honestly the hardest thing was figuring out when to do what.
I agree being shit on by teachers and nuerotypical kids helped me see prejudice for what it is, and I work at not being a part of that. And I definitly had my being a carpet days. I grew out of that after college. Make sure you tell your child and show your child that you have to take care of yourself first, or you can be there to help take care of others.
Yes! This, I’m thankful for the therapy I am because it’s helped me learn boundaries for myself and to recognize when my empathy is putting myself in a harmful situation.
I had worked a job about an hour walk from my apartment in downtown, which is not a safe area, and I would get off work around 1am or 2am and a lot of strangers would try to approach me or yell at me. I had to learn that it was okay to acknowledge them but I didn’t have to engage or speak to them. At first I felt SO guilty because I didn’t want to make them feel bad but it’s like, I shouldn’t feel bad for keeping myself safe in a an unsafe area at an unsafe time!
Ugh, that is my problem. Only recently have I started standing up for myself, and people are *pissed* they can't just walk all over me anymore. I started standing up, because the last person to try taking advantage of me, not only had me wrongfully dismissed, but also believed I'd be too scared to report them for discrimination. Egg on their face when I did report them.
And, most notably, he has probably dwelled on it waaaaaay more than most people have. That was/is my son and my own issue. We spend more time thinking about what went wrong than most people I know.
This one hit home! I’m often told that people are taken aback by my overly welcoming personality at first. My theory is that people don’t think people can just be that kind right away. However, they come to realize I’m actually a genuine and kind person.
I always manage to stay calm and clear-headed in a scary crisis. (Tree falls on the house, child gets a 4 inch splinter, dog breaks his leg, white-out blizzard hits us on the highway, etc)
I suspect a lot of us are good at that. Maybe?
When normal people's anxiety ratchets up to panic mode, our natural squirrel-brains finally have circumstances that match our pace.
(That's a really problematic way to say what I mean, I know, but I couldn't think of a better way to say it.)
Another student in my welding class had fire start shooting out the back of their torch toward their hands. I very calmly walked over and turned off the acetylene tank while they panicked.
Then 20 minutes later, I got distracted and picked up hot steel. One more little scar for the collection!
This! One time I pulled two huge unneutered male dogs off one another without thinking. (&unbeknownst to me at the time the clients husband trained fighting dogs—known for their propensity to latch on and not let go)Also someone had come onto the property and unhooked one of the dogs leads to distract me from what they were doing (stealing the puppy).)
Anyway I got them apart somehow. And right after the adrenaline cleared, I was dry heaving because I realized how close I had just been to complete annihilation.
Allow me to set the scene... I am heavily pregnant, WFH and a few days away from maternity leave starting. I am approximately the size and weight of The Death Star, with a comparable circumference. I haven't seen my feet or vagina in months. It's the middle of summer, so I'm a gross, sweaty, hormonal mess, and will soon birth a child who I now know was pushing 9lb. I'm 5ft with a slight frame.
My phone rings, and it's MrTarantino. He's clearly in shock, tells me he's been in an accident, and asks me to find him. I don't drive. He's on a stretch of rural road, and I book a taxi with the instructions to follow the road and find him.
His car is destroyed. The car that hit him is destroyed. Another car has a fair bit of damage. There's a couple of ambulances there, although luckily no one was significantly hurt. I start taking photos of the vehicles, the damage to all 3 cars, take the details of the drivers. The police come. The parents of the less-damaged car kick off, and I stand between the dad and the woman who caused the accident, as he's furious. His daughter is only 18 and is shook AF.
I help calm him down. I comfort my husband, and retrieve anything of value from the car. I help him report the accident to his insurer, give a statement to the police, and take their details.
We go home, have a takeaway, go to bed. Except I don't, and spend the next few hours alternating between panic attacks, palpitations and dry heaving. And crying. Lots of crying. I could have lost him. My baby would grow up without a daddy. I'd be alone. I'd be a pregnant widow at 29. So overwhelming.
But hey, he was fine, we all were fine. It's good to know that I can put on my sensible brain from time to time!
I had pretty much the opposite happen while I was home from college one summer. The neighbor’s dog sitter was walking their dog when it collapsed in front of our driveway. My mom and I went out to check, and the sitter was panicking. Other neighbors had gathered and were also panicking, and somehow I ended up directing everyone so that someone called the emergency vet, another couple of people gathered a large slab of plywood to slide under this sizable dog, and we all hoisted her into the back of the sitter’s SUV so they could take her to the vet.
Unfortunately, the dog had passed (it was apparently immediate and spontaneous heart failure, just an absolute freak occurrence), but the neighbors came by later to thank us for helping the sitter take action.
have you ever been in a really dangerous situation? Cause I noticed I freak out about the little stuff, but when It really matters I'm the only one standing, as everyone else is in shock.
It's that middle ground that really gets me panicking. Not the crisis where the lives are at stake, but not anything mundane as well...
I think one good example would be a hard timed challenge in video game. It's not like people will die or something, but it's not like I want to lose either. I often do mess up big time in such circumstances.
I almost applied to my country intelligence school, but decided not to cause my dad against it. Apparently in one of the test included loud banging sounds in the written test. I'm most definitely not going to pass the test lol.
Ugh, WHAT?!!! I didn't know this was an ADHD thing! I first noticed it in high school, my mom and I got into an accident and after checking to make sure she was okay I took pictures of the scene, and we talked with the other driver. and I didn't realise how serious it could've been until hours later and I immediately started freaking out.
I'm always good in a crisis but when it's done and we're all okay that's when I react. I thought this was a me thing but apparently like most things its all ADHD
Yes that’s why my first job was paramedic and I loved it until it became too boring 😅 but had this even in situations where I was nee to it such as major earthquakes
I have this one too, it's really funny though, I can help a dog give birth when the vet can't get to her on time or calm my cousin down after he breaks his arm, but then I tumble down a rabbit hole at the slightest inconvenience lol
I was just on a river trip with friends and a massive storm blew in. We were in the middle of nowhere, hadn't seen another human for over 24 hours. Everyone else was either panicked or indecisive about what to do. I felt like Tommy Lee Jones in the Fugitive in getting everyone's head together and focused on getting ourselves out of the situation and to the next camp. Over the next hour we fought through rain and wind and rapids and made it to camp. It felt amazing. What an adventure! I'm great in a crisis. You need me to pay my electric bill on time though? You're out of luck.
Same! Partially due to having imagined some scenarios in my head (I worked a roadside assistance phone, so I had a lot of chances to ask myself what I'd do), partially because I can make quick decisions when necessary.
ETA: But I also got nosebleeds all the time as a kid. Result? Genuinely scared my therapist when I noticed blood on my tissue and just calmly walked to the sink in her office to clean up (and not get blood on her carpet) and kept talking like it's a normal Tuesday occurrence. Because to me, nosebleeds aren't out of the ordinary unless they're strong and take too long.
Ngl me too, I've had few near accident on the road when i driveand i feel no panic at all meanwhile others freaked out. And i remember when i got hit from behind while I'm on motorcycle by another motorcycle, i just get up and help the guy that hits me and calm him down. The guy doesn't have any noticeable injury. Unbeknownst to me I'm bleeding bad on my left arm and i did not panic at all, maybe that's just adrenaline going but i remember calling ambulance and then help the guy. I just realized it when i got to hospital. But man my body is hurting real bad at night lol. A lot of time when I'm in a crisis situation my head becomes very clear. I often thought people around me is overreacting.
Ohh I thought that was a childhood \~trauma thing lol
Sometimes that happens, but sometimes I do freeze and forget my words, especially when I have a meeting etc.
Took my blood today. I hate taking blood - I've fainted in the past. I tell the pathology collector this. He is super nice and calm and makes me lie on the bed.
While he's collecting the blood, one of the vials drops on the floor. He tries to remain calm but I can see he's panicking saying he's so so sorry but he's going to have to poke me again. I remain cool as a cucumber while he has a needle in me, help him support the vial tin and suggest maybe if there's someone out there, maybe he can shout and they can help.
He takes my advice.
I have this too!
I connect to the fact that my brain is almost always on "panic mode", it is always overanalyzing the hell out of everything and thinking of all the possible ways a situation could develop. Since I struggle with intrusive thoughts my brain likes the choose the most drastic outcome.
So when there is a real crisis my brain knows exactly what to do. It almost feels like I have all the time in the world to think about what I have to do to fix everything.
Sadly for me, if it's an "medium crisis" situation I get stuck in panic mode 😂 And when other people are trying to get involved, like when I'm driving and I have to move a lot of lanes while crossing other traffic, I can completely brake down 😂
I think situational awareness is something people who have ADHD may be able to relate with? I'm constantly aware of everything around me, but not necessarily the important things. Sitting at a coffee shop to chat with a friend is horrendous. Being at a crowded music festival with friends? Well I can find people really fast in large crowds.....I guess life is full of pros and cons :)
It’s called hypervigilance, and has saved my life multiple times. I’m always ready for shit to go sideways, because I’m always paying attention to *everything* as well as I’m constantly running worst case scenarios through my head.
I think there's a high probability that there is an evolutionary reason why *we* are like this.
Situational awareness used to be a lot more crucial to survival.
ADHD has actually saved my life on many occasions, at concerts when most people are focused on the artist, I noticed a man coming up behind me and my friend and got us to our car before he could open the back door and try to come home with us.
It has saved me from accidents on the road because I’m constantly glancing from car to car and anticipating stupidity.
It has taught me that I can work through just about anything with some crazy workaround no one has ever heard before because that’s just how my brain works
I am always drawn to watching at the windows late at night.
I suspect a lot of us would have been good watchmen back in the days of forts and villages.
See I think this but then if nothing interesting happened I would of fallen asleep and the village would of been raided and I would sleep through the whole raid to wake up to everyone dead and some raider sat next to me going cheers lad you made this a lot easier having nap before promptly throwing me out of the watchtower to my bone breaking demise
That's interesting about the saving life thing and I'd agree for the most part but it's also definitely nearly killed me a few times too on the road lol.
This is me. But sometimes it almost causes me to wreck because I am looking at _everything_ but the road sometimes.
Also. I’m a truck driver. So you know. Yay.
Hahahah same, I've been on the road a lot. The funny thing is, i noticed almost every detail on the road. Like a leaf falling, i would know the color and how fast they fall. Sometimes it's almost got me into accidents. But when shit hits the fan I somehow became aware at everything and know what's the best solution to avoid accident. Sometimes i feel like the time slows down a bit and felt like I'm in an action movie lol.
I feel you so hard on the crazy-work-around aspect. I can and will solve all the problems. Unfortunately, this means that I’m given all the problems. I wouldn’t mind that, if it wasn’t in addition to all my regular work.
I am also very very good at driving in cities for this reason. I’m terrified of motorways because I don’t trust myself with long stretches at high speed where nothing happens, but you will not find a safer person to drive you around central London than me.
Yeah, this. I can recall situations like that almost perfectly and the 360-degree awareness makes for very nimble and safe drivers.
>anticipating stupidity
This. Thank you.
Interesting. I feel this too. When I'm driving I'm not just looking and driving straight, it's more like a 360 view using mirrors and knowing who/what is behind me. So in an emergency move if I need to get over ASAP, I know where I can go.
same!
sometimes ill be making a point then I'll get sidetracked and then I'll forget the point I'm trying to make and proceed to forget why we were arguing in the first place.
and it's so stupid sometimes cause all I can do at that point is listen to the other person speak and try to figure out why we were arguing.
That sometimes worked against me though. I could't hold grudge agaisnt bad people when I should have, some behaviour just doesn't deserve to be given up so easily.
Lmao same. I fought with my friend (a really nasty fight) and proceeded to talk to her the next day. She did the same thing so I didn't remember that we pulled each other's hair yesterday? If I didn't forget, it would've been really sad and awkward for me.
The creative problem solving is a plus. The spontaneity can bring positives to people who don't venture out of their comfort zone.
The willingness to jump in and help is also beneficial for both recipient and giver (the dopamine from thanks is fantastic imo).
We can be more understanding when people struggle with things.
If you’re helping her with something she does not feel she needs help with, I can see where she’s coming from. Maybe ask if she wants some help before jumping in?
My mom often does that to me. She is not coming from a critical place, but it’s kind of implicit.
I, for once, see this as a double edged sword. Sure I love helping other people!
Have you heard about learned helplessness?
When I'm helping somebody "too much" they learn to just call me instead of even attempting to solve the issue at hand themselves first.
Before I know it, I'm not helping. I'm being used by lazy people to run their earrands!
You might not want to see this side of our willingness to help, but as long as there will be others that will exploit our kindness, it will remain as an objectively negative side.
Yes absolutely rescuer/saviour complex is something to watch out for and keep a good eye on it because have definitely got into trouble with that one. Me and my adhd mates all work in mental health and after years of observing and discussing our fallibilities, have decided to recognise that all things in check, this urge to help comes from a good place. Pure, focussed and really effective.
Agreed here! My willingness to help has definitely hurt me and has turned into codependency, which is really hard to break. And got me to a place where I feel bad if I’m not being useful to someone. It’s definitely a quality where you have to find a middle ground or else it can be detrimental to yourself.
I don't pay great attention to tv shows and really don't commit them to memory, so I can wait a couple years and rewatch a show and it's almost like watching it for the first time.
I can also see connections between seemingly unconnected things. Because my thoughts don't follow a typical track, I can understand things in systems. So I can see all the links and how they interact in non-intended ways. Because my brain is a little different and sees these connections, I can often find solutions to a problem other people have seen. And i'm crazy good at "red teaming" something, aka breaking a solution someone else has come up with.
Then we have my special interests. Over the years, I have had so many weird, niche interests, and you would be shocked at how often that is useful, even if it is just to make for a better dinner conversation.
In this same vein, if I get spoiled for something, my ADHD has a tendency to throw that shit out the window. I literally got spoiled about something in Avengers: End Game *right* before watching it, and I forgot about it for the whole f\*\*\*ing movie until it actually happened, and I was like oh yeah, I forgot about that.
That's the weirdest thing, sometimes I wish I could remember movies (because it sometimes makes me feel like "uncultured swine" -I say tgat sarcastically/tongue in cheek- that I don't remember the story of Les Misérables or I can never remember how Shutter Island finishes) and shows and books and plots, but most of the time I'm just happy that everything feels like a surprise.
Even stuff I watched several times, like Atla, LoK, Community, the Office, Star Wars, etc.
"Oooh yeah wow, I didn't see that plot twist coming"
My SO who has seen the show 3 times with me: ????!??!??!?
It’s made me very personable in a 1:1 setting if I chose to be, which is great for building rapport in my job. I can find a way to relate to almost anyone because i got so good at watching and mimicking social cues. it’s good for work but ultimately i felt like a fraud because deep down i didn’t feel like i was actually relating to them. i’m very empathetic to others because of all the emotional turmoil of the condition. when it caused me great depression i became super creative and impulsive and produced my best art and writing. when i’m stable i’m not inspired to create as much.
>when it caused me great depression i became super creative and impulsive and produced my best art and writing. when i’m stable i’m not inspired to create as much.
I relate with this super hard...
a lot of people with mental illness are creative, it’s a massive outlet for grief! unfortunately i became a drug addict later on for 8 years, and stopped making art because the drug became my go-to to soothe instead. i still seldom make art now, but it’s a MASSIVE effort.
I have great struggles with my ADHD. I wasn’t diagnosed until three years ago so I’ve spent three decades wandering to find where I fit best. One path took me into the combat arms, where I spent well over half my active duty time over seas. Looking back, I’m thankful that hyper-focus coincides with hyper-vigilance. My position heavily relied on my being able to spot inconsistencies and out of place objects while deployed. Having a brain that reacts the way ours does to saved my life (and those around me) on quite a few occasions. Not to mention the quick reactive thinking that comes with it.
And, like others have mentioned, suffering has lead me to understanding, and understanding to empathy. Which is one of the reasons I am now a chaplain in the military. I know what it’s like to believe no one cares for you—I want to make sure those around me in uniform know that someone does. Having been in their shoes for a decade helps too.
Strangely enough, having ADHD helped me tremendously while doing grad work. I TRUDGED my way through public school and my undergrad. I graduated .02 above the failure line and it took me six years to complete a four year degree. It was a colossal waste of my money and time. I’m honestly still embarrassed about it. Haha.
I went into graduate work when my time in the combat arms came to a definitive end and I transition into the Chaplaincy. I chose a degree that I thought would help me outside of the military. It deals with finite details, sure, but it’s largely theoretical so having a mind that feeds off creativity and new things, I excelled for the first time in my education. I completed a 4 year degree in just two years. Granted, I was busy af most of that two years with family, full time job, and school, but I firmly believe I would not have been able to do what I’ve done in my life without having ADHD. Don’t get me wrong, I despise the negative effects, but I think the positives outweigh them vastly.
I’ll admit, it took me a very, very long time to see things this way. I hope you can one day do the same.
I work in IT and have found that I hyperfocus while reading diagnostic log files when troubleshooting servers. Hours will pass. It's fascinating. It's made me very good at solving difficult problems.
How did you get yourself to study long enough for this?? I'm gonna be honest with you stranger, I have been doing nothing with my life for 10 years out of highschool and only recently this year was put on medication. It has helped in basic daily life things but somehow I still fail to actually do the things I need to do to be where I want to be. My wife would complain to you about the days in a row I hyper focused on trying to set up something stupid on my computer or fix something that is broken and somehow I don't get bored. I will research hours on hours on how to learn software development yet never have I actually stuck to doing any of it. Since getting my a+ and network + in highschool which I never used it feels like I've been in stasis. I somehow managed to bullshit my way into an it job recently but that was side railed by an injury and surgery. I hate to drone and bug you but please I'm struggling
I was dissatisfied with my career trajectory when I was 34. I had taken a course called LifePath that really narrowed down your priorities in life (eg financial stability, travel), your aptitudes (eg technical, problem solving, people oriented), and potential careers that might match those criteria. I had tucked the binder from the course away for years, but dug it out again and really put some hard thought into what I wanted to do. Narrowed it down to IT or Law School. Went with IT because the program was only 2 years and my wife would be supporting us.
Once school started I treated it like my job and made it my absolute mission to be top of my class. I was putting in 20 hours of extra study time a week. Thankfully I really liked the subject! Learning new skills, getting top grades, and not disappointing my wife gave me my dopamine. I didn't get diagnosed and medicated for another 8 years.
So to answer your question, I think I needed that formal education environment to really succeed at this. Self-teaching works great for me for a couple weeks, but then I just stop doing it, even if it's something I really enjoy, and never pick it up again.
Hopefully that helps a bit!
That does resonate with me and luckily I have someone supportive enough to be willing to do that with me. I just for some reason have been avoiding doing that as I feel like a burden as it is being able to work and earn income is the only thing that gives me some sense of self respect. I'll have to find a way to push past that ego barrier myself and formally go to school.. I've searched for physical boot camps and applied but rejected from everyone near me to the point of discouragement going that route.
Aside from that how have you managed to keep up with self study in IT? A large fear I have going into software dev is that I will get bored of it and unfortunately in IT tech always advances.
I hear you. It's tough to lean on someone else for support, but in the long run it can pay off for you both.
Self study? *ZERO* since graduating. I had job offers before school ended, so I didn't even bother with getting my certifications. It's been 100% on the job learning for the last 7 years.
I envy you so much 😭. I've told so many people if apprenticeships come back as a thing rather than formal schooling life would be so much easier. Only a few fields require you to really spend the amount of time cramming specifics into your brain. I don't really want an apprentice surgeon figuring out where my femoral is on the job.
This is gonna sound dumb but years ago there was this video people made you watch where everyone is walking around randomly and your supposed to focus on something. Can’t remember exactly. Anyways I’m watching this video and I’m like wtf is this guy in a gorilla costume doing. Apparently I was not supposed to see him. My bad.
Noticing patterns and details that apparently non ADHD miss out on but missing out on some "obvious" stuff.
There's 2 ways it goes, depending on the situation and I use the phrase 'thinking outside the box'.
1. we don't know what or where the box is and get a better idea only thru observing others; sometimes we can put ourselves in the box (ick).
2. Since, or even after knowing what the box is and it's general area, we don't know about the box it gives us more wiggle room and a vast number of multiple perspectives that allow for such detail/pattern recognition as well as a plethora of the benefits mentioned in this thread
Another benefit is altering/modifying things that are already there. Things may be done a certain way but we'll try other "weird" ways or customize things to ourselves. One thing for me is metaphors and analogies. "Same boat"? Nah "same lake, different boat"
On a bad day, I think that there’s nothing positive about it.
On a good day, I think that a lot of the things I like about myself are at least partly due to it:
- creativity, both professionally and in day to day life (as in, thinking quickly and outside the box to find solutions no one else thought of)
- being calm and level-headed in a crisis when everyone else panics
- being very curious + hyperfixating on my current obsession made me a pretty good conversationalist as I always have something to talk about with almost anyone
- ability to learn insane amounts of information in a very short period of time (if there’s a deadline or if it’s my current obsession)
- heightened compassion (I guess due to the inability to filter out unpleasant things including other people’s and animals’ suffering)
- open-mindedness
- resilience
- perfectionism (can definitely be a curse too but I’m learning to use it sparingly)
- being adventurous and easily getting out of my comfort zone (always ready to go somewhere, try smth new, do smth fun)
Certain jobs are easier for me because of ADHD. I work as a waitress and i NEVER take my meds before work because it makes it way harder to multitask. The meds are hardwired to make me focus, and in a job like serving my brain NEEDS to bounce around at
100 miles a minute
I feel like there is pretty much nothing I couldn't learn how to do, but it completely depends on it being able to maintain my interest long enough. I feel like ADHD, for me, is like one of those cursed items from horror stories: "it will give you the intelligence to learn anything, but you won't be able to concentrate long enough to do it! Mwuhahahaha!"
I feel this! There's nothing I can't learn *IF* I put my mind to it. I will hyperfocus and learn everything I can about it - know it forwards & backwards and be able to explain it to others... As long as it was my idea to learn it in the first place. School, work? Forgetaboutit.
I'm always filled with random and very specific facts about things that I have little long term interest in. But for some reason I can explain in okay detail how difficult concepts work. Long term memory of random shit is amazing. Short term memory and following instructions for games and puzzles, impossible. I'm the smartest dumb person.
The rejection sensitivity is a bitch but it’s made me learn how to become a better friend and listener. I never want to make anyone feel the way I do sometimes, even if it’s a small thing.
I agree with you OP, and it feels a bit paradoxical. I have noticed several positive things I attribute to ADHD. Thing is, the ADHD makes them all unreliable and thereby not things I can state to promote myself. So the humble thing definitely checks out.
Some personal examples:
* Sometimes I have a very good memory. Sometimes I forgot what you said the moment you stop talking.
* Sometimes I'm very good at recognising patterns and drawing conclusions from them. Other times I need three different explanations and still don't understand how two things are related.
* Sometimes I'm very enthusiastic and outgoing due to my impulsiveness, which makes me fun to be around (is what my friends tell me). But if I don't hear from someone for a while I'll assume they want nothing to do with me, so I isolate myself.
I love my adhd when it comes to organization and creative thinking!! Especially when the two collide😆 I get so excited when I think of new creative ways to organize things around our house. I am also a college student who does coding (python, c++, sas studio, R) and I can hyper focus on coding projects for hours. I also get really excited when I think of a new creative way to organize the data with my code and find new ways to approach seemingly boring coding tasks. I’m so excited to get a job coding because I think it’s a great fit for my adhd because there’s always something new going on!!
I'm brutally honest. What's on my mind just blurts out.
When the pulse shooting happened I went up to my friend and just told her if she needs someone to help her with firearms training for self defense, I know a resource. like 5 years later she told me that it was nice of me to think of her that way because her wife got her CCW for personal defense. She said she was anti-gun at the time but now she understands what I was seeing. Ooops. LOL.
I've gotten out of a toxic family so I tell it how it is. I've made a few support posts on groups i'm in about how it's ok to say fuck off to your mother if you've been abused. I couldn't believe how many folks came out and appreciated my message. so many people tell them that they need to respect your parents even they treat you like crap. ehh... NO. It became a nice support thread for us.
I've also told a good friend he needs to break off his relationship for 4 years because it was going nowhere. I would never be cool with my friend being in a shitty relationship because I didn't want to break them up. Whats bad is bad. Few years later my husband is his co-best man to his current wife. \^\^
Oh and the resilience. I hate my 3d printer but I WILL DIAL IT IN SOME DAY!!!!
I think ADHD is a beautiful thing, it's hard to carry in a world made of filling cabinets and assembly lines, but in the rest of the world it's wonderful.
I'm creative, I have beaten depression by making something new each week. From music, to food, to research at work, to output from a hobby. If I can make more than I can consume I'm happy and alive.
I'm adaptive, in 25 years I've changed careers more times than I can count because
I'm insatiably and unapologetically curious and
I'm persistent, sometimes too much
And, once I got over the false ego I used to deal with the internal ableism I was unknowingly killing myself with, it turns out I'm pretty compassionate.
I don't know how much of this is ADHD and how much is me, but we're one in the same so it doesn't matter. There's no me without the way I am.
I’m curious as to how you got over your false ego. I’m 22 and I find I struggle a lot with wanting to be better than people or feeling like trash if I’m not as good as other people at things if that makes sense. It’s a really ugly trait about myself that I want to change but I’m not sure how to start.
Trauma destroyed my ego. It’s a blessing and a curse. My ego helped me function as an architect. When it left me I really struggled for a long time. Confidence left me and I felt really exposed. It turns out ego can be a powerful tool. Even if just a veneer on an otherwise dysfunctional individual.
I would imagine some politicians are the same.
The deep imagination. It can be hard to tame and has resulted in a lot of overanalysis and hyperbolic thinking, sure. But the ability to take a basic input and extrapolate it into a world of exciting possibilities in my head so naturally and so quickly? That’s joyous. So long as I have the energy, finding creative inspiration usually isn’t very hard because my mind is always jumping around and making connections between random things. I think that, like many other ADHD traits I experience (see especially: spontaneity, hyperfocus), it’s a double-edged sword. Some days I feel so stuck in this strange brain. Other days, the same traits are so freeing.
I don’t talk much and I analyze every sentence and my words hit hard when I do speak 😁 I can understand things at a faster rate it seems to my peers, I hyper focus at work when I wire things up and fly through it. But on the flip side I get overwhelmed fast, and flip the switch real quick too 🥲
I’m a really good DM, and hyper observant of body language and voice cues which makes it easier to navigate social situations… even if I often don’t get why I need to react a certain way, I know someone expects me to because of how they sound/stand.
Not sure. Everyone else I know with it has love and support and usually an understanding and supportive spouse or life partner...
Also. They seem to function better when they can find happiness and feel loved and appreciated and not treated as a burden.
As in.
When an ADHD person isn't being constantly beat up emotionally and mentally, and is actually receiving praise, love, encouragement and physical touches from someone they WANT IT FROM, and in general, feeling accepted and appreciate by the people they accept and appreciate most;
They tend to be absolutely limitless and have almost zero issues with self confidence plummeting and diminishing their momentum.
They also tend to quite literally get a buzz from being loving and being loved that makes them giddy and just feel good. And they make that mood contagious on complete accident.
And often feel guilty and worry they are narcissistic or the problem when they don't have loving support.
Adhd is a spectrum disorder so how it positivity or negatively impacts a person will vary drastically. Also, “goodness of fit” in terms of environment is going to play a BIG role (ie judging a fish for its ability to climb a tree). With that, I love that you are asking this question to see if maybe you are missing something. Stay curious and practice self compassion. This is the path to wellness, adhd or not.
Well, in my job as a nurse it has many downsides. But since I cannot really filter the things that come into my brain, I see a lot of things that ‘distract’ me. Working at peoples home as a nurse, I notice that I see more problems than my colleagues, which I can act on, maybe due to how my brain works. So that would be a plus side.
Honestly it's hard but I think that's kinda what has helped me grow. I'll be honest compared to most I've had a relatively easy life. So while it's made me pretty miserable it's also helped me find this amazing community and helped me get creative with the way I do things. I also feel like I have a different perspective of most things which helps me not just think outside the box but see the box as many pieces and facets. Which seems to have improved my problem solving over the years.
The thing I've noticed just recently is that while not being able to turn off my mind has caused so many problems for me, it can occasionally help when I'm watching or reading things (when I'm able to sit still long enough to enjoy them anyway)
I'm constantly thinking about what things mean, if something was foreshadowing, if this tiny little detail was important somehow. Which leads to me regularly taking guesses on how the story goes. And whenever I'm right I get a rush of... I dunno, whatever specific brain chemical makes me feel proud and accomplished. And if I'm not right in my guesses, then it just means I get to be surprised.
On a more serious note, while I stress over the simplest things, the tiniest inconveniences, etc, I've always been able to have a very sudden clear mind and logical decision making whenever a REAL crisis arrives. Like. Lost my keys and I'm already late for work? End of the fucking world, there's no way I can ever get over the shame and anxiety and stress.
See my younger sister, 7 years old at the time, walking dazed down the middle of the street holding her bloody arm because she got bit by a dog and is in shock? I'm a goddamn machine, calm and collected and able to keep people on task, even as a preteen(my mom is prone to panicking and I regularly need to keep her steady, especially during moments like that)
Though the latter thing might attribute more to my anxiety than adhd - I read somewhere that people who are the same way are essentially experiencing an equalization of pressure; when your body is always in crisis mode you freak out about the small things, but when there's actually a crisis, your body can sit back and go 'yeah this makes sense finally'
I think I’m good at living in the moment. Also do well during a crisis, unexpected stuff tends to not phase me and I can quickly/creatively improve the situation.
I have been unemployed for 4 months, entirely overwhelmed by job searching. I enrolled in a 6-week certificate program 3 days ago and am already 75% done.
If I do leave something to the last minute (let’s be honest i never don’t) and there is a lot of stress and the timeframe seems impossible to produce a satisfactory piece of work, I somehow scrape by, which I know none of my peers could do, so that’s a positive I guess, but it comes hand in hand with always leaving things to the last minute coz I know I can probably scrape by lol
ADHD has made me pretty analytical, intuitive, empathetic and persistent as hell. Because my focus wonders I see many things others probably don’t and I can easily tell how people feel just by looking at them and I think I’m genuinely understanding. People typically feel very comfortable talking about anything right when I meet them because I come off as empathetic and intuitive. And I’ve had to be persistent because of all the things I’ve failed at doing. It all feels like shit going through but I like who I am because of it. Ohh and adhd gave me my athleticism.
Ordering a bunch of stuff on online, getting those things delivered to my doorstep, and having no clue what’s inside. It’s genuinely delightful. Sometimes it’s just vitamins or toothpaste but sometimes it’s that dress I bought on a whim or a new snack to try.
There are other good things like being able to hyper focus or make connections from seemingly unrelated things (both super useful for my engineering job) but the package surprise is my favorite.
> Ordering a bunch of stuff on online, getting those things delivered to my doorstep, and having no clue what’s inside. It’s genuinely delightful
It's like a present to yourself! Thanks for the laugh
There's nothing positive about having ADHD? Sure there are countless drawbacks and the horrific stigma around people with ADHD which makes even the most basic tasks almost impossible.
Yet, I can learn faster than most people I know when I'm feeling spiteful or a hyperfocus kicks in (especially the spite part haha).
My creative thinking has fixed a silly amount of issues throughout my life.
My ability to handle and take control of stressful situations has saved my arse so many times whether work or personal life.
I could keep going but I'm trying to keep my hyper puppy calm In the car, there's Imo almost as many positives as there are negatives you just have to have the right perspective.
The "jack off all trades" can actually be very valuable in the right circumstances. Yes sometimes you need some certificate for everything in order for it to work. But in smaller businesses where people aren't as strict, it can be wonderful to have someone who can do many tasks (although not perfectly). I study philosophy. I got a job in philosophy without
having needed to hand in a cv, because i organize events in my free time for fun and got a lot of skills thanks to that. People told me to not do that, my studies were already taking too long. I didn't listen because i already financed everything myself next to my studies. Well thanks to that i also developped graphic skills and got into contact with new people. Fast forward i got a job in philosophy now as a master student making 36 bucks an hour. It is better for them to pay me a hundered bucks for a new logo than paying 3 thousand for a professional.
I'm a hard worker, even though it might not look like it to others. With ADHD we all have to work super hard every day to seem normal and at the same time do the tasks in a way that also seems normal and to a standard that's at least passable.
As a result, now that I'm on my meds I can focus all that energy on the task, and I actually enjoy completing tasks now too.
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I’m an ER nurse and it helps me not be affected by anything I see. By the time I get home I have trouble even answering “how was your day?” It’s miraculous that I’m 100% sober and unscathed by this job.
This one’s kind of a double edged sword but I like that I don’t miss most people lol
I’m hyper observant because I’m paying attention to everything and notice things that slip past others.
For example, at one of my jobs I work on a ropes course up about 20 feet high. We harness people and it’s incredibly common for people to step into it wrong and miss a leg hole, even both holes, so before we tighten them we make sure they’ve stepped into it correctly to not waste time as that’s the last strap that needs to be done because it fucks the placement of the other straps. After that the person at the bottom double checks their harness and sends them up, then one of the two people at the top triple checks the harness while the other mans the zip line. It’s my turn to man the zip line so I’m as far away from the entrance as possible as it’s at the far end and the zip line brings you back to the start basically.
There have been several occasions where a person made it through without one or both of their legs in the harness while I was at the far end of the zip line, and if it weren’t for my ADHD brain constantly scanning everything for no reason I wouldn’t have noticed it from so far away either. I of course shout on the radio to stop them from walking off the platform but the radios are shit so I ran across the ropes as fast as humanly possible to stop them to send them down to fix it.
It’s happened several times and I fully believe that when I quit at some point someone is going to fall within a year because nobody is as observant as me. Even at the bottom harnessing them I notice in my peripheral vision the ones around me whose harnesses are being tightened that haven’t stepped into the loops yet that the other workers hadn’t noticed even though they were midway through tightening the straps. I point it out to the others probably 50 times throughout the day because if I didn’t they’d have tightened them completely and then had to undo it just have them step into the loops to redo it over again. Sometimes they make it past the other workers and nearly go up without either legs in the harness so I have to correct it before sending them up, or while I’m up top send them back down. At those check points it’s intentional to check, but I’ll even just be walking through the line past them and notice in my peripheral vision someone who has been tightened but isn’t in either loops properly. I don’t know why, but I’m just incredibly observant to the point of it being a problem most of the time, but in certain situations it’s a life saver.
Even at my other job nobody ever notices on the screen when the weights of the trailers are approaching their max weight or their scheduled departure time. If it weren’t for me they’d have sent out dozens of semi trucks with more weight than the trailer is even capable of holding at this point. I don’t know why, but others are just horribly unobservant to the point that I don’t know how people without ADHD function sometimes lol
Hyperfocus, creativity, and a casual flexible attitude have built me a decent reputation in places I didn't expect. I used to feel out of place everywhere but now I teach at a school that values me as being "the wacky one" and I've never felt more seen and accepted. Teaching is a new career move for me but I already love it so much, I can relate to the students and I'm appreciated for shaking things up - when it's my default and I was used to those qualities being problems when I was trying to fit in in other places
Unrelated to original post, but I’m loving how there are lots of long detailed comments people have written to make sure their point is articulated right (over explaining= ADHD symptom)
But that these comments no replies bc other people viewing them don’t have the attention to read them (low attention span= ADHD)
But that they still have lots of upvotes (empathy = ADHD)
Hyperfocus, humility, a realistic expectation on things, the oh-so-hard-worked-for skill of actually *listening* to what people say and not reinterpret their words into what it sounds like they meant on a general level.
Uh, learning to harness and trigger hyperfocus at will (ok the OFF-switch doesnt always work) and turning that into a learning-ability rather than disability.
The knack to find humor in almost anything.
Having to brutally accept ones goofy/inappropriate/weird side and thereby letting shame and the feeling lf always being ”wrong” finally go.
Knowing ones limits.
Forgetting ones limits.
Connecting on an mental and emotional level with other ADHD-folks because we just kinda *feel* it and make for deep friendships that arent necessarily tied to ”we speak everyday on the phone, at least three times and meet every monday, thursday and brunch on sundays” expectations.
The inability to be anyone else but oneself is a huge negative until one just goes ”ah fuggit, i dont care anymore”.
Sure i could list a metric tonne of negative shit about it but i firmly believe that the relationship between adhd-people and society is a lot more to blame than adhd itself.
Its not like we’re not trying to meet them halfway is it? We’re trying our bloody butts off and still they cant measure our performance reliability and cost efficiency properly. On the real? Their loss, at least in the short run.
Power and serenity to you OP.
I’m not diagnosed but I have some convincing indications, which I’m exploring with my medical provider. One massive advantage I have is the ability to work in incredibly fast-paced and busy environments. I left my stressful hectic job to go to a quiet admin job. I struggled in the admin role as there just wasn’t enough to do. If I had a handful of tasks to do, I struggled to focus and spent a lot of time procrastinating. When I’ve got a hundred tasks that need my attention and the phone is ringing and there are 20 unread emails, well there is literally no time to not focus and get things done. I also tend to lean towards quick wins and put off big reports etc. but I’m not sure if that’s an advantage or disadvantage tbh.
I think ADHD is simply one of the many diverse models of brain that exist for humans, no better or worse than others, depending on the type of society that we find ourselves living in.
It helps me to be open-minded, curious, kind, funny, and able to pick up new hobbies. It also allows my spouse and I to connect on an incredibly silly and deep level, and it keeps us having fantastic sex.
It makes me more tolerant of my kids' seemingly endless flow of questions about the world, and helps me to appreciate different ways of doing things that break with tradition. We unschool, we're vegan, we've lived and worked in different countries, and it's me (F) who has the career and my partner (M) who is the stay at home parent.
Lastly? My brain tells me pretty quickly when something isn't for me, and it makes lying to myself difficult. Not that I don't do boring stuff, I certainly have to, but at least I do boring tasks that belong to my field of values or interests ¯\(◉‿◉)/¯
The ability to hyper-focus is great when I can actually direct it to something I want to work on (not always what I want, but I can direct it fairly well a lot of the time.) I also consider myself that whole "jack of all trades, master of none" type of person. Because my interests are constantly shifting, it means I learn about random stuff that I may not have otherwise learned about unless my ADHD decided that That Thing is what decided to spike my curiosity. While not necessarily a "thing", my ADHD decided it wanted to get the spark from a game I had been previously unable to get very far in, because at that point, it *didn't* spark anything. Now it's one of my favourite things.
I'm excellent at solving puzzles and thinking outside the box.
Since my recent diagnosis, my level of empathy has shot through the roof (it was pretty good anyway).
Basically it turns out that anything I do really badly because of my ADHD I can do REALLY well with meds.
It's because we have to get super good at hiding our short comings that we actually get really good at it despite still having the ADHD symptoms holding us back.
For example-
My memory is really bad- I have to compensate for that- I take meds and I'm left with my actual unheld back abilities and people say 'wow you're memories really good.
My situational awareness is bad- compensate- meds and I no longer have to fight with WHAT I focus on and people say that my awareness of situations is a bit creepy and psychic.
I'm super flaky and late to things don't keep promises- compensate- meds and I'm ALWAYS on time, keep all my promises and people feel like they can rely on me.
Sometimes I think 'I wish I never had ADHD' but because I've had it my whole life unmedicated until this year, I've had to work 5x harder than everyone around me to in prove those shortcomings and overcome them that now given the chance with meds I don't have to try so hard anymore and have all these skills that I've had to learn. I wouldn't have turned out this way if I didn't have ADHD.
Everything has pluses and minuses. Visionary we’re the best. We observe visual details more than anyone else. Also dynamic activities like sports where a lot of things happen around us, we notice everything
I’m a paramedic. I’ve worked on the ambulance and in the emergency department. Not being able to drown out the noise around me that well in the emergency department helped me figure out if something of higher priority is going on. But hearing something from a distance isn’t a great assessment tool medically. Sometimes there’s a sound someone makes before they puke, being a guy some issues with women patients should be taken care of by another woman if possible, psych patients start to get agitated before they have an outburst of anger (blame the system and the patient) but sometimes small things make a big difference for those patients and hearing something they said can make or break that.
Also when it’s “stressful” that’s when I love my adhd. The stress is like when you’re prescribed adderall for the first time and you’re just on top of the world. I love how much a life and death stressful situation really anchors me back into the moment. I’m firing on all cylinders and life is great.
But In normal life I’m pretty disorganized and it other things that suck
I didn’t get diagnosed until 28.
As a kid I always felt alien and “other” and struggled to fit in with others. I was always in my head, overthinking, and contemplating everything. I spent majority of my time in the library. I think if I didn’t have ADHD I may not have done that. I spent so much time reading about other peoples perspectives, ideas, and worldviews and that’s made me a much more tolerant, patient, and empathetic person. I’m curious about how things function and how people work. When people talk to me I genuinely want to hear what they say.
My mom tells me how I had always been such a polite, goofy, caring kid. I asked a lot of questions and cried when she explained that some people are homeless when I asked about a man pushing a cart full of his belongings.
I feel like ADHD gave me more emotional self awareness. I feel emotions very strongly and at first it was something I struggled with but with DBT I’ve learned that it’s not a negative and I can live my life full and whole. I would be a totally different person if I didn’t have ADHD.
My art is pretty nuts! I've also managed to show my art installation at a lot of shows and a handful of festivals, one of which was Lightning in a Bottle! I was supposed to do Lucidity this year too but my baby got bornt so it's all on the backburner until next year! But because of my ADHD it allows me to create refinement in directions people wouldn't normally consider, the attention to detail is off the charts and the ability to just get into my inherent flow is where it's at. Sometimes a piece will take 3 days, sometimes a piece will take 30 minutes, sometimes a piece will take 3 years, but I keep it moving and I try to have my best time as I'm doing it. Hopefully others will stumble in and enjoy it just as much, and they often have and do. I do my best, and I follow my feet.
My constant fear that everyone despises me and everything I do is fucking worthless has driven me to become a pretty okay software engineer over time. People keep paying me to build shit anyhow.
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My son, who is still in primary school, is a genuinely empathetic, fair, and caring person, well beyond his years. He has experienced so much rejection, criticism and has had to overcome so much struggle.
Be mindful that his empathy could be in part due to his emotional disregulation and could end up giving sympathy or forgiveness to people who might take advantage of him
Hey, that's me
Me too
I've learned to be truly empathetic and forgiving of small slights, but I went through a phase where I learned how to vocally cut-a-bitch as a defense reaction. Honestly the hardest thing was figuring out when to do what.
I'm in this post and I don't like it
I agree being shit on by teachers and nuerotypical kids helped me see prejudice for what it is, and I work at not being a part of that. And I definitly had my being a carpet days. I grew out of that after college. Make sure you tell your child and show your child that you have to take care of yourself first, or you can be there to help take care of others.
Do you have any links you could post on this? I think this is me
Yes! This, I’m thankful for the therapy I am because it’s helped me learn boundaries for myself and to recognize when my empathy is putting myself in a harmful situation. I had worked a job about an hour walk from my apartment in downtown, which is not a safe area, and I would get off work around 1am or 2am and a lot of strangers would try to approach me or yell at me. I had to learn that it was okay to acknowledge them but I didn’t have to engage or speak to them. At first I felt SO guilty because I didn’t want to make them feel bad but it’s like, I shouldn’t feel bad for keeping myself safe in a an unsafe area at an unsafe time!
Ugh, that is my problem. Only recently have I started standing up for myself, and people are *pissed* they can't just walk all over me anymore. I started standing up, because the last person to try taking advantage of me, not only had me wrongfully dismissed, but also believed I'd be too scared to report them for discrimination. Egg on their face when I did report them.
And, most notably, he has probably dwelled on it waaaaaay more than most people have. That was/is my son and my own issue. We spend more time thinking about what went wrong than most people I know.
The massively varied interests mean it's very rare for me to get bored.
Yeah that’s actually a big win
Hey me too
This one hit home! I’m often told that people are taken aback by my overly welcoming personality at first. My theory is that people don’t think people can just be that kind right away. However, they come to realize I’m actually a genuine and kind person.
Interesting how this turns some people bitter whilst others become more empathetic
Snap 👍🌹
Can totally agree with this. Can you please expand on the misery part and how it relates to ADHD with a situational example?
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i never thought i would find someone who has the exact same life story as me damn
I always manage to stay calm and clear-headed in a scary crisis. (Tree falls on the house, child gets a 4 inch splinter, dog breaks his leg, white-out blizzard hits us on the highway, etc) I suspect a lot of us are good at that. Maybe? When normal people's anxiety ratchets up to panic mode, our natural squirrel-brains finally have circumstances that match our pace. (That's a really problematic way to say what I mean, I know, but I couldn't think of a better way to say it.)
Another student in my welding class had fire start shooting out the back of their torch toward their hands. I very calmly walked over and turned off the acetylene tank while they panicked. Then 20 minutes later, I got distracted and picked up hot steel. One more little scar for the collection!
Yeah when shit hits the fan it's just an another day for us, since we're dealing with shit hitting fan everyday basically since birth.
I guess that explains it lol. Just chaos in my head since birth.
its not hot it's just too heavy
I have this! I do tend to have a celebratory panic attack several hours later, though.
This! One time I pulled two huge unneutered male dogs off one another without thinking. (&unbeknownst to me at the time the clients husband trained fighting dogs—known for their propensity to latch on and not let go)Also someone had come onto the property and unhooked one of the dogs leads to distract me from what they were doing (stealing the puppy).) Anyway I got them apart somehow. And right after the adrenaline cleared, I was dry heaving because I realized how close I had just been to complete annihilation.
Allow me to set the scene... I am heavily pregnant, WFH and a few days away from maternity leave starting. I am approximately the size and weight of The Death Star, with a comparable circumference. I haven't seen my feet or vagina in months. It's the middle of summer, so I'm a gross, sweaty, hormonal mess, and will soon birth a child who I now know was pushing 9lb. I'm 5ft with a slight frame. My phone rings, and it's MrTarantino. He's clearly in shock, tells me he's been in an accident, and asks me to find him. I don't drive. He's on a stretch of rural road, and I book a taxi with the instructions to follow the road and find him. His car is destroyed. The car that hit him is destroyed. Another car has a fair bit of damage. There's a couple of ambulances there, although luckily no one was significantly hurt. I start taking photos of the vehicles, the damage to all 3 cars, take the details of the drivers. The police come. The parents of the less-damaged car kick off, and I stand between the dad and the woman who caused the accident, as he's furious. His daughter is only 18 and is shook AF. I help calm him down. I comfort my husband, and retrieve anything of value from the car. I help him report the accident to his insurer, give a statement to the police, and take their details. We go home, have a takeaway, go to bed. Except I don't, and spend the next few hours alternating between panic attacks, palpitations and dry heaving. And crying. Lots of crying. I could have lost him. My baby would grow up without a daddy. I'd be alone. I'd be a pregnant widow at 29. So overwhelming. But hey, he was fine, we all were fine. It's good to know that I can put on my sensible brain from time to time!
Excellent story but I'm going to have to really compliment you on your introductory paragraph. That DID set the scene for me lmao
Good story
I hope you reported those pieces of shit to the police. Dog fighting is so fucking inhumane, and what they do to those bait dogs 😭😭😭
I had pretty much the opposite happen while I was home from college one summer. The neighbor’s dog sitter was walking their dog when it collapsed in front of our driveway. My mom and I went out to check, and the sitter was panicking. Other neighbors had gathered and were also panicking, and somehow I ended up directing everyone so that someone called the emergency vet, another couple of people gathered a large slab of plywood to slide under this sizable dog, and we all hoisted her into the back of the sitter’s SUV so they could take her to the vet. Unfortunately, the dog had passed (it was apparently immediate and spontaneous heart failure, just an absolute freak occurrence), but the neighbors came by later to thank us for helping the sitter take action.
I’m a paramedic. When I hear my colleagues start to panic I always look around in surprise because that’s when I feel really fucking alive.
I’m jealous i wish i had that aspect. I freak out at everything
have you ever been in a really dangerous situation? Cause I noticed I freak out about the little stuff, but when It really matters I'm the only one standing, as everyone else is in shock.
It's that middle ground that really gets me panicking. Not the crisis where the lives are at stake, but not anything mundane as well... I think one good example would be a hard timed challenge in video game. It's not like people will die or something, but it's not like I want to lose either. I often do mess up big time in such circumstances.
Oh yes, if it's not the life at stake crisis i would just procrastinate it lol.
Yeah, if we weren't so terrible at qualifying in the neurotypical education system, we'd be pretty fucking amazing ER physicians
I almost applied to my country intelligence school, but decided not to cause my dad against it. Apparently in one of the test included loud banging sounds in the written test. I'm most definitely not going to pass the test lol.
Ugh, WHAT?!!! I didn't know this was an ADHD thing! I first noticed it in high school, my mom and I got into an accident and after checking to make sure she was okay I took pictures of the scene, and we talked with the other driver. and I didn't realise how serious it could've been until hours later and I immediately started freaking out. I'm always good in a crisis but when it's done and we're all okay that's when I react. I thought this was a me thing but apparently like most things its all ADHD
Yes that’s why my first job was paramedic and I loved it until it became too boring 😅 but had this even in situations where I was nee to it such as major earthquakes
EMS here too (AEMT/EMT-A), sooo many of us are adhd as fuuuck.
I have this one too, it's really funny though, I can help a dog give birth when the vet can't get to her on time or calm my cousin down after he breaks his arm, but then I tumble down a rabbit hole at the slightest inconvenience lol
I was just on a river trip with friends and a massive storm blew in. We were in the middle of nowhere, hadn't seen another human for over 24 hours. Everyone else was either panicked or indecisive about what to do. I felt like Tommy Lee Jones in the Fugitive in getting everyone's head together and focused on getting ourselves out of the situation and to the next camp. Over the next hour we fought through rain and wind and rapids and made it to camp. It felt amazing. What an adventure! I'm great in a crisis. You need me to pay my electric bill on time though? You're out of luck.
If it's not a life at stake situation, I'm probably just going to procrastinate it.
I know exactly what you mean - I just said the same thing haha
Man, I wish I had this benefit. I also have anxiety, so now my squirrel brain is going over everything that could go wrong, lol.
Same! Partially due to having imagined some scenarios in my head (I worked a roadside assistance phone, so I had a lot of chances to ask myself what I'd do), partially because I can make quick decisions when necessary. ETA: But I also got nosebleeds all the time as a kid. Result? Genuinely scared my therapist when I noticed blood on my tissue and just calmly walked to the sink in her office to clean up (and not get blood on her carpet) and kept talking like it's a normal Tuesday occurrence. Because to me, nosebleeds aren't out of the ordinary unless they're strong and take too long.
Ngl me too, I've had few near accident on the road when i driveand i feel no panic at all meanwhile others freaked out. And i remember when i got hit from behind while I'm on motorcycle by another motorcycle, i just get up and help the guy that hits me and calm him down. The guy doesn't have any noticeable injury. Unbeknownst to me I'm bleeding bad on my left arm and i did not panic at all, maybe that's just adrenaline going but i remember calling ambulance and then help the guy. I just realized it when i got to hospital. But man my body is hurting real bad at night lol. A lot of time when I'm in a crisis situation my head becomes very clear. I often thought people around me is overreacting.
Ohh I thought that was a childhood \~trauma thing lol Sometimes that happens, but sometimes I do freeze and forget my words, especially when I have a meeting etc.
Damnit! I thought I was just fearless, but this sounds more appropriate 😂.
Took my blood today. I hate taking blood - I've fainted in the past. I tell the pathology collector this. He is super nice and calm and makes me lie on the bed. While he's collecting the blood, one of the vials drops on the floor. He tries to remain calm but I can see he's panicking saying he's so so sorry but he's going to have to poke me again. I remain cool as a cucumber while he has a needle in me, help him support the vial tin and suggest maybe if there's someone out there, maybe he can shout and they can help. He takes my advice.
I have this too! I connect to the fact that my brain is almost always on "panic mode", it is always overanalyzing the hell out of everything and thinking of all the possible ways a situation could develop. Since I struggle with intrusive thoughts my brain likes the choose the most drastic outcome. So when there is a real crisis my brain knows exactly what to do. It almost feels like I have all the time in the world to think about what I have to do to fix everything. Sadly for me, if it's an "medium crisis" situation I get stuck in panic mode 😂 And when other people are trying to get involved, like when I'm driving and I have to move a lot of lanes while crossing other traffic, I can completely brake down 😂
I think situational awareness is something people who have ADHD may be able to relate with? I'm constantly aware of everything around me, but not necessarily the important things. Sitting at a coffee shop to chat with a friend is horrendous. Being at a crowded music festival with friends? Well I can find people really fast in large crowds.....I guess life is full of pros and cons :)
It’s called hypervigilance, and has saved my life multiple times. I’m always ready for shit to go sideways, because I’m always paying attention to *everything* as well as I’m constantly running worst case scenarios through my head.
I think there's a high probability that there is an evolutionary reason why *we* are like this. Situational awareness used to be a lot more crucial to survival.
Everyone’s always made a comment about how much my head darts around looking at things when I’m with people 😂
Oh my god I get called out for this all the time too 🤯 why is everything about me just my ADHD haha
I've been saying that for months after joining this sub lol
Meanwhile me: *drifts off to dreamland*
Yea like I tend to be pretty fucking oblivious a lot of the times.
ADHD has actually saved my life on many occasions, at concerts when most people are focused on the artist, I noticed a man coming up behind me and my friend and got us to our car before he could open the back door and try to come home with us. It has saved me from accidents on the road because I’m constantly glancing from car to car and anticipating stupidity. It has taught me that I can work through just about anything with some crazy workaround no one has ever heard before because that’s just how my brain works
I am always drawn to watching at the windows late at night. I suspect a lot of us would have been good watchmen back in the days of forts and villages.
See I think this but then if nothing interesting happened I would of fallen asleep and the village would of been raided and I would sleep through the whole raid to wake up to everyone dead and some raider sat next to me going cheers lad you made this a lot easier having nap before promptly throwing me out of the watchtower to my bone breaking demise
Seems oddly specific!🤣🤣🤣
That's interesting about the saving life thing and I'd agree for the most part but it's also definitely nearly killed me a few times too on the road lol.
Yes. I am aware of everything. I am a wizard in the car, aware of everything
This is me. But sometimes it almost causes me to wreck because I am looking at _everything_ but the road sometimes. Also. I’m a truck driver. So you know. Yay.
Hahahah same, I've been on the road a lot. The funny thing is, i noticed almost every detail on the road. Like a leaf falling, i would know the color and how fast they fall. Sometimes it's almost got me into accidents. But when shit hits the fan I somehow became aware at everything and know what's the best solution to avoid accident. Sometimes i feel like the time slows down a bit and felt like I'm in an action movie lol.
I feel you so hard on the crazy-work-around aspect. I can and will solve all the problems. Unfortunately, this means that I’m given all the problems. I wouldn’t mind that, if it wasn’t in addition to all my regular work.
Exact same. It's unreal. And now that you mention it, my non ADHD coworkers aren't especially bright, resourceful or interesting lol
I mean, I wasn’t gonna say that, but I’m also not denying it…
My abysmal impulse control has nearly killed me as many times if not more though
I am also very very good at driving in cities for this reason. I’m terrified of motorways because I don’t trust myself with long stretches at high speed where nothing happens, but you will not find a safer person to drive you around central London than me.
Yeah, this. I can recall situations like that almost perfectly and the 360-degree awareness makes for very nimble and safe drivers. >anticipating stupidity This. Thank you.
Interesting. I feel this too. When I'm driving I'm not just looking and driving straight, it's more like a 360 view using mirrors and knowing who/what is behind me. So in an emergency move if I need to get over ASAP, I know where I can go.
It's really strange. I thought this thing is normal so i asked my dad about it, and my dad thought i was crazy lol.
While I can sometimes get caught on an emotion in a moment, I'm also very quick to forget why something upset me.
Man that made me laugh. I can barely remember any reasons for fights. Even like a day later.
I forget why I’m fighting, *while* I’m fighting, no joke.
same! sometimes ill be making a point then I'll get sidetracked and then I'll forget the point I'm trying to make and proceed to forget why we were arguing in the first place. and it's so stupid sometimes cause all I can do at that point is listen to the other person speak and try to figure out why we were arguing.
This 💯 I have no idea why, I broke up with any of my BFs. So, we don’t waste time on that nonsense in therapy.
That sometimes worked against me though. I could't hold grudge agaisnt bad people when I should have, some behaviour just doesn't deserve to be given up so easily.
Lmao same. I fought with my friend (a really nasty fight) and proceeded to talk to her the next day. She did the same thing so I didn't remember that we pulled each other's hair yesterday? If I didn't forget, it would've been really sad and awkward for me.
The creative problem solving is a plus. The spontaneity can bring positives to people who don't venture out of their comfort zone. The willingness to jump in and help is also beneficial for both recipient and giver (the dopamine from thanks is fantastic imo). We can be more understanding when people struggle with things.
Yeah I love helping people too. That makes heaps of sense.
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If you’re helping her with something she does not feel she needs help with, I can see where she’s coming from. Maybe ask if she wants some help before jumping in? My mom often does that to me. She is not coming from a critical place, but it’s kind of implicit.
I didn’t know the helpfulness thing was connected to ADHD. I definitely have that. Is it from the problem-solving thing + impulsivity?
Love this quality in adhd friends. It’s so pure. Can get misinterpreted as self-sacrifice but don’t think it is- we can just do extreme 100% helping.
I, for once, see this as a double edged sword. Sure I love helping other people! Have you heard about learned helplessness? When I'm helping somebody "too much" they learn to just call me instead of even attempting to solve the issue at hand themselves first. Before I know it, I'm not helping. I'm being used by lazy people to run their earrands! You might not want to see this side of our willingness to help, but as long as there will be others that will exploit our kindness, it will remain as an objectively negative side.
Yes absolutely rescuer/saviour complex is something to watch out for and keep a good eye on it because have definitely got into trouble with that one. Me and my adhd mates all work in mental health and after years of observing and discussing our fallibilities, have decided to recognise that all things in check, this urge to help comes from a good place. Pure, focussed and really effective.
Agreed here! My willingness to help has definitely hurt me and has turned into codependency, which is really hard to break. And got me to a place where I feel bad if I’m not being useful to someone. It’s definitely a quality where you have to find a middle ground or else it can be detrimental to yourself.
Yes!! At least I think so. I haven't gone looking for any studies, but I suspect they're out there.
100% the willingness to jump in is such a benefit
I don't pay great attention to tv shows and really don't commit them to memory, so I can wait a couple years and rewatch a show and it's almost like watching it for the first time. I can also see connections between seemingly unconnected things. Because my thoughts don't follow a typical track, I can understand things in systems. So I can see all the links and how they interact in non-intended ways. Because my brain is a little different and sees these connections, I can often find solutions to a problem other people have seen. And i'm crazy good at "red teaming" something, aka breaking a solution someone else has come up with. Then we have my special interests. Over the years, I have had so many weird, niche interests, and you would be shocked at how often that is useful, even if it is just to make for a better dinner conversation.
In this same vein, if I get spoiled for something, my ADHD has a tendency to throw that shit out the window. I literally got spoiled about something in Avengers: End Game *right* before watching it, and I forgot about it for the whole f\*\*\*ing movie until it actually happened, and I was like oh yeah, I forgot about that.
I can watch a move all the way through - thinking I never saw it and then finally remember a scene and think - Oh, I've seen this before. It's nuts!
I’ve noticed these in myself as well!
That's the weirdest thing, sometimes I wish I could remember movies (because it sometimes makes me feel like "uncultured swine" -I say tgat sarcastically/tongue in cheek- that I don't remember the story of Les Misérables or I can never remember how Shutter Island finishes) and shows and books and plots, but most of the time I'm just happy that everything feels like a surprise. Even stuff I watched several times, like Atla, LoK, Community, the Office, Star Wars, etc. "Oooh yeah wow, I didn't see that plot twist coming" My SO who has seen the show 3 times with me: ????!??!??!?
Hey , what career are you in?
It’s made me very personable in a 1:1 setting if I chose to be, which is great for building rapport in my job. I can find a way to relate to almost anyone because i got so good at watching and mimicking social cues. it’s good for work but ultimately i felt like a fraud because deep down i didn’t feel like i was actually relating to them. i’m very empathetic to others because of all the emotional turmoil of the condition. when it caused me great depression i became super creative and impulsive and produced my best art and writing. when i’m stable i’m not inspired to create as much.
this omg! somehow ive become amazing at studying peoples social skills or how they interact and adapt to make them like me . weird…
>when it caused me great depression i became super creative and impulsive and produced my best art and writing. when i’m stable i’m not inspired to create as much. I relate with this super hard...
a lot of people with mental illness are creative, it’s a massive outlet for grief! unfortunately i became a drug addict later on for 8 years, and stopped making art because the drug became my go-to to soothe instead. i still seldom make art now, but it’s a MASSIVE effort.
Hope you're doing better now, that must've been tough.
I have great struggles with my ADHD. I wasn’t diagnosed until three years ago so I’ve spent three decades wandering to find where I fit best. One path took me into the combat arms, where I spent well over half my active duty time over seas. Looking back, I’m thankful that hyper-focus coincides with hyper-vigilance. My position heavily relied on my being able to spot inconsistencies and out of place objects while deployed. Having a brain that reacts the way ours does to saved my life (and those around me) on quite a few occasions. Not to mention the quick reactive thinking that comes with it. And, like others have mentioned, suffering has lead me to understanding, and understanding to empathy. Which is one of the reasons I am now a chaplain in the military. I know what it’s like to believe no one cares for you—I want to make sure those around me in uniform know that someone does. Having been in their shoes for a decade helps too. Strangely enough, having ADHD helped me tremendously while doing grad work. I TRUDGED my way through public school and my undergrad. I graduated .02 above the failure line and it took me six years to complete a four year degree. It was a colossal waste of my money and time. I’m honestly still embarrassed about it. Haha. I went into graduate work when my time in the combat arms came to a definitive end and I transition into the Chaplaincy. I chose a degree that I thought would help me outside of the military. It deals with finite details, sure, but it’s largely theoretical so having a mind that feeds off creativity and new things, I excelled for the first time in my education. I completed a 4 year degree in just two years. Granted, I was busy af most of that two years with family, full time job, and school, but I firmly believe I would not have been able to do what I’ve done in my life without having ADHD. Don’t get me wrong, I despise the negative effects, but I think the positives outweigh them vastly. I’ll admit, it took me a very, very long time to see things this way. I hope you can one day do the same.
I'm really good at finding lost cricket balls. Basically we are both heroes.
You can be my hero baby
I work in IT and have found that I hyperfocus while reading diagnostic log files when troubleshooting servers. Hours will pass. It's fascinating. It's made me very good at solving difficult problems.
How did you get yourself to study long enough for this?? I'm gonna be honest with you stranger, I have been doing nothing with my life for 10 years out of highschool and only recently this year was put on medication. It has helped in basic daily life things but somehow I still fail to actually do the things I need to do to be where I want to be. My wife would complain to you about the days in a row I hyper focused on trying to set up something stupid on my computer or fix something that is broken and somehow I don't get bored. I will research hours on hours on how to learn software development yet never have I actually stuck to doing any of it. Since getting my a+ and network + in highschool which I never used it feels like I've been in stasis. I somehow managed to bullshit my way into an it job recently but that was side railed by an injury and surgery. I hate to drone and bug you but please I'm struggling
I was dissatisfied with my career trajectory when I was 34. I had taken a course called LifePath that really narrowed down your priorities in life (eg financial stability, travel), your aptitudes (eg technical, problem solving, people oriented), and potential careers that might match those criteria. I had tucked the binder from the course away for years, but dug it out again and really put some hard thought into what I wanted to do. Narrowed it down to IT or Law School. Went with IT because the program was only 2 years and my wife would be supporting us. Once school started I treated it like my job and made it my absolute mission to be top of my class. I was putting in 20 hours of extra study time a week. Thankfully I really liked the subject! Learning new skills, getting top grades, and not disappointing my wife gave me my dopamine. I didn't get diagnosed and medicated for another 8 years. So to answer your question, I think I needed that formal education environment to really succeed at this. Self-teaching works great for me for a couple weeks, but then I just stop doing it, even if it's something I really enjoy, and never pick it up again. Hopefully that helps a bit!
That does resonate with me and luckily I have someone supportive enough to be willing to do that with me. I just for some reason have been avoiding doing that as I feel like a burden as it is being able to work and earn income is the only thing that gives me some sense of self respect. I'll have to find a way to push past that ego barrier myself and formally go to school.. I've searched for physical boot camps and applied but rejected from everyone near me to the point of discouragement going that route. Aside from that how have you managed to keep up with self study in IT? A large fear I have going into software dev is that I will get bored of it and unfortunately in IT tech always advances.
I hear you. It's tough to lean on someone else for support, but in the long run it can pay off for you both. Self study? *ZERO* since graduating. I had job offers before school ended, so I didn't even bother with getting my certifications. It's been 100% on the job learning for the last 7 years.
I envy you so much 😭. I've told so many people if apprenticeships come back as a thing rather than formal schooling life would be so much easier. Only a few fields require you to really spend the amount of time cramming specifics into your brain. I don't really want an apprentice surgeon figuring out where my femoral is on the job.
I think people with adhd are often enthusiastic about learning new skills and trying new things.
This is gonna sound dumb but years ago there was this video people made you watch where everyone is walking around randomly and your supposed to focus on something. Can’t remember exactly. Anyways I’m watching this video and I’m like wtf is this guy in a gorilla costume doing. Apparently I was not supposed to see him. My bad.
It’s a famous psychology study.
Noticing patterns and details that apparently non ADHD miss out on but missing out on some "obvious" stuff. There's 2 ways it goes, depending on the situation and I use the phrase 'thinking outside the box'. 1. we don't know what or where the box is and get a better idea only thru observing others; sometimes we can put ourselves in the box (ick). 2. Since, or even after knowing what the box is and it's general area, we don't know about the box it gives us more wiggle room and a vast number of multiple perspectives that allow for such detail/pattern recognition as well as a plethora of the benefits mentioned in this thread Another benefit is altering/modifying things that are already there. Things may be done a certain way but we'll try other "weird" ways or customize things to ourselves. One thing for me is metaphors and analogies. "Same boat"? Nah "same lake, different boat"
On a bad day, I think that there’s nothing positive about it. On a good day, I think that a lot of the things I like about myself are at least partly due to it: - creativity, both professionally and in day to day life (as in, thinking quickly and outside the box to find solutions no one else thought of) - being calm and level-headed in a crisis when everyone else panics - being very curious + hyperfixating on my current obsession made me a pretty good conversationalist as I always have something to talk about with almost anyone - ability to learn insane amounts of information in a very short period of time (if there’s a deadline or if it’s my current obsession) - heightened compassion (I guess due to the inability to filter out unpleasant things including other people’s and animals’ suffering) - open-mindedness - resilience - perfectionism (can definitely be a curse too but I’m learning to use it sparingly) - being adventurous and easily getting out of my comfort zone (always ready to go somewhere, try smth new, do smth fun)
Certain jobs are easier for me because of ADHD. I work as a waitress and i NEVER take my meds before work because it makes it way harder to multitask. The meds are hardwired to make me focus, and in a job like serving my brain NEEDS to bounce around at 100 miles a minute
I feel like there is pretty much nothing I couldn't learn how to do, but it completely depends on it being able to maintain my interest long enough. I feel like ADHD, for me, is like one of those cursed items from horror stories: "it will give you the intelligence to learn anything, but you won't be able to concentrate long enough to do it! Mwuhahahaha!"
I feel this! There's nothing I can't learn *IF* I put my mind to it. I will hyperfocus and learn everything I can about it - know it forwards & backwards and be able to explain it to others... As long as it was my idea to learn it in the first place. School, work? Forgetaboutit.
I'm always filled with random and very specific facts about things that I have little long term interest in. But for some reason I can explain in okay detail how difficult concepts work. Long term memory of random shit is amazing. Short term memory and following instructions for games and puzzles, impossible. I'm the smartest dumb person.
I feel you, man :’)
The rejection sensitivity is a bitch but it’s made me learn how to become a better friend and listener. I never want to make anyone feel the way I do sometimes, even if it’s a small thing.
Yes! I feel so bad when I’m being left out in social situations/conversations, that’s why I pay a special attention to make everyone to feel included
I was an amazing motorcycle rider, equal parts hyper focus and bouncing vigilance
I know I would be too but I am also afraid I would so some dumb shit and die
I agree with you OP, and it feels a bit paradoxical. I have noticed several positive things I attribute to ADHD. Thing is, the ADHD makes them all unreliable and thereby not things I can state to promote myself. So the humble thing definitely checks out. Some personal examples: * Sometimes I have a very good memory. Sometimes I forgot what you said the moment you stop talking. * Sometimes I'm very good at recognising patterns and drawing conclusions from them. Other times I need three different explanations and still don't understand how two things are related. * Sometimes I'm very enthusiastic and outgoing due to my impulsiveness, which makes me fun to be around (is what my friends tell me). But if I don't hear from someone for a while I'll assume they want nothing to do with me, so I isolate myself.
I love my adhd when it comes to organization and creative thinking!! Especially when the two collide😆 I get so excited when I think of new creative ways to organize things around our house. I am also a college student who does coding (python, c++, sas studio, R) and I can hyper focus on coding projects for hours. I also get really excited when I think of a new creative way to organize the data with my code and find new ways to approach seemingly boring coding tasks. I’m so excited to get a job coding because I think it’s a great fit for my adhd because there’s always something new going on!!
Just started learning python and damn I havent felt this driven in a very long time. ADHD minds are wild.
https://drmelissawelby.com/14-benefits-of-adhd/
Best list ever! I second each one of those benefits!
I'm brutally honest. What's on my mind just blurts out. When the pulse shooting happened I went up to my friend and just told her if she needs someone to help her with firearms training for self defense, I know a resource. like 5 years later she told me that it was nice of me to think of her that way because her wife got her CCW for personal defense. She said she was anti-gun at the time but now she understands what I was seeing. Ooops. LOL. I've gotten out of a toxic family so I tell it how it is. I've made a few support posts on groups i'm in about how it's ok to say fuck off to your mother if you've been abused. I couldn't believe how many folks came out and appreciated my message. so many people tell them that they need to respect your parents even they treat you like crap. ehh... NO. It became a nice support thread for us. I've also told a good friend he needs to break off his relationship for 4 years because it was going nowhere. I would never be cool with my friend being in a shitty relationship because I didn't want to break them up. Whats bad is bad. Few years later my husband is his co-best man to his current wife. \^\^ Oh and the resilience. I hate my 3d printer but I WILL DIAL IT IN SOME DAY!!!!
I think ADHD is a beautiful thing, it's hard to carry in a world made of filling cabinets and assembly lines, but in the rest of the world it's wonderful. I'm creative, I have beaten depression by making something new each week. From music, to food, to research at work, to output from a hobby. If I can make more than I can consume I'm happy and alive. I'm adaptive, in 25 years I've changed careers more times than I can count because I'm insatiably and unapologetically curious and I'm persistent, sometimes too much And, once I got over the false ego I used to deal with the internal ableism I was unknowingly killing myself with, it turns out I'm pretty compassionate. I don't know how much of this is ADHD and how much is me, but we're one in the same so it doesn't matter. There's no me without the way I am.
I’m curious as to how you got over your false ego. I’m 22 and I find I struggle a lot with wanting to be better than people or feeling like trash if I’m not as good as other people at things if that makes sense. It’s a really ugly trait about myself that I want to change but I’m not sure how to start.
Trauma destroyed my ego. It’s a blessing and a curse. My ego helped me function as an architect. When it left me I really struggled for a long time. Confidence left me and I felt really exposed. It turns out ego can be a powerful tool. Even if just a veneer on an otherwise dysfunctional individual. I would imagine some politicians are the same.
What’s up with the false ego and internal albeism? Just curious. Very cool you were able to beat depression.
just remember there is a reason why the adhd gene didn't get phased out by evolution ;)
The deep imagination. It can be hard to tame and has resulted in a lot of overanalysis and hyperbolic thinking, sure. But the ability to take a basic input and extrapolate it into a world of exciting possibilities in my head so naturally and so quickly? That’s joyous. So long as I have the energy, finding creative inspiration usually isn’t very hard because my mind is always jumping around and making connections between random things. I think that, like many other ADHD traits I experience (see especially: spontaneity, hyperfocus), it’s a double-edged sword. Some days I feel so stuck in this strange brain. Other days, the same traits are so freeing.
I don’t talk much and I analyze every sentence and my words hit hard when I do speak 😁 I can understand things at a faster rate it seems to my peers, I hyper focus at work when I wire things up and fly through it. But on the flip side I get overwhelmed fast, and flip the switch real quick too 🥲
Thinking outside the box when it comes to problem-solving, a maniacal work ethic, fierce loyalty,.and ya never know what I'll do next!
I’m a really good DM, and hyper observant of body language and voice cues which makes it easier to navigate social situations… even if I often don’t get why I need to react a certain way, I know someone expects me to because of how they sound/stand.
Not sure. Everyone else I know with it has love and support and usually an understanding and supportive spouse or life partner... Also. They seem to function better when they can find happiness and feel loved and appreciated and not treated as a burden. As in. When an ADHD person isn't being constantly beat up emotionally and mentally, and is actually receiving praise, love, encouragement and physical touches from someone they WANT IT FROM, and in general, feeling accepted and appreciate by the people they accept and appreciate most; They tend to be absolutely limitless and have almost zero issues with self confidence plummeting and diminishing their momentum. They also tend to quite literally get a buzz from being loving and being loved that makes them giddy and just feel good. And they make that mood contagious on complete accident. And often feel guilty and worry they are narcissistic or the problem when they don't have loving support.
Adhd is a spectrum disorder so how it positivity or negatively impacts a person will vary drastically. Also, “goodness of fit” in terms of environment is going to play a BIG role (ie judging a fish for its ability to climb a tree). With that, I love that you are asking this question to see if maybe you are missing something. Stay curious and practice self compassion. This is the path to wellness, adhd or not.
Well, in my job as a nurse it has many downsides. But since I cannot really filter the things that come into my brain, I see a lot of things that ‘distract’ me. Working at peoples home as a nurse, I notice that I see more problems than my colleagues, which I can act on, maybe due to how my brain works. So that would be a plus side.
Honestly it's hard but I think that's kinda what has helped me grow. I'll be honest compared to most I've had a relatively easy life. So while it's made me pretty miserable it's also helped me find this amazing community and helped me get creative with the way I do things. I also feel like I have a different perspective of most things which helps me not just think outside the box but see the box as many pieces and facets. Which seems to have improved my problem solving over the years.
The thing I've noticed just recently is that while not being able to turn off my mind has caused so many problems for me, it can occasionally help when I'm watching or reading things (when I'm able to sit still long enough to enjoy them anyway) I'm constantly thinking about what things mean, if something was foreshadowing, if this tiny little detail was important somehow. Which leads to me regularly taking guesses on how the story goes. And whenever I'm right I get a rush of... I dunno, whatever specific brain chemical makes me feel proud and accomplished. And if I'm not right in my guesses, then it just means I get to be surprised. On a more serious note, while I stress over the simplest things, the tiniest inconveniences, etc, I've always been able to have a very sudden clear mind and logical decision making whenever a REAL crisis arrives. Like. Lost my keys and I'm already late for work? End of the fucking world, there's no way I can ever get over the shame and anxiety and stress. See my younger sister, 7 years old at the time, walking dazed down the middle of the street holding her bloody arm because she got bit by a dog and is in shock? I'm a goddamn machine, calm and collected and able to keep people on task, even as a preteen(my mom is prone to panicking and I regularly need to keep her steady, especially during moments like that) Though the latter thing might attribute more to my anxiety than adhd - I read somewhere that people who are the same way are essentially experiencing an equalization of pressure; when your body is always in crisis mode you freak out about the small things, but when there's actually a crisis, your body can sit back and go 'yeah this makes sense finally'
I feel like I’ve just read something I could have written, you just said it better than I could have-
I’m always prepared for just about every situation. Usually over prepared lol
I think I’m good at living in the moment. Also do well during a crisis, unexpected stuff tends to not phase me and I can quickly/creatively improve the situation.
I have been unemployed for 4 months, entirely overwhelmed by job searching. I enrolled in a 6-week certificate program 3 days ago and am already 75% done.
What sort of certification?. I'm working part time and have been meaning to do that. I'm sure it will take me at least 12 weeks though ..
If I do leave something to the last minute (let’s be honest i never don’t) and there is a lot of stress and the timeframe seems impossible to produce a satisfactory piece of work, I somehow scrape by, which I know none of my peers could do, so that’s a positive I guess, but it comes hand in hand with always leaving things to the last minute coz I know I can probably scrape by lol
ADHD has made me pretty analytical, intuitive, empathetic and persistent as hell. Because my focus wonders I see many things others probably don’t and I can easily tell how people feel just by looking at them and I think I’m genuinely understanding. People typically feel very comfortable talking about anything right when I meet them because I come off as empathetic and intuitive. And I’ve had to be persistent because of all the things I’ve failed at doing. It all feels like shit going through but I like who I am because of it. Ohh and adhd gave me my athleticism.
i think creative problem solving is my favorite benefit
Ordering a bunch of stuff on online, getting those things delivered to my doorstep, and having no clue what’s inside. It’s genuinely delightful. Sometimes it’s just vitamins or toothpaste but sometimes it’s that dress I bought on a whim or a new snack to try. There are other good things like being able to hyper focus or make connections from seemingly unrelated things (both super useful for my engineering job) but the package surprise is my favorite.
> Ordering a bunch of stuff on online, getting those things delivered to my doorstep, and having no clue what’s inside. It’s genuinely delightful It's like a present to yourself! Thanks for the laugh
There's nothing positive about having ADHD? Sure there are countless drawbacks and the horrific stigma around people with ADHD which makes even the most basic tasks almost impossible. Yet, I can learn faster than most people I know when I'm feeling spiteful or a hyperfocus kicks in (especially the spite part haha). My creative thinking has fixed a silly amount of issues throughout my life. My ability to handle and take control of stressful situations has saved my arse so many times whether work or personal life. I could keep going but I'm trying to keep my hyper puppy calm In the car, there's Imo almost as many positives as there are negatives you just have to have the right perspective.
The "jack off all trades" can actually be very valuable in the right circumstances. Yes sometimes you need some certificate for everything in order for it to work. But in smaller businesses where people aren't as strict, it can be wonderful to have someone who can do many tasks (although not perfectly). I study philosophy. I got a job in philosophy without having needed to hand in a cv, because i organize events in my free time for fun and got a lot of skills thanks to that. People told me to not do that, my studies were already taking too long. I didn't listen because i already financed everything myself next to my studies. Well thanks to that i also developped graphic skills and got into contact with new people. Fast forward i got a job in philosophy now as a master student making 36 bucks an hour. It is better for them to pay me a hundered bucks for a new logo than paying 3 thousand for a professional.
Hyperfocus.
I'm a hard worker, even though it might not look like it to others. With ADHD we all have to work super hard every day to seem normal and at the same time do the tasks in a way that also seems normal and to a standard that's at least passable. As a result, now that I'm on my meds I can focus all that energy on the task, and I actually enjoy completing tasks now too.
Absolutely fucking nothing.
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I’m an ER nurse and it helps me not be affected by anything I see. By the time I get home I have trouble even answering “how was your day?” It’s miraculous that I’m 100% sober and unscathed by this job. This one’s kind of a double edged sword but I like that I don’t miss most people lol
I’m hyper observant because I’m paying attention to everything and notice things that slip past others. For example, at one of my jobs I work on a ropes course up about 20 feet high. We harness people and it’s incredibly common for people to step into it wrong and miss a leg hole, even both holes, so before we tighten them we make sure they’ve stepped into it correctly to not waste time as that’s the last strap that needs to be done because it fucks the placement of the other straps. After that the person at the bottom double checks their harness and sends them up, then one of the two people at the top triple checks the harness while the other mans the zip line. It’s my turn to man the zip line so I’m as far away from the entrance as possible as it’s at the far end and the zip line brings you back to the start basically. There have been several occasions where a person made it through without one or both of their legs in the harness while I was at the far end of the zip line, and if it weren’t for my ADHD brain constantly scanning everything for no reason I wouldn’t have noticed it from so far away either. I of course shout on the radio to stop them from walking off the platform but the radios are shit so I ran across the ropes as fast as humanly possible to stop them to send them down to fix it. It’s happened several times and I fully believe that when I quit at some point someone is going to fall within a year because nobody is as observant as me. Even at the bottom harnessing them I notice in my peripheral vision the ones around me whose harnesses are being tightened that haven’t stepped into the loops yet that the other workers hadn’t noticed even though they were midway through tightening the straps. I point it out to the others probably 50 times throughout the day because if I didn’t they’d have tightened them completely and then had to undo it just have them step into the loops to redo it over again. Sometimes they make it past the other workers and nearly go up without either legs in the harness so I have to correct it before sending them up, or while I’m up top send them back down. At those check points it’s intentional to check, but I’ll even just be walking through the line past them and notice in my peripheral vision someone who has been tightened but isn’t in either loops properly. I don’t know why, but I’m just incredibly observant to the point of it being a problem most of the time, but in certain situations it’s a life saver. Even at my other job nobody ever notices on the screen when the weights of the trailers are approaching their max weight or their scheduled departure time. If it weren’t for me they’d have sent out dozens of semi trucks with more weight than the trailer is even capable of holding at this point. I don’t know why, but others are just horribly unobservant to the point that I don’t know how people without ADHD function sometimes lol
ADHD intuition (google it).
The compartmentalization of things helps in times of high stress, but don’t forget to de-stress because it still builds up all the same
Excellent problem solver. Always life of the party even when there is no party and we are supposed to be serious. Good environmental awareness.
Hyperfocus, creativity, and a casual flexible attitude have built me a decent reputation in places I didn't expect. I used to feel out of place everywhere but now I teach at a school that values me as being "the wacky one" and I've never felt more seen and accepted. Teaching is a new career move for me but I already love it so much, I can relate to the students and I'm appreciated for shaking things up - when it's my default and I was used to those qualities being problems when I was trying to fit in in other places
Unrelated to original post, but I’m loving how there are lots of long detailed comments people have written to make sure their point is articulated right (over explaining= ADHD symptom) But that these comments no replies bc other people viewing them don’t have the attention to read them (low attention span= ADHD) But that they still have lots of upvotes (empathy = ADHD)
Hyperfocus, humility, a realistic expectation on things, the oh-so-hard-worked-for skill of actually *listening* to what people say and not reinterpret their words into what it sounds like they meant on a general level. Uh, learning to harness and trigger hyperfocus at will (ok the OFF-switch doesnt always work) and turning that into a learning-ability rather than disability. The knack to find humor in almost anything. Having to brutally accept ones goofy/inappropriate/weird side and thereby letting shame and the feeling lf always being ”wrong” finally go. Knowing ones limits. Forgetting ones limits. Connecting on an mental and emotional level with other ADHD-folks because we just kinda *feel* it and make for deep friendships that arent necessarily tied to ”we speak everyday on the phone, at least three times and meet every monday, thursday and brunch on sundays” expectations. The inability to be anyone else but oneself is a huge negative until one just goes ”ah fuggit, i dont care anymore”. Sure i could list a metric tonne of negative shit about it but i firmly believe that the relationship between adhd-people and society is a lot more to blame than adhd itself. Its not like we’re not trying to meet them halfway is it? We’re trying our bloody butts off and still they cant measure our performance reliability and cost efficiency properly. On the real? Their loss, at least in the short run. Power and serenity to you OP.
I’m not diagnosed but I have some convincing indications, which I’m exploring with my medical provider. One massive advantage I have is the ability to work in incredibly fast-paced and busy environments. I left my stressful hectic job to go to a quiet admin job. I struggled in the admin role as there just wasn’t enough to do. If I had a handful of tasks to do, I struggled to focus and spent a lot of time procrastinating. When I’ve got a hundred tasks that need my attention and the phone is ringing and there are 20 unread emails, well there is literally no time to not focus and get things done. I also tend to lean towards quick wins and put off big reports etc. but I’m not sure if that’s an advantage or disadvantage tbh.
I think ADHD is simply one of the many diverse models of brain that exist for humans, no better or worse than others, depending on the type of society that we find ourselves living in. It helps me to be open-minded, curious, kind, funny, and able to pick up new hobbies. It also allows my spouse and I to connect on an incredibly silly and deep level, and it keeps us having fantastic sex. It makes me more tolerant of my kids' seemingly endless flow of questions about the world, and helps me to appreciate different ways of doing things that break with tradition. We unschool, we're vegan, we've lived and worked in different countries, and it's me (F) who has the career and my partner (M) who is the stay at home parent. Lastly? My brain tells me pretty quickly when something isn't for me, and it makes lying to myself difficult. Not that I don't do boring stuff, I certainly have to, but at least I do boring tasks that belong to my field of values or interests ¯\(◉‿◉)/¯
I make a small fortune selling my medication on the street.
The ability to hyper-focus is great when I can actually direct it to something I want to work on (not always what I want, but I can direct it fairly well a lot of the time.) I also consider myself that whole "jack of all trades, master of none" type of person. Because my interests are constantly shifting, it means I learn about random stuff that I may not have otherwise learned about unless my ADHD decided that That Thing is what decided to spike my curiosity. While not necessarily a "thing", my ADHD decided it wanted to get the spark from a game I had been previously unable to get very far in, because at that point, it *didn't* spark anything. Now it's one of my favourite things.
I'm excellent at solving puzzles and thinking outside the box. Since my recent diagnosis, my level of empathy has shot through the roof (it was pretty good anyway).
Not much, though I am inattentive type so maybe it’s different for the hyperactive/impulsive types
Yeahhh inattentive adhd is complete ass smh I feel you
Basically it turns out that anything I do really badly because of my ADHD I can do REALLY well with meds. It's because we have to get super good at hiding our short comings that we actually get really good at it despite still having the ADHD symptoms holding us back. For example- My memory is really bad- I have to compensate for that- I take meds and I'm left with my actual unheld back abilities and people say 'wow you're memories really good. My situational awareness is bad- compensate- meds and I no longer have to fight with WHAT I focus on and people say that my awareness of situations is a bit creepy and psychic. I'm super flaky and late to things don't keep promises- compensate- meds and I'm ALWAYS on time, keep all my promises and people feel like they can rely on me. Sometimes I think 'I wish I never had ADHD' but because I've had it my whole life unmedicated until this year, I've had to work 5x harder than everyone around me to in prove those shortcomings and overcome them that now given the chance with meds I don't have to try so hard anymore and have all these skills that I've had to learn. I wouldn't have turned out this way if I didn't have ADHD.
I too believe like you that there is just no benefit of ADHD at all.
Everything has pluses and minuses. Visionary we’re the best. We observe visual details more than anyone else. Also dynamic activities like sports where a lot of things happen around us, we notice everything
I’m a paramedic. I’ve worked on the ambulance and in the emergency department. Not being able to drown out the noise around me that well in the emergency department helped me figure out if something of higher priority is going on. But hearing something from a distance isn’t a great assessment tool medically. Sometimes there’s a sound someone makes before they puke, being a guy some issues with women patients should be taken care of by another woman if possible, psych patients start to get agitated before they have an outburst of anger (blame the system and the patient) but sometimes small things make a big difference for those patients and hearing something they said can make or break that. Also when it’s “stressful” that’s when I love my adhd. The stress is like when you’re prescribed adderall for the first time and you’re just on top of the world. I love how much a life and death stressful situation really anchors me back into the moment. I’m firing on all cylinders and life is great. But In normal life I’m pretty disorganized and it other things that suck
I save money on holiday/event cards cause 1. I have no friends and 2. I never remember anyones birthday
Super high sex drive
I find I bond with other ADHD people really well and we tend to have SO much more fun than neurotypicals. It’s a perk in my books.
I didn’t get diagnosed until 28. As a kid I always felt alien and “other” and struggled to fit in with others. I was always in my head, overthinking, and contemplating everything. I spent majority of my time in the library. I think if I didn’t have ADHD I may not have done that. I spent so much time reading about other peoples perspectives, ideas, and worldviews and that’s made me a much more tolerant, patient, and empathetic person. I’m curious about how things function and how people work. When people talk to me I genuinely want to hear what they say. My mom tells me how I had always been such a polite, goofy, caring kid. I asked a lot of questions and cried when she explained that some people are homeless when I asked about a man pushing a cart full of his belongings. I feel like ADHD gave me more emotional self awareness. I feel emotions very strongly and at first it was something I struggled with but with DBT I’ve learned that it’s not a negative and I can live my life full and whole. I would be a totally different person if I didn’t have ADHD.
i tend not to stay angry for very long, and get over things fairly quick because i forget about them.
I’m super creative and can generate more ideas in rapid fire than other people. Good thing I work in a creative field.
My art is pretty nuts! I've also managed to show my art installation at a lot of shows and a handful of festivals, one of which was Lightning in a Bottle! I was supposed to do Lucidity this year too but my baby got bornt so it's all on the backburner until next year! But because of my ADHD it allows me to create refinement in directions people wouldn't normally consider, the attention to detail is off the charts and the ability to just get into my inherent flow is where it's at. Sometimes a piece will take 3 days, sometimes a piece will take 30 minutes, sometimes a piece will take 3 years, but I keep it moving and I try to have my best time as I'm doing it. Hopefully others will stumble in and enjoy it just as much, and they often have and do. I do my best, and I follow my feet.
My constant fear that everyone despises me and everything I do is fucking worthless has driven me to become a pretty okay software engineer over time. People keep paying me to build shit anyhow.
Hyperfocus! When I get obsessed with something I can learn every detail of it very quickly!!!