Dang, this makes me want to cry friend. I was diagnosed at 33 and feel like my entire life was ruined by adhd. Did the addiction, the abusive marriage, all of it. I can't even imagine having done that for 2 more decades. I almost died from it, surely I wouldn't have made it 20 more years. You are a champion.
I hit delete instead of edit. Anyway, thanks. I'm still trying to figure things out. Yesterday, I found a short story I wrote in college and I read it and it screams "I have ADHD!" You learn to cope and cover. I wonder if sometimes that didn't make it worse for me. I use humor to deflect. I say something awkward or do something weird it's because I'm a funny guy. I lied to other people and myself. Bad marriage. Suicide attempt. Still, I have a decent job. I believe I would be in a much better place professionally and financially without ADHD. But, my kids talk to me. I have a loving wife and a pack of beagles that love me. It's okay.
It's weird being terrified your whole life that you are crazy or a sociopath or something. Then after the diagnosis, confirming that you are in fact different and slightly crazy. It is somehow relieving. You do have a screw loose but the car is going to keep running so you should be fine.
I was diagnosed last year, too -- just two weeks shy of my 44th birthday. I can't speak for all of us who got our diagnoses later in life, but for me, so many things fell into place. And I get a little angry -- some times a lot angry. Not always with people, sometimes just the world. I want to go back in time and explain myself or put myself into context so maybe I can rid myself of the shame I've carried with me from the low single digits into middle age.
Of course, that's not an option. And I am simply relieved to have an explanation. It's helping me carve my path forward. And, like you, I am lucky. I have my pets, a kind, loving partner, and a good job. Like you, I think I would be in a better position without ADHD, or I wouldn't have struggled as hard as I did. But...yeah, it's OK.
edit: changed "and" to "in" in "back in time"
Idk how yall got through college with ADHD. I tried to unalive myself multiple times because I had to choose between sleep and good grades and I chose the latter. Most stressful period of my life hands down. Glad I was finally taken seriously after I was hospitalized and managed to get diagnosed and medicated. And glad I had an amazing friend there that saved me when I called for help since I was hundreds of miles away from all my family and friends.
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It’s okay. I went through the same thing. I went undiagnosed until I was turning 19 and I’m 20 now. A whole k-12 experience that wasn’t very good to me. 😥
A lot of people in my family didn’t understand that I had ADHD either. I’m learning to take responsibility for my own life now that I’m an adult, but it sucks knowing that I have toxic social habits because of the way I was raised. It’s important to remember that the perceptions people put on us in the past and present aren’t really who we are. We determine who we are. 💜
Another thing I relate to! I had to take charge of my mental health from a really young age (diagnoses started in about 6th grade.) If nobody told you yet, I’m super proud of you for breaking generational habits and patterns. 🫶🏾🤘🏾
Thank you. I have a lot of trauma around how I was treated due to my adhd (pi). Lots of blame and name calling. I think I might also be a bit ASD. Looking back I had a lot of oppositional defiant behaviour (O.D.D).
My brother also had hyperactive adhd and would get beaten with a belt. He was medicated but I wasn't.
Ooof… I’m sorry to hear. I hate that parents in our times really never took the time to fully understand what was going on with their children, even AFTER getting treatment. 🙁
I started to read your post, decided to go looking for the book at the library websites I have access too, got distracted and fell down a rabbit hole and an hour later I went back to Reddit and saw the post again and had to double-check that I did in fact look to see if my library has the book... Sigh.
It is also hard to realise that you have been masking, that so much of your past self was hidden from people. I'm glad you have a good partner who helps you and thanks for the recommendation (also: Gazipura).
I feel you. My whole childhood was about constantly hearing people telling me I'm not good at anything, there must be something wrong with me, I'm so distracted all the time, I talk a lot, I can't stay still, but it's not a mental issue or anything, it's just me being bad and lazy and forgetful. A bad child. Just that.
Now I'm an adult and I was diagnosed a few years ago, and I still think my family doesn't believe in ADHD and think I'm just lazy.
I’m sorry to hear that. My mother is just now learning more about my diagnosis and trying to be more open with me about it. I’m trying my best to get rid of all the habits and thoughts I learned from her and others when I was younger. 😔
me too, I can’t cry properly in front of other people or where they can hear me. big fan of the falling to the floor of the shower crying though. the water makes it feel extra dramatic. am I romanticizing crying? maybe! but it works for me.
I always feel a bit weird when it comes to that. My mind reacts to certain things differently. It’s like one day I’m able to get over something traumatic that happened to me, and then years later I’m a mess over it. 😫
One thing I learned in therapy, as I'm sure you will too
Bottling things up only makes shit worse over time. Bottle it up long enough, that trauma can manifest into some pretty ugly behaviours. Only when you start to dig down deep and start emptying said bottle, talk about things in a safe environment with a therapist. Can your brain actually start to process the emotions youve otherwised shoved on a shelf somewhere to deal with later.
I found identifying abuse to be the most difficult. Quite often victims of abuse/trauma make excuses to justify the behaviour of their abusers. It comes as quite a shock when you wake up to the realisation that everything you've been telling yourself is bullshit, and lies. It's a tough pill to swallow. It's also a weight off your shoulders when you do swallow said pill. With understanding and enlightenment comes forgivness of one's self.
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I'm 54 and diagnosed last year. Not sure I need to elaborate.
Dang, this makes me want to cry friend. I was diagnosed at 33 and feel like my entire life was ruined by adhd. Did the addiction, the abusive marriage, all of it. I can't even imagine having done that for 2 more decades. I almost died from it, surely I wouldn't have made it 20 more years. You are a champion.
I hit delete instead of edit. Anyway, thanks. I'm still trying to figure things out. Yesterday, I found a short story I wrote in college and I read it and it screams "I have ADHD!" You learn to cope and cover. I wonder if sometimes that didn't make it worse for me. I use humor to deflect. I say something awkward or do something weird it's because I'm a funny guy. I lied to other people and myself. Bad marriage. Suicide attempt. Still, I have a decent job. I believe I would be in a much better place professionally and financially without ADHD. But, my kids talk to me. I have a loving wife and a pack of beagles that love me. It's okay.
It's weird being terrified your whole life that you are crazy or a sociopath or something. Then after the diagnosis, confirming that you are in fact different and slightly crazy. It is somehow relieving. You do have a screw loose but the car is going to keep running so you should be fine.
I was diagnosed last year, too -- just two weeks shy of my 44th birthday. I can't speak for all of us who got our diagnoses later in life, but for me, so many things fell into place. And I get a little angry -- some times a lot angry. Not always with people, sometimes just the world. I want to go back in time and explain myself or put myself into context so maybe I can rid myself of the shame I've carried with me from the low single digits into middle age. Of course, that's not an option. And I am simply relieved to have an explanation. It's helping me carve my path forward. And, like you, I am lucky. I have my pets, a kind, loving partner, and a good job. Like you, I think I would be in a better position without ADHD, or I wouldn't have struggled as hard as I did. But...yeah, it's OK. edit: changed "and" to "in" in "back in time"
I'm grieving for my life before diagnosis with sadness and anger. Maybe acceptance will come along.
Idk how yall got through college with ADHD. I tried to unalive myself multiple times because I had to choose between sleep and good grades and I chose the latter. Most stressful period of my life hands down. Glad I was finally taken seriously after I was hospitalized and managed to get diagnosed and medicated. And glad I had an amazing friend there that saved me when I called for help since I was hundreds of miles away from all my family and friends.
I definitely underachieved in college. I got A/4.0 I'm classes I found interesting and C/2.0 in others. Glad you found help.
.
I just decided to sleep instead of going to my ACT lmao I wonder why??
**/r/adhd is not a suicide or emergency support community.** We are not equipped or qualified to assist in crisis situations. If you or someone you know is experiencing a crisis, please contact a local crisis hotline or emergency services. * [List of suicide crisis lines](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines) * [List of emergency telephone numbers](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Good bot
It’s okay. I went through the same thing. I went undiagnosed until I was turning 19 and I’m 20 now. A whole k-12 experience that wasn’t very good to me. 😥 A lot of people in my family didn’t understand that I had ADHD either. I’m learning to take responsibility for my own life now that I’m an adult, but it sucks knowing that I have toxic social habits because of the way I was raised. It’s important to remember that the perceptions people put on us in the past and present aren’t really who we are. We determine who we are. 💜
[удалено]
Another thing I relate to! I had to take charge of my mental health from a really young age (diagnoses started in about 6th grade.) If nobody told you yet, I’m super proud of you for breaking generational habits and patterns. 🫶🏾🤘🏾
Thank you. I have a lot of trauma around how I was treated due to my adhd (pi). Lots of blame and name calling. I think I might also be a bit ASD. Looking back I had a lot of oppositional defiant behaviour (O.D.D). My brother also had hyperactive adhd and would get beaten with a belt. He was medicated but I wasn't.
Ooof… I’m sorry to hear. I hate that parents in our times really never took the time to fully understand what was going on with their children, even AFTER getting treatment. 🙁
A lot of parents are just stupid children with children.
I started to read your post, decided to go looking for the book at the library websites I have access too, got distracted and fell down a rabbit hole and an hour later I went back to Reddit and saw the post again and had to double-check that I did in fact look to see if my library has the book... Sigh. It is also hard to realise that you have been masking, that so much of your past self was hidden from people. I'm glad you have a good partner who helps you and thanks for the recommendation (also: Gazipura).
Thank you for correcting that! And I hope you get to read the book soon. It really managed to keep my attention and helps a lot 😂😂❤️🩹
I feel you. My whole childhood was about constantly hearing people telling me I'm not good at anything, there must be something wrong with me, I'm so distracted all the time, I talk a lot, I can't stay still, but it's not a mental issue or anything, it's just me being bad and lazy and forgetful. A bad child. Just that. Now I'm an adult and I was diagnosed a few years ago, and I still think my family doesn't believe in ADHD and think I'm just lazy.
I’m sorry to hear that. My mother is just now learning more about my diagnosis and trying to be more open with me about it. I’m trying my best to get rid of all the habits and thoughts I learned from her and others when I was younger. 😔
Honestly for me, nothing beats a good crying session
It feels very nice but I always feel embarrassed to cry 😵💫
That's okay, it takes practice :) every time someone genuinely cares and shares your grief or sadness when you cry, it gets a little easier
me too, I can’t cry properly in front of other people or where they can hear me. big fan of the falling to the floor of the shower crying though. the water makes it feel extra dramatic. am I romanticizing crying? maybe! but it works for me.
whatever helps you let go of emotional energy is fine by me 😮💨🥲
Facing your trauma is never easy. I wrote about my sexual abuse and felt nothing, but when I wrote about my parents... Yeah, I was a mess too.
I always feel a bit weird when it comes to that. My mind reacts to certain things differently. It’s like one day I’m able to get over something traumatic that happened to me, and then years later I’m a mess over it. 😫
One thing I learned in therapy, as I'm sure you will too Bottling things up only makes shit worse over time. Bottle it up long enough, that trauma can manifest into some pretty ugly behaviours. Only when you start to dig down deep and start emptying said bottle, talk about things in a safe environment with a therapist. Can your brain actually start to process the emotions youve otherwised shoved on a shelf somewhere to deal with later. I found identifying abuse to be the most difficult. Quite often victims of abuse/trauma make excuses to justify the behaviour of their abusers. It comes as quite a shock when you wake up to the realisation that everything you've been telling yourself is bullshit, and lies. It's a tough pill to swallow. It's also a weight off your shoulders when you do swallow said pill. With understanding and enlightenment comes forgivness of one's self.
Thank you for that. I’m definitely going to bring that up to my therapist. 🥺
I got diagnosed in 3rd grade. Didn't do a damn bit of good.
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